All language subtitles for Ms.Pat.Settles.It.S03E06.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE_track3_[eng]

- All rise.
- Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat,

and I know the inside
of a courtroom.

Man, that girl is innocent!

You ain't the damn judge.

Get ready to see real cases.

I want you out of my house.

Real drama and real money
on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends
to court as my jury.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have started
this mess,

but you know
I'm gonna settle it.

Ms. Pat, Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

MAN:
See, that's my tooth.

You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have
a good time together.

We do.

All rise, because court
is back in session.

All right, jury,
this courtroom has two rules.

Number one,
I'm always right.

Number two,
I'm always right.

You think I came here
to disagree with you?

You better never forget
I'm always right.

Come on, bailiff.
Go ahead and start, bailiff.

This is the case
of McNulty versus McNulty.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Gwyn McNulty

is suing her mother,
Lynn, for $4,500.

Gwyn says she gave Mom
her credit card

to help with vet bills,

but Lynn kept
ringing up charges

for a total
cosmetic blow-up.

Defendant Lynn McNulty says
her daughter is being petty.

For all her work
as a mom,

she deserves
some credit.

Ms. Pat,
you done made it.

You got minorities in your
courtroom and everything.

[laughter]

BAILIFF: Y'all swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth,
so help you, God?

BOTH: Yes.

Before we get started,
I just want to let y'all know

that this damn jury is wilder
than your last family reunion.

And I know y'all be wild.

[laughter]

So, tell me why
we're here, Gwyn.

I'm here to sue my mom
or $4,500

for using my care credit
to get lip injections,

Botox, and weight loss.

- They did their mama, bam!
- [laughter]

So, why did you give
your mama access

to your credit card?

Originally, it was used for her
dog, for, like, the vet.

Then once he passed,
I thought I wouldn't have to,

like, worry about it.

But she continued to use it.

So, you would
take care of a dog,

but not your own mama?

To be fair,
she's always looked good.

Like, she doesn't
need all that.

Okay, Mama, tell me
why your grown-ass child

drug you into
this courtroom today.

Well, I'm in shock
that she's suing me,

for one thing.

Um, she gave me
the care credit card,

and, yeah, I didn't think
a couple other

little cosmetic procedures

was gonna be
that big of a deal,

and I don't owe you
anything.

And so, what did you get
with the care credit card?

I got some
dental work done,

and then I had lip
injections, filler,

and weight loss injections.

MS. PAT: So, how did you find
out she used it?

GWYN: It notified me on my app
that my card was maxed out,

and then right when
it notified me,

credit went down 100 points.

- And that's a lot.
- That's a lot.

GWYN: It's a lot.

A white dude would say "a lot"
like that, they,

- "That's a lot."
- Yeah, it's a lot.

- Do you have proof?
- Yes.

NENE: You max those cards out,
that'll do it.

You literally turned
your daughter into a minority

with this score.

It's bad.

I asked for white people
on my show this year,

but not this kind.

[laughter]

How much did you spend
to take it down that far?

Well,
I spent over $5,000,

but I wasn't able
to pay it

because the real estate
market took a turn.

- MS. PAT: You sell houses?
- Yes.

That's why I needed the work,
on my face.

So, you think people
won't buy houses from you

if you got wrinkles
in your face?

- Well...
- Have you got smaller lips?

She's like, "Look at the new
home and this new face."

[laughter]

GWYN: That's a lot of work done
for that much price.

- It's a lot, though.
- LYNN: Not really.

-You don't get a lot for $5,000.
- You don't.

Mama, you should have
pretended the dog

was still alive.

The dog just got
some work done.

You should have put
that bill in the dog's name.

He right.

How did it affect you, Gwyn,
by her using your credit card?

Well, the whole reason why

I want my credit card
to go back up, even,

is to join the Air Force,
and to join the Air Force,

you have to have good credit
for job security reasons.

Yes, I ain't never going!

Were you the sole reason

for her ruining her credit
and her career?

Um, no, Your Honor.

She also took a trip
with her girlfriend to Hawaii.

As we all know how
credit works,

I mean, if you charge up
your cards, then,

you know, it's going
to be affected.

What part of Hawaii did you
and your girlfriend go to?

Waikiki.

And so how much did you
spend in Waikiki?

$3,000.

- Do you live with your mom?
- I do.

I mean, you can't blame
your mama.

You maxed out
your card, too.

And plus, you live
with your mama.

Mama, hold on.
I got to be a mama now.

Did she pay you rent?

She just started
paying me rent.

How much rent
did you charge her?

$750.

MS. PAT: $750.
How old are you?

- Do you mind if I ask?
- I'm 65.

- What?
- You look great.

You look good to be 65.

Well, thank you.

What did you look like before?

Well, I've got some evidence,
if you'd like to see it.

Let me see the evidence.

And let me see if this
was worth

stealing your
daughter's credit card.

She was a Black woman.

[laughter]

[laughter]

MS. PAT: You should have stole
two cards.

CARMEN: Right?

No, she was 71
before she did this.

[laughter]

Come on, Karlous,
help me out here.

KARLOUS: I hate to see family
fighting over money.

You can make
some more money.

You don't get but one Mama.

CARMEN:
I just have one question.

Remember, you are
under oath, ma'am.

Who was the doctor, child?
You is nice!

Any final words before
I go and make my decision?

GWYN: Yes. I'm just trying to
get my credit score back up

so I can join the military.

That's all I really
want out of this.

I do love my mom,
but she does owe me the money.

Okay, Mama,
any final words?

I hate to say it,
but my only final words are,

I wish her credit score
was higher so I could have

gotten more Botox
because I need it now.

- DERAY: Wow.
- [laughter]

Whoa, gangster mama.

What the hell?

With that said, I've come
to my final decision,

and I'm ready to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the defendant, Lynn.

Let me just tell you this,
young lady.

You're the reason why
your mama has wrinkles.

You're the reason why
her lips are thin,

her boobs are hanging
and she wear panty liners.

All that she put her body
through to carry you.

How ungrateful.

How you know her mama
wear panty liners?

[laughing]
She's 65.

So your mother
went through a lot,

and you know what?

You ought to be thankful
that you could afford to even

pay back what she stole.

[laughter]

I just settled it.

[laughter]

She did look good for 65.

I mean, they smooth
that face out, baby.

They bring that shit back
like a lawnmower.

[vocalizing lawnmower]

[laughter]

Next case.

Would you like
to try this one?

This smell like medicine.

Just look.

Black people, stop this
skin care shit, okay?

[laughter]

I actually got hit by a car
in December.

- You got hit by a car?
- I got hit by a car.

- That's karma.
- Ooh...

Was it Holly?

Ooh, jury,
I love a good mess.

Y'all the best-looking
cleanup crew

I done seen
in a long damn time.

CARMEN:
Cleanup crew? Huh.

Cleanup crew is a downgrade,
we better than that.

No, they might work
for the city.

Make a little payment.

You know you can go
so close to hell.

I don't even want you
to go to hell.

I want you to get close,
and your booty hole burn up,

- and then you come on back.
- CARMEN: Oh, my God!

Not his booty hole.

[laughter]

All right, bailiff,
start bailiff-ing.

This is the case
of Davis versus Davis.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Samatha Davis

is suing her sister Dinah
for $1,750,

claiming she kept half of
a job referral bonus

that Samatha had
fronted her before she quit...

Come on,
Delta flight attendant.

ANNOUNCER: ...and kept the cash
even after her sister

was forced to pay it back.

ANNOUNCER:
Defendant Dinah Davis argues

that her sister
never told her

about the referral
stipulations.

She says Samatha
needs to quit playing dumb.

She doesn't owe her a dime.

BAILIFF: Y'all swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth,
so help you, God?

All right.

So, Samatha, tell me
why you're here today.

I am here today
because I am suing my sister

for $1,750.

We both agreed to a job
and I brought her on

as a sign-on bonus
for $3,500

and I split it with her
and she quit.

So, I needed
to repay that bonus.

MS. PAT: What's your side
of the story?

Your Honor, my sister
did not go over

the details and state
that I had to stay at the job

for a certain amount of time

for the bonus to be
rendered unto us.

- I shouldn't have had to!
- I took the money

because she gave it.

MS. PAT:
Tell me about the job.

Yes, it's a data entry job.

So, let me get this right.

When you referred her,

they gave you
the bonus up front?

Yes.

And what did y'all need to do
to get this bonus?

Um, at least stay for at least
a month or so

in order to keep the bonus.

- A month?
- At least.

And you was there
how long before you left?

- Two weeks.
- Two weeks?

Man, this generation
is lazy as hell.

As hell.

MS. PAT: How did you find out
she quit that job?

I received an email
and I got fired

because my referral was

a negative reflection
on my work.

Damn.

MS. PAT: You got the email?
Let me see it.

- Yes, ma'am, I do.
- That is wrong.

The Pearl Referral
Bonus Policy, the $3,500

referral bonus,
upon the referral candidate

remaining employed
at least eight weeks.

Oh, so that's more than
a month.

MS. PAT: How many jobs has she
quit like this so quickly?

I lost count.
You gotta ask her.

Pat, you better hurry up

or she about to quit
this case in a minute.

[laughter]

Honestly, I did not mean
for my sister to lose her job.

But after two weeks
of working the job,

I just noticed that it was
not for me, so I quit.

Sweet and simple.

I took the half
of the bonus

and I invested it in myself
to start a skin care...

- A skin care...
- Ooh, [bleep].

- DINAH: Ma'am.
- I mean...

Just look.

Black people, stop this
skin care shit, okay?

I'm so tired of y'all
taking Noxzema

and adding
baby oil in there

and talking about
it's a skin care.

Stop it, Black people.

I know it's Noxzema.

Would you like to try
this one?

Oh, she got a sample?

Let me try that, please.

Hey, don't put nothing on
in this courtroom

and it break you out,
because I can't take it.

CARMEN: Is it beneficial
for the skin?

MS. PAT:
Of course it is.

I better get
some of that cream

before you quit that, too.

This smell like medicine.

DINAH:
It's oil of oregano.

- Girl!
- It's flaxseed or coconut oil.

Now, you need to put
a little fragrance in there.

Oh, my sinuses has been
backed up for three weeks, girl.

Thank you.

MS. PAT:
I got a question.

Do y'all live together?

- DINAH: Yes.
- Do you split the bills?

I pay the bills.

What?

I just feel as if
it's an obligation

for my big sister,
for my growth.

Baby, you 25,
you're done growing.

You ain't going to get
no taller.

Yes, ma'am.

Okay. I'm going to go over
to my jury.

Come on, Carmen,
tell me what you think.

You know what?
You remind me of myself.

You know, when I was 25,

I used to go through
them jobs quick.

Only difference is,
I was getting fired.

At least you quit.

Listen, I wouldn't have split
a damn thing with her.

You ain't splitting
them bills.

Teach her a lesson.
Kick her ass out.

I'm just saying.

I've come to my
final decision.

I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in the favor of...

...the plaintiff, Samatha.

[applause]

Dinah, you ordered
to pay Samatha $1750,

her half of the bonus
because you was wrong

to even take the bonus.

You know
what you was doing.

You said, I'm going
to get there,

get that signing bonus,
and I'm going to take

that little extra money,
and I'm going to

invest it into this
hair grease, body balm,

lotion, whatever the hell
you over there creating

up in your mama kitchen.

You selfish.

If you were my sister,
I'd have beat you.

Yeah, I'd beat you.

It ain't too late.

All right,
get out of my courtroom.

I just settled it.

Heartless.

MS. PAT:
Now, let me say this.

This is literally Vaseline
and pine cones from outside.

All right,
come on, bailiff.

Next case.

Stop the hollering.
Why we calling you doctor?

- What you do?
- [laughter]

I'm a licensed therapist.

So if you
a licensed therapist,

why you didn't
fix this shit?

How you doing, jury?

- CARMEN: Hey.
- JASMIN: Hey, girl.

Just in case nobody told you,

I just want to let you know
that you are kind,

you are funny, and you are
dramatic as hell.

[laughter]

CARMEN:
Well, thank you.

I take that
as a compliment.

I knew she wasn't
talking to me.

Because it was too nice.

[laughter]

Bailiff, please start
bailiff-ing.

ANNOUNCER: This is the case
of Sawyer versus Ejelonu.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER: Dr. Holly Sawyer is
suing her friend

and former travel buddy,
Akudo Ejelonu, for $1,200...

JASMIN:
She look mean as hell.

She ready to slap a bitch.

ANNOUNCER: ...claiming Akudo
bailed on their trips

and left her
holding the bag.

But Akudo says she backed out
before takeoff.

Not the knee brace.

ANNOUNCER: And doesn't owe
Dr. Holly anything.

After a string of bad luck,
Akudo's hoping

this case is her
one-way ticket to the win.

Try and get that settlement.

[laughter]

BAILIFF: Raise y'all
right hand for me?

Y'all swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth,
so help you, God?

Yes, sir.

MS. PAT:
All right, so Dr. Holly.

- Yes.
- Okay, and you're Akudo.

A-ku-do.

Akudo.

All right, Dr. Holly,
tell me why we're here today.

We travel and do
stand-up comedy,

and we split
all the expenses.

Last year, we planned out
for the year,

hotels, rental cars,

and the total amount
is for $2400,

but we split it.

And she decided she wasn't
gonna pay me

my half of the trips.

Akudo, tell me
your side of the story.

I actually got hit
by a car in December.

What?
You got hit by a car?

I got hit by a car.

That's why you was
walking like that?

Oh, that's why
you got the knee brace on?

- AKUDO: Yep.
- That's karma.

Ooh!

Was it Holly?

[laughter]

AKUDO: Holly was with me,
so she was aware

that I got hit by a car.

She was aware that
I canceled traveling.

So you just wanted her
to be there, no matter what,

rain, sleet, or snow,
or hit by a car,

you must be there.

The show must go on, yes.

She has to be there,
because everything was

already paid for,
so now everything fell on me.

I can't.

MS. PAT: Y'all just brought
a whole new term

to "breaking a leg."

[laughter]

Dr. Holly, when did Akudo
stop paying her share?

September.

We are in Omaha.

I'm there by myself.
She ghosted me.

I didn't even know
she wasn't even coming.

After that, it was
Portland, Oregon.

No money.

And then San Francisco,
when we got booked,

I asked her about
the money,

and she was like,
"I'm not paying you."

-MS. PAT: Do you have any proof?
- Yes.

Let me get the proof,
please.

SAFAREE: Ooh.

Stink face.

[laughter]

Okay.

HOLLY:
The total was $2400,

and that's
all the expenses.

Did you agree
to split these trips?

We agreed to split
some of the expenses.

So why didn't you split them?

I got hit
by a car in December,

and I told the producers
that I cannot travel,

and Holly was aware
of that.

She still decided
to go on the trip on her own,

so that's her responsibility
and her cost.

Did you ever tell Holly
that you could not go?

[high-pitched]
I told her.

She lying, because
her voice got high.

BOTH:
"I told her."

MS. PAT: You have any proof
you told her?

I told her verbally.

Mmm.

After I got there,
after I got the rental car,

checked into the hotel,
the time is ticking.

Holly was with me
when I got hit by a car,

so I'm confused.

I'm like, hello,
where are you at?

"Oh, I'm not coming."
Excuse me?

Well, Ms. Pat, Your Honor,

can I bring one piece of
evidence, please?

- Yes.
- Your book.

- What about my book?
- Because you said,

when it came
to your family,

you had to continue finding
respect for yourself

within your family, but also
find a way for them

to respect you and also
to separate from the bullshit.

So this is like
a lesson for Holly

where I'm trying
to find a way for her

- to actually respect me.
- Are we going to the book

because I got some pages
in here where she actually...

Okay, bring the book.
Bring what?

- I got the book.
- We ready.

- I got the book.
- CARMEN: Oh, shoot, Pat!

They're using
your own book against you.

I love it!
Go ahead on.

ANNOUNCER: Dr. Holly Sawyer
is suing her friend,

Akudo Ejelonu for $1,200,

the amount she paid for trips
which Akudo bailed on.

But Akudo says
she couldn't travel

because she broke her foot.

Ms. Pat's ready to decide
just who needs to foot the bill.

Your Honor, can I bring
one piece of evidence, please?

- Yes.
- Your book.

Are we going to the book

because I got some pages
in here where she actually...

AKUDO: Okay, bring the book.
Bring what?

- I got the book.
- We ready.

- I got the book.
- What chapter, baby?

Oh, shoot, Pat!

They're using your own
book against you.

- I love it! Go ahead on.
- That ain't against me,

that's against them.

What's your chapter,
doctor?

Where Ms. Pat apologized,

but she also said [bleep]
knew they needed to do.

That was you, too.

- Self-reflect.
- No, no, no.

- Doctor.
- This ain't that.

- Self-reflect. Namaste.
- This ain't that.

Dr. Holly,
why we calling you doctor?

- What you do?
- [laughter]

I'm a licensed therapist.

So if you
a licensed therapist,

why you didn't fix
this shit, okay?

You need to get
on your own couch

and talk to yourself.

HOLLY: Because it's business
and not personal.

MS. PAT: But you could have
filed an insurance company

and got paid.

All right, I'm going
on over to my jury.

Come on, Safaree.
I'm going to start with you.

You know what?

I don't care who's right,
who's wrong.

I based it off of what I want
to base it off of,

and I like your biceps.

- Appreciate it, Safaree.
- And that's what's right.

You going with her because
she's strong looking?

No, her biceps, Pat,
her arms, her muscles.

Come on, Karlous.

- They was friends, right?
- Mm-hmm.

You know how comedians do
when you take them on the road?

You pull up at the gas station,
they fake sleep.

Then as soon as
you pull off, they back up.

"Yeah, man.
I'm coming back.

You straight, bro?
You straight?"

So that's exactly what
"I'm cool, though," did.

[laughter]

Before I get out of here,

how have this affected your
relationship, Dr. Holly?

We almost done
with the year,

and we ain't done no shows
this year yet,

and that's not like us.

Think of us as like
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

- I'm Amy.
- And we hit the...

[laughter]

JASMIN: Wow.

Maybe like Max and Regine,
but no.

Okay, I'll take it.

I'll take it.

And we do a lot
of comedy together

because you already know
how hard it can be

- for women in the game.
- Mm-hmm.

You an amazing example,
Ms. Pat, you know,

and I appreciate you
because you inspire me.

Thank you.

And with that said,
I've come to my final decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in the favor of...

...the defendant, Akudo.

[applause]

Yes!

Akudo, you don't owe
Dr. Holly anything.

If you know
she got hit by that car,

why the hell you didn't
start canceling gigs?

At least her half?

I mean, who gonna just
get hit by a car

and bounce back up?

You know,
she got arm strength,

but them knees look weak.

I seen her when
she walked in here.

There ain't a muscle
in her back leg.

[laughter]

I'll settled it.

Get out of my courtroom.

Bye.

Pat, I don't think there's
nothing wrong with her damn leg.

But she still put a heel
on y'all bitches.

It's the way she was
walking on it.

She refused that damn knee.

Why would you be scared to tell
your best friend about a man?

He's here.

I met him
at a adult company.

Can you show us
what you do?

Yes, ma'am, I can.

- [clapping in rhythm]
- One, two, three, four.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.

Couch out, couch out.

Shut up, Deray!

Passsion, that's you?

Yes, ma'am,
with three S's.

So it's spelled wrong.

Pat, she walked in, I seen her
booty from the front.

I know he wanted that ass.