All language subtitles for American Dad s14e16_English

♪♪

First day of class.
I'm back, baby!

Ah! I see no one's discovered
my secret parking spot.

[ Tires screech ]

Surf wheels!

Hayley's back!Did you see me see Hayley?!

[ Grunts ]

Sick trick, Hayley.

Excuse me, dear.

You seem
very comfortable here.

Do you know where
the science trailer is?

[ Scoffing ]
Freshmen.

Come on.
Roll with me.

Name's Hayley.
I'll show you the ropes.

[ Grunts ]

That's the first one.

There are six more
around campus.

There's a lot
of impromptu tug-of-war

happening
around here.

Also kick the can.

Pretty much any trash
you see lying around campus,

we have a game for it.

This is the dining hall
and computer lab.

You should hear the fan
in that Gateway.

Try opening AltaVista
and "Wolfenstein"

at the same time.

Blow your [bleep]
eardrums out.

[ Indistinct shouting ]Here's a gym.

Team's getting ready
for a big game tonight.

[ Shouting continues ][ Whistle blows ]

A foosball game?

You play?
You should try out for JV.

No spinning, though.
That's bitch play.

[ Panting ] Wow.You really know your stuff.

Yeah, well,
I love it here.

And I plan to stay
for a long, long time.

Hey, Hayley.I thought I heard your wheels.

One more credit to go,and you are out of here, huh?

[ Wheels screech ]What?!

Th-That can't
be right.

I was going through
school records

and I found out you
are one stamp away

from graduating.

But I don't want
to graduate!

And I don't want to helpmy gross mom get

in and out ofher dumb wheelchair,

but she paid for my house,
so...

You get what I'm saying,right?

♪ Good morning, U.S.A.

♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪

♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say

♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.

Aah!

♪ Good morning, U.S.A.

♪♪

Roger,
I need your help.

Well, you've come
to the right place.

I'm Roger.

Did you know Groff
is only a two-year school?

I did know it was
only two years,

but I thought, legally,they couldn't call it a school.

They're gonna
make me graduate!

And you don't want
to leave.
No!

I am not ready for
the real world -- Look at me.

[ Sighing ] Ah!A Peter Pan situation.

Well, you came
to the right place.

I'm Roger.

Did I already say that?
Doesn't matter.

Anyhoo, give me 24 hours,and I'll have your solution.

Thanks. I knew I could
count on you, Roger.

Looking for Roger?
That's me.

I'm Roger.
Wait a second.

Oh, I'm cleaning
with gin.

That means I've had14 Pine-Sol martinis.

And explains why my diarrhea
cleaned the toilet.

I'm Roger.

♪♪

[ Gasps ]

So, this is
the room for rent.

Obviously,
it's got great natural light.

And a lot of shared walls.

[ Hollow thudding ]Paper-thin.

That's good,because I play
coolmusic.

Dad, what the hell?!

This is that problem tenant
I told you about.

Oh, hey,it's my little bookworm.

About to graduate,
spread her wings,

and leave the nest.

Dad, I'm not
going anywhere.

Actually, you are.

Family rules clearly state,
"After college,

each child will forge outon their own

without financialor emotional support

from the parents/guardians."

The "emotional" part felta little cold,

but our lawyer at the time saidwe need to protect ourselves.

[ Switch flicks ]

Nice!
I could get used to this.

Roger!
You're trying to steal my room?

Yeah.
I need it.

Made the mistakeof renting out the attic

as a practice spacefor Rogu's ska band.

They're terrible.How do you screw up ska?

You're supposed to be
helping me.
Sorry.

We got a drop-everythingkind of situation.

This room hasn'tbeen on the market in 19 years,

and the landlord doesn't havea friggin' clue what it's worth.

Plus, I'm buds with the guy
in the next unit.

Steve: Make it
happen, Rog!

♪♪

Whoa! Look at allthese hot-sauce packets.

Del Taco Inferno!

I always want
to ask for it,

but then I chicken outat the window.

Take them.
My car lease is up,

and I got to get this thing
cleaned out

before I take it in.

Mm...you've got a dent here.

Returning it like thisis leaving money on the table.

Really?
But...

I could pop it out for youright here in the garage.

I used to be a little bitof an oil boy.

A what?

You know,
a wrench monkey,

a muffler humper,
a tire charmer.

A tailpipe Tony.

You mean a mechanic?Wuz dat?

Can you really fix the dent?Give me two days.

Do you want me to do anythingabout the interior smell?

What smell?

Okay.

♪♪

I scheduled a 2:00.Hey, my number-one senior.

Sit down.

I have got such a good feeling
about you, Smith.

You're gonna make it
on the outside.

You are destined
for the Groff Wall of Fame.

The what?

These are all
the Groff alumni

who became famous.

This guy right here
went on to be

the most prolific
serial killer

in Virginia history.

These two --
his first victims.

Oh, and this last one is
Linda Bloodworth-Thomason,

the creator of TV's
"Designing Women."

She didn't go here.

Actually, Cheryl, I'd reallylike to avoid graduating.

Totally understand.

Between us,
it is hell on the other side.

Oh, in fact, I got
to clock into my second job

at Yoshinoya Beef Bowl
in 12 minutes.

And if I graduate,I'm gonna be homeless.

There is one way to stay here
indefinitely,

but nobody's ever
pulled it off.

I'll try anything.

Fail your class
over and over

and then retake it forever.

A forever class!
Of course!

Thank you.[ Monkey chitters ]

Holy shit!I thought that was a poster!

Oh, my God.
Was that my ex?

About yea high,
likes to show his entire gums?

Can eat an entire apple
in seconds? Ugh!

You know what
the sad part is?

I'm probably gonna
take him back.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hey, guess what.

I'm gonna intentionally
fail this class.

Oh, we're friends?

Can you drive me to the vetafter this?

My snake is sick.I think I gave him an old mouse.

We have to pick him upfrom my stepdad's house.

He lives in the woods.

Excuse me.
Could you keep it down?

Some of us are
trying to learn.

Roger?!What are you doing here?

It's Lacey Krinklehoel,

and I'm here to make sure
you graduate.

This is about my room,isn't it?

Sure is.
Can you believe it?

The valedictorian and star
of her high school's production

of "Pirates of Penzance"
is here to help you graduate.

You're lucky I couldn't
go to Harvard

because my mom got super-sick --Don't ask.

Now let's learn everything
there is to know about...

advanced theory?

Well, sorry,but you can't help me...

if I'm in my van,smokin' doobie smacks.

Professor, what if we had
class outside today?

Maybe in the parking lot,
next to Hayley's van?

Huh. Well, I would be closer
to my car when class ends.

And who knows --
Maybe Ms. Smith will share

those doobie smacks with
her favorite professor of...

advanced theory?

♪♪

Lacey Krinklehoel?!

Right?Such a good student.

She worried about
her grades so much,

it gave her rickets.

Look, I am failing this class,

and there is nothing you
or your boring persona can do

to stop me.
Boring?

Does liking horses
sound boring?

Does reading"The Clan of the Cave Bear"

50 times sound boring?

Does collecting sand
from every vacation

she goes on sound boring?

Well, that one
sounds boring.

But not when you seethe little jars.

Then it takes you right back

to that magical summeryou went to...

sand.

Huh.

Hey, babe?

Aren't you going to belate for school?

New plan --
not going.

Roger: Sure you are.

I didn't want to wake you,

but I didn't want you
to miss class.

Roger, get us down
from here!

Babe, could you
keep it down?

And you're hogging
all the blankets.

[ Jeff screams ][ Horn honks, tires screech ]

♪♪

My favorite team
is the Bazooka Sharks.

We pay in dollars.

In Germany, they use marks.

Pretty excited
about my slam poem.

How's yours?Non-existent.

Don't worry.
Lacey's got you.

What i--
What is it?

Different trees
have different barks.

This poem is
for Rosa Parks.

Ms. Smith,
excellent work.

Damn it! How did you --I was president
of the A.V. Club.

I did all the special effects
for "Pirates of Penzance"

in addition
to starring in it.

The high-school paper
declared it...

"this year's musical."

Hey, Lacey, this midterm's worth40% of our grade.

Does this look
like an "A"?

It looks like an innocent
horse's penis, but...

hanging from a man.

You can't
turn that in.

Professor, I was thinking,
what if this midterm

didn't count at all
toward our grade?

Huh.
I like that.

Shoot.But then what would count?

The final -- a speech
that would count

for 100% of our grade.

100%?

That's whatwe're trying to get to.

And what if we do it
in teams,

but only one person
has to present,

and my partner is Hayley?

Everyone, throw
your midterms away,

'cause the coolest teacherin school

is doing a thing.

♪♪

Hey, Klaus,
how's the dent looking?

What happened
to my car?!

You have to take it apart
to put it back together.

It was a dent!

Puh!
The dent.

I wish the dent
was our only problem.

Look at this air filter.

That's a muffler.

Okay, little lady.

You listened to "Car Talk"
a couple times, then --

Klaus, I've gotto turn this lease in!

Fine!
Turn it in now.

I can get you a bag.

What?! No!

I need you to put thisback together.

[ Chuckling ] Oh!

So, you want me
to do my job.

Oh, I'd love to.

You're back and forth
like a windshield wiper.

Hey, Klaus?

Your "Babes of Pennzoil"calendar came.

Oh, good, good.

Hang it in the very wet bathroomwith no lock.

♪♪

For this speech tomorrow,this book says

to start with
a joke or anecdote.

Maybe I'll tell a joke,and if no one laughs,

I'll say it was
an anecdote.

That's perfect.

What's going on, Hayley?

I thought you were tryingto fail this class.

I can't,
not with you in my way.

You're gonna crush
the speech tomorrow.

You're an amazing orator.

Well, I was selectedby my peers

to readthe Emancipation Proclamation

at Disney World
in Orlando.

Jafar came up to me
afterwards

and said I changed his mindabout a lot of things.

I bet you did.

Say, since this is
my last night

in community college,

how about you take me out
to one last hurrah?

Some people from class are
having a little get-together.

Sounds good.

I usually like
to go to bed early,

but I had three rotisseriechickens for lunch,

so I have a little extra energyto burn off.

[ Music plays ][ Indistinct talking ]

Oh, cheese and rice,Hayley!

There's alcohol on the premises.What if the police come?

That girl's standingon the bed.

Talk about your lifebeing over.

Oh, my gosh.
I had no idea.

Let's get out
of here, Lacey.

Wait.
Is that Ronnie over there?

I didn't know
he was gonna be here.

Don't you have
a huge crush on him?

You should go talk to him.Oh, God!

I can feel my ricketsflaring up.

Sounds like nerves.

You're gonna need something
to help you relax.

Alcohol's good
for that.

I guess
I could have one.

To a chaste kiss
with Ronnie.

Mmm!
That's not too bad.

Makes my tummy
feel confident.

And you look beautiful.
Have some more.

Look at me go, Hayley!I'm coming out of my shell.

Maybe I'll evenlet Ronnie hold my hand.

I sucked seven [bleep],

and I didn't even
get to Ronnie.

So, did we pass?

Well, let's see.

Lacey mostly talked
about a party

I wasn't invited to.

The seven [bleep] partwas engaging, though.

How about this?
F-plus.

No!

Now I'll never go to Harvard
and make my sick mother proud!

She has the bubonic plague.
Thanks for asking, by the way.

She was camping
in New Mexico,

and some squirrel feces
got in her mouth.

[ Sobbing ]

[ Ratchet cranking ][ Register beeping ]

What the hell?!

Where's my car?

Which one's yours?
The yellow F-150?

No, Klaus.

You said two days.

It's been a month.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I have a lot to do
around here.

I just finished making sure
the coffee is super-bitter,

greased up all the
Sports Illustrateds,

and some jerk keeps lowering
the volume on "TMZ."

Fine.You can have two more days.

Two days.
Ooh!

That's when your Coleman
beer-can chicken roaster rack

is supposed to arrive.

Ugh! Too bad
your Good Grips salad spinner

is back-ordered
for another week.

That could have
been a cool combo

for, like, backyard party.

Have you been spyingon my Amazon account?

Yes.
Why?

I think you have
an exciting account.

Thank you.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Bell tolls ]

Listen up.

We have some unsavory newsto share.

I'm going to turn itover to Cheryl,

my colleague hereand at Yoshinoya Beef Bowl.

Thank you,
my Beef Bowl brother.

Okay.
This is never easy.

Tragically, last night,

Lacey Krinklehoel
took her own life.

She jumped from the clock tower
after unnecessarily dragging

a long wooden plank
to the top.

Apparently, she was,
until the very end,

so proud of her work
in her high-school production

of "Pirates of Penzance."

And one!

Oh, please. You guys don'tknow her like I do.

She's gonna be fine.

And so, in accordance withGroff Community College by-laws,

the partner of any student
who commits suicide

is awarded an automatic "A."

No!

In lieu of official
grief counseling,

the school is partnering
with Yoshinoya

to offer all grieving
students coupons

for brown rice
at the white-rice price.

Now, I'm gonna
tell you up front,

because we've had some issues,
it is a mail-in rebate.

So, come on down
to Yoshinoya

so we can get to Yoshi-know
each other.

♪♪

Here's an apartmentthat's perfect for us.

This is a photo of a cup.

I'm thirsty.

Oh, my God!
I just heard about Lacey.

That's crazy!

I can't believe
you killed her.

I passed my class
because of you.

Oh, my God!
The bylaws!

I didn't even think about
Section 13A, Subset "G."

But that would mean
you're gonna graduate.

And I didn't hire theseshirtless movers for nothing!

Let's see if my stud
finder's working.

[ Device beeps ]

[ Beeping intensifies ]

Stud detected.

[ Beeping stops ]

[ Screams ]

[ Thud ][ Man scream ]

Ah,
the classic stud-finder bit.

I know it's a dad joke,
but I still like it.

♪♪

[ Ratchet cranking ]It's been two days!

Give me my damn car!

Which one is it?Klaus!

I'm kidding.
It's ready.

I'll have my guy
bring it around.

Mijo!

I know what's going on
in my shop.

Did Steve
learn Spanish?

I think you're really gonna likewhat we did.

[ High-pitched whistling ][ Engine revs ]

What is that noise?

Whistle tips!

[ Tires screech ]

[ Hydraulics hiss ]

Klaus: Okay, pay attention.

You've got an 8-ball
stick shift now.

Very cool.

I know it was
an automatic before.

It's kind of
a hybrid now.

For gears 1 and 2,
you have to shift,

but, realistically, how often
do you use those gears?

We installed
a nitrous button.

It's not connected to anything,
but it's there.

This is a disaster,
Klaus.

Um, check again.

I added a super-super-
long antenna.

It has incredible bounce.
Look how it catches the wind.

You don't even feel,
Francine.

♪♪

Tomorrow,
my little girl receives

her community-college
diploma --

color-printed
and laminated.

To Hayley's diploma.

It's just a stupid piece
of paper.

I've got a whole
ream of paper.

I can print whatever
I want on it.

You sure can.

But every day is your day,
honey.

Today, we're celebrating
the girl.

To Hayley!
To my room!

To my new room!
Hip, hip...

All but Jeff: Hooray!Opotamus!

Oh, don't feel bad, Hayley.

You didn't have a chanceto beat Lacey.

She was possiblymy greatest creation.

What?!

She was the most boring,
uninspired persona

you have ever had.

Uninspired?!

She was flawless.

She sucked.

She was an angel.

It's a tragedy
she had to die

just to get you
out of your room.

I guess that's
the silver lining --

Lacey's dead.

You keep her name outof your mouth!

Hmm. You're really
sensitive about this.

I'm sorry that I'm sensitiveabout sacrificing

such a brave
and confident soul.

I'm so upset,I can't even eat my side salad.

Look at this pale tomato wedgeI was so excited to eat.

It's the color
of uncooked salmon,

the most delicious colorof all!

[ Sobbing ]

I'm gonna take this.[ Sobbing continues ]

Hmm.

♪♪

Cheryl: Okeydokey,
one more warm hand

for your commencement speaker,

Mr. Giggles
and his goofy balloon show!

I am sorry there
wasn't enough time

for him to make a hat
for everybody.

And now your student speaker,

Hayley Smith.

[ Applause ]

Thank you.

This may surprise some of you,
but up until recently,

I didn't even want
to graduate.

I was scared.

But then I met someone
who changed all that,

Lacey Krinklehoel.

Sounds like
quite the young woman.

Heard her mother
was sick.

Lacey was the only person
I knew

who was more afraid
and insecure than I was.

That doesn't sound
right, exactly.

Seeing how pathetic she was
made me feel braver

and more confident.

She lied to try
and fit in.

She lied about
volunteering.

She lied about
her field-hockey triumphs.

She didn't lie
about loving horses.

She even lied about starring
in "Pirates of Penzance."

She's entering libel terr--
t-territory now.

But today,
isn't about her.

In fact, it will never
be about her again,

because she's as dead
as she was boring.

♪ Penzance! Penzance! [ All gasp ]

♪ We're the Pirates
of Penzance! ♪

♪ We got treasure
Cannonballs ♪

♪ There's a parrot,
probably ♪

♪ So hoist the sailsand anchors aweigh ♪

♪ Kiss your mom,
submarine ♪

♪ We're the Pirates
of Penzance ♪

♪ A well-received play!

Lacey Krinklehoel alive?

Change the transcripts!
Hayley Smith fails!

Hayley stays!

[ Class cheers ]

That was some shit,
Hayley.

I warned you.Well, game respects game.

For what it's worth,if you did graduate,

I think you'd be just fineon the outside.

Maybe, but I hope
I never have to find out.

Oh, I got to bounce.

My character who getstrapped in elevators

needs to getfood poisoning first.

It really makes everyone
I'm stuck with

feelthe panic.

[ Pen scribbling ]

Is that
a Decepticon sticker?

Klaus?Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Wow! Wow!
Okay, then.

I don't know what to say,
other than this car...

rules!

And this thing is
nitrous-ready?

Ready and waiting.

Bye-bye, bad guys.

[ Hydraulics hiss ]

This all looks great,
ma'am.

Only thing I have
to charge you for

is this dent down here
in the corner.

Klaus!

Oh, did your goldfish not

do a good-enough job
fixing your car?

Bye!
Have a great time!