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1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:03,440
It's you!
2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,000
Why not roll out
an entire campaign?
3
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,680
With the both of you!
4
00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,400
It's better than the plan!
5
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,800
It is real, it is raw,
it is clickable.
6
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:15,600
When I was married, I had an affair
with the neighbour next door.
7
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,920
What was that?
8
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,760
The high life is me translating
dirty talk
9
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,600
for some horny Spanish wunderkind.
10
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,800
Clearly a slice of sadness
to this wedding.
11
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,680
Her and Abe are absolutely
perfect together.
12
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,320
- You wouldn't believe.
- Then why is she crying?
13
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,040
I miss you.
I thought about you all the time.
14
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,360
You're not good for me.
15
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,000
And, um, because of that,
16
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,000
I think it's probably best that we
just see each other around.
17
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,000
And you know I'll do anything
to make you happy.
18
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,560
I need you to sell the house.
19
00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,000
I don't think I can do that.
20
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,560
Let's talk wedding venues.
21
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,000
I thought we agreed on the hotel
in Dorset?
22
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,800
Ah, yes, so turns out it was already
booked by our #sickbride
23
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,680
in cancer remission.
24
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,560
Understandably,
it was a light pencil.
25
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,400
How do we feel about castles?
26
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,480
- Oh!
- There's one here with a functioning moat
27
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,160
and a Red Bull sponsorship.
28
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,240
Does it have a lift?
29
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,640
Mmm!
30
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,000
- We will look into that.
- Yes.
31
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,000
Yeah. OK, moving on...
32
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,600
Hen do!
33
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:23,320
We're thinking immersive,
live-streamed,
34
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,000
head-mounted GoPro -
35
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,000
you bring the viewer with you!
36
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,640
But isn't it a spa day?
37
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:32,560
I mean, massages, robes,
bit of tequila...?
38
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,320
We are three months away
from the wedding.
39
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,360
We need to ramp it up!
40
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,840
- And put ramps everywhere! For you!
- LAUGHTER
41
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:44,480
So our goal is to break one mil
by the end of the honeymoon.
42
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,600
We're in the room right next door,
aren't we, Olivia?
43
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,920
- Yassu!
- Yassu!
44
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,000
Now, do you mind
if I take a quick boomerang
45
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,440
of you having one of these
lovely biccies?
46
00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:59,800
That's brilliant.
47
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,000
Oh, good - a hard launch for toast?
48
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,120
Maybe you should tag the eggs?
49
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,000
Well, I'm just keeping up
with the brief.
50
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,080
But, er, message received.
51
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,360
No, no, let's commit.
52
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,400
Give the people what they
really want -
53
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,800
gritty disabled realism!
54
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,000
- Huh?
- OK.
55
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,160
No, no, post a reel of you and Ty -
deadlifting me into the shower.
56
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:35,000
- Freya...
- ..or a house tour!
57
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,280
Yeah?
58
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,720
"Here's where
I can't reach anything.
59
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,000
"Here's the ramp that wants me dead.
60
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,360
"Here's upstairs...
61
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,120
"Oh, I've never been!"
62
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,960
I hear you!
63
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,440
You could have an entire
third family up there
64
00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,040
and I wouldn't even know it.
65
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:58,720
I'm going to talk to Jane
about further renovations, OK?
66
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,000
I'm sorry.
67
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,560
I love you.
68
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,480
Yes, obviously.
69
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,880
Renewal, resurgence, rebirth -
70
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,000
like a caterpillar from a cocoon.
71
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,920
Except it's not a cocoon -
it's a womb.
72
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,360
Your womb.
73
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,960
You are emerging from yourself.
74
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,360
Yeah, I can cut you some
hand slits -
75
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,960
but only if you feel ready
to receive them.
76
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,800
Right, and...
and this is definitely the fabric?
77
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,000
It does look a little like
she's been excreted.
78
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,640
Well, technically it's a
transitional membrane
79
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,720
designed for hibernating
zoo snakes -
80
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,160
but, yes.
81
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:48,280
And, um, how does she go backwards
in this thing?
82
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,480
Is it a series of three-point
turns or...?
83
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,480
Why would anyone want to go
backwards in this life?
84
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,600
Bean, it really is so...
85
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,000
..creative.
86
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:03,000
I just don't know if it's giving me
"wedding dress".
87
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,760
You hate it?
88
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,000
Oh...
89
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,000
That means it's working.
90
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,000
Are you scared of the dress's
disruptive potential,
91
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,760
or your own?
92
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,800
Ooh...!
93
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,000
I'm sorry,
94
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,400
I-I just...
95
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,800
I just don't know if it's THE dress.
96
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,480
It's not THE dress -
97
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,480
because there is no dress.
98
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,000
There is just evolution,
99
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,280
transition and expansion,
100
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:36,200
gestation and expulsion.
101
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,400
That is marriage.
102
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,040
FINGER CLICK
103
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,040
Mm!
104
00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:52,800
- Yes.
- Mm.
105
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,720
Yeah, I think it's some of
my finest work.
106
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,000
What did he say?
107
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,680
Er, he said that he wants to feel
your wet bikini bottoms -
108
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,920
but, like, not wet from the pool.
109
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,280
- What?
- Er, yeah, I know.
110
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,120
It's a bit convoluted.
111
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,160
Right, well, tell him he needs
to make them wet, then.
112
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,720
What did he say?
113
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:51,120
- Jo?
- Er, sorry, that he wants you to stand on his face, or something.
114
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,600
Did he?
115
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,320
Well, tell him I'll dominate him
all night long
116
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,560
and I won't stop until he begs me.
117
00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,000
Jo? Jo, que?
118
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,240
Um...
119
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,600
- Pegging?
- Pegging.
120
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,000
Just ask Alexa.
121
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,920
DOORBELL RINGS
122
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,280
I'll get it!
123
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,920
- No means no, Jo.
- I'm here for Freya.
124
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,720
Hen stuff.
125
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,040
Hmm!
126
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,400
Actually, do you have a minute?
127
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,240
Can we talk, like, privately?
128
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,600
Like, in your room?
129
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:49,880
No...
130
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,280
Better with witnesses. Less chance
of an emotional drive-by.
131
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,720
Is that my shirt?
132
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,240
No, this is just a common
men's shirt.
133
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,000
From shirts.com.
134
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,400
Fine.
135
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,240
I'll be out of your hair
soon anyway.
136
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,560
I'm moving to New York.
137
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,000
Er, yeah.
138
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:12,400
A couple of months ago, whilst I was
drunk and on antibiotics,
139
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,560
I supposedly...
140
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,480
..applied for this writing programme
in New York,
141
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:20,680
and I got in. And, um, yeah, it's...
142
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,160
It's kind of legit, so...
143
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:29,000
Yeah, you know, there's not much
keeping me here, so maybe...
144
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,000
Maybe it's time for a change.
145
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,160
Well, thank you for the big
press release.
146
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,320
And now, if you don't mind,
147
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,280
I'm actually preparing
for a job interview.
148
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,320
Good luck telling Freya
that you're abandoning her again.
149
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,120
Jo? The Livs are almost here!
150
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,480
Hey, you party-ready?
151
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,160
MUSIC: She Drives Me Crazy
by Fine Young Cannibals
152
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:02,000
GIGGLING
153
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:02,000
Oh, here we are, ladies!
154
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,320
This is it!
155
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,840
Pool reveal!
156
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,400
Perfect for posting, ladies.
157
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,400
I am into this deranged
gingerbread house vibe.
158
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,640
Whoo!
159
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,000
Love this!
160
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,000
Love the gargoyles.
161
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,800
- I know!
- Very Snow White chic.
162
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,240
# She drives me crazy
163
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,040
# Ooh-ooh
164
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,320
# Like no-one else
165
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,000
# Ooh-ooh
166
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,800
# She drives me crazy
167
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,040
# And I can't help myself... #
168
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,520
Who are these people?
169
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,720
These are your hens!
170
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:45,760
It's a smorgasbord of our
amazing clients.
171
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,480
Of course. Yeah.
172
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,600
Are we supposed to wearing those?
173
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,480
Yes, we are, darling.
174
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,000
Mm-hm. Bought them from Vinted.
175
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,680
Thought it'd be gay to wear them.
176
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,000
Gay as in fun.
177
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,040
- We're bringing it back.
- Is that blood?
178
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:01,680
Yes.
179
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,120
Yes, it is.
180
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,200
Oh.
181
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,600
It's a little early to be drinking,
isn't it?
182
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,000
Why are they here?
183
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,000
Please get them out of my house.
184
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,840
Ah, you see, in my defence,
it is OUR house
185
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:24,000
and I would like to store my books
in my section of our attic.
186
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,440
- OK?
- All right.
187
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,000
I'm just sorry they're not selling.
188
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,120
Oh, they are selling.
189
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,520
They're flying off the shelves.
190
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,000
They're talking about doing
a second print run
191
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,240
with all the five-star reviews
192
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,560
and a sex positive foreword
by Gillian Anderson.
193
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,160
Happy you're getting the recognition
you deserve.
194
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,880
I'm just sampling wines
for the wedding.
195
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,000
Uh-huh. Listen, I...
196
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,160
I genuinely had no idea you were
going to take this that badly.
197
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:49,520
Not taking it anything.
198
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,640
I'm taking it like an absolute stud.
199
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,080
- Are you?
- Yeah.
200
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,520
I was just drafting my own memoir
in my head.
201
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,000
Think I'm going to call it, um,
202
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,560
Why the Flying Fuck Didn't
I Divorce Her Sooner?
203
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,240
Or something.
204
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,600
Guaranteed best-seller.
205
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,760
And we are live, girlies!
206
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,640
And we have 23 brave, beautiful
viewers already!
207
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,720
- Ooh!
- Yes.
208
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,920
Well, let's crack on with the games,
I reckon!
209
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,240
- Yeah.
- These hens, they're not free-range.
210
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,280
They're on hourly rates!
211
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,160
Wait, they're being paid
to be here?
212
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,760
As PA of honour,
213
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,720
aka Party Architect...
214
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,800
CHEERING
215
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,800
Yeah! Come on!
216
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,000
..OK, I'd like to introduce
our very first game!
217
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,000
It's called Mr and Mrs,
218
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,000
and it is the ultimate
compatibility quiz!
219
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,160
All right? Jo, would you like
to do the honours?
220
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,160
Er, OK.
221
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,440
Um, who is Abe's celebrity crush?
222
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:47,320
- Ooh!
- Um, Emily Blunt?
223
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,280
Emily Blunt?!
224
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,480
- Shall we find out?
- Yes.
225
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:52,800
Hello, ladies!
226
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,000
Right, celebrity crush?
227
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,520
I'm going to say...
228
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,920
- ..it's Nigella Lawson.
- Ah!
229
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,360
Especially the Christmas special
230
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,800
when she basted that turkey.
231
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,120
- That was...
- Whoo!
232
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,160
..hypnotic.
233
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,480
That was wrong, Freya!
234
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,000
So, actually, you know what
you need to do?
235
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,920
- Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
- You need to have one of these!
236
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,400
CHEERING
237
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,720
Who said "I love you" first?
238
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,000
Oh, OK, that one's easy.
239
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,800
Yeah, him, 100%.
240
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,760
Oh, it was magical.
241
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,000
Couldn't stop looking at her.
242
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,800
And then she said those three
little words, "I love you."
243
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,000
Aw!
244
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,280
It's another wrong answer, Freya,
245
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,040
so, er, buckle up.
246
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,480
Whoo!
247
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,040
Do you even know this dude?
248
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:42,000
CROSSTALK
249
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000
I mean, it's really not fair.
250
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,520
Have you even read my book?
251
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:47,640
Oh, have you written a book?
252
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,000
Cos in the end, if you get
to the last chapter,
253
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,000
I say I actually really
loved our marriage.
254
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,000
So much talk of marriage.
255
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,320
Can't stop writing about it,
can't stop talking about it.
256
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,800
- Is you an ickle bit jealous?
- Fuck off! Fuck...!
257
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,160
Right, you couldn't pay me to be in
a committed relationship right now.
258
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,680
There's just so much compromise,
isn't there?
259
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,960
I mean, look at you.
Who even are you?
260
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,440
You hate rose!
261
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,640
Turns out it just has
to be good rose.
262
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:11,840
I don't believe you.
263
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,400
- If you're going to be this...
- Right, right, right.
264
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,160
- ..pig-headed about everything...
- OK, what is going on?
265
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,520
- Hi.
- All of this yelling while I'm trying to have a wank
266
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,920
is giving me weird childhood
flashbacks, all right?
267
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,440
So I'm going to need you
to tone it down
268
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,000
if I'm going to stand any chance of
getting anything done up there.
269
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,000
Sorry.
270
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,240
- Mm, that is quite good, actually.
- I know, right?
271
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:29,800
Wait, sorry, why are you
day drinking?
272
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:34,240
Because your father is trying
to squeeze himself
273
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,000
into this new life
one drink at a time.
274
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,320
OK, well, that's weird.
275
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,080
Don't make a habit out of it,
either of you.
276
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:45,000
Well, if you are going to do another
lap around the marital track...
277
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,600
- Marriage again?
- ..might I give you some notes?
278
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,400
Ooh, OK, this is actually
far more interesting
279
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,080
than the porn I was watching,
so I'm going to grab a pew.
280
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,800
This time, maybe don't cry quite
so much during the vows.
281
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,800
I mean, it's not that it wasn't
tremendously touching -
282
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:03,480
it was - but people really just want
to go for a piss
283
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,720
and have a glass of prosecco.
284
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,000
Really don't need wedding day notes,
285
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,440
especially not from the woman
who insisted on choreographing
286
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,320
our ridiculous first dance.
287
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,600
Ridiculous?!
288
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,600
MUSIC: Close To Me
by The Cure
289
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,680
- Ah, remember!
- Ooh!
290
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:21,000
Actual post traumatic
dance disorder.
291
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,000
This is before anyone else did it,
right.
292
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,360
Sure...
293
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,200
- Wow.
- Mum's already going. Feeling limber, Dad?
294
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,040
OK.
295
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,400
So this was professionally
choreographed, was it?
296
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,640
LAUGHTER
297
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,640
OK!
298
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,240
- You keep saying OK.
- Yeah!
299
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,920
Oh, and round.
300
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,320
One, two.
301
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:52,720
- Oh!
- Whoa!
302
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,160
You always used to trip me there,
303
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,560
- every single time.
- I do remember that.
304
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,600
- I do remember that.
- This is nice, isn't it?
305
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,680
Look at you. It's almost like
Lindsay Lohan was right
306
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,200
to Parent Trap hers back together.
307
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,720
Back together? Sorry, have you not
read my chapter on bonobos?
308
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,240
Yeah, I'm waiting for
the audio book.
309
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,200
No, I think we're both perfectly
happy with where we are now.
310
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,120
Absolutely.
311
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:15,920
Really? What, you're OK
that Sam's death,
312
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,200
you know, broke things between you?
313
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,680
Well, I think it's a little bit more
complex than that.
314
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:29,000
But, er, yeah,
315
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,640
sometimes life throws more storm
at you than you're prepared for.
316
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,880
And I think we wish we'd
weathered it differently,
317
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,680
but we accept the wreckage.
318
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,120
I mean, it has a kind of charm.
319
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,680
Oh, Bug.
320
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,720
If you learn anything from us,
321
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:54,440
don't let life's mess get in the way
of what really matters.
322
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,760
Yeah, you've got to embrace
the mess.
323
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,400
Actually, um, did I say
that I had...?
324
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,400
That there was...? That I had...?
325
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,600
Bye!
326
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,000
One more time?
327
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,280
Fuck no.
328
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:15,160
Tell us about losing your V-card.
329
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,920
- Ooh!
- Yes!
330
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,000
Why don't we take a little
quick break?
331
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,640
Like a little cig or...?
332
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,440
Come on, at least tell us the age!
333
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,560
Got hundreds of followers now -
they want deets!
334
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,520
- They want positions!
- Oh, yeah!
335
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,760
WHOOPING
336
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,760
Freya, you don't have to.
337
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,360
- HENS:
- Cherry bomb! Cherry bomb!
338
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,600
- Cherry bomb! Cherry bomb!
- Seriously, you don't have to.
339
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,000
Cherry bomb! Cherry bomb!
340
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,000
Fine! Sure, yeah.
341
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,000
WHOOPING
342
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,480
Er, it was just before
my 16th birthday.
343
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,320
I was ridiculously in love.
344
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:49,080
- Aw!
- Everyone thought we were going to be together forever.
345
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,000
Um...
346
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,000
And then I had my accident
347
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,800
and became tetraplegic,
348
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,800
and then I went into rehab
for a year
349
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,800
to relearn everything that I knew
about my body
350
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,800
and, er, the world.
351
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,080
And then, one night,
352
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,480
he snuck into rehab and we had sex.
353
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,640
It wasn't really the first time
I imagined.
354
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,280
But we were in love.
355
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,720
Aw!
356
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,400
And then he never called me again.
357
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,000
Ahem.
358
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,840
MUSIC PLAYS
KLAXON SOUNDS
359
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,000
Is it 6pm already? Oh!
360
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,800
Well, put your hands
together for...
361
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,640
Crip-Tease Dan!
362
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,360
WHOOPING
363
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,920
CHEERING
364
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,080
SQUEALING
365
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,080
Run me over, king!
366
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,000
You want to add him on social?
367
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,760
- How extraordinary.
- That's fun.
368
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,000
I'm fussing. I'm hot.
369
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,720
LATCH CLICKS
370
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,720
This fucking door!
371
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,200
Jo! Jo, sh!
372
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,720
Jesus Christ! Are you crazy?
373
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,360
Yes, crazy is my brand. Come on.
374
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,760
You can't be here.
375
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,160
Don't go to New York.
376
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,160
Whoa! Whoa!
377
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,720
Stop! Stop!
378
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,240
Stop it!
379
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,120
Sorry, Crip-Tease Dan. Full respect.
380
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,000
I can't do this.
381
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:19,800
Look, I'm tired of being scheduled
and sponsored and streamed.
382
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,360
I've had enough, you know?
383
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,360
And I... And I can't ignore the fact
that I'm completely incompatible
384
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,600
with my fiance.
385
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,800
You know what I want to do?
386
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,800
Yeah, I want to go swimming.
387
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,040
Yeah, but I can't because
I'm terrified of fucking water
388
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,520
since I became disabled.
389
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,000
Is that the content you want?
390
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:41,280
Huh? Because this whole hen do
and sponsored wedding
391
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,000
is so fucking lame.
392
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,320
SHOCKED GASPS
393
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,320
Ooh, no!
394
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,000
What? OK, I'm confused.
395
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,680
I want to do it all with you.
396
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,640
Especially the mess.
397
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,000
Mess?
398
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,600
OK, now I'm getting mixed signals.
I...
399
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,000
LATCH CLICKS
400
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,000
Fuck!
401
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,000
- Jesus.
- Jo, are you there?
402
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,760
Jo?
403
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,360
Jo, I need to talk to you.
404
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:04,000
This is definitely the best one.
405
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,240
- Oh.
- Jane. - Fuck.
406
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,120
- Maybe it was that one.
- Jane?!
407
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,520
- What?
- I'm ready.
408
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,040
To sell the house.
409
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,000
Oh.
410
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,560
Oh, wow.
411
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,920
OK.
412
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:26,040
And I want to say sorry
for holding on.
413
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:34,000
I think I just needed to,
you know...
414
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,120
..let go in stages.
415
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,560
Yeah, I mean, it's funny.
416
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,600
I mean, I've been waiting for this
moment for years -
417
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,360
but now it's actually here,
I feel a bit...
418
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,240
We will always be family.
419
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,080
- Do you want me to get off?
- Yeah, can you...? - Yeah, I'm sorry.
420
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:08,760
You know, and I really honestly
couldn't be more happy
421
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,480
- for you and Freya.
- I know.
422
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,720
To the future.
423
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,720
To my sequel, ballsack.
424
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,080
I need to pee and I need
to say this.
425
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,840
I think maybe, actually,
I've just been scared
426
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,320
that I wouldn't find anyone else.
427
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,480
Which is essentially internalised
ableism, right,
428
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,720
and probably not the best reason
to be getting married?
429
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,000
Maybe we should talk somewhere else?
430
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,200
I hate how everyone acts
431
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,120
like I'm so lucky to have him,
you know?
432
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,440
Like, it's infantilising.
433
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,800
I don't need to be taken care of!
434
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,000
Right? I want to fuck in Paris!
435
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,320
Freya. Freya, as your PA of Honour,
436
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,000
I've watched you and Abe
very closely -
437
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,400
and that's love, man.
438
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,920
Also, if you ever need a surrogate,
I do sincerely hope it's me.
439
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,480
Oh, too far, Ty.
440
00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,000
Fair enough.
441
00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,000
THEY STRAIN
442
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,200
Oh, my God!
443
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,560
I need to talk to Abe.
444
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,120
Yeah, I have to tell him
to come here.
445
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,680
What, here? Now?
446
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,160
Yeah, here, now.
447
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,520
OK, er...
448
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,360
The condom company...
449
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:14,800
- Yeah?
- ..pulled out. For God's sake.
450
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,760
Well, of course they were going
to pull out. Not like that.
451
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,920
But do you know what I mean?
452
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,120
I think I'm going to have
a panic attack.
453
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,240
Absolute nightmare.
454
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,800
Oh, Olivia, Olyvya?
455
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,480
I think I've finally found my voice.
456
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,720
Well, no, you're not finding
your voice, darling,
457
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,200
because our sponsors have
pulled out, haven't they?
458
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,560
In your impassioned speech...
459
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:32,920
But I was just being honest.
460
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,320
Mmm. You called the entire
sponsored wedding "lame".
461
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,840
"Lame" - on camera.
462
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,840
The online disabled community,
463
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,640
they are currently dragging you
for being grossly ableist.
464
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,160
You're trending.
465
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,400
In a bad way.
466
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,400
They're dragging your ass.
You're cancelled.
467
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,800
- Rip.
- RIP, she means.
468
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,160
Just fuck. I never say that.
469
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,000
- I never say that.
- Yes, well, you did say it, didn't you?
470
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,000
Yeah, you did. You did.
You said it, didn't you? Yeah.
471
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,360
So we have to send
a big fat apology.
472
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,800
- Yeah.
- We've got to livestream it, yeah?
473
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,000
- A big donation. Children In Need,
we're thinking. - Yeah.
474
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,880
- Pudsey Bear.
- Might work. - Yeah.
475
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,800
Suck on that.
You're going to need it.
476
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,000
OK, Levi...
477
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,400
Gosh, these women-only identifying
spaces are incredible!
478
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,040
- I mean, the healing!
- Levi!
479
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,640
- Sorry, sorry.
- I love you, too.
480
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,680
Um...
481
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,000
I just feel like maybe we're not
good for each other.
482
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,680
Maybe we're...
483
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,680
Maybe we're too fucked up.
484
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,000
Yes, maybe.
485
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:34,520
But also, maybe, what if we are the
type of fucked up that fits?
486
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:40,800
Because every time I'm with you,
I feel a little bit less broken.
487
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,720
And I also feel consistently
turned on.
488
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,440
I'm just trying to get my life
together,
489
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:53,000
and I need someone that can...
490
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,440
T-That you can rely on.
491
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,600
Yeah, exactly. Me, too.
492
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,720
We both need each other.
493
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,160
So, er, why don't you,
just for once,
494
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,040
please, please just stay?
495
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,440
Did I just see Ty straddling
a half-naked man
496
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,480
using a wheelchair?
497
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:29,920
I thought this was a spa day!
498
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,760
Abe, I need to say something -
and I just need you to listen.
499
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,200
OK?
500
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,640
OK.
501
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,000
We lost the sponsorship.
502
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,240
I accidentally said the L world
on livestream.
503
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,800
What? Lesbian?
504
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,520
Not quite.
505
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,680
But the Olivias think that
they can fix it.
506
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,040
OK, good.
507
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:56,680
I just don't know if I do want
to fix it, Abe.
508
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:01,280
I'm so tired of saying yes
to everything.
509
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:02,680
To...
510
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,000
That I have to be grateful
for every single opportunity,
511
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,200
just because I'm a wheelchair user.
512
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,000
I want to fuck in Paris.
513
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,240
With you.
514
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,200
OK.
515
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,680
Unexpected turn, not unwelcome.
516
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,560
But I think maybe this wedding's
just happening too fast.
517
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,800
Mm.
518
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,160
I'm more than happy to postpone it.
519
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:32,640
Certainly happy to lose
the sponsorship, you know?
520
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,800
I just want to marry you.
521
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,520
Properly.
522
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,640
I told Jane I was ready to sell
the house.
523
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,360
What, really?
524
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:44,760
Yeah.
525
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:51,280
Thought we could find ourselves
a nice little new-build.
526
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,760
You know? Fully accessible.
527
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,960
You wouldn't have to worry
about anything.
528
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,080
I just want to take care of you.
529
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,760
But I don't want that.
530
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,720
Actually, I think...
531
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,000
..maybe I just need a bit of time?
532
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,000
Yeah. Well, we'll...
533
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,200
We'll postpone.
534
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,440
Time from us.
535
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,040
Sorry, that's not what I was
expecting to say.
536
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,120
I-I love you. I love you so much.
537
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:41,000
It's just been a really weird time
and, er, I don't know...
538
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,720
It's OK. It's OK.
539
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,320
I'm sorry.
540
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,360
- I'm so...
- You take your time.
541
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,040
It'll be OK.
542
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,440
Freya?
543
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,200
Freya! Hey!
544
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,600
Hey! Here you are.
545
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:15,800
Are you OK?
546
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,240
I think I just broke up with Abe.
547
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,480
Shit. I'm so sorry.
548
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,040
How did he take it?
549
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,040
Mature and lovingly,
which made it even worse.
550
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,520
I'm so sorry.
551
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,040
Hey, listen, I'm here.
552
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,440
Don't worry.
553
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,000
We got this.
554
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,400
Together.
555
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,560
Oh, please.
556
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,240
I never needed you.
557
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:52,560
That's gross.
558
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,480
Not even a little.
559
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,160
Good.
560
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,800
Cos I definitely don't need you.
561
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,000
Can I get your help with something?
562
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,040
Yeah.
563
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,880
# This European air, I swear it does
564
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:23,200
# Randomly I'm grateful for
565
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:27,440
# Grateful for a night
566
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,040
# Solemn night walker
567
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:36,040
# Concrete over water
568
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:44,560
# I think you remind me of the night
569
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,160
# But also of the day
570
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:51,040
# I think of Italy, champagne
571
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,640
# I think of Spain
572
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:06,840
# I wanna be there
573
00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:14,400
# I want more than my head... #
574
00:28:14,450 --> 00:28:19,000
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