Original subtitles

[ Lorelai ]: Previously on Gilmore Girls:

- Oh, my God, I'm going to Chilton? - You did it, babe. You got in.

This guy asked about you today.

- I'm Dean. - Hi.

- What did he want to know? - Where you were.

- What did you say? - [ Lane ]: You had to go to the genius school.

I've been watching you.

When?

Every day.

- I'm Max Medina. - Nice to meet you.

Oh, no!

I'm gonna miss the test!

- Go, go, go, go! - I'm gone!

- But what about the test? - You've missed the test.

I'm ready for this test.

I know everything about Shakespeare.

I think there's been a terrible mistake.

Uh, Rory told me that she wasn't allowed to take her test.

She was late.

And you! You say she's smart and she'll do fine.

And this rotting, stodgy rathole could use somebody like her.

Then you completely shut her out of a test she's been cramming for,

ready for, that she completely deserves to take!

No. Harvard is my dream.

I want it more than anything. I swear.

I'm not ready to give up on Chilton yet.

[ on answering machine ]: It's Max Medina calling.

Lorelai, it was a pleasure encountering you.

I hope it happens again.

Bye.

So where did you say Dad was?

- Away on business. - Location's top-secret?

Oh, Germany.

- Germany. Is Dad's firm insuring Nazis now? - Your father doesn't know any Nazis.

- I know, Mom. I was just... - What?

Joking. She was joking.

- Oh, hard to tell. - Yeah. Well.

Oh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Claudia died.

- Who? - Claudia, your cousin, Claudia.

Claudia!

I'm hearing the name, Mom. I have no idea who that is.

She was your father's grandmother's sister's girl.

- So, to you, that would make her... - Nothing?

Regardless. The funeral's on Thursday. I thought we'd all go together.

Ooh, whoa, two problems. One, impossible to get away from the inn on Thursday.

Two, I've never met this woman.

- You most certainly have. - When?

- Several times. - I'll take one.

We went to her house in Groton to see the first moon landing.

She'd just gotten a new Philco.

I have no memory of this whatsoever.

Rory, correct me if I'm wrong, but men have walked on the moon

regardless of whether your mother remembers it or not.

That's the rumor.

I know that men have walked on the moon. I just don't know Claudia.

- So you're not going? - Not this time.

I don't think Claudia's planning to die a second time.

- Mom, I couldn't go if I wanted to. - Fine.

Oh, wait, Rudolph Gottfried.

Another cousin?

No, a Nazi that we knew. I'd forgotten. We stayed with him once in Munich.

Nice old man. Interesting stories.

Mom, you...you socialized with a known Nazi?

That's despicable. That's heinous.

No, dear, that was a joke.

[ laughs ]

♪ If you're out on the road ♪

♪ Feeling lonely, and so cold ♪

♪ All you have to do is call my name ♪

♪ And I'll be there on the next train ♪

♪ Where you lead, I will follow ♪

♪ Anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ If you need ♪

♪ You need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Where you lead ♪

♪ I will follow ♪

♪ Anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ If you need ♪

♪ You need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow where you lead ♪♪

Hi. I have an idea for a new reality show.

How about everyone just looks out their freaking kitchen window for a change?

Ooh, she's cranky this morning.

Let's just say the world's got a formidable opponent.

- Wait. Shouldn't you be baking? - I don't know. Shouldn't you be knitting?

- Mom, the Chilton bake sale is today. - I know. I got it covered.

- They expect the things to be homemade... - I know.

...by someone other than Dolly Madison.

I said I have it covered.

All of the parents pitch in, so this is really, really important. You know that, right?

Oh, I didn't know that. In that case, I don't have it covered.

I have it covered.

- Get your stuff, hit the stereo. We're late. - [ softly ]: That's not me.

♪ [ music continues ]

Where does your mom think you are?

[ music stops ]

Oh, uh, on a park bench, contemplating the reunification of the two Koreas.

Not here, skanking to Rancid?

- Wouldn't be included. - School.

- Bye. - Bye.

[ cat mewing ]

[ Lorelai ]: Wow, Cinnamon, riding in style.

Yeah, Morey made it.

Cinnamon's not walking good these days, but she still likes her passaggiatas.

- That's Italian for "a nice walk." - Passaggiata.

- Oh, God, he makes it sound so sexy. - Oh, come on.

What's that?

That's Cinnamon's private area. Sometimes she likes to be alone.

She's just like Morey in that sense.

Hey, say "passaggiata" again.

I can't do it on command, Babs.

Oh, he's blushing. God, I love a man that blushes.

- Okay, our town is just weird. - Thank God.

- Bye. - Bye.

- I'll see you later at school. - For what?

Mom, the bake sale.

- Aah, I got the vein in the forehead. Whoo! - Sadist.

[ people chattering ]

[ girl yelling ]

- Hey. - [ yells ]

- Morning. - Good book?

I don't know yet.

I saw you standing in line, so I thought I'd say hello.

- Hello? - Hello.

Oh, hey, uh, thanks for helping me get the job at the store.

I mean, it's not...it's not a career or anything, but it's got me solvent.

- Solvent is good. - Yeah.

- Uh, are you always this serious? - No.

[ laughs ]

So, uh, how long does it take you to get to school?

Um, forty minutes if the bus driver's focused,

but longer if he's trying to win something on the radio.

- Hey, this bus is going to Hartford. - Yeah, I know.

But you go to school here. You...you have to get off the bus.

- Hey, he has to get off the bus. - Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Uh, you're forgetting something.

Buses make stops.

[ brakes screeching ]

Good bye, Lorelai Gilmore.

[ people chattering ]

[ Michel ]: Independence Inn, Michel speaking.

Yes, you are confirmed.

Mmm-hmm.

Good bye.

[ speaking in French ]

No, sorry.

Parlez vous fracais?

Sir, I'm just a simple country boy from Texas.

I do not understand this Francais business you're babbling about.

Pardon.

[ clears throat ]

- He knows you are not from Texas. - Smile when you say that.

Michel, I told you there was gonna be a French group here for a couple days

and it's your job to keep them happy.

Lorelai, I don't know how many French people you've met over the years,

- but most of them are insufferable. - Really?

Hmm, that is why I left France.

Huh? I thought it had something to do with the torches and the villagers.

- Michel, talk to them. - Never.

You are giving me that look, aren't you?

Your patented, "Do it or something unspeakable shall befall you" look.

[ sighing ]

Fine. I shall be French, but I shall not be happy.

Then you will be yourself. Good choice.

[ speaking French ]

[ speaking French ]

[ laughing ]

[ speaking French ]

Kill me now.

[ people chattering ]

[ Sookie ]: Okay, we've got our French fantasies,

American treats, and our Italian taste sensations.

- Well, uh, what do you think? - Amazing.

Ah, incredible.

It is good, isn't it? Well, final touch.

[ Lorelai ]: Mmm.

[ Rory ]: Oh, can I do that?

Oh, whoa, whoa. Well, honey, this is a more delicate procedure than you might think, okay?

- Okay. - It takes an expert hand.

Huh, oh!

- Uh! Hi! - Hi.

[ chuckles ]

Oh! Well, gee, what...what is that, $1?

Uh, let me just, uh, give you...

let me find you a dollar.

Um, you know what? I'll take two. I...I'll drink one.

[ chuckles ]

Mmm, tasty and flame-retardant.

[ sighs ]

Well?

[ people chattering ]

- Very "Henry VIII." - Oh, we're not into subtle.

- Good to see you, Lorelai. - Oh, good to see you, Mr. Medina.

- Max. - Mr. Medina. - Max.

Mr. Medina, meet Sookie, the chef at the Inn.

- Sookie, Mr. Medina. - What's the name again?

- Mr. Medina. - I know, you've said it a zillion times.

- Hello. - Hello.

Lorelai, can I borrow you for a second?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Hmm! Oh! Hey, I'll be right back.

Trust me.

So?

You know, Lorelai, I would love for the ice to thaw.

- There's no ice. - Well, you repeated my full name four times.

- That's ice. - Well, that's not ice. It's wintry.

I was doing my job when I didn't let Rory take that test.

- I didn't like it, but I had to do it. - I know.

- And I'd do it again. - Okay.

But I really do think Rory's a great kid

and I'll do my damnedest to make sure she gets through Chilton in one piece.

I appreciate that.

- And I'd like us to be friends. - We...we are. Me, too.

- Yeah? - Yeah. Really, truly, I swear. There's no more ice.

We're walking in a pool of tepid water.

- Good. - Good.

I'm going to propose something here. I'm not sure how you're gonna take it.

Oh, wow, intrigue.

I'd like to see you sometime.

Away from the ivy, away from the gargoyles, away from here.

- Are you asking me out on a date? - Yes.

Mmm. Well, uh, I don't want to go out on a limb here,

but I'm guessing if the headmaster won't let a kid be thirty seconds late for a test,

he'd probably frown on a teacher dating a mom.

I do my job well, I'm dedicated to my students

and there's nothing in the Chilton Book of Ethics that prohibits it.

Yeah, but I'm guessing it's sort of an unwritten rule.

- Do you wanna go? - Rory would probably freak at the thought.

- Do you want to go? - The other parents would have a field day with this kind of thing.

- Do you want to go? - Yes.

- Good. - Wait.

- What? - No.

- Why? - I can't.

- It's wrong. It's weird. - I'll pay.

- You're on. - Really?

I'm kidding. I don't know. You're Rory's teacher.

I know.

[ sighing ] Could you quit? Right, that's crazy. I'm sorry.

Okay. Okay.

Um. How about coffee? You like coffee?

Only with my oxygen.

Can we drink some together? A sort of pre-date.

Very casual, no strings, no obligations.

We'll just see if it's even worth going down the road of including food in the deal.

Just coffee.

Decaf?

[ laughs ]

There's nothing safer than decaf.

I'm gonna be in town tomorrow because I take a class at Hartford State,

and there's a coffee shop across the street

that I sometimes, almost all the time, go to around 4:00

and usually exactly 4:12.

I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time,

nor would I avoid them

if I knew them, if they did.

You know, the wordsmith thing, that's something we have in common.

So, see you around, Max.

Indeed. You will.

[ people chattering ]

Philadelphia.

Philadelphia? If you could live in any city in the world,

you'd pick Philadelphia?

- M. Night Shyamalan lives there. - Who?

The guy who directed "The Sixth Sense."

But what would you do there?

Hang out with M. Night Shyamalan.

Okay, cross "guidance counselor" off your list of potential career choices.

[ Babbette ]: Lie still, baby doll. We're almost home.

- Hey, Babbette. - Hey, kids.

[ Cinnamon yowling ]

Wow, that sounds bad.

Cinnamon's dyspeptic. So is Morey.

- Too many clams. - Bad clams.

This doesn't reflect well on Al's establishment.

- You had clams at Al's? - Al's Pancake World?

Yeah, well, we had a coupon.

[ Cinnamon meowing ]

Hmm.

Oh, wow, the store.

- Hey, listen, I have to pick up some stuff, so... - What do you have to pick up?

Just some stuff.

So, I'll talk to you later tonight.

- I'll go in with you. - Why?

Because, otherwise, I'd have to go home.

- Home is good. - My home?

Yeah, actually, I don't have to go in.

Okay, then I guess I will go home.

Great. Go. Bye.

Bye. Freak.

[ cash register beeps ]

[ laughs ]

Rory! Hello.

- Try a plum. They're better than sex. - Um, no, thanks.

Fresh fruit always has such a, tch, a sensuality about it.

[ laughs ]

- Are you too young for this? - Definitely.

- What are you here for, honey? What? - Oh, well, I...I just...

Oh, I see what you're here for.

Well, that wouldn't fit in a basket. No. No, no, no, no, no!

Patty, it's not like that. He's just a, uh, person.

- A person? - A boy-type person.

- Oh, my favorite kind. - I really don't even know him.

- Oh, right. You...you don't know him? - I don't.

- You said. - Please don't say anything.

I promise that I won't tell a single soul that you don't know that young man.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Excuse me, ma'am, what are you doing?

[ Patty ]: Please, honey, don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel older than 25.

Here, have a pea pod.

I'm assuming that you're gonna pay for the food that you've consumed on the premises.

[ laughs ]

So brusque.

- And you are? - I'm the new assistant manager here.

Oh, well, listen here, my fine friend, who, if he had a better hairstyle

I might consider dating. I do this all the time.

Not from now on. I'm sorry.

Oh, now, wait a minute. I've been sampling food at this establishment for years.

The next time you put something in that mouth that doesn't belong there,

I'm going to remove it and then call the police.

Is this all you want, honey? A head of lettuce and a mousetrap?

- That should do it. - That's a couple of must-need items there.

[ receipt printing ]

- $2.27. - I only have $1.

- Oh, I can loan you the rest. - Uh, no, I'll...I'll just take the lettuce.

[ smirks ]

Perfect. Uh, you could use half of it for a salad

and use the other half to clobber the mouse with.

- Paper or plastic? - I'm fine.

- Lorelai? - Max. Hi.

- Small world, huh? - Absolutely.

- What are you drinking? - Coffee.

Plain coffee?

Well, I wanted some cream, but that prompted a very elaborate foam conversation.

The look of disapproval I got when I said I didn't want foam, just cream

rivaled the one I got from my dad when I told him I wanted to be a teacher.

Wow, so it's been a tough outing for you, huh?

Well, it's getting better.

- [ waitress ]: What can I get you? - Coffee, please.

[ sighing ]

So, here we are.

- Here we most certainly are. - [ sighing ]: Running into each other.

- Away from school. - And its unique strictures.

- These things do happen. - Fate can be funny.

Should we cut the cute and just get right to it?

- I think we should date. - Why?

- Because I think we both want to. - [ sighing ]: I want to be in The Bangles.

It doesn't mean I quit my job and get a guitar and ruin my life

to be a Bangle. Does it?

- The Bangles broke up. - Yeah, that's not the point.

It's got to be part of the point, if there's no band anymore.

I repeat my question. Why should we date?

Because we're clearly attracted to each other.

Well, I'm attracted to pie. It doesn't mean I feel the need to date pie.

- Okay, then, because we are... - Yes? - Of similar heights.

Wow. Round 1 and already tapped.

Hey, look, I know that you are concerned about the appearance of us dating.

Yes, I am.

Well, I can tell you I'm the soul of discretion

when it comes to delicate relationships.

Dated a lot of Chilton moms, huh?

No, I meant any relationship, work, family.

Oh, so you have things to hide in all aspects of your life. Very interesting.

Do you have any hemlock back there? Arsenic, something quick.

- Do you like rap music? - Yeah.

Me, too.

- Italian food? - Yeah.

Me, too.

- You just telling me what I want to hear? - Yeah.

I knew it.

Well, doesn't mean it doesn't coincide with how I feel.

If you're telling what I want to hear then I'm not getting to know you.

If I know what you want to hear, it shows a level of understanding on my part

that far exceeds your understanding of me.

[ people chattering ]

Who's the one lagging?

Uh!

Wow. Round 1 and already tapped.

Hmm!

Rory is my life. She's my pal. My everything.

And I would never ever do anything that would hurt her.

I understand.

- But Rory is not a baby anymore. - Oh, don't say that.

She's eight! She's eight, and her favorite hobby is making necklaces out of gum wrappers.

Well, you could try stunting her growth, keeping her in a box,

- blowing cigarette smoke on her. - Oh!

You are so taking this out of context.

[ clearing throat ]

When my uncle was a young man,

there was this girl who lived across the street from him,

and he was completely in love with her. But he never talked to her.

He knew in his gut that this was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

This is gonna be sad, isn't it?

- No, let me finish. - Oh, it's gonna be sad.

So, anyhow, my uncle watches this girl

waiting for the right moment to approach her.

- Next thing he knows, he gets drafted. - I'm going for the Kleenex.

No-no-no. Now, he thinks, "This is perfect. I'll come back.

"I'll have a career, I'll have served my country. I'll be worthy of her love."

When he gets back, she's gone.

Moved away. No one knew where.

And he never saw that girl again.

Now, my uncle, he didn't say much to me.

But the one thing that he did say

was that if there's something in your gut

that you know you feel is right,

you got to go after it, no matter what.

What do you say?

[ exhales ]

Maybe dinner

wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Oh, dinner? You mean we could sit together, even drive together?

- Just take the card. - I might frame the card.

- Just use the card. - I definitely will.

[ clearing throat ]

Hey.

What?

That story about your uncle, is that true?

[ sighing ]

Good bye, Lorelai Gilmore.

[ Sookie ]: Ooh!

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Life is a funny, funny thing, huh?

Yeah, I love that Jim Carrey.

- What? - Jim Carrey.

- He's just...just funny. - He is funny.

- But then I don't mean funny-funny. I'm being philosophical. - Oh.

Very serious face. Jean Paul Sartre.

Uh, I can't talk to you with that face.

How do you guys get any work done?

[ chuckles ]

So why is life such a funny thing?

- [ sighing ] I met this amazing guy. - Goody!

There's goody stuff about it, but there's baddy stuff, too.

He's a teacher at Chilton. Max. You met him at the bake sale.

- Oh, he looked good. - Yeah. Right.

He's so sexy and smart, and funny, and he likes coffee.

God, he sounds perfect for you.

- Did you get onions? - No.

Hey, Luke, you forgot the onions.

I'm just so mixed up though. You know this is a real crossroads kind of situation.

It's like: to perm or not to perm. I'm really confused.

For heaven's sake! Go ahead. I'm still listening.

You were about, uh, to perm your hair.

I just want to do the right thing.

- I'm not sure I see what the problem is. - Oh, there are many problems.

First: I do not like to involve Rory in my personal life.

I don't want her to have to deal with that.

You know, I might bring some guy home and he might not be the guy,

but then she gets all attached to him, and then all of a sudden I decide

that I don't like the way he eats, or he hums incessantly...

Or the way he smacks his lips, or how his hair isn't really his.

Yeah. And then I break up with him, and Rory is the one who gets hurt.

- I totally understand. - This guy is her teacher.

There's no way to keep him out of her life. She sees him every day.

- Are you the open-faced turkey? - Yep.

Okay. I added a little fresh lemon and a little cayenne pepper.

You're gonna plotz!

You do know that Rory's not a baby anymore?

I know, that's what he said.

Maybe I'm being too serious, right? Maybe I should loosen the rules a bit.

- Plus, it would be great to get, you know. - What?

- You know. - No, I don't.

You know.

He knows.

- You know? - Yeah, I know.

- Sookie! - Hey, I was looking for your paprika.

- Hey, what have I said about the counter? - I know.

How the counter is a sacred space, my sacred space.

You don't do yoga on the Dalai Lama's mat.

And you don't come behind my counter. Period!

[ Sookie ]: I was trying to help!

You bring her again, I want her on a leash! I mean it.

He does make a damn fine burger though.

He does at that.

All right. I'm just gonna keep it simple. I'll tell Rory.

If there's even an ounce of weirdness about it, I'll cancel.

- You haven't told Rory yet? - No.

- Oops. - No, not oops.

The timing hasn't been right. This is a very delicate, fragile situation.

It's like your souffles. If you don't do it right, it's a disaster.

- And you have to order it 45 minutes in advance. - Uh?

- My souffle. - Right.

But I wasn't speaking directly about your souffle.

- [ door opening ] - I was speaking metaphorically.

- Oh. So you don't like my souffles? - How do we work together?

Mom, you better come.

- Honey, what's wrong? - It's Cinnamon.

- Babbette? Honey? - Oh, Lorelai, come in, come in.

She's gone.

- Cinnamon's gone. - I'm so sorry.

Is there anything I can do for you, Morey?

This is life, Rory. It breaks your heart.

She looked like she was sleeping.

I thought she was asleep, so I nudged her and she didn't wake.

I gave her a push and she rolled off the couch,

and since I'd just waxed the floor, she went shooting across the room.

And then she knocked over the lamp and she still didn't move.

I knew it was over. Oh, God, my baby.

Tell me it wasn't the...

Oh, Morey, don't do this to yourself. He thinks it was the clams.

She saw me eating them, and she gave me that, "Hey, man, what's up?" look, and...

It wasn't the clams.

Morey, in human years, this cat was 260 years old.

That's a good long life.

Listen, why don't you let me take her out to the van?

- And then I'll get out of your way. - Oh, no, stay.

All of you, please stay. Cinnamon would want you here.

We'll stay as long as you want.

- I'll never eat clams again. - Me either.

[ car approaching ]

They said that they rolled her body into a lamp.

Did you laugh?

Did you want to?

- But it's sad. - Yeah, it's sad.

[ knocking on door ]

[ Michel ]: Hello?

Hello, where is Lorelai? I'm dropping something off.

Yoo-hoo, Hee haw Man, where's Lorelai Gilmore?

[ Lorelai ]: Hey. Hey-hey-hey!

- Thank you. I could not get back to the Inn. - Hmm.

What? You are having a party, and I was not invited?

Sweetie, it's not a party. It's a wake.

- Oh, really? Who died? - Their cat.

[ people chattering ]

- You are mourning a cat? - Yes.

They lick their privates, these cats.

Not the comforting chit-chat we're looking for.

Good bye. I'll talk to you later. Thank you.

Babbette, Morey, I came as soon as I heard.

- Oh, darling, what do you need? - A little air, honey.

Oh-oh.

- Oh, Luke. - Sookie.

- What you got in the bag? - Bricks.

- Yeah, good one. - Oh, bless you both!

Everyone's starved. Come in.

Okay, how should we do this?

Well, we'll create a flow through the room to avoid bottlenecks.

People coming in the front door, they're gonna want a beverage.

Put them on the first table, then the smaller hors d'oeuvres next to that,

leaving one hand free to greet the people.

Then, back there, set up plates and cutlery.

First the salads, then the meat, then the desserts on the piano bench.

- How's that sound? - Dig in!

[ bags rustling ]

[ Sookie ]: Oh.

[ knocking on door ]

Oh, hi. Uh, wow.

- I wasn't expecting you. - Or me you. I mean, you me.

I mean, come on in, you.

[ laughs ]

[ people chattering ]

- Do you know him? - [ Rory ]: No.

No?

Well, he goes to my old school, so I see him there sometimes,

- but, uh, I go to Chilton now. - Thanks for the update.

[ laughs ]

You're welcome.

- Hey, uh, do you have a second? - No, I have gum.

- No, thanks. Uh, look... - I have to get back.

Oh, okay, um, sure.

I'll see you later.

- Mom? - Huh?

- Isn't that... - Oh, no!

[ knocking ]

- That's Mr. Medina. - Tonight's Thursday.

Well, am...am I in trouble?

- D-Did the school call or something? - No, no, you're great. It's...I, um...

[ laughs ]

Let me just come back in just one...one second.

- Wait, what's going on? - Let me tell you in a minute.

- Tell me now. - Max is here, uh...

- Max? - ...is here to pick me up.

Pick you up for...

Oh.

I'm gonna talk to him real quick, and...and I'm gonna be right back.

Mmm.

- Hey! - Oh, hi.

I was knocking, but no one answered.

I know. I was at the neighbors' house. Um...

Max, I should have called you sooner, but...

- You're canceling. - I...I know it's totally last-minute.

- I'm heartbroken. - I just completely f-forgot about our...our date.

- And forgettable. - No, you're memorable.

I...I've been, uh, memorabling you all...all week.

It's just, we had a little emergency.

- Rory? Is Rory okay? - No, Rory's fine. It's the neighbors' cat.

- The neighbors'... - Cat, she died.

[ laughing ]

- She died. - This was a very fat, very...very beloved cat.

Hmm, I see.

Lorelai,

I like you.

And I don't want to force something on you that you don't want.

So...

No. Wait, wait. No, wait. No, Max, you're not forcing anything on me.

I am telling the truth about the cat.

Lorelai!

Max, please don't read that much into this.

Call me, and we'll reschedule. I...I promise that's what I want.

Are you sure?

Cross my heart and hope that no other neighborhood pets die on that day.

Okay, I'll call.

Good.

- I'm sorry about, uh... - Cinnamon.

- Cinnamon. - Yeah.

[ car engine starts ]

Stupid cat! Couldn't have held on one more day?

- Is that meatloaf? - Yeah.

You use ketchup?

- You gonna make fun of my mother, too? - Sorry.

You know, my Roquefort puffs would complement that dish quite well.

- It's fine on its own. Thank you. - Right.

[ people chattering ]

Okay, toss some on the plate.

Can...can I make a pretty design? Maybe...maybe make some layers?

Sookie!

Right. Tossing them on. Got it.

Have you guys seen Rory anywhere?

- Yeah, I think she headed that way. - Okay, thanks.

Excuse me, ma'am?

Oh, well, if it isn't Kirk the Jerk.

I want to apologize for what happened at the store yesterday.

I'm listening.

I wasn't aware you were "the" Miss Patty.

The owner tells me you're one of our best customers,

and that you can put anything in that mouth that you want to.

Those were his words. I...I could have paraphrased them.

Stop sweating and close your pores, Kirky. I always forgive.

- Thank you. - Once.

- Hey, Babbette. - Oh, hello, sugar.

- Can I get you something? - No, I'm fine. I'm just...I'm looking for Rory.

- Oh, I think she might be in the bathroom. - Thanks.

- Can I help you with something? - Oh, no.

I thought I'd just get some of this stuff packed away.

Wow. It's like a scene from the kitty version of "Valley of the Dolls."

Yeah, you never realize how old they actually are

- till you look in the medicine cabinet. - Yeah.

These were for her heartworms.

For her thyroid, her kidneys,

for the rash she got from taking these,

and these were for the tics she developed from taking the stuff for the rash.

And these are... Oh, jeez, these are mine.

Damn. I'm gonna miss that old broad.

I know.

You know, I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself now.

You live to take care of your kids.

I know, sweetie, but you gave her everything you had.

Yeah. She was so tiny when I got her, she could sleep in my shoe.

The other day, I...I came across a hat that I made for Rory.

- It was like a doll hat. - They grow up so fast.

And then they take your clothes.

I guess, eventually, you have to move on.

Figure out what your life is gonna be

when you're not busy taking care of somebody else.

Yeah.

Oh, jeez, look at this place. Not a clean glass in sight.

Let me help you with that.

[ sighing ]

[ Lorelai clearing throat ]

Oh, here, sugar, use this.

Morey sits on it when he helps me.

Wow.

- How does Morey get around in here? - Oh, just fine.

He had a couple of concussions his first year here.

But he never complains.

He's just the best thing.

Don't know what I'd do without him.

Oh, Babbette.

What...what do you mean "without him"?

I saw on Oprah a few weeks ago,

she had on couples who lost a child.

Most of the marriages went belly up for the pain of it all.

Even though they loved each other.

Babbette, that is not gonna happen to you.

I never thought a man would ever even want me.

I know the feeling.

Oh, please, with that ass? Give me a break. [ sniffles ]

I mean, want me for more than my ass.

Me. For me. The whole package.

- Annoying neuroses and all. - You'll find him.

It might even be that stud that drove out of here in that Mustang.

- Did you see him? - Oh, yes.

- What a jaw. - Right. He's got a great jaw.

- How is he in the sack? - I...I haven't gone out with him yet.

Will you tell me how he is when you do?

I'll call you during the cigarette.

[ giggling ]

♪ [ piano playing ] Ow.

Oh,

that's Cinnamon's song.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Thank you.

- I can't find Rory anywhere. - I'm sure she's around.

Max showed up for the date that I forgot about, and she saw him.

- And you haven't... - Told her about it. No.

- Oops. - Stop with the oops.

Okay, calm down. It's not that big of a deal.

Her teacher showed up on her porch to take out her mother.

She'll understand. You're crazy. She knows that.

- Enough of the comforting, Sookie. - Sorry.

[ dog barking ]

- Hey. - [ gasps ]

Jeez, you scared me.

Yeah, uh, look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.

- For what? - Well, I've been kind of bugging you lately.

Uh, I thought, I don't know. I thought you maybe liked me, but it's obvious that you're not interested.

So I just wanted to say that, uh, that I get it.

And, um, I'm not gonna bother you anymore.

[ sniffing ]

Wait!

I am interested.

♪ Made me think about you ♪

- You are? - Yes.

I got to go.

♪ Truly, truly, truly ♪

♪ I want you ♪

♪ Truly, truly, truly, I do ♪

Ah!

Finally. I've been looking everywhere for you.

- Well, you found me. - Listen, I have some explaining to do.

So sit right down in that tiny little chair. I'm gonna do it right now.

That man on the porch was your teacher.

Mom, I'm a little behind in school,

but not so behind that I don't know who the teacher is. So?

So, um,

he...he and I were going to sort of hang out together.

- On a date. - No.

On something that could appear like a date to the untrained eye.

- And to your daughter's eye? - It was a date.

- How long have you been dating him? - I haven't. This was gonna be the first time.

When were you planning on telling me about this? On your wedding?

No, by the rehearsal dinner at least.

- He's my teacher. - I know.

[ sighs ]

He teaches me things every day

in a very small classroom with a lot of other kids

who probably won't be high-fiving me when they find this out.

I know, sweetie. And I told him this was one of the things I was concerned about.

- And? - And he felt we could be discreet.

- Unbelievable! - Are you mad?

- Yes. - Right.

- Because I'm dating him? - Because you lied to me.

- I kept information from you. - Information that I should have had.

It would've come out eventually like the Iran-Contra Scandal.

- So you're Oliver North. - No, I'm Fawn Hall.

- Mom. - She was much prettier.

[ sighs ]

I just can't believe that you didn't tell me about this. Why wouldn't you tell me?

'Cause I thought you were going to take it bad. Thank God I was wrong.

Okay, okay. Listen, I'm sorry. I won't date him. I promise.

I'm not saying that you can't date him.

It's just... this is weird.

I mean, there are a million guys in this world,

and you end up with Mr. Medina.

You think I don't get the weirdness factor?

Believe me, the last thing I intended to do was date your teacher.

- I believe you. - I really like him, Rory. I can't help it.

And it's been a really long time since I've felt like this.

You can't always control who you're attracted to, you know.

I think the Angelina Jolie-Billy Bob Thornton thing really proves that.

And I know you don't understand this now, but you will someday.

You'll meet some great guy, and he'll make your head all foggy,

and you won't know what to do with yourself.

Oh, sweetie, I...I won't keep anything from you again. Okay? I promise.

From now on, every aspect of my life is an open book to you.

- It's okay. - Really.

I...I'm not even gonna get dressed until I tell you what I'm thinking of wearing.

- Fair enough. - Okay.

Tomorrow, I'm thinking

the purple tiger top, the black leather skirt, the panda-bear underwear?

Oh, good.

But of course I'm totally open to suggestions.

Here's one: get some help.

[ laughing ]

- Let us know if we can do anything. - Oh, you've done too much already.

Oh.

- Good night, Babbette. - Good night, sugar.

- Good night, Morey. - Stay cool, Rory.

[ sighs ]

It's getting late.

Let's stay outside awhile, baby.

- Look for the Big Dipper. - Okay, I'd like that.

[ phone ringing ]

- Hello. - I've been trying to get you all afternoon.

- Mom? - Yes. - Hi.

- You already said that. - But someone hasn't.

Hello.

- There we go. - You are impossible to reach.

There's no messages on the machine.

I don't leave messages.

If I wanted to talk to a machine, I'd talk to my VCR. Where were you?

- At a wake. - A what?

A wake. A, uh, a funeral.

- A funeral? Whose? - It was for the neighbors', uh,

cat.

Mom?

Hold on. I'm looking up "aneurysm" in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one.

I just wanted to be honest with you, Mom. Silly me.

- A cat? - Yeah, a cat. It was a cat's funeral.

You skipped your own cousin's funeral for a cat funeral?

Not my cousin, Mom. My father's grandmother's sister's girl who I never...

You said you couldn't be away from the Inn.

- I couldn't at the time, but I worked it out. - For a cat.

It's late. I have a big day tomorrow, Mom.

Oh, what? You're going to a raccoon's wedding?

- Good night, Mother. - Good night.

[ yells ]

She's working for a sedative manufacturer.

Keeping that demand sky-high.

You shouldn't have told her.

- Well, I don't know what to tell and what to hide. - Yeah.

So, we never did quite settle the whole dating-your-teacher issue.

I won't go out with him if you don't want me to.

You can go out with whoever you want.

It's whoever we want.

Well, I'm certainly not gonna go out with him 'cause that'd be really weird.

But I mean it. I won't see him if you don't want me to.

Humph.

You know, if there's anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, big or small,

- then he's out of there. - Good to know.

Because, you know, it's not like I'm desperate.

I mean, there are plenty of other guys out there.

Sure are.

And it's not like I have to ask your permission.

- I mean, this is a courtesy. - Okay.

Uh, okay, so I'm gonna be up for a while if you want to get back to me on this.

I know where you are.

Hey, do you think you could keep him out late on Thursday night?

I have this oral exam on Friday that I'd really love him to sleep through.

I'll do my best.