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♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
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00:00:13,123 --> 00:00:16,436
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
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00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:18,721
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
4
00:00:18,745 --> 00:00:21,762
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
5
00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:26,546
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
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00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:28,490
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
7
00:00:29,923 --> 00:00:32,001
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
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00:00:32,025 --> 00:00:34,536
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
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00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,072
♪ F Troop! ♪
10
00:00:36,096 --> 00:00:39,075
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
11
00:00:39,099 --> 00:00:41,077
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
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00:00:41,101 --> 00:00:44,380
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
13
00:00:44,404 --> 00:00:47,049
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
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00:00:47,073 --> 00:00:49,085
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
15
00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:51,887
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
16
00:00:51,911 --> 00:00:54,573
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
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00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:58,277
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
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00:00:58,301 --> 00:01:00,217
♪ F Troop! ♪
19
00:01:45,465 --> 00:01:48,415
Dobbs, blow "Assembly."
20
00:01:56,376 --> 00:01:59,054
All right, Agarn. Get
them some kind of a line.
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00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:00,089
All right, F Troop!
22
00:02:08,454 --> 00:02:10,855
Ten-hut!
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00:02:11,691 --> 00:02:13,503
At ease, men, at ease.
24
00:02:13,527 --> 00:02:14,804
Gentleman,
25
00:02:14,828 --> 00:02:17,673
we are in receipt of an
important communication
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00:02:17,697 --> 00:02:21,811
from Washington, from
the secretary of war.
27
00:02:21,835 --> 00:02:23,712
"Communiqué number one.
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00:02:23,736 --> 00:02:25,915
"Other communiqués to follow.
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00:02:25,939 --> 00:02:28,284
"Because of your
outstanding record,
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00:02:28,308 --> 00:02:29,451
"your distinction,
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00:02:29,475 --> 00:02:32,405
"and the superb troops
under your command,
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00:02:32,429 --> 00:02:35,942
"F Troop has been selected
for a most secret project
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00:02:35,966 --> 00:02:38,610
"vital to the interests
of this country.
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00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:40,346
"I am sure the men of F Troop
35
00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:43,049
will make this a
great achievement."
36
00:02:43,073 --> 00:02:46,107
Signed by the secretary of war.
37
00:02:47,777 --> 00:02:49,255
Well, Jenkins,
what do you think?
38
00:02:49,279 --> 00:02:51,323
It's fine, Mr. Secretary.
39
00:02:51,347 --> 00:02:52,725
Dummy isn't scratched.
40
00:02:52,749 --> 00:02:55,794
Yes, well, the big question
is whether or not this vest
41
00:02:55,818 --> 00:02:58,631
is going to be
bulletproof... in action.
42
00:02:58,655 --> 00:03:00,766
You sure that Fort Courage
will be the best place?
43
00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:02,968
Yes, it's a remote
military installation.
44
00:03:02,992 --> 00:03:05,070
It'll be much easier to
maintain security there.
45
00:03:05,094 --> 00:03:07,873
You understand, of course,
this vest must be tested
46
00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:10,842
with absolute security
and absolute secrecy.
47
00:03:10,866 --> 00:03:12,778
Now, if the Indians
ever got hold of that,
48
00:03:12,802 --> 00:03:14,780
we might loss
control of the West.
49
00:03:14,804 --> 00:03:17,583
Of course, sir, if these
bulletproof vests don't work,
50
00:03:17,607 --> 00:03:19,418
we may lose some
of the men of F Troop.
51
00:03:19,442 --> 00:03:22,288
That is precisely
why I select them.
52
00:03:22,312 --> 00:03:24,623
Then Fort Courage it is, sir.
53
00:03:24,647 --> 00:03:26,858
Yes, I've already alerted
the fort commander.
54
00:03:26,882 --> 00:03:28,193
Oh, one thing more, Jenkins.
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00:03:28,217 --> 00:03:30,095
To protect our security there,
56
00:03:30,119 --> 00:03:32,030
I've contacted our
intelligence people.
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00:03:32,054 --> 00:03:34,566
They've assigned a
top agent to this project,
58
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,835
an expert in counterespionage.
59
00:03:39,495 --> 00:03:41,072
Who would that be, sir?
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00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,542
Jenkins, this agent's
work is so secret
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00:03:43,566 --> 00:03:45,877
that even I am kept
in the dark about it.
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00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:48,461
Well, you can have
that removed now.
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00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,207
Orderly.
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00:03:54,176 --> 00:03:56,272
Remove the dummy.
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00:03:56,296 --> 00:03:59,408
I cannot emphasize
this enough, Jenkins.
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00:03:59,432 --> 00:04:02,010
The Indians must never
get word of this experiment.
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00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,879
All they need is a new weapon.
68
00:04:03,903 --> 00:04:05,347
They are almost in revolt now,
69
00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:06,948
itching at the trigger.
70
00:04:06,972 --> 00:04:10,119
Those Indians
are at fever pitch.
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00:04:15,915 --> 00:04:18,293
The moccasins are great
for dancing, ain't they, chief?
72
00:04:18,317 --> 00:04:19,996
Moccasin too tight.
73
00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:22,348
You got something
in 10 and a half?
74
00:04:22,372 --> 00:04:24,467
Show him the ones
with the tassels. Right.
75
00:04:24,491 --> 00:04:25,935
How come paleface make moccasin?
76
00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:27,736
You try to run us
out of business?
77
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,923
Look, Crazy Cat, we can make
them cheaper, lots cheaper.
78
00:04:30,947 --> 00:04:32,441
We got modern machinery.
79
00:04:32,465 --> 00:04:33,976
You got machinery?
80
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,779
How come it say
"made in Hong Kong"?
81
00:04:36,803 --> 00:04:38,731
Huh? CRAZY CAT:
Got them in white?
82
00:04:38,755 --> 00:04:40,065
Wait, wait.
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00:04:40,089 --> 00:04:42,667
If anybody wear
white, me wear white.
84
00:04:42,691 --> 00:04:44,487
Me still chief.
85
00:04:44,511 --> 00:04:48,791
White would look great
with that outfit you're wearing.
86
00:04:48,815 --> 00:04:50,593
Wild Eagle make up mind.
87
00:04:50,617 --> 00:04:53,228
Me take two white,
two black. Ah.
88
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:54,396
Make take same thing.
89
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:56,632
Same thing. All right,
two white, two black.
90
00:04:56,656 --> 00:04:58,467
Here we go. There we are.
91
00:04:58,491 --> 00:05:01,087
And here we are.
92
00:05:01,111 --> 00:05:04,306
Come on, let's get back to camp
before the captain misses us.
93
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:05,307
So long, chief.
94
00:05:05,331 --> 00:05:06,741
So long, Crazy Cat. Ho.
95
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:28,130
Hekawi have wise
old Indian saying:
96
00:05:31,357 --> 00:05:32,701
Me never hear that one.
97
00:05:32,725 --> 00:05:35,737
It mean, Chinese
moccasin feel good
98
00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:37,139
right after you put it on,
99
00:05:37,163 --> 00:05:40,642
but one hour later,
feet hurt again.
100
00:05:40,666 --> 00:05:43,762
Now, gentlemen, according
to communiqué number two,
101
00:05:43,786 --> 00:05:45,864
which I've just received
from Washington,
102
00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:47,666
a box will arrive for
us on the stagecoach.
103
00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:49,935
Yes, sir. AGARN: You
know what's inside?
104
00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:51,659
Yes, it...
105
00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:54,973
It's a secret weapon.
106
00:05:54,997 --> 00:05:56,107
I want you to place it
107
00:05:56,131 --> 00:05:58,098
under lock and key
immediately. Right, sir.
108
00:06:02,889 --> 00:06:04,166
Ho.
109
00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:05,690
Ho.
110
00:06:06,993 --> 00:06:08,170
Captain Parmenter? Here.
111
00:06:08,194 --> 00:06:09,504
That there crate's for you.
112
00:06:09,528 --> 00:06:10,773
Oh, good, good.
113
00:06:10,797 --> 00:06:12,875
Uh, you may remove the
crate, sergeant, corporal.
114
00:06:12,899 --> 00:06:14,699
Oh, yes, sir.
115
00:06:22,391 --> 00:06:24,703
I'm Miss Lorelei Duval. Oh.
116
00:06:24,727 --> 00:06:26,922
Uh, I'm Captain Parmenter.
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00:06:26,946 --> 00:06:28,156
Welcome to Fort Courage.
118
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,474
Thank you, captain.
119
00:06:29,498 --> 00:06:31,010
I'm the new school marm.
120
00:06:31,034 --> 00:06:33,395
Oh. Uh... Oh, this is
Sergeant O'Rourke.
121
00:06:33,419 --> 00:06:35,197
How do you do,
ma'am? How do you do?
122
00:06:35,221 --> 00:06:37,316
Well, you men know what to do.
123
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:38,583
Good afternoon, Miss Duval.
124
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,352
Carry on, sergeant. Corporal.
125
00:06:40,376 --> 00:06:41,619
Yes, sir.
126
00:06:41,643 --> 00:06:43,555
No schoolteacher sure
never looked like you
127
00:06:43,579 --> 00:06:44,556
when I went to school.
128
00:06:44,580 --> 00:06:45,858
They was so old,
129
00:06:45,882 --> 00:06:47,860
they didn't teach history,
they remembered it.
130
00:06:51,638 --> 00:06:53,548
Introduce me.
131
00:06:53,572 --> 00:06:55,283
Uh, oh, Miss Duval, this...
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00:06:55,307 --> 00:06:57,486
He's one of the fellows
that works for me.
133
00:06:57,510 --> 00:06:58,754
Corporal Agarn, ma'am.
134
00:06:58,778 --> 00:07:00,155
How do you do?
135
00:07:00,179 --> 00:07:02,541
My, you soldiers certainly
do work hard, don't you?
136
00:07:02,565 --> 00:07:04,927
We're in a special detail.
137
00:07:04,951 --> 00:07:07,046
This is a new secret
weapon. We gotta locked it up.
138
00:07:09,339 --> 00:07:10,682
Well, it's the truth ain't it?
139
00:07:10,706 --> 00:07:13,652
Well, the military life
always fascinates me.
140
00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:16,055
I was wondering if, perhaps,
you will allow me to conduct
141
00:07:16,079 --> 00:07:18,607
some classes for the soldiers
in the evening, sergeant.
142
00:07:18,631 --> 00:07:19,975
Well, ma'am, uh, I'm afraid,
143
00:07:19,999 --> 00:07:22,228
Captain Parmenter
would have to pass on that.
144
00:07:22,252 --> 00:07:25,297
Oh, uh, I'm sure a gentleman as
charming as Captain Parmenter
145
00:07:25,321 --> 00:07:26,599
wouldn't refuse me.
146
00:07:26,623 --> 00:07:28,500
In fact, I think I'll go
and ask him right now.
147
00:07:28,524 --> 00:07:29,968
Good day, gentleman.
148
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:30,992
Good day, ma'am.
149
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,274
Now, what does
she want with Wilton?
150
00:07:35,298 --> 00:07:37,343
Yeah, well, she's the new
school marm, Wrangler,
151
00:07:37,367 --> 00:07:39,211
she wants to give some
lessons to the troop.
152
00:07:39,235 --> 00:07:41,280
Oh, well, let her teach
the troop all she wants.
153
00:07:41,304 --> 00:07:43,048
But if Wilton is about
to learn anything,
154
00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:44,917
he can just make up his
mind to learn from me.
155
00:07:49,812 --> 00:07:51,356
"Dear, inspector general,
156
00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:53,592
"we have received
your instructions.
157
00:07:53,616 --> 00:07:57,395
Rest assured the secret is..."
158
00:07:59,388 --> 00:08:01,266
Ow.
159
00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:03,523
Just a minute.
160
00:08:13,736 --> 00:08:16,848
Captain Parmenter, I believe?
161
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:18,416
Yes, at your service, ma'am.
162
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,219
Are we alone?
163
00:08:21,243 --> 00:08:24,522
Why, uh... Yes, ma'am.
164
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,624
Ha-ha!
165
00:08:25,648 --> 00:08:27,125
B Wise is the name.
166
00:08:27,149 --> 00:08:28,827
Espionage is my game.
167
00:08:28,851 --> 00:08:31,463
I fooled you with one
of my many disguises.
168
00:08:31,487 --> 00:08:34,300
That's why they call me
the man of a thousand faces.
169
00:08:34,324 --> 00:08:36,385
I find that a little
hard to believe.
170
00:08:36,409 --> 00:08:37,970
Would you believe 850?
171
00:08:37,994 --> 00:08:40,705
May I ask what are you doing
here in Fort Courage, Mr. Wise.
172
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,691
I am from Washington.
Counterintelligence.
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00:08:42,715 --> 00:08:44,560
I'm assigned to protect
the secret weapon.
174
00:08:44,584 --> 00:08:46,617
My badge, sir.
175
00:08:49,588 --> 00:08:50,733
Very clever.
176
00:08:50,757 --> 00:08:53,657
You like clever?
I'll show you clever.
177
00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:03,533
Sorry about that.
178
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,250
Now, when communiqué
number three arrives,
179
00:09:08,274 --> 00:09:09,684
we'll have our instructions.
180
00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:11,387
Uh, where will you be?
181
00:09:11,411 --> 00:09:12,388
Where will I be?
182
00:09:12,412 --> 00:09:14,390
I'm here, I'm there.
183
00:09:14,414 --> 00:09:15,691
I'm everywhere.
184
00:09:15,715 --> 00:09:18,248
So beware. B Wise.
185
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,270
We're very lucky, gentlemen.
186
00:09:28,294 --> 00:09:29,471
Why is that, captain?
187
00:09:29,495 --> 00:09:31,774
Washington has
sent its top man here.
188
00:09:31,798 --> 00:09:33,141
They did?
189
00:09:33,165 --> 00:09:34,865
Come on.
190
00:09:40,606 --> 00:09:43,374
He's a... Oh!
191
00:09:44,743 --> 00:09:47,356
He's a counterespionage
agent named B Wise.
192
00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:49,358
He's on the look out for
anyone trying to find out
193
00:09:49,382 --> 00:09:50,525
about that secret weapon.
194
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,527
Now, we have to do
everything we can to help him.
195
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:53,512
What does he look like?
196
00:09:53,536 --> 00:09:54,513
He's fantastic.
197
00:09:54,537 --> 00:09:55,881
He's a man of a thousand faces.
198
00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:57,349
He... He showed
me his belt buckle,
199
00:09:57,373 --> 00:09:59,734
and... And then he took off
his shoe, and he shot the lamp.
200
00:10:00,759 --> 00:10:02,036
He showed you his belt buckle,
201
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,856
then took off his shoe
and shot the lamp?
202
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,058
Yes. Are you all right, captain?
203
00:10:06,082 --> 00:10:07,192
I'm fine, I'm fine.
204
00:10:07,216 --> 00:10:08,610
He said we have
to be on the alert.
205
00:10:08,634 --> 00:10:10,762
Some rascals might try to
find out about this weapon
206
00:10:10,786 --> 00:10:12,431
and tell the Indians.
207
00:10:12,455 --> 00:10:14,615
Oh, yeah, I'll get it.
208
00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:17,936
Uh... Well, Miss
Lorelei, come in.
209
00:10:19,962 --> 00:10:21,406
Well, how do you
do, Miss Lorelei?
210
00:10:21,430 --> 00:10:23,008
Forgive me,
captain, for intruding,
211
00:10:23,032 --> 00:10:25,010
but I was wondering if
you reached any decision
212
00:10:25,034 --> 00:10:26,611
regarding my
teaching at the fort.
213
00:10:26,635 --> 00:10:29,848
Oh, now, how could I
forgotten a thing like that?
214
00:10:29,872 --> 00:10:32,151
Now, a-as soon as I look up
schoolteachers in my manual,
215
00:10:32,175 --> 00:10:33,435
I'll let you know right away.
216
00:10:33,459 --> 00:10:35,137
Well, I do hope it
will be permitted.
217
00:10:35,161 --> 00:10:38,474
In any case, as local teacher
and you as commanding officer,
218
00:10:38,498 --> 00:10:40,609
I do think we should
become better acquainted.
219
00:10:40,633 --> 00:10:42,544
Uh, I'll try, but you
must remember
220
00:10:42,568 --> 00:10:45,447
that my first
obligation is to my men.
221
00:10:45,471 --> 00:10:47,199
And their horses.
222
00:10:47,223 --> 00:10:48,817
I'll be waiting to
hear from you.
223
00:10:48,841 --> 00:10:51,241
I'll escort you
home, Miss Lorelei.
224
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,206
You?
225
00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:57,242
I will escort her home.
226
00:10:57,266 --> 00:10:59,599
Pulling rank, huh, sarge?
227
00:11:03,389 --> 00:11:04,699
Buenos dias, señor.
228
00:11:04,723 --> 00:11:09,371
Listen, do you have a few
pesos for a poor old bullfighter,
229
00:11:09,395 --> 00:11:12,441
who has been on the
horns of a bull too long?
230
00:11:12,465 --> 00:11:13,842
Oh, why, certainly, my good man.
231
00:11:15,568 --> 00:11:16,911
Fooled you again, didn't I?
232
00:11:16,935 --> 00:11:17,979
Right? Right.
233
00:11:18,003 --> 00:11:20,349
Because I'm a
master of deception.
234
00:11:20,373 --> 00:11:22,083
Why, I get up in the
morning sometimes
235
00:11:22,107 --> 00:11:23,685
and shave the wrong man.
236
00:11:23,709 --> 00:11:26,588
Did...? Did you find
out anything, Mr. Wise?
237
00:11:26,612 --> 00:11:27,656
Yes, I did.
238
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,224
I don't mind telling
you confidently
239
00:11:29,248 --> 00:11:32,194
that my number one
suspect is Miss Lorelei Duval.
240
00:11:32,218 --> 00:11:33,928
The schoolteacher?
241
00:11:33,952 --> 00:11:34,947
Very interesting.
242
00:11:34,971 --> 00:11:36,365
Well, what made you suspect her?
243
00:11:36,389 --> 00:11:40,301
I saw a pair of ruby-red
lips, soft white shoulders,
244
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:43,304
long shapely legs, wearing
a black-lace negligee.
245
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,006
Now, does that
sound like your typical,
246
00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:46,140
everyday schoolteacher?
247
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,594
You can bet your
sweet tooth it doesn't.
248
00:11:48,618 --> 00:11:49,695
Hm.
249
00:11:49,719 --> 00:11:53,264
Red lips, white
shoulders, shapely legs,
250
00:11:53,288 --> 00:11:55,033
it does sound dangerous.
251
00:11:55,057 --> 00:11:57,268
Sounds nice... Uh, but
dangerous, dangerous.
252
00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:58,303
Uh, shall we arrest her?
253
00:11:58,327 --> 00:11:59,304
No, not yet.
254
00:11:59,328 --> 00:12:00,405
We need concrete evidence
255
00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,807
that she's really a spy.
256
00:12:01,831 --> 00:12:04,309
Now, I'll be watching
her every moment.
257
00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:07,201
The first move she
makes, she'll get this.
258
00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:09,731
Your tie? Mm-hm.
259
00:12:09,755 --> 00:12:10,798
Not a regular tie.
260
00:12:10,822 --> 00:12:12,967
You see, I use it
when my shoe jams.
261
00:12:12,991 --> 00:12:17,055
All you do is... turn it open...
262
00:12:17,079 --> 00:12:21,064
then take down the
safety... and you fire.
263
00:12:22,568 --> 00:12:24,413
Sorry about that.
264
00:12:24,437 --> 00:12:25,647
It's all right.
265
00:12:25,671 --> 00:12:28,417
Hm, I'll show her not
to get smart with B Wise.
266
00:12:28,441 --> 00:12:31,308
Now, duty calls.
267
00:12:42,404 --> 00:12:44,844
I'm sorry about that, sir.
268
00:12:49,178 --> 00:12:51,222
Just a trim, Dobbs.
Nothing off the top.
269
00:12:51,246 --> 00:12:52,791
All right, corporal.
270
00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,593
♪ Lorelei, Lorelei ♪
271
00:12:55,617 --> 00:12:59,564
♪ Without you I
would die Lorelei ♪
272
00:12:59,588 --> 00:13:01,599
Hey, Agarn, pal.
273
00:13:01,623 --> 00:13:03,434
Listen, would you do me a favor?
274
00:13:03,458 --> 00:13:04,435
Sure, sarge.
275
00:13:04,459 --> 00:13:05,603
Well, the captain asked me
276
00:13:05,627 --> 00:13:07,572
to stand guard on that
secret weapon tonight.
277
00:13:07,596 --> 00:13:09,307
I was wondering if
you'd take my place.
278
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:10,776
Oh, gee, sarge, I can't tonight.
279
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,077
I'm going out with the fellas.
280
00:13:12,101 --> 00:13:14,079
You... The fellas?
281
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,482
With all that bay rum?
282
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,284
You heard the speech
the captain made
283
00:13:19,308 --> 00:13:21,519
about how we don't look right.
284
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:24,723
In fact, Dobbs, I think you
ought to give me a shave.
285
00:13:24,747 --> 00:13:25,957
Yeah.
286
00:13:25,981 --> 00:13:28,960
Well, in that case,
heh, you'll need this.
287
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,218
To you, sweet lady
Of infinite grace
288
00:13:37,242 --> 00:13:40,043
Perfect of figure
Fairest of face
289
00:13:42,681 --> 00:13:44,526
Is that an original
poem, corporal?
290
00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:45,627
Not exactly.
291
00:13:45,651 --> 00:13:47,529
I seen it once in a
mail-order catalog.
292
00:13:47,553 --> 00:13:50,799
It was a... An ad for some
fancy-smelling bath soap.
293
00:13:50,823 --> 00:13:52,500
Well, it's the
thought that counts.
294
00:13:52,524 --> 00:13:53,501
Right.
295
00:13:53,525 --> 00:13:54,669
Here's to your new venture.
296
00:13:54,693 --> 00:13:56,660
May it be a great success.
297
00:13:57,996 --> 00:13:59,441
My venture?
298
00:13:59,465 --> 00:14:01,676
Oh, you mean, the
new secret weapon?
299
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:02,877
I can't tell you about that.
300
00:14:02,901 --> 00:14:04,278
Oh, of course not.
301
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,280
I do hope the tests go well.
302
00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:07,515
Will they be soon?
303
00:14:07,539 --> 00:14:11,185
Tomorrow. But I can't
tell you about that neither.
304
00:14:11,209 --> 00:14:12,854
You must have nerves of steel.
305
00:14:12,878 --> 00:14:14,756
To think the
testing is tomorrow,
306
00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:18,059
and you're so relaxed
at a moment like this.
307
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:20,928
I ain't so relaxed. I
got goose bumps.
308
00:14:20,952 --> 00:14:22,497
Wanna see 'em?
309
00:14:22,521 --> 00:14:24,153
Lookie here.
310
00:14:40,406 --> 00:14:42,250
Communiqué number three, sir.
311
00:14:42,274 --> 00:14:43,851
Oh, thank you, sergeant.
312
00:14:43,875 --> 00:14:45,575
Mm. Mm-hm.
313
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,324
Ah. So that's it.
314
00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:51,126
Is everything secure, sergeant?
315
00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:53,194
Yes, sir, I just turned
the guard over to Dobbs.
316
00:14:53,218 --> 00:14:55,530
Good, good. We can't
take too many precautions.
317
00:14:55,554 --> 00:14:57,865
Not when we're dealing
with secret weapons, we can't.
318
00:14:57,889 --> 00:15:00,402
Now, as soon as Dobbs
stands his watch we...
319
00:15:09,435 --> 00:15:11,346
Uh, can I help you, ma'am?
320
00:15:13,638 --> 00:15:14,782
What's that?
321
00:15:14,806 --> 00:15:16,551
Ha-ha! I fooled you again.
322
00:15:16,575 --> 00:15:20,055
Oh, sergeant this is B
Wise of counter intelligence.
323
00:15:20,079 --> 00:15:21,456
B, this is Sergeant O'Rourke.
324
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,225
This no time for introduction.
325
00:15:23,249 --> 00:15:25,126
Why, at this very moment,
down at the saloon,
326
00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:27,229
the school teacher is
luring your Corporal Agarn
327
00:15:27,253 --> 00:15:28,430
down the path of treason.
328
00:15:28,454 --> 00:15:30,232
She's what? That
little double cross...
329
00:15:30,256 --> 00:15:31,366
Caution. Caution.
330
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:32,667
We can only observe them.
331
00:15:32,691 --> 00:15:34,135
We can't apprehend her yet.
332
00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:35,970
We'll have to let
things cook for a while,
333
00:15:35,994 --> 00:15:38,740
and then we'll see what's
at the bottom of the pot.
334
00:15:38,764 --> 00:15:40,275
Good thinking.
Sergeant, you and I
335
00:15:40,299 --> 00:15:41,876
will go and see
what we can find out.
336
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,512
While I remain inconspicuously
in the background.
337
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:50,485
Shall we go, sergeant,
and see for ourselves?
338
00:15:50,509 --> 00:15:52,120
There's nothing I
would like better.
339
00:15:52,144 --> 00:15:54,022
I do hope you won't
be hurt tomorrow
340
00:15:54,046 --> 00:15:56,290
when you test
whatever's in that big box.
341
00:15:56,314 --> 00:15:58,392
What's in it? Do you know?
342
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,095
Only Captain Parmenter knows.
343
00:16:00,119 --> 00:16:02,330
But let's not talk about that.
344
00:16:02,354 --> 00:16:04,733
Let's talk about
more important things
345
00:16:04,757 --> 00:16:07,468
like... you and... me.
346
00:16:07,492 --> 00:16:09,592
Kiss me, Lorelei.
347
00:16:16,218 --> 00:16:17,295
Well, it's Lorelei.
348
00:16:17,319 --> 00:16:18,462
So nice to see you, captain.
349
00:16:18,486 --> 00:16:19,731
Good evening, Miss Lorelei.
350
00:16:19,755 --> 00:16:21,650
Join me in a bottle
of champagne?
351
00:16:21,674 --> 00:16:22,817
Uh, no, no, thank you.
352
00:16:22,841 --> 00:16:24,019
I never touch it.
353
00:16:24,043 --> 00:16:25,386
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah.
354
00:16:25,410 --> 00:16:28,222
Don't mind if I do.
355
00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:34,863
Champagne and brandy, please.
356
00:16:34,887 --> 00:16:37,198
It must be fascinating
to be the head
357
00:16:37,222 --> 00:16:39,600
of a great military
establishment like this.
358
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,904
What a feeling of power,
to have your own army.
359
00:16:42,928 --> 00:16:44,839
Oh, well, it isn't mine, really.
360
00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:48,142
It's sort of belongs to
the United States cavalry.
361
00:16:48,166 --> 00:16:52,336
I just sort of think of myself
as, oh, helping them out.
362
00:16:57,776 --> 00:17:01,088
Oh, isn't that awfully strong?
363
00:17:01,112 --> 00:17:03,458
Oh, well, then let me
dilute it with a little brandy.
364
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:05,915
That'll make it a French 75.
365
00:17:07,486 --> 00:17:09,297
French 75?
366
00:17:09,321 --> 00:17:11,299
That's a name
of a special drink.
367
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:14,202
Something like, um...
cherry phosphate.
368
00:17:14,226 --> 00:17:15,992
Oh. I like those.
369
00:17:28,324 --> 00:17:31,636
Not as sweet as my
usual cherry phosphate,
370
00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:34,260
but it does have
a certain charm.
371
00:17:35,364 --> 00:17:37,108
Oh! Oh!
372
00:17:37,132 --> 00:17:38,410
Oh, what a shame.
373
00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:40,011
Oh, please forgive me.
374
00:17:40,035 --> 00:17:41,179
Oh, I'm so sorry.
375
00:17:41,203 --> 00:17:42,314
No, no, no.
376
00:17:42,338 --> 00:17:43,815
That's all right. No harm done.
377
00:17:43,839 --> 00:17:46,368
But the champagne and
brandy often leaves spots.
378
00:17:46,392 --> 00:17:48,770
I have something that'll
take it off immediately.
379
00:17:48,794 --> 00:17:50,137
I'll go get it. No, really.
380
00:17:50,161 --> 00:17:51,840
I don't think
anything's damaged.
381
00:17:51,864 --> 00:17:53,441
Oh, but I insist.
382
00:17:53,465 --> 00:17:57,011
Think of all the years I wasted
drinking cherry phosphate.
383
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,680
Captain, did you
find out anything?
384
00:17:58,704 --> 00:18:00,332
Well, she's gone.
385
00:18:00,356 --> 00:18:01,600
But don't worry. Never fear.
386
00:18:01,624 --> 00:18:03,418
Just be glad B Wise is here.
387
00:18:03,442 --> 00:18:05,053
Did she find out anything?
388
00:18:05,077 --> 00:18:08,323
Oh, no, no. I have the
orders right here in...
389
00:18:08,347 --> 00:18:09,724
Oh, my goodness.
390
00:18:09,748 --> 00:18:11,226
She stole the orders?
391
00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:12,860
Communiqué number three?
392
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:14,862
She must have done that
when she dried you off..
393
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:16,364
Well, it's not
your fault, captain.
394
00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:18,466
You didn't do anything.
You didn't say anything.
395
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:20,735
You we were just sitting
there, drinking with the spy,
396
00:18:20,759 --> 00:18:21,903
then she stole your papers.
397
00:18:21,927 --> 00:18:23,638
In the end, nothing's the matter
398
00:18:23,662 --> 00:18:25,574
except the firing
squad. That's all.
399
00:18:25,598 --> 00:18:26,975
Don't be concerned, gentleman.
400
00:18:26,999 --> 00:18:28,242
This is exactly what we want.
401
00:18:28,266 --> 00:18:29,611
Now she'll show up at the test,
402
00:18:29,635 --> 00:18:31,245
reveal her hand,
and we'll seize her.
403
00:18:31,269 --> 00:18:32,447
What time is the test?
404
00:18:32,471 --> 00:18:34,082
Uh, 11 tomorrow morning.
405
00:18:34,106 --> 00:18:36,350
Good. I'll be there, and
she'll never get away alive
406
00:18:36,374 --> 00:18:39,254
because I'll get her with
my cannonball suspender.
407
00:18:39,278 --> 00:18:41,311
Watch this, Parmenter.
408
00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:45,961
Ah-ha!
409
00:18:45,985 --> 00:18:48,018
Now I'll go for the spare.
410
00:18:51,156 --> 00:18:54,185
Ha-ha! Chalk up
another one for B Wise.
411
00:18:54,209 --> 00:18:56,689
At intelligence school, I
majored in suspender ball.
412
00:19:01,316 --> 00:19:04,696
Gentleman, we are about to begin
413
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,449
a most secret experiment.
414
00:19:07,473 --> 00:19:09,016
It's in this crate.
415
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,885
Now, I know that the
sergeant has warned you
416
00:19:10,909 --> 00:19:12,353
about never discussing it.
417
00:19:12,377 --> 00:19:15,323
Now, I will need one volunteer.
418
00:19:15,347 --> 00:19:17,080
One of you to test the weapon.
419
00:19:20,385 --> 00:19:25,099
That lucky volunteer will get a
14-day furlough to Dodge City.
420
00:19:26,524 --> 00:19:28,402
That's for me, captain.
421
00:19:28,426 --> 00:19:30,104
I'll do it, sir. I'll do it.
422
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:31,505
Now, wait a minute, Duffy.
423
00:19:31,529 --> 00:19:33,775
See them two stripes?
I'm a corporal. I'll do it.
424
00:19:33,799 --> 00:19:35,143
I volunteered first, sir.
425
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:36,644
How dare you
back sass me, Duffy!
426
00:19:36,668 --> 00:19:37,712
I'm gonna test it.
427
00:19:37,736 --> 00:19:38,780
You are, huh? Yeah.
428
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:39,981
Count these.
429
00:19:40,005 --> 00:19:42,349
I'm the sergeant,
and I'm gonna test it.
430
00:19:42,373 --> 00:19:43,951
I'm proud of you, men.
431
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,519
Now, the weapon
that's in this crate
432
00:19:45,543 --> 00:19:46,771
that we're about to try out
433
00:19:46,795 --> 00:19:49,140
has never really been tried
before with a human being.
434
00:19:49,164 --> 00:19:50,541
Please, captain, let us try.
435
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:51,709
I wanna try.
436
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,011
Hold it, you guys,
for the last time.
437
00:19:54,035 --> 00:19:55,997
Now, it's final. I
am gonna do it.
438
00:19:56,021 --> 00:19:58,132
It's a bulletproof vest.
439
00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,668
That's it. I'm
gonna take this gun
440
00:20:00,692 --> 00:20:03,237
and fire these six
bullets into that vest.
441
00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:05,106
Now, who is gonna put it on?
442
00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:06,841
I never wear vests.
443
00:20:06,865 --> 00:20:08,443
Duffy, you may open the crate.
444
00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:09,747
Yes, sir.
445
00:20:15,490 --> 00:20:18,586
Now, our orders read that
one member of the troop
446
00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:21,189
should put on the
vest, walk 10 feet away,
447
00:20:21,213 --> 00:20:22,957
turn and face the squad,
448
00:20:22,981 --> 00:20:25,131
which will then
open fire upon him.
449
00:20:27,069 --> 00:20:28,312
Now, where are you going?
450
00:20:28,336 --> 00:20:30,048
Back to our quarters
to get my riffle.
451
00:20:30,072 --> 00:20:31,716
Stand where you are.
452
00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:34,135
Dobbs, where would you be going?
453
00:20:34,159 --> 00:20:35,670
Uh, to get my bugle.
454
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:36,988
I might have to blow "Taps."
455
00:20:37,012 --> 00:20:38,255
Stay right there.
456
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:41,192
Vanderbilt, what are you up to?
457
00:20:41,216 --> 00:20:43,595
If I'm gonna shoot at
anybody from 10 feet,
458
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:45,413
I better go get
my other glasses.
459
00:20:45,437 --> 00:20:46,714
Don't any of you move.
460
00:20:46,738 --> 00:20:48,249
Stay right where you are.
461
00:20:48,273 --> 00:20:50,385
Attention, gentlemen. Line up.
462
00:20:50,409 --> 00:20:51,419
Line up.
463
00:20:51,443 --> 00:20:52,637
All right. Do what he says.
464
00:20:52,661 --> 00:20:55,674
The honor of F
Troop is at stake here.
465
00:20:55,698 --> 00:20:57,608
Now, Washington
expects one of our men
466
00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:58,977
to test out this weapon,
467
00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:01,802
and I want that man to
take three steps forward.
468
00:21:04,807 --> 00:21:06,868
My congratulations, corporal.
469
00:21:06,892 --> 00:21:09,169
Oh, now, this is no
time for false modesty.
470
00:21:09,193 --> 00:21:11,489
I am proud to call you my buddy.
471
00:21:11,513 --> 00:21:13,591
Have you seen our
suspect, Miss Lorelei?
472
00:21:13,615 --> 00:21:14,993
No, no sign of her yet.
473
00:21:15,017 --> 00:21:16,794
Well, she may be
armed and dangerous.
474
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:19,364
Captain Parmenter, I want you
to guard the door on that side.
475
00:21:19,388 --> 00:21:21,950
Sergeant O'Rourke, I want you
to guard the door on that side.
476
00:21:21,974 --> 00:21:23,351
Agarn you stand in the middle.
477
00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:25,720
As for myself, I'll be in a
dark corner somewhere,
478
00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:29,312
out of harm's way. After
all, this was my plan.
479
00:21:30,482 --> 00:21:32,377
We shall now proceed.
480
00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:33,944
Agarn, put on the
bullet proof vest.
481
00:21:33,968 --> 00:21:35,179
It'll never work.
482
00:21:35,203 --> 00:21:36,397
Why not? It's not my size.
483
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,283
Oh, relax, will ya?
Nothing's gonna happen.
484
00:21:38,307 --> 00:21:39,684
Now, is there
anything I get you?
485
00:21:39,708 --> 00:21:41,886
Maybe a blindfold, a cigarette?
486
00:21:41,910 --> 00:21:43,454
Attention!
487
00:21:43,478 --> 00:21:45,023
Lemme see here.
488
00:21:45,047 --> 00:21:47,758
The vest... properly on.
489
00:21:47,782 --> 00:21:50,612
Now, are you ready, corporal?
490
00:21:50,636 --> 00:21:52,313
Ready?
491
00:21:52,337 --> 00:21:53,881
Aah!
492
00:21:53,905 --> 00:21:55,083
They got me.
493
00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:56,383
What a way to go.
494
00:21:56,407 --> 00:21:58,185
The victim of a leaky vest.
495
00:21:58,209 --> 00:21:59,621
Oh, stand up, will you?
496
00:21:59,645 --> 00:22:01,055
You're all right.
497
00:22:01,079 --> 00:22:02,490
Now we're gonna shoot.
498
00:22:02,514 --> 00:22:03,858
Now you're gonna shoot?
499
00:22:03,882 --> 00:22:05,126
I hope I'm not interrupting,
500
00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:06,578
but I thought you
might need this.
501
00:22:06,602 --> 00:22:08,663
I found this envelope,
and I think it's yours.
502
00:22:08,687 --> 00:22:10,165
Ah-ha!
503
00:22:10,189 --> 00:22:12,884
You didn't find that envelope
of secret papers, you stole it.
504
00:22:12,908 --> 00:22:15,152
Lorelei Duval, you're
under arrest for espionage.
505
00:22:15,176 --> 00:22:16,353
You didn't fool me with that
506
00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,922
impersonation of
a school teacher.
507
00:22:17,946 --> 00:22:19,957
Give me that. Captain,
arrest this woman.
508
00:22:19,981 --> 00:22:21,259
Arrest this man.
509
00:22:21,283 --> 00:22:22,961
Arrest this woman.
Arrest this man.
510
00:22:22,985 --> 00:22:25,063
This man. Arrest this woman.
511
00:22:25,087 --> 00:22:26,464
Wait! Wait a minute!
512
00:22:26,488 --> 00:22:27,865
What is this?
513
00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:30,518
Captain, I'm from counter
intelligence in Washington.
514
00:22:30,542 --> 00:22:31,819
Here's my badge.
515
00:22:35,714 --> 00:22:38,515
You wanna see legs?
I'll show you legs.
516
00:22:41,386 --> 00:22:43,782
I don't know whose
legs to believe.
517
00:22:43,806 --> 00:22:47,601
Well, I'm a little
partial to hers, captain.
518
00:22:47,625 --> 00:22:49,253
When Washington
sent you this weapon,
519
00:22:49,277 --> 00:22:51,355
they told me to come out
here and look for traitors.
520
00:22:51,379 --> 00:22:53,124
That's why I've asked
so many questions.
521
00:22:53,148 --> 00:22:54,492
He's the traitor.
522
00:22:54,516 --> 00:22:57,161
He wants to sell information
about the weapon to the Indians.
523
00:22:57,185 --> 00:22:58,830
Fiddle-faddle!
524
00:22:58,854 --> 00:23:01,099
I know. I know just what to do.
525
00:23:01,123 --> 00:23:02,734
We'll put you both
in the guardhouse,
526
00:23:02,758 --> 00:23:06,170
and then we'll wire Washington
to identify the real counterspy.
527
00:23:10,115 --> 00:23:11,976
Now, don't anyone
go for your guns.
528
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,310
Is he kidding?
529
00:23:13,334 --> 00:23:14,512
Don't move, anybody.
530
00:23:14,536 --> 00:23:15,935
That shoe is loaded.
531
00:23:16,972 --> 00:23:19,234
You're holding
up the wrong shoe.
532
00:23:19,258 --> 00:23:21,291
It's your left shoe
that has the gun in it.
533
00:23:26,831 --> 00:23:28,276
That was wonderful, captain.
534
00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:30,462
What keen observation to
know he had the wrong shoe.
535
00:23:30,486 --> 00:23:32,597
Well, it was nothing, really.
536
00:23:32,621 --> 00:23:35,021
I knew all along this
wasn't his gun shoe.
537
00:23:35,724 --> 00:23:38,419
Well, I hope you're
satisfied, captain.
538
00:23:38,443 --> 00:23:40,654
You've just captured
an honest, hard-working,
539
00:23:40,678 --> 00:23:43,641
conscientious traitor.
Ruin my whole day.
540
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,600
All right, Agarn, let's
get him out of here.
541
00:23:53,759 --> 00:23:57,204
Gentleman, I am happy to report
542
00:23:57,228 --> 00:23:59,040
that we've heard
from Washington.
543
00:23:59,064 --> 00:24:01,342
B Wise was indeed a traitor
544
00:24:01,366 --> 00:24:04,345
and has been turned
over to the proper authority.
545
00:24:04,369 --> 00:24:06,247
We shall now
proceed with the testing
546
00:24:06,271 --> 00:24:08,349
of the bulletproof
vest. All set, corporal?
547
00:24:08,373 --> 00:24:11,975
Humina, humina,
humina... All right. Ready!
548
00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:16,212
Aim... fire.
549
00:24:19,217 --> 00:24:21,428
Am I all right?
550
00:24:21,452 --> 00:24:25,499
I told you, pal, there's
nothing for you to worry about.
551
00:24:25,523 --> 00:24:28,803
See? Now, I'll just send
this vest off to Washington.
552
00:24:28,827 --> 00:24:31,639
And we... Wait a second.
553
00:24:31,663 --> 00:24:33,808
There aren't any
bullet marks on this.
554
00:24:33,832 --> 00:24:36,811
You mean to tell me that
nobody hit him from 10 feet?
555
00:24:36,835 --> 00:24:38,813
Where'd all the bullets go?
556
00:24:38,837 --> 00:24:40,581
Ooh. Ooh.
557
00:24:41,673 --> 00:24:43,673
Captain, there.
40237
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