All language subtitles for Bruno.and.Boots.The.Wizzle.War.2017.WEBRip.x264-ION10

BOOTS:
Macdonald Hall,
the school we know and love.

The place my friend Bruno and I

call home
10 months of the year.

It's true,
sometimes we lock horns

with the grown-ups
in charge,

but they always have our utmost
respect and admiration.

[BURPS]

Most of all, Macdonald Hall
is where our friends are.

Mm-hmm!

The guys who are
always there for us,

and we're
always there for them.

The only problem is,

we're not there.

We're here.

[GRUNTING]

No! Stop!
Stop!

Ugh!

Damn it.

No...!

Come on!

That's me.

And this is the face I make
when I regret going along

with one of Bruno's ideas.
In this case,

traveling back from the city
to Macdonald Hall together.

We'd be on that bus right now
if we didn't miss our train,

but you wanted another selfie
with the CN Tower.

That train left early,

and we'll cherish those selfies
for a lifetime.

That's Bruno,
and that's the face he makes

when he's charming his way
out of trouble,

or plotting a way
to get us into more.

Yeah, more importantly,

first period
starts in 10 minutes.

More importantly, we're right
down the road from Manny's.

What?

You haven't heard
of Manny's Kitchen?

Oh!

[SCOFFS]

Their fish stick tacos
are legendary.

Hold on, hold on.

Um, excuse me,

antique and produce lady,

do you know
when the next bus is?

Twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes!
No. No way.

Twenty minutes.

[BELL RINGS]
[♪♪♪]

We do not have time for this.
It is not taco time.

Okay, well,
it is and it isn't.

Thanks, Manny.

[CHUCKLES]
BOOTS: Hey, let's go!

Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you were right.

It is taco time.

And...

still have another 10 minutes
before the bus comes.

[BELL RINGS]

Oh, Manny, you know I'mma
need that tortilla recipe.

Thank you.

No! No!
No! Not again!

[BOTH GROAN]

Are you serious?

Excuse me again,

antique and produce lady,

do you know
when the next bus is, heh?

Four o'clock.

Four o'clock?

Thursday.

[GAGS]

Thursday?

All right.
Relax, relax, relax, relax.

Hey, hey. I got a plan.

BOOTS:
I can't believe she took
your suitcase for this bike.

BRUNO:
I can't believe she didn't
throw in a flower.

She drove a hard bargain.

Are we gonna make it
to school before lunch?

Yeah. I know a shortcut.

Yeah, hard right!
BOOTS: Bruno!

Bruno, look out,
there's a cliff!

We can make the turn!

What, no!
We have to slow down!

If we slow down,
we won't make it!

Stop right now--
Go!

BOOTS:
He's Bruno, I'm Boots,

and this
is what we look like

when we're in
over our heads.

Do not try this at home.

No! No!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]
Education and awakening?

More like
frustration and gardening.

You're just annoyed
because we have to water

the wheatgrass patch again.

Um, yeah!

CATHY:
And I'm sick of wheatgrass.

Do you remember the wheatgrass
poutine from yesterday?

Sometimes I feel like the school
needs some shaking up.

I agree that gardening
can be annoying,

but the trick
is to work smarter, not harder.

In the time it takes you
to water one plant,

I can water...

An innocent bystander?

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH SIGH]

Pretty great, isn't it?

It's better than great.

It's home.

Hey, don't worry about
all that other stuff.

I've already forgiven you.

[SCOFFS]

Yeah, isn't that
the sort of thing

that I should be
saying to you?

Uh, no?

Hey, but don't worry
about it.

We all make mistakes.

Sorry, what mistake
did I make, exactly?

Trying to stop us
from plummeting to our deaths?

We could've
made that curve!

You held back!

But it's okay.
I believe in you, Boots.

One day, you're gonna
throw caution to the wind

and start living.
Okay, wait.

If you just spent
one day and live like me,

which you couldn't,

you'd never go back.

Living like you
would be so easy!

[SCOFFS]
Okay.

I would just have to be

cautious, careful, and not
actually do anything.

Oh, you wanna bet?

Yeah.

The loser washes
the winner's gym socks.

For a month.

Hand washes,
for the rest of the year.

Deal.
[LAUGHS]

Man, I can't wait
to tell everybody.

I can.
I'm annoyingly patient.

[♪♪♪]

Where is everyone?

Hello?

Hello?
Boys?

Boys!

Let's get changed.

Hello!

Hello?

Hello!
Hello?

SNOW:
Today, everything changes.

Today, Macdonald Hall
meets tomorrow.

Tomorrow, the Macdonald Hall of
today will be yesterday's news.

[WHISPERING]
What's going on?

Sturgeon called
a snap assembly.

Even he seemed surprised
it was happening.

What?

SNOW:
...one of the top schools
of the district last year.

We've decided
to reward your hard work

with one of our experimental
education programs.

That's a reward?

Yeah,
because nothing spells fun

like experimental
education programs.

Starting today, Mr. Sturgeon

will have
a new assistant headmaster

who will take the reins
of this new school initiative

and transform your lives
with his innovative

approach to learning.

[STUDENTS MURMURING]
Settle, boys, settle.

SNOW:
Macdonald Hall,
the man you're about to meet

is a pioneer, a visionary.

and a true giant of education.

Please give a warm welcome

to the future of learning,

Mr. Walter C. Wizzle!

[APPLAUSE]

[♪♪♪]

Welcome to the future,
Macdonald Hall.

[SCREAMS]

I'm fine.

[STUDENTS LAUGHING]

Boys, boys, boys.

The chalkboard.

The late slip.

Multiple choice exams.

All breakthroughs

that revolutionized education
in their day.

But the next step
of learning technology

is gonna make all
of those A plus ideas

look like F double minuses.

I'm talking about my new
cutting-edge software,

Wizzleware.

You'll see the changes
this afternoon.

Touch screens in every class,
improved school uniforms,

and some exciting new
approaches to discipline

I think you'll all agree
are, um, really rad.

Um, groovy to the max?

Heh.

Twenty-three skidoo?

[STUDENT BURPS]

[STUDENTS
WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Never mind.
I'm going to invite

Superintendent Snow
back up to the stage

to install the software.

Okay, just click on that.

Not that!

Click on that.
Just click--

BRUNO:
S-So wait,

Captain Computer is gonna

take over the Hall?

There's no way the Fish
is gonna let that happen.

Well, it doesn't look like
he's doing anything to stop it.

WIZZLE:
Just click "agree."

It says "agree" and
there's a box beside it.

Wizzleware is officially...

live! Heh-heh-heh!

Biscuits in the bath.

[POLITE APPLAUSE]

ELMER:
So...when do we begin?

Begin what?

Surely you think Mr. Wizzle
is an affront to our tradition

who'll only change our beloved
school for the worst.

I can only assume
you're already scheming

a host of pranks
against him.

And shenanigans!

You bet I am.

Get ready, Wizzle,
you're about to get brizzled.

Aren't you forgetting
something?

Wizzle's brizzling
is gonna have to wait.

What?

Bruno agreed
to live by my rules

for one day.

What? No, but--

Unless...

you would like
to admit defeat

one hour into
a 24-hour challenge.

Ooh...

Sorry, guys.

No pranks, no shenanigans.
Yeah, that's right.

I'm real boring now.

I've decided
to sit back and take

a "wait and see" approach
with this Wizzle guy.

Seems pretty harmless, right?

It'll be easy.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]

WIZZLE [ON PA]:
Attention, students.

Return to your dorm rooms
to receive your new uniforms.

Failure to comply will result
in disciplinary action.

Yep.

Super-duper easy.

[FEEDBACK]

Off now.

Not used to these...

primitive machines, heh.

Oh!

[SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT]

I'll use my own equipment
in the future.

Wizzle.

These are good boys.

Not perfect by any means,

but they've got real heart.

A word of advice--
Oh, um.

No, thank you?

[SOFTWARE CHIMING]

[LAPTOP BEEPING]

Escape, Escape!

[SIGHS]

My whole life could use an
escape button right about now.

[PHONE RINGS]

Sturgeon.

SCRIMMAGE:
This is a disaster!

Oh, good morning, Eugenia.

Always a delight.

How can they do this to us?

It's not right.

Congratulations.
Am I to assume

that Miss Snow has
also chosen Scrimmage Academy

for one of her
educational experiments?

You mean the hostile takeover
of my school

and the very
souls of my girls?

A learning institution
is a sacred--

Oh, come now, Eugenia,
you know as well as I do

that fads in education
come and go.

They can be
a little frustrating--

Frustrating?

I don't know what kind of

cushy program leader
you got today,

but mine is
a real drill sergeant.

Oh, come on, Eugenia.

This is no time to exaggerate
any of this--

[FANFARE PLAYING]

Oh, I have to go.

By Mackenzie's beard,

that is a real drill sergeant.

Fall in!
Right now, on the double.

Let's go!

Did you not hear me?

I told you
to take the hopes and dreams

out of your ears
and fall in.

Not tomorrow, not next week,

not midnight
of the next solstice.

Fall in now!

Uh, excuse me, but what are we
supposed to fall in to?

Maybe it's a trust exercise.

I'll go first.

Fall in means to take your
positions in an orderly fashion,

standing at attention
and awaiting further orders.

Um, Miss Scrimmage
doesn't give us orders.

She only gives
thoughtful suggestions.

Do I look like
Miss Scrimmage to you?

Uh, no,
but I do,

because I'm her.

Hello, girls.
I see that you've met

our new assistant
headmistress, Miss Peabody.

Let's all give her
a very warm

Scrimmage Academy
welcome.

[ALL HUMMING]

Superintendent Snow
sent us Miss Peabody

to share her unique approach
to educating young women.

Army, Navy, Air Force--

by the time
I'm through with you,

you can join one of these
outfits for your vacation.

SCRIMMAGE:
What I think Miss Peabody means
is that you have

several career options
to choose from,

so choose wisely.

Now straighten those lines
before I give you

so many push-ups
that your arms fall off

and you bleed out
from your shoulders!

What I think Miss Peabody
is saying,

is that she completely
respects you,

and she is using
vivid imagery

to motivate you.

[♪♪♪]

I look at all of you,

and you know what I see?

I see Chihuahuas!

Pomeranians!

Lapdogs.

That's all about to change.

I'm kicking you out of the lap
and into the real world.

Oh, I think what
Miss Peabody is saying

is that
if you work very hard,

it will pay off?

And when I'm done with you,

you're not gonna be
lapdogs anymore.

You're gonna be German
Shepherds! St. Bernard's!

Rottweiler's!

Work dogs.

Can I be a Labradoodle?

No!

And as work dogs,

you'll finally be of use
to society and yourself.

Am I understood?

ALL:
Yes, ma'am!

Good.
All right, lapdogs,

obedience school begins
with a five-mile run!

Move out!
Hut two, hut two...

I don't know about this.

I know this much:

it won't be boring.

SCRIMMAGE:
Keep in mind, girls,

you can choose to be cats.

Isn't there some kind of
a warm-up necessary for this?

[♪♪♪]

Maroon jumpsuits.

Who's actually
gonna wear these?

Check it out, guys.

Woo!
Durable, breathable,

and spaghetti sauce
hardly shows.

I stand corrected.

Either way,
I don't think we have a choice.

What? Okay, no, no,
there's no way

we have to wear these.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]

WIZZLE [ON PA]:
Remember, students, your
new uniforms are mandatory.

Okay, this can only
last a couple days.

For the rest
of the school year.

This can't be happening.

And yes, students,
this is happening.

Welcome to Macdonald Hall
Prison for Boys.

Yeah, visiting hours
never till never.

Hey...

Hm... some kind of bracelet.

Whoa!

I can't get it off now.

Yeah, I don't think anybody
else can, either.

WIZZLE [ON PA]:
Your new uniforms
are designed

to reduce distractions
and aid learning.

Finally, no buttons, ties,
or decisions.

Just a sack of cloth
for the body.

You're welcome.

Wizzleware believes
that distractions

are the enemy
of learning.

They're all around us,
deciding what to wear,

what to do,
and even what to eat.

That's why I invented
WizzleFuel,

the liquid breakfast
and lunch replacement

that turns dining
into refueling.

Now available
in delicious gray.

[COUGHS]

What used to take an hour
is now over within minutes.

But, again, you're welcome.

Finally, modern hardware.

It's like
the Christmas morning

nobody asked for
and only I wanted.

Ugh!
Man, this thing's on here

like Wilbur
on a Western sandwich.

Gotta have
a backup plan.

Mmm!

Your Wizzleband is designed
to be worn 24/7.

It's waterproof
and tamperproof.

Removing the Wizzleband
at any time

is neither permitted
nor possible.

Wait, can he see us?

I can see every classroom
in the school.

Students receive instant
feedback on their behavior,

both positive and negative.

For example:
assess behavior.

WIZZLEWARE:
Bruno Walton
and Boots O'Neil:

attempted removal
of Wizzleband.

Five demerits.

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

Wha--
Okay, that's creepy.

Wilbur Hackenschleimer:

food distraction.
Two demerits.

Worth it!

Elmer Drimsdale:

toy distraction.
Three demerits.

Chemistry is not a toy!

Chris Talbot: vandalism.

Ten demerits.

This is so ridiculous--

I, uh, I mean, uh...

Respectfully,

how is it any different
than George

patrolling the halls,
giving out demerits?

George's demerits don't
actually count for anything.

Sturgeon was just humoring him.

I've been such a fool!

Five demerits, George.

Five.

[♪♪♪]

[PANTING]

How far
did she make us run?

Twice around the world?
Three times?

I lost track
somewhere in Europe.

SCRIMMAGE:
This is
Eugenia Scrimmage calling

for the fifth time today.

I know Superintendent Snow
is very busy,

but this Peabody person
is simply

not a good fit
for my girls.

Sugar!

Sounds like Scrimmage
is getting angry.

But Miss Scrimmage
never gets angry.

She just said "sugar".

When Scrimmage
lists the names of the foods

that she considers unhealthy,

that's her way
of swearing.

Don't put me on hold.
Oh, bacon bits!

Candy corn.

Pork rinds!

Traditional classroom lectures
are now a thing of the past.

Instead of learning facts
and skills,

Wizzleware lessons stimulate
certain parts of the brain.

Let's begin.

This exercise is called
"Get the ball."

The object
is to get the ball.

See how many times
you can get the ball.

So what's the point?

Questions don't get the ball.

Getting the ball
gets the ball.

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

This is weird, but this is
the best I've ever done in math.

Yeah, this is English.

Even better!

But soft,

what light through
yonder doorway breaks?

Lo, 'tis Headmaster Sturgeon,

here to do
his annual recitation.

WIZZLEWARE:
Distraction detected.
Distraction detected.

Distraction detected.

What on earth
is going on in here?

English class, sir.

English...?

So where's Mr. Vickers?

ELMER:
With the other teachers,

playing poker
in the teachers' lounge.

You have got
to be kidding me.

Mr. Sturgeon, is there
a reason for this disruption?

Actually, yes, there is.

There's a tradition here
at Macdonald Hall

going back
about a hundred years,

where the headmaster
kicks off the new term

by visiting an English class
and delivering

a good old-fashioned
Shakespearean monologue.

I used to be considered quite
the scene stealer

back in my drama club days.

Ahem, here we go.

Alas, poor Yorick!

I knew him, Horatio,

a fellow of infinite jest--

WIZZLEWARE:
Distraction detected.
Distraction detected.

Mr. Sturgeon, I will have to
ask you to stop this intrusion.

I'm hardly the intruder
here, Mr. Wizzle.

Surely there's room
for the Bard in Wizzleware.

Actually,
Wizzleware has condensed

all of the work
of Shakespeare

into easily
understandable directives.

Wizzleware, what is the point
of Hamlet?

WIZZLEWARE:
Don't marry
your brother's wife,

and avoid morose
introspection.

Oh, that is absurd.

Surely you can't condense

a play like Romeo and Juliet
into a sentence.

WIZZLEWARE:
Romeo and Juliet:
always check your messages.

Okay, that's fair.

WIZZLE:
Wizzleware
eliminates the need

for any outdated
teaching practices.

The old ways,
like the dinosaurs,

had their day,

and that day is done.

Gather up your gym socks,
Boots, I've got laundry to do.

What?

I'm out. I'm done.

The bet is off.
But I don't care,

because nobody calls
my headmaster a dinosaur.

Okay, thank you, Bruno.
That's enough.

Identify and assess.

WIZZLEWARE:
Bruno Walton:
talking distraction.

Five demerits.

Please be seated,
Mr. Walton.

Class, resume your lesson.

Bruno, sit down.

A-and if
he was a dinosaur,

he'd be a killer T. rex,
and then maybe you'd show him

the respect he deserves.

Thank you, Bruno.
Sit down.

Reassess.

WIZZLEWARE:
Insubordination.

Ten demerits.

All right, look, that's
enough out of both of you.

I'm gonna be going now.

But you know, Mr. Wizzle,

I fail to see how all
this screen tapping

could possibly instill
a lifelong love of language.

It doesn't,

which is precisely why
it's so much more efficient.

Goodbye, Mr. Sturgeon.

You should be careful
with your demerits.

The Wizzlebands
only display double digits

for a reason.

[SIGHS]

You're the one who needs
to be careful, Wizzle,

because this means war.

I hereby
call this meeting of

the Anti-Wizzle Committee
to order.

All in favor
of getting rid of Wizzle

and his high-tech,
low-fun ways,

solemnly raise
your right hand and say:

"Heck yeah."

ALL:
Heck yeah!

All right, fellas,
you know the drill.

Bad ideas get the gong.

A subwoofer produces
low bass notes.

I invented
the uber-sub-subwoofer,

which produces notes so low,
they're technically earthquakes.

All we have to do is get this
into Wizzle's guest cottage--

We make him drink
his own WizzleFuel.

That'll teach him.

I think Wizzle

likes WizzleFuel.
Yeah.

He what?

So we send him a job offer
from a school in Siberia--

So you want us to put on
Wizzle masks,

split up, commit various crimes
and bank robberies,

tip off the police,
send Wizzle to jail,

and then spend the reward money
on a pizza party?

I like the part
about a pizza party.

Now, I am not here
to pitch wild ideas.

I'm here to make sure
that you don't do things

the Bruno way, to the point
where things get out of hand.

If you're so
against wild ideas,

let's hear a mild one.

[SIGHS]

All right, well...

I know it's "safe,"
but...

I mean, what if
we just talk to the other boys?

If we get everyone
to complain,

and Superintendent Snow gets
enough calls from parents,

maybe she'll do something.

Everyone's scared
of getting demerits.

They don't
wanna rock the boat.

BOOTS:
We could start in secret,

get everyone together and then--

Rallies, and protests,
demonstrations--

It's a big school. How are we
gonna tell everyone?

BRUNO:
I don't know,
a super-secret website.

But Wizzle's taken over
every computer on campus.

So? You can
hack anything.

I can't hack his code!

He's a genius!

A boring,
pedantic genius!

So much for a high-tech
solution.

"If we can't go high tech,
let's go old-school."

[♪♪♪]

Whatever it is,
it's old.

And busted.

The Macdonald Hall Examiner.

Weird!

It's like a paper version
of the school website.

[LAUGHS]
No.

Back in the old days,

Macdonald Hall must have
actually had a school newspaper.

That's it!

Yes, Chris!

W-We fight Wizzleware
the old-school way...

with an underground newspaper.

Dude!

We need to do two things:

get this machine
printing again,

and we also have to figure out
what to print.

[MACHINE RUMBLES]
[ALL YELLING]

Whaddaya got, kid?

"17 Reasons Wizzleware
is Just the Worst."

Make it 27 reasons and
you got yourself a story.

BOOTS:
Next.

BRUNO:
Hm! Political cartoon, huh?

Why is there a rattlesnake

in the middle
of a sinking canoe?

BRUNO:
"The snake represents
Wizzleware."

BOTH:
Oh!

We need articles, cartoons,
editorials, infographics,

all with one message:

"Wizzle must go."

[♪♪♪]

[GIGGLING]

Watch this.
Fascinating.

[SQUELCHING]
[BOYS GASPING]

[BOYS LAUGHING]

Look at that!

Uh!

No way!

Yeah-ha-ha!

Ugh, where are they?

They'll be here,
I promise.

Hey, look.
Told you.

Hey, Diane.

Hi, Boots.

CATHY:
Here you go,
all the papers

we found at Scrimmage's,
but it's a loan,

not a gift.
And it's probably better

if we don't know
what it's for.

You know what? Keep the wagons.
We're done here.

Whoa, wait!
Where are you guys going?

No time for a chat?

We're too tired
for all of that.

Our new
assistant headmistress

has some interesting ideas
about teaching.

It's nothing but push-ups,

and sit-ups,
and running, and yelling.

She made us
put rocks in our backpacks

and climb trees
for an hour.

Yeah, well,
at least it was a break

from her dog metaphors.

It's like a nightmare
and a CrossFit class

had a baby, and that baby
is our lives right now.

We have to help them.

Yeah.

Um, we could do
a joint newspaper.

Or...they could try the
Siberian job offer gambit.

It's worth a shot.
Yeah.

BRUNO:
It sounds to me like
you girls

are no match
for this Peabody character.

Push-ups and sit-ups
and running and yelling--

There's no way you girls
can handle that.

[SCOFFS]

We can handle whatever
we want to handle.

DIANE:
Uh, we can?

Okay, you think a little
exercise is too much for us?

We can handle whatever
Peabody dishes out at us.

You'll see.

Come on, Diane.

Why are you running
when no one is making you?

You wanna trade sidekicks?

Hmm... Nah.

Mine washes my socks for me.

I'm sorry,
who is the sidekick?

DIANE:
I saw Miss Scrimmage
on the phone

with the superintendent's
office again.

Maybe she'll get rid
of Peabody soon.

Don't count on it.

Besides,
if we get rid of her,

we don't get to prove
that we can handle her.

[FANFARE PLAYS]

All right, lapdogs,

on all fours.

Fifty push-ups for speed.
Go!

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

Done.

PEABODY:
Nice work, Burton.

One hundred burpees
for speed, go!

Done!

Burton wins again.

Two hundred jumping jacks
for speed, go!

Done!

Help me.

[PANTING]

Diane Grant.

Is there a reason for your
distinct lack of enthusiasm?

I'm just tired, and...

And what?

And I think
all this exercise

is a big waste of time.

I'd rather
just learn something.

Oh, really?

Diane wants to learn.

Well, in addition to your
regular exercises,

we're going
to learn something.

Marching in formation,
military style!

Let's go! One, two!
One, two! One, two!

[ALL GROANING]
One, two!

GIRL: Thanks, Diane.
PEABODY: I don't know, Grant.

They don't seem as excited
about learning as you.

Well, I'm up for it.

[ELECTRONIC BEEPS]

♪ We don't have enough ♪

♪ So let's call it a war... ♪

Good morning!

It has come to my attention

that some of you
are finding

the red ball
exercise repetitive,

so this morning, you are all
getting a yellow ball.

WIZZLEWARE:
Absent student detected:
Bruno Walton.

Five demerits.

[SIGHS]
Bruno.

Bruno, do you know
what will happen

if your Wizzle demerits
go past double digits?

What are you even doing in here?

Saving our school,
one issue at a time.

Dude, look at
these beauties.

I'd give 'em a kiss,
but the ink would smudge.

You're racking up
Wizzle demerits.

This paper
isn't even ready yet!

It's good enough.

This has a typo
in the headline!

"Wizzle must go-o!"

I don't know,
it still works.

Half the articles
are only half-written,

Chris still owes us
the last panel

of his
anti-Wizzle comic strip,

and I found
three swear words

accidentally hidden
in the word search.

Really? I only found two.

Okay,
but we can't stop now.

We have
to strike Wizzle fast,

like a boa constrictor.

Boas don't strike,
they squeeze slowly.

You're against me,
and so are the reptiles.

Can you just take
a step back

and
think this through?

Can't you just
take a step up and help?

Just because
you're doing something

doesn't automatically mean
that you're helping.

Actually, I've helped a ton.

I've already printed off
500 copies.

Now we just need
to get them

to the boys
in all three dorms

without Wizzle or Sturgeon
seeing a single copy.

If you've printed 500 copies,
where are they?

By the door, to dry.
Really?

Yeah.

U-Uh...

[GROANS]

"Mr. Wizzle is a tie rant."

Misspelled.

"And like any tye rent,"

misspelled differently,

"we must
stand up to his tie ranny."

Misspelled two different ways
at once.

It's the last one
that hurts the most.

If we could leave the spelling
and grammar issues

aside for now.
STURGEON: Of course.

First of all,
I'd like to discuss

the idea of hospitality,

and how we must welcome
any guest to this--

Oh no, no, a conversation
will not be necessary.

Wizzleware's
discipline systems

are far more advanced
than those outdated methods.

Wizzleware,
assess behavior.

WIZZLEWARE:
Bruno Walton
and Melvin O'Neil:

multiple infractions.

Twenty demerits,
[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

plus two hundred LINUSS.
LINUSS?

My research shows
that writing certain commands

can positively reprogram
the brain.

The boys will be
assigned to write

"I will not
break the Wizzleware rules"

two hundred times.

On touch screens, of course.

You're making them
write lines?

A punishment
so old-fashioned

it was considered hopelessly
out of date

when I was a schoolboy?

Oh, no, no, no, not lines--
LINUSS.

It stands for Linear
Uploading Synaptic Saturation.

Ahem, boys, will you
excuse us for a few moments?

I need to discuss
with Mr. Wizzle

how to end this
little experiment immediately.

Uh, yeah.
Okay

Oh, I hate to be the one to
break it to you, Mr. Sturgeon,

but you don't have
the authority to modify

or cancel the program
in any way.

Uh, but I'm headmaster
of this school.

Yes, but like any software,

Wizzleware comes with
an end user license agreement,

which Superintendent Snow
agreed to

when she installed the software
at the assembly.

According to the agreement,
the sysadmin-- That's me.

--has final authority
on all matters regarding

the software,
including discipline,

for the life of the contract,

which is stated right there.

Thirty-six months?

Thirty-six divided by--
Three years?

Unless the sysadmin decides
to end the service early,

which he doesn't, because
we're just getting started.

Well.

I hope that
clears things up.

Have a good day, heh.

BOOTS:
So what happens now?

Boys, I am going to do

what generations of Sturgeons
have done in times of crisis.

Oh! You're
gonna fight him?

What? No, no, no.

I'm gonna roll up my sleeves
and look for loopholes.

Ms. Davis,
bring me a hard copy

of the Wizzleware agreement
right away.

[♪♪♪]

CATHY:
Right face!

Diane.
Uh...

Forward, march!

Diane!

To the rear, march!

To the rear, march!

Oh, sorry--

Take five, girls.

Come on. Diane,

we have to show Peabody
and everyone else

that we can handle
whatever she gives us.

Or, we could not.

And?

I feel pretty good
about leaving it at that, heh.

Okay, we really need to work
on our column right.

If we don't nail it--
All right.

We can show
the guys who's right.

This is me putting
my best foot forward.

Your other best foot.

Darn it!

[SIGHS]

Back in formation, ladies!

STURGEON:
Well, thank you very much,
Jane, for agreeing

to meet Ms. Scrimmage
and myself.

As you know,
we're very concerned about--

If this is about stopping
your special programs early,

the answer is no.

But you haven't even
heard us out.

I don't need to.
I've got spreadsheets.

Macdonald Hall's preliminary
grades are up 13 percent.

Well, they're just
mindlessly tapping screens.

Who cares what grades
they get at that?

And Scrimmage's instances of
misbehavior

have dropped
by a similar margin.

Well, they're too tired
to misbehave.

That's not
an improvement.

Your words,
Wizzle's numbers.

I know which ones I trust.

Ta-ta.

Well, that went well.

I could punch a duck!

Eugenia,

I've never
heard you so angry.

I know. I'm not myself.

The girls
can't see me like this.

I have to go to my
meditation yurt immediately,

and I'm not coming out
until I'm myself again.

[INHALES LOUDLY]

Breathe, Genie, breathe!

Oh, I hate it, uh!

Can't punch a duck anyway.

Well, the paper was a bust,

but we did get
Sturgeon's attention.

He's looking for loopholes
in the contracts.

And luckily,
we've already found one.

What?
It's simple.

The only person that can end

the Wizzle contract early
is Wizzle.

So we just have to make him
want to leave the Hall early.

"What if there was a kid

"who wasn't
in the Wizzle system,

"a kid we make up?

That would seriously drive
Wizzle up the wall."

That is the most ridiculous plan
I've ever heard.

Hey, what if
we scare him away

with Elmer's
new earthquake machine?

Wait, that one is.

Yeah, separately
they're both ridiculous,

Okay,
but what if we do them both?

Then we would be doing
two ridiculous plans

instead of one,
which is worse, not better.

Worse for Wizzle.
Better for us.

Debatable.

Boys,
Wizzle War is back on.

Behold,
the uber-sub-subwoofer.

All we have to do is get this
into the basement

of Wizzle's guest cottage

and he'll be plagued
by terrifying earthquakes

no one else on campus
will feel.

But first, let's test it.

I've set the volume
to eight out of 10.

[AUDIO FEEDBACK]

Okay, ready?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Test.

[FEEDBACK]
[RUMBLING]

Maybe three out of 10
would suffice.

Yeah, yeah, three.

Yeah, definitely three.

BOOTS:
How are we
even gonna get this

into Wizzle's guest cottage?

Oh, that part's easy.

We'll let
Wally handle that.

Wait, Wally?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hey, there! I'm Wally,

here to read your water meter
down in your basement there.

Oh.

Okay.
Oh, boy!

Scooch over there,
string bean.

Big load
coming through.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Hoo, nice work, Wally.

[DRILL WHIRS]

[WHIRRING]

[GIGGLING]
[DOG BARKING]

Why can't students be
more like dogs?

Or computers.

[SIGHS]

The receiver on the uber-sub
in the cottage

seems to be working.

Shall we make some noise?

Noise is my middle name.

Yep.
All right, ahem.

I call this tune
"No Sleep for Mr. Wizzle."

And...we're live.

Wow!
[PLAYS RIFF, LAUGHING]

[RUMBLING]

[SCREAMING]
Earthquake! Help!

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[OWL HOOTS]

Didn't anyone else feel that?

Hello?

The uber-sub is working.

He's tired, off-balance,
vulnerable.

I think it's time
Mr. Wizzle was introduced

to Macdonald Hall's
mystery kid.

Heh.

[SIGHS]

[MELLOW TUNE PLAYING]

[GIGGLES]

Little cuties.
Get that finger!

You hungry for--

WIZZLEWARE:
Off task. Off task.

Just one more second.

[LAUGHS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

Mr. Wizzle,

Gordon won't be able
to make it to class today.

He had a skateboarding accident
and twisted his ankle.

Thank you.

Uh, Gordon who?

Gunhold.

G. Gordon Gunhold.

Okay, bye now, heh.
Homework.

Mark absent
G. Gordon Gunhold.

WIZZLEWARE:
Student not found.

Mark absent,

G. Gordon Gunhold.

WIZZLEWARE:
Student not found.

[♪♪♪]

BRUNO:
Hey, did you guys sign
that card for Gordon yet?

Skateboarding accident.

Dude is totally crazy.

Like, who skates
at night, right?

I don't get it.
Totally crazy.

[LAUGHS]

Thanks, guys.

WIZZLEWARE:
Student not found.

Gunhold.

Student not found.

Gunhold-d-d.

Student not found.

Gunhold.

Student not found.
Gunhold?

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]
Gunhold. Gunhold!

Student. Not. Found.

Earthquake! Help!

[WHIMPERS]

♪ Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills ♪

♪ Sets a trap
To the things that we do ♪

"G. Gordon Gunhold
for student coun--"

WIZZLEWARE:
Student not found.

That's impossible!

ELMER:
Earthquake scientists
have long theorized

about the Great Lakes-
Saint Lawrence fault line.

According to Dr. Schultzenhop
of Mungingham College,

it could be right
in our own backyard.

Backyard?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

Mr. Wizzle,
Gordon wanted me to see

if you had
any homework for him.

[GRUNTS]

I can see now's a bad time.

My bad.

♪ Have wild needs ♪

Mr. Wizzle,
I can't move you to a hotel

over some earthquake that
nobody else has even noticed.

And I sure as sugar
can't check my records

for this Gordie Gumface kid

when all my computer
shows me are Wizzlewarts.

Forget about the earthquakes.

I take pride in Wizzleware's
perfect record system.

If something
isn't in my records,

it doesn't exist.

This boy doesn't show up
in my databases,

but his name is on posters!

Boys in the hall
talk about how fun he is

and how nice he is
to the new kids

and about the time
he landed

that 360 ollie
heel flip on the first try.

I found his name

in an old yearbook
in the library,

but there's no photo!

Look!

Mr. Wizzle,

have you been
getting enough sleep?

Who can sleep
with all these earthquakes?

Forget it!

Oh boy. The hamster in that
poor man's head

has flipped
right out of its wheel.

[PHONE RINGS]

Dr. Schultzenhop speaking.

Hello, Doctor.

It's Walter Wizzle,
calling with questions

about the Great Lakes-
Saint Lawrence fault line?

ELMER [AS DOCTOR]:
Ah, yes.

Tiny but deadly
earthquakes,

easily deadly,

but we have
no idea where it is.

I know!

It runs through my house,

practically under my bed!

Fascinating!

I could get to there...

In, um, 36 months.

Three years?

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

Science must not be rushed,
you see.

Science is
like a fine cheese.

[GROANS]

You ready, E-Rock?

Affirmative.

[♪♪♪]

WIZZLE:
Earthquake, earthquake!

Earthquake! Earth--

♪ Cheap thrills
Yeah, we chill ♪

♪ Yeah, we chill ♪

[SNORING]
[ROOSTER CROWS]

Good morning, sir!
[GASPS]

A little
stargazing last night?

What time is it?

PEABODY:
Wake up,
we're not in bed anymore!

What on earth is that?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

BRUNO:
Oh, uh, Scrimmage Academy

has a new guest headmaster too,
Miss Peabody.

Oh, and it is 8:45.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[YELLS]
8:45?

Oh, sir, do you have time
to sign this card for Gordon?

Not again!

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

[HUMMING]

ANGRY SCRIMMAGE:
What on earth
do you think you're doing?

I had a feeling
that baba ganoush

was a little bit dodgy.

Oh, you're having
an inner crisis,

but it's not
the intestinal kind.

What are you doing here?

I am here for you.

Peabody is out there,
making your girls miserable,

and you're in here hiding.

I'm not hiding.
Yes, you are!

You're hiding!

From me, angry Scrimmage!

I let go of my anger
years ago.

I am Zen,

with a hint of lavender

and a little bit of eucalyptus.

Is that what that smell is?

Woo! And what is with
the bedazzling?

Not a good look.

Wow, you are not just angry,

you are downright sarcastic.

Oh, very perceptive!

Okay, stop that.
I am here to show you

that there are some things
worth getting angry over!

I have no interest
in having that conversation.

I'm not here for
a conversation!

I'm here to fight!

[GASPS]
Ha, ha, ha!

Ow, uh,
get out of my head!

[GRUNTING]

Okay, this is it.

We need to show Peabody
this marching thing is a snap.

Who are we even
trying to impress?

Bruno's not here,

Miss Peabody is unimpressible--

What's the point?

The point is...

just do your best.

And don't fall behind
or make any mistakes.

[WHISPERS]
Here comes Peabody,

Get to your spot,
you can do it, come on--

Attention!

It's time for you lapdogs
to march.

But before we begin,
I have two words of advice.

Impress me.

[♪♪♪]

Company, fall in!

And...march!

Right face!

Forward, march!

To the rear, march!

To the rear, march!

Here comes the big one.

This should be good.

Column, right!

Oh, no!

I'm sorry.

Oh, you have got
to be kidding me.

Well, I had
high hopes for you girls,

but looks like
one of the poodles

let the other pooches down.

I'm sorry, guys.

I didn't order you to speak.

But I do order you to run

around the whole campus,

once...

for every girl
that you let down.

Well, why are you still
standing there?

Oh, zip it.

Pardon me?

Stop picking on Diane.

She worked harder
than anyone else here.

Well, let's get running.

Where do you think
you're going?

Well, you're all about
teamwork, right?

Well, me and Diane...

We're a team.

Well--

When you get back,
it's straight to the brig!

This school doesn't
have a brig, does it?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Wow! You guys...

A plus. Sounds great.

One question.

Why are there
so many of you?

It's totally unnecessary.

It's necessary
for maximum fun.

Besides, if we don't
take this band seriously,

we'll never make it.
BRUNO: Exactly.

Five, six, seven, eight.

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, Elmer.

This, uh, red light--

Isn't that
supposed to be green?

ELMER:
The uber-sub isn't picking up
the signal.

No signal, no earthquakes.

BRUNO:
But Wizzle's ready
to quit any day now.

We have to fix it.

That would mean
getting back

into Wizzle's basement.

BOOTS:
And there's no way
he'd fall

for that Wally trick
a second time.

What if I didn't have
to trick my way in?

Right?
What if we found a way

to trick Wizzle
into rushing out?

You mean, like, a distraction?

I mean the ultimate
distraction.

I think it's time
Mr. Wizzle

finally meets you...
Gordon.

Uh, no.
Yes.

No!
Yes!

♪ A bad kid's moving ♪

♪ Into my neighborhood ♪

♪ Oh, now he's moving
Into my neighborhood ♪

BRUNO:
Nice moves.
Good luck, buddy.

BOOTS [ON PHONE]:
I can't believe
you talked me into this.

Gunhold?

The albatross has left
the lighthouse.

BOTH:
What?

That's my code for:

"Wizzle has left the cottage".

You can't just
improvise code words!

They have to be determined
in advance!

Gunhold?

Gunhold! You're real!

You're really real!

BOOTS:
Call me Gordon.

You're coming with me
to the office

so I can put you in the database
because you're real!

You're real!

You can't do that, stop.

Stop--
Why aren't you stopping?

Okay, Elmer, I've got it,

and there's a red light
flashing on the side.

Oh, dear.
Um, this repair

might take
a little longer than expected.

What?

WIZZLE:
Wait, why aren't you stopping?

'Cause I'm Gordon G. Gunhold,
baby, and this is how I do!

Cowabunga to the extreme!
Maxin' out--

Bruno, I'm running out
of bro speak. Are you out yet?

Definitely not.

We need more time!

Bruno, have you found
the relay wire yet?

Definitely not.

Wizzleware classifies
skateboarding

as a level two distraction.

All right, boys, looks like
all those years at soccer camp

are about to come in handy.

Ah! Oh, Mommy!

Mommy, please!

Oh, this doesn't
feel good at all!

Just breathe,
try to breathe.

Oh geez, wow!

Is that a bone?

Oh man,
somebody call an ambulance!

[FAINT BEEPING]

Wait... Elmer, Elmer,
yeah, I found the wire!

Great! Now plug it
into the auxiliary board

and get out of there!

[FEEDBACK]

Uh, that sounds bad.

[CYMBALS CRASH]
[YELLS]

[RUMBLING]

What's happening?

[GRUNTS]

Oh, that's not good.

You feel it too?
I was right!

We're all gonna die
in an earthquake.

We're all gonna die
in an earthquake!

ELMER:
The seismic pressure
is intensifying.

Something's gonna blow!

Bruno, get out of there now!

BOOTS:
W-whoa.

Bruno, hurry up!

You're not Gordon Gunhold,

you're Bruno Walton's
sidekick, Socks!

It's Boots!
And he's the sidekick!

[YELLS]

What the doodle
is going on here?

Elmer, do something!

Precisely my intention!

Ugh.

Come on!

[CRUMBLING]

[GLASS SHATTERS]
[YELLS]

Heads up.

We're sorry
for almost killing you.

Heh. Sounds extra bad
out loud, huh?

Let's talk about this
from the beginning, shall we?

Uh, that won't actually
be necessary.

Assess and discipline.

WIZZLEWARE:
Students identified:

Bruno Walton, Melvin O'Neil.

Sixty demerits.

[ELECTRONIC BEEPS]

Well, that about does it,
I guess.

Sir,
this was all an accident.

We may have been dumb,

and we may have acted
irresponsibly, but we--

What's wrong, Walton?

Wizzle warned us

the bands only have
double-digits for a reason.

I-In other words,

a hundred demerits
means you're expelled.

I'm kind of afraid to look.

It's okay.
Just show us.

Oh.

You're close,

but you're gonna be okay.

But you better be
on your best behavior

till I sort out
this contract. Got it?

I'll make sure he is.

[GRUNTS]

That was close.
Too close.

Tell me about it.
I think a solid bronze head

just missed my head.

Dude, no slip
and slide?

It's not worth it.

Sliding down...

Yeah, I guess it's best
to play it safe.

Dude, I need to play it
safer than safe,

cause if I get
one more demerit...

I don't want
to think about it.

[BOTH SIGH]

CATHY:
Come on, Diane,
Come on!

You can do it.
[DIANE WHEEZING]

We're almost there.

Come on!

We did it. Together.
[BOTH PANTING]

We showed them.

Walton, Peabody,
everyone who ever doubted us.

You...

are a special kind
of stubborn, Cathy Burton.

Are we really done,

or is this what a jogging coma
feels like--

[BOTH YELL]

A water balloon?

With a note inside?

It's from Peabody.

"Lapdogs, your next assignment

"will be a water balloon war.

"There will be two teams.

"The red team will consist
of Cathy and Diane,

"and the blue team
will be Miss Peabody

"and her hand-picked platoon
of Scrimmage girls.

"The winning team
gets to sleep in

"and miss next week's
calisthenics class.

"The losing team gets
two extra months

"of combat training
and practice.

All summer."

I can't lose my summer.

I've got engineering camp!

And I've got...

summer!

Well, then...

I guess we have to win this.

More balloons.

If we stand any chance
against Peabody,

we need
all the ammo we can get.

The wetter, the better.

What's the point?

It's you and me alone
against the whole school.

We may as well be up
against the whole world.

You're right,

except for one
itty-bitty detail:

You're not alone.
Miss Scrimmage?

SCRIMMAGE:
Yes, girls, I'm back
and I'm here to help.

You're gonna help us?
I'm no warrior,

but I finally realized
I know a thing or two

about putting up
a fight in other ways.

That's exactly what we needed,
a secret weapon.

Oh, I'm not
our secret weapon.

Diane is.
Grab a wrench, dear.

It's time to do
what you do best.

Bruno won't be joining us
on this mission.

In fact, he can't even know
it's happening.

So Bruno's 99, it's true?

Yep, and that's why we have
to hit Wizzle at the source.

His audio dongle!
[SCOFFS]

I meant the thing in his ear.

But you said "audio,"
heh, heh.

BOOTS:
Wizzle's earpiece
is just a gizmo.

We need to find and erase
the source of all of our misery,

especially Bruno's.

The demerits.
[MARKER SQUEAKING]

WILBUR:
"How would that help?"

Yeah, who cares
if the demerits are erased?

If Wizzle--
We're talking about Wizzle.

He doesn't
have to remember anything,

Wizzleware
remembers it for him.

If there's no evidence
of a demerit,

it doesn't exist.

What if this plan
doesn't work?

It has to.

We could really use
Bruno's help on this.

Hey.
We don't need him.

I'm the Bruno now.

Heh.

[SIGHS]

Ugh!
Man, is it just me,

or does the WizzleFuel
have a little more

of a plastic-y
aftertaste today?

I can't complain.

Can't risk
the possible demerits.

[BOTH SIGH]

Wait, where are the guys?

That's a really
nice blouse, Ms. Davis.

Where did you get it?

Paris? New York?

The future?

What do you want?

I'm here to apply for the
out-of-province student bursary.

I'm pretty sure they're
in the file cabinet in the back.

Way back.

You know,

I've been at this job
for quite some time, Wilbur.

Long enough to know
when I'm being tricked

into going into the back
so some twerp

can sneak
something from up here.

Hypothetically.

Um, well, you see--

Now if, hypothetically,

you and your pals
were up to something,

would that something have
anything to do with getting rid

of this Wizzle stinker?

Well, if we were,
we would need to borrow

a copy of
the school blueprints,

including electrical schematics.

Hypothetically.

This is it.

After snooping through
Wizzle's file directory

and following the cables
that came out of his office,

we found where
he stores the demerits,

and it's not good.

Let me guess,

saved in some hard drive

in the middle
of a tech warehouse in Idaho.

Worse.

George Wexford-Smyth III's room.

Isn't his room
more like an office?

Yeah, an office
that doubles as a vault.

I had one idea, but...

maybe we should take the night
and think it over.

Okay.

No.

That's not
what Bruno would do.

We're gonna do the first plan

that popped into my head,

because that is
what Bruno would do.

Chris, we're gonna need
your art supplies.

We'll need suits.
Business suits.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Ladies, our battle
is about to begin.

If there's
one thing I do not want to see

on the battlefield today,

it's mercy.

Because today,

you're no longer lapdogs.

In fact,
I pity the lap

that tries
to get in your way.

You're my team, my army,

and we are the Doberwomen.

[BARKS]

[ALL BARKING]
First wave,

grab your weapons.
Prepare to march.

[FANFARE PLAYS]
[GIRLS YELLING]

Incoming!

I-I'm not ready yet!

No, please, please, please--

Hello, enemy combatants.

Despite our differences,
we welcome you with open arms.

Should you choose
to join our cause,

please proceed to
the deserters' welcome station,

where you will be
greeted with a warm smile,

aromatherapy,
and a shiatsu massage.

And no one
will yell at you, ever.

[SQUEALING]

♪ We only do it for the fame ♪

♪ We only do it for the fame ♪

♪ I can't tell
the difference ♪

Boots O'Neil and associates,

here to see
George Wexford-Smyth III.

GEORGE [OVER INTERCOM]:
Mr. O'Neil, welcome.

♪ We only do it for the fame ♪

Is it just me,

or is this
place bigger on the inside?

Must be
an optical illusion.

Welcome back, old bean.

It's been far too long.

You're still outsourcing
your hugs, I see.

Well,
it was Mummy's idea.

Welcome to Wexfunds,
old shirts.

You see, when I told Daddy

that I wanted to open up
a branch of his company

right here in Macdonald Hall,
why, he laughed so hard

that caviar
came out of his nose.

He wasn't even eating caviar
at the time.

Oh, well.

Off we go!

Nasty.

Come on, let's go.

So now I'm one of Father's
biggest profit centers,

offering not only investments,

but a wide suite
of management services,

including,
but not limited to,

privacy management,
legal consultation,

and cloud data storage.

Data storage, really?

Yes, old calculator.

Gobs of money
in data storage these days.

Now, we have a business
proposition for you.

A start-up?

I'm intrigued.

Prepare yourself for the
next big thing in home décor:

giant food art.

Sorry, old charcoal barbecue,

did you just say,
"giant food art"?

You know,
I think that a picture

is worth
a thousand words.

Why don't we
show him what we've got?

[GRUNTS]

This is just a picture
of a hamburger.

Why would anyone
want this?

B-But it's not

just a picture
of a hamburger.

It's a giant picture
of a hamburger.

Look at the detail.

Let's start from the top,
shall we?

Sesame seeds.
Mmm!

At this size,
you can really enjoy them.

You can see their beautiful
glistening texture.

The lettuce is in there,
just encased around the burger,

really just keeping
all that flavor in there...

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]
[WILBUR TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

[WHISPERING]
Try it now.

WILBUR:
Oh, I think I know
what's coming.

It's some red onion!
Red onion is coming in there--

Go.

Take this,
I'll stand guard.

WILBUR:
Look at the detail,

the red onions comes
and invigorates your taste buds.

You really want
some more burger.

Oof! Mmm!

[♪♪♪]

All right, Elmer,

where does Wizzle
store his demerits?

ELMER:
According to George's records,

Rack eight, drive...

[SIGHS]

"The Third".

Puppy videos, puppy videos,
puppy videos...

Wow, he really
likes puppy videos--

Wizzleware, Okay!

Ugh.

ELMER:
Set it to diagnostic mode.

[SOFTWARE BEEPING]

Okay, okay, I got it.
What's next? Hurry!

Now you have to input

a 77-digit alphanumeric
code, and yes,

it is case sensitive.

Let's see here.

ELMER:
Capital J, one...

Wait, is that capital J,
lowercase L?

Could be an uppercase I.

[RUMBLING]
[THUD]

[GROANS]

Bruno!
Boots!

BOTH:
What are you doing here?

I'm erasing
Wizzle's demerits.

So am I!

I had to take over for you,

so I am leading
the mission.

Dude, good job taking over,

because you're doing exactly
what I'm doing here,

but I was just
gonna use a hammer.

[ALARM BLARING]

Who are you?

WIZZLEWARE:
Students identified:

Bruno Walton. Melvin O'Neil.

I'm at a total loss here.

What do I need to do
to get through to you boys?

Maybe I need
to completely rethink

my approach to discipline
here at Macdonald Hall.

Really, sir?

I'm actually
really glad to hear that.

Yeah, me too.

[FANFARE PLAYS]

That's it!

Wait, what's it?

Miss Peabody seems
to run a pretty tight ship.

Maybe it's time
I introduced myself.

No, no, no, please,
sir, don't, please.

We have to stop him,
or Macdonald Hall's gonna be

the world's first computerized
military academy.

Let's go, let's go!

What do you mean,
you're all that's left?

Against two girls?

Doberwomen,

new strategy:
prepare to ambush.

[FANFARE PLAYS]

[GIRLS YELL]

Hello? Miss Peabody?

No, Mr. Wizzle,
this is a mistake!

You wanna talk about new
discipline ideas, I mean,

we're your guys.

Yeah, yeah, um,
digging ditches,

wolf wrestling,
dumpster detention?

We can work with that.

I've made up
my mind, boys.

Macdonald Hall
needs to be ruled

with an iron fist.

And somewhere
in these woods is a lady

who has two of them.

[GIRLS YELLING]
[FANFARE PLAYING]

[♪♪♪]

[PEABODY YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

[GIRLS ROARING]

[YELLS]

Cease fire, cease fire!

Who are you?

[STAMMERING]

We're Bruno and Boots.

This is Mr. Wizzle.
He's leading the pilot program

at Macdonald Hall.
Please don't attack us.

Quiet!

You mean to say
that we wasted

all of our precious ammo
on this?

Unless...
Is this a trap?

BOTH:
No! No!

Nobody's trapping anybody.

Retreat!

Uh-oh. This looks bad.

Hello, Gloria.
Have you met Diane?

I believe she has talents you
haven't fully appreciated.

Fire!

[YELLS]

[SCREAMING]

Good job, girls!

Don't stop!

Reload!

[GIRLS CHEERING,
LAUGHING]

Woo-hoo!

CATHY:
We won!

You cheated!

That's right, I saw
your fancy massage tables

and your incense!

And if that
wasn't bad enough,

you had to go
across the street

and get help
from the boys.

Well, you leave me
with no choice

but to extend training
through the whole summer,

and that goes for everyone!

[GIRLS TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

What?

See? An iron fist.

It's time I followed
in her example.

No. I should do this myself.

For multiple infractions,
Boots, 18 demerits.

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

And Bruno,

I think just one will do.

Here goes.
Yeah.

Hey, I have an idea.

Why don't you call
my parents, right,

and tell them
we got expelled,

and I'll hide in Australia

until this
just all blows over?

It's only fair.

We wouldn't even
be in this situation

if it wasn't for me.

What? What the...?

Were one of those balloons
that hit you frozen?

It's true.

I thought
I could be like you,

but all I did
was just get in the way

of you actually doing it.

The Bruno way should've
saved the day, but...

[SIGHS]

...it didn't.

Should we get this
over with?

[SIGHS]
Yeah.

I can't afford a ticket
to Australia anyway.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Yeah, okay.

We're on our way.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

Ah! Hello, boys.

I heard about
the expulsion situation.

It's unfortunate indeed.

However, I did read
a subsection of the agreement

that may be pertinent
in this case.

Sir, are you living here?

No!

Yes.

Why?

Doesn't matter, never mind.

Where did I...?
Aha!

Listen to this.

"Expulsions and their appeals

"are the sole decision
of Wizzleware sysadmin

Walter C. Wizzle."

Huh?
Yeah, huh?

You get an appeal.

You get to ask Wizzle
to reconsider your expulsion.

It is now almost 5:00
on Friday,

so this has to wait
until Monday,

which gives me the entire
weekend to work on this.

Ha!

So we're somewhere between

expelled and not expelled,

hoping that you can find a
loophole that may not even exist

or that
the assistant headmaster

that literally
just expelled us

will suddenly magically
change his mind?

Exactly.

Have a good weekend.

Out, out, out, out!

We've got one last shot
to save our bacon.

That's why I've called
the whole team together.

The whole team.

I don't wanna do this--

I didn't ask.

Boots.

Diane.

Cathy.

Bruno.

Wilbur!

Well, that was fun.
Bye!

[SIGHS]
Fine.

We wanna
get rid of Peabody

as much as you want
to get rid of Wizzle,

and we could've used
your help ages ago,

but someone
was too stubborn to ask.

Ahem!

Fine,
that someone was me.

Now can we all
just stop talking

and figure out how
to get rid of these jerks

once and for all?

Nice job on
the sidekick, Grant.

She has her moments.

Okay,
can we just get to work

and get rid
of Wizzle and Peabody?

ELMER:
It's one thing to get Wizzle

to change his mind
about the expulsion.

Getting rid of Wizzle
and Peabody altogether

is a whole different thing.

He's right. Getting him
to change his mind

is gonna be impossible.
No.

Traveling faster
than light is impossible.

Me making the basketball team
is impossible.

This is just really,
really, really unlikely.

But what if instead
of changing his mind,

he had a change of heart?

There was this moment
in the woods...

You should've seen
Wizzle's face.

Wizzle has a serious
crush on Peabody.

[SCOFFS]

So, so,
what I was thinking is...

we try to make Wizzle
and Peabody fall in love.

Okay, that's impossible.

You're impossible.

BOOTS:
What good would them

falling in love even do?

BRUNO:
Are you kidding me?

If we can actually
make the two

fall in love with each other,

they might just,
you know,

run off and get married
and start some school

on the other side
of the world.

But...

How do you make people
fall for each other?

It's not something
that just happens.

[LAUGHS]

WILBUR:
It's more likely
to just happen

over a romantic dinner.

Ah, mmm!

That's it!
We just set them up

on the fanciest,
most romantic date ever!

I know just the place.
[SNORTS]

You do? Where?

This classy little gem

called Manny's Kitchen.
Oh, no.

Seriously?

[GRUNTS]

Uh, ew.
[LAUGHS]

ALL:
Woo!

[PHONE RINGS]
Peabody speaking.

CATHY [ON PHONE]:
Oh, hello, Miss Peabody,

it's Superintendent Snow
calling.

I'd like to meet with you

to discuss the future
of your wonderful program.

Let's meet for dinner.

Yes, ma'am.

I'd be delighted.

[PHONE RINGS]

WIZZLE:
Walter C. Wizzle speaking.

Oh, hello, Mr. Wizzle,

it's Superintendent Snow
calling.

I'd like to meet with you

to discuss the future
of your wonderful program.

So is that FaceTime?

Skype? WizzleChat?
What?

In person.
Oh?

CATHY [ON PHONE]:
Let's meet for dinner.

Sure thing, Miss Snow.

[♪♪♪]

BRUNO:
We need this to be

the most romantic dinner
of their lives,

Okay?
When the date starts,

Cathy and Diane
will be in the kitchen

to coordinate through
our earpieces, all right?

Okay.
Okay.

But first, there's a bunch

of heavy band equipment,

so we need to bring it in--

We got it all.
It's not that heavy.

Nothing compared
to our Peabody workout.

If being crazy strong
is wrong,

I don't wanna be right.

Wow.

And we should get
that TV

by their table turned off.

We don't want anything
to distract from romance.

Let's go.

Okay.

Okay, one question.

What happens
if the plan doesn't work?

BRUNO:
Aw! He's got the Dog
and Puppy Channel!

So there is
a backup plan?

Yeah.

Heh.

[ANGRILY]
We're gonna start
another earthquake?

Just a little one,
you know?

It's gonna frighten them
right into each other's arms.

Man, you better hope
this date works out.

Yeah, this...

Is this the right place?

WIZZLEWARE:
Location confirmed.

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
Monsieur Wizzelle?

Wizzle.

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
But of course.

We've been expecting you.
Please, right this way.

We will do everything we can

to make this evening
unforgettable.

Oh, uh,
Superintendent Snow

sent word that she is, uh,

how do you say?
Delayed.

But she asked
that you wait for her

along with her other dinner
guest this evening.

[♪♪♪]

Miss Snow sent me
to meet her and you?

Mr. Balloon War Ruiner?

Not a chance.
I'm outta here.

She can't leave.

What do we do?
I don't know!

You can tell Miss Snow
that she can--

[PHONE RINGS]

Peabody.
Yes, Miss Snow.

I'm at the restaurant now.

Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry
about leaving you with that

devilishly handsome
Mr. Wizzle.

I'll be there
as soon as I can.

Well, I won't be here
when you arrive.

Miss Peabody,
I am your superior

and you are to stay right
where you are until I arrive,

which might
be quite a while, actually.

Do you have
a problem with that?

No, ma'am.
Take as much time

as you need, ma'am.

That's more like it.

Now, enjoy a taco platter
on me.

Ah! Compliments of Madame
Superintendent Snow:

A complimentary
platter de tacos,

featuring les bâtons
de fish de tacos.

French tacos?

Si.

Okay, guys,

give them a little space.

We will retreat
to allow you to have

a delightful conversation.

Bon appétit.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
How do you think
it's going?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Pretty good.
How's my French accent?

It's French?
Thought it was Irish.

WIZZLE:
Well, I happen to think

that my system is superior.

Sure,
if you wanna teach kids

to sit on their butts
all day.

Well, at least
I don't have them doing

mindless exercise
all day.

Mindless?

CATHY [ON RADIO]:
Guys, a little help, please?

Well,
that didn't take long.

Come on.

PEABODY:
Bet you never exercised--

[FRENCH ACCENT]
How is everything?
Wonderful?

[FRENCH ACCENT]
More sparkly?

[CUSTOMERS CHEERING]

Can you turn on this TV
so I can watch the game?

But of course.

CATHY [ON RADIO]:
No, don't do it,
don't do it!

Not!
Of course not.

Non, non, non.
Because...

It's time for music!

Oui.

ELMER [ON MIC]:
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

Gloria and Walter,
this one's for you.

[♪♪♪]

♪ No one seems to notice ♪

♪ No one seems to care ♪

♪ Love has got me
Floating in the air ♪

♪ I've got a grin
From ear to ear ♪

[APPLAUSE]

♪ Love knocked me ♪

♪ Off of my feet ♪

♪ I wanna go out and shout it ♪

♪ Look at what love's
Done to me ♪

♪ I'm gonna tell ♪

♪ Folks that I meet ♪

♪ Love's made me weak
In the knees ♪

Well, that's awfully...

nice?

His voice is as beautiful
as you are.

I mean,
not that you're beautiful.

I mean,
not that I noticed.

Look, tacos!

♪ Make me a little bit more ♪

Mmm!

Wow. Good taco.

They're not bad.

I'm sorry I interrupted
your water war thing,

but it was nice to finally
get to meet you.

See you in action.

Well...

I know I can be
a bit of a windbag,

but trust me,

no matter
how I bark and shout,

I really feel that--

[KEYBOARD CLICKING]

Oh, never mind.

Typical tech guy.

Can't take your eyes
off your gadgets.

There. That should do it.

[CUSTOMERS WHOOP]

How did you do that?

Oh, no big deal.

I just spoofed
the access board,

flipped some bits,
and voilà!

Took control
of a multi-million dollar

broadcast satellite.

You can watch the game now.

That sounds
slightly illegal.

Eight to 10 years in prison.

But, uh, I know
how to cover my tracks.

[♪♪♪]

[NORMAL VOICE]
It's going well.
We should let them be.

[NORMAL VOICE]
Are you kidding me?

If it's going well,
we need to hit them

with the romance
even harder.

No, no!
Bruno. Bruno!

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
Dessert time!

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
Is not right now.
Maybe later.

Uh, Superintendent Snow

will not be making it here
after all tonight,

but she has commanded us

to prepare for you
our most roman--

uh, fantastic brownie sundae
just for you two.

Oh, we don't need any.

You hear that?
They don't need it--

But they are getting it.

If you insist.

If he insists. Okay,
but let's keep it quick.

Would you like
some, uh, sprinkles,

some chocolate chips,
mallows à la marsh--

How about, uh,

le works?

Ah!

He's very enthusiastic
about desserts.

CATHY [ON RADIO]:
Bruno, what are you doing?

Boots,
they're getting miffed.

The most important part...

Ah! The whipped crème.

Guys, enough!

You know what they say,
though: less is more.

Uh, but none is no fun.

Careful with that.

We're just
trying to give you

the best service possible.

Which includes
the whipped crème!

Stop--

[CUSTOMERS SCREAM]

You're the worst!

What on earth
is going on here?

WIZZLEWARE:
Students identified:

Wilbur Hackenschleimer,

Elmer Drimsdale,
Chris Talbot,

Melvin O'Neil, Bruno Walton.

WIZZLE:
Bruno? Boots?

You're all behind this?

Miss Peabody,
we can explain.

What are you
doing here?

WIZZLE:
Well, I've had my limit
for awfulness.

I'm leaving.
Me too.

We will get to the bottom
of this on Monday.

[♪♪♪]

Where's the manager?
You're the manager?

Do something!

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
The back-up plan!

Everybody, plug
into the uber-sub.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
No, no,
stop, stop, stop!

We need
to think this through.

We need
to do this your way.

We need to stop,
take a breath,

and think it over.

We--
It's our only hope.

I don't know what to do!

The date was a disaster,

they have nothing
in common--

Little cuties!

At least it was a break
from her dog metaphors.

And we are the Doberwomen!

[BARKS]

What?
What, what, what?

The doggie videos,

the puppy socks
and pajamas,

the lapdogs,
Doberwomen!

They do
have something in common!

BOTH:
The Dog and Puppy Channel

[WIZZLE & PEABODY
ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

[PUPPIES WHINING]

Hey, puppies!

Where?

Uh-oh, cute alert!

Aww!

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Oh, look at 'em.

BOTH:
You like dogs too?

[♪♪♪]

I now pronounce you
soul mates through eternity.

You may embrace your beloved.

Kiss.

[ALL CHEERING]

GIRL:
Yeah, Wizzle and Peabody!

BOOTS:
They say love
can conquer all.

I don't think
that's entirely true.

But I do know that love
can get you un-expelled,

it can get your summer back,

and it can really bring out
the best in people.

♪ For life, for life ♪

Even people you didn't think
had a good side.

♪ For life, for life ♪

♪ For life, for life ♪

♪ For life, for life
For life ♪

I'm happy to report that
that was the last

we saw
of the happy couple.

I look at you
and I see Chihuahuas!

Pomeranians! Lapdogs!

[DOGS WHINING]

Well, that's changing
right now.

Honey!

All right, class,
get the ball.

Go get the ball!

Go get it! Go get it!

♪ Oh, yeah
So let go ♪

BOOTS:
I've never been very
interested in romance,

but after this,

I'm starting to see things
a little differently.

Hey, watch your foot.

You watch your foot!
Okay, okay,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

William,
you did a lovely job

on the wedding cake,

and it was
very generous of you

to offer Macdonald Hall
as the venue.

Well, anything to get them
hitched and on their way.

I hope Superintendent Snow

wasn't too upset
the happy couple

ended their
pilot program early?

Oh, she was spitting mad!

She really has to learn
to accept her anger.

You see, anger can have

a powerfully transformative
effect on one's life.

Eugenia, to paraphrase
the popular saying,

clam up and dance.

[GIGGLING]

♪ For life, for life ♪

♪ For life, for life ♪

♪ And I'm gonna make you
Mine for life ♪

♪ For life, for life ♪

It's pretty great,
isn't it?

Better than great.

It's home.
And it's ours again.

Hey, congrats
on saving two schools,

helping two total weirdos

live happily ever after,

and for helping me
realize that...

I have a lot to learn from you.

Thanks.

And I may have learned
that the Bruno method

does in fact have its perks.

I am glad that you've decided

to slow things down
a little bit

and maybe
think things through--

Is that a chocolate fountain?

Ha, ha!
You know what that means?

No, I--

Yeah,
chocolate bath time!

Bruno,
it's gonna be too hot!

At least
take your shoes off!

♪ Everybody looking
At sunshine ♪

♪ Going back, Mama
That's what you chose ♪

♪ Well, I was on my knees ♪

♪ Begging please
I need release ♪

[LAUGHS]

We wanna save Peabody
as much as-- Save?

Get rid of.

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
Uh, uh,
fantastic, uh.

Uh, browndae--

[LAUGHS]

Ugh.

Nice!

Sorry, guys, didn't mean

to actually take it off.

You know,
running and jumping

and yelling and...

I'm missing one.

MAN: Push-ups, sit-ups--
Push-ups, sit-ups!

[LAUGHS]

I look at you
and I see Chihuahuas!

Pomeranians! Lapdogs!

[BARKING]

Except for one
itty little...

Itty-bitty detail:

you're not alone.
Miss Scrimmage?

♪ They took me around
'Cause I'm feeling fine ♪

♪ Hold me back, Mama
That's what you chose ♪

Thank you very much
for agreeing

to meet with us,
Jane, and...

And, uh...

I'm gonna
start again, okay?

Absolutely.

Okay,
thank you so much

for that opportunity,
Jane.

Fire!
Ooh!

Yes! Oh, girls!

He-he-he.

We can handle

whatever
Peabody yells at--

Put rocks in our--
[ROLLS TONGUE]

♪ Well it pleases me
Oh, it pleases me ♪

♪ No, it's looking
More trouble ♪

♪ Then you make it
Go home ♪

♪ I heard that
You're wasting your time away ♪

♪ Thought to myself
I would do the same ♪

♪ Hey. going out
Going out of my head ♪

♪ Back on the word
And I wouldn't forget ♪

[APPLAUSE]

Ow!

DIANE: Fire!
Ah!

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHING]

Can we not aim that low?

Wizzle deserves that.

♪ Hey, oh ♪

♪ Waiting for a minute
That's out of control ♪

♪ Going back, Mama
That's what you chose ♪