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And today, serial killer
Willy Watkins was sentenced
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to multiple life sentences.
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00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:08,999
The murder spree known as
the Wheels on the Bus Massacre
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was foiled by a pair of
local coach tour operators
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00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,999
and private investigators,
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Terry Bremmer and Gemma Draper.
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There he is.
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This isn't over, Terry and Gemma!
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You'll never really get rid of me!
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I'm like a verruca.
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This is just the beginning...
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CAMERAS CLICK
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SIRENS WAIL
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TYRES SCREECH
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SCREAMING
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No, no, no! Stop!
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SHOUTING
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Oh! Oh!
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Can you slow down? Please.
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I get travel sickness!
What do they want?
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What do you want?! Whoa, whoa!
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If this is about the fly tipping...
Pull over! Let's put an end to this!
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Whatever they say!
Whatever they say!
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HE SOBS
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THEY SHOUT
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Mind your head.
SHE GASPS
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Terry! Oh... Please!
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Do it now. No, no, no, please!
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I'll do anything.
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I'll even clean up that mess I left
in the back seat.
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Let's just talk about this, can we?
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Agh...!
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Welcome to couples counselling.
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Surprise!
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No!
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No! No!
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This is our new case.
I know I didn't tell you about it,
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but if I had, you'd have just been
worried we'd miss the wedding.
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All you need to know is
we're fully undercover.
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Follow my lead,
and I believe in you.
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We were supposed to be going on a
luxury spa break before our wedding.
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This does NOT feel like that.
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Someone's coming. Be undercover.
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Hi, guys. I'm Neil,
the course leader.
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Hi, Neil. This is Brad,
and I'm...Angelina.
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Like the film stars? Yeah.
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You couldn't make it up, could you?
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Well, here, we like to think that
while everyone might look at you
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and say, "These people
shouldn't be together..."
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They do. They do say that.
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Do they? Yeah. I think they
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most definitely do say that, yeah.
BUT...we're going to
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prove them wrong.
Come, meet the rest of our group.
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Thank you.
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And so, the new case begins.
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Terry and Gemma may
not solve this case,
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but Brad and Angelina are on it
like a car bonnet.
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Brad's a bit annoyed about
being basically kidnapped
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by Angelina.
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The head office told us
they're getting death threats.
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They're worried about something
terrible happening this weekend.
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So you're telling
the podcast listeners
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all about this before me?!
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We've only got 64 followers,
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and 63 of them is you, checking that
it's uploaded properly!
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Terry is failing to be supportive
about our amazing podcast.
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Because Terry has soiled himself.
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Yeah, OK...
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Yeah.
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I will be perfectly honest with you,
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I'm not at all comfortable
being outside.
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She kind of likes you. OK.
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Yeah. Well, that's actually
a bit of a surprise. Thank you.
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Sometimes. I mean, not all the time.
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Welcome to the beginning of the end
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of your relationships as they are.
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We will work through your issues,
but we'll only do this when we...?
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ALL: Get it all out in the open.
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That's right. Two days and
two nights of hiking, bushcraft
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and survival exercises
to bring your...
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..FAILED marriages
back from the precipice.
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To start, everyone, put your phones
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in this secure...pouch.
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I'll chuck it on the Jeep,
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you get them back at the end.
Ooh, yes, please!
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Let the babysitter sweat it out
on her own.
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That is my mum. It is. Yes.
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What, are you kidding?
We ask participants
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to take a hiatus from technology
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so they can focus on reconnecting
with their partner.
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Don't plug into the world!
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Plug into each other.
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But, you see, I've got a cousin
going through a quite nasty divorce.
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Yeah. There's a lot of juicy back
and forth going on on Facebook.
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Thank you.
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My phone... It's my everything.
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Emma's an influencer. You don't
need to introduce me, Darren. Yeah.
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I've got 500,000 followers.
That's over a million.
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We're trying to break your addiction
to social media, babes.
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Just give it here...
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It's placed a sort of barrier
in our relationship,
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whereby I'm just an accessory
in our marriage
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on Emma's various posts.
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Sort of just mainly...
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..hold up Gucci handbags.
Darren, phone...
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I need phone!
What if I need to take a selfie?
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We will cope. You do not need
to take a selfie.
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Just ask me what you look like
and I'll just describe you to you.
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It's not for me, you moron!
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I need my followers to see what
I'm doing. I'm a brand, yeah?
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An honest, truthful depiction of
what I'm up to
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and what I look like, with filters.
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Let it go, babe. Some things are
more important than a phone.
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My Facebook followers are going to
really miss my daily updates,
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but you know what? Saving
my marriage is more important.
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Because it's falling apart,
isn't it, darling?
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Oh, yes, darling, it is.
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It's in tatters.
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Very inconvenient.
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I want my phone!
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She'll calm down in a minute.
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It's just a tantrum.
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We see loads of those,
don't we? Yeah.
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We've got six kids.
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We're not sure if we're staying
together for them,
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or if we're just too tired
to get a divorce.
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That's why we're here.
Have you got kids?
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No. Honestly, don't.
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Oh, God, no, don't have kids.
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That is the one thing
we can actually agree on.
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We should never have had kids,
and now we've got six of the...
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..leeches. And on that note
of delicious regret...
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..off we go!
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This way, please!
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Come on...
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Come on!
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After the first baby,
we just started arguing.
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So we thought a new baby
might bring some love back
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into the relationship,
but it didn't work.
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So we had a third baby.
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Thought that might help,
but that didn't work.
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I think we had the last three
just to spite each other.
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Thankfully, we're too knackered
to make any more.
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The only way I could pregnant now
is if Devon
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fell into me the right way
while I was having a nap.
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For Christ's sake! Don't blame it
on your children, darling.
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Passion just fizzles out on its own.
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Do you remember, Aaron,
when we had the passion, darling,
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before it all went away, darling?
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Oh, certainly do, darling.
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But then we replaced it with
our passion for local politics.
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A lot more rewarding, and a lot less
wiping things down afterwards.
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I mean, do I miss Aaron
slipping off his Chinos
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and plunging me into
a world of flesh?
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Sometimes.
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There's something so much more
exciting about power, raw power.
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Keep talking.
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Like when I had you close down
that Italian restaurant
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because the waiter
wouldn't flirt with me.
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Or when I denied Brenda next door
planning permission...
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..because... She had
plastic butterflies on her house.
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She had plastic butterflies
on her house. Mm...
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And that is the problem,
you see? Yes.
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Sexually, nothing turns us off
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more than the thought of having sex.
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But you get us talking about our
abuse of official Council policy...
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Mm!
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..and we are a couple of
very dirty Gerties.
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Dirty Gerties.
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Just a minute. Brad's suffering.
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Yeah, in his past, made-up life,
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he really let himself go.
Just come on.
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Very wise, Brad.
Conserve your energy.
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You're going to need it. Sandra's
going to thoroughly grill you.
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Emotionally. She can see the
poison beneath the surface of
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any relationship,
and squeeze it out like a...
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like an emotional blackhead.
It's true.
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I even did it with mine and Neil's.
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We were together once, but, er,
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then as we developed this therapy
programme, I identified the reasons
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as to why our marriage
was utterly doomed.
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Sandra has, erm, intimacy issues.
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And Neil is needy and weak.
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But we built this business
with our life savings
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so, like many of you, we are adrift
in an ocean of love debt,
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until one of us drowns.
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Bleuh, bleuh, bleuh!
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Angelina, can we leave now, please?!
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No, we have to solve this case.
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What's your rush?
I've stepped on an ants' nest!
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Oh! Please! Help me kill them!
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Kill them all! Oh, Terry...
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Angelina? Yeah?
You didn't take this job
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because you feel like we need
counselling too, did you?
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00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,440
Oh, what are you like? Well...
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00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,719
..is that a yes or a no?
Terry, they're on your...
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00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,879
They're on your face. Ow!
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They're all over your face!
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Get 'em!
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Show 'em who's boss!
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SHOUTS
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So sad to see.
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00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,359
They really need this place.
How many are there?!
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00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,960
So much anger.
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00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,559
Please!
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00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,519
Help me kill 'em! Kill 'em all!
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00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,960
Ow!
208
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:19,520
HORN BLASTS
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00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,680
Silence!
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00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,999
It's time to break you down,
so you can truly see
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the other person for who they are.
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00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,999
Have you chosen a soulmate
to journey through life with,
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or just given in and settled?
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00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:40,199
Now, we find out.
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00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,039
We're searching for
truth here, guys,
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in an exercise we call...
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..A Shock to the System.
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00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:53,439
Ah... Oh! Brad has a bad feeling
about this. Shut up!
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00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,759
Now, as with our other couples,
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00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,679
guys, we're going to share
some truths between one another.
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00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,799
And if you don't like that truth,
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00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:05,279
you can administer a small
electric shock to your partner.
223
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:09,559
How many volts are in the shock
itself, Neil? Well, we hook it up to
224
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,119
a farmer's electric fence
just through that forest there.
225
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,879
It's, um...solar-powered.
226
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,159
But with the advances in
solar technology,
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00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,400
it can give quite a belt.
It can, yes.
228
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,559
Suck it up! The pain of
living a lie is worse.
229
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,919
Be grateful, guys,
for this learning experience.
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00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,439
It will bring you both together.
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00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,039
Can I get a "yep"?
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00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,960
Yep. Yep. Oh, and Devon?
233
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,919
You're finally beginning to accept
Beatrice's truth
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00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,639
about conceiving your youngest child
235
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,279
with another man,
236
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,119
in the car park of a Toby Carvery.
237
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,479
Yeah, I'm really starting to feel
that processing going on now.
238
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,839
And I'm starting to forgive Emma
for treating me like an accessory
239
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:56,119
to her influencer life. Yes, Darren,
I accept it was my fault
240
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,359
you were able to give up work
and sit on your backside!
241
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,839
There's no blame here, babes.
Safe space, yeah?
242
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,760
OK, Brad, why don't you
tell us the truth...
243
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,639
..about Angelina?
Well, to tell you the truth,
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00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,519
she's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
245
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,359
No complaints here. As a man, I am
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00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,639
satisfactorily punching
well above my weight.
247
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,719
Come on, I can take it. Go on.
248
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,999
STUTTERS
There is one thing,
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00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,879
though, that really makes me
love Angelina.
250
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,639
She's very...task-oriented.
251
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,079
Mm, I think there's more.
252
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,199
Do you? Mm.
253
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,079
Let it flow, Brad.
254
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,840
Let it...flow.
255
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,919
Like, when she was so focused,
256
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,599
yeah, in getting us to this retreat,
257
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:49,759
that she completely ignored my plans
for a lovely pre-wedding spa break.
258
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,319
SHOUTS
259
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,599
Yes! You're not even married yet?
260
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,520
Oh, my God, get out while you can!
261
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:01,959
Sorry, but it's true.
I wish I'd married your sister!
262
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:06,239
Me too! Angelina, no holding back.
263
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,639
Give us your truth,
264
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:12,959
so we can hear your screams of
relationship-affirming pain.
265
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:17,559
I love that bit!
OK. And I mean this kindly,
266
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:21,999
but I think one of the things
that endears me most about Brad
267
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,679
is that he can't stop going
on about our bloody wedding!
268
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,879
Well, I can work on that.
269
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:32,199
Brad, do it! Do it.
270
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,560
It's awesome.
271
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,839
He wouldn't dare, to be honest.
272
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,719
Agghhh!
273
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,159
And we're off!
274
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,080
That was too far...
275
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,000
Gotcha!
276
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:52,039
Know what gets my loins moist?
How Angelina disregards
277
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,759
every single little thing
that I care about!
278
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:55,799
Agghhh!
279
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,119
What really turns me on is how
Brad can whinge
280
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,239
to Olympic standards
about absolutely nothing!
281
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,799
Ow! Well, Angelina
breaks wind in her sleep,
282
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,999
and blames it on me! Oh!
283
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,079
I don't! Fry him! Light him up!
284
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,759
Don't be scared, Brad.
285
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,479
Time to ride the lightning, Brad!
286
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:18,399
ALL: Evil, evil, evil!
Brad...cried...at...the...end...of
287
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,879
Mam...ma Mi...a!
288
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,799
Agh! OK,
perhaps we'll leave it there.
289
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,279
Seems like a good time
to call it a day. Really?
290
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:29,999
It was just getting good. We'll
deliver food to your shelters.
291
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,999
There's an organic wild mushroom
soup hand-picked by yours truly.
292
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,039
Or bacon sandwiches.
293
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,839
For those of you who enjoy eating
the flesh of innocent animals.
294
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,999
Which, in turn,
is strangling Mother Earth,
295
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,519
not that I'm here to lecture anyone
about that.
296
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,559
Yet you always find a way.
Come on, then, lovebirds.
297
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,520
Let's get you disconnected.
298
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,599
Agh! Oh, my God, that was amazing.
299
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,079
Was it? Yeah!
300
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,959
Look at us. Fully undercover.
301
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,799
Brad and Angelina,
slagging each other off!
302
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,639
No-one suspects a thing. Oh!
303
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:12,690
Amazing!
304
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,839
So, I did well? Yeah.
305
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,039
I was a good boy? Yeah.
306
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:24,839
I think the electricity's
made my teeth go soft. Aw!
307
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,439
OWL HOOTS
308
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,480
HYPERVENTILATING
309
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,080
WIND HOWLS
310
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,599
Gemma?
311
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,199
Gemma!
312
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,679
Oh...
313
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,880
It stinks. Is that you?
314
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,119
There's something outside.
315
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,880
Go and take a look,
then, scaredy-pants.
316
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,679
You know, I think we're better off
staying in the sleeping bags.
317
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,000
They'll protect us from predators
and...monsters.
318
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,639
Fine!
319
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,200
I'll have a bloody look.
320
00:17:11,201 --> 00:17:14,679
And if I see any monsters,
I'll say you're in
321
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,279
your impregnable sleeping bag.
322
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,479
Agghhhh! Agh...!
323
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,119
Gary!
324
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:23,639
GROANING
325
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,640
Get out of the bag! Don't want to!
326
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,320
SHE GASPS
Oh!
327
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,360
It's all right, it's all right.
328
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,559
He's definitely dead, bless him.
329
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,039
Mm. Yeah, but what's
wrong with his face?
330
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,999
Bishop's Balls. I've never seen
a pair, but if you think
331
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,279
there's a likeness...?
It's a mushroom. Very poisonous.
332
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,359
They grow around here.
He must have...I don't know,
333
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,439
accidentally slipped one
into his mushroom soup.
334
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,560
I told him a hundred times
this would happen. The idiot!
335
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,639
I don't mean to offend, Sandra,
336
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,559
but...this is pretty shocking... Mm.
337
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,239
..and you don't seem very upset.
338
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,279
Oh, no, I was, a minute ago.
But then I used my advanced
339
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,799
therapeutic training to sort of
speed up the grieving process.
340
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,720
I'm at peace with it now.
341
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,759
Is that possible,
to speed up your feelings?
342
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,759
Yes. When my mother died,
I was laughing with the firemen
343
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:30,319
before they'd even cut her
out of the car. Ha-ha-ha!
344
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,960
Night-night!
345
00:18:31,961 --> 00:18:36,199
Uh... What? Hang back a bit.
We're going to look for clues.
346
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,079
Oh, please, not on his body!
347
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,360
Oh, my God, no.
Have you seen him?! Ugh!
348
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,199
Right, what's over here?
349
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,559
Oh, Terry, it's a dump.
350
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,080
I think I've found something.
351
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,039
What's this?
352
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,000
Ah-ha!
353
00:18:55,680 --> 00:19:00,199
Listen to this. "F and D
having an affair. �2,000 paid.
354
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,959
"J stealing from B's mother.
355
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,760
"�3,000 paid.
356
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,239
"Y ran over cat.
357
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,279
"Blames neighbour. �5,000 paid."
358
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,439
Terry, these aren't just notes.
359
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,559
This is information he's gathered
about the people
360
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,119
on the counselling course -
he's using it to blackmail them.
361
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:21,239
People with deep pockets. �5,000.
Is the cat going to live with him?!
362
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,959
Permanently?
Keep your eyes peeled here, Terry.
363
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,160
There's people with secrets,
and we're going to find out who.
364
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,879
I can't believe this. He's dead!
365
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,319
Dead, Darren! Focus, Emma!
366
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,039
Talk to me about your feelings.
367
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,159
Communicate.
Don't tell me what to do!
368
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,439
All I want to do is post
a picture of a feather,
369
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,319
and tell all my followers
an angel just got his wings.
370
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,079
Think of the engagement I'd get!
Come on, everyone.
371
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,959
Let's buck our spirits up.
372
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,359
Has a man accidentally poisoned
himself to death with a mushroom?
373
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,879
Yes.
374
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,200
Is that a reason to dilly-dally?
375
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:03,639
No, it's not. No, now we need
to notify the authorities.
376
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,599
Oh, there will be no refunds.
377
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,679
Apologies. Sorry, not sorry.
378
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,159
If you want to complete the therapy,
you'll have to come back again.
379
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:14,119
But I can probably save
you some money. Erm...
380
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:16,559
Darren, you're a parasite, mate.
381
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,559
Emma, get out now!
382
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,519
Beatrice and Cornwall... Devon.
383
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,879
Whatever. Take three kids each,
swap them over at the weekends.
384
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,439
Um, Diane and Aaron...
385
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,359
I'm Aaron. Switch it
in your mind, mate.
386
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,399
I haven't got time. Um...
387
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,439
You're both fixated on power,
388
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,279
and I can turn that into a sexual
dynamic, but just not this weekend,
389
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,319
because I haven't brought
my special gloves.
390
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,240
Angelina, you and Brad, er...
391
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,279
No, I have no words.
392
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,519
OK, that's it, then. Onwards.
393
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,479
Erm, is it not quicker
to just go back?
394
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,800
Back?
395
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,319
Back? There is no back.
396
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,319
No, the Jeep is not meeting us
till the last exercise tomorrow.
397
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,639
Can't we just call the Jeep
and tell it to pick us up?
398
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,439
Uh, no. I've left my phone
in the Jeep as well.
399
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,999
Feeling pretty stupid
about that now,
400
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,519
and I'm trying not
to think about it.
401
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,559
Let's go. I know the way.
402
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,119
I think. I do hope so, Sandra.
403
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,519
I've no sense of direction.
404
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,999
Aaron's lost me twice in Waitrose.
Always finds me by the yoghurts.
405
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,159
But that's just me,
isn't it, darling?
406
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,840
Only culture she's tolerant of.
407
00:21:20,841 --> 00:21:23,799
Come on, everybody.
Follow the stick.
408
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:28,080
I'm flying the flag at half mast,
so keep your eyes on it.
409
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,159
Looks like someone's eaten something
410
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,200
that's disagreed with them.
411
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:57,079
I mean, the last time we had sex
412
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,439
was when he voted for Brexit.
413
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,040
It is good for business, darling...
414
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,159
..eventually. Honestly,
415
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,079
when we first met,
416
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,159
Aaron was so passionate.
417
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,439
All corduroy jackets
with elbow patches.
418
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:18,639
There wasn't a march he wouldn't
go on, like a sexy Jeremy Corbyn.
419
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,839
Darling, what happened to you?
420
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,959
You were all about the common man.
421
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,720
Yes, well, I was...
422
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,759
..but then I met him.
423
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,519
What, me?!
424
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,280
I'm not common. I'm...earthy.
425
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:38,319
HE SOBS
Oh, here come the bloody tears!
426
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:43,960
What is it now? Death brings it so
close to me how precious life is.
427
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,599
I miss the kids. All of them.
428
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,679
Even the one you had under my nose,
and tried to pass off as mine.
429
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,519
Miss the kids?!
430
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,599
Even with the dead body,
this is still
431
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,079
the best weekend we've had in years!
432
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,719
I'm a mother, Devon.
I don't miss my kids.
433
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,359
I go away, recharge, then go
back into battle with them.
434
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:08,919
Oh, we can't have kids.
435
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,879
At least, not until Emma
signs a deal with a magazine
436
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,599
for the baby photo.
437
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,479
Babies don't just happen, Darren.
438
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,039
Remember the five-year plan.
439
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,599
Yeah! Emma's got a five-year plan.
440
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,599
The main part of the plan being,
I'm not allowed
441
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,519
to make any decisions
for the next five years.
442
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,639
Can we stop? Please!
443
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:31,279
My feet are killing me. Right,
morale's flagging. We need a break.
444
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,719
Let's stop at the sweat lodges.
445
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,799
Maybe the heat
will soothe your feet,
446
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,039
and get the weaker ones to SHUT UP!
447
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,960
You know who you are!
448
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,600
SIZZLING
449
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,119
Shame about Neil, isn't it? Indeed.
450
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:07,639
Although...as a therapist,
he was atrocious.
451
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,959
Yeah. Goes without saying. Mm-hmm.
452
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,879
He told me that Beatrice's
cheating was in response to
453
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,959
a lack of attention from me. Mm.
454
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,039
You try getting jiggy with it
when you live in a house where
455
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,279
there's always at least one person
with diarrhoea.
456
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:25,159
True. At all times, there's a little
bit of diarrhoea on me somewhere.
457
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,799
Ha! Emma had diarrhoea once, right?
458
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,359
So she kept howling at
me from the bathroom,
459
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,439
and I pretended to be out.
460
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,999
Still think about that
every time I feel a bit sad.
461
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,590
It's what cheers me up a bit,
do you know what I mean?
462
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,080
GROANING
463
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:52,639
So, Sandra,
what was Neil like, then?
464
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,079
An absolute waste of space.
465
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,519
So clingy. I thought
I could make him un-cling,
466
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:03,399
but...some men are just tragic
little limpets, aren't they? Mm.
467
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,799
Yeah, yeah. Tell me about it.
468
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,839
And he was a terrible therapist.
469
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,999
You know, I mean, this place'll
be much better off without him.
470
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,199
A hundred per cent.
471
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,480
I think Aaron will be happy when
I pop off, if he even notices.
472
00:25:16,481 --> 00:25:20,119
Neil helped Darren and I
on our journey towards
473
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:22,119
Darren acknowledging
I'm the most important,
474
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:25,279
and he's more of
a background character,
475
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,039
you know, in his own life. Right.
476
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,279
I liked Neil.
He really helped me see that
477
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,599
Devon basically made me have
unprotected sex
478
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,399
in a Toby Carvery car park, and
twice in the loading bay of a Lidl.
479
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,239
And a little something in the
drive-through of the McDonalds,
480
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,160
but nothing to write
home to Mother about.
481
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:46,760
NERVOUS LAUGH
482
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,920
Sandra...
483
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:52,200
Dear God...
484
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,239
Beatrice thinks she's going grey.
Oh, is she, yeah? No!
485
00:25:56,240 --> 00:26:00,479
Oh. Of course not! OK. Every night,
when she's asleep, I stay awake,
486
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,639
and I dye a single
hair of hers grey.
487
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,199
LAUGHTER
Been doing it for years!
488
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,519
I'm thinking about poisoning Emma.
Good. Yeah. Good.
489
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,279
What?!
490
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,199
I'm not. I'm not. No. No.
491
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,080
Have I had that thought?
492
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,280
Yeah, yeah. Obviously.
493
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,920
Would I do anything about it?
494
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,519
Obviously not! Very
probably not, yeah.
495
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,039
Such a shame. Yeah.
496
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,319
It's just, for someone who gets
thousands of likes,
497
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,839
she's not very likeable.
498
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,480
She's awful. Mm.
499
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,439
Is it not a bit hot? Nobody else?
500
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,599
SHE GASPS
501
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,159
I think I can feel a kidney
popping out.
502
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,679
Oh, heat doesn't bother me. I did
a whole season in Ibiza, darling.
503
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,159
Didn't need deodorant once.
504
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,719
But this is a...oh,
it's a sexy heat.
505
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,359
Reminds me of making
love to Galway Girl,
506
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,919
by Ed Sheeran, in a Swedish sauna.
507
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:08,680
Hands strumming on me as fast as
Ed's on his teeny-tiny guitar.
508
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,719
Are you all right, Angelina? Huh?
509
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,679
Me? Yeah.
510
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,079
Just have to go home.
511
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,680
Mum says she's seen me smoking
cigarettes with the older girls.
512
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:24,959
We've got a fainter!
513
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,359
I'll get the first-aid kit.
514
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:28,719
Give her some Calpol.
It works on everything.
515
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,599
Angelina, stop sweating!
516
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,240
It's unattractive. Get her out!
517
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,639
Her hair! Get her by her hair.
518
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,039
Get out of the way!
519
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:39,839
Angelina's fainted. Don't panic.
520
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,919
SHOUTS
Angelina?
521
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,439
She's with me! What?
522
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,440
GROANING
523
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:53,879
Angelina's fainted! Nobody panic!
524
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,039
No! Come on, Angelina.
525
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,039
Come back to me. Somebody help!
526
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,439
My legs have gone.
527
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,319
I've fallen into the fire.
528
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,519
I'll get her.
529
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,480
Come on, Angelina. What, what...?
530
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,879
Diana, my darling.
531
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,319
I apologise if it's not the
right time to mention this,
532
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:14,920
but I am afraid...
533
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,479
..that I've been pierced.
534
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,480
Oh, my God!
535
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,679
Aaron! No!
536
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,919
Sorry, can I just say,
I'm definitely not liable for this.
537
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,839
This was not a coincidence. Whoever
did this must have poisoned Neil.
538
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,879
Oh, Aaron!
539
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,519
Darling. Are you missing
the kids YET, Beatrice?!
540
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,719
And he's got one of those
bow and arrow things,
541
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,879
like the one that woman invented
in the Hunger Games.
542
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,999
Where are they shooting us from?
543
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,359
She's right. Somebody's
watching us from over there.
544
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,199
Right, everybody,
get behind the tent.
545
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,039
Sandra, come on, help me, please.
546
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,239
Grab her by the hair! It's the only
way! No! I'm fine, I'm fine!
547
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:59,439
Oh! Oh! Run! Run! Run!
548
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,119
Ow! I told you we shouldn't
549
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:02,559
have come! Oh, now?
550
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:03,959
You want to do this now?
551
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,319
You know how reluctant
your mum is to take the kids.
552
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,159
We've wasted this weekend.
We could die here.
553
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:10,879
Oh, it'll be you that dies,
won't it?
554
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,479
Leaving me with the children,
always taking the easy option.
555
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,199
I'm not going. I am not leaving
556
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:17,879
Aaron here alone!
557
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,119
Diana, you're injured. Patch
yourself up while you whinge.
558
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,159
I think Aaron would want you to come
559
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,959
with us, so we can
keep you safe. Yeah?
560
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,639
I know Brad would want that,
if the arrow had hit him,
561
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,439
piercing his heart,
most probably both his lungs.
562
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,239
Nice sentiment. Bit technical.
563
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,199
Diana, come on, you can do this.
Come on.
564
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,159
Yes, you're right.
I'll grieve as we run.
565
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,359
If that's all right with everyone?
Yeah.
566
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,319
OK, we're going to leg it down
that pathway.
567
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,199
First, we're going to grab our
essentials, OK? We're going to go
568
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,320
in three... Let's go! Go!
569
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,359
Come on! Come on, hurry up!
570
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,040
THEY CONTINUE TO ARGUE
571
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,599
Come on!
572
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:08,079
Why are you in a mood? Cos when you
said grab the essentials,
573
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,559
I thought you meant survival
equipment. Yeah. Not clothes.
574
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,599
I mean, look at my back. Just...
575
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,039
I've got some stuff you borrow,
Brad, but it's my night-time gear.
576
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,359
She's got night-time gear.
Oh, great, night-time attire!
577
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:22,840
We're saved!
578
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:28,560
HE PANTS
579
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,919
New podcast entry.
580
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,919
As the disaster unfolds
around us, Angelina,
581
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:45,319
one question - happy with
our little escapade, are we?
582
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,599
Well, we've got two dead bodies.
583
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,359
And?
584
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,439
Literally everyone's a suspect.
585
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,679
And we could be where right now?
586
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,599
In a five-star hotel,
planning our wedding.
587
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,119
But instead, we are...?
588
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,319
Stranded in the wilderness,
589
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,119
with a crossbow-wielding murderer,
whose identity we don't yet know.
590
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,400
And I am currently...?
591
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,839
Say it, Angelina.
592
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,520
You're a "hot bitch".
593
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,040
So maybe we...?
594
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,999
Shouldn't have come at all.
595
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,959
What a breakthrough! Ha!
596
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,120
As long as we're on the same page.
597
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,719
I'm pretty sure it's that way.
598
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,039
No, I seem to remember
it's that way.
599
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,519
But you know,
don't trust me, darling.
600
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:46,840
Come to think of it, you're right.
It's by those sycamores. This way!
601
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,759
You remember, Diana?
602
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,020
You've been here before?
603
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,919
Oh, yes. Four times.
604
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,039
Aaron just couldn't face a life
where us getting divorced
605
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,919
might make him face
a challenging re-election!
606
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,399
Diana's at stage six of grieving -
607
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,799
annoying the hell out of
the rest of us.
608
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,719
So let's get a shift on!
609
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,159
We're nearly at base camp.
I can radio for help,
610
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,119
and we never have to see her again.
611
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,359
Can you contact head office as well?
612
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,719
Head office?
There is no head office.
613
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,080
It's just me and Neil. Or it was.
614
00:32:22,081 --> 00:32:26,679
You said their head office contacted
you about the death threats.
615
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,239
I know.
616
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,880
What if we've been set up?
617
00:32:29,881 --> 00:32:34,679
I'll figure out what those initials
on Neil's book mean if it kills us.
618
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,439
Us?! Be extra vigilant.
619
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:41,319
Oh, sorry. Yeah, because up to now,
I've only been medium vigilant!
620
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,639
How silly of me! Nuh-nuh!
621
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,319
For God's sake, hurry up!
622
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,199
Do you want to be left all alone
in this world like Diana?!
623
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:50,679
No.
624
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,080
DIANA SOBS
625
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:03,880
Count yourself lucky.
626
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,440
I think this is going to get
very, very messy.
627
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,200
PHONE RINGS
628
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,559
Having fun? Oh, yeah.
629
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,639
Just keep doing what you're doing.
630
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,760
Everything is going to
work out perfectly.
631
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:50,359
Oh, thank God! This is it.
632
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,159
The final exercise.
633
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:56,279
Now, I know we're exposed. Just try
to avoid getting shot, and run.
634
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,880
He can't kill us all!
635
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,000
THEY SHOUT
636
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,840
Oh! Brad's hit a mine!
637
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,079
You what?! Everybody, freeze! Oh!
638
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,719
Did you just say, "hit a mine"?
639
00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:32,399
We call this exercise
The Emotional Minefield,
640
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,239
but don't worry, it's metaphorical.
641
00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:35,799
Oh, thank God!
642
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,079
POPPING
643
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:38,399
What the bloody hell's that?
644
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,199
Jesus Christ!
645
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:42,319
Ooh.
646
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,079
Oh!
647
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:45,999
In many ways,
I'm not shocked at all.
648
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,119
It's the murderer.
They've laid a trap for us.
649
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,119
Guys, my heart!
650
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,519
Why?!
651
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,839
We were so perfect together.
652
00:34:55,840 --> 00:35:00,199
A new angel has got its wings.
HE SOBS
653
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,799
All that's left are
a few hundred thousand selfies.
654
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,640
Sandra, Gemma, I'm scared!
655
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,279
It'll be all right, Diana.
656
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,479
We're going to get us out of here.
657
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,679
Just keep still. This is rubbish!
658
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,519
This is supposed to be our
659
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,039
make-it-or-break-it
weekend, Beatrice,
660
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,959
to decide if we want to
stay together.
661
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,799
I do want to stay together.
662
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,119
I've realised that my love for
the life we've built together
663
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,600
far outweighs the hate
that I feel for you.
664
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,439
I'm so glad you said that!
665
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,319
I forgive you for all the affairs.
666
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,439
I don't care how many of the kids
are actually mine.
667
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,199
I mean, I had a vasectomy
after the fourth one,
668
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,999
so we probably need to have
a conversation about that.
669
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,399
But...I was going to propose again.
670
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:51,919
A second marriage. You can do
all of that. Just don't move!
671
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,999
See? Our counselling works!
672
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,479
Beatrice Smith... You don't
have to do this now, Devon.
673
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,479
Just put it off, like you have been
with the grouting in the bathroom.
674
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,879
I'll understand. Devon, no...
675
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,639
Will you marry me...one more time?
676
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,279
Of course I will!
677
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:09,680
Thank God!
678
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,560
CLICKING
Bugger!
679
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:21,480
SHE SCREAMS
680
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,440
Will everyone stop moving?!
681
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:33,199
And exploding! I am meant to
be being pampered right now,
682
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,039
in a hotel I can't afford.
683
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,479
But look at me! Look at me!
684
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:41,319
This is possibly THE worst day
of my entire life.
685
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:46,079
I'm going to need more therapy after
this than we needed when we arrived!
686
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:47,759
We're going to get Diana here out,
687
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:51,440
then I'll be back for you,
my love, OK? Right, Diana...
688
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,039
..grab my hand.
689
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,759
We're just going to retrace
my steps, OK?
690
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,799
Get you to safety. The mines...
691
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,480
Don't worry about them.
692
00:37:02,481 --> 00:37:05,559
I've just figured out
who the killer is.
693
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,560
Ah... Who is it, darling?
694
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,079
It's you.
695
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,040
Isn't it, darling? Uh...
696
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:15,360
Hmm?
697
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:20,759
I don't see what you think
I could have done.
698
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,199
Lost, out here, in the wilderness?
699
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,559
Lost, are you?
It's funny, cos you told us that
700
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,519
you always get lost in Waitrose,
yet you seemed
701
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,199
pretty sure of your way back
by those sycamore trees.
702
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:37,399
That was your first lie. Oh! That
was just a lucky guess, darling.
703
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:42,479
I mean, I must have recognised it
from last time. Oh, really?
704
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,479
You told us that you and Aaron
hadn't had sex
705
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,399
since the Brexit referendum,
then in the sweat lodge,
706
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,119
you told me that you enjoyed
making love to Galway Girl.
707
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:56,279
Ha! And?! Well, I don't know much
about politics, Diana,
708
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,999
I really don't, but I bloody know
my stuff about Ed Sheeran,
709
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,039
and he released Galway Girl in 2017,
710
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,080
and that is after
the Brexit referendum.
711
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:11,280
So, who's been strumming you like
Ed's teeny-tiny guitar, then, hm?
712
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,280
"F and D are having an affair.
�2,000 paid."
713
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,239
She must be the D! Yeah, exactly.
714
00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:23,479
She's been strumming with an F.
715
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,999
Neil blackmailed you
about your affair,
716
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,759
so you crept into his tent
717
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,760
and slipped some Bishop's
Balls in his mouth. Hmm?
718
00:38:33,931 --> 00:38:38,559
I bet if the police checked
Neil's bank account,
719
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,079
they'd see it was you
who paid the �2,000.
720
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,119
This is absolute nonsense.
Oh, and as for poor Aaron...
721
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,319
You have no proof
that I killed Aaron.
722
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,599
I wasn't even anywhere near him.
Oh, but you were, weren't you?
723
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,719
You told us in the sweat lodge
that heat doesn't affect you.
724
00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,599
Then next thing we know,
your legs have gone
725
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:58,039
and you've fallen in the fire.
Oh, how convenient! I bet if we took
726
00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,639
that bandage off your burnt arm,
727
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,079
we'd see that there was
nothing wrong with it.
728
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:03,799
SHE GASPS
729
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,519
What a surprise!
730
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,599
You hid the weapon in advance,
didn't you?
731
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,399
Because you've been here before,
haven't you?
732
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,680
And you knew where to put it
that no-one could find it.
733
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:21,279
Ugh!
734
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:24,759
Agh! Somebody help,
my legs have gone!
735
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,959
I've fallen into the fire!
736
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,119
You think you're so clever,
don't you?
737
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:34,239
Who are you to accuse me? Oh, I
think you know exactly who I am.
738
00:39:34,240 --> 00:39:36,919
Because she used your real name!
739
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,839
Sandra?
740
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,319
Gemma?
741
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:41,879
I'm scared.
742
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,919
I was about to say that!
743
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,959
That's how I figured the
whole bloody thing out.
744
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,359
I can't believe it!
745
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:51,159
I've solved another murder. No, you
haven't. I said it out loud first.
746
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:52,359
Shut up!
747
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:54,159
Yes, it was me.
748
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,559
No way?!
I know your real name because
749
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,879
I listen to your podcast, you idiot!
750
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,679
You're our listener? Good to know
our fan base is homicidal.
751
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,959
Yes, I've listened to every episode,
and I thought,
752
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:10,799
"These two are a complete pair
of morons." It's our brand.
753
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,519
IN WELSH ACCENT: I was even
the Welsh woman who rang you
754
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,679
from head office. You're
pretty cocky for someone
755
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:19,159
who's just got caught.
Oh, I haven't been caught!
756
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,959
No! I am going to walk off
757
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:25,239
and disappear into the wilderness.
758
00:40:25,240 --> 00:40:26,999
It may have slipped your mind,
759
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,039
but you are standing in a minefield,
760
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,599
and only I know where
they're buried. And don't think
761
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,279
because you are standing up there
that you are safe.
762
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,039
They're everywhere!
763
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,559
This was my last trap,
764
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:42,559
in case the crossbow failed, or
the Bishop's Balls didn't work.
765
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:46,359
I really only wanted to kill
Aaron and Neil,
766
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,559
but I needed a back-up.
Just in case.
767
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:53,279
Aw! It's been nice knowing you.
768
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,050
Forgive me if I don't keep in touch,
though, won't you?
769
00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:02,360
Terry...
770
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,559
Agghhhh!
771
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,680
SHE SCREAMS
772
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,200
THEY ALL SCREAM
773
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:21,039
That was for Neil!
774
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,279
Aw! Because you actually really
loved him, and it was his death
775
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,079
that made you see that?
776
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,159
No, because he was mine!
777
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,759
Mine to belittle and destroy!
778
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,519
And SHE took that away from me!
779
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,039
I see your point.
780
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:38,600
Right, we're going to have
to flag down the next car.
781
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,480
Hello?
782
00:41:42,751 --> 00:41:49,039
The bomb squad were nice when they
got you out of there, weren't they?
783
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,479
Mm. Yeah.
784
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,759
Gave me a lollipop for being
a brave boy.
785
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:57,719
You WERE a brave boy.
Brad and Angelina. Gemma and Terry.
786
00:41:57,720 --> 00:42:00,279
I just wanted to say...
No, you don't have to thank us.
787
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:03,239
No, I was going to say that
you two are
788
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:06,639
the worst couple we
have ever, ever had.
789
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:10,119
Here's your phones back. Thanks.
790
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,839
There we go.
791
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,240
And all the best.
792
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:21,959
She did mean Brad and Angelina,
didn't she? Yeah.
793
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:23,919
What a pair they are! Oh! Tell me...
794
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,999
Jokers! Losers!
795
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,119
Losers. Yeah.
Destined to be unhappy forever.
796
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,439
Has-beens!
797
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,519
There is one thing still bothering
me, though. Hmm?
798
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:37,359
When I was looking up the hill
at the sweat lodge,
799
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,879
I'm certain I saw someone
in them woods.
800
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:43,320
I doubt it. You were probably
hallucinating from the heat.
801
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,959
Yeah.
802
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,999
Most likely that.
Anyway, come on, you.
803
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,319
Let's get you to that hotel
for a therapeutic mud bath
804
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:55,479
and an essential oils facial.
805
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:56,999
Keep talking. All right.
806
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,759
So, then we might take
a quick little walk down the aisle,
807
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,760
and you might bag yourself a wife.
808
00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:11,319
So, after the worst day of
my entire life,
809
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,399
we walk off into the sunset
and get married.
810
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:15,639
SHE SQUEALS
811
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,439
Who knows what terrors await us
812
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,759
at our five-star hotel?
813
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,679
With spa, conferencing centre
814
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,560
and banqueting facilities.
815
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,200
PHONE RINGS
816
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,679
So, can I get in there now?
817
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:40,879
Ruin their lives?
818
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,559
Like you promised. Oh, yes.
819
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:46,680
I think we've found
the perfect time for it.
820
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,800
This is going to be epic!
821
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,920
# I'm on my way
822
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,519
# Driving at 90
823
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:08,440
# Down those country lanes
824
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,799
# Singing to Tiny Dancer
825
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,639
# And I miss the way
826
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:19,039
# You make me feel
827
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,360
# It's real, when we watched
the sunset... #
828
00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:26,960
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