All language subtitles for This.Life.S01E05.This.Life.1080p.ROKU.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-FFG_track3_[eng]

Who's "N"?

- N who?
- The N who had the biopsy.

- Nobody you know.
- N is Natalie.

Is her cancer back?

What are you even about,
except yourself?

- What is that?
- You tell me.

- Was that, uh...
- In the sofa. And locked.

Yeah, no, I got it for Emma.
Her birthday's coming up.

There are more functional ways
to fit in, you know.

Oh, hello.
- But I like it.

Being with you. More than
I thought I would.

Do you mind if I ask why?

- Hello.
- Two years ago, I had cancer.

And now it's back and

I maybe have a year to live.

I'm really sorry.

When?

What?

I haven't been in so long.

Yeah, me neither.

It just reminds me
of being a little girl.

Sunday school, I don't know.

I'm lucky. My mom barely
tolerated church.

I got out unscathed.

- Caleb, wait.
- I promised my
grandma I'd get here on time.

Or at least before Communion.

I'm pregnant.

♪ I'm pressing
on the upward way ♪

♪ New heights
I'm gaining every day ♪

♪ Still praying as
I'm onward bound ♪

♪ Lord, plant my feet
on higher ground ♪

♪ Lord, lift me up ♪

♪ And let me stand ♪

♪ By faith,
on Heaven's tableland ♪

♪ A higher plane
than I have found ♪

♪ Lord, plant my feet
on higher ground ♪

♪ I want to scale ♪

♪ The utmost height ♪

♪ And catch a gleam ♪

♪ Of glory bright ♪

♪ But still I'll pray
'til heaven I've found ♪

♪ Lord, lead me on ♪

♪ To higher ground ♪

Um, yeah. I take
a pill every day.

- Protein inhibitor.
- Mm-hmm.

- Any side effects?
- No.

No sign it's actually
doing anything.

So, um, we just...

we want you to know that
we're there for you.

Yeah. I know you are.

And for the kids. Whatever you
need, whenever you're ready.

- Yeah.
- I know. Thank you.

If I'm in Hell,
are there different levels?

Like, one for the murderers
and one for the unbelieving?

Or is it all just gen pop?
- Romy...

It's alright, Janine.
It's actually a very
interesting question.

Hey, Romy! Come on!

We gotta get going.
- OK, yeah.

Bye, bye.
- Bye, Romy.
- Nice seeing you.

- Natalie!
- Jump in the car.

I'll be right back.
- OK.

Our family was short
a few parishioners today.

Yeah, well,
Caleb said he was coming.

And Emma... well,
Emma's got a boyfriend.

That means
she can't come to Mass?

No, it means she's too old
for me to force her to.

And anyways, they were training
this morning for triathlon.

You still haven't told them?

No.

I'm letting them have their last
few days of normal.

Clothes stay on.

So do you meet
many movie stars?

We live in Echo Park.

I've read about
an art gallery on Wilshire?

- LACMA?
- Yeah.

- It's more of a museum.
- Oh.

Do they show any
of your work there?

Nah, I don't know...

Do you mind if
I steal my boy, Helen?

- Oh, no. Go right ahead.
- Nice to see you again.

- Bye, bye Oliver.
- Thank you.

I owe you one.
- Helen wouldn't recognize art

if you wallpapered
her house with it.

Listen, Oliver. Do you need
anything while you're here?

- I'm fine. Why?
- A few bucks, maybe?

Dad, no. I'm good.

- Bye, Dad.
- Thank you for coming, Oliver.

- Yep.
- Mm. I love you.

Do you think
he's not talking about Tom

because of Natalie?

I just wish being here
meant something to them.

They only come because of me.

Well, it's the same for me,

but it's never
bothered you before.

Do you believe in God?

Absolutely.

Then how do you explain how
miserable everybody is?

How sad and lost
and poor the world is?

I can't.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You must be Jayden.
- Yeah, hi.

- Bye.
- Later.

- What?
- I don't want you in your room

with him when I'm not home.
- We weren't doing anything.

Mm-hmm. And I want
the door open when I am.

Mm... sounds a little too
pricey for me right now.

I'll pay. I don't care.

OK, I think we should do
smoked meat and poutine.

Down and dirty.

Are you saved?

- Completely.
- Do you wanna have dinner

with us tomorrow night,
Maggie's brother?

Oliver, Sarah. Sarah, Oliver.

Yeah, we met last night.

You two were way into the gin.

Oh... I'll be right back.

That was pretty stroppy.

That poor girl. I can't watch.

What are you talking about?

- She obviously likes you.
- Yeah, and I like her.

- And she's engaged.
- She's engaged to be engaged.

- You're straight.
- I'm like a Kinsey 2.5.

After one girl. You can't tank
somebody's relationship

over a .5. You're toying with
this girl, for some reason,
and you know it.

OK, well, you should talk.
I mean, what are you doing?

You know, living
here indefinitely,
just hiding from your life?

- I'm here for Natalie.
- Oh, OK, yeah.

Keep telling yourself that.
Here.

This came for you.
- What is this?

It was under the door when
we got up this morning.

Dad left me a cheque for $200.

Well, I guess he thinks you
still need an allowance.

- She's, like, 15.
- Are you that surprised?

I did all kinds of dumb things
with boys when I was her age.

Mm... I was, like,
18 before I did anything.

You know trying
to control this

will only make it worse, right?
- I know.

But there are other
things you can control

when it comes to your children.

Not you, too.

It's been a week since
your biopsy results.

What are you waiting for?

I think of the pain it will
cause them and I can't.

You can't protect them
from this.

I go to tell them and I choke.

I mean, my body...
it literally rejects the words.

- I think you should see Sybil.
- Who?

You remember.
She help me quit drinking.

Three months is a long time

and I couldn't
have done it without her.

Hmm. Remind me again
what Sybil does?

- Cellular reprogramming.
- Oh, come on.

Natalie, I'm totally serious.
She makes you confront your fear

and your regret
and it's so powerful

she actually changes you
on a cellular level.

Mm. For three months.

Yeah, fine.

But isn't three months, in your
case, pretty valuable,
relatively speaking?

Oh, I don't think, um--

- Is that vodka?
- And a little water.

Oh, D. OK, you get some leeway
because of the divorce,

but this is next level.

Be quiet and keep enabling.

Thank you for caring about me.

Tell the kids.
- Oh...

We were worried we upset you.

No.

Frightened me, maybe.

But you were right
to bring it up.

I mean, my kids
are going to need you.

Do you want to talk
to them about this first?

Um...

well, no matter what I choose
to do, they're going
to be distraught.

But no, I think if
there's a plan in place first,

it might, it might be
a little bit easier.
- Yeah.

You realize that down the road,
to formalize this,

we may need to talk to David.

Why? He has no part
in their lives.

I know, I know, but legally
he's still their father.

Yeah, he abandoned
his children.

You think that he deserves
a voice in what happens to
them after I die?

No. No, we don't.

But the law might, you know?

Oh, God.

We've been in touch with
our lawyer to find out.

I know. Except, Natalie,
it may take some time,

so if you're waiting to tell the
kids until we have some
certainty here,

I'm... I'm not sure that's wise.

It never ceases to amaze me

how committed my children's
father is to fucking up

all of our lives.

I still don't understand why
you had to go off the pill.

You were there.
You saw the mood swings.

- You're moody anyways.
- Well, you're the one who
never wants to use a condom.

- That's not true.
- "I'll pull out, I swear."

Whatever. Doesn't matter
whose fault it is.

Because it's both
of our faults.

But that doesn't necessarily
mean it's a problem.

What are you talking about?

Don't you think
that we could make it work?

We're 19 years old.

And we love each other.

And my mother is dying.

Maybe she wants
to live long enough

to meet her first grandchild.

Do you really want to keep it?

I just really want us
to think about it.

We can identify and confront
the causes of your cancer.

When you say that,

you don't mean the actual
tumours growing inside me.

Natalie, why did you come here

if you've already
decided I'm a fraud?

I am on medication my
oncologist prescribed

and I don't have a clue
if it's doing anything.

And even if it is,

at best it's just
buying me time.

So I'm supposed to, what,
just sit here and wait...

For death?

I was going to say
for sickness.

You're here because
you feel powerless.

You communed with my cells
and they told you that?

No.

You told me that. Just now.

What exactly are you offering?

Because, I mean...
"cellular reprogramming"?

I'm pretty sure
it isn't science.

What does your
oncologist offer you?

A few months' grace,
risky trial drugs,

praying for a miracle?

So you want me
to believe that the causes

of my cancer are psychological?

Well, there are genetic,
environmental factors too.

But in all my clients
with cancer,

there's always been
an illness of being.

Were you completely happy

before your cancer?

Is anybody?

I mean, if that was the case,

everybody would be ill.

Almost everyone is.

I'm sorry.

Skeptic can't even give
herself 60 minutes.

I met a man right before
I learned I was dying.

He may have been
falling in love with me,

so I told him I had cancer.

He's also the principal
at my daughters' school.

My youngest is in therapy.

My older daughter
has this boyfriend--

My son walks around with the
world on his shoulders.

And their father?

No, he's gone. He's nowhere.

I haven't been able to tell any
of my children about my cancer.

That's good.

Because I absolutely
think you should not.

- You don't?
- No.

You're too confused right now.

You're afraid and you're angry.

They would read your terror

and I think it would
just make things worse.

Then what would
you have me do?

I would have you
put yourself first.

Stop trying to solve
all their problems.

How many of your clients
with my prognosis

have survived?

None.

OK, I'm sorry.

Um, doesn't that sort of
prove that you have

no chance of curing me, then?

Curing you?

Of cancer?

I'm not offering to cure you.

I don't understand.

Then why am I here?

Natalie...

Do you want to end your life
regretting who you are

and how you lived?

Or would you rather die happy?

What's wrong?

- Gears are shot.
- Can it be fixed?

It'll cost over half what
the bike is worth.

I could pitch in.

Thanks, but there's no point.

- Why not?
- I'll never make
the elite team anyways.

Is it because of the bike?
Because even with this piece of
crap, your times are on point.

Yeah, but our stupid school
never even qualifies for events
where scouts actually show up.

Forget it.

Yeah, don't bother to
lock it up or anything.

OK, so last time
you were here,

we decided to look at your
problems adjusting

to your new grade.
- No, we didn't.

That isn't where
you thought we landed?

That's where you
landed. I don't really
care about any of that stuff.

Really.

- I had to tell you something.
- Why?

So we could have some
sort of a breakthrough

and I could stop coming.

OK, suddenly you're interested

in telling the truth.
What's changed?

My uncle thought
it'd be a good idea

and I think he knows
what he's talking about.

He's the one you met.

So you don't care about
fitting in at school?

That's all my sister
cares about.

- And that's not
interesting to you?
- When I look at her,

I see a black hole where her
personality should be.

OK, what about the rest
of your family?

My brother's OK.

It's just,
he's always been so focused

and never stopped to notice
the world around him.

'Cause you notice a lot more
about the world than he does?

That's what freaks my mom out.

OK, what about your mother?
What would you change about her?

I'd get her to start
telling me the truth.

Oh, I left my purse in there.

- Want me to go get it?
- No, no, no. I'll do it.

OK.

- Hi.
- I forgot my purse.
Romy's just in the car.

How's she doing, anyway?

We can only discuss
your daughter if I'm concerned

about her safety. Otherwise, our
sessions are strictly
confidential.

Of course. I'm sorry.

I have cancer.

It's terminal.
Romy doesn't know.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

I suppose I just
want you to know,

so that you can factor
it in to your sessions.

I mean, I haven't
been able to tell her.

I will... Unless, of course,
you think it's better

that I don't?

Um...

Ms. Lawson, I know how
challenging this must
be for you,

but you're putting me in
a difficult position right now.

- I am?
- Now I,

I know an important secret about
Romy's life that she doesn't,

so suddenly all her reasons not
to trust me are confirmed.

Yeah.

I hadn't thought of that.

You should get back.

Yeah.

And... I truly am sorry.

Thank you.

Got it.

Left it in the washroom.
Had to track down the key

and then it was occupied.

Alrighty, ready to go?

Yeah.

- Endorsed.
- You're giving me Dad's $200?

- You're out of work
and I don't want it.
- So just give it back to him.

- Then I have to
talk to him about why.
- Then spend it on yourself.

Or just consider it
my portion of the rent.

Because you're never going
home, since your relationship

with Tom is clearly over
and for some reason

you refuse to
talk to me about it.

Sure.

You know, you're welcome to
stay here as long as you want,

but you should know
rent is 1500 a month.

- Maybe you should start
looking for work.
- I have been.

I did cancel
on Sarah tonight, though.

Drinks on Dad?

You better not have put
my jeans in the dryer again.

- What are you doing back?
- It's lunch.

Are you on my computer?

This is Jayden's essay.

- He left it here.
- Emma...

You shouldn't be going through
my private, personal stuff.

Are you writing Jayden's
essays for him?

Just the conclusion.
Is that such a crime?

You barely leave yourself
enough time to write
your own essays.

I want a lock on my door.

Tell him to get
his own damn C's.

You worked here a while.

Yes. On and off,
most of my twenties.

Drinking with regulars,
closing the place down...

Are those old colleagues?

No, everyone's
basically moved on.

Maybe?

Maybe... No.

- What are you doing?
- I am making

plans for later.
- You're ditching
me to go get laid.

If I can find a suitable
gentleman caller.

Yesterday, you had
a girlfriend.

Yes, and now
I am on the rebound.

Just like you.

See that guy at the bar there?

I think you should meet him.

- He's 70.
- Beside him, with the tats.

I used to serve him and
sometimes party with him.

He's very friendly.
- Maggie, I don't think

hooking up with strangers is
going to help us right now.

I think it'll help me.

Although, when I was
at the bar earlier,

I did kind of tell him that you
wanted to buy him a drink.

So, uh, you called the office.

Yeah, I thought you
were in clinic today.

I was supposed to be.
Richard's out of his depth

with a procedure.
He asked me to help out.

And what about your
appointments?

I've rescheduled them. Look,
I'm on my way to the hospital

right now, so, uh...

you invited your parents to
watch the game tonight.

Natalie and the kids too.

Yes, I will be there.

I'm making ribs for your father.
- You're the best. I love you.

Bye.

- Hey.
- Uh, I need

this exact same model.

Yeah, the same size? 'Cause we
have different versions.

Like I said,
just this exact phone, please.

Do you know about our family
plans? Unlimited

data sharing, one bill.

Well, actually, it needs
to be on its own plan

and I'm buying it outright,
so no contract.

Oh, yeah, OK. For sure.

Hi.

Is Ariel still mad at her folks?
- She'll get over it.

They own the place, so if they
don't want us shacking up...

Is that you?
- Yeah. My first Communion.

It's your paper.

I'm letting it ring.

Ah, Grandma was so
happy that day.

I bet she went nuts when
she found out about me.

You and Dad barely
knew each other.

Actually, she wept with joy.

She tripped on her bike
and fell on her face.

Emma, let's go.

You totally humiliated me.

Well, good. You called my
editor, used my name

to get a story in my newspaper
about a boy you've known
for five minutes.

- You would have said no.
- Yes, because it's
a city newspaper,

not a school newsletter.

He wants to qualify for
an elite triathlon team

and his parents
don't have the money.

Only the richer kids get access
to the good coaches

and that is not fair.

I so wish you would use that
kind of thinking for yourself!

Well, you're not me

so you don't get
to think for me!

Well, I think you're grounded.

- This is bullshit.
- Go straight home.

Romy, wait in the car.

Is everything OK?

No.

I've been texting you.

I know and...

I need you to stop.

They cancelled choir?

I'm not going today.

You never miss a practice.

Don't I get some
time for myself?

You're retired, sweetheart.

You've got all the time
in the world.

Go to choir.

You never lose it like that.

It was a last-straw situation.

So no more Mr. Wallace?

Well, I figured that
should please you.

If the house was on fire,
would you tell me?

What kind of
a question is that?

Is the house on fire, Mom?

No, see? It's fine.

Hey, it's me. This is the new
number you can reach me on.

I'm sorry about the panic
message before

about killing
the old number. Uh...

Look, I've been thinking,
I'd like to come see you

sooner than planned.
So, uh, just please,

just call me back
when you can. OK? Bye.

♪ And these moments
you miss ♪

♪ Like a kiss with no love ♪

♪ What's the sense in it all ♪

♪ Follow me and you'll see ♪

♪ How this emptiness feels ♪

Half's probably good for me.

♪ And the love
you can't hear ♪

♪ Is calling ♪

It's not just that, Tom.

I feel like I have to ask
every time I need money.

We're on a budget.

Well, it's like an allowance.
It's demeaning.

I support your career.

You have the freedom to paint
and earn very little.

That's not enough?

The hostility from
his son is getting worse.

Dylan's mother didn't adjust
well to being left for a man.

It's very common
for children to wear that.

Yeah, but Dylan's an adult.

Shouldn't he be focusing
on his own life?

He feels like you've robbed
him of a father.

Like, I'm not saying
that's true, but...

He could stand up for me.

He never does.
- I don't want to lose my son.

You don't exactly
defend me to your family.

And they're willing
to try with me.

Is that true, Oliver?

♪ The love you can't hear ♪

♪ Is calling ♪
- Oliver?

Oliver?

♪ Follow me and you'll see ♪

♪ How this emptiness feels ♪

♪ When the distance is clear ♪

♪ When the love you can't hear ♪

♪ Is calling ♪

Galchenyuk picks it up...

Weaves its way into the net...

Come on!
It was outside!

Hi!

- Hey, Grandpa.
- Hi, sweetheart. Hi, kids.

- Hi, stranger.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, sweetheart.

Oliver didn't come with you?
- No, he didn't answer
any of my texts.

- It's good to see you.
- Yeah, you too.

Hi.

Oh, I completely forgot
to bring the salad.

Oh, no worries.
We have plenty of food.

Hello, hello. Mom.

- We beat you.
- Aw, you win.

- How was surgery?
- Richard's got it
under control. Hey!

What'd I miss?
- Almost 10 whole minutes.

Where are your priorities?

- Skate, skate, skate, skate!
- Come on, come on!

Yeah. 10 minutes of
institutionalized violence

and young men suffering
irreversible head trauma.

- Goddammit!
- Gerald!

So Emma, did they decide where
your grade 9 trip would be?

- France.
- Exciting.

Yeah, if I can go.
Or will I still

be grounded a year from now?
- We'll see.

Alright! Skate!

- I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.
- It's fine.

Excuse me a minute?

I'm fine.

It's just stress.

I have to go.
- OK.

It's alright.

- Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Cleared in front of the net...

Come on, come on, come on!

Too loud.

Is it too much to ask to pass
the puck sometimes?

That guy thinks
he's a one-man...

- Yep?
- I'm sorry to do this,

but you're the only person
that I can call right now

and I really need your help.
- Well...

What's going on?

What's wrong?

Yeah.

Yes, I can.

OK. Alright, I'll be right
there. Bye-bye.

Don't tell me.

Yeah, there's some
complications.

Richard needs me back.

- Now?
- Yeah.

Caleb? Record the game for me.

- Yeah.
- Nobody text me the score, OK?

Bye.

First she felt my energy
without actually touching me,

and then she told me that

unless I confront
all my anger and regrets,

I won't be able to die happy.

Yeah, OK. I mean, no pressure.

Hmm...

but she also said she didn't
think I should tell the kids.

Not while I'm so lost.

Yeah, she sounds
like a crazy person.

I don't know.

I do have a lot of anger

and regret about David
and what he did.

Of course you do. I mean,
he sold you on this life

that he wanted to build with you
and then he left you
alone with it.

I guess I'm just trying to
find something to believe in.

I am unemployed.

Maybe unemployable.

I should be in Tahiti having an
affair with a scuba instructor.

Or you can take this setback
as an opportunity

to stop running away
from your life.

Unless this just is my life.

Mags, I think you are capable
of so much more.

And I have no idea what
you're so afraid of.

But Tahiti would be fun.

- So what's stopping you?
- You are.

Do not even think it.
I am not leaving you.

- Thank you.
- You should know, your
cancer is ruining my life.

Yeah... mine too.

I love you anyway.

You know that, right?

And your kids will too.

You always said
you wanted children.

In, like, 10 years.

When I think about us
together, I think forever.

Having our first baby now,

or in 10 years, it's the same.

But you don't see us that way.

I tried to.

And in some ways I almost can.

But...

we're not ready for this.

Please don't have the baby.

Please.

I'm sorry about this.
I really am very sorry.

Well, actually, you're lucky
that the pharmaceutical reps

give out free samples.

This is basically Valium.

Your blood pressure's fine.

And...

heart rate's down.

How are you feeling?

Better.

Tom died.

He had an aneurysm.

He was healthy.

There were no signs.

He was, um...

I woke up one morning
and I was alone in bed.

And he left the water running
all over the house,

for some reason.
And I found him.

In the bathroom.

Jammed against the door.

I didn't hear anything,
I didn't...

He might have needed
my help at night, but I...

I had just slept through it.

Who knows about this?

Um...

Nobody.

Everybody's dealing with Natalie

and as they should be.

Must be terrible,
carrying that around.

I'm so sorry, Oliver.

♪ Got me so ♪

♪ Locked away again ♪

♪ Somehow ♪

♪ Trust in me ♪

♪ I'd lead you blindly ♪

♪ If I needed someone ♪

I have put my family
above God.

Above everything.

Remember the binding of Isaac.

But his son lived.

God asked Abraham
to trust him

and that trust was rewarded
with the sparing of Isaac.

So you're saying
I should just stop worrying,

place my children

in the hands of God
and hope for the best?

God isn't asking you to stop
caring about your children.

So long as
I care for Him more?

Well, I can't.

Father, I love God.

But I am no Abraham.

♪ Somehow I'm feeling
it more ♪

♪ As I get old ♪

♪ And I never been
scared to show ♪

- What's your problem?
- Like you don't know.

- Give it back.
- No!

- Hey, I had it first!
- Get off! I'm using it.

- Seriously, give it back.
- No, I don't care.

I'm using it.
- Give it to me!

- No.
- Oh, my God. I was getting it.

- Guys?
- Would you two cut it out?

- I'm using it. Stop.
- There's something I have...

I don't care, so go wherever
you want, just not here.

- Stop kicking me, I need it.
- Romy, just stop.
- Shut up!

It's mine.
Research in your book.

My cancer's back.

♪ This is how I let you down ♪

♪ And I never
been scared to show ♪

♪ Nobody can help you ♪

♪ When the medicine burns ♪

Closed Captioning by SETTE inc.