Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,182
Chili for your boy.
2
00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:11,881
Got the corn bread.
3
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:13,448
Yeah, all right, all right.
4
00:00:13,622 --> 00:00:15,058
Game on. Okay.
5
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:19,106
Nice. This is what
I'm talking about right here.
6
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,723
Aw, man, I already dipped. What?
7
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,727
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
8
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,598
Okay.
9
00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:35,687
Unknown number?
10
00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:38,647
This better be good,
because I already dipped.
11
00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,389
Marty?
12
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:43,478
Why you calling
from this number?
13
00:00:43,652 --> 00:00:45,349
Oh, is that Malcolm?
Let me talk to him.
14
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:46,785
No, baby, it's Marty.
15
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,483
He's got a flat
on the side of the 101.
16
00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,963
Oh. Well, why doesn't he
just call a tow truck?
17
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:52,748
For a flat tire?
18
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,185
We Butler men,
we don't call a tow truck
19
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:56,578
for a flat tire.
20
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:59,059
Say what?
You already called 'em?
21
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,583
Oh, oh.
22
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,541
Ask him if Malcolm told him
he's seeing someone.
23
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:06,240
Babe, he's broke down
on the side of the road.
24
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,937
Then he has time to talk.
25
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,025
Tell him.
26
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:10,679
Okay, okay, o-okay, babe.
27
00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:12,811
Marty, no, don't... What?
28
00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:15,423
Since when do you leave work
29
00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,294
without your phone
or your wallet?
30
00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:20,428
I know you ain't about
to eat chili over my nice rug.
31
00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:23,170
I'm not eating chili at all.
32
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:34,659
Marty, what the hell
are you doing here?
33
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,401
Well, hello to you, too, Mommy.
34
00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:41,231
Your dad said that you were
stuck on the side of the road.
35
00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,190
Well, I think I would know
if I were.
36
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:44,843
Ow!
37
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,410
Why didn't you tell me
38
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:48,804
that your brother was dating
a reality TV star?
39
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,936
He is? Oh, Mercedes!
40
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:54,984
Please. You're no help.
41
00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:57,334
No, no, I got it.
42
00:01:57,639 --> 00:02:00,598
Uh, the, uh, security code
is 314.
43
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:02,818
Thanks. And zip code?
44
00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:04,428
Zip code?
45
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,561
Marty, you've had the same
zip code your whole life.
46
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:09,172
Sorry, Dad.
I'm just a little scrambled.
47
00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,739
I want to get home safely.
48
00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,350
Okay, all right, all right,
just calm down.
49
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,745
Um, the zip code is 91101.
50
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,877
Daddy! How's it going?
51
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:22,054
Shh. I'm on the phone
with Marty.
52
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:25,057
Thanks, Dad.
It just went through.
53
00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,365
What the hell?
54
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,715
- Who was that?
- That was you.
55
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:32,674
No, I'm me. That was not me.
56
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:37,026
If that wasn't you, then who did
I just give my credit card to?
57
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:40,812
Aw, damn. I just got got!
58
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,164
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
59
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:45,774
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
60
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,260
Yeah, no, my high school mascot
is a bear.
61
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:56,001
Now can you freeze
my card, please?
62
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,874
No, I know my favorite movie.
It's Training Day.
63
00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:00,789
What do you mean
that's not my favorite movie?
64
00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:03,357
I know my favorite movie when
I tell you my favorite movie.
65
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:07,274
Okay, oh, if it's not that,
then it's Barbershop.
66
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,799
Hey, Calvin, can you fix a TV?
67
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,714
Dave, Dave, I'm on the phone.
No, no.
68
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:15,412
Do not put me on hold.
Sir, do not put me--
69
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,588
They put me on hold.
70
00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:21,462
- What's wrong, Dave?
- I punched my TV and broke it.
71
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:22,854
Been there.
72
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,814
2017, when the Astros
cheated the Dodgers.
73
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:28,338
Ooh. Me, too.
74
00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:31,123
Series finale, Game of Thrones.
75
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,256
'Nuff said.
76
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:34,953
It wasn't like that.
77
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,869
I was wearing my VR goggles,
and I'm trying to knock down
78
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:40,872
Mushroom Sprites in
Pixie Quest 3-D, you know?
79
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,835
I didn't realize
my TV was there.
80
00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,837
- I mean, you get it.
- No, no, I get it.
81
00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:50,447
Those purple mushrooms
are so mischievous,
82
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,667
but you got to hit them
like this.
83
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,147
Really?
84
00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:57,237
Video games?
85
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,456
See, this is why
you can't change a damn tire.
86
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,284
Dad, it wasn't me!
87
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,942
Does this mean we can
get into Mercedes' restaurant?
88
00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,249
I mean, we should be VIPs.
89
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,293
Expired.
90
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,034
I'm not going to that place.
91
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:14,645
I could never support a woman
who pulled a fire alarm
92
00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:17,387
at a sushi bar
just so she could get a table.
93
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:19,737
You said that was genius.
94
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:21,609
You love Mercedes. Keep.
95
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:25,743
Well, that's when she was
a trophy diva of Brentwood.
96
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,093
Now she's just a woman
that's sinking her claws
97
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,486
into my little boy.
98
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:30,661
Does cereal go bad?
99
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,837
This box has
Gabby Douglas on it.
100
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,709
Aw.
101
00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:37,668
It could be bad, but I ain't
throwing Gabby away.
102
00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:39,409
Expired.
103
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:43,413
Why is he doing this to me?
Why is he keeping it a secret?
104
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,241
Because he knows you can be...
105
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:47,243
What can I be, Gemma?
106
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:50,377
I don't want to say
while I'm standing on a chair.
107
00:04:51,769 --> 00:04:53,293
This is good.
108
00:04:58,515 --> 00:04:59,951
Look, man, I get it.
109
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,823
It's not easy
dating a celebrity.
110
00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,477
How would you know, Trey?
111
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:05,305
Don't you remember?
I dated Sheridan.
112
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:06,828
She was on Price Is Right.
113
00:05:07,089 --> 00:05:08,308
Oh, yeah, yeah.
114
00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:09,700
She, uh, she-she won
the Showcase Showdown?
115
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,572
That's how I went to Greece.
116
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:14,618
Okay, look, it's not really
the same thing, Trey, you know.
117
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:16,664
Mercedes is
an international celebrity.
118
00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,057
Uh, Greece is international.
119
00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:23,758
Anyway, all over the Internet,
everybody's asking,
120
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,194
"Who's the mystery guy?"
121
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:26,978
This is what Mercedes
was warning me about.
122
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,329
Man, who cares?
She's worth it, isn't she?
123
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,156
Yeah, she is. Definitely.
124
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,985
I just--
look, I like my privacy, man.
125
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,552
You know, it's only
a matter of time
126
00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,249
before I'm in the public eye.
127
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,817
Any day now, some vulture's
gonna get my photo
128
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,384
and make a fortune off of it.
129
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:42,733
Yeah.
130
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,605
That's a damn shame.
131
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,433
That's why I stopped
dating celebrities.
132
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:53,440
You know, I should've known
it wasn't you.
133
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:56,399
Like you could go ten feet
without your phone.
134
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,142
I know you're just lashing out.
135
00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:03,885
Am I losing my edge?
Am I slipping?
136
00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:06,278
Dad, th-these scammers
have gotten so sophisticated,
137
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,803
- it could happen to anyone.
- Has it happened to you?
138
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,805
Me?
139
00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:15,026
No.
140
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,379
See, Dave, I come from a time
141
00:06:19,553 --> 00:06:22,338
that if you got taken,
they did it to you in person.
142
00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:26,298
They respected you enough
to scam you to your face.
143
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:30,651
Well, Calvin, you know,
you wouldn't have gotten taken
144
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,827
if you spent a little more time
keeping yourself sharp.
145
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:34,611
You should do what I do:
146
00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,961
puzzles, brainteasers, crosswords.
147
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:39,877
Oh, uh, what's
a four-letter word for
148
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,357
"insufferable know-it-all"?
149
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:43,794
Ooh, I know this one.
150
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,494
It's "Dave," isn't it?
151
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:48,843
You are sharp.
152
00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:50,584
You know, Dad,
153
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:53,761
you could put in a little
more effort to be tech-savvy.
154
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,719
I mean, I went through
a lot of trouble to install
155
00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:58,113
that Wi-Fi sprinkler system,
and you won't even open the app.
156
00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,984
I like my hose.
157
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:04,206
I like to use my thumb to hit
the brown spots in my grass.
158
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,340
He won't even use
the spray nozzle.
159
00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:12,127
Why would I do that
when I have a thumb?
160
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:15,783
You know, how about you use
that same thumb on the app
161
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:17,828
to hit those same brown spots?
162
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:21,615
Then I would have a dry thumb.
I don't like dry thumb.
163
00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:27,098
Daddy, you are just so resistant
to anything new.
164
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,797
You know, Calvin, as long as
you stay this stubborn,
165
00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:32,539
stuff like this is gonna
keep happening to you.
166
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:34,105
Well, answer me this:
167
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,021
Why did the voice sound
exactly like you?
168
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,675
Well, uh, Calvin,
169
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:40,938
scammers can clone
people's voices
170
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:42,462
that post things
on the Internet.
171
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:44,855
Well, you don't post
on the Internet.
172
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,335
Do you?
173
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,991
I mean, h-have I ever posted
anything online?
174
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:52,472
I'm-I'm sure,
in special circumstances.
175
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:56,519
Marty. Are you forgetting?
176
00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:58,956
He's got a YouTube channel.
177
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,697
Move over.
178
00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,525
But I don't post that often.
179
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:06,137
Calvin, he has got
a weekly show.
180
00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:09,576
It's called
The Butler Debunked It.
181
00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:11,839
What the hell is that?
182
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,971
Okay, look, I just feel like,
as a scientist,
183
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:17,366
it is my duty to inform the
public about misconceptions in
184
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,107
superhero movies.
185
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,850
In-in-in what?
186
00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:24,547
Superhero movies.
187
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:27,550
Now that I've explained it,
we don't need to watch it.
188
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,247
No, no, no.
Let's watch this one.
189
00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:32,076
Hard truth.
190
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:35,297
I don't care how strong Kal-El,
aka "Superman," is.
191
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:37,168
Lifting a building is not
just about strength.
192
00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:39,606
It's about that object's
ability to withstand
193
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:40,955
its own weight.
194
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,739
If lifted from a single point,
195
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,959
a skyscraper would collapse...
196
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,661
...and crush everyone
in Metropolis.
197
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,489
But they don't tell you
that part, okay?
198
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,360
They don't tell you that part.
199
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,625
That is what you learn here
at Butler Debunked It,
200
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:01,018
where the only superpower
is science.
201
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,024
Wow.
202
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:08,504
61 views.
203
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:10,767
It's-it's only been up
for two months.
204
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,987
That's just great.
205
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:15,511
Now I got to fill out
18 different forms
206
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:17,121
to get my money back.
207
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:20,734
I hope your zero seconds of fame
was worth it.
208
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:26,043
Man, I thought
the comments section was mean.
209
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:30,352
This one calls you
"Bill Nye the Celibate Guy."
210
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:37,881
Well, thank you for
taking me out for coffee, Mama.
211
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:40,318
That was a, uh...
that was a nice surprise.
212
00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:44,235
Well, I'm always happy
to spend time with my firstborn,
213
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,455
who shares everything with me.
214
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:49,806
Anything else
you want to tell me?
215
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,069
I can't think of anything else.
216
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:53,941
Think harder.
217
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,032
- You know what?
- What?
218
00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:00,730
- I just bought an air fryer.
- Oh, okay.
219
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:01,862
Well, do you like it?
220
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,081
It, uh, it hasn't come in yet.
221
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:07,302
Okay, Malcolm, I drove an hour
and paid $34 to park.
222
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:09,609
Is there anything else
you want to tell me?
223
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,828
Uh, Mama, I-I told you about
224
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:13,830
the cat that lives
on my front porch.
225
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:15,310
Right? I-I told you
226
00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:17,617
I got a loyalty card
from the coffee place.
227
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:21,098
I told you I got a birthday
email from my optometrist.
228
00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:24,101
I don't have anything else.
229
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,411
Mm-hmm.
230
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,371
Surfing?
231
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:35,722
Not for me.
232
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:39,116
Trey, you bought a surfboard?
233
00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:42,293
Nah, nah, people just
leave these out for you to use.
234
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,951
I don't think that's true.
235
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,171
Okay. I'm gonna go.
236
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:52,347
Um, unless there's
something new in your life
237
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:53,435
that you just remembered.
238
00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,045
- Is there?
- Uh, well...
239
00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:56,743
Miss Tina.
240
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:59,049
I just got my forklift license.
241
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,790
Aw! That's so nice.
242
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:04,968
Thank you for sharing something
from your life, Trey.
243
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,543
Oh, I hate this, man.
244
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,154
- Keeping secrets from my mama.
- So? Tell her about Mercedes.
245
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,069
You said it yourself,
it's gonna get out.
246
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:21,071
Yeah, I know, but I'm not ready.
247
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:22,464
Well, you should get ready.
248
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,161
It could get out
as early as today.
249
00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:25,641
For all we know.
250
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:30,951
Trey?
251
00:11:31,821 --> 00:11:34,345
You ain't reading no damn book.
Trey!
252
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:36,565
- Is it already out?
- For all we know, yes.
253
00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:41,091
- Really, Trey?
- I'm sorry. I-I'll get a towel.
254
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,180
I'm not talking about the couch.
You sold me out.
255
00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,400
- I thought we was boys.
- Man, we are boys.
256
00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:47,184
Somebody was gonna get paid.
257
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:50,318
I'm not gonna let some vulture
get paid off my friend's misery.
258
00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:53,103
So now we're making money
off your misery.
259
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:57,107
So you sold me out
for a couple of bucks.
260
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,630
Wow.
261
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:02,156
- Whoa.
- Your half.
262
00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,986
Just put it in the air fryer
for like 30 seconds.
263
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,901
Oh, my God,
I better go tell my mama.
264
00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,381
She will never forgive me if she
hear it from the streets first.
265
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,820
Well, you better hurry up.
There's a couple guys out here
266
00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:15,212
trying to take pictures
through the window.
267
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,910
Oh!
268
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,348
Just stop posing, Trey!
269
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,789
- I guess it could be Malcolm.
- Oh, it definitely is.
270
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,270
Let me zoom in.
Look at that. Look at that.
271
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:31,446
Yo, now it's just a blurry blob.
272
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:33,622
You can't even recognize
your brother's own ear?
273
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,102
It looks just like your dad's.
274
00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:37,278
Look. See? Look at that.
275
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:40,629
What are you doing?
276
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,065
I'm looking at your ear.
277
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:44,502
Well, I'm trying to do sudoku.
278
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:45,982
Why?
279
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,289
Dave was clowning me
about getting scammed.
280
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:51,292
They say doing puzzles
sharpen the mind, so...
281
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:52,684
- Oh.
- Ah.
282
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,295
Sudoku, eh?
283
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:56,645
But that box has
nothing but eights in it.
284
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:59,256
Yeah. That's my eight box.
285
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:02,216
Ooh, hey, guys.
286
00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:03,521
Uh, can I borrow some muscle?
287
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,045
I need help setting up
my brand-new
288
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:06,960
70-inch flat-screen TV.
289
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:10,833
Dave, you have a teenage son.
290
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:12,835
He helped Dave
get it into the house.
291
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:15,011
Took so much out of him
he went to bed.
292
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,841
Well, piece of advice, Dave.
293
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:22,366
Teach the boy
how to change a tire.
294
00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:25,674
I didn't have a flat tire!
295
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,634
This is a big TV, Dave.
296
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,723
Yeah, 4K OLED?
297
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:32,986
That must have been pricey.
298
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,378
One would think.
299
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,119
But I was on my way
into the store,
300
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:39,166
and I saw a guy with this baby
in his shopping cart.
301
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:40,602
He was trying to return the TV
302
00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:42,299
because it was too big
for his shelf,
303
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:44,824
but the return line
was too long.
304
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:48,653
- Yeah, it already sounds sus.
- Super sus.
305
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:49,916
Let me finish.
306
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,395
He didn't want to wait,
307
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,180
so he asked if I would
take it off his hands.
308
00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,659
He wanted full price,
309
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:59,229
but, uh, I haggled with him
and got $200 off.
310
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,014
Okay.
311
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:02,885
Well, it's a good thing
you didn't pay full price,
312
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:07,411
because whatever is in this box,
it's definitely not a TV.
313
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,326
Yes, it is.
314
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,024
Because, being a savvy consumer,
315
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,026
I made him open the box
and show me.
316
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,418
Marty.
317
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,118
- Oh, yeah.
- Whoa.
318
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,729
Well, I stand corrected.
319
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,252
Well, damn.
320
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,515
Yeah, I felt bad
taking advantage of the guy,
321
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:29,607
but it's a dog-eat-dog world
out there, and today I ate dog.
322
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,784
Don't-don't even...
323
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,135
Let's fire this bad boy up.
324
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:42,185
Well, it certainly is hi-def.
325
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,756
The hell is that?!
326
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:50,759
Well, Dave, it appears as though
327
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,805
you have bought
a Gravy Jack's menu.
328
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,546
No. No.
329
00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:59,550
It must just be
on the chicken channel.
330
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:03,946
Dave, there is
no chicken channel.
331
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,906
And that is the remote
for an adjustable bed.
332
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,000
You know, after looking
at all these ears,
333
00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:16,089
I think it could be Malcolm.
334
00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:18,787
Yeah, you never realize
how weird ears look
335
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,833
until you look at
a thousand of them.
336
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,618
Hey, Ma, we need to talk.
337
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:25,228
What-what is it?
338
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:28,536
Well, remember when you asked me
if there was anything new
339
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:31,234
- going on in my personal life?
- Mm-hmm.
340
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:32,844
Well, I just remembered
something.
341
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,107
Mm.
342
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,457
- Mercedes...
- Who called it?!
- Oh!
343
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:38,241
- Who called it?!
- You.
344
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:39,982
Okay.
345
00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:41,201
So you knew?
346
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,637
Yes, baby, I knew.
347
00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:45,031
- Oh, Mommy...
- And what were you thinking?!
348
00:15:45,205 --> 00:15:48,208
That woman is toxic.
She's materialistic.
349
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,644
- She is a drama queen.
- Whoa.
350
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:51,385
Now, now, hold on, Mama.
351
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,387
You were the one who told me
to give Mercedes a chance.
352
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,084
A chance to write a book,
353
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:59,349
not to be out smooching up
in public with your ear all out!
354
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,178
My ears are always out.
355
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:06,356
And I'm trying to tell you
she is not who you think she is.
356
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:08,706
Oh, no, honey, she is not
who you think she is.
357
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,231
I have been watching
that woman for years,
358
00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,928
and she is ruthless.
359
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,886
She doesn't care who gets hurt.
360
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:18,020
You saw the last episode,
when she got Sienna drunk
361
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:21,023
at the ski chalet and then
pushed her off the chairlift!
362
00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:25,506
She went down that mountain
faster than the people on skis.
363
00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:28,770
- Full-on makeup.
- Just, like, not even
an eyelash out of place.
364
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,641
Okay, okay, okay, okay!
365
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,427
Look, Ma, real talk, okay?
366
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:34,950
We should...
367
00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:41,000
Gemma, I think we could use
a little privacy.
368
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,567
- I'll lock the door.
- Okay.
369
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,486
Oh. With me
on the other side of it.
370
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:50,922
- Y-Yeah, okay, go.
- Yeah.
371
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,448
Call me.
372
00:16:54,622 --> 00:16:57,059
I locked it.
373
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,282
Now, Mama, I know
what you gonna say.
374
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:05,415
What? That Mercedes Selznick
once made a whole cruise ship
375
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,288
turn around because
she forgot her Birkin bag?
376
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:11,726
I did not know
you were gonna say that.
377
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:15,512
That woman is
a narcissistic nightmare.
378
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:18,124
Which I love on TV,
but not for my son.
379
00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:19,603
See, b-but that's just it, Mama.
380
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,997
You are talking about
her TV character.
381
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,738
That's not the Sadie I know.
382
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:25,566
Sadie? Who's Sadie?
383
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,742
Yeah, that's what I'm trying
to tell you. Okay?
384
00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:30,266
She's... she's
two different people.
385
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,572
Right, right.
386
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:33,443
And both of them
are wrong for you.
387
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:37,143
You know, Ma,
Grandma told me a story once.
388
00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:38,840
About a woman Pop was seeing.
389
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,711
Said she was all wrong for him.
390
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,409
She was gonna ruin his life.
391
00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:45,194
Yeah, yeah, I get it, Malcolm.
That woman was me.
392
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,588
No, that was some woman
named Carla.
393
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:48,806
Oh.
394
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:50,591
Oh, yeah, she was crazy.
395
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:55,770
Okay, but Pop had to find out
who she was for himself, Ma.
396
00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:57,293
If he had never done that,
397
00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:59,513
he'd be wondering "What if?"
his whole life.
398
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:01,428
All right. Malcolm, I hear you.
399
00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:02,820
You're a grown man.
400
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:05,649
I just got to let you
do stupid things.
401
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,260
Thank you.
402
00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:12,700
And as a veteran of
many, many stupid relationships,
403
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,919
I'm telling you, this...
404
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:19,315
this thing I have with Sadie,
it's not stupid, Mama.
405
00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,320
What is going on out there?
406
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:27,018
It's like 15 photographers
in front of our house.
407
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:31,327
Tina, did you tell the news
I got scammed?
408
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:35,984
Yeah, Calvin.
60 Minutes is on the way.
409
00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:38,726
No, no, no, Pop.
410
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,989
It's because
I'm in a relationship
411
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,034
with Mercedes Selznick.
412
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,211
Well, all right!
413
00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:46,647
No. No.
414
00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,518
Not helping.
415
00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:50,433
Uh, babe, I'm just saying.
416
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:51,826
She's a rich woman.
417
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,480
Our boy is like the new Stedman.
418
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,440
Ooh, can I get
a chicken sandwich?
419
00:18:57,614 --> 00:18:59,529
Buy your own. You rich now.
420
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,230
That was my sandwich.
421
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,629
Back! Back!
422
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,243
It is crazy out there.
423
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:18,722
They were swarming me
like zombies.
424
00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:20,811
And not the slow
Walking Dead kind.
425
00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:23,162
The fast-moving
World War Z kind.
426
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,555
Save it for your YouTube, Marty.
427
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,384
Well, good luck.
428
00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:30,038
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're going out there?
429
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,431
We're not the ones
dating celebrities.
430
00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,088
Ah, come on!
431
00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:39,265
For all you know,
I could be Tom Cruise.
432
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:40,614
Ha, ha!
433
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,924
I don't know how I'm ever
gonna get out of here.
434
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,492
Oh, well, I guess you have to
move back home with us, baby.
435
00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:51,842
No!
436
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:53,453
Don't worry, Malcolm.
437
00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:55,150
I can get you out of here.
438
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:58,153
Thanks to your brother,
I have an app for that.
439
00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,502
- Oh.
- Hey.
440
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:02,244
- Come on, man.
- Okay. Check you out.
441
00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:05,856
Well, hello,
ladies and gentlemen.
442
00:20:07,554 --> 00:20:08,990
Great evening, huh?
443
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:11,035
You guys look like you might be
a little thirsty.
444
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,646
- Yeah.
- Boom!
445
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,474
Dad.
446
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,258
- That's-that's your flashlight.
- Okay, yeah.
447
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,217
H-Hold on just a second.
Wait. Um...
448
00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:19,696
And boom!
449
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:21,132
Yeah.
450
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,047
Ah, yeah. Oh, okay.
451
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,919
Oh, I see they might need
a little zone two.
452
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:26,747
- Yeah, hit 'em
with the zone two.
- Full power. Boom!
453
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:27,965
Deuces. Let's go.
454
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:29,793
Let's go!
455
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,621
- Run, run!
- Yeah. Oh, Dad!
456
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,362
There's a guy behind the tree.
457
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,451
Oh, I'm-a have to zone five him
with the turbo boost.
458
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:36,974
Boom!
459
00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,237
Let's go!
460
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,717
- Get out of here!
- Yeah.
461
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:44,286
Hey, Malcolm, come on out, man.
The coast is clear.
462
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,375
Whew. Hey, thank you, Pop.
463
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:49,422
- Ah! Paparazzi, two o'clock!
- Oh, go.
464
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:51,511
Go, go, go, go. I got you!
I got you! Move, move!
465
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,034
Go! Move, move, move!
466
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:55,471
Get low, Malcolm! Get low!
467
00:21:00,433 --> 00:21:04,350
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
468
00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:08,136
and TOYOTA.
469
00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:12,706
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
31938
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof