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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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I had spent so much of my life
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00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:24,933
thinking I was cursed to
be fat and unlucky...
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00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,518
and alone.
4
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:31,148
But I had finally found true love...
5
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and now, I felt blessed.
6
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Here was this beautiful,
sexy, amazing guy,
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and he had picked me.
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I was willing to give him everything.
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I've never done this before.
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That's okay.
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You can trust me.
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I love you.
13
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That... was fun.
14
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Fun?
15
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:29,297
Joyriding through Alabama
together was fun.
16
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,500
Cow tipping in Oklahoma was fun.
17
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,753
Ordering pay-per-view porn
and getting pizza was fun.
18
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,254
But this?
19
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Maybe I wasn't cursed,
maybe I was an idiot.
20
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What was I thinking?
21
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I'd left my mom and my home,
Bob, and for what?
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Fun?
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00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,986
_
24
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_
25
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_
26
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I won?
27
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Where the F are you? Are you okay?
28
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,389
What do you mean, I'm Miss Magic Jesus?
29
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Magnolia got disqualified.
30
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She cheated on the Bible quiz,
and then she overdosed on pills.
31
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Oh, my God. Is she okay?
32
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Thankfully, yes. She's gonna be fine.
33
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Barnard is taking her to rehab,
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which means the first runner-up
gets the crown, you.
35
00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,866
But if you're not here
in the next 12 hours,
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00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,361
it goes to the second runner-up, Dixie.
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Are you coming?
38
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,244
I don't know.
39
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Listen, I read your note...
40
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:57,210
...and I... I apologize
for not being there 100 percent
41
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on your pageant day.
42
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,846
I got the DNA test back.
43
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,349
Roxy's not my daughter,
but even if she was,
44
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,394
you and I have worked too hard
for me to give up on you.
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00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,097
So, please don't give up on me.
46
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Especially not for some boy.
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I mean, I know you probably
can't see it, but...
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Christian is... is not worth it.
49
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,274
Come home before it's too late.
50
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Where's Pastor Mike?
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Bathroom. He'll be back in a minute.
52
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,383
Well, I'm ready for my new crown.
53
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,719
I even bumped up my bouffant
poof with more cushion
54
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,262
so it'll lay nice and flat.
55
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,591
No, no, may... maybe this was a mistake.
56
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Oh, too much cushion?
I can take it down a notch.
57
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,971
No, no, not your hair. It's this...
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It's this whole pageant thing.
59
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:56,603
Look, I'm responsible for you now,
which means I have to look out for you.
60
00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:00,690
But I'm worried that
pageants might be toxic.
61
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,611
I pushed Magnolia too hard,
she ended up in rehab.
62
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,246
Oh, that won't happen to me.
I don't do drugs.
63
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,365
Right.
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00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:12,251
Well, but you're still
delicate, erratic.
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00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,712
Oh, well, thank you, Daddy.
I think you're sexy, too.
66
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:18,875
No, not erotic. Erratic. It... Unstable.
67
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,462
You think I'm crazy?
No, it's okay, everybody does.
68
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,839
My momma took me to
every doctor there is.
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00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:28,893
I got OCD, over-focused ADD,
and I'm on the spectrum.
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00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:31,471
Sorry, my family's normal.
I don't know what that means.
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00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:36,851
It means, when I get something in my
head, I'm like a dog with a bone.
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00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,986
If it's revenge, it's revenge.
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00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,981
If it's a guy, it's a guy.
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00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:44,401
And if it's Miss American Lady,
it's a crown.
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00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,835
That's why my momma
put me into pageants,
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00:04:47,836 --> 00:04:49,668
to channel all of this for good.
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- Right.
- Pageants keep me sane.
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00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:55,620
So don't take my bone away,
or someone might get bit.
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00:04:57,506 --> 00:05:00,508
What the hell is she doing here?
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00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,092
Sorry for the confusion.
81
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:05,012
Turns out Patty will
be claiming the crown.
82
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,931
What?! No! You said
it was gonna be mine!
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00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,892
I'm sorry. When Bob told
me Patty left town,
84
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,386
- I just assumed...
- Do something!
85
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,104
My crazies get triggered when
somebody changes the plan!
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00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,223
Oh...
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This was always the plan.
88
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What?
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00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:23,857
Come on, Patty, let's claim
what's rightfully yours.
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00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,570
Mm-hmm.
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00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,579
Oh...
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00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,050
I loved being Miss Magic Jesus.
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00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:46,303
It had been the most magical
two weeks of my life.
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I got the key to the city,
I got to read to orphans.
95
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:53,018
Now, this is your last Wiener
Taco for a little while.
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00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,479
Gotta start tightening that
belt before regionals.
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00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,817
Hmm?
98
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,403
- Still not talking to Christian?
- He's not worth it.
99
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,822
Oh, good. You don't
need distractions now.
100
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:09,110
We got a lot to do before regionals,
starting with getting you a sponsor.
101
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,162
A sponsor? Like my mom has in AA?
102
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,532
No, no, a sponsor like someone
to fund your campaign.
103
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,333
I mean, regionals are not cheap.
104
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,586
Between the entry fee and the
wardrobe and the makeup,
105
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,914
you're looking at upwards of $5,000.
106
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,750
But that is where the sponsor comes in.
107
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,552
Most titleholders find a local
business willing to foot the bill
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00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,922
in exchange for the
promotion of their brand.
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00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:32,008
Okay, why can't you do it?
Your law firm's a local business.
110
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,186
Well, because ideally, the sponsor's
related to your platform in some way.
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Join us for our grand reopening and
the unveiling of our Ween-Mobile.
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Choi?
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What are you doing?
114
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:46,773
My job.
115
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,488
My dad sold the Booze 'N Stuff
and bought this place, so...
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00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,665
I'm supposed to be drumming up
business for our grand reopening.
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00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,208
He looked like a wienie,
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00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:01,962
but his hard shell gave me
an idea for a hard sell.
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00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,548
You want Wiener Taco to
be your pageant sponsor?
120
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,758
Think about it.
121
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,523
It would be a great
opportunity to spread
122
00:07:07,524 --> 00:07:09,094
the word about the grand reopening.
123
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,722
And you'd be doing good
for the community,
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00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:15,225
supporting Patty's platform of raising
awareness of eating disorders.
125
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,728
What does Wiener Taco have
to do with eating disorders?
126
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,389
So glad you asked, Mr. Choi.
127
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:26,779
Like any new restaurateur,
you wanna widen your customer base.
128
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,863
What better way to do that
129
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,157
than by adding healthier
options to the menu?
130
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,617
What's a Leaner Wiener?
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It's the healthy
version of the Wiener Taco.
132
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,788
So like a turkey wiener,
or a veggie wiener.
133
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,616
Wouldn't that be a greener wiener?
134
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:43,045
Imagine, a healthy eating campaign,
135
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:46,082
fronted by Masonville's
very own Miss Magic Jesus,
136
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,759
who advocates for positive body image.
137
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,719
Also, I could host your grand reopening.
138
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We could call you the Wiener Queen,
139
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,424
or the Wiener Taco Belle.
140
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,934
- We'll make you a Wiener crown.
- Hold your roll, Choi.
141
00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:59,853
I just opened a business.
What makes you think I have any money
142
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to throw at a pageant girl?
143
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,266
A valid point, Mr. Choi.
144
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:07,277
Which... is why I took the liberty
145
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,815
of outlining this
multi-pronged marketing plan.
146
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,321
Mom?
147
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,804
Herman Choi loved the
Leaner Wiener pitch,
148
00:08:18,805 --> 00:08:20,666
and he's gonna sponsor
me for regionals.
149
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,419
Oh, yay! Oh, we both have good news.
150
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,005
Oh, I got my period,
dodged another pregnancy bullet.
151
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,290
Up top.
152
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,667
Oh, shit.
153
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,337
So, how late are you?
154
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,464
Maybe a week?
155
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,141
Gotta keep a stash of
condoms in your purse.
156
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,426
We used one.
157
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,353
Figures I would be in the
unlucky two percent.
158
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,473
He probably keeps 'em in his wallet.
159
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,649
The heat from your butt
breaks down the latex,
160
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,435
lets the swimmers get through.
161
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,314
Let's just hope this is a false alarm.
162
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:56,486
So... your first time?
163
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,370
It's a big deal.
164
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,822
Yeah, he didn't think so.
165
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,284
I told him I loved him afterwards.
166
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,586
- You know what he said?
- "Make me a sandwich"?
167
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:09,123
"What's your name again"?
"Don't tell my wife"? "I have cash"?
168
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,376
Just some of my greatest hits.
169
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:13,795
Yeah, no.
170
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:18,049
Uh, he said... "That was fun."
171
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,717
Oh, Patty.
172
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,763
Nobody's first time is ever
what they expected it to be.
173
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:28,685
Mine was, well, totally
wrong, all of it.
174
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,063
I just want to forget about it.
175
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,609
Hmm?
176
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,278
Well...
177
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,530
it's gonna be a little hard to do now.
178
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,879
Who the hell gets pregnant
the first time they have sex?
179
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,590
After using a condom?
I had to be cursed.
180
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,550
I'm freaking the fuck out.
181
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,920
Yeah, that's how I felt.
182
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,964
I... I don't know what to do.
183
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:03,469
Sweetie, you have to make
the biggest decision of your life.
184
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,015
Are you gonna tell Christian?
185
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,351
Not until I decide what I'm gonna do.
186
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:13,938
Right.
187
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,481
All right.
188
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,692
Okay.
189
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,953
I never told you this before,
190
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:25,033
but...
I was gonna give you up for adoption.
191
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,834
Wait, what?
192
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,830
I was young, single,
and I didn't want to get an abortion.
193
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,965
I think a woman should
have the right to choose.
194
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:36,044
I do, but I... I just personally...
195
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:37,920
I couldn't do it.
196
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,298
Okay.
197
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,261
When did you decide to keep me?
198
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,096
Right after you were born.
199
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:52,776
See, I fucked up when I asked
the nurse if I could hold you,
200
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:56,196
because I figured I'd
give you a proper goodbye
201
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,407
and then hand you off to people
202
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:02,487
who were a little less,
well... train-wrecky.
203
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:10,161
But then I held you,
and your little head smelled like cake.
204
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,700
And you just looked up at me like you
205
00:11:13,713 --> 00:11:15,553
were just daring me to raise you.
206
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:20,671
And that's when I knew I
could never let you go.
207
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,095
And you think that was a mistake?
208
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:30,515
Oh, baby, no. No, no, no. Not for me.
209
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,642
But for you?
210
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:38,856
Maybe you could have had a
better life with someone else.
211
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:44,112
Well, then I wouldn't be
me if I didn't have you.
212
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,532
Right. Oh, my baby.
213
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,454
So, what do you think I should do?
214
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:59,085
The idea of my 17-year-old daughter
having a baby seems ridiculous.
215
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,221
And the idea of me being
a grandma, come on.
216
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,429
So you think I should have an abortion?
217
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,222
Theoretically, yeah.
218
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,434
But in reality, no.
219
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:18,187
So I honestly don't
know what to tell you.
220
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:22,483
It's times like these I
do wish you had a dad,
221
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,445
or another person to weigh in.
222
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,406
I have Bob.
223
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,534
You know, yeah.
224
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,036
Maybe you should talk to him.
225
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,179
I was finally in an upswing,
226
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,390
and with Brick away at
a wrestling retreat,
227
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:49,935
I could relax and get some
much-needed self-care.
228
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,437
Oh, sorry. Too deep?
229
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,855
Never.
230
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,726
Come on, Shane, you've been
working on me for years.
231
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,729
You should know by
now, the deeper the better.
232
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:00,771
Right.
233
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,941
So, how's, uh...? How's Coralee?
234
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,952
So much for relaxing.
235
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,241
Hello?
236
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,204
I'll... I'll be right there.
237
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:23,093
My father had collapsed.
Chest pains, they said.
238
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:26,422
But until I knew more,
I chose to stay calm.
239
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,802
Until my own heart
leapt out of my chest.
240
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,152
I can't believe you're here.
241
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,897
Well, I'm still your
father's emergency contact.
242
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:48,027
Plus, no matter what's going on
between us... I'm still your wife.
243
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,654
Where are you staying?
244
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,991
- You could come home, and we could...
- At the Palomino in town.
245
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,419
- Have you talked to the doctors?
- Not yet.
246
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,007
It's Patty.
247
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:02,973
Hello?
248
00:14:02,986 --> 00:14:04,981
Bob. Can you meet me in person?
249
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,180
We need to talk. It's, uh, an emergency.
250
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,891
Yeah, I'm kind of having my
own emergency right now.
251
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:14,811
- My dad's in the hospital.
- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
252
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,606
Never mind, we can talk later.
You've got enough to deal with.
253
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:20,567
Okay, just tell me now
'cause otherwise I'll worry.
254
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,902
Not over the phone.
255
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,855
- Patty, just spit it out. I don't...
- I'm pregnant.
256
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,068
- Is it Brick's?
- It's Christian's.
257
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:32,579
How could you be so irresponsible?
258
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,539
I wasn't, we used a condom.
259
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,876
I just have horrible luck,
and now everything is ruined.
260
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,330
Miss Magic Jesus, my future.
Just please tell me what to do.
261
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,423
My mom's too close to it.
262
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,385
- You're my coach and my godfather.
- I'm also a man,
263
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,012
which means I have no right to tell
you what to do with your body.
264
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,090
Bob... is Patty pregnant?
265
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,092
No. I...
266
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,719
Mr. Armstrong?
267
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,395
I gotta go.
268
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,638
N...
269
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:06,613
I couldn't believe everyone
else got to go about their business,
270
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:10,484
and I had to make the biggest
decision of my life.
271
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,119
How's my dad?
272
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,329
He's had a heart attack,
he'll need a triple bypass.
273
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,247
Oh, no.
274
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:18,075
He's awake, and he wants to
speak with you now. Alone.
275
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,253
I haven't been in a hospital
since my vasectomy.
276
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:33,257
Scariest part of that was having
another man shave my balls.
277
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,052
Now, I could die.
278
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,185
But...
279
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,397
...bypass surgery is a heart
surgeon's bread and butter.
280
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,065
I... I'm sure you'll be fine.
281
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,483
On the off chance that I'm not,
282
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,728
there's a few things I
want to get off my chest.
283
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,940
I know you and I haven't had
the easiest relationship.
284
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,076
I've been hard on you your whole life.
285
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:55,829
- Yeah, but it's okay. We don't need...
- There's a reason for that.
286
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,198
Yeah.
287
00:15:57,373 --> 00:16:01,327
It's because the only ball I could throw
was the kind where people danced.
288
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,038
No.
289
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,793
Because I always resented the
attention you got from your mother.
290
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:13,172
Oh, son, the two of you
were like peas in a pod.
291
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:17,385
You loved all the same things.
Purses, shoes...
292
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,346
I was jealous.
293
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,683
You were closer to your
mother than I could ever be.
294
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,476
You were jealous of me?
295
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,945
Your mother was the best
thing that ever happened to me.
296
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,239
And if you know what's good for you,
297
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,402
you'll fight for the best thing
that's ever happened to you.
298
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,487
Coralee.
299
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:41,909
I'm trying.
300
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,370
Try harder.
301
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:56,215
Mom didn't know what to tell me,
Bob refused to weigh in.
302
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,099
I might have been with child,
303
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,936
but I had never felt
more alone in my life.
304
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,224
Oh.
305
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,435
Hi.
306
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,769
Hi.
307
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:11,947
Are you okay?
308
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,782
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
309
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,117
You're doing that thing when
you have a panic attack,
310
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,703
and you're breathing fast
and your nostrils flare.
311
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,989
Okay, I'm not fine.
312
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:22,908
So, talk to me.
313
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:27,913
I thought you didn't want me to,
after your confession?
314
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,874
Yeah, well, I have Dee now.
315
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:34,553
But having a girlfriend isn't
the same as having a bestie.
316
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,714
I know.
317
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,307
I mean, not about having a girlfriend.
318
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,309
I'm assuming it's the same
as having a boyfriend.
319
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,554
Not exactly.
320
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:48,100
I mean... at least you guys
don't have to worry about...
321
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,480
one of you accidentally
getting pregnant.
322
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,234
Patty, are you pregnant?
323
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,201
It's Christian's.
324
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,044
I haven't told him yet.
Not until I decide what to do.
325
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,005
You're not thinking of
keeping it, are you?
326
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,540
I mean, my mom did.
327
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:14,168
And if she hadn't, I wouldn't exist.
328
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,879
She said she never felt
love like that in her life.
329
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,848
Maybe that's what'll make me feel whole.
330
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,218
Patty, you're 17.
331
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,686
You have no job, no money.
332
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:27,014
You haven't even graduated
from high school yet.
333
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:32,311
And I think you and I can both agree,
you're not exactly a role model.
334
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,111
I'm getting an abortion.
335
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,538
You... already decided?
336
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,415
Well, what are you doing here?
337
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,417
I... I thought you wanted
to talk things through?
338
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:50,162
I wanted to make sure you thought
I was making the right choice.
339
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,632
Oh, it doesn't matter what I think.
340
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,051
You're the one who's gonna have
to live with this decision
341
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,419
for the rest of your life.
342
00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:01,973
I do have to let you know the state
of Georgia requires parental consent.
343
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,017
What? Why? It's my body.
344
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,761
Not according to the law.
345
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,855
I really don't want to put
my mom in that position.
346
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,392
- When do you turn 18?
- In, like, a month.
347
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,235
Waiting seems like a bad idea.
348
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,354
Yeah, and...
349
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:20,192
if I petition the court to
waive parental consent...
350
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,736
it could take even longer.
351
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,788
Okay, it feels like
there's no good choice.
352
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,782
Well, sometimes there isn't.
353
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:34,464
Should I see if Herman Choi can postpone
the Wiener Taco grand reopening?
354
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,716
We both have a lot on our minds.
355
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,426
I need the distraction.
356
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,637
But if you can't make it,
I totally get it.
357
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:41,672
I will.
358
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,799
Good luck with your dad.
359
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,304
Oh, so sorry. Bob.
360
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:52,099
Hey, you're good with color.
What do you think of a green wallpaper?
361
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:56,186
- Hey, this one matches your eyes.
- What are you doing here?
362
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,147
- What? You don't know?
- Know what?
363
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,906
I work here now.
364
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,700
I resigned from the DA's office.
365
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,368
You work here? Since when?
366
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,913
Today. Your father made me a huge offer.
367
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,124
I guess having his heart
attack made him take stock.
368
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,710
- Said he's making some big changes.
- Is this a f... joke?
369
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,713
No, not at all. I'm just getting a
head start redecorating my office.
370
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,048
What... What about your
plans to run for mayor?
371
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,127
- Isn't it better for you to stay the DA?
- Hmm...
372
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:23,096
You sure ask a lot of questions
for a guy using office hours
373
00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,889
to work with pageant clients.
374
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,509
- Does your dad know you do that?
- Back off, Bob!
375
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:31,180
Hmm.
376
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,854
How the hell am I going to tell
my mom that I want an abortion,
377
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,321
and that I need her to sign off?
378
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,983
What about Christian?
Have you told him yet?
379
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,694
I don't know what to say.
380
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,281
What are you doing?
381
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,367
Drafting a text.
382
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,787
"Hey, it's Patty. I'm knocked up and..."
Uh...
383
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,423
- Oops.
- What? Oops what?
384
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:01,168
- Did you accidentally send it?
- Psych.
385
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,721
- You're an asshole.
- And you missed me.
386
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,216
I super, super did.
387
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,887
Oh! Hey, is this, like, okay?
388
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,649
- I mean, you know, because the...
- It's fine.
389
00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:19,186
So, you're totally over me?
390
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,522
- It isn't weird?
- No.
391
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,857
It's like the opposite of weird.
392
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,200
Ah...
393
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,326
Awesome.
394
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:28,147
'Cause I wanted to ask you to sleep
395
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,280
over, but I didn't
want it to be weird.
396
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,241
But now that I know
that it's not, can you?
397
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,326
I don't want to be alone today.
398
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:36,036
Sure.
399
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,629
Absolutely.
400
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:45,421
- Okay, you know what?
- Hmm?
401
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,588
It is weird.
402
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,431
What? Why?
403
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,175
Because you're on top of me.
404
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:54,722
And I know it doesn't mean anything,
but my body doesn't, and I just...
405
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:59,518
I'll see you tomorrow at the
Wiener Taco opening, okay?
406
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,975
I was furious at my father for
407
00:22:07,988 --> 00:22:10,411
hiring Bob "Balls for Brains" Barnard.
408
00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:13,122
But I couldn't confront him
on the eve of his surgery,
409
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:17,085
so instead, I chose to focus
on opening up Coralee's heart.
410
00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:20,088
And her shoulders,
and her hip flexors, and her neck.
411
00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:21,331
Smells great.
412
00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,709
Coq au vin, it's Coralee's favorite.
413
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:27,588
Things lately between us
have been a little tense.
414
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,766
Hello, Bob?
I'm here, but I'm a little early.
415
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,302
Sorry about that.
416
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,221
What's all this?
417
00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:37,856
Shane?
418
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,524
What's he doing here?
419
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:42,519
I booked you a massage.
420
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,946
And I cooked dinner and got flowers.
421
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,857
Okay, I thought we were gonna talk.
422
00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:50,493
We are. I just...
I wanted to show you how much I care.
423
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,656
Do you think that
wining and dining me is
424
00:22:52,669 --> 00:22:54,664
gonna make me forget about everything?
425
00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:56,533
- Because...
- It's a Band-Aid, Bob.
426
00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:59,536
- Nobody asked you, Shane.
- I'm just saying.
427
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,338
I'm getting certified
to be a life coach,
428
00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:06,426
and the first step in resolving
any problem is radical honesty.
429
00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:07,677
So if you two were to sit...
430
00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:11,381
Shane, please pack up your stuff and go.
431
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:16,386
- You know what? Maybe I should go, too.
- No, don't. Don't.
432
00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:17,554
Please don't.
433
00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:19,890
Give me a chance.
434
00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:22,810
- So are you gonna Venmo me?
- Shane, get out!
435
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:25,312
Okay, no.
Thank you very much, I appreciate it.
436
00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:30,484
You know what?
437
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,487
Maybe that Shane did have a point.
438
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:39,451
Complete radical honesty.
439
00:23:49,637 --> 00:23:52,256
- Ask me anything.
- Okay, Stella Rose.
440
00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:55,050
Uh, when did it end?
441
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,885
- Twenty years ago.
- Why?
442
00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:59,395
You were pregnant, with Cat.
443
00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:00,855
Did she ask you to leave me?
444
00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:01,773
Yes.
445
00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:02,857
Did you consider?
446
00:24:02,858 --> 00:24:04,901
- Yes.
- Fuck you, Bob.
447
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:07,195
I'm being radically honest.
448
00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,313
I want you to trust me.
449
00:24:08,322 --> 00:24:09,398
Mm!
450
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,567
Trust you? I hate you.
451
00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:14,153
Good. That means you still care.
452
00:24:15,245 --> 00:24:16,572
How was the sex?
453
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,074
Good.
454
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,785
Good, or great?
455
00:24:22,670 --> 00:24:26,498
- Different.
- Oh, please explain in detail.
456
00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:32,254
She was into role-playing
and light BDSM.
457
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:33,805
Like spanking?
458
00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,932
Yeah. And other stuff,
459
00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:38,685
like bondage, and choking,
460
00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:41,638
and breath-play.
461
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:44,016
What the fuck is breath-play, Bob?
462
00:24:48,237 --> 00:24:50,105
Do you think about her
when you're alone?
463
00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:52,198
Sometimes.
464
00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:54,818
Do you think about her
when you're with me?
465
00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:57,321
- Not anymore.
- Did you love her?
466
00:24:57,538 --> 00:25:00,699
I did. Once. A long time ago.
467
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,834
Did you love her more than you loved me?
468
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,203
Never.
469
00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,623
Then what did she give
you that I couldn't?
470
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:14,171
She... appreciated the parts of me
471
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:16,723
that you just don't understand.
472
00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:18,558
She... She saw me.
473
00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:19,976
Well, I see you.
474
00:25:19,977 --> 00:25:23,396
No, I know how you roll your eyes at me.
475
00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:26,649
All the pageant stuff.
You... You think I'm ridiculous.
476
00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:29,519
No, I don't. I think you're evolved.
477
00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:34,316
You know, it takes a really secure man
478
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:38,570
to put his ego aside
and let a woman shine.
479
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,825
And you've been doing that for
me since the moment I met you.
480
00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:50,290
It's what made me finally feel...
special.
481
00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:57,381
And I guess you found someone
that made you feel that way.
482
00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:02,719
Just happened to be
when we were married.
483
00:26:06,190 --> 00:26:09,393
Maybe one person can't give
you everything that you need.
484
00:26:11,070 --> 00:26:12,104
You do.
485
00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,399
You do see me.
486
00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:19,745
And honestly, I've never been more in
487
00:26:19,758 --> 00:26:21,625
love with you than I am right now.
488
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:33,208
The news was all good.
489
00:26:33,383 --> 00:26:35,885
Any blockages to my father's
heart had been removed,
490
00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:39,305
and so had any obstacles
between me and Coralee.
491
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:40,382
Hey.
492
00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:41,842
Get a room.
493
00:26:43,143 --> 00:26:45,053
I see you took my advice.
494
00:26:45,062 --> 00:26:46,096
Yeah.
495
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,181
Thanks for that.
496
00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:51,275
I'm surprised you
were able to pull it off.
497
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:55,188
Coralee, I thought you'd
actually want a guy who was,
498
00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:58,567
you know, more like... a guy.
499
00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:01,278
Wow...
500
00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:05,790
Dad, you must be the only man in history
501
00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:09,752
to have a brush with mortality and
become an even bigger asshole.
502
00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:11,462
- Okay, Bob. It's okay.
- No.
503
00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:14,173
I thought we finally had a breakthrough.
504
00:27:14,174 --> 00:27:16,801
Just because we had one
touchy-feely moment,
505
00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:19,262
doesn't mean I went soft like you.
506
00:27:19,263 --> 00:27:23,683
I can't believe you hired Bob
"Backbiter" Barnard behind my back!
507
00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:25,052
It was just business.
508
00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:28,771
I didn't tell you because I didn't wanna
deal with you having a temper tantrum.
509
00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:31,357
I am not having a tantrum!
510
00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:34,277
I am feeling hurt and angry!
511
00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:38,398
Okay, okay. Okay, Bob, let's just
go have a time-out. It's okay.
512
00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:46,156
How could he hire Barnard?
Knowing how I feel about him?
513
00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:47,866
I don't know.
514
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:51,787
Actually, you do know, 'cause
you did the same thing.
515
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,797
You ran to Barnard behind my back.
516
00:27:54,798 --> 00:27:57,008
Why him of all people?
517
00:27:57,009 --> 00:28:00,845
Okay, you know what, Bob? I don't
know. We're friends, and...
518
00:28:00,846 --> 00:28:03,055
Did you sleep with him?
519
00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,975
With Barnard?
No, I did not sleep with him.
520
00:28:05,976 --> 00:28:08,595
Of course I did not sleep with him.
521
00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,357
Did...?
522
00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:14,935
Did you sleep with someone else?
523
00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:20,148
Oh, my God! Who is it?
524
00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:22,283
Coralee, you answer me right now.
525
00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:23,951
Radical honesty.
526
00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,987
Okay, it was Shane.
527
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:28,865
Our massage therapist?
528
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,792
He... He had his hands
on my ass yesterday.
529
00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:33,461
You know what? You can't be mad.
530
00:28:33,462 --> 00:28:35,880
You cheated. I cheated. We both cheated.
531
00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:38,424
I slept with Stella Rose 20 years ago.
532
00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:40,794
You slept with Shane,
what, 20 minutes ago?
533
00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:51,479
Bob, wait, you can't just leave.
534
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:52,639
Why not?
535
00:28:52,981 --> 00:28:54,015
You did.
536
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:08,280
It has recently been brought to my
attention that you're pregnant.
537
00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:10,748
- Who told you that?
- It doesn't matter.
538
00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:14,043
We cannot have an unwed
pregnant teenager
539
00:29:14,044 --> 00:29:15,628
representing Miss Magic Jesus.
540
00:29:15,629 --> 00:29:17,706
Which is why I'm getting an abortion,
541
00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:20,208
- so nobody will have to know.
- That is not any better.
542
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:23,094
I'm sorry.
I need to strip you of your crown.
543
00:29:23,095 --> 00:29:25,554
Wait, what? How is that fair?
544
00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:27,883
I can't be pregnant and I
can't get an abortion?
545
00:29:27,891 --> 00:29:30,594
You should have thought about that
before you had premarital sex.
546
00:29:31,061 --> 00:29:33,980
Right, because if a guy
has sex, he's a stud,
547
00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:35,523
but if a girl does it, she's a slut?
548
00:29:35,524 --> 00:29:36,732
Patty, don't.
549
00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:38,683
Don't you want to know
who the father is?
550
00:29:38,696 --> 00:29:39,948
It's me. I'm the father.
551
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:43,565
My God, thank God you're safe.
Your mom and I were so worried.
552
00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:46,033
Christian, what are you doing here?
553
00:29:46,034 --> 00:29:48,286
When you wouldn't answer my
calls, I called your mom.
554
00:29:48,287 --> 00:29:51,497
- She told me you were in trouble.
- Wait, did you say you're the father?
555
00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:53,624
- My mom told you?
- No, not that you're pregnant.
556
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,376
I had no idea until just now.
557
00:29:55,377 --> 00:29:57,878
I came back because I was worried
something was really wrong,
558
00:29:57,879 --> 00:29:59,005
but this is so cool.
559
00:29:59,006 --> 00:30:01,299
I mean, we can get married,
raise the baby together.
560
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:03,134
What? No. No, I'm having an abortion.
561
00:30:03,135 --> 00:30:04,677
Okay, everybody, let's calm down.
562
00:30:04,678 --> 00:30:07,763
Patty could be a shining
example of family values.
563
00:30:07,764 --> 00:30:09,432
You could totally let
her keep the crown.
564
00:30:09,433 --> 00:30:12,302
I mean, you'd have to let me
skip military school, but...
565
00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:16,314
Are you using me?
566
00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:17,474
No.
567
00:30:17,774 --> 00:30:18,691
I love you.
568
00:30:18,692 --> 00:30:19,650
No, you don't.
569
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:20,901
I want us to be a family.
570
00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:22,403
You, me, and our baby.
571
00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:25,106
It's not a baby. Okay?
There is no baby, it's just cells.
572
00:30:25,490 --> 00:30:27,275
This is why I didn't want to tell you.
573
00:30:28,827 --> 00:30:30,904
- What's wrong?
- Ah! Ow!
574
00:30:35,042 --> 00:30:37,494
They say a child is a blessing.
575
00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:42,048
So the idea of losing one shouldn't have
come as a surprise to someone like me.
576
00:30:42,049 --> 00:30:43,458
You're not pregnant.
577
00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:44,717
I'm having a miscarriage?
578
00:30:44,718 --> 00:30:47,254
No, I mean that you were never pregnant.
579
00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:52,092
The ultrasound revealed
that you have a teratoma.
580
00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:54,761
- A what?
- A teratoma.
581
00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:57,138
Also known as a chimera.
582
00:30:57,439 --> 00:31:01,184
It's a parasitic twin that
you consumed in utero.
583
00:31:02,319 --> 00:31:03,903
I've never encountered one before.
584
00:31:03,904 --> 00:31:05,863
What the fuck are you
talking about, lady?
585
00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:09,693
It's very, very
rare. Maybe one in 40,000.
586
00:31:09,826 --> 00:31:12,411
Even less likely than getting
knocked up with a condom.
587
00:31:12,412 --> 00:31:15,081
So I wasn't cursed. I was a freak.
588
00:31:15,082 --> 00:31:17,833
I took a pregnancy test.
It came back positive.
589
00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:21,496
A teratoma can cause a missed
period and a false positive.
590
00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:24,291
So, we're not having a baby?
591
00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:28,169
Wait. You're saying that I could
have been a twin? But I ate it?
592
00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:30,513
- I wouldn't say that you ate it.
- That's kind of badass.
593
00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:31,931
What is wrong with you?
594
00:31:31,932 --> 00:31:33,341
What is wrong with me?
595
00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:35,643
What kind of person eats her own twin?
596
00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:38,521
Just to be clear, I am definitely
not saying that you ate it.
597
00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:40,022
It makes sense
598
00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:42,142
that you were a compulsive
eater from the start.
599
00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:44,811
I'm a monster.
600
00:31:45,278 --> 00:31:46,563
No wonder you don't love me.
601
00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:48,064
But I do.
602
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:50,859
Baby or no baby.
603
00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:55,405
I came back before I even knew
that you were pregnant. Remember?
604
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:57,824
Is it dangerous, this twin?
605
00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,250
Oh, she's fine.
606
00:31:59,251 --> 00:32:01,794
Today's incident was most
likely caused by stress,
607
00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:05,665
but I'd still suggest having it removed
to avoid further complications.
608
00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:06,958
You mean, like surgery?
609
00:32:07,092 --> 00:32:09,135
- Mm-hmm.
- Can that be done, like, outpatient?
610
00:32:09,136 --> 00:32:11,004
It's major abdominal surgery.
611
00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,682
It's three days in the hospital,
maybe eight weeks to fully recover.
612
00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:17,560
Mm-mm.
Regionals are in a month and a half.
613
00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:18,978
You wouldn't be able to compete.
614
00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:21,431
Is it...? Is it okay to wait?
615
00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:26,645
Uh, she has had it her whole life, and
it's only now become symptomatic.
616
00:32:26,987 --> 00:32:29,314
I'd say another month or two won't hurt.
617
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,443
I can't believe I could
have had another kid.
618
00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:35,195
I can't believe I'm not pregnant.
619
00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:39,157
I can't believe you get to
keep your crown. Right?
620
00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,493
I need to talk to Patty alone.
621
00:32:41,877 --> 00:32:43,419
This thing inside you...
622
00:32:43,420 --> 00:32:45,171
Can you talk to her later?
623
00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:49,209
Patty, the Wiener Taco grand
reopening started 20 minutes ago.
624
00:32:49,551 --> 00:32:51,093
You feeling up to it?
625
00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:54,972
Of course I was feeling up to it.
626
00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:58,009
I wasn't cursed, I was lucky as shit!
627
00:32:58,393 --> 00:33:00,595
I had dodged a pregnancy bullet.
628
00:33:00,729 --> 00:33:03,306
Nothing could rain on
my Wiener Taco parade.
629
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:07,852
Sure, I had a weird absorbed twin,
but that was a problem for another day.
630
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,397
Patty, we need to talk.
631
00:33:11,031 --> 00:33:13,574
Um, can we talk later?
I have Wiener Queen duty.
632
00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:16,611
No wiener is more important
than your spiritual sanctity.
633
00:33:17,287 --> 00:33:20,365
Forget about regionals,
we need to get that thing out of you.
634
00:33:20,582 --> 00:33:22,701
Whatever's inside of you is pure evil.
635
00:33:23,126 --> 00:33:24,793
- What?
- I felt it
636
00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:27,671
when I laid my hands on
you before your baptism.
637
00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:29,249
Now I understand why.
638
00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:31,425
I thought the baptism
would take care of it,
639
00:33:31,426 --> 00:33:33,302
but it's so much worse than I thought.
640
00:33:33,303 --> 00:33:36,222
I don't know if that thing is
mad that it never got born,
641
00:33:36,223 --> 00:33:38,599
or if there's some kind of demon...
642
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,728
Wait. Are you saying I could
have an actual demon inside me?
643
00:33:42,729 --> 00:33:44,097
- That's crazy.
- Is it?
644
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:47,483
You said it yourself,
you thought you couldn't be saved.
645
00:33:47,484 --> 00:33:50,895
I've also said I had a demon,
but I didn't mean it literally.
646
00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,197
- Thank God you're here.
- What happened?
647
00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:56,234
Explain later.
It's time to unveil the Ween-Mobile.
648
00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:00,287
- Patty.
- Stay away from her.
649
00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:01,413
She's bad news.
650
00:34:01,414 --> 00:34:04,166
- But I love her.
- Military school is still an option.
651
00:34:04,167 --> 00:34:07,996
We do not want to have another situation
like we did in Brazil, do we?
652
00:34:14,636 --> 00:34:16,463
- What is she doing here?
- Ah.
653
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:19,883
I thought you told Pastor
Mike she was pregnant?
654
00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:22,476
Let me do some recon.
655
00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:34,029
- Patty didn't lose her crown...
- Jeez!
656
00:34:34,030 --> 00:34:35,114
...for being pregnant?
657
00:34:35,115 --> 00:34:38,492
- How did you know she was pregnant?
- The office walls are thin.
658
00:34:38,493 --> 00:34:40,361
I heard the entire conversation.
659
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,238
Are you the one who told Pastor Mike?
660
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:46,534
You can't keep secrets from me.
Especially now that I'm your boss.
661
00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:48,544
Sorry, you're my what?
662
00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:51,338
Yeah, your father's retiring,
making me senior partner.
663
00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:53,666
From now on, you report to me.
664
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,427
Figured your name should be smaller
because I'm senior partner.
665
00:34:56,428 --> 00:34:58,463
Are you... kidding me?
666
00:34:58,847 --> 00:35:02,175
You humiliate me at the
mother-daughter pageant.
667
00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:04,977
You weasel your way into my marriage.
668
00:35:04,978 --> 00:35:08,522
You are constantly trying
to sabotage Patty.
669
00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:11,775
And now this. I mean, what
did I ever do to you?
670
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:15,063
This isn't about you, Bob.
This is about survival.
671
00:35:15,447 --> 00:35:16,523
This...
672
00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:21,110
I made a couple of bad investments,
and I am damn near broke.
673
00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:23,495
When I heard about your father's health,
674
00:35:23,496 --> 00:35:25,998
I told him he needed to
think about his legacy.
675
00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:28,042
- Wait a minute.
- So this was your idea?
676
00:35:28,043 --> 00:35:31,162
He was more than happy to turn the
company over to a better man.
677
00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:36,835
And now, introducing the
Wieneriffic Ween-Mobile.
678
00:35:37,218 --> 00:35:39,462
So you can get your wieners
when you're in-between-er.
679
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,806
[music playing over speakers]
♪ Come on down to the Wiener Taco ♪
680
00:35:42,807 --> 00:35:45,184
♪ You can feed your face
And you'll find a friend ♪
681
00:35:45,185 --> 00:35:48,479
♪ His name is Señor Weenie
And he's Mex-i-licious ♪
682
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,099
♪ Come to Wiener Taco
And you'll come again ♪
683
00:35:52,317 --> 00:35:53,810
Give me that crown!
684
00:35:54,694 --> 00:35:55,770
What?
685
00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:59,941
Patty Bladell had a wiener in her taco.
686
00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:01,992
She's a knocked-up slut.
687
00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:03,827
I am not. I have a teratoma.
688
00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:06,155
That's not even a real word.
689
00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:07,706
Give it to me!
690
00:36:15,799 --> 00:36:18,334
Patty.
691
00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:32,473
Just save it, all right?
Just don't even start.
692
00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:38,563
Bob...
693
00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:40,732
you're beautiful.
694
00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:46,195
Oh!
695
00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:55,747
Hey! Hey, quit.
696
00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:57,297
Quit it!
697
00:36:57,298 --> 00:36:59,000
Wh... Wh...
698
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,002
Why do you keep fucking with me?
699
00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:03,171
Do you really hate me that much?
700
00:37:03,513 --> 00:37:04,839
I love you.
701
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,509
What do you mean, you love me?
702
00:37:11,604 --> 00:37:13,514
Since we were 14 years old.
703
00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:15,858
That's why we couldn't
be friends anymore,
704
00:37:15,859 --> 00:37:19,020
because I knew what I wanted,
and I knew you didn't want it.
705
00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:21,606
I... I don't.
706
00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:04,782
- She has teeth like a shark!
- Holy shit, she has fangs!
707
00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:07,485
You... bitch.
708
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:30,265
Oh, my God!
709
00:38:37,524 --> 00:38:40,609
I had been so
worried I created a life,
710
00:38:40,610 --> 00:38:44,063
but now I may have taken one.
711
00:38:45,406 --> 00:38:47,407
Maybe Pastor Mike was right,
712
00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:50,319
maybe there was evil inside me.
713
00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,871
I always knew there was
something wrong with me.
714
00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:55,408
My eating, my rage.
715
00:38:56,918 --> 00:38:58,710
What if I wasn't cursed?
716
00:38:58,711 --> 00:39:00,830
What if I was possessed?
717
00:39:01,881 --> 00:39:04,417
How the hell do you abort a demon?
718
00:39:07,706 --> 00:39:14,706
sync and corrections by awaqededwww.MY-SUBS.com.
54365
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