All language subtitles for Suddenly.Amish.S01E02.en

[narrator]
Previously on "Suddenly Amish."

People are leaving the Amish
community, and so I will be

inviting English people
into our community in hopes

of repopulating
circulating the church.

It will be your jobs to teach
them, to prepare them.

I don't expect these English

to last more
than a couple days.

Hi, I'm Kendra.

-Hi, nice to meet you.
-[Kendra] Nice to meet you.

My first impression
of Matt is, he's cute.

Lust would be the issue
with the skin showing.

[Kendra]
I've had to deal with,

like, slut-shaming
my whole life.

This is what I'm trying
to get away from.

There's something
about me that...

the Amish might accept
or they might not.

That bad boy
is for my hearing aids.

I have a disability.

If he takes
my hearing aids away,

that messes with my head.

They're not allowed to have
the lashes and the nail.

You're gonna have to take
those off.

I'm not doing it.

Looks like we have
a situation here...

and then, just leave already.
-OK.

[soft church music plays]

[choir chant plays]

[Allen] Do you want
to fit in or not?

I feel like lashes and nails
and stuff like that

doesn't make me
stand out too much.

It's like, I'm already
not wearing makeup,

and it's not hurting anyone.

So I think, no.
[laughing] I'm not doing that.

[Allen] You leaving tonight?

Maybe.

This has definitely
made me question

how the Amish treat
situations like this,

they're not as accepting

and welcoming as I thought
they were gonna be.

[Emma] What if we made
an exception?

I don't know, what would
you do about her nails?

I would take them
off and put clear,

just to protect them,
until they do grow out.

It's very, very hard
to become Amish.

It is a culture shock.

It is so different.

You can't just
do it all at once.

I guess we can do
a little give-and-take,

but at some point you're gonna
have to eventually change that.

I need, maybe,
just a little bit more time.

[James] We've already been
giving you quite a bit of time.

[Allen] James is having
some problems with Esmeralda,

why she can't
be a part of the community

if she doesn't do it.

Maybe I should see if we can
come to a peaceable agreement.

If you're willing,
in seven days, to change that,

I mean, I could --
I could go along with that.

If you can have a check-in in,
like...a week.

We will definitely
hold you to that.

I'm frustrated that Allen
is being so lenient

with Esmeralda.

She's here to join the Amish.

I mean...

be strict with her.

[Esmeralda]
I feel like I transported

to a whole different universe.

This is hard,

way harder than
I thought it was gonna be.

[Kendra] Oh!
There's more stairs?

Can you take bottom
and I'll take the top?

[Matt] Yeah, I can carry it,

I swear.
-No, no.

They're steep steps.

-OK, muscle-man.
-[laughs]

-Well.
-[Matt laughs]

[Allen speaking] Today,
I am checking their bags to see

what is appropriate
and what is not.

-[Allen] You don't have
anything...
-[grunts]

...in there that's not Amish?

Everything is not Amish.

[Billie Jo] We don't have
anything Amish in here.

I don't know if you wanna
see what I have in my bag.

Nothing bad.

Once the bishop
really put me down

for what I was wearing

and told me
that it's not acceptable

to be dressing like that,

I don't know,
I felt kinda, like,

eerie walking in the house.
I'm like, "I don't know

what to expect."

I'm nervous for them
to go through my suitcase.

OK, clothes?

You're not gonna like
any of them.

You guys probably
don't wear shorts?

No.

Um...that's too short.

This is a crop top.
That's not gonna work.

Definitely not a swimsuit.

We don't see tank tops
and shorts

in the Amish culture.

It seems like she wants
to be seen

and all her parts
want to be seen.

I have nothing.

If worse comes to worse,

Kendra, I can give you
a few other dresses.

Maybe I can pin it so that it
doesn't go off your shoulder.

I thought some of the stuff
that I packed is OK,

but it's like every little
thing I pulled out,

"No, no, no."
And I'm like, "OK,

now I feel
like an actual whore,

because even my t-shirts
aren't allowed."

OK, so it's my turn.

I have an Amish dress that was
made by an Amish market.

Oh, that's close to hers.

-OK?
-[Kendra] OK.

So these are cape, and aprons.

Think everything else
in there is pretty good.

Well, I've just got
my bras and things.

Oh!
[laughs]

[Matt laughs]

[Kendra] When she pulled
that out, I was like,

"Wait, the Amish girl's
a little freaky."

I wonder what
the bishop would've said

about "Little Pinky" over there.

[Allen]
I'll be honest with you.

That is a self-pleasure,

and that is very, uh...
looked down upon

in -- in our community.
-[Billie Jo] Mm-hmm.

You're not supposed
to be pleasuring yourself.

You're supposed
to be pleasuring

your spouse or your --

Yeah.

There's no exceptions, like,
if you don't have a spouse?

-[Billie Jo] No?
-[Kendra] Really?

[Billie Jo] All right.

-[Billie Jo] That's OK.
-That sucks.

Like, what the [bleep]
are you doing?

Like, you've brought a vibrator
into Amish people's home?

Uh...like, surely you
didn't think that would be cool?

You're gonna have
to find yourself a man.

-[laughs]
-[Billie Jo] Listen, I'm trying.

[Billie Jo] What I thought
might be allowed,

I was definitely wrong about.

How does that make you
feel, like, seeing it?

Have you seen one,
like, in person?

Not really!

In the Amish culture,
that stuff is not tolerated.

Like, couldn't she live
without that?

Yeah, I knew what it was,
but I never really did see one.

[Billie Jo] Until now.
Good start, Billie Jo,

good start.

-So we can sit down.
-Is it weird having us here?

Well, it was kinda weird
being by ourselves

all this time.
-[Kendra] Oh, really?

We have, uh...four --
four children,

which one of them
isn't with us anymore.

-I'm so sorry.
-I'm sorry.

But, yeah, it's kinda
different being by ourselves.

So how about you guys?

Is any of you married?

-No.
-Divorced?

I know that's not a...

popular thing in the Amish.

Well, yeah, you're right.

We feel that if God
brought you together,

then you belong together.

We consider it the most serious
step of our life,

and it's a commitment for life.
-[Matt] Mm-hmm.

I've been divorced, and it
sounds like a very rare thing

in their community,
um...and it's...

unfortunately not very
rare in ours.

[Kendra] I feel like it's
a huge issue for us.

Like, my parents are divorced.

-Most of my friends' parents...
-Yeah, my parents are divorced.

My parents are divorced.

Yeah, I feel like
it's so common.

If anyone is like,
"Oh, yeah, my parents

have been together
for, like, 30, 40 years,"

we're like, "What?"
-"Wow."

I guess our thinking is,
if you can't forgive,

God will not forgive you either.

-Hum.
-[Kendra] Mm.

With Matt telling me that, uh...

he's divorced,
it does raise a red flag.

I'm gonna have to tell
my brother, the bishop,

and James about this,

but I have no idea yet
what their view is

on the situation we have.

I'm hoping that we can be like
your parents to you guys.

I definitely want
to respect you,

but I also want
your respect in the same.

-Definitely.
-[Billie Jo] Of course, yes.

-Yeah.
-Our culture...

differs,
and it will take a while.

-It's not an overnight process.
-Yeah.

[Allen] It's gonna be tough.

-Yeah.
-I know.

-Yeah.
-[Kendra] Yeah.

-[Billie Jo] Yeah it is.
-[Kendra] I already know,

I'm gonna cry a lot.

You -- are you guys
not allowed to cry?

Are you allowed
to show emotion?

-Yeah, we are.
-OK, I was gonna say, it's
like...

I don't think
it's very common.

It's not as common as it
is for us, I don't think.

In our world, there's a lot
of hugging and crying and --

We see the hugging more
and more in our culture,

and I like to see that.
-[Billie Jo] Oh, OK.

The crying,

if we were not allowed to cry,

I would have been in trouble
eight months ago.

Wait, is that how
long ago it was,

or how soon ago it was?
-[Sarah] Mm-hmm.

[Allen] We never had
children of our own,

so we adopted four.

Our youngest son passed away
in November of last year.

-And it still hurts.
-[Billie Jo] Of course it does.

-[Billie Jo] I'm so sorry.
-He was --

[voice breaking]
...he was my son.

And he was always willing
to lend a hand.

[Billie Jo] I'm so sorry.

So, yeah, emotions, we're not
worried about that.

[Kendra] OK.

[Matt] Allen and Sarah are a lot
more open with themselves.

It was very surprising for me.

I just assumed that Amish
people were very just stoic

and...no emotions.

It's good to know that we can
be comfortable

and be ourselves.

[Billie Jo] Allen and Sarah,

the trauma they've
had in their life,

just them being able
to share that

with us just immediately
brought us closer.

I know that this is just
the beginning, and...

there is so much more
in store for us.

This is nothing like I thought
this was gonna be.

[Allen] So what do you think
about tomorrow morning?

[Billie Jo] It'll be, uh...

busy, I imagine.

[Matt] Up at 4:00?

[Sarah] 3:30, 4 o'clock?

-[Matt whispers] That's crazy.
-Really?

[Matt] Oh my gosh.

[Billie Jo] Are you gonna
wake us up at that time?

-Yeah, I think so.
-[Kendra] I think so too.

-[laughing]
-[Kendra] Wait a second.

[Aaron] I have a disability
that is being hard of hearing.

I have hearing aids, and...

if I don't have them in,

it's kinda like
being underwater.

My hearing aids are...

controlled by this.

They're Bluetooth.
They can last up to 24 hours.

And really, if you look at it,
it's a medical device.

But James took my phone.

So brought an extra one.

But where am I gonna charge it?

So this is a major problem,

and I don't know how
I'm gonna deal with this yet.

[both laughing]

The hardest part
for me is the heat.

No electricity
and no air conditioning.

The way that,
uh...my physique is set up,

I get hot anyways.

[whispers] Yeah.

The heat, you get used to it.

It's just part of it.

[Aaron speaking]

[laughs]

I'm weak and a sissy
when it comes to being hot,

and I need to just be
in an air conditioning.

[grunts]

Guys, time to get up.
Time to get to work.

[Aaron yawns]

[Allen]
I slept well last night.

I mean, yeah,
it was warm, but...

it's not a big deal.

[James]
Rise and shine.

[Aaron grunts]

I think that I maybe
got three hours of sleep.

Maybe.

[Judah] James is waking
us up at 4 AM

to do some chores,
and I'm like,

"James, respectfully,

I'm just now getting here.

You can't even
let me get adjusted

before you start waking
me up to do some chores?"

[Esmeralda]
I slept like [bleep].

There was flies everywhere,
and it was hot.

I kept waking up during
the middle of the night,

cause the flies were
in my ear buzzing.

I mean, I slept,
but not comfortable at all.

I miss my bed,

and the pillows,
and my sheet, and the A. C.

Mostly, I feel like that's
the biggest one.

Typical morning
for the Amish on a farm,

for a man anyway,
is chores.

[Allen] They work in the fields,
prepare the crops,

and then also take care
of the livestock.

[Sarah] The women do
all the housework,

the gardening, and they clean
and bake and do the laundry

and do the sewing.

I need to teach these English
what hard work actually is.

I don't think they know what
hard work is.

It stink out here.

It just smells like a barn
and animals, Judah.

It smells like [bleep]

Well, there might be
some around.

[James] It's a wake-up
call to the guys.

They're gonna have
to experience

this on a daily basis if they
wanna live the Amish lifestyle.

[Judah] Oh, whoa.
What is that?

Ooh!

-[James] What?
-[Judah] No.

[Judah] That's chickens.

Y'all know I got a bird phobia?
Don't play.

Oh, my gosh.

Please?
Yo --

[Judah] I've always
had a big phobia of birds.

When I was a kid
in the second grade,

we went to the zoo

and we were going through
the zoo on the trail.

All I remember
is an ostrich snapping at us,

literally about to get me.

It was the scariest
thing in my life.

And ever since then,

I've been afraid of birds.

Judah, you want to give
the first scoop to...

one of the horses?

[Judah] There's too many
animals up here.

Yo, why did y'all make
it sound?

Be quiet, please.

The horse is laughing
at you, bro.

Y'all, be quiet.

This is a whole
new experience for me.

He's not gonna bite you.
He just wants grain.

Here, let -- I'll show you.

Just make sure it lands inside.

[Aaron] He wants food.

He doesn't care
about you right now.

-[James laughs]
-[Judah] All right.

Judah, he's a germaphobe,

which -- which is fine, but

this isn't
the life for that.

You need to be bougie

in a castle with some maids

cleaning everything for --
like...whatever.

Where -- where does
hay come from?

[James] Hay fields.

-So hay is grown?
-[James] Yes, yes.

Hello, ma'am or sir,
whatever you identify as.

I'm here to give you some hay.

-What are we doing?
-Feeding the cows.

-Yo, what the [bleep]
-It's slippery.

Trying to get revenge on me,

cause I'm always eating burgers?

-This is too much going on.
-[James] Here.

[Judah] That's all poop.

You might throw up.
I might, too.

[James] We are giving
some hay to the horses.

Judah?
Um...

[bleep] that!
No!

[squawk]

[bleep] that!
No!

-[James] It's just
a small chicken.
-[Judah] Oh, God.

Why are the chickens not
in the coop?

Like, why are
they roaming around?

What the hell
is going on around here?

-[James laughs]
-[Judah screams]

[Judah] Stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop.

Judah hates birds so much.

He's being chased by a chicken.

He's screaming like
a little kid.

I feel bad, kinda,
cause it's traumatic, but --

[Judah] The chicken needs
to go back in the coop.

I was chased
by ostriches as a kid.

That's not an ostrich.

That chicken's just telling
you to get to work.

Judah is definitely
scared of birds.

He has a phobia of fowl.

-Here, Judah.
-[John] I'm not touching that.

Hold the baby chick.

I won't pet it.

-Hold it.
-See, they staring me down.

-[Aaron] I got you.
-[James] Hold it.

All right.

Open your hand.

[Jared] No, I'm gonna
just touch it.

Cover the mouth so it won't try
to eat me.

[James chuckles]

[John] Ah, it's so soft.

I don't understand why a man
would be afraid of chickens.

I just don't get it.

I see it as a sign
that he's struggling.

I don't expect Judah to stay
Amish, really.

[Aaron] OK.

[Matt] Beautiful setting, right?

[Kendra] Yeah.

[Billie Jo]
The hostas are so pretty.

I guess the objective
to a garden, obviously planting.

Mm-hmm.

And then also, you want
to keep your weeds down.

[Matt] Sure.

We do rely on the garden
for, uh...

fresh vegetables, seasonal.

Usually, we can,
uh...produce enough

that we can can it

and preserve it for later use
during the winter.

[Allen] It'd be real nice
if we get the hoe and --

Just hoe it up,
then the weeds don't come.

-Oh, boy.
-We already have the hoe.

Hello.

Maybe we should
see how it's done first.

I know this is my first
time hoeing.

-Mmm!
-[laughs]

[Matt speaking]
Kendra, she's a funny person,

hoeing in the garden.

We're flirting under
Amish terms.

Some hoes in the garden.

Show us how it's done.

I'd be scared, like,
chopping my foot off with that.

-[Billie Jo] Oh.
-[Matt] Oh.

[Billie Jo] It's not as
aggressive as I thought.

[Allen] Scrape up the dirt,
and that will cut the weeds off.

-[Allen] You guys wanna try it?
-Can I try it?

[Kendra] You guys like this?
I love that for you.

-You like that?
-[Billie Jo] OK.

You can also use this
to smoothen it out.

[Billie Jo] Oh, OK.
Do you wanna smooth it?

-[Billie Jo] You hoe, I smooth.
-[Kendra] Perfect.

That feels right for you guys.

Feel a little cheerful
on those vines,

because that will
damage the plants.

OK, yeah.

[Allen]
Gardening, it depends a lot

on the soil type that you have.

If you have soil
that's kind of clay clumpy,

it's very challenging.

You have to do a lot more
hoeing and raking.

They're suffering.

They think this is the most
horrible thing

they've ever experienced.

[Billie Jo]
I'll just follow the hoe,

that's right?
-[Allen] Yeah.

[Billie Jo] For me, I'm more
of like a supervisor,

you know, kind of thing,

making sure it's done right.
-[Matt] Sure.

[Billie Jo]
I'm definitely realizing

that this world is much harder,

and now I'm hot, and I feel
like I'm dying.

But all in all, this is
humbling, but beautiful.

-Matt, do you want to be a hoe?
-[Billie Jo] Probably.

Yeah, I'd like to go
through a hoe phase.

[laughs]

[producer speaking]

The hoe they are referring to,

would be more like a prostitute
type of, uh...

a side of, uh...life.

-Am I the vine mover then?
-[Kendra] I think so.

[Matt] Yeah, until you're ready
for your second hoe phase.

Oh, I'm always in a hoe phase.

-Ah.
-That's for the calcium.

[Kendra] Wait, don't step
on the vine, Matt.

[Matt] Well, you're supposed
to be back here

moving the vines.
-[Kendra] Well, I'm making
a ball.

[Matt chuckles]

I think there's something
going on with Kendra and Matt,

kinda like a flirty thing.

Oh, look at that nice
Amish farmer we got here.

[Kendra]
Cowboy butts are my weakness.

And Matt just happens
to be a cowboy.

-[Matt] Smell that.
-[Kendra] I will -- I'm waiting,

cause I don't want to clash.
-[Matt laughs]

[Billie Jo] You need
to hoe a lot quicker.

[Kendra] Get out
of here, mister!

You need to hoe
a lot quicker, a lot faster.

-[Kendra] Yeah, be a faster hoe.
-[Matt] Sorry.

[Kendra] In and out.

[Billie Jo] That might have
taken it too far.

[Matt] Yeah, that was
a little far.
-[Kendra laughs]

[Matt speaking]
The most attractive quality

in Kendra is
we can laugh about nothing

um...for a very long time,

and she's just really
easy to be around.

[Kendra] It's too soon
to figure out

if there's a connection there,
but I just like talking to him.

I'm trying to keep it PG,

cause I came
to the Amish community

to learn how to be Amish,

not to date an English boy,

but if the opportunity
presents itself,

maybe something could happen.

[Sarah]
Thank you.

[Aaron]
My feet are tired.

These are harsh
work conditions.

No, they are.

My ancestors used to do this
work, like in the corn field

and stuff like that.

[James] I heard a sound
a couple of times.

I was trying to figure out
what it is.

I checked all the phones
that we confiscated.

They're all turned off.

I'm starting to wonder

if there's another phone
around here.

So we can't have that.

The flies are everywhere.

[John] Yes, James be trying
to offer food,

like, and respectfully,
I don't like to use metal forks

at other people's houses --
-[Esmeralda] Oh, yeah,

they don't got
no plastic here.

I don't know if I'm as clean,

and I don't got time to be
trying to figure out,

cause I wanna be ease --
-Aaron.

Aaron.

[Aaron] Uh-oh.

You look like
you're in trouble.

[Aaron blows raspberry]

[with trembling voice]
I -- I don't know.

I have no idea what I did.

We're gonna have to take
your phone down.

[exhales]

You and your worldly devices.

What an addiction.

Welcome to the Amish.

Um...OK.

[Esmeralda]
What happened?

-Why are you in trouble?
-There goes my phone.

Phone's gone?
Hearing aids gone?

-Yeah.
-[Esmeralda] Damn.

So, like, is there gonna be,
like, uh...a solution?

Or, like, did they give
you new ones?

-I mean, he just took my phone.
-[Esmeralda] OK.

And my phone has all of the apps

that make my hearing aids work.

[Aaron] Without hearing
aids, it will make life...

very tough.

Like, there's days
when my brain is working so hard

to hear what you're saying.
It wears me out.

It's just like I ran a marathon

and it literally physically
wears me down.

I'm sorry that happened
to you.

Yeah, I know, me too.

[Aaron] Now that James
has turned off my hearing aids,

a lot of things are muffled.

[muffles conversation
between Judah and Esmeralda]

[Aaron]
Without my hearing aids,

you know, after a while,
I will just zone out,

because I'm overstimulated,

and I'm just gonna stare at you,

because I can't focus.

I'm just kinda
zoning out right now,

trying to figure out
what I'm gonna do.

Yeah, I know, yeah.
That's hard.

[Aaron speaking] I think what is
making me a little nervous

is that I won't get
the full experience,

and I want that.

I want the deepest level of it,

because it's like,
what if I miss this whole thing?

[James]
Let's go find us some boots.

[Allen]
Comfy work boots.

[James] Judah needs
some new shoes at least.

Welcome to an Amish
shoe store.

[John]
Let's put it on, fellas.

Oh!
This is nice!

[surprises in awe]
Suspenders.

-These look fine.
-[Allen] Uh...no.

[chuckles]

[Judah] So my lifestyle
in Atlanta,

I like to go shopping
here and there.

I like to really just express
how I am in that moment.

[Allen]
Life as an Amish person,

the normal is plain clothes,
homemade clothes.

The clothes have no zippers,
no pockets.

The darker colors
are preferred.

It's more like to try and keep
everybody relatively the same

so that one person is not
wearing bright colors

and is like,
"Look at me, see who I am."

It's more of a pride thing.

[Judah] These might be cool.
Man, I'll be stepping in these.

-[Allen] No, no.
-[Aaron] Are they comfortable?

Yeah, this one is comfortable.

-I'll have to say no.
-Why?

-Are they too extra?
-What's extra about it, James?

Well, for one,
the color difference,

and then it's not as plain.

You're supposed to look
for a plain sole, like this.

So for James' rules for shoes,
the sole's gotta be plain,

the whole shoe gotta be basic,
it has to be all black.

James wants me to be basic,

but unfortunately,
I'm not basic.

Ooh.

Uh-oh.
Look at these.

Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.

-All blacks.
-Still too fancy.

They're not plain enough.

So from my church, um...

we're looking for a very,
very plain sole,

and this is as plain
as we can find.

And of course,
not a lot of flashy colors.

-[Aaron] Ooh, those are fancy.
-[Allen] Ask him about them.

[Aaron] I could definitely step
in some manure with those.

[laughs]

[Judah] Ooh.
Hey.

[Allen]
What you got?

[Judah] This is a plain
black sole.

[James] I already saw it.
It's not.

[Judah] Look.

Well, it is one color, yes,

but it's not a plain sole.

At this point, I'm pissed off.

[James] OK, there's some
more shoes over here.

Let's check.

[Judah] When somebody
deeply wants something,

like a pair of boots,

you should be able
to understand why they want it.

And if it's not hurting you
or anyone else,

you should be able
to let them get it.

What do you think about these?

I would be OK with it.

I realize James said, "No,"

but you don't get
very many shoes

that don't have
a texture on your sole.

You're in James' house.
Ask him if he approves it.

I don't think Allen is the best
representation of the Amish.

You know, he's from
a very liberal church,

and he wants
to say these boots are OK.

I mean, no, come on.

[Judah] Come on, James.
I was in the chicken coop.

The least I can do
is get some black shoes.

They are not a plain sole.

But I have to say,

we don't have a lot
of options here.

So, are you -- are you willing
to compromise with me?

Hum --

So you're trying to get
us to change our...

church rules and ordinance?

[Judah] No, I'm just trying
to get a shoe.

[snickers]

Look, if -- if you want me

to be plain and all that,

then this just
might not be for me.

I might have to go home.

I don't think
you fit in with us.

[Judah] I think
James needs to switch it up

with the shoes.

I want to fight back
a little bit.

Look, I may not,
but I'm trying to.

Hum.

So I can get the shoes?

I guess.

We're working real hard, though.

We don't compromise.

He's still not a member,

so we'll let him use
these shoes for now.

And that's how you persuade
an Amish to let you be stylish.

[Aaron]
Good job.

[Judah chuckles]

Let's kick some ax.

-[Aaron] Oh, yeah.
-[James] Nice.

It's too easy.

[Aaron] You guys make it look
way too easy.

Good job.

[Allen] The Amish
do use wood-burning stoves

for heat in our homes.

In general, it is the men's job
to split wood.

[James]
Yay.

[Aaron] All right.
He's up.

Sir?

[Judah] I'm a city boy.
I've never done field work.

I've never chopped wood.

I've never, you know...

I've laid it, never chopped it.

Yes, sir.

Yep, try and pushing down
on the handle.

[James] Here.

You want to throw it like yay?

Try that.

Throw it on the corner.

Pick it up and throw it.

At an angle.
No, no, no.

Like this.

Hum.
OK.

[sighs]

[Judah]
Right now, I don't really feel,

like, I'm useful anywhere.

[Aaron] Yes.

[Judah] It kinda
sometimes can make me feel

not really as useful as
a man, for real.

And that's something
that kinda affected me.

So I try to figure out
who I am as a man.

Whoa!

[Judah] In the Black community,
sometimes,

a lot of people want
you to be this way,

like a specific way.

And I feel like I've been
this way for so long,

because I've always
felt and been different.

It can just feel
like sometimes I have a mask

on everywhere I go

and I kinda just wanna just...

take the mask off
and just be free.

[Judah]
Damn.

[sighs]
Yeah, I'm tired, man.

I'm a little nervous,
cause right now

I just want to tell
everybody something that --

well -- so, yeah --

The thing is,

I'm owning it.
I'm bisexual.

This is me.

-Hey, can we talk?
-[Allen] Yeah.

[James]
Now what?

[Judah] I'm struggling.

I like how hardworking
y'all are,

all three of y'all.

Like, how you're
able to do, like, any sport.

I don't know,
just super athletic,

can do anything.

And then, like, you guys just

be in the fields and work

and know every animal
and what...crops.

I can't even chop a damn wood.

I don't know if they'll
accept me for who I am.

My whole life,
I've had to change

and be somebody else
for other people.

It makes me feel like...

I guess, even, like,
with the way I am,

like other men aren't like me

or that I'm just always feel
like a...

eyeball or something,
I don't know.

I feel like when my sexuality,

that's like a thing that
in the Black community,

especially for Black men,
it's not really, you know,

talked about...

for a man to say, like,
he's bisexual, or whatever,

anything other than like
just -- just straight.

It's like, it's filled
with shame.

I don't even know what a good
example of a man would be,

because every -- pretty much
every man in my life

is like very distant.

So I only had my mama
to look up to.

And so, being growing up,
you know what I'm saying?

Naturally, it's all women
around me.

I picked up on women tendencies,
I guess, growing up.

Being so young,
I would wonder like,

"Why didn't my dad want me?"

I thought it was because
I didn't play basketball.

Maybe I wasn't tall enough.

Or maybe, like, I...

you know, having all these
thoughts as a kid,

it's just like
being eight years old and, like,

being, like,

"What is it that I did that
makes somebody not want me?"

It was not what you did.

-It wasn't you.
-It was not you.

That was between him
and your mom.

I'm just gonna offer this.

You don't have to,

but you can take me
for a father figure.

You'll be fine.

[Judah] Talking
about my sexuality can be hard

because when certain people
that I was really close with

found out, they pushed me out.

They couldn't support me
or, like, be around me for real.

I don't know if I wanna tell
my Amish family,

because I don't know
if the same thing will happen,

the same cycle will happen.

[Allen] I mean,
it's a lot of work,

but you need to think positive.

It is hard...

but you will eventually
get there.

I don't know.
I'm not ready

to tell the Amish yet.

Yeah.

[folk music plays]

-[Judah] Friends, [indistinct]!
-[Aaron] Hey!

You know,
they got to cover up, bro!

What?

[Kendra] It was like,
"Who's this girl?"

Yo!
Oh!

[James]
I asked Allen and Sarah

to bring their house over so...

we can make sure everybody
is following the rules.

I'm a little concerned
Allen is going to be weak

on these people, simply because

he's from a fairly
liberal church.

What I really need
to do is be strict

to give these people
a reality check.

I want you guys to know
my little bougie lifestyle.

It's -- it's hard
to come out of,

but I really do have
a lot of respect

and admiration for the culture,

and I'm so grateful
that you guys

are gracious enough to show us
the ropes and things like that.

Do you know, Sarah,
what he means by "bougie"?

-No.
-[all laugh]

[producer speaking]

I'm sorry, but I have no idea
what bougie means.

[[producer speaking]

Is there an Amish word
for bougie?

Fratzig.

[Kendra] Do you know
that game where it's like,

[singing] My name is Judah --

[Judah] Oh, yeah.
"Shabooya."

[singing] Shabooya,
sha-sha-shabooya roll call.

[Kendra] My name is Kendra.

Yeah.

-And I'm a train wreck
-[Both] Yeah.

[Kendra] I'm a train wreck.
Yeah.

-Shabooya, sha-sha-shabooya --
-Roll call.

-My name is Judah.
-[both girls] Yeah.

And I am bi.

Oh, my God!
[indistinct]

-Yo!
-[Kendra] Wait, continue.

[Judah] Y'all stop the beat!

Keep going.
Well, because I was --

-I was so caught off guard.
-[Esmeralda] I was like --

No?
Oh.

Did we all just --
did we all just --

Did we all just heard that?

I was...

Shabooya, sha-sha --

I decide to tell
my English folks

about my sexuality.

I don't want to start off
under a lie or hide in things.

It's time for me
to be who I am for real.

Shabooya, sha-sha --

[Billie Jo] From what I know
in the Amish community,

their views
on homosexuality is "no-no."

I am a little nervous about how
that could affect Judah here.

I don't even think the Amish
people know what bi means.

They probably think it means,

like, going to the store
and buying and something.

[speaking
in Pennsylvania Dutch]

[James and Allen speaking]

[James and Allen
speaking in Pennsylvania Dutch]

[James] I would have
assumed they would've done

more research before coming

and...trying
to fit in, at least.

Matt is divorced.

He can't remarry if he joins
the Amish church.

I don't know why he's here.

If these Englishers
don't comply,

all my effort to be redeemed
back into the Amish

would be in vain.

It might put my reputation
on the line.

I heard you're divorced,
trying to join the Amish.

-Yeah.
-Really?

[laughing] Yeah.

How do you think
that's going to work?

Are you actually divorced
or going through one?

No, I'm divorced.

Yeah, she's remarried,

and we're...all of that stuff.
Yeah.

Yeah, I've been divorced
for a few years now, yeah.

-You're not going to like this.
-[Matt scoffs]

OK.

I'm not sure if we can
have you here.

Like...

what do you mean?

You know, we were hoping
to expand our bloodlines.

-Right.
-Now we can't.

[indistinct chattering
in the background]

[tense music plays]

-OK.
-I --

I think we're gonna
have to send you home.

[James]
You lied to us.

About what?

Not telling us in advance
that you're divorced.

Uh...I guess, I don't know
who I would've told.

[James ] I'm not going to let
them bring any evil in here.

There's a chance or a risk

that these English might
destroy the community.

They could cause
enough disharmony

to the point
it topples the church.

He said that he lied.

[Kendra]
Lied about what?

[Esmeralda]
About being divorced.

Well, I can't fix
the divorce situation,

so I don't know
what to do about that,

other than being upfront
and honest about it,

and I feel like I've been
really upfront

and honest about it.

What about bringing
your wife in with it?

She's married with another
family, so I can't really --

Well, maybe the Amish life
is not for you.

What is happening?
Like, I'm so confused.

Pleasure, at least meeting.
I guess, uh...

I don't know
if we'll ever meet again.

OK.

[James] I am escorting
you off the property.

My brain was like,
"G-g-g, what?"

Like, you're gonna chase
someone off your property

with an ax because
they're divorced?

Your phone is taken away.

You're taken out of your life
that you already live.

You're given this,
like, new family.

And then Matt leaves,
and it's, like, another thing

that's, like, taken away.

We already had everything
taken away.

Bro, that's messed up.

Watching James kick Matt off
the property is kind [bleep] up.

If Matt's being kicked
out for being divorced,

what they going to do to me?

See, Imma just keep
my little secrets to myself

for right now.

[James] I told you to leave.
Go!

I'm not OK with somebody lying

and trying to get
into the Amish.

The rest of these English
people will definitely know

that they better don't lie.

[Billie Jo] Matt is such a good
person, like, to the core.

-[Judah] Matt, my guy.
-Hey.

What's going on?

He's just, like, chasing me
off of the property.

[Billie
Jo] Are you OK?

Yeah, it's just really intense,
you know?

Yeah.

-I'm so sorry.
-Yeah.

Anyway, it is what it is.

You can't really do anything
about it, you know?

[sniffs] Sorry.

Sure.
Thank you.

That just doesn't seem fair.

Ah.
I'll be --

[Billie Jo chuckles]
He won't be OK.

[James]
We asked Matt to leave.

He didn't disclose to us that
he was married and divorced.

[Kendra]
OK.

So there's no,
like, forgiveness or no,

like, he can't --

He might be able to find
a church, you know,

where he can join.

-Mm-hmm.
-Um...

but definitely no remarriage.

Wow.

The only, uh...caveat to that
would be if he was widowed.

[Kendra]
To shame Matt for something

that happened before he came
into this Amish community,

it's like we're feeling exiled
before we even start.

-[Judah] That's bull[bleep].
-[Billie Jo] He's so upset.

[Billie Jo sniffs]
I feel bad.

[Judah] Like, that brought
my whole mood down.

[Judah] James, it's crazy,
because why

are you over here chasing this
man

and keeping chopping
him down?

Like, we had
"Texas Chainsaw" or something.

Then he's eating popcorn.

Like, this is just a regular
day in Amish country.

James is crazy.
James is a psycho.

Well, we had to.

[Judah]
I feel like James

is playing
a cold game right now,

I don't know
what he got up his sleeve,

but I'm feeling like I'm next.

Next time on "Suddenly Amish".

[Billie Jo] You are so cute.

What happened?

[Esmeralda] They said, like,
"I can't change

unless I do my lashes
and my nails."

Like, I'm not gonna do it,

just because y'all
tell me to do it.

[Kendra] Yeah!

[James] Esmeralda,
why are you not in a dress?

[Allen] We discovered
some bats in our house.

[speaking
in Pennsylvania Dutch]

Either the bats have to go
or you guys.

Maybe I've done something
wrong in the past

that they don't approve of.

I'm going to actually
go crazy.

[Allen]
Kendra is having a breakdown.

I want to go home.
[panting]

[James] Hey, Kendra.

[Kendra] I don't wanna do
this anymore.

I love you.
[sobs]

OK.