Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,000
Owen, does that girl keep looking at me?
2
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,999
Well, the form book suggests she's clearly looking at me, mate. Oh, get over yourself!
3
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,999
Oh, here she comes. Time to make yourself scarce.
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:16,000
Listen, don't use the disabled toilet, we might need to use it.
5
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:24,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
6
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,000
WOMAN LAUGHS
7
00:00:36,001 --> 00:00:39,999
So, um... you've known Owen for ages. Is it true he knows Brian Harvey?
8
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,999
Oh, yeah, they were Owen's jacket potatoes. No! Yeah! Brian's never forgiven him.
9
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,000
HE LAUGHS God! Yeah. Oh, weird!
10
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,000
So this is me. Yeah.
11
00:00:48,001 --> 00:00:49,999
Thanks for such a lovely night.
12
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,999
Oh, no... it's just so rare to find someone
13
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,999
who likes dubstep as much as I do. Yeah!
14
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,000
J'adore le bass.
15
00:00:55,001 --> 00:00:56,999
HE CHUCKLES
16
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,999
Can I be honest with you?
17
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,000
Is this about dubstep? No, no.
18
00:01:00,001 --> 00:01:02,999
I'd love to see you again. Same here. Really? Yeah!
19
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,000
Great. Cool.
20
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,999
Gulp!
21
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,999
That awkward moment. Yeah.
22
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,999
Want to seal the deal?
23
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,999
Sealed with a kiss?
24
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,999
Signed, sealed, delivered!
25
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,000
Navy SEALs... Shall we just do it? Yeah, sorry.
26
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,999
So, I'll... see you again soon?
27
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,999
Er... yeah.
28
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,000
Yeah, I'll... I'll text you. Yeah, cool.
29
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,999
It would be an honour. Thank you, thank you.
30
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,999
Owen, thank you so much for setting me up with Simon.
31
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,999
Last night couldn't have gone any better.
32
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,999
Oh, I knew you two would fit together.
33
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,000
I call it the Lego principle.
34
00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:54,999
He's available, you're emotionally damaged... Um...
35
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,000
I'm not emotionally damaged.
36
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,999
OK, maybe a little bit. And you don't need to thank me, either.
37
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,999
I'm not going to. I couldn't give a shit about her date.
38
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,999
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
39
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,999
I've got you an invite to the event of the year.
40
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,999
T4 On The Beach? No, better than that.
41
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,999
I saw Holly last night.
42
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,999
Yes, you and I are invited to a party at her parents' house!
43
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,999
No way! Yes way!
44
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,999
Wow, her parents' house! Are you going to be playing What's The Time, Mr Wolf?
45
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,999
No, no, no, Kate, you do not understand.
46
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,999
At university she used to have the most legendary parties.
47
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,999
I mean, I heard, I never actually got invited, did I?
48
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,999
Sorry, mate, but I used to tell you about them when I'd get home, wouldn't I?
49
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,999
Yeah, at great length! Plus things are different now. I'm actually inviting you.
50
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,999
You're older, you're wiser, you've finally lost your...
51
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,999
Do you want me to drive you? Yes, please.
52
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,999
And there's going to be drinking, yes!
53
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,999
Kissing, yes! Shagging, yes! Wait a minute.
54
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,999
Does she still do those midnight nachos? Yes.
55
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,999
Don't mind if I do!
56
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,999
Oh, amazing. Right, I'll add you to the e-mail string.
57
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:53,000
Yeah, cos nothing says "party" like "I'll add you to the e-mail string."
58
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,000
Whoa-ho!
59
00:02:58,001 --> 00:02:59,999
Watch out, Timmy Mallett!
60
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,999
Oh, I knew I'd find them, the old faithfuls.
61
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,999
These are going to be perfect for the party. Is that the party in the Lilt advert?
62
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,999
No, no, no. Holly's party. It's a pool party. It's a pool party?
63
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,999
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's brilliant, eh?
64
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,000
No, no, because this isn't The OC!
65
00:03:13,001 --> 00:03:14,999
I'm not hoping to go steady with Pacey.
66
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,999
That's Dawson's Creek, mate. That's not the point. And Pacey was a man.
67
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,999
Who has a pool party?
68
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,999
Oh, God, I bet it's going to be like on TV, I'm going to have to drink out of those red plastic cups.
69
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,999
Fingers crossed. It'll be full of jocks as well. These things always are.
70
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,999
Can't spend eight hours discussing the Green Bay Packers.
71
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:34,999
It seems unlikely, mate, bearing in mind the party's in Berkshire. Do you know what? I'm not going anymore.
72
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,000
Oh, but you were well up for it earlier!
73
00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:38,999
No, you and your frat mates enjoy yourself. It's not for me.
74
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,999
Swimming's not about fun, it's about survival. No, it's not, it's about partying.
75
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,999
I can't party if I'm kicking my legs. I'm not Michael Flatley.
76
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,999
No, if it's a pool party, I'm out. You can drive yourself.
77
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,999
I actually spilt a cup of tea over Michael Flatley once.
78
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,999
But thankfully it went over his arm, which I don't think was insured for anything.
79
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,999
TEXT MESSAGE TONE Oh!
80
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,999
Here he bloody is! Simon?
81
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,000
You'd better believe it.
82
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,000
Is this some sort of a joke?
83
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,000
Problem?
84
00:04:04,001 --> 00:04:05,999
Simon says he doesn't want to meet again.
85
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,999
He was the one who asked me.
86
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,999
Oh, well, que sera sera. On to the next one.
87
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,999
Oh, they're showing Ben Hur this afternoon, all four glorious hours.
88
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,999
Do you know, there were over 200 different people in the wardrobe department?
89
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,000
PHONE VIBRATES An extraordinary statistic.
90
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,000
Has he just texted you? No.
91
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,999
You know why he's not interested. No, no, no. We're blokes.
92
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,999
We don't really talk about that sort of thing.
93
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,999
He was actually texting me about... about the transfer window.
94
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,999
But he's your friend, he must have told you.
95
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,999
Yes, that Abou Diaby wants first team football.
96
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,999
Just tell me, Owen! No, no, no... Owen!
97
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,999
You're not allowed, you hate football anyway! No, I just want to look at it! Owen!
98
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,999
OK, OK, OK, OK, OK!
99
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,999
HE SIGHS
100
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,999
Abou Diaby is tempted by a move to Spain.
101
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,999
There's talk of him going to Villarreal. Oh, just... Get off me!
102
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,999
All right, all right, chill out, chill out, be cool, be cool, be cool! Ooh!
103
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,999
Are you absolutely sure you want to know this?
104
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,999
Is it going to upset me? Well, how are you with constructive criticism?
105
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,000
SHE SIGHS
106
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,999
I take it on board, I improve.
107
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,000
OK.
108
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,999
Well, he said that you're...
109
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,999
a bad kisser.
110
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,999
Screw you, and screw him!
111
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,999
He can shove his pissing lips up his pissing arse!
112
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,999
Take it on board, you can improve. Oh, this is utter crap.
113
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,999
I mean, if anything, he's the bad kisser.
114
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,999
I mean, his tongue was circling a lot slower than mine.
115
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,999
And who made him the king of kissers?
116
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,999
He didn't even make any noises!
117
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,999
Huh!
118
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,999
It's all bollocks, anyway, isn't it, kissing?
119
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,000
HE CHUCKLES
120
00:05:37,001 --> 00:05:38,999
Oh, shall we talk about Abou Diaby again?
121
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:43,000
I always thought they should have shown a bit more faith in him.
122
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,999
Although he's wrong, and he IS wrong,
123
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,000
out of interest, did he give any specifics?
124
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,999
Well, he did say that you were a little... aggressive.
125
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,000
Aggressive?
126
00:06:00,001 --> 00:06:01,999
Little old me? Yeah.
127
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,000
That's bullshit!
128
00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:04,999
Said his mouth was sore afterwards.
129
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,999
Like, you know you get that weird pain when you've eaten too many sugary sweets? Yeah?
130
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,999
He said it was like getting off with a bag of Tangfastics.
131
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,000
SHE GASPS
132
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,999
Ah, Kate.
133
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,999
Did I ever tell you about the previous tenant
134
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,999
who tried to save money by lighting the flat by candles?
135
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,000
Yes.
136
00:06:26,001 --> 00:06:28,999
Can I chill in here for a sec?
137
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,000
I need cheering up.
138
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:32,999
How about we talk about how you can't swim?
139
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,999
Don't know what you're talking about, mate. The fact you can't swim.
140
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:39,999
That's why you're freaking out about this party, isn't it? It's not your lifelong fear of red cups.
141
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,999
Of course I can swim! Everyone can swim!
142
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,999
Do remember I went to school with you.
143
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,000
OK, I can't swim.
144
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:47,999
You see, that wasn't so hard, was it?
145
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,000
You can't swim?!
146
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:50,999
Yes, OK, Geoff.
147
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,999
But it wasn't my fault. As a child I was allergic to chlorine.
148
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,999
Yeah, I know, it wasn't a secret. We all saw how red it made you.
149
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,999
That's why people called you the dog's dick.
150
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,999
GEOFF CHUCKLES
151
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,999
Remember when the caretaker's whippet had puppies
152
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,000
and everyone blamed it on you? Yes!
153
00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:04,999
Genius. What a school!
154
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,000
Yes, thank you, Geoff!
155
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,999
See, that is exactly why I'm not going. It's embarrassing.
156
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,999
That's stupid. Look, let me tell you this.
157
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,999
I have a friend who was recently told she was a bad swimmer,
158
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,999
when in fact it was the person she was swimming with who couldn't swim.
159
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,999
I mean, he didn't even make any swimming noises.
160
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,999
What the hell are you talking about?
161
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,999
All I'm saying is, if someone says you're a bad swimmer,
162
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,999
it doesn't necessarily mean they're right.
163
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,999
I mean, maybe they don't appreciate that your technique
164
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,000
is far more advanced than theirs.
165
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:32,999
Kate, I can't stay afloat.
166
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,999
That is an issue. I think people would appreciate it if you told the truth.
167
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,999
Geoff! Would you think any less of me if I told you I can't swim either?
168
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,000
Can you not?
169
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:43,000
Of course I can, it's easy!
170
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,999
Here's an interesting story for you.
171
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,999
Did you know Robbie Savage once tried to bring back the Ugg boot?
172
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,999
I heard that he wore a pair on Football Focus
173
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,000
and Manish tried to have him thrown off set.
174
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,000
That can't be true, can it?
175
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:11,999
Although that is how Manish would react.
176
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,000
He's always been a very conservative dresser.
177
00:08:13,001 --> 00:08:16,000
Although in my mind, a consummate broadcaster.
178
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,999
Any thoughts on Manish, Kate? Stop trying to small-talk me, Owen.
179
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,000
You are in my bad books.
180
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:26,999
I've been pondering your lack of loyalty all day. Is this to do with Robbie Savage?
181
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,999
I know he played for Man United, but first and foremost I am a Welshman.
182
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,999
I can't believe you believe Simon over me about the kissing.
183
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,999
I never said who I believed. Who do you believe? Simon. Why?
184
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,999
There've always been rumours. What rumours?
185
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,999
At uni.
186
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,000
Oh, that I worked hard, played hard?
187
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,999
Oh, yeah, that would spread like wildfire.
188
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,999
No, that kissing-wise you were a little on the nibbly side.
189
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,999
What does that even mean?
190
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,000
You're a biter, Kate.
191
00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:50,999
No, I am not!
192
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,000
I am a lover, not a biter.
193
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:53,999
Why don't you ask him? Ask me what?
194
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,999
OK, be honest with me.
195
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,999
Were there any rumours about my kissing at university?
196
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,999
Well, people called you The Nibbler.
197
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,999
People called me that? Sometimes Bette Nibbler.
198
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,999
Oh, dear God! Look, would you like me to give you a kissing lesson?
199
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,999
This is not the time to be coming on to me, Owen.
200
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,999
Trust me, I'm not interested in getting off with you, apart from a morbid fascination.
201
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,999
Same way I'd be interested in going to an abattoir, but I wouldn't want to French kiss it.
202
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,999
Is this supposed to be helping? Trust me, I'm an expert kisser.
203
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,999
I used to earn money teaching people how to kiss at school.
204
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,999
Why don't I set aside an hour tomorrow, give you a few tips
205
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,999
and set you up with another date with Simon?
206
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,999
No, I'm sorry, I'm not going through the humiliation of being taught to kiss in my 20s.
207
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,000
I am hanging up my lips.
208
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,000
What, to dry?
209
00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:34,999
Cos you're quite slobbery, you know? Oh, piss off! Sorry, OK.
210
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,999
Why do people insist on "replying all" to e-mail strings?
211
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,000
I mean, I'm not coming to the party,
212
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:41,999
I don't want to read e-mail after e-mail saying,
213
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,999
"Ooh, I can't wait for the pool party.
214
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,999
"Must warn you, though, chlorine can turn me frisky."
215
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,999
OWEN LAUGHS I was actually quite pleased with that.
216
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,999
Why does chlorine turn you frisky? All the girls are in bikinis.
217
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,999
What's that got to do with the chlorine? Well, I smell chlorine, then I remember bikinis.
218
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,999
I'm not going to the party. I'm going to remove myself from the string.
219
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,999
I am de-stringing myself.
220
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,000
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa...
221
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,999
Look at this e-mail from Phoebe Whiting!
222
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,999
Who's Phoebe Whiting?
223
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,999
I don't know, but listen to this.
224
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,999
"Holly, have you invited that strangely cute,
225
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,000
"funny little short arse
226
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:12,999
"with the bad hair from uni?"
227
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,000
And then, two minutes later,
228
00:10:14,001 --> 00:10:16,999
"Oops, didn't mean to reply all! Soz, awks."
229
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,999
You know what this means, don't you? Phoebe Whiting hasn't mastered Gmail?
230
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,999
No. I don't agree with her views on my hair,
231
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,999
but Phoebe Whiting clearly fancies me.
232
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,999
What are you on about? I'm the one she fancies, she doesn't even know who you are!
233
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,999
Exactly! Hence why I'm the mysterious short arse.
234
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,999
Come on, mate, I'm five foot seven.
235
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,999
Well, I'm five foot six and a half, so I win!
236
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,999
Bow to the true short arse, you lanky twat!
237
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,000
At the party tomorrow I'll talk to Phoebe.
238
00:10:39,001 --> 00:10:42,999
I'll say, "Who do you fancy, me or Josh?" Then Phoebe and I will get off with each other.
239
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,999
Don't worry about that, I'll ask her myself, cos I'm coming to the party. Good, I'll see you there!
240
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:51,000
I'll see you there too! Does that still mean you'll drive me? If you'll pay petrol. Yes!
241
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,999
Hi, Ian, it's Kate Anderson here.
242
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,999
Yeah, we dated for about a fortnight in the first year of uni?
243
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,999
No, er, blonde, worked hard...
244
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,999
Kate! Yes, er, that's the one.
245
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,000
Yeah, no, yeah, I'm good, thanks.
246
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:12,000
Um... weird question. Er... could you remind me why we split up?
247
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,999
Exactly, not ready for a relationship. Yeah, me either.
248
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,000
Um... so there was nothing I was doing that put you off?
249
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,999
The Vicar of Nibbly?
250
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,999
Do you know the only member of ZZ Top without a beard
251
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,999
is called Frank Beard?
252
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,999
Oh, good fact, Phoebe's going to love that.
253
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,999
I'm not trying to get off with you, am I? Save my best facts for Phoebe.
254
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,999
Oh, so what's your best fact?
255
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,999
As if I'm going to give away my best fact to a love rival.
256
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,999
Right! Er...
257
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:45,999
Kate Gnashers, Buffy the Vampire Kisser, The Friday Bite Project,
258
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,999
Edvard Munch, Chewbacca, Archbishop Desmond Chew Chew.
259
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:54,000
So are we going to do those lessons? Yes, please.
260
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,999
You'd take coleslaw to a party, wouldn't you?
261
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,999
No, of course not. No, neither would I.
262
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,999
Baba ghanoush?
263
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,000
What's baba ghanoush?
264
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:10,999
It's a kind of Persian salsa.
265
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,999
Whose party are you going to? Aladdin's? No, the pool party.
266
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,999
Oh, please tell me you're not going to that.
267
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,000
Yeah, yeah. I thought about what you said,
268
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,999
and I need to grow up and move on.
269
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,999
Really? Why would you suddenly decide... Oh, there's a girl you want to have sex with, isn't there?
270
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,000
Not necessarily, no.
271
00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:25,999
Well, I wouldn't get your hopes up.
272
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,999
Not unless she gets turned on by watching people wedgying the hell out of you.
273
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,999
You said it would be fine! That's when you weren't going. I could say what I wanted.
274
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,999
I'll just read a book. I'll look cerebral.
275
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,999
People don't go to pool parties for cerebral, Josh.
276
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,999
They go for inflatable crocodiles and splashing.
277
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,999
Well, I can just splash her from the side. No-one likes a side splasher.
278
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,999
When it comes to getting wet, you either go hard or you go home, dry.
279
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,000
Well, what am I going to do, then?
280
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,999
OK, well, what I was thinking is, if the worst comes to the worst
281
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,999
you can just stick to the shallow end and wade about.
282
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,999
Oh, that's your solution, paddling? That is unbelievable!
283
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,999
Not just paddling, maybe wet your hair occasionally
284
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,999
by dunking your head in.
285
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,999
Dunk my head? This is a pool party, not an adult baptism.
286
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,999
I want to get in her pants, not her church.
287
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,999
What about guacamole?
288
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,999
You're so sad.
289
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,000
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a kissing lesson to attend.
290
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,000
Right, OK, let's get cracking.
291
00:13:17,001 --> 00:13:20,999
First off, I want you to tell me in intimate detail how you kiss.
292
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,999
OK, just, er... keep your hands where I can see them.
293
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,999
It's fine, Kate, I know the standard of your kissing,
294
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,000
that's not going to be an issue.
295
00:13:27,001 --> 00:13:29,999
OK, fine.
296
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,999
And then I lean out again, and they have to follow me,
297
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,999
which means I regain control of the situation.
298
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,999
Right...
299
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,999
Er... and then I start kissing, sort of,
300
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,999
tongue exploring every nook and cranny,
301
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,999
sort of, reaching for the molars...
302
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,999
Jesus Christ!
303
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,000
..and then my hands come up to the neck.
304
00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:49,999
This is better. Yeah? OK, yeah.
305
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,999
Oh, God, why? Jack the Ripper!
306
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,999
Oh, and I keep my eyes open throughout.
307
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,000
Just to make sure he's not doing anything weird, like looking at me.
308
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,999
Right. Um... OK, Kate.
309
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,999
Er... cancel any meetings, cos this is going to take a while.
310
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000
DOORBELL RINGS
311
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,999
Joshy boy!
312
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,000
Oh, Geoff, I'm really busy.
313
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000
Great news.
314
00:14:13,001 --> 00:14:14,999
I have solved your swimming predicament.
315
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,999
Really? Oh, yes.
316
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,999
Your problems are over, finito.
317
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,000
Well, that's good to know.
318
00:14:21,001 --> 00:14:24,999
Did you know I used to coach a synchronised swimming team?
319
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,999
No. What a time.
320
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,999
I was 18, we had our first female prime minister,
321
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,999
My Sharona was riding high in the charts.
322
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,999
Meanwhile, the Clacton Sardines had claimed second place
323
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,000
in the Essex Intermediate Swimathon.
324
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,000
What a week!
325
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,999
Why are you telling me this?
326
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,000
Building trust.
327
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:42,999
Because, right here, right now, I'm going to teach you how to swim.
328
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,999
Really? Do you think you can do that? I know I can.
329
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,999
But first of all, health and safety.
330
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,999
Do you know what these are? Oh, God, have you got verrucas?
331
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,999
No, because I always wear these.
332
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,999
In fact, I quite often wear a pair under my normal socks just in case I fancy a dip at any point.
333
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,999
What ARE you? And in particularly dirty water,
334
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,000
I wear a pair on my hands as well.
335
00:15:00,001 --> 00:15:01,999
Are you the boy in the bubble?
336
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,999
Do you want to learn to swim? Yes or no? Yes. Well, listen up, then.
337
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,000
And if you impress, I'll reward you with a pair of these bad boys.
338
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,000
Mm-hmm... Mm-hmm?
339
00:15:14,001 --> 00:15:16,999
OK. Eyes! Oh, sorry.
340
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,999
Yeah...
341
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,000
Right!
342
00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:22,999
OK, well, you're getting there, you're getting there. Yeah? Yeah!
343
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,999
And, er... you're sure people find the noises off-putting? Yes, yes.
344
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,999
I would reserve those noises for the tennis court.
345
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,999
Fine. And what about the winking?
346
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,999
Well, I thought the winking was unintentional.
347
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,999
I just thought you had something in your eye.
348
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,999
Yeah... Yeah, no, I did, yeah.
349
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,000
It's... all gone now.
350
00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:42,999
OK, well, er... now it's time for the next level.
351
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,999
Cool, hickies! Hickies?
352
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,999
Who gives a hicky in 2015? Me?
353
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,000
Why?
354
00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:51,999
Marking my territory? What, like you're tagging them?
355
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,999
Are you Banksy? No, of course not. I'm not that political.
356
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,999
Oh, my God, you have got big problems.
357
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,999
Right, we will deal with hickies... another day.
358
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,999
Um... anyway, it's time now for you to practise kissing
359
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,999
on a real person's mouth.
360
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,999
Obviously... I'm comfortable with this.
361
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,999
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
362
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,999
I knew it! This is just the chance you've been looking for, isn't it?
363
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,999
All because you wanted a taste of the K-bomb.
364
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,999
I bet you made this whole thing up just so you could snog me!
365
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,999
Kate, I am kissing you with a sense of acute trepidation.
366
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,000
A quick reminder...
367
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,999
I know what you did to these apples earlier on.
368
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,999
Yeah, OK...
369
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,999
A good swimmer should be faster than a walking man.
370
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,999
In a race across a lake between Ian Thorpedo and Jesus Christ,
371
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,999
I know where my money would be.
372
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,999
Good. So that's swimming in the public eye dealt with.
373
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,999
Now, on to swimming technique.
374
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000
Yeah, that should hold me.
375
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:46,999
Now, I'll start with butterfly. It's my favourite stroke.
376
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,999
So if you see me doing anything else,
377
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,999
feel free to yell, "I can't believe it's not butterfly!"
378
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000
Keep an eye out for that.
379
00:16:54,001 --> 00:16:55,999
Well, in that case you may also enjoy describing me
380
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,999
as "Utterly Butterflee".
381
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,999
It should actually be "butterfly," obviously. That never did work.
382
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,999
Bringing back all the old teacher banter.
383
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,999
I bet if I fall off this thing, I'll land butterfly-side up.
384
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,000
Move on, Geoff. Yeah.
385
00:17:08,001 --> 00:17:09,999
This is the butterfly stroke...
386
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000
GEOFF GRUNTS
387
00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:13,999
So called because it mirrors the graceful flap of the butterfly wing.
388
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,999
GEOFF EXHALES WILDLY
389
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,000
Clearly.
390
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:25,000
Over a short distance, it's actually faster than front crawl.
391
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,999
I always think if I was ever in Total Wipeout
392
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,000
and I fell off those big red balls,
393
00:17:30,001 --> 00:17:32,999
I'd actually use this stroke to swim back to the ladder.
394
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,999
Not that I would fall off the big red balls in the first place, obviously.
395
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,999
So, once again... I'm just going to use this opportunity to take a picture.
396
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,999
So it's arms, legs, breathing out, breathing out, breathing out,
397
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:47,999
breathing out. Have you got that? I've got it.
398
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,999
You remember it all? Definitely. You sure? Yeah.
399
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,999
Reckon you can do it? Yeah. Wrong. Butterfly is actually the hardest stroke.
400
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,000
It's way beyond your capabilities, Josh. Avoid at all costs.
401
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,999
Good!
402
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,999
OK, let me do a quick inventory. My tongue?
403
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,000
Yeah, all present and correct. Yeah.
404
00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:10,999
And saliva...
405
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,999
Ooh, it's nominal! Ooh! Look at that, excellent, well done!
406
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,999
Good! Er... lips? Oh...
407
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,000
Oh, that's swollen, that's sore.
408
00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:20,999
No, no, that's from earlier. Yes, it was!
409
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,999
Ah! No new injuries! Yes!
410
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,000
Oh, that's so brilliant!
411
00:18:24,001 --> 00:18:25,999
Well, it gives me great pleasure to announce that you,
412
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,999
Kate Barbara Anderson, have graduated with first class honours from kissing university!
413
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,999
Oh, thank you! Maybe a 2:1. Anyway, that means you've earned yourself another date with Simon.
414
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,999
Cool. It's time for Archbishop Desmond Chew Chew
415
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,999
to find out the real meaning of missionary work.
416
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,999
Yeah, I'm not necessarily going to put out, though. Come on...
417
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,999
Yeah, fair enough.
418
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,999
The disadvantage of backstroke is you cannot see where you're going,
419
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,999
so it's always best to follow the ceiling lights, unless you're swimming across a lake at night,
420
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,000
in which case use the stars to navigate with.
421
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,999
Why would I be swimming across a lake at night?
422
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,000
It takes you when it takes you, Josh!
423
00:18:59,001 --> 00:19:02,999
For me it was 1984, Lake Titicaca.
424
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,999
Naked. I was out there for three and a half hours. Got completely lost.
425
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,999
It was a cloudy night.
426
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,999
If it hadn't been for my unit rescuing me, I'd have been a goner.
427
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,999
God bless the Territorial Army.
428
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,999
And that is what separates man from cod.
429
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,000
So...
430
00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:19,999
have we solved your little swimming problem?
431
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,999
Difficult to tell, Geoff, since we're on dry land,
432
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,999
but, um... I'm hoping the swimming pool will be full of ironing boards.
433
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,999
Well, if it turns out you still can't swim, I suggest you're just honest with them.
434
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,999
They'll respect you for it. Or I charm Phoebe before the pool and then snog her on terra firma.
435
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,999
Well, you'd better take a pair of rubbers to put in your back pocket just in case.
436
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,999
Better still, put them on beforehand. Geoff, what are you talking about?
437
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,000
Oh, right, yeah.
438
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,999
God, I love a pool party.
439
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,999
I once went to a mental one at Shaggy's house. The singer?
440
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,999
Well, you're being a bit generous there, but yeah, it was insane.
441
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,999
There was champagne, strippers...
442
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,999
and someone did a wee in the pool. Did he sing It Wasn't Me?
443
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,999
It was him. Sean Paul filmed it on his phone. Why were you at Shaggy's house?
444
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,999
Well, he went out with my cousin for a bit.
445
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,999
Then, er... you know, he did a wee in the pool, so it ended.
446
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,999
I'm going to tell Phoebe that. Might impress her.
447
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,999
I doubt it, mate, cos it's not 1997, and you're not me.
448
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,000
Oh, God!
449
00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:16,999
Do you still think that she fancies you instead of me? Yes!
450
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,999
I cannot wait to see the look on your face when I'm having sex with Phoebe.
451
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,999
Why would you be looking at my face when you're having sex with Phoebe? Ah, he's admitted it!
452
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,000
I'm going to be having sex with Phoebe!
453
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,000
Hey! Hi.
454
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,999
Sorry I'm... Ooh! Oh, the double. Of course.
455
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,999
Well negotiated! Yes. Well done, us!
456
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,999
Nailed it! Nailed on the head. Yeah!
457
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,999
Nine Inch Nails. Yeah..! So this pub is a...
458
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,000
"Nail" by mouth!
459
00:20:50,001 --> 00:20:51,999
That's it, yeah! This pub, er...
460
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,999
I'm really glad you brought us here, because I was looking it up.
461
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,999
Apparently the head chef trained under Michel Roux...
462
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,999
Jimmy Nail! Nice one! That's another one. Just about. Brilliant. That is nice.
463
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,999
Under... Under Gav... Gavroche, which is, er... yeah.
464
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,999
Look, sorry about last time... No, no, no, no!
465
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,999
No, no, honestly I think, no... We were both nervous. Yeah.
466
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,999
Je deteste les nerves!
467
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,999
Do you always speak French when you're nervous?
468
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,000
Oui!
469
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:16,999
HE CHUCKLES Je m'appelle Kate!
470
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,000
Ah, bonjour, Kate!
471
00:21:18,001 --> 00:21:20,999
Vous etes aussi belle comme un manteau d'ete.
472
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,999
Michel Roux! THEY LAUGH
473
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,999
Voulez-vous couche avec moi?
474
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,999
Sorry, sorry, that's... Yeah. It's OK. Probably get a drink first. Yeah!
475
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,000
Yeah, what would you like? Er... gin?
476
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,999
Did you know Shaggy fought in the Gulf War?
477
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,999
Is that one of your facts you're going to impress Phoebe with? No, cos that's not one of my good facts.
478
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,999
If you use that fact on her, I will gazump you.
479
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,999
Boys! BOTH: Hey!
480
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,999
Get your arses in here! Oh, my arse is coming in.
481
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,000
And, er, I've brought my arse.
482
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,999
Downstairs toilets are for chundering,
483
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,999
and if you follow me through here...
484
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,999
One pool party!
485
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,999
Oh, my God, amazing! I thought you'd brought us to an actual pool party!
486
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,999
I'm joking!
487
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,999
Your face! Oh, yeah, I was joking as well.
488
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,999
Good play from both of us! SHE CHUCKLES
489
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,000
What a start to the party, eh?
490
00:22:07,001 --> 00:22:09,999
Everyone's through here. Hope you've got your trunks!
491
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,999
I mean, I don't think we should discount it, it's a good game. We could play doubles.
492
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,999
No, I love that one that goes like... waa-wa-waa, waa-wa-waa. Ah!
493
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,999
Oh, yeah, I don't know that one.
494
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,999
Yeah, it's great. Yeah. It's really dubby. And steppy.
495
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,999
Yeah. It's like a perfect balance of both dub and step. OK. Yeah.
496
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,000
What's it called?
497
00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:28,000
So, here we are again!
498
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,999
Thanks for another great night. SHE SIGHS
499
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,000
J'adore le date.
500
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,999
Where did you learn the ear thing?
501
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,999
That was like kissing...
502
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,000
BOTH: Owen!
503
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,000
Ooh!
504
00:22:49,001 --> 00:22:51,999
MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
505
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,000
LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
506
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,999
Hey! It's good, this, isn't it? No, it's awful!
507
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,999
I mean, that hasn't been funny in about 20 years.
508
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,999
I don't know, I still think that's funny. You still find winding up your middle finger funny.
509
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,000
How can that not be funny?
510
00:23:16,001 --> 00:23:20,999
Can we just go? I've been waiting two hours. I haven't even seen Phoebe. I feel like I've been catfished.
511
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,999
In a minute a 65-year-old man's going to try to snog me.
512
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,999
Well, if that was the case, he'd be trying to snog me.
513
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,000
How is that a victory?
514
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,000
Oh, my God, look at that!
515
00:23:28,001 --> 00:23:29,999
There's some people over there drinking real ale.
516
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,999
Is there? Course there isn't, you weirdo!
517
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,000
Ooh!
518
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,000
Help me! Help me!
519
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,999
Sorry about my dad. Oh, good one!
520
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,999
You're Josh, right? Yeah, yeah.
521
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,999
Phoebe. AKA PhoebTheWorld@Phoebe.com...
522
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,999
Oh, yeah, Phoebe, good to see you!
523
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,999
How are you? Sorry about that e-mail business.
524
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,999
Oh, were you that Nigerian prince? Yeah!
525
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,000
SHE CHUCKLES
526
00:23:53,001 --> 00:23:54,999
Do you want your ten grand back?
527
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,000
THEY CHUCKLE
528
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,000
Mmm!
529
00:24:02,001 --> 00:24:03,999
I love this stuff, what is it?
530
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,999
Oh, I brought that! Do you know what that is? That's baba ghanoush.
531
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,999
It's like a kind of Persian salsa. Ooh...
532
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,999
Ooh! Good to see ZZ Top could make it! JOSH LAUGHS
533
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,000
Oh, here's a fact.
534
00:24:13,001 --> 00:24:15,999
Did you know the only member of ZZ Top without a beard
535
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,000
is called Brian Beard?
536
00:24:17,001 --> 00:24:19,999
I think you mean Frank Beard?
537
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,999
Yeah, Frank Beard, but it's still a good fact, isn't it? Awesome!
538
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,999
Do you fancy a game of pool? Mm! Can I shock you? I love pool.
539
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,999
I love pool too! Let's go!
540
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,999
Right! Everyone in the pool! Volleyball!
541
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,999
I love volleyball! Same team?
542
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,999
I've just eaten, so the health and safety police would be all over me.
543
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,999
Oi! If you're not in, get in! I didn't invite you to dawdle at the side!
544
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,999
I was just saying I've eaten, so it's not really right for me...
545
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,999
Do you want to join my team, Phoebe? Yeah, see you in there, Josh!
546
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,999
No excuses. It's a pool party. Get involved!
547
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,999
No, no, I am a slave to cramp.
548
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,999
Cramp? All right, Steven Gerrard! What?
549
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,999
Steven Gerrard famously got cramp in the 2005 Champions League final.
550
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,999
Oh, yeah, what a match! The miracle in Istanbul.
551
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,999
I could get it up on YouTube. Why don't we hit the cinema room?
552
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,999
No, hit the water! No, I can't, no!
553
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,999
What is wrong with you? Get in the pool, mate, join us! Join us!
554
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,000
No! Join us!
555
00:25:10,001 --> 00:25:16,999
THEY ALL CHANT: Join us, join us, join us, join us, join us, join us!
556
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,000
What is this, Waco?
557
00:25:18,001 --> 00:25:20,999
THEY CHANT
558
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,999
Get off! Leave me alone! Get off! Get off!
559
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,000
All right, all right, I can't swim!
560
00:25:25,001 --> 00:25:26,999
CHANTING STOPS
561
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,999
What? I can't swim.
562
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,999
Maybe I should just have been honest with you all from the start.
563
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,999
Why can't you swim? I was allergic to chlorine as a child.
564
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:39,999
It affects my skin. Oh, man. Does it hurt?
565
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,999
No, it's just for, like, a few hours after,
566
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,999
I go an incredible shade of red.
567
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,000
OWEN SIGHS
568
00:25:45,001 --> 00:25:48,000
Mate, I had no idea.
569
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,000
Oh...
570
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,000
But this, I've got to see!
571
00:25:51,001 --> 00:25:54,000
CHEERING
572
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Really flares up quickly, doesn't it?
573
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,999
Looks like you've been boiled.
574
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,999
Is that why they called you the dog's dick? Yes. Yeah.
575
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,999
Sorry, mate, I really think the pack mentality got the better of me.
576
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,999
Can we go in a minute? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
577
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,999
Listen, um... I know this is a bit awkward but, um...
578
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,999
I actually think I'm in there with Phoebe, so I was wondering,
579
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,999
have you got any condoms?
580
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,999
No, of course I haven't got any condoms! Oh, OK.
581
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,000
All right. I'll see you later.
582
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,999
Owen? Yes, mate?
583
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,999
Good news, actually, yeah, I can help you out here.
584
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,999
Pop a few there in your back pocket. Oh, cheers, mate!
585
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,999
Don't worry about it at all!
586
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,999
Sorted you out! Cheers, mate! That's all right!
587
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,999
# Too many teardrops for one heart... #
588
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,999
Hey, Josh! Oh, Phoebe, hey!
589
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,000
How's it going?
590
00:26:54,001 --> 00:26:56,999
Listen, can I, um... Can I ask you a question?
591
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,000
Yeah, of course.
592
00:26:58,001 --> 00:26:59,999
Have you...
593
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,000
got any more baba ghanoush?
594
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,000
No, I think you finished it all.
595
00:27:04,001 --> 00:27:05,999
Do you know anyone that we can call to get some?
596
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,999
What, like a baba ghanoush dealer? Do you have one?
597
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,999
There's no such thing as a baba ghanoush dealer.
598
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,000
Hm...
599
00:27:11,001 --> 00:27:12,999
Why don't I cook it myself?
600
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,000
What is this, Breaking Bad?
601
00:27:14,001 --> 00:27:15,999
What's in it? It's mainly aubergine.
602
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,999
OK, do you have any aubergines?
603
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,000
No, I don't have any aubergines.
604
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,000
Thanks.
605
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,999
Josh, you would tell me if you had an aubergine...
606
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,000
I'd tell you if I had some aubergine, yeah. OK, I'm going to try the kitchen.
607
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:37,999
# And we'll start gathering tears
608
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,999
# Way up here
609
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,999
# And you'll start crying Yeah
610
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,000
# 96 tears
611
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:51,999
# Cry, cry, cry
612
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,000
# Hey... #
613
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,999
Hi, I'm Sam, with your nightly showbiz update on Three.
614
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,000
He's still going.
615
00:28:10,001 --> 00:28:11,999
Shia LaBeouf is halfway through watching all 27
616
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,000
of his films back-to-back.
617
00:28:14,305 --> 00:28:20,173
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
48364
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
