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♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
2
00:00:07,523 --> 00:00:10,836
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
3
00:00:10,860 --> 00:00:13,121
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
4
00:00:13,145 --> 00:00:16,162
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
5
00:00:18,868 --> 00:00:20,946
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
6
00:00:20,970 --> 00:00:22,890
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
7
00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:26,401
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
8
00:00:26,425 --> 00:00:28,936
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
9
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,472
♪ F Troop! ♪
10
00:00:30,496 --> 00:00:33,475
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
11
00:00:33,499 --> 00:00:35,477
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
12
00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:38,780
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
13
00:00:38,804 --> 00:00:41,449
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
14
00:00:41,473 --> 00:00:43,485
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
15
00:00:43,509 --> 00:00:46,287
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
16
00:00:46,311 --> 00:00:49,541
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
17
00:00:49,565 --> 00:00:52,677
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
18
00:00:52,701 --> 00:00:54,617
♪ F Troop! ♪
19
00:01:33,925 --> 00:01:35,659
Ten-hut!
20
00:01:39,981 --> 00:01:41,898
Aren't you one of us, Duddleson?
21
00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:44,963
Salute with your right
hand, not your left!
22
00:01:44,987 --> 00:01:47,399
Sorry about that, but I
always did have trouble
23
00:01:47,423 --> 00:01:48,666
telling my right from my left.
24
00:01:48,690 --> 00:01:50,810
I can tell that by
looking at your boots.
25
00:01:53,545 --> 00:01:54,855
Oh, corporal. Captain.
26
00:01:54,879 --> 00:01:56,657
I just got word that
the inspector general
27
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:59,293
is on his way here to check
on F Troop's pension fund.
28
00:01:59,317 --> 00:02:01,762
I hope Sergeant O'Rourke
will be ready with a full report.
29
00:02:01,786 --> 00:02:02,830
He will be, sir.
30
00:02:02,854 --> 00:02:04,494
He's balancing
the books right now.
31
00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:11,756
I'll see you for 110,
and 110, I raise.
32
00:02:11,780 --> 00:02:13,180
Well, I'll see that.
33
00:02:14,749 --> 00:02:18,351
And I'll raise you
another...$200.
34
00:02:22,958 --> 00:02:27,839
I have two pair, and
they're all queens.
35
00:02:27,863 --> 00:02:30,008
I always did have
luck with the ladies.
36
00:02:30,032 --> 00:02:31,932
Well, these three fives...
37
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How's it going?
38
00:02:36,571 --> 00:02:38,582
Hey. Great. Great.
39
00:02:38,606 --> 00:02:39,684
Listen...
40
00:02:39,708 --> 00:02:41,352
you gotta go get me
some more money.
41
00:02:41,376 --> 00:02:42,720
You mean you're losing?
42
00:02:42,744 --> 00:02:44,422
The captain's been
asking about ya.
43
00:02:44,446 --> 00:02:46,224
He's been asking
about the pension fund.
44
00:02:46,248 --> 00:02:49,093
And now when he finds out
there's gambling... Oh, sarge!
45
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Go to the troop.
46
00:02:50,285 --> 00:02:53,053
They must have some
money stashed some place.
47
00:02:55,274 --> 00:02:57,785
Three dollars and 85 cents.
48
00:02:57,809 --> 00:02:59,654
Is that all you guys can raise?
49
00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:01,990
I'd have had more, but
I got to shooting dice
50
00:03:02,014 --> 00:03:03,591
with Sergeant O'Rourke.
51
00:03:03,615 --> 00:03:05,760
How about you, Vanderbilt.
You always got money.
52
00:03:05,784 --> 00:03:07,295
I just mailed mine to the bank.
53
00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:08,696
I'm saving up to
buy a telescope.
54
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,231
You what?!
55
00:03:10,255 --> 00:03:12,900
Sergeant O'Rourke playing
his heart out in a poker game
56
00:03:12,924 --> 00:03:14,602
in that saloon for
the glory of F Troop,
57
00:03:14,626 --> 00:03:16,604
and all you can think
about is yourself?
58
00:03:16,628 --> 00:03:17,638
Oh, for shame.
59
00:03:17,662 --> 00:03:19,207
How about you, Dobbs?
60
00:03:19,231 --> 00:03:21,309
Oh, I gave all my money
to Sergeant O'Rourke
61
00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:22,613
for them Indian blankets.
62
00:03:24,636 --> 00:03:27,349
Genuine Indian blankets!
A hundred percent wool.
63
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,917
Ten-percent wool,
90-percent cotton.
64
00:03:29,941 --> 00:03:31,519
I know, we make 'em.
65
00:03:31,543 --> 00:03:33,654
Now, chief, why don't
you buy 'em back?
66
00:03:33,678 --> 00:03:34,990
It's gonna be a cold winter.
67
00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:36,992
Snuggle up nice and warm.
68
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:39,127
Oh, stop sales talk.
69
00:03:39,151 --> 00:03:40,761
Sleeping on an Indian blanket...
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00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:43,420
Like sleeping on
a sheep's tummy.
71
00:03:44,623 --> 00:03:46,267
Where you think that come from?
72
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:47,268
You make it up?
73
00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:48,269
No.
74
00:03:48,293 --> 00:03:49,437
We make it up.
75
00:03:49,461 --> 00:03:51,272
Wild Eagle, I'm
gonna level with ya.
76
00:03:51,296 --> 00:03:52,740
How about a loan?
77
00:03:52,764 --> 00:03:56,444
For sick grandmother have
tonsils out in Kansas City?
78
00:03:56,468 --> 00:03:58,746
We make that one up too.
79
00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:00,831
Chief, you gotta have heart!
80
00:04:00,855 --> 00:04:03,100
You know what a great
card player the sarge is, right?
81
00:04:03,124 --> 00:04:04,519
You give him a
couple of dollars,
82
00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:05,819
he'll win a fortune for us!
83
00:04:05,843 --> 00:04:08,022
Your face will be on
every nickel in the country.
84
00:04:08,046 --> 00:04:11,559
Old Indian saying:
85
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:13,861
"Man who gamble with few dollars
86
00:04:13,885 --> 00:04:16,964
always wind up on
short end of buffalo horn."
87
00:04:16,988 --> 00:04:21,835
He's playing with Dapper
Dan, and he' a very easy mark.
88
00:04:21,859 --> 00:04:23,638
New Indian saying:
89
00:04:23,662 --> 00:04:25,839
"Man who play with fire,
90
00:04:25,863 --> 00:04:28,742
have better chance than man
who play with Dapper Dan."
91
00:04:28,766 --> 00:04:31,979
Why you think Indians
always ride bareback?
92
00:04:32,003 --> 00:04:34,815
Dapper Dan win all the saddles.
93
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:38,452
Go sell blankets someplace else.
94
00:04:38,476 --> 00:04:41,389
Genuine Indian blankets.
A hundred percent wool.
95
00:04:41,413 --> 00:04:43,491
Ten percent wool
and 90 percent cotton.
96
00:04:43,515 --> 00:04:45,693
I know, I bought a
dozen from O'Rourke.
97
00:04:45,717 --> 00:04:47,027
How about you, sir?
98
00:04:47,051 --> 00:04:49,129
Looks like it's gonna
be a long, cold winter.
99
00:04:49,153 --> 00:04:50,130
He don't need 'em.
100
00:04:50,154 --> 00:04:51,532
This here's my cousin Henry.
101
00:04:51,556 --> 00:04:53,434
Just come out to help
me for a few weeks.
102
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:54,735
Corporal Agarn, Henry Terkel.
103
00:04:54,759 --> 00:04:55,869
Hi, pal.
104
00:04:55,893 --> 00:04:57,938
I gotta get my hands on
some money, Wrangler.
105
00:04:57,962 --> 00:04:59,273
This is an emergency.
106
00:04:59,297 --> 00:05:00,941
It ain't your grandma
with the tonsils
107
00:05:00,965 --> 00:05:03,444
back in Kansas
City again, is it?
108
00:05:03,468 --> 00:05:05,012
That was a deep cut, Wrangler.
109
00:05:05,036 --> 00:05:06,547
This is a real emergency.
110
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:08,549
I gotta get some money, fast!
111
00:05:08,573 --> 00:05:10,284
Corporal, I beg your pardon.
112
00:05:10,308 --> 00:05:12,386
Perhaps I could
be of assistance?
113
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:13,887
That'd be great.
114
00:05:13,911 --> 00:05:16,390
We'll pay you back tomorrow.
115
00:05:16,414 --> 00:05:17,480
You're too kind, sir.
116
00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:20,561
What's that?
117
00:05:20,585 --> 00:05:22,196
That's a little
invention of mine.
118
00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:23,464
It's called a talk-a-box.
119
00:05:23,488 --> 00:05:24,898
You talk into the little box,
120
00:05:24,922 --> 00:05:28,168
and someone else talks into
another box from far away.
121
00:05:28,192 --> 00:05:29,320
And you can hear each other.
122
00:05:29,344 --> 00:05:30,688
As a matter of fact,
123
00:05:30,712 --> 00:05:32,856
I have several of these
set up in some of the stores.
124
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,625
I have one over
at the livery stable,
125
00:05:34,649 --> 00:05:36,027
I have one over in the saloon...
126
00:05:36,051 --> 00:05:37,929
Let me get this straight.
127
00:05:37,953 --> 00:05:41,048
You're gonna talk
into this oatmeal box,
128
00:05:41,072 --> 00:05:43,251
and somebody's gonna
hear you at the livery stable?
129
00:05:43,275 --> 00:05:44,735
Yes.
130
00:05:44,759 --> 00:05:47,271
I suppose the guy
at the livery stable,
131
00:05:47,295 --> 00:05:48,639
he's got an oatmeal
box too, huh?
132
00:05:48,663 --> 00:05:50,208
That's right.
133
00:05:50,232 --> 00:05:52,876
You mean he's standing around
listening to an oatmeal box?
134
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:54,712
Yes, and you can
make a lot of money
135
00:05:54,736 --> 00:05:56,280
with this little invention too.
136
00:05:56,304 --> 00:05:57,448
See, you charge people
137
00:05:57,472 --> 00:06:00,017
every time they
talk to each other.
138
00:06:00,041 --> 00:06:02,319
You're gonna charge people
for talking to each other?
139
00:06:02,343 --> 00:06:03,320
Yes.
140
00:06:03,344 --> 00:06:04,489
You see the way it works,
141
00:06:04,513 --> 00:06:06,524
your voice goes into
the little box here,
142
00:06:06,548 --> 00:06:08,826
then it comes out, and it
jumps along this little wire,
143
00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:11,595
and it runs along the wire
until it gets to the other box.
144
00:06:11,619 --> 00:06:13,497
And then it jumps
out of the other box
145
00:06:13,521 --> 00:06:15,066
into the fella's ear.
146
00:06:15,090 --> 00:06:16,634
Jumps off of the
wire into your ear?
147
00:06:16,658 --> 00:06:19,103
Yes.
148
00:06:19,127 --> 00:06:21,705
Why don't you just tear
the wires out of the boxes
149
00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:23,963
and make yourself a
nice bowl of oatmeal.
150
00:06:26,033 --> 00:06:27,678
I hate to tell you
this, Wrangler,
151
00:06:27,702 --> 00:06:30,262
but I think your cousin's
flipped his wheat cakes.
152
00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:42,493
Why don't you watch
where you're going?
153
00:06:42,517 --> 00:06:43,494
Captain!
154
00:06:43,518 --> 00:06:44,729
Are you all right, captain?
155
00:06:44,753 --> 00:06:45,964
I'm fine. I'm fine.
156
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:48,066
You see, I'm fine.
157
00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:50,468
I'm still looking for
Sergeant O'Rourke, though.
158
00:06:50,492 --> 00:06:52,136
You know the
inspector general's due
159
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,438
first thing in the morning
to pick up the pension fund.
160
00:06:54,462 --> 00:06:56,140
And I haven't seen
the sergeant all day.
161
00:06:56,164 --> 00:06:58,242
He's down at the
post office, captain,
162
00:06:58,266 --> 00:06:59,243
mailing a letter.
163
00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:00,612
Oh, no.
164
00:07:00,636 --> 00:07:02,814
I hope it's not his grandmother
in Kansas City again.
165
00:07:02,838 --> 00:07:04,515
Yes, that's just... It is her.
166
00:07:04,539 --> 00:07:06,117
Her tonsils are
kicking up again.
167
00:07:06,141 --> 00:07:07,719
Oh, I'm sorry to
hear that, corporal.
168
00:07:07,743 --> 00:07:09,520
Say, you don't have
her address, do you?
169
00:07:09,544 --> 00:07:11,422
I'd like to send
her a get-well card.
170
00:07:11,446 --> 00:07:13,725
Well, sir, the sarge
has already sent her
171
00:07:13,749 --> 00:07:15,342
a dozen roses in your name, sir.
172
00:07:15,366 --> 00:07:17,211
Oh, really?
173
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:18,612
Oh, he's all heart, isn't he?
174
00:07:18,636 --> 00:07:19,897
Yes, sir. He's all heart.
175
00:07:19,921 --> 00:07:21,698
Well, I'll look for
him in the post office.
176
00:07:21,722 --> 00:07:23,434
Uh, if you don't
see him there, you...
177
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:25,369
You might try the
blacksmith's shop
178
00:07:25,393 --> 00:07:26,570
and maybe the general store.
179
00:07:26,594 --> 00:07:27,972
Oh, good. Thank you, corporal.
180
00:07:27,996 --> 00:07:30,541
Oh, incidentally, where are
you going with all the blankets?
181
00:07:30,565 --> 00:07:31,609
Sergeant O'Rourke, sir.
182
00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:33,011
He told me to get
them for the men.
183
00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:35,279
It gets mighty cold these
nights in the barracks, sir.
184
00:07:35,303 --> 00:07:36,781
Oh, really? Yes, sir.
185
00:07:36,805 --> 00:07:39,150
Now, that's... That's good
cavalry thinking, corporal.
186
00:07:39,174 --> 00:07:40,250
Yes, sir. Thank you.
187
00:07:40,274 --> 00:07:41,853
You can always
depend on the sergeant
188
00:07:41,877 --> 00:07:43,488
to do the right thing
for the men, sir.
189
00:07:43,512 --> 00:07:46,056
I lost the pension fund.
190
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,493
You lost the pension fund!
191
00:07:48,517 --> 00:07:51,562
Don't worry. I'll get it back.
192
00:07:51,586 --> 00:07:53,397
How much money
did you raise for me?
193
00:07:53,421 --> 00:08:00,404
A grand total of $6 and 85 cents
plus an IOU for $10 from Duffy.
194
00:08:00,428 --> 00:08:02,673
That's one chip.
195
00:08:02,697 --> 00:08:05,376
One chip. What will you do?
196
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,595
Sergeant, shall we
play a little penny ante
197
00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:12,299
while your friend's out
looking for some real money?
198
00:08:12,323 --> 00:08:13,567
All right.
199
00:08:13,591 --> 00:08:15,202
I'll bet the saloon.
200
00:08:15,226 --> 00:08:17,405
You lost that an hour ago.
201
00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:19,507
Oh, yeah. So I did.
202
00:08:19,531 --> 00:08:21,409
All right then, the
silver-plated saddle.
203
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:22,410
Go ask Jane.
204
00:08:22,434 --> 00:08:23,577
Tell her it's not only for me
205
00:08:23,601 --> 00:08:24,745
but for the captain as well.
206
00:08:24,769 --> 00:08:26,213
Captain's not in the game.
207
00:08:26,237 --> 00:08:28,015
Yes, he is.
208
00:08:28,039 --> 00:08:32,219
I just lost the pension
fund, remember?
209
00:08:32,243 --> 00:08:34,721
The pension fund.
210
00:08:34,745 --> 00:08:36,823
Play slowly.
211
00:08:36,847 --> 00:08:37,891
Slowly.
212
00:08:37,915 --> 00:08:40,149
That way you won't lose so fast.
213
00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:45,421
Slowly.
214
00:08:49,494 --> 00:08:51,539
It's not just for
Sergeant O'Rourke.
215
00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:54,241
Think of F Troop,
no pension fund.
216
00:08:54,265 --> 00:08:55,443
Well, I don't know.
217
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:56,643
Daddy always told me
218
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,479
there ain't no such
thing as easy money.
219
00:08:58,503 --> 00:09:00,130
Besides that, I
don't like gambling.
220
00:09:00,154 --> 00:09:01,799
It's more than
gambling now, Wrangler.
221
00:09:01,823 --> 00:09:03,868
Think of the captain.
He'll lose face.
222
00:09:03,892 --> 00:09:07,538
He might even lose... his bars.
223
00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:08,589
Pardon me, corporal.
224
00:09:08,613 --> 00:09:10,758
Perhaps I can be of assistance?
225
00:09:10,782 --> 00:09:12,593
Another oatmeal box?
226
00:09:12,617 --> 00:09:14,194
No, no, no, no.
227
00:09:14,218 --> 00:09:17,431
Here is another one of my
moneymaking inventions.
228
00:09:17,455 --> 00:09:20,935
Now, they call it a hear-a-box,
and I'll show you how it works.
229
00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:23,403
First of all, you push
this little button right here.
230
00:09:23,427 --> 00:09:26,406
Now, you sit on your
bicycle, and you start pedaling.
231
00:09:26,430 --> 00:09:28,408
That's where you get your power.
232
00:09:28,432 --> 00:09:31,244
Wrangler, I don't
know about him.
233
00:09:31,268 --> 00:09:34,181
Now, let's say there's
some fella in Cincinnati
234
00:09:34,205 --> 00:09:35,349
playing the violin.
235
00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:36,784
Let's say that.
236
00:09:36,808 --> 00:09:40,153
Now, the music floats through
the air over these sound waves,
237
00:09:40,177 --> 00:09:43,691
and it comes out right here.
238
00:09:43,715 --> 00:09:44,925
You mean, you pedal a bike,
239
00:09:44,949 --> 00:09:47,094
and you can hear a guy
playing fiddle in Cincinnati?
240
00:09:47,118 --> 00:09:49,930
Oh, these waves transmit
any sorts of sounds.
241
00:09:49,954 --> 00:09:52,600
It might be a symphony
orchestra from Cleveland.
242
00:09:52,624 --> 00:09:55,002
Oh, you left Cincinnati,
now you're in Cleveland.
243
00:09:55,026 --> 00:09:58,890
Now, if it's money you
want, here is your answer.
244
00:09:58,914 --> 00:10:02,092
You see, you make people
pay to hear the music.
245
00:10:02,116 --> 00:10:03,210
Oh, when I want music,
246
00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:05,479
I buy the piano
player a beer, and he...
247
00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:07,814
plays any song I want.
248
00:10:07,838 --> 00:10:11,519
Listen, I wouldn't tell anybody
about this if I were you.
249
00:10:11,543 --> 00:10:12,820
You're gonna get into trouble.
250
00:10:12,844 --> 00:10:14,822
They're gonna put you away.
251
00:10:14,846 --> 00:10:17,692
Wrangler, you gotta do it.
Let us have some money.
252
00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:19,360
I'll tell you what.
253
00:10:19,384 --> 00:10:20,894
I'll go to that game myself
254
00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:22,663
'cause I gotta see
what's going on.
255
00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:25,833
I don't trust this here
gambling business.
256
00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:28,402
Bless you, wrangler. Let's go.
257
00:10:28,426 --> 00:10:29,536
Can I go along with ya?
258
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:30,788
I know a little bit about that.
259
00:10:30,812 --> 00:10:32,423
Oh, no. You stay here.
260
00:10:32,447 --> 00:10:34,892
Play with your oatmeal
boxes, pedal your bicycle.
261
00:10:34,916 --> 00:10:37,227
And ask that guy in Cincinnati
to play "Oh! Susanna."
262
00:10:37,251 --> 00:10:39,101
Would you do that?
263
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,946
How do you do? I'm
Captain Parmenter.
264
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:13,314
Well, how do you do, captain?
265
00:11:13,338 --> 00:11:15,416
I'm Henry Terkel,
Janie's cousin.
266
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,418
Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
267
00:11:17,442 --> 00:11:19,253
What you have here, Mr. Terkel?
268
00:11:19,277 --> 00:11:21,472
Oh, this is a little
invention of mine.
269
00:11:21,496 --> 00:11:23,558
I dabble in inventions.
270
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,325
Uh-huh. And what is that?
271
00:11:25,349 --> 00:11:26,460
It's a table.
272
00:11:26,484 --> 00:11:28,062
You fold it up and
put it in the closet.
273
00:11:28,086 --> 00:11:29,096
Then when you need it,
274
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,565
you take it out
and you set it up.
275
00:11:30,589 --> 00:11:34,569
You, uh, want to keep
a table in the closet?
276
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:36,003
Why not?
277
00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:38,305
Well, you know, most
people who have a table,
278
00:11:38,329 --> 00:11:41,175
they like to set it up right
in the middle of a room.
279
00:11:41,199 --> 00:11:42,977
Well, this is an extra
table, don't you see?
280
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:45,245
When friends come over,
if you wanna play cards.
281
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:46,914
You get... I have
some cards right here.
282
00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:48,515
By the way, do you
play cards, captain?
283
00:11:48,539 --> 00:11:50,067
Well, I have played some hearts.
284
00:11:50,091 --> 00:11:52,331
Oh, well, that's
nice. I've played...
285
00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:55,189
Would you mind picking up
286
00:11:55,213 --> 00:11:57,008
that three of diamonds
for me, please?
287
00:11:57,032 --> 00:12:00,844
Well, that's face down.
How do you know it's a three?
288
00:12:00,868 --> 00:12:02,480
It has to be a three, captain,
289
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,548
because I looked when
I riffled through the deck
290
00:12:04,572 --> 00:12:06,350
and the three was the
17th card in the deck.
291
00:12:06,374 --> 00:12:08,352
And it was right next
to the eight of hearts
292
00:12:08,376 --> 00:12:09,854
which was the 16th
card in the deck.
293
00:12:09,878 --> 00:12:12,522
The 15th was the six of clubs.
294
00:12:12,546 --> 00:12:14,358
The 14th was the...
295
00:12:14,382 --> 00:12:16,426
You remember cards just
by looking at them fast?
296
00:12:16,450 --> 00:12:20,147
I never forget a card.
Or a name. Or a face.
297
00:12:20,171 --> 00:12:22,650
Well... Oh, that reminds me.
298
00:12:22,674 --> 00:12:24,051
Have you seen Sergeant O'Rourke?
299
00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:25,169
I haven't met him.
300
00:12:25,193 --> 00:12:26,938
Oh, well, where's Jane?
301
00:12:26,962 --> 00:12:28,973
She's over at the
saloon playing cards.
302
00:12:28,997 --> 00:12:30,241
She's what?
303
00:12:30,265 --> 00:12:32,843
She and Corporal Agarn
went to the card game.
304
00:12:32,867 --> 00:12:34,911
They're at the card game
with Sergeant O'Rourke
305
00:12:34,935 --> 00:12:35,912
and Dapper Dan.
306
00:12:35,936 --> 00:12:37,314
You see, I never forget a name.
307
00:12:37,338 --> 00:12:41,552
Jane and Sergeant O'Rourke
and Corporal Agarn, gambling?
308
00:12:41,576 --> 00:12:44,154
With Dapper Dan?
309
00:12:44,178 --> 00:12:47,508
Gambling is absolutely
forbidden in this territory.
310
00:12:47,532 --> 00:12:49,676
Dobbs.
311
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:52,213
Face the saloon
and blow "Assembly."
312
00:12:52,237 --> 00:12:54,548
Uh, face the saloon,
sir, and blow "Assembly"?
313
00:12:54,572 --> 00:12:56,317
Yes, I want everybody
out of that saloon.
314
00:12:56,341 --> 00:12:57,885
Begging the
captain's pardon, sir,
315
00:12:57,909 --> 00:13:00,054
but don't we have enough
drunks in F Troop already?
316
00:13:00,078 --> 00:13:01,422
Well... Never mind that, Dobbs,
317
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,224
just face the saloon
and blow "Assembly."
318
00:13:03,248 --> 00:13:04,392
I want them all out of there.
319
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:06,160
Begging the captain's
pardon again, sir,
320
00:13:06,184 --> 00:13:07,661
but long as I'm
facing the saloon,
321
00:13:07,685 --> 00:13:10,331
shouldn't I blow "Drink To
Me Only With Thine Eyes"?
322
00:13:10,355 --> 00:13:12,599
Never mind, just go inside there
323
00:13:12,623 --> 00:13:14,801
and tell Sergeant O'Rourke
and Corporal Agarn
324
00:13:14,825 --> 00:13:17,338
to report to me in
my office immediately.
325
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:19,506
Well, I'm even luckier than ever
326
00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:21,709
when there's a lovely
lady like you around.
327
00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:23,210
Oh, really?
328
00:13:23,234 --> 00:13:25,579
All right, come on, Agarn.
What do you got to put up?
329
00:13:25,603 --> 00:13:29,116
This is a solid-gold
belt buckle.
330
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:31,485
Mother gave it to me when
I graduated the fourth grade.
331
00:13:31,509 --> 00:13:33,320
Oh. Forgive me, Mother.
332
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:36,490
Mother would be proud of
you. It's for a worthy cause.
333
00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:38,809
Uh, Corporal Agarn,
Sergeant O'Rourke,
334
00:13:38,833 --> 00:13:41,312
Captain Parmenter wants to
see you in his office right away.
335
00:13:41,336 --> 00:13:43,246
On the double.
336
00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:46,367
Don't... Don't go
away. I'll be back.
337
00:13:46,391 --> 00:13:49,302
Sergeant, I am ashamed of you.
338
00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:51,071
Ashamed.
339
00:13:51,095 --> 00:13:54,007
This is no way to set a
proper example for your men.
340
00:13:54,031 --> 00:13:57,143
This gambling has
to stop right now.
341
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:59,580
And I want Dapper
Dan out of town.
342
00:13:59,604 --> 00:14:02,048
Well, that may be a little
difficult to arrange, sir.
343
00:14:02,072 --> 00:14:04,551
Yeah, now that he
owns most of the town.
344
00:14:04,575 --> 00:14:05,753
What's that, corporal?
345
00:14:05,777 --> 00:14:08,922
I said... he's the
toast of the town, sir.
346
00:14:08,946 --> 00:14:10,257
I don't care.
347
00:14:10,281 --> 00:14:12,058
I don't care if he is
the toast of the town.
348
00:14:12,082 --> 00:14:13,727
I want him out of
here tomorrow morning
349
00:14:13,751 --> 00:14:15,396
before the inspector
general arrives.
350
00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:17,964
He's coming here to pick up
the pension fund... That's $2000.
351
00:14:17,988 --> 00:14:20,634
And I expect you in my
office with the money at 9:30.
352
00:14:20,658 --> 00:14:21,791
Dismissed.
353
00:14:28,566 --> 00:14:30,243
Well, sarge, what do we do?
354
00:14:30,267 --> 00:14:32,345
I don't know, but I'll
think of something.
355
00:14:32,369 --> 00:14:33,346
I got it. What?
356
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:34,915
The captain wants
the money by 9:30?
357
00:14:34,939 --> 00:14:36,650
Right. We leave town at 9.
358
00:14:36,674 --> 00:14:38,852
Ah. For desertion
you get 20 years.
359
00:14:38,876 --> 00:14:40,053
So what?
360
00:14:40,077 --> 00:14:42,322
For embezzling army
funds, you get 25.
361
00:14:42,346 --> 00:14:43,846
I just saved us five years.
362
00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:55,019
What are you doing here, Henry?
363
00:14:55,043 --> 00:14:58,389
I thought if you still needed
money, I got another idea.
364
00:14:58,413 --> 00:15:00,424
Please, Henry, not now.
365
00:15:00,448 --> 00:15:02,926
But... But this is it. I
call it my wagon mobile.
366
00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:04,528
It's like a horse and buggy.
367
00:15:04,552 --> 00:15:05,829
Where do you hook up the horse?
368
00:15:05,853 --> 00:15:06,997
You don't use a horse.
369
00:15:07,021 --> 00:15:09,766
It runs on liquid,
like oil and kerosene.
370
00:15:09,790 --> 00:15:12,503
You're gonna give
kerosene to a horse?
371
00:15:12,527 --> 00:15:13,870
No, no, no.
372
00:15:13,894 --> 00:15:15,272
You put the oil in the gadget,
373
00:15:15,296 --> 00:15:17,641
and that makes
the wheels go round.
374
00:15:17,665 --> 00:15:19,076
You put oil in the buggy,
375
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,078
and you'll wind up with
four slippery wheels.
376
00:15:21,102 --> 00:15:22,479
But I thought...
377
00:15:22,503 --> 00:15:25,666
Shh, shh. The sarge
is concentrating.
378
00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:27,890
One.
379
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:32,039
No. That was a mistake.
380
00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:33,106
Why?
381
00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:34,410
Well, he's drawing to...
382
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,277
He's drawing to a straight,
383
00:15:37,301 --> 00:15:39,146
and he shouldn't
be drawing to a flush.
384
00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:42,816
His chances of making a
straight are 23-1, a flush 7-1.
385
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,852
Besides that, I
watched him shuffle.
386
00:15:44,876 --> 00:15:47,054
His next card will
be the nine of clubs,
387
00:15:47,078 --> 00:15:49,489
and the card he needs is
two cards from the bottom.
388
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:50,757
Jack of hearts.
389
00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:51,758
How do you know all that?
390
00:15:51,782 --> 00:15:52,826
Oh, I have a knack.
391
00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:55,595
I remember things
like names, faces.
392
00:15:55,619 --> 00:15:58,531
I even remember the names
of the kids I went to school with.
393
00:15:58,555 --> 00:16:01,134
There was a Felicia Abernethy.
394
00:16:01,158 --> 00:16:02,903
There was Homer Abercrombie.
395
00:16:02,927 --> 00:16:05,339
Leroy Crowell...
He was a funny kid.
396
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:07,207
He used to do his
homework on butcher paper.
397
00:16:07,231 --> 00:16:09,910
And his long underwear
was always damp at the wrists.
398
00:16:09,934 --> 00:16:11,979
Never mind. Go on outside.
399
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:13,180
I wanna talk to you.
400
00:16:13,204 --> 00:16:16,049
I'll be back in a minute, sarge.
401
00:16:16,073 --> 00:16:17,650
I think I got something here.
402
00:16:17,674 --> 00:16:19,386
Play slowly.
403
00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:21,610
That way you won't lose so fast.
404
00:16:23,747 --> 00:16:28,395
Henry, tell me,
confidentially...
405
00:16:28,419 --> 00:16:30,197
did you ever play cards?
406
00:16:30,221 --> 00:16:31,664
I do not gamble.
407
00:16:31,688 --> 00:16:33,901
I do not drink, I do
not pursue women.
408
00:16:33,925 --> 00:16:35,335
You know what I like to do?
409
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:37,288
I like to collect
seashells. I listen to them.
410
00:16:37,312 --> 00:16:38,439
They tell me things.
411
00:16:38,463 --> 00:16:39,707
Henry, you missed out.
412
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:41,575
Do you realize how much
money you could make
413
00:16:41,599 --> 00:16:43,077
playing cards with your brains?
414
00:16:43,101 --> 00:16:44,511
Wouldn't you like
to do something
415
00:16:44,535 --> 00:16:45,712
for the men in uniform?
416
00:16:45,736 --> 00:16:46,913
For the what?
417
00:16:46,937 --> 00:16:48,782
Don't you realize while
you're safe at home
418
00:16:48,806 --> 00:16:50,350
listening to your seashells,
419
00:16:50,374 --> 00:16:52,119
the men of F Troop
are protecting you,
420
00:16:52,143 --> 00:16:55,255
standing guard against
the bloodthirsty redskin?
421
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:56,990
I think that's nice of them.
422
00:16:57,014 --> 00:16:58,225
Nice of them?
423
00:16:58,249 --> 00:17:00,260
The least you could do
is get in that card game
424
00:17:00,284 --> 00:17:03,163
and help the sarge save
the pension fund for the men.
425
00:17:03,187 --> 00:17:05,632
But I do not gamble.
426
00:17:05,656 --> 00:17:08,435
Don't you realize we've lost all
the money in the pension fund
427
00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:09,903
in that card game?
428
00:17:09,927 --> 00:17:12,644
Corporal Agarn, reporting
for court-martial, sir.
429
00:17:13,797 --> 00:17:15,742
Did I hear you say
that Sergeant O'Rourke
430
00:17:15,766 --> 00:17:18,262
has lost the pension
fund to Dapper Dan?
431
00:17:18,286 --> 00:17:21,464
Well, if all you're
interested in is fact, sir.
432
00:17:21,488 --> 00:17:23,901
I thought so. I knew
they wouldn't stop.
433
00:17:23,925 --> 00:17:25,836
We could win, sir. We
could get it all back.
434
00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:27,588
Henry here is a wiz at cards.
435
00:17:27,612 --> 00:17:29,857
I told you corporal, as long
as I am military governor
436
00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:31,926
of this territory, there
will be no gambling.
437
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:35,495
With Henry, it isn't
gambling. It's a sure thing.
438
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:37,231
We gotta get somebody
into that game.
439
00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:39,866
That game will end in a moment.
I'm going in there and stop it.
440
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:41,018
Oh, captain, you can't!
441
00:17:41,042 --> 00:17:42,653
We can't stop now. We're losing.
442
00:17:42,677 --> 00:17:44,555
How are you gonna
tell the inspector general
443
00:17:44,579 --> 00:17:45,556
we ain't got the $2000?
444
00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:46,857
What are you gonna tell him?
445
00:17:46,881 --> 00:17:50,628
Well, I'll just tell
him that we... Uh...
446
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:54,748
We... are in a little
trouble here, aren't we?
447
00:17:54,772 --> 00:17:59,153
He's beaten O'Rourke.
He won't play with me.
448
00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:01,454
Somebody's gotta get up
to that table who's a big shot.
449
00:18:01,478 --> 00:18:02,756
Famous gambler.
450
00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:05,020
Somebody who'd be kind
of like a challenge to him.
451
00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:11,615
I know.
452
00:18:11,639 --> 00:18:14,951
Beauregard Clayton,
Mississippi riverboat gambler.
453
00:18:14,975 --> 00:18:16,687
The fastest
shuffle in the South.
454
00:18:16,711 --> 00:18:18,021
Who is he?
455
00:18:18,045 --> 00:18:19,895
You is he. Me is he?
456
00:18:20,948 --> 00:18:22,542
Captain, if you
go into that game,
457
00:18:22,566 --> 00:18:24,544
make him believe you're
Beauregard Clayton,
458
00:18:24,568 --> 00:18:26,913
and you do what Henry
says, you're gonna win.
459
00:18:26,937 --> 00:18:28,015
Oh, no.
460
00:18:28,039 --> 00:18:29,483
Oh, no. I can't
do that, corporal.
461
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:31,852
I'm not Beauregard Clayton,
I'm Wilton Parmenter.
462
00:18:31,876 --> 00:18:33,871
Military governor
of this territory.
463
00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:35,705
You're also the old man, sir.
464
00:18:35,729 --> 00:18:37,774
Captain of F Troop who'd
do anything for his men.
465
00:18:37,798 --> 00:18:39,476
You don't wanna see
your brave soldiers
466
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:40,643
go without their pensions?
467
00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:41,879
Oh, no, of course not, but...
468
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,680
And what of the sergeant, sir?
469
00:18:43,704 --> 00:18:45,949
He was so sure he could
double the money for the troop.
470
00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:47,250
You know how big his heart is.
471
00:18:47,274 --> 00:18:49,119
Oh, gambling with their money.
472
00:18:49,143 --> 00:18:50,420
A mistake, sir, I agree.
473
00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:51,939
But we all had faith in him.
474
00:18:51,963 --> 00:18:53,161
To a man...
475
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:57,277
Well, now that
you put it that way...
476
00:19:00,505 --> 00:19:01,965
What's that?
477
00:19:01,989 --> 00:19:03,384
That's my talk-a-box.
478
00:19:03,408 --> 00:19:06,603
It's working again.
Isn't that interesting?
479
00:19:06,627 --> 00:19:08,571
Talk-a-box? Yes.
480
00:19:08,595 --> 00:19:10,240
See it's connected
up to the saloon.
481
00:19:10,264 --> 00:19:13,743
We can hear what they're
saying, but they don't know it.
482
00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:15,812
Now, O'Rourke will be
back here at the table
483
00:19:15,836 --> 00:19:16,980
in just a few minutes.
484
00:19:17,004 --> 00:19:18,932
You got the new signals, right?
485
00:19:18,956 --> 00:19:20,167
Yeah, Dan.
486
00:19:20,191 --> 00:19:22,903
If O'Rourke's got two of a kind,
487
00:19:22,927 --> 00:19:24,588
I have the waiter
bring two beers.
488
00:19:24,612 --> 00:19:28,158
Three of a kind, three beers.
489
00:19:28,182 --> 00:19:31,428
Anything higher than that,
he comes with a full tray.
490
00:19:31,452 --> 00:19:33,998
The crook! No
wonder we're losing.
491
00:19:34,022 --> 00:19:35,365
That's cheating.
492
00:19:35,389 --> 00:19:39,837
Let's go get 'em, captain.
I mean, Beauregard.
493
00:19:39,861 --> 00:19:43,991
Yes, corporal,
Beauregard Clayton it is.
494
00:19:44,015 --> 00:19:45,392
Out of my way!
495
00:19:45,416 --> 00:19:47,995
I say, out of my way, here.
496
00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:50,019
If you please, sir.
497
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:53,355
Make way, here!
498
00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:57,737
I hear there's some
action going on here.
499
00:19:57,761 --> 00:20:01,975
Beauregard Clayton's the
name, poker's my game.
500
00:20:01,999 --> 00:20:04,444
Beauregard Clayton,
richest man in the South.
501
00:20:04,468 --> 00:20:06,947
Biggest gambler this
side the Mississippi.
502
00:20:06,971 --> 00:20:08,882
Move over, boy,
I'll play that hand.
503
00:20:08,906 --> 00:20:13,220
Well, oh, yes, sir, capt...
I mean, uh, Mr. Clayton.
504
00:20:13,244 --> 00:20:16,623
Sorry, I don't have much
of a stake here for ya.
505
00:20:16,647 --> 00:20:18,792
It's all right,
boy, it's all right.
506
00:20:18,816 --> 00:20:20,794
There's plenty of chips
here for everybody.
507
00:20:20,818 --> 00:20:24,031
Shall we raise the
limit, Mr. Clayton?
508
00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:25,866
Most certainly, sir.
509
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:29,737
Beauregard Clayton plays
high, the limit's the sky.
510
00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:32,722
How about $10 ante,
and jacks are betted open?
511
00:20:32,746 --> 00:20:36,382
That, sir, is purely
music to my ears.
512
00:20:50,097 --> 00:20:53,582
I believe I'll just bet
all these to open.
513
00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:08,931
And I'll trouble you
for one card, sir.
514
00:21:15,973 --> 00:21:19,441
I'll say, uh, $250.
515
00:21:21,379 --> 00:21:23,623
Is that any good?
516
00:21:23,647 --> 00:21:25,292
Are you questioning me, sir?
517
00:21:25,316 --> 00:21:26,960
Perhaps you didn't
catch my name.
518
00:21:26,984 --> 00:21:30,219
I'll throw it again.
Beauregard Clayton, sir.
519
00:21:35,409 --> 00:21:37,242
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
520
00:21:39,997 --> 00:21:42,075
Well, are you gonna
cover my bet, sir?
521
00:21:42,099 --> 00:21:45,217
All right. All right, all right.
522
00:21:47,104 --> 00:21:48,437
I got a straight.
523
00:21:50,474 --> 00:21:52,352
Oh, my.
524
00:21:52,376 --> 00:21:57,329
And all I got is two,
three, four, five, jack.
525
00:21:58,448 --> 00:22:01,494
But... they are all
the same color, sir.
526
00:22:01,518 --> 00:22:02,562
That's a flush.
527
00:22:02,586 --> 00:22:04,466
I believe that beats a straight.
528
00:22:13,764 --> 00:22:15,508
Well, have you had enough, sir,
529
00:22:15,532 --> 00:22:18,745
or shall we now play for
your horse and your cane?
530
00:22:18,769 --> 00:22:19,829
I could use an extra cane.
531
00:22:21,121 --> 00:22:22,949
That does it. I'm through.
532
00:22:22,973 --> 00:22:24,668
May I assist you, sir?
533
00:22:24,692 --> 00:22:26,837
Dapper Dan, here's a
little traveling money,
534
00:22:26,861 --> 00:22:28,738
so you may leave this fair city.
535
00:22:28,762 --> 00:22:30,206
Beauregard Clayton
536
00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:32,664
don't like to see no sore
losers hanging around.
537
00:22:39,172 --> 00:22:41,217
Ah, Captain, you were terrific!
538
00:22:41,241 --> 00:22:43,353
We got our pension
fund back and a lot more.
539
00:22:43,377 --> 00:22:45,188
Well, I told ya.
540
00:22:45,212 --> 00:22:47,757
Clayton's my name,
and poker's my game.
541
00:22:47,781 --> 00:22:50,301
Parmenter's your name,
and kissing's your game.
542
00:22:58,860 --> 00:22:59,937
Well, there she is.
543
00:22:59,961 --> 00:23:01,604
I certainly wanna
thank all you folks.
544
00:23:01,628 --> 00:23:03,140
It was certainly
very kind of you
545
00:23:03,164 --> 00:23:06,009
to invest all your winnings
in my new invention.
546
00:23:06,033 --> 00:23:07,444
Why, you don't have to thank us,
547
00:23:07,468 --> 00:23:09,079
after all, look
what you did for us.
548
00:23:09,103 --> 00:23:10,881
We know a genius
when we see one.
549
00:23:10,905 --> 00:23:12,515
Ah, the sarge always knows.
550
00:23:12,539 --> 00:23:14,351
We'll get our money
back 10 times over.
551
00:23:14,375 --> 00:23:16,419
That's right, Henry.
It's a wonderful idea.
552
00:23:16,443 --> 00:23:18,860
Just think, sergeant. No horses.
553
00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:26,079
Here we go. Here she is.
554
00:23:26,103 --> 00:23:27,447
Beauty, eh?
555
00:23:27,471 --> 00:23:29,682
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
556
00:23:29,706 --> 00:23:31,084
But you know what, my talk-a-box
557
00:23:31,108 --> 00:23:33,253
and my hear-a-box
are a little bit of...
558
00:23:33,277 --> 00:23:34,988
Well, now, don't
worry about that junk.
559
00:23:35,012 --> 00:23:36,589
This wagon mobile
is more practical.
560
00:23:36,613 --> 00:23:38,024
We'll make a fortune. Right.
561
00:23:38,048 --> 00:23:40,393
Just think, from here to Dodge
in a matter of a few hours.
562
00:23:40,417 --> 00:23:42,695
Yeah, think about that.
Put the luggage in right here.
563
00:23:42,719 --> 00:23:43,930
There we go.
564
00:23:43,954 --> 00:23:45,766
Don't forget to wire
us when you get there.
565
00:23:45,790 --> 00:23:47,367
We'll be waiting
for the good news.
566
00:23:47,391 --> 00:23:50,470
I wish I had got some
new luggage... Ah!
567
00:23:50,494 --> 00:23:52,472
So long, you guys.
568
00:23:52,496 --> 00:23:54,241
All set? All set.
569
00:23:54,265 --> 00:23:55,825
Hey.
570
00:23:55,849 --> 00:23:57,694
All right, come on. All
you guys out of here.
571
00:23:57,718 --> 00:23:58,829
Come on now, move back.
572
00:23:58,853 --> 00:23:59,929
That's right.
573
00:23:59,953 --> 00:24:00,997
Give him some room there.
574
00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:02,332
All set.
575
00:24:02,356 --> 00:24:04,067
That way to Dodge City.
576
00:24:04,091 --> 00:24:06,720
Hang on. So long.
577
00:24:35,139 --> 00:24:37,717
Well, sarge...
578
00:24:37,741 --> 00:24:40,408
looks like we're back
in the blanket business.
579
00:24:42,380 --> 00:24:44,991
Hup! Hup!
580
00:24:45,015 --> 00:24:46,415
There we go.
42769
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