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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:03,520 Brace, brace! 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:04,560 I'm bracing! 3 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,600 Hm! 4 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:10,560 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 5 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,680 No, no, no, no! 6 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,400 No! 7 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:24,560 Ahh! 8 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:26,840 What?! 9 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,840 Hello! I'm Greg Davies. 10 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,160 Welcome to Taskmaster, and, spoiler alert, 11 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,880 I don't know everything. 12 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,000 I don't know how the pyramids were built, 13 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,800 I can't explain nuclear fusion, 14 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,680 I don't know what butter is. What is it? 15 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,120 No-one knows really. Off-milk? 16 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,280 Try spreading off-milk on your kids' toast. 17 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,600 They'll be off school for a fortnight, you idiot. 18 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,840 So, why would five comedians 19 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,440 risk everything to win a trophy that doesn't look like anyone? 20 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:03,600 It's not me - I've had a beard for five years. 21 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:04,800 It doesn't matter. 22 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,040 The point is, we don't need to know the answer to everything. 23 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,480 Sometimes we just need to... 24 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,040 ..drink it in. 25 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,000 So, please raise your glasses... 26 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,480 ..to Frankie Boyle... 27 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,800 ..Ivo Graham... 28 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,600 ..Jenny Eclair... 29 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,560 ..Kiell Smith-Bynoe... 30 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,560 ..and Mae Martin. 31 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:30,640 And next to me, 32 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,600 the chips to my fish, the nut to my bolt, 33 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,360 the toilet bowl to my heavy beef lunch... 34 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,720 ..it is... 35 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,800 ..Little Alex Horne! 36 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,120 Hello, Greg. You all right? Yeah. Do you want a game of I Spy? 37 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,520 Yes, please. OK, well, let's play. 38 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,280 What sort of pie is this? 39 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,400 It's an ice pie. 40 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,840 It's an ice pie, isn't it? 41 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,800 You've got... You've got the guess the filling. 42 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,520 That's the...the game. That's the game. 43 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,240 And then, we crack it open and find out if you're right. 44 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,640 It's really wet. 45 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,400 OK, I think it's a chicken pie. 46 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,880 It is a chicken pie. OK. 47 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,240 He's won "ice pie"! 48 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,560 On with the prize task. 49 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,080 For today's prize task, 50 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,720 you demanded the comedians brought in the best thing 51 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,560 to play about with in your bathroom. 52 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,880 The winner of the episode is guaranteed 53 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,920 some seriously top-level bathroom fun. 54 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,320 Ooh! 55 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:27,680 Kiell, I'll start with you. 56 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,680 What do you like playing with in your bathroom? 57 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,240 I like playing with a piano. 58 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,800 Here it is. 59 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,040 Does it drown out unfortunate sounds? 60 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,040 Um, it depends how high you turn it up. 61 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,120 So, are you saying you could provide the soundtrack to the moment? 62 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,240 Is that what you...? You call it "the moment"? 63 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:50,920 Do you not call it "the moment"? 64 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,480 He's always called it "the moment". 65 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,080 What tunes could a man play on this piece of tat? 66 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,240 Oh, we're talking Three Blind Mice, um... 67 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,520 End of sentence. 68 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:04,760 It's shit. 69 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,480 That is... That is a disappointing start. 70 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:11,640 Mae. 71 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,840 I... Well, I guess if people stay around my house, 72 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,720 I want them to have a very exciting and thrilling time, 73 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,080 and I like to live on the edge dangerously. 74 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,480 So, I've made, uh, a toothpaste Russian roulette. 75 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,760 Here's a picture of it. Mm. 76 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,520 Toothpaste Russian roulette. 77 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,480 OK, so, there's different things in each tube. 78 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,600 So, one has mayonnaise, one has cream cheese, 79 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,800 one has face cream... Oh! ..and one has toothpaste. 80 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,840 I've never felt such danger as brushing my teeth with cheese. 81 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,240 Yeah. 82 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:42,520 Quite fun, though, in a way. 83 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,520 It's fun, and you've made an effort. 84 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,160 Yeah. Yeah. 85 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,400 Yeah. 86 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,760 Frankie. 87 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,680 You know when you have a bath, 88 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,680 you set up a lot of candles, you create an atmosphere? 89 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,200 Why not...? One does. 90 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,680 Why not...? 91 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:02,200 Why not use that atmosphere to contact the dead... 92 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,080 ..with a laminated Ouija board specifically designed 93 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,840 to contact the dead members of the group the Bee Gees. 94 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,880 Wow. 95 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,920 So, here is Frankie's waterproof Bee Gee Ouija board. 96 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,520 I really like it, Frankie. I probably shouldn't. I do, though. 97 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,200 And I'm a big fan of the Bee Gees. 98 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:34,960 Hello, Barry! 99 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,080 Ivo. 100 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,440 Greg, I've brought in a prize task that combines 101 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,040 a lovely bit of music, a lovely bit of danger, 102 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,920 and even a little bit of death. 103 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,040 It's a scale model of the Titanic. 104 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,640 And here it is. 105 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,280 Come on, Greg. God... 106 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,280 Don't you want to bathe with her? 107 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,360 I don't want to, um, 108 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:05,400 recreate one of the worst maritime disasters in history. 109 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,000 But you don't have to recreate it. 110 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,200 You can keep your scale model of the Titanic afloat in the bath. Afloat. 111 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,080 That's the beauty of the prize task. 112 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,960 You can change history for the better. 113 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,880 I don't think you can change history. 114 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,120 Hello, Jenny. Hello, boys. Hello. 115 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,440 Hello, both. 116 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,320 I don't know whether either of you, or any of my team-mates here, 117 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,200 are clenchers or grinders - the world does divide. 118 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,040 Clencher or grinder? Grinder. 119 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,120 Grinder. 120 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,160 Grinder. 121 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,040 I'm a clencher. Terrible clencher. 122 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,240 And this is a charming mouth brace I have to wear at night, 123 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,440 and I can put it in... OK. 124 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,080 Have you lost your mind? 125 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,000 I told you... OK, OK. 126 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,680 So, I start like that, right... 127 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,320 ..and it's disgusting, 128 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,280 and you can never get it properly clean. 129 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,800 Uh, so, on the market, 130 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,200 there's this digital brace cleaner that you can get. 131 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,800 In short, Jenny has brought in a dental pod. 132 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,240 Yeah. 133 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,000 No... 134 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,360 To have some fun in the bathroom? 135 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,960 They also are quite expensive, 136 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,640 and I haven't treated myself to one. 137 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,880 I thought, "If I ask them to get me one on this, 138 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,360 "I'll go home with it..." 139 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,080 "..even if I don't win... if I don't win." 140 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,040 Well, you're going to have to judge this, Greg. 141 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,080 Jenny's definitely helped me out. 142 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,720 One point for Jenny Eclair. 143 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,360 Two points to Mae. 144 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,320 Three to Ivo, I think. Right. 145 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,080 Four to Kiell. 146 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,840 So, Frankie Boyle takes the five points. 147 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,160 With the Ouija board, Frankie Boyle, five points. 148 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,840 OK, let's have a proper task. 149 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:43,960 Yes, I know. 150 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,440 I-I agree. 151 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,360 OK, here is the task right now. 152 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,600 Hello. 153 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,240 Hello, everyone. All have a seat. 154 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,480 Hmm. 155 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,040 Two chairs. That's a bit ominous. 156 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,440 Ah, got a heart. 157 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,400 What's all this about? 158 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,280 "Invent an imaginary companion." 159 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,160 I do that every day. 160 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,080 "Then complete a domestic task with your imaginary companion." 161 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:35,080 "Your imaginary companion must either be much taller 162 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,640 "or much littler than you." 163 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,520 "Most poignant scene wins." Interesting criteria. 164 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,200 "You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now." 165 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,840 Have you ever had an imaginary friend? 166 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,480 Yep. We wore the same jacket. 167 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:53,520 It's really just a dramatic scene with just myself. 168 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,320 Pretty much any story of a 49-year-old man 169 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,000 with an imaginary friend is going to have a certain poignancy. 170 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,400 What you thinking? Washing up. That's poignant. 171 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,400 If I can get a tear out, that's got to be worth a point. 172 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,560 I would have thought so. Yeah, OK. 173 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,440 Do I want this fragile-headed tall bloke 174 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,760 or a tiny little...? In my pocket? 175 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,680 Got to keep him in my bra like a... 176 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,360 There we go. It's in there. 177 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,640 Ah. 178 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,680 So, we're off to the kitchen? Sure. 179 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,720 I'll be in the kitchen. 180 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,640 Are you all right in there? You're fine in there, aren't you? 181 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,160 You're all right. 182 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,280 We're going to go for a little walk to the kitchen. 183 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,920 Come on. Let's do that. 184 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,760 Kiell, tell me about your childhood friend. What was his name? 185 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,040 Chicago. 186 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,560 What sort of stuff did you and Chicago get up to? 187 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,760 Skateboarding, uh, making up songs... 188 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,000 Remember any of them? 189 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,800 All of them started with "I don't know how much". 190 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,760 Fucking hell. 191 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:56,800 Like... 192 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,560 # I don't know how much you want to be with her... # 193 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,720 It's the most poignant task we've ever had on the show. 194 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,640 Are you ready to see it? Let's have a look. 195 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,920 All right, we're going to begin with three real friends 196 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,920 called Frankie, Kiell, and Mae, 197 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,400 and their unreal friends, 198 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,640 who are called Andy, Louis, and Salvatore. 199 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:13,840 Here we go. 200 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,680 Just been cooking some cookies my little friend Imaginary Andy. 201 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,320 It's his first day at school today, imaginary friend school. 202 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,440 He loves cookies. 203 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:29,640 Andy would do absolutely anything to get his hands on some cookies. 204 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:31,880 He's a bit late, actually. 205 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,040 Salvatore. 206 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:40,280 Mm! Yeah, here. It's good, right? 207 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,800 There you go, on there. 208 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,800 Look at us - best friends, Kiell, Louis, 209 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,840 about to do the washing up. 210 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,800 Mm. I'm sorry about my family. 211 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,760 They don't... understand what we have. 212 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,280 But since I found you under a toadstool, 213 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,480 I've felt like I finally make sense, you know? 214 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,920 So, tell me more about your plans for life. 215 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,640 Really? 216 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,440 I've always wanted to see New Zealand, too. 217 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,640 It's a long flight, but I'd look after you. 218 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:16,600 You know I've always got you back. Forever. Best friends. 219 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,120 What's that? Sorry, I can't talk just now. 220 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,680 Yeah. No, I'm waiting for Andy to come back. 221 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,240 Yeah, he is a little bit late. Yeah. 222 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,160 I'm just going to put these away, yeah? Don't you move. 223 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,960 I feel like that soup needs a little more spice. 224 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,400 Salvatore? 225 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,000 Salvatore? 226 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,640 And if we... 227 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,080 Louis? 228 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,680 Louis? Where'd you...? 229 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,040 Louis? 230 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,440 Oh, he's back. 231 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,480 Where is he? 232 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,360 Andy! Andy, no! 233 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:14,640 Andy! 234 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,160 No, Andy! 235 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,440 Oh, Jesus Christ! 236 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,800 Oh, my God! Sal! 237 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,920 Babe! Oh, my God! 238 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,240 It's my best friend! 239 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,200 We'll never go to New Zealand! 240 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,440 No! 241 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,880 Oh! Oh, my God. 242 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,560 Ahh! 243 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,640 No! 244 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,440 Andy! 245 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,840 I don't want anybody else. 246 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:56,240 Nobody rocks my body or my world like Sal. 247 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,280 I love you, Sal. 248 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,480 Oh, my God. Mm. 249 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:09,840 I sort of found... 250 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,760 There were a couple of genuinely harrowing moments. 251 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,640 Salvatore boiled to death. 252 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,960 In the soup. Louis was washed away. 253 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,840 He'll never get to go to New Zealand. 254 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,880 And then Frankie, fucking hell... 255 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,680 ..that... 256 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,960 ..that "Jesus Christ" was genuinely too much. Yeah. 257 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,360 I might ask you why at any point did you seek 258 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,480 to open the oven door, 259 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,240 choosing to let him carry on burning. 260 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,000 Cheaper than a cremation. 261 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,040 Um, Mae, heart-breaking. 262 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,040 The only thing that slightly brought me out of the narrative 263 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,880 and perhaps moved me away from the great tragedy just for a beat 264 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,360 was the notion that Salvatore used to, and I quote, 265 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,880 "rock your body". 266 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,000 I'd like more people at funerals 267 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,840 to give speeches about how they were going to miss the sex. 268 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,720 OK, hold up, that's the end of part one, 269 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,080 and my chance to find out what it's like to sit on someone's lap. 270 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,320 See you soon. 271 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,040 No, no, no. 272 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,840 No! 273 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,440 Hello! 274 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,440 Welcome back to Taskmaster 275 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,720 and the conclusion of our imaginary friend task. 276 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,680 Did you have an imaginary friend, Alex? 277 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:40,960 No, Greg. 278 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,680 They never wanted to hang out with me, 279 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,320 but I didn't care, because I had woodlice. 280 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,120 Well, yes, the current task 281 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,240 involves creating a poignant scene 282 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,800 with either a very small or a very tall imaginary friend. 283 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,160 We've had three smalls, 284 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,960 but now it's time for a biggie with Jenny Eclair. 285 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,520 Oh, Ed, you're so funny. You make me laugh all the time. 286 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,280 We have such fun together, don't we? 287 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,640 I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye. 288 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,560 That's not really possible, is it, 289 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,520 what with you being really so tall, and all that. 290 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,480 This is quite hard and hot work. 291 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,160 Gosh, I could do with a cold drink, 292 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,080 or something like that. 293 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,480 Hold on. Ice cream! 294 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,040 Oh, Ed! 295 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,840 Your head! 296 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,920 Oh, Ed! 297 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,600 I'm sorry! 298 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:54,560 Ahh! I'm going to have to get another imaginary friend now! 299 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,640 Ahh! 300 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,400 I'm not sure I've ever felt less moved. 301 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,000 I...I changed my mind. 302 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,560 I had my little bra friend, 303 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,760 and then I... I don't know what happened to them. 304 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,720 She suffocated. Well, sheer hysteria seemed to set in. 305 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,360 There's not a court in the land 306 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,320 that wouldn't convict you of murder there. 307 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,200 Next up, it's Ivo. 308 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,880 What could be nicer? 309 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:35,040 Hot summer's day, couple of lads cleaning their cars. 310 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,920 Make sure you're thorough. 311 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,320 Look. 312 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:43,200 Really get every bit there, you see? 313 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,280 Oh, it's looking great. 314 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,080 I'm so proud of you. 315 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,120 I'm so proud of us. 316 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:51,400 Most people wouldn't give 317 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,680 their imaginary friend their own set of wheels, 318 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,920 and one day, we're going to go on the sweetest road trip together. 319 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,160 Not in the same car, 320 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,120 but driving side by side 321 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,760 singing each other songs through our windows. 322 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,400 And you'll be so... 323 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,520 Where...? 324 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,360 What about our road trip? 325 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,520 You teach them to wash their car 326 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,520 and they just drive off into the sunset without you. 327 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:33,920 If you love something, set it free. 328 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,400 In many ways, more tragic, 329 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,120 because you're friend chose to leave you. 330 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,720 Yes. I drew on some powerful real experience. 331 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaks to a certain level of social status, though, doesn't it 332 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,880 when your imaginary friend has a car? 333 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,320 Time to score them. Who's in last place, Greg? 334 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,040 I'm going to give Jenny two points. Oh, thank you. Thank you, yeah. 335 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,400 Because I did enjoy the act of...of beheading. 336 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,920 Then I'm going to go up to Kiell. 337 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,240 It was a poignant set-up. I didn't... 338 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,400 I wasn't as moved at the end, 339 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,240 and at the back of my head, I think he might have lived. 340 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,400 OK, three points to Kiell. 341 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,560 Mae and Ivo, I would probably give four points to, 342 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,320 because when Frankie shouted "Jesus Christ", 343 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:29,600 I actually out loud went, "Oh, my God!" 344 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,840 And therefore he must take the five points. 345 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,280 There we go. Well done, Frankie Boyle. Five points. 346 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,560 Let's see a scoreboard then. All right. 347 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,200 Well, he's not won an episode yet, 348 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,920 but currently a maximum score of ten, 349 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,240 it's Frankie Boyle in the lead. 350 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,960 Wow. 351 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,520 What's next, Alex? 352 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,160 It's time for breakfast. Mm! 353 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,680 Hello. 354 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,480 Oh, my favourites. Eggs. 355 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,600 Good morning. 356 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,440 Hi. Good... 357 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,120 Hi. There's something funny about an egg. 358 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,200 May I? You may. 359 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,880 "Efficiently shell an egg." 360 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,440 "You may not touch any part of any egg..." 361 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,000 "..with your hands." 362 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,880 I thought this was going to be pretty simple for a while. 363 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,120 Yeah. 364 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:40,400 "..and you may only break the shell of one of the eggs." 365 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:41,480 What does that mean? 366 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,720 Why have I got all these eggs if I'm only doing one egg? 367 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,440 That's a great question. 368 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,680 "Fewest pieces of egg-less shell wins." 369 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,240 Why is this so confusing? 370 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,960 "Fewest pieces of egg-less shell..." 371 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,960 I'm going to go into full crisis here. 372 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,240 I just don't understand what's been asked of me. Right. 373 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,120 I'm not thick... OK. ..OK? 374 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,920 I'll write that down. 375 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,480 So, do you understand the task? 376 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,240 Not really, Alex, no. No. 377 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,200 So, you've got to get the shell off an egg. 378 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,400 That's about right. 379 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,960 You have a maximum of ten minutes. 380 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,520 Your time starts now. 381 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,640 There seemed to be some collective confusion 382 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,000 over this task there. 383 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,120 Yes, all five of them. 384 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,560 We're you surprised that they didn't understand the task? Completely. Yeah. 385 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,880 They couldn't use their hands so they had to peel the egg 386 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,160 in as few pieces as possible. 387 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:31,440 We gave them a choice of eggs 388 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,080 because that might be important, it might not. Write that then! 389 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,600 Here we go. 390 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,160 Some of these eggs aren't going to break, are they? 391 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,400 Some of them are not real eggs. OK. 392 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,000 Just sort of test the weight. 393 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,600 That's quite a sensible thing to do, isn't it? 394 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,600 They all sound real to me. 395 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:57,760 How, were they? 396 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,200 All roughly the same weight. 397 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,520 That's a relief. 398 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,160 "Fewest pieces of egg-less shell..." 399 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,720 Egg-less shell. 400 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:05,920 You've taken a shoe off. 401 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,360 Yeah. 402 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,680 Well, what about if I had a tea towel 403 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,600 and an egg in it, 404 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,880 and then I wouldn't be touching it with my hands. 405 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,120 I'd be touching it with the... 406 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,320 Right OK. 407 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,000 Were you aiming for the middle of the egg? 408 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,560 Yes, I was. 409 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,200 Can I use a practice egg? 410 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,160 Well, all I can say, Ivo, 411 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:35,760 is that all the information is on the task. 412 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,160 So, if I get that egg out... 413 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,160 Ah. Right. 414 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,320 Egg-less shell. Yep. 415 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:44,440 How we doing for time? 416 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,960 Three minutes 44 left. 417 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,440 Seriously? Mm-hm. 418 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,800 Let's get the rest of this out. 419 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,000 It's just going to be three pieces. 420 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,320 Are you sure? Yeah. 421 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:00,680 Uh... 422 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,680 We're definitely keen that you shell an egg at some point. 423 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,400 Yeah, you... 424 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,920 Oh, that's quite a crunchy bit of egg you're eating. 425 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,800 Oh, stop it. Shut up. 426 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,240 Hmm. 427 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,000 Doesn't feel good, does it, putting it in my mouth? 428 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,760 Or just a knife. 429 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,680 A nice tiny sliver of shell. 430 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,200 That's turning into so many bits of small shell. 431 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:32,680 I can hear them. 432 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:33,960 Ooh! 433 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,520 That's a nice big bit. 434 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,000 Now what are you doing? 435 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,560 Nothing. Just finishing off my egg. 436 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,000 Another crunchy bit? 437 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,440 Thanks, Jenny. Right. I'm a bit egged out now. 438 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,960 Well, first things first, Jenny. Why did you take your shoe off? 439 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,600 I just wondered whether 440 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,720 I could do something with the shoelace. 441 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,120 I don't know why. 442 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,960 I mean, normally, Ivo, I see you as, you know, 443 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,320 quite a person of action. 444 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,560 You normally think, "Right, I'll have a go at this." 445 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,960 But you just seemed lost for a long time with it. 446 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,560 I think the only good thing I did in that ten minutes 447 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,040 was keep both of my shoes on. 448 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,600 Why did you try to work out the weight of the eggs? 449 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,480 What did you think was going on with the eggs? 450 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:30,080 Um, well, I don't think even the successful shellers amongst us 451 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:34,200 will have provided any answer as to why there were five eggs. 452 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,920 Oh, one of them has. Well, several. 453 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:43,120 Me and Jenny over in thicko corner. 454 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,000 "Jenny and I". 455 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,480 "Thicko corner"? 456 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:53,760 Oh, God, Ivo. 457 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,360 I can't believe I'm being told off by Jenny 458 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,600 for ruining our friendship 459 00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,840 and told off my Alex for using bad grammar 460 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,000 at the same time. 461 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,680 It's really gone badly, hasn't it? 462 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,000 Well, look, I had the slightly sad job 463 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,000 of having to count the pieces afterwards. 464 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,280 Uh, Ivo, 13 pieces of eggshell. Yes! 465 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,280 Jenny, 20 pieces, and that's not including the pieces you ate. 466 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,200 Yeah. Which were many. 467 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,680 All right, then, it's time for Kiell and Frankie. 468 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,040 I've got to somehow select the hardest egg. 469 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:22,960 You're looking for a hard egg? 470 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,680 I'm looking for the hardest possible egg. 471 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:34,760 What about that...? Whoa... 472 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,800 I think... I think this one is up for it. 473 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,160 I had an idea. 474 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,080 Maybe the hard-boiled egg will sink furthest to the bottom. 475 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,960 What's your method, Kiell? 476 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,720 Uh, pick it up and drop it. 477 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,720 That one had a bit of a slower trajectory. 478 00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:58,960 What are we learning? 479 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,760 What do people normally use? To do this? 480 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,000 Yeah. A spoon? 481 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,120 OK. 482 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,960 Or this. And this. 483 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,400 Ah. 484 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,880 What have you found? I don't know what that is. 485 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,320 Ooh. 486 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,000 That to me seemed quite hard. 487 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,760 Go on, get in. 488 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,280 Right. 489 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,480 I don't really understand how that's happened. 490 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,760 So, that's the egg you've chosen, is it? Yeah. This is the moment. 491 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,360 It's going be, like, a thousand pieces of eggshell. 492 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,000 There we go. All right. 493 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:55,640 Bit of a mess. 494 00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,280 I mean, I don't think I've seen anyone peel an egg this badly. 495 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,600 I think I'm smashing this. 496 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,120 Is that a pun? 497 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:06,240 Oh, you. 498 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,560 Oh, that's better. 499 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,360 Well, you know, it kind of came together at the end there. 500 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,360 Finished? Yeah. Soz about that. 501 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,000 Bye-bye. 502 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,520 Frankie, did your "drop an egg in the water" system help much? 503 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,200 No. 504 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,360 Uh, I think I hadn't entirely understood the task, 505 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,560 and also I stopped caring... 506 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,440 That was very much true. ..halfway through, and... 507 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,720 Welcome to thicko corner. Yeah. 508 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,520 You are welcome. 509 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,120 Kiell accidently found the solution, 510 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,680 which is you're looking for a raw egg, 511 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,480 cos then you can get the egg out in one. 512 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,840 You can make a little hole and blow the egg out in one. 513 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,800 I'm not going to be blowing the egg out. But you nearly did blow the egg out. 514 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,840 You did a good job using some drawing implements. 515 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:01,560 I did have to count all the little bits. 516 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:02,880 There were six little bits, 517 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,680 but that's a lot fewer than Frankie, who had 83. 518 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,160 Right, and that is the end of part two. 519 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,960 "All good things must come to an end," my auntie always says. 520 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,680 She remains to this day one of the most boring human beings 521 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,000 I've had the misfortune to spend time with. 522 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,880 See you in a bit. 523 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,520 Hello! We're back. 524 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,240 It's the third part of tonight's show, 525 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,680 and once again, we find ourselves in the company of eggs. 526 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,440 Hi. There's something funny about an egg. 527 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:39,680 Yes. 528 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,720 The current task involves efficient shelling. 529 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,200 They can't use their hands. 530 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:50,120 Only one egg can be touched, and fewest pieces of eggshell wins. 531 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,200 Here's Mae's attempt. 532 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,000 OK, I'm just going to take my shoes and socks off. 533 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,720 Yes. Yeah. Me, too. 534 00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,960 OK. Are you allowed to put them on the floor for me? 535 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,320 Yeah, OK. 536 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,240 It looks like I'm wanking off an egg with my foot. 537 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:09,400 Does a bit. 538 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:10,960 Oh, God, it really does. 539 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,120 No, fuck this. OK. 540 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,240 OK. 541 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,280 And now I'm going to put my mouth on them. 542 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,040 Hmm. Uh-huh. 543 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,360 Would you prefer to work with a boiled egg or an unboiled egg? 544 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:28,440 Mm. 545 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,120 I'm going to get a pin 546 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,640 and then I'm going to hope it's a raw egg, 547 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:37,240 and I'm going to make a pin-sized hole. 548 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,720 Right? 549 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,680 Not sure this is the way. 550 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,840 Ah. 551 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,800 Well, that was the way. 552 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,480 You pretty much finished the task. 553 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,600 OK, I'm going to get the rest of the egg out. 554 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,000 I mean, I don't know why I had my feet 555 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,240 and my mouth involved when I could have used any utensil. 556 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,800 Fewest pieces of egg-less shell. 557 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,440 If I'm being completely honest, there's three. 558 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,320 Yes, should be. 559 00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:11,920 I'm done. Yep. 560 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,080 Three. Three. 561 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,800 What does it say? 562 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,240 "Frankie, Frankie, Jenny, Frankie, Frankie." 563 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,520 What does that mean? 564 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,720 Well, I presume Jenny's boiled. 565 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,520 No, Jenny was the raw one. 566 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,360 Yeah, cos Frankie... 567 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,520 Frankie and Benny. No, what? 568 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,640 Frankie "Boyle". Yeah, that's infuriating. 569 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,440 What was the plan when your shoes and socks came off? 570 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,280 Oh, I was going to use my feet to...to expertly shell it. 571 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,040 I don't know. 572 00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,880 You were going to peel the egg with your toes? 573 00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:02,400 I feel nauseous from watching that. Like that was... I... 574 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,720 We've all been quite traumatised. Yeah. 575 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,600 I don't know if you can tell. Like... 576 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,200 Yeah. But the pin idea was amazing. 577 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,120 Oh, the pin idea was amazing. Yeah, yeah. 578 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,240 Dropped the egg. But then, a happy accident, right? 579 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,280 It was a very happy accident, like Kiell, really, and it worked. 580 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,360 Just the three pieces. They've definitely won. 581 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:18,840 Shall we just score it and move on? 582 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,720 Let's just agree it's been the worst... 583 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,920 ..task and the worse response to a task in 15 series, 584 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,160 and let's move on. 585 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,400 By some distance. By some distance. 586 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,960 And yet, Frankie gets a point, Jenny two, Ivo three, 587 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,600 Kiell four, but Mae Martin, five points. 588 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,200 Do I dare ask for another? 589 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,040 Thankfully, we do have another one, 590 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,280 and I've been busy doing a spot of landscaping. 591 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:05,560 Ooh! 592 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,000 Ha! 593 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,200 This looks great. Yeah, it's an improvement. 594 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,360 Yeah. Bowling ball. Uh-huh. 595 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,960 Right. Oh, do... Open the task. 596 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,880 Yep, that's the first task. 597 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,520 "Bash the big bell with the bowling ball." 598 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,200 "Fastest gets five points." 599 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,000 "Slowest gets four points." 600 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,640 "Nobody else gets any points." 601 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,280 Interesting. 602 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:37,520 "You are to stay off the grass unless you're wearing gold shoes." 603 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,840 "If anything other than the bowling ball or gold shoes 604 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,360 "touches the grass, you are disqualified." 605 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,920 "You have a maximum of 20 minutes." 606 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,520 "Your time starts...now." 607 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:52,560 Pretty straightforward. 608 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,880 I'm looking forward to just getting on with it. Crack on. 609 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,560 All right, first up to give it a bash are Jenny and Mae. 610 00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:58,920 Oh, no. 611 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,800 I'm not going to be able to do that. 612 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,360 Well, it might hit. 613 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:04,640 No, and now you can't reach it. 614 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,280 No. I've got to find some golden shoes. 615 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,400 Gold shoes. 616 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,000 Well, just going to have a look 617 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,440 for some gold shoes quickly. 618 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:12,800 OK. 619 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,600 I found one. Oh, well done. 620 00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,760 Yeah. That didn't take long. 621 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,840 That pineapple is calling to me. 622 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,360 It's a golden shoe! 623 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,120 Is there another one? 624 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:33,560 They normally come in pairs. 625 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,160 They do, normally. 626 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,280 There's no gold shoe in here, is there? 627 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,440 Well, where's the other golden shoe? 628 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:42,440 Found the golden spray. 629 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,320 They lent me a kicking shoe. 630 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,080 I'm going to gold spray it. 631 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,480 Yeah. 632 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,560 No! No! 633 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:53,920 What's wrong? 634 00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,520 Why would they do that?! 635 00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,560 I only have one. 636 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,040 So, what's the plan? 637 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:02,360 Go on one foot. 638 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,200 Can you do that? Yeah. 639 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,360 I think I can. 640 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,360 They're so golden. 641 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:13,960 That's more like it. 642 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,760 Golden shoes! 643 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,520 OK. 644 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,360 How does it feel? Scary. 645 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,160 Yep. 646 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,920 I'm allowed on the grass in my golden shoes. 647 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:39,240 Kicking the ball with my golden shoes. 648 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:40,720 Oh, bloody hell! 649 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,200 I've stopped the clock. 650 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,520 Come on! Come on! Yeah. 651 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,280 I've stopped the clock. 652 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,000 I think if you ever decide you want to do pantomime, 653 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,920 that would serve as a very good audition tape, 654 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,240 because you were literally cackling like a lunatic. 655 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,640 I'm not very good with children en mass. 656 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,480 Why didn't you pick up the ball at any point? 657 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,720 Why would you say that now?! 658 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:24,240 You both did really well. 659 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,360 Uh, Jenny bashed the bell in three minutes 40. 660 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:28,520 Three minutes 40. 661 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,520 If you'd got the right paint first time around, 662 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,920 you would have beaten Mae, who got two minutes 57. 663 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:34,480 So, you both did extremely well. 664 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,480 Good start. Well done. 665 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:37,680 Good start. 666 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,280 Two big bell bangers now. 667 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,400 It's Kiell and Frankie. 668 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,240 Aw! 669 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,080 I should try to hit it before I do this, shouldn't I? 670 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,080 Oh! 671 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,160 May I have your shoes? 672 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:14,560 You want my shoes? 673 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:15,960 Yeah. 674 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,480 Alex will give you his shoes if you do one of the following - 675 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,440 deposit £100 in his bank account, 676 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,840 give him a perfect dippy boiled egg with buttered soldiers 677 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,720 and a glass of milk, 678 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,160 physically remove them. 679 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:37,480 How's it going, Frankie? 680 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:41,240 Well, I took an assessment of my bowling ability, 681 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,440 and I thought, "Time to make me some gold shoes." 682 00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,840 You know, it's not terrible. 683 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,400 Oh! 684 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:24,720 Come on! 685 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,600 Argh! 686 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,360 You bashed the bell. Yeah! 687 00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,000 What was your...plan when you were rolling up the green? 688 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:53,560 You were sort of pawing at Alex like a cartoon cat in a... 689 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,200 I thought I could wrestle him to the ground and take his shoes. 690 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,120 I didn't expect to see Frankie Boyle 691 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,720 creeping across a green with two swing-ball bats. 692 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,280 Swing-ball bats or golden snow shoes? 693 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:12,920 Yellow. Yellow. We all know it's not gold. 694 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:14,760 It's yellow. Yellow. 695 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,480 Well, what is gold? 696 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:20,040 "Gold is a deep lustrous yellow or yellow-brown colour." 697 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:21,400 That was neither. 698 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,360 Only the fastest and the slowest get the points here, 699 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:25,920 and it's interesting. 700 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,400 Mae, of course, two minutes 57. Jenny, three minutes 40. 701 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:30,880 That's not relevant now, Jenny, 702 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,160 because Frankie, six minutes 50 is the slowest, 703 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,720 Kiell, three minutes 45, so also not relevant. 704 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,680 Oh! Frankie one end, Mae the other, 705 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:41,320 if we allow the gorgeous golden shoes on Frankie's feet. 706 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,480 We'll carry on the gold/yellow debate after the break. 707 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,320 Right. Nearly there. Only one part to go. 708 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,400 A task to be finished, the studio task, and then a winner - 709 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,440 a winner of nanny's dental pod. 710 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,040 That's Taskmaster. 711 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,560 Hello! 712 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,080 Welcome back to the last part of tonight's show. 713 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:10,560 Forgive me if I'm wrong, Alex, 714 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,760 but isn't there still a big bell to be bashed will a bowling ball? 715 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,560 Ooh, bang-on, big boy. 716 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:20,120 But they can't walk on the grass unless they're wearing golden shoes. 717 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:24,280 We've isolated one player... or should I say Ivo-lated? 718 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,200 It's Mr Graham again. Here we go. 719 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:30,960 What if it doesn't come back? 720 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:33,840 You can't live your life like that. 721 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:39,920 Oh! 722 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:47,880 What now, Ivo? 723 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,840 I've got to leave the complex, really. 724 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,280 No, I've got to get the gold shoes. Ah, OK. 725 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,040 Can I wear those gold shoes? 726 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,000 Thank you very much. Pleasure. 727 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,720 "Alex will give you his shoes if you do one of the following - 728 00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,160 "deposit £100 in his bank account, 729 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,560 "give him a perfect dippy boiled egg 730 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,840 "with buttered soldiers and a glass of milk, 731 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:07,360 "physically remove them." 732 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,200 Yes, the egg isn't totally submerged. 733 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,000 He's not got long. Seven minutes. 734 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,760 Oh, this is disgusting. 735 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,400 What I'm doing is disgusting. 736 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:36,920 Good...for an omelette. It's cost another four minutes. 737 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:41,720 The stench of failure hangs over this task. 738 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:43,880 Failure and egg. 739 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,360 Two minutes left. 740 00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:47,120 Another big moment now. 741 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,000 Yes, beautiful. 742 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,280 Ivo. 743 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:52,560 Hello, Alex. 744 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:55,880 Oh, lovely. 745 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,760 30 seconds. I've lured you with a bad egg. 746 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,640 That was my milk. 747 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,720 It's my milk now. 748 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,880 Was that always your plan, just to attack him when he came near? 749 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,760 My... I didn't really have a plan. 750 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:33,920 I did want to commit some sort of physical assault, 751 00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,080 but I was also seduced by the romance of trying 752 00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:37,800 to cook the perfect dippy egg. 753 00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,440 It did take him about 17 minutes to boil an egg, 754 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:41,600 but that's in your favour, 755 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,480 cos if you're the last person, you get four points. Slowest. Yeah. 756 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:47,080 And you did complete the task with 16 seconds to go. 757 00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:48,560 Ooh! 758 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,880 Pretty neat stuff, actually. 759 00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:53,160 Well, then. 760 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,840 Well, then. Well, then. 761 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:58,680 So, it looks like Mae gets the five and Ivo gets the four. 762 00:39:58,720 --> 00:40:01,240 Right. But it is worth doing one last check. 763 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:04,040 Remember, if anything touches the grass 764 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,640 other than golden shoes, you're disqualified. 765 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:10,680 "Your time starts now." 766 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:16,960 Can I have a look in the bath? 767 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,160 Well, you're not allowed to stand on the grass. 768 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:20,200 Oh! 769 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,320 Don't step on the... 770 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:26,720 Ah! 771 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,040 What's happened? 772 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:29,240 Nothing. 773 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:31,840 Don't go on the grass! 774 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,000 Ah! 775 00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:37,440 So close. 776 00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:39,760 So close. So close. So close. 777 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,240 Ivo, you also put the podium on the grass. 778 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:48,880 Please don't take my four points 779 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,360 with three other people getting zero away from me. 780 00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:55,800 The only things that went on the grass that were golden 781 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:57,920 were the shoe over here... 782 00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,680 ..and the shoes over here. 783 00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:04,720 I...I'm really throwing myself fully behind "yellow isn't gold" now. 784 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,920 What I would say is that if we disqualified Frankie, 785 00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:11,920 then Mae is then both the fastest and the slowest 786 00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:13,520 and will get nine points. 787 00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,320 Ooh! 788 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,120 Frankie, I loved your gold shoes. 789 00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,360 Beautiful. 790 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,400 So, everyone's perfectly happy with the golden bats now, I presume? 791 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,720 Yeah, I love 'em. Love them. I'm not. 792 00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,240 Sorry, Mae. I'm going to allow it. OK. There you go. 793 00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:31,360 Congratulations. 794 00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,280 Frankie, you get four points. Mae Martin, another five points. 795 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,480 Let's have a look at the scores. 796 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,040 Mae's on 16 and Frankie's on 15. 797 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,120 Hey! 798 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,040 Well, will you please make your way to the stage 799 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:49,920 for the final task of the show?! 800 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,160 Who's going to read the task out, Alex? 801 00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,560 Ivo Graham is going to read the task out. 802 00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:06,240 "Walk around the chairs listening to Greg's story. 803 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:11,280 "Then sit on a chair when you hear a word containing two letter Ls." 804 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,400 "If you stop walking or touch a chair incorrectly, 805 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,640 "you are disqualified. 806 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,160 "If you fail to sit on a chair when you hear a word 807 00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,760 "containing two letter Ls, you are disqualified. 808 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,640 "Best listener wins." 809 00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,040 So, it's basically going to be like musical chairs, 810 00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,240 but instead of music, 811 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,160 it's going to be Greg reading a story to you. 812 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:32,320 There are four stories, 813 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,080 and each story will have a different rule. 814 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:35,720 So, it's two Ls in the first story. 815 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,040 Aw, man. 816 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,800 Please read the first story and walk when he talks. 817 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,640 "The sun was setting. 818 00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,320 "The light was magical 819 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:51,080 "and the water lapped at the shore of the lake. 820 00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,000 "'Right,' said Greg. 821 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:56,200 "'Get your clothes off. You're going in.' 822 00:42:56,240 --> 00:43:00,800 "'I don't want to,' said the scrawny, sausage-shaped man. 823 00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:04,320 "'I need you to retrieve the stone I just threw in,' 824 00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,520 "whispered Greg, noisily. 825 00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:10,560 "It's one of my favourite stones, I think.' 826 00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:12,480 Ooh! 827 00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:14,200 "And so..." 828 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,800 "..little Alex Horne. 829 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,120 Oh! 830 00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,640 You did that very badly. Very, very badly. 831 00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:39,280 Kiell first struck a chair, so was pretty much disqualified, 832 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,280 and then just walked over to me. 833 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,440 Greg, what's the rule for the next story? 834 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,480 The next story, you should sit down when you hear a word 835 00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,000 with a U in it. 836 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,440 Off we go. Story two. 837 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:54,360 "In the morning, I like to have a pot of coffee 838 00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:57,640 "and a slice of cake. 839 00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:02,080 "Little Alex Horne brings them in when I ring my little bell. 840 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:07,880 "I let him wear his yellow cape if he is a very lucky boy." 841 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,080 Oh! 842 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,720 Frankie Boyle shoulder-barging Jenny Eclair. 843 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:23,120 Are you OK, Jenny? 844 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,040 I can't believe that happened. 845 00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:26,640 Can we remove a chair? 846 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:28,200 Yeah, fuck this. 847 00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:33,200 This time, you should sit down 848 00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:35,800 when you hear a word that starts and ends 849 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,200 with the same letter. 850 00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:39,520 "These are the closing rules 851 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:43,400 "the Taskmaster expects those around him to adhere to 852 00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,080 "at all times. 853 00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,720 "One, the shirt should be tucked in- 854 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:49,040 "really tucked in. 855 00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:52,000 "Right in! Two..." 856 00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:55,800 I mean, Ivo was following, 857 00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,360 but there was no words there that started and ended 858 00:44:58,400 --> 00:44:59,560 with the same letter. 859 00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:00,680 We've lost Frankie Boyle. 860 00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:02,720 Frankie, you've lost it. 861 00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:06,600 As soon as the Boyle bottom went, mine was swiftly following. 862 00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:10,920 This is the final, Greg. 863 00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,760 Right, this time, you should sit down 864 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:14,840 when you hear a six-letter word. 865 00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:16,760 Are you ready? Yeah. OK. 866 00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:20,120 "I don't remember much about that fateful night. 867 00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:21,680 "It was cold. 868 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:23,440 "The moon was full, I know that. 869 00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:25,080 "I'm not an idiot. 870 00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,880 "And I can't be held responsible for the terrible accident 871 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,800 "that happened to little Alex Horne." 872 00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:32,600 Oh! 873 00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,880 We have a winner. "Little" has got six letters. 874 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,200 Do you want to come down here 875 00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:44,360 and we'll see how that's affected the final scores? 876 00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:53,080 Ah! Very good. 877 00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,960 Well, that was exciting, I thought. 878 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,520 Yes. Kiell was the worst listener. 879 00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:59,680 but the best was Mae Martin, with five points, 880 00:45:59,720 --> 00:46:03,000 and that does mean this episode has been won by Mae Martin! 881 00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,600 Again! 21 points. 882 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:09,960 There we go. 883 00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:14,400 Mae Martin wins. 884 00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,640 Please go and bag your bathroom bootie. 885 00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,000 What have we learned today? 886 00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:25,480 If you ever find yourself lying in bed alone 887 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,920 and you get a pleasant feeling that you maybe haven't felt 888 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,840 for a long time, relax. 889 00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:31,200 It's good news. 890 00:46:31,240 --> 00:46:32,640 Salvatore lived, 891 00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,880 and you're about to get your body rocked. 892 00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,400 Please clap once again for the winner of tonight's show. 893 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:40,800 It's Mae Martin! 894 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,160 Subtitles by Red Bee Media64539

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