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1
00:00:10,186 --> 00:00:12,061
( music playing )
2
00:00:42,895 --> 00:00:45,436
- ( wind whistling )
- ( door opens )
3
00:00:55,478 --> 00:00:57,103
( door closes )
4
00:01:05,478 --> 00:01:07,228
( static )
5
00:01:07,311 --> 00:01:09,228
( switching channels )
6
00:01:09,311 --> 00:01:13,770
( instrumental version
of "O Christmas Tree" playing )
7
00:01:23,978 --> 00:01:26,144
( music continues )
8
00:01:45,687 --> 00:01:47,520
( knocking on door )
9
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:51,687
( music stops )
10
00:01:51,770 --> 00:01:53,853
You must be Jean.
11
00:01:53,937 --> 00:01:55,853
I'm Louis. Please, come in.
12
00:02:00,436 --> 00:02:03,728
I was... expecting somewhere
13
00:02:03,812 --> 00:02:06,353
a bit more... grand.
14
00:02:06,436 --> 00:02:09,645
It's our policy
to engage with the client
at their level.
15
00:02:11,728 --> 00:02:14,603
You thought I'd be more
comfortable in a shitty motel
16
00:02:14,687 --> 00:02:15,812
than a chateau?
17
00:02:15,895 --> 00:02:17,812
Why don't you have a seat?
18
00:02:20,561 --> 00:02:22,853
Took a lot of work
to track you down.
19
00:02:22,937 --> 00:02:25,895
Well, we're happy
to have a high bar
of entry.
20
00:02:25,978 --> 00:02:28,937
Any potential client
we want to make sure
is completely committed.
21
00:02:29,019 --> 00:02:31,978
Oh, I'm-- I'm committed.
22
00:02:32,061 --> 00:02:35,561
When I hear the Black Sabbath
album for the first time,
it changed my life.
23
00:02:35,645 --> 00:02:36,937
Black Sabbath?
24
00:02:37,019 --> 00:02:39,812
You've never heard
of Black Sabbath?
25
00:02:39,895 --> 00:02:41,645
They're this awesome rock band
out of Britain.
26
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,978
I thought you'd be
all over that shit.
27
00:02:44,061 --> 00:02:47,311
Oh, well, I don't really listen
to much contemporary music.
28
00:02:47,395 --> 00:02:50,645
Right,
because you've got, like,
29
00:02:50,728 --> 00:02:52,812
the whole back catalogue
to choose from.
30
00:02:52,895 --> 00:02:54,436
( chuckles )
31
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,812
I bet a lot
of the best musicians
probably end up...
32
00:02:57,895 --> 00:02:59,853
i-- in your place.
33
00:02:59,937 --> 00:03:01,812
I'm not at liberty
to discuss other clients.
34
00:03:01,895 --> 00:03:03,395
Sure.
35
00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:06,978
But...
36
00:03:07,061 --> 00:03:08,812
Robert Johnson?
37
00:03:08,895 --> 00:03:11,019
Keith Richards?
Jimi Hendrix?
38
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:13,436
They're not gonna go up there,
are they?
39
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,728
Jean, why don't you
have a seat
40
00:03:14,812 --> 00:03:16,978
and tell me
exactly what it is
41
00:03:17,061 --> 00:03:19,436
you want
from this arrangement.
42
00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:26,812
Everyone else
is partying all the time.
43
00:03:26,895 --> 00:03:29,895
Sex, drugs and rock and roll.
44
00:03:32,687 --> 00:03:34,520
All the dumb bitches
45
00:03:34,603 --> 00:03:36,853
with their cars
and their boyfriends
46
00:03:36,937 --> 00:03:40,269
and their apartments
and their... hairdos.
47
00:03:42,436 --> 00:03:45,645
If they've got all that,
why shouldn't I?
48
00:03:45,728 --> 00:03:47,645
Why shouldn't I...
49
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,061
fuck all the hot guys
50
00:03:50,144 --> 00:03:53,395
and live in a huge house
and drive a cool car
51
00:03:53,478 --> 00:03:56,061
and look great all the time?
52
00:03:56,144 --> 00:03:58,061
I want to do that.
53
00:03:58,144 --> 00:04:01,520
And I want to tell
all the dumb-asses
who ever got in my way
54
00:04:01,603 --> 00:04:05,061
or told me no
or said I was ugly
or fat or square
55
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,937
that they can rot in hell.
56
00:04:10,144 --> 00:04:13,728
I guess that last part
is kind of your call,
but you know what I mean.
57
00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:16,353
Yes, I think I do.
58
00:04:18,687 --> 00:04:22,728
You're not exactly giving this
the hard sell.
59
00:04:22,812 --> 00:04:25,311
Not really trying
to close the deal.
60
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:27,687
That's not the way
we do things.
61
00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:29,728
It's very important to me
62
00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:32,770
that this be
one hundred percent
your decision.
63
00:04:32,853 --> 00:04:35,728
So how does it work exactly?
64
00:04:35,812 --> 00:04:37,978
Well, once you've
made your choice
65
00:04:38,061 --> 00:04:39,895
and you're comfortable
with it,
66
00:04:39,978 --> 00:04:42,436
I have you
sign some papers,
67
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,395
and once I have
your signature,
68
00:04:45,478 --> 00:04:46,687
the transaction
is complete.
69
00:04:48,228 --> 00:04:49,728
Do I have to sign in blood?
70
00:04:49,812 --> 00:04:50,937
Ink will be fine.
71
00:04:51,019 --> 00:04:52,061
Oh.
72
00:04:57,728 --> 00:05:00,728
Uhh-- You might want
to read it through first.
73
00:05:00,812 --> 00:05:02,937
OK, Dad.
74
00:05:03,019 --> 00:05:06,436
At-At least
take a look at the--
at the last section there.
75
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,687
Item 6.1?
76
00:05:08,770 --> 00:05:09,687
( sighs )
77
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,645
"Service provider
shall retain ownership
of the client's soul
78
00:05:15,728 --> 00:05:18,853
for a duration which shall
have a floor of eternity
79
00:05:18,937 --> 00:05:21,561
and a ceiling of... eternity."
80
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,603
And are you completely
comfortable with that?
81
00:05:26,687 --> 00:05:28,436
Yeah.
82
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:29,645
Yeah, it's cool.
83
00:05:29,728 --> 00:05:32,812
Uh, just forgive
my asking, but...
84
00:05:32,895 --> 00:05:36,436
what are your reasons
for believing it's "cool"?
85
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,436
Well, I don't really
believe in a soul.
86
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,853
Or any of that shit.
87
00:05:40,937 --> 00:05:43,728
It's Christian dogma,
I'm not into that.
88
00:05:43,812 --> 00:05:47,019
Well, I would say that, um,
89
00:05:47,103 --> 00:05:50,645
a substantial part
of our whole setup...
90
00:05:50,728 --> 00:05:53,478
- is Christian dogma.
- Whatever.
91
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:57,144
You believe what you believe,
I'll believe what I believe.
92
00:05:57,228 --> 00:05:58,937
Let's just agree to disagree.
93
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,603
Ju-- Ju-- Just so we're
94
00:06:02,687 --> 00:06:07,103
crystal clear on this, uh...
95
00:06:07,186 --> 00:06:10,687
ownership of the soul
for eternity,
96
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:15,520
typically, that duration
of ownership...
97
00:06:15,603 --> 00:06:17,770
would take place
in the underworld.
98
00:06:19,937 --> 00:06:22,395
Specifically, hell.
99
00:06:23,603 --> 00:06:27,186
( laughing )
100
00:06:27,269 --> 00:06:30,770
Souls? Hell?
101
00:06:30,853 --> 00:06:33,186
You're really crackin' me up
over here.
102
00:06:33,269 --> 00:06:34,728
OK.
103
00:06:37,311 --> 00:06:39,103
Bring it on.
104
00:06:39,186 --> 00:06:42,561
Fill me up
with the cash and the drugs
and the big, hard dicks!
105
00:06:42,645 --> 00:06:43,812
Let's do this!
106
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,019
( door opens )
107
00:07:00,144 --> 00:07:01,520
( door closes )
108
00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:10,728
( heavy rock playing )
109
00:07:10,812 --> 00:07:13,978
( techno pop playing )
110
00:07:14,061 --> 00:07:17,144
( bubblegum pop playing )
111
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,061
- ( knocking on door )
- ( turns music off )
112
00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:26,603
Jean. It's been a long time.
113
00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:28,269
( laughs )
114
00:07:28,353 --> 00:07:31,603
Same shitty motel room.
115
00:07:31,687 --> 00:07:34,269
- Louis: So tell me,
how have you been?
- Great.
116
00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,853
Yeah, really great,
as a matter of fact.
117
00:07:36,937 --> 00:07:38,603
I'm pleased to hear it.
118
00:07:38,687 --> 00:07:41,937
People are so snobby
about worldly pleasures.
119
00:07:42,019 --> 00:07:45,603
Sex, food, drink, drugs,
120
00:07:45,687 --> 00:07:48,603
sports cars, mansions, yachts,
121
00:07:48,687 --> 00:07:53,144
helicopters, jewelry,
designer clothes, sex.
122
00:07:53,228 --> 00:07:55,561
- Did I mention sex?
- Yes.
123
00:07:55,645 --> 00:07:57,645
( both chuckle )
124
00:07:57,728 --> 00:08:01,144
May I offer you a drink?
I have an excellent single malt.
125
00:08:01,228 --> 00:08:04,103
Leonard, it's great
to see you again.
126
00:08:04,186 --> 00:08:06,812
- It's Louis.
- But I was just wondering
127
00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:08,853
how long this was
going to take.
128
00:08:08,937 --> 00:08:14,645
See, I have a private jet
to St. Barts on standby.
129
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:18,061
Ah. Well, I'm afraid to say
130
00:08:18,144 --> 00:08:20,186
I don't think you're going
to make that flight.
131
00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:22,728
What are you talking about?
132
00:08:22,812 --> 00:08:24,645
Well, Jean, today is--
133
00:08:24,728 --> 00:08:27,812
how can I put this
without sounding clichéd?
134
00:08:27,895 --> 00:08:30,311
The day of reckoning.
135
00:08:30,395 --> 00:08:34,311
- The what?
- Item 6.1.
136
00:08:34,395 --> 00:08:37,895
Per our agreement,
the company owns your soul.
137
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:41,770
And today's the day we...
cash it in, so to speak.
138
00:08:41,853 --> 00:08:45,019
Let me put this
as simply as possible.
139
00:08:45,103 --> 00:08:47,353
You won't be going
to St. Barts tonight.
140
00:08:47,436 --> 00:08:51,061
Instead, you'll be
going to hell...
141
00:08:51,144 --> 00:08:52,895
for eternity.
142
00:08:52,978 --> 00:08:54,853
You're not serious.
143
00:08:54,937 --> 00:08:57,228
I'm completely serious.
144
00:08:57,311 --> 00:09:00,186
Well, I'll have
my lawyer look through this.
145
00:09:00,269 --> 00:09:02,186
I don't know why
this is such a surprise.
146
00:09:02,269 --> 00:09:04,019
You'll recall that
before you signed
147
00:09:04,103 --> 00:09:06,144
I did direct you
to the appropriate clauses,
148
00:09:06,228 --> 00:09:07,311
the terms and conditions.
149
00:09:07,395 --> 00:09:09,186
Terms and conditions.
150
00:09:09,269 --> 00:09:12,019
Who reads the goddamn
terms and conditions?
151
00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:14,770
I don't know,
people who are signing away
their immortal souls?
152
00:09:14,853 --> 00:09:17,895
But when I signed this,
I didn't even have a lawyer.
153
00:09:17,978 --> 00:09:20,978
This is not worth
the paper it's printed on.
154
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,645
Hey. We kept our side
of the bargain.
155
00:09:23,728 --> 00:09:26,728
You had 50 great years.
You said so yourself.
156
00:09:26,812 --> 00:09:28,812
Now it's time
to pay the check.
157
00:09:28,895 --> 00:09:30,687
Nobody likes paying the check,
158
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,228
but unfortunately,
the check must be paid.
159
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:36,978
And the payment is...
eternity in hell.
160
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,395
I don't think so.
161
00:09:40,478 --> 00:09:43,937
I get this every time.
162
00:09:44,019 --> 00:09:46,645
Every damn time.
163
00:09:46,728 --> 00:09:48,311
Is it so much to ask
164
00:09:48,395 --> 00:09:50,395
for someone to actually
read the words
165
00:09:50,478 --> 00:09:52,770
that are written in a contract
before they sign it?
166
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:55,853
Apparently, it's the most
difficult thing in the world
for you people!
167
00:09:58,311 --> 00:09:59,728
Look on the bright side.
168
00:09:59,812 --> 00:10:03,228
You'll have lots and lots
of happy memories
169
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,395
to look back on forever!
170
00:10:05,478 --> 00:10:07,853
And when you talk
about hell,
171
00:10:07,937 --> 00:10:09,103
what do you mean, exactly?
172
00:10:09,186 --> 00:10:11,978
Hell. The famous hell?
173
00:10:12,061 --> 00:10:14,687
You've seen it
in the paintings,
the movies?
174
00:10:14,770 --> 00:10:17,770
Is this that
ironic version of hell?
175
00:10:17,853 --> 00:10:19,687
Like Homer Simpson
and the donuts?
176
00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:21,228
Homer Simpson--
177
00:10:21,311 --> 00:10:24,353
No! There's no donuts.
It's not ironic.
178
00:10:24,436 --> 00:10:26,687
There's no irony down there.
179
00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:29,895
This is never-ending torment!
180
00:10:29,978 --> 00:10:32,728
With fire! Lots of fire!
181
00:10:32,812 --> 00:10:34,895
They love fire!
They can't get enough of it!
182
00:10:34,978 --> 00:10:37,103
Hell, though, really?
Hell?
183
00:10:37,186 --> 00:10:40,186
I mean, with the flames
and the naked bodies
184
00:10:40,269 --> 00:10:42,770
and the little red guys
with pointy tails?
185
00:10:42,853 --> 00:10:45,061
That's pretty much
the size of it, yes.
186
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,395
And heaven
is full of clouds?
187
00:10:47,478 --> 00:10:51,061
And angels with halos
playing harps?
188
00:10:51,144 --> 00:10:54,103
I've never been myself,
but from what I understand,
189
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:55,395
that's pretty much it.
190
00:10:55,478 --> 00:10:57,728
Well, I'm not buying it.
191
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,436
Would you like
to see a preview?
192
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,395
A preview?
193
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:13,269
- ( hissing, demonic music )
- Oh, Jesus!
194
00:11:13,353 --> 00:11:16,311
- ( voices screaming )
- Jesus fucking Christ!
195
00:11:16,395 --> 00:11:18,770
( screams continue )
196
00:11:22,895 --> 00:11:24,520
( vomiting )
197
00:11:24,603 --> 00:11:27,436
Ohh. Ohh. Ohh.
198
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,353
So as I was saying--
199
00:11:29,436 --> 00:11:31,186
I didn't realize!
200
00:11:31,269 --> 00:11:33,311
I-I didn't realize!
201
00:11:33,395 --> 00:11:36,353
Yeah, I'd like to say that
you get used to it eventually,
202
00:11:36,436 --> 00:11:38,895
but I don't think
you really ever do.
203
00:11:38,978 --> 00:11:41,311
And that happens
for eternity?
204
00:11:41,395 --> 00:11:44,269
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
205
00:11:45,436 --> 00:11:47,061
Jean...
206
00:11:47,144 --> 00:11:50,061
I know this may look harsh
or unfair,
207
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:54,019
but remember, everyone's
down there for a reason.
208
00:11:54,103 --> 00:11:57,520
Either they sold their souls
for earthly pleasures
like you did,
209
00:11:57,603 --> 00:12:02,019
or they were just...
major league assholes.
210
00:12:02,103 --> 00:12:04,269
Well, this is
not gonna happen.
211
00:12:04,353 --> 00:12:05,978
Jean, it's what
always happens.
212
00:12:06,061 --> 00:12:08,061
Well, not with me.
213
00:12:10,478 --> 00:12:12,478
George, it's Jean.
214
00:12:12,561 --> 00:12:16,228
I have this contra-- Hey!
215
00:12:16,311 --> 00:12:19,311
I've watched a thousand lawyers
read a thousand contracts
216
00:12:19,395 --> 00:12:21,311
in a thousand
different languages,
217
00:12:21,395 --> 00:12:23,269
many of which
have since died out.
218
00:12:23,353 --> 00:12:27,019
There's no loophole.
You sold your soul.
219
00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:30,186
And you're going to hell.
Forever.
220
00:12:30,269 --> 00:12:31,853
The end.
221
00:12:43,186 --> 00:12:45,436
Look, Jean, you had
50 great years.
222
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,019
Some people don't get
50 great minutes!
223
00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:51,603
- ( sighs )
- What are you sighing about?
224
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,603
I'm the one
that's going to hell.
225
00:12:54,687 --> 00:12:56,478
Do you know
how depressing it is
226
00:12:56,561 --> 00:12:59,395
to send people
to ceaseless torment
227
00:12:59,478 --> 00:13:01,103
on a regular basis?
228
00:13:01,186 --> 00:13:02,269
It's a real bummer.
229
00:13:02,353 --> 00:13:05,269
Ohh. I'm so sorry.
230
00:13:05,353 --> 00:13:07,603
Are you getting blisters
on your hands
231
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,353
from all
the pitchfork-wielding?
232
00:13:09,436 --> 00:13:12,228
- Poor you.
- Yeah. You asked for it.
233
00:13:12,311 --> 00:13:14,395
You literally
signed up for it.
234
00:13:14,478 --> 00:13:17,520
But you're all stupid,
mostly.
235
00:13:17,603 --> 00:13:19,269
You regret it at the end,
236
00:13:19,353 --> 00:13:20,978
and then you come back
with cirrhosis of the liver
237
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,937
and a trail
of broken relationships.
238
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,436
I don't have either.
239
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,311
And I've had a really,
really good time.
240
00:13:27,395 --> 00:13:30,853
I must say it took me a while
to get used to it,
241
00:13:30,937 --> 00:13:33,061
but once I got into
the swing of it,
242
00:13:33,144 --> 00:13:35,311
I must say I loved it.
243
00:13:35,395 --> 00:13:38,478
Being a hard-headed,
hedonistic asshole
244
00:13:38,561 --> 00:13:41,311
really worked for me.
245
00:13:41,395 --> 00:13:43,269
Well, I'm certainly glad
you made the most of it.
246
00:13:43,353 --> 00:13:45,395
There was a turning point,
247
00:13:45,478 --> 00:13:49,144
a moment when things
really became clear to me.
248
00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:52,311
I was fucking this guy,
and fucking with his head,
249
00:13:52,395 --> 00:13:55,311
he was crying and begging,
250
00:13:55,395 --> 00:13:58,395
and I realized
that I had a choice.
251
00:13:58,478 --> 00:14:01,478
I could be sympathetic,
or I could just not give a shit,
252
00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:05,478
turn my compassion off
like a light switch.
253
00:14:05,561 --> 00:14:09,186
And I chose option two.
254
00:14:09,269 --> 00:14:12,520
So I went on fucking him
and fucking with him
255
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:15,561
until I got bored,
and then I tossed him away.
256
00:14:15,645 --> 00:14:19,269
I never turned that switch
back on.
257
00:14:19,353 --> 00:14:21,436
And I did some terrible things.
258
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,520
That was just the beginning.
259
00:14:23,603 --> 00:14:26,645
I did awful things.
Really bad. Terrible.
260
00:14:26,728 --> 00:14:29,436
Really evil.
261
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:33,061
( chuckles ) Oh, boy.
262
00:14:33,144 --> 00:14:35,144
( laughs )
263
00:14:35,228 --> 00:14:37,937
I thought you'd
be interested in this,
264
00:14:38,019 --> 00:14:40,186
being the devil and everything.
265
00:14:40,269 --> 00:14:42,269
I'm not the devil,
I just work for the devil.
266
00:14:42,353 --> 00:14:44,353
- Oh, so you're a demon?
- What?
267
00:14:44,436 --> 00:14:46,603
No! I'm not a demon!
Fuck those assholes!
268
00:14:48,436 --> 00:14:52,395
I'm more of an executive
assistant to the devil.
269
00:14:52,478 --> 00:14:56,019
- Cool.
- Yeah, it was cool...
270
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:58,228
at first.
271
00:14:58,311 --> 00:15:00,061
But a few millennia on,
272
00:15:00,144 --> 00:15:05,103
and I'm really just
so tired of the whole thing,
273
00:15:05,186 --> 00:15:07,103
if I'm honest.
274
00:15:07,186 --> 00:15:09,353
I thought I was
cut out for this,
275
00:15:09,436 --> 00:15:12,687
but I have bad dreams.
276
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:16,061
Horrible dreams.
Every night.
277
00:15:16,144 --> 00:15:19,019
All this damnation,
it doesn't...
278
00:15:19,103 --> 00:15:22,103
sit well with me.
279
00:15:22,186 --> 00:15:24,311
My digestion
is shot to fuck.
280
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:29,061
( sighs ) I just
don't know how much longer
281
00:15:29,144 --> 00:15:31,478
I can keep doing this.
282
00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:35,269
Well, if sending people to hell
is making you feel so bad,
283
00:15:35,353 --> 00:15:37,144
I have a suggestion.
284
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,770
- Stop. Just say no.
- Take my word for it.
285
00:15:39,853 --> 00:15:42,687
Eternal damnation
would be a day at the beach
286
00:15:42,770 --> 00:15:45,269
compared to what
he would do to me
if I walked out.
287
00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:46,770
Well...
288
00:15:46,853 --> 00:15:50,770
you know,
maybe there's an answer--
for both of us.
289
00:15:50,853 --> 00:15:53,144
What?
290
00:15:53,228 --> 00:15:55,770
Well, how about
if I took over?
291
00:15:55,853 --> 00:15:57,436
Took over?
292
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,603
I could take over
your job as demon...
293
00:15:59,687 --> 00:16:02,520
- I'm not a demon.
- ...and then you could retire
294
00:16:02,603 --> 00:16:05,019
and take up waterskiing
or whatever.
295
00:16:05,103 --> 00:16:07,228
Think about it.
It's a win-win.
296
00:16:07,311 --> 00:16:10,395
I mean, you wouldn't be
crucified for leaving your post,
297
00:16:10,478 --> 00:16:13,770
and I would avoid
an eternity of torment.
298
00:16:13,853 --> 00:16:17,561
Maybe...
it's a possibility.
299
00:16:20,353 --> 00:16:22,436
You would be
directly involved
300
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,353
in a vast amount
of suffering.
301
00:16:24,436 --> 00:16:26,728
I'm not sure any human being
could deal with that.
302
00:16:26,812 --> 00:16:29,478
Well, I'm not
your average human being.
303
00:16:29,561 --> 00:16:32,186
I've been in training for this
my whole life.
304
00:16:32,269 --> 00:16:35,812
And I feel so connected
to your brand--
the whole evil thing.
305
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,603
I mean, it's really me.
306
00:16:37,687 --> 00:16:40,103
OK, I get that you're
a sociopathic narcissist.
307
00:16:40,186 --> 00:16:41,645
But for something
like this,
308
00:16:41,728 --> 00:16:43,269
you'd really need
to crank it up
309
00:16:43,353 --> 00:16:45,144
- to the next level.
- Bring it on.
310
00:16:45,228 --> 00:16:46,812
Because if you
take the job
311
00:16:46,895 --> 00:16:48,478
and then decide
you can't handle it,
312
00:16:48,561 --> 00:16:51,478
that would rebound
very badly on me.
313
00:16:51,561 --> 00:16:54,395
How about
you let me prove myself?
314
00:16:54,478 --> 00:16:55,436
How do you mean?
315
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,478
Dustin! Dustin?
316
00:16:58,561 --> 00:17:00,770
( door opens )
317
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,728
I just got off the phone
with the air strip
318
00:17:02,812 --> 00:17:05,186
- and the pilots on standby--
- No. Don't worry about that.
319
00:17:05,269 --> 00:17:06,395
- Jean: Come on in.
- ( door closes )
320
00:17:06,478 --> 00:17:08,770
This is Louis.
Louis, Dustin.
321
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:11,186
Hi there.
322
00:17:11,269 --> 00:17:13,353
Would you like a drink?
323
00:17:13,436 --> 00:17:15,353
- Oh, no, I'm--
- Louis and I
324
00:17:15,436 --> 00:17:19,520
have been discussing
a very interesting
career opportunity.
325
00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:21,520
- For me.
- OK.
326
00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:25,228
I know how
supportive you've been
to me in my career,
327
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:29,520
and I know that you would
want me to pursue any
opportunities that came my way.
328
00:17:29,603 --> 00:17:32,353
Uh, yeah, I'd be happy to help
in any way that I can.
329
00:17:32,436 --> 00:17:34,311
Wonderful.
330
00:17:34,395 --> 00:17:36,687
Louis and I want
to give you an opportunity
331
00:17:36,770 --> 00:17:38,645
to experience something
332
00:17:38,728 --> 00:17:42,186
that millions have argued about
for millennia.
333
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:46,561
Think of it as a reward
for your years of service.
334
00:17:46,645 --> 00:17:48,269
Now finish your drink,
335
00:17:48,353 --> 00:17:51,645
and I'm going to start you
on your fantastic voyage.
336
00:17:54,728 --> 00:17:58,937
In a moment I'm going to ask
you to open the bathroom door.
337
00:17:59,019 --> 00:18:02,561
And when you do,
you will be amazed
at what you see.
338
00:18:02,645 --> 00:18:04,853
Amazed and astonished.
339
00:18:04,937 --> 00:18:08,228
But first I just want
to tell you how pleased I am
340
00:18:08,311 --> 00:18:10,853
to have been working with you
over the last two years.
341
00:18:10,937 --> 00:18:13,478
- It's been five, actually--
- And I just want to thank you
342
00:18:13,561 --> 00:18:15,687
for your patience
and your forbearance.
343
00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:16,770
OK.
344
00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:21,228
( hissing, screaming )
345
00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:22,561
Oh!
346
00:18:22,645 --> 00:18:24,186
Dustin:
What are you doing?!
347
00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:31,645
Do I get the job?
348
00:18:31,728 --> 00:18:32,812
Well...
349
00:18:32,895 --> 00:18:34,937
Take my Porsche.
350
00:18:35,019 --> 00:18:37,269
Drive it to the airport,
351
00:18:37,353 --> 00:18:39,561
and take the jet
to St. Barts.
352
00:18:39,645 --> 00:18:42,436
Take a mansion.
Take all my mansions!
353
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,645
Oh, seriously,
I am so up for this.
354
00:18:45,728 --> 00:18:48,770
It's empowering!
It's exhilarating.
355
00:18:48,853 --> 00:18:51,478
I finally found the job for me!
356
00:18:51,561 --> 00:18:54,478
Uh... let me just
ask my supervisor.
357
00:19:03,395 --> 00:19:05,395
- He's OK with it.
- Yes!
358
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,978
( both laughing )
359
00:19:07,061 --> 00:19:08,728
Oh, boy, um--
360
00:19:08,812 --> 00:19:11,520
Oh. There's a lot
of politics, OK?
361
00:19:11,603 --> 00:19:13,520
Everyone's always
jockeying for position.
362
00:19:13,603 --> 00:19:15,520
They want to be
the boss's best buddy,
363
00:19:15,603 --> 00:19:17,311
they're trying to get in
with the guys in
the ninth circle.
364
00:19:17,395 --> 00:19:20,311
Just watch your back,
that's all I'm saying.
365
00:19:20,395 --> 00:19:23,353
- Good luck!
- Thank you! You too!
366
00:19:23,436 --> 00:19:25,019
- ( knocking on door )
- Oh, who's that?
367
00:19:25,103 --> 00:19:26,812
Shit!
It's my next appointment.
368
00:19:26,895 --> 00:19:28,812
No, it's my first
appointment!
369
00:19:28,895 --> 00:19:30,228
Oh-- ( laughs )
370
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,395
- Hi! Come on in!
- Hi.
371
00:19:33,478 --> 00:19:35,395
Oh. I thought
there'd only be one
of you here.
372
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:38,478
There is. Me!
I'm Jean.
373
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:40,603
Louis was just about
to take off.
374
00:19:40,687 --> 00:19:44,645
Another customer
about to be satisfied.
375
00:19:44,728 --> 00:19:46,436
So you're a musician.
376
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,812
Yep, that's why
I'm doin' this.
377
00:19:48,895 --> 00:19:51,478
I just wanna be
the greatest rock star
on the planet, ya know?
378
00:19:51,561 --> 00:19:54,478
Ah. Well,
good luck with that.
379
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:57,687
She doesn't need luck.
She has us.
380
00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:00,895
- I don't actually drink.
- You don't drink?
381
00:20:00,978 --> 00:20:03,436
No, I'm straight edge.
I'm just all about
the music.
382
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,645
Well, what's the point
of being a musician
383
00:20:05,728 --> 00:20:07,853
if you don't use it
to get fucked?
384
00:20:07,937 --> 00:20:10,019
In every sense
of the word.
385
00:20:10,103 --> 00:20:11,937
I just love playing,
386
00:20:12,019 --> 00:20:14,687
and I wanna be
the best that I can be
387
00:20:14,770 --> 00:20:16,645
and for everyone to hear it.
388
00:20:16,728 --> 00:20:19,978
( laughs )
How incredibly noble.
389
00:20:20,061 --> 00:20:22,019
Beth, right?
390
00:20:22,103 --> 00:20:24,853
- Yeah, sit down for a sec.
- OK.
391
00:20:24,937 --> 00:20:26,937
I have to ask you.
392
00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:30,353
If it's all about the music
for you,
393
00:20:30,436 --> 00:20:31,895
why do this?
394
00:20:31,978 --> 00:20:34,478
Why not just
practice even harder?
395
00:20:34,561 --> 00:20:36,770
She wants to take
the fast track, Louis.
396
00:20:36,853 --> 00:20:38,687
That's what it is.
I mean,
397
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:41,061
why take the stairs
when you can take
the elevator?
398
00:20:41,144 --> 00:20:43,478
Ah, but the elevator
doesn't just go up,
399
00:20:43,561 --> 00:20:44,937
it also goes down.
400
00:20:45,019 --> 00:20:48,520
Beth has made a great effort
to come here tonight
401
00:20:48,603 --> 00:20:50,353
and sign a deal.
402
00:20:50,436 --> 00:20:53,561
Now, you and I have
already made our deal.
403
00:20:53,645 --> 00:20:55,770
So I think it's only right
that you left
404
00:20:55,853 --> 00:20:58,311
so that Beth and I
can do ours.
405
00:20:58,395 --> 00:21:01,978
I guess I'm just
very ambitious.
406
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,895
And with streaming,
it's really hard
407
00:21:04,978 --> 00:21:06,687
to get a major label
to back you.
408
00:21:06,770 --> 00:21:11,645
I'm on Bandcamp
and SoundCloud and--
409
00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:14,019
I'm just looking for
all the help I can get,
you know?
410
00:21:14,103 --> 00:21:16,561
Well, what if you approached
some of the mini-majors,
you know?
411
00:21:16,645 --> 00:21:17,853
Because they can
get your stuff--
412
00:21:17,937 --> 00:21:19,728
She wants to take
the elevator!
413
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,103
She's been very clear
about that.
414
00:21:22,186 --> 00:21:26,520
She's always been
a "fuck the stairs"
kind of girl.
415
00:21:26,603 --> 00:21:29,937
Now, I'm cool with that,
and Beth is cool with that.
416
00:21:30,019 --> 00:21:33,687
The only one apparently
not cool with that is you.
417
00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:36,436
And I think it's time now
that you fuck off
418
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,978
and let Beth and I start
the adventure of a lifetime.
419
00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:59,645
You don't need to worry
about reading the boring
terms and conditions.
420
00:21:59,728 --> 00:22:04,478
Just sign, and know
that we will just be amazed
at your talent.
421
00:22:04,561 --> 00:22:06,395
( wind whistling )
422
00:22:17,812 --> 00:22:20,937
Hey, um, Beth,
before you sign that,
423
00:22:21,019 --> 00:22:23,812
I do have to get out of here,
but I just have a--
424
00:22:23,895 --> 00:22:25,603
it's kind of
a weird favor.
425
00:22:25,687 --> 00:22:30,144
Um, I would love to experience
your musical talent firsthand.
426
00:22:30,228 --> 00:22:33,436
So... would you sing me a song?
427
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,103
Which one
did you have in mind?
428
00:22:36,186 --> 00:22:39,103
Oh, um, how about
"O Christmas Tree"?
429
00:22:39,186 --> 00:22:42,812
Sure. It's...
seasonal, I guess.
430
00:22:45,228 --> 00:22:48,478
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
431
00:22:48,561 --> 00:22:51,645
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
432
00:22:51,728 --> 00:22:57,395
♪ Thy leaves are so unchanging ♪
433
00:22:58,728 --> 00:23:01,061
♪ Not only green ♪
434
00:23:01,144 --> 00:23:04,561
♪ When summer's here ♪
435
00:23:04,645 --> 00:23:07,436
♪ But also when ♪
436
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,853
♪ 'Tis cold and drear ♪
437
00:23:10,937 --> 00:23:13,561
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
438
00:23:13,645 --> 00:23:16,478
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
439
00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:20,895
♪ Thy leaves are so unchanging ♪
440
00:23:20,978 --> 00:23:25,061
- I mean, she's pretty good.
- Don't be a pussy.
441
00:23:25,144 --> 00:23:27,853
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
442
00:23:27,937 --> 00:23:30,561
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
443
00:23:30,645 --> 00:23:34,978
♪ Much pleasure
thou canst give me ♪
444
00:23:36,937 --> 00:23:42,520
♪ How often has
the Christmas tree ♪
445
00:23:42,603 --> 00:23:47,728
♪ Afforded me
the greatest glee ♪
446
00:23:47,812 --> 00:23:49,937
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
447
00:23:50,019 --> 00:23:52,895
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
448
00:23:52,978 --> 00:23:57,812
♪ Much pleasure
thou canst give me ♪
449
00:23:59,186 --> 00:24:01,937
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
450
00:24:02,019 --> 00:24:04,937
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
451
00:24:05,019 --> 00:24:10,144
♪ How richly God
has decked thee ♪
452
00:24:11,645 --> 00:24:13,937
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
453
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:16,603
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
454
00:24:16,687 --> 00:24:21,144
♪ How richly God
has decked thee ♪
455
00:24:29,103 --> 00:24:30,520
WOMAN:
I think I found something.
456
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:33,478
Or it found me.
457
00:24:33,561 --> 00:24:35,687
-♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
-(GASPS SOFTLY)
458
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:39,520
Fuck!
459
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,728
No, no, no. Hold on, hold on.
No.
460
00:24:42,269 --> 00:24:43,395
Do not disturb.
461
00:24:43,895 --> 00:24:45,395
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
33808
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