All language subtitles for Silicon.Valley.S03E06.720p.HDTV.x264-AVS (1)

Okay, one extra-large, virgin margarita.

- Thank you, Richard.
- What took you so long?

I actually... I met a girl.

It's called the bartender,
she works here.

No, no. It's a real girl.

And I actually got her
real phone number.

Check you out, Mr. Casanova.

Where is this individual?

She's right over there.

- The tall dude?
- No, behind him.

Oh, she must be hiding behind that
attractive girl in the red sweater.

No, it is the attractive
girl in the red sweater.

Can we stop looking at her?

She's magnificent.

Are you sure it's not the tall guy?

Why are we surprised that young Richard

is garnering the attention of ladies?

After all, he's king again.
Women like that.

Okay, so she's a founder hounder.

Come on, no, it... it's not like that.

But you did tell her that you're
the CEO of your own company?

It came up. But I mean, honestly,

how else was I going to explain that me
and my friends were at a bar?

That is a good point.

Anytime you're near a woman,

it is important to explain why.

Otherwise, they get nervous.

Gentlemen.

To Pied Piper's past,
and now present CEO.

- Oh, what about future?
- Jared, we'll worry about that later.

Tonight it's about Richard.

To Richard.

I think you'll find I'm a... I'm a...
I'm a pretty tolerant boss,

but, Gleb, your... your last commit,
you did use spaces over tabs.

I don't know why you'd
commit to that...

so just tell me why on earth you...
you would do something like that?

Is not so big a deal. They're
very much the same, yes?

Yes, yes, he's right.
They're very much the same.

No, no, sorry, they're...
they're not the same.

At least, not in my book.
One is right, and the other is wrong.

Why didn't anyone tell Gleb to use tabs?

Yeah, we did. And it's in
the company style guide.

I just don't think Gleb realized how
seriously Richard takes this stuff.

Yeah, I've honestly never
understood it myself.

I mean, once the code goes
through the compiler,

there's effectively no difference.

I know, but coders go,
like, batshit over it.

At Hooli, I once saw two engineers
get into a fight so vicious,

- they almost made physical contact.
- What?

Okay, guys, uh, back to work.

Gleb, Sanjay, everyone,
do you understand tabs?

Yes, yes. You have made this
very clear as clear as crystal.

Okay. Good, that's my little thing,
and I'll hand you back to Dinesh now.

He's... he's the man with the
plan, and the... pretty cool tan.

- It's not a tan, it's...
- Yeah, I know, I know.

Sorry.

This is how I was born.

Hey, Elisabet? Hi.

Before you go, I
just wanted to say that

I thought your last commit
was very impressive.

Thank you.

Almost as nice as the
fingers that typed it.

- Just call it like I see it.
- Thank you.

Speaking of seeing, I will see...

- you tomorrow.
- Yes. You will.

- Bye-bye, Dinesh.
- Bye, Elisabet.

- Yuck.
- What?

You don't actually think
she was flirting, do you?

She works here. She's paid
to interact with you.

Just like that bartender that Richard
thought he was flirting with.

Actually, she's not a bartender.

And for your information,
we've been trading texts.

And... we're going for
drinks later, so...

Great. If you go to
the bar she works at,

you can probably drink for free.

Again... not a bartender.

Okay, she works at Facebook. So she makes
a lot more money than I do or you do.

And... she's definitely not a
founder hounder. So... sorry.

Yeah, none of that adds up.

Hey, guys, check out Code/Rag.

What, did the Gavin piece post?

Indeed it did.

Oh, "Gavin Belson's
Hooli-Scrub Scandal."

- Awesome.
- Man, Gavin cannot be happy about this.

Stay close.

Back up, back up.

You're on private property,
back to the sidewalk.

- You're gonna get arrested.
- Hey, Gavin!

Hello, I'm...

You know, a hundred years ago,

men like me could've had
people like that killed.

Just like that. You think captains
of industry like Andrew Carnegie

or Cornelius Vanderbilt would've
batted an eyelid? Please.

Times sure have changed.

Or have they?

Of course they have. And for the better.

Unless...

All right, forget it. What are
we doing about this article?

Can we sue this Cantwell
woman for libel?

Gavin, libel laws don't really
apply when what's written is true.

It's my understanding you did in
fact instruct Nucleus engineers

- to obscure negative Hooli-Search...
- I know what I did.

Forget libel. What about this unnamed
Hooli insider she keeps quoting.

Everything this person is
saying is obviously covered

by a nondisclosure agreement.
Let's sue that person.

We don't know who that person is.

And reporters generally don't
give up their sources.

Well, then I'll just have to light a
fire under this reporter's ass, won't I?

You know, there was a
time, not so long ago,

when it could've been a literal fire.

But as discussed, those days are gone.

Unless...

All right, forget it.
You people are useless.

Thank you. You're excused.

It's Gavin Belson for
CJ Cantwell, please.

She'll know what it's regarding.

Now, the stage should be here.

With Yeezy or someone comparable.

Now, I have yet to land on a theme.

Most people who rent Alcatraz for parties
tend to go with the prison theme.

How much would it
cost to make this look

as if it were never a prison at all?

Spare no expense,

and if you think it would be cool,

I would love to have some
sort of chocolate moat here,

with little boats floating down a field
with graham crackers and marshmallows.

It's been a childhood dream of mine.

And get the best chocolatier,
we want to impress.

I'm inviting every asshole
from the Valley to attend.

- You're inviting assholes?
- Absolutely.

Assholes, shit dongles,

any foe or enemy I've made

over my storied career will be here.

That way, when I take this stage and
unleash the power of Bachmanity,

they'll all be in the front row.

Erlich.. can we talk for a second?

What is it, Big Head?
I thought I told you

to go watch something on your iPad.

I think we may have a problem.

That Code/Rag reporter I talked to

says that Gavin Belson is
threatening to sue her

if she doesn't tell
him who she spoke to.

- So?
- So, she spoke to me.

No publicity is bad publicity.
This might be great timing.

Exactly the reason that we are partners.

Okay, yeah. Except if Gavin finds out
it was me that talked to the reporter,

then he'll know I violated my NDA.

And then he could come after my
entire settlement if that happens.

All two million. I mean, 20 million.

Big Head, I'm not going to yell.

And I'm not going to hit you.

I'm just gonna ask you nicely,

why in the holy fuck didn't you
tell me you signed an NDA,

you sweet, helpless,
little piece of shit?

Well, that's the thing about the NDA,

is that the NDA is actually
covered under the NDA.

So if I told you about the NDA, it
would've been a violation of the NDA.

And what about speaking with the
reporter? What would that be?

Yeah. Shit.

So, what do you think I should do?

- I could call her back and...
- No!

Let me handle it. You go
wait in the helicopter.

- Go.
- Okay.

Sasha, I'm going to need to
go back to the mainland.

- Oh, is there a problem?
- Oh, no, no. Full steam ahead.

Mainland.

This is an island.

That's the theme.

Hawaiian.

We'll have a luau.

Yeah, somebody called me that in high
school, and the nickname just stuck.

- Pakistani Denzel.
- I mean, I don't see it.

But everybody else does. So...

Maybe they should call
him American Dinesh?

Stop.

Only if you stop first.

- No, you stop first.
- You stop first.

- You go first.
- No, I think you should.

Okay, I'll stop. Bye.

What's your end game here? You
think after your tired rap,

she's going to hop on a plane,
fly halfway across the world,

- and fuck you?
- My motivations are pure.

Her and I have, like, a real connection.

She's so, like, nice and
she's so down to earth,

that it's like she has no
idea how attractive she is.

You don't know how attractive she is.

Packet loss over Estonian broadband
is terrible. She could be hideous.

Well, I can't imagine that would
matter to Dinesh one iota.

Right. Cause she's nice,

and... very talented,
and has a great laugh.

And with any luck, she's not a dogface.

How was your date with Winnie?

Well, pretty good,

considering she's still
in the other room.

Baller, you got lucky on the first date.

Yeah, did a little bit... not everything.

I mean, I slept in my jeans.

Well, take your time.
Hunger is the best sauce.

You're right. We did a
little bit of under the shirts

and, like, finger banging. Oh, hey.

Hey, I'm Winnie.

- Hi, I'm Dinesh.
- Hi, I'm Jared.

- It is an honor to meet you.
- Okay.

- God, what a pleasure.
- Thanks.

I'm Gilfoyle. Are you a bartender?

- I work at Facebook.
- As a bartender?

I had a stuffed animal named Winnie.

- Oh, wow. - I mean, it
wasn't technically an animal,

I took a Ziploc bag and I
stuffed it with old newspaper

and then I... I drew a smile on it.

Okay, well... shall we
have some coffee, my lady?

- Sure. Let's do it.
- Okay. All right.

We're already on to Elizabethan
nicknames. This is serious.

- They'll be Ren Faire-ing soon.
- It's healthy.

And now that Richard's dating,

in solidarity, I think I
might get back out there myself.

You make it sound like
you've chosen not to date.

Yeah, absolutely. I wanted
to focus on Pied Piper.

But, yeah, maybe now I'll fan
out my plumage, so to speak,

and see what pretty birdies
might share my nest.

Hey, Jared. If you fuck any
pretty birdies in my server room,

put a tie on the doorknob, won't you?

Oh, as a signal. Yeah, good thinking.

Okay, so I'll just get the car keys and
then give you a lift home. Okay, my lady?

- My lord.
- My lady.

Okay.

So, Richard tells me
you guys are building

deep nets into your platform?

Oh, really? What other company
secrets did he blab to you?

Well I'm a bartender, I wouldn't
understand all the science-y talk, right?

- Touchﾙ俄\.
- So you do AI at Facebook?

No, but when I was at MIT, I did my
master's thesis on game playing AIs.

I did a lot of machine learning stuff.

For gaming? How does that work?

It's on my GitHub. Do you
want to check it out?

Gavin said he was gonna
haul me into court

and have a judge compel me to
give up my source, or go to jail.

Okay? I am not going to jail.

No, no one's going to jail, CJ.

Although, if you did, going to
jail for protecting your source

would make you some kind
of First Amendment hero.

It's pretty much the best thing
that can happen to a journalist.

Journalist? Okay, I'm a tech blogger.

Okay? I write stories for the
internet about the internet.

I am not going to jail for that.

I know it is an
inconsequential shit job.

It doesn't really contribute to
culture in any way whatsoever.

We've established that you don't have
any journalistic integrity,

but what would it cost

to buy you some?

Then I figured out a way to train a
convolutional net to play Atari 2600 games.

What?

- Spaces.
- Yeah, so what, you guys use tabs?

In this house, yes.

Richard is a bit of a zealot in
the Tabs V. Spaces holy war.

I get that, for his company. Sure.

This goes much deeper.

I think he believes that people
who use spaces are less than.

I wouldn't mention this to Richard.

You don't want to see
him throw a hissy fit.

Okay. Shall we away, my lady?

- Nice to meet you guys.
- Have fun.

- Bye.
- Bye.

I actually kind of liked her.

Too bad Richard's going to fuck it up.

So, you moved the swimming pool?

Yeah, it just felt like it was way too
far from the house, like, crazy far.

So I had this company come
and just move it closer.

But then you moved it back?

Yeah, turns out the guy who built this
place knew exactly what he was doing,

and the pool was right where it
needed to be the whole time.

But now I know that for
sure, which feels good.

Nelson, do you like being wealthy?

Yeah. Oh, man, it's awesome.

So you want to stay wealthy?

- Okay, yeah, sure.
- Great.

Here are the three things
you need to do, all right?

One, stop moving the swimming pool.

Oh, yeah, okay, I can
do that. What else?

Two, you need to manage your
expenses and track your receipts

a little bit better than... this.

I'm only as good as the
information I have.

- Oh, you're great. - No, I wasn't
fishing for compliments.

And three, I sense that people
are taking advantage of you.

Sorry, hold on.

Oh, it's Erlich, I should
probably grab this.

Erlich Bachman, a perfect example.

You gave him signing power on
your personal checking account?

Yeah, he's my business partner.

You're not structured as a corporation.
You're a general partnership.

So he's essentially your spouse.

- That's very dangerous.
- But I trust him.

He's actually trying to save us money
right now, so hold... hold on.

Hey, man.

Big Head, wondrous news.

I eliminated the Gavin problem,
and at the exact same time,

I closed funding on our
first strategic investment.

We bought a blog.

Oh, cool. How much do blogs cost?

- What?
- Oh, nothing.

We practically stole it from them.

- What?
- I'm bullshitting.

Half a million dollars.

Let me talk to him, please.

Hey, Erlich,

could you talk to...

my business manager for a second.

No, I've got to jet, but tell him
I'll see him at the party.

Good day, partner.

Okay, cool.

About the blog...

- 500 grand.
- Oh, God.

I know, we practically stole it, right?

Your roommates are
really funny. I like them.

They gave me a little shit.

Oh, well, you can't
take that personally.

Oh, it's fine. They gave you shit too.

Oh, really? What about,
like my hair or something?

No. They tried to convince me you
were some sort of formatting Nazi

about tabs versus spaces.

What? Me? Nazi?

That's ridiculous.

That's what I said, I mean,
I use spaces. So what?

Yeah, so what?

See, they said you'd have a
hissy fit if you found out.

Hissy fit, me? No.

- I know.
- You know. I know.

I mean, make up your mind, guys, am I a
Nazi or am I a guy who throws hissy fits?

You know? Am I a Nazi
who throws hissy fits?

I hope not. That was Hitler.
That was like his whole deal.

I mean, that's pretty insensitive
to the Holocaust, don't you think?

Cause that's, like, what Hitler
did, you know, he just, like,

killed so many people, so
tragic, such a tragic time.

- Yeah. - I'm so glad we're
not doing that anymore. - No.

I mean, we, like I... like
I was, you know...!

I want them all to die.
I don't, I don't care.

I mean, I do care, don't... don't
kill them... them... Jews.

Anyway, what do you want to...
what do you want to order here?

- Is that our P-to-P protocol?
- Yeah, I'm just hacking for fun.

I figured out a way to use our
compression for RTC, so...

- Video chat? - Yeah. I think it
could be better resolution

than Hooli-Chat. Even over 3G.

It could just be like a fun, cool
feature in the platform, you know.

And then coincidentally
you'll finally be able to see

what Elisabet actually looks like.

Oh, yeah.

I hadn't thought of that.

If you worked half as
hard on the platform

as you do trying to ogle
strange Slavic women,

maybe our shares would
finally be worth something.

Hey...

what the hell was that?

Can you give us slightly more, Richard?

Why did you tell Winnie

that I think people who use
spaces over tabs are stupid?

- Because you do.
- No, I don't.

And if I did, which I don't,

why would you say that
behind my back, to her?

I mean, things were just
going so well, until she...

Yeah. That was completely lovely.

- Yeah, it was really nice.
- You're really something.

- I'll give you a call later, okay?
- Okay, cool, yeah.

Great, sounds good. Bye, Jared.

Bye.

Jared?

Yeah?

Who was that?

Oh, that was Carol.

So... Jared, did...

did you just have sex with her?

What? I'm an adult,

and like the rest of
you, I'm a sexual being.

You fucked her in the garage?

Well, it's the server
room and my bedroom.

What, so you just meet a woman,

and then you have sex with her?

How often does this happen?

Well, if you're asking me how many times

I've been in love, the answer is two.

But the rest I won't talk about.
It's untoward.

Russ was right, this guy fucks.

Who was that gorgeous
gazelle in the driveway?

Well, I've said all I
care to, let's move on.

She let Jared have sex with her.

Jared, nice. Using that dick.

Gents, I'd like to invite you

to what promises to be the
social event of the season.

Bachmanity Insanity.

Alcatraz?

Don't worry, it will be unrecognizable.

Jared, with regards to the...
you need a plus one?

Oh, no thank you. I think
it's too early for that.

Good idea. Don't bring sand to the
beach, there's already pussy there.

Richard, I assume you'll be
taking your woman friend?

You know what? Yes. She and
I will be there together.

I'm going to make this work,

despite all your little attempts
to sabotage my relationship.

You can do anything you put
your mind to, Richard.

Including turning Alcatraz into Hawaii.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah, all good. Great.

- You know...
- What?

My roommate's going
out of town tomorrow,

so if we want to come back
here after Erlich's party...

Okay, yeah. Sure,
that sounds good to me.

- All right, it's a date.
- See you then.

Richard, what's wrong?

Nothing. Nothing,
literally it's all good.

Come on.

Oh, my God! I'm sorry.

Your roommates were right,

- you really hate spaces.
- No, no, no.

I don't, it's not hate,
hate's a strong word.

Truth be told, I do have a
slight preference for tabs.

But that's only because I'm
anal and because I prefer...

precision.

Well, not to pick a fight here,

but if you really care about
precision, wouldn't you use spaces?

But whatever.

Once it goes through the compiler,
it's the same thing. Right?

Yeah. Yeah, technically yes.

I guess, I just... I just
don't understand why you...

anyone would use spaces over tabs.

Like, if it's all the same,
why not just use tabs?

Because it could look different
on other people's computers.

Tabs create smaller
file sizes, all right?

I run a compression company, trust me,

I've devoted my life to
minimalizing file sizes.

It's what I do. I mean,
I do not get why anyone

would use spaces over tabs.

I mean, why not just use Vim over Emacs?

- I do use Vim over Emac.
- Oh, God, help us!

Oka... you know what?

I just... I don't think this is
going to work. I'm so sorry.

I mean like, what, we're going
to bring kids into this world

with that over their heads? That's not
really fair to them, don't you think?

Kids? We haven't even slept together.

And guess what, it's never
going to happen now,

because there is no way I'm
going to be with someone

who uses spaces over tabs.

Richard!

Okay. Goodbye.

One tab saves you eight spaces!

Oh, my God!

Richard, what happened?

I just tried to go down the
stairs eight steps at a time.

I'm okay, though.

See you around, Richard.

Just making a point.

This new video chat protocol is
making your image crystal clear.

Wait... wait one second, Dinesh.

Dinesh, I can't see
you, it's all black.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
give the camera permission

to access the video chat, hold on.

- Boom!
- Yes! I can... see you now.

It's me! Pakistani Denzel!

Yes! The Denzel who is from Pakistan.

This video quality is great,
right? Looks so sharp.

That's what we do here at Pied Piper.

It... it's very impressive.

I will have to tell my
boyfriend all about it.

Boyfriend? You never
mentioned a boyfriend.

Oh, no?

This is because he's now just husband.

I keep forgetting
to say this, husband,

but it is very good to see you this way,

and we will talk more tomorrow.

Yeah, we'll talk...

Either she froze time,

met and married the man of her dreams,

unfroze time, and hopped back
on to vid chat with you,

or... you're the dogface.

Which do you think it is?
I'm on the fence.

What the fuck is going on?
Richard found a girl,

you have a girlfriend, Jared
is getting laid with a girl.

Hi, Mom.

BACHMANITY INSANITY!

Oh, God. Winnie, Winnie,
Winnie, Winnie, Winnie.

Sweet, sweet Elisabet.

Gentlemen, mahalo for coming.

You must taste the breaded
humuhumunukunukuapua'a,

flown in fresh this a.m.

- What is mumu...
- It's breaded.

Get ready. In T-minus five minutes,

Big Head and I are going
to take that stage

and I am going to ejaculate
my success all over the faces

and hair of my fiercest rivals.

Like some sort of vengeful
viscous web of payback.

- Erlich?
- Yes. One moment.

Sasha, you are doing an
exceptional job. I mean,

I see... I see no evidence
that we are not in Hawaii.

We have a problem.

Just several of our vendors are
saying that your checks have bounced.

Sasha... I'll be back.

Big Head, Big Head. Why
are our checks bouncing?

If you had responded to any of my phone
calls, I would've explained it to you.

Who the fuck are you?

Erlich this is my
business manager, Arthur...

- Klaiman. - Klaiman. I knew it
was something with Clay.

As I was explaining to Mr. Bighetti,

I've finally managed to get
a handle on his finances.

Our finances. Continue.

After your considerable
outlay on lifestyle,

this party and half a million
dollars on a website,

you're functionally insolvent.

Big Head, you're broke?

We're broke, dude.

Erlich, it's time.

You have my number. I left
it on your voicemail.

Several times.

Titans of the tech world,

I give you Nelson
Bighetti, Erlich Bachman,

and Bachmanity!

Aloha.

That means hello.

Oh, and goodbye.