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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,895 I had spent so much of my life 2 00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:24,933 thinking I was cursed to be fat and unlucky... 3 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,518 and alone. 4 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:31,148 But I had finally found true love... 5 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,609 and now, I felt blessed. 6 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:43,285 Here was this beautiful, sexy, amazing guy, 7 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,328 and he had picked me. 8 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,083 I was willing to give him everything. 9 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,212 I've never done this before. 10 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,839 That's okay. 11 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,467 You can trust me. 12 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,156 I love you. 13 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,326 That... was fun. 14 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:25,952 Fun? 15 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:29,297 Joyriding through Alabama together was fun. 16 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,500 Cow tipping in Oklahoma was fun. 17 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,753 Ordering pay-per-view porn and getting pizza was fun. 18 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,254 But this? 19 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,467 Maybe I wasn't cursed, maybe I was an idiot. 20 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,648 What was I thinking? 21 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:53,154 I'd left my mom and my home, Bob, and for what? 22 00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,272 Fun? 23 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,986 _ 24 00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:01,860 _ 25 00:02:02,450 --> 00:02:03,650 _ 26 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,911 I won? 27 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,255 Where the F are you? Are you okay? 28 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,389 What do you mean, I'm Miss Magic Jesus? 29 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,217 Magnolia got disqualified. 30 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:27,222 She cheated on the Bible quiz, and then she overdosed on pills. 31 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,773 Oh, my God. Is she okay? 32 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,900 Thankfully, yes. She's gonna be fine. 33 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,652 Barnard is taking her to rehab, 34 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:36,314 which means the first runner-up gets the crown, you. 35 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,866 But if you're not here in the next 12 hours, 36 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,361 it goes to the second runner-up, Dixie. 37 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,367 Are you coming? 38 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,244 I don't know. 39 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,664 Listen, I read your note... 40 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:57,210 ...and I... I apologize for not being there 100 percent 41 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,178 on your pageant day. 42 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,846 I got the DNA test back. 43 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,349 Roxy's not my daughter, but even if she was, 44 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,394 you and I have worked too hard for me to give up on you. 45 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,097 So, please don't give up on me. 46 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,474 Especially not for some boy. 47 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,602 I mean, I know you probably can't see it, but... 48 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,354 Christian is... is not worth it. 49 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,274 Come home before it's too late. 50 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,496 Where's Pastor Mike? 51 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,673 Bathroom. He'll be back in a minute. 52 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,383 Well, I'm ready for my new crown. 53 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,719 I even bumped up my bouffant poof with more cushion 54 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,262 so it'll lay nice and flat. 55 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,591 No, no, may... maybe this was a mistake. 56 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,560 Oh, too much cushion? I can take it down a notch. 57 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,971 No, no, not your hair. It's this... 58 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,481 It's this whole pageant thing. 59 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:56,603 Look, I'm responsible for you now, which means I have to look out for you. 60 00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:00,690 But I'm worried that pageants might be toxic. 61 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,611 I pushed Magnolia too hard, she ended up in rehab. 62 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,246 Oh, that won't happen to me. I don't do drugs. 63 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,365 Right. 64 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:12,251 Well, but you're still delicate, erratic. 65 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,712 Oh, well, thank you, Daddy. I think you're sexy, too. 66 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:18,875 No, not erotic. Erratic. It... Unstable. 67 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,462 You think I'm crazy? No, it's okay, everybody does. 68 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,839 My momma took me to every doctor there is. 69 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:28,893 I got OCD, over-focused ADD, and I'm on the spectrum. 70 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:31,471 Sorry, my family's normal. I don't know what that means. 71 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:36,851 It means, when I get something in my head, I'm like a dog with a bone. 72 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,986 If it's revenge, it's revenge. 73 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,981 If it's a guy, it's a guy. 74 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:44,401 And if it's Miss American Lady, it's a crown. 75 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,835 That's why my momma put me into pageants, 76 00:04:47,836 --> 00:04:49,668 to channel all of this for good. 77 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,075 - Right. - Pageants keep me sane. 78 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:55,620 So don't take my bone away, or someone might get bit. 79 00:04:57,506 --> 00:05:00,508 What the hell is she doing here? 80 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,092 Sorry for the confusion. 81 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:05,012 Turns out Patty will be claiming the crown. 82 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,931 What?! No! You said it was gonna be mine! 83 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,892 I'm sorry. When Bob told me Patty left town, 84 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,386 - I just assumed... - Do something! 85 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,104 My crazies get triggered when somebody changes the plan! 86 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,223 Oh... 87 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,100 This was always the plan. 88 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,477 What? 89 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:23,857 Come on, Patty, let's claim what's rightfully yours. 90 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,570 Mm-hmm. 91 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,579 Oh... 92 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,050 I loved being Miss Magic Jesus. 93 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:46,303 It had been the most magical two weeks of my life. 94 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:49,799 I got the key to the city, I got to read to orphans. 95 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:53,018 Now, this is your last Wiener Taco for a little while. 96 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,479 Gotta start tightening that belt before regionals. 97 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,817 Hmm? 98 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,403 - Still not talking to Christian? - He's not worth it. 99 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,822 Oh, good. You don't need distractions now. 100 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:09,110 We got a lot to do before regionals, starting with getting you a sponsor. 101 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,162 A sponsor? Like my mom has in AA? 102 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,532 No, no, a sponsor like someone to fund your campaign. 103 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,333 I mean, regionals are not cheap. 104 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,586 Between the entry fee and the wardrobe and the makeup, 105 00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,914 you're looking at upwards of $5,000. 106 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,750 But that is where the sponsor comes in. 107 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,552 Most titleholders find a local business willing to foot the bill 108 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,922 in exchange for the promotion of their brand. 109 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:32,008 Okay, why can't you do it? Your law firm's a local business. 110 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,186 Well, because ideally, the sponsor's related to your platform in some way. 111 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:41,267 Join us for our grand reopening and the unveiling of our Ween-Mobile. 112 00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,478 Choi? 113 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,563 What are you doing? 114 00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:46,773 My job. 115 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,488 My dad sold the Booze 'N Stuff and bought this place, so... 116 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,665 I'm supposed to be drumming up business for our grand reopening. 117 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,208 He looked like a wienie, 118 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:01,962 but his hard shell gave me an idea for a hard sell. 119 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,548 You want Wiener Taco to be your pageant sponsor? 120 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,758 Think about it. 121 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,523 It would be a great opportunity to spread 122 00:07:07,524 --> 00:07:09,094 the word about the grand reopening. 123 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,722 And you'd be doing good for the community, 124 00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:15,225 supporting Patty's platform of raising awareness of eating disorders. 125 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,728 What does Wiener Taco have to do with eating disorders? 126 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,389 So glad you asked, Mr. Choi. 127 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:26,779 Like any new restaurateur, you wanna widen your customer base. 128 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,863 What better way to do that 129 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,157 than by adding healthier options to the menu? 130 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,617 What's a Leaner Wiener? 131 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,036 It's the healthy version of the Wiener Taco. 132 00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,788 So like a turkey wiener, or a veggie wiener. 133 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,616 Wouldn't that be a greener wiener? 134 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:43,045 Imagine, a healthy eating campaign, 135 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:46,082 fronted by Masonville's very own Miss Magic Jesus, 136 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,759 who advocates for positive body image. 137 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,719 Also, I could host your grand reopening. 138 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,672 We could call you the Wiener Queen, 139 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,424 or the Wiener Taco Belle. 140 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,934 - We'll make you a Wiener crown. - Hold your roll, Choi. 141 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:59,853 I just opened a business. What makes you think I have any money 142 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,146 to throw at a pageant girl? 143 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,266 A valid point, Mr. Choi. 144 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:07,277 Which... is why I took the liberty 145 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,815 of outlining this multi-pronged marketing plan. 146 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,321 Mom? 147 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,804 Herman Choi loved the Leaner Wiener pitch, 148 00:08:18,805 --> 00:08:20,666 and he's gonna sponsor me for regionals. 149 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,419 Oh, yay! Oh, we both have good news. 150 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,005 Oh, I got my period, dodged another pregnancy bullet. 151 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,290 Up top. 152 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,667 Oh, shit. 153 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,337 So, how late are you? 154 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,464 Maybe a week? 155 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,141 Gotta keep a stash of condoms in your purse. 156 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,426 We used one. 157 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,353 Figures I would be in the unlucky two percent. 158 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,473 He probably keeps 'em in his wallet. 159 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,649 The heat from your butt breaks down the latex, 160 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,435 lets the swimmers get through. 161 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,314 Let's just hope this is a false alarm. 162 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:56,486 So... your first time? 163 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,370 It's a big deal. 164 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,822 Yeah, he didn't think so. 165 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,284 I told him I loved him afterwards. 166 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,586 - You know what he said? - "Make me a sandwich"? 167 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:09,123 "What's your name again"? "Don't tell my wife"? "I have cash"? 168 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,376 Just some of my greatest hits. 169 00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:13,795 Yeah, no. 170 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:18,049 Uh, he said... "That was fun." 171 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,717 Oh, Patty. 172 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,763 Nobody's first time is ever what they expected it to be. 173 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:28,685 Mine was, well, totally wrong, all of it. 174 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,063 I just want to forget about it. 175 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,609 Hmm? 176 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,278 Well... 177 00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,530 it's gonna be a little hard to do now. 178 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,879 Who the hell gets pregnant the first time they have sex? 179 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,590 After using a condom? I had to be cursed. 180 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,550 I'm freaking the fuck out. 181 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,920 Yeah, that's how I felt. 182 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,964 I... I don't know what to do. 183 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:03,469 Sweetie, you have to make the biggest decision of your life. 184 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,015 Are you gonna tell Christian? 185 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,351 Not until I decide what I'm gonna do. 186 00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:13,938 Right. 187 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,481 All right. 188 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,692 Okay. 189 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,953 I never told you this before, 190 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:25,033 but... I was gonna give you up for adoption. 191 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,834 Wait, what? 192 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,830 I was young, single, and I didn't want to get an abortion. 193 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,965 I think a woman should have the right to choose. 194 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:36,044 I do, but I... I just personally... 195 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:37,920 I couldn't do it. 196 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,298 Okay. 197 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,261 When did you decide to keep me? 198 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,096 Right after you were born. 199 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:52,776 See, I fucked up when I asked the nurse if I could hold you, 200 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:56,196 because I figured I'd give you a proper goodbye 201 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,407 and then hand you off to people 202 00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:02,487 who were a little less, well... train-wrecky. 203 00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:10,161 But then I held you, and your little head smelled like cake. 204 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,700 And you just looked up at me like you 205 00:11:13,713 --> 00:11:15,553 were just daring me to raise you. 206 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:20,671 And that's when I knew I could never let you go. 207 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,095 And you think that was a mistake? 208 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:30,515 Oh, baby, no. No, no, no. Not for me. 209 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,642 But for you? 210 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:38,856 Maybe you could have had a better life with someone else. 211 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:44,112 Well, then I wouldn't be me if I didn't have you. 212 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,532 Right. Oh, my baby. 213 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,454 So, what do you think I should do? 214 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:59,085 The idea of my 17-year-old daughter having a baby seems ridiculous. 215 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,221 And the idea of me being a grandma, come on. 216 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,429 So you think I should have an abortion? 217 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,222 Theoretically, yeah. 218 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,434 But in reality, no. 219 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:18,187 So I honestly don't know what to tell you. 220 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:22,483 It's times like these I do wish you had a dad, 221 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,445 or another person to weigh in. 222 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,406 I have Bob. 223 00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,534 You know, yeah. 224 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,036 Maybe you should talk to him. 225 00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,179 I was finally in an upswing, 226 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,390 and with Brick away at a wrestling retreat, 227 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:49,935 I could relax and get some much-needed self-care. 228 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,437 Oh, sorry. Too deep? 229 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,855 Never. 230 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,726 Come on, Shane, you've been working on me for years. 231 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,729 You should know by now, the deeper the better. 232 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:00,771 Right. 233 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,941 So, how's, uh...? How's Coralee? 234 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,952 So much for relaxing. 235 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,241 Hello? 236 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,204 I'll... I'll be right there. 237 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:23,093 My father had collapsed. Chest pains, they said. 238 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:26,422 But until I knew more, I chose to stay calm. 239 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,802 Until my own heart leapt out of my chest. 240 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,152 I can't believe you're here. 241 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,897 Well, I'm still your father's emergency contact. 242 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:48,027 Plus, no matter what's going on between us... I'm still your wife. 243 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,654 Where are you staying? 244 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,991 - You could come home, and we could... - At the Palomino in town. 245 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,419 - Have you talked to the doctors? - Not yet. 246 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,007 It's Patty. 247 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:02,973 Hello? 248 00:14:02,986 --> 00:14:04,981 Bob. Can you meet me in person? 249 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,180 We need to talk. It's, uh, an emergency. 250 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,891 Yeah, I'm kind of having my own emergency right now. 251 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:14,811 - My dad's in the hospital. - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 252 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,606 Never mind, we can talk later. You've got enough to deal with. 253 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:20,567 Okay, just tell me now 'cause otherwise I'll worry. 254 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,902 Not over the phone. 255 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,855 - Patty, just spit it out. I don't... - I'm pregnant. 256 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,068 - Is it Brick's? - It's Christian's. 257 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:32,579 How could you be so irresponsible? 258 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,539 I wasn't, we used a condom. 259 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,876 I just have horrible luck, and now everything is ruined. 260 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,330 Miss Magic Jesus, my future. Just please tell me what to do. 261 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,423 My mom's too close to it. 262 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,385 - You're my coach and my godfather. - I'm also a man, 263 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,012 which means I have no right to tell you what to do with your body. 264 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,090 Bob... is Patty pregnant? 265 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,092 No. I... 266 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,719 Mr. Armstrong? 267 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,395 I gotta go. 268 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,638 N... 269 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:06,613 I couldn't believe everyone else got to go about their business, 270 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:10,484 and I had to make the biggest decision of my life. 271 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,119 How's my dad? 272 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,329 He's had a heart attack, he'll need a triple bypass. 273 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,247 Oh, no. 274 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:18,075 He's awake, and he wants to speak with you now. Alone. 275 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,253 I haven't been in a hospital since my vasectomy. 276 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:33,257 Scariest part of that was having another man shave my balls. 277 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,052 Now, I could die. 278 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,185 But... 279 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,397 ...bypass surgery is a heart surgeon's bread and butter. 280 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,065 I... I'm sure you'll be fine. 281 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,483 On the off chance that I'm not, 282 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,728 there's a few things I want to get off my chest. 283 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,940 I know you and I haven't had the easiest relationship. 284 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,076 I've been hard on you your whole life. 285 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:55,829 - Yeah, but it's okay. We don't need... - There's a reason for that. 286 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,198 Yeah. 287 00:15:57,373 --> 00:16:01,327 It's because the only ball I could throw was the kind where people danced. 288 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,038 No. 289 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,793 Because I always resented the attention you got from your mother. 290 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:13,172 Oh, son, the two of you were like peas in a pod. 291 00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:17,385 You loved all the same things. Purses, shoes... 292 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,346 I was jealous. 293 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,683 You were closer to your mother than I could ever be. 294 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,476 You were jealous of me? 295 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,945 Your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. 296 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,239 And if you know what's good for you, 297 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,402 you'll fight for the best thing that's ever happened to you. 298 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,487 Coralee. 299 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:41,909 I'm trying. 300 00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,370 Try harder. 301 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:56,215 Mom didn't know what to tell me, Bob refused to weigh in. 302 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,099 I might have been with child, 303 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,936 but I had never felt more alone in my life. 304 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,224 Oh. 305 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,435 Hi. 306 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,769 Hi. 307 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:11,947 Are you okay? 308 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,782 Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. 309 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,117 You're doing that thing when you have a panic attack, 310 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,703 and you're breathing fast and your nostrils flare. 311 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,989 Okay, I'm not fine. 312 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:22,908 So, talk to me. 313 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:27,913 I thought you didn't want me to, after your confession? 314 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,874 Yeah, well, I have Dee now. 315 00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:34,553 But having a girlfriend isn't the same as having a bestie. 316 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,714 I know. 317 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,307 I mean, not about having a girlfriend. 318 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,309 I'm assuming it's the same as having a boyfriend. 319 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,554 Not exactly. 320 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:48,100 I mean... at least you guys don't have to worry about... 321 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,480 one of you accidentally getting pregnant. 322 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,234 Patty, are you pregnant? 323 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,201 It's Christian's. 324 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,044 I haven't told him yet. Not until I decide what to do. 325 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,005 You're not thinking of keeping it, are you? 326 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,540 I mean, my mom did. 327 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:14,168 And if she hadn't, I wouldn't exist. 328 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,879 She said she never felt love like that in her life. 329 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,848 Maybe that's what'll make me feel whole. 330 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,218 Patty, you're 17. 331 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,686 You have no job, no money. 332 00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:27,014 You haven't even graduated from high school yet. 333 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:32,311 And I think you and I can both agree, you're not exactly a role model. 334 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,111 I'm getting an abortion. 335 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,538 You... already decided? 336 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,415 Well, what are you doing here? 337 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,417 I... I thought you wanted to talk things through? 338 00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:50,162 I wanted to make sure you thought I was making the right choice. 339 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,632 Oh, it doesn't matter what I think. 340 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,051 You're the one who's gonna have to live with this decision 341 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,419 for the rest of your life. 342 00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:01,973 I do have to let you know the state of Georgia requires parental consent. 343 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,017 What? Why? It's my body. 344 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,761 Not according to the law. 345 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,855 I really don't want to put my mom in that position. 346 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,392 - When do you turn 18? - In, like, a month. 347 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,235 Waiting seems like a bad idea. 348 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,354 Yeah, and... 349 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:20,192 if I petition the court to waive parental consent... 350 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,736 it could take even longer. 351 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,788 Okay, it feels like there's no good choice. 352 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,782 Well, sometimes there isn't. 353 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:34,464 Should I see if Herman Choi can postpone the Wiener Taco grand reopening? 354 00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,716 We both have a lot on our minds. 355 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,426 I need the distraction. 356 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,637 But if you can't make it, I totally get it. 357 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:41,672 I will. 358 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,799 Good luck with your dad. 359 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,304 Oh, so sorry. Bob. 360 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:52,099 Hey, you're good with color. What do you think of a green wallpaper? 361 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:56,186 - Hey, this one matches your eyes. - What are you doing here? 362 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,147 - What? You don't know? - Know what? 363 00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,906 I work here now. 364 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,700 I resigned from the DA's office. 365 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,368 You work here? Since when? 366 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,913 Today. Your father made me a huge offer. 367 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,124 I guess having his heart attack made him take stock. 368 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,710 - Said he's making some big changes. - Is this a f... joke? 369 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,713 No, not at all. I'm just getting a head start redecorating my office. 370 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,048 What... What about your plans to run for mayor? 371 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,127 - Isn't it better for you to stay the DA? - Hmm... 372 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:23,096 You sure ask a lot of questions for a guy using office hours 373 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,889 to work with pageant clients. 374 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,509 - Does your dad know you do that? - Back off, Bob! 375 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:31,180 Hmm. 376 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,854 How the hell am I going to tell my mom that I want an abortion, 377 00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,321 and that I need her to sign off? 378 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,983 What about Christian? Have you told him yet? 379 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,694 I don't know what to say. 380 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,281 What are you doing? 381 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,367 Drafting a text. 382 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,787 "Hey, it's Patty. I'm knocked up and..." Uh... 383 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,423 - Oops. - What? Oops what? 384 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:01,168 - Did you accidentally send it? - Psych. 385 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,721 - You're an asshole. - And you missed me. 386 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,216 I super, super did. 387 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,887 Oh! Hey, is this, like, okay? 388 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,649 - I mean, you know, because the... - It's fine. 389 00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:19,186 So, you're totally over me? 390 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,522 - It isn't weird? - No. 391 00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,857 It's like the opposite of weird. 392 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,200 Ah... 393 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,326 Awesome. 394 00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:28,147 'Cause I wanted to ask you to sleep 395 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,280 over, but I didn't want it to be weird. 396 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,241 But now that I know that it's not, can you? 397 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,326 I don't want to be alone today. 398 00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:36,036 Sure. 399 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,629 Absolutely. 400 00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:45,421 - Okay, you know what? - Hmm? 401 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,588 It is weird. 402 00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,431 What? Why? 403 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,175 Because you're on top of me. 404 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:54,722 And I know it doesn't mean anything, but my body doesn't, and I just... 405 00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:59,518 I'll see you tomorrow at the Wiener Taco opening, okay? 406 00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,975 I was furious at my father for 407 00:22:07,988 --> 00:22:10,411 hiring Bob "Balls for Brains" Barnard. 408 00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:13,122 But I couldn't confront him on the eve of his surgery, 409 00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:17,085 so instead, I chose to focus on opening up Coralee's heart. 410 00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:20,088 And her shoulders, and her hip flexors, and her neck. 411 00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:21,331 Smells great. 412 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,709 Coq au vin, it's Coralee's favorite. 413 00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:27,588 Things lately between us have been a little tense. 414 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,766 Hello, Bob? I'm here, but I'm a little early. 415 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,302 Sorry about that. 416 00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,221 What's all this? 417 00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:37,856 Shane? 418 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,524 What's he doing here? 419 00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:42,519 I booked you a massage. 420 00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,946 And I cooked dinner and got flowers. 421 00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,857 Okay, I thought we were gonna talk. 422 00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:50,493 We are. I just... I wanted to show you how much I care. 423 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,656 Do you think that wining and dining me is 424 00:22:52,669 --> 00:22:54,664 gonna make me forget about everything? 425 00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:56,533 - Because... - It's a Band-Aid, Bob. 426 00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:59,536 - Nobody asked you, Shane. - I'm just saying. 427 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,338 I'm getting certified to be a life coach, 428 00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:06,426 and the first step in resolving any problem is radical honesty. 429 00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:07,677 So if you two were to sit... 430 00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:11,381 Shane, please pack up your stuff and go. 431 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:16,386 - You know what? Maybe I should go, too. - No, don't. Don't. 432 00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:17,554 Please don't. 433 00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:19,890 Give me a chance. 434 00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:22,810 - So are you gonna Venmo me? - Shane, get out! 435 00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:25,312 Okay, no. Thank you very much, I appreciate it. 436 00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:30,484 You know what? 437 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,487 Maybe that Shane did have a point. 438 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:39,451 Complete radical honesty. 439 00:23:49,637 --> 00:23:52,256 - Ask me anything. - Okay, Stella Rose. 440 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:55,050 Uh, when did it end? 441 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,885 - Twenty years ago. - Why? 442 00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:59,395 You were pregnant, with Cat. 443 00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:00,855 Did she ask you to leave me? 444 00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:01,773 Yes. 445 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:02,857 Did you consider? 446 00:24:02,858 --> 00:24:04,901 - Yes. - Fuck you, Bob. 447 00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:07,195 I'm being radically honest. 448 00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,313 I want you to trust me. 449 00:24:08,322 --> 00:24:09,398 Mm! 450 00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,567 Trust you? I hate you. 451 00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:14,153 Good. That means you still care. 452 00:24:15,245 --> 00:24:16,572 How was the sex? 453 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,074 Good. 454 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,785 Good, or great? 455 00:24:22,670 --> 00:24:26,498 - Different. - Oh, please explain in detail. 456 00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:32,254 She was into role-playing and light BDSM. 457 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:33,805 Like spanking? 458 00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,932 Yeah. And other stuff, 459 00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:38,685 like bondage, and choking, 460 00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:41,638 and breath-play. 461 00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:44,016 What the fuck is breath-play, Bob? 462 00:24:48,237 --> 00:24:50,105 Do you think about her when you're alone? 463 00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:52,198 Sometimes. 464 00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:54,818 Do you think about her when you're with me? 465 00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:57,321 - Not anymore. - Did you love her? 466 00:24:57,538 --> 00:25:00,699 I did. Once. A long time ago. 467 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,834 Did you love her more than you loved me? 468 00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,203 Never. 469 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,623 Then what did she give you that I couldn't? 470 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:14,171 She... appreciated the parts of me 471 00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:16,723 that you just don't understand. 472 00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:18,558 She... She saw me. 473 00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:19,976 Well, I see you. 474 00:25:19,977 --> 00:25:23,396 No, I know how you roll your eyes at me. 475 00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:26,649 All the pageant stuff. You... You think I'm ridiculous. 476 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:29,519 No, I don't. I think you're evolved. 477 00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:34,316 You know, it takes a really secure man 478 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:38,570 to put his ego aside and let a woman shine. 479 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,825 And you've been doing that for me since the moment I met you. 480 00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:50,290 It's what made me finally feel... special. 481 00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:57,381 And I guess you found someone that made you feel that way. 482 00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:02,719 Just happened to be when we were married. 483 00:26:06,190 --> 00:26:09,393 Maybe one person can't give you everything that you need. 484 00:26:11,070 --> 00:26:12,104 You do. 485 00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,399 You do see me. 486 00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:19,745 And honestly, I've never been more in 487 00:26:19,758 --> 00:26:21,625 love with you than I am right now. 488 00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:33,208 The news was all good. 489 00:26:33,383 --> 00:26:35,885 Any blockages to my father's heart had been removed, 490 00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:39,305 and so had any obstacles between me and Coralee. 491 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:40,382 Hey. 492 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:41,842 Get a room. 493 00:26:43,143 --> 00:26:45,053 I see you took my advice. 494 00:26:45,062 --> 00:26:46,096 Yeah. 495 00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,181 Thanks for that. 496 00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:51,275 I'm surprised you were able to pull it off. 497 00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:55,188 Coralee, I thought you'd actually want a guy who was, 498 00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:58,567 you know, more like... a guy. 499 00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:01,278 Wow... 500 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:05,790 Dad, you must be the only man in history 501 00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:09,752 to have a brush with mortality and become an even bigger asshole. 502 00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:11,462 - Okay, Bob. It's okay. - No. 503 00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:14,173 I thought we finally had a breakthrough. 504 00:27:14,174 --> 00:27:16,801 Just because we had one touchy-feely moment, 505 00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:19,262 doesn't mean I went soft like you. 506 00:27:19,263 --> 00:27:23,683 I can't believe you hired Bob "Backbiter" Barnard behind my back! 507 00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:25,052 It was just business. 508 00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:28,771 I didn't tell you because I didn't wanna deal with you having a temper tantrum. 509 00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:31,357 I am not having a tantrum! 510 00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:34,277 I am feeling hurt and angry! 511 00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:38,398 Okay, okay. Okay, Bob, let's just go have a time-out. It's okay. 512 00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:46,156 How could he hire Barnard? Knowing how I feel about him? 513 00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:47,866 I don't know. 514 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:51,787 Actually, you do know, 'cause you did the same thing. 515 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,797 You ran to Barnard behind my back. 516 00:27:54,798 --> 00:27:57,008 Why him of all people? 517 00:27:57,009 --> 00:28:00,845 Okay, you know what, Bob? I don't know. We're friends, and... 518 00:28:00,846 --> 00:28:03,055 Did you sleep with him? 519 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,975 With Barnard? No, I did not sleep with him. 520 00:28:05,976 --> 00:28:08,595 Of course I did not sleep with him. 521 00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,357 Did...? 522 00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:14,935 Did you sleep with someone else? 523 00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:20,148 Oh, my God! Who is it? 524 00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:22,283 Coralee, you answer me right now. 525 00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:23,951 Radical honesty. 526 00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,987 Okay, it was Shane. 527 00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:28,865 Our massage therapist? 528 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,792 He... He had his hands on my ass yesterday. 529 00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:33,461 You know what? You can't be mad. 530 00:28:33,462 --> 00:28:35,880 You cheated. I cheated. We both cheated. 531 00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:38,424 I slept with Stella Rose 20 years ago. 532 00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:40,794 You slept with Shane, what, 20 minutes ago? 533 00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:51,479 Bob, wait, you can't just leave. 534 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:52,639 Why not? 535 00:28:52,981 --> 00:28:54,015 You did. 536 00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:08,280 It has recently been brought to my attention that you're pregnant. 537 00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:10,748 - Who told you that? - It doesn't matter. 538 00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:14,043 We cannot have an unwed pregnant teenager 539 00:29:14,044 --> 00:29:15,628 representing Miss Magic Jesus. 540 00:29:15,629 --> 00:29:17,706 Which is why I'm getting an abortion, 541 00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:20,208 - so nobody will have to know. - That is not any better. 542 00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:23,094 I'm sorry. I need to strip you of your crown. 543 00:29:23,095 --> 00:29:25,554 Wait, what? How is that fair? 544 00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:27,883 I can't be pregnant and I can't get an abortion? 545 00:29:27,891 --> 00:29:30,594 You should have thought about that before you had premarital sex. 546 00:29:31,061 --> 00:29:33,980 Right, because if a guy has sex, he's a stud, 547 00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:35,523 but if a girl does it, she's a slut? 548 00:29:35,524 --> 00:29:36,732 Patty, don't. 549 00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:38,683 Don't you want to know who the father is? 550 00:29:38,696 --> 00:29:39,948 It's me. I'm the father. 551 00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:43,565 My God, thank God you're safe. Your mom and I were so worried. 552 00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:46,033 Christian, what are you doing here? 553 00:29:46,034 --> 00:29:48,286 When you wouldn't answer my calls, I called your mom. 554 00:29:48,287 --> 00:29:51,497 - She told me you were in trouble. - Wait, did you say you're the father? 555 00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:53,624 - My mom told you? - No, not that you're pregnant. 556 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,376 I had no idea until just now. 557 00:29:55,377 --> 00:29:57,878 I came back because I was worried something was really wrong, 558 00:29:57,879 --> 00:29:59,005 but this is so cool. 559 00:29:59,006 --> 00:30:01,299 I mean, we can get married, raise the baby together. 560 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:03,134 What? No. No, I'm having an abortion. 561 00:30:03,135 --> 00:30:04,677 Okay, everybody, let's calm down. 562 00:30:04,678 --> 00:30:07,763 Patty could be a shining example of family values. 563 00:30:07,764 --> 00:30:09,432 You could totally let her keep the crown. 564 00:30:09,433 --> 00:30:12,302 I mean, you'd have to let me skip military school, but... 565 00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:16,314 Are you using me? 566 00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:17,474 No. 567 00:30:17,774 --> 00:30:18,691 I love you. 568 00:30:18,692 --> 00:30:19,650 No, you don't. 569 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:20,901 I want us to be a family. 570 00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:22,403 You, me, and our baby. 571 00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:25,106 It's not a baby. Okay? There is no baby, it's just cells. 572 00:30:25,490 --> 00:30:27,275 This is why I didn't want to tell you. 573 00:30:28,827 --> 00:30:30,904 - What's wrong? - Ah! Ow! 574 00:30:35,042 --> 00:30:37,494 They say a child is a blessing. 575 00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:42,048 So the idea of losing one shouldn't have come as a surprise to someone like me. 576 00:30:42,049 --> 00:30:43,458 You're not pregnant. 577 00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:44,717 I'm having a miscarriage? 578 00:30:44,718 --> 00:30:47,254 No, I mean that you were never pregnant. 579 00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:52,092 The ultrasound revealed that you have a teratoma. 580 00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:54,761 - A what? - A teratoma. 581 00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:57,138 Also known as a chimera. 582 00:30:57,439 --> 00:31:01,184 It's a parasitic twin that you consumed in utero. 583 00:31:02,319 --> 00:31:03,903 I've never encountered one before. 584 00:31:03,904 --> 00:31:05,863 What the fuck are you talking about, lady? 585 00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:09,693 It's very, very rare. Maybe one in 40,000. 586 00:31:09,826 --> 00:31:12,411 Even less likely than getting knocked up with a condom. 587 00:31:12,412 --> 00:31:15,081 So I wasn't cursed. I was a freak. 588 00:31:15,082 --> 00:31:17,833 I took a pregnancy test. It came back positive. 589 00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:21,496 A teratoma can cause a missed period and a false positive. 590 00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:24,291 So, we're not having a baby? 591 00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:28,169 Wait. You're saying that I could have been a twin? But I ate it? 592 00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:30,513 - I wouldn't say that you ate it. - That's kind of badass. 593 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:31,931 What is wrong with you? 594 00:31:31,932 --> 00:31:33,341 What is wrong with me? 595 00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:35,643 What kind of person eats her own twin? 596 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:38,521 Just to be clear, I am definitely not saying that you ate it. 597 00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:40,022 It makes sense 598 00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:42,142 that you were a compulsive eater from the start. 599 00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:44,811 I'm a monster. 600 00:31:45,278 --> 00:31:46,563 No wonder you don't love me. 601 00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:48,064 But I do. 602 00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:50,859 Baby or no baby. 603 00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:55,405 I came back before I even knew that you were pregnant. Remember? 604 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:57,824 Is it dangerous, this twin? 605 00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,250 Oh, she's fine. 606 00:31:59,251 --> 00:32:01,794 Today's incident was most likely caused by stress, 607 00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:05,665 but I'd still suggest having it removed to avoid further complications. 608 00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:06,958 You mean, like surgery? 609 00:32:07,092 --> 00:32:09,135 - Mm-hmm. - Can that be done, like, outpatient? 610 00:32:09,136 --> 00:32:11,004 It's major abdominal surgery. 611 00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,682 It's three days in the hospital, maybe eight weeks to fully recover. 612 00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:17,560 Mm-mm. Regionals are in a month and a half. 613 00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:18,978 You wouldn't be able to compete. 614 00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:21,431 Is it...? Is it okay to wait? 615 00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:26,645 Uh, she has had it her whole life, and it's only now become symptomatic. 616 00:32:26,987 --> 00:32:29,314 I'd say another month or two won't hurt. 617 00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,443 I can't believe I could have had another kid. 618 00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:35,195 I can't believe I'm not pregnant. 619 00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:39,157 I can't believe you get to keep your crown. Right? 620 00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,493 I need to talk to Patty alone. 621 00:32:41,877 --> 00:32:43,419 This thing inside you... 622 00:32:43,420 --> 00:32:45,171 Can you talk to her later? 623 00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:49,209 Patty, the Wiener Taco grand reopening started 20 minutes ago. 624 00:32:49,551 --> 00:32:51,093 You feeling up to it? 625 00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:54,972 Of course I was feeling up to it. 626 00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:58,009 I wasn't cursed, I was lucky as shit! 627 00:32:58,393 --> 00:33:00,595 I had dodged a pregnancy bullet. 628 00:33:00,729 --> 00:33:03,306 Nothing could rain on my Wiener Taco parade. 629 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:07,852 Sure, I had a weird absorbed twin, but that was a problem for another day. 630 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,397 Patty, we need to talk. 631 00:33:11,031 --> 00:33:13,574 Um, can we talk later? I have Wiener Queen duty. 632 00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:16,611 No wiener is more important than your spiritual sanctity. 633 00:33:17,287 --> 00:33:20,365 Forget about regionals, we need to get that thing out of you. 634 00:33:20,582 --> 00:33:22,701 Whatever's inside of you is pure evil. 635 00:33:23,126 --> 00:33:24,793 - What? - I felt it 636 00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:27,671 when I laid my hands on you before your baptism. 637 00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:29,249 Now I understand why. 638 00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:31,425 I thought the baptism would take care of it, 639 00:33:31,426 --> 00:33:33,302 but it's so much worse than I thought. 640 00:33:33,303 --> 00:33:36,222 I don't know if that thing is mad that it never got born, 641 00:33:36,223 --> 00:33:38,599 or if there's some kind of demon... 642 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,728 Wait. Are you saying I could have an actual demon inside me? 643 00:33:42,729 --> 00:33:44,097 - That's crazy. - Is it? 644 00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:47,483 You said it yourself, you thought you couldn't be saved. 645 00:33:47,484 --> 00:33:50,895 I've also said I had a demon, but I didn't mean it literally. 646 00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,197 - Thank God you're here. - What happened? 647 00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:56,234 Explain later. It's time to unveil the Ween-Mobile. 648 00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:00,287 - Patty. - Stay away from her. 649 00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:01,413 She's bad news. 650 00:34:01,414 --> 00:34:04,166 - But I love her. - Military school is still an option. 651 00:34:04,167 --> 00:34:07,996 We do not want to have another situation like we did in Brazil, do we? 652 00:34:14,636 --> 00:34:16,463 - What is she doing here? - Ah. 653 00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:19,883 I thought you told Pastor Mike she was pregnant? 654 00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:22,476 Let me do some recon. 655 00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:34,029 - Patty didn't lose her crown... - Jeez! 656 00:34:34,030 --> 00:34:35,114 ...for being pregnant? 657 00:34:35,115 --> 00:34:38,492 - How did you know she was pregnant? - The office walls are thin. 658 00:34:38,493 --> 00:34:40,361 I heard the entire conversation. 659 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,238 Are you the one who told Pastor Mike? 660 00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:46,534 You can't keep secrets from me. Especially now that I'm your boss. 661 00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:48,544 Sorry, you're my what? 662 00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:51,338 Yeah, your father's retiring, making me senior partner. 663 00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:53,666 From now on, you report to me. 664 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,427 Figured your name should be smaller because I'm senior partner. 665 00:34:56,428 --> 00:34:58,463 Are you... kidding me? 666 00:34:58,847 --> 00:35:02,175 You humiliate me at the mother-daughter pageant. 667 00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:04,977 You weasel your way into my marriage. 668 00:35:04,978 --> 00:35:08,522 You are constantly trying to sabotage Patty. 669 00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:11,775 And now this. I mean, what did I ever do to you? 670 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:15,063 This isn't about you, Bob. This is about survival. 671 00:35:15,447 --> 00:35:16,523 This... 672 00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:21,110 I made a couple of bad investments, and I am damn near broke. 673 00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:23,495 When I heard about your father's health, 674 00:35:23,496 --> 00:35:25,998 I told him he needed to think about his legacy. 675 00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:28,042 - Wait a minute. - So this was your idea? 676 00:35:28,043 --> 00:35:31,162 He was more than happy to turn the company over to a better man. 677 00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:36,835 And now, introducing the Wieneriffic Ween-Mobile. 678 00:35:37,218 --> 00:35:39,462 So you can get your wieners when you're in-between-er. 679 00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,806 [music playing over speakers] ♪ Come on down to the Wiener Taco ♪ 680 00:35:42,807 --> 00:35:45,184 ♪ You can feed your face And you'll find a friend ♪ 681 00:35:45,185 --> 00:35:48,479 ♪ His name is Señor Weenie And he's Mex-i-licious ♪ 682 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,099 ♪ Come to Wiener Taco And you'll come again ♪ 683 00:35:52,317 --> 00:35:53,810 Give me that crown! 684 00:35:54,694 --> 00:35:55,770 What? 685 00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:59,941 Patty Bladell had a wiener in her taco. 686 00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:01,992 She's a knocked-up slut. 687 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:03,827 I am not. I have a teratoma. 688 00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:06,155 That's not even a real word. 689 00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:07,706 Give it to me! 690 00:36:15,799 --> 00:36:18,334 Patty. 691 00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:32,473 Just save it, all right? Just don't even start. 692 00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:38,563 Bob... 693 00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:40,732 you're beautiful. 694 00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:46,195 Oh! 695 00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:55,747 Hey! Hey, quit. 696 00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:57,297 Quit it! 697 00:36:57,298 --> 00:36:59,000 Wh... Wh... 698 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,002 Why do you keep fucking with me? 699 00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:03,171 Do you really hate me that much? 700 00:37:03,513 --> 00:37:04,839 I love you. 701 00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,509 What do you mean, you love me? 702 00:37:11,604 --> 00:37:13,514 Since we were 14 years old. 703 00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:15,858 That's why we couldn't be friends anymore, 704 00:37:15,859 --> 00:37:19,020 because I knew what I wanted, and I knew you didn't want it. 705 00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:21,606 I... I don't. 706 00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:04,782 - She has teeth like a shark! - Holy shit, she has fangs! 707 00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:07,485 You... bitch. 708 00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:30,265 Oh, my God! 709 00:38:37,524 --> 00:38:40,609 I had been so worried I created a life, 710 00:38:40,610 --> 00:38:44,063 but now I may have taken one. 711 00:38:45,406 --> 00:38:47,407 Maybe Pastor Mike was right, 712 00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:50,319 maybe there was evil inside me. 713 00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,871 I always knew there was something wrong with me. 714 00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:55,408 My eating, my rage. 715 00:38:56,918 --> 00:38:58,710 What if I wasn't cursed? 716 00:38:58,711 --> 00:39:00,830 What if I was possessed? 717 00:39:01,881 --> 00:39:04,417 How the hell do you abort a demon? 718 00:39:07,706 --> 00:39:14,706 sync and corrections by awaqeded www.MY-SUBS.com. 54365

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