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1
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Brace, brace!
2
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:04,560
I'm bracing!
3
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,600
Hm!
4
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:10,560
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
5
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No, no, no, no!
6
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,400
No!
7
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Ahh!
8
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What?!
9
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Hello! I'm Greg Davies.
10
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,160
Welcome to Taskmaster,
and, spoiler alert,
11
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I don't know everything.
12
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,000
I don't know how
the pyramids were built,
13
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,800
I can't explain nuclear fusion,
14
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,680
I don't know what butter is.
What is it?
15
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,120
No-one knows really. Off-milk?
16
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,280
Try spreading off-milk
on your kids' toast.
17
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,600
They'll be off school for
a fortnight, you idiot.
18
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,840
So, why would five comedians
19
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,440
risk everything to win a trophy
that doesn't look like anyone?
20
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:03,600
It's not me -
I've had a beard for five years.
21
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:04,800
It doesn't matter.
22
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The point is, we don't need
to know the answer to everything.
23
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Sometimes we just need to...
24
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,040
..drink it in.
25
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So, please raise your glasses...
26
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,480
..to Frankie Boyle...
27
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,800
..Ivo Graham...
28
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,600
..Jenny Eclair...
29
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,560
..Kiell Smith-Bynoe...
30
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..and Mae Martin.
31
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And next to me,
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the chips to my fish,
the nut to my bolt,
33
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the toilet bowl
to my heavy beef lunch...
34
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..it is...
35
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..Little Alex Horne!
36
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,120
Hello, Greg. You all right?
Yeah. Do you want a game of I Spy?
37
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,520
Yes, please. OK, well, let's play.
38
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,280
What sort of pie is this?
39
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It's an ice pie.
40
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It's an ice pie, isn't it?
41
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You've got...
You've got the guess the filling.
42
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,520
That's the...the game.
That's the game.
43
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,240
And then, we crack it open
and find out if you're right.
44
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It's really wet.
45
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,400
OK, I think it's a chicken pie.
46
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It is a chicken pie. OK.
47
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He's won "ice pie"!
48
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On with the prize task.
49
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,080
For today's prize task,
50
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,720
you demanded the comedians
brought in the best thing
51
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,560
to play about with in your bathroom.
52
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,880
The winner of the episode
is guaranteed
53
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,920
some seriously top-level
bathroom fun.
54
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,320
Ooh!
55
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:27,680
Kiell, I'll start with you.
56
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,680
What do you like playing
with in your bathroom?
57
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,240
I like playing with a piano.
58
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,800
Here it is.
59
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,040
Does it drown out
unfortunate sounds?
60
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,040
Um, it depends how high
you turn it up.
61
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,120
So, are you saying you could provide
the soundtrack to the moment?
62
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,240
Is that what you...?
You call it "the moment"?
63
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:50,920
Do you not call it "the moment"?
64
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,480
He's always called it "the moment".
65
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,080
What tunes could a man play
on this piece of tat?
66
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,240
Oh, we're talking
Three Blind Mice, um...
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End of sentence.
68
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:04,760
It's shit.
69
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,480
That is... That is
a disappointing start.
70
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:11,640
Mae.
71
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,840
I... Well, I guess if people
stay around my house,
72
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,720
I want them to have
a very exciting and thrilling time,
73
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,080
and I like to live on
the edge dangerously.
74
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,480
So, I've made, uh,
a toothpaste Russian roulette.
75
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,760
Here's a picture of it. Mm.
76
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,520
Toothpaste Russian roulette.
77
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,480
OK, so, there's different
things in each tube.
78
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,600
So, one has mayonnaise,
one has cream cheese,
79
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,800
one has face cream... Oh!
..and one has toothpaste.
80
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,840
I've never felt such danger
as brushing my teeth with cheese.
81
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,240
Yeah.
82
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:42,520
Quite fun, though, in a way.
83
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,520
It's fun, and you've made an effort.
84
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,160
Yeah. Yeah.
85
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,400
Yeah.
86
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,760
Frankie.
87
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,680
You know when you have a bath,
88
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,680
you set up a lot of candles,
you create an atmosphere?
89
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,200
Why not...? One does.
90
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,680
Why not...?
91
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:02,200
Why not use that atmosphere
to contact the dead...
92
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,080
..with a laminated Ouija board
specifically designed
93
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,840
to contact the dead members
of the group the Bee Gees.
94
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,880
Wow.
95
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,920
So, here is Frankie's waterproof
Bee Gee Ouija board.
96
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,520
I really like it, Frankie.
I probably shouldn't. I do, though.
97
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,200
And I'm a big fan of the Bee Gees.
98
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:34,960
Hello, Barry!
99
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,080
Ivo.
100
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,440
Greg, I've brought in
a prize task that combines
101
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,040
a lovely bit of music,
a lovely bit of danger,
102
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,920
and even a little bit of death.
103
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,040
It's a scale model of the Titanic.
104
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,640
And here it is.
105
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,280
Come on, Greg. God...
106
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,280
Don't you want to bathe with her?
107
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,360
I don't want to, um,
108
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:05,400
recreate one of the worst
maritime disasters in history.
109
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,000
But you don't have to recreate it.
110
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,200
You can keep your scale model
of the Titanic afloat in the bath.
Afloat.
111
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,080
That's the beauty of the prize task.
112
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,960
You can change history
for the better.
113
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,880
I don't think you can
change history.
114
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,120
Hello, Jenny. Hello, boys. Hello.
115
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,440
Hello, both.
116
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,320
I don't know whether either of you,
or any of my team-mates here,
117
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,200
are clenchers or grinders -
the world does divide.
118
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,040
Clencher or grinder? Grinder.
119
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,120
Grinder.
120
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,160
Grinder.
121
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,040
I'm a clencher. Terrible clencher.
122
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,240
And this is a charming
mouth brace I have to wear at night,
123
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,440
and I can put it in... OK.
124
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,080
Have you lost your mind?
125
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,000
I told you... OK, OK.
126
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,680
So, I start like that, right...
127
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,320
..and it's disgusting,
128
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,280
and you can never
get it properly clean.
129
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,800
Uh, so, on the market,
130
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,200
there's this digital brace cleaner
that you can get.
131
00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,800
In short, Jenny has brought
in a dental pod.
132
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,240
Yeah.
133
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,000
No...
134
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,360
To have some fun in the bathroom?
135
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,960
They also are quite expensive,
136
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,640
and I haven't
treated myself to one.
137
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,880
I thought, "If I ask them
to get me one on this,
138
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,360
"I'll go home with it..."
139
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,080
"..even if I don't win...
if I don't win."
140
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,040
Well, you're going to have
to judge this, Greg.
141
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,080
Jenny's definitely helped me out.
142
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,720
One point for Jenny Eclair.
143
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,360
Two points to Mae.
144
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,320
Three to Ivo, I think. Right.
145
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,080
Four to Kiell.
146
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,840
So, Frankie Boyle takes
the five points.
147
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,160
With the Ouija board,
Frankie Boyle, five points.
148
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,840
OK, let's have a proper task.
149
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:43,960
Yes, I know.
150
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,440
I-I agree.
151
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,360
OK, here is the task right now.
152
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,600
Hello.
153
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,240
Hello, everyone. All have a seat.
154
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,480
Hmm.
155
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,040
Two chairs. That's a bit ominous.
156
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,440
Ah, got a heart.
157
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,400
What's all this about?
158
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,280
"Invent an imaginary companion."
159
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,160
I do that every day.
160
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,080
"Then complete a domestic task
with your imaginary companion."
161
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:35,080
"Your imaginary companion
must either be much taller
162
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,640
"or much littler than you."
163
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,520
"Most poignant scene wins."
Interesting criteria.
164
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,200
"You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
165
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,840
Have you ever had
an imaginary friend?
166
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,480
Yep. We wore the same jacket.
167
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:53,520
It's really just
a dramatic scene with just myself.
168
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,320
Pretty much any story
of a 49-year-old man
169
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,000
with an imaginary friend is going
to have a certain poignancy.
170
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,400
What you thinking?
Washing up. That's poignant.
171
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,400
If I can get a tear out,
that's got to be worth a point.
172
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,560
I would have thought so. Yeah, OK.
173
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,440
Do I want
this fragile-headed tall bloke
174
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,760
or a tiny little...? In my pocket?
175
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,680
Got to keep him in my bra like a...
176
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,360
There we go. It's in there.
177
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,640
Ah.
178
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,680
So, we're off to the kitchen? Sure.
179
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,720
I'll be in the kitchen.
180
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,640
Are you all right in there?
You're fine in there, aren't you?
181
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,160
You're all right.
182
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,280
We're going to go for a little walk
to the kitchen.
183
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,920
Come on. Let's do that.
184
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,760
Kiell, tell me about your childhood
friend. What was his name?
185
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,040
Chicago.
186
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,560
What sort of stuff did you
and Chicago get up to?
187
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,760
Skateboarding, uh,
making up songs...
188
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,000
Remember any of them?
189
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,800
All of them started
with "I don't know how much".
190
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,760
Fucking hell.
191
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:56,800
Like...
192
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,560
# I don't know how much
you want to be with her... #
193
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,720
It's the most poignant task
we've ever had on the show.
194
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,640
Are you ready to see it?
Let's have a look.
195
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,920
All right, we're going to begin
with three real friends
196
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,920
called Frankie, Kiell, and Mae,
197
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,400
and their unreal friends,
198
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,640
who are called Andy, Louis,
and Salvatore.
199
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:13,840
Here we go.
200
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,680
Just been cooking some cookies
my little friend Imaginary Andy.
201
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,320
It's his first day at school today,
imaginary friend school.
202
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,440
He loves cookies.
203
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:29,640
Andy would do absolutely anything
to get his hands on some cookies.
204
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:31,880
He's a bit late, actually.
205
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,040
Salvatore.
206
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:40,280
Mm! Yeah, here. It's good, right?
207
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,800
There you go, on there.
208
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,800
Look at us - best friends,
Kiell, Louis,
209
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,840
about to do the washing up.
210
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,800
Mm. I'm sorry about my family.
211
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,760
They don't...
understand what we have.
212
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,280
But since I found you
under a toadstool,
213
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,480
I've felt like
I finally make sense, you know?
214
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,920
So, tell me more
about your plans for life.
215
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,640
Really?
216
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,440
I've always wanted
to see New Zealand, too.
217
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,640
It's a long flight,
but I'd look after you.
218
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:16,600
You know I've always got you back.
Forever. Best friends.
219
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,120
What's that?
Sorry, I can't talk just now.
220
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,680
Yeah. No, I'm waiting
for Andy to come back.
221
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,240
Yeah, he is a little bit late. Yeah.
222
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,160
I'm just going to put these away,
yeah? Don't you move.
223
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,960
I feel like that soup needs
a little more spice.
224
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,400
Salvatore?
225
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,000
Salvatore?
226
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,640
And if we...
227
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,080
Louis?
228
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,680
Louis? Where'd you...?
229
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,040
Louis?
230
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,440
Oh, he's back.
231
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,480
Where is he?
232
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,360
Andy! Andy, no!
233
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:14,640
Andy!
234
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,160
No, Andy!
235
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,440
Oh, Jesus Christ!
236
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,800
Oh, my God! Sal!
237
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,920
Babe! Oh, my God!
238
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,240
It's my best friend!
239
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,200
We'll never go to New Zealand!
240
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,440
No!
241
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,880
Oh! Oh, my God.
242
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,560
Ahh!
243
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,640
No!
244
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,440
Andy!
245
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,840
I don't want anybody else.
246
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:56,240
Nobody rocks my body
or my world like Sal.
247
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,280
I love you, Sal.
248
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,480
Oh, my God. Mm.
249
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:09,840
I sort of found...
250
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,760
There were a couple
of genuinely harrowing moments.
251
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,640
Salvatore boiled to death.
252
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,960
In the soup. Louis was washed away.
253
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,840
He'll never get to go to New
Zealand.
254
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,880
And then Frankie, fucking hell...
255
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,680
..that...
256
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,960
..that "Jesus Christ"
was genuinely too much. Yeah.
257
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,360
I might ask you why
at any point did you seek
258
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,480
to open the oven door,
259
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,240
choosing to let him carry on
burning.
260
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,000
Cheaper than a cremation.
261
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,040
Um, Mae, heart-breaking.
262
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,040
The only thing that slightly
brought me out of the narrative
263
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,880
and perhaps moved me away from
the great tragedy just for a beat
264
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,360
was the notion that Salvatore
used to, and I quote,
265
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,880
"rock your body".
266
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,000
I'd like more people at funerals
267
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,840
to give speeches about how
they were going to miss the sex.
268
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,720
OK, hold up,
that's the end of part one,
269
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,080
and my chance to find out what
it's like to sit on someone's lap.
270
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,320
See you soon.
271
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,040
No, no, no.
272
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,840
No!
273
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,440
Hello!
274
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,440
Welcome back to Taskmaster
275
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,720
and the conclusion
of our imaginary friend task.
276
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,680
Did you have an imaginary friend,
Alex?
277
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:40,960
No, Greg.
278
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,680
They never wanted
to hang out with me,
279
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,320
but I didn't care,
because I had woodlice.
280
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,120
Well, yes, the current task
281
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,240
involves creating a poignant scene
282
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,800
with either a very small
or a very tall imaginary friend.
283
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,160
We've had three smalls,
284
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,960
but now it's time
for a biggie with Jenny Eclair.
285
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,520
Oh, Ed, you're so funny.
You make me laugh all the time.
286
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,280
We have such fun together, don't we?
287
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,640
I mean, I know we don't
always see eye to eye.
288
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,560
That's not really possible, is it,
289
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,520
what with you being
really so tall, and all that.
290
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,480
This is quite hard and hot work.
291
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,160
Gosh, I could do with a cold drink,
292
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,080
or something like that.
293
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,480
Hold on. Ice cream!
294
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,040
Oh, Ed!
295
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,840
Your head!
296
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,920
Oh, Ed!
297
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,600
I'm sorry!
298
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:54,560
Ahh! I'm going to have to get
another imaginary friend now!
299
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,640
Ahh!
300
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,400
I'm not sure
I've ever felt less moved.
301
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,000
I...I changed my mind.
302
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,560
I had my little bra friend,
303
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,760
and then I...
I don't know what happened to them.
304
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,720
She suffocated. Well,
sheer hysteria seemed to set in.
305
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,360
There's not a court in the land
306
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,320
that wouldn't convict you
of murder there.
307
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,200
Next up, it's Ivo.
308
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,880
What could be nicer?
309
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:35,040
Hot summer's day,
couple of lads cleaning their cars.
310
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,920
Make sure you're thorough.
311
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,320
Look.
312
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:43,200
Really get every bit there,
you see?
313
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,280
Oh, it's looking great.
314
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,080
I'm so proud of you.
315
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,120
I'm so proud of us.
316
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:51,400
Most people wouldn't give
317
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,680
their imaginary friend
their own set of wheels,
318
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,920
and one day, we're going to go
on the sweetest road trip together.
319
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,160
Not in the same car,
320
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,120
but driving side by side
321
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,760
singing each other songs
through our windows.
322
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,400
And you'll be so...
323
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,520
Where...?
324
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,360
What about our road trip?
325
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,520
You teach them to wash their car
326
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,520
and they just drive off
into the sunset without you.
327
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:33,920
If you love something, set it free.
328
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,400
In many ways, more tragic,
329
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,120
because you're friend chose
to leave you.
330
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,720
Yes. I drew on some powerful
real experience.
331
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,280
Speaks to a certain level
of social status, though, doesn't it
332
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,880
when your imaginary friend
has a car?
333
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,320
Time to score them.
Who's in last place, Greg?
334
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,040
I'm going to give Jenny two points.
Oh, thank you. Thank you, yeah.
335
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,400
Because I did enjoy
the act of...of beheading.
336
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,920
Then I'm going to go up to Kiell.
337
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,240
It was a poignant set-up. I
didn't...
338
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,400
I wasn't as moved at the end,
339
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,240
and at the back of my head,
I think he might have lived.
340
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,400
OK, three points to Kiell.
341
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,560
Mae and Ivo, I would
probably give four points to,
342
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,320
because when Frankie shouted
"Jesus Christ",
343
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:29,600
I actually out loud went,
"Oh, my God!"
344
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,840
And therefore he must take
the five points.
345
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,280
There we go. Well done,
Frankie Boyle. Five points.
346
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,560
Let's see a scoreboard then.
All right.
347
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,200
Well, he's not won an episode yet,
348
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,920
but currently a maximum score
of ten,
349
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,240
it's Frankie Boyle in the lead.
350
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,960
Wow.
351
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,520
What's next, Alex?
352
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,160
It's time for breakfast. Mm!
353
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,680
Hello.
354
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,480
Oh, my favourites. Eggs.
355
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,600
Good morning.
356
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,440
Hi. Good...
357
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,120
Hi. There's something funny
about an egg.
358
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,200
May I? You may.
359
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,880
"Efficiently shell an egg."
360
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,440
"You may not touch
any part of any egg..."
361
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,000
"..with your hands."
362
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,880
I thought this was going
to be pretty simple for a while.
363
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,120
Yeah.
364
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:40,400
"..and you may only break
the shell of one of the eggs."
365
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:41,480
What does that mean?
366
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,720
Why have I got all these eggs
if I'm only doing one egg?
367
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,440
That's a great question.
368
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,680
"Fewest pieces
of egg-less shell wins."
369
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,240
Why is this so confusing?
370
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,960
"Fewest pieces of egg-less shell..."
371
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,960
I'm going to go
into full crisis here.
372
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,240
I just don't understand
what's been asked of me. Right.
373
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,120
I'm not thick... OK. ..OK?
374
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,920
I'll write that down.
375
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,480
So, do you understand the task?
376
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,240
Not really, Alex, no. No.
377
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,200
So, you've got to get
the shell off an egg.
378
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,400
That's about right.
379
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,960
You have a maximum of ten minutes.
380
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,520
Your time starts now.
381
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,640
There seemed to be some
collective confusion
382
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,000
over this task there.
383
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,120
Yes, all five of them.
384
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,560
We're you surprised that
they didn't understand the task?
Completely. Yeah.
385
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,880
They couldn't use their hands
so they had to peel the egg
386
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,160
in as few pieces as possible.
387
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:31,440
We gave them a choice of eggs
388
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,080
because that might be important,
it might not. Write that then!
389
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,600
Here we go.
390
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,160
Some of these eggs aren't going
to break, are they?
391
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,400
Some of them are not real eggs. OK.
392
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,000
Just sort of test the weight.
393
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,600
That's quite a sensible thing
to do, isn't it?
394
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,600
They all sound real to me.
395
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:57,760
How, were they?
396
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,200
All roughly the same weight.
397
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,520
That's a relief.
398
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,160
"Fewest pieces of egg-less shell..."
399
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,720
Egg-less shell.
400
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:05,920
You've taken a shoe off.
401
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,360
Yeah.
402
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,680
Well, what about
if I had a tea towel
403
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,600
and an egg in it,
404
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,880
and then I wouldn't be touching it
with my hands.
405
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,120
I'd be touching it with the...
406
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,320
Right OK.
407
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,000
Were you aiming
for the middle of the egg?
408
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,560
Yes, I was.
409
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,200
Can I use a practice egg?
410
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,160
Well, all I can say, Ivo,
411
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:35,760
is that all the information
is on the task.
412
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,160
So, if I get that egg out...
413
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,160
Ah. Right.
414
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,320
Egg-less shell. Yep.
415
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:44,440
How we doing for time?
416
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,960
Three minutes 44 left.
417
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,440
Seriously? Mm-hm.
418
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,800
Let's get the rest of this out.
419
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,000
It's just going to be three pieces.
420
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,320
Are you sure? Yeah.
421
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:00,680
Uh...
422
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,680
We're definitely keen
that you shell an egg at some point.
423
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,400
Yeah, you...
424
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,920
Oh, that's quite a crunchy
bit of egg you're eating.
425
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,800
Oh, stop it. Shut up.
426
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,240
Hmm.
427
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,000
Doesn't feel good, does it,
putting it in my mouth?
428
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,760
Or just a knife.
429
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,680
A nice tiny sliver of shell.
430
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,200
That's turning into
so many bits of small shell.
431
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:32,680
I can hear them.
432
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:33,960
Ooh!
433
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,520
That's a nice big bit.
434
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,000
Now what are you doing?
435
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,560
Nothing. Just finishing off my egg.
436
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,000
Another crunchy bit?
437
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,440
Thanks, Jenny.
Right. I'm a bit egged out now.
438
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,960
Well, first things first, Jenny.
Why did you take your shoe off?
439
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,600
I just wondered whether
440
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,720
I could do something
with the shoelace.
441
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,120
I don't know why.
442
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,960
I mean, normally, Ivo,
I see you as, you know,
443
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,320
quite a person of action.
444
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,560
You normally think,
"Right, I'll have a go at this."
445
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,960
But you just seemed lost
for a long time with it.
446
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,560
I think the only good thing
I did in that ten minutes
447
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,040
was keep both of my shoes on.
448
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,600
Why did you try
to work out the weight of the eggs?
449
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,480
What did you think was going on
with the eggs?
450
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:30,080
Um, well, I don't think even
the successful shellers amongst us
451
00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:34,200
will have provided any answer
as to why there were five eggs.
452
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,920
Oh, one of them has. Well, several.
453
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:43,120
Me and Jenny over in thicko corner.
454
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,000
"Jenny and I".
455
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,480
"Thicko corner"?
456
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:53,760
Oh, God, Ivo.
457
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,360
I can't believe
I'm being told off by Jenny
458
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,600
for ruining our friendship
459
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,840
and told off my Alex
for using bad grammar
460
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,000
at the same time.
461
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,680
It's really gone badly, hasn't it?
462
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,000
Well, look,
I had the slightly sad job
463
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,000
of having to count
the pieces afterwards.
464
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,280
Uh, Ivo, 13 pieces of eggshell.
Yes!
465
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,280
Jenny, 20 pieces, and that's
not including the pieces you ate.
466
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,200
Yeah. Which were many.
467
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,680
All right, then,
it's time for Kiell and Frankie.
468
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,040
I've got to somehow
select the hardest egg.
469
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:22,960
You're looking for a hard egg?
470
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,680
I'm looking for
the hardest possible egg.
471
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:34,760
What about that...? Whoa...
472
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,800
I think...
I think this one is up for it.
473
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,160
I had an idea.
474
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,080
Maybe the hard-boiled egg
will sink furthest to the bottom.
475
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,960
What's your method, Kiell?
476
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,720
Uh, pick it up and drop it.
477
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,720
That one had a bit of
a slower trajectory.
478
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:58,960
What are we learning?
479
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,760
What do people normally use?
To do this?
480
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,000
Yeah. A spoon?
481
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,120
OK.
482
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,960
Or this. And this.
483
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,400
Ah.
484
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,880
What have you found?
I don't know what that is.
485
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,320
Ooh.
486
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,000
That to me seemed quite hard.
487
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,760
Go on, get in.
488
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,280
Right.
489
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,480
I don't really understand
how that's happened.
490
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,760
So, that's the egg you've chosen,
is it? Yeah. This is the moment.
491
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,360
It's going be, like,
a thousand pieces of eggshell.
492
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,000
There we go. All right.
493
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:55,640
Bit of a mess.
494
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,280
I mean, I don't think I've seen
anyone peel an egg this badly.
495
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,600
I think I'm smashing this.
496
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,120
Is that a pun?
497
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:06,240
Oh, you.
498
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,560
Oh, that's better.
499
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,360
Well, you know, it kind of
came together at the end there.
500
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,360
Finished? Yeah. Soz about that.
501
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,000
Bye-bye.
502
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,520
Frankie, did your "drop an egg
in the water" system help much?
503
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,200
No.
504
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,360
Uh, I think I hadn't entirely
understood the task,
505
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,560
and also I stopped caring...
506
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,440
That was very much true.
..halfway through, and...
507
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,720
Welcome to thicko corner. Yeah.
508
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,520
You are welcome.
509
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,120
Kiell accidently found the solution,
510
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,680
which is you're looking
for a raw egg,
511
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,480
cos then you can get the egg out
in one.
512
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,840
You can make a little hole
and blow the egg out in one.
513
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,800
I'm not going to be blowing
the egg out. But you nearly did
blow the egg out.
514
00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,840
You did a good job
using some drawing implements.
515
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:01,560
I did have to count
all the little bits.
516
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:02,880
There were six little bits,
517
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,680
but that's a lot fewer
than Frankie, who had 83.
518
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,160
Right, and that is
the end of part two.
519
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,960
"All good things must come
to an end," my auntie always says.
520
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,680
She remains to this day
one of the most boring human beings
521
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,000
I've had the misfortune
to spend time with.
522
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,880
See you in a bit.
523
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,520
Hello! We're back.
524
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,240
It's the third part
of tonight's show,
525
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,680
and once again, we find ourselves
in the company of eggs.
526
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,440
Hi. There's
something funny about an egg.
527
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:39,680
Yes.
528
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,720
The current task involves
efficient shelling.
529
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,200
They can't use their hands.
530
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:50,120
Only one egg can be touched,
and fewest pieces of eggshell wins.
531
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,200
Here's Mae's attempt.
532
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,000
OK, I'm just going to take
my shoes and socks off.
533
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,720
Yes. Yeah. Me, too.
534
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,960
OK. Are you allowed
to put them on the floor for me?
535
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,320
Yeah, OK.
536
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,240
It looks like I'm wanking off
an egg with my foot.
537
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:09,400
Does a bit.
538
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:10,960
Oh, God, it really does.
539
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,120
No, fuck this. OK.
540
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,240
OK.
541
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,280
And now I'm going to put my mouth
on them.
542
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,040
Hmm. Uh-huh.
543
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,360
Would you prefer to work with
a boiled egg or an unboiled egg?
544
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:28,440
Mm.
545
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,120
I'm going to get a pin
546
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,640
and then I'm going to hope
it's a raw egg,
547
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:37,240
and I'm going to make
a pin-sized hole.
548
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,720
Right?
549
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,680
Not sure this is the way.
550
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,840
Ah.
551
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,800
Well, that was the way.
552
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,480
You pretty much finished the task.
553
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,600
OK, I'm going to get
the rest of the egg out.
554
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,000
I mean, I don't know
why I had my feet
555
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,240
and my mouth involved
when I could have used any utensil.
556
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,800
Fewest pieces of egg-less shell.
557
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,440
If I'm being completely honest,
there's three.
558
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,320
Yes, should be.
559
00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:11,920
I'm done. Yep.
560
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,080
Three. Three.
561
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,800
What does it say?
562
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,240
"Frankie, Frankie, Jenny,
Frankie, Frankie."
563
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,520
What does that mean?
564
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,720
Well, I presume Jenny's boiled.
565
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,520
No, Jenny was the raw one.
566
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,360
Yeah, cos Frankie...
567
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,520
Frankie and Benny. No, what?
568
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,640
Frankie "Boyle".
Yeah, that's infuriating.
569
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,440
What was the plan
when your shoes and socks came off?
570
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,280
Oh, I was going to use my feet
to...to expertly shell it.
571
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,040
I don't know.
572
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,880
You were going to peel
the egg with your toes?
573
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:02,400
I feel nauseous from watching that.
Like that was... I...
574
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,720
We've all been quite traumatised.
Yeah.
575
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,600
I don't know if you can tell.
Like...
576
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,200
Yeah. But the pin idea was amazing.
577
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,120
Oh, the pin idea was amazing.
Yeah, yeah.
578
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,240
Dropped the egg.
But then, a happy accident, right?
579
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,280
It was a very happy accident,
like Kiell, really, and it worked.
580
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,360
Just the three pieces.
They've definitely won.
581
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:18,840
Shall we just score it and move on?
582
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,720
Let's just agree
it's been the worst...
583
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,920
..task and the worse response
to a task in 15 series,
584
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,160
and let's move on.
585
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,400
By some distance. By some distance.
586
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,960
And yet, Frankie gets a point,
Jenny two, Ivo three,
587
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,600
Kiell four,
but Mae Martin, five points.
588
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,200
Do I dare ask for another?
589
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,040
Thankfully, we do have another one,
590
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,280
and I've been busy doing
a spot of landscaping.
591
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:05,560
Ooh!
592
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,000
Ha!
593
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,200
This looks great.
Yeah, it's an improvement.
594
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,360
Yeah. Bowling ball. Uh-huh.
595
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,960
Right. Oh, do... Open the task.
596
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,880
Yep, that's the first task.
597
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,520
"Bash the big bell
with the bowling ball."
598
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,200
"Fastest gets five points."
599
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,000
"Slowest gets four points."
600
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,640
"Nobody else gets any points."
601
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,280
Interesting.
602
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:37,520
"You are to stay off the grass
unless you're wearing gold shoes."
603
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,840
"If anything other than
the bowling ball or gold shoes
604
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,360
"touches the grass,
you are disqualified."
605
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,920
"You have a maximum of 20 minutes."
606
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,520
"Your time starts...now."
607
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:52,560
Pretty straightforward.
608
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,880
I'm looking forward to just
getting on with it. Crack on.
609
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,560
All right, first up to give it
a bash are Jenny and Mae.
610
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:58,920
Oh, no.
611
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,800
I'm not going
to be able to do that.
612
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,360
Well, it might hit.
613
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:04,640
No, and now you can't reach it.
614
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,280
No. I've got to find
some golden shoes.
615
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,400
Gold shoes.
616
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,000
Well, just going to have a look
617
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,440
for some gold shoes quickly.
618
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:12,800
OK.
619
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,600
I found one. Oh, well done.
620
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,760
Yeah. That didn't take long.
621
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,840
That pineapple is calling to me.
622
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,360
It's a golden shoe!
623
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,120
Is there another one?
624
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:33,560
They normally come in pairs.
625
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,160
They do, normally.
626
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,280
There's no gold shoe
in here, is there?
627
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,440
Well, where's the other golden shoe?
628
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:42,440
Found the golden spray.
629
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,320
They lent me a kicking shoe.
630
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,080
I'm going to gold spray it.
631
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,480
Yeah.
632
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,560
No! No!
633
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:53,920
What's wrong?
634
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,520
Why would they do that?!
635
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,560
I only have one.
636
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,040
So, what's the plan?
637
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:02,360
Go on one foot.
638
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,200
Can you do that? Yeah.
639
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,360
I think I can.
640
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,360
They're so golden.
641
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:13,960
That's more like it.
642
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,760
Golden shoes!
643
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,520
OK.
644
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,360
How does it feel? Scary.
645
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,160
Yep.
646
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,920
I'm allowed on the grass
in my golden shoes.
647
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:39,240
Kicking the ball
with my golden shoes.
648
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:40,720
Oh, bloody hell!
649
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,200
I've stopped the clock.
650
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,520
Come on! Come on! Yeah.
651
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,280
I've stopped the clock.
652
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,000
I think if you ever decide
you want to do pantomime,
653
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,920
that would serve as
a very good audition tape,
654
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,240
because you were literally
cackling like a lunatic.
655
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,640
I'm not very good
with children en mass.
656
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,480
Why didn't you pick up
the ball at any point?
657
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,720
Why would you say that now?!
658
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:24,240
You both did really well.
659
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,360
Uh, Jenny bashed the bell
in three minutes 40.
660
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:28,520
Three minutes 40.
661
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,520
If you'd got the right paint
first time around,
662
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,920
you would have beaten Mae,
who got two minutes 57.
663
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:34,480
So, you both did extremely well.
664
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,480
Good start. Well done.
665
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:37,680
Good start.
666
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,280
Two big bell bangers now.
667
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,400
It's Kiell and Frankie.
668
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,240
Aw!
669
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,080
I should try to hit it
before I do this, shouldn't I?
670
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,080
Oh!
671
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,160
May I have your shoes?
672
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:14,560
You want my shoes?
673
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:15,960
Yeah.
674
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,480
Alex will give you his shoes
if you do one of the following -
675
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,440
deposit £100 in his bank account,
676
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,840
give him a perfect dippy
boiled egg with buttered soldiers
677
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,720
and a glass of milk,
678
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,160
physically remove them.
679
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:37,480
How's it going, Frankie?
680
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:41,240
Well, I took an assessment
of my bowling ability,
681
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,440
and I thought, "Time
to make me some gold shoes."
682
00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,840
You know, it's not terrible.
683
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,400
Oh!
684
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:24,720
Come on!
685
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,600
Argh!
686
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,360
You bashed the bell. Yeah!
687
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,000
What was your...plan when
you were rolling up the green?
688
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:53,560
You were sort of pawing at Alex
like a cartoon cat in a...
689
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,200
I thought I could wrestle him
to the ground and take his shoes.
690
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,120
I didn't expect to see Frankie Boyle
691
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,720
creeping across a green
with two swing-ball bats.
692
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,280
Swing-ball bats
or golden snow shoes?
693
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:12,920
Yellow. Yellow.
We all know it's not gold.
694
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:14,760
It's yellow. Yellow.
695
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,480
Well, what is gold?
696
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:20,040
"Gold is a deep lustrous yellow
or yellow-brown colour."
697
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:21,400
That was neither.
698
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,360
Only the fastest and the slowest
get the points here,
699
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:25,920
and it's interesting.
700
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,400
Mae, of course, two minutes 57.
Jenny, three minutes 40.
701
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:30,880
That's not relevant now, Jenny,
702
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,160
because Frankie,
six minutes 50 is the slowest,
703
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,720
Kiell, three minutes 45,
so also not relevant.
704
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,680
Oh! Frankie one end, Mae the other,
705
00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:41,320
if we allow the gorgeous
golden shoes on Frankie's feet.
706
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,480
We'll carry on the gold/yellow
debate after the break.
707
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,320
Right. Nearly there.
Only one part to go.
708
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,400
A task to be finished,
the studio task, and then a winner -
709
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,440
a winner of nanny's dental pod.
710
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,040
That's Taskmaster.
711
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,560
Hello!
712
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,080
Welcome back to the last part
of tonight's show.
713
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:10,560
Forgive me if I'm wrong, Alex,
714
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,760
but isn't there still a big bell
to be bashed will a bowling ball?
715
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,560
Ooh, bang-on, big boy.
716
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:20,120
But they can't walk on the grass
unless they're wearing golden shoes.
717
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:24,280
We've isolated one player...
or should I say Ivo-lated?
718
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,200
It's Mr Graham again. Here we go.
719
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:30,960
What if it doesn't come back?
720
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:33,840
You can't live your life like that.
721
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:39,920
Oh!
722
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:47,880
What now, Ivo?
723
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,840
I've got to leave
the complex, really.
724
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,280
No, I've got to get the gold shoes.
Ah, OK.
725
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,040
Can I wear those gold shoes?
726
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,000
Thank you very much. Pleasure.
727
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,720
"Alex will give you his shoes
if you do one of the following -
728
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,160
"deposit £100 in his bank account,
729
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,560
"give him a perfect dippy boiled egg
730
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,840
"with buttered soldiers
and a glass of milk,
731
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:07,360
"physically remove them."
732
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,200
Yes, the egg isn't
totally submerged.
733
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,000
He's not got long. Seven minutes.
734
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,760
Oh, this is disgusting.
735
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,400
What I'm doing is disgusting.
736
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:36,920
Good...for an omelette.
It's cost another four minutes.
737
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:41,720
The stench of failure hangs
over this task.
738
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:43,880
Failure and egg.
739
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,360
Two minutes left.
740
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:47,120
Another big moment now.
741
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,000
Yes, beautiful.
742
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,280
Ivo.
743
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:52,560
Hello, Alex.
744
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:55,880
Oh, lovely.
745
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,760
30 seconds.
I've lured you with a bad egg.
746
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,640
That was my milk.
747
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,720
It's my milk now.
748
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,880
Was that always your plan, just
to attack him when he came near?
749
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,760
My... I didn't really have a plan.
750
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:33,920
I did want to commit
some sort of physical assault,
751
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,080
but I was also seduced
by the romance of trying
752
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:37,800
to cook the perfect dippy egg.
753
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,440
It did take him
about 17 minutes to boil an egg,
754
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:41,600
but that's in your favour,
755
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,480
cos if you're the last person,
you get four points. Slowest. Yeah.
756
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:47,080
And you did complete
the task with 16 seconds to go.
757
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:48,560
Ooh!
758
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,880
Pretty neat stuff, actually.
759
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:53,160
Well, then.
760
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,840
Well, then. Well, then.
761
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:58,680
So, it looks like Mae gets
the five and Ivo gets the four.
762
00:39:58,720 --> 00:40:01,240
Right. But it is worth doing
one last check.
763
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:04,040
Remember,
if anything touches the grass
764
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,640
other than golden shoes,
you're disqualified.
765
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:10,680
"Your time starts now."
766
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:16,960
Can I have a look in the bath?
767
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,160
Well, you're not allowed
to stand on the grass.
768
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:20,200
Oh!
769
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,320
Don't step on the...
770
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:26,720
Ah!
771
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,040
What's happened?
772
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:29,240
Nothing.
773
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:31,840
Don't go on the grass!
774
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,000
Ah!
775
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:37,440
So close.
776
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:39,760
So close. So close. So close.
777
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,240
Ivo, you also put
the podium on the grass.
778
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:48,880
Please don't take my four points
779
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,360
with three other people
getting zero away from me.
780
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:55,800
The only things that went on
the grass that were golden
781
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:57,920
were the shoe over here...
782
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,680
..and the shoes over here.
783
00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:04,720
I...I'm really throwing myself fully
behind "yellow isn't gold" now.
784
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,920
What I would say is that
if we disqualified Frankie,
785
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:11,920
then Mae is then both the fastest
and the slowest
786
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:13,520
and will get nine points.
787
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,320
Ooh!
788
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,120
Frankie, I loved your gold shoes.
789
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,360
Beautiful.
790
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,400
So, everyone's perfectly happy
with the golden bats now, I presume?
791
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,720
Yeah, I love 'em. Love them.
I'm not.
792
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,240
Sorry, Mae. I'm going to allow it.
OK. There you go.
793
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:31,360
Congratulations.
794
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,280
Frankie, you get four points.
Mae Martin, another five points.
795
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,480
Let's have a look at the scores.
796
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,040
Mae's on 16 and Frankie's on 15.
797
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,120
Hey!
798
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,040
Well, will you please make
your way to the stage
799
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:49,920
for the final task of the show?!
800
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,160
Who's going to read the task out,
Alex?
801
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,560
Ivo Graham is going
to read the task out.
802
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:06,240
"Walk around the chairs
listening to Greg's story.
803
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:11,280
"Then sit on a chair when you hear
a word containing two letter Ls."
804
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,400
"If you stop walking or touch
a chair incorrectly,
805
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,640
"you are disqualified.
806
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,160
"If you fail to sit on a chair
when you hear a word
807
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,760
"containing two letter Ls,
you are disqualified.
808
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,640
"Best listener wins."
809
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,040
So, it's basically going
to be like musical chairs,
810
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,240
but instead of music,
811
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,160
it's going to be Greg
reading a story to you.
812
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:32,320
There are four stories,
813
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,080
and each story will have
a different rule.
814
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:35,720
So, it's two Ls in the first story.
815
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,040
Aw, man.
816
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,800
Please read the first story
and walk when he talks.
817
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,640
"The sun was setting.
818
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,320
"The light was magical
819
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:51,080
"and the water lapped
at the shore of the lake.
820
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,000
"'Right,' said Greg.
821
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:56,200
"'Get your clothes off.
You're going in.'
822
00:42:56,240 --> 00:43:00,800
"'I don't want to,'
said the scrawny, sausage-shaped
man.
823
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:04,320
"'I need you to retrieve
the stone I just threw in,'
824
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,520
"whispered Greg, noisily.
825
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:10,560
"It's one of my favourite stones,
I think.'
826
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:12,480
Ooh!
827
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:14,200
"And so..."
828
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,800
"..little Alex Horne.
829
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,120
Oh!
830
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,640
You did that very badly.
Very, very badly.
831
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:39,280
Kiell first struck a chair,
so was pretty much disqualified,
832
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,280
and then just walked over to me.
833
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,440
Greg, what's the rule
for the next story?
834
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,480
The next story, you should sit down
when you hear a word
835
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,000
with a U in it.
836
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,440
Off we go. Story two.
837
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:54,360
"In the morning,
I like to have a pot of coffee
838
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:57,640
"and a slice of cake.
839
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:02,080
"Little Alex Horne brings them in
when I ring my little bell.
840
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:07,880
"I let him wear his yellow cape
if he is a very lucky boy."
841
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,080
Oh!
842
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,720
Frankie Boyle
shoulder-barging Jenny Eclair.
843
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:23,120
Are you OK, Jenny?
844
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,040
I can't believe that happened.
845
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:26,640
Can we remove a chair?
846
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:28,200
Yeah, fuck this.
847
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:33,200
This time, you should sit down
848
00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:35,800
when you hear a word
that starts and ends
849
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,200
with the same letter.
850
00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:39,520
"These are the closing rules
851
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:43,400
"the Taskmaster expects
those around him to adhere to
852
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,080
"at all times.
853
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,720
"One, the shirt should be tucked in-
854
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:49,040
"really tucked in.
855
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:52,000
"Right in! Two..."
856
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:55,800
I mean, Ivo was following,
857
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,360
but there was no words there
that started and ended
858
00:44:58,400 --> 00:44:59,560
with the same letter.
859
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:00,680
We've lost Frankie Boyle.
860
00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:02,720
Frankie, you've lost it.
861
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:06,600
As soon as the Boyle bottom went,
mine was swiftly following.
862
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:10,920
This is the final, Greg.
863
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,760
Right, this time,
you should sit down
864
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:14,840
when you hear a six-letter word.
865
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:16,760
Are you ready? Yeah. OK.
866
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:20,120
"I don't remember much
about that fateful night.
867
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:21,680
"It was cold.
868
00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:23,440
"The moon was full, I know that.
869
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:25,080
"I'm not an idiot.
870
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,880
"And I can't be held responsible
for the terrible accident
871
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,800
"that happened to little
Alex Horne."
872
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:32,600
Oh!
873
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,880
We have a winner.
"Little" has got six letters.
874
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,200
Do you want to come down here
875
00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:44,360
and we'll see how
that's affected the final scores?
876
00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:53,080
Ah! Very good.
877
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,960
Well, that was exciting, I thought.
878
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,520
Yes. Kiell was the worst listener.
879
00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:59,680
but the best was Mae Martin,
with five points,
880
00:45:59,720 --> 00:46:03,000
and that does mean this episode
has been won by Mae Martin!
881
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,600
Again! 21 points.
882
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:09,960
There we go.
883
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:14,400
Mae Martin wins.
884
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,640
Please go and bag your
bathroom bootie.
885
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,000
What have we learned today?
886
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:25,480
If you ever find yourself
lying in bed alone
887
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,920
and you get a pleasant feeling
that you maybe haven't felt
888
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,840
for a long time, relax.
889
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:31,200
It's good news.
890
00:46:31,240 --> 00:46:32,640
Salvatore lived,
891
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,880
and you're about
to get your body rocked.
892
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,400
Please clap once again
for the winner of tonight's show.
893
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:40,800
It's Mae Martin!
894
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,160
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