All language subtitles for Ms.Pat.Settles.It.S03E08.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE_track3_[eng]

- All rise!
- Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat,

and I know the inside
of a courtroom.

Man, that girl is innocent!

You ain't the damn judge.

Get ready to see
real cases.

I want you out of my house.

Real drama and real money
on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends
to court as my jury.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have
started this mess,

but you know
I'm gonna settle it.

Ms. Pat, Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

MAN:
See, that's my tooth.

You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have
a good time together.

BOTH: We do.

All rise, because court
is back in session.

You might as well keep
your hands and feet

inside the courtroom
at all times,

because it's about to be
a crazy-ass ride.

All rise for Ms. Pat.

- MS. PAT: Hey, y'all.
- Hey.

Y'all, sit down.

- Hey, jury.
- Hey.

- How you doing Navv?
- Blessed and highly favored.

- That's a lie.
- [laughter]

All right, bailiff,
get to baliff-ing, bailiff.

This is the case
of Jackson versus Simone.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Jammie Jackson

is suing her friend and
fellow comedian Coco

for $2,100, the amount
she says Coco made

selling tickets
that weren't hers to sell.

Defendant Coco Simone says
Jammie must be joking.

She sold the ticket,

so she should get
to keep the money.

Coco feels like
she was set up,

but she won't be
the punchline.

...tell the truth,
the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth,
so help you, God?

Before we get started,
I just want to let you know

this is my jury
and they funny-as-hell,

so if you laugh smart,
you win big.

[laughter]

All right.

- So, Jammie?
- Yes, ma'am.

- Coco?
- Yes, ma'am.

All right, not one of y'all
came to court

with y'all legal name,
but okay.

Jammie, tell me
why you're here today.

I am here, Your Honor,
to sue Coco, right there,

for $2,100 because
I put on a comedy showcase.

I specifically told Coco
to sell ten tickets.

That's how she'll be paid
for being on my comedy showcase.

Anything over ten tickets
needs to come to me

because I have expenses.

I have to pay the DJ,
I have to pay the security,

the host, the other comedians
that's on the showcase.

That's why I only asked her
specifically

- for ten tickets, okay?
- Okay.

But she gonna go and sell out
the whole doggone theater

and leave me with
no money, Your Honor.

Therefore, I'm here
to get my money.

I ain't get a dime,
not even a penny

- with a hole in it, okay?
- What's your side, Coco?

Ms. Your Honor Pat,

I don't know why
she brought us here.

She's wasting
the court's time.

Y'all need to hold her
in contempt.

She said, "Sell ten tickets,

and that's how
you get paid."

I sold the ten tickets.

After I sold them,
I called her

and told her
I sold the ten tickets.

- You know what she told me?
- What?

"Go and sell it out, sis."

- She gave me instructions.
- She a liar, everybody see it.

Don't cut me off,
I was being nice.

- Now don't do that.
- So let me ask you this.

How did you sell
that many tickets?

I harassed my friends.

I was in people's DMs,
I was calling people.

I was sending requests.

"Pay for these tickets
right now today."

She stood on business, baby.

Ticket master Coco.

[laughter]

How many other comedians
was on the show?

Three.

And they didn't sell nothing.

They ain't got that
Coco in them.

They didn't have
no tickets to sell.

Was that a physical ticket
or whatever she sold?

- JAMMIE: Exactly.
- Did she just get

cash app at the time?

She got cash app
at the time.

It was not
a physical ticket.

She was writing
people's names down?

That's exactly what she did

and then turned it into
the ticket box office manager.

That's how I found out.

I should have sold some
tickets too.

COCO: I'm a hustler,
I'm a hustler.

DERAY: I like you.

Let's do some
business together.

I'm about to come up.

So she sold the ten tickets
she was going to make.

The ticket was $35?

- JAMMIE: Yes, ma'am.
- So $350, that's not bad.

Right.
That's what I felt like.

The ten was to pay her
for being on my showcase

that I worked hard
to put together.

How much did you pay
for the venue?

$2,100, Your Honor.

I paid out of my pocket.

Did you have a contract?

- Mm-mm.
- Yes, I did.

I had a verbal
contract with her.

I put it in text.

- You put it in text?
- Yes, ma'am.

MS. PAT:
Let me see it.

I got the contract,
right here.

What contract?

The one that
she did not give me

that's written
in invisible ink

that ain't got nothing on it

because she didn't give
me no contract.

You a liar. Your Honor,

I don't have it
with me on text,

but I do got the invoice
from the venue.

- MS. PAT: Let me see it.
- I told her on text, ten...

She typed that up
in the hotel last night.

[indistinct] ...on herself,
Your Honor, in front of y'all.

That's why she reached back
out after she sold the ten.

DERAY: Is that what you
had to pay, right there,

- that was...
- JAMMIE: Yes.

MS. PAT: This is all
a come-up moment.

You sold her extra
60 tickets.

Why you didn't
give her the money?

She didn't communicate that
with me, Ms. Your Honor Pat.

She told me
to sell the tickets.

She ain't never say
give her the money.

MS. PAT:
Let's-- stop.

Did you really feel
in your heart over there

that that was
your money?

Yeah, she told me
to sell them.

She told you to sell ten.

- She was scalping.
- [laughter]

Let me say this.

Had she did this to you,
how would you be feeling?

I'd have took my money
out of her ass-- excuse me.

- You a gangster.
- We is two different people.

We operate differently.

Jury, come on.
Let me hear from Nene.

Your reputation goes far
in the entertainment industry.

If people are hearing
that you're doing bad business,

doing everybody dirty,
you'll never work.

I feel like
I can relate to you

because I got
that hustle in me.

And if you telling me
that this is how I get paid,

I'm going to do
whatever I can do

to make the most money.

But at the end of the day,
this is your friend.

I just want to say this.

Be careful
how you treat people.

- That's right.
- Because you never know

who's next. Let me ask you
this, Jammie,

how have this affected
your relationship?

I felt like she was somebody
that can help me

get to the next level
and I can help her.

We just piggyback
off each other

and do shows
and things together.

What do you mean by
the "next level"?

I'm inspired to be like
a celebrity big-time comedian

- doing stand-up all the time.
- Can I stop you there?

Can I say something to you?

I've been there,
trying to find your way.

I never did this
for the money.

Every time I walked out of
my house and left my husband,

I did it because it was
something that I liked to do.

Because when you find
something you like to do,

can't nobody stop you
from doing it.

My sister been smoking
crack for years.

And we can't get off of it
because she's in love with it.

And that's how
I'm in love with comedy.

The analogy's been crazy.

[laughter]

So I've come to my
final decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

- ...the plaintiff, Jammie.
- [applause]

Coco, you're ordered
to pay Jammie $1,750.

Coco, you sold 50 extra
tickets at $35 each,

which is $1,750.

But I hope we can
walk out here as a winner

and put a friendship
back together.

Y'all gonna need each other.

Absolutely.

I just settled it.

Y'all get out of
my courtroom.

[applause]

Can I have a hug?

- MS. PAT: Yes, please hug.
- ALL: Aww...

[applause]

Pat is, like, the best
worst friend ever.

Probably three days
after my husband died,

Pat calls me up
and curses me out

worse than I have ever been
cursed out in my life.

Says, "Get your ass up
out that goddamn bed, bitch.

"You gonna make it through
this, resting is over.

"Goddamn it, he dead,
he ain't coming back.

"You gotta keep
your ass up.

You gotta put
the foot forward."

She was right,
and I bounced back.

So that's
a damn good friend.

[applause]

She didn't put the oil filter
in correctly,

so it leaked.

So they have to
rebuild the engine.

Did you check
the signal light fluid?

It wasn't
in the YouTube video.

Ain't no such thing
as no signal light fluid!

You gotta come here
dressed like a mechanic.

CARMEN: He was dropping money.
Goodness.

MAN: I had to pay
the movers plus gas,

roughly around, like,
$2,300.

Did you sponsor the move

because you wanted
to be in a relationship?

No and yes,
if that's possible.

No, it's not.

MS. PAT: Okay, jury,
I see y'all over there.

Y'all came to slay
and judge.

I see ya, I see ya,
I see ya.

- Judgment.
- You feeling a little judgy?

Ain't nothing wrong
with feeling

a little judgy,
am I right?

Come on, bailiff,
start bailiff-ing.

This is the case of Spiller
versus Obinyan.

KARLOUS:
That's a hell of a name.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Melanie Spiller

is suing her friend
Brittany for $5,000

after Brittany wrecked her whip
with a bad oil change.

She says Brittany
was in over her head

and ruined her
beloved Chevy.

Defendant Brittany Obinyan
says she was trying

to do her friend a favor
with the oil change

and doesn't
owe her anything.

Big ass assistant
manager pants.

ANNOUNCER:
The car got fixed,

so why is Melanie
driven to sue?

...and nothing but the truth,
so help you, God?

MS. PAT:
All right, Melanie,

tell me why we're here today,
girlfriend.

Ms. Pat,
I'm here to sue my friend

of over ten years
for $5,000.

She was supposed to do
an oil change

on my 1998 Chevy S-10,

my grandma's heirloom
to me,

and she destroyed it.

- From an oil change?
- From an oil change.

When I actually took it
to a real mechanic,

he said she didn't put
the oil filter in correctly,

so it leaked all over
the rod bearings,

so they have to
rebuild the engine.

Oh, God.

Damn.

Brittany, tell me
your side of this story.

Your Honor,
I don't owe her anything.

I changed the oil,
free of charge.

I don't know about all
the other issues with her car.

Clearly, that car
is older than Jesus.

So, I don't know,
I'm not paying.

[laughter]

MS. PAT: Do you have
a picture of your truck?

I do.

This is my truck
at the mechanic shop.

KARLOUS:
You look so happy.

MS. PAT: Yeah, why are you
posing like that?

Like, "Oh, my car broke."

[laughter]

Melanie, tell me what
happened when you picked up

the truck from her.

I drive it less than
ten miles to my place.

Then when I turned it off
and I get out my truck,

I see there's oil
on the ground.

I sent her a picture
of my truck getting towed

since she's been
dipping and dodging my calls,

and I have my payments
to the mechanic.

So, I already put
$2,000 down,

and this is the remaining
for it to be fixed.

- For that old-ass car?
- [laughter]

So, my truck
is still with him.

He won't work on it
until the full amount is paid.

Let me ask you something.

Why did you let Brittany
fix the car?

She's painted walls for me,
she's fixed my oven.

- I can do that, too.
- She's done everything

without certification.

So, when she told me
she would help me

with my truck oil change...

But that's painting
the walls.

Have you ever changed
oil before this, Brittany?

- I have, I have.
- Are you a mechanic?

I...
You know, Your Honor...

- No, I don't know.
- Listen, listen.

I graduated from
YouTube University.

[laughter]

I'm a DIY queen.

Brittany,
let's keep it real, baby.

You don't know nothing about
no damn car.

It's really easy
to do an oil change.

- Is it?
- It is.

Is it, Karlous?

It's not necessarily hard,

but it ain't easy either
if you ain't a mechanic.

Let me ask you this.

When you popped the hood
to check the oil,

did you check
the signal light fluid?

MELANIE: Yeah.

It wasn't
in the YouTube video.

Ain't no such thing
as no signal light fluid!

[laughter]

So, if the check engine
light come on,

and you just ignore it,

how long before
it go off?

I don't know, I don't ignore
the check engine light.

I go to the mechanic.

You go to the mechanic,

but you want
to be her mechanic?

- [laughter and applause]
- BRITTANY: All right.

All right, all right.

You knew Brittany
was full of shit

when she had them
big-ass pants on.

Hey, she tried to come here
dressed like a mechanic.

MS. PAT:
Let me ask you something.

Why is you investing money
into the car?

- Because it's my grandma's.
- It's a 19--

I want to keep it because
it's my grandma's heirloom.

All right, I'm going on
over here to my jury.

Come on, Deray.

There is a trust factor.

It has been ten years
that y'all been friends.

You know that was wrong.

You know how much
that car meant to her.

You hired your friend
who didn't know anything

about a car, so, again,
you get what you paid for.

Any final remarks
before I make my decision?

An apology
would be appreciated.

So that we can move forward?

Yeah, I don't feel like
I owe her anything.

I don't know.
That's just...

I feel like I was just
trying to help.

So I come to my
final decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the defendant.

Brittany, you don't owe
Melanie anything.

KARLOUS: Really?

You knew your friend
wasn't no mechanic,

but, no, you wanted
things for free.

And when you want
free stuff,

you get somebody
who do your oil change

and forget
to put the filter in.

Brittany, don't you touch
another goddamn car.

Now, I just settled it.

Get out of here.

KARLOUS: That ain't Brittany's
last oil change,

- I bet you that.
- Oh, no, she got to prove

- something to Ms. Pat now.
- MS. PAT: She probably will.

DERAY:
Just to get back at you,

she gonna start tagging you
in every video.

"What you say I can't do?"

I'ma block her.

You did a one-night stand
with this man.

Did you ever
go back for more?

- It must have been horrible.
- [laughter]

You need to listen
to some DMX.

Goddamn, Karlous!

How you feel today,
Ms. Pat?

I feel great.
How y'all feel?

I feel great, too.

I want y'all to know
I did give you

- one of them massages.
- JASMIN: Oh.

She only had two hands,
but it was like she had four.

Karlous,
you are a small man.

Two hands could feel like
four on you.

Who said I was a small man?

I know you.
I look at you.

It's just because you
fall away from me.

- That's all that is.
- No, Karlous.

Let me tell you, if somebody
my size would date you,

we would literally
pick you up.

That's exactly why I be
dating women your size.

Go on, Ms. Pat.

MS. PAT: All right.

Get to bailiff-ing, bailiff.

This is the case
of McCray versus Ellis.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff
William McCray is suing

his ex-situationship,
Alexandria, for $2,300.

He says he paid
for her to move in with him

and then she took
advantage of his kindness.

Got a collar like Popeye
the Sailor man.

ANNOUNCER: Defendant
Alexandria Ellis admits

he paid for things,
but says they were gifts,

so why should
she be paying him back?

Plus,
William crashed her car,

so she's countersuing
for $1,500.

If he pays for the wreck,
she says they'll be even.

...and nothing but the truth,
so help you, God?

- I do.
- I do.

MS. PAT: Tell me why
you're here, William.

I'm suing my ex-situationship
for $2,300

for a move since I tried
to take it to the next level.

She pretty much
debted me on that.

So I'm here to get back
what I lost financially

and lost
emotionally today.

- Alex, tell me your side.
- Yes, Your Honor.

So I'm here because
Mr. McCray is suing me

for what he calls moving costs
that he offered to help.

I moved from New York.
He paid for everything.

Everything was a gift.

The drive, the U-Haul.

We've never had
a relationship.

We've always known each other
for over 20 years.

But I'm also
countersuing him.

He crashed my car.

And I had to come
out of my pocket $1500.

- $1500? Okay.
- Yes, ma'am.

What did you move into,
his house?

To his house.

He offered for me to stay
to get myself together,

look for a job.

I provided the groceries.

- I had my own room.
- William, did you know

that she was moving
in the other room?

Yeah.
I offered it to her.

How long were you living
with William?

Six months.

Did he tell you
if you had to pay any rent?

No, ma'am.

William, why did you
help Alex move?

I helped her move because,
you know,

I'm a good person and she had
reached out one day.

She said, "I want to get
out of this place."

I was like,
come down this weekend.

Come see if you really
like Atlanta.

MS. PAT: And you took her
all the way

- from New York to Atlanta?
- Yes.

- Do you have proof?
- Yes.

Why would you move her
from New York?

There's plenty
of women in Atlanta.

We were friends.

You could have stayed your
friendly ass in the Bronx.

[laughter]

He was dropping money.

- Goodness.
-I had to pay the movers,

- plus gas.
- MS. PAT: Let me see that.

WILLIAM:
Roughly around like, $2300.

- I see what you were spending.
- But want his money back.

I would have wanted
my money back, too.

Don't work like that,
though.

MS. PAT:
So you all in a relationship?

WOMAN: No.
No, this is my friend.

Did you sponsor the move
because you wanted

to be in a relationship?

No and yes,
if that's possible.

- No, it's not.
- Well...

You have sex?

No, not at that time.

- At that time?
- ALL: Ooh...

One-night stand.

You did a one-night stand
with this man

- in his own house?
- Yes.

Did you ever go back
for more?

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff William McCray

is suing his ex-situationship
Alexandria

for $2,300,
claiming she led him on.

The defendant, Alexandria Ellis,
is countersuing for $1,500

after William
crashed her car.

Ms. Pat is ready
to settle this wreck of a case.

You have sex?

No, not at that time.

At that time?

- One-night stand.
- ALL: Ooh...

You did a one-night stand
with this man

- in his own house?
- Yes.

Did you ever go back
for more?

It must have been
horrible.

[laughter]

It must have been horrible.

MS. PAT:
For a woman to not go back,

she called somebody
and said, "Nah."

[laughter]

All right,
let's get to the car.

You're suing him.
What happened to your car?

He asked me,
could he use my car

while I was out of town.

I said, of course,
because we're friends.

And I got a phone call
from my insurance

that he crashed my car.

He didn't even call
and tell me that he did that.

So what type of friend
is that?

So now you know
how it feels doing

a hit and run
the way you did him.

Do you have any evidence?

Yes, I do, Your Honor.

I have photos.

CARMEN: Oh, girl, you could get
a plunger and fix that.

[laughter]

Well, I'm gonna
go on over here to my jury.

Come on, Safaree,
tell me what you think.

This is a good man,
right here,

and she knew that,

and she took
advantage of him.

Like, look, come on.

A girl know they could
get over on him.

You know what you're doing,
because we all done did it.

And another thing is,
if you see a sucker,

go and get a lick, then.

I also believe that.

However,
he's your friend, though.

You don't do that
to your friend.

She was
a good friend to me.

It's not all about
receiving sometimes.

- It's sometimes about...
- Bro, stop.

- [laughter]
- She don't like you.

She don't like you.

Goddamn, Karlous!

You need to listen
to some DMX.

Okay, I've come to
my final decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in the favor of...

...the plaintiff, William.

[applause]

Alex, you're ordered
to pay William $2300.

And let me tell you why.

Because you stayed at
that man's house

for six months, and you don't
treat him right.

As far as your
$1500 countersuit,

it's denied.

Because that man
went above and beyond for you.

You led him on.

You don't lead people on.
If you don't want him,

then you shouldn't
have moved out here.

Keep your head up,
brother.

All women ain't like her.

I appreciate it.

Shit, they take you to CVS

and fill in that
little hole, right there,

you're going to be all right.

I just settled it.

CARMEN:
All right, y'all...

KARLOUS: All right, y'all,
get the hell out.

Get your ass out of here.

You hear most people speak
on relationship,

it's 50-50 now.

Well, I've been married
for 32 years,

it wasn't no 50-50.

My husband paid
all my Section 8 rent.

All $9 of it.

It was $39.

- Did she give you $2500?
- She did.

Did she have to pay you
back for that?

I mean,
I borrowed it from somebody.

- KARLOUS: From who?
- So you owe somebody else

some money, too?

She purposely glued
my lashes together.

- She has sperm in her eyes.
- What the hell?

She's the realest mother [bleep]
I've ever met in my life.

MAN:
She borrowed $875 from me.

- I found out it was for a BBL.
- PLAINTIFF: Man, be quiet.

you need to pay
to get your knees done.

They already pleading guilty.
Knocking on each other.

[laughter]