All language subtitles for Room.104.S03E07.Jimmy.and.Gianni.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

( theme music playing )

( both laughing )

It's bigger
than I thought.

( both laugh )

Jimmy:
This is nice. This is nice.
This is fuckin' nice.

This is nice.

( shaking spray paint can )

Oh, man.

- G-Bo.
- Yeah?

- ( laughs )
- How ya doin', Pop?

Oh, man.

Now we're in room 104.

- What a trip.
- Great set.

What a trip.

( rock music playing )

Oh, look at this.
This is good stuff here too.
Look at this, G-Bo.

Oh, my God. They got
all kinds of stuff over here.

There's a lot of dynamics
with this room.

Oh, G-Bo! Look at this.
Look at this.

( pats box spring )

- Yeah, that's good.
- Perfect.

It's got like
a canvas texture to it.

Perfect.

Jimmy:
If you had told me
a year ago,

where we were
and where we are,

that this is the deal,
I would've never believed it.

- OK, so I have a thought.
- What?

I think if we flip
these babies around

and throw--
get our paint on 'em,
they're gonna dry,

and then we can
flip 'em back around

and put our-- our strings on
while they're kinda drying.

'Cause at some point
I'm gonna put it on the wall.

OK.

These are nice and light,
this is perfect.

- The box springs are light.
- They're like a canvas,

so the objective
is to use the box springs

so we have
two separate pieces--

Gianni Arone,
Jimmy Ray Flynn--

and then everything else
is up for grabs.

Yeah, nice.

Uh, you're not
gonna hit the edges?

I'm just going...

- Hit those edges.
- You hit those edges.

- OK.
- I didn't mean it for real.

( laughs )

- Hey.
- What?

You said I could hit the edges.

- No, leave it.
- No, baby, come on.

- They gotta have the balance.
- No, they don't.

- No, you don't.
- Just let me finish it.

All right.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to wait
till this dries.

Yeah, it's gotta
dry a little bit.

Do you wanna do like...

a lamp, or you want
to do something else?

Because I'm gonna be doing
some collage stuff.

Gianni:
I'm not an artist

who is formally trained

and who is doing oils

and, like, rendering
lifelike drawings.

I just like makin'.

Jimmy:
Looks good.

Did I spell "experiencing"
right? Dad?

Oh, shit. Is this, like,
a spelling thing?

- I don't know.
- "Experien..."

Can't tell.
I can't remember.

Spelling's not my thing.

I think so.
Jimi Hendrix Experience.
Let's see...

- I don't know.
- Yeah, it's fine.

Jimmy:
I work fast
and in the moment,

I stay in the process.

( Jimmy laughing )

I like that. I like
when you do that shit.

That's, like, my favorite,

when you start
spoofing on heads.

Gianni:
I just like getting into it,

and I love installations.

So to be able to use
the parameters of the room...

because it's an installation.

I like that. That's great.
We gotta chop that wall up.

That's a piece.

Jimmy:
I am his biggest fan.
I'm his number--

I love a lot of artists,
but he's-- he's the best.

Gianni, you picked out
some really good things.

This is great.
It's got tape on it, too.

Yeah, that's
the one I liked.

- You keep this one.
- No, use it.

- Keep it.
- Use it.

OK.

Jimmy:
He kinda like inspired me.

We had talked
about collaborating
for a long time,

but there's something
that happened this year

with Gianni dealing with his--

I call it "mental wellness,"

that allowed it to flow

in a way that
didn't feel forced.

I said, "Hey, man,
you wanna do this?"

"Yeah, let's do it."
We started doing it.

I like this, G-Bo.

I like the two ones.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I like it.

This is like
my favorite material.
Yeah.

Jimmy:
Can you get out of that light
for a second, please?

- Yeah, you.
- ( camera clicks )

Tell me that
doesn't look fucking cool.

Yeah.

Gianni:
I know a lot of my friends

have fractured relationships
with their dads.

Younger Jimmy:
My buddies.

Say, "Hi, Mom."

Gianni:
As a little kid, I just
remember a present father.

He just created, like,

a nurturing environment
for creativity.

He would put on,
like, Tracy Chapman and music

and we would get pots and pans
and play the drums.

Jimmy:
Happy birthday.
I'm gonna go now.

I want you to give me a kiss.

( kiss )

And he's grown into
my best friend.

It wasn't always like that.

Jimmy:
Ahh, yeah,

it really didn't start to happen
until the friggin'--

started with
the drugs and alcohol.

I mean, that's when it just
became a whole 'nother animal.

That's when it started to be
this clear kind of... uh-oh.

( paint can rattling )

You gotta be careful
with the spray paint, though.

- I know.
- All right.

Gianni:
Yeah, it was
shortly after high school

when I just opened up
to something and I just

( snaps fingers )
went in. I mean,

you go from smokin' weed
after high school

to next year doin' meth,

- like smokin' crystal meth,
- Ohh.

- which is just like a--
- The fuckin' worst.

Which is like a epidemic
of a drug,

and took me to places
I thought I'd never go to

emotionally, physically,

mentally, spiritually,
psychologically.

It'll steal your friggin' soul.
I don't give a shit,

I hear him say the word "meth,"

and I get like, "I'm goin'
to another place now,"

'cause I just--
it's, like, evil.

Gianni:
Not only did I do meth,
but I did LSD,

I did mushrooms,
I smoked weed.

I smoked heroin once.

I went down
the pipeline of,

"What does it do?
How does it affect me?

Let's try it."

I was microdosing LSD for,
like, a year straight.

And, like, that has a huge
effect on your brain chemistry,

and I started hearing voices.

I'm gonna start my collaging.
I'm gonna collage over here.

I'm gonna work over here.

You know, it's interesting
we're doing this now,

we're literally coming up
on the year anniversary.

Let me just back it up
a second.

Younger Jimmy:
Make a little wish, OK?

The night Gianni was born,
I remember him coming out

and watching the life
come into his body.

He just looked at me.
It was surreal.

Cut to December fifth...

of last year.

He came to my house

in a full-blown
psychotic episode.

I didn't know
who the fuck he was.

We had this thing
literally in the backyard,

we were sitting there,
we were talking
across from each other,

and he was like
in a full-blown episode.

At one point he said to me,

"Don't worry,
I'm not gonna kill you."

And I thought,
"Is this motherfucker
thinkin' about killin' me?"

And I was petrified.

I said, "Gianni,
I'm gonna go in the house
and get some water."

I went in the house
and I called the cops.

And I said, "You gotta come
and get my son."

Ahh...

All I know is, it was like

the hardest thing
I've ever had to do in my life.

The cops come,
Gianni got in the car

and, you know,
they took him

to the fucking psych unit
and shit,

and we went there,
first night I go in,

he's like fuckin'
doing cartwheels

or backflips in the thing,

he's head-butting me,

he's really angry,
really agitated.

And then we found out

that he's got
a dual diagnosis.

Couple that with the addiction--
it's a mental illness.

So now you're dealing with
a whole 'nother thing.

- How ya doin', G?
- Eh.

Yeah, it's...

- It's all over the place.
- Yeah.

All right, well,
it's your thing, baby.

Let's put a whole series
together...

Gianni:
I've been diagnosed
bipolar I and II,

schizoaffective,
schizophrenic.

I don't know
if my mental illness was
caused from my drug use--

Is it chemically induced
mental illness,

or is actually something
that's biological?

Or something
that onset later?

They would diagnose me,

and I'd do the meds
for a little bit,

then I'd take myself off 'em
because I was just like,

I'm an alcoholic
and I'm an addict,

and I like feeling high,

and when I'm unmedicated
and I go into mania,

I feel high from that.

I like feeling a little off,

I like feeling
a little weird,

I like feeling a little askew

and not totally
bolted to the ground.

Can you throw me
one of those rags real quick?

Like the big hand?

It's a little too big
for my taste, but--

Can you throw me
one of those rags, please?

Maybe it is
too big of a hand.

Wanna have a seat?
Wanna sit down?

G-Bo.

Wanna sit down?

I don't like it at all
right now.

There's no question
in my mind
you're gonna get there.

No, I know, I'm not
worried about getting there.

You jumped in,
the paint was still wet...

- You know what I mean?
- Looks like a big chicken.

I don't see a chicken
at all.

I just see like
a fuckin'...

- A blob.
- I don't see a blob,

I just see a very exaggerated,
grotesque...

If I were you,
one of the things I would do is,

I would hit your canvas
so there's kind of
a little bit more white to it,

and then as you go over it,
the other things will pop out.

- Yeah, I agree.
- Right?

So just hit it again.

What are you doin'?
Why don't you hit it
with the roller?

'Cause I don't like
the roller.

Ohh, Gianni,
the paint's gonna
take forever to dry.

Ohh.

He's not fuckin' listenin'
to me.

The way you're doing that,
man, it's gonna take

a long time to dry.

These are lessons
that I was supposed to learn

about, like, backin' off,

not micromanaging.

Yeah, man,
I would just hit that.

Hit the edge too.

Yeah, there you go,
brother.

Yeah, man, that's much better.

Gianni:
For me, being born
into a human body

on planet Earth
didn't make sense to me.

I'm like, what am I--
what is this?

What's this night/day,
love/hate, good/bad,

all this polarity,
all this separation?

This doesn't make sense
to my inherent nature
and my inherent being

of oneness and completeness
and, like, a unified whole.

I feel fractured and separated
and alone and weird,

and I've always been fascinated
with the moment of death,

and so I...

wanted to meet death
a couple times on my own sword.

Maybe I'll just do
a big horse on it.

For me, I had...

two attempts on my life,

one was when I was younger,

and then the last one
was more intentional.

Gonna wait
for it to dry.

I had an episode
that I can only describe

as losing the letters
and the numbers.

I couldn't articulate myself,
and therefore,

when I came out
of the psychosis

I couldn't relate to anyone.

And I created this rig,

and I was about
to turn on the switch,

and then there was
a knock on my door,

and my ex-girlfriend Sunshine
knocked on-- opened the door

and saved my life,
called my dad.

Jimmy:
As he's telling you
he's whatever,

I have to respect
what he's saying,

'cause it's real for him.

There was a point
when he was either

in the hospital
or just getting out,

I said, "You know something?
I will talk to you,

but I won't talk
to your psychosis."

So for him
to tell you this story,

and for me to listen to it,
whatever,

I have to remind myself

they're very real for him.

I don't relate to it,
you know?

I mean, I don't fuckin'
relate to it,

but it's real for him,
so I gotta respect it.

Yeah. Well.

- A horse.
- Yeah.

( both laugh )

Gianni: Yeah,

today I want to live,
like, uh,

when I had those
suicide attempts,

I didn't feel like

this life that I'm living today
was possible

or even on my radar,
so more will be revealed

if you stick around.

Today, like,
I like peace of mind.

For the most part if someone
asks me how I'm doing,

it's like, not too high,
not too low,

not a lot going on upstairs,
it's just quiet.

This is the first time
in my life I've felt like that,

but it's two components:

being sober
and being med-compliant.

You got so much friggin' paint
on it. ( laughs )

You got a ton of paint
on this, Gianni.

- Yeah.
- Ohh.

Jimmy:
I myself had a--

I don't want to call it
a suicide attempt,

but I ended up in a 72-hour hold
in a psych unit

back in whatever year,
it was 1989, '90.

Gianni's mom and I
were going through

a really hard time
and we split up,

and I don't want
to get into details,

but I never forget
this friggin' guy

sittin' across from me
and saying,

"You realize you're never gonna
see your kids again, right?"

And it was like, boom.

Sound. Be ready.

( power tool whirs )

I'm from that generation of men

where you didn't go to therapy.

When you got
into those places,

you just friggin'
toughed it out.

But you know what?
It doesn't always work that way.

When you're in crisis,
when you're in that state,

you have to find a way
to ask for help.

You have to find a way
to get yourself into

a safe environment
with professionals,

and there's people out there
that will help you

take one foot
in front of the other.

Yeah, it takes
a lot of courage.

It takes guts.

And on some level
I have a lot of guilt,

and I think sometimes
my behavior

in what I did at that time,

when I hurt myself--

Gianni was like
seven years old.

I made mistakes, man,
I did some things,

and I can't take
any of it back,

but I realize,
you know what,

it's just part of
what's happened in my life.

Gianni:
Oh, yeah, man, that looks good!

That's dope.

Fuck yeah.

What do you think? G-Bo.

Oh, yeah, dude.

I like the way
that hangs and shit.

- You like that?
- Yeah, man.

Jimmy:
Looks pretty good.

I'm faced with a little bit
of a decision.

Revolver Head?

Gianni:
No Revolver Head, no.

See how the Grotjahn looks.

I love this fucking guy.

I'm not sure
if that's gonna work.

- There's too much color.
- Yeah.

Ahh.

I don't think
that's gonna work.

- I like the donut.
- I like the donut too.

Yeah, this is-- this is not
gonna work like that.

Gianni:
For me, the mainstay has been
this mantra I've had

which is "Process is king."
And I find that, like,

in the moment of creating,

no matter what
your mental state is,

there's some magical
machination

that happens in the moment
of doing something.

Whether you're hitting the keys
on the piano,

whether you're a dancer and
you're in the moment of flight,

whether you're hitting
the canvas for the first time,

and it's just
that movement of the brush

on the canvas.

In that moment,
that's where it is,

that's where it's at.

Is that a Christmas tree?

These weird little trees
I've been drawing lately...

that bring me joy.

Gianni:
No matter what my state is,

I can go to that
and have that

as my, like-- phtt!--

centered, boom,
know what to do.

That's the gratifying thing,

that's why I do art.

There's restraint
and pause

and peace now,

where I can go to a work,

work on it,

feel that it's OK
to stop there,

just be like,
"OK, we're good."

( sighs )

I kinda like
where mine's at
right now.

You gonna leave it there?
It's done?

Kinda. Yeah. For now.

Jimmy:
What about the head?

- I like it like that.
- Really?

I just like the silhouette
of the head.

I don't want to put eyes on it
or anything.

I got the good jawline
on the horse head.

Gianni:
Last year around this time,
like, I was scared,

I thought I wouldn't
be able to do art again,
but you just do art.

I did art about
not being able
to do art again.

I did a piece of art
'cause I was frustrated

'cause it didn't feel right,
but I still did it.

And now I kinda like the piece,
looking at it a year later.

But in the time,
I was just so angry

I just felt like,
"This is foreign to me,

I don't know what to do,"
but you persist,

you continue to do your craft
a little bit each day.

And if you really love it,
you're gonna be
inherently consistent

because you're gonna
want to do it each day.

And the results are gonna vary,

but process is king--
stay in the process.

Stay in the process.

Both:
Creativity doesn't know
what time it is.

That's why we want
to sleep here.

I get up
in the middle of the night
and work on a collage

'cause creativity
doesn't know what time it is.

- ( both laugh )
- Go ahead, hit it.

- I did.
- No, hit it again if you want.

I know you're dying
to make a mark on it.
Go ahead.

Gianni:
These are pretty singular,

but he put on this
"Sweet Dreams" last night...

Because it was on the wall.

and I was like,
"That's awesome."

Somebody in the crew
was kind enough

to put "Sweet Dreams"
on the wall

and I saw it and I said,
"Put it in the piece."

- It's the name of the horse.
- We don't know who it is,

but whoever it is,
we love you. It works.

And I made a little gold mark
on his just now.

He wants to,
like, make marks,

I don't have a problem
with it.

Like, we did this thing,
the Grotjahn thing,

and I said, "Just go hit it,"

and he just did
this little friggin'
whatever-it-is,

and I think it's perfect.

I think the collaboration, too,

is, like, executing
the tone of the room too,

does this wall come together
as a seamless whole?

I, uh, caused
a lot of wreckage

and a lot of pain

and a lot of chaos.

And I'm still
a work in progress, you know,

I'm still really new to this.

But a lot's changed
over the course of the year

because I put in
some intense work

and I've been trying to get--
get sober

and get healthy
for a long time.

And my living amends
to my dad

is to grant him
peace of mind.

It's a lifetime of work,

and it's something
I get to practice--

I have the opportunity
to practice each day.

Jimmy:
I had to, like, learn
about patience, acceptance,

those things
that really test you.

You say you love somebody,
you say whatever,

but until you're in that arena

and you're wrestling
with those beasts and stuff,

that's where you find out
where your character's at.

You know,
at the end of the day,

he's someone that needs help,
he's sick.

I gotta figure out a way
to have a relationship,

but have a boundary,

that I can protect myself
and take care of myself

and my wife and my family.

You know,
maybe part of the thing
about doing this thing

is that I'm hoping,
when somebody sees this,

is that yeah,
there's a lot of pain,

there's a lot of scars,
there's a lot of wounding,

but you know, there is healing
and there is--

there's a light
at the end of the tunnel.

But you gotta do the work,
you gotta do the time.

When you told me the other day
that you trusted me again...

was huge...
that was huge.

- Yeah, but you had to earn it.
- Yeah, I know.

You had to earn it.

And you have.

You know,
trust is a key component
of any relationship.

You don't have trust, man,
you don't have honesty,

you don't have the tenets,
you don't have the foundation,

you don't have anything.

That's what I'm saying,
you know,

some of the stuff
that went on between
you and I,

I just...
it was hard shit.

And... And I know that
everything happens in life
for a reason,

but... there was
a lot of pain there.

But you know,
trusting you is...

- ( voice breaking ) Thank you.
- You're welcome, Papa.

No, really,
fuckin' thanks.

I'm not gonna fuckin' cry
through the whole
fuckin' thing.

- ( laughs )
- Fuck.

Seriously. Shit.

♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪

♪ I just want
to lay around town ♪

♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪

♪ I just want
to lay around town ♪

♪ Take cover when
the city burns ♪

♪ Lay low ♪

♪ I love you, brother ♪

♪ Will you shoot me
when they say so? ♪

♪ Take cover when
the city burns ♪

♪ Lay low ♪

♪ I love you, brother ♪

♪ Will you shoot me
when they say so? ♪

♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪

♪ I just want
to lay around town ♪

MAN: (SINGING)
♪ I know the secret of it all ♪

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

♪ Longing ♪

♪ Waiting ♪

-♪ You're... ♪
-(SCREAMING)

(SILENCE)

For it is love and love alone,
the rules for aye.

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪