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♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
2
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,552
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
3
00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:13,820
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
4
00:00:13,844 --> 00:00:16,879
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
5
00:00:18,983 --> 00:00:21,795
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
6
00:00:21,819 --> 00:00:24,331
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
7
00:00:24,355 --> 00:00:27,084
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
8
00:00:27,108 --> 00:00:29,787
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
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00:00:29,811 --> 00:00:31,188
♪ F Troop! ♪
10
00:00:31,212 --> 00:00:33,691
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
11
00:00:33,715 --> 00:00:36,193
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
12
00:00:36,217 --> 00:00:39,497
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
13
00:00:39,521 --> 00:00:42,166
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
14
00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:44,201
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
15
00:00:44,225 --> 00:00:47,137
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
16
00:00:47,161 --> 00:00:49,823
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
17
00:00:49,847 --> 00:00:53,661
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
18
00:00:53,685 --> 00:00:55,334
♪ F Troop! ♪
19
00:01:37,695 --> 00:01:39,273
Shall I clean the
table off now, sir?
20
00:01:39,297 --> 00:01:40,374
No, not now, Dobbs.
21
00:01:40,398 --> 00:01:41,609
Thank you.
22
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:44,495
Well, I hope the meal
was satisfactory, major.
23
00:01:44,519 --> 00:01:46,113
My company cook,
Private Smathers,
24
00:01:46,137 --> 00:01:47,515
isn't much, but
he's all we have.
25
00:01:47,539 --> 00:01:50,484
Oh, it's passable,
captain, passable.
26
00:01:50,508 --> 00:01:52,052
Actually, it's...
Well, it's better
27
00:01:52,076 --> 00:01:54,522
than anything I've had
in the past few weeks.
28
00:01:54,546 --> 00:01:55,723
Oh, really?
29
00:01:55,747 --> 00:01:57,525
I thought you had a
good cook, Major Duncan?
30
00:01:57,549 --> 00:01:59,427
Yes, I did. But, uh...
31
00:01:59,451 --> 00:02:02,530
Colonel Heinz took him from me.
32
00:02:02,554 --> 00:02:05,833
Oh, and, uh, by the
way, I'm taking yours.
33
00:02:05,857 --> 00:02:07,857
Oh...
34
00:02:13,180 --> 00:02:14,775
Shall I clean
off the floor, sir?
35
00:02:14,799 --> 00:02:16,910
Yes, yes, do that, Dobbs.
36
00:02:16,934 --> 00:02:19,280
Look, major, you can't
take another one of my men.
37
00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:20,947
In your last three
trips through here,
38
00:02:20,971 --> 00:02:22,215
you took my quartermaster
39
00:02:22,239 --> 00:02:24,351
and my... My clerk
and my blacksmith.
40
00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:25,386
Hm, yeah.
41
00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:27,020
And what's to
prevent me, captain?
42
00:02:27,044 --> 00:02:28,289
The manual. The manual, sir.
43
00:02:28,313 --> 00:02:29,790
I'll show you.
It's... It's right...
44
00:02:29,814 --> 00:02:32,293
Wait, wait, wait.
45
00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:37,097
It's right here in the
manual on page... 48.
46
00:02:37,121 --> 00:02:38,465
Ah.
47
00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:43,470
"No company cook may be
removed, transferred, commandeered
48
00:02:43,494 --> 00:02:45,673
"or displaced
from a fort or base
49
00:02:45,697 --> 00:02:47,374
without a requisition order."
50
00:02:47,398 --> 00:02:48,509
Mm-hm. Yes.
51
00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:50,678
Well, that's very
easily solved, captain.
52
00:02:50,702 --> 00:02:53,079
I hereby requisition your cook.
53
00:02:53,103 --> 00:02:55,115
And that's an order.
54
00:02:55,139 --> 00:02:56,450
I'll tell Cookie to pack up.
55
00:02:56,474 --> 00:02:57,651
No need, no need.
56
00:02:57,675 --> 00:02:59,886
He's all ready and
waiting, mounted outside.
57
00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:01,711
Bye-bye, captain.
58
00:03:04,248 --> 00:03:06,399
He did it again, Dobbs.
59
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:10,202
And so did I.
60
00:03:13,741 --> 00:03:15,719
Let me get that for you, sir.
61
00:03:15,743 --> 00:03:18,322
Hello there, captain.
62
00:03:18,346 --> 00:03:20,491
Well, I see he snuck
up on you again, sir.
63
00:03:20,515 --> 00:03:21,691
Good afternoon, sergeant.
64
00:03:21,715 --> 00:03:23,494
Are you sure Chief
Wild Eagle sent this over
65
00:03:23,518 --> 00:03:24,628
in the spirit of good will?
66
00:03:24,652 --> 00:03:26,830
Oh, yes. The Indians
say that a bearskin rug
67
00:03:26,854 --> 00:03:28,732
in the teepee
brings good luck, sir.
68
00:03:28,756 --> 00:03:30,033
Except to the bear, of course.
69
00:03:31,959 --> 00:03:32,937
Oh, Dobbs.
70
00:03:32,961 --> 00:03:34,305
Will you go find Corporal Agarn
71
00:03:34,329 --> 00:03:36,273
and tell him I want him
over here on the double.
72
00:03:36,297 --> 00:03:37,741
Okay, sergeant.
73
00:03:37,765 --> 00:03:41,245
Well, I just saw Major Duncan
riding off with, uh, Cookie.
74
00:03:41,269 --> 00:03:42,413
Oh, yes, yes.
75
00:03:42,437 --> 00:03:44,481
Major Duncan pulled rank again.
76
00:03:44,505 --> 00:03:45,950
Oh. Now I'll have to write
77
00:03:45,974 --> 00:03:48,819
the territorial commander's
office for a replacement.
78
00:03:48,843 --> 00:03:50,787
Whoa, no, you won't
have to do that, sir.
79
00:03:50,811 --> 00:03:52,156
We have got one
of the best cooks
80
00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:54,425
in the cavalry right
here at Fort Courage.
81
00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:56,026
Corporal Agarn.
82
00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:57,328
Corporal Agarn?
83
00:03:57,352 --> 00:03:59,330
I don't remember seeing
anything in his record
84
00:03:59,354 --> 00:04:00,630
about Agarn being a good cook.
85
00:04:00,654 --> 00:04:03,033
Well, you know how modest he is.
86
00:04:03,057 --> 00:04:04,634
Oh, I don't know, sergeant, I...
87
00:04:04,658 --> 00:04:06,570
But I do know, if it
wasn't for Major Duncan,
88
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,394
I wouldn't be in this fix.
89
00:04:18,339 --> 00:04:19,316
Sarge!
90
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:20,784
Don't move,
captain. I'll get it.
91
00:04:20,808 --> 00:04:22,585
No, no! Whoa! Don't, Agarn!
92
00:04:22,609 --> 00:04:25,856
This is the bearskin
that Wild Eagle sent over.
93
00:04:26,981 --> 00:04:28,591
There's an old
Indian saying, sir:
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00:04:28,615 --> 00:04:31,594
Never kick a gift
bear in the mouth.
95
00:04:31,618 --> 00:04:32,863
What you want me for, sarge?
96
00:04:32,887 --> 00:04:34,698
Oh, yeah. I was just
telling the captain
97
00:04:34,722 --> 00:04:36,966
about you being the
best cook in the cavalry.
98
00:04:36,990 --> 00:04:38,068
I'm what?
99
00:04:38,092 --> 00:04:40,003
Best cook west
of St. Louis, sir.
100
00:04:40,027 --> 00:04:41,338
I'm sure that you'll find him
101
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:43,039
the perfect
replacement for Cookie.
102
00:04:43,063 --> 00:04:44,208
For Cookie?
103
00:04:44,232 --> 00:04:46,460
Well, we need a
cook with experience.
104
00:04:46,484 --> 00:04:47,761
Experience?
105
00:04:47,785 --> 00:04:50,097
Have you ever been in a
mess hall at Fort Danger, sir?
106
00:04:50,121 --> 00:04:51,432
No, I don't believe so.
107
00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:53,434
Agarn, here, is the
man responsible
108
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:54,635
for all that good food, sir.
109
00:04:54,659 --> 00:04:55,869
He was very popular, sir.
110
00:04:55,893 --> 00:04:58,639
All the wagon drivers
used to stop there.
111
00:04:58,663 --> 00:05:01,174
Everyone loved my
General Custer special.
112
00:05:01,198 --> 00:05:03,009
Oh, I don't believe
I've ever heard of it.
113
00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:04,177
It was a beauty.
114
00:05:04,201 --> 00:05:07,180
Ham on white,
surrounded by Indian nuts.
115
00:05:07,204 --> 00:05:09,900
Oh, I remember that one.
116
00:05:09,924 --> 00:05:12,836
Well, all right, sergeant,
we have no choice.
117
00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:14,304
We'll give Corporal Agarn a try.
118
00:05:14,328 --> 00:05:15,672
Thank you, captain.
119
00:05:15,696 --> 00:05:18,041
I hope you'll have a
surprise for the men
120
00:05:18,065 --> 00:05:19,342
at the evening meal, Agarn.
121
00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:21,934
Oh, they'll be
surprised all right, sir.
122
00:05:24,338 --> 00:05:26,082
All right, sarge,
what's the big idea?
123
00:05:26,106 --> 00:05:27,551
You know I'm a lousy cook.
124
00:05:27,575 --> 00:05:29,920
It takes me 30 minutes
to boil a three-minute egg.
125
00:05:29,944 --> 00:05:32,055
Why do you think they
invented cookbooks for?
126
00:05:32,079 --> 00:05:33,056
Come here.
127
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,725
Listen, this is a perfect setup.
128
00:05:34,749 --> 00:05:37,461
With you as Cookie, you'll be
in charge of buying the supplies.
129
00:05:37,485 --> 00:05:39,596
So? So we order
more than we need.
130
00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:40,931
We use some at the saloon,
131
00:05:40,955 --> 00:05:42,866
we sell the rest to the Hekawis.
132
00:05:42,890 --> 00:05:44,735
Beautiful.
133
00:05:44,759 --> 00:05:46,369
Sarge, I gotta hand it to ya.
134
00:05:46,393 --> 00:05:49,773
When it comes to being shifty
and sneaky and double dealing,
135
00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:50,774
you're the tops.
136
00:05:50,798 --> 00:05:51,842
Ah, thanks, Agarn,
137
00:05:51,866 --> 00:05:54,578
but there's always
room for improvement.
138
00:05:54,602 --> 00:05:56,380
I'm ready for your
meat order, Wild Eagle.
139
00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:58,715
This more important.
140
00:05:58,739 --> 00:06:02,052
Wild Eagle head of Happy
Time Council for powwow.
141
00:06:02,076 --> 00:06:04,754
Have to hear one
more funny storyteller.
142
00:06:04,778 --> 00:06:09,760
From far-off Catskill Mountains,
him called Standup Bull.
143
00:06:14,889 --> 00:06:16,567
How.
144
00:06:16,591 --> 00:06:18,736
Funny thing happened to
me on way to Hekawi camp.
145
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,103
Ran into big buffalo.
146
00:06:20,127 --> 00:06:22,895
Turned out to be
my mother-in-law. Ha!
147
00:06:24,082 --> 00:06:25,692
Uh, speaking of my family,
148
00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:27,866
take my squaw, please.
149
00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:32,016
Uh, but seriously, tribe,
about my brother-in-law.
150
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,017
Him not lazy.
151
00:06:33,041 --> 00:06:34,551
Him too light for heavy work
152
00:06:34,575 --> 00:06:38,077
and him too heavy
for light work. Ha!
153
00:06:39,647 --> 00:06:41,791
Laugh up, laugh up,
these are the stories.
154
00:06:41,815 --> 00:06:43,494
What this, audience
or war council?
155
00:06:43,518 --> 00:06:46,263
I know you're out there.
Hear you ughing. Ha!
156
00:06:47,288 --> 00:06:49,083
About my squaw, she very neat.
157
00:06:49,107 --> 00:06:50,850
I get up in dark of
night for bowl of water.
158
00:06:50,874 --> 00:06:52,886
When I come back,
my buffalo skin is made.
159
00:06:53,911 --> 00:06:55,355
Wa-wa-wa-wa. Wa-wa-wee-wa.
160
00:06:55,379 --> 00:06:57,308
Enough, Standup Bull.
161
00:06:57,332 --> 00:06:59,431
Don't signal us, we signal you.
162
00:07:02,353 --> 00:07:04,564
You were about to give
us your meat order, chief.
163
00:07:04,588 --> 00:07:07,267
I suppose you'll want the
usual antelope, bear, buffalo.
164
00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:08,534
I like side of beef.
165
00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:10,737
How you like side of hand?
166
00:07:10,761 --> 00:07:13,240
Wild Eagle do ordering here.
167
00:07:13,264 --> 00:07:14,325
One side of beef.
168
00:07:14,349 --> 00:07:15,326
Right, chief.
169
00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:17,361
How about some nice squab?
170
00:07:17,385 --> 00:07:18,779
Maybe six.
171
00:07:18,803 --> 00:07:20,614
Half a dozen
skinny little chickens.
172
00:07:20,638 --> 00:07:23,867
Agarn good man,
O'Rourke, but have no class.
173
00:07:23,891 --> 00:07:25,602
Yeah, well, if that's
all, Wild Eagle,
174
00:07:25,626 --> 00:07:26,920
I guess we'll settle the bill.
175
00:07:26,944 --> 00:07:31,425
I pay you $24 and
a handful of beads.
176
00:07:31,449 --> 00:07:33,377
Now, wait a minute.
You're out of line.
177
00:07:33,401 --> 00:07:34,778
Seem fair to me.
178
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:38,132
You people buy entire island
of Manhattan for same price.
179
00:07:38,156 --> 00:07:39,733
Oh, it was a lousy deal, chief.
180
00:07:39,757 --> 00:07:42,269
In a hundred years, they
won't get a nickel for that place.
181
00:07:42,293 --> 00:07:45,338
Oh, white man very
smart about real estate.
182
00:07:45,362 --> 00:07:47,929
Remember when
you first come here?
183
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,813
This once entire
Hekawi territory.
184
00:07:52,837 --> 00:07:54,213
Then you made treaty.
185
00:07:54,237 --> 00:07:56,204
We divide land.
186
00:07:57,808 --> 00:08:01,621
This part you get,
this part we get.
187
00:08:01,645 --> 00:08:05,531
See? Indian always
get short end of stick.
188
00:08:06,717 --> 00:08:08,595
Well, Wrangler, I
think that's everything.
189
00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:12,232
Plus the 50 pounds of flour,
the eight cases of wine...
190
00:08:12,256 --> 00:08:15,135
Oh, yeah. I wanna order a
side of beef and six squabs.
191
00:08:15,159 --> 00:08:16,169
Squabs?
192
00:08:16,193 --> 00:08:17,938
You know, them
skinny little chickens.
193
00:08:17,962 --> 00:08:19,372
I know what they are, O'Rourke.
194
00:08:19,396 --> 00:08:21,141
It's just that F Troop
never ordered them
195
00:08:21,165 --> 00:08:22,242
kind of supplies before.
196
00:08:22,266 --> 00:08:23,710
Yeah, well, Agarn's
a great cook.
197
00:08:23,734 --> 00:08:25,545
He makes all them fancy dishes.
198
00:08:25,569 --> 00:08:27,413
Agarn? Since when?
199
00:08:27,437 --> 00:08:29,182
Hey, you finished
over there, Agarn?
200
00:08:29,206 --> 00:08:30,517
Please, sarge, don't rush me.
201
00:08:30,541 --> 00:08:32,319
I've only got two hands.
202
00:08:32,343 --> 00:08:33,486
All right, but hurry it up.
203
00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:35,455
I'll wait for you outside.
204
00:08:35,479 --> 00:08:37,925
Wrangler, you better keep an
eye on these shopping wagons.
205
00:08:37,949 --> 00:08:39,359
I saw one in the Hekawi camp,
206
00:08:39,383 --> 00:08:41,862
and a scout reported
two on top of Pike's Peak.
207
00:08:41,886 --> 00:08:44,531
Well, I'll go around later and
pick 'em up in my buckboard.
208
00:08:44,555 --> 00:08:46,867
Muskmelon.
209
00:08:46,891 --> 00:08:49,236
Where ever did you
get these, Janey?
210
00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:51,260
I didn't know they
were in season.
211
00:08:53,181 --> 00:08:55,025
Oh, very good, sergeant. Ah!
212
00:08:55,049 --> 00:08:56,827
You got supplies
for the entire month.
213
00:08:56,851 --> 00:08:58,461
No, no, this is just
for one week, sir.
214
00:08:58,485 --> 00:09:00,563
Oh, yes. Agarn is a great cook.
215
00:09:00,587 --> 00:09:02,666
Oh-ho, are the men
gonna be surprised
216
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:04,868
at the dinner he's
fixin' for 'em tonight.
217
00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:06,670
My mouth watered
just to think about it.
218
00:09:06,694 --> 00:09:07,671
Yes, sir.
219
00:09:07,695 --> 00:09:09,039
Do you mind if I
sneak an orange?
220
00:09:09,063 --> 00:09:10,908
No, they just cost... I mean...
221
00:09:10,932 --> 00:09:13,032
Help yourself, sir.
222
00:09:20,091 --> 00:09:21,801
Anything else you need?
223
00:09:21,825 --> 00:09:23,692
Cookbook.
224
00:09:24,462 --> 00:09:25,439
There you go.
225
00:09:25,463 --> 00:09:27,196
Thank you, Janey.
226
00:09:27,965 --> 00:09:29,376
Corporal.
227
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,546
Don't spoil your
appetite, captain.
228
00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:33,980
Hi, Jane. Hi, Wilton.
229
00:09:34,004 --> 00:09:35,582
I see you've got
some sliced peaches.
230
00:09:35,606 --> 00:09:36,583
I'll take a can.
231
00:09:36,607 --> 00:09:37,750
Careful, Wilton.
232
00:09:37,774 --> 00:09:40,275
Oh! Yeah, of course.
233
00:10:14,878 --> 00:10:16,856
Well, how's it going, Agarn?
234
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,691
Oh, I'm tryin',
sarge, I'm tryin'.
235
00:10:18,715 --> 00:10:20,594
But there's one
thing I can't figure out.
236
00:10:20,618 --> 00:10:22,229
Hey, what's this you're making?
237
00:10:22,253 --> 00:10:23,896
That's what I can't figure out.
238
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,466
The cookbook
says it's oxtail soup.
239
00:10:26,490 --> 00:10:28,635
Yeah, well, it looks to
me like it's too much oxtail
240
00:10:28,659 --> 00:10:30,091
and not enough soup.
241
00:10:31,995 --> 00:10:34,641
Oh. Sergeant O'Rourke,
I'm glad you're here.
242
00:10:34,665 --> 00:10:37,177
I've just been going
over this list of supplies
243
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:38,711
you bought from Wrangler Jane.
244
00:10:38,735 --> 00:10:40,713
There are some
awfully fancy items.
245
00:10:40,737 --> 00:10:43,183
Oh, for a great cook
like Agarn here, he...
246
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,452
He needs special supplies, sir.
247
00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:48,054
Well... No, if Corporal
Agarn is such a great cook,
248
00:10:48,078 --> 00:10:49,789
why does he need a cookbook?
249
00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:51,224
Uh... Cook...
250
00:10:51,248 --> 00:10:53,126
It's not for me,
captain. It's...
251
00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:54,650
It's for the fire.
252
00:10:56,387 --> 00:10:58,231
There's an old saying
among the great cooks
253
00:10:58,255 --> 00:10:59,466
that a cookbook in the fire
254
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:00,933
adds a certain something special
255
00:11:00,957 --> 00:11:01,934
to the meal.
256
00:11:01,958 --> 00:11:03,837
Beautifully put.
257
00:11:03,861 --> 00:11:06,740
W-well, maybe you can
explain this item to me.
258
00:11:06,764 --> 00:11:08,392
Thirty geese?
259
00:11:08,416 --> 00:11:10,026
Oh, yes. Well,
that's for a new dish
260
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:11,728
that he's preparing
in your honor, sir.
261
00:11:11,752 --> 00:11:15,465
It's called, uh, Stuffed
Goose Parmenter.
262
00:11:15,489 --> 00:11:18,101
Oh... that sounds very nice.
263
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:19,736
What do you stuff
the goose with?
264
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,804
What do I stuff it wi...
Another goose, sir.
265
00:11:21,828 --> 00:11:23,023
That's why we need so many.
266
00:11:23,047 --> 00:11:25,058
Please, please,
please, everybody out.
267
00:11:25,082 --> 00:11:26,859
Too many people
poking around my kitchen.
268
00:11:26,883 --> 00:11:29,329
Everybody out, out, out!
He's very temperamental, sir.
269
00:11:29,353 --> 00:11:31,398
Yes, I suppose that goes
with being a great chef.
270
00:11:31,422 --> 00:11:33,533
Yes. Well, I-I'll...
I'm leaving now,
271
00:11:33,557 --> 00:11:35,701
but I'll be back later to
join the men for chow.
272
00:11:35,725 --> 00:11:37,437
Wha...? Did you hear that?
273
00:11:37,461 --> 00:11:39,957
He's going to have
dinner with us tonight.
274
00:11:39,981 --> 00:11:41,058
What an honor.
275
00:11:41,082 --> 00:11:44,962
The captain's
stomach... in my hands.
276
00:11:44,986 --> 00:11:49,754
He's looking forward to it, sir,
but we'd better leave him alone.
277
00:11:54,611 --> 00:11:55,611
Yech!
278
00:11:58,082 --> 00:11:59,592
Hey, Agarn.
279
00:11:59,616 --> 00:12:00,978
What is this?
280
00:12:01,002 --> 00:12:02,401
What does it look like, Duffy?
281
00:12:03,987 --> 00:12:06,900
Looks like a recipe for
corned beef and cabbage.
282
00:12:06,924 --> 00:12:08,619
You'll be getting it tomorrow.
283
00:12:08,643 --> 00:12:10,120
If I live that long.
284
00:12:10,144 --> 00:12:11,822
Hey, Agarn,
285
00:12:11,846 --> 00:12:13,740
I don't think I can
get through this.
286
00:12:13,764 --> 00:12:16,410
Now, don't bug me, Vanderbilt.
This is a balanced meal.
287
00:12:16,434 --> 00:12:19,150
Yes, it is. These biscuits weigh
as much as the main course.
288
00:12:21,022 --> 00:12:22,366
We can't eat this stuff, Agarn.
289
00:12:24,108 --> 00:12:25,785
Agarn, you are no cook.
290
00:12:25,809 --> 00:12:27,320
How about some good chow?
291
00:12:27,344 --> 00:12:29,055
Yeah, we want a
cook around here.
292
00:12:29,079 --> 00:12:30,223
You want us to lose weight?
293
00:12:30,247 --> 00:12:31,758
They're gettin' restless, sarge.
294
00:12:31,782 --> 00:12:33,860
I'll handle this. Now, listen.
295
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:36,229
Captain Parmenter is comin'
here to have dinner with us,
296
00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:38,398
and you're going to enjoy
that food if it kills you.
297
00:12:38,422 --> 00:12:40,600
It probably will.
Oh, I'll say, I...
298
00:12:40,624 --> 00:12:42,486
And I'll tell you another thing.
299
00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:44,320
The next one of ya
that opens his mouth
300
00:12:44,344 --> 00:12:45,722
without puttin' food in it,
301
00:12:45,746 --> 00:12:48,091
is gonna get a very
fast transfer to G Troop,
302
00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:50,660
in the heart of
Apache territory.
303
00:12:50,684 --> 00:12:52,651
Ten-hut!
304
00:12:53,821 --> 00:12:54,965
Carry on, men.
305
00:12:54,989 --> 00:12:56,132
Carry on.
306
00:12:56,156 --> 00:12:57,634
I'm just here for dinner.
307
00:12:57,658 --> 00:12:59,068
If you don't mind, corporal,
308
00:12:59,092 --> 00:13:02,661
I'd like to sample a little
bit of your great cooking.
309
00:13:13,074 --> 00:13:15,752
It's a little rich
for me, I guess.
310
00:13:15,776 --> 00:13:18,454
It almost... tastes as if
there's an old boot in there.
311
00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:25,979
Sarge, I only took 'em off
312
00:13:26,003 --> 00:13:28,820
'cause I've been
on my feet all day.
313
00:13:31,675 --> 00:13:33,353
And the men like this, sergeant?
314
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,087
Oh, yes, sir. They
love it. Ha-ha.
315
00:13:35,111 --> 00:13:37,631
All right, men,
time for seconds.
316
00:13:42,103 --> 00:13:44,463
I said, time for seconds.
317
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:50,537
They do seem to enjoy it.
318
00:13:50,561 --> 00:13:51,538
Oh, yes, sir.
319
00:13:51,562 --> 00:13:52,539
Oh, by the way,
320
00:13:52,563 --> 00:13:54,040
I was checking
through the manual,
321
00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:55,542
and I assume the
meals will conform
322
00:13:55,566 --> 00:13:57,926
to these military standards.
323
00:13:58,152 --> 00:13:59,513
What are the standards, captain?
324
00:13:59,537 --> 00:14:01,565
One, the meal
should be nourishing.
325
00:14:01,589 --> 00:14:03,150
Oh, they're
nourishing, all right.
326
00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:05,685
Two, they should contain
the proper vitamins.
327
00:14:05,709 --> 00:14:07,604
Oh, plenty of vitamins, captain.
328
00:14:07,628 --> 00:14:10,712
Uh, three, they
should taste good.
329
00:14:14,501 --> 00:14:16,901
Two out of three ain't bad.
330
00:14:28,299 --> 00:14:31,711
Kill the cook! Kill the cook!
331
00:14:31,735 --> 00:14:35,047
Kill the cook! Kill the cook!
332
00:14:35,071 --> 00:14:37,600
Kill the cook! Kill the cook!
333
00:14:37,624 --> 00:14:39,953
It's only been a week.
Give a guy a chance.
334
00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:40,954
Kill the cook!
335
00:14:40,978 --> 00:14:43,056
All right, simmer
down, you guys.
336
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,259
I said, simmer down!
337
00:14:46,283 --> 00:14:48,829
Want the captain to hear ya?
338
00:14:48,853 --> 00:14:50,430
What's up, Agarn?
339
00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:52,432
Sarge, I'm about
ready to turn in my ladle.
340
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:53,866
I... I can't take it anymore.
341
00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:56,803
They hate my cooking.
342
00:14:56,827 --> 00:14:59,306
Maybe you'd all like to
transfer to G Troop, huh?
343
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,890
Share your lunch
with the Apaches.
344
00:15:02,099 --> 00:15:03,643
Oh, yes, and there
are some openings
345
00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:05,812
up at H Troop in
the Dakota territory.
346
00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:07,781
'Course, they're not
eating much up there
347
00:15:07,805 --> 00:15:10,285
because the snow
is over their heads!
348
00:15:10,758 --> 00:15:12,869
Now... if any of you have got
349
00:15:12,893 --> 00:15:14,654
a legitimate
complaint, sound off.
350
00:15:14,678 --> 00:15:17,490
This steak is tougher
than my saddlebag.
351
00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:19,910
I've see mud that'll pour
easier than this coffee.
352
00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:22,562
I had to soften these
potatoes with my rifle butt.
353
00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:24,581
Sarge, we gotta
have a decent meal.
354
00:15:24,605 --> 00:15:26,515
And we're just wasting
away to nothing.
355
00:15:26,539 --> 00:15:28,150
That does it, sarge!
356
00:15:28,174 --> 00:15:30,319
Slaving over a
hot stove all week,
357
00:15:30,343 --> 00:15:32,555
working my fingers
to the bone, and...
358
00:15:32,579 --> 00:15:34,824
this is the thanks I get? I...
359
00:15:34,848 --> 00:15:36,358
I could just cry.
360
00:15:38,451 --> 00:15:40,997
All right, all right. I'll
make a deal with you.
361
00:15:42,155 --> 00:15:43,700
I'll get somebody
to cook for Agarn.
362
00:15:43,724 --> 00:15:44,767
How's that?
363
00:15:44,791 --> 00:15:46,168
That's fine.
364
00:15:46,192 --> 00:15:48,537
But if you can't, get
somebody to eat for us.
365
00:15:55,535 --> 00:15:56,512
Not bad.
366
00:15:56,536 --> 00:15:57,513
Halt!
367
00:15:57,537 --> 00:15:59,148
Do not throw on ground.
368
00:15:59,172 --> 00:16:01,573
Hey, Sparrow Eye.
369
00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:05,794
Throw in there.
370
00:16:08,532 --> 00:16:11,933
Sparrow Eye, you missed
pieces of cloth and bark.
371
00:16:14,822 --> 00:16:17,050
Hekawi try to keep
America clean.
372
00:16:17,074 --> 00:16:18,351
Oh, whose idea was that?
373
00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:19,390
Squaw Bird.
374
00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:22,489
Crazy Cat's a pretty good cook.
375
00:16:22,513 --> 00:16:24,224
Even though he
does cook Indian style.
376
00:16:24,248 --> 00:16:26,264
Why not? Crazy Cat is Indian.
377
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:28,778
Well, you're right.
378
00:16:28,802 --> 00:16:30,212
All right, it's settled, then.
379
00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:31,815
Crazy Cat'll cook at the fort.
380
00:16:31,839 --> 00:16:33,233
Not interested.
381
00:16:33,257 --> 00:16:35,768
Maybe you interested in fat lip.
382
00:16:35,792 --> 00:16:39,656
Only chief make decisions,
and that job not open yet.
383
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,880
Can't blame brave for trying.
384
00:16:42,983 --> 00:16:44,494
I'll pay you $10 a week for him.
385
00:16:44,518 --> 00:16:48,035
Make it $11. Add 10
percent for bad treaty.
386
00:16:49,639 --> 00:16:51,639
Come on, Crazy Cat.
387
00:16:52,943 --> 00:16:54,421
Hey, Crazy Cat.
388
00:16:54,445 --> 00:16:56,856
I'll have some more of that
chicken hawk with wine sauce.
389
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,324
Pretty good meal, huh, Duffy?
390
00:16:58,348 --> 00:17:00,793
After choking down that
stuff Agarn dished out,
391
00:17:00,817 --> 00:17:02,295
anything would taste good.
392
00:17:02,319 --> 00:17:05,019
Kick a man when
he's down, eh, Duffy?
393
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:10,537
Easy, Cat.
394
00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:11,737
Take it easy on that wine.
395
00:17:11,761 --> 00:17:13,473
You never cooked with it before.
396
00:17:13,497 --> 00:17:15,163
Why? Troopers like it.
397
00:17:16,349 --> 00:17:18,049
Cheers.
398
00:17:21,722 --> 00:17:23,733
Agarn, pluck two
more chicken hawks,
399
00:17:23,757 --> 00:17:25,068
look at cornbread in stove
400
00:17:25,092 --> 00:17:27,070
and clear the plates from table.
401
00:17:27,094 --> 00:17:29,005
Don't push me
too far, Crazy Cat.
402
00:17:29,029 --> 00:17:31,663
This kitchen ain't big
enough for both of us.
403
00:17:35,168 --> 00:17:37,581
Hey, Crazy Cat, how about
some more of that hot meat?
404
00:17:37,605 --> 00:17:39,504
Comin' up!
405
00:17:41,274 --> 00:17:43,637
Watch where you serve that food!
406
00:17:43,661 --> 00:17:46,101
Excuse me, corporal, would
you pass the arrow, please?
407
00:17:55,455 --> 00:17:56,866
Um, I guess you didn't expect
408
00:17:56,890 --> 00:17:59,168
to see me back this way
so soon, eh, Parmenter?
409
00:17:59,192 --> 00:18:00,369
No, sir.
410
00:18:00,393 --> 00:18:02,172
What do you think of
the meal, Major Duncan?
411
00:18:02,196 --> 00:18:03,973
Good. Good, very good.
412
00:18:03,997 --> 00:18:06,910
I've always been fond of
this Indian style of cooking.
413
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:08,978
Oh, so that's what it was.
414
00:18:09,002 --> 00:18:10,780
I thought the food
had a different flavor.
415
00:18:10,804 --> 00:18:12,715
I'll tell you one
thing, Parmenter.
416
00:18:12,739 --> 00:18:14,750
This chow is better
than anything Cookie
417
00:18:14,774 --> 00:18:15,907
used to make for me.
418
00:18:17,244 --> 00:18:19,188
Used to make?
419
00:18:19,212 --> 00:18:20,256
What happened to Cookie?
420
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:21,524
Colonel Heinz took him.
421
00:18:21,548 --> 00:18:22,992
Pulled rank on me again.
422
00:18:23,016 --> 00:18:24,527
I thought he took
your last cook.
423
00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:26,329
Yes, he did, but...
424
00:18:26,353 --> 00:18:29,232
You see, General Grizby
took him from the colonel.
425
00:18:29,256 --> 00:18:32,201
And then the secretary of war
took him from General Grizby,
426
00:18:32,225 --> 00:18:34,470
and the president took him
from the secretary of war.
427
00:18:34,494 --> 00:18:36,872
Right now he's back
cooking at the White House.
428
00:18:36,896 --> 00:18:39,242
You know, I... understand
they're quite partial
429
00:18:39,266 --> 00:18:41,226
to Western-style
cooking, back there.
430
00:18:43,036 --> 00:18:44,302
Who's your cook now?
431
00:18:45,639 --> 00:18:46,805
Who's your cook now?
432
00:18:48,007 --> 00:18:49,251
I asked you first.
433
00:18:49,275 --> 00:18:50,775
Captain.
434
00:18:52,078 --> 00:18:53,088
Corporal Agarn.
435
00:18:53,112 --> 00:18:56,209
Ah. He's my cook now.
436
00:18:56,233 --> 00:18:58,900
Oh, now, just a minute, here.
437
00:19:07,844 --> 00:19:09,944
He did it again.
438
00:19:17,370 --> 00:19:18,347
Take me, sir?
439
00:19:18,371 --> 00:19:19,983
You heard me, corporal.
440
00:19:20,007 --> 00:19:22,152
We're moving out
against Geronimo.
441
00:19:22,176 --> 00:19:24,354
It'll be at least a six
month's campaign.
442
00:19:24,378 --> 00:19:28,023
Now, saddle up,
we're leavin' tonight.
443
00:19:28,047 --> 00:19:30,159
Sarge, you can't
let him take me.
444
00:19:30,183 --> 00:19:32,061
I'll be gone for six
months in Apa-pa-pa...
445
00:19:32,085 --> 00:19:33,529
Apache territory.
446
00:19:33,553 --> 00:19:34,697
Now, don't worry, Agarn,
447
00:19:34,721 --> 00:19:36,399
just let me think for a minute.
448
00:19:36,423 --> 00:19:39,402
There's got to be some
nice, logical, dishonest way
449
00:19:39,426 --> 00:19:41,621
to get you out of this mess.
450
00:19:41,645 --> 00:19:43,156
Now, what this about Agarn?
451
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:45,057
Major Duncan is taking
him with him tonight.
452
00:19:45,081 --> 00:19:46,359
We can't let him do that.
453
00:19:46,383 --> 00:19:47,460
Agarn is our partner.
454
00:19:47,484 --> 00:19:48,861
We're all in business together.
455
00:19:48,885 --> 00:19:50,062
You're right, O'Rourke.
456
00:19:50,086 --> 00:19:52,798
Also, I lose $11 deal
for loan of Crazy Cat.
457
00:19:52,822 --> 00:19:54,267
Ah-ha.
458
00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:55,401
What you want me to do?
459
00:19:55,425 --> 00:19:56,891
Well, I'll tell you.
460
00:19:58,962 --> 00:20:01,441
But the major is a very
high-ranking officer, sir.
461
00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:03,676
Now, he really should
stop by the Hekawi camp,
462
00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:05,778
so that they can give him,
um, an Indian headdress
463
00:20:05,802 --> 00:20:07,313
and make him an honorary chief.
464
00:20:07,337 --> 00:20:08,914
Hey, it's in the manual, sir.
465
00:20:08,938 --> 00:20:10,283
It is? Hm.
466
00:20:10,307 --> 00:20:12,752
I don't remember seeing
anything in the manual about that.
467
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,887
Well, it's in the
Hekawi manual, sir.
468
00:20:14,911 --> 00:20:16,922
Oh, really? Yes.
469
00:20:16,946 --> 00:20:18,291
All right, I'll tell the major.
470
00:20:18,315 --> 00:20:19,747
Yes, sir.
471
00:20:23,821 --> 00:20:27,200
Hekawi proud to have
high officer of cavalry
472
00:20:27,224 --> 00:20:31,271
honorary chief of tribe.
473
00:20:31,295 --> 00:20:34,373
Now, Captain Parmenter told
me this is one your customs,
474
00:20:34,397 --> 00:20:35,675
but I... Heh-heh.
475
00:20:35,699 --> 00:20:38,300
I didn't think I'd
have to eat with you.
476
00:20:39,169 --> 00:20:40,546
Part of ceremony.
477
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:42,648
Anyway, this good
chance for you to see
478
00:20:42,672 --> 00:20:46,219
how your new cook,
Agarn, cook away from fort.
479
00:20:47,444 --> 00:20:48,510
Begin meal.
480
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,710
Here you are, major.
481
00:20:54,734 --> 00:20:57,030
Mushrooms.
482
00:20:57,054 --> 00:20:58,202
I picked them tonight.
483
00:20:59,223 --> 00:21:00,343
Tonight?
484
00:21:01,225 --> 00:21:02,465
In the dark?
485
00:21:04,044 --> 00:21:05,371
These could be poisonous.
486
00:21:05,395 --> 00:21:08,112
Those are the chances
you take, Indian style.
487
00:21:10,383 --> 00:21:13,046
No, I don't think I...
care for any mushrooms.
488
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:14,313
Oh, too bad.
489
00:21:14,337 --> 00:21:16,416
I serve them every night.
490
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,600
Next course.
491
00:21:17,624 --> 00:21:19,202
I know you'll like this, major.
492
00:21:19,226 --> 00:21:21,659
It's one of my specialties.
493
00:21:26,833 --> 00:21:28,478
It's... It's raw fish?
494
00:21:28,502 --> 00:21:30,613
We always serve it
this way, Indian style.
495
00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:32,148
Cooking ruins the flavor.
496
00:21:32,172 --> 00:21:34,250
Chief, you're... not eating?
497
00:21:34,274 --> 00:21:36,819
That not part of ceremony.
498
00:21:36,843 --> 00:21:39,289
I'll... I'll pass
on the fish too.
499
00:21:39,313 --> 00:21:41,758
Oh. Then try the potatoes.
500
00:21:41,782 --> 00:21:45,583
Ah, well... They look all right.
501
00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:55,255
There's a rock in here.
502
00:21:55,279 --> 00:21:56,789
Of course. A heated rock.
503
00:21:56,813 --> 00:21:58,658
I always bake
them from the inside.
504
00:21:58,682 --> 00:22:00,143
Excuse me, major.
505
00:22:00,167 --> 00:22:01,477
Agarn very good.
506
00:22:01,501 --> 00:22:03,479
Learn much from Indian.
507
00:22:03,503 --> 00:22:06,582
You like next course, major.
508
00:22:07,974 --> 00:22:09,736
Ready for hot meat.
509
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,260
Hot meat comin' up!
510
00:22:15,966 --> 00:22:17,376
You're lucky.
511
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:21,447
Agarn serve with full
Indian-style ceremony.
512
00:22:21,471 --> 00:22:25,639
Chief, I, uh... I
think I'm on fire.
513
00:22:28,445 --> 00:22:30,990
We prepare teepee
for you to stay tonight.
514
00:22:31,014 --> 00:22:33,548
It all ready for you.
515
00:22:52,269 --> 00:22:53,612
Oh.
516
00:22:53,636 --> 00:22:55,481
Wh-what did I fall into?
517
00:22:55,505 --> 00:22:56,816
A hole!
518
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,517
That's just the way
we bury our trash,
519
00:22:58,541 --> 00:22:59,952
Indian style.
520
00:22:59,976 --> 00:23:02,544
Oh, there'll be lots of
'em around your tent area.
521
00:23:05,599 --> 00:23:07,777
Sergeant O'Rourke,
what are you doing here?
522
00:23:07,801 --> 00:23:09,078
Well, sir, I, uh...
523
00:23:09,102 --> 00:23:11,547
I just came to say
goodbye to Corporal Agarn.
524
00:23:11,571 --> 00:23:13,115
Well, I've come to
tell Major Duncan
525
00:23:13,139 --> 00:23:14,383
that he can't take Agarn.
526
00:23:14,407 --> 00:23:16,018
I've made up my mind to be firm.
527
00:23:16,042 --> 00:23:17,086
Oh. Yes, sir.
528
00:23:17,110 --> 00:23:18,870
Uh... Wait.
529
00:23:23,916 --> 00:23:25,617
Major.
530
00:23:26,686 --> 00:23:28,063
I've been checking the manual,
531
00:23:28,087 --> 00:23:32,201
and I found a footnote under
"Requisition of Personnel."
532
00:23:32,225 --> 00:23:35,070
"No personnel essential
to the welfare of a fort
533
00:23:35,094 --> 00:23:37,506
"may be transferred until
a suitable replacement
534
00:23:37,530 --> 00:23:38,641
can be found."
535
00:23:38,665 --> 00:23:41,810
So... you can't
take Corporal Agarn.
536
00:23:41,834 --> 00:23:42,945
Captain Parmenter,
537
00:23:42,969 --> 00:23:45,548
you can take
Corporal Agarn, and...
538
00:23:45,572 --> 00:23:47,450
And you can keep him.
539
00:23:47,474 --> 00:23:50,018
I'm heading for
the Apache territory,
540
00:23:50,042 --> 00:23:53,177
where I stand half
a chance of survival.
541
00:23:57,250 --> 00:23:59,695
I should have spoken
up sooner, Agarn.
542
00:23:59,719 --> 00:24:01,830
All I had to do is be firm.
543
00:24:01,854 --> 00:24:04,533
Chief, thank you for your
hospitality to the major.
544
00:24:04,557 --> 00:24:06,469
Not think much of major.
545
00:24:06,493 --> 00:24:10,295
Indian not like man
who eat and run.
546
00:24:13,116 --> 00:24:15,411
Ah. Well, Cookie's back,
547
00:24:15,435 --> 00:24:17,714
and we lose our
nice little setup.
548
00:24:17,738 --> 00:24:20,717
How come Colonel
Heinz let him go?
549
00:24:20,741 --> 00:24:22,651
Colonel Heinz's cook
got sent back to him,
550
00:24:22,675 --> 00:24:24,520
the one that was
cooking for the president.
551
00:24:24,544 --> 00:24:26,589
He got sent back for
writing his memoirs,
552
00:24:26,613 --> 00:24:28,858
My Ten Days in the White House.
553
00:24:28,882 --> 00:24:30,793
Well, something good
came out of it anyway.
554
00:24:30,817 --> 00:24:32,361
Yeah. I know.
555
00:24:32,385 --> 00:24:34,630
We don't have to eat
your cookin' anymore.
556
00:24:34,654 --> 00:24:35,765
No, sarge.
557
00:24:35,789 --> 00:24:38,367
I gave him the benefit
of my experience.
558
00:24:38,391 --> 00:24:40,402
Hey, Cookie, how
about the hot meat?
559
00:24:43,063 --> 00:24:45,329
Thanks, Cookie!
40099
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