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1
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,879
They do say your wedding day's
the happiest day of your life.
2
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:15,479
Well, yours is going to be
quite the opposite.
3
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,720
By which, I mean
the worst day of your life.
4
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,880
Why am I talking to a newspaper?
5
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,519
TERRY: This is it, Gemma!
6
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This is it!
7
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,560
Ooh! Ooh, look at it!
8
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,559
SHE EXHALES
I know I might not have seemed
9
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,439
as excited as you
about this wedding, Terry,
10
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,079
but I think some wee's
just come out!
11
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,959
You hold on to that feeling, Gemma.
12
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As soon as you say "I do",
13
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I'm going to spend my
whole life making sure
14
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:22,279
a little bit of wee comes out
of you every day. Oh, Terry!
15
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That's so lovely.
16
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,080
WOMEN SHRIEK
SHE SHRIEKS
17
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,279
Mum? Monica?
18
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:35,039
It's my special weekend.
Mother of the bride.
19
00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,479
THEY SHRIEK
20
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,199
No, it's MY special weekend.
21
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:45,439
Don't be so ungrateful, Gemma! She
gave up her pelvic floor for you.
22
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,039
Show some gratitude.
23
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,400
THEY SHRIEK
24
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,759
Hey, sis.
25
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,160
Oh!
26
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:07,239
I just feel like
on this wonderful day of days,
27
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,039
I have to tell you that
28
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,039
I've got a bit of an ingrown
toenail, so I'll probably be
29
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,879
limping you down the aisle a bit.
30
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,919
It's all right. Oh, mwah.
31
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:18,719
Mwah. Seeing you two get married
fills me with joy,
32
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,919
because it means there really is
someone out there for everyone,
33
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:24,359
no matter what your
personality defect.
34
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,039
She's right, you know, even you.
35
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,319
On the website, they said
they've got an all-day buffet.
36
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,919
That's where I'll be, all day.
37
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,799
You do that, because this weekend,
38
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,359
everything is going to be perfect.
39
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,359
It is. It is going to be perfect.
40
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,359
And I'm going to make it
even more perfect.
41
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,760
I've got a special surprise
for you inside. Ah, ha!
42
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,359
Ah!
43
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,199
It's like a vision.
44
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,279
Oh, this is so classy.
When you see the wild animal theme
45
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,570
I've got planned for the wedding,
it'll just...
46
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,400
..class up the classiness.
I love it.
47
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,159
See?
48
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,199
Camel. Classy.
49
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,319
Oh!
50
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,799
Now we've got two days of
wedding preparations,
51
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,839
endless pampering,
the big day itself,
52
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,119
and then on the wedding night,
you know, we get to...
53
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,359
Drink until we pass out?
54
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,039
You are so made for me! I know. Ooh!
55
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,520
Time for the surprise! Oh!
56
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,839
Here they are!
57
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,999
Look, I've brought my new boyfriend.
58
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,319
Oh, it's Phil,
59
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,839
the loud hot tub salesman.
Hot tub baron, Gemma.
60
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,639
I'm the Alan Sugar of
outdoor bathing.
61
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,479
I make all your dreams wet.
62
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,359
And he's brought his children.
63
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,679
Oh, what am I like?
64
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,359
Is the word you're looking for
"common"?
65
00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,759
GEMMA: It's funny, this, Mum,
cos I did say not to invite them,
66
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,320
in about four separate emails.
67
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,079
Doesn't matter because this weekend
is going to be perfect.
68
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,919
I've been thinking of how to add
an extra layer of perfection
69
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,559
to what could be another
drab, ordinary wedding,
70
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:18,720
and I think I know what
that extra layer is.
71
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:25,159
Phil and I are engaged
to be married! Ha-ha!
72
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,640
Oh!
73
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,639
What?! You've only been going out,
like, three months.
74
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,990
All happened so fast.
We took a cruise together...
75
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,759
..and then he asked me
to do something in the bedroom
76
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,519
which I wasn't comfortable with,
77
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,799
so I refused. And out of the blue,
78
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,639
he proposed.
79
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,919
And then she did it. Oh, good God.
80
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,759
I'm picturing it.
81
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,959
Why am I picturing it? It's fine.
82
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,839
It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
83
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,119
Welcome, everyone.
84
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,400
We're so glad that you're joining us
for our special weekend.
85
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,079
Not special, Gemma, classy weekend.
86
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,719
I've got a real live owl.
87
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,839
It's massive. Twoo-twoo. He has.
88
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,679
Is this the happy couple?
89
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:20,720
Oh, look at them! Nanny? Daddy
and Patricia are getting married.
90
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,759
Yet another wife
to add to his collection,
91
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,239
and this one smells of chips. Oh.
92
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,119
Lovely!
93
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,319
Feel free to use her
if you need her.
94
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,879
Nanny practically raised the kids
brilliantly for me.
95
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,879
So if you have any,
I'll have her raise yours too.
96
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,479
"Brilliantly", he says.
97
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,439
Bloody charmer, he is!
98
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,919
But he's right. There's more
important things you should be
99
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,759
spending your time on than
raising your own children.
100
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,679
I've had a word with reception
101
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,199
and I'm treating the girls to
a fun dance class
102
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,919
with a West End choreographer.
Get the clucking hens
103
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,199
out of the way, so me and the boys
104
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,759
can go paintballing-ga! Yeah, sorry,
I was looking forward to
105
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,159
a relaxing hot stone massage-ga!
106
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,839
No, no, no, you're coming
paintballing with us.
107
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,959
This guy, hey? This is what he does.
108
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,959
Improving the lives of the
little people, yes! That's it, Bob.
109
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,679
See if you can get your tongue
further up Dad's backside. Oh!
110
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:23,079
Shut up, Glen!
I'm director of nozzles,
111
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,279
you're just manager of filters,
drains and hair strainers.
112
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,799
He's right, Glen, you're
a third-wife child. Know your place.
113
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,119
At least my mum loved me, Alex.
If Daddy's taught me anything,
114
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:33,519
it's that loving people
is a waste of my time.
115
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,519
Congratulations, though, everybody.
116
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,559
More champagne, on me!
117
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,039
Woo!
118
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,159
Aren't you almost glad
your dad died,
119
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,639
so we could have Phil in our lives?
120
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:45,799
Do you think?
121
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,479
I never think.
122
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,080
That's why I'm happy.
123
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,959
So this is where it
all comes to a head.
124
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,600
Beautiful!
125
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,519
POP MUSIC BLARES
126
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,240
THEY CHEER
127
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,599
Mum, you're doing it wrong.
128
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,559
No, I'm improving it.
129
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,919
There's a song inside me, Gemma.
130
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,119
It just doesn't happen to be
this song.
131
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,679
As long as you're annoying Gemma,
132
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,719
I'm fully behind you, Patricia.
133
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:34,439
This is so much fun.
It's so tacky and low-rent.
134
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,119
Good, cool down for five.
135
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,399
Wow, so tired.
136
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:42,719
Can I just say? I'm having such a
fun time at my engagement party.
137
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,399
Oh, and of course, your, um,
138
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,439
hen thingy, which is what
we're here for. Yes, it is.
139
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,679
And I'm going to make lists of
all the dos and, more importantly,
140
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,239
the don'ts for MY big day.
141
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,119
Let's dance!
OK, and again, let's go.
142
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,200
POP MUSIC BLARES
143
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,160
PAINTBALLS FIRE
144
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,679
Quick question, why doesn't Bob
have a gun? He's a moron.
145
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,359
No! Cos Dad says
I haven't earned one yet.
146
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,439
OK? So I distract the other team,
while you lot move up.
147
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,199
In a real war, I'd be known as
cannon fodder, right? Which you
148
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,279
can't win a war without, so I'm
quite essential, actually, Glen!
149
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,559
Yeah. He doesn't have the
killer instinct, this one.
150
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,239
Actually, it's something that
you'll need to learn, Terry,
151
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,439
if you're going to join the firm.
PAINTBALL FIRES
152
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,599
Join the firm? I don't want to be
a hot tub salesman.
153
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:44,119
I'm a coach driver, who doesn't
want to be a private investigator.
154
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:45,879
I couldn't handle another
unwanted career.
155
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,759
PAINTBALLS FIRE
One quick thing, Dad.
156
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:52,159
You said Terry's going to be joining
the firm, which is great,
157
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:55,599
but, uh, shouldn't the new CEO,
whoever he may be,
158
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,519
um, make decisions on new staff
after you've retired?
159
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,919
I've had a rethink about the
retirement. I'm going to stay on.
160
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,799
Right, lads, let's paintball.
161
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,719
Bob, sacrifice yourself
to distract them.
162
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,320
Yeah, yeah!
163
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,119
Let's go... Daddy!
164
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,440
Here I am! Take my blood!
165
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,119
I volunteer as tribute.
166
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,160
HE GROANS
167
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,639
SQUAWKING
168
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,119
What do you mean, not retiring?
169
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,039
Daddy said he was going to sell up.
170
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,719
No, he's staying on.
171
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,639
We're going to be a power couple.
172
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,439
Gemma, this is our new life.
173
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,519
Dancing like divas,
drinking like legends
174
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,559
and sneering at the staff.
Enjoy it while you can, Monica.
175
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:44,519
Daddy's wives don't tend to
have an extended shelf life.
176
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,079
I've known avocados last longer.
177
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,039
Oh, don't you worry.
178
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,359
Phil and I will be together
until death us do part.
179
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,640
Five, six, seven, eight! Woo! Uh...
180
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,439
Penguin.
181
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:12,719
Classy.
182
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:18,079
Also a species that's endangered,
so this is a learning moment.
183
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,039
If you'll excuse me,
184
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,880
I took one to the nipple
and it's starting to welt.
185
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,959
Dad? Just circling back to the whole
you not retiring thing.
186
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:34,599
I was thinking about all the things
I've done for this company.
187
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,239
The forging of the invoices,
188
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,759
that little enforced holibobs at
Her Maj's pleasure
189
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:42,079
for that pesky
tax avoidance headache.
190
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:47,519
So I was hoping, um, that maybe now
would be MY time
191
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,080
to sit in the big chair.
192
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,119
Bob, you're a good son,
193
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,919
but by your own admission,
you're a convicted criminal.
194
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,679
Can't have a criminal
running the firm, can we?
195
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,160
I hate you so much.
196
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:05,319
If you need me, I'll be in
the Presidential Suite,
197
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,640
on top of Patricia.
198
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,720
Oof...
199
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,119
Hey, Terry.
200
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,999
This place is amazing.
201
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,439
That buffet over there, I asked for
an egg, they gave me an egg.
202
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,399
I ate it, I went back, said,
"Can I have another egg?",
203
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,879
they just gave me another egg.
204
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,839
And it's all for free.
205
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,719
That wedding photographer,
you want to bring him in here.
206
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,840
That is something
we want to remember forever.
207
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,240
Can I have another egg, please?
208
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,639
Hello.
209
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,280
You lost like me, girls?
210
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,520
Well, I'm looking forward to
having you at my wedding.
211
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,799
Maybe you can even be flower girls.
212
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:12,000
That'll lend the service a
certain haunting quality.
213
00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:16,519
Yes, I got your final demand and I
will pay it when I get my allowance,
214
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,750
you loathsome little
call-centre scrote!
215
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,639
Oh. Hi.
216
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,680
I see you've met the twins.
217
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,799
Little darlings, aren't they?
218
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:28,919
They're twins, are they?
219
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,880
I was born first.
220
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,439
Yeah, I kind of guessed that.
221
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,599
They're quite a handful.
222
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,399
Fortunately, I don't use
my own hands!
223
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,840
THEY LAUGH
224
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,320
I don't know how people do it, kids.
225
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,879
They're almost like little
human beings, aren't they?
226
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,759
Are they?
227
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,360
Nanny?
228
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,799
Oh, girls!
229
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,479
Where on earth have you been?!
230
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,839
TOGETHER: Sorry, Nanny.
231
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,679
Nanny, can you give them some love?
232
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:06,999
I...don't.
233
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,879
Of course I will!
234
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,919
Nanny's nothing but love,
isn't she, girls?
235
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,639
TOGETHER: Yes, Nanny. Love, Nanny.
236
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:17,960
Come on, girls.
237
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,720
PHONE RINGS
238
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,600
Ooh, it's the owl guy!
239
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,839
Hiya...
240
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,439
What do you mean,
it's got a crick in its neck?
241
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,199
It's an owl.
242
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,720
It's basically all neck.
243
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,599
Yeah, well, strap it up.
244
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,919
TOOTING
245
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,800
SNORING
246
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,999
SINGING: # Picture me there
247
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,319
# Is your heart filled with pain?
248
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:02,279
# Shall I come back again?
249
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,720
# Tell me... #
250
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,480
HE SCREAMS
251
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,119
He hasn't said much
since I found him.
252
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,559
Can we not just go one bloody day?!
253
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,799
I've got a detailed itinerary
for this weekend and dead bodies
254
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,599
aren't on it.
Right, calm down, everyone.
255
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,160
It's official,
this is now a crime scene.
256
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,279
Looks like murder to me. Murder?!
257
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,280
Do you think?
258
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,279
Oh, my God!
259
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,359
His kids, they'll be heartbroken.
260
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,119
You know what?
Somehow, I don't think so.
261
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,279
What, Daddy?! No!
262
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,559
But...if it isn't immediately
clear, uh,
263
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,799
he did die under
suspicious circumstances,
264
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,839
which could either be murder
265
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,439
or attempted murder,
266
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,319
which went very badly wrong.
267
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,359
Which is also murder.
268
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,279
As a trained police officer,
269
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,439
the little things jump out at you.
The guys in filters,
270
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,519
drains and hair strainers are going
to take this really hard.
271
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:15,159
The big guy, gone.
272
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,600
I can't believe it.
273
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,879
Uh, am I free?
274
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,199
I am, aren't I? Yeah?
275
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,599
Free of him. Ha-ha! Woo!
276
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,679
It was only a matter of time,
wasn't it?
277
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,519
I mean, his list of enemies
is pretty long.
278
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,600
I think we all know who did it,
don't we?
279
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,880
I certainly do.
280
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,559
I can't deal with this right now.
281
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,239
I'm starting to feel sympathy for
my brothers
282
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,919
and a sense of family bonding. Do
you know how much money I've spent
283
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,150
on counselling to get that
out of my system?
284
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,000
Look, it's upsetting the twins.
285
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:58,319
This family needs me
now more than ever.
286
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,080
Don't worry, girls.
287
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,599
Nanny's heart is big enough
288
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,400
to take away all your sadness.
289
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,519
Gemma, you can find the killer.
290
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:17,199
Gemma cannot. Uh...
Are you kidding me, Mum?!
291
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,999
No way. It's wedding, remember?
Wedding! Phil was my love.
292
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:25,120
My fiance. Please, Gemma, for me,
get me vengeance.
293
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,119
No. I agree with Gemma.
294
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,439
Thank you.
For this weekend - yeah? -
295
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,319
there'll be no
investigating whatsoev...
296
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:39,119
It's going to be so exciting,
seeing what you do at work.
297
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,279
First, let's speak to Bob. He
seemed to have a pretty good idea
298
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,199
who killed his dad,
so maybe he knows something.
299
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,199
We'll get this whole thing wrapped
up before the first guests arrive
300
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,999
and start being difficult about
which table they're sat at!
301
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,279
Yeah.
302
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,719
We're having it noted that I
protested this whole investigation.
303
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,559
I mean, I will note it.
304
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,839
But I want the rest of you
to know that I'm noting it.
305
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,160
PHONE RINGS
306
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,439
Hello?
307
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:15,079
Freddie, will you stop eating?!
308
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,719
We've got Malaga in three weeks.
309
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,879
Think about how you'll
look in the pictures.
310
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,080
Don't you dare embarrass...
LINE GOES DEAD
311
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,280
Can I have another egg, please?
312
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,559
Hey, look.
313
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,039
My lot have arrived.
314
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,599
Hey! I might have to do
a little bit of...
315
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:42,159
Terry, murders, wedding,
316
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,799
tick-tock, nice frock. Surely we're
317
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,919
allowed to have a little, you know,
318
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,079
measure of enjoyment.
319
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,119
The build-up to the big day.
I mean, you know, just, what harm
320
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:57,360
could one tiny, wincey drink do?
321
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,919
Fine.
322
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,879
One quick drink.
323
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,559
One quick drink. Quick.
324
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,960
SHOUTING: Let's get it on!
THEY CHEER
325
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,359
Bob?
326
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:22,239
Bob? Who bloody grieves on a lake?
327
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,119
And, Terry, that was not
a quick drink.
328
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:27,439
No, but it was a good drink.
329
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,679
I'm happy.
330
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:33,079
I'm very happy.
Cos I'm marrying you.
331
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,639
I think Bob knows something.
332
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,439
Maybe he's the killer.
333
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,120
Bob is a dear, sweet boy,
with a very generous heart.
334
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,839
At the same time,
I can see him being a cold,
335
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,199
ruthless killing machine,
who should be locked away for
336
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,120
the rest of his natural life. Bob!
337
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,399
Bob!
338
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:58,240
Hi! We've just come to ask
you a couple of questions.
339
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,879
Hi.
340
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,799
I know it's a difficult time, Bob,
but to be honest,
341
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,290
I'm up against the clock with this
whole nuptials thing tomorrow, so...
342
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,999
Bob?
343
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,880
Bob? Bob?
344
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,960
Oh! Argh! Oh!
345
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,519
What you doing?
346
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,119
Looking for clues.
347
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,079
Gemma, he's had his brain removed.
348
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,999
From the looks of it, they've
sewn the top of his head back on.
349
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,479
I mean, I'm all for neatness,
but that's ridiculous. Ugh!
350
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,599
He's still warm. Ugh!
351
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,039
I think this is the freshest murder
we've had.
352
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,840
The killer must still be nearby.
353
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,199
Oh!
354
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,759
Room key.
355
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,039
Let's get investigator-ing.
356
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,199
We'll have this killer caught
in about half an hour.
357
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,760
Bye, Bob.
358
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,159
Are there any murderers in here?
359
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,359
If so, we can pop back later.
360
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,720
Come on.
361
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:18,079
I'm so proud of you, you know?
Oh, yeah?
362
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,799
I know you may think
that I prefer Monica
363
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,439
because she's better spoken
and more beautiful
364
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,559
and I'm nicer to her...
That's about it.
365
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,959
..but she couldn't do what you do.
366
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,799
Catching killers, setting up
your own business.
367
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,719
Your dad would be so proud of you.
368
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,240
Oh, Mum.
369
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,560
Ooh... Ooh.
370
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,440
What is it?
371
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,240
Let's have a look.
372
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,599
And it's a clue.
373
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,999
Get in, five points to Gemma!
374
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,599
Let's just say three points to Gemma
375
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,199
and two points to Monica,
because you know how she gets
376
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,519
when she feels left out.
377
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:05,879
Oh...my...God.
378
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,560
Glen isn't really Phil's son.
379
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,760
SQUAWKING
380
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,079
Bob's dead as well?! Oh, my God!
381
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,039
God damn it all to hell and back!
382
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,399
Will everyone die today, Nanny?
383
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,279
If they do, can we take pictures?
384
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,199
Look at you two.
385
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,399
So discombobulated.
386
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:32,159
Let's get chocolate fudge cake
for the both of you.
387
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,680
Come on, girls.
388
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,399
Is this his brain at the end of
389
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,960
this fishing wire? I'm afraid so.
390
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,280
So...
391
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,960
..he had one, after all.
392
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,480
Vicky, can you just stay here
and just...
393
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,279
Just stay.
394
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,999
Come on, Mum. It's a hotel suite,
not a morgue.
395
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,399
Think of it as a morgue,
with a mini bar.
396
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,800
PHONE BEEPS
Hang on.
397
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:11,999
Yes!
398
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,960
My oversized Jenga's just come in!
399
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,359
So, Vicky's got a bit of a mardy on,
400
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,840
but she'll be fine.
401
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,120
Right, now, where's this giant...
402
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:26,720
..Jen...ga?
403
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,879
They weren't kidding.
404
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,599
They said it was oversized.
405
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,239
We can't have this.
406
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,279
There's 80 more in the car park!
407
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,319
The hotel says we've got to shift
them. All right, all right.
408
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,159
Come on, come on, come on.
409
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,760
Right, we'll all shift them
together, yeah?
410
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,120
Right, fine.
411
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,679
I'll shift it. Terry, we're in the
middle of a murder investigation.
412
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,279
Ugh... Mum, all we've done
since we've got here
413
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,839
is hunt this bloody murderer.
414
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,439
Something's got to give! I think
my wedding is a bit more important
415
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,119
than a few dead, uninvited guests.
416
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:13,239
HE GRUNTS
You wash your mouth out, young lady.
417
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,199
And, fine, if you're giving in,
418
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,679
Monica and I will interview
the kids.
419
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,560
They won't stand a chance.
420
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:28,039
I mean, obviously,
I'm heartbroken about your father.
421
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,879
To lose a parent
is so awful for you.
422
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,559
But the loss of a lover, especially
one who can form a kind of
423
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:38,719
intense physical connection that I
had... Look, I suppose I'll miss him
424
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,359
giving me expensive handbags
to shut me up,
425
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:44,119
but that's about it.
Why is it that men feel that
426
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:46,519
they can just buy you out of
a bad mood?
427
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:51,119
I know. Whether it's real or put on
just for the hell of it!
428
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,800
I'm having trouble fathoming why
you're talking to me.
429
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,199
I mean, must be very nice for you
430
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,159
to speak to somebody who can
enunciate clearly,
431
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,759
but you've met Glen
and, yet, you're asking me
432
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,879
if I'm the one with daddy issues.
433
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,319
Oh...
434
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:12,599
I think Alex is grieving
as much as me, Monica. Oh!
435
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,719
Come to me, Alex. Come to Mummy.
436
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,919
I'll give you a cuddle and make
everything all right. Touch me,
437
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,200
and I'll pepper-spray you.
438
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,359
Glen did it.
439
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,999
Killed both of them.
Bloody obvious, isn't it?
440
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,239
Alex did it. Killed them both.
Bloody obvious, isn't it?
441
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,199
Yeah, we've talked to Alex
442
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,000
but, uh, I wanted to come and
interview you.
443
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,799
I wondered how it felt when...
When the old blood
444
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,919
faded away to allow new blood
to flow through
445
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,519
the business like freshly
chlorinated water through
446
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,919
a 12-nozzle lower-back
jet massager system?
447
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,719
Or when my only rival, the oafish
older brother, met his demise?
448
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,679
I'm actually quite chilled about it.
449
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,839
Do you think this interview would go
better if my mum left,
450
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,959
and we, say,
451
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,959
ordered a bottle of Pinot Noir?
452
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,920
Made it more...intimate.
453
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,839
Apparently, she's very adept at
the physical stuff.
454
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,079
Takes after me, in that regard.
455
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,719
Stop, you're spoiling it.
456
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,439
I've got a clicky hip,
457
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,079
but apart from that, I'm good to go.
Let me get a pomegranate
458
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,399
and we'll see who's going to win.
459
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,359
Can I ask you about
your fruit intake?
460
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,119
Yeah, first lesson
in business school,
461
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:22,599
assert dominance by appearing
uninterested and occupied
462
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:23,839
with a more important task.
463
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,150
I conduct all of my meetings looking
out of windows, eating fruit.
464
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,759
Does it work? It does, yeah.
465
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,399
Yeah, I've got
a chauffeur-driven car.
466
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:35,119
Because I am very good
at my job, and because
467
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,399
the constant fruit intake
gives me a runny bowel.
468
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,399
Do I apologise? No.
469
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,839
I just crush deals
and carry a lot of wet wipes.
470
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,719
Anyway, about that Pinot...
471
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,239
You know what?
472
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:46,440
I'm good.
473
00:25:49,091 --> 00:25:53,359
Eh, they've closed
the all-day buffet, Mam.
474
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,879
Oh. Did you stuff some
in your pocket for later,
475
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,239
like you did when you were young?
No. I was going to,
476
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,439
but they're about to open
the all-night buffet.
477
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,799
Oh, just like when you were a boy!
478
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,920
Stuffing your face
to regulate your emotions.
479
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,640
Right, let's chow away
these feelings.
480
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,400
Well, I think you're the best
giant Jenga mover ever.
481
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,799
So what did you learn?
482
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,159
Well, nothing. Apart from the fact
that Glen's taking
483
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,279
his five a day way too far.
484
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,479
Despite achieving nothing,
485
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,919
we were really good at it.
486
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,879
I like this investigating stuff.
487
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,159
Right, I'm calling time on this.
488
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,159
I'm sorry, Mum, I did try
to solve the case for you,
489
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:40,919
but it's wedding day tomorrow.
490
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:46,039
I don't like failure,
but let's just try to enjoy the day.
491
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,999
Yeah? The police will have to
deal with it from now on.
492
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,439
Can I just say, Gemma,
493
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,719
you deciding to let the police deal
with this for once is just,
494
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,359
it's the best wedding present
you could have ever given me.
495
00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,319
Oh, thanks.
So you're giving up, Gemma?
496
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,719
Just like you did with the cello
when you were a young girl.
497
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,599
And the horse riding.
498
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,400
And the battle with your acne.
499
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,079
Gem? Gem-Gem?
500
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:16,199
Is there any way you could convince
my legs to get me up to our bedroom?
501
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,480
Or get our bed
to come down and get me?
502
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:20,839
Wait.
503
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,839
Not tonight. It's bad luck.
504
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:27,519
Separate beds, remember? I'll just
jump in with Monica. OK.
505
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,919
You know, I love the fact that
you're sticking to
506
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,919
all the wedding traditions.
507
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,759
See you tomorrow. Mm.
508
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,359
We're getting married! Mm!
509
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,840
Oh... Mwah. Come on, girls.
510
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:42,839
Woohoo! Woo! Yeah, yeah!
511
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,439
Woo! Hoo!
512
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,559
You crack on and I'll just...
513
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,680
I'll just sit here
and catch up on my...
514
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,839
Oh.
515
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,360
It's an elephant.
516
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:04,440
It'll look really classy in
the...backdrop of the...service.
517
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,200
I'm a classy guy.
518
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,079
Mm...
519
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,319
Mm, Gemma.
520
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:18,680
Mm...
521
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,960
HE MUMBLES
522
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,760
Aren't you beautiful?
523
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,000
OWL SCREECHES
524
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,679
SCREECHING CONTINUES
525
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:02,440
SHE GRUNTS
526
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,720
PHONE RINGS
527
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:14,039
How's it going? Really well.
528
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:17,760
I've just killed their owl. Nice.
529
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,039
Why? It's ominous.
530
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,679
OK.
531
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:27,039
I'm going to destroy
their whole wedding, bit by bit,
532
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:30,799
before I destroy them.
They ruined my life,
533
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:33,640
and now we're going to ruin theirs.
534
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,080
MUSIC: Call on Me
by Eric Prydz
535
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,239
Are you dancing?
536
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:48,919
Just me, then.
537
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:53,120
Fine. Just tell me who killed you.
538
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,519
Go on. Tell me.
539
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,919
Oh!
540
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,919
God, you're boring!
541
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:01,160
Especially you.
542
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:09,159
Oh, Gemma, look at you.
543
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:10,959
This is it.
544
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,919
Happiest day of my life.
545
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,519
I never say it because, well,
often, it's not true,
546
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,320
but you look amazing.
547
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,719
Oh! Don't cry, Mon.
548
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,119
I'm sad. All right, Gemma?
549
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:27,599
I'm sad for me.
550
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,399
I want to meet someone.
551
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:33,239
At first, we flirt,
then I start blanking him,
552
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,439
but he's now crazy for me.
553
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,479
We go on a few dates,
but no physical contact.
554
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,239
He thinks we're just friends,
555
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:40,879
then, bang! I hit him with
the greatest sex
556
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,239
of his entire life. He tells me
he loves me, I say, "That's nice".
557
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,559
I give him more great sex,
then tell him it's over.
558
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,039
He gets weird, I get weirder.
559
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,319
The weirdness makes him
want me even more.
560
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,559
He starts turning up at the flat
at strange hours.
561
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,919
I have to get the police involved.
Then two years later,
562
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,079
when he's moved on,
I see him with a new girl.
563
00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,799
I point out she's very plain
and he should be with me.
564
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:01,759
He dumps her, but I tell him
it's not enough and walk off
565
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,519
into the distance.
Is that too much to ask, Gemma,
566
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,840
just to have a normal relationship
with someone?!
567
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,159
She's just upset, Gemma.
568
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,519
I think it's cos you haven't solved
the murders and are, as usual,
569
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:15,640
putting your own
selfish needs first.
570
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,959
Nice try, Mum.
571
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:21,719
Today...
572
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,720
Today is wedding day.
573
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,599
Of course. How silly of me.
574
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,799
Yes, Mummy. So silly. Mm.
575
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:33,639
And can I commend you
on your strength as well, Gemma?
576
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,679
Oh! Strong, am I? Oh, yes.
577
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,359
I wouldn't have a hint of the
bravery you're displaying right now.
578
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:43,359
Getting married, with all these
murders hanging over your head,
579
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:47,799
unsolved, it'll taint the memory of
this day forever.
580
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,639
Will... Will it?
581
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:51,959
You're right. You're right, Monica.
582
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:53,559
I wouldn't do it.
583
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,119
But Gemma's made of sterner stuff
than you and me.
584
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:57,520
Because...
585
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,279
..I'd be looking at those photos,
in 20 years,
586
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,879
and they'd be steeped in
sadness for me.
587
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,960
But not Gemma. No, not Gemma.
588
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,159
Right, then!
589
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,759
Come on. Everyone in the chapel!
590
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,639
I'll sort this!
Be with you in a minute.
591
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,479
Just got to wash this face mask off,
do my make-up, put my dress on,
592
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,639
then squish my bits around,
so they look good in the dress.
593
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,719
Everyone but Terry. It's bad luck
for him to see the bride.
594
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,079
Terry as well!
595
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:32,679
Figure it out!
596
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,280
Unbelievable!
597
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,479
Right, then - everyone, focus.
598
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,679
We're going to do this quickly,
then we can crack on with
599
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:47,159
the nuptials, OK? Yeah, just a quick
update before you get started.
600
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,319
Unfortunately, everyone,
the crick in the owl's neck
601
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,919
was more serious than we were
602
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,719
led to believe. So, sadly,
obviously, we'll be having a service
603
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,719
for the owl after our service.
604
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:02,959
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
605
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,639
So, here we go. Usual stuff.
606
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,239
I've brought you all here because
one of you is the murderer.
607
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,479
Yada, yada, yada.
Gone through all the clues
608
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,319
and so on and so forth, and
609
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,919
it's Glen. Excuse me?
610
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:18,959
Let's look at the facts, Glen.
You're...weird.
611
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:22,279
And there's, like,
tons of daddy issues,
612
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,199
so you killed off your dad.
613
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,279
Then, when you found out Bob had
done a DNA test
614
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,159
to prove that you weren't actually
Phil's real son,
615
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:34,279
you killed him as well,
to cover it up.
616
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,920
It's dead easy. Sorry...
617
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,639
..I'm not Dad's real son?
618
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:42,839
Er... But he was everything I am.
Every atom of my being
619
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,520
is him and wanting to be him.
620
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:48,480
Oh. Gemma?
621
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,319
Gem?
622
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:53,640
Gem-Gem?
623
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,199
Over here. Oh.
624
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,399
I'm loving the high energy
of your presentation,
625
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,239
but I think you've missed the mark.
626
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,719
Who am I?!
627
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,840
OK, OK, OK. Yeah?
I'm just getting warmed up.
628
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,960
So, I can now reveal...
629
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:13,600
that the murderer is...
630
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,959
..over here. It's Alex. Me?!
631
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,240
Are you an actual idiot?
632
00:34:22,240 --> 00:34:24,879
Oh. Butter wouldn't melt, would it?
633
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:28,479
All you were interested in were
the handbags that Daddy bought you.
634
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:33,919
But...Alex, sweet, confused,
635
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:35,640
evil Alex...
636
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,479
..handbags aren't love, are they?
637
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,159
Eh?
638
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:44,279
And because Daddy wouldn't
give you real love,
639
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,920
he had to die, so he couldn't
give it to anyone else.
640
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,839
I would never hurt Daddy.
641
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:54,959
Bumping off Bob would raise
your share of the inheritance.
642
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,279
I think the police will be
very interested to hear that.
643
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,879
And what about all your debts?
644
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,399
You were getting hassles about
final demands, weren't you?
645
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:08,000
Have you ever heard of
a thing called inheritance tax?
646
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:13,399
I... It says that 40% of
Daddy's estate goes to the taxman
647
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,519
on his death.
648
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,239
Why would I kill him for the money,
649
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:20,679
just to give nearly half of it
to the Inland Revenue?
650
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,199
Surely I would just have him
sell the company
651
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:24,879
or keep the holdings offshore.
652
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:28,399
Cayman Islands are quite good for
that sort of thing.
653
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,199
That way, I'd nearly double
what I stood to gain.
654
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:32,760
Oh.
655
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,479
I-I did not know that.
No, I know you didn't, and it's
656
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,599
terribly unfair of me
to expect that you did.
657
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,759
It has noting to do with jeggings.
658
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,199
But I also have another spanner
659
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,559
to throw in your
loosely constructed works.
660
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,359
I have an alibi.
661
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:50,440
Hmm.
662
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,519
Nanny was stroking
my hair all night,
663
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:55,919
weren't you, Nanny? Mm-hm.
664
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,999
That's right.
665
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,279
I think it's time
to stop all of this.
666
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:05,079
Our family has been through
enough these past two days.
667
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,799
It's starting to sound like
everyone needs an early nap time,
668
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:13,239
and Gemma is dangerously close
to going on the naughty step.
669
00:36:13,240 --> 00:36:17,239
One minute for
every year of your age.
670
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:19,999
How long will you be
on there, Gemma?
671
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,999
40...
672
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,639
7, isn't it?
673
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,479
It is not 47.
674
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:27,399
Right.
675
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,439
All right. She's got an alibi,
now so have you,
676
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:32,279
she was stroking a grown
woman's hair all night,
677
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,039
which is a perfectly healthy
thing to do.
678
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,319
Oh, I don't know.
I'm out of ideas.
679
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:42,079
I don't know who's killed
who, or what, or how, or... Ugh!
680
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:45,119
Well, you weren't stroking her hair
all night, were you?
681
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,119
Of course I was. No, you dafty!
682
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,719
Remember? I saw you about midnight.
683
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:53,919
You came past the buffet
all out of breath and that.
684
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,080
I offered you a custard slice,
with salted caramel sauce.
685
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,479
Delicious, by the way.
686
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:04,119
You just sculled past me
like I wasn't even there.
687
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,679
What about yesterday
lunchtime, Freddie?
688
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,640
Was she near the buffet then? No.
689
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,350
Lunchtime is when they light
the barbecue by the lake.
690
00:37:13,351 --> 00:37:16,919
I offered you a quarter-pounder
with cheese.
691
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:18,560
You ignored me then as well.
692
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,479
Nanny?
693
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,639
Why have you lied?
694
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,159
It's her, she did it.
She killed our father.
695
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:28,440
MY father. It's too soon!
696
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:31,999
No, no, no.
697
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,159
Nanny is love, remember?
698
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,279
And that's why you did it,
didn't you?
699
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,919
It wasn't for the love of
the children.
700
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,320
I-I'm over here.
701
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:46,479
You did it
702
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,080
for a different kind of love,
didn't you?
703
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:51,999
For Phil's love.
704
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,319
You worked for him for decades
705
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:58,119
and all he ever saw you as
was the hired help.
706
00:37:58,120 --> 00:37:59,799
He never saw the woman,
707
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:03,879
with feelings, emotions
708
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:06,719
and incredibly sensible hair.
709
00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:10,519
35 years, I loved him.
710
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,839
35 years!
711
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,960
And what did I get in return, huh?
712
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:17,440
Nothing.
713
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:20,400
Nothing.
714
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:26,319
Wife after wife after wife.
715
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:29,879
I thought eventually,
he'd see me for who I am
716
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:33,280
and what we could be together.
717
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,879
But once SHE turned up,
718
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,240
I knew he'd never look at me
that way.
719
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:46,239
I'd wasted my whole life
on that man!
720
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,359
I'm a powerful presence.
721
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,520
I won't apologise for that.
722
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:53,800
But what about Bob?
723
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,400
Bob knew how I felt.
724
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:01,160
He knew it was me.
725
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,919
But he was going to give me up,
726
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:09,679
take me away from all of you!
727
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,480
SHE SOBS
728
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,839
Hang on, did I solve the murder?
729
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:19,639
No! I did.
730
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,599
Eventually. No, no, no.
731
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,039
I think I did, you know?
732
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,199
Mum, will you tell him?
733
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,439
Freddie's saying he's solving
my murders!
734
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,600
Chum, chum, chum, chum, chum...
735
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:31,960
Mum.
736
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,080
It's not fair.
737
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,520
So, what did I miss?
738
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,999
I'm the arresting officer.
Have to take Nanny down the station.
739
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,479
So I'll miss the wedding, Gemma.
740
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,759
Oh, but don't feel bad.
It's worked out, really,
741
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,439
because I didn't want to be here
in the first place.
742
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,520
That, and I'm more hungover
than I've ever been.
743
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,880
Don't worry, girls, Mummy's here.
744
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,280
Mummy can manage just fine
without Nanny.
745
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,679
So, what do you two
generally like to eat?
746
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,919
And when?
747
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,759
She taught us so many things.
748
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:24,040
Like how to use pulleys
to lift heavy things.
749
00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:29,920
GROANING
750
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,999
HE SCREAMS
751
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,599
HE SCREAMS
And the biology lessons.
752
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:41,320
Once, she told us about how
the human brain is complex...
753
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:43,959
..and fragile.
754
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:45,599
Put that down.
755
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:47,599
No! Nanny, please! Nanny!
756
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,479
Nanny, no, I'll be a good
boy, I'll be a good boy!
757
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:54,199
HE SCREAMS
And she told us sometimes,
758
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:57,039
it's for the best to keep secrets.
759
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,039
Yes.
760
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,640
Secrets.
761
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,600
MUSIC: Bridal Chorus
by Richard Wagner
762
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,840
After the crap weekend,
at least give me this.
763
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:34,999
And do you, Terry,
take Gemma Sharon Draper
764
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,320
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
765
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:40,119
I do.
766
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:41,599
Definitely.
767
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,440
More than 100%.
768
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,439
"I do" is all you need to say.
769
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:49,239
No, it isn't.
770
00:42:49,240 --> 00:42:51,920
But I understand
you're pressed for time.
771
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,519
And do you, Gemma,
772
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:58,719
take Terry Eustice Bremer
773
00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:01,080
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
774
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,279
Oh.
775
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,600
Come on, love, don't waste his time.
776
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,120
I... Tony?
777
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,880
Tony, there you are!
778
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,600
I've been looking
absolutely everywhere for you.
779
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,439
What are you up to?
780
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,999
Er, excuse me, who are you?
781
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,280
Me, love?
782
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,320
I'm his wife.
783
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:40,799
# There may be trouble ahead
784
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:42,639
# But while there's moonlight
785
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:47,599
# And music and love and romance
786
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:53,080
# Let's face the music and dance
787
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:59,319
# Let's face the music
788
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:02,480
# And dance. #
789
00:44:02,530 --> 00:44:07,080
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