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1
00:00:02,163 --> 00:00:04,293
So you're saying UNICEF
is a scam?
2
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:07,134
It's the perfect cover
for a money-laundering operation.
3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,299
No one could keep track
of all those kids...
4
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,741
with those little orange boxes
of change.
5
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,472
Oh, no. It's Sally Weaver.
6
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,980
Oh, yeah,
your old college roommate, huh?
7
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,881
No, it's Susan Ross'
old college roommate.
8
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:23,046
She moved to New York.
She's trying to become an actress.
9
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,384
Dramatic or comedic?
10
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:27,026
Untalented.
She's always inviting me to see her...
11
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,924
in some bad play in a tiny room
without ventilation.
12
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,428
It's really depressing.
13
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,658
Well, we don't go to enough theater.
14
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,462
She should just give up.
15
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,862
- Hey.
- Hey there...
16
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,303
Mr. Too-Big-to-Come-to-My-Shows.
17
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,069
I just came from tap.
I'm all: Wooh!
18
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:47,408
I'm on my way to an audition,
still looking for that big break.
19
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:50,072
Why don't you just give up?
20
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,642
Kramer.
21
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,719
Well, that's what Jerry says.
22
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:58,524
Oh, now, face it. If it hasn't happened,
it's not gonna happen.
23
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:02,992
All right. Now, go grab us a booth.
Join us?
24
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,734
So Susan's dead.
25
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,610
Well, I think she was happy
someone finally said it.
26
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,908
Why did you have to say
anything to her?
27
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,916
Well, I felt the conversation
was lagging.
28
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:28,714
Why can't you ever just keep
your big mouth shut?
29
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,420
I come in here to have
a pleasant meal...
30
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:34,891
and if we're not gonna have one,
I'll grab a bite to eat at your place.
31
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,956
You know, maybe Kramer was right.
32
00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,068
Some people should just give up.
I have.
33
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,329
- What did you wanna be?
- I don't remember...
34
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,871
but it certainly wasn't this.
35
00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:49,839
Look at this cartoon
in The New Yorker.
36
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,308
- I don't get this.
- Me neither.
37
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:54,777
And you're on the fringe
of the humor business.
38
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:56,980
Hey.
39
00:01:57,051 --> 00:01:59,176
Hey, George, look at this.
40
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,251
- That's cute.
- You get it?
41
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,781
No, never mind.
42
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:07,260
Come on.
We're two intelligent people here.
43
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,895
We can figure this out.
44
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,800
Now, we got a dog
and a cat in an office.
45
00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:18,837
It looks like my accountant's office.
There's no pets working there.
46
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,639
The cat is saying, "I've enjoyed
reading your e-mail."
47
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,142
It's got something to do
with that 42 in the corner.
48
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:27,337
That's a page number.
49
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,683
Well, I can't crack this one.
50
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,512
Oh, this has gotta be a mistake.
51
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:33,983
Well, try shaking it.
52
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,849
Well, Janet should be here
any minute.
53
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,222
You've been hiding her.
You must really like her.
54
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:44,864
Jerry, the minute I saw this girl,
we just clicked.
55
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,523
She's got such a nice face.
56
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,033
Her eyes, her mouth, nose.
57
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:52,001
We know what a face consists of.
58
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,342
I'm sorry I'm late.
59
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,444
Jerry, Elaine, I give you Janet.
60
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,636
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
61
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,008
Hi. Do we still have time
to make the movie?
62
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,444
Oh, yeah.
63
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,814
We just can't go to the supermarket
to get some candy.
64
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:18,453
Jerry, she looks exactly like you.
65
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,997
She does not.
66
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,435
You know, maybe she doesn't.
I don't care.
67
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:29,069
- Hey, Kramer.
- Well, hey. You got some messages.
68
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:32,644
Yeah. George, George, Elaine.
George again.
69
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,044
Elaine. Newman.
But that was a crank call.
70
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,653
Yeah, and some Sally woman called,
says thanks a lot.
71
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,653
Yeah, she's quitting the business.
You ruined her life.
72
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,750
What?
You're the one who ruined her life.
73
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,394
Well, that's not how
she remembers it.
74
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,393
Well, I gotta talk her out of this.
75
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,327
I thought you said she stinks.
76
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,662
She does stink.
And she should quit.
77
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,667
But I don't want it to be
because of me.
78
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,465
It should be the traditional route.
79
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,232
Years of rejection and failure...
80
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:04,343
until she's spit out
the bottom of the porn industry.
81
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,511
- Yeah.
- Hey, George and Janet.
82
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,618
- Oh, who's Janet, huh?
- George's girlfriend.
83
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,686
Elaine thinks she looks like me...
84
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,415
but I think it's, as you would say,
kooky talk.
85
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,357
You know what woman
I always thought you looked like?
86
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,552
Lena Horne.
87
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,490
- Hey. Hey.
- Hey, George.
88
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,862
And you must look
exactly like Jerry.
89
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:34,104
You don't see this?
Oh, you're like twins.
90
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,266
This is eerie.
91
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:40,045
Kramer, what are you talking about?
92
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,239
Janet doesn't look anything
like Jerry.
93
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,247
Maybe we do look
a little like each other.
94
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:47,717
No, what do you know
about what you look like?
95
00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:50,784
Come on, George. Relax.
Just because they look alike...
96
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,984
that doesn't mean
you're secretly in love with Jerry.
97
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:58,192
All right, we're going now. Bye-bye.
98
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:02,199
- We just got here, George.
- Well, it's getting dark.
99
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,968
Yeah, she's a nice girl,
kind of quiet, though.
100
00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,939
What are you doing?
101
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,305
Don't tell a woman
she looks like a man.
102
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:16,176
George doesn't wanna hear his
girlfriend looks like me, neither do I
103
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,651
Well, how should I have broached
the subject?
104
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,256
You don't broach.
You keep your mouth shut.
105
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,415
Well, sounds like someone's
having a bad day.
106
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,184
Yeah, because of you.
107
00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:30,455
Well, then I think one of us
should leave.
108
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,005
Sally, you can't quit the business.
109
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,509
This is all because of me?
110
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:50,708
You can't give up.
You don't think people tell me I stink?
111
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,715
When I'm on-stage that's all I hear.
112
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,980
"You stink. You suck.
We like magic."
113
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,852
- Really?
- Of course.
114
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:02,894
I stink. You stink. It's show biz.
Everybody stinks.
115
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,955
Yeah, you've been stinking
since the '80s.
116
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,033
All right, I think we've covered
my act.
117
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,864
Now, you get out there
and stink it up with everybody else.
118
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:14,974
All right. Yes.
Thank you. I'm gonna do it.
119
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,940
Now.
120
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:26,543
Well, I've asked everyone at work
and no one gets this cartoon.
121
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:30,087
I don't understand why, but I am
gonna get to the bottom of this.
122
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,350
Oh, I think we're at the bottom.
123
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,592
Hey, George.
Janet seems really nice.
124
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:41,796
And she's quite
a handsome woman.
125
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,265
- What does that mean?
- Yeah, what does that mean?
126
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:48,271
What do you mean by that?
127
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,239
Enjoy.
128
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:58,178
- Elaine, huh? She's completely...
- Oh, I know.
129
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:02,513
- Because you don't think Janet...
- No.
130
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,356
- Why would I?
- It's ludicrous.
131
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:05,514
Yes.
132
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:06,716
- Neither one of us.
- No.
133
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:08,828
- So.
- Exactly.
134
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,453
I'm not gay.
135
00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:16,095
Neither am I.
136
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,668
- Kramer, get in here.
- Kramer. Kramer.
137
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,366
Where's that crazy man? Come on.
138
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:24,602
Kramer, come on in here.
139
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,439
- Come on.
- Kramer, what are you doing?
140
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,638
- Come in.
- Finally.
141
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,873
What are you doing?
Come and talk to us.
142
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,415
I've made an important life decision.
143
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:37,421
- Let's talk about that.
- Don't leave.
144
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:42,619
All right. I know I've been kind
of shooting off at the mouth lately.
145
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:46,664
First, with that girl whose life
you destroyed...
146
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:49,461
and then about George
dating a lady Jerry.
147
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,669
What's the decision?
148
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,965
I know you want me
to keep my big mouth shut.
149
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,904
Well, that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
150
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,601
- I'm never gonna talk again.
- Yeah, right.
151
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:02,215
What do I need to talk for, huh?
What, to blab to the neighbors...
152
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:05,715
about how George
has a new fem-Jerry friend?
153
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:09,287
Or to tell everybody at the coffee shop
how George is all mixed up...
154
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:13,153
in a perverse sexual amalgam
of some girl and his best friend?
155
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,256
See, now, I've done all that.
156
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,365
Now, it's time for silence.
157
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:22,195
Silence? Yes.
158
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:25,061
You're never gonna be able
to completely stop talking.
159
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,696
Jerry, 94 percent
of communication is nonverbal.
160
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,706
Here, watch.
161
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:35,310
What? What are you talking about?
162
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,677
Well, what does this mean?
163
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,846
Well, it's Frank
and Estelle's reaction...
164
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,891
to hearing about George's
man love for a she-Jerry.
165
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:52,688
- Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
- That's the idea.
166
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:55,198
Kramer, there's no way
you stick to this.
167
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,998
- Oh, you're gonna start now?
- That's right.
168
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,338
Right now.
169
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,841
That hurts.
170
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,836
Now.
171
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,585
So J. Peterman wants to hire
some of our cartoonists...
172
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:15,085
to illustrate your catalog?
173
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:18,588
Well, we're hoping that if,
perhaps the catalog is a little funnier...
174
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:22,195
people won't be so quick
to return the clothes.
175
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,864
For example,
you know, I really do....
176
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:29,229
Well, I love this one.
177
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:32,600
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's a rather clever jab...
178
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,764
at inter-office politics,
don't you think?
179
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,633
Yeah.
180
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:45,077
But why is it that the animals
enjoy reading the e-mail?
181
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,480
Well, Miss Benes...
182
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:51,920
cartoons are like gossamer
and one doesn't dissect gossamer.
183
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,617
Well, you don't have to dissect it...
184
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:58,891
if you could just tell me
why this is supposed to be funny.
185
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:03,093
Oh, it's merely a commentary
on contemporary mores.
186
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,105
But what is the comment?
187
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,940
- It's a slice of life.
- No, it isn't.
188
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,908
- A pun?
- I don't think so.
189
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,411
Vorshtein?
190
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,881
That's not a word.
191
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,277
- You have no idea what this means.
- No.
192
00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:23,651
- Then why did you print it?
- I like the kitty.
193
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,321
You know what? You people
should be ashamed of yourselves.
194
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:30,725
You know, you doodle
a couple of bears at a cocktail party...
195
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:34,162
talking about the stock market,
you think you're doing comedy.
196
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,329
Actually, that's not bad.
197
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:41,907
Oh, really? Oh, yes.
Well, you know, I have others.
198
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:47,641
Sally, I can't believe you're already
doing a one-woman show.
199
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,975
No, it's just a little performance
piece I wrote.
200
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:54,177
But you know what?
You really inspired me, okay, a tear.
201
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,018
Hey, there you are.
202
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:02,656
Oh, right. Code of silence.
How's that going?
203
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,466
Thank you.
204
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,628
Hi. I think you're really
gonna like this...
205
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,798
because it's about me.
Well, all right, it's not just about me.
206
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,843
It's about me, and this guy,
Jerry Seinfeld...
207
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,714
who I like to call the devil.
208
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,472
Okay, okay.
209
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:28,178
So I run into this Jerry on the street
and then he says to me:
210
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:31,017
"Hey, Sally, you stink.
You should give up acting."
211
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:34,354
Oh, I'm doing Jerry now, okay?
So you have to imagine I have horns...
212
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:37,122
a tail and hooves instead of feet.
213
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,690
You know what I mean, that guy?
214
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,992
Oh, shut up.
215
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,807
She does a full hour
about how you're the devil?
216
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,307
I gotta go see this thing.
217
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:54,174
Good luck. It's sold out
for the next three weeks.
218
00:11:55,015 --> 00:12:00,314
Well, I bet I can get in, once I mention
I'm from The New Yorker.
219
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,354
- The New Yorker?
- Yes. The New Yorker.
220
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,286
I met with their cartoon editor...
221
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:10,521
and I got him to admit that
that cartoon made no sense.
222
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,499
Wow, good work, Nancy Drew.
223
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,563
So we ended up going out
to lunch...
224
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,398
and he had some great gossip
about James Thurber.
225
00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:21,040
Nodding off.
226
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:25,338
And he said I could submit
some of my own cartoons.
227
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:29,243
Wow, that's incredible,
but you don't draw.
228
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:32,683
- I do too.
- What, your sad little horsies?
229
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,247
The house with the little curl
of smoke.
230
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:37,754
The sunflower with the smiley face.
231
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:39,721
The transparent cube.
232
00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:43,590
It's better than your drawings
of naked Lois Lane.
233
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:47,494
Where did you see that?
Those are private.
234
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,770
Jerry, sorry I'm late.
235
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:54,839
Channel Nine is doing a piece
on my show, isn't that great?
236
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,532
Do you hate me?
237
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,439
No, no, I thought the show
was terrific.
238
00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:00,807
I was just wondering
if you have to keep saying...
239
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,972
Jerry Seinfeld is the devil.
240
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,645
Well, that is the title.
241
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:10,579
I know, but I thought maybe you could
mention how I apologized...
242
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:13,282
and encouraged you
to stick with it?
243
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:17,055
You know, I workshopped that
and snoozers.
244
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:22,467
But I'll tell you what, I'll tinker.
It's all a journey.
245
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,264
Thanks.
You got a little schmutz there.
246
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:30,432
Excuse me, Miss Weaver?
Oh, my God, it is you.
247
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,407
I've seen your show six times.
248
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,481
What a surprise.
249
00:13:35,549 --> 00:13:37,116
You're great. It's great.
250
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:40,685
It's so great to see
a show that's about something.
251
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,092
Where to?
252
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,133
My friends are idiots.
253
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:03,674
She doesn't look like Jerry.
She doesn't look like anybody.
254
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,178
And so what if she does
look like Jerry?
255
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,336
What does that mean?
256
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:10,506
That I'd have everything
I have with Jerry...
257
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:14,120
but because it's a woman
I could also have sex with her?
258
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:18,314
And that somehow, that would be
exactly what I always wanted?
259
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,954
She doesn't even look like Jerry.
260
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,120
I really do look
a lot like your friend Jerry.
261
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,731
I know.
262
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:34,635
Thanks for watching Nine News.
We leave you tonight with a scene...
263
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,799
from Sally Weaver's
one-woman show.
264
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:41,209
Okay, so, I go to meet Jerry Seinfeld
at this horrible coffee shop, right?
265
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,008
He's like, "Stop doing your show."
266
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,310
And I'm like,
"Hello, it's a free country."
267
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,578
So then he goes,
"Okay, schmutzie."
268
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,881
Then he starts pawing
at my sweater, right?
269
00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:51,751
And getting all
"Hands Across America."
270
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,223
There really was schmutz.
I didn't try and grab her.
271
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:57,693
And this is what he looks like
when he is eating:
272
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,461
Get out of my house.
273
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:06,497
Well, boys, I did it.
274
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,231
I had to stay up all night...
275
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:12,071
but I finally came up
with a great New Yorker cartoon.
276
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:16,113
If I stayed up all night, I'd fix myself up
a little before I go out.
277
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,851
That is not the point.
278
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:21,613
Some mouthwash, a hat,
something.
279
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,689
Just read it.
280
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,622
Pretty good.
281
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,057
Pretty good?
282
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,698
Well, this is a gem. Kramer, lookit.
283
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,269
What? It's funny.
284
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,371
It's a pig at a complaint department.
285
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:44,306
Yeah, and he's saying,
"I wish I was taller."
286
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,906
See? That's his complaint.
287
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,412
- I get it.
- Do you?
288
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,313
Because that's not a normal
complaint.
289
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,386
Well, how about
if it was something like:
290
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,080
"I can't find my receipt.
My place is a sty."
291
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:06,089
You know, everything with you
has to be so jokey.
292
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,359
I'm a comedian.
293
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:13,496
"I wish I was taller." That's nice.
That's real.
294
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:17,336
Yeah, well, I got a complaint.
This cartoon stinks.
295
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,439
Well, I'll tell you
who doesn't think it stinks.
296
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:24,777
The New Yorker. That's right.
297
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:27,010
They're publishing it
in their next issue.
298
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:30,616
Oh, you know what?
I just ran into Newman in the hall.
299
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,190
He said you tried
to grope Sally Weaver?
300
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:37,686
Oh, that's it.
I'm gonna put an end to this.
301
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,864
"The pig says, 'My wife is a slut" '?
302
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,106
Now, that's a complaint.
303
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:58,949
Hello, this is Jerry.
I just wanted to leave you a message...
304
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:01,451
and let you know
I caught your little piece on TV.
305
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,146
I'm getting tired of hearing
about how horrible I am.
306
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,621
I'd really appreciate it...
307
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,057
if you would just leave me out
of your act altogether.
308
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:12,629
Well, that's it.
I'm calling in the big guns.
309
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:17,466
"to cease and desist,
on behalf of my client, Jerry Seinfeld."
310
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,800
Signed, crybaby
Jerry Seinfeld's lawyer.
311
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:24,034
Okay. Well, I've got two words
for you, Jerry Seinfeld:
312
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:27,008
**** you.
313
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,150
How could she say that on TV?
314
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,549
And how did she get a cable special?
I've never gotten a cable special.
315
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:41,651
Well, that's it. I'm not giving her any
more material. We are incommunicado.
316
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,696
Exactly.
317
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:51,268
Check it out. From the new issue
of The New Yorker.
318
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,902
- It's funny, isn't it?
- No.
319
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,668
Look at it.
The pig wants to be taller.
320
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:01,974
And what's this guy gonna say, huh?
Nothing.
321
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:07,075
Elaine, I'm afraid I have incurred
yet another flat tire.
322
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,910
Can I fix that after lunch, sir?
323
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,453
Oh, no, right away. Chop-chop.
324
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:16,523
A new cartoon. "I wish I was taller."
325
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,399
I'd like to see
that complaint get rectified.
326
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,262
You see? See?
Smart people think this is funny.
327
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:30,773
And you wanna know why?
Because I wrote it.
328
00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:32,912
You shouldn't make fun of pigs.
329
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,379
Flash of lightning, Elaine.
330
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,744
I just realized
why I like this cartoon so much.
331
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,785
- Oh, do tell, sir.
- It's a "Ziggy."
332
00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:43,047
A "Ziggy"?
333
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,987
That irreverence. That wit.
I'd recognize it anywhere.
334
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:48,184
Some charlatan
has stolen a "Ziggy"...
335
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:51,797
and passed it off
as his own and I can prove it.
336
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:54,763
Quick, Elaine, to my archives.
337
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,901
You know what's great
about our relationship?
338
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,409
- It's not about looks.
- It's not?
339
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,103
No, it can't be.
340
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:09,673
Okay.
341
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,277
For instance, I remember
when we first met...
342
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:15,580
we had a great conversation.
343
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,918
I remember you said
I was the prettiest girl at the party.
344
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,423
But then after that we really talked,
didn't we?
345
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,461
Well, you told me how familiar
I looked...
346
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,624
and that you must have seen me
somewhere before.
347
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:34,836
This relationship, it's got to be
about something.
348
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:39,741
And fast, or I am in very serious
and weird trouble.
349
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:42,906
- What else happened?
- You asked for a piece of gum...
350
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:46,051
because you thought
your breath smelled like hummus.
351
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,918
All right. Yes. Gum.
352
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,646
Good enough. I'll take it.
353
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,688
- I like gum.
- I do too.
354
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,588
You see, that's what we're about.
355
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:58,959
You don't remind me of anyone
and we love gum.
356
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:02,727
- I have gum in my hair.
- I'm losing it.
357
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:11,543
Hey, you're Jerry's friend.
You're kooky. Mind if I sit?
358
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,702
My show is going well.
Have you seen it yet?
359
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,745
You should.
Everybody else in town has.
360
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:17,473
I got recognized the other day.
361
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,312
How weird is that? I know.
At first I liked the attention.
362
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:23,922
But after a while it's like, "Whoa, take
three steps back. Get a life," okay?
363
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,581
There wouldn't be a Sally Weaver
without the fans.
364
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,455
But who am I, anyway? I mean,
there's Sally Weaver the woman.
365
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,358
Sally Weaver the artist.
Sally Weaver...
366
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,362
You know, you've gotta shut up.
367
00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:39,004
I'm sorry. I haven't spoken in days.
368
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,073
Well, lay it on me, string bean.
369
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:46,575
Let me get this gum out of my hair
and then I'll be ready for bed.
370
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:49,715
Okay, look, the gum
isn't cutting it for me.
371
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:55,047
We need to be about something else.
Anything. Please.
372
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,421
George.
373
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:02,220
- Your hair.
- Well, I had to cut the gum out...
374
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:05,159
and I had a little trouble
getting it even.
375
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,522
So why don't you get undressed,
George?
376
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:12,431
George is in weird trouble.
377
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,907
You ripped off a "Ziggy"?
378
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,944
It must have seeped into
my subconscious.
379
00:21:21,014 --> 00:21:23,878
Puddy has "Ziggy" bed sheets.
380
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:27,884
Did you read the comics today?
381
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:31,114
Oh, I see Ziggy's back
at the complaint department.
382
00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:34,418
"The New Yorker
is stealing my ideas."
383
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,560
See, that's funny...
384
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,292
because it's real.
385
00:21:39,832 --> 00:21:42,230
Hey, lookit. Sally's cable show's on.
386
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:44,563
Hey, Kramer, come on in.
You gotta watch this.
387
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,967
This'll be funny.
Now, she's got nothing.
388
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:50,803
Master of evil, Jerry Seinfeld,
broke off all contact with me.
389
00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:53,741
That's right, sister.
Why don't you just give up?
390
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,313
Why are you yelling at the TV?
391
00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:57,540
Okay, get this.
392
00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,742
I heard he makes
his best friend date women...
393
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:01,409
who look just like him.
394
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:03,511
Hello? Issues.
395
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:05,384
Elaine, have you been talking
to her?
396
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,355
Hey, I'm just a fan.
397
00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:08,892
Oh, and speaking of issues...
398
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:10,790
guess who got
a no-polish manicure...
399
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:14,194
and begged his neighbor
not to tell anyone.
400
00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:19,164
I thought you stopped talking.
401
00:22:19,238 --> 00:22:21,863
All right, starting now.
402
00:22:29,816 --> 00:22:31,975
You broke up with her
because she cut her hair?
403
00:22:32,051 --> 00:22:33,277
How short?
404
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:34,978
Like that.
405
00:22:36,255 --> 00:22:38,550
- You mean like...?
- That.
406
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:41,217
- So she...
- Yes.
407
00:22:41,294 --> 00:22:42,383
- And you don't...
- No.
408
00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:44,496
- So.
- Exactly.
409
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:51,164
We must never ever speak
of this again.
410
00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:52,361
No.
411
00:22:57,410 --> 00:22:59,034
Hey, you wanna go see a movie?
412
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:01,906
Actually, I think I'm gonna take
a few days off.
413
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:06,174
- I think that's for the best.
- Yeah.
30722
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