All language subtitles for L.A. Law S01E16 Beef Jerky

Previously on L .A. Law.

It's just the thought of trying a case
by myself is kind of scary. Well, the

first time always is, but two days from
now, you will be much more confident,

not to mention more marketable.

What are we doing here?

I tried to play it out, Judge. I even
offered to continue it without a

I found your irresponsible rejection of
the city attorney's offer to be

shamefully unprofessional.

I lost my first case, too. Oh, and you
just love rubbing my nose in it, don't

you? Not really.

Then why did you come down here?

To ask you out on a date.

A date?

What's with you? What's with you?

You do everything you can to embarrass
me in court, and then you come marching

in here... I just tried my case. You
embarrassed yourself.

I don't know what the hell I was
thinking when I came in here.

Your Honor, I would ask for a new trial
on the grounds of AIDS stress syndrome.

I just learned of the AIDS syndrome
defense yesterday.

Ms. Ben Owen told me about it. I did
what I thought was in the interest of

justice. Well, the official response
from this office is that you screwed up.

Don't do it again, Chris.

By the way, you've been reassigned to
night court. You start tonight.

Look, it's Friday night. I can't believe
the judge will keep us late.

I'd like to make it perfectly clear that
we are going to clear this calendar in

its entirety before anybody gets out of
here.

The good news is I threatened to quit
unless they let me out of night court.

The bad news is they took me seriously,
which means I'm still gainfully

employed.

You're back in day court?

Downtown felony trials.

Starting Monday.

That's great. Yeah.

Oh, Gracie, playing with you.

Morning,

Floyd. Welcome back, Miss Van.

It's nice to be back.

Gracie, come on in.

You want to see me, Bruce?

Welcome back to decor, Gracie.

Thanks, Richard.

We were just talking about you.

I want you to take off one of Dick's
cases.

Fine.

Armed robbery, $100 ,000 theft.

Why can't you do it?

Personal reasons. Now, I've already
impaneled the jury, so it's all set to

Am I missing something?

Not a thing.

It's a bit unusual what this guy stole,
but we figured if it's up anybody's

alley, it would have to be yours.

Because you're the only lawyer here who
can do it with a straight face.

You see, that's one of the benefits of
having no sense of humor.

What's the matter with you two?

You could be so hilarious about a $100
,000 theft.

Bull semen.

Oh, yeah, the guy knocked over a sperm
bank.

Fifteen grand a pint.

Go get him, Gracie.

Bullseye?

Rona versus Gradinger.

Settling.

Richardson Estates.

Yeah, we're getting some movement on
that, actually. I think the widow is

inclined to settle.

Bonora versus Cromwell Aircraft.

Status quo.

A new matter.

Glasband versus Glasband.

A referral from Harley Hunt. My client's
husband did Harley's last facelift.

Which brings us to Brophy versus Valley
Distributors, Inc.

Yeah, the trial starts tomorrow.

Family's coming in this morning for
final prep.

Have there been any last -minute offers?

75 ,000 on the wrongful death claim for
the little boy. You declined?

I told him it would take 200 ,000 to
settle it out of court.

Why is it you lose an eye, you get a
million -dollar verdict, you lose your

life, and it's only worth a fraction of
that?

This lawyer I know advises his clients,
if you run somebody over, back up and

finish off the job.

Compared to maiming, wrongful death's a
bargain.

What about the emotional distress claim
for the boy's sister? Well, they offer

10 ,000. I'm looking for 100.

So you get almost as much for witnessing
a death as you do for the death itself.

Well, her kid brother died right before
her eyes. She has to live with that for

the rest of her life.

And they think the tax code doesn't make
sense.

If you don't mind, people, as we appear
to be finished with the business at

hand, I suggest we adjourn.

plans for tonight?

I've got a date. What?

I gotta go to my cousin's wedding.

Oh, I'm so happy.

It's okay. I'll figure something else
out.

I just want this over with.

I'll sign anything he wants.

I just desperately need to get away
somewhere.

Where's his glass pan?

Your husband is a big -time plastic
surgeon.

He's got to be making close to a million
a year. This proposed agreement shows

35 ,000 in the bank. It doesn't pass the
smell test. Look, he's a decent man.

He would never cheat me, please.

I don't have the strength to make a
fight out of this. Which is why you hire

lawyer who does. And my suggestion,
professionally as well as personally, we

sniff his tracks for a few days.

Just if for no other reason, to confirm
his decency. You don't understand.

This divorce is all my fault.

My failure.

My psychiatrist says I need to get it
behind me.

I don't want to tread on your doctor's
territory, but my experience, in the

run, you'll feel better if you don't run
away from your problems. I can't stay

another night in that house.

I hear noises and I'm scared. You're
alone for the first time in your life.

It's perfectly natural to feel
frightened. You don't know how I feel.

Carolyn. May I call you Carolyn?

Let me just check some things out so at
least we're confident that our decision

is an informed one.

I don't know.

Can you just humor an overprotective
attorney for a few days?

I'm sorry.

I know that I'm not making much sense,
but it's just... I'm afraid to stay home

alone.

I'm afraid to go out.

I'm a mess and I... I know that you're
vulnerable.

I just don't want you victimized by one
short period of insecurity.

Now, I've asked for a meeting for
Friday.

Can you give me just till then to review
all this?

Okay.

Good.

Rox,

let's confirm the glass band meeting for
Friday.

Is 11 o 'clock all right with you, Mrs.
Crosby?

Bye -bye.

And whenever you're in that courtroom, I
want you sitting side by side.

You'll take each other's hand from time
to time to lend support.

Every time the jury shoots a glance at
you, I want them to be a close, loving

family.

The kids have to be there all the time?

Yes. They remind the jury that it wasn't
just your son who was killed in that

accident. It was also their little
brother.

I don't mean to sound cynical, and I
wouldn't be stressing this if we didn't

have to be our best in court tomorrow.

Now, when I introduce the pictures of
the accident and of Anthony, I don't

anybody looking at them.

You look straight down. They're too
painful to view. I've seen them a

times, Mr. Cifuentes.

I think we can take it. I don't want the
jury to see that you can take it.

These shots will make them squeamish.
The last thing I want is you people

looking stoic.

When they look at you, I want them to
see hurt.

Which brings me to your testimony,
Patty.

Now, in your deposition, you were the
brave little soldier with a lot of one

-word answers, but tomorrow, you've got
to let it come out.

I want you to take your time and
describe everything you saw, everything

felt, okay?

As much detail as possible.

Is this really necessary?

Well, the emotional distress claim won't
be worth much unless she gets up there

on the stand and describes the horror.

You've got to tell them how he suffered,
how you saw him suffer, and what it did

to you.

You've got to make that jury feel like
they were right there in the car with

you. Do you think you can do that?

I don't know.

You've got to try.

Mr. Cifuentes.

I know this is hard.

Believe me, I do.

But what you've got to keep remembering
is that they won't compensate you for

pain they can't see. If we don't reenact
that horror and unearth some of that

grief... Nothing is going to compensate
us for the loss of our little boy.

I know that, ma 'am.

But you've come this far.

We'll be okay.

Can you excuse us for a second?

Certainly.

No, I don't want you to.

Victor, she's going to be a mess on that
stand tomorrow. Which is exactly the

way we want her. I need her pain
spilling out on everyone in that

The bigger the mess, the bigger the
judgment.

Now, Professor Lahamadou, could you
please describe for the court the manner

which these sperm samples are collected?

Well, the first of the two methods is
electro -ejaculation.

However... That's rather an aversive
experience for the animal, and the far

common technique is to... Objection to
the question, Your Honor, and I renew my

objection as to the admissibility of
Professor Lahamudu's testimony in

What's at issue here is whether my
client stole it and how much it was

The manner in which the bull expresses
himself is of no relevance whatsoever.

Tell that to the bull.

Your Honor, it's imperative that the
jury understand the intricate process

involved here. Come on, we all know how
it works.

It's not that simple, Judge.

They don't just send the bull behind a
hayloft with a magazine and a baggie.

Miss Van Owen. It is a protracted and
expensive process, Your Honor. One which

the dairy industry takes very seriously.

Look, I'll let him briefly describe it,
but keep it short.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Please continue, Professor.

Certainly. The bull is led from the pen
into a collection area.

If he's an experienced animal, he knows
what's coming, so he's already in a

state of excitation.

What happens next?

By this time, the technician has
tethered a stimulus.

I should add that most of the time a
male stimulus is used to prevent

intermission. You mean the bull will
engage with another male? A sexually

animal, no.

But a mature bull will mount almost
anything.

Miss Van Owen.

We're almost finished, Your Honor.

After the bull mounts, the animal
technician takes hold of his... Can I

the P word? Just continue.

He takes hold of the member and inserts
it into an artificial...

Can I say the V word?

Counsel, in my chambers, right now.

Why don't you call Peter?

I tried him.

Can you believe he has a girlfriend?

To tell you the truth, my feelings are a
little hurt.

You can't blame him.

You didn't give him much encouragement.

Since when do men need encouragement?

Whatever happened to ardent pursuit?

You could go by yourself, you know. Oh,
to my cousin's wedding?

Do you have any idea how many of my
aunts and uncles are going to be there?

They're all going to be whispering about
my divorce, feeling sorry for me, and

trying to fix me up.

Yeah.

How'd you do?

No luck.

You didn't tell these people my whole
life story, did you?

No, I just said, you know, you were a
colleague of mine. You were in a tight

spot.

Not one nibble? Uh -uh.

And I asked everybody.

Mike Rudenberg's got Laker tickets that
night. But maybe he'd like to meet you,

you know, like later in life.

And Marty Shriver just got married. You
believe that?

Unbelievable.

And Danny Glovis thanked me profusely,
but he's taken a vow of chastity. Oh,

don't ask.

What are you telling these people?

I don't want to go to bed with them. I
just want someone to take me to a

wedding. That's all I said.

Oh, I give up.

It's all over for me anyway. I'm 26
years old. I'm terminally divorced.

On June 20th, 1983, Patricia Brophy got
in her car to drive her 11 -year -old

brother Anthony to baseball practice.

But they never got there.

A truck driver who had dozed off at the
wheel ran through a red light and

smashed his six -ton vehicle into
Patty's car, knocking it through a fence

the other side of the road.

When the police and firemen arrived,
they had to use the jaws of life to pull

Patty free of the wreckage and rush her
to the hospital.

But her little brother was not as lucky.

Anthony Brophy's life ended in that car
crash.

while his family's nightmare was just
beginning.

Well, those are the facts in this case.

And except for one small area of
disagreement,

they are indisputable.

The only issue is how we, all of us
good, compassionate people, assess a

value on the loss of a child's life.

I know to many of you the very idea of
this sounds offensive.

It cheapens life to say that the loss of
an 11 -year -old boy is worth a quarter

of a million dollars or half a million
dollars or even a hundred million

dollars.

The life of Anthony Brophy and the loss
that this family has suffered

cannot be measured monetarily.

But, sadly, money is the only source of
redress available

to this family under the law.

Now, the Brophy's have entrusted their
case to me.

But when Mr. Path and I and all the
other witnesses that you'll be hearing

are through, the hardest work of all
will fall on you as you decide how to

compensate this family for what was so
cruelly taken away from them.

I know that you will live up to that
responsibility.

I show you this vial, Mr. Lavanchi, and
I ask if you can identify it.

It contains the seed of my prized bull,
Champion Black Barney.

I see the initials BB.

Now, by seed, you mean semen.

Yes, ma 'am.

Mr. Lavanchi, if you recall, how much of
Champion Black Barney's seed was stored

in the Los Angeles County Veterinary
Center?

50 straws, over 500 cc.

And can you state for us the value of
those 50 straws? Objection. He knows the

market value.

He can answer.

Barney's sperm, and I apologize for the
graphic language, sold for over $2 ,000

a straw.

That man stole over $100 ,000 from me.

Objection. Sustained.

The jury will disregard that last
characterization.

How much more of Barney's sperm do you
currently have in your possession, Mr.

LaVanche?

All of it gone from what you see.

It's the last of my Barney.

My champion.

Why is that?

Well, he ran out of gas about 18 months
ago.

Only shoots blanks now.

I'd like to try to start a whole new
herd with a few drops of him I got left.

Don't you have other bulls, Mr.
LaVanche?

Oh, not like him.

Cal Ranger gets a bull like Champion
Black Barney once in a lifetime, if

A good share of my business is mortgaged
to the profits I'd make from his

heritage.

Now, all that's gone.

No more questions.

No, Cross.

You may step down.

So you're saying, Doctor, that it's
possible for the boy to have survived

few minutes after impact, correct?

That's absolutely correct.

Thank you, Doctor.

Your witness?

Dr. Christie, given the nature of the
crash and the severity of the boy's

injuries, isn't it likely that he died
instantly?

It's likely, but it's not definite. And
it's not probable that he was ever

conscious after impact, is it?

Not probable.

Thank you, sir.

That's all. You can step down, Dr.
Christie.

Your Honor, the plaintiff calls Patricia
Brophy to the stand.

Okay.

I call your attention, Patty, to the
afternoon of June 20th, 1983, and I ask

what, if anything unusual, occurred on
that date.

I was driving my little brother Anthony
to baseball practice, and...

was an accident.

Patty, I want you to take your time now
and tell the jury exactly what happened

from the moment you got in the car.

I had just left home.

I was about a mile or so from my house
and I came to the intersection.

of Rod Road and Kennedy Drive.

And then the light was green, so I
kept... I proceeded.

And then from the left, this truck came
at us, straight at

us.

I hit my brakes, but it came too fast,
and it knocked us off the road and into

the fence.

Do you remember what happened next?

There was blood.

From my head.

I remember reaching up and touching my
forehead. There was blood coming down

side.

And I kept thinking that this really
didn't happen.

And I looked up at Anthony.

He... What did you see, Patty?

He was looking at me.

One of the pickets from the fence was...

sticking through his shoulder.

He tried... What did he do, Patty?

He tried to reach me. He just looked at
me.

He couldn't move his arms, but he was
wiggling his fingers.

Like he was trying to reach me.

Oh, he was so scared.

He was so scared.

Then he said...

What did he say, Patty?

I'll get you some coffee or something.
No, I'm fine. Thank you.

Arnie, this is... I appreciate your
taking the time to meet with me, Mr.

Call me Arnie.

Only after hours.

So what can I do for you, Miss Quintana?

Well, as I explained in my note, I've
recently left the LAPD.

Do you mind if I ask why?

Among my other skills, Mr. Becker, I'm a
licensed pilot, a third -degree black

belt. I can bench press 200 pounds. I've
climbed mountains, raced motorcycles,

and quarter horses.

So let's just say pushing a pencil down
at Parker Center wasn't my idea of life

in the fast lane.

So now you've set up your own P .I.
agency.

And I'm trying to build a select
clientele.

Well, your background is very
interesting, and you certainly look like

healthy specimen.

But the truth is, I already have several
investigators who are more than

adequate to my needs.

Well, with all due regard to those other
individuals, and I do know and respect

most of them, I'm better.

Really?

Really.

Oh, okay, let me ask you this.

Hypothetically, of course.

Let's say I have a client who's married
to a successful physician.

Leaves her, files for divorce, and cries
poverty.

What are you going to do for me between
now and Friday that my other

investigators can't?

Well, judging from the little that
you're telling me, he's either stolen

gambled it away, put it up his nose, or
found another woman, or all of the

above. What kind of doctor?

Plastic surgeon.

I guess it's another woman.

And since most doctors are too busy and
too cheap for a hotel, office in Century

City? Mm -hmm.

They're probably doing it in his office.

I'll get you a videotape.

The people I already have in this case
tell me that's impossible.

Shouldn't be.

Not for somebody with professional
expertise in long -lens video

and a nice working relationship with the
Century City window -washing service.

I don't know. No disrespect intended,
Miss Quintana, but I find it a little

to believe everything you say.

Like what?

Bench press 200 pounds?

It's got to be nearly twice your body
weight.

If I can take you down, will you give me
this divorce case of yours?

What do I get if I win?

Anything you want.

Victor? You might wait for me at a
witness room.

200 for the boy, 150 for the girl,

and let's get the hell out of here.

Come on, Victor.

She's getting a buck and a half for a
scratch, and he lived a few seconds at

most.

The best I can do.

I went to the man for it.

All right, let me talk to the man.

I'll tell the judge we want a trail till
tomorrow.

They have just upped their offer to 350.

350 ,000.

Take it.

Settle. What do you think?

It's an acceptable offer.

But you think we can do better?

My God, do you think any amount of money
will make things better? What are we

supposed to do with it? Buy a swimming
pool? Go to Europe?

You think I give a damn about the money?

I am pushing this so at least something
good comes out of this mess.

You're pushing this because you're
afraid to put Anthony's death behind us.

don't think this is the time or the
place... To hell with the trial! Take...

whatever they're offering, and let's get
on with our life. What life?

I lost my son. He was my son, too. If
you hadn't been too damn lazy to drive

yourself, he'd probably still be alive.

You think if I'd been behind the wheel,
it would have been any different?

It was a senseless, meaningless
accident.

And you have taken it out on me with
your coldness, your looks, your

accusations, your silence, like it was
some sort of conspiracy to rob you of

your son. Well, it wasn't. It was an
accident.

And maybe if you could have forgiven
then, this family could have gotten past

it. How can I ever forgive?

Somebody has to pay.

We are all paying.

You bastard.

Don't you swear at your father.

Mother, I am 20 years old going on 16.

I don't have a life.

You should have been helping me.

And instead you've been punishing me for
something that is not my fault.

Be quiet. Right now. No!

merchandise has been directly connected
to my client.

With the exception of the one vial that
was found in an apartment shared by my

client with three other roommates.

None of the stolen samples can be linked
to Mr. Bauer in any way.

I would respectfully request this jury
to return a verdict, the only verdict

consistent with that fact.

And that's not guilty.

Thank you.

When I was 22 years old, I got called
for jury duty, and I remember being so

excited about it.

I thought maybe it would be a bank
robbery or one of those socialite

even a government scandal.

Turned out to be a grocery clerk who
assaulted a checkout girl with a

cantaloupe.

I felt kind of cheated.

And now I look at you.

I mean, you come down here, you get the
big speech about...

Civil duty, your obligation to uphold
the law and serve your community, and

you get for your trouble is bull semen.

And everybody here, including me, has
given birth to at least one smirk since

this thing began. But believe it or not,
I was glad to see you people laugh from

time to time.

It was Mark Twain who said, show me a
person who knows what's funny, and I'll

show you somebody who knows what's not.

And it's funny to think...

that the product of an animal's sexual
expression could be the object of a

criminal trial.

It's probably even funny to think that
people make careers out of freezing

little test tubes of a bull's heritage.

But what's not funny is that the
defendant broke into a building in the

of the night, bound and gagged a night
watchman at gunpoint, and stole property

valued at over $100 ,000.

What's not funny...

is that the defendant deprived Mr.
Levanchi and his family of everything

worked so hard to accomplish.

What's not funny is that a very real
crime was committed here with a very

victim.

You've got an eyewitness who saw the
defendant leave the building. You have a

positive identification from the night
watchman.

A vial of the semen was found in his
house.

Now, I don't expect you...

to ignore your sense of humor, nor do I
expect you to let it hinder your ability

to do what's right here.

So go ahead and giggle your way to
justice if you are so inclined, just as

as you get there.

Thank you.

64 minutes. Excuse me.

A case like this, if they're not back
with the guilty the first hour, it's a

hung jury. Ten bucks says you were so
eloquent that the only thing they're

arguing is whether they can get the guy
life.

I'll collect after my basketball game.

Victor?

I'm pretty whipped, and I gotta get up
early in the morning.

Don't want to cross -examine Patty,
won't they?

Yeah.

Probably a whole day of it.

So I think I'm gonna head home. No way.

You need this.

Hey, a little half -court.

Tripping, gouging, flying elbows.

This will relax you, Victor.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Ladies.

Good night.

Good night.

Call me if your jury comes in.

Thanks.

I hate to lose.

Who doesn't?

Oh, but this one.

This had to be the silliest trial I've
ever had.

People's Exhibit E.

A full -size photo of Barney and all his
two mess employees.

Okay, I'm a city girl.

Are we talking bigger than a bread box?

Well,

I'll say that if I were a cow, I
wouldn't be wasting my time hanging

salt bank.

Well, too bad he's out of commission. I
could have asked him out for Friday

night.

What?

Cousin's wedding, your basic suitable
escort trauma. Now, what I don't

understand is that there used to be
single men in this town.

Now, you two got the last two good ones,
and there aren't any left.

Oh, come on. There are plenty of guys
out there. Really? You want to tell me

again what it was like before Stuart?

Oh, God. What if she's right?

That is ridiculous.

I mean, what about Victor?

He's, um...

Yes, he is.

I already asked him, and he said no.

He didn't say no. He said he was busy.

Well, what do you say when you don't
want to go out with someone? You say,

busy. Or when I'm busy, I say I'm busy.

You see, a genuine, certified, great
single man just walked into this bar.

No, no, no, no. What are you doing?

I won't be obvious, I promise.

He's so embarrassing.

Don't be silly.

Now, it's hard to get back into
circulation.

No, you stop.

Abby, I want you to meet an old friend
of mine. Abigail Perkins, meet George

Handelman.

Oh, boy.

What? Um, I've already had the pleasure.

Oh, uh, well, I started to tell George
that you have a wedding to go to. I

think he'd be interested. Sure, that'd
be fine.

Hey, Grace, your jury's coming in.

Right. Well, have a good time.

So, how about them Lakers?

Has the jury reached a verdict?

We have. In the matter of the people
versus Leonard Bauer, how say you?

On counts one and two of criminal
complaint number 4276...

We, the jury, find the defendant,
Leonard Bauer, guilty.

Sentencing to take place two weeks from
today.

I once again thank you, members of the
jury, and this court is adjourned.

Good luck, Mr. Lavanchi.

Ms. Van Owen?

Are you pleased with the jury's
decision, Ms. Van Owen?

It's a great victory.

Are the Bolton Americans going to sleep
better tonight because of this verdict?

At least their owners will. As well as
all citizens concerned with the

enforcement of justice, sure, swift, and
certain in this country. Are you saying

that this case has national
significance?

I'd say it's seminal.

Abby? Good morning.

Where's Patty?

Well, we've talked it over.

If it's still on the table, we'd like to
accept their offer.

Settle the case.

I'm sure the offer's still good, but
before I talk to them, are you sure?

We've spent a long night with it.

Yes, we're sure.

Look, folks, I've been thinking a lot
about this, too.

And I hope the way that I've conducted
this case...

isn't forcing you into a decision that
you're going to regret later on.

It won't.

What you forced us to do was to take a
long, hard look at ourselves.

Yesterday, last night, was the first
time since Anthony was killed that we

actually talked to each other.

The truth is, Victor, we owe you more
than you'll ever know.

Morning, people.

Why don't you two go grab a quick cup of
coffee, let me do my thing with the

opposing counsel, and maybe we can all
put this one behind us.

Do I sense here a meeting of minds?

She's here.

Sorry I'm late. I got held up.

How are you doing?

Awful. I just want to get this over
with.

Why aren't they here?

Push the meeting back half an hour. I
thought you might want to know what I

found out before I spring it on your
husband. What are you talking about?

He's buried assets.

He's raped your joint account. No, I
didn't authorize this. You did.

I told you what I was going to do. No,
no, no. I don't want to know about it.

All right, Carolyn, if you want to go
into this meeting and accept the crumbs

off your husband's table, that's totally
your decision, but...

I would be remiss if I didn't advise you
of the fact that he has systematically

and with obvious forethought lied to
you, stolen from you. But I don't want

hear about it. Cheated on you. Why are
you doing this to me?

I'm not doing it to you, Carolyn.

Your husband is. Fine.

If he wants the money, he can have it. I
just want to have this over with. If it

were only the money, that would be one
thing.

But it's not.

Your husband is involved with another
woman.

That's where the money's gone, Carolyn.

Building up hidden accounts so he can
dump you and go off with her. You're

lying. You're trying to turn me against
a man who has never done anything to

hurt me. Unfortunately, this videotape
doesn't lie.

Then show it to me.

It'll hurt you. I want to see it.

I'd advise against it. Dammit, you work
for me!

Oh, my God, no.

You sleazy, disgusting, lying piece of
dirt you slept with my sister. Carolyn,

what have you been telling her? My own
sister. How could you do that to me?

kill the both of you. I'll kill her.
Carolyn, sit down.

I will kill the both of you.

I don't know what you're talking about.
She's talking about this tape of you and

your lover in your office engaged in an
X -rated game of doctor. Whether he and

the lady formed an emotional attachment
is of no relevance to this proceeding.

If he's capable of preceding her on this
scale, we believe he'd deceive her

about anything. Come, you monster. Look,
we came down here to sign an agreement.

Not this one, sir.

This is trash.

How could you do that to me after the
family weekends that we spent together

Palm Springs?

Oh, for God's sake, Carolyn, what do you
want from me?

I work like a mule.

If I take what little consolation life
has to offer me in the arms of a woman

who isn't afraid of her own shadow, a
woman who isn't afraid to express... I'm

not a woman, my sister!

Oh, the two of you must have had fun
laughing at me. What, did you do it in

house? In our bed?

How could I, Carolyn? You were never out
of it.

Oh, you malignant bastard.

I hate you.

Somebody get me a doctor, please.

Please, shut up.

Look,

let me talk to him. I'll make sure he
gets down to the station. Okay.

How is he?

He'll survive. It's the main artery.

They want you to go to the police
station to make a statement.

I think you better tell me exactly what
happened.

It's my fault that's what happened.

It's all my fault.

You can say that one more time, and then
that's the last time I ever want to

hear that come out of your mouth.

I should have picked it up the minute
she walked in here, Mike. She was a

case. They all are during a divorce.

No, this was different. I mean, there
were signs all over the place.

But all... All I could see was the damn
settlement that her husband was trying

to gaslight her into.

Which is why she came to you in the
first place.

The husband is doing the sister, and I
put the damn picture right on the TV set

for her.

Porno movies.

Did you force her to watch?

No. No, she wanted to do it.

But I shouldn't have let her. She was
under psychiatrist's care.

How many distraught wives have you
represented in your career?

I know, I know, I know, I know. You
didn't do anything illegal here, Arnie.

Great.

Great, so I don't go to jail for the
next five years, but I've still got to

with myself.

You can't be responsible for the one
client in hundreds who comes in here and

goes off the deep end.

Here.

Here. Put your coat on.

I'll drive you to the station.

Here's the number of the restaurant
where we'll be after the ceremony.

If there's an emergency, his
pediatrician's number is right over the

Don't worry, we'll do great.

Okay, honey, let's settle down, okay?

Hi. Hi, come on in.

Eric, you know.

Who's he?

This is Mr. Handelman. And who are you?

I'm here.

Can I get you anything?

No, I'm fine.

Thanks again for bailing me out.

My pleasure.

Okay, Eric, it's time to go to bed.

No! Eric?

What's that?

Where?

Sticking out of your ear.

How could you hear anything? You had a
quarter in there.

Let's see the other one.

How did you do that?

It was magic.

Now watch this.

Well, maybe next time, because you've
got to go to bed now.

Okay, honey, come on. Let's say
goodnight to Mr. Handelman. I want more

Come on.

Do you mind?

Be my guest.

It's right through there.

You know, I have a son who's almost
there.

He's a big fan of G .I. Joe.

Does he live with you?

Well, sometimes with me, and sometimes
with his mom.

Hey, scoot over.

Now, one more trick, and then life's
out. Deal?

You like this.

Keep your eyes on the dollar bill.

Hey.

Go ahead, take it.

Good night, Eric.

Good night.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

Oh, wait a minute.

Now. I'm going to take this dollar bill,
and I'm going to put it on your

bookcase. But don't spend it, because
it's a magic.