All language subtitles for Breakfast.of.Champions.1999.iNTERNAL.DVDRip.XviD-UBiK.EN.HI.cd1

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,061 --> 00:00:17,461 [ Animal Howling ] 2 00:00:17,530 --> 00:00:20,363 [ Creaking, Howling ] 3 00:00:33,379 --> 00:00:35,745 [ Birds Chirping ] 4 00:00:38,017 --> 00:00:41,180 [ Monkeys Chattering ] 5 00:00:41,253 --> 00:00:43,551 [ Birds Cawing ] 6 00:00:46,826 --> 00:00:50,057 [ Birds Chirping ] 7 00:00:56,502 --> 00:00:59,494 [ Birds Cawing ] 8 00:00:59,572 --> 00:01:01,506 [ Monkey Chatters ] 9 00:01:04,043 --> 00:01:07,376 [ Birds Chirping ] 10 00:01:19,024 --> 00:01:21,185 [ Monkeys Chattering ] 11 00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:23,751 [ Birds Chirping ] 12 00:01:35,541 --> 00:01:40,308 [ Chattering, Chirping ] 13 00:01:58,330 --> 00:02:01,458 [ Birds Chirping ] 14 00:02:03,969 --> 00:02:06,529 [ Birds Chirping ] 15 00:02:12,511 --> 00:02:16,311 [ Birds Chirping ] 16 00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:23,154 -[ Elephant Trumpets ] - Hey, folks, it's me, Dwayne Hoover, 17 00:02:23,222 --> 00:02:26,055 slashing prices 'cause we're goin' bananas for Hawaiian week. 18 00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:28,525 Come on down to Exit 1 1 Motor Village. 19 00:02:28,594 --> 00:02:30,528 /'m gonna slash some prices just for you! 20 00:02:30,596 --> 00:02:33,759 Hey, ask anybody. You can trust Dwayne Hoover. 21 00:02:33,833 --> 00:02:37,394 [ Bullets Ricochetting ] 22 00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:40,166 [ Woman On TV] / think we're onto something-- 23 00:02:40,239 --> 00:02:43,970 [ Man On TV] The deadly germ anthrax for use as a weapon-- 24 00:02:44,043 --> 00:02:47,479 - l-- l-- - ls there something you wanted to say ? 25 00:02:47,546 --> 00:02:50,014 - l'm sorry. - Sorry ? 26 00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:52,949 Sorry / made us order the pepperoni and anchovies. 27 00:02:53,018 --> 00:02:55,452 Your breakfast, Mrs. Hoover. 28 00:02:55,521 --> 00:02:57,580 [ Man On TV] When your stomach is under attack, 29 00:02:57,656 --> 00:03:00,318 fight back with maximum-strength Trypepton. 30 00:03:00,392 --> 00:03:03,919 Now available in new orange flavor. 31 00:03:03,996 --> 00:03:07,796 Soothing, fast relief naturally. 32 00:03:07,867 --> 00:03:09,801 So, now how do you feel? 33 00:03:09,869 --> 00:03:11,803 [ Heavy Breathing ] 34 00:03:15,274 --> 00:03:20,302 -[ Man ] Take my hand -[ Watch Ticking ] 35 00:03:20,379 --> 00:03:26,409 /'m a stranger in paradise 36 00:03:26,485 --> 00:03:31,980 /'m lost in a wonderland 37 00:03:32,057 --> 00:03:37,461 A stranger in paradise 38 00:03:37,530 --> 00:03:43,935 /f / stand starry-eyed 39 00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:49,839 That's a danger in paradise 40 00:03:49,909 --> 00:03:55,643 For mortals who stand beside 41 00:03:55,714 --> 00:03:58,308 -An angel like you -[ Woman ] Mr. Hoover! 42 00:03:58,384 --> 00:04:01,785 Breakfast of champions! 43 00:04:01,854 --> 00:04:06,416 -[ Sizzling ] - Breakfast of champions, Mr. Hoover ! 44 00:04:28,981 --> 00:04:30,915 [ Whistling ] 45 00:04:30,983 --> 00:04:33,076 Great news, people. Today's not the day. 46 00:04:33,152 --> 00:04:35,120 - Hello, Lottie. - Hello, sir. 47 00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:37,553 white Shoulders. You know l love it. 48 00:04:39,491 --> 00:04:43,291 Dwayne ? The poison bubbles almost won. 49 00:04:43,362 --> 00:04:47,526 [ Echoing ] The poison bubbles almost won. The poison bubbles almost won. 50 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:51,661 Talk to me. Please. 51 00:04:51,737 --> 00:04:55,969 well, Hawaiian week down at the showroom. 52 00:04:56,041 --> 00:04:59,340 [ Lottie Screams ] / saw your ad on TV,yes! 53 00:04:59,411 --> 00:05:02,403 - Please say something. - well, what should l say ? 54 00:05:02,481 --> 00:05:05,143 Anything you feel like sayin'. You're Dwayne Hoover! 55 00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:07,151 People know who ya are, don't they ? 56 00:05:09,154 --> 00:05:14,114 That's right, Lottie. They do know who l am. 57 00:05:14,193 --> 00:05:16,184 [ whispers ] who am l ? 58 00:05:16,261 --> 00:05:18,126 Please ? 59 00:05:20,065 --> 00:05:22,363 [ Dwayne On TV] Oh, hi, folks. Dwayne Hoover here... 60 00:05:22,434 --> 00:05:24,368 from Dwayne Hoover's Exit 1 1 Motor Village. 61 00:05:24,436 --> 00:05:27,496 we're searching the seven seas to find you a whale of a deal 62 00:05:27,573 --> 00:05:30,269 - Are you sorry ? -Stop on in just for the hell of it... 63 00:05:30,342 --> 00:05:32,276 and reel yourself in a good deal. 64 00:05:32,344 --> 00:05:37,145 - You can trust Dwayne Hoover. - Sure. Sure, l'm sorry. 65 00:05:37,216 --> 00:05:40,242 - l'm sorry as heck. - Then say something. 66 00:05:40,319 --> 00:05:42,981 well, what should l say, Celia ? 67 00:05:43,055 --> 00:05:47,651 l mean, l'm just-- l'm just looking for a-- 68 00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:50,559 [ Man On TV] Each Monday, millions of Americans suffer from-- 69 00:05:50,629 --> 00:05:52,563 A sign. 70 00:05:52,631 --> 00:05:56,431 Anything really, Celia. 71 00:05:56,502 --> 00:06:01,439 l mean, all day long and-- [ Laughs ] 72 00:06:01,507 --> 00:06:05,307 Not much, you know ? l mean-- 73 00:06:05,377 --> 00:06:08,107 Boy-- [ Laughs ] 74 00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:12,742 There are days when l just think, is it me or what ? 75 00:06:12,818 --> 00:06:17,448 - what ? - Yeah. 76 00:06:17,523 --> 00:06:21,823 - l know what you can say, Dwayne. - what ? 77 00:06:21,894 --> 00:06:23,919 - You can say-- -[ Man On TV]Join millions who say-- 78 00:06:23,996 --> 00:06:27,989 [ with TV] Good-bye, Blue Monday. 79 00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:31,503 l have never experienced such safe, fast and effective relief. 80 00:06:31,570 --> 00:06:37,406 - Oh. - l can finally say, 81 00:06:37,476 --> 00:06:39,944 [ whistling ] 82 00:06:44,283 --> 00:06:47,252 -[ Growling ] - No, no. No, no, Nippy. 83 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:49,879 No, no ! No ! No, Nippy ! 84 00:06:49,955 --> 00:06:52,617 l swear l'm armed ! l'll shoot ! 85 00:06:52,691 --> 00:06:55,057 - [ Growling ] - Hey ! 86 00:06:55,127 --> 00:06:56,287 Nippy! 87 00:06:56,361 --> 00:06:58,591 - Hey ! - [ Yelping ] 88 00:06:58,664 --> 00:07:02,430 Nippy ! [ Grunts ] Nip ! 89 00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:04,731 [ Grunts ] 90 00:07:05,838 --> 00:07:09,069 This is how dogs get themselves killed. 91 00:07:09,141 --> 00:07:11,473 [ Organ ] 92 00:07:11,543 --> 00:07:15,104 [ Organ Continues ] 93 00:07:19,151 --> 00:07:22,052 [ Tires Screeching ] 94 00:07:22,121 --> 00:07:24,783 Wedding day 95 00:07:32,664 --> 00:07:37,431 /n, oh, so many ways Ha! 96 00:07:37,503 --> 00:07:40,301 Oh, wedding day 97 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:43,273 lf l saw you on your wedding day 98 00:07:51,116 --> 00:07:53,949 Dear Mr. Kilgore Trout. 99 00:07:56,021 --> 00:07:59,787 My name is Eliot Rosewater, 100 00:07:59,858 --> 00:08:03,954 and this is a fan letter. 101 00:08:04,029 --> 00:08:07,590 Plague on wheels is the greatest novel-- 102 00:08:07,666 --> 00:08:10,533 [ Man ] Plague on wheels is the greatest novel in the English language. 103 00:08:10,602 --> 00:08:14,060 ''l promise to make you famous. You should be president 104 00:08:14,139 --> 00:08:16,471 what the hell ? l mean, look at the handwriting. 105 00:08:16,542 --> 00:08:20,444 lt must be from a kid of 1 4. '' Promise to make you famous.'' 106 00:08:20,512 --> 00:08:24,812 My first fan letter ever, and l'll show you what l'm gonna do with it. 107 00:08:24,883 --> 00:08:28,216 - watch this. - [ Twittering ] 108 00:08:29,555 --> 00:08:32,615 Two hundred novels, 2,000 short stories. 109 00:08:34,092 --> 00:08:38,085 Never heard back from one publisher, not one, 110 00:08:38,163 --> 00:08:40,961 except that wide-open beaver outfit, 111 00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:43,024 and they didn't pay me doodley-squat. 112 00:08:43,101 --> 00:08:44,966 And then / get a fan letter. 113 00:08:45,037 --> 00:08:47,130 well, l'll burn you out of my body bag. 114 00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:51,072 l'll be glad when it's over. 115 00:08:55,414 --> 00:08:58,815 Can't wait till my head's as empty as the day l was born... 116 00:08:58,884 --> 00:09:02,115 onto this damaged planet all those years ago. 117 00:09:02,187 --> 00:09:04,121 Empty as a child's, 118 00:09:07,192 --> 00:09:10,593 a very young child's. 119 00:09:10,662 --> 00:09:12,687 [ Twittering ] 120 00:09:12,764 --> 00:09:16,632 -That's why l wrote those stories, Bill. -[ Bill Twitters ] 121 00:09:16,702 --> 00:09:21,639 Get rid of all the junk that's built up over the years. 122 00:09:37,289 --> 00:09:41,316 Hey, folks, it's me-- [ Echoing ] Dwayne Hoover. 123 00:09:41,393 --> 00:09:45,523 [ Echoing ] Hey, folks, it's me, Dwayne Hoover. 124 00:09:45,597 --> 00:09:48,760 [ Echoing ] Going bananas down here. Dwayne Hoover. 125 00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:51,098 [ Echoing ] Dwayne Hoover. Hey, folks, it's me. 126 00:09:51,169 --> 00:09:53,103 Dwayne Hoover. 127 00:09:53,171 --> 00:09:57,403 There he goes, Grace. He's drivin' by the house because he knows! 128 00:09:57,476 --> 00:10:01,674 l'm tellin' ya, Grace ! He knows ! 129 00:10:01,747 --> 00:10:03,874 He doesn't know a damn thing, Harry. 130 00:10:03,949 --> 00:10:07,749 Now, will you please get over here and sit down ? 131 00:10:07,819 --> 00:10:09,753 Oh. 132 00:10:12,724 --> 00:10:16,751 l'm telling you, Grace, Dwayne Hoover-- 133 00:10:16,828 --> 00:10:19,262 Dwayne Hoover knows everything. 134 00:10:19,331 --> 00:10:22,323 Harry, that is such bullshit. 135 00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:24,392 Dwayne Hoover doesn't know his son is a freak. 136 00:10:24,469 --> 00:10:27,302 He doesn't know his wife is suicidal. 137 00:10:27,372 --> 00:10:29,772 He doesn't know. Besides, who cares if Dwayne Hoover knows ? 138 00:10:29,841 --> 00:10:34,778 Oh, well, l care, 139 00:10:34,846 --> 00:10:37,508 because l'm his sales manager, 140 00:10:37,582 --> 00:10:43,020 and l'm telling you that Dwayne Hoover is saying 141 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,154 - Come here, big boy. - Grace, listen to me. 142 00:10:51,229 --> 00:10:54,687 - / got somethin'you want. - /'ve known Dwayne Hoover 143 00:10:54,766 --> 00:10:58,167 l know him the way a combat soldier knows his buddy. 144 00:10:58,236 --> 00:11:00,170 Jesus, he knows me. 145 00:11:00,238 --> 00:11:02,172 - Harry, first of all, listen to me. - Yes. 146 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,174 You were never in the army. 147 00:11:04,242 --> 00:11:09,179 Second of all, we're the only people in this whole town 148 00:11:09,247 --> 00:11:11,545 You should be proud. 149 00:11:11,616 --> 00:11:16,178 Grace, l try, but l can't. 150 00:11:16,254 --> 00:11:20,554 Oh,Jesus. l'm the freak, not Dwayne Hoover. 151 00:11:20,625 --> 00:11:25,153 Me ! l mean, look. l got a sex problem. 152 00:11:25,230 --> 00:11:27,528 /'ll tell you who has a sex problem, Harry. 153 00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:32,366 How many orgasms do you think Dwayne Hoover has a month, huh ? 154 00:11:32,437 --> 00:11:35,406 l don't care how many times Dwayne Hoover comes a month. 155 00:11:35,474 --> 00:11:38,500 / have 87, and you have 36. 156 00:11:38,577 --> 00:11:41,171 People like Dwayne Hoover have 1 .5. 1 .5, Harry. 157 00:11:41,246 --> 00:11:43,806 Now, that is sick. 158 00:11:43,882 --> 00:11:47,374 Let's move to Hawaii and get a condo in Maui like we've always wanted. 159 00:11:47,452 --> 00:11:50,512 Oh, Grace, you know we can't. l mean, think of my job. 160 00:11:50,589 --> 00:11:53,854 Think how long it's taken me to become what / am. 161 00:11:53,925 --> 00:11:55,859 Maui. 162 00:11:59,197 --> 00:12:01,563 Maui. 163 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:06,502 - Maui. - Maui. 164 00:12:06,571 --> 00:12:10,200 [ Both Moaning ] 165 00:12:19,918 --> 00:12:22,580 - [ Horn Honks ] - Hey ! 166 00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:25,054 Get out of the car, asshole ! l'm gonna teach you a lesson-- 167 00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:27,284 why, you're Mr. Dwayne Hoover. 168 00:12:27,359 --> 00:12:29,850 l bought my new car down at Exit 1 1 Motor Village. 169 00:12:29,928 --> 00:12:32,226 - where am l ? - Oh, Sugar Creek Estates. 170 00:12:32,297 --> 00:12:35,733 - What is happening here ? - Don't worry. Somebody just 171 00:12:35,801 --> 00:12:38,361 But the guys are gettin'it cleaned up. 172 00:12:38,437 --> 00:12:41,429 You can go on through if you want to, but keep it kind of 173 00:12:41,506 --> 00:12:46,205 - Be nice and safe. - Hey ! You can't go there ! 174 00:12:46,278 --> 00:12:48,838 That was Mr. Hoover from Exit 1 1. Oh, / should have got his autograph. 175 00:12:48,914 --> 00:12:52,281 Doggone it. My wife's never gonna believe that l did this. 176 00:12:56,154 --> 00:13:00,113 - what's that ? - Another special delivery. 177 00:13:00,192 --> 00:13:04,356 Two in one week. You ain't dead yet, old man. Here you go. 178 00:13:08,533 --> 00:13:10,558 [ Murmurs ] 179 00:13:10,635 --> 00:13:14,298 [ Man ] Dear Mr. Trout, My name is Fred T. Barry, 180 00:13:14,372 --> 00:13:19,241 chairman of the arts festival, celebrating the opening 181 00:13:19,311 --> 00:13:22,405 Memorial Center for the Arts in Midland City. 182 00:13:22,481 --> 00:13:25,348 lt would be our most profound honor... 183 00:13:25,417 --> 00:13:28,614 for you to be one of our creative and distinguished... 184 00:13:28,687 --> 00:13:30,780 out-of-town participants. 185 00:13:30,856 --> 00:13:34,451 This check for dollar1 ,000 is for travel expenses... 186 00:13:34,526 --> 00:13:37,086 -and an honorarium. -[ Bill Twittering ] 187 00:13:37,162 --> 00:13:40,825 - why all this sudden interest in Kilgore Trout, Bill, huh ? 188 00:13:40,899 --> 00:13:42,833 Some mistake's been made. No question. 189 00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:45,995 Maybe they've invited me because they know l've got a tuxedo. 190 00:13:46,071 --> 00:13:49,632 Ever show you my tuxedo, Bill, huh ? Yeah. 191 00:13:49,708 --> 00:13:53,007 lf they really want Kilgore Trout, they'll want him in a tuxedo. 192 00:13:53,078 --> 00:13:55,012 Ah. Yeah. 193 00:13:57,015 --> 00:13:59,575 High school dance. 194 00:13:59,651 --> 00:14:03,781 Believe it or not, once even / was young, Bill. 195 00:14:03,855 --> 00:14:06,722 Me. [ Grunts ] Hey. 196 00:14:06,791 --> 00:14:08,759 Yeah, it's quite a good fit, huh ? 197 00:14:08,827 --> 00:14:10,761 - Hey, Bill, what is that ? - [ Twitters ] 198 00:14:10,829 --> 00:14:13,263 [ Humming ''Stranger ln Paradise'' ] 199 00:14:13,331 --> 00:14:15,629 Cha, cha, cha 200 00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:17,668 Cha, cha, cha 201 00:14:17,736 --> 00:14:19,931 [ Hums ] 202 00:14:20,005 --> 00:14:21,939 Cha, cha-- [ Scoffs ] 203 00:14:22,007 --> 00:14:25,807 l'm too old for all that. [ Exhales ] 204 00:14:25,877 --> 00:14:30,007 why go all the way out to Midland City just to make a laughingstock of myself? 205 00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:32,515 - l'm my only fan. - [ Twitters ] 206 00:14:32,584 --> 00:14:36,076 Anyway, if l went out there, l'd want to read... 207 00:14:36,154 --> 00:14:38,088 out loud from my own stuff. 208 00:14:38,156 --> 00:14:40,989 Means l'd have to go to those wide-open beaver bookshops... 209 00:14:41,059 --> 00:14:44,028 and dig out some of my published work. 210 00:14:44,095 --> 00:14:46,029 [ Grunts ] 211 00:14:46,097 --> 00:14:49,089 They don't want nothin' but smilers out there. 212 00:14:49,167 --> 00:14:53,365 Unhappy failures need not apply. 213 00:14:53,438 --> 00:14:58,000 Maybe unhappy failures is exactly what they should see. 214 00:14:58,076 --> 00:15:03,013 Show those provincials what nobody's ever seen before at an arts festival. 215 00:15:03,081 --> 00:15:06,881 Someone who's devoted his entire life searching for truth and beauty... 216 00:15:06,952 --> 00:15:09,147 and didn't find doodley-squat. 217 00:15:09,221 --> 00:15:12,622 The creator who's failed and failed and failed. 218 00:15:12,691 --> 00:15:17,219 Think there's anybody in Midland City who'd listen 219 00:15:17,295 --> 00:15:19,525 -Anybody at all, huh ? - [ Twitters ] 220 00:15:19,598 --> 00:15:23,967 Maybe it's my mission, Bill. Think it could be my mission ? 221 00:15:27,372 --> 00:15:31,433 [ Bird Squawks ] 222 00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:41,109 [ Woman ] Dwayne ? 223 00:15:48,059 --> 00:15:49,993 Yeah. 224 00:15:55,033 --> 00:15:57,092 [ Door Chimes ] 225 00:16:03,275 --> 00:16:05,743 [ Animal Hooting ] 226 00:16:05,810 --> 00:16:07,778 Happy, happy birthday 227 00:16:07,846 --> 00:16:09,780 From your staff all who 228 00:16:09,848 --> 00:16:11,782 we wish you happy birthday 229 00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:15,286 So we could party too Hey ! 230 00:16:25,096 --> 00:16:27,155 - [ Door Chimes ] -[ Harry ] See ? See, Francine ? 231 00:16:27,232 --> 00:16:29,166 What'd / tell you ? Something's come over him. 232 00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:31,668 - l've never seen this Dwayne before. - Oh, Harry. 233 00:16:31,736 --> 00:16:35,900 Dwayne may be the most charming man in Midland City, but he's also very shy. 234 00:16:35,974 --> 00:16:39,569 l don't find him so charming anymore. He was walking away from me just now. 235 00:16:39,644 --> 00:16:43,478 Oh, Harry. Dwayne Hoover has fewer bad days than anybody else l know. 236 00:16:43,548 --> 00:16:45,539 - But why me ? - Oh, Harry ! 237 00:16:45,617 --> 00:16:47,551 why me ? 238 00:16:47,619 --> 00:16:52,113 -[ Bird Squawking ] - Dwayne ? Honey ! 239 00:16:52,190 --> 00:16:54,522 - Not now, Francine. - l mean, Mr. Hoover. 240 00:16:54,592 --> 00:16:57,527 -Just leave me alone, please. - we didn't mean to embarrass you. 241 00:16:57,595 --> 00:16:59,688 - l was embarrassed. - Sweetheart, can we have breakfast ? 242 00:16:59,764 --> 00:17:01,698 Please ? After all, it's your birthday. 243 00:17:01,766 --> 00:17:03,700 Don't touch me. They're all watching. 244 00:17:03,768 --> 00:17:07,204 Nobody can see what we're doing. Nobody can hear us. 245 00:17:07,272 --> 00:17:09,399 Hey ! 246 00:17:09,474 --> 00:17:12,910 - Francine. - what ? 247 00:17:12,977 --> 00:17:15,571 - why are you pouring cream on my bananas ? 248 00:17:15,647 --> 00:17:18,207 lt's La Creme. lt's like cream only better 249 00:17:18,283 --> 00:17:21,912 l only like sugar on my bananas. Francine, you know that. 250 00:17:21,986 --> 00:17:25,285 l don't like when you're sharp, Dwayne Hoover, 251 00:17:25,357 --> 00:17:28,155 and you've been sharp quite a lot lately. 252 00:17:28,226 --> 00:17:33,755 lt's beginning to make me think that the things Harry Le Sabre 253 00:17:33,832 --> 00:17:36,892 [ Giggles ] 254 00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:39,402 what things ? what's Harry saying ? 255 00:17:39,471 --> 00:17:43,874 Oh, that you've changed, that you're not the man you used to be. 256 00:17:43,942 --> 00:17:47,810 l swear, Francine, this is why l go home and talk to my dog for hours and hours, 257 00:17:47,879 --> 00:17:50,177 and my dog hates my guts. 258 00:17:50,248 --> 00:17:53,911 Dwayne Hoover, am l losing you ? 259 00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:57,113 The only thing anyone's losing around here is their mind, Francine. 260 00:18:00,225 --> 00:18:05,458 lf you don't like me anymore, Dwayne Hoover,just say so. 261 00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:07,998 [ Echoing ] Truth, truth, truth. 262 00:18:08,066 --> 00:18:11,194 [ Man ] Damn, Rosemary, take them damn pills! 263 00:18:11,269 --> 00:18:15,433 You're turnin' me into plutonium ! Good morning, Mr. Hoover. 264 00:18:15,507 --> 00:18:18,567 - You're looking especially well this morning. 265 00:18:18,643 --> 00:18:20,941 we are having a private-- 266 00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:22,946 Francine ! l mean, sir ! l'm sorry-- 267 00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:24,948 we are having a private conversation, if you don't mind. 268 00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:26,950 we gotta get outta here right now ! 269 00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:29,816 Get your hands off me, murderer ! l want Dwayne Hoover to take me home. 270 00:18:29,888 --> 00:18:32,322 Vernon, this is a demerit on your performance record. 271 00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:34,756 l know things that could make your head spin. 272 00:18:34,826 --> 00:18:37,454 My head spins all the time. l'm trying to make it stop. 273 00:18:37,529 --> 00:18:40,259 we gotta get outta here right now ! 274 00:18:40,331 --> 00:18:44,358 Oh, l can't stand that woman. She is such a phony. 275 00:18:44,436 --> 00:18:47,166 [ Bell Dings ] 276 00:18:47,238 --> 00:18:50,230 That was a real violation of protocol. 277 00:18:55,313 --> 00:18:58,282 Dwayne ? Dwayne ? 278 00:19:00,518 --> 00:19:05,080 Hey, / didn't know Vernon had an SE coupe just like mine. 279 00:19:05,156 --> 00:19:07,090 - Rosemary ! - l don't care ! l love him ! 280 00:19:07,158 --> 00:19:09,217 - Francine. - Except he's got a rear deck spoiler. 281 00:19:09,294 --> 00:19:11,353 - Francine, please. - They look awfully masculine, 282 00:19:11,429 --> 00:19:13,363 don't you think, Dwayne ? 283 00:19:13,431 --> 00:19:16,628 - Francine, please be quiet. - Dwayne, are you changing again ? 284 00:19:16,701 --> 00:19:19,169 - Harry was right. - Oh, shut up ! 285 00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:20,499 [ Gasps ] 286 00:19:24,242 --> 00:19:26,210 l'm sorry. 287 00:19:26,277 --> 00:19:29,212 /'m sorry, Francine. / didn't mean it. 288 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,976 -Sit down, please. - No ! 289 00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:36,646 Mr. Hoover, l am crossing the street and going directly to work. 290 00:19:36,721 --> 00:19:38,655 [ Man ] Hey, Dwayne Hoover. How ya doin'? 291 00:19:38,723 --> 00:19:42,887 l will behave in a professional manner no matter how much you've changed. 292 00:19:43,228 --> 00:19:47,358 A thousand dollars. That's a lot of paper. 293 00:19:47,432 --> 00:19:50,026 A lot of paper a thousand dollars. 294 00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:53,195 who in their right mind would give me a thousand dollars ? 295 00:19:53,271 --> 00:19:57,901 why me ? [ Chuckles ] 296 00:19:57,976 --> 00:20:00,570 [ Grunts ] 297 00:20:00,645 --> 00:20:04,706 And they think l can write ? l can write ? 298 00:20:04,782 --> 00:20:06,750 l'll show 'em. 299 00:20:06,818 --> 00:20:08,752 Howdy, partners ! Dwayne Hoover here ! 300 00:20:08,820 --> 00:20:12,688 And the stampede is on at Dwayne Hoover's Exit 1 1 Motor Village ! 301 00:20:12,757 --> 00:20:16,488 lt's Hawaiian week, and that means great savings 302 00:20:16,561 --> 00:20:18,495 So don't get left out in the dust ! 303 00:20:18,563 --> 00:20:21,760 Come on down and check out our big deal for big horsepower ! 304 00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:23,767 whoo ! 305 00:20:23,835 --> 00:20:26,929 [ Man ] That's right. lt is Hawaiian week-- 306 00:20:27,005 --> 00:20:28,939 why is wayne Hoobler smilin' ? 307 00:20:29,007 --> 00:20:31,202 wayne Hoobler gettin' out today ? 308 00:20:31,276 --> 00:20:34,439 That there is Dwayne Hoover on television. 309 00:20:34,512 --> 00:20:36,446 My name and his sound so much alike. 310 00:20:36,514 --> 00:20:38,482 -[ Man On TV] You can trust Dwayne-- - And l trust him. 311 00:20:38,550 --> 00:20:42,247 Can't trust nobody, wayne Hoobler, just me. 312 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,481 Oh, no, l trust Dwayne Hoover, 313 00:20:44,556 --> 00:20:49,186 and l'm gonna work for him at Exit 1 1 Motor Village in Midland City. 314 00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:51,922 l'm gonna live happily ever after in fairy-- 315 00:20:51,996 --> 00:20:54,487 Gonna say fairyland, wayne Hoobler ? 316 00:20:54,566 --> 00:20:57,399 Hell, no. No, honest. Swear. 317 00:20:57,468 --> 00:21:00,062 Gallop on down to Dwayne Hoover's Exit 1 1 Motor Village ! 318 00:21:00,138 --> 00:21:04,074 -All you know is from watchin' TV. - we got you covered. 319 00:21:04,142 --> 00:21:07,407 You can't even count money. 320 00:21:07,478 --> 00:21:09,469 Let me tell you something. 321 00:21:09,547 --> 00:21:13,483 The creator of the universe is watchin' over me, 322 00:21:13,551 --> 00:21:17,783 and l'm gonna work for Dwayne Hoover 'cause it's my callin'. 323 00:21:17,855 --> 00:21:22,451 warden's ready for you, Hoobler. lt's your lucky day. Not yours, Eli. 324 00:21:27,398 --> 00:21:31,596 where in hell do they get these crazy picture ideas ? 325 00:21:31,669 --> 00:21:35,730 There's absolutely nothing about a college professor or sorority girls... 326 00:21:35,807 --> 00:21:38,435 in the body of this novel. 327 00:21:38,509 --> 00:21:40,807 E-Excuse me. 328 00:21:41,879 --> 00:21:44,245 No women, for cryin' out loud. 329 00:21:46,584 --> 00:21:50,714 That's why l didn't get paid for it. 330 00:21:50,788 --> 00:21:55,191 All l got was doodley-squat. Doodley-squat. 331 00:21:55,259 --> 00:21:59,628 [ Women Moaning ] 332 00:22:07,238 --> 00:22:09,172 watch it, perverted bastard. 333 00:22:16,781 --> 00:22:19,716 [ Birds Chirping ] 334 00:22:27,558 --> 00:22:32,222 [ Moaning Continues ] 335 00:22:34,399 --> 00:22:36,333 My God ! ''The Dancing Fool.'' 336 00:22:36,401 --> 00:22:38,631 l never realized this had been published. 337 00:22:38,703 --> 00:22:41,900 This must be more than 30 years old. 338 00:22:43,474 --> 00:22:45,408 lt's for an arts festival. 339 00:22:49,447 --> 00:22:51,540 [ Meows ] 340 00:22:51,616 --> 00:22:53,641 ''what is the purpose of life ?'' 341 00:22:53,718 --> 00:22:57,654 To be the eyes and ears and conscience of the creator of the universe. 342 00:22:57,722 --> 00:23:01,180 Ya fool ! [ Groans ] 343 00:23:01,259 --> 00:23:03,750 [ Dog Barking, Siren Wailing ] 344 00:23:03,828 --> 00:23:06,296 Let's go over their descriptions again by age, color of skin, etcetera. 345 00:23:06,364 --> 00:23:08,298 For all l know they may not have been earthlings. 346 00:23:08,366 --> 00:23:11,665 For all l know they may have been an intelligent gas from Pluto. 347 00:23:11,736 --> 00:23:14,569 You have some blood on your nose. 348 00:23:14,639 --> 00:23:18,700 A small leak can sink a great ship. Benjamin Franklin. 349 00:23:18,776 --> 00:23:24,146 That gas moved fast like a fart on linoleum. Kilgore Trout. 350 00:23:27,452 --> 00:23:29,386 [ Elephant Trumpets ] 351 00:23:29,454 --> 00:23:31,718 Hey ! Don't be a caveman ! 352 00:23:31,789 --> 00:23:35,350 Escape to the future, and come on down to Dwayne Hoover's 353 00:23:35,426 --> 00:23:37,360 l'll make ya a mammoth deal ! 354 00:23:37,428 --> 00:23:40,556 That's right, folks. lt's Hawaiian week, and you can trust your old pal-- 355 00:23:40,631 --> 00:23:42,565 That's me, Dwayne Hoover-- 356 00:23:42,633 --> 00:23:45,124 to make you a great deal on a luxury sedan just like this one. 357 00:23:45,203 --> 00:23:48,434 - Your stop, Hoobler. - Come on down to Exit 1 1 Motor Village. 358 00:23:48,506 --> 00:23:50,599 /'m gonna slash some prices just for you! 359 00:23:50,675 --> 00:23:53,143 During Hawaiian Week we're gonna offer you a whole new deal, 360 00:23:53,211 --> 00:23:55,145 and that's no monkey business. 361 00:23:55,213 --> 00:23:57,875 That means great savings on new and used cars and trucks! 362 00:23:57,949 --> 00:23:59,940 l'm talkin' luxury with attitude, folks. 363 00:24:00,017 --> 00:24:01,985 Yes, sirree, Bob. 364 00:24:02,053 --> 00:24:06,080 Luxury with style. Luxury with bird shit on the hood ! 365 00:24:06,157 --> 00:24:08,625 -[ Man ] Pan to Le Sabre. - There's bird shit on the hood ! 366 00:24:08,693 --> 00:24:11,321 [ Man ] Harry,you're on! 367 00:24:12,396 --> 00:24:14,387 Oh, hi. 368 00:24:14,465 --> 00:24:18,765 l'm Harry Le Sabre, sales manager for Exit 1 1 Motor Village. 369 00:24:18,836 --> 00:24:21,828 As Dwayne Hoover just told you folks, 370 00:24:21,906 --> 00:24:23,897 it's Hawaiian week here. 371 00:24:23,975 --> 00:24:26,569 Tell them about the bird shit on the hood, why don't ya ? 372 00:24:26,644 --> 00:24:29,943 we're loaded with new cars and trucks ! 373 00:24:30,014 --> 00:24:32,608 Hawaiian week celebrates our inventory reduction sale. 374 00:24:32,683 --> 00:24:35,743 So come on down and drive out with a new automobile, 375 00:24:35,820 --> 00:24:39,119 plus a cash rebate of dollar1 ,1 49... 376 00:24:39,190 --> 00:24:43,126 and become eligible for a free trip to Hawaii. 377 00:24:43,194 --> 00:24:45,025 - Dwayne. -So, remember, 378 00:24:45,096 --> 00:24:47,724 it's not too late to enter ! 379 00:24:47,799 --> 00:24:50,996 lt's-- Remember, 380 00:24:51,068 --> 00:24:56,404 let us prove to you that what's good for Dwayne Hoover... 381 00:24:56,474 --> 00:24:58,499 is good for you... 382 00:24:58,576 --> 00:25:01,136 too ! 383 00:25:01,212 --> 00:25:03,305 l'd like to see you in my office right away, Harry. 384 00:25:03,381 --> 00:25:06,782 [ Man ] Cut, cut. Harry, what the hell were you thinking ? 385 00:25:06,851 --> 00:25:09,319 - Do you think we got anything ? -[ Man ] Not much. 386 00:25:09,387 --> 00:25:13,221 Harry, you spoiled the whole thing. 387 00:25:13,291 --> 00:25:15,156 - Mr. Hoover ! - Hey. 388 00:25:15,226 --> 00:25:17,421 Mr. Hoover, l'm sorry about yesterday morning in the restaurant. 389 00:25:17,495 --> 00:25:21,431 My wife, you know, she's-- She sees things that aren't really there. 390 00:25:21,499 --> 00:25:24,468 - l understand. - Maybe l'm goin' crazy. l don't know. 391 00:25:24,535 --> 00:25:27,595 - l'll go home for hours and talk with my gosh-darn dog. 392 00:25:27,672 --> 00:25:29,833 - Mr. Hoover ! How ya doin' there, sir ? - Good morning. 393 00:25:29,907 --> 00:25:32,603 lt's a pleasure to finally meet ya. l've been watching you half of my life. 394 00:25:32,677 --> 00:25:34,611 - Good morning. - Remember this ? 395 00:25:34,679 --> 00:25:37,375 lt's from yourJuly 4 Firecracker Sale. 396 00:25:37,448 --> 00:25:39,712 Had it in my wallet since l was nine. 397 00:25:39,784 --> 00:25:43,015 The good Lord meant for us to work so close because 398 00:25:43,087 --> 00:25:46,853 - Mine is wayne Hoobler. - Hoobler. 399 00:25:46,924 --> 00:25:50,519 lsn't that beautiful ? l'm gonna have my own car dealership 400 00:25:50,595 --> 00:25:53,155 Never told anyone that though. Saved it just for you, sir. 401 00:25:53,231 --> 00:25:55,426 - Good morning. - Good morning, sir. 402 00:25:55,499 --> 00:25:57,524 lt's a great morning, sir. Beautiful day, sir ! 403 00:25:57,602 --> 00:25:59,729 Stop shaking my hand now, young man. 404 00:25:59,804 --> 00:26:01,772 You know, you look great. Hop on in. 405 00:26:04,442 --> 00:26:06,933 - That's the-- - Young man! Young man! 406 00:26:07,011 --> 00:26:11,812 - That's what l told Eli. - Young man ! Stop shaking my-- 407 00:26:11,883 --> 00:26:13,942 My God. 408 00:26:14,018 --> 00:26:17,249 [ Bird Trilling, Monkey Chattering ] 409 00:26:21,025 --> 00:26:22,424 Fairyland ! 410 00:26:22,493 --> 00:26:25,053 [ whispers ] No. 411 00:26:25,129 --> 00:26:27,290 Harry ! Harry ! 412 00:26:27,365 --> 00:26:31,825 Come over here. l need to speak to you right this second. 413 00:26:31,903 --> 00:26:34,235 l didn't really say that. 414 00:26:34,305 --> 00:26:38,207 Dwayne, what can l say ? 415 00:26:38,276 --> 00:26:40,767 l always knew you'd find out someday. 416 00:26:40,845 --> 00:26:44,178 But we've been friends far too long for such a thing to ever interfere... 417 00:26:44,248 --> 00:26:46,375 - Harry ! Harry, Harry. - with our relationship. 418 00:26:46,450 --> 00:26:49,317 - Do you see this young man over here ? Please. 419 00:26:49,387 --> 00:26:51,685 Take good care of him. Give him whatever he wants. 420 00:26:51,756 --> 00:26:54,520 Dwayne, l don't know what made me think l could hide it from you. 421 00:26:54,592 --> 00:26:58,653 - Grace said it's just a-- - Harry. Harry ! 422 00:26:58,729 --> 00:27:02,859 - we'll discuss it in my office, okay ? - All right. 423 00:27:04,268 --> 00:27:07,465 The inquisition. 424 00:27:07,538 --> 00:27:09,472 - Harry, put 'er there. - Hello. 425 00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:11,974 - wayne Hoobler. - Hoobler. 426 00:27:12,043 --> 00:27:14,978 - Hoobler, yes. lt's a pleasure. - Pleasure. 427 00:27:15,046 --> 00:27:17,173 - That your office back there ? - Yes. 428 00:27:17,248 --> 00:27:19,682 - Let's go take a look. - [ Grunts ] 429 00:27:19,750 --> 00:27:22,275 [ Exhales ] 430 00:27:22,353 --> 00:27:24,947 [ Clears Throat ] 431 00:27:25,022 --> 00:27:28,822 For some reason, this looks like it's turning out to be another 432 00:27:28,893 --> 00:27:30,758 so let's keep everything nice and-- 433 00:27:30,828 --> 00:27:32,762 Excuse me, Mr. Hoover. 434 00:27:32,830 --> 00:27:36,425 Ever since breakfast yesterday /'ve been thinking very hard on the subject, 435 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,991 and l've decided l feel l should quit. 436 00:27:39,070 --> 00:27:42,938 l think it'll be easier on both of us. 437 00:27:47,345 --> 00:27:50,837 You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it sure helps. 438 00:27:50,915 --> 00:27:56,353 That's just to keep people from being serious all the time, Mr. Sourpuss. 439 00:27:58,723 --> 00:28:00,657 /'m sorry, Dwayne. 440 00:28:01,726 --> 00:28:04,490 l know you're just tense. 441 00:28:04,562 --> 00:28:06,860 You're under a lot of pressure. 442 00:28:06,931 --> 00:28:11,425 You remember how you were last year during the George 443 00:28:11,502 --> 00:28:15,199 -[ Bird Squawks ] - Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. 444 00:28:15,272 --> 00:28:18,173 l swear, some people will swallow almost anything. 445 00:28:18,242 --> 00:28:21,040 [ Pill Clatters /n Wastebasket ] 446 00:28:21,112 --> 00:28:26,049 Oh, l'm sorry. l wasn't referring to your wife when l said that. 447 00:28:26,117 --> 00:28:30,952 Dwayne, l have a little something for you. 448 00:28:32,289 --> 00:28:35,554 Just a gift to take with you. 449 00:28:36,727 --> 00:28:40,219 And, um, 450 00:28:40,297 --> 00:28:44,927 l forgive you for yesterday, 451 00:28:45,002 --> 00:28:46,936 snooks. 452 00:28:48,072 --> 00:28:50,006 [ Bird Squawking ] 453 00:28:50,141 --> 00:28:52,837 l've been watching Dwayne Hoover ever since l was nine years old. 454 00:28:52,910 --> 00:28:54,844 Nine years old. [ Laughs ] 455 00:28:54,912 --> 00:28:58,109 Did he ever say anything about me, about my habits ? 456 00:28:58,182 --> 00:29:01,447 - He said you'd give me what l need. - Give you what you need. 457 00:29:01,519 --> 00:29:06,684 well, l wonder what the hell he meant by that, huh ? 458 00:29:07,892 --> 00:29:10,861 [ Clears Throat ] No, please. Put that down. 459 00:29:10,928 --> 00:29:13,453 [ Clears Throat ] 460 00:29:13,531 --> 00:29:17,194 That's much, much better. lt's a little medicine. 461 00:29:17,268 --> 00:29:21,637 Now, why don't you fill out this entry form here, 462 00:29:21,705 --> 00:29:23,935 and, uh, let's see what we can do for you. 463 00:29:24,008 --> 00:29:25,942 what would you like ? 464 00:29:26,010 --> 00:29:29,468 - Haaaa... way-- -A sports sedan. For color, uh ? 465 00:29:29,547 --> 00:29:32,675 Yeah, metallic gray purple. That should make your mouth water. 466 00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:35,116 That should make life in the passing lane a little more comfortable. 467 00:29:35,186 --> 00:29:38,087 Hawaii. 468 00:29:38,155 --> 00:29:40,146 Hawaii. lt's Hawaiian week. 469 00:29:40,224 --> 00:29:42,749 You're eligible for a free trip to Hawaii. 470 00:29:42,827 --> 00:29:45,227 - l don't want to go there. -Just come and sit down. 471 00:29:45,296 --> 00:29:47,230 l want to stay here ! 472 00:29:47,298 --> 00:29:50,290 That's all right. You don't have to go. That's all right. 473 00:29:50,367 --> 00:29:54,167 Now, uh, do you have a trade-in ? 474 00:29:54,238 --> 00:29:56,172 - A trade ? - Yes. 475 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,004 Yes, sir, l'm a homemaker. Honest. 476 00:29:59,076 --> 00:30:02,876 Oh. A homemaker, huh ? 477 00:30:02,947 --> 00:30:08,112 Oh, uh, well, maybe a sports sedan isn't quite right for you. 478 00:30:08,185 --> 00:30:12,519 How about a Crown Victoria ? One owner, low miles. 479 00:30:12,590 --> 00:30:15,354 Little old lady only drove it to a retirement home. 480 00:30:15,426 --> 00:30:19,055 - You have that for me ? - Yes ! You just sign right here. 481 00:30:19,130 --> 00:30:21,963 - l'll get you the keys. - Fairyland. 482 00:30:22,032 --> 00:30:23,693 - what ? - what ? 483 00:30:23,767 --> 00:30:25,359 - what'd you say ? - Nothin'. 484 00:30:25,436 --> 00:30:27,666 - l didn't say nothin'. Must have been someb-- 485 00:30:27,738 --> 00:30:31,538 Goddamn it. l distinctly heard you say f-f-- 486 00:30:31,609 --> 00:30:36,239 why'd you say that ? Please, help me. l need to know why you said that. 487 00:30:36,313 --> 00:30:39,874 ls that the image ? ls that the image ? Does it show ? 488 00:30:39,950 --> 00:30:43,545 For God's sake, man ! Tell me ! Does it show ? 489 00:30:43,621 --> 00:30:45,555 [ Together] Please don't tell Dwayne Hoover. 490 00:30:45,623 --> 00:30:48,285 Look, l'm not lost, l swear ! l promise. lt's just all the colors. 491 00:30:48,359 --> 00:30:50,293 Colors ? what colors ? 492 00:30:50,361 --> 00:30:52,886 For Christ sake, you have colors on. This is a black suit. 493 00:30:52,963 --> 00:30:55,625 This is a conservative black suit ! 494 00:31:02,306 --> 00:31:07,107 [ Birds Squawking ] 495 00:31:07,178 --> 00:31:10,670 Oh. Oh. 496 00:31:10,748 --> 00:31:13,546 Much, much better. 497 00:31:13,617 --> 00:31:15,915 - Now, sit down, Mr. Hoover. - '' Bler.'' 498 00:31:15,986 --> 00:31:17,920 - '' Bler'' ? - Hoobler. 499 00:31:17,988 --> 00:31:20,582 - Oh. - You see, the good Lord 500 00:31:20,658 --> 00:31:23,388 so that both of us would know exactly what to do. 501 00:31:23,460 --> 00:31:26,725 Hoobler. Mr. Hoobler. 502 00:31:26,797 --> 00:31:29,027 Now, listen to me. 503 00:31:29,099 --> 00:31:33,502 Now, there are ways to hide these papers permanently. 504 00:31:33,571 --> 00:31:37,974 But you-- you must never, ever... 505 00:31:38,042 --> 00:31:41,603 tell anyone about our little talk today. 506 00:31:41,679 --> 00:31:43,442 - Yes, sir. - Oh. 507 00:31:43,514 --> 00:31:45,778 - And thank you, sir. - Oh, thank you. 508 00:31:45,849 --> 00:31:47,783 - Can you do me a favor ? - Mm-hmm. 509 00:31:47,851 --> 00:31:50,843 Tell Dwayne Hoover l'll be here bright and early in the morning. 510 00:31:50,921 --> 00:31:53,014 No, no, no. No. wait. You can't come back ! 511 00:31:53,090 --> 00:31:55,285 Bright and early ! lt's my calling ! 512 00:31:55,359 --> 00:31:57,293 - You can't come back ! -[ Door Closes ] 513 00:31:57,361 --> 00:31:59,295 [ Grunting ] 514 00:32:03,033 --> 00:32:08,232 One, two, three, four. Hmm. Ah. Ah. 515 00:32:09,707 --> 00:32:12,005 [ Bird Squawking ] 516 00:32:12,076 --> 00:32:14,010 Ah ! 517 00:32:15,779 --> 00:32:17,713 - Ah. - [ Beeps ] 518 00:32:17,781 --> 00:32:19,715 [ Phone Ringing ] 519 00:32:27,024 --> 00:32:28,958 Hello ? 520 00:32:29,026 --> 00:32:31,824 Dwayne knows. Everybody knows. 521 00:32:31,895 --> 00:32:34,762 He wants to see me in his office. what do l do ? l'm a nervous wreck. 522 00:32:34,832 --> 00:32:39,292 -Just take a relax. -l've already taken four time capsules ! 523 00:32:39,370 --> 00:32:43,306 - Maui beckons. - No, no, no. Please, Grace, please. 524 00:32:43,374 --> 00:32:45,638 This is very, very important. Listen to me. 525 00:32:45,709 --> 00:32:51,443 Harry, what is important is what is, and you are the result 526 00:32:51,515 --> 00:32:54,450 Don't blow it. l love you. 527 00:32:54,518 --> 00:32:57,214 [ Line Clicks ] 528 00:32:57,288 --> 00:33:01,520 Ah ! Don't blow it, yeah. 529 00:33:08,432 --> 00:33:10,366 [ Paper Rustling ] 530 00:33:33,624 --> 00:33:35,558 [ Man ] Dear Mr. Hoover, 531 00:33:35,626 --> 00:33:39,357 Sugar Creek Estates, of which you are the primary stockholder 532 00:33:39,430 --> 00:33:43,594 will be the subject of a public forum to discuss the toxic soil findings... 533 00:33:43,667 --> 00:33:46,227 beneath the development site. 534 00:33:52,443 --> 00:33:54,308 [ Whistle Blowing ] 535 00:33:55,446 --> 00:33:57,380 [ Vehicle Approaching ] 536 00:34:01,418 --> 00:34:04,512 [ Horn Honks, Brakes Squeak ] 537 00:34:04,588 --> 00:34:06,522 [ Grunts ] 538 00:34:08,225 --> 00:34:10,921 Midland City, come on. 539 00:34:12,096 --> 00:34:14,826 Oh, how can you stand that smell out there ? 540 00:34:14,898 --> 00:34:16,763 Oh, shut the door ! 541 00:34:16,834 --> 00:34:19,962 - Oof! Oof. -[ Gears Grinding ] 542 00:34:20,037 --> 00:34:25,805 Oh, it's all poisoned now. 543 00:34:25,876 --> 00:34:28,936 Think of the shit most of these factories make. 544 00:34:29,012 --> 00:34:34,177 Raspberry air freshener, gourmet cat food, 545 00:34:34,251 --> 00:34:36,242 plastic doughnuts. 546 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,254 l used to be a conservationist. 547 00:34:38,322 --> 00:34:41,223 Used to weep and wail when l heard about people shooting bald eagles... 548 00:34:41,291 --> 00:34:43,953 from helicopters and all that, but l gave it up. 549 00:34:44,027 --> 00:34:48,521 l laugh about it now. l say, '' Up your ass ! Man needs its gas !'' 550 00:34:48,599 --> 00:34:50,965 You gotta be kiddin' me. 551 00:34:51,034 --> 00:34:53,696 You ever read a story called ''Gilgongo'' ? 552 00:34:53,771 --> 00:34:57,537 About a planet that becomes too unpleasant because there was 553 00:34:57,608 --> 00:34:59,599 - Gil what ? - Gilgongo. 554 00:34:59,676 --> 00:35:02,941 - Extinct. - l gotta take a leak. 555 00:35:03,013 --> 00:35:06,176 l understand that to mean you're gonna steal a mirror. 556 00:35:06,250 --> 00:35:09,151 - Steal a mirror ? - Leaks. 557 00:35:09,219 --> 00:35:11,380 The holes between two universes. 558 00:35:11,455 --> 00:35:15,186 Don't get too near to that leak. You don't want to wind up in 559 00:35:15,259 --> 00:35:18,786 - Maybe you should take some more time to relax, Gramps. 560 00:35:18,862 --> 00:35:22,093 The only solution to any problem is time. How lucky can you get ? 561 00:35:22,166 --> 00:35:25,101 All right, that's 23.50 for the diesel. 562 00:35:25,169 --> 00:35:27,569 Don't forget to clean the side leak there. 563 00:35:27,638 --> 00:35:29,799 - The what ? - The leak. 564 00:35:29,873 --> 00:35:34,469 - The mirror! - Oh, the mir-- Oh, well, that's funny. 565 00:35:36,513 --> 00:35:38,447 what are you lookin' at ? 566 00:35:40,050 --> 00:35:41,984 [ Bird Twittering ] 567 00:35:44,221 --> 00:35:48,555 [ Humming ''Stranger ln Paradise'' ] 568 00:35:49,626 --> 00:35:53,562 Ah ! [ Grunts ] 569 00:35:53,630 --> 00:35:57,066 [ Humming Continues ] 570 00:36:15,419 --> 00:36:18,445 [ Drums Beating ] 571 00:36:21,859 --> 00:36:24,487 [ Animal Howls ] 572 00:36:27,965 --> 00:36:31,162 -[ Knocking ] - [ Muffled ] Just a-- 573 00:36:31,235 --> 00:36:33,328 Just a gosh-darn minute ! 574 00:36:33,403 --> 00:36:35,337 [ Panting ] 575 00:36:39,910 --> 00:36:42,777 - Okay ! -[ Door Opens ] 576 00:36:42,846 --> 00:36:47,783 Dwayne ! [ Chuckles ] Uh-- 577 00:36:47,851 --> 00:36:53,050 Hey, how's my old army buddy ? 578 00:36:53,123 --> 00:36:56,024 As well as can be expected, Harry. 579 00:36:56,093 --> 00:37:00,257 How about you ? You having any... problems ? 580 00:37:02,432 --> 00:37:05,959 No. No, l, uh-- [ Sighs ] 581 00:37:06,036 --> 00:37:10,063 l don't know how to say it, but-- [ Stammering ] 582 00:37:10,140 --> 00:37:15,806 l guess it started with the Tugboat Annie movie. Yeah ? 583 00:37:15,879 --> 00:37:19,007 -[ Laughs ] -[ Bird Squawks ] 584 00:37:19,082 --> 00:37:22,449 l don't know. Maybe it was panties on a clothesline... 585 00:37:22,519 --> 00:37:25,750 or Mother's bra in the laundry... 586 00:37:25,822 --> 00:37:28,723 or sister's slip, this silk-- 587 00:37:28,792 --> 00:37:33,058 Vernon Garr's wife, Rosemary, thinks Vern is trying to turn 588 00:37:33,130 --> 00:37:37,624 - what do you think of that ? - Uh, well-- 589 00:37:37,701 --> 00:37:40,761 [ Sighs ] God ! 590 00:37:40,837 --> 00:37:42,771 That's just-- 591 00:37:47,210 --> 00:37:49,440 we play around. 592 00:37:49,513 --> 00:37:53,540 Horsey. Dressy. Grace and l. 593 00:37:53,617 --> 00:37:57,314 /t's fun, but it's-- 594 00:37:57,387 --> 00:38:00,413 /t's a private thing. /t's in our own house. 595 00:38:00,490 --> 00:38:03,653 we don't-- Uh, i-it-- 596 00:38:03,727 --> 00:38:06,321 Not-- You know-- 597 00:38:06,396 --> 00:38:09,297 what's wrong-- lt's, uh-- 598 00:38:09,366 --> 00:38:13,200 we don't have any children, so, you know, why contribute to overpopulation ? 599 00:38:13,270 --> 00:38:16,068 Harry, sit down, please. 600 00:38:16,139 --> 00:38:18,073 Sit down ! 601 00:38:18,141 --> 00:38:22,771 Okay. Damn it. Oh, geez-- [ Grunts ] 602 00:38:22,846 --> 00:38:25,815 - Sit down ! - [ Grunts ] 603 00:38:25,882 --> 00:38:29,841 - [ Clears Throat ] - That's good. 604 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,718 You did sit down. 605 00:38:33,790 --> 00:38:35,849 why did you sit down, Harry ? 606 00:38:35,926 --> 00:38:38,326 [ Bird Squawking ] 607 00:38:38,395 --> 00:38:41,023 Because you asked me to, Dwayne. 608 00:38:41,098 --> 00:38:44,192 Right. Good. 609 00:38:44,267 --> 00:38:47,998 l asked you to sit down, and you did. You do that, don't you, Harry ? 610 00:38:48,071 --> 00:38:51,632 People ask you to do things, and you do that. why is that, Harry ? 611 00:38:51,708 --> 00:38:56,577 [ Murmurs ] Uh, what are you saying, Dwayne ? 612 00:38:56,647 --> 00:38:59,241 what are you saying, Harry ? 613 00:38:59,316 --> 00:39:04,754 well, what l'm saying is that l-- 614 00:39:04,821 --> 00:39:07,016 [ Laughs ] l guess that... 615 00:39:07,090 --> 00:39:10,821 l don't really understand my own statement, you know ? 616 00:39:10,894 --> 00:39:14,955 ls that why you're telling people that l've changed, Harry ? 617 00:39:15,032 --> 00:39:18,900 Oh, no, no, no. / just said you're behaving a little differently. 618 00:39:18,969 --> 00:39:22,666 lt's-- l meant it as a compliment. 619 00:39:22,739 --> 00:39:24,673 - You meant it as a compliment. - Yes. 620 00:39:24,741 --> 00:39:27,175 So you weren't happy with the way l was before. 621 00:39:27,244 --> 00:39:29,303 Are you sure this doesn't have anything to do with the fact... 622 00:39:29,379 --> 00:39:31,745 that only you know that l was adopted, Harry ? 623 00:39:31,815 --> 00:39:33,749 l want the truth ! 624 00:39:33,817 --> 00:39:38,186 Good God, Dwayne, no ! Come on. we're army buddies. Army ! 625 00:39:38,255 --> 00:39:40,780 You weren't in the army, Harry, remember? 626 00:39:40,857 --> 00:39:44,156 - You stayed home. - [ Sighs ] 627 00:39:44,227 --> 00:39:47,060 l was in the Signal Corps. 628 00:39:47,130 --> 00:39:50,031 You were not in the army. 629 00:39:52,903 --> 00:39:54,837 Harry. 630 00:40:01,178 --> 00:40:06,810 l have never let the fact that you have the name of a Buick come between us. 631 00:40:06,883 --> 00:40:09,147 - Have l, Harry ? - No. 632 00:40:09,219 --> 00:40:11,312 - Because you can't help that. - No. 633 00:40:11,388 --> 00:40:13,322 - lt's not your fault. - Right. 634 00:40:13,390 --> 00:40:16,086 -You can't change that, can you, Harry ? -Mm-mm. 635 00:40:16,159 --> 00:40:20,255 But this is Hawaiian week. 636 00:40:20,330 --> 00:40:22,264 Yeah. 637 00:40:22,332 --> 00:40:24,357 l suggest you go get with Vernon Garr. 638 00:40:24,434 --> 00:40:26,595 Have him get you some cotton waste. 639 00:40:26,670 --> 00:40:28,638 Soak it in blue Sunoco. 640 00:40:28,705 --> 00:40:33,608 And l want you to burn your entire wardrobe. 641 00:40:33,677 --> 00:40:35,975 - Do you understand what l'm saying ? - Yeah. 642 00:40:36,046 --> 00:40:39,982 Now, look, in the old days, 643 00:40:40,050 --> 00:40:43,747 when we first started selling new cars, we sold them to older people. 644 00:40:43,820 --> 00:40:48,314 Under those circumstances, it was perfectly all right 645 00:40:48,391 --> 00:40:50,689 Hey, you could dress like a mortician. 646 00:40:50,761 --> 00:40:54,857 You could dress like my Aunt Clarice for that matter. 647 00:40:54,931 --> 00:40:58,128 But doggone it, Harry ! 648 00:40:58,201 --> 00:41:00,863 You seem to be forgetting something ! 649 00:41:00,937 --> 00:41:05,874 we are selling the most aggressively designed automobile on the road today... 650 00:41:05,942 --> 00:41:09,742 for people that are looking for unsurpassed driving excitement. 651 00:41:09,813 --> 00:41:14,216 But look at you. You're dressed like an undertaker. 652 00:41:14,284 --> 00:41:16,548 Now, Harry, l have some good news. 653 00:41:16,620 --> 00:41:20,249 Modern science has given us a whole new wonderful array of colors... 654 00:41:20,323 --> 00:41:25,659 with exciting names like red, blue, orange, yellow, pink. 655 00:41:25,729 --> 00:41:30,666 - Ah. - Am l making myself clear ? 656 00:41:32,235 --> 00:41:34,169 [ Smacks Lips ] 657 00:41:39,276 --> 00:41:42,302 why don't you come right out and say it, Dwayne ? 658 00:41:42,379 --> 00:41:44,313 Say what, Harry ? 659 00:41:46,650 --> 00:41:51,587 - That l like to wear women's clothes. -[ Gong Pounding ] 660 00:41:51,655 --> 00:41:57,423 - ls that what you like, Harry ? - Yeah. 661 00:41:57,494 --> 00:41:59,428 Yeah. 662 00:42:01,097 --> 00:42:04,555 No. No. [ Laughs ] 663 00:42:04,634 --> 00:42:09,571 No, no, no, no. well-- [ Stammering ] 664 00:42:12,709 --> 00:42:15,837 [ Smacks Lips, Blows Raspberry ] Not exactly. 665 00:42:15,912 --> 00:42:18,472 Then why do you want me to say you like to wear women's clothes, Harry ? 666 00:42:18,548 --> 00:42:22,109 l don't, Dwayne. l don't. l swear to God l don't. 667 00:42:22,185 --> 00:42:24,745 Then what are you saying ? 668 00:42:24,821 --> 00:42:27,415 l'll change. l'll change. 669 00:42:27,490 --> 00:42:29,481 - You'll change ? - Yes. 670 00:42:29,559 --> 00:42:31,493 - You'll change ? - Yes. 671 00:42:31,561 --> 00:42:33,495 - l have your word on that ? - Absolutely. 672 00:42:33,563 --> 00:42:35,793 lt's Hawaiian week. l've got to be able to count on you. 673 00:42:35,866 --> 00:42:37,800 Yes, you can. 674 00:42:37,868 --> 00:42:39,859 - So you change. - Mm-hmm. 675 00:42:39,936 --> 00:42:42,302 - And don't you worry about me changing. - No, no, no, no. 676 00:42:42,372 --> 00:42:44,863 - That's fair, isn't it ? - Oh, absolutely. That's more than fair. 677 00:42:44,941 --> 00:42:47,671 - That's not too much to ask. - No, no, no. 678 00:42:47,744 --> 00:42:50,212 Good God, no. 679 00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:54,478 And l wanna be friends like before. 680 00:42:56,386 --> 00:42:59,253 - Friends ? - Yeah. 681 00:42:59,322 --> 00:43:01,756 - Buddies ? - Buddies. 682 00:43:02,993 --> 00:43:04,961 - Buddies. - Buddies. 683 00:43:06,630 --> 00:43:09,394 - You can go, Harry. - All right. 684 00:43:10,567 --> 00:43:14,128 - Right now. - Oh. Yes. 685 00:43:14,204 --> 00:43:17,264 Yes, yes, Dwayne. [ Grunts ] 686 00:43:20,577 --> 00:43:22,511 Buddies. 687 00:43:29,219 --> 00:43:32,950 - [ Sighs ] -[ Phone Ringing ] 688 00:43:33,023 --> 00:43:37,323 Francine. [ Chuckles ] 689 00:43:37,394 --> 00:43:40,955 He said l dress like an undertaker. 690 00:43:41,031 --> 00:43:43,591 Oh, l thought he was gonna bring up-- 691 00:43:43,667 --> 00:43:48,001 Just remember, Harry. Dwayne Hoover is the best employer in town. 692 00:43:48,071 --> 00:43:50,005 Ah ! 693 00:43:53,276 --> 00:43:56,109 [ Man On TV] From the most beautiful place in the world... 694 00:43:56,179 --> 00:44:00,240 comes the most exotic tanning product in the world. 695 00:44:00,317 --> 00:44:02,751 Hawaiian Tropic. 696 00:44:02,819 --> 00:44:05,879 Natural oils, tropical fruits, 697 00:44:05,956 --> 00:44:09,448 flora, nuts and protective sun screens. 698 00:44:09,526 --> 00:44:13,121 Created by one man for one reason. 699 00:44:13,196 --> 00:44:16,927 [ Woman On TV] White is for laundry. 700 00:44:17,067 --> 00:44:19,297 - [ Ringing ] - [ Clears Throat ] 701 00:44:19,369 --> 00:44:21,894 ''Thank you for calling Dwayne Hoover's Exit 1 1 Motor Village, 702 00:44:21,972 --> 00:44:24,440 the number-one dealership in the Four Corners area, 703 00:44:24,507 --> 00:44:28,238 where we are celebrating Hawaiian week with free prizes and big discounts.'' 704 00:44:28,311 --> 00:44:30,779 This is Francine Pefko. How may l help you ? 705 00:44:30,847 --> 00:44:33,077 [ whispers ] Francine. 706 00:44:33,149 --> 00:44:35,777 [ whispers ] Dwayne ? 707 00:44:35,852 --> 00:44:39,344 l want you to walk out of here with me this very moment... 708 00:44:39,422 --> 00:44:42,050 and go to the Best western Apollo lnn in Shepherdstown. 709 00:44:42,125 --> 00:44:46,255 [ Gasps ] Mr. Hoover ! 710 00:44:46,329 --> 00:44:50,095 You ought to have some crazy teenager who can run off 711 00:44:50,166 --> 00:44:54,569 l don't want a crazy teenager, Francine. l want you ! 712 00:44:54,637 --> 00:44:56,798 [ Tires Screeching ] 713 00:44:58,141 --> 00:45:00,166 [ Horn Honking ] 714 00:45:00,243 --> 00:45:03,679 - who's this knucklehead, Harry ? - lt's wayne Hoobler. 715 00:45:03,747 --> 00:45:05,715 -[ Horn Honks ] - He's a friend of Dwayne's. 716 00:45:05,782 --> 00:45:08,751 - Take good care of him, will ya ? - He looks like a good guy. 717 00:45:08,818 --> 00:45:11,412 How ya doin', buddy ? wanna take her for a spin ? 718 00:45:11,488 --> 00:45:15,083 -[ Vernon ] Four-door, 429-- -[ Wayne ] Hey, Mr. Hoover! 719 00:45:15,158 --> 00:45:17,820 - what say ? - [ Vernon Continues, lndistinct ] 720 00:45:17,894 --> 00:45:20,488 [ Vernon ] This key entry thing-- lt's a four digit-- 721 00:45:20,563 --> 00:45:25,500 Oh ! Be right back, fellas. we're just going to the... bank. 722 00:45:25,568 --> 00:45:29,026 Maybe stop for a... snack. 723 00:45:31,007 --> 00:45:33,976 l'll be here when you get back, Mr. Hoover. You can count on it. 724 00:45:34,044 --> 00:45:36,410 [ Vernon ] You could fry an egg on this engine if you wanted to. 725 00:45:36,479 --> 00:45:38,413 [ Elephant Trumpeting ] 726 00:45:44,654 --> 00:45:47,020 Extinct. Gilgongo. 727 00:45:48,558 --> 00:45:52,654 [ Trout ] The bull elephant makes his way inexorably... 728 00:45:52,729 --> 00:45:56,563 for what he knows to be his own certain death. 729 00:45:56,633 --> 00:45:59,466 Slouching, as it were, 730 00:45:59,536 --> 00:46:03,267 to what's his own personal Bethlehem. 731 00:46:09,479 --> 00:46:11,811 Gilgongo ! 732 00:46:11,881 --> 00:46:16,215 [ Francine ] Oh, / love the smell of raspberry air freshener. 733 00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:21,780 Hmm. TV helps me relax. 734 00:46:21,858 --> 00:46:26,386 -[ Man On TV, /ndistinct ] - we sure do want you relaxed, Francine. 735 00:46:26,463 --> 00:46:28,397 - Hmm ! - That's for sure. 736 00:46:28,465 --> 00:46:31,400 Now why would a thin good-looking man like that... 737 00:46:31,468 --> 00:46:33,993 love a woman so heavy? 738 00:46:34,070 --> 00:46:37,938 -Come up here. -Now, welcome to The Monty Rapid Show... 739 00:46:38,007 --> 00:46:41,204 - with Mr. Monty Rapid. -[ Francine Moaning ] 740 00:46:41,277 --> 00:46:45,373 Thank you, my old friend Virgil, and welcome, everyone, 741 00:46:45,448 --> 00:46:49,441 Today it is my great privilege to have here in the studio as my guest... 742 00:46:49,519 --> 00:46:54,183 - Mr. Fred T. Barry, one of Midland City's great leaders, 743 00:46:54,257 --> 00:46:56,521 also one of its wealthiest. 744 00:46:56,593 --> 00:46:59,084 - Mr. Barry has joined us-- - l love you, Dwayne. 745 00:46:59,162 --> 00:47:01,255 No, Francine, don't. Don't. 746 00:47:01,331 --> 00:47:03,265 l know l promised never to say it, 747 00:47:03,333 --> 00:47:07,463 but it's a promise l can't help breaking all the time. 748 00:47:07,537 --> 00:47:09,471 Francine, please ! 749 00:47:09,539 --> 00:47:12,940 l know the subject is painful for you, 750 00:47:13,009 --> 00:47:16,604 ever since your wife started acting... crazy. 751 00:47:16,679 --> 00:47:18,806 - That's enough ! - Oh ! 752 00:47:18,882 --> 00:47:23,615 Can you tell the listening audience what they should expect 753 00:47:23,686 --> 00:47:28,089 Art, Monty. They can expect art. 754 00:47:28,158 --> 00:47:30,217 when l go to heaven-- [ Moans ] 755 00:47:30,293 --> 00:47:35,526 on Judgment Day and they ask me what bad things l did down here, 756 00:47:35,598 --> 00:47:38,396 l'm gonna have to tell them, well-- 757 00:47:38,468 --> 00:47:40,959 A little art, Monty, can go a long way. 758 00:47:41,037 --> 00:47:44,336 /t was a promise / made to a man / loved... 759 00:47:44,407 --> 00:47:46,341 and l kept breaking it all the time. 760 00:47:46,409 --> 00:47:49,901 Francine, let's just drop the whole subject. 761 00:47:49,979 --> 00:47:53,938 l promised never to say-- 762 00:47:54,017 --> 00:47:56,417 - Francine, please, just don't say those-- 763 00:47:56,486 --> 00:47:59,978 - ''The greatest living writer in the English language.'' 764 00:48:00,056 --> 00:48:03,492 - Hmm. -[ Francine ] Twist me a bit. 765 00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:05,494 Kilgore Trout. 766 00:48:05,562 --> 00:48:07,860 [ Monty Echoing ] Kilgore Trout. 767 00:48:07,931 --> 00:48:10,525 -[ Fred ] Mr. Kilgore Trout. - You work so hard. 768 00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:14,536 - Kilgore Trout. - /f / was a man, 769 00:48:14,604 --> 00:48:16,697 [ Monty Echoing ] Kilgore Trout. 770 00:48:16,773 --> 00:48:18,365 Kilgore Trout. 771 00:48:18,441 --> 00:48:20,375 [ Monty Echoing ] Kilgore Trout. 772 00:48:20,443 --> 00:48:22,377 [ Monty ] People, stick around. 773 00:48:22,445 --> 00:48:25,380 We'll be right back in a rapid moment right after this important message. 774 00:48:25,448 --> 00:48:27,382 [ Woman ] Dwayne ? 775 00:48:27,450 --> 00:48:29,714 Remember when we bundled up baby George... 776 00:48:29,786 --> 00:48:33,449 and took him for his first ride in the station wagon ? 777 00:48:33,523 --> 00:48:36,287 - He was so happy. - You work so hard, honey. 778 00:48:36,359 --> 00:48:38,725 Maybe that's why God created women: 779 00:48:38,795 --> 00:48:41,025 - to help men relax from time to time. - [ Giggles ] 780 00:48:41,097 --> 00:48:45,500 - [ Grunting ] - You feel better now, dear ? 781 00:48:45,568 --> 00:48:47,502 Good. 782 00:48:47,570 --> 00:48:51,370 Oh, darn. Oh, l promised Gloria l'd be back in one hour. 783 00:48:51,441 --> 00:48:55,138 [ Man On TV] The perfect blast, six feet of choice meats, 784 00:48:55,211 --> 00:48:57,736 real dairy cheese. 785 00:48:57,814 --> 00:49:00,305 You know, this would be the perfect location... 786 00:49:00,383 --> 00:49:04,820 for a fried chicken franchise right here next to the prison. 787 00:49:04,887 --> 00:49:07,583 [ Rattlesnake Rattling ] 788 00:49:07,657 --> 00:49:11,923 Dwayne,you're makin'a face like a rattlesnake. 789 00:49:11,995 --> 00:49:14,361 -[ Rattling Quickens ] - Ah ! 790 00:49:14,430 --> 00:49:16,591 Today we're turning out the deals that beat the band-- 791 00:49:16,666 --> 00:49:19,362 - Aha what ? - Francine ! 792 00:49:19,435 --> 00:49:22,962 Next time you want to ask me for a gift, do me a favor... 793 00:49:23,039 --> 00:49:27,339 and don't hint around until after we are done making love. 794 00:49:27,410 --> 00:49:31,676 l like to keep my lovemaking and my gift giving separate ! 795 00:49:31,748 --> 00:49:33,943 Dwayne, l don't even know what it is you think l want. 796 00:49:34,017 --> 00:49:36,178 l don't even know what it is you think l want, Dwayne ! 797 00:49:36,252 --> 00:49:38,777 - why are you doing this to me ? - God bless America ! 798 00:49:38,855 --> 00:49:40,846 Every woman has her price, Francine. 799 00:49:40,923 --> 00:49:44,017 Yours just happens to be dollar200,000 with parking and lights ! 800 00:49:44,093 --> 00:49:48,291 lt's not for me. lt's for you. Everything l want is for you ! 801 00:49:48,364 --> 00:49:53,392 lt's not for me. lt's for you ! Everything l want is for you, Dwayne ! 802 00:49:53,469 --> 00:49:56,495 [ Gasps ] Harry Le Sabre was right ! 803 00:49:56,572 --> 00:49:59,405 He said you'd changed, and, my God, you've changed. 804 00:49:59,475 --> 00:50:03,536 Dwayne Hoover, you have changed ! [ Coughs ] 805 00:50:06,082 --> 00:50:10,018 l'm sorry l was so cross with you, Francine. 806 00:50:10,086 --> 00:50:12,680 l don't know what's wrong with me. 807 00:50:12,755 --> 00:50:18,591 You're the most loyal and unselfish person l've ever known in my whole life. 808 00:50:19,996 --> 00:50:22,123 l'm so sorry. 809 00:50:23,199 --> 00:50:25,133 Please forgive me. 810 00:50:29,238 --> 00:50:31,502 - l'm so confused. - Oh, we all are. 811 00:50:31,574 --> 00:50:33,667 [ Dwayne Grunts] 812 00:50:33,743 --> 00:50:36,940 l'm just looking for somebody to steer me in the right direction, 813 00:50:37,013 --> 00:50:38,947 just a sign. 814 00:50:39,015 --> 00:50:41,142 l just need somebody to talk to. That's all. 815 00:50:41,217 --> 00:50:43,583 well, here, baby. 816 00:50:43,653 --> 00:50:48,784 Sit here and tell Mommy everything. 817 00:50:48,858 --> 00:50:50,826 - Okay. - [ Moans ] 818 00:50:50,893 --> 00:50:56,729 - Then, tell me, please. - Tell you what, my sweetheart ? 819 00:50:56,799 --> 00:50:58,733 what life is about. 820 00:50:58,801 --> 00:51:03,397 Oh, only God knows that, Dwayne, only God. 821 00:51:03,473 --> 00:51:07,136 [ Echoing ] God, God, God, God. 822 00:51:09,912 --> 00:51:13,109 - Francine ? - Hmm ? 823 00:51:13,182 --> 00:51:16,674 Did l ever tell you about my trip to headquarters in Michigan ? 824 00:51:16,753 --> 00:51:19,847 - when you won the Golden Sales Award ? - Yes. 825 00:51:19,922 --> 00:51:21,856 Mm-mm. 826 00:51:21,924 --> 00:51:24,916 l was given a tour of the research facility. 827 00:51:24,994 --> 00:51:28,293 - Do you know what impressed me the most ? 828 00:51:28,364 --> 00:51:32,323 The place where they do everything to cars that 829 00:51:32,402 --> 00:51:35,963 / remember seeing a sign on the door of the building... 830 00:51:36,038 --> 00:51:38,233 where they did all this torture. 831 00:51:40,209 --> 00:51:43,201 lt said, '' Destructive Testing.'' 832 00:51:45,214 --> 00:51:50,379 l remember looking at that sign and thinking, is this what l'm here for, 833 00:51:52,822 --> 00:51:56,758 to see just how much a man can take without breaking ? 834 00:52:00,329 --> 00:52:03,127 l've lost my way, Francine. 835 00:52:03,199 --> 00:52:05,565 Oh. 836 00:52:05,635 --> 00:52:07,569 Take my hand and lead me out of the woods. 837 00:52:07,637 --> 00:52:10,333 - You're just tired, honey. - l'm way beyond tired. 838 00:52:10,406 --> 00:52:13,773 [ Coughing ] we're here visiting with Fred T. Barry-- 839 00:52:13,843 --> 00:52:16,903 Maybe we should take you to see a doctor ? 840 00:52:16,979 --> 00:52:19,277 l don't need to hear what a doctor has to say, Francine. 841 00:52:19,348 --> 00:52:23,114 l've heard what every person in Midland City's had to say twice. 842 00:52:23,186 --> 00:52:26,053 [ Together] which one of us would you like, Dwayne ? 843 00:52:26,122 --> 00:52:28,522 [ Echoing ] Which one of us would you like, Dwayne ? 844 00:52:28,591 --> 00:52:30,525 -[ Echoes ] Would you like, Dwayne ? - Dwayne ? 845 00:52:30,593 --> 00:52:34,188 Dwayne ! what is it ? Dwayne ! 846 00:52:34,263 --> 00:52:38,029 l need to hear truths l haven't heard before. 847 00:52:38,100 --> 00:52:40,398 l may need to speak to someone from another planet. 848 00:52:40,470 --> 00:52:45,407 - The function of the artist is to triumph over life. 849 00:52:45,475 --> 00:52:47,534 lt certainly is. 850 00:52:47,610 --> 00:52:51,410 what about the writers and artists coming to Midland City ? 851 00:52:51,481 --> 00:52:54,939 - what ? - Maybe you should talk to one of them. 852 00:52:55,017 --> 00:52:59,044 - Mr. Kilgore Trout. - Kilgore Trout. wow. 853 00:52:59,121 --> 00:53:01,055 [ Fred ] Kilgore Trout. 854 00:53:01,123 --> 00:53:05,355 -[ Organ ] -Bunny, Bunny Hoover 855 00:53:05,428 --> 00:53:07,953 Bunny, the crooner, Hoover 856 00:53:08,030 --> 00:53:10,464 Mr. Rhythm Mover 857 00:53:10,533 --> 00:53:12,467 Let me have a vodka cranberry, will ya ? 858 00:53:12,535 --> 00:53:14,469 - Got a bladder infection. - Right. 859 00:53:14,537 --> 00:53:18,405 Weekdays to please at Best Western Apollo /nn and Lounge 860 00:53:18,474 --> 00:53:21,034 And sometimes 861 00:53:21,110 --> 00:53:24,602 So l don't have to scrounge 862 00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:27,581 At the competition 863 00:53:27,650 --> 00:53:29,584 -[ Elevator Bell Dings ] - Yeah 864 00:53:29,652 --> 00:53:32,280 - l'm sure that's enough hair spray, Francine. 865 00:53:32,355 --> 00:53:34,550 Fine. Looks fine. 866 00:53:34,624 --> 00:53:36,785 [ Organ ] 867 00:53:36,859 --> 00:53:40,056 - Hi. -[ Woman ] Checking out so soon ? 868 00:53:40,129 --> 00:53:42,825 You just got here. 869 00:53:42,899 --> 00:53:46,130 Hey, everybody, now here's a must. 870 00:53:46,202 --> 00:53:50,901 - ln the lobby it's Dwayne Hoover, the man you can trust. 871 00:53:50,973 --> 00:53:55,103 And there's the lovely Francine Pefko, Daddy's secretary from the get-go. 872 00:53:55,177 --> 00:53:58,544 - Dwayne, isn't that your son George ? - Yes, that's George. 873 00:53:58,614 --> 00:54:02,710 Can do Francine, l can do 874 00:54:02,785 --> 00:54:05,310 Can do a little treasure 875 00:54:05,388 --> 00:54:07,879 - Come on. Let's go. - Hi, George. 876 00:54:07,957 --> 00:54:10,482 - we're leaving. -For your and Daddy's pleasure 877 00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:14,223 l didn't know he was in show business or that he had 878 00:54:14,297 --> 00:54:17,994 Bunny Hoover can do 879 00:54:18,067 --> 00:54:22,003 - Yeah -[ One Person Claps ] 880 00:54:22,071 --> 00:54:24,733 You're loaded with talent, kid. You know that. 881 00:54:24,807 --> 00:54:27,207 - Yeah ? - Absolutely. 882 00:54:27,276 --> 00:54:32,213 -[ Car Horns Honking ] -[ Ducks Quaking ] 883 00:54:34,016 --> 00:54:36,246 lt's just a big elephant ! 884 00:54:37,987 --> 00:54:39,921 Sir ? Officer ? 885 00:54:42,258 --> 00:54:45,557 Did you ever wonder how they get each one to taste exactly the same ? 886 00:54:45,628 --> 00:54:47,653 [ Horn Honking ] 887 00:54:47,730 --> 00:54:51,564 Of course, you don't. You've got too many other things 888 00:54:51,634 --> 00:54:54,797 l just pray each Sunday that l'll be taken care of, but you ask questions. 889 00:54:54,870 --> 00:54:56,838 what is going on here ? 890 00:54:58,174 --> 00:55:00,108 [ whirring ] 891 00:55:00,176 --> 00:55:02,235 Everything all right, Mother ? 892 00:55:02,311 --> 00:55:06,179 - [ Humming ] - Mom ? Mom ! 893 00:55:06,248 --> 00:55:08,182 Mother! 894 00:55:10,152 --> 00:55:13,280 [ Sighs ] 895 00:55:13,356 --> 00:55:17,019 -[ Horn Honking ] - [ Sighs ] 896 00:55:17,093 --> 00:55:19,425 That's Dwayne Hoover. 897 00:55:21,097 --> 00:55:24,396 - Hmm ! Look, it's Fred T. Barry. - Hello, Dwayne ! 898 00:55:24,467 --> 00:55:28,426 And we just saw him on television. 899 00:55:28,504 --> 00:55:31,371 we've located world Classics Library. 900 00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:34,568 what is world Classics Library ? 901 00:55:34,644 --> 00:55:36,407 Kilgore Trout's publisher. 902 00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:40,976 - Mmm ! Listen. -[ Radio ] This is Fred T. Barry. 903 00:55:41,050 --> 00:55:46,511 lt's Fred T. Barry on the radio, and he's right next to us. 904 00:55:46,589 --> 00:55:48,682 Do you suppose that means something, Dwayne ? 905 00:55:48,758 --> 00:55:51,750 [ Fred On Radio ] Mother, who is 94 this week. 906 00:55:51,827 --> 00:55:56,628 The keynote speaker will be none other than the noted 907 00:55:56,699 --> 00:55:58,758 Kilgore Trout ! 908 00:55:58,834 --> 00:56:01,826 - [ Horn Honking ] - You're going to get us killed ! 909 00:56:01,904 --> 00:56:07,103 - Francine ! Take a memo ! - Mr. Hoover ! 910 00:56:07,176 --> 00:56:10,009 - Turn around,jackass ! - what are you, nuts ? 911 00:56:10,079 --> 00:56:13,139 l want to meet with Kilgore Trout this weekend when he comes to Midland City. 912 00:56:13,215 --> 00:56:16,480 You better start driving sensibly, A.S.A.P., and / am not kidding! 913 00:56:16,552 --> 00:56:18,952 -Just take the gosh-darn memo ! - [ Gasps ] 914 00:56:24,427 --> 00:56:29,364 Oh ! what kind of name is Kilgore Trout ? 915 00:56:29,432 --> 00:56:34,131 On the planet, everything is reversed. lt's chaos. 916 00:56:34,203 --> 00:56:38,936 And the inhabitants live under the snow to keep warm. 917 00:56:39,008 --> 00:56:43,308 They've evolved nail-- 918 00:56:44,814 --> 00:56:48,341 They've evolved nails under what we would call their feet. 919 00:56:48,417 --> 00:56:52,854 They're quadrupods, and they got eight nails so they don't slip. 920 00:56:52,922 --> 00:56:55,891 And the sun-- They don't go in the sun, because the sun's reversed. 921 00:56:55,958 --> 00:56:59,951 lt's cold. lt's a cold sun. Cold sun. 922 00:57:00,029 --> 00:57:02,691 Chaos. lt's chaos. 923 00:57:02,765 --> 00:57:07,828 Everything's kind of backwards. ''Soahc. Soahc.'' 924 00:57:17,156 --> 00:57:20,319 Eliot, l have come to discuss the arts festival... 925 00:57:20,393 --> 00:57:24,591 and the arrangements for the El Greco. 926 00:57:24,664 --> 00:57:29,966 - Did you find the writer? Kilgore Trout ? 927 00:57:30,036 --> 00:57:35,235 wonderful. l-ls he coming here to Midland City ? 928 00:57:35,308 --> 00:57:38,471 - Yes, Eliot, he is. - wonderful. 929 00:57:38,544 --> 00:57:44,107 Eliot, do you know where Kilgore Trout stories appear ? 930 00:57:44,183 --> 00:57:48,882 They appear in porno smut magazines. 931 00:57:48,955 --> 00:57:51,355 Tell him, Howell. 932 00:57:51,424 --> 00:57:56,293 Yes, sir. Whips and Other Trips, Hard Thing and Black Garter Belt. 933 00:57:56,362 --> 00:58:01,857 You mean, uh, like this ? 934 00:58:04,337 --> 00:58:08,467 What / know is that Kilgore Trout... 935 00:58:08,541 --> 00:58:13,478 [ Coughs ] should win the Nobel prize for literature. 936 00:58:16,849 --> 00:58:18,840 [ Man's Voice Echoing ] Kilgore Trout, 937 00:58:18,918 --> 00:58:21,716 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout, 938 00:58:21,787 --> 00:58:24,585 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout, 939 00:58:24,657 --> 00:58:27,148 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout, 940 00:58:27,226 --> 00:58:30,354 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout, 941 00:58:30,429 --> 00:58:32,363 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout. 942 00:58:32,431 --> 00:58:37,232 [ Fades ] Kilgore Trout, Kilgore-- 943 00:58:37,303 --> 00:58:40,864 [ TV. Techno ] 944 00:58:44,710 --> 00:58:46,644 [ Static On TV] 945 00:58:46,712 --> 00:58:51,411 [ Woman On TV] To enhance your life, Panasonic 946 00:58:51,484 --> 00:58:56,183 What you may not know is we also bring you the long-lasting high 947 00:58:56,255 --> 00:58:58,246 The Plus Alkaline battery from Panasonic. 948 00:58:58,324 --> 00:59:01,782 -[ Static ] - This guy looks forward 949 00:59:01,861 --> 00:59:03,795 [ Static ] 950 00:59:03,863 --> 00:59:06,730 [ Man ] Twelve people were overcome by toxic fumes this morning... 951 00:59:06,799 --> 00:59:10,200 and were evacuated from their homes at Sugar Creek Estates. 952 00:59:10,269 --> 00:59:12,931 -[ Static ] - Celia ? 953 00:59:13,005 --> 00:59:16,463 -[ Woman ] Sure, we're having good times, but what if? 954 00:59:16,542 --> 00:59:20,034 [ Man, /ndistinct ] 955 00:59:20,112 --> 00:59:24,014 - They're not happy. - Bills were adding up and 956 00:59:24,083 --> 00:59:26,574 but we thought, hey, we can handle this. 957 00:59:26,652 --> 00:59:30,782 Then John's company downsized, soJohn's trying to find a new job. 958 00:59:30,856 --> 00:59:34,883 That's right. Nobody's happy. 959 00:59:34,961 --> 00:59:39,159 They're just trying to sell you something. 960 00:59:39,231 --> 00:59:43,292 But they're together, a real family. 961 00:59:43,369 --> 00:59:45,098 we're gonna be okay. 962 00:59:45,171 --> 00:59:48,937 They're not a real family. They're not real. They're not real people. 963 00:59:49,008 --> 00:59:52,341 Real people worry about being surprised, Celia. 964 00:59:52,411 --> 00:59:57,314 They worry about people jumping out at them, shouting 965 00:59:57,383 --> 00:59:59,442 They worry about being carted off to the bughouse. 966 00:59:59,518 --> 01:00:01,486 [ Man ] we've been taking care of people for more than 3 5 years. 967 01:00:01,554 --> 01:00:05,320 - Now they're happy. - Celia, snap out of it ! 968 01:00:05,391 --> 01:00:10,920 They're not real, okay ? Real people don't stand around 969 01:00:10,997 --> 01:00:12,988 They're not real. They're just lying to you. 970 01:00:13,065 --> 01:00:18,367 They're hired to lie to you. That's their job on TV ! 971 01:00:18,437 --> 01:00:21,668 Dwayne Hoover slashing prices. We're going bananas down here 972 01:00:21,741 --> 01:00:25,302 Hey, ask anybody. You can trust Dwayne Hoover. 973 01:00:25,378 --> 01:00:27,778 /'d trust you, Dwayne. 974 01:00:27,847 --> 01:00:33,183 - lf only you'd tell me which... Dwayne to trust. 975 01:00:33,252 --> 01:00:35,846 what is that supposed to mean, hmm ? Hmm, Celia ? 976 01:00:35,921 --> 01:00:38,082 ls that another one of your little secret messages ? 977 01:00:38,157 --> 01:00:40,853 Are you telling me that you're leaving me, Celia ? ls that it ? 978 01:00:40,926 --> 01:00:43,861 'Cause if you're telling me that just go ahead and tell me, 979 01:00:43,929 --> 01:00:45,897 l can take almost anything these days. 980 01:00:45,965 --> 01:00:48,229 l feel pretty much alone most of the time anyway, to tell you the truth. 981 01:00:48,300 --> 01:00:51,133 what l'm trying to say is, 982 01:00:51,203 --> 01:00:55,469 whether we're together... or apart... 983 01:00:58,077 --> 01:01:00,011 the moments between us... 984 01:01:02,214 --> 01:01:05,741 have always existed... 985 01:01:07,319 --> 01:01:09,617 and will always... 986 01:01:16,395 --> 01:01:18,363 -[ Static ] -[ Man On TV] Famalton, 987 01:01:18,431 --> 01:01:23,368 - the easy formula for stress relief. - exist. 988 01:01:23,436 --> 01:01:28,601 - [ Mouthing words ] - Make each day as good as the best day. 989 01:01:28,674 --> 01:01:30,608 Mmm ! 990 01:01:31,911 --> 01:01:33,970 So you see what l'm saying about management, kid. 991 01:01:34,046 --> 01:01:36,276 - You just need a little guidance-- -[ Gunshot ] 992 01:01:36,348 --> 01:01:39,249 Jesus. That sounded like a gunshot. 993 01:01:39,318 --> 01:01:42,651 - Mommy ! - wait a minute, kid. l'll come with ya. 994 01:01:42,721 --> 01:01:45,884 [ Footsteps Running ] 995 01:01:45,958 --> 01:01:50,657 - Pops, don't shoot. lt's me. - Don't shoot me either. 996 01:01:50,729 --> 01:01:53,323 l'm interested in handling his act. This isn't the first time 997 01:01:53,399 --> 01:01:55,697 Don't light that in here. This is a nonsmoking household. 998 01:01:55,768 --> 01:01:58,236 Fair enough. /'ll be outside when you're ready, Bunny. 999 01:01:58,304 --> 01:02:00,898 - His name's George ! - George. 1000 01:02:04,677 --> 01:02:07,077 Did you shoot Mommy ? 1001 01:02:07,146 --> 01:02:11,879 You were elected cadet colonel at the Prairie Military Academy. 1002 01:02:11,951 --> 01:02:14,749 lt was the highest rank you could achieve in your senior year. 1003 01:02:14,820 --> 01:02:17,880 lt was supposed to make a man out of you. 1004 01:02:17,957 --> 01:02:20,221 why would l want that ? 1005 01:02:20,292 --> 01:02:24,126 what men do is so often cruel and ugly. 1006 01:02:27,133 --> 01:02:32,070 You looked like your mother just then. 1007 01:02:32,138 --> 01:02:34,265 Oh, baby. 1008 01:02:37,877 --> 01:02:40,345 Go to your room. 1009 01:02:40,412 --> 01:02:42,573 Yes, sir. 1010 01:02:42,648 --> 01:02:44,582 [ BellJingles ] 1011 01:02:47,953 --> 01:02:51,480 [ Electricity Crackling ] 1012 01:03:05,838 --> 01:03:10,070 The asshole of the universe ain't Midland City. 1013 01:03:10,142 --> 01:03:14,841 - You ever seen Libertyville ? - No, haven't had the pleasure. 1014 01:03:14,914 --> 01:03:18,372 Yeah, about ten years ago l got caught in a speed trap down there. 1015 01:03:18,450 --> 01:03:21,817 Got a little mad and took a swing at the cop. They put me in jail. 1016 01:03:21,887 --> 01:03:24,720 Hmm. 1017 01:03:24,790 --> 01:03:26,951 Main industry down there is pulping. 1018 01:03:27,026 --> 01:03:30,757 Got trucks bringing in hundreds of tons of unwanted printed material... 1019 01:03:30,829 --> 01:03:32,956 to Libertyville every day. 1020 01:03:33,032 --> 01:03:35,000 - Paper pulping. - Yeah, paper pulping. 1021 01:03:35,067 --> 01:03:38,332 They got so many books down there, they use it for toilet paper. 1022 01:03:38,404 --> 01:03:41,202 l sat in jail for two days with nothing to do but read my toilet paper. 1023 01:03:41,273 --> 01:03:43,207 l still remember one of the stories that l read. 1024 01:03:43,275 --> 01:03:45,573 This story was about as crazy as anything you ever come across. 1025 01:03:45,644 --> 01:03:48,374 lt was the last story l ever read, as a matter of fact. 1026 01:03:48,447 --> 01:03:51,939 lt was about another planet where some government guy... 1027 01:03:52,017 --> 01:03:56,886 used a roulette wheel to decide which artwork to put 1028 01:03:56,956 --> 01:03:59,356 The roulette wheel is rigged, and then the guy-- 1029 01:03:59,425 --> 01:04:03,521 - This whatever you call, uh, uh-- - The Barring-gaffner. 1030 01:04:03,596 --> 01:04:07,555 Yeah, the Barring-- Yeah. Yeah ! 1031 01:04:07,633 --> 01:04:11,364 [ Laughs ] Hey ! That's right. 1032 01:04:11,437 --> 01:04:13,962 The toilet paper you read in the Libertyville jail was... 1033 01:04:14,039 --> 01:04:16,940 The Barring-gaffner of Bagnialto... 1034 01:04:17,009 --> 01:04:20,069 or This Year's Masterpiece By Kilgore Trout. 1035 01:04:20,145 --> 01:04:23,945 - You actually read that thing ? - Yeah, of course l read it. 1036 01:04:24,016 --> 01:04:26,951 [ Laughs ] Boy, what is his name ? Trout ? 1037 01:04:27,019 --> 01:04:28,953 He must be half cracked, don't you think ? 1038 01:04:29,021 --> 01:04:32,957 well, he, uh, was self-educated, if that's what you mean. 1039 01:04:33,025 --> 01:04:37,086 He didn't finish high school, but he could quote Shakespeare. 1040 01:04:37,162 --> 01:04:40,598 ''All the world's a stage. All the men and women are merely players.'' 1041 01:04:40,666 --> 01:04:44,762 Yeah. Didn't make any sense. 1042 01:04:44,837 --> 01:04:48,034 lt was chaos. 1043 01:04:48,107 --> 01:04:50,598 You got that right. 1044 01:04:54,913 --> 01:05:00,818 why would you ever read that nutty story if you didn't have to ? 1045 01:05:08,093 --> 01:05:10,061 why ? 1046 01:05:10,129 --> 01:05:14,828 lt takes all kinds of people to make up a world. 1047 01:05:14,900 --> 01:05:18,233 -[ Tires Screeching ] -[ Echoing ] 1048 01:05:18,304 --> 01:05:22,206 [ Echoing ] Hey, folks, it's me. Dwayne Hoover! Dwayne Hoover! 1049 01:05:26,879 --> 01:05:30,144 [ Elephant Trumpeting ] 1050 01:05:30,215 --> 01:05:34,879 [ Tires Screeching, Engine Revving ] 1051 01:05:39,525 --> 01:05:42,392 [ Tires Screeching ] 1052 01:05:46,198 --> 01:05:49,258 - [ Car Beeping ] - [ Panting ] Ooh ! 1053 01:05:49,335 --> 01:05:54,830 Good morning, Mr. Hoover ! [ Echoing ] 1054 01:05:54,907 --> 01:05:58,638 -[ Elephant Trumpets ] - Good morning, Mr. Hoover. 1055 01:06:02,247 --> 01:06:04,181 -[ Man ] Dwayne Hoover! -[ Woman ] Dwayne Hoover! 1056 01:06:04,249 --> 01:06:06,843 Mr. Hoover, we are interested in something that hauls like a truck, 1057 01:06:06,919 --> 01:06:09,149 but drives like a luxury sedan. 1058 01:06:09,221 --> 01:06:11,849 Yeah, yeah, and with convenience at our fingertips. 1059 01:06:11,924 --> 01:06:14,859 Gonna get a TV set today. l swear, maybe you might come over for dinner. 1060 01:06:14,927 --> 01:06:18,124 [ Echoing ] Dinner, dinner, dinner. 1061 01:06:18,197 --> 01:06:20,131 [ Elephant Trumpets ] 1062 01:06:20,199 --> 01:06:22,224 - Tell me something. - Yeah ? 1063 01:06:22,301 --> 01:06:25,236 Take a look over-- over there. 1064 01:06:25,304 --> 01:06:27,431 - You see the young man... - Yeah. 1065 01:06:27,506 --> 01:06:29,770 wearing a suit, five, ten and a half? 1066 01:06:29,842 --> 01:06:32,037 - Yeah. - Yes. 1067 01:06:32,111 --> 01:06:35,444 Go talk to him. He'll take good care of ya. 1068 01:06:35,514 --> 01:06:38,074 [ Woman ] But, Mr. Hoover, we want to buy a car from you! 1069 01:06:38,150 --> 01:06:40,311 [ Echoing ] You! You! You! 1070 01:06:40,386 --> 01:06:44,015 Oh. [ Grunts ] 1071 01:06:46,725 --> 01:06:49,489 Oh. Ah. 1072 01:06:49,561 --> 01:06:53,327 - Oh ! -[ Bird Squawking ] 1073 01:06:53,399 --> 01:06:55,458 Okay ! 1074 01:06:57,202 --> 01:06:59,136 -[ Phone Ringing ] -[ Door Chimes ] 1075 01:06:59,204 --> 01:07:02,537 - Oh. -[ Ringing Continues ] 1076 01:07:02,608 --> 01:07:05,236 [ Bird Squawks ] 1077 01:07:05,310 --> 01:07:07,244 Oh, God. 1078 01:07:08,380 --> 01:07:11,315 [ Ringing Continues ] 1079 01:07:11,383 --> 01:07:13,317 [ Squawking Continues ] 1080 01:07:18,724 --> 01:07:23,593 Dwayne ! Buddies. [ Laughs ] 1081 01:07:26,365 --> 01:07:28,799 [ Gasps ] 1082 01:07:28,867 --> 01:07:32,496 Princes, pa-poo-la Have plenty papaya 1083 01:07:32,571 --> 01:07:34,539 Oh, me, oh, my-a 1084 01:07:34,606 --> 01:07:38,372 You ought to really try a piece of Pa-Poo-La's papaya 1085 01:07:38,444 --> 01:07:42,676 [ Laughs ] Hawaii ! Aloha ! 90310

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.