All language subtitles for The Bill Engvall Show s01e03 How Bill Met Susan.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,567 --> 00:00:02,769 [theme music] 2 00:00:09,553 --> 00:00:13,545 (male narrator) "The Bill Engvall Show" is taped 3 00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:15,749 before a live studio audience. 4 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,588 I just called Paul. He's on his way over with the tickets. 5 00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:25,692 Oh, this is the most awesome anniversary gift ever. 6 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,027 Eighteen magical years. 7 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,329 Monday night football! 8 00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:31,965 Denver, Kansas City, you and me on the 50 yard line. 9 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:35,635 Oh, my gosh. After tonight, I could die a happy man. 10 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:40,040 Oh, so your anniversary gift to me is leaving me a widow? 11 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:43,243 Well, I could make a call, bump up the life insurance policy. 12 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:44,643 And my gift was nice, too, huh? 13 00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:47,313 Oh, honey, I'm so looking forward 14 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,115 to my spa getaway weekend. 15 00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:51,950 (Bill) 'Hey, if sitting in a tub of mud with cucumbers on your eyes' 16 00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:54,054 makes you happy, I'm happy. 17 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,100 You think the neighbors will miss this? 18 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,192 - What is it? - It's a fence. 19 00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:00,994 It goes with my 'D,' see? 20 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,530 'D.' Fence. 'D.' Fence. 21 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:06,533 What do you think? 22 00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:10,103 I think I regret getting two tickets next to each other. 23 00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:14,239 So, what'd you get for number eight? 24 00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:18,044 Yeah, yeah, me too. 25 00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:19,579 And number nine? 26 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:23,249 Me, too. 27 00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,784 How about number ten? 28 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,855 Man, are we on fire or what? 29 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,490 Don't you feel guilty? 30 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,491 If I had to solve all these math problems myself 31 00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:34,561 I wouldn't have time to do my history. 32 00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:37,464 Oh, that reminds me, I gotta call John later. 33 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,335 He's smart in weird ways. 34 00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,338 (Susan) Hey, guys. 35 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:52,445 I gotta go. Something ridiculous is happening. 36 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,780 (Susan) Has Paul come by to drop off the tickets? 37 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,617 No. He called to say he's gonna be late. He's lost. 38 00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,186 Lost? He's been to our house a hundred times. 39 00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:04,190 He got some new GPS navigation thing he's trying to shortcut. 40 00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:07,560 Technology can be a cruel mistress. 41 00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,798 I hope we make it for the national anthem. 42 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,436 What? It's Ashley Simpson! 43 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:21,206 The fact that you don't know that's embarrassing 44 00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,476 is embarrassing. 45 00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:26,279 While you're waiting, I have to do a history paper 46 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:29,482 on how people met before the internet. 47 00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:32,952 Can you tell me how you and dad met? 48 00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:36,523 Well, your mother's family just moved into the cave next door. 49 00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:38,191 Oh! 50 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,593 I was hunting, she was gathering.. 51 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,162 Let me spare you the agony. 52 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:43,968 Mom was a nurse, dad came into the ER. 53 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,866 Bad jokes, bad hair, bad clothing choices. 54 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,434 Happily ever after. 55 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,069 Let me tell the story. 56 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:52,605 Uh, I respectfully request not to be subjected- 57 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,607 Uh, uh, uh, sit back down. 58 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,576 I gave life to you, remember? 59 00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:58,878 Well, as I recall, I was an easy delivery. 60 00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:01,948 Not like Watermelon Mick C-section here. 61 00:03:05,718 --> 00:03:07,787 Oh, oh, I got it, I got it, I got it. 62 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,589 [phone ringing] Hello. 63 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,124 (Paul) Hey, man, you haven't done any serious remodeling 64 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,726 to your house, have you? 65 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:18,364 Because I'm at 4321 Baker and this is not your house. 66 00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,033 - Paul, what's going on? - Look.. 67 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,400 I know how to get to your house 68 00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,403 but Veronica suggested a different way. 69 00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:24,771 Who's Veronica? 70 00:03:24,837 --> 00:03:27,006 My GPS system. 71 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,475 Oh. Ho-ho-ho! 72 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,911 I see what she did. 73 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:37,350 This is 4321 Baker Court. You're at 4321 Baker Street. 74 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,919 - Well, how far away are you? - Hold on. 75 00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:44,857 (Veronica) 'New destination 7. 4 miles for 15 minutes.' 76 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:48,695 You're killing me here! We're gonna miss the kickoff! 77 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,362 Look, just get over here with those tickets. 78 00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:54,200 I don't care if you gotta throw Veronica out the window. 79 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,002 Uh, she's right here, Bill. 80 00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,942 - What's going on? - Oh, Paul's being an idiot. 81 00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,845 Says the man wearing a horse on his head. 82 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,515 [instrumental music] 83 00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,886 [instrumental music] 84 00:04:15,331 --> 00:04:19,091 Bill, Bill, Paul will be here in ten minutes. 85 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,959 We'll easily be there before the kickoff. 86 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,894 Come on, let's sit down and tell the story of how we met. 87 00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:25,465 - It'll be fun. - That sounds great! 88 00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:27,834 And after we can watch your wedding video. 89 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,669 Watch your sarcasm, young lady. 90 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,572 - I wasn't being sarcastic. - Oh! 91 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:35,141 I'm just kidding, I was totally being sarcastic. 92 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:38,176 - Come on, let's tell the story. - Alright, it's pretty simple. 93 00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:41,781 I broke my ribs and your mother was working as a nurse in the ER 94 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,582 which I think goes to show the lengths 95 00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,023 that I went to just to meet her. 96 00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:47,854 Oh, please, I was the last thing on your mind. 97 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,688 The night your father came into the ER 98 00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:52,592 he was actually seeing someone else. 99 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:55,128 - Oh. - Oh! 100 00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:56,244 Funny story. 101 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,765 ["Faith" by George Michael] 102 00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,769 ? Well I guess it would be nice ? 103 00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:05,171 ? If I could touch your body ? 104 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:09,542 ? I know not everybody has got a body like you ? 105 00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:12,578 ? Oh but I gotta think twice ? 106 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,882 ? Before I give my heart away.. ?? 107 00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:17,317 - Hey! - Hey! 108 00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,850 - Did you hear the good news? - What? 109 00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:21,487 They got Baby Jessica out of that well. 110 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:23,156 Oh, thank God. 111 00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:25,058 - Right? - Yeah. 112 00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:26,492 Yeah. 113 00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:31,564 Hey. So, I brought a bottle of wine for you and Hillary. 114 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,198 Oh, cool man. How much do I owe you? 115 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,635 - Four dollars. - Wow. You got the good stuff. 116 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,937 Yeah. So, uh, what do you guys celebrating? 117 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,972 Oh, it's our one year anniversary. 118 00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:42,275 I got some romantic music on tape. 119 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,844 I got some Jell-O shots in the freezer.. 120 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,413 And after dinner, I'm giving her this. 121 00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,683 It's got a diamond. 122 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,119 - Where? - Right there. 123 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,520 Oh. 124 00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:57,357 Hey, this is one of those promise necklaces. 125 00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:58,457 Things are getting pretty serious 126 00:05:58,458 --> 00:05:59,858 between you and this Hillary. 127 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,426 I don't get serious about nobody. 128 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,129 I'm still in grad school. 129 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,698 But she really wanted it, so I got it for her. 130 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:09,268 Wow. I really gotta do something about this. 131 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:10,737 I'm 25. 132 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,238 Sorry, man, I can't relate. 133 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,140 I'm like a lion up here. 134 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,508 Yeah, I know. 135 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,844 Business in the front, party in the back. 136 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,212 [chuckles] 137 00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,613 Hey, why don't you go to one of those hair restoration places? 138 00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:25,818 Please. I'm gonna be a doctor. I got my dignity. 139 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,653 Anyways, I gotta run, me and this, uh, girl that I'm dating 140 00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,791 we're going to see this movie called "Fatal Attraction." 141 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:33,793 She says it could teach me a few things. 142 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,762 [chuckles] Sounds kinda sexy. 143 00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:37,730 - Yeah, that's right. - Yeah! 144 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,532 - Come on, man. - I'll see you later. 145 00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:42,568 - Be cool, man. - Alright. 146 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:45,004 ? If I could touch your body ? 147 00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:50,243 ? I know not everybody has got a body like you oh! ?? 148 00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:52,245 [groaning] 149 00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:53,780 God! 150 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:55,681 DJ Hooker, that hurts. 151 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,116 [instrumental music] 152 00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,185 [chuckling] 153 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,586 Which did you break? 154 00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:04,090 The vertebrochondral or the vertebrosternal? 155 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:07,827 Like, he's gonna know what type of coffee table it was. 156 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,798 Wow, dad, that must have really hurt. 157 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:14,167 Yeah, a little bit. But I took it like a man. 158 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:18,004 Oh, really? That's not exactly how I remember it. 159 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:21,007 [instrumental music] 160 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:25,611 Oh, Leonard, what have I done? 161 00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,146 [knock on door] 162 00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:37,023 Hope this doesn't end my rugby career. 163 00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:39,592 Hurt yourself playing rugby, did you? 164 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:42,795 It says on your chart you fell on a coffee table. 165 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,763 That's our Native American linebacker. 166 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:47,733 John Coffee Table. 167 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,937 - Doctor'll be in shortly. - And don't call me Shortly. 168 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,773 See, you said he'll be in shortly. 169 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,543 Like, you were saying, "He'll be in, Shortly." 170 00:07:57,610 --> 00:08:01,981 Like, you thought my name was...Shortly. 171 00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:06,118 Uh, I believe the joke is, "Don't call me Shortly." 172 00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:07,854 Yeah. That works better. 173 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:08,854 Mm! 174 00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:11,457 - I'm Bill. - I know. 175 00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:13,059 I'm Susan. 176 00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,866 Nice to meet you, Susan. 177 00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:23,703 Uh, it'd be a lot easier to take your blood pressure, Bill.. 178 00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:26,439 [chuckles] ...if you stopped flexing. 179 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,474 I'm sorry, was I flexing? 180 00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:29,942 [chuckles] 181 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,847 Easy, easy, right there, right there, easy. 182 00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,049 Okay. Is the tape too tight? 183 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,619 No, it's good. It's slimming. 184 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,654 I work out, though. 185 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:44,657 Uh, the doctor gave you a prescription for the pain. 186 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,857 Without it, I doubt you'd make it 187 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,560 through the next couple weeks. 188 00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:50,329 Rugby background notwithstanding. 189 00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:53,099 Wait. Who do I call if I have a relapse or whatever? 190 00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:55,201 Uh, doctor's number's right on there. 191 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:58,504 Yeah, but what if my ribs start hurting and.. 192 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,311 ...you need a dinner out or something? 193 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,180 Here's my number. 194 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,748 You saying I should take these digits 195 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,284 and call you in the morning? 196 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,152 Don't make me take that back. 197 00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:21,360 Yes! Oh! 198 00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:24,196 Michael Dukakis, that hurts. 199 00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:26,365 [instrumental music] 200 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,602 So, it was love at first sight? 201 00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:31,203 Yeah, something like that. 202 00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:34,073 So, what happened to that necklace girl? 203 00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:38,277 Well, obviously they broke up, otherwise we wouldn't exist. 204 00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:41,948 So, you broke up with her that night? 205 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:44,316 Well, not that night, you gotta remember, I was in a lot of pain 206 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,084 so someone had to take care of me for a few days. 207 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,819 So, you let Hillary take care of you 208 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:50,489 and then you just dumped her? Nice, dad. 209 00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:53,059 I didn't just dump her right then. I'm not cruel. 210 00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:56,562 So-so, how long were you "Not cruel?" 211 00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:58,297 Not long. Shortish bit. 212 00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:01,067 Oh, sure, sure. But just for fun. How long? 213 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:03,268 Well, it was practically Christmas, so, you know.. 214 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,236 Well, you can't break up with a girl right before Christmas. 215 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,907 - Thank you. - W-what, by New Year's then? 216 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,294 Yeah, some time in January. 217 00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,110 - Where's Paul? - January? 218 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,178 Well, yeah, but she always had a lot of stuff going on. 219 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,980 You know, there was an ice storm, her car broke down. 220 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:19,118 She had this sick cat that just wouldn't die. 221 00:10:19,207 --> 00:10:22,554 - Then you broke up with her? - Yes! 222 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,989 Right after St. Patrick's Day. 223 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,625 You've got to be kidding me! 224 00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,293 What? She was Irish! 225 00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,229 [instrumental music] 226 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,667 [instrumental music] 227 00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:38,270 Wow, two girls at once? 228 00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:41,007 Dad was a player! 229 00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:43,909 - Way to go, pops. - Not the time, Trent. 230 00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,679 Don't even think about it! 231 00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:53,619 Wow! So, you were dating two women for 123 days? 232 00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:55,688 Thanks, this needed that. 233 00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:59,925 It's fine. I, psh.. I understand completely. 234 00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,459 It happened so long ago, there's.. 235 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,628 It's no reason to make a big thing out of it now. 236 00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:05,064 - Exactly. - Yeah. 237 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,566 - So, we're good? - Yeah, we're good. 238 00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:09,435 - Okay. - Okay. 239 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,970 - Great. - Super. 240 00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:13,706 - Fantastic. - Perfect. 241 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:19,211 Okay, so we're at the part where you and mom have met 242 00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:22,148 and you're living a secret life. 243 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,182 You know, how we're not supposed to pick favorites? 244 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:28,154 - Right now, you're in third. - Hey, guys. What's up? 245 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,589 Way to be on time, Johnny-on-the-spot. 246 00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:32,058 Whoa, what's with the tone? 247 00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:34,493 Mom just found out dad was dating another woman 248 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,228 while he was dating her. 249 00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:38,998 Whoa! That's out? 250 00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:43,235 Oh, that secret has been eating me alive for the past 20 years. 251 00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:47,473 What did I tell you, Bill? I told you she would find out. 252 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,075 And now here we are. 253 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,112 We also learned that your hair is fake. 254 00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:56,949 Whoa! You get backed into a corner 255 00:11:57,016 --> 00:12:00,419 and your defense mechanism is to tell my secrets? 256 00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:01,987 Thanks! 257 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:05,491 And by the way, just for your information, this is real. 258 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,792 Go ahead, give it a yank. 259 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,928 You're supposed to take my word for it. 260 00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,529 What's his deal? 261 00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,102 What is going on? 262 00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,204 I'm organizing my closet. 263 00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:21,107 Well, no rush, but Paul just got here with the tickets. 264 00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:23,513 No, Bill, don't even start with me with the game. 265 00:12:23,514 --> 00:12:25,844 But, Susan, you paid a lot of money for those tickets. 266 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,846 Let's just go, I'm sure by the time we get there 267 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,482 you'll be over whatever this is. 268 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,050 [scoffs] 269 00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:35,054 You want to go so badly, you go with Paul. 270 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:36,489 Oh, no. 271 00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:40,493 No, no, no, no, no. I'm not that stupid. 272 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:41,861 I'm not. 273 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:45,898 Look, Susan, I think the best thing to do 274 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:48,466 when you get news that arouses your emotions is just to 275 00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:51,003 take it in feel it for a second, and then, let it go. 276 00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:53,470 Save your counseling for your paying customers. 277 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:56,575 I just, I need some time to process this. 278 00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,878 Totally understand. I get it. 279 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,946 You know, where I do my best processing? 280 00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,815 In the car. 281 00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,884 Hey, you want to try that? 282 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,420 Oh, Susan, the game. 283 00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,955 Okay, you know what? 284 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,689 I'm not moving until you agree to go the game. 285 00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:12,991 What do you think of that, huh? 286 00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,794 [door closes] 287 00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:18,063 Well, I guess my plan wasn't as airtight as I thought. 288 00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:22,700 Alright, I know I missed your birthday 289 00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:25,037 so I brought you something. 290 00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:28,474 - Who are you talking to? - All of you. 291 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,108 You know, it's not like I'm gonna have any kids 292 00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:32,111 of my own anytime soon, so.. 293 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,579 Aw, any girl would be lucky to have you, Uncle Paul 294 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:36,115 you're a great catch. 295 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,484 Trust me, I'm sort of a mess. 296 00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:43,189 Awesome, Cyborg Rebellion 3. 297 00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:45,391 Yeah. Hey, look for me online. 298 00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:48,761 My screen name is "The-Defraying-Hair-Institute." 299 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,564 I figured why don't I do some advertising. 300 00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:53,265 You are a mess. 301 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,101 Right? 302 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:01,440 A pair of wheelie shoes? Awesome! 303 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,242 You don't hurt yourself 'cause your mom and dad will kill me. 304 00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:06,979 Okay? And for Lauren.. 305 00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:09,248 "Owls." 306 00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:13,886 Yeah, the lady at the bookstore said that teenage girls 307 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:16,121 like owls. 308 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,191 But you know what? I think you'll like what's on page five. 309 00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:21,493 $20! 310 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,396 - Thanks, Uncle Paul. - Hey, you're welcome. 311 00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:26,966 Hey, Bill. 312 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,268 I'm not talking to you right now. 313 00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:32,404 If you had been here on time none of this would've happened. 314 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,540 You know, you got a lot of negative energy 315 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:35,941 going on right now. 316 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,748 Well, darn right I do, I got tickets 317 00:14:37,749 --> 00:14:39,410 to an awesome game that I am missing 318 00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:41,479 because of something that happened 20 years ago. 319 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,982 Well, you know what, you were two-timing the woman 320 00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:45,150 who became your wife. 321 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,952 Okay, okay, I get that. 322 00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,987 And I know that Susan needs reassurance 323 00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:51,357 and confirmation of my love right now. 324 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,458 But, man, you'd think 18 years of faithful marriage 325 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,561 and three kids would earn me some goodwill. 326 00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:58,731 Yeah! Hey, you know what used to work for me with Helen? 327 00:14:58,797 --> 00:15:02,134 The woman who left you and took half of everything? 328 00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:05,304 Seriously, with the negativity! 329 00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,673 No, I'm just saying, you know what chicks dig? 330 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,942 - Hmm. - Tunes. 331 00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,545 Burn her a mix. 332 00:15:13,612 --> 00:15:15,014 I don't have time, Paul. 333 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,349 Well, I got some compilations in my car, man. 334 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,920 I got songs for making out, I got songs for making love 335 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,488 I got songs for breaking up 336 00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:26,158 and that covers the stages of my relationships. 337 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,159 Forget it, Paul, I'll think of something. 338 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,730 Okay, I'm just saying, chicks dig tunes. 339 00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:33,265 Thank you. 340 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,733 Alright, well, look your tickets are on the counter, okay? 341 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,770 Oh, hey, you know what else chicks dig? 342 00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:40,039 - Hm? - Owls. 343 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,107 - Get out. - Okay. 344 00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,692 ? You-you.. ?? 345 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:07,132 ? You were a nurse and I was hurt ? 346 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:13,672 ? I made you laugh with the way that I flirt...ed ? 347 00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:20,612 ? I knew from the start that you would be mine ? 348 00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:25,184 ? Because you were a nurse and oh so fine! ?? 349 00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:30,956 I wrote that the night we met, you know? 350 00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:32,624 Please, you just made that up. 351 00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:35,661 What? Did you listen to the lyrics? 352 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:38,564 That's back when you were a nurse. 353 00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:41,400 Bill, do you even know why I'm upset? 354 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,969 Not really. Why are you mad? 355 00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,738 I don't know! 356 00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:49,541 Well, if you don't know, how am I supposed to know? 357 00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,410 I guess, I ju.. 358 00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:54,947 I-I-I just knew from the moment that I first met you 359 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,749 that we were meant to be together. 360 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,918 And until now, I believed that you did too. 361 00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:02,287 - I did! - Except for that Hillary thing. 362 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:04,156 Oh, honey, if it was up to me 363 00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,957 I'd have broken up with her that night. 364 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:09,528 But it was always something with that woman. 365 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,562 I'm telling you, it was always an excuse 366 00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:14,700 or tears, or fake seizures. 367 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,437 I swear, it was like wrestling a squid. 368 00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:22,573 Look, baby, I know what I did was wrong 369 00:17:22,574 --> 00:17:24,109 but believe me when I tell you- 370 00:17:24,176 --> 00:17:25,244 [thudding] 371 00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:28,113 (Bryan) 'Ow! Mom!' 372 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:31,116 Ow! Mom! 373 00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,719 [Trent laughs] That was awesome! 374 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,819 Are you okay? 375 00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:38,524 - It's my radius. - What happened? 376 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,158 Paul gave him some of those wheelie shoes 377 00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:43,062 and Bryan's big brain probably knocked him off balance. 378 00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:45,330 Wha.. 379 00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:46,831 Why would he give him those things? 380 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:48,801 He knows how dangerous I think they are. 381 00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:52,871 See, that's why I get all my physical activity virtually. 382 00:17:52,954 --> 00:17:56,074 I hope it's not broken, let's get 383 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,515 some x-rays just to make sure. 384 00:17:57,516 --> 00:17:59,377 Well, maybe put some ice on it and he can wait in the car 385 00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:00,698 in the stadium parking lot. 386 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:01,880 Bill! 387 00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:04,167 Eighteen years, you don't know I'm kidding? 388 00:18:04,168 --> 00:18:06,984 If I had to push him a little faster 389 00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:08,545 he would have cleared the table. 390 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,729 Woulda, coulda, shoulda. 391 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,735 [instrumental music] 392 00:18:24,714 --> 00:18:30,174 We'll let you know as soon as your son is out of radiology. 393 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,277 Does that thing get the Denver game? 394 00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:34,813 Because I do not want to see it on in here. 395 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:40,452 [indistinct PA chatter] 396 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,690 Stop looking at me. 397 00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:51,997 I mean it, Bill. 398 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,266 Susan, please tell me what you're thinking. 399 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,802 Okay, fine. Fine. 400 00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,137 [sighs] 401 00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,472 Was I mad that you were dating another woman 402 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:02,841 at the same time you were dating me? Yes. 403 00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:05,777 Did it upset me that I didn't find out about it until now? 404 00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:08,514 Yes. Does any of that really change anything? 405 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,717 No, no, we-we have a wonderful family 406 00:19:11,783 --> 00:19:14,153 a great marriage, a-a beautiful home. 407 00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,821 Well then, what? 408 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:16,989 [sighs] 409 00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,123 [clicks tongue] 410 00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:22,361 I-it might sound silly, but for me, 411 00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:27,966 the history of-of Bill and Susan changed tonight. 412 00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:31,236 I mean, I-I guess it-it doesn't affect anything really 413 00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:35,841 but I just, I-I need to wrap my mind around it. 414 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,309 And I will. 415 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,847 I really did think you were the one the moment I saw you. 416 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:46,017 Mr. Pearson, I just need to see your insurance card. 417 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,553 Oh, yeah, sure. 418 00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:52,891 Uh, let's see.. No, no. 419 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:55,294 Oh! Yeah, here it is. 420 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,229 - What's that? - I'm sorry. 421 00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:00,732 Ah! Is this the prescription 422 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:03,068 from the night you broke your ribs? 423 00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,803 Yeah. 424 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:10,609 You went through broken ribs without painkillers? Bill! 425 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,076 Well, if I'd have filled that prescription 426 00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:13,511 I would have had to turn over your number 427 00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:16,481 and I wasn't about to do that. 428 00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,516 Honey, y-you could've just written my number 429 00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:20,652 on another piece of paper. 430 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:26,558 I know, but that was the first thing you ever gave me 431 00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:28,927 and I wasn't about to let that go. 432 00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,701 - Sorry we missed the game. - I'm not. 433 00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:38,103 - Mmm.. - Okay, maybe a little. 434 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,238 [laughing] 435 00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:40,872 It's just a sprain. 436 00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:42,307 - Oh, yay. - Oh. 437 00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:43,908 But that's alright, isn't it, honey? 438 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,544 I was just looking forward to the 439 00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:48,413 fibroblast-producing collagen fibers 440 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,750 and laying down a new bone matrix. 441 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,953 That's so weird. I was just gonna say the same thing. 442 00:20:57,389 --> 00:21:01,960 Um...happy anniversary. 443 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,027 Happy anniversary. 444 00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:04,663 (Bryan) Uh, hello? 445 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:07,566 Ain't you a child in a sling down here? 446 00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:19,444 [theme music] 447 00:21:19,494 --> 00:21:24,044 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33089

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