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♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
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00:00:05,690 --> 00:00:09,002
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
3
00:00:09,026 --> 00:00:11,288
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
4
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:14,296
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
5
00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:19,145
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
6
00:00:19,169 --> 00:00:21,089
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
7
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,601
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
8
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,137
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
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00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,638
♪ F Troop! ♪
10
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:31,641
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
11
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,643
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
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00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,947
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
13
00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,616
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
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00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,651
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
15
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,487
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
16
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:47,174
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
17
00:00:47,198 --> 00:00:50,877
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
18
00:00:50,901 --> 00:00:52,762
♪ F Troop! ♪
19
00:01:43,087 --> 00:01:44,697
F Troop ready for pay call, sir.
20
00:01:44,721 --> 00:01:46,233
Good work. Thank you, sergeant.
21
00:01:46,257 --> 00:01:47,822
Now...
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Uh, Agarn, Randolph, NMI.
23
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Here, sir.
24
00:02:08,845 --> 00:02:11,758
There you are, corporal, $15.
25
00:02:11,782 --> 00:02:13,626
Thank you, sir.
26
00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:15,862
O'Rourke, Morgan Sylvester.
27
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,185
Here, sir.
28
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,818
There you are, sergeant, $17.
29
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,986
Thank you, sir. I...
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00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:25,822
Something wrong, sergeant?
31
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,256
Why, sir, you've overpaid me.
32
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,242
You've given me
a 10 instead of a 1.
33
00:02:29,266 --> 00:02:31,377
Well, of all the years
I've been in the army,
34
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,179
I've never heard of
a soldier complaining
35
00:02:33,203 --> 00:02:34,414
about being overpaid.
36
00:02:34,438 --> 00:02:36,883
Uh, well, sir, I'm just
a poor horse soldier.
37
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,718
But I only want
what's coming to me.
38
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,559
O'Rourke, you're all-cavalry.
39
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,160
Thank you, sir. Yeah.
40
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,084
Uh, Herbert. Hubert Herbert.
41
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,635
All right, pay call for
O'Rourke Enterprises.
42
00:02:55,659 --> 00:02:57,671
Employees, fall in.
43
00:02:57,695 --> 00:02:59,828
Employees ready for pay call.
44
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,476
Sarge! You've got
more money there
45
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:04,910
than the U.S. Army.
46
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:07,247
That's because I'm
smarter than the U.S. Army.
47
00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:09,181
Sure seems like
business is terrific.
48
00:03:09,205 --> 00:03:10,834
Yeah, we had the
biggest month ever.
49
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,620
Business in the saloon
alone was up 33 percent.
50
00:03:13,644 --> 00:03:16,373
Are the men drinking
that much more whiskey?
51
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,591
No, they're drinking
that much more water.
52
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,827
The only way a guy can
get drunk in your saloon
53
00:03:20,851 --> 00:03:22,762
is if he orders a
double-minced pie.
54
00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:26,455
Dobbs, Hannibal Shirley.
55
00:03:27,591 --> 00:03:29,391
Here, sir.
56
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:38,850
Wilton... here's
a letter for you.
57
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,466
Jane, please, I happen
to be paying the troops.
58
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:44,767
Now, where was I Dobbs?
59
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,769
Uh, seven, sir. But just
keep right on counting.
60
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,071
Right. Ten.
61
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,272
But it's from Washington,
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00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,773
the War Department,
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00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,375
office of the chief of staff,
64
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,411
stamped official,
urgent and top-secret.
65
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,612
Hm. Sounds like it
might be important.
66
00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,381
I guess you could say that.
67
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,783
I wonder what they're
up to in Washington.
68
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:08,674
I've informed the
commander of Fort Courage
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00:04:08,698 --> 00:04:11,111
that your man will be
there to start the experiment.
70
00:04:11,135 --> 00:04:12,845
I can't tell you
how grateful we are
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00:04:12,869 --> 00:04:14,481
to the British army.
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00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:17,150
We're both fighting
Injuns, you know.
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00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,585
Hands across the sea and
that sort of thing, old boy.
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00:04:19,609 --> 00:04:21,821
Colonel Willoughby,
our information has it
75
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,690
that Cochise and
Geronimo combined forces.
76
00:04:24,714 --> 00:04:27,027
Now, this, sir, could pose
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00:04:27,051 --> 00:04:28,628
quite a problem for our armies.
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00:04:28,652 --> 00:04:30,463
They shan't have any trouble
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00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:32,965
when our Major Bently
Royce shows them the tactics
80
00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:34,800
he uses with the Bengal Lancers.
81
00:04:34,824 --> 00:04:39,339
He's outwitted the beggars
from Bombay to the Khyber Pass.
82
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,874
Sounds like he's
quite a soldier.
83
00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:42,575
He's a living legend.
84
00:04:42,599 --> 00:04:44,744
If he had been with Clive,
85
00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:47,931
there never would have been
the "Black Hole" of Calcutta.
86
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,934
What, um, tactics does he use?
87
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,668
Mainly it's infiltration.
88
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:55,522
He is a master at
the use of disguises,
89
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:58,308
in getting his troops
behind the enemy lines.
90
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:02,062
That's why he's known in
India as "The Phantom Major."
91
00:05:02,086 --> 00:05:03,396
Phantom Major.
92
00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:04,964
Now you see him, now you don't.
93
00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:07,200
Well... sounds real interesting.
94
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,334
Quite.
95
00:05:08,358 --> 00:05:09,735
Colonel, tell me, uh...
96
00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:12,205
just, uh, what does
this fellow look like?
97
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,457
I've never seen him.
98
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,459
You've never seen him? No.
99
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,495
But he's due to meet
me here momentarily.
100
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,748
Major Bently Royce
reporting for duty, sir.
101
00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:50,582
Troop, ten-hut!
102
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,898
At ease, men.
103
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:58,501
Men, as you know,
we've been chosen
104
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,870
to be the test troop
for a new experiment
105
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,605
by the Army, in Indian fighting.
106
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:05,809
Now, sending someone to teach us
107
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,376
how to fight Indians
108
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,679
is like sending someone
to teach Betsy Ross
109
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,703
how to make a flag.
110
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,036
It always relaxes a troop
111
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:19,038
when you give them
a little joke. Yes, sir.
112
00:06:19,062 --> 00:06:21,007
Well, that certainly
is a little joke, sir.
113
00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:22,642
Thank you.
114
00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:25,544
However, when Major
Bently Royce arrives,
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00:06:25,568 --> 00:06:27,346
I want each of you to show him
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00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,348
real F Troop hospitality.
117
00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:32,802
Uh, Vanderbilt, any sign
of Major Bently Royce?
118
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,321
No, thanks, captain. I just ate.
119
00:06:35,345 --> 00:06:38,491
Vanderbilt, can
you see the major?
120
00:06:38,515 --> 00:06:40,910
No sign yet, sergeant.
121
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,678
He should have be
here two hours ago.
122
00:06:42,702 --> 00:06:44,547
Yeah, well, with the
captain's permission
123
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,081
I'd like to take
out a search party.
124
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:47,850
Something may have
happened to him, sir.
125
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,218
Be a shame if
the Indians got him
126
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,020
before he showed us
how to get the Indians.
127
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,254
Yeah.
128
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,223
I'll go with you,
sergeant. I'll get my rifle.
129
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,727
Oh, good. Right, sir.
130
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,230
Vanderbilt, keep your
eyes and ears open!
131
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,065
What's that, sarge?!
132
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,222
Ah, forget it.
133
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,303
No.
134
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,971
Major Bently Royce
reporting for duty, sir.
135
00:07:24,995 --> 00:07:26,756
Major, what are you
doing in the closet?
136
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,924
Wanted you to give you
a practical demonstration
137
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,192
of the infiltration tactics
138
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:33,046
that have made
me... a living legend.
139
00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:35,298
Oh. W-well, come in, come in.
140
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,366
Thank you.
141
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,135
I was about to lead a
search party for you.
142
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,603
But I must admit,
143
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,006
the last place I'd ever
think to look is in the closet.
144
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:45,763
Why do you think they call
me "The Phantom Major"?
145
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:47,743
My orders, captain.
146
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:48,744
Oh, thank you.
147
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:50,046
Oh, won't you sit down, major.
148
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,102
Thank you.
149
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,185
Mm-hm.
150
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:56,352
Mm-hm.
151
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,754
Well, everything seems
to be in order, major.
152
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:01,124
Well, captain, the, uh,
search party is ready.
153
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,992
Oh, that won't be
necessary now, sergeant.
154
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,894
As you can see, the
major has already...
155
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,251
arrived.
156
00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:11,351
Well, where is he, sir?
157
00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:12,585
What?
158
00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:14,921
He must be in the closet.
159
00:08:14,945 --> 00:08:18,091
The... The major,
in the closet, sir?
160
00:08:18,115 --> 00:08:20,260
Yes, yes. That's
where I found him.
161
00:08:20,284 --> 00:08:21,594
He wanted to demonstrate that
162
00:08:21,618 --> 00:08:22,762
he could slip into the fort
163
00:08:22,786 --> 00:08:24,063
without our noticing it.
164
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,520
Shh.
165
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:29,064
I got you this ti...
166
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,789
I don't understand it.
167
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,257
Where could he be?
168
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,426
Heh.
169
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:40,363
Uh, w-why... Why
doesn't the captain...
170
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,164
lie down for a while, sir?
171
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,133
On the medical officer's cot.
172
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,335
No, no. I'm all right.
173
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,269
Well, of course you're
all right, captain...
174
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,071
Sergeant, I tell you,
he was in the closet.
175
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,072
Of course.
176
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,708
Well, we'll just
have one more look,
177
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:52,897
shall we?
178
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,212
There.
179
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:59,471
You see. There's no...
180
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:03,319
Stand easy, chaps.
181
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,320
There, you see?
182
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,888
I told you he was in the closet.
183
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,056
I think I'd better lie down
184
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,458
on the medical officer's cot.
185
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,860
Major Bently Royce,
this is Sergeant O'Rourke
186
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,662
and Corporal Agarn.
187
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,929
Carry on, chaps.
188
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:15,898
The two best Indian
fighters in the West.
189
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:17,767
Now, that "The Phantom
Major" has arrived,
190
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,169
they are the two second-best
Indian fighters in the West.
191
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,637
Well, now, I don't know.
192
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:23,590
We haven't done
too bad so far, sir.
193
00:09:23,614 --> 00:09:25,758
With all due modesty, I
think you'll do much better
194
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,226
when I teach you
my bags of tricks.
195
00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:28,878
Mm.
196
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,780
That might not work out here.
197
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,181
There are no closets in tepees.
198
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,150
I was indulging
in a bit of whimsy.
199
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,317
Ha, ha.
200
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:37,019
When I'm through
training F Troop,
201
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,654
the fort will become obsolete.
202
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,122
Obsolete? Absolutely.
203
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:41,791
With the Bently Royce tactics,
204
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,325
F Troop will become
a roving band
205
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:44,593
of highly trained fighters,
206
00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:46,162
with the ability to
harass the enemy
207
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,763
by roaming behind his lines.
208
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,598
W-w-wouldn't we
still need the fort?
209
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,584
I shall also teach
your men to, uh,
210
00:09:51,608 --> 00:09:53,620
ahem... live off the land.
211
00:09:53,644 --> 00:09:55,054
Live off the land?
212
00:09:55,078 --> 00:09:57,523
We're having enough trouble
surviving the mess hall, sir.
213
00:09:57,547 --> 00:09:59,092
Oh, you'll be
amazed how little food
214
00:09:59,116 --> 00:10:00,526
the human body requires.
215
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,495
I was once trapped
in the Khyber Pass
216
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,563
with a squadron of
the 10th Gurkha Rifles.
217
00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:06,132
They managed to
live for a whole week
218
00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:08,001
on nothing but
curried cartridge belts.
219
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:10,052
Madras style, of course.
220
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:11,804
I must say, sir, that
our cartridge belts
221
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:12,972
are not that tasty.
222
00:10:12,996 --> 00:10:15,074
Yeah, I tried to eat one
the other day for dessert,
223
00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:16,114
and it was awful.
224
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,729
Oh, Wilton. I-I'm sorry.
225
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,163
I didn't know you were busy.
226
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,464
Excuse me.
227
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:23,465
No man is ever too busy
228
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,889
to talk to a beautiful lady.
229
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:29,004
Well, I really don't
know what to say.
230
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,305
Don't say anything.
231
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:33,075
Just stand there
looking beautiful.
232
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:37,479
Uh... Wrangler Jane,
this is Major Phantom.
233
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:39,681
No, no, no. "The Phantom Major."
234
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,534
Oh, yes, yes. Major Bently Royce
235
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:42,935
of the Bengal Lancers.
236
00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:44,420
A living legend.
237
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,706
Well, I'm very happy
to meet you, major.
238
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,507
The pleasure is
mine, I assure you.
239
00:10:48,531 --> 00:10:50,009
And now, if you'll excuse me,
240
00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:51,628
I must retire to my quarters.
241
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,092
It's been a long journey.
242
00:10:54,805 --> 00:10:55,937
Excuse me.
243
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,358
Pardon me.
244
00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:04,791
I'll show you to your quarters.
245
00:11:04,815 --> 00:11:06,458
May I have the
pleasure of your company
246
00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:08,661
at, uh, tea, memsahib?
247
00:11:08,685 --> 00:11:10,629
Shucks, I guess so.
248
00:11:12,488 --> 00:11:14,448
You will give this to
my orderly, captain.
249
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,944
Till later then.
250
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:23,926
Shall we?
251
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:24,950
Cheer ho.
252
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,621
My. Ain't he dashing?
253
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:32,968
Oh, I don't know.
254
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,994
What's so dashing about him?
255
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:39,363
Oh.
256
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,778
Oh, Wilton. Wilton,
are you all right?
257
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:44,046
I'm all right. I'm all right.
258
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,372
Well, it looks like the end
of O'Rourke Enterprises.
259
00:11:53,396 --> 00:11:55,107
And this ain't gonna
help our partners,
260
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,108
the Hekawis, either.
261
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,509
Yeah, well, don't worry, Agarn.
262
00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:58,710
Well...
263
00:11:58,734 --> 00:12:00,479
it's pretty tough to
look after business
264
00:12:00,503 --> 00:12:02,148
when we're running
around the country
265
00:12:02,172 --> 00:12:04,116
eating cartridge belts.
266
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,517
We still got an ace in the hole.
267
00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:06,518
What's that?
268
00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:08,487
He hasn't seen his pupils yet.
269
00:12:08,511 --> 00:12:10,489
Wait till he gets
a load of F Troop.
270
00:12:10,513 --> 00:12:13,747
Then "The Phantom Major"
may disappear altogether.
271
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,416
And I looked up,
and here with this lion,
272
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,918
quivering with irritation. Ooh.
273
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:24,453
Oh. I'm sorry.
274
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,688
I didn't know she was there.
275
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:26,989
Agh. Are you all right, Jane?
276
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,558
Uh, yeah. I think so.
277
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:30,125
A cup of tea will
soothe your nerves.
278
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:31,393
Oh, thank you. I could use it.
279
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,328
Not you, her.
280
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:35,497
Captain, sir, the
troop is waiting.
281
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:37,961
Oh, yes. Yes, sergeant.
282
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,702
Get off. Get your hands off.
283
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,837
You're absolutely mad.
284
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:43,739
I'll pull the chair for her.
285
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,292
Uh, won't you sit down, my dear?
286
00:12:46,316 --> 00:12:47,493
Captain! They're waiting!
287
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,829
All right, corporal.
288
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:50,996
Now look what you've done.
289
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,381
Oh. Sorry.
290
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,138
My dear, here. Let me.
291
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,211
I think you better
leave before you kill her.
292
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,025
I'll be right back, Jane.
293
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:05,466
Don't hurry, Wilton.
294
00:13:08,571 --> 00:13:11,234
Troop, ten-hut!
295
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,291
Shall I be mother?
296
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,494
Right face!
297
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:21,694
Uh... Those facing
left, right face.
298
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,252
Those facing right, left face.
299
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,442
Uh, face me.
300
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,675
Good work, men.
301
00:13:35,699 --> 00:13:37,877
Don't you think we ought
to give our honored guest
302
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,045
a cannon salute?
303
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,379
Oh. Good idea, sergeant.
304
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,148
Gunners, man your cannon.
305
00:13:42,172 --> 00:13:43,182
Uh, captain.
306
00:13:43,206 --> 00:13:45,406
We'll take care of it for you.
307
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:50,239
Major Bently Royce,
F Troop salutes you.
308
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,697
Thank you. Carry on, chaps.
309
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:56,917
Present... arm.
310
00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:01,156
Fire.
311
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:07,845
Agarn.
312
00:14:17,873 --> 00:14:20,036
Well... good shot.
313
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,356
Jane, I... Here.
314
00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:25,391
Oh, major... I'm sorry.
315
00:14:25,415 --> 00:14:26,914
Captain Parmenter...
316
00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:28,994
I'm leaving.
317
00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:31,197
I'll help you pack.
318
00:14:31,221 --> 00:14:33,966
No, no, no. I'm just going
to replace my tea service.
319
00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:36,902
You mean that you wanna
stay here and train us
320
00:14:36,926 --> 00:14:38,170
after what you just saw?
321
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:40,239
With the Bently Royce
method of Indian warfare,
322
00:14:40,263 --> 00:14:42,541
I told you I would
make the fort obsolete.
323
00:14:42,565 --> 00:14:45,899
I will now demonstrate how
to make the cannon obsolete.
324
00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:57,606
Men of F Troop,
325
00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,575
today is your first
field maneuver
326
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,710
in the new style
of Indian fighting.
327
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,480
Phase one: The
art of infiltration
328
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:05,565
through camouflage.
329
00:15:05,589 --> 00:15:07,667
Tomorrow, we are
going to be reviewed
330
00:15:07,691 --> 00:15:09,702
by my commanding
officer, Colonel Willoughby,
331
00:15:09,726 --> 00:15:12,605
and your inspector
general, Colonel Saunders.
332
00:15:12,629 --> 00:15:13,940
I want to show them
333
00:15:13,964 --> 00:15:15,908
what a crack troop
you have become.
334
00:15:15,932 --> 00:15:17,860
Oh, major. Yes, horse?
335
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:20,863
Uh, what do we do if
somebody tries to saddle us?
336
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,970
Give him a sharp
kick with your hoof.
337
00:15:29,579 --> 00:15:31,123
With your permission, captain,
338
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:32,892
I shall take the troop
out for a maneuver.
339
00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:34,636
Uh, permission granted.
340
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,489
Bugler, blow "Assembly."
341
00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:52,116
Troop, left turn!
342
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,220
That means left face!
343
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:02,738
By the front... double march!
344
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:03,839
Hup, two, three, four.
345
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,441
Hup, two, three, four.
346
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,492
Hup, two, three, four.
347
00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:07,493
Hup, two, three, four.
348
00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:08,861
Hup, two, three, four.
349
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,463
Hup, two, three, four.
350
00:16:10,487 --> 00:16:11,797
Hup, two, three, four.
351
00:16:11,821 --> 00:16:13,465
With the captain's
permission, sir,
352
00:16:13,489 --> 00:16:15,801
I'd like to say that Major
Bently Royce is cracking up.
353
00:16:15,825 --> 00:16:16,902
I think they get that way
354
00:16:16,926 --> 00:16:18,203
from riding camels.
355
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,938
Shakes the brains loose.
356
00:16:19,962 --> 00:16:21,340
Yeah, it's embarrassing, sir.
357
00:16:21,364 --> 00:16:22,574
Can't you just see it?
358
00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:24,476
Someday a kid will
turn to his father and say,
359
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,779
"Daddy, what did you
do in the Indian War?"
360
00:16:26,803 --> 00:16:27,913
And the father will say,
361
00:16:27,937 --> 00:16:29,648
"I was a tree stump in F Troop."
362
00:16:29,672 --> 00:16:31,684
Well, men, I'm not too happy
363
00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:32,718
about things myself,
364
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,420
but we have to follow orders.
365
00:16:34,444 --> 00:16:35,688
Now, if you'll excuse me,
366
00:16:35,712 --> 00:16:37,952
I have to get into my
tumbleweed outfit. Huh.
367
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,034
Greetings, great white partners.
368
00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:07,591
Hi, Wild Eagle.
369
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,505
Greetings, chief.
370
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,905
Long time no see.
371
00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:13,208
Listen, we got a little
trouble down at the fort.
372
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:14,510
If you have trouble,
373
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,779
must remember
wise old Indian saying:
374
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:21,183
"Bullfrog who sits on lily pad
375
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,552
never do much croaking."
376
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,587
What's so wise about that?
377
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,545
You know wiser saying?
378
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,958
Well, now, listen.
379
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,660
We got some bad news, see?
380
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:32,962
They sent out this guy to...
381
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:34,063
Tsk, tsk. Sarge, hold it.
382
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,064
What's the matter?
383
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:37,448
The tree. It may be listening.
384
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:48,058
Come on.
385
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:51,213
Like I was saying, chief,
386
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,514
we're in trouble, see.
387
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:55,317
If you two think tree listens,
388
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:56,418
you in big trouble.
389
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:57,786
You don't understand.
390
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,488
A couple of days ago, you see,
391
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:00,922
they sent this
fellow out from...
392
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,313
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
393
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:16,872
All right, Vanderbilt!
394
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,595
I know you're in
there. Come on out!
395
00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:22,111
Do you hear me, Vanderbilt?!
396
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,135
That's an order!
397
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:33,121
The horse is for
real, I think. Huh.
398
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:36,325
Why not you two go to
medicine man's tepee,
399
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,493
lie down on cot.
400
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:40,863
Let's, uh... Let's not
take any chances.
401
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,327
Come on. Step over here.
402
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:44,799
Now listen, chief...
403
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:46,402
Hold it, sarge.
What's the matter?
404
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,403
They might be in there.
405
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,637
There.
406
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:52,074
I go lay down in
medicine man's tepee.
407
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:53,808
Chief.
408
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:56,500
All right! Come on out!
409
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:01,383
Ah! Ow! Ah!
410
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:04,586
I think you and friend
better give up firewater.
411
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:05,820
You don't understand.
412
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,222
Now, look, they
sent this man out
413
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:08,823
to teach us new
ways to fight Indians.
414
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:09,991
Nothing personal, chief.
415
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:11,177
We've gotta get rid of him.
416
00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:13,646
Hekawis very happy to help.
417
00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:14,680
Our tribe,
418
00:19:14,704 --> 00:19:17,716
very brave warriors,
except for one thing.
419
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:18,717
What's that?
420
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,152
We faint a lot.
421
00:19:20,176 --> 00:19:22,104
Well, I have a plan
that I think may work.
422
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,139
Shh. Safer in the tepee, sir.
423
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,523
Uh... You're right. Come on.
424
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,980
Is that you, Duffy?
425
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,248
My name Wild Turkey.
426
00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:35,606
See you at Thanksgiving.
427
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:39,521
Agarn...
428
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,090
any sign of Wild
Eagle's signal yet?
429
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,758
No, not yet. He'd better hurry.
430
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,827
The inspector general
and that British colonel
431
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,294
are gonna be
here this afternoon.
432
00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:48,396
Uh, chief won't let us
down. You think not?
433
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:50,065
He needs us as
much as we need him.
434
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,299
Well, I hope you're right.
435
00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:52,334
There it is.
436
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,718
Hey, yeah, we're in.
437
00:19:55,578 --> 00:19:56,738
Come on.
438
00:19:57,914 --> 00:20:00,658
As I was strolling through
this Bengalese jungle,
439
00:20:00,682 --> 00:20:02,227
I suddenly came face to face
440
00:20:02,251 --> 00:20:04,129
with this enraged bull elephant.
441
00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:06,164
Looking him firmly in the eye,
442
00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:08,500
I gave the beast a
sharp wrap on the trunk,
443
00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:10,435
and he was mine.
444
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,737
Oh, how exciting.
Wasn't it, Wilton?
445
00:20:12,761 --> 00:20:13,872
Wilton.
446
00:20:13,896 --> 00:20:14,873
Uh. Oh, yeah.
447
00:20:14,897 --> 00:20:17,457
Yes, I... I love tiger stories.
448
00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:21,263
Captain, sir, I think the
Hekawis are on the warpath.
449
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:22,731
What? What makes you think so?
450
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,321
Smoke signals, sir.
451
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:28,254
By Jove.
452
00:20:28,278 --> 00:20:30,139
I wonder what the
beggars are saying.
453
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:32,741
Sergeant O'Rourke is the
only one who reads smoke.
454
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,060
Yes, well, they're, uh,
calling in all the braves.
455
00:20:35,084 --> 00:20:36,929
I'm afraid this may
mean trouble, sir.
456
00:20:36,953 --> 00:20:38,830
Maybe we better do
a little scouting, sarge.
457
00:20:38,854 --> 00:20:40,832
You're right. With the
captain's permission.
458
00:20:40,856 --> 00:20:41,833
Right.
459
00:20:41,857 --> 00:20:42,935
Oh, wait a minute, sarge.
460
00:20:42,959 --> 00:20:44,336
With the captain's permission,
461
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,855
maybe Major Bently
Royce would like to test out
462
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,407
his new style of Indian fighting
463
00:20:48,431 --> 00:20:50,976
through the art of infiltration
through camouflage.
464
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,244
Hey, are you loco?
465
00:20:52,268 --> 00:20:53,712
This is not a training maneuver.
466
00:20:53,736 --> 00:20:55,480
I think those Indians
may mean business.
467
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:56,999
Hold on.
468
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:59,335
I think going out there
is a smashing idea.
469
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,503
Uh, but isn't your colonel
arriving this afternoon
470
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:02,788
with the inspector general?
471
00:21:02,812 --> 00:21:04,912
I assure you, we'll be
back in plenty of time.
472
00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:09,116
Keep the pot hot, my dear.
473
00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:12,486
I'll get my tree and
be right with you.
474
00:21:18,761 --> 00:21:20,088
I still think you ought to take
475
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,157
a few more men with you
on the scouting, sergeant.
476
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:23,559
No, we can handle this, captain.
477
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:24,626
Don't forget, sir.
478
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:26,294
We've got "The
Phantom Major" with us.
479
00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:27,362
Yes, the living legend.
480
00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:28,764
Well, I'd still
feel a lot better
481
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,566
if you'd at least take
another tree stump.
482
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:31,733
Don't worry about a thing.
483
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:33,101
We can handle this very nicely.
484
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,202
All right, let's have it.
485
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,203
Fall in, Agarn.
486
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:36,393
Here we go.
487
00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:45,013
Lead me to the
outskirts of the camp
488
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:47,471
so I can see what the
beggars are planning.
489
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:54,890
Go up ahead and reconnoiter.
490
00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:56,308
Do what, sir?
491
00:21:56,332 --> 00:21:58,131
Observe the terrain.
492
00:21:59,669 --> 00:22:01,397
Go and see if
there's anybody there.
493
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:03,702
Why didn't you say
so in the first place?
494
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,393
Running Deer,
Crazy Cat, follow me.
495
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:17,737
We get that tree.
496
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:24,019
Steady on.
497
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:26,043
Have a care there.
498
00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:29,925
You beastly bounders.
499
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:31,627
Care for another spot, colonel?
500
00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:32,931
No, no. No, thanks.
501
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:36,432
Wilton, don't you think
502
00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:37,900
you ought to send
a scouting party
503
00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:39,401
to see what
happened to the major?
504
00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:40,402
You're right.
505
00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:41,737
I'll lead the party myself.
506
00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:43,605
No cause for worrying, old boy.
507
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:44,973
Good man, Bently Royce.
508
00:22:44,997 --> 00:22:46,575
Yeah, that's right, Parmenter.
509
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,310
This man is a living legend.
510
00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,913
That's what he
keeps telling us...
511
00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:52,380
every day.
512
00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:54,604
Open the gate.
513
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:07,395
Oh. Sergeant O'Rourke and
514
00:23:07,419 --> 00:23:09,297
Corporal Agarn reporting, sir.
515
00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:10,665
Where's Major Bently Royce?
516
00:23:10,689 --> 00:23:12,234
Terrible thing happened, sir.
517
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:13,235
He was captured.
518
00:23:13,259 --> 00:23:14,436
By the Indians?
519
00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:15,970
No, sir, by another tree.
520
00:23:15,994 --> 00:23:17,639
I don't believe it.
521
00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:19,141
Not "The Phantom Major."
522
00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:20,764
Look.
523
00:23:36,865 --> 00:23:39,378
Wilton. It's a note
from the Hekawis.
524
00:23:39,402 --> 00:23:41,146
The Hekawis? What does it say?
525
00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:42,831
"Old Hekawi saying:
526
00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:46,952
You never can fool
Indian with sap in tree."
527
00:23:46,976 --> 00:23:51,123
A shattering experience.
Felled by another tree.
528
00:23:51,147 --> 00:23:53,125
Well, colonel, that means
we'll have to give up
529
00:23:53,149 --> 00:23:55,143
the idea of infiltration
through camouflage.
530
00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:57,296
Why don't you have
a cup of tea, major?
531
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:58,830
It will soothe your nerves.
532
00:23:58,854 --> 00:23:59,831
What time is it?
533
00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:01,183
About 4.
534
00:24:01,207 --> 00:24:02,950
A bit early. Think I should?
535
00:24:02,974 --> 00:24:05,020
Oh, yes, major, good idea.
536
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:08,028
Look, another smoke signal.
537
00:24:11,584 --> 00:24:13,327
Oh, don't tell me the beggars
538
00:24:13,351 --> 00:24:15,314
are going on the warpath again.
539
00:24:15,338 --> 00:24:17,098
Uh, what does it say,
Sergeant O'Rourke?
540
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:21,642
Uh, "Please disregard
previous message."
541
00:24:28,434 --> 00:24:29,611
Well, it's sure good to have
542
00:24:29,635 --> 00:24:31,379
O'Rourke Enterprises
back in business.
543
00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:32,647
Yeah, that's fine.
544
00:24:32,671 --> 00:24:34,616
But we gotta get over
to the saloon right away.
545
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,017
I saw a drunk in
there last night.
546
00:24:36,041 --> 00:24:38,442
He really must have been
eating a lot of that minced pie.
547
00:24:39,712 --> 00:24:42,457
Now, what were
you saying, Wilton?
548
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:45,449
Really, Jane, they
almost caught us.
38093
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