All language subtitles for Assault Of The Party Nerds

["Drivin' All Night" playing]

[music continues]

When does People
Supreme Divorce Court
come on?

I love that show.Me, too.

Did you see the one
where the rash niece Babakahn
was taking 14-year old girls

up in the mountains
and doing all kind
of things to them

after he got them to sign over
their savings box?

And then
when their mother
went up there,

she signed over
the house and the car
and the family business.

Exactly.
And then when
the husband found out,

he tried to sue her
for divorce

and kind of giving away
everything he had.

But they found out
that he was depositing all
his assets into his secretary

so the rash niece
got to keep it all.

I can't believe you guys
take this bullshit seriously.

What do you mean
"bullshit," man?Bullshit.

These shows are taken
from real, real cases.At the end
of the credit--

[argument continues]

Bullshit.
You're wrong.
No way, Scott.

Hey, guys.
What's the good word?

[mixed voices]

[argument continues]

Hey, uh, what are these
three butt-naked girls
doing on our hallway?

You're full of it, man.It's bullshit.

[mixed voices][telephone ringing]

CO2 Box.
Would you like to marry
Sue, Marla or Danna?

This is Sid Witherspoon,

Supreme Grand Master
and President of Lambda
Alpha Eta

calling from national
headquarters.

Would it be
asking too much

to have Chapter President
Richard Spencer come
to the phone?

Uh, yeah.
Uh, one minute.

Hello, brother
Supreme Master Sid.

Local President
Richard Spencer here.

Brother Spencer,
who was that I was
talking to?

Uh, that was, uh,
pledge Smith, sir.
Alex Smith.

You know those freshmen,
they can get pretty cocky.
Ha, ha.

I don't remember
any new recruits

on the pledge list
last semester.

Well, uh, he was added
a little late.

See, we lambdas over here
at State have some real
high standards,

and we thought
we needed some more time
to evaluate it.

I can see though
that even that we did
take the time

to size up the situation,
our judgment was an error.

I will see to it
that pledge Smith
is expelled.

That's very good, Richard.
We don't want any dead beets
becoming lambdas.

I agree
wholeheartedly, sir.

Which brings me
to the reason why
I called.

Yes, sir?

According
to our records here
at national headquarters,

I noticed that your chapter
has only four members.

Is that true?

Four members, sir.

And that you're all
graduating seniors.

That's true.
We're all graduating
in June, sir.

Even that ignoramus
Charlie Phelps is
graduating, correct?

Everyone deserves
their denizen,
don't they, sir?

I suppose so.
But that's not the point.

You see,
when you boys leave,

assuming that
you'll all graduate,

there'll be nothing left
of Lambda Alpha Eta
at State University.

Oh, that would be
too bad, sir.

Well, I'm glad
you understand, Richard.

Those were some
of the happiest days
in my life.

And I'd hate to see it
all end over there
at State.

Now, I know
you feel the same way.

And you'd never
let that happen.

Would you, son?

[coughs]
How did they do that?

Uh, no, sir.

Let me tell you

I will do everything
humanly possible
to ensure

that the traditions
of good old Lambda
Alpha Eta

are carried on
for years to come.

Well, I'm glad we had
this little chat, Richard.

And if there's anything
I can do with your effort,

you just give me
a call.

I will, sir.
Thank you.

Lambda Alpha Eta
forever, sir.

Oh.
Goodbye.

Goodbye.

What a boy.

Well, that's the last
of this bullshit call
for us.

They won't be
calling again
until spring.

You never know.
I may still be here.

I still have to pass
the math competency test.

[fanfare playing]

God.
I am getting so big.

Women already fight
over me.

What can happen next?

I can't wait
till tomorrow.

Oh, yeah?
Why is that?

Because I get
better looking every day.

I would hope so.
Starting with such
humble beginning.

Hey.
Enough of this
internal squabbling.

I mean,
let's face the truth.

We're all studs.

But listen, I've got
this little problem

that I might need
you guys help
to deal with.

Sure thing, Bud.Do you want me to kick
someone's ass?

I think that might be
a bit harsh.

You know that dweeb Ritchie
from Lambda Alpha Eta?Yeah.

Well, that son of a bitch
was supposed to let me
cheat off

his Anthropology midterm.

Yeah?
So what happened?So I got
my test back today

and it had a big
one-legged "A" on it.

÷A what?A fail, Chip.

Hell, Bud,
I got a "D" today
for everything.

Yeah, but that's not
what we're talking
about here.

That son of a bitch,
he got an "A".

So that can only mean that
he purposely slipped me
the wrong answers.

Why would he do that?Zeta Alpha Mu won't stand
for this sort of thing.

Will we?I got to kick
his ass.

I need some time
to think about just
the right way

to handle this one.

[Diane]
So, I think we should go
with the anti-drug project.

It would be really good
for everybody.

Well.

It will look good
on my resumé.

But I want to do
the fraternity project.

We've done this
every year.

Don't you think
it's about time
we do something

that might make
a difference?

The only reason
you don't want to do
the fraternity project

is because Ritchie
is in the geek house.

They're not geeks.
They're just different.

Oh, that's
an understatement.

I mean, have you ever
seen these guys?

We are talking majorly
geek o-Rama.

I mean, don't you think
it's a little queer

going out with a guy
who wears an earring?

Take two.
You'll feel better.

Damn, I've seen
this one already.Me, too.

The school teacher really was
trying to help the kids
after class.

But the nurse, ha,
that's another story.

I guess no one
ever told her you have
to give second graders

hernia examinations
twice a week.

I wish I was one
of those kids.

What?

I wish I was one
of those kids that got
molested.

I guess any action's
better than no action.

That's not
what I mean.

[stammering]
Each one of those kids
got awarded a million bucks.

W.O.L.A., did you sell
that car, yet?

How can you sell a car
with 560,000 miles
on it?

It's not
how many miles on it.
It's how many it has left.

Get a clue, Charlie.
No one's gonna buy
that old pile of shit.

Why don't you
back off and--
Yeah, back off.

You know, guys,
we've all been in this
fraternity for four years now.

Some of us more.

Don't you think it's time
we got something out of it?

I mean, maybe
old Witherspoon
has a point.

There is something
to be said for tradition

and leaving a legacy.

Or at least
being remembered
for something.

We can all come and go
without anybody noticing.

W.O.L.A., you've been
to school now for 20 years.

Who's gonna remember you
when you're gone?

The lady
at the loan office?

Or did she retire already?

[laughing]

You're all
missing my point.

Let's make
something happen here.

Leave our mark
on State University.

Let's show assholes
like the guys in the Zeta house

that they're not the only ones
who know how to have
a good time.

I propose throwing
the greatest party
in the history of the school.

If not the world.

Think about it.

The Lambda house
packed with beer,

loud music, food,

and above all,
for those of you
who are unattached,

fabulous,
fabulous babes.

What should we do?

Well, we're gonna need
some money.

And I think I know
just where to get it.

Ah.Goddamn,
this feels good.

It's great to know
I look even better.

You now,
pumped up like this,

makes me wanna kick
someone's ass.

Getting all pumped up
like this

makes pumpkin Muffin
that much more fun.

Let me tell you, guys,
there's nothing like throwing
that bitch on her stomach

and driving her home.

Hell, if her old man
gives me a good enough job,
I might even marry her.

Gosh, Bud, I feel
the same way about Bambi.

Well, you know
what they say.

Great thinkers
think alike.

And of course,
my daddy thinks Bud
is a fine gentleman.

But then who wouldn't?

Well, to be
perfectly honest,

Bud is a nice guy
and all,

but Cliff
is better looking.

Well, that is
a matter of opinion.

I mean, Bud
was voted best looking
at his high school.

But that's not
the whole reason
why I like him so much.

Oh, he's everything
I've ever wanted.

And more.

Oh, when we make love,

[gasps and sighs]

he's so wonderful.

He's so caring

and so sensitive.

So gentle.

Do you think you guys
will get married?

Of course we will.

Right after graduation.

And I just know that Daddy
will give Bud a good job
at the firm.

And he's gonna loan us
enough money

for a down payment
on a house.

You all look
so perfect.

I know.

If I wasn't talking
about my self,

I wouldn't
believe it, either.

Oh.Let's go back
to the house

and see what the guys
are doing.

Okay.

Sid Witherspoon, please.

[telephone ringing]

Mr. Witherspoon?
Uh, this is Richard Spencer,

local president
over here at State.

Hello, Richard.
What can I do for you?

Well, I was thinking
about what you said.

About continuing
the Lambda tradition
here at State.

And I was talking it over
with some of the other
brothers.

And we all feel
really strongly
about making sure

we recruit some new guys
before, uh, the end
of the semester.

The thing is, uh,
I consulted our treasurer,
brother Scott Fields.

It seems our resources
are all tapped out.

And I remember what you said
about wanting to help out
with recruitment and all.

It seems the only thing
that we're lacking
is some funds.

Are you asking
for a handout, Richard?

Absolutely not.
I wouldn't think
of such a thing.

On the contrary,
I think of it as more
of a loan.

Or very yet
an investment, sir.

An investment that
will pay a lifetime
with dividends.

An investment
in brotherhood.

An investment
in tradition.

An investment
in Lambda Alpha Eta, sir.

We'll bring it up
at the next regional
meeting, Richard.

Why don't you send me
a written report when I
get back to it?

Thank you, sir.
I won't disappoint you, sir.

Bye-bye.

Well, how do we do?
Do we get the money?Not exactly.

He wants us to send him
some kind of a report so he can
bring it up at some meeting.

You think a full-grown man
would have something
better to do

than sit around and have
girl scout meetings?

I know it's bullshit, but if
we want to get the money, we're
gonna have to play the game.

You can whip something out
in your computer real quick?Sure.

It doesn't have to be
any kind of a big deal.

Just put some graphs
and charts in it
so it looks official.

[door closes]

Hi.

Hi, guys.Hi.

How was your Alpha meeting
with Trixie and Dixie?

Oh, like it always is.

I'm gonna go
use your phone, okay?Sure.

I have got to think
of just the right way
to get back at Ritchie.

I'm telling you, Bud,
when someone gets along
like that,

the only thing to do
is to kick his ass.

Yeah, but remember, Chip,
we don't want any of this
getting back to the girls.

Well, we can wear stockings
over our head when we kick
his ass.

That way nobody
will know it was us.

Damn, if I was Bambi,
I'd be madly in love
with me also.

Hi, boys.

Bud, can I talk
to you alone
for a minute?

Sure thing, babe.
Let's go upstairs.

Yes, meet me in front
of the library at 9:00
and I'll give you my notes.

It's okay.
I don't mind.

Sure, bye.

You're so damn sweet.It's no big deal.

You're always
helping your friends out
with their school work.

Yeah, but at least
I hassle them about it.You do not.

My friend Bud
got one hell of a surprise
on his Anthro test today.

What did you do?
Isn't he paying you
to slip him answers?

He decided that the pleasure
of his company was more
than enough compensation.

Well, I hope you don't get
yourself into trouble.Nah.

Don't you have
better things to do
with your time?

Oh, Bud.

I want to swallow
all your little wiggly things.

Name a girl
in her right mind
who wouldn't.

Oh, Bud.

[moaning]

Oh, Bud.

[moaning]

[moaning]

[loud kissing]

Muffin said her and Bud
are getting married
after graduation.

Well, you know how I feel
about you, babe.

Yeah, but I love
to hear you say it.

Hey, Cliff,
you wanna go around
throw around the Frisbee?

Cliff?

Cliff.

Can't you see
I'm busy?

I know it's tough,
by try and control yourself.

You knew him,
didn't you?

Jerk.

Was it as good for me
as it was for me?

Yes, it was.

Diane.

[moaning]

Tell me again how big
and strong I am.

Oh, Bud.

You're so big.

You're so strong.

I couldn't imagine, oh,
a more perfect man.

[moaning]

Don't you know it, baby?

You'll get nothing
but the best from me.

[grunting]

[both moaning]

[Bud]
Oh, Bud.

Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, Bud.

[grunting]

Ah. Ah.

Oh.

Bud, honey?

Are you finished already?

[knocking at door]

[Chip]
Hey, Bud, dude.

Football game out front.

Dude, I am all over it.

Just give me a second
to wipe myself off
in here.

[fanfare playing]

[exhales]

[howling]

You should have come out
and watch me play, babe.

I was great.

What's wrong?
This mean that much
already?

Don't worry
about that, babe.

They have to average that one
with all the other ones, right?

There haven't been
in the other midterms, Bud.

Why do you think
they call them midterms?

If you don't get
good grades,

Daddy won't be able
to give you a good job
with the firm.

But I thought
he owned the firm.

He does.

But he does have investors
and associates that he
would have to answer to.

I mean, all what you have
to do is get a "B" average
so it looks good.

It doesn't really matter
if you've learned anything

as long as it looks
like you did.

Gosh, baby.

I-I didn't realize
it was so important
about my grades.

You can talk
to him, can't you?

I don't think so, Bud.

I've always told him
how bright you are.

I couldn't very well
change my story now,
could I?

Don't worry about it, baby.
My grades, they'll pick up.

I know
you can do it, Bud.

Then we can get married.

Daddy will loan us the money
for the down payment
on a house.

And maybe
he'll send us to the Riviera
on our honeymoon.

I mean, he's always known
that's where I want to go.

He's so wonderful.

He reminds me of you.

Or, well,
you remind me of him.

Oh, I just can't wait
to take those wedding pictures,

all dressed up,
and the flowers,

and you
in your white tuxedo.

Bambi is the maid
of honor.

And then we could take
the pictures to our
high school reunion

and show everyone
how happy we look.

Oh, Bud,
that'd be wonderful.

Yeah, babe.
I can't wait.

[voices from TV]

Hell, I don't even want
to graduate.

What are you
talking about?

Still I have to pay back
my student loans.

We all have
student loans
to pay off.

Quarter of a million
dollars worth?

That is a bit much.

But think about
how much you've learned.

All I can think about
is how much I'm gonna
have to earn.

Don't worry about it.
These things have ways
of working themselves out.

Either that
or they'll send you
debtors prison.

They don't still
have those, do they?

No.Oh, that's good.

'Cause I saw The Count
of Monte Cristo once,

and it took him 30 years
to think of a way to get out.

But it-it worked out okay

because he got to find
all this treasure
that the old man

had left behind
like 30 years before that.

You'll be fine.
I've got some thinking
to do.

I'm gonna go
take a drive.Wait.

Are you sure
you don't want
to stay up with me

and watch Attack
of the Deadly Killer

and Nightmare Visitors
from Hell ?

I don't think so.
Take care.

[fanfare playing]

[Bambi moaning]

[moaning]

Oh, Cliff.

Cliff. Ooh.

Oh, Cliff.

Cliff.

[moaning]

Cliff.

Don't touch
the hair, baby.

I'm sorry, Cliff.

[moaning]

Oh, Cliff.

[moaning]

Oh, Cliff.

[moaning]

Goddammit, woman.
I told you to watch
the hair.

I'm really sorry, Cliff.

But you get me
so excited.

I just lose
all control.

Well, I guess
I understand.

If I was you,
okay, me,

I guess I'd lose
control, too.

[moaning]

Oh, Cliff.

[moaning]

Cliff.

I think--
I think I...

I think I--
I think I'm--

I think I should
get out of here.

You know?
Maybe Chip is right.

Maybe it is better
being queer.[gasps]

Oh, just kidding, baby.

You know how
I feel about you, babe.

Well, I thought I did.

But I'm beginning
to have my doubts.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

No.

Oh, no.
Oh, no.

She's a vampire,
you idiot.

That's great.

Walk right
into the tomb.

["William Tell" playing]

♪

["The Night
is Young" playing]

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing now?

I'm studying
for my History test.

Have a hint for you.

Oh, yeah?
What?

Only study
what's gonna be
on the test.

With hints like that,
I'll give up studying
altogether.

I really am sorry,
you know, about the--

It was just
a stupid joke.

Can you forgive me?

I'll think about about it.

[voices from the TV]

[yawning]

[snoring]

[snoring]

[snoring]

[voices from TV]

["William Tell" playing]

You know,
I was talking
to the guys

about maybe
doing something great
before we graduate.

Sort of leave our mark
on the school.

Throw an incredibly
huge party or whatever.

Show those assholes
with the red sports cars
and the perfect hair cuts.

You mean like Bud,
Muffin and the gang?

Yeah, assholes like that.

It's a joke.

Where they worship themselves
and their fraternities.

Bud thinks he's like Zeus
in the Parthenon.

[chuckles]

I don't know
why really--

I kinda like
to show those guys.

Guys like us can do
something bigger and better
than they can ever imagine.

I know you could.

Thanks.

I'd better go back
to the house.

It's almost time
for class.

["William Tell" playing]

[exhales]

[sighs]

[snoring]

[snoring]

[snoring]

[snoring]

[rooster crowing]

[birds chirping]

What if we throw a party
and nobody comes?

The lady
at the loan office
should be here.

That's one
for sure.

Uh-oh.
We better order
more beer.

We got to make sure
this party is the best
that can be.

We want everyone
to be here.

What if everyone
turns out to be no one?

We've got to make sure
that that doesn't happen,
all right?

["William Tell" playing]

Hm.
Introduction.

It's through
the chapter.
Very good.

Students' statistics.

Demographics.

Socio-economic status.
The prototype student.

This just might do it.

We have enough money
to FedEx this over
the national office?

Address it
to the Grand Master President
Sid Witherspoon.

Hey, it's time
for Let's Make a Match.

Oh.

[music from TV]

I can't believe
people actually volunteer
to take this abuse.

Oh, I tried that one,
but they didn't take me.

[man on TV]
So, tell us
all the gory details

of what happened
on your date.

[woman]
Well, he picks me up late,

but I knew he was that type
by the way he was
on the phone.

What do you mean
"The way he was
on the phone"?

You know, he just had that
attitude like he was God's
gift to women or something.

Be serious, Melody.
The only reason
I was late

was because your father
wanted to play 20 questions.

He just wanted
to make sure
you were no pervert.

No, he wanted
to go on the Date.

Hi, guys.

[argument on TV]

Are these people
from Central Casting
or what?

That worthless
sack of shit Ritchie really
messed things with Muffin.

Now I am pissed off.

Let's do it.

I'm really starting
to consider that option.

But it still seems
a bit harsh to me.

Hey, you guys think
I'm getting too big?

I'm gonna go over there
and I'm gonna have

a man-to-dweeb talk
with little Ritchie.

I mean, he got me into this.
The least he can do is get me
out of it.

And if that
doesn't work?

Then can I kick
his ass?

And what she
was wearing, Hank.
Let me tell you.

She looked like
the whore of Babylon.

What exactly
does the whore
of Babylon look like?

She's sitting right
next to you, Hank.
Take a look.

You bastard.

Oops.
Can I say that on TV? Well, you just did.

So, anyway, if you'd like
to take Bob out again,
we'll be glad to pay for it.

Well, uh, Bob,
would you like
to try it again?

I can't believe
this shit.

Melody, I was hoping
you'd ask.

All right.
Bob, come out
and join us on stage.

Isn't that beautiful, folks?
Another happy couple on.

Come on,
say it with me. [all]
Let's make a match.

[laughter]

[knocking on door]I'll get it.

[voices from TV]

Ritchie.
Just the dweeb
I came to see.

Gosh, Bud, I'd really love
to stand here and shoot
the breeze with you,

but, uh, Let's Make
a Match just ended

and that means
Mary John Trial
is up next.

I really hate
to miss it.

Gosh, Bud.
How did that happen?

I don't know.
Why don't you
tell me?

Gee, Bud, I don't know.
I did just fine.

Well, just consider this
a friendly little warning.

It won't happen
again, right?

I guess you're just
gonna have to study
a little harder.

[coughing]

I think your friend
needs some help.

I'm warning you,
no funny stuff.

Who was that?Just some vacuum cleaner
salesman.

What?You know what.
It was Bud, wasn't it?

Yeah, he wanted
to invite us over
to the Zeta house for dinner.

But I told him
we couldn't make it.
Boy, was he disappointed.

You should be careful.
Sometimes your little tricks
can backfire, you know?

I know.

But if someone wants
to give me something,
I take it.

If they want
to hit me, I run.

[sighs]
Bud is so sweet.

He didn't do too well
on his Anthropology
midterm.

So he's gonna study harder
just for me.

Gosh, Muffin,
that is so sweet.

What's the sweetest thing
Bud's ever done for you?

Oh, I don't know.

That's a hard one.

He's done
so many things.

That is an unfair question.

They're such little boys.

What would they do
without us?

I don't know.

Oh, just talking
about them, makes me
miss Bud.

[sighs]
Me, too.

I wonder what Cliff
is doing right now.

Oh, you know,
he's probably
bragging to the guys

about how wonderful
you are.

Oh.
[giggles]

But I bet Bud cuts in
with you're just his dream
come true.

Oh, now I really
miss him.

Let's go over
to the house.

Okay.

[telephone ringing]

Lambda Alpha Eta.
Bother Richard Spencer
speaking.

Can I help you?

Richard, I was
very impressed.

Unfortunately,
the brothers felt that
it would be inappropriate

to send funds
on such short notice,

especially since it obviously
is not an emergency.

However,
I have decided
personally

to make a small donation
of say $500.

Thank you, sir.

Goodbye, Richard.Thanks again, sir.
Thank you very much.

Well? Did we get
un poquito dinero ?

Come on, Ritchie,
don't keep us on the edge
of our seats.

Not as much
as we'd like,
but we did get $500.

[howling]

[screaming]

Muffin, honey,

it's not
what you think.

Oh, my God.

It's like
my worst nightmare.

We were just playing
hide and seek,
right guys?

Yeah.
Yeah, we were just--

Queering off.

If you say that again,
I'll kick your ass.

Shut up.
No, honey,
we were just...

We were working out.

It looks more like you were
working it in and out.

That does it.
I'm gonna kick your ass.

[screaming]

Every day
I move one seat
closer to her.

Maybe by the end
of the semester

you'll be
in the same classroom.

I've already got
into the same row.

I guess marriage
is just around the corner.

You know, she did ask me
what time it was yesterday.

Do you think
that means anything?Yeah.

It means
she forgot her watch.

You know,
I think you're doing
the right thing, T.K.

I followed a girl around
for four years once.

What happened?She graduated.

So much for the thrill
of chase.

Don't worry about it.
Tonight at the party,
they'll be taking numbers.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What am I going
to tell the girls?

What do I tell Daddy?

Oh, God.
We have got to swear

not to tell a soul
about anything we saw.

Oh, you're right.

Our reputations
would be shot.

Oh, I'd love to get back
at those bastards.

All right, so let's figure out
what we're gonna need
for this party.

We need some food
and some beer.No shit.

Would you lighten up?Yeah, lighten up.

Hey, how do we know
how much we need?I don't know.

How do you even know
anyone is coming?

What's your problem, man?Well, he does have a point.

We've got
to make sure everyone,
and I do mean everyone,

knows about this party.

How are we going
to do that?We have
to advertise.

You mean
like on radio and TV?

No, I mean with fliers
and ads in the school paper.

Scott, can you find out
how much a half page ad costs?

If we want to have the party
next Saturday night,

we want to run ads
every day next week.

I already know.
I had to place an ad

for the Young Capitalist Club
annual takeover toga party
last semester.

÷And?The ad cost $96.

So, if you want to run
the ad every day next week,
we're already out of money.

Hm.

There must be
some way.

Wait a minute.

[dog barking]

Yes, so the fire marshal
came by

and he said all
the fire extinguishers
need to be replaced.

And some alarms
are inadequate.

Now, here's the kicker.
This is the one that got me.

He said we have
to install a fire escape
from the second floor.

Now, I know
you don't want us
taking any chances

in jeopardizing
the well-being
of any of your brothers,

so I took the liberty
of getting a couple
of estimates.

Total came
to $4,700.

No, I will be sending you
the estimates,

but I figured you want
to get the work started
right out

because the fire marshal
did say he would come by
and he would close us down.

You're absolutely
right, Richard.

And you handled this
admirably.

I'll call an emergency meeting
and send the money over
this afternoon.

Lambda Alpha Eta
forever, sir.

Goodbye, Richard.

Richard?

Mr. Spencer, see,
young men like you

they make me proud
to be a Lambda Alpha Eta.

Thank you, sir.
And by the way,

we are having
a big rush party
Saturday night,

so maybe
you could stop by.

I'll try
and make it, Richard.

Goodbye.

Why did you invite him
to the party?He is paying for it.

And besides, his office
is in Dallas or some shit.

He's not gonna fly out
for some rush party.

Scott, make the ads
full page.

Greatest party
in the history
of the world.

Lambda Alpha Eta
fraternity.

That's us.

Saturday, nine p.m.

[howling]

So, are you girls
coming to the big party
Saturday night?

I'm sure
you've heard about it.
It's all over school.

Well, we have
other plans.

Oh, really?
Is Bud and Cliff taking
you two out somewhere?

Yeah.

Um, we were
gonna go out to dinner

and, uh, maybe a movie.

That's too bad.

I know Ritchie and the guys
were hoping that everyone
would be there.

Well.

To be perfectly
honest with you,

we broke up
with our boyfriends.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

They were jerks.

Worse than that.
They were--

Well, don't let that stop you
from coming to the party.

There'll be lots of guys there,
and I can introduce you to some
of Ritchie's friends.

How can you be
so nice to us

specially after the way
we spoke about Ritchie's
fraternity?

Yeah, what's in for you?

Tch.
I just like having friends
a lot more than enemies.

Besides, it a party.
The more the merrier.

Well, thanks, Diane.

And I'm sorry about the way
I spoke about you before.

Me, too.

We were the ones
going out with--

I mean geeks.

Does than mean you'll be
at the party then?

Great.

[Ritchie]
I want you guys to look sharp
on Saturday night.

Do you guys
have suits or something?I do.

Do we really
have to get dressed up?I don't have a suit.

Come on, you guys.

This is our last chance
to really do something
before we graduate.

My uncle owns a store downtown.
I'm sure he'll give you
a good deal.

Well, I guess
clothes make the man.

I guess I can use the suit
for job interviews.

[chuckling]

Hi.

Look what the cat
dragged in.

I'll leave. Get over here.

I had a funny feeling
you'd say that.

I know.
I didn't want
to disappoint you.

So, you think
we're gonna pull it off?

What do you mean?

The party.Of course you will.

No, really,
everyone I know
will be here.

I talked to Bambi and Muffin
at the Alpha meeting today,
and they'll be here.

Bud and Cliff?No, they broke up.

Do you know why?

They didn't say,
and they're not exactly
good friends of mine,

so it didn't seem right
to ask.

I felt really bad
for them.Why?

No one was forcing
to go out with those
bone heads.

I know. Anyway,
I told them I'd introduce them
to some of the guys.

You did?Yeah.
Why not?

'Cause there's
no reason my not.

I just don't see Bambi
and Muffin going out
with W.O.L.A. or T.K.

I think
you underestimate these guys.
They're all really sweet.

Those are only interested
in the GQ joke type.

I got whith you,
didn't I?

And all this time
I thought you were
going out with me

for my stunning good looks
and amazing athletic
abilities.

Come on, guys,
it's not so bad.

"Come on, guys,
it's not so bad."
You idiot.

If those bitches
shoot off their mouths,
man, our reps are shot.

Reps?
We already did our reps.

Reputations, Chip.
Reputations.

If you noticed,
we were not too thrilled

when Bambi and Muffin
walked in.

It was supposed to be
our little secret.

Yeah, Bud.
But--

But nothing.

We got to make this up
with the girls.
Give me the phone.

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

Hi.
Muffy, this is Bud.

Don't even try
to sweet-talk me.

If I only knew how sweet
you really were.

Oh, come on,
but that's all behind me.

I know it is.
That's the problem.

Okay.
Okay, so I made
a little mistake.

I promise
it won't happen
again, honey.

Oh, you mean
me and Bambi

walking in on you
and your boyfriends?

No, listen--
Okay, enough
with the jokes, okay?

Look, Cliff and I feel bad.
We want to make it up
to you.

How about, like,
dinner and a movie
Saturday night?

I'm sorry, Bud.

But Bambi and I
already have plans
for Saturday night.

What do you mean
you already have plans?

Well, Bambi and I
have been invited
to that big party

over at the Lambda house.

Ritchie.
That son of a bitch.

Well, Bud?

Goodbye.

I hope you and the boys
have a good time.

Mu-Muffin,
what about the wedding?

The house,
the photos.

My job.[phone off the hook]

Muffy?
Are you there, Muffin?

Muffin?

It's over.

Are you serious?

Unfortunately.

I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna finally
do it.

I'm gonna kick
his ass.

If you had let me do this
in the first place, none
of this would've happened.

He's got a point, Bud.

Come one,
we got to do it, Bud.

Okay.
Okay, we'll do it.

But we're gonna
do it right.

In front of everybody
at their little party
on Saturday night.

Once those girls
see what studs we are,

they'll come
running back to us.

♪

["I Need Love" playing]

Well, say 30,
an hour from now
the place will be packed.

Well, I just hope the lady
form the loan office
shows up.

Does this lady
have a name?

Oh, hell,
it doesn't matter.

I'll just call her
"ma'am" anyway.

Out of respect,
of course.

You know that girl
I was telling you about?

You mean the one
that you've got
into the same row?

No, no,
it's better than that.

I was one seat away
from her on Thursday,

so yesterday
I was next to her.

÷And?I overheard her talking.

And I heard her saying
that she was gonna be
at the party.

That's good, T.K.[knocking at door]

I'll get it.Let me.

I think I know
who it is.

Hi.

Hi.

Is that for me?Yeah.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Well, aren't you going
to let me in?

Are you going
to let me in?

Yes.
Now, get out
of my way.

♪

♪

Damn, if I wasn't
seeing it with my own eyes,
I wouldn't believe it.

I know.
It's great.

It's her.

Who?

It's the lady
from the loan office.

Hi, Charles.Hi.

I'm so glad
you could invite me
to your little party.

Yeah, I'm really glad
that you could come.

I mean, be here.

I'm glad
about both.

Can I get you
something to drink?

Ooh.
Please.

Well, it's looking
like a success.

I don't think
this old house can hold
too many more people.

I'm not surprised.

I can't wait to do it.

Yeah, well,
you're gonna have
to wait a little while.

We got to wait until the party
is really happening before
we make our entrance.

We want to make sure
our ex-babes are there
to cheer us up.

They're not
our ex-babes.

That's the whole point
of all this.

And give me
another beer.

♪

Oh, man,
I can't believe it.

Believe what?

The party.
It's great.

What's so great
about standing around
and yelling at each other?

Oh, no.

Hi. Um...

You don't know me,
but, um...

Yes, I do.
You're the guy
from my Civics class

who wants to sit
close to me every day.

That is you, isn't it?

Um...

Yeah.
[laughs]

I'm-I'm sorry
if I made it obvious.

I think it's cute.

You want to dance?

[stammering]
If I want to dance?

I'm a dancing pole.
Let's go.

♪

You look better
than people is supposed
to be able to look.

And the looks
about yourself, mister.

Diane?Yeah?

I am really, sorry,
you know, about the boudoir.

I know.

Hey.What?

I was wondering
if you'd be my girlfriend.

[exhales]That's what I get
for asking.

You're lucky I don't kick
your ass altogether.

Thank you, God.

Geek.

♪

Gosh.

It's been so long
since we've been
on the open market.

I know.
I think I've forgotten
how to act.

You have to act so phony
and artificial when you first
meet people.

I hate that.

Me, too.

♪

Scott is standing
all alone over there.
I need to talk to him.

Okay.
I can mingle.

Hey, what's up?Not much.

Why are you standing
over here by yourself?

If I were you,
I'd go shopping.

Yeah, well, you're not me,
and I don't want to go
shopping.

What's the matter
with you?

For starters,
I don't like parties.

I go to so few that
I forgot how much
I hate them.

Why?

It started
in junior high.

See, I liked this girl
and she said she liked me, too.

So I was going
to meet her at this party.And?

So I told all my friends
about it, right?

What, she didn't show up?

Who the fuck cares?

No, it's much worse
than that.

She showed up,
all right?

Only she was with a guy.A guy.

Am I supposed
to take you seriously?

You don't like parties
just because some
prepubescent bimbet

didn't meet you
by the water fountain
after school?

Why don't you
pick up your chin
and zero in on that door?

As soon
as something decent
walks in, be all over her.

And get yourself
something to drink,
for Christ's sake.

♪

Hey, babe.

Do you see any gold medals
lying around here by any
chance?

No, why?

I was here 15 minutes ago
and now I can't find them.

Hey, babe,
curiously,

I know
I've seen you before.

Let me think.

Athens?

No? Uh...

Paris?

Maybe, uh...

I know.
Two years ago,
freshman camp.

I don't think so.

Have we met?

Uh, no.

What say you an I
tear up the town?Okay.

["Tear Up the Town" playing]

Lambda Alpha Eta, guys.

Think about it.Yeah, well--

We'll talk later.

Cliff, what
are you going to do
if this doesn't work?

What do you mean?

If the babes
don't takes us back.

I don't know.

You know, guess we'll find
some other babes
to sponge out.

That is exactly
what I was thinking.

You know
what they say?

[both]
Great thinkers
think alike.

Hey, when are you going
to go over the house?
It's getting kind of late.

Hold your horses.
We got plenty
of time.

Muffy, are you ready?

Yeah.

I'm kinda nervous.

Me, too.

I know.

Let's practice
on each other.

What?

You be the girl
and I'll be the guy.

What?Tch.

Let's pretend
we're meeting at the party
for the first time.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Hey, babe.
Do you come here often?

When I'm not out
spending Daddy's money.

Oh, Bambi,
we don't need
to practice.

It's all coming back
to me now.

Me, too.
Let's go.

Okay.

♪

So, I rigged up
the system

while I could keep you
qualifying for student loans
as a freshman.

I mean, 35,000
one year.

The only thing is
it's all gonna come back

and put me out
after I graduate.

Oh, little boy,

just how much
do you owe?

Well, to be exact,

248,962 dollars

and change.

Oh, my poor little baby.

[loud kiss]

Do you want mumsy
to make it all better?

Hello, ladies.

I don't think I had
the pleasure of making
your acquaintance.

I'm Muffin
and this is Bambi.

I'm Scott Fields.

And this
is my fraternity.

Wow.
It's like
really happening.

Yeah, well, we lambdas
just can't get in enough
parties.

I'm gonna get
something to drink.

Well, hi, you big
berry clump.

You want to get "teebed"?

I guess so.

Oh, cowabunga.
Let's hit the sun.

The son?

I'm talking
about the beach, wahine.

I guess not.

Oh, dumb.
The bitch don't even
want to get wet.

It was nice meeting you, babe,
but you think you could get
lost for a while

so I can talk
to these men?

So, uh, you guys like
what you see?

Yeah, where to I sign? Me, too.

Who do I make
the check out to? I wish it were
that easy, guys.

But unfortunately
we are forced to turn away

far more guys
than we can possible take,

but it's nearly the end
of the semester

and I might be able
to slip you two in.

But it's nearly
the end of the semester

and I might be able
to slip you three in.

But it's nearly
the end of the semester

and I might be able
to slip you four in.

And remember,
Lambda Alpha Eta
forever, guys.

There.
There.

[whispering]

Ooh.

I'll push
one little button
in my computer

and make it all better.

♪

Ooh.

Yeah, well, I didn't want
to pull out those same
old lines.

'Cause I could tell
you were different.

It's quite a chance though.Oh, not really.

I mean,
you're here, aren't you?

And I mean,
let's face it.

You were pretty obvious
when you announced in front
of the whole class

you were gonna be here.

Got me on that one.

♪

It's time.

Yes.

Do you think
the babes are there, yet?

Well, if they're not,
we'll just impress
some other ones.

Oh, good idea, Bud.

Chip.Yeah, Bud?

We're not
gonna need those.

But you promised.

Come on.

Let's go.

♪

Oh, gosh.

It's really different
kissing someone
who means it.

What?

Never mind.

What are those?

Signed pledged cards.
Twenty-two and the night
is young.

Damn, that wasn't even
part of the deal.I know.

I hope they don't pass
by Witherspoon if he ever finds
out about those extinguishers.

One of these days.Nah.

Charles.
I brought you
another drink.

Isn't that nice?

Uh, Vanna,
I want you to meet
my friend Ritchie

and his girlfriend,
Diane.

It's very nice
to meet you.

Ritchie is the president
of the fraternity.

Oh, how very nice.

Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you.

Hi, guys.
This is Michelle.

÷Hi.Hi.

Ritchie, can I talk
to you?Can you excuse us
for a sec?

What's up?

She wants
to see my room.

So show it to her.

Well, uh...

What's the problem?Um...

Do you have
any, um, con--

You know.Prophylactics?

Thanks, dude.Any questions?

Um, I've never really
used one.

It's no big deal.
You just open it up
and you roll it on.

Open it up
and roll it on?

You roll it on.Okay, I got it.

[laughing]

♪

[door closes]

Well, what have we here?

It's called
a party, Bud.

No shit.
It's called a party.

You know, for a guy
as smart as he is,
he is pretty stupid.

No stupid, Bud.

You know,
I'd offer you guys
something to drink,

but from the looks of things,
you're all pretty hammered

and I doubt that
you could handle anymore.

Are you kidding?

There isn't enough beer
in this barn to know me out.

W.O.L.A., would you get
our friends something
to drink?

We're not here
for that.

I think--We're here
to kick your ass.

How nice of you
to make a house call.Don't make trouble.

Babe, your little boy
is already in enough trouble.

You touch her again
and I'll kill you.

Ooh.

Little Ritchie
is pretty protective

of his main squeeze,
isn't he?

You son of a--

Hey, what the hell
is going on here?

Look, it's the women's
auxiliary of the Zeta
Alpha Mu.

What?

You think
you can bad-mouth me

just because
I broke up with you?

You broke up
with me?

I'm the one
who did the breaking.

Breaking you
and your boyfriends
out of your lover's nut.

So that's why you--

Yeah.
Me and Bambi
walked in

and these guys,
these three here,

they were--

Shut up.

Bambi, baby,
I've been looking
all over for you.

They were--

They were doing nothing.
They were just working out.

That's my girl.

They were working it
in and out.

Muffy.

[grunting]

That's all I can stand.
You're gonna die, bitch.

You know, someone
should've taught you
some manners.

We don't talk that way
to women around here.

Oh, yeah?
Why don't you make me?

Why don't I make you what?

I don't know.

What I'm supposed to say?

Why don't you
just say goodbye?

Maybe we should
clear up, Bud.

No way.
I'm not leaving here
until I kick someone's ass.

I don't think
this is our night, Bud.

I guess you're right.
But mark my words, Spencer.

You haven't heard
the last of this.

[grunting]

I'll be right back.

[laughing]

♪

Mr. Witherspoon.

I'm glad you decided
to drop by.

You know,
I just got through
telling the guys

how great it would be
if you could actually
be here.

Cut the crap, Spencer.
Where is the action?

Right inside.

♪

So, did you use it?

Yeah, but, um...

Can I take it off now?

You haven't
taken it off, yet?No.

Go ahead.Oh.

It's a joke, right?

What do you mean?

We'll talk later.

["She's Not My Girl" playing]

[All cheering]

[cheering]

[All]
Go, go, go,
go, go, go go.

Go for it.

[All]
Go, go, go, go.

[all cheering]

[howling]

[laughing]

♪

[belching]

May I have
this dance?Yes.

["The Night is Young" playing]

Bye.

Great party, Rich.See you.

So you'll be
calling us, right?

I'll do my best.

Thanks, Ritchie.Take care.
Good luck.

I guess
I'm gonna be gone.

Why don't you stay here
tonight?

Oh, okay.

Hey, what happened
with you guys' dates?

Oh, Vanna's
upstairs waiting.

So is Muffin.

÷T.K.?Michelle's upstairs.

Everybody synchronize
your watches.

It's 12:07.Hey, what are you doing?

This is a landmark
opportunity, gentlemen.

Do you realize that this
has to be the first time
in Lambda history

that an entire chapter,
and I do mean all
of the brothers,

will be drawing foil
at the same time.

Count me in.

No.

Okay, don't let
anything happen
till 12:27.

I love it
when a plan
comes together.

Let's not press
our luck.

Shit.

Charles, honey?

Come to bed.

I have to do my evening
calisthenics first.

I'm waiting.

[snoring]

[exhales]

Beer.

♪