All language subtitles for Scrubs s01e01 My Return

Gunshot wound to the left side. It's
supposed to have missed the heart, but

shredded the lung. BP dropping.

He's hypoxic to 70. He must have nicked
a vessel. Got to find the bleeder. Prep

for thoracotomy.

On my count. Three, two, one.

Three units of Oneg. Scalpel.

A career in medicine can take you down
many different paths.

Spreader.

If you're lucky, you end up where you're
supposed to be.

Found it. Clap.

Clapping.

BP rising.

Great save, J .D.

Great. Let's get in the water, guys.

Stop it. Stop it.

You guys are crazy. Stop it.

Dr.

Dorian? Yeah? Will you find my tattoo?

Sure.

That was a good hair day.

Good job, man.

Glad you're feeling better.

Do I need stitches?

Sure, being a concierge doctor isn't non
-stop excitement, but I have more time

to see my kids. No, Frank, for cuts this
small, we just use a little dab of

glue. Fantastic job keeping your food
journal, Lisa. I just didn't expect to

the word smash burger on every page.

It's really been a full four hours?

We gotta get that thing down, Reggie.
And making house calls for the upper

sure pays well. I'm more concerned with
how it's leaning.

Yep, this was my life now.

That's why it felt so weird to be back
at Sacred Heart.

I live an hour away, but one of my
patients collapsed at her grandson's

tournament nearby and got admitted.

So here I am.

Okay, listen up, people, listen up.

That means you, neck brace.

Some things never change. This hospital
is called Black's, which means we are at

capacity. So unless you got a baby's
head peeking out from between your legs,

not ask me how much longer. How much
longer, mamacita?

I'll mess you up.

Oh, my God, Bambi!

What the hell?

Does Turk know you're here?

He has no idea.

Ready to receive.

Eagle!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's your sciatica.

Engage your core, Seabear.

I'm going down. Roll up. I'm going down.

I think it might be time to retire,
Eagle. She's right, J .D. It's time.

it. Okay.

Time of death.

You know, I actually can't see that
without my glasses.

I can't do this all on my own. No, I
know.

I'm no Superman.

I'm no Superman.

So, now that you're in town, should we
go out to dinner? Yes. Do you guys have

place you usually go? Buddy, we haven't
been out to dinner since the Disney

princesses were white.

Besides, baby, I could really use some
man time.

Turk was surrounded by female energy.

He had four daughters, Izzy, Ellie,
Sophia, and Nora.

Izzy, Vito, take care of Bella Bella.

Daddy, why don't I have a nickname?

Oh, you do, sweetness?

You had an accident.

Turk! Fine, have your guys' night out.
Yeah.

See you later? See you later, guys.

Ow.

Nostalgia washed over me. The smell of
the bleached floors.

The blinding fluorescent lights.

The closet where Elliot and I hid from
our very first code.

That's where our love story began.

Tell me right here.

Okay. See?

Oh, my God. J .D. Good God, you're like
a blonde ninja.

What the frick? Why are you here? Oh, by
the way, our marriage didn't make it. I

have a patient. I'll be gone soon. I
promise. Your promises mean just about

much as...

We agreed in couples counseling that in
order to have a healthy post -divorce

life, we need to respect each other's
faith. I hate couples counseling. Could

you please be mindful of your tone to
avoid negative patterns for our

I love couples counseling.

Look, J .D., I've really been working on
myself, okay? I've been lighting a

candle for every resentment I had about
our marriage and floating them across

the pond at Winston Park. I'm in a good
place. I don't want to backslide. I

can't just light all those candles
again. It was really cold, and I got a

for scaring the ducks.

There's my gal.

Oh, goodness, Jonathan.

They've got teenagers working here.
Those are just interns, Mrs. Brooks.

Okay, your labs look fine. I think
you're just dehydrated. Who admitted

did. Oh, can I ask why?

No judgment.

None taken.

I admitted her because I'm a good
doctor.

Oh, Dr.

Park, is it? When doctors fight in front
of a patient, they always try to make

it sound friendly. These labs are normal
for a woman of her age? If it helps, I

could... explained to you what all these
fancy numbers mean. It's so nice to

meet an incredibly stupid person. Her
abdominal pain suggests ischemic bowel.

No, all she needs is hydration and
emollient laxatives.

And there he was, the chief of medicine,
my mentor.

At least he couldn't call me newbie
anymore.

What can I do for you there, oldie? Damn
it.

Perry, Dr.

Park here needs to know that my medical
expertise is on par with his.

Well, now, Dr. Park graduated top of his
class at Stanford, whereas your current

claim to fame is handing out erections
like tiny hot dogs at a bar mitzvah.

We'll run a blood gas on her and see
who's right.

Dr.

Park is teaching me Korean.

Did I hear my name in there? No. Walk
with me.

I, uh, heard about the divorce. Sorry
about that. Also...

I'm thankful I won $5 off of Nickhead. I
took the under.

Actually, it is good to see you.

I miss the days when you were an intern.
Oh, you don't have to say that. I knew

it. He's about to ask you to play golf
at his fancy private club. Damn it. Why

did you only learn the mini kind?

Get a load of this motley crew.

No, no, no. Sorry.

I am not sure how to teach these kids.

I can't work them crazy hours or even
abuse them anymore.

And that's a bad thing. Exactly. I
wasn't sure if you'd get that. I am now

supposed to watch every word that comes
out of my mouth because apparently they

are all fragile little Christmas
ornaments.

Case in point.

Tick tock tock.

Oh, hey, Dr. Cox. Tomorrow, I am going
to perform a central line placement, and

it would just be fabulous if you could
come in early and observe.

I'm good. I just watched one on YouTube
like two days ago. It slapped.

Do you know Dr. Randy?

He's my favorite creator. He breaks down
procedures while doing bedtime ASMR.

It'll give you really graphic dreams.
I'll send it to you. You're gonna die. I

will die if you send it to me, because
then I'll just have to murder you. And

with all these witnesses, I think it's
pretty safe to assume they'll give me

chair.

Dr. Cox, I'm going to need you to go
ahead and bring it down.

Work -life balance is a core principle
of our wellness program.

Now, if you can't embrace that, then
you'll have to join me at my sensitivity

training workshop.

Don't I get three strikes?

You have 900 strikes.

Woman's like the damn feelings police.

Feelings police?

Go change your shirt. You look chubby in
that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You know he's insecure about his body.
Thank you. He's just not ready to show

you his vulnerability yet.

Wow. You're really in touch with male
feelings.

Then you think I became a feelings cop.

What the hell?

I could help so many people.

Hey. Good morning, sir.

Dr. Chapstick is flirting with you?

I don't know. I'm never sure.

Last Thursday, he did tell me that he
thought I had a cute burp. Dark

Yeah, he totally wants to get on that
flat ass.

I had planned to accidentally burp to
near him the other day, but then J .D.

threw me off my game. Stop worrying
about J .D. here.

Chug half of that and go launch a cute
burp into that man's face.

Hey.

Hey, guys.

I cannot believe I wasted that on you.

I actually missed those.

Hey, by the way, if you can get out of
here early, we can hit the happy hour

that has those awesome free wings.

Tashana, can you go see if there's an
open OR? You know our diabetic guy, Mr.

Kiefer. Let's move his toe amputation up
to now.

On it, Dr. Turk.

I'll tell the patient there's a free
wing issue.

Well, don't do that. Don't mention the
wings, please. Don't do that. No, no.

Just one more test, and if the results
are what I think they are, I should be

able to get you out of here today, all
right? Oh, thank goodness.

Hold it.

Can you babysit these for a minute,
please? I need to go count to ten. This

asked if he could shut his eyes while I
place a central line.

Admittedly, I do still get a little
woozy around some procedures. All

procedures. All procedures. Oh.

Okay, well, let's start by introducing
yourself. This is Mrs. Brooks.

I'm Dr. Green. I believe kindness is the
best medicine. Actually, medicine is

the best medicine. You're going to get
an arterial blood gas on Mrs. Brooks.

He's going to do it? I'm going to puke
if I do it. I don't want him puking on

me. If he pukes, I'll puke. No one is
puking.

Okay, you got this.

Mm -mm.

Mm -mm.

Oh, my God, this is humiliating.

Captain Bedside's facing that way. Yeah,
I think that's probably for the best.

Now, don't be overconfident. Finding the
radio artery can be tricky.

I'm in.

Nice job, Blake. You made that look
handsome.

Easy. Easy does it.

I got to admit, I miss teaching.

That's what this place is all about. Dr.
Turk, maybe I could close?

No, just watch.

Okay. Damn, I wish this guy would just
die all at once instead of in tiny

pieces.

I don't know how much more I can take of
this, but I'm not going to let him

crush my spirit. We can't let Dr.

Bummer break us.

See, this is what I really miss. The hot
guy.

Who's Dr. Bummer? I don't know. The
mother guy. Definitely not your best

Turk's not a bummer.

He's the worst. There's no way. And if
he's ever in a bad mood, all you gotta

is go, What's up?

And he'll die laughing. I swear. Try it.

What's that?

Go practice.

Do you know Turk's interns call him Dr.

Bummer? Well, I mean, I'm sure you know
how dark Turk's been at work lately.

Just nod like you do. And he refuses to
talk about it.

Y 'all talking about Dr. Turk?

If so,

where's that?

Even Hooch knows?

Is he still crazy? He's gotten worse.

Doctor. Just what I wanted to see.

Hey, Seabear. I was right about my
patient.

Want to come watch me rub it in Dr.
Cox's face like the good old days? You

I do. Hey, but you know what? You should
chew a big wad of gum.

You always look tough when you chew gum.
I do look tough when I chew gum. I hope

they have berry blasts.

Excuse me, Doctor.

My wife's outside in the car throwing
up.

It might just be the stomach flu, but...
So you're going to have to go to the

ER?

If we go to the ER, we're going to be
crushed with bills.

I think we'll just wait in the car in
case it gets worse, but could you just

take a quick look at her? Look, man, you
can't order health care from your car,

okay? It's a hospital, not a Wendy's.

Sorry.

You didn't have to be so hush. If you
want to go help them, help them.

You're going to get fired, but I think
we'll all live.

Go, Kim.

It's Sam.

A word, Perry? Yeah, a word, Perry.

So it turns out that Mrs. Brooks' blood
gas... I can't understand a word you're

saying. I know, because the club has too
much bubba. I can't control it. The

berry's blasting all over my mouth. Give
it to me.

Go ahead.

Mrs. Brooks' blood gas came back. She's
not acidotic. Dr. Park, you were wrong.

Your boy botched it. Well, my boy here
needs the burn unit because he's on

You both owe me an apology.

I'd rather self -circumcise.

Come.

You two idiots are perfect for each
other.

He's not wrong, by the way.

I might as well have asked him. Yeah,
would have. Let's get wings.

You look so tough right now.

That went so well with Dr. Cox, I
decided to press my luck.

What's been going on with you, man? I'm
hearing you're in a rough place.

Nah, that's nothing.

Your interns call you Dr. Bummer. You
know, I really don't want to talk about

right now. I just want to go out and
blow off some steam.

Actually, Turk, just hold on one second.

Oh, boy. Come on, man. What is up?

I'm burnt out.

Okay? My patient today is a perfect
example. Once he heals, he's going to

my advice and go right back to drinking
and eating garbage.

And I'll keep removing body parts until
he eventually dies on my table. And his

family will ask me, why couldn't you do
more?

You know, back in the day when you were
here, we could at least get up on the

roof and laugh the day off with a couple
of beers, but...

Can't do that anymore, can we?

There's no joy.

None.

Why haven't you told me this? I could
have been there for you.

I don't think you could relate to what
I'm going through anyway. I mean, you

write scripts in the suburbs.

I don't feel like going out anymore. I'm
going to go home.

Turk!

What's up?

Not tonight, J .D.

You okay?

No. Good.

Did you at least discharge my patient?
Dr. Cox wants me to keep her for another

night.

Toodles.

Are you kidding me?

I was doing my best angry walk because
after Turk told me he was going home

night, I heard he went out with someone
else. What the hell, man?

You went out with a Todd?

I knew with you it would be therapy. I
didn't want to go deep. The Todd really

likes to go deep.

With consent, Five.

Hey, Carla, if you were planning on
having sex with Turk tonight, don't. He

doesn't deserve it. She's not. They're
sex nights Thursday. Stop telling

everyone what to do. Elliot.

What? I didn't even mention that you do
it in the minivan because of the kids.

Oh, I'm sorry. I've just been a little
bit tense because someone decided to

J .D.'s patient here a little bit
longer.

Why is J .D. being here so very hard on
you? Aren't you the one who ended the

marriage? Where did you hear that?

Who can say?

Carla. Barbie.

Carla and I have been sharing secrets
since before you and your sorority

were in Panama City flashing the cameras
for Girls Gone Wild.

I was told they would be pixelated.
Elliot isn't a lot of pain, okay?

Okay. Ah, yes. In the history of
relationships, it has always been

the one who ends it.

Well, I'm not being a jerk, am I? No,
sweetie.

It's gonna be fine.

The second I saw Dr. Cox, I turned my
angry walk right back on.

Why is Mrs. Brooks still here? Why do
you have the physique of a menopausal

lesbian? Whoa, too mean.

Not now, oldie.

This is frustrating.

You gave me the impression that you were
able to place a central line since you

learned from your... Dr. Randy, was it?
Yeah, but he was really chill and you're

giving mean football coach vibes?

Miss Tosh.

And you'll notice I'm not saying Dr.

Tosh. Dr. Cox?

Oh.

Thank you.

You know.

It used to be see one, do one, teach
one. Alas, now it is see one, see one,

one, see one, see one more. Call your
therapist. Talk about how it felt to see

one. Decide that seeing one is just too
triggering. Take a Xanax to calm down,

an Adderall to lock in, and finally...

Focus enough to be able to write about
the whole ordeal in your dream journal.

Of course, if your dream is to be a
mediocre doctor, mission accomplished.

by all means, hang on to the scrubs.
Maybe use them for Halloween, because

you're damn sure not going to be using
them around here much longer.

Okay, I'll see you Saturday.

Worth it.

Feelings, please.

What? Oh, it's this little song I hear
in my head whenever I see you.

Oh, I love it.

Feelings, please.

You got it.

Hey, you can do this.

Guide that finder needle into the
jugular. And she's going to nick that

No, she's not. She's not nicking
anything. You got this, Jim.

It's on my face.

No.

No, no, no.

Why don't you go take a couple, okay?

Five, ten, fifteen, whatever you need.

It's on.

And she did it.

And only one person wasn't psyched for
her.

Hey, Blake.

Just a little advice.

You can't keep alienating everyone,
okay? This job is really rough. You're

to need people.

Well, I'm not a kid like them, so don't
worry about me. I'll be fine.

Not if nobody has your back.

Trust me.

Gotta go.

That's why I kept you patient here.

I'm sorry, what?

To keep you here.

You needed a reminder of how very good
you are at what you do.

Getting her through that procedure, that
inspiring nonsense you just said to

that gorgeous young man. I can't do
that.

I want you to come back.

Are you messing with me?

No.

Come back.

Make a difference.

At least give it some thought.

Dr. Dorian, can I talk to you?

I'm about to go into surgery. What the
hell are you guys doing? All right,

Tasha, tell them what you told me. Well,
Dr. Turk, the reason I chose this

hospital was because of you.

Hey, all I kept hearing was how great
Dr. Turk is.

You're like the only other black surgeon
in this place.

Hey, the rest of them just got, like,
cold play on loop in the OR and say

like, wow, you're so articulate.

I guess I just thought you'd be my guy.

Great job.

Now we leave so he can feel horrible
about himself.

No, Tashauna, you stay.

You're going to close. Are you good with
that?

Yeah, sure. Yeah, no problem.

Oh, and Tashauna, this brother likes
Coldplay, too.

I had no idea what to do about Dr. Cox's
job offer, so I decided to sleep on it.

Sometimes when you feel a little lost,
the world gives you a sign.

It's just not always a good one.

What's the status?

She's found unresponsive in her car.
Heart attack.

We're trying, but she's gone.

Why couldn't you have helped us?

I had seen these moments too many times.

You just said it was a stomachache.

You can't get through them on your own.

This wasn't your fault.

Could have happened to any one of us.

It would have taken me one minute to
just walk out there and check on her and

now she's dead because I didn't walk
outside.

I should have done something.

And like that, I knew what my decision
was.

Hey.

What are you still doing here? I thought
you'd be long gone by now.

I'll take the job.

Oh, I'm quite glad.

Barry, working alongside you will be one
of the great honors of my life.

I should have been clear.

You're not going to be working with me.
You're going to be me.

You're the new chief of medicine.

What? No.

I can't be you.

You're right.

Must be you.

This particular world has passed me by.

You're the only one I trust to do better
and try harder.

Perry, I really don't think I... J .D.,
those interns need somebody to do for

them what I did for you.

Okay?

Dr. Park really wanted this job.

And his hatred for you is going to burn
quite hot.

And that thought will keep me warm at
night.

I've never been a boss.

I've never even run a lemonade stand.

But one thing's for sure, I can't do
this all on my own.

You know, I read in the New York Times
that there's such a male loneliness

epidemic that some guys are actually
calling their friends at night to say

goodnight. That's crazy.

And now, do you think it would be
cool... Not a shot in the dark. I don't

to do it either.

Maybe once a week.

Wednesday it is.