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(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GIRLS CHATTERING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

(YAWNS) A dollar says it's Johnny Angel.

Too slow for a Monday.

Bet it's Great Balls of Fire.

No way. Any money says it's Runaround Sue.

Aw, dude. I hate Mondays.

Let's hope his finger's heading for lucky 21.

Partly cloudy.

A little chilly.

Ah, it's a slow Monday.

Let's pick things up.

Lucky 21.

(ENGINES REVVING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

GIRL: Whoo!

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

BOY: Wow.

(SIGHS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

JOHNSON: Now, even though last Friday's game ended in a 35-0 loss,

I wanna say to you fellas that you put forth a great effort.

A great effort.

Now, this year's Fast Freddie dance

will be held one month from Saturday.

This is the 30th anniversary of his Twin City run.

So, get out of those back-to-the-'50s clothes

and be there or be square.

Now then, a word from your president and mine,

Melissa Hanson.

Thank you.

Well, gang,

we've made a profit of $189 on the bake sale,

and $229 in the car wash.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING) MELISSA: For a grand total to date of exactly $19,000.

Now, we still have $181,000 to go.

But we've got two months to raise the rest.

So keep up the spirit.

The button sale's gonna start today.

So I want all of you to buy a button for yourselves

and sell the rest to your parents.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

ALL: (CHANTING) We can do it Come on, man

We can do it Yes, we can

Go Cathedral

Yay.

Thank you, girls.

Go Cathedral! We can do it!

Over and out.

There's no way we can do it.

Oh, you're doing great, Melissa.

Not great enough.

Look, I know it's hard.

But we all love this school, and we gotta keep pushing so we don't lose her.

We're a small school, so you've got to get every single person involved.

You've gotta get these cliques joined together.

How? You know who came to the car wash?

It was Nevil and me

and a couple of other guys who had a choice between that and going to detention.

The bake sale was just my mom and me.

Well if these students don't show they wanna save their school,

then the school board is not gonna come up with the matching funds

and this place will close.

I'm gonna have to do it all by myself.

God, we need a miracle.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Dirk, Manney. The romance continues, I see.

Ah, piss off, Malone.

(SCOFFING)

Yeah, here's your 300.

And one...

Two...

Three hundred more.

Choke on it, jerkwad.

Hey, listen. I feel good. I feel lucky.

This Friday I wanna put all 600 down on me.

Uh-huh. To win.

Not with us, you ain't.

What do you mean? \"What do you mean?\"

No more penny-ante bullshit bets with high school punks.

Starting this week,

we're moving into the city.

Working for the Fat Man.

You guys are working for the Fat Man, huh?

You're moving up.

From now on,

we don't take no bets less than three grand.

Hey, wait a minute. You guys can't just cut me off.

I mean, how am I gonna make money, huh?

I got plans. I'm going to...

Places. I'm going places.

Not no more.

Looks to me like you're going nowhere.

(DIRK LAUGHING)

Adios, shithead.

Aw, shit. School.

MONKEY: 35-nothing with six fumbles and four interceptions?

Aw, I mean, did we get our asses kicked, or what?

I can't wait till basketball season.

Yeah, then we'll only get our asses kicked two points at a time instead of seven.

Yeah, I guess closing Cathedral won't be such a bad thing.

Hey, Monkeywrench. Where's your school spirit?

I gotta fly. Hey.

You know, don't worry so much. You'll find a way to earn the money.

Thanks, Monkey.

BOY: Knock it off, butthead. TEACHER: Sit down, right now.

BOY: Yeah, he was cheating off me.

A-ha! Late again, Dylan. What a surprise.

Mr. J. What's happenin'? \"What's happenin'?\"

Hmm, I'd say about three days of detention. That's what's happenin'.

Oh, come on, guy. I've got a great excuse.

Oh, let me guess. The alarm didn't go off? Car problems.

Dog ate your homework? Dog ate your shoes?

Maybe a little bit of the bubonic plague.

Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Mr. J.

Guess I'll see you in detention.

I got another idea.

Why don't you help out with the fund drive?

Yeah, well, I'm the only fund drive I wanna help.

I'll take the detention. Now, look!

You wanna get nowhere fast? Now, just keep it up.

I know where you're coming from, believe it.

And this skipping school, and racing and fighting and scrounging around

is not gonna get you where you wanna go.

You're a sharp egg, Dylan.

Now get yourself together before you crack up.

Go see Melissa Hanson after school.

That guy is hot.

He's a juvenile delinquent and a drag racer.

His idea of a great date is probably making out in the back seat of a car.

Like I said. That guy is hot.

(CLEARING THROAT)

You only hurt yourselves by cheating.

(WHISPERING) Absolutely right. Absolutely...

Navel, you should move.

It's Nevil, and I...

Now.

Excuse me.

BOY: We'll get you for this, Navel.

Very nice.

Are you guys going to the Fast Freddie dance?

I'm going dressed as a greaser nerd.

All you need is the grease.

Whole thing's a bunch of bullshit. Uh-uh.

My dad saw the race.

You know Fast Freddie won a solid gold trophy?

Well, obviously your father has the facts misconstrued.

My mother said the trophy was filled with diamonds.

Possibly jewel-encrusted.

(LAUGHING) Bullshit, Navel.

No, she told me. She told me he sold his car for half a million dollars.

Bullshit. No way, Navel.

The car vanished seconds after the run. It was never seen again.

Come on, Manney.

Just a couple races.

You need money so bad, kid, huh? For your big plans?

Find yourself three grand and give me a call.

Jerkwad.

(DIAL TONE)

350 Chevy, bored and blown.

Hey, Dylan, what do you think?

Fast Freddie and the Twin City run a myth or what?

No, he's real. He did it.

Then him and his car vanished forever.

If he wasn't real, he should've been.

Hey, Monk. I thought you said you were gonna stop.

Now... Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Explain that to your mom. She'll get you to quit.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot. (CLEARING THROAT)

Hey, Navel. Hey.

Uh, listen, Mr. J. said you were gonna help out with the fund drive.

Are you gonna help us? I mean, are you gonna help us?

Oh, sure, Navel. I'll save the day.

Rescue the damsel in distress.

She just has to meet my price.

Look, I don't care what Melissa Hanson has to say.

There is no way that she's gonna make that kind of money in less than two months.

We, we, we are gonna make it. Everyone should be helping.

Listen, Stackowski, why don't you just shut up until your brain kicks in?

MONKEY: Here he goes.

(STACKOWSKI YELLING)

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

JOHNSON: (OVER P.A.) Today's detention will be held in the Home Economics classroom.

See you all bright and early tomorrow morning.

Hey, don't put so much! Wait a minute! You're gonna waste it, see?

No, no. It's crust first, filling second.

Oh, that's very mature. This is great.

What are you in for?

Smoking in the bathroom. You?

Killing a freshman.

Hey, come on. Fight!

What?

What do you want?

I'm here to help the fund drive.

Oh, great. (GLASS SHATTERING)

Stop it.

All right!

(KNOCKING)

Let us get organized here.

Thanks.

Navel.

Take over.

Now...

(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

That's really funny. This is like a new tie.

Whoa. Oh, wait. Let me take those.

Uh... Yeah.

By the way,

I have a nifty little idea for our fundraiser.

MELISSA: What?

That's your nifty little idea?

Bet the school's money on a car race? Yeah.

No chance.

It's your only chance. It's illegal.

It's illegal, immoral. Completely off the wall.

So what? \"So what?\"

I'll have you know I intend to be a lawyer some day.

And a politician after that. All the more reason.

Listen, the fund drive is doomed.

Everyone is burned out on car washes, bake sales and bingo.

Bingo worked!

School board has finally given up on trying to keep this place afloat.

They have not.

Face it. Small high schools are like the corner grocer. They're dying fast.

I'm not gonna let Cathedral die.

When I ran for president, I promised I would save this place.

And I never break a promise.

Then you'd better deal with me.

Because if you're gonna save this place, you're gonna have to get mean.

And when it comes to being mean, I'm a pro.

Please. I'm not afraid of you.

You actually drive this thing in public?

Thanks for all your \"advice.\"

If you have any other suggestions, ideas...

Thanks anyway.

You're not gonna make that kind of money selling pies, you know.

Right.

Stubborn wench.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(TRAIN HORN HONKING)

(TRAIN HONKING)

(HONKING CONTINUES)

(TWO TRAINS HONKING)

(TRAINS CLATTERING)

Shut up!

(GAVEL THUDS)

MELISSA: Okay, please review the yellow sheets that I've just handed out.

Any contributions would be greatly appreciated.

Later, Nevil.

Now, we just need one great idea.

A way to make a lot of money, and fast.

Does anyone have any ideas?

Later, Nevil.

Look, the school board is only gonna put up the matching funds if we can prove to them

that we really wanna save this place.

At the moment, we're not doing that.

Oh, Melissa. Are you going to go to the dance?

I mean, you organized the damn thing.

And my ugly little brother needs a date. So, I just thought you might want...

I don't believe you people.

Do you even care about this place?

Do you care if it closes down?

Don't you understand?

You're gonna get split up from your friends, get bussed into the city,

and end up in monster schools like Westside.

You're the president.

You're the one who said you could save our home, remember?

Yes, I remember.

But I can't do it all by myself.

Well, you should've told us that before we voted for you.

No time for fund drives. We got sports and shit.

We've got a show to put on. Shakespeare, you know.

There's Homecoming.

Then there's the pageant.

Band practice. Recitals. More practice. More recitals.

Don't you see? If Cathedral closes

there won't be any of that stuff!

Oh, whoa, whoa. Mel, chill out, babe.

After all, it's only high school.

Hey!

We're teenagers. High school is all we've got.

Oh, you wipe that smile off your face, mister.

Hey, if we end up in schools like Billington or Westside...

In schools that big, you girls won't be nearly as popular.

So what do you say? You want to help me out on Friday night?

BOTH: I got a date.

You have a date. Right.

(SIGHS)

(GAVEL THUDS) (SPLASHING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

BOY: Here, over here.

BOY: Knock it off, you butthead.

Hello?

I was just thinking.

There's a chance I just may be willing,

uh, to reconsider.

Or perhaps...

No, no, make a small wager.

All for the good of the school, of course.

The offer's closed.

Excuse me? Closed.

You had your chance.

You didn't take the shot.

You snooze, you lose.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Listen, it was your stupid idea in the first place.

You can't back out on me now.

You want everyone to think you're chicken?

Ooh! Child psychology!

Gosh, I don't want anybody to think I'm chicken.

Okay, you win.

We do a deal.

Really?

How does it work?

You give me the money. I give it to the sharks.

I win the race and you double your money.

Minus a few incidental expenses, of course.

Expenses? Yeah.

What expenses? How much?

I've got insurance.

Tire rubber.

Fifty percent. What?

Fifty percent? Okay.

It's for a good cause, uh...

Thirty percent. No. Five percent.

Oh, no way five percent.

Twenty percent. Six percent.

(GIRLS SHRIEKING) You don't understand, I went down 10.

You only went up one. Ha! Seven percent.

That's not fair. Fifteen. Eight.

Fourteen. Nine.

Thirteen. GIRL: What are you doing in here?

Look at me when I'm yelling at you! Thirteen!

You already said thirteen. GIRL: Get outta here, Malone.

I'm missing it. Nine.

You already said that.

Thanks. A lifelong fantasy blown.

Thank you.

Ten. Eleven.

Ten. Eleven.

Ten! Eleven.

Ten. Ten! Eleven. Eleven.

Ten. Eleven!

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Shh. Just calm down.

What's going on here, Dylan?

I'm just trying to help the fund drive.

You asked me to help the fund drive, I'm trying to help.

I'm just trying to help, right?

He's just trying to help.

See? I'm trying to help.

She won't let me. What?

(STAMMERING) Melissa, Melissa. Now just... Look, just...

Calm down.

Remember, I told you. You can't do this on your own.

We're gonna need everybody.

Ten. Eleven.

Ten.

Deal.

Deal. Ha ha!

There, that's the spirit.

All right, now go out and get 'em.

(GRUNTING)

Good.

I can't believe you talked me into this.

We tortured you into this, Navel.

It's Nevil. Nevil, Nevil, Nevil. Always Nevil.

Please, could you slow down just a little bit?

Just slow down. Look, as school treasurer, I am entrusted under oath

to be financially responsible.

Now, what could be more financially responsible

than betting the school's money on a sure thing?

The signature! The signature did not look anything like Mr. Johnson's.

Will you give me a break? I'm not a forger.

It was close enough to get us the money, was it not?

Fine! Fine, we're all gonna end up in jail, that's great!

Shut up, Navel! Just shut up.

This is gonna work. Don't worry.

I'm not worried. They're not worried.

Nobody's worried.

Should we be worried?

What's to worry?

You just stole $3,000 from your high school,

about to bet it on an illegal car race.

No worries.

MANNEY: So, Malone.

Who's your backer?

The jerkwad's got himself a sugar mama.

(DIRK LAUGHING)

MANNEY: Well, lady, if he doesn't work out,

could I interest you in a much larger package?

Nice guys, huh? Hand it over, Navel.

Who's that? Your lawyer?

(DIRK LAUGHING) DYLAN: Come on.

All right, let's get on with it.

Here's the three grand.

Don't get too attached.

He's waiting for you at the other end.

Who is it?

The Sandman.

Oh, right. The Sandman.

What, I've blown him out, uh, three, four times?

Tell me another one.

What, he didn't tell you we raced before?

Rockfield run, Melker run, St. Cloud run.

I beat him every time.

He didn't tell you?

(LAUGHING)

We, uh, never raced the Sandman, did we?

No. No.

Never. Right.

Now you can worry.

Navel, you stay here with her.

It's Nevil. If you lose, run me over, will ya?

Yeah, I will.

Sandman's gonna pay for this, man.

Don't worry, Dirk. He's trying to bait us, man.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Well, he seems nice enough. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Have fun. Thanks, Monkey.

(ENGINES REVVING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Yeah, yeah.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Come on!

Damn, this guy is good.

All right, let me get this straight.

You're saying that craps gives you better odds

than any other board or wheel game.

Scram, pinhead.

You bother me.

Not bad, Sandman. Not bad.

(SIRENS WAILING)

Whoops!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

What's taking them so long?

If they crash, do we get our money back?

Do you want it in the chops, Navel?

Come on. Come on!

Let's get it on! Come on!

Yeah! Let's go for it!

(SIRENS WAILING)

I can make it.

I can make it.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

I'm not gonna make it. Aw, shit!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Whew.

Son of a bitch.

(SHRIEKING)

(MELISSA SHRIEKING)

(SHRIEKING)

Yeah!

(HUMMING)

Where the hell's the Sandman?

I lost him on a curve.

Check your local Gray Bar Motel.

Pay up, boys.

(TRAIN SCREECHING)

Nice place.

Oh, thanks.

Thanks for everything.

I got my cut.

Yeah, you got your cut.

So, um...

Where do you live?

I live in a mansion.

No.

I live in a little place with my uncle Jake.

It's cool. He does his thing and I do mine.

Mmm. Hey, listen.

You got the guts to go for it again?

I don't know. Double your money again.

Well, we need the money, but... Are you scared?

No, it's just that... You don't trust me.

Look, it worked once, but...

All right. All right, let's do it.

But just one more time.

All right. That's it.

Okay. Just one more.

I'll set it up.

Okay.

MELISSA: (OVER P.A.) All right. Now we're really starting to roll.

This past weekend, our button sale made a profit...

(ALL CLAMORING) ...of $3,000.

Over and out.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

God!

(CHEERING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GRUNTS)

(INAUDIBLE)

And this week, our candy bar sales made a profit of...

$12,000.

(ALL CHEERING)

I can't believe they're buying this crapola. Ow!

It's going so well, I can't believe it.

I almost don't believe it.

Should I believe it?

Sure.

Why not?

After all, you were the one that said all I had to do was to get everyone to work

together and I could pull this thing off.

You know what? You were right.

Ooh! You were absolutely right. Bye.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh! Oh! Oh, my God.

Come on, baby. Come on, baby.

Come on. Come on!

Come on, come on, come on, come on. Yes, yes!

Come on! Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Whoo! That's it! We're halfway there.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Lose the smile, dirtbag.

The Fat Man wants to have a word with you.

Be there.

I'll give your cash to the nerd.

We're halfway there. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

Uh, Dylan?

Uh, Melissa?

Never mind.

No, I'm sorry. What?

It was a great race.

No, no, no. You were gonna say something. What were you gonna say?

It's no big deal. I was just...

I was, you know, wondering if...

I was just wondering if, if you wanted to go to the Fast Freddie dance with me.

A date?

No, it's not a date.

Look, it's just a silly dance.

And if you don't want to go, it's okay. You know, it's...

It's just, I organized it, so I was thinking that I might go, and...

Sure, I'll go. Forget it.

Okay, I won't go. No.

What? Do I go or don't I go?

No, you go.

I mean. I'd like you to go.

We go.

Okay.

Here's your cut, Dylan. You need a receipt? (LAUGHS)

Don't spend it all in one place.

Oh, yeah. Uh, I'll just wait in the bug.

That's where I'm gonna be.

Thanks, Navel.

NEVIL: It's Nevil.

I guess I better get going, too.

See you later.

Bye.

(RUNAWAY PLAYING)

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

All right. Let's cut through all the bull, uh, nonsense

and get straight to the nitty-gritty.

Take it away, Melissa.

Thanks, Mr. J.

All right, gang.

This week our pottery and painting sale made a profit of $24,000.

For a grand total of $100,000.

(ALL CHEERING)

I gotta get to class.

Bye, Mr. J.

Uh, Melissa...

Listen, I've been meaning to say something about this for some time.

Everything has been very exciting and I want this place to stay open

as much as anyone else, but...

I smell trouble.

And $80,000 in one month

smells like a hell of a lot of trouble.

There's no trouble. I mean,

finally everybody's working.

You know, all the guys on the football team are being an amazing help,

and cheerleaders, and the band. School spirit!

I'm really glad to be a part of this place.

Bye. Uh, Melissa.

I'm not buying that anymore.

And we'll get down to the bottom of this later,

but right now, I'm looking at a potentially bigger problem.

Bigger problem? I, I mean, you have a bigger problem?

Yes. The school board has decided to move their meeting forward.

They're gonna be getting together this Saturday morning.

What?

That wasn't supposed to happen for another month!

Now calm down. Nothing's been decided.

How can you tell me to calm down?

You know as well as I do,

the school board's been trying to close Cathedral for years.

What this means is that they've already decided.

I know, I know.

Well, no.

There's nothing final yet.

They gave us a chance... They gave us until next month.

Just calm down, girl. I'm on your side, you know. And I'll be at the meeting.

I'm gonna fight for more time.

I'm gonna tell them how well you kids are doing

and how much money you've raised.

Now come on. We still have a chance.

That chance is to go double or nothing.

\"Double or nothing.\" Are you nuts?

Look, the way I see it, if we don't raise all the money right away,

the board is gonna close the school.

What have we got to lose?

Oh, 100 grand.

Hey, babe. Great work you've been doing.

You must be selling a shitload of pies.

Anyways, the football team needs some new equipment. Here's a list.

We figure once you get the money to save the school,

you can maybe keep on working and spend the rest of the money on the team.

Catch you later, babe.

(SCOFFS)

Listen. Mr. J. is already suspicious.

Now what do you think's gonna happen

if you suddenly come up with the whole 200 grand, huh?

I think everyone's gonna be too excited to care where the money came from.

Melissa? Hey, Mel?

Hi. I'm sorry we haven't been attending all the fundraisers, but...

You're doing so well, and...

Well, we need new cheerleading uniforms.

And you'll work it out with Mr. J, right?

And any leftover money goes to us?

Okay. Thanks, Mel. Keep up the good work.

(SIGHS)

BOY: Knock it off, you butthead!

Now let's just think about this for a moment, okay?

Hey, Melissa. We need new costumes and props.

The band gets first shot at any extra money, right, Melissa?

(SIGHS) The brass section could really use the bucks.

Brass my ass. What have you done for the fund drive? Nothing!

(BOTH ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)

You see? Nobody knows where the money's coming from and nobody cares.

Just as long as they get their cut.

Besides, if we raise that kind of money,

you think Mr. J.'s gonna make us give it back?

No way.

You think you got it all figured out, don't you?

Look, we've had it easy until now.

On a bet like that, they're gonna get mean.

Hey, when it comes to being mean, you're a pro, remember?

Come on, what do you say?

NEVIL: All right, you guys.

Look, Monkey just told me Mr. J. wants to see the books.

You don't expect me to run and hide from the principal, do you?

Oh, yeah. Right, right. That's gonna be really easy.

Look, tell me. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Please, Dylan.

(SIGHS)

I guess you're gonna have to keep running, Navel.

It's Nevil. I hate my life.

I think you better wait here. I won't be long.

I'm coming with you.

These are not nice people, Melissa.

Socially, they're really not your type.

(SIGHS)

Just let me do the talking, okay?

Hi, guys. Nice evening. Whoa, ho, ho, ho, ho.

No minors allowed, shithead.

Hey, I been here before. A couple times.

This is Dylan Malone.

He's here to see the Fat Man.

Yeah. Why don't you check your guest list?

All right. He's on here.

I'm on there.

Oh!

Use the side door.

Now, look. This guy doesn't mess around.

Just let me do the talking. (SCOFFS) You just said that.

That worked out really well.

PHATMUN: Yeah.

Well...

Dylan Malone. And his sugar mama.

(LAUGHS) I see we are all old friends.

Please be seated.

I'm Johnny Phatmun.

(SCOFFS) Johnny Phatmun.

Also known as the Fat Man.

Right.

This is Melissa Hanson. Pleasure.

Likewise.

Now down to business.

I'm the largest gambling conglomeration in the Twin Cities.

I bet on anything that moves.

And you, Mr. Malone, move faster than most anything I bet on.

This is a mistake, boss.

I wanna take this guy.

Oh, Manney, sit down now. Sit!

Now, you've consistently beaten the drivers

that my boys have thrown up against you.

Now it's not the money that I mind losing.

You barely won a bit of pocket change, nothing more.

You see, it's just that I hate losing at all.

Only losers lose, and I'm not a loser.

I resent losing!

Therefore,

I've decided that you will drive

for me instead of against me.

You'll be paid a percentage of the gross

of all the races you win.

That sounds great.

Hey, it beats a kick in the teeth.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, listen, I... I'll have to think about it a bit.

The decision has already been made.

Now you may go. You'll be contacted later.

(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me, Mr. Phatmun.

But he works for me.

I'm his backer. He races for me.

If you want him to race for you,

well, then you're going to have to take him away from me.

Dirk!

I didn't mean physically.

(CHUCKLES) Hold on, Dirk. I was just kidding.

(LAUGHS)

Now, now, now, what is it you're trying to propose, little lady?

(SIGHS)

(CLEARS THROAT) Another race.

For $100,000.

Now, if you win, you can have all your money back and be his new backer.

Wouldn't hurt.

Win the money back before he starts driving for me.

Little lady, we have a deal.

The Slaughterhouse run. Saturday.

You'll be there with the $100,000 before it starts.

Right. Slaughterhouse run?

Yeah. Okay, uh, listen, Mr. Phatmun, I've beaten every decent driver you've got.

Who you gonna throw at me now?

DYLAN: The Widowmaker. Great. Just great.

MELISSA: So what?

DYLAN: The Fat Man must've brought him over from Detroit.

MELISSA: So what?

DYLAN: He's never been beaten, that's what.

Total killer. Dude lives up to his name.

MELISSA: Oh, great. Just great.

(HORN HONKING)

Hey, guys. Hey, Nevil.

Mr. Phatmun. Good luck.

I won't need it.

(CHUCKLES) Nice hairdos, meat bags.

What's with the get-ups?

We're going to the Fast Freddie dance, aren't we, guys?

Yeah, it's a back-to-the-'50s dance.

Hey, you guys could come if you want.

A dance to honor Fast Freddie?

He won the Twin City run. Greatest driver ever.

He went to Cathedral, same as us.

Fast Freddie, huh?

Well, let's get with it.

With such large stakes, I feel compelled to make a personal appearance.

Likewise.

Let's get down to business.

I'm gonna eat you alive.

And I'm gonna regurgitate you, and I'm gonna eat you again.

(SCOFFS) Let's do it.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Come on, baby. We can do it.

Hey, you can't do that.

It's dinner time, Malone.

What are you doin'?

Asshole.

Son of a bitch.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GRUNTS)

Now for the big kill.

Hey! What?

Yeah! Whoa! (LAUGHS)

Thanks for the fun, folks.

Tell Mr. Malone to come see me when he's well enough. (LAUGHS)

You blame this all on me, don't you?

No. No, I don't blame this all on you.

(MELISSA SNIFFLING)

Oh, no. Not that. Shit.

Look, I'll take the heat.

Just tell everyone I stole the money. They'll believe that.

No.

I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.

I made up my own mind.

(SIGHS) I just went too far.

I made a mistake, and I'm gonna have to pay for it.

Screw it. I'll take the blame.

No. I deserve the blame.

I'm gonna take it.

Fine. Great. Be that way. Miss Rah-Rah.

Stoic to the bitter end. Chin up, head held high...

Well, you're not gonna make me feel guilty.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.

But I'm going to leave now, before you say something that we're both going to regret.

You did a great job, Dylan.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Look, if we wouldn't have tried, the school would've closed down anyway.

Yeah, well, I got my cut.

Yeah, you got your cut.

Oh...

Good job, Malone.

Hey, where you going, Melissa? Hey, Rick.

Come on. Let's go on in. That's sweet of you. But, no.

I, I really don't want to go to the dance right now.

No, I, I... Really...

Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

(BAND PLAYING AT THE HOP)

I enjoyed being an obnoxious nerd.

Do you think they have nerds in prison?

We're going to take a little break now. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you. (CROWD CHEERING)

Thank you, guys and Donna.

Let me have your attention, please.

Come on up. I want to make an announcement.

Well, gang, it's been a long, hard road.

You've all done a great job and I am very proud of you.

As you may know, there was a school board meeting this morning.

The main topic of discussion was the impending closure of Cathedral High.

Now, I told them how hard you've all been working

and that your fundraising has resulted in a profit of $100,000.

(SCATTERED CHEERS)

And do you know what they said?

Do you know what they said?

They said, \"That's great. That's terrific!\"

And they gave us an extension.

(CROWD CHEERING)

So now...

Now...

All we have to do is give them the $100,000 that we've already earned

and they'll give us to the end of the school year to come up with the rest.

So let's hear it for Cathedral High! (ALL CHEERING)

We had it.

Now...

BOY: Kickass, Mr. J.!

Now, let's give a big hand to the little lady who put it all together.

Melissa Hanson, come on down!

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

I really love this school.

'Cause it's mine.

I spent four years of my life here.

I would've done anything to save this place.

Anything!

Only I couldn't convince you to feel the same way.

I guess I'm not the leader I thought I was.

I couldn't... I couldn't lead you...

(SIGHS) And so I gave up and tried to do it all by myself.

Only I failed.

I'm, I'm really sorry.

There is no $100,000.

There is no money.

I'm really sorry.

(SOFTLY) I'm sorry.

What do you mean, there's no money?

Uh, um...

GIRL: You mean it was all just a big lie?

What the hell did you do with it?

(ALL CLAMORING)

Melissa?

(SIGHS)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Hey!

Hey, what are you doing?

Dylan's up to something crazy. I gotta stop him. Or help him.

Dylan can help himself.

Oh, yeah? Well, I don't think he can this time.

(SCOFFS) What, are you gonna follow him around the rest of your life?

No, I'm not. He's my friend.

Let him go. He's got what he wants.

He's got his cut.

No. No, no, no, no, no. This is what he wants. And he's throwing it away.

College postcards?

He wants to go to college?

Jeez, Melissa, I guess you got him figured wrong.

You think he wants to spend the rest of his life here, hanging out on the streets?

Draggin' for cash? Yeah, right.

I know where he's going.

Move over.

Hello, Fat Man.

Mr. Malone. Get bored at the dance, or feeling too low to go?

You cheated me.

I want a rematch.

Don't, Dylan.

You don't have to do this for me.

Do this for you?

Melissa, don't kid yourself. I drive cars.

I mean, what the hell else am I gonna do?

You've got a future. What about all these?

What about college?

What do you say, Johnny? Dylan...

You got the guts?

Why should I? What's in it for me?

Eight thousand bucks. My cut.

It's yours. If you agree to a rematch.

And if I lose, I'll be your driver.

I'll race for you for nothing.

You keep my winnings until the race is paid off in full.

Plus interest?

Yeah, plus interest. Dylan, don't.

You'll end up working for him for years.

Young lady, I am a fair man.

I'll race anyone you want. Any run you say.

(CHUCKLES) Thirty years.

Fall into my lap. (SCOFFS)

Okay.

I'm free Friday evening. We'll do it then.

You race all by yourself.

What do you mean, by myself?

Against the clock.

You got 20 minutes to run 20 miles.

The Twin City run. You start at Lake George.

Then you race straight through the city to the football stadium.

Finish under the Cathedral goalposts.

It'll be a big feather in your cap.

Only one other person's ever done it.

Your Fast Freddie.

I want something else. What else?

The jukebox.

BOTH: The jukebox?

Our jukebox?

Cathedral's jukebox?

That's right.

No jukebox, no deal.

DYLAN: Why the jukebox?

I have my reasons.

We'd have to steal it.

Such is life.

We could get it during the football game.

(SOFTLY) Oh, great.

It has to be in our possession as collateral before the run is half over.

I figured you were here, Malone. I found your two boyfriends out in the alley.

God! What the hell? Are we holding the dance here?

Come on, Dirk. Relax.

(GRUNTS) Thank you, Dirk.

Okay, Fat Man.

If I gotta do the Twin City run,

and with those stakes, then you can give me odds.

Two to one odds. It's like you said. You're a fair man.

I admire your bravado, young man.

Fair enough.

You win, you get $200,000.

But if I win,

I get your money...

The jukebox...

And you.

Dylan...

Deal.

This is nuts.

The Twin City run and Fast Freddie are stupid myths.

Fat Man seems to believe it.

He's tricked you, Dylan.

Look, it was really noble what you did, but nothing is more...

Is more important than saving the school, right?

I didn't say that. You didn't have to.

Listen, I am in it now. To the hilt.

Why don't you just...

What?

Just go home, Melissa.

PHATMUN: I've waited a long time for this.

There's a very slim chance he can actually do it.

There must be no chance.

He does have the fastest car in the city.

Then deal with it.

BOY 1: I heard she just lied so people would like her.

The fund drive never had a dime.

GIRL 1: I heard she stole it and put it in a Swiss bank account.

GIRL 2: After all that work everyone did, and she screws up.

BOY 2: I heard she left the country.

GIRL 3: How did she get in charge?

I could've gotten enough money to save this place easy.

BOY 2: She was a lousy president. And now she's...

(GRUNTS) (LOCKER CLATTERING)

JOHNSON: (OVER P.A.) Will Dylan Malone please come to the principal's office?

Now. Thank you.

NEVIL: It wasn't me, Dylan. I swear. I swear I didn't say a word.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I, I talked, but I didn't tell him everything.

I held back. I promise.

Has Melissa come to school yet?

No.

Her mother says she hasn't been out of her room since Saturday.

Her phone's been ringing off the hook.

Every kid in school's trying to call her.

She says that their tone is not very friendly.

Now what the hell happened?

So, they blame it all on her, huh?

You want to know what happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

What happened was Melissa Hanson was busting her ass to save this place

and no one was willing to help her.

DYLAN: (OVER P.A.) She organized every fund drive in the book.

She went by the book.

Nobody cared. Nobody helped.

Finally, she knew she had to do something desperate to save this place.

So I talked her into taking the school's money, and...

Betting it on a car race.

What?

What? What?

What? What?

Yeah.

She bet the money, I drove the car.

And we won. And won, and won.

And the money rolled in. And, man, when the money started rolling in,

everyone wanted their cut.

New cheerleading uniforms. New football gear.

Costumes and props. Band equipment.

College tuition.

Then we got cheated. Lost it all.

Now everyone is pointing fingers.

Blaming Melissa for everything.

To do what she did and to take all the blame,

you know what kind of guts that took?

She believed in this school, and it stabbed her in the back.

And when this school closes, every single person in it is going to lose.

It's like they say. You never know what you've got until you lose it.

Well, we'll know.

(ALL MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)

(MURMURING STOPS)

Melissa,

we know what you did,

and we know what we did.

Or didn't do.

GIRL: We haven't been very nice,

or very helpful.

Actually, we've been complete jerks.

BOY: We've blown it. We know it.

Is there anything we can do about it?

Melissa, we're sorry. Please. Don't quit on us.

I'd never break a promise.

And we still have one more chance.

The Twin City run?

It's our only chance.

Oh, come on, Dylan.

All that Fast Freddie stuff and the Twin City run

is just some teenage tale.

It's a silly legend.

Now, come on. Let's get serious.

I am serious.

You got two choices, Mr. J.

You tell the school board what happened

and Melissa goes to jail.

Probably Nevil and myself.

Only I'd run.

And the school closes.

For good. For ever.

Or...

Don't tell 'em.

Let me give it a try.

Maybe save the school. Lah-dee-dah.

(CHUCKLES)

I oughta punch you right in the nose.

Somebody ought to, but let me do what I gotta do first.

Look, I'd like to help, Dylan.

But I can't.

(LOUD RUMBLING)

What?

TEACHER: Okay, everybody out. Let's go. (STUDENTS COUGHING)

Everybody out, let's go.

Everybody out.

(COUGHING)

The Fat Man.

What?

Not what. Who.

A guy called the Fat Man.

Johnny Phatmun.

That's who has our money.

That's who I gotta beat to get it back.

This car was our last chance.

MELISSA: Let me through. I'm the president!

NEVIL: I'm the treasurer!

(SOFTLY) Oh, my God.

Even my gloves.

(IT'S ONLY MAKE BELIEVE PLAYING)

Get up. Get something to dig with and follow me.

Did you hear what I said? Get up.

Get something to dig with and follow me. Now.

JOHNSON: Thirty years ago, there was a barn out here.

Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred.

And under the barn was a feed cellar.

And only the farmer and the farmer's son knew about the feed cellar.

Here. One, two, three.

Right here.

Start digging right here.

Here. That's it.

Right under here.

All right. Here it goes. Here it goes.

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING)

Fast Freddie's car.

JOHNSON: The farmer's son was...

Mr. F. Johnson.

Fred Johnson? Fast Freddie Johnson?

No way. (LAUGHING)

Well, how do you think Fast Freddie's car vanished?

You did the Twin City run. JOHNSON: That's right.

Because of a bet I had with Johnny Phatmun.

All right, now wait a minute. I heard you won a solid gold trophy.

I heard it was full of diamonds. No, no.

Johnny had a beer bar.

It was called Phatmun's Place.

So, what'd you win?

ALL: The jukebox.

That's right. Boy, was he mad.

He probably never got over it.

Wait a minute, now. You said it was just a teenage tale, a legend.

Well, it was.

Sort of.

Things got blown way out of proportion.

Things were a lot easier back then.

There was only one traffic light on Broadway.

Now there's about 15 of them.

The Twin Cities almost doubled in size.

Actually, they're only 40% larger.

It's almost impossible, Fat Man knows that.

Blowing up your car was just an insurance policy.

Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to do the almost impossible.

I think we should go for it.

All the way. Let's take the Fat Man.

Now, wait minute. Wait minute.

You got to have a plan, and you're going to need all the help you can get.

(TRAIN HORN HONKS)

(ALL CHEERING)

(SIGHS)

You said to save this place, we were gonna have to get mean.

Mr. J. said we were gonna have to work together.

Now can you imagine what we could do if we got mean together?

It's a 427 big block, Dylan.

It's one tough engine.

I gave her a new cam. Mags.

Headers. Elephant carb.

Now, how long's this run again?

Twenty minutes.

(WHISPERS) Twenty minutes?

Well, I guess, you know, probably should make it.

Oh, yeah, uh, there's one major problem.

The, uh, the glove compartment is rusted shut.

I couldn't get it open.

I guess I can live with that.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Well then, I guess she's perfect.

My dad's a fireman.

I kind of borrowed this...

It turns red

into green. (CHUCKLES)

So, if you've got a plan...

We're all the help you need.

Let's do it.

(ALL CHEERING)

Blue 22! Blue 22!

Hut!

(CROWD CHEERING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

And the Apollo touchdown is the result of another Cathedral fumble.

It starts in five minutes. Starts in five minutes.

Five minutes. ALL: Five minutes.

It starts in five minutes. It starts in five minutes.

Five minutes. Five minutes.

(CAR APPROACHING)

So...

Where's the hero?

Right there.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Fast Freddie.

Fast Freddie sends his regards.

No matter.

The lady's right.

You'll be working for me for years.

We're gonna have the jukebox in your creep's hands by the 10 minute mark.

But if he so much as scratches it,

I'll personally kill him.

Spare me, please.

I love a challenge.

Now maybe it'll be interesting.

$200,000, Mr. Phatmun.

One minute and counting, Mr. Malone.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Good luck, kid. (LAUGHS)

(DOOR OPENS) (SIGHS)

What are you doing?

I leave in 20 seconds. Get out.

I'm going with you. Oh, no you're not.

You need a navigator. You need somebody to read the map

and work the black box. No way.

It's dangerous. I do it alone.

No way.

It's dangerous and we do it together.

Melissa, get the hell out of here! (BEEPING)

Hit it!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

JOHNSON: And he's off. It's off.

Uh, the football race, the game, the kick, uh...

Never mind.

NEVIL: Hey! (BANGING ON LOCKER)

Monkey!

Monkey, let me out of here!

Hey!

Navel, will you turn this thing off?

Sorry!

Now, hold this.

Oh, this goes great with the outfit.

Hey, why don't you just hand me a neon sign?

Listen, listen, listen to me.

Why don't we just tell Mr. J.?

He probably would've given us the jukebox.

Mr. J's got enough worries.

Besides, I didn't hear you volunteering to tell him.

(CLATTERING)

Navel, I'm gonna need you to be very quiet.

Can you understand that?

Ralphy's wandering around the halls somewhere.

(BEEPS)

You know...

You're like a nightmare.

A jinx. What?

You decided, \"Hmm, Dylan Malone.

\"I'll bet I can mess up his life.\"

I'm the nightmare? Who came to whom first?

It wasn't me.

My life was perfectly happy before you walked right in. Face first.

Who said \"Let's go double or nothing\"?

(DEEP VOICE) \"Say, I have nifty little idea for a fundraiser.\"

Right at the corner? Uh, yes.

Oh, no. Left at 42nd.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Sorry. (SIRENS WAILING)

Oh, great. Cops.

They're just doing their job.

Whose side are you on anyway?

OFFICER: In pursuit of a red '57 Chevy.

No license plate.

MAN: Hey, Phil. You left your wallet.

Thanks.

Whoa!

Relax.

Here they come.

Whoa!

(OFFICER GRUNTS)

Kids these days. What'll they think of next?

(LAUGHING)

OFFICER: (OVER RADIO) He's heading down 3rd. Cut him off at 32nd.

Hut.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

OFFICER: Damn it. We lost him.

They lost him. (CROWD CHEERING)

Whose team are you for anyway?

Chill out, man. The crowd's cheering 'cause the cops lost Dylan.

Oh. Oh, then that's cool. Sorry!

(WHISPERS) If Ralphy catches us, we're dead meat.

RALPHY: Skippy.

Skippy.

Here, Skippy.

Skippy.

Here, Skip.

DYLAN: The mall is on the right, right?

Uh...

Left.

MELISSA: We go left at Main Street.

DYLAN: Right. No, left.

Right? Yes! Left!

Right. Left!

I'm agreeing with you. \"Right\" as in \"Correct,\" as in \"You are right.\"

Oh, right. Jesus.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Kickass, Malone!

Whoo.

(DISTANT CHEERING)

(DOOR CLATTERS) Shh.

(BOTH SHUSHING)

(DOG GROWLING)

(LAUGHING) Skip...

Skipper. Skipper, man. He's got some growl, huh?

Come here. You scared the hell out of us.

Monkey, enough with the mutt. He got less than five minutes.

You're tugging on me. Why are you tugging on me?

Don't tug on me.

Okay.

Here goes. (CLICKS)

(BOTH CHEERING)

(SIREN WAILING)

OFFICER: He's going 90. No license plate.

He's over the Mendota Bridge.

ALL: He's over the Mendota Bridge!

ALL: He's over the Mendota Bridge.

(CHEERING)

He's over the Mendota Bridge.

He's over the Mendota Bridge.

He's over the Mendota Bridge.

He's over the Mendota Bridge.

He's over the Mendota Bridge!

Set! Hut!

(GRUNTING)

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

(CROWD CHEERING)

JOHNSON: He's over the Mendota Bridge. Touchdown!

(LAUGHING)

He just might make it.

Phatmun's gonna lose again.

(LAUGHING)

Gonna lose again.

What is it he's gonna lose?

Again. What is it he's gonna win?

What is it he's gonna win?

It's that jukebox.

He wants the jukebox.

They're gonna give him the jukebox.

We're not gonna make it. There's no way that we're gonna make it.

We are going to make it, all right?

So, shut up and push.

Freeze.

BOTH: Hey, Ralph.

You're busted.

Busted, Ralphy? For what?

Stealing school property. That's for what.

Get your hands up.

We weren't stealing it, Ralphy.

What we were doing is, we were, um,

taking it to get it fixed.

Yeah, really.

Come on. Let's move it.

I caught 'em red-handed, Mr. J.

All right, Monkey. What's the deal?

Okay.

The deal is,

we gotta get this jukebox to the repairman

that is waiting down in the parking lot.

And if we don't get it to him in the next 30 seconds,

there is no deal. (JOHNSON SIGHING)

Why me?

Well, what the hell are we standing here for?

Come on, Ralphy. Help us.

PHATMUN: The jukebox isn't there yet?

They got 30 seconds, then they forfeit.

Hey, is Dirk ready?

MANNEY: Yeah. Everybody's set.

He ain't got a chance.

And if the cops don't get him by then, we will for sure.

(LAUGHS) Shit. (DOG BARKING)

(SIGHS) Yeah, boss.

Looks like they made it with the jukebox on time.

So, what else did you put up for collateral?

Just Dylan's future.

MELISSA: The time's half over.

DYLAN: We're just about halfway there.

We're doing good.

Well.

What?

Well. We're doing well.

You can't say \"We're doing good.\"

It's not grammatically correct.

Give me a break, Melissa.

I'm sorry.

You can't change me, you know.

I know.

And you can't change me either.

I know.

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

OFFICER: (OVER SPEAKER) Pull over and stop. This is the police.

Oh, my God. Pull over and stop now.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

OFFICER: All units, we have spotted the '57 Chevy heading west...

Dylan, I'm scared.

Me, too.

But not for long.

Here we go.

OFFICER: We got him now. Car 54.

He's just pulled into a car wash.

86th and Division.

Shop class.

You ought to take one some time.

Move it!

OFFICER: Here he comes.

What the hell?

Where is he?

Where is he?

Which one is he?

Careful.

Well, you guys could give me hand.

Wait a minute. That's our tarp.

Get out of the way, pinhead.

(ENGINE SPUTTERS)

Hey, does anybody know where these are supposed to go?

Uh, boss... (LAUGHS)

Yeah, we seem to be having a little problem here getting the van...

Hello, Johnny.

Who's this?

Freddie?

Freddie Johnson? That's right.

Looks like I'm gonna take you down again, Phatmun.

Not a chance. (LAUGHS)

Well, then how about a little side bet?

All right, Malone's gonna be here any minute,

so you guys just hang tight, all right?

We just might make it.

Maybe.

Oh, that's creative.

MELISSA: What is it? A road block.

Another insurance policy.

Gotta get around it.

Think, Malone, think. Stop!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

What? What?

I don't know. I don't know.

What are you doing? I'll think of something.

Get in here.

Trust me.

MELISSA: Hey!

Hey, hey!

Hey, you guys!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey, you scumbags!

Here goes nothing.

Hey. Hey.

Ahhh!

Hey, get back here, you shithead!

Damn it. (TIRES SCREECHING)

Shit.

Come on, Dirk.

(LAUGHING)

Hey, wait! Wait!

Hey!

Hey!

All right.

It's all over, Malone.

It ain't over till the Fat Man sings.

No way. Not to this car, you don't.

Okay, buddy.

I've got your number now.

Not this time, sucker.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(LAUGHS)

He's not gonna make it.

He'll make it.

Okay, this is it.

Last play.

Let's go for the long shot. Hail Mary.

Throw it to me.

I'm a long shot.

I haven't caught a pass all season.

What the hell.

Ready?

ALL: Break!

All right, boys.

Let's do it.

Blue 22. Blue 22.

Hut!

(CROWD CHEERING) (BLOWS WHISTLE)

(LAUGHING)

ALL: Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

(CROWD CHEERING)

JOHNSON: The unknown driver

flew through the goalposts and then took off

out the back of the stadium.

(CHEERS)

(LAUGHING)

Uh-oh.

(LAUGHING)

You guys are all fired.

You'll never work in this town again.

(DISTANT CHEERING)

(RECEIVER CLICKS)

(SIREN WAILING)

NEVIL: So...

We're probably gonna be pretty good friends now, huh?

MONKEY: Yeah, I guess we're gonna be friends now, Nevil.

What did you say?

Yes. Now we're friends.

No, no, no. You called me Nevil.

No, I didn't. No, I did not. Yes, you did.

I heard you say it. No. I'm sure I didn't.

No, I did not. You absolutely said it. Yes, you did.

All right. See, now you're pushing the friendship thing already.

Dylan.

What surprise.

Mr. J. What's happening?

I made a little side bet.

Congratulations.

You just won the brand new Johnny Phatmun college scholarship.

You earned it.

(SIGHS) Thanks, Mr. J.

Thank you.

Hey, look. I've got to go.

I've got to go find someone.

Look...

Thank you very much. Mmm-hmm.

MELISSA: Hey!

You looking for someone?

(LAUGHING)

You did it.

Really. No.

No. We did it.

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

JOHNSON: Good morning, everybody.

And what a morning it is.

The big news. This past weekend's lawn mowing project

made a profit of $200,000.

Let's hear it for Cathedral High.

(BLUE MOON BY THE MARCELS PLAYING)