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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,314 --> 00:00:07,197 South Park - Season 11 Episode 8 "Le Petit Tourette" 2 00:00:37,301 --> 00:00:41,557 Big Ring Slammer. Comes with posable neck-smash grip. 3 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,304 That's pretty kewl. Let's see... 4 00:00:44,424 --> 00:00:45,424 Cock! 5 00:00:48,098 --> 00:00:51,829 The Black Jackal. Karate Kick, Power Force and bendable neck- 6 00:00:51,949 --> 00:00:53,290 Asshole! Cock! 7 00:00:55,787 --> 00:00:57,537 Asshole, shit, shit cock! 8 00:00:58,828 --> 00:01:00,794 Ma'am, is that your son over there? 9 00:01:00,914 --> 00:01:03,819 Yes, I'm sorry. My son has Tourette's Syndrome. 10 00:01:03,971 --> 00:01:05,174 Tourette's Syndrome? 11 00:01:05,294 --> 00:01:08,844 It's a neurological disorder. He can't control what he says. 12 00:01:10,314 --> 00:01:12,429 Shit! Dumb shit! 13 00:01:12,568 --> 00:01:14,543 All right Thomas, maybe we should go? 14 00:01:14,663 --> 00:01:16,528 All right Mom- Bitch! Ass bitch! 15 00:01:16,648 --> 00:01:19,398 Here, let's buy you a nice toy to take home. 16 00:01:21,335 --> 00:01:23,024 Dude, that mom is kewl. 17 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,635 Cockbutt! 18 00:01:27,194 --> 00:01:28,987 Stupid shit! 19 00:01:29,642 --> 00:01:32,657 - Are you talking to me?! - No! Cocknose! 20 00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,378 - What's your problem, kid?! - Oh, I'm sorry. 21 00:01:35,498 --> 00:01:38,062 My... son Thomas has Tourette's Syndrome. 22 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:40,620 - What? - Mom, let's just go. Shit! 23 00:01:40,982 --> 00:01:44,719 People with Tourette's can't control certain tics. It's like a sneeze. 24 00:01:44,839 --> 00:01:46,189 Asshole. Asshole! 25 00:01:47,860 --> 00:01:49,633 Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa. 26 00:01:49,753 --> 00:01:52,344 You're telling me there's an illness that makes you blurt out obscenities? 27 00:01:52,464 --> 00:01:54,054 Mom, can we just go home, please? 28 00:01:54,174 --> 00:01:57,374 - It's okay, Thomas. They understand. - I want to go! 29 00:01:58,095 --> 00:01:59,309 Shitfag! 30 00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:01,770 - Poor kid. - Yeah. 31 00:02:01,890 --> 00:02:03,605 All right, hold on just a second here. 32 00:02:03,725 --> 00:02:06,054 Are you telling me that if you have this Tourette's Syndrome 33 00:02:06,174 --> 00:02:09,444 you can say whatever you want, all the time, and never get in trouble? 34 00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:11,340 It's a neurological disorder. 35 00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:13,073 - He can't help it. - Yeah! 36 00:02:17,018 --> 00:02:20,253 I've got a golden ticket 37 00:02:21,048 --> 00:02:24,459 I've got a golden twinkle in my eye 38 00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:28,463 Hey, don't you wanna buy that toy? 39 00:02:28,785 --> 00:02:31,264 I don't need the toy! I've found something better! 40 00:02:31,384 --> 00:02:34,338 'Cause I've got a golden ticket 41 00:02:34,497 --> 00:02:38,434 I've got a golden chance to make my way 42 00:02:41,137 --> 00:02:44,813 {\Colorado Neurology Center} 43 00:02:45,668 --> 00:02:50,201 It started about four days ago, Doctor, and every day he seems to get worse. 44 00:02:50,363 --> 00:02:53,216 - Pussy! Pussy! Cock! Shit! - Oh... Oh dear... 45 00:02:53,336 --> 00:02:55,039 I was checking out the Internet and 46 00:02:55,159 --> 00:02:58,567 it almost seems like his symptoms are like those in something called 47 00:02:58,687 --> 00:03:00,743 "Tour- Tourette's Syndrome"? 48 00:03:00,933 --> 00:03:03,182 Tourette's Syndrome? What is that, Mommy? 49 00:03:03,302 --> 00:03:05,055 Butthole! Titties! Balls! 50 00:03:05,366 --> 00:03:07,161 That doesn't seem likely. 51 00:03:07,281 --> 00:03:11,181 Tourette's is a hereditary disease; it doesn't just suddenly start. 52 00:03:12,121 --> 00:03:13,321 ...Cocksucker! 53 00:03:15,244 --> 00:03:18,788 ...On the other hand, Tourette's does often develop later in a child's life, 54 00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:20,662 getting progressively worse. 55 00:03:20,782 --> 00:03:24,951 Oh, well that's it! Shithead! Asshole! Mexican sticky balls! 56 00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:26,918 Oh Doctor, can you help him? 57 00:03:27,038 --> 00:03:29,519 We don't know very much about Tourette's I'm afraid. 58 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:31,977 But we will give your son all the help we can. 59 00:03:32,097 --> 00:03:35,030 But what about school, Doctor? The teachers and the principal, 60 00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:37,344 they won't understand that I can't control what I say. 61 00:03:37,464 --> 00:03:38,774 Don't worry, young man. 62 00:03:38,894 --> 00:03:41,292 We'll make sure everyone understands your disease 63 00:03:41,412 --> 00:03:43,455 and gives you the compassion you deserve. 64 00:03:43,575 --> 00:03:45,749 Oh, that's awesome. Thank you. 65 00:03:46,005 --> 00:03:47,500 Faggot! 66 00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:49,544 {\South Park Elementary} 67 00:03:50,425 --> 00:03:52,205 Shit! Butthole! 68 00:03:53,545 --> 00:03:54,605 Hey Wendy. 69 00:03:54,725 --> 00:03:56,738 Dumb bitch!! Uh, sorry. 70 00:03:57,896 --> 00:03:59,165 Titties! Cock! 71 00:04:00,253 --> 00:04:02,802 Ginger retard! Asslicker dickface! 72 00:04:03,406 --> 00:04:06,388 Dude, you'd better watch it. The principal's right over there. 73 00:04:06,508 --> 00:04:09,241 Good morning, Principal Victoria. Shitballs! 74 00:04:09,361 --> 00:04:10,811 Good morning, Eric. 75 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,926 Did Cartman just say "shitballs" to the principal? 76 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,079 You didn't hear? 77 00:04:16,199 --> 00:04:19,604 Cartman has some mental disease called Tourette's Syndrome or something. 78 00:04:19,724 --> 00:04:22,044 - What? - He's the luckiest kid in the world. 79 00:04:22,164 --> 00:04:25,747 I could say "shitballs" to the principal I'd be so happy. 80 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,922 Excuse me, excuse me everyone. 81 00:04:28,042 --> 00:04:30,477 I guess you might have noticed my awkward tics. 82 00:04:30,597 --> 00:04:33,499 Asshole! Pussy asshole! 83 00:04:33,705 --> 00:04:35,673 I just want you to know that I can't control it. 84 00:04:36,107 --> 00:04:39,957 It's okay, Eric. We all understand and we think you're very brave. 85 00:04:41,565 --> 00:04:42,671 He's faking. 86 00:04:46,014 --> 00:04:47,945 Excuse me everyone, I need to have a moment alone 87 00:04:48,065 --> 00:04:50,396 with my good friend Kyle. Asscheeks! 88 00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:53,791 Kyle, apparently you missed the school assembly yesterday, 89 00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:56,707 but I've been diagnosed with a very serious mental condition. 90 00:04:56,827 --> 00:04:59,577 You do not have Tourette's Syndrome, fatass! 91 00:05:00,943 --> 00:05:03,926 ...Okay, you figured me out. Bravo, Kyle, bravo. 92 00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:05,519 Don't you see how awesome this is? 93 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,228 It's like, a magic cloak that makes me impervious to getting in trouble. 94 00:05:08,348 --> 00:05:10,452 - Who cares about saying- - Of course if you want to be 95 00:05:10,572 --> 00:05:11,902 Sergeant Buzzkill once again, 96 00:05:12,022 --> 00:05:14,527 and spoil my fun because you're jealous you didn't think of it first, 97 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,097 well go right ahead, Kyle. - Whatever. 98 00:05:18,596 --> 00:05:21,045 Good morning, Mr. Mackey. Asspussy! 99 00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:26,739 If I could say "asspussy" to the counselor I would be so happy. 100 00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:31,521 Okay, so what do we get when we multiply a negative number- 101 00:05:31,641 --> 00:05:32,641 Dicktits! 102 00:05:35,522 --> 00:05:38,820 When we multiply a negative number by another negative- 103 00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:40,335 Shit! Asshole! 104 00:05:43,948 --> 00:05:45,493 'Scuse me. 105 00:05:46,618 --> 00:05:50,456 If we apply what we've just learned, we see that all negatives can- 106 00:05:50,860 --> 00:05:53,774 Spooge balls bloody vaginal belch. 107 00:05:56,949 --> 00:06:01,926 You guys, don't laugh. It makes me feel insecure about my illness. 108 00:06:02,046 --> 00:06:05,168 All right kids, let's just try to focus on learning, okay? 109 00:06:05,288 --> 00:06:07,765 Now all you need to remember here is that negative numbers- 110 00:06:07,885 --> 00:06:10,101 Tampon! Tampon Dickshit! 111 00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,450 Will you knock it off already?! 112 00:06:12,570 --> 00:06:17,020 Kyle, don't you think I wish I could? I'd give anything to be normal like you. 113 00:06:17,175 --> 00:06:18,175 Kike! 114 00:06:18,422 --> 00:06:21,487 - Don't push me, asshole! - Kyle, watch your language! 115 00:06:25,204 --> 00:06:29,104 If I could yell "tampon dickshit" in the classroom I'd be so happy. 116 00:06:31,348 --> 00:06:34,709 Principal Victoria, it's just that Eric has become such a distraction, 117 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:37,170 I don't think I can teach my class anymore. 118 00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,670 I understand it's been difficult, Mrs. Garrison, 119 00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,715 and so, Mr. Donaldson has come, 120 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,655 from the Tourette's Tolerance and Understanding Foundation. 121 00:06:44,775 --> 00:06:47,847 Hello, Mrs. Garrison- Ass. Ass! 122 00:06:48,193 --> 00:06:51,517 I want to help your class better understand this illness. Piss! 123 00:06:51,773 --> 00:06:54,470 - No! Up yours, fatboy! - Kyle, please! I'm sorry! 124 00:06:54,590 --> 00:06:57,070 Principal Victoria, there's something you need to know! 125 00:06:57,190 --> 00:07:00,068 Cartman's Tourette's isn't real! He's faking! 126 00:07:00,694 --> 00:07:01,694 Faking? 127 00:07:02,827 --> 00:07:04,864 You think people with Tourette's are faking?! 128 00:07:05,389 --> 00:07:06,658 No, I'm just saying that- 129 00:07:06,778 --> 00:07:08,899 Do you have any idea how horrible that is to say? 130 00:07:09,019 --> 00:07:10,691 Ass! Ass!! 131 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:14,207 We aren't "faking", young man. Trust me, nobody wants this illness. 132 00:07:14,327 --> 00:07:16,376 Ass. Piss!! Piss!! 133 00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:18,097 That's right, Kyle. 134 00:07:18,217 --> 00:07:19,796 Crap-filled vagina! 135 00:07:19,925 --> 00:07:21,312 This is the kind of intolerance 136 00:07:21,432 --> 00:07:23,300 you teach at this school, Principal Victoria?! 137 00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:25,324 - No! - Then if you wouldn't mind, 138 00:07:25,444 --> 00:07:28,989 I'd like to take this "bully" to see that Tourette's is very real. 139 00:07:29,109 --> 00:07:30,191 Piss. 140 00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:32,975 {\The Children's Therapy Center} 141 00:07:33,095 --> 00:07:36,104 Kids, today during therapy class we have a special visitor. 142 00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:37,250 Ass!! 143 00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:42,568 I wanted him to meet all of you so he could try to understand Tourette's. 144 00:07:42,952 --> 00:07:45,107 Tourette's is like a cough or a sneeze. 145 00:07:45,227 --> 00:07:47,927 It isn't contagious like some people think. 146 00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:51,974 A lot of people with Tourette's have different tics. My tic- 147 00:07:52,291 --> 00:07:54,538 is that I have to bend my neck and snap my fingers. 148 00:07:54,658 --> 00:07:57,258 But a lot of people don't even notice it. 149 00:07:57,865 --> 00:08:00,086 Aw shit! Cock!! 150 00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:03,660 Sometimes it can be embarrassing to have Tourette's, but I- 151 00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:05,717 I've learned I shouldn't be mad at myself. 152 00:08:06,275 --> 00:08:09,008 You see? These kids can't control their actions. 153 00:08:09,128 --> 00:08:11,169 Ass! Piss in the ass! 154 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,566 Look, I was just suggesting that maybe 155 00:08:13,686 --> 00:08:17,858 this one person could control what he said, but just didn't, for fun. 156 00:08:18,755 --> 00:08:21,361 Fun? This really isn't all that fun. 157 00:08:22,359 --> 00:08:23,359 Aw shit! 158 00:08:26,182 --> 00:08:28,713 Piss, coming from my ass! 159 00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:31,740 You wanna know about fun? 160 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,579 Going to public places knowing you're going to make a fool of yourself. 161 00:08:34,699 --> 00:08:36,799 Embarrass your parents. Aw shit! 162 00:08:37,258 --> 00:08:39,848 My dad... finally couldn't take it anymore. 163 00:08:39,968 --> 00:08:42,750 He... divorced my mom, said he'd still be around, 164 00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,044 but I only see him at Christmastime now. 165 00:08:45,164 --> 00:08:46,480 Shit! Shit! 166 00:08:47,008 --> 00:08:49,414 The worst part is I know how lonely my mom is. 167 00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:52,884 A lot of times I know she'd be better off if I was dead. 168 00:08:53,807 --> 00:08:54,807 Dude... 169 00:08:54,998 --> 00:08:58,038 Your mom would not be better off if you were dead, Thomas. 170 00:08:58,158 --> 00:09:00,527 Even if people like Kyle here think so. 171 00:09:00,647 --> 00:09:01,787 Aw, come on! 172 00:09:02,004 --> 00:09:04,509 So then you apologize for what you said before? 173 00:09:04,629 --> 00:09:06,360 I was just trying to... 174 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,597 Just, just in one instance... 175 00:09:12,381 --> 00:09:16,245 No... No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 176 00:09:19,029 --> 00:09:21,914 Well, Mr. and Ms. Broflovski, I think your son has learned a lot, 177 00:09:22,034 --> 00:09:24,154 and he appears to be honestly remorseful 178 00:09:24,274 --> 00:09:27,686 for making fun of people with disabilities. Piss! Piss!! 179 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,506 Our son is a good kid. 180 00:09:29,626 --> 00:09:32,299 He just didn't understand Tourette's was a real disease. 181 00:09:32,419 --> 00:09:33,979 Well, I think the only thing left now 182 00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:37,299 is for your son to apologize to his little classmate. 183 00:09:41,191 --> 00:09:43,022 Well, Kyle? 184 00:09:44,092 --> 00:09:45,092 I'm sorry. 185 00:09:45,982 --> 00:09:49,156 Oh, what was that? I couldn't quite make that out, Kyle. 186 00:09:49,276 --> 00:09:50,486 I'm sorry. 187 00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:52,082 You're starry? 188 00:09:52,202 --> 00:09:54,537 I don't get what you mean by that, Kyle. You're starry because- 189 00:09:54,657 --> 00:09:56,519 I said I'm sorry, you piece of sh- 190 00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:58,770 No, don't worry about it, Kyle. I understand. 191 00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:02,166 I've learned to deal with intolerance. Dumbshit douchebag! 192 00:10:02,286 --> 00:10:04,420 And it means a lot that you're standing here apologizing 193 00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:07,918 with your dad and lovely mother. Fat Jew! Jew bitch! 194 00:10:08,459 --> 00:10:10,265 Oh, thank you Eric. 195 00:10:10,385 --> 00:10:12,542 Thank you. Big-nosed kike! 196 00:10:13,387 --> 00:10:17,292 Well I think we can all put this behind us now. Piss out my ass! 197 00:10:17,548 --> 00:10:21,600 Yeah. Piss out your ass right onto Kyle's mom's fat fucking Jew face! 198 00:10:21,866 --> 00:10:25,357 Oh goodness, 'scuse me. Jeez, that was a bad one. 199 00:10:25,989 --> 00:10:28,568 Well, gotta run, everybody. Got some big things in the works. 200 00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:32,040 Isn't having Tourette's awesome? 201 00:10:35,471 --> 00:10:39,412 Next week on Dateline NBC: it's a Dateline special report. 202 00:10:39,838 --> 00:10:41,213 I'm Chris Hansen. 203 00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,320 You probably know me from "To Catch a Predator", 204 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,751 where we bust men looking for sex with children. 205 00:10:45,929 --> 00:10:48,035 Go ahead and take a seat. Take a seat right over there. 206 00:10:48,155 --> 00:10:50,506 Oh God. Oh no! 207 00:10:50,665 --> 00:10:54,230 - What are you doing here? - I'm just being stupid, I guess. 208 00:10:54,378 --> 00:10:58,556 But now we're switching our focus from pedophiles to Tourette's Syndrome. 209 00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:01,272 It all started when I received this touching letter 210 00:11:01,392 --> 00:11:03,436 from a brave little boy in Colorado. 211 00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:04,975 Dear Mr. Hansen, 212 00:11:05,095 --> 00:11:07,996 I have Tourette's and I want the world to understand what it's like. 213 00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:09,986 Won't you do a special report on me, 214 00:11:10,106 --> 00:11:13,118 so that the world can learn to accept us instead of just laugh? 215 00:11:13,238 --> 00:11:14,238 Donkey boner!!! 216 00:11:14,378 --> 00:11:17,531 This Saturday on Dateline I'll be bringing you Eric's story, 217 00:11:17,651 --> 00:11:20,703 live and uncensored, from his home in Colorado. 218 00:11:20,870 --> 00:11:23,397 Living with Tourette's: The Eric Cartman Story. 219 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,625 This Saturday on Dateline NBC. 220 00:11:25,997 --> 00:11:29,370 Finally, my wish of going public with my illness can come true. 221 00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:32,342 Goddamn Jews! Suck my ass barf! 222 00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:46,052 Hello, Kyle. Dickhead! 223 00:11:46,693 --> 00:11:49,085 What's this about you going on live television on Saturday?! 224 00:11:49,205 --> 00:11:54,070 Yes. It's all finally come to fruition. The final cog in my... master plan. 225 00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:57,588 This Saturday I will go on national television, live. 226 00:11:57,708 --> 00:12:01,614 I will say... horrible things on the air. Despicable things. 227 00:12:01,734 --> 00:12:03,245 And people will call me brave. 228 00:12:03,496 --> 00:12:06,171 Cartman, there are people in the world who really have Tourette's Syndrome. 229 00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,291 This isn't funny! 230 00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:11,432 Not funny? I have free rein to say anything I want 231 00:12:11,552 --> 00:12:14,420 and you get into trouble if you try and stop me. 232 00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:15,925 Care for a Scotch? 233 00:12:16,730 --> 00:12:17,969 ...Scotch? 234 00:12:18,089 --> 00:12:20,018 Kyle, I've won. No matter how you look at it. 235 00:12:20,138 --> 00:12:22,144 I've managed not only to get away with saying whatever I want 236 00:12:22,264 --> 00:12:24,521 at school, on the bus, at the dinner table, but this Saturday 237 00:12:24,641 --> 00:12:28,126 I will actually say anything I want... on national television. 238 00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:29,800 I'm going to blast the Jews, Kyle. 239 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,530 I'm going to call them every name in the book, 240 00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,809 and people will call it brilliant television. 241 00:12:33,929 --> 00:12:35,409 They'll probably give me an Emmy. 242 00:12:35,529 --> 00:12:37,094 You are not going to go on national television 243 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,245 and spew a bunch of hate speech about Jewish people! 244 00:12:39,365 --> 00:12:40,992 I won't let you do it, Cartman!! 245 00:12:42,085 --> 00:12:45,239 - Then the game is on, Kyle. - It's not a game, you derelict! 246 00:12:45,359 --> 00:12:47,498 And this isn't Scotch! It's apple juice! 247 00:12:51,018 --> 00:12:54,651 Do you have any idea how liberating it is to say whatever comes to mind? 248 00:12:54,771 --> 00:12:58,531 Big titties! Buttmunch! There's no walls anymore! Shit! 249 00:12:58,651 --> 00:13:01,974 Whatever enters my brain I can just say without thinking about it. 250 00:13:02,094 --> 00:13:03,794 I wet my bed last night. 251 00:13:05,497 --> 00:13:06,847 What did you say? 252 00:13:07,658 --> 00:13:09,013 Uh... nothing... 253 00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:12,433 You aren't gonna get away with this you stupid asshole! 254 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,127 Hmm. That was... weird. 255 00:13:16,147 --> 00:13:18,070 {\Whistlin' Willy's} 256 00:13:19,593 --> 00:13:23,363 We are here today to congratulate a brave little boy. 257 00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,599 Tonight, Eric Cartman will go on television 258 00:13:26,719 --> 00:13:29,272 and become the spokesman for Tourette's Syndrome. 259 00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,791 Piss out my ass! 260 00:13:32,682 --> 00:13:35,629 The spokesman for Tourette's? Oh no... Cock! 261 00:13:36,557 --> 00:13:38,841 Thanks, everybody. Suck my balls! 262 00:13:40,949 --> 00:13:43,788 You've all been so understanding and supportive of my illness. 263 00:13:43,908 --> 00:13:45,494 Jews bomber, dick sneeze. 264 00:13:45,614 --> 00:13:47,263 And it is because of you... 265 00:13:47,383 --> 00:13:49,900 that I have the courage to go on national television tonight. 266 00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:51,020 Titty sprinkles. 267 00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:57,193 If I could say "titty sprinkles" on national television I would be so happy. 268 00:13:57,663 --> 00:14:01,163 And I also just want to say that... I'm making this all up! 269 00:14:06,577 --> 00:14:10,379 I...'m making this all up to you, for putting up with my mental disorder. 270 00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:13,149 I cry at night because I don't have a dad. 271 00:14:14,091 --> 00:14:15,336 What the hell is going on? 272 00:14:15,910 --> 00:14:18,672 It's okay, Eric. We understand your illness, m'kay? 273 00:14:19,156 --> 00:14:22,414 What, what I meant to say was "asslicker cumballs." 274 00:14:22,685 --> 00:14:24,929 And... I'm secretly in love with Patty Nelson. 275 00:14:25,049 --> 00:14:27,264 I fantasize about kissing Patty Nelson! 276 00:14:29,017 --> 00:14:30,017 Ew! 277 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,605 Excuse me, I need a toilet! Bathroom! Bathroom! 278 00:14:39,538 --> 00:14:40,923 Hey, Eric! 279 00:14:42,451 --> 00:14:43,953 Butters, do you think it's possible 280 00:14:44,073 --> 00:14:46,534 that you can lose the ability to filter what you say? 281 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:51,211 I mean, if somebody got used to saying whatever came to their mind, 282 00:14:51,331 --> 00:14:53,944 could they start saying things that they would normally never say? 283 00:14:54,064 --> 00:14:56,797 - Who are you talking about? - Uh, my cousin. 284 00:14:56,917 --> 00:15:00,017 My cousin, one time, my cousin and I touched wieners. 285 00:15:03,482 --> 00:15:06,182 You... you and your cousin touched wieners? 286 00:15:07,176 --> 00:15:09,932 I didn't say that- Yes I did but why?! Oh! Stop it! 287 00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:13,769 Excuse me! Excuse me, I need to go! I gotta run! 288 00:15:13,889 --> 00:15:15,104 Is there a problem, sweetie? 289 00:15:16,097 --> 00:15:20,097 No, no problem. I just need to- My cousin and I touched each other's- 290 00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:25,150 I just... no I... I just want to thank everyone for coming- 291 00:15:25,270 --> 00:15:27,841 My cousin and I touched wiener- we wiener we, 292 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,593 weenter! Winter is a cold time of year. 293 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,246 I need to be going now. 294 00:15:32,522 --> 00:15:35,583 Well all right, Eric. Well good luck on Dateline tonight. 295 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:37,819 Dateline. Right. 296 00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:41,105 I wet my b- Ah!! I touched my cousin's wie- Nuh!! 297 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,474 This sure has been fun! G'bye! 298 00:15:48,275 --> 00:15:51,396 Tonight, an inside look at Tourette's Syndrome. 299 00:15:51,641 --> 00:15:53,056 I'm Chris Hansen. 300 00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:56,312 I'm Chris Hansen. 301 00:15:56,793 --> 00:15:59,857 Ah, Mr. Hansen? I'm afraid I can't do the show. 302 00:16:00,457 --> 00:16:03,201 - Why not? - My uh, my grandma just died, 303 00:16:03,321 --> 00:16:07,021 so I have to go to Memphis- That's not true. My grandma's fine. 304 00:16:08,081 --> 00:16:09,450 Why don't you have a seat? 305 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,659 No, I just need to get home. I'm not doing the show. 306 00:16:11,779 --> 00:16:12,824 Go and take a seat. 307 00:16:13,165 --> 00:16:16,715 - But I'm not gonna do the- - Take a seat, right over there. 308 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:20,836 What are you doing here? 309 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,714 I'm, I'm telling you that I'm not doing the show? 310 00:16:23,989 --> 00:16:25,341 But you are doing the show. 311 00:16:25,461 --> 00:16:28,511 You don't understand! All of a sudden, I can't control what I say. 312 00:16:28,631 --> 00:16:31,472 Of course you can't control what you say. You have Tourette's. 313 00:16:31,592 --> 00:16:33,251 No! My Tourette's has gotten worse! 314 00:16:33,371 --> 00:16:35,969 Before I just blurted out cool stuff about Jews being lame and stuff. 315 00:16:36,089 --> 00:16:37,478 But now it's gotten really bad. 316 00:16:37,993 --> 00:16:41,444 So I'm sorry, but I'm not doing the show, that's it. Goodbye. 317 00:16:41,564 --> 00:16:42,808 Why don't you take a seat? 318 00:16:42,928 --> 00:16:44,805 - Oh, I don't wanna take a seat! - Have a seat. 319 00:16:44,925 --> 00:16:48,197 - No, I'm just gonna go- - Take a seat, right over there. 320 00:16:49,427 --> 00:16:50,783 How does he do that? 321 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,182 You know, one time, I was doing a show called "To Catch a Predator." 322 00:16:54,302 --> 00:16:56,470 We almost caught this pedophile, but then he ran from us 323 00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:58,450 'cause he didn't wanna be on Dateline. 324 00:16:58,570 --> 00:17:02,220 So we tracked him down to his house. And you know what he did? 325 00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:04,421 He shot himself. 326 00:17:05,626 --> 00:17:08,876 It'd be a shame if... you didn't wanna go on Dateline. 327 00:17:09,009 --> 00:17:13,508 Be a shame if we had to track you down and you "shot yourself." 328 00:17:19,918 --> 00:17:22,464 Live, from our satellite studio in Colorado. 329 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,325 This is Dateline. 330 00:17:25,437 --> 00:17:28,337 Tonight, an inside look at Tourette's Syndrome. 331 00:17:28,485 --> 00:17:32,825 I'm Chris... Hansen... 332 00:17:33,108 --> 00:17:35,656 In a few minutes, you will meet little Eric Cartman, 333 00:17:35,776 --> 00:17:38,289 who wants the world to understand his affliction. 334 00:17:39,910 --> 00:17:41,477 Five minutes, kid. 335 00:17:41,597 --> 00:17:44,397 Jesus Christ. How did I get myself into this? 336 00:17:45,513 --> 00:17:46,513 God? 337 00:17:47,055 --> 00:17:49,004 Please, I know I screwed up. 338 00:17:49,124 --> 00:17:51,482 I should have never pretended to have Tourette's Syndrome. 339 00:17:51,602 --> 00:17:55,850 But see, I get it now. You can't just walk around saying whatever you want. 340 00:17:55,970 --> 00:17:59,047 You gave us a filter because, people don't wanna hear things like 341 00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:01,317 I touched penises with my cousin! 342 00:18:02,198 --> 00:18:03,272 And, and I learned, 343 00:18:03,392 --> 00:18:06,102 you especially can't say whatever you want on national television, 344 00:18:06,222 --> 00:18:08,249 'cause, there could be kids watching. 345 00:18:08,369 --> 00:18:11,553 Please, God, don't make me embarrass myself on national television. 346 00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:15,173 You... must see how this is all somewhat your fault, right? 347 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:18,454 Please, I need a miracle. 348 00:18:23,251 --> 00:18:25,753 Tango, this is Foxtrot. Are you in position? 349 00:18:27,313 --> 00:18:30,257 Copy Foxtrot. Tango in position. Aw shit! 350 00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:31,884 You sure you don't wanna back out? 351 00:18:32,314 --> 00:18:34,434 No, you were right. The fat kid is faking it! 352 00:18:34,554 --> 00:18:37,180 If he goes on TV, more people will think that having Tourette's is fun. 353 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,390 Asshole shit! 354 00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:41,435 All right, then we go with the plan. Just like "To Catch a Predator." 355 00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:45,481 The first guy is here. This is probably HotForBoys219. 356 00:18:48,796 --> 00:18:51,127 Hi, are you CuteBilly182? 357 00:18:51,373 --> 00:18:54,123 Yeah. I was chatting with you online. Shit!! 358 00:18:54,255 --> 00:18:56,505 Oh God, I'm so turned on right now. 359 00:18:56,625 --> 00:18:59,062 This is your house? Your, your parents aren't home, are they? 360 00:18:59,182 --> 00:19:02,939 No, it's cool. Go on inside. I made brownies. Shit!! 361 00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:06,361 I'm just gonna slip into something more comfortable. Cock!! 362 00:19:06,481 --> 00:19:09,481 Okay. Cock! Don't take too long. 363 00:19:12,029 --> 00:19:17,015 So now let's meet a child who has Tourette's Syndrome, and who must fi- 364 00:19:19,848 --> 00:19:22,101 Wait a minute. This ain't no house. 365 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:23,602 What are you doing?! 366 00:19:25,082 --> 00:19:28,440 Chris Hansen?! Oh no, it's a setup! I knew it! 367 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,192 Sir, why don't you take a seat, right over there. 368 00:19:30,392 --> 00:19:32,742 Now everyone's gonna know I'm a perv! 369 00:19:37,672 --> 00:19:39,451 Not again! 370 00:19:41,992 --> 00:19:43,997 - Kyle? - Surprise, fatass! 371 00:19:44,290 --> 00:19:46,763 - Kyle, what are you doing? - I went online posing as a boy 372 00:19:46,883 --> 00:19:49,284 who would have sex with older men, and told them to meet me here. 373 00:19:49,404 --> 00:19:51,154 My plan worked perfectly! 374 00:19:57,097 --> 00:19:58,512 Children! 375 00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:02,804 Hey, I brought you some Wendy's. 376 00:20:02,924 --> 00:20:06,405 Yeah yeah, go on in. There's a hot tub inside. Stupid shit!! 377 00:20:06,525 --> 00:20:08,021 Score! 378 00:20:09,226 --> 00:20:11,286 Oh no, it's Chris Hansen! 379 00:20:13,063 --> 00:20:14,653 Who is that? What's going on? 380 00:20:15,159 --> 00:20:16,780 What the hell is going on?! 381 00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:20,082 Wait a minute. Oh God, it's Chris Hansen! 382 00:20:21,502 --> 00:20:22,911 Chris Hansen! 383 00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:24,246 Dateline?! 384 00:20:24,663 --> 00:20:25,708 I knew it! 385 00:20:27,048 --> 00:20:28,998 There aren't really brownies! 386 00:20:33,195 --> 00:20:35,853 Hey! Do you have something to do with this? 387 00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,986 - Answer me! - Stupid shit! Cock! 388 00:20:39,466 --> 00:20:41,887 What?! Nobody talks to me like that! 389 00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:44,288 Why don't you take a seat? Take a seat, right over there. 390 00:20:44,408 --> 00:20:46,768 Suck it! Asshole licker dickfart! 391 00:20:46,953 --> 00:20:49,403 Fine, you lil- I'll, I'll tell on you! 392 00:20:51,686 --> 00:20:53,848 Wow, you're the coolest kid in the world. 393 00:20:53,968 --> 00:20:56,560 If I could call Chris Hansen an asshole-licking dickfart to his face, 394 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,180 I would be so happy. 395 00:20:58,388 --> 00:21:00,250 - You would? - Could I just like, 396 00:21:00,370 --> 00:21:03,243 hang out with you sometime? Like, do your laundry maybe? 397 00:21:06,034 --> 00:21:08,230 Take a look, fatass! I beat you! 398 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:11,900 You aren't going on Dateline; what have you got to say now?! 399 00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:16,748 - Oh, thank you! Thank you, Kyle! - What? 400 00:21:16,868 --> 00:21:20,964 I asked God to send someone to help me, and you came, Kyle! I love you man! 401 00:21:21,084 --> 00:21:24,184 - No, I beat you! - You totally saved my ass, Kyle. 402 00:21:24,378 --> 00:21:27,017 You must... really care about me. See you, Kyle! 403 00:21:27,242 --> 00:21:29,903 I gotta get to a psychiatrist and learn to control what I say! 404 00:21:30,023 --> 00:21:32,386 I got a golden ticket Thanks to Kyle! 405 00:21:32,506 --> 00:21:35,235 I got a golden twinkle in my eye 406 00:21:39,101 --> 00:21:40,864 Aw shit! 407 00:21:40,984 --> 00:21:44,789 Subtitles: Team SouthParkNews.Net Transcript: South Park Scriptorium 31398

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