All language subtitles for Silicon.Valley.S03E07.HDTV.x264-KILLERS

Shit. I... I swear I deleted a picture,

but when I clicked back to the album,

the icon reappeared.
It undeleted itself.

But I can't get it to
happen again, so...

Hey, Richard, totally out of the blue,

do you know how we might
be able to find that bug?

No, Dinesh. We are not
releasing the beta.

We integrated the neural net a week ago.
The platform is full of bugs.

But that is what a beta is for.

You give it to people in the
real world, they use it,

and that is how we find the bugs.

Richard, Reid Hoffman says if
you're not mortally embarrassed

by the quality of your initial
release, you've released too late.

Okay. We already are
mortally embarrassed.

Okay? We move in and
subsequently out of our offices,

mainly because it was too expensive,

we fired two CEOs, we've pivoted
to a box, and then pivoted back.

Any more bad word of mouth and
we will be royally fucked.

Where's Gilfoyle?

Hey, Gilfoyle, the deletion
issue is ducking me again,

and... and, um, I'm sorry.

- Oh, hey, Richard.
- Hi, Tara.

I need to borrow your
fella here for a second.

All right, babe, I gotta go.

Hey, when you check out
the settings view,

can you let me know if
there's something weird

that happens with the submit button?

It was a little weird
when I was doing QA.

- Yeah, okay.
- Sorry, the... the settings view for...?

- The beta.
- The beta for...?

Pied Piper. It's a promising compression
company that doesn't pay very well.

- You sent her the beta?
- I did.

Are you fucking insane? It's not ready.

It's riddled with bugs.

Really? Cause I've been
test driving it all day,

and it's pretty fucking awesome.

- Really? You think so?
- Yeah. For real.

Congratulations, Richard.
It's so fucking cool.

And when the neural net kicks
in, it's gonna be rad.

But, you know, I did have
one problem, though.

I tried to restore an old file

and it asked me to confirm twice.

Yeah, well, that was a bad merge.

It's been there for months.
I fixed it in ten seconds.

Richard...

Maybe.

Yeah, maybe beta.

- Hi, Dinesh.
- Tara.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Wait, that can't be right. How can
Bachmanity still be so far in the hole?

Look at all this shit
that Big Head is selling.

He was renting virtually
everything in the house.

He rented that cannon?

It was for display purposes only.
So you forfeit your deposit.

It's a cannon. What's he
supposed to do, not fire it?

That was the provision.

So that's it then, I guess.

Big Head's really broke.

You know what? He's young.
He'll get past it.

Nelson is not the only one
who should be worried.

- You were partners.
- Fair point.

But shuttering a company
in the tech world

is almost a rite of passage,
like herpes simplex one.

At first, it's ugly and embarrassing

and you're disgusted by your own dick.

But after a while,

in the larger scheme of things,
you realize it's really...

Mr. Bachmann, you structured
Bachmanity as a general partnership.

Then, with no money in the bank,

you threw a million-dollar
luau on Alcatraz.

You're on the hook for that.

And even declaring bankruptcy

isn't going to absolve
you of these debts.

- Bankruptcy?
- It's none of my business. Good luck.

Wait, where are you going? We need you.
You're our business manager.

There's no business remaining to manage.

Good day, Mr. Bachmann.

Hey, good news. They
said we can each keep

one of the cannonballs, so
not a total loss, right?

All right, so I've set up a
sign-up page for the beta,

and we're gonna keep
it small and secure,

so that means we're limited to ten
invite codes each to send out.

I've already got my list.

It's people that I know personally,

and, uh, people that I know I can trust.

Hm, we only get ten each.
This could be prickly.

Well, I'm out. I don't trust anyone.

It's a huge part of my belief system.

You sent the beta to Tara.

Yeah, there was a transactional
nature to that exchange

- which I'll get into if you want.
- Pass.

But it doesn't mean that I trust her,

and I certainly don't trust anyone else.

Oh, in other words, you have no friends.

On principle. I could make what rises

to your low standards of a
friend any time I want.

Sure you could.

Gilfoyle, if you're not
gonna use your ten invites,

- could Dinesh and I have them?
- Sure. Knock yourselves out.

Loser. He's got no friends.

- Okay...
- JARED: Miriam, Sylvia...

Oh, Samantha! (CHUCKLES)
I almost forgot her.

You know, Jared, you can have
all ten of Gilfoyle's invites.

- Much appreciated.
- Yeah.

- (PHONE VIBRATES)
- Monica, hello.

Um, did you honestly think that
you could send me an email

telling me that you were launching the
beta without sending me the beta?

Come on. I'm dying to see it.

Well, I think the whole point
of it, Monica, is to get

the beta into the hands
of unbiased people

so they can give us an honest...
feedback.

Besides, I... I just
gave out my ten invites.

Oh, if Monica wants an invite,

I could, like, squeeze her on my list.

- (WHISPERS) Are you sure?
- Yeah, no problem.

Okay, Monica, well, you're in luck.

Dinesh has decided to give
you one of his codes, so...

Great. I promise I'll find
something terrible to say.

Okay, so I did a rough accounting

of your assets and liabilities.

Jared, don't look at me like that.
Just give it to me straight.

All right. Your house has appreciated

in value since you bought
it, but if you sold it now

for what Zillow and Redfin
think it's worth...

I'd still be half a million in the hole.

Now, that's the bad news.

- Is there good news?
- Well, it's unclear.

I... I went back through your records.

Uh, at first, I'll admit
a bit voyeuristically,

uh, to see where all of the money went,

and apart from the party expenses,

- which were (LAUGHS) staggering...
- Yeah. Fuck, yeah.

But one number jumped out at me.

Now, whoever did your accounting
earmarked almost 70 percent

of Big Head's settlement
money for taxes.

Seventy percent?

Even in Taxo-Alto, which I
coined, would be half that.

Where did that money go?

Well, that is the
six-million-dollar question.

I may have the answer.

I'm sorry. You're accusing
me of impropriety?

You, the man who spent $20,000

renting giant fiberglass tiki heads,

and $40,000 more when one
of them was misplaced

on the way back to the rental house?

I told you it wasn't misplaced.
I know exactly where it is.

It's at the bottom of the bay.

I called you a thief because
you, sir, have stolen from us.

Nelson, come on. You can't
possibly believe this.

- Sorry.
- Don't apologize to him.

- Oh, right. Sorry.
- Thank you.

Arthur, you listen to me,
and you listen good.

I have people calling me 40 times
a day asking for their money.

I even considered selling
my house to pay them.

So you are going to go in your
little fucking piggy bank

right now and pay back
every fucking kopeck

that you stole from Big
Head, and if you don't,

we're gonna take our
little show on the road,

perhaps perform it for
a man named the D.A.

Ridiculous.

Very well.

Game on.

Let's go, Big Head.

Wait.

I may have moved around
some of your money in a way

that wasn't exactly conventional.

- Give me back Big Head's fucking money!
- Yeah!

- Sorry. Sorry.
- No, you did good.

I can't, because I don't have it.

Hey, Marc, we may have a problem.

What's up?

Well, a buddy of mine at
Datatrode sits next to a guy

who just got invited
to Pied Piper's beta.

Shit. They're already in beta?

Should I tell Gavin?

Fuck no. We're still two
or three months out.

Yeah, if he hears Pied
Piper's already in beta,

trust me, he'll lose his shit.

Fine. But if it ever comes up,
I didn't hear about this.

- GAVIN: And this came in when?
- MAN: 43 minutes ago.

And deleted six minutes after that.

Fortunately, the filters,
which I had installed, sir,

caught the relevant keywords.

I decided to walk it to you personally.

An employee's withholding critical
information about a competitor.

This is a fireable offense.

You want me to bring this guy in?

No.

Acting on this would expose the fact

that we're reading
employees' private emails,

destroying the spirit of trust
and freedom to innovate

that I've worked so hard
to build here at Hooli.

You know, it makes you
wonder if the word Hooli

has any meaning for these
people whatsoever.

- Is there anything I can do?
- Yeah.

Get me a look at that Pied Piper beta.

I will figure out a way, sir.

Finally. Where the fuck have you...

- Hey, thanks for the lift, Kevin.
- Yeah, no worries.

Oh, Kevin, this is Dinesh,
one of my coworkers.

Dinesh, this is Kevin.
We met at Phil's Coffee.

Hey.

We're friends now. Isn't
that right, Kevin?

Yeah.

All right, my friend. I should get
to work, so thanks for the lift.

- Yeah.
- Thanks for the coffees.

Catch ya later, my friend.

That was my friend, Kevin.

Congratulations. You
now have one friend.

He also said there was a
bug on the landing page.

- Well, how severe is it?
- Not bad.

Compared to the rest of
what he said, it's nothing.

Guys, uh, you might as
well hear this from me.

Uh, I just had a long talk about the
beta with my friend, Todd Chambers.

- The Dropbox guy?
- Yeah, he was employee number 11.

Why did you send it to him?
He hates everything.

Well, because I thought he
would be honest with me,

- and, um, and he was.
- Quite honest.

Uh, he said that in the 15 years
he's been working in the Valley,

our beta was the best
beta he's ever seen.

- By far.
- What? Really?

I don't want to count our
chickens before they hatch.

I mean, three percent of hatchlings

are born mutated or dead,

but we may have a healthy
brood on our hands.

I'm getting the same reaction.

I mean, a few bugs here and there,

but overall, they love it.

We might be holding pocket aces here.

Awesome.

Hey, guys.

- How you holding up?
- RICHARD: Good, yeah.

I mean, just trying to make
sense of all the feedback.

Well, you know, I guess you just
can't let it get in your head.

- Don't you mean go to my head?
- What did I say?

You said, get in your head, like it's,
like it's a bad thing, but it's not.

- It's great. People love it.
- Really?

Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe it myself.

- They're flipping out.
- That's awesome. That...

And that's... that's for
the beta that you sent me?

No, Monica. It's for the other beta
that we've got kicking around here.

(CHUCKLES) I mean, I... I... I have an
inbox full of raves here for the...

upload performance, the mobile, the...

What about... what about the interface?

Did people have any issues with that?

No, not at all. Why? Do...

Do you have any issues
with the interface?

I... I haven't actually had
a chance to look at it yet.

Are you serious? You've been
sitting on the beta for a day

after busting my balls about
not getting an invite.

- Pretty fuckin' lame.
- Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah. Lame.

I just got an email from
my friend, Max Karnow.

He says, I heard the beta's awesome.
Can I get a look?

Guys, I think we're
starting to get some buzz.

You know, maybe we should talk to Laurie
about moving up the official launch?

You want to move it up?
Yeah, I think we're ready.

I mean, do... do you think
you can set the meeting?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll... I'll go
tell Laurie right now.

Okay.

What was that about?

She's fucking weird.

Hey, Richard, um, if
your friend Max Karnow

needs an invite, you
know, I could probably

- squeeze him on my list.
- Are you sure?

Yeah. I'll have to freeze
out one of my boys,

but they'll get it.

Just shoot me his email.

The perpetrator has been losing
money for other clients for years,

was lying to us and funneling our
money to said other clients,

therein, fucking us.

I'm sorry to say this is not
an uncommon occurrence.

Wait, it's not an uncommon...?
So then it...

Okay, got it.

So if it makes any difference,

I'd like to vie for a lesser sentence

if after he makes full
restitution he would write

a very convincing public
apology, preferably...

Mr. Bachmann,

an action like this is very
expensive and time-consuming,

and as you've already pointed
out, even if you do prevail,

the money is gone, unless
you win a court order

allowing you to raid other
innocent people's bank accounts,

and that's a tough sell,

even for a plaintiff who's
more, uh, sympathetic.

Are you calling us unsympathetic?

You just threw a million-dollar party.

A tasteful Polynesian affair,
culturally accurate,

which I'm sure you would appreciate,

and one that we can no longer pay for

because this criminal
has left us flat broke.

Also not true. You have a large stake

in a company called Pied Piper.

Yes, but I... I can't sell my
shares at Pied Piper. Not now.

Wouldn't it cover your
outstanding debts?

Of course. But they could
potentially be worth billions.

Yes, and how do you see that playing
to people who are being priced out

of their homes by rich tech people?

Have either of you been on a jury?

No, of course not. I always get out
of it. The fines are very reasonable.

You don't just throw those things away?

Gentlemen, let me tell you what I see.

I see two able-bodied,
entitled young white men

who lucked into more money than
most people see in five lifetimes,

and who, if they hadn't had
their millions stolen,

would have promptly squandered
them on more things

like relocated swimming
pools and lost tiki heads.

It's not lost.

I know exactly where it is.
It's in the bay.

And if your Coast Guard would
be a little more helpful,

we probably could have dragged
it out of there by now.

Mr. Bachmann,

you pay those caterers and
bartenders you owe money to

or I assure you, that, I will prosecute.

Mr. Chugtai, I am gonna need all the phone
numbers of the people on your list.

Why?

I'm just calling everybody that
was on the beta and saying hi

and a quick thank you, and then a...
just a couple of follow-up questions.

Yeah... I don't think so.

What do... what do you mean?

Well, I mean, put
yourself in their shoes.

They're, like, snowboarding in Tahoe

or, like, banging some smokin' chick,

and then this fuckin' nerd calls

and he wants to talk about his app.

- Buzz-kill.
- Wait. Your boys are where?

Well, those are just hypotheticals.

I mean, my boys could be anywhere.
I don't keep track of my boys.

Actually, we can.

We have the IP address and GPS
coordinates for every active user,

so we can figure out just
where your boys are at.

Um, you added a god-view?
When did you do that?

Right before I gave it to Tara.
I told you, trust no one.

Oh, that is very cool.
Nice work, Gilfoyle.

And we can isolate each of our users.

Dinesh's, for example...

Before we invade people's privacy,

there is a conversation about ethics.

Why is it that five of your
users show up at this address?

Oh, it's buggy.

Should we beta test the god-view?

I'm happy to drag this out
as long as you want to.

Fine.

I was having trouble filling up my
list, so I made up a few people.

Well, people do create imaginary
friends to meet their emotional needs.

When I was little,

I used to pretend that I shared
a room with Harriet Tubman

and we were always
planning our big escape.

Wait. Who is this,

and why are they at the Hooli campus?

What? Did you give the beta
to someone at fucking Hooli?

- Who's Max Karnow?
- Oh! That's not one of my friends.

I have no friends. Got him from Richard.

No. No, th...
that can't be right.

MAN: I went to Hendricks' Facebook page.

I found a friend of his
that lived near Palo Alto,

searched his name and found that
he was in the tech business.

I then came up with a
great idea to dummy up

an email account in his name,

sent a beta request to
Hendricks, and then voila.

- That's incredible.
- Yes, well, it is my craft.

You see, I think security detail is like
creating great jazz where you can all...

What are you talk... I'm talking about
the beta. Will you shut the fuck up?!

- Ahem...
- Fuck, this is good.

Their sign-up flow, their
mobile app, it's just seamless.

How are they doing this?!

I can put a team on that, sir.

- If you want to know how they...
- Why are you so high-maintenance?

- Do you want me to answer that, sir?
- No! Goddamn it!

You're so needy!

Okay, I just talked to
the real Max Karnow,

and he had no idea about the beta.

Wow, um, clearly we're dealing
with a Hooli spy here.

So what do we do?

I mean, shut down his
account, obviously.

Yeah. On it. Sorry, Dinesh.

You will now have one less fake friend.

Wait, Gilfoyle. Is shutting
down this guy's account

really the worst thing we
can think of to do to him?

Oh, my God. Where the fuck is my head?

Stand by.

Look at their compression ratios.

The more files uploaded,
the better they get?

- Are we doing that?
- No. Not really.

That's gotta be some kind of
machine learning optimization.

Maybe a neural net?
Well, then I want that.

You need to put that
into our platform. Now.

I'm not even sure we have the resources
here to engineer something like that.

And even if we did, our platform
isn't designed to accommodate it.

You're talking about
a ground-up rebuild.

Great. So do that. And
beat them to market.

That's impossible.

You're at Hooli now, Marc.

In case you didn't know, here at Hooli,

we make the impossible possible.

- So if I say I need...
- (COMPUTER PINGS)

- What the fuck is happening?
- MARC: Oh, shit!

It looks like a zip bomb.
They must know it's us.

- That hard drive is fucked.
- This is my personal laptop.

You opened a stolen beta
on your personal computer?

Yes. And I installed it on my phone.

Shit. It could fry the entire system.

Cut the power to the building!
No, Gavin.

It's isolated to your user account,

so it's just your laptop and your phone.

It has no impact on the
rest of the network.

You don't know that. You don't know shit.
None of you do!

You don't even know what
Hendricks is capable of.

Cut the power to the building!
Cut the power to the building!

GILFOYLE: And that's that.

- And now... delete user.
- RICHARD: Nice.

Wait, is that... is that Monica?
She finally opened it.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's odd.

It says here that she
started using it yesterday.

Wait, so she lied? Why would
she lie about using the beta?

Yeah, why would Dinesh lie
about having friends?

Why would Tara lie to me
about fucking other guys

when we have a totally open
and hedonistic relationship

that allows for behavior like that?

Because people like to lie, Richard.

It's a war of all against all.

The history of humanity is
a book written in blood.

We're all just animals in a pit.

- I feel very sad.
- Fucking Gilfoyle.

No, no. What are you doing?
Get back to work.

On what? You powered
down all the computers.

Use a notepad. Code on your phone.
We have a deadline here.

No, Gavin, you have a deadline.

We quit, like we should
have done the first time.

What first time? What
are you talking about?

We both worked at Nucleus
right here in this room.

Yeah, before you fired us and rehired us

to do the exact same thing
without ever noticing.

I invited you to my wedding, Gavin.

Why?

We just lost our key engineers.

What the hell do we do now?

No one leaves this room

until we figure it out.

Thanks for the lift.

Steve's place is pretty
far away from everything,

but he's letting me stay on
his couch for free, so...

And you were supposed
to be my meal ticket.

- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- (PHONE CHIMES)

Hold on. CJ called.

CJ: Hey, uh, just wanted to let you know

about a great new story I'm chasing.

It's a cautionary tale of
two young entrepreneurs

who flew too close to the sun.

I mean, apparently in the
midst of losing millions,

they threw a huge party
they couldn't afford.

I talked to two bartenders and a caterer

who worked your party the other night.

None of them have been paid. Call me.

Well, it appears we spent our
last dime acquiring a tech blog

whose chief focus is
chronicling our demise.

(SIGHS) And Jian-Yang...

JIAN-YANG: Erlich Bachmann,
is your refrigerator running?

This is Mike Hunt.

Oh, here, here it is on the right.

Thanks, man. Hey, uh, are
you sure you're cool

with me taking both cannonballs?

- I'm sure.
- Thanks, partner.

I got it.

- I know you lied.
- (COUGHS)

- Sorry.
- What the fuck?

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

How the hell did you
know that I was here?

Well, we have god-view on the beta,

and I saw you leave your
office and come here.

So you're stalking me?

Look, Monica, I know you're
lying about not using the beta,

so why haven't I heard from you?

- Richard...
- No, it's okay.

If you don't like it, you can say it.

Everybody loves it, so I think I
can handle one negative review.

- Fine. I don't like it.
- Really?

Are you serious?
Everybody else loves it.

I've never wanted to like something
more in my life, Richard.

- I just... I don't.
- Okay.

What specifically do
you not like about it?

Specifically?

All of it.

I mean, it's not, it's
not the UX or the design

or anything that you can tweak.

It's just the whole
thing feels engineered.

Okay. Well, that might make sense
because, um, I'm an engineer.

Look, you've gotten
overwhelmingly positive feedback.

The build is incredibly stable,
and you're out of money.

So if you think it's ready,

you should launch and unlock
the next three million.

Look, Monica, I... I value your opinion,

and you're the one that doesn't like it,

so I don't know.

Richard, look...

- I passed on Slack.
- Really?

I never told Laurie.
She'd probably fire me

if she knew, but I had a chance to buy

20 percent of Slack for
nothing, and I passed.

I didn't get it. I still don't.

I mean, what is it? Is it email?
Is it a chat room?

Turns out the answer is it's a
three billion dollar company.

But that's the fucked up
thing about what we do.

Sometimes our opinion is wrong.

And no matter how good something is,

there's always gonna be
someone who doesn't get it.

And unfortunately, with
Pied Piper, it's me.

Um, a week ago,

I was worried about releasing
a beta no one would like.

I'm just bummed that you're
the one that doesn't like it.

Which is why you can't
listen to anyone else.

If you believe in something,

don't let anyone talk you
out of it, including me.

Peter Gregory always said,

Don't invest in products;
invest in people.

I invested in you,

and if you think it's ready to go,

I will go to Laurie and
fight like hell for it.

So, what do you want to do?

LAURIE: Congratulations, everyone.

Yeah, I can't believe it.

We're actually, finally, launching.

Yes. Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.

Pats on the back. Pats on the back.

Gentlemen, I just realized
I've forgotten to take a shit.

So, uh, I'll see you back
at the old homestead.

Okay.

Laurie.

I have a business proposition
I'd like to discuss with you.

It's about my shares in Pied Piper.

Okay, T minus five minutes.

Dinesh, are you still
seriously squashing bugs?

Not really. I'm so fucking tired,

I'm creating more than I'm fixing.

Where the fuck is Gilfoyle?

This isn't easy for me to do.

You served me well, old friend.

But we're transferring to AWS now,

and I'm afraid you can't come.

Oh, I'm pathetic?

I'd rather have a bunch of fake friends

than be best friends with
a fucking metal box.

Can't you two see?

You're each other's best friends.

BOTH: Fuck you, Jared.

Yeah. Jinx.

You owe each other a friendship.

DINESH: One minute. Holy shit.

- Holy shit.
- (PHONE RINGS)

Excuse me.

- Hello?
- Hey, it's CJ.

Uh, I just heard from the
folks that worked your party.

And? And it turns out
they were paid in full.

So apparently I owe you an
apology, and I feel bad.

Not as bad as I feel, I can assure you.

- (PHONE BEEPS)
- Yeah, I'm getting another call.

Hello?

JIAN-YANG: Erlich Bachmann,

this is your mom,

and you are not my baby.

Not now, Jian-Yang! Not now!
Go back into your room!

- Sorry.
- It's okay.

Here we are, Erlich.

Jobs and Woz, Woz and Jobs.

I mean, we did it. You
and me, man, forever.

(LAUGHS) All right.

Richard, never been more
excited to be proven wrong.

Yeah, well, get ready for
your lives to change forever.

Five...

ALL: ...four, three, two, one.

- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -