All language subtitles for Small Achievable Goals s02e07 Menopause Resistant.eng

"Small Achievable Goals"
announced their partnership

with wellness startup,
Glowee, at Cast Fest.

Engagement numbers have
gone through the roof

since launching our partnership,

Proof that women trust
Small Achievable Goals�

honesty and integrity.

Can�t wait to tell you about
all their amazing products.

It�s gonna be fantastic.

I hate myself.

Hey Mom, we need a garbage bag
for our eco-terrorism project.

Okay.

Can I see it?

Yeah.

Whoa, look at this!

Your little blood lettering.

That�s fine �cause
it�s not real,

although if you get a
chainsaw in there nice,

�cause they can cut things,

but you wear those
special overalls,

if you ever use one.

And all the forest animals are
going in the meat grinder,

and they�re all screaming
for their lives.

But I totally understand

�cause Maeve,
you�re a vegetarian.

That�s really good.
- Yeah.

You know, people chaining
themselves to shit

for what they believe
in is pretty cool.

Yeah, it�s really cool
to believe in stuff.

It�s really cool to
sort of not make your...

[soft quirky music]

Best friend do something
that they don�t wanna do

and put them in
a vagina outfit.

I�m so sorry.
You know what?

Do you want an egg bite, honey?
Do you want an egg bite?

No.
- No thanks.

Mom, we don�t have time.

I�ve gotta get to school.

[Kris].
Okay, let�s move.

Okay, when you�re at
your dad�s tonight

I�m gonna finish up packing.

You mean start packing?

Potato, po-tah-to.

Okay.
- I love you.

Yeah, love you.

Don�t do anything stupid.
- Bye.

Bye, Kris.

You terrify me.
Mm, yeah.

[knocking at door]

Oh, did you forget something?

No.

Kris, I was wondering if
you would do me the honour-

Oh no. I mean-

Of-
- Yes.

Going on a real-
- On a date?

Official-
- Date?

You wanna take me out?

Date.
- That�s what�s happening?

Is that what you�re saying?

Ye-
- You�re asking me?

Even though you
know all the...

things?

Okay...

Um...

Well...

I have a lot of
packing to do tonight,

so I don�t think
that I can go.

I can help.

I�m good.

Do you like Italian?
- Oh, I love it.

Okay.
- Okay.

Uh, great. It�s a date.

[whispers] All right.

[soft music]

I�ll see ya.
- Okay, I�ll see you later.

[Pete].
And then she�ll take a plate

and lean it against a mug,

but there�s zero chance of
any water from the jet

coming into contact with it.

[Pete muffled chattering]
[pensive music]

[muffled] Julie? Julie?

Julie?

I�m complaining about how
you load the dishwasher.

Are you gonna interrupt?

No. Your feelings are valid.

You�re not gonna
rant about work

and how I�m lucky I�m
not married to Amanda?

You asked me not to
talk about that here,

so not going to.

Yeah, well you don�t talk about
it anywhere anymore, do ya?

I mean, this is getting spooky.

Mm.

How are things at work, Julie?

Well, uh, two weeks ago,

uh, dressed as a giant vagina,

I publicly screwed myself

by agreeing to be a spokesperson
for a company that I hate.

I am aware of the irony.

And why did you do it?

Kris asked me to,

and I felt that I
could not say no.

And how does that
make you feel now?

I�m tired.

I�m just tired of fighting.

[scoffs] You see what
I�m dealing with?

You�d prefer Julie
fight with you?

[Pete].
Yes.

Yes, frankly, yes I would!

I would prefer that she fights.

I mean, that�s who she is.

She can�t just quit
her personality

twenty years into
a relationship.

I mean, we�re heading
towards retirement, okay?

We�re downsizing.

We�re moving to the country.

Mm.

No no, I was just thinking
about what I was gonna have

for lunch there.

No you weren�t.
Don�t do that.

You know she wasn�t.

She wasn�t thinking that.

Let your honest thoughts out.

Whenever I mention we�re
moving to the country,

she hates it.

Hates it!

Open fields.

They make you antsy, right?

Better that than
the slaughterhouse.

Huh?

What was that?

I�m lining up with
the cows, Pete.

I would rather be
happy than right.

Who are you?

This was a really
productive session.

? I feel it all,
I feel it all ?

? I feel it all ?

[slurping]

So this treatment that we�re
plugging cures menopause?

Mm-mm.

We cannot say "cure".

Reversitrol by Glowee

alleviates symptoms in 98% of
the women who have tested it.

It�s like we can�t
say "waterproof"

but we can say
"water resistant".

So Reversitrol is
menopause resistant?

We gave you a script.

They got the script, right?
- They got a script.

Yeah?
- Of course.

I have the script,
we have the script.

It�s just that Julie
and I we like to,

you know, mm,
research things,

and just really
understand them

before we, we back them.

And that�s what we do,

isn�t it, Julie?

Don�t you think,
Julie?

Isn�t that what we do?
Say something?

Are you gonna say? No, okay.

Um, and this one over here,

she�s just obsessed with
this thing called peer...

peer...

[Julie].
Peer reviewed.

I�m sure the doctor
has done his research.

You seem like a guy
who does research.

It�s my life�s work.

The metrics for
the test group

are in my office.

[Glynis].
It�s the real deal.

Health Canada doesn�t
approve snake oil.

Have they
approved this?

Ball�s in their court,

but we�re expecting
good news any day.

And in the meantime,

our partnership with
"Small Achievable Goals"

has given us
a huge boost.

The comments from the
last two episodes

are amazing.

Very, very cool.

I mean, thanks to your show,

we�ve got 1.5 million
in presale orders.

Wow.

This will help so many women.

Yeah, sounds great.
- Thank you so much.

Such cute chairs.

[Kris].
Thanks.

Julie, I don�t think
he�s a real doctor.

I don�t think he has the
cure for menopause, do you?

Well, the thing�s
made of yams.

What harm can it do?

I don�t know.

Julie, I�m really sorry.

I-I know that
you�re doing this

�cause of me.

No, it�s like you said:

Who am I to say what�s
right for women?

I mean, my opinions
are getting me nowhere.

And frankly, I�m
tired of fighting.

So...

Okay.

Want some help?
- No.

Thank you. [exhales]

Off to be happy.

[bright music]

Hey, you want the good news,
or the really good news?

Oh, start with the good news.

Okay, your segment
at Cast Fest killed!

Couldn�t have gone better.
- Yes!

Wow! Okay, so then what
is the really good news?

Ooh! Amanda wants to bump
you up to a fall release!

Isn�t that amazing?

You start recording
tomorrow morning.

Wait, so wait, wait, sorry.

T-T-Tomorrow morning?
- Yes!

I�m so excited to
share my story.

Hey, what�s wrong with you?
You look pale.

It�s just how I look
when I�m excited.

Perimenopausal women have
been suffering for centuries,

but they don�t
have to anymore.

I�ve created Reversitrol,

a revolutionary plant-based

phyto-estrogen
menopause treatment.

Fascinating.

Unfortunately, that is all the
time that we have for today.

Visit the Glowee
website to check out

their custom
wellness packages.

[fake chuckles] Yeah.

Uh, and when you�re
at the counter,

please enter the code
"Small Achievable Goals"

for 10% off the
purchase price.

Yay.

[Dr. Felterblatt].
Well that was so much fun.

Takes me back to
my acting days.

You remember the, uh, the
tomato soup commercial?

"Now that�s what I call
tomato soup!" [laughs]

[Julie].
That�s where I know you from.

[tense music]

[music intensifying]

Hey, Kris.
Can I help you?

Hi. I just would like to
file an HR complaint.

You�d like to file
an HR complaint?

Yeah.
- Okay, uh, against whom?

Myself.

Okay.

Just I�ll get your file.

Yeah, yeah. Sure, great.
Thank you, thank you.

[Mo].
Oh, you can�t miss it.

Lift with your knees. [grunts]

[chuckles] Oh my gosh,

is that all the
complaints against me?

[laughs] Ah, nobody�s perfect.

Okay.

Kris, so uh, what�s
your beef with you?

I forced Julie to get onboard
with our sponsor Glowee

so that we could
make more money.

Okay, so you got
Julie to do her job,

and you got her a raise?

But I broke her, Mo.

I broke Julie.

Kris, maybe-maybe it�s
time that you, um,

maybe took a
little time off?

Yeah, I�m not
really doing good.

I�d love, I�d like to go home.

Could I? Do we have...?

Is there like a maternity leave
for menopause or something?

Unfortunately, no.

Uh, no, there�s not.

But let�s-let�s see how many

vacation days you
have left, okay?

Yeah, those are toast.
I used all those.

How about my
insurance reserve?

Is-is there any
money in there?

Uh, pretty sure you
tapped those out, too.

But, oh no,
there is some left.

Look at that.
- How much?

Uh, $17.

Could I have it?

You-you want $17?

Yeah, I need it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Of course.

Uh, all right.

You just have to fill
out some forms.

It�ll take six to
eight weeks to process.

I�m sorry.

Uh, you know, menopause
leave is really a good idea,

sort of a-a-a meno-pause,
as it were.

[both chuckling]

That�s good.

Kris, if I do file this
complaint against you,

uh, I-I�d be
obligated to put you on

a personal improvement plan.

But I mean, what�s there
to improve, really?

So we�ll just consider
this a warning.

Okay well, I�ll keep
an eye on myself.

[Mo chuckling]

Thanks, Mo.

Yeah.

[upbeat music]

Julie, let�s chat
in my office.

The metrics on the test
group using Reversitrol.

I�m thinking of buying a boat.

I know, I know.

What kind of asshole
buys a boat?

I�ve invested my own
money into Glowee, Julie.

It�s gonna blow up.

Reversitrol is a game changer.

You could get in on that.

Wow, impressive.

But I doubt that you
can cure menopause.

Dr. Felterblatt�s
treatment works.

I�ve been taking it
for almost a year,

and I feel amazing.

You should try it.

Maybe even on the podcast.

[tense music]

What would that
be worth to you?

Try the regime
on air tomorrow,

stay with it for a year,

I�ll give you this much.

Well, you know my mother
always used to say to me

that if you�re going
to sell your soul,

you should get a good price.

[Amanda].
Mm, I love your mom.

FYI, this number�s
the shallow end.

Do you wanna see the deep end?

I sure do.

Let�s go boat shopping.

[bright music]

Aye-aye, Captain.
- Oh yeah!

What are we talking,
like a pontoon boat?

Wow.

We got our work
cut out for us.

Yeah.
- Hey, that�s okay.

I love a challenge.

Sorry about that.

[Yule chuckling]

[cellphone dings]

This is my friend Julie.

She, "I�m taking Reversitrol
on the pod tomorrow."

Oh my gosh, okay.

Um, I�m so sorry, Yule.

I have to, I have to go.

I, this has,
this has gone too far

and I�m so sorry, I just,

I have to, I have to fix this.

Can I help?

Well listen, Yule.

I know that you think that
I�m, I�m like really fun

and really nice,
good to talk to,

and like really good dancer-
- Cute.

Uh, okay, yeah, I guess.

I just, um, but um,
I have to tell you,

I�m not a good person.

Oh, me neither.

No, you don�t understand.

I did a bad thing
with bad people.

Everyone does.

No, I betrayed my best friend.

Okay.

One time, I stole my
best friend�s watch.

And then I sold it and then
I helped him look for it,

and then as a thank you,
he, uh, bought me beer.

Okay.

[whispers] And also,
uh, I�ve robbed people.

What?
- One time I even robbed myself.

My landlord put a
padlock on my door,

and I had to bust in
and steal my own shit.

Okay.

[soft music]

So, um, I know
what I should do.

[whispers] You know how
to break into places?

[soft music]

[Kris].
Okay, lock it.

Okay, I got sleeping bags.

I only have a pillow
and then the, um...

You got one sleeping bag?

I thought that I brought two,

but I think �cause
it was so puffy,

that I thought it was two.

Yeah no, that�s cool,
that�s cool.

I�ll just, I�ll
sleep on the floor.

No, no, no.
You can just come on,

so we can like
spring into action.

But by action I don�t mean
like having sex, like...

I didn�t, I mean,
we�re-we�re nuns.

You and me, we�re gonna lie
here like a couple of nuns.

No square pegs getting
in any round hole.

Yeah no, that�s smart.
- [Kris] Okay.

It�s smart.
- [Kris] Hey, come on.

It�s fine. It�s fine.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, sure.

Why did we lock ourselves in
your office and break in?

Uh, I�m staging a protest

because I want my
daughter to have a mom

that sort of stands
up for things.

And also, I gotta fix
things with Julie.

Yeah, well I got your back.

And your front.
- Thanks.

And this is a platonic pillow,

and then you can
sleep on this edge,

and I�m gonna sleep
on this edge.

Okay.
- Okay, great.

[soft music]

Your collar�s here.

So you have a big
day tomorrow,

so you should probably
get some sleep.

Thank you.

[soft music continues]

?

Hey, new suit?

Yeah, picked it up
yesterday with Amanda.

We had a $400 lunch and
then we went boat shopping.

Boat shop-

What kinda asshole
buys a boat?

Right?

But actually, you know,
she�s pretty cool,

and she�s completely
self made,

and I did a little
napkin math,

and if I suck the corporate
teat for three more years-

[snorts] "Teat"... [chuckles]

Sorry, I�m listening, yeah.

If I endorse Reversitrol,

they�ll give me kind
of a generous bonus,

and if we took
that and our GICs,

and we invested in Glowee,

we could come up with a
life-changing nest egg.

I mean, why downsize when
we could travel the world?

We could hike the El Camino?

No, babe.
Too many open fields.

No, I was thinking
five star resort,

I was thinking private cabana.

In-room massages?

We could go full
"White Lotus".

Minus the murder.

Pete, I�m talking
the kind of money

that lets you get
away with murder.

[cellphone ringing]

Oh!

Oh good morning, Julie.

Mo here. Sorry to
bother you at home.

We seem to have a bit of a
situation with, uh, Kris.

[Julie on phone].
Is she okay?

Uh, physically, yes.

Emotionally, not so sure.

She broke into my sound booth,

and now she�s holed up
in there with some guy.

So is she, is she,
like, dating this guy?

Is it serious, or?

Yeah, there�s probably sex
germs all over my mixer.

I�ll help you disinfect.

I�m on my way.

Whatever you do,
don�t tell Amanda.

Oh, too late.

[Julie on phone].
Oh shit. I�ll be right there.

[tense music]

What?

[tense music swells]

Morning.
- Hey. Oh.

Oh no.
- Unlock the door, Kris.

Oh my god, this is Amanda.
She looks really pissed.

Yeah, well-
- [Amanda] Kris?

So are you.

Okay.

Hello!

Uh, good morning, Amanda.

So today is not the day for
this demented little prank.

The Glowee executives
are going to be here

in less than an hour.

Yeah well, this isn�t a prank.

This is a protest.
- Against what?

Having a job?
- No, against you.

Listen, you can use
me all you want,

but you can�t force
Julie to take a pill.

You can�t.
You can�t do it.

No, I didn�t force
Julie to do anything.

She�s all in.

Well, guess what?

Today�s the day that
Glowee�s gonna find out

what Julie and I really
think about them, so.

Bitch, you better get
outta that booth!

Hey, hey.
That�s not nice.

Who is that?

This is Yule.
He�s my property manager.

He�s also my friend.
We could be a little bit closer,

but we�re still
figuring things out.

Kris!

Twenty minutes and
I�m calling the cops.

Um, okay. Amanda, why don�t we
take this back to your office,

and I will chat with Kris,

and we will get
this all settled.

Twenty minutes!

Julie, she can�t call the cops.
Don�t call the cops.

Just don�t call
the cops, please!

Oh my god, Yule. Yule.

Okay you leave before the cops
come, please, you gotta go.

Oh, I�m not leaving
you here alone.

No, you-you don�t understand.

I�m not good.
I�m not doing well.

You know that.

When you were sleeping,
I peed in that bucket

and ate a pepperoni
stick at the same time.

The cops are coming.

This is as romantic
as it�s gonna get.

It�s plenty romantic for me.

[soft music]

Oh my god.

Ah...

Okay, we�re not gonna do this.

We�re just gonna do
one more, okay?

Okay.

[bright music]

With the, okay, you know what?

I feel like if it�s one
more and that�s all we got,

we just wanna both put
our best foot forward,

so maybe what we�re gonna do,

I�m gonna open up
my mouth a little,

yeah, yeah, and I�m just
gonna see what happens, okay?

Okay.
- Okay, go.

Okay, enough. Enough.

This is, this is
getting ridiculous.

You gotta, you better-

[both moaning]

Like, look at me.
Look at me.

Just one more, quick one,
and then you�re gonna go, okay?

And...

Oh god, you gotta go!

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.

I am so sorry.

I don�t want to leave
you here alone.

I don�t want to ruin
anyone else�s life.

Can you go, please?

Could you just go?

I�m sorry.

[door clicking opens]

[knocking on door]

I�m sorry. I�m sorry.

Thank you very much.

Okay, what the hell
is going on, Kris?

I think I love him.

No, no, no.
Not about that.

What is going on here?

Oh.
- This?

Oh god.

I just wanted to say
that I�m so sorry

I made you wear
that puffy vagina-

Oh.
- Costume.

No, no.

And then I made you
betray yourself

and go against everything
that you believe in.

You don�t have to go in there,

and-and-and take
those gross pills.

Kris, I wanna do it.

You don�t have to
apologize to me.

My decisions are my own.

I�m sorry.

Do you need me
to forgive you?

Yeah, I really, I really do.

Okay, I forgive you.

Come here. Come here.

I just want us to
be good, okay?

We�re so good.
- We�re good?

Yeah, we�re good, we�re good.

Okay, okay.
- Okay.

All right, now pucker up

because we gotta go and
kiss some major ass,

and we gotta do it fast.

I just gotta grab
my bucket of pee.

That might be why
you�re single.

Well that�s harsh
�cause we just broke up.

Hey, listen.
I don�t need to know.

I don�t even know
if we�re together.

Great news, Amanda!

Kris is here and she�s got
something she�d like to say.

I certainly do.

I wanna say something to you.

It�s just, it�s gonna be like,
Yo, girl. How�s it going?

I just wanna apologize for
just, you know, what happened.

Earlier.
I don�t really remember.

Taking the studio hostage.

Can you please not?

Because that is absolutely
not helping right now.

Okay, I�m not gonna...

I just would like to say that,
look, she�s not even focused.

It�s ancient history.
Tell her.

Oh my god.

You know what happened?
I�m gonna tell ya.

I had some allergy medication.

That goddam pollen, you
know what I�m talking about?

Amanda, can we be
straight with each other?

Um, I�m a bit vulnerable
right now because Yule,

who you saw there,

when we were making out,
he had his hands on me,

and the timing�s off
for us right now, and I-

Okay, okay.

I think what Kris
is trying to say

is that she felt,
um, overwhelmed-

Sure.

By the enormity
of the situation.

Uh, but we are
now both fully in

and ready to jump into
those Glowee waters.

In fact, I talked to Pete
and, uh, we�re ready to invest.

Who knows?
Maybe we�ll buy a boat.

Oh my god.

I bought a boat!

Well congratulations, Captain.

I bought a boat.
- Ohhh.

It�s not a good boat?
I�ll see the boat.

What�s the boat, what�s?

Let me see it.
Is this your boat?

Oh, it�s not your boat.

Those are your,
those are your friends,

and they are...

someone called
the cops on them.

[reporter].
Glowee founder and CEO, Glynis Goodyear,

and her Chief Medical Officer,
Dr. Shelly Felterblatt,

were arrested earlier
this afternoon

on charges of
corporate embezzlement.

[tense music]

Oh shit.

[tense music continues]

[bright music]

?

[Evan voicemail].
Julie, you need to read these comments.

Fans are freaking out
about this Glowee stuff.

[Pete].
Please tell me that the weird Glowee guy

didn�t have our
retirement fund.

He didn�t.

You okay?

I�m sorry.

Come here.

I screwed up so much.

No.

Yeah, I did.

[soft music]

You almost screwed up a lot.

[chuckles] I almost did.

["My Love Mine All Mine"
by Mitski]

? Moon, a hole of light

? Through the big
top tent up high

? Here before and after me

? Shinin� down on me

? Moon, tell me if I could

? Send up my heart to you?

? So when I die,
which I must do

? Could it shine
down here with you?

? �Cause my love
is mine, all mine

? My love mine, mine, mine

? Nothing in the
world belongs to me

? But my love, mine
all mine, all mine ?

?

?

?

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