All language subtitles for Junk.Disorderly.Henrys.Wreck-trospective.S01E01.1080p.WEB.H264-BeechyBoy

So what shall we do?

You tell me, man.

60 quid.

60 quid? It's yours.

Oh, I don't know, you know. I'll have it
delivered. It looks a bit old.

That's the whole idea of them.

My name is Henry Cole, and I'm a
junkaholic.

Better get wheeling and dealing.

Together with me three mates, top
restorers, Alan Milliard. Yes!

Guy Willison.

I'm like a coiled spring.

And Sam Lovegrove.

We've been rummaging our way through
Britain's sheds. Wow.

Farm sales, auctions and jumbles for
automotive treasures.

Oh, my Lord, look at that. To buy, do
up. That's just lovely.

And sell on for a tidy profit.

75 quid. But it's time to take a look
back at the best bits of our lives as

four junketeers. OK, that's enough of
that.

Is indicating left.

Taking in the good. Now that is proper
cool.

The bad and the ugly.

All for one. And one for all.

This is the Junk and Disorderly
retrospective.

Junk and Disorderly.

Hey, well, welcome to another Junk and
Disorderly Best Of.

And, as always, I'm joined by the
Skiddler and Alan. I think you're in

well as physically here, are you, Al?
Just about.

Yeah, great. OK, look, we've got a
packed show coming up. Now, we are

this time, are we at Stratford?

Yes. I love that jumble. I think we did
relatively well on that. But all I do

remember is that I went to Matt's
lonesome -like, which is dangerous, down

probably one of the finest collections
of automotive memorabilia in the UK.

Matt's main shed is automobilia heaven.

Cars.

Signs. Cans.

knick -knacks, all in concourse
condition.

You said to me, I'm having a clear -out.
Now, what kind of clear -out? I just

want really nice, high -end pieces.

I've got a lot of bits that I want to
get rid of. Good. So you can have a good

look through and see if you spot
anything you fancy.

Now, I do have a sneaking suspicion that
Matt's cast -offs are going to be

better than my prized possessions, but
there's only one way to find out.

Matt, so this.

It's the vitreitis.

So, look, that at the moment, that glyco
jug, right, is at 85 quid. Yep.

40.

How about 45?

Go on then. Right, we're starting the
action, right, at 45.

Time to extend my overdraft.

40. How about 60 pounds?

55. A fire extinguisher?

How about 20 quid?

How about 15?

Go on, then.

I am a kid in a sweet shop.

A lubricant gun.

60.

40.

50. I knew it was going to go that way.

A full motor oil can.

Could be a tenner.

Go on, then.

How about 25?

How about 20?

25, because you knocked me down on the
last one.

I'm not right, then.

So that's £155 worth of trinkets, but I
couldn't help noticing on the way in a

few petrol pumps in need of restoration.

How about this puppy?

Oh, wow, that's a lovely pump.

Is that blue etho?

Yeah, so there was etho blue paraffin,
and this is a little etho blue paraffin

dispenser. It's beautiful.

How much is that?

Restored, £2 ,000, but as it sits...

£600?

£300?

£500 would be the bottom if you wanted
it. But it's a very special pump.

£450?

It's got to be £500.

It's got to be. But look at it. It's
lovely.

Oh. Come on, mate. John. All right. I
think it's absolutely gorgeous. And I

Alan and Guy love that.

So I'm leaving with my wallet
considerably lighter and the landy

heavier. All in all, my day trip to
Matt's place has cost me over 1 ,200

But boy, has it been worth it.

1 ,200 quid. Look, I'm sorry I spent
that. And you guys were nowhere to be

I always worry when you're solo.

Why? Well, partly because a fool and his
money are easily parted. And you

sometimes come back with stuff, and I
think, I look at Alan and go, what the

hell's he done here? Sorry, can I just
interject? Forgive me, right? But I

I have quite good taste, right?

Well, you would, wouldn't you? Well,
he's giving me a go, eh, Al? Because

got upper cylinder lubricant, beautiful
thing.

We've got lots of signs.

And most especially, an SO Blue two
-stroke oil dispenser answer.

Very cool, very cool. I have to tell
you, right, Going to someone's, like

gaff, right?

Matt's got to be one of the best and
most passionate collectors of automotive

media,

right? Probably in the world, actually.

It's like a museum, this place, isn't
it? It's un...

It's amazing.

If it wasn't for people like him, it
wouldn't be left there for future

generations. Because the key to
restoration, isn't it, yeah, is what to

and what to leave.

And those decisions are what we had to
make restoring all that stuff.

Let's have a look at the goods.

The fire extinguisher and the carburel
lubricant gun are clean -up jobs.

But the big job is the paraffin
dispenser.

I actually love the original patina on
it. Yeah. But the interior here should

silver. Right. And this obviously should
be the branded blue.

It should be straight. Oh, it's bent.

So I think we should start off by
knocking some dents out.

Before he can do any panel beating,
first we have to remove the bolts that

in the precious glass fuel measure.

Feels a bit springy. Yeah.

Is the head off?

But it ain't easy.

The bolts don't want to play ball and
get stuck in the socket.

How do you do it?

Use the copper bit and move it a bit
closer there.

OK.

I'll tell you what, if you do this and
do it first time, I'm actually leaving

a thulk, okay?

All right? Yeah.

Perfect.

And Alan's got a plan for the dents.

I'm using a planishing hammer and a
dolly. The dolly was just the force of

hammer. I hope it gets the dent out.

It's not long before the dents are a
thing of the past.

Once he's done, Skid starts on the rust
with a whizzy wheel, before eventually

we all retire to bed.

Next morning, we're all up bright and
early to open up Henry's paint shop.

That's quality, mate. Aye, aye.

We're going to paint the mechanism, Etho
Blue.

That's coming nice.

According to the textbook, metal parts
always need priming. But you wouldn't

expect us three to follow orders.

I remember getting a little toy car from
my dad.

First thing you do, under the box, pull
out the instructions and throw that

away. Get the car out. You just work it
out yourself.

And you?

Well, now I read the instructions,
having had a lifetime of not reading

and wasted a lot of time.

All right, we'll let that dwell for a
sec.

Shall we mask this off and then do the
grey inside here?

Instead of silver, we've chosen
battleship grey as a contrast to the sky

the glass measure.

The exterior of the casing we've decided
to leave as is because we like the

patina.

Then we refit the dispenser.

Only issue is the new pump handle that
yours truly fitted.

Can I just say there is a fundamental
error here. What's wrong with that

picture, do you think?

Well, let me tell you the reason why the
handle was stubby.

So I think we're going to put this down
to a decorative item.

Then off comes the masking tape.

Down we go.

And up comes the cabinet.

Now Skid once made a living applying
transfers and stickers.

And don't I know it.

That has to be vertical. If you get it
wonky, it'll look awful.

So the thing to do, and I've got many
years' experience doing this, if you put

vertical line down the middle, then when
you're offering it up, because this is

the carrier that comes off, it being
vertical, your eye will tell.

So I'm going to go and get a pencil.

You're to wait.

Let's get it on.

What did we say about following
instructions?

What's that line?

You've got lines there. As long as
they're in the middle, it'll be fine.

I can't believe this. I cannot find a
ruler.

Where have you put it? Down the bottom
drawer, bottom drawer.

I haven't concentrated this much since
my O -level.

Find a ruler. I've found a straight -A
file. Oh, well, thanks, mate. It's taken

ages. Yeah, great.

What do you reckon?

Well, I'm going to check now. I'm
offended.

I wish you'd waited.

I mean, I think that's lovely. No -one's
going to worry about that at all.

By the way, where is your ruler?

I haven't got one. Oh.

Now look, let's just talk about
different ways of working, shall we? We

do.

I know you used to strike cars. Tell me
about it. So I started off coachlining.

Yeah. And then I got into the graphics,
the bigger ones, like stickers and

things. Yeah.

And, see, I had many years' experience,
which is why, when you just slap them

on, it drives me insane. Because you've
done all that work, the resto, the

linishing, the polishing, everything
else. Last thing to go on is always the

sticker.

And you slap them on wonky. Don't blame
just me.

He's in my court. In reality, they're
stuck on wonky anyway. Not if they're

by me, they're not, Al. Can I just say,
right, sometimes we've made the tea,

we've gone for a walk, we've taken jelly
bean out, and you still haven't lined

up a sticker.

So Al and I sometimes take the decision
that while you're not looking, we stick

a sticker on. You don't care, but to me
it's a disaster.

Just for the side from those, right,
you...

basically showed me up yet again.

With the spanner and the nut. With that,
knocking out that nut.

Hand eye coordination, or a lack of it.

I panic when you've got a hammer.

You either break it, miss it. Yeah.

Well, all right, I mean, you know,
sometimes I need a bit of practice.

You need to go for accuracy, a bit like
the stickers.

That is true.

What do you think, Al? He's ever with a
hammer. I run for cover when you've got

a hammer. That's so unfair.

I run for cover generally when he
appears, do you know what I mean?

Do you know what I mean, Al? Hey, look,
I normally have these little things that

I want to show you that I want to ask
you. What makes this two -gallon can

expensive and very rare?

Well, look, not only is it a can for
petrol, but it's also got its own oil

like that.

Can I ask a question?

What? Does it still hold two gallons of
fuel?

Ask me one on sport.

Yes. I have no idea. Yes.

Well, look, normally a two -gallon
little petrol can like this, right, will

retail a shell one like that, probably
anything between 35 if you're lucky,

yeah, and 75 if you're not lucky.

Yeah. But if it is a duo can...

then you could be in the money for about
600, 700 quid. Now then, that brings us

on to our little auction we've got to go
to. Yes.

Mainly because, right, we go to Matt,
there's plenty of time, happy days, I'll

wander about and I'll spend 1 ,200 quid.
With an auction, that's a whole

different ballgame. Yeah, it's a
massively different ballgame. Okay,

this one. Now, if I remember rightly, we
went to see James at H .J. Pugh's. Now,

I've got to tell you, there's some
amazing stuff.

But you've got to pick through a huge
amount of detritus.

This is day one of a two -day
extravaganza, which happens every other

Feast your eyes, man. Today is the day
for spare parts, trinket tree and other

accoutrement. Isn't it, Skid?
Absolutely.

Now, the motorcycles are going tomorrow,
but we don't want that because what

we're after is some lovely bits and
bobs. Isn't that right?

Absolutely.

There's loads of stuff to peruse.

From engine parts.

Those mags could be good.

To frames.

If they have a V5 with them as well, you
know, registration document to go with

them, then they're really useful because
you can build a bike up from that.

To scooters.

that have been turned into sculptures.

Do you think that as a trinket might be
quite good for someone?

To hang on the, well, shed wall. It'd
look great, wouldn't it? Yeah.

The first thing that really takes my
fancy, though, is this.

Now, you know how I love a race bike,
right? A straight line sprinter.

This one is obviously a massive project.
Look, photos of the actual bike

competing in the time trials in 1970.

I mean, it is a mega project for
someone.

But at the same time, it's quite a cool
thing, isn't it? It is.

Time now to move into the hall. And
before I even sit down, I'm bidding.

C15574. I bought that, but it's an
original.

And I think it's rather beautiful, don't
you? I think that's lovely, yeah. From

1965? Yeah.

So a good start.

The thing I'm most interested in,
though, is lot 160.

That sprint bike.

Last used in 1978, so it hasn't been
worn out. Well, for that, then, £500

£500. No. £500, £100, I'm bitter. £100,
£120, £150, £180, £200, £250,

£300. Oh, what's going on? £300, £320,
£350. That is a bargain for someone.

£350, only £350, all sold.

No, no.

£380, £380.

Can I tell you something? What?

Partly, I think you're mad.

Yeah. But also...

I mean, surely the engine bits are worth
that. Well, I don't know what engine

it's got in it. No, I don't either. But
all I do know is that at a jumble, you

know, someone may pay 600 quid for it.
Yeah. And it's a great project for that

money. Do you know what I mean?
Alternatively, you can loosely assemble

hang it on the wall. I could.

I have to tell you, I never get bored of
going to auctions. And that one

specifically.

Was the right... Such a shame you
weren't there, Al. You would have

Yeah, you would have enjoyed it. It
wasn't freezing cold either. I know, why

weren't you there?

I like a nice rummage. I think I was
cutting my grass.

Also, he does actually sometimes phone
in to say he wants to eat crisps today.

know, yes. Yeah, don't you?

Your favourite food.

Cheese and onion. Only cheese and onion.
Anyway, I'm digressing, right?

Now, what's interesting about auctions
is that when you go into someone like

Matt's shed, right, you've got plenty of
time, chill out, but...

You turn up at the auction in the
morning, don't we? Yeah. We have a quick

scurry around and there was a lot of
detritus to skim through, wasn't there?

There was. Now, I've got to admit to
you, I'm like a magpie, right?

When I'm confronted with all those
trestle tables full of stuff, I go for

bright stuff.

But also, I think all of us do it.

If you're in that sort of, like, stress
situation with time and you've got to

make a decision... Yeah.

Go for stuff you like. Then if you get
caught with it, it's not a problem. And

with that thing we did buy, I'd only
seen it from a distance on a pallet. And

didn't have Al, obviously, to tell us
even what engine it had in it. No, I'd

have looked more closely at all the
parts. Yeah, he would have. No, you

have done that, Al, because there wasn't
the time.

Well, that's it. You've got to decide
things quickly, haven't you, mate? Yeah,

and also remember the auction fees on
top.

Oh, yeah. You don't have that when
you're with Matt, do you? No, no, no.

do know, right, is we've got some stuff,
lovely stuff, most especially stuff.

We've got ourselves a sprint bike.

Back at the shed, I show Alan what he
missed.

Haven't we got some trinketry, Al? We
certainly have. It's definitely stripped

down, what you can call this.

Have you had a look at the pictures of
what it was like in the 70s? No, I

haven't seen that yet. I haven't got
that far.

Oh, that's quite cool. It's definitely
minimalistic, isn't it?

So look, to sort of tempt a punter, I
think for 1 ,500 quid, why don't we just

perhaps just stick the fairing on the
frame, perhaps just put some wheels in,

that'd be about it.

The rest of the stuff just needs a light
wipe over, so we'll get on with the

sprint bike.

There are, I hasten to add, no
instructions, but Alan's put more bikes

than I've had cold dinners, and that's
plenty.

And as a little bonus, our petrol pump
lamps all seem to work.

Number one.

This is two, what do you reckon? Very
nice, very nice. Yeah, yeah, carry on.

And then before you do spannering,

Look at that. That's really nice as
well.

Yeah.

Totally disinterested.

On goes the front wheel.

Oh, yes, mate.

The rear wheel.

And after a quick burst of compressed
air, over it goes.

Oh, yes.

We put on the fairing.

And the rear end.

And after 20 minutes, we've got
something much more saleable.

Can we just admire for a second?

Now it's really looking like something,
isn't it? It is.

I know what you're going to do now.
You're going to give me a hard time

of my restoration techniques is actually
just a little bit simpler than yours.

It was looking for a 6 -volt
transformer.

And I found it. Yeah. Yeah. And they did
work, and you were highly excited.

Absolutely. Not worrying about the
important thing in the room.

It's still good, though, because you've
got something that works.

And I have to tell you, I think we're
going to make some money out of them.

Yeah, yeah. Talking of money.

Yeah. Let's talk about that sprint bike
and the restoration of it, which is

basically not restoration, but
assembling it to display for sale.

Exactly. As it was, it was just on a
pallet, jumbled up.

You could tell it was a sprint bike, but
it looks very disheveled. You couldn't

see the good bits. No. So by simply
assembling it so it can stand on its

it's a massive difference to having a
frame lying on its side on the mud.

can't imagine it in one piece. No.

We bought it for £380, and we sold it
after what, ostensibly, was as

much time as it took me to switch three
Made on Tuesday lamps on. Yeah, yeah. We

got £1 ,000 for it, didn't we? Yeah,
which is fantastic, and I think it's

to be put back together and used. Which
is even better, mate. Which is

fantastic, from that dishevelled pile at
the auction, and hopefully it's racing

now. Hey, look, so when we come back,
I'm going to be adding to our stash for

the Stratford Auto Jumble, and also, you
never know...

I might bring some biscuits.

Hey, well, welcome back. Now then, the
most amazing news is Guy has furnished

with some biscuits. And I have to tell
you, with me cup of scorch here, I do

love a dunkage. Hey, do you like... He's
already dunking. Look, I can see him.

He's already dunked. He's been dunking
throughout the whole of the break.

Makes it warm and smooth and nice to
eat. Warm and smooth.

Well, you have to, to protect your false
teeth so you don't hook them out.

So I wasn't expecting.

talking about biscuits to be accused of
having false teeth, which is absolutely

right.

Hey, I'll tell you what, though. Do you
dunk when you're having your highlights

done? That is quite enough, yeah.

Carry on.

When I go to a dinner or a hairdresser,
I sometimes, if I'm very relaxed, take

my boots off. So here we go. There we
are.

I am fully relaxed now. Yes. Look, I've
got me mates, right? I've got some

scorch. I've got a biscuit. I've got me
shoes off. What do we need? Well, some

more trinkets.

Oh, mate.

Fastback Mustang?

Yeah. Sixty -what? Eight? Sixty -four
and a half. Sixty -four and a half? Call

it a sixty -five. Sixty -four.

What's that? 4 .2?

Yeah, that's a sixty -eight.

Series one and a half.

Now, there's no way I could ever afford
one of these or the other cars in his

garage. But he does have some bikes and
smaller items. And there's one thing

that might even be perfect for next
weekend's jumble.

Am I right in saying that that is a
Chinese version of a Honda monkey bike?

is. A Honda DAX?

Yeah. It's a Chinese one. Can we get it
out?

Because I think you could find a punter
quite happily.

Does it actually work?

Yeah, it does, but I think the battery's
flat. It might start.

Well, I mean... The keys are in. But the
battery's well flat.

OK, no, it doesn't. But at the same
time, I'm sure it will. It does, yeah,

runs. It is amazing, these things,
because they are so cheap.

I would give you 500 for it.

650.

600. Really?

Yep. Okay, mate. Now, you see, that is a
beautiful deal. Why?

Because I bought it for a reasonable
price, which means we could make a

bit of profit on it.

600 quid, mate. All right, baby.

It's very good, but one thing... What?
Your vetting techniques for vehicles.

You know, the amount of times you've
brought something back that looks like a

crusty heap and I've gone, is it seized?

Don't know. How difficult is it, when
you're picking, to go up alongside it

just lean on the kickstart, you're not
trying to start it.

Just be a big thief.

Yeah, all right, all right. These
technical, you know, issues, etc., yeah,

something that I really am not too...

au fait with. Well, it's the fact that
you don't have to deal with it when it

gets back here, so you don't care. I
think that's what goes on. Okay, so

one way of looking at it. The reason why
I don't check compression on every

single motorcycle... Because you haven't
missed a milliard to fix it.

But it does mean you do get caught out
occasionally.

Probably just looked at it and it's
shiny.

Oh, don't be like that.

Magpie syndrome again, yeah. Well, it is
the magpie syndrome, but you see, I

take a view that if it's new, I may
acquire it without worrying about that

much, because I'm thinking, it's
probably all right.

It has done. Are you ready for this?

115 miles from new.

It should be easy to get going then,
shouldn't it? All you've got to do is

the battery, and then we're going to do
a bit of a challenge.

Now, you might think for two of
Britain's finest restorers, getting this

going would be a doddle, but our little
monkey ain't quite top banana.

What's happened?

Electrical failure.

I say it was out.

The problem, it seems, is the ignition
barrel.

That's the trouble. What? Go to contact.
Go to contact.

There's a problem. The terminals are
corroded. They've got green oxide on

Alan rubbed down the terminals with some
coarse sandpaper.

That's it. We're there. Look.

Hey, look at that, man. So that's what
to do, folks, if your connections don't

connect. Hey, but if you're my age,
there's no hope anyway.

I inflate the rear tyre.

Alan and Skid, we assemble the ignition.

And then we give it a few drams of the
amber nectar.

Then, get ready to start.

Let's try to kick the duck.

Uh -oh.

This thing is, I mean, honestly... We've
either got a blocked pilot jet, or the

CDI ignition unit's not working, which
is no common fault with these.

Right, blowtorch. Let's blowtorch.
Here's your blowtorch.

Look at that, Sid.

The problem's the spark plug. But don't
try this at home, folks, without goggles

and gloves.

Hey, can I just say, right, this
morning, Alan went to the dentist.

Now, for me, for Guy, for everybody else
at home, that's a nightmare, isn't it,

going to the dentist? It's something
that I worry about.

Uh -uh, not Alan. Oh, no, he loves it.
Don't you, Alan? I like going to the

dentist. It's a nice experience.

You do need to see someone.

How can you sleep at the dentist?

I know. I couldn't. It just bears out
what I always thought, that he's made of

swarf.

Alan Milliard, a legend, a man who loves
the dentist, and also can

fix the Skyteam Skymax Skyteam knock
-off monkey bike. Eh?

Seeing as this is actually going now,
I'm going to set...

A challenge to you both. Now, you do
have to understand, this is my private

drive, OK?

All right, so we are not going on a
public road.

But I want to see whether you can fit
three on a monkey bay.

OK, so we're here. Lids on, right? This
is the challenge.

We want to go down my drive, right?
Three up.

I've never done this before.

Just before we sell Skymax Skyteam,
Skymax Skyteam, we thought we might have

bit of a giggle. Now then, do we have to
work out weights?

Who's going to wear the gloves to
actually ride it?

Okay. Well, I don't want to ride it. I'm
happy to go pillion somewhere.

Well, of course, there's two options of
pillion. I know. Are you going to be the

meat in the sandwich?

Oh, I hope not.

Look at his face.

All right, let's talk about weight.
Shouldn't the fattest go on the front?

Yeah. Yeah, well, that's you then.
Right, that's that sorted. Hang on, we

haven't even... Yeah, you're probably
right. Okay, well, I'm 13 stone 6, so...

How many kilos are you, Alan? 65.

What's that in real money? About 10 and
a half.

And I'm 17 to 71, so you're at the back,
I'm in the middle, you're on the front.

All right.

Okay, all right, so I need to mount up
first, do I? You do. All right. Shuffle

forward as far as you can. Here you go,
I'll put my gloves on. You're going to

have to sit like that.

Yeah, all right. I once rode a GT550
across London with a load of crockery on

in a massive box because they wouldn't
take it back. I was there and it fell

off. Isn't this a dispatch rider story?
Yeah, and it fell off.

Ready?

Okay, are you sure you want me the big
guy on the front? You go on the front.

You're on the front.

You go in the middle. All right, wait a
minute. I have to mount from this side

out. Wait, wait, don't mount yet.

Okay. Right, you ready?

Yep. Oh, my God, this is going to be
tight. I know.

Where's the pillion pegs?

Everyone's got to shuffle up a tiny
little bit.

I can't.

I've got nothing to shuffle.

We're on.

My jeans are too tight. I can't get my
other leg on. What the heck is that?

Ready? Yeah. We're off.

We're off, we're off, we're doing it.

I can't get a second.

Everyone happy?

Yeah. We're rocking.

Whoa. Oi, oi.

Lovely, mate. Hey, we could actually go
on tour.

Yes, can we? Hang on, changing down.

Oh, I say.

This

is

hilarious.

It works. It's brilliant. It's ready for
sale. We've achieved our goal.

I'm not sure I want to repeat the
threesome, but what a funky little

Can I just say I was right?

In the sense that, right, even if I had
tried for compression, I

would have never found the problem.

that you've got to take an Alan Milliard
with you if you can. And to be fair to

you, you wouldn't have found that in the
shed. You wouldn't have disassembled it

like that, would you, in the shed?

No. It was cantankerous, that thing. It
was cantankerous.

So now, hang on. We got it going, right?

Yes. And then we managed to have a
threesome. We did. Yes, very enjoyable.

It was, wasn't it? It's not for me on
the bag. I sat on the rack. Yeah, well,

know, mate. That's the story of your
life.

Okay, should we talk dentists just for a
sec?

Seriously, Matt.

How can you enjoy going to the dentist?

It's really nice. It's peaceful. There's
nice music playing, nice little

injection, laid back.

My dentist's got a TV screen on the
ceiling so he can watch TV.

Root canal filling.

Oh, no.

I mean, the bottom line is, everything
that you said there, you could do at

in the comfort of your own home, right?

You could. But you could have a biscuit,
a cup of tea, or even a beer.

And no pain.

And no pain. But you love the dentist.

Hey, look, when we come back... Yeah, we
might have some more tea, but most

especially, we're eventually at
Stratford, our favourite jumble.

Hey, well, welcome back now. Before we
go to Stratford, I want to reflect on

something that happened at an auto
jumble last year.

Yes, I'm very proud of this moment. Yes,
you are. This is probably one of the

weirdest things, well, that's ever
happened to me.

So here we are, one mile down the road
and ready to roll.

I think base camp at Mount Everest is
busier than this.

And then something very unexpected
happened.

So, mate, look, we've got lots of
accoutrement if you're into American

rat rod stuff or cans.

Well, shall I tell you what I really
want?

Yeah. Hang on. It's going to shell out
some money.

There's a hundred pound there. Yeah. All
right.

For a lock of your air.

What? For a lock of your hair.

Why do you want that?

I've got a friend that loves your hair.

She said, oh, I love Henry's hair.

So I'd like to buy a lock of your hair
and then present it to her as a

present.

Do you know what? That has never, ever
happened to me. To buy your hair? Yeah.

For £100.

Really?

You know what I think we should do here?

What? I think I should get the scissors
out. You should lose your hair. I got

the scissors. And I think the money
should go to the air ambulance.

That's right.

Because I use the Air Ambulance.

Okay, go on then. Oh, this is fantastic.

Go on then. You couldn't make this up?

I've got some elastic bands to tie you
up with.

What? He hasn't come prepared.

Oh, you cut it. Now, come on, finish me.
What bit do you want to lose? Do you

want a bit with highlights in?

There's no bits with highlights in.

Right, go on then.

Just get the length as well. Yeah, I'll
get the length. Don't worry.

Why did you not get the whole length? Up
to the scale.

What? No, there. Is that enough?

Yes. There. More, more, more. No, I
can't go more.

No, you're going to cut a bloody hole in
my head.

All your scissors are bloody. Oh, no.

Here we go. There we go. It's not bad,
mate. Have you done it? Yeah.

There we go.

Watch that light, Rob. There we go.

Here,

there you go. Can I just say, that might
be the best lock of hair you've ever

lost because you might need that air
ambulance one day and it might save your

life.

I'll do it.

Then we know it's done. Not that we
don't trust you, Rob. No, not at all.

do it, right. This is for the air
ambulance. Because I've used the air

when I broke my neck.

Oh, right. Okay, mate. Well, look, we're
in.

Thank you so much for asking the
weirdest thing... Rob, and that's given

much pleasure.

I

still

don't actually know whether that bit's
grown back yet.

Well, it was quite a chunk, so... Yeah.
It'll be on the way, though. Honestly...

I actually think that's worth more than
£100. It's such a big chunk.

Well, I know. I was expecting you to
take, you know, just a little bit like

that. Would you? I went for the maximum
I could get away with.

And I did the charity donation bit
because I knew then you could not back

But I have to tell you, man, it was odd.

Put yourself in that guy's shoes.

Would you come up to me, right, and ask
for a lock of my hair?

No. If he'd been asking for mine, I'd
have been off. Yeah, yeah, of course.

Well, I was about to be off, but then
you egged him on. Of course I did. Yeah,

you did, and then he joined in as well.
Yeah, and if you were me, you'd have

done the same. It's a thing in the past,
and it was actually quite fun. And you

have recovered, and it was painless. No,
no, no. I have recovered, honestly.

Yes. I have, and I recovered quite
quickly. Actually, I never actually knew

where he'd taken the lock from.

Anyway, look, hey, it's Stratford time.
We've got ourselves a load of trinkets,

yeah, and it's time for a nice little
earner.

Welcome to Stratford. The Gee -Gees and
Jockeys have been replaced by 200

stalls, selling everything from a pin to
an anchor.

Now, as always, we really haven't got
everything out properly yet, but we're

wheeling and dealing already, aren't we?

Charlie, one of my favourite clients
here, right, and Marie, his mum.

OK, now, Charlie, what did you want?

A crab chug. I met Charlie a couple of
months ago.

He might only be 11, but he knows his
onions and his chugs, and he's already a

demon haggler.

Now, it says 30 on there. Are you going
to bid me? You always do.

20.

All right.

There you go, show me by the hand.

Right, 20 it is, son. Good lad.

By the time Charlie leaves, he's got a
second jug.

A 15.

Yeah, sure.

A puncture repair kit and a grinding
paste tin.

That is the new generation, right, of
collector, and we're here to support

the whole way.

But it ain't just the nippers.

55 quid. That was the 30?

Cheers, Neil. Thank you so much. Within
half an hour, stuff is flying off the

store. Faster than we can put labels on.

The big ticket items, though, are the
bikes. And the biggest of all is our

Skymax monkey bike.

Better check it still works.

Ready? Yeah.

The electronic ignition won't play ball.

And the kickstart is no better.

It doesn't feel...

Our little monkey ain't swinging.

Oh, God.

Unbelievably appalling. This is our
biggest item.

And it's dead.

I can't believe it.

That's the only new thing we've ever had
on the stall and it doesn't work.

And then, Alan remembers something. The
side stand is fitted with an ignition

cut -off.

I'll go first time now.

Ride it quick! Yeah!

That's amazing!

That's incredible.

That's what they call in the trade,
finger trouble.

Because it wouldn't go because the side
stand was down.

We're not used to all that because it's
modern stuff.

Anyway,

look, it's going.

There's 1100 quid on the ticket and
let's hope it does go.

There are a few bikes on offer today,
but no other stall compares to our

Emporium and our Salesman.

What a cycle master moped from 1953.

I think we'd be looking at a deal at
six.

Or our Skymax monkey bike.

I mean, please.

It ticks over nicely when you feather
the throttle.

And you say you like it ruddy?

Yeah, it's got good compression. It runs
well.

£5 .50.

And it's a deal.

Go on then.

Yeah, thank you.

This is the moment in a deal where
everything goes quiet.

And I'll look out like that. Now, as the
blood came, come back to me face.

Well, you can bid me on it.

Well, I'm looking for 1 ,100 quid. I
know you are. 900?

No.

Can't do any more than that, really.

I'm going to come back to you. OK, all
right. So the gentleman's coming back

later. Is that really honestly?

Yeah, I'm going to come back. Happy
days.

We'll have to wait and see on the
Skymax, but back on the stall, the

are moving faster than an Olympic relay
team.

But it's yours truly who cuts the
biggest trinket deal of the day.

Henry, what's your best deal on that?

With the Pontiac grille.

Right, 200 for that.

One on the pump.

And the ESO blue pump. We've just
restored.

650 for that.

800 a pair.

Well done, lads. All right, 800 it is.

So what a result.

I think we've made 100 quid or
something.

But that's all right.

Brilliant. Well done. Thank you very
much. Thank you very much.

Here we go. If I break it, if you bash
it, you buy it. That's the name of the

game.

But though we found a home for our SO
Blue dispenser, there's no sign of that

punter coming back for the Skymax.

And then, following the eternal rule of
end -of -day selling... Look, I'm just

having me lunch, have a little sausage
roll, and a gentleman here is interested

in the Skymax.

Well, I stay interested.

He's just offered me a derisory amount
of 600 quid.

It's a bargain.

I know it is. It's a bargain for you.

It's end of the day, isn't it?

8 .50.

7 .50 is bottom line. That's all I've
got.

I've got 7 .50.

Pound notes.

It does run, doesn't it?

Yeah, it starts on the bottom.

5, 6, 7, 50.

Yeah, go on then.

Yeah, I'll give that to you.

We bought it for 600, so that's 150 quid
profit, less the cost of the battery.

Oh, now we're away.

He's off.

Look at it.

Oh, my God, it's gone. And it works.
What more do you want from a monkey

It was a good result, Stratford. By the
same time, can we talk?

Monkey bike. Now then. You've just given
me a load of hassle throughout the show

today, right? About checking for
compression. And why don't you actually

motorcycle a once -over before you
acquire it?

Okay? So then, I am left with a punter
standing there, right? With you two

lemons, right? Trying to start that
monkey, yeah? And...

really not succeeding at all because of
a very modern, easy thing to sort out,

which he should have known about.

He was parked on the south dam, wasn't
he? And the south dam was also down.

Yeah, you see.

His operator error parking it. Did you
park it?

I might have done. Yeah, so his south
dam should have been up anyway.

Okay, all right. I think if I'm right,
we made 150 quid on that bike.

Yeah, I think over 800 quid on the day.
Yeah, we did. And also, we sold that SO,

you know, two -stroke dispenser or
whatever.

Yeah. And a car grill. But the other
thing with an auto jumble is you've got

your smaller stuff. It keeps the money
flowing. It keeps the store busy.

I mean, I think that is key. You know, I
wouldn't like to actually be looking

after a store where all I had was big
items, only because there isn't that.

constant, you know, transactions.

Yeah. Is there? Yeah. And you're right,
that's the fun of it. Haggling on even,

like, 15 quid's worth of petrol or
something like that. The people make the

The camaraderie is great. We are a
worldwide community of auto jumblers, in

view. What do they call them in America?

Swapmates. Swapmates. That's right. Hey,
look, whatever you call it, join us

next time for some more junk and
disorderly best bits.