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1
00:00:56,121 --> 00:00:59,222
THE PLANE! THE PLANE!
2
00:01:22,747 --> 00:01:24,225
GOOD GRIEF.
3
00:01:24,249 --> 00:01:27,628
BOSS, IT'S TIME TO
PLAY YOU BET MY FACE.
4
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:29,553
TRY TO GUESS. WHO AM I?
5
00:01:31,423 --> 00:01:32,423
UM...
6
00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:35,303
HUMPHREY BOGART.
7
00:01:35,327 --> 00:01:38,661
OH, BOSS, STOP KIDDING AROUND.
8
00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:48,083
I WORKED MONTHS ON MY
IMPRESSION OF GROUCHO MARX.
9
00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:51,586
YOU KNOW, FOR THE
BIG AMATEUR SHOW.
10
00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:54,122
NOW, DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S TOO MUCH, HUH?
11
00:01:54,146 --> 00:01:56,813
DEFINITELY. SHALL WE
GREET OUR GUESTS?
12
00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:36,864
SMILES, EVERYONE. SMILES.
13
00:02:36,888 --> 00:02:40,023
♪♪
14
00:02:42,027 --> 00:02:46,674
BOSS, LOOK, IT'S DANNY
BAKER, THE FAMOUS COMEDIAN.
15
00:02:46,698 --> 00:02:48,343
HE BREAKS ME UP.
16
00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:51,179
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
MR. BAKER IS HERE FOR A HOLIDAY
17
00:02:51,203 --> 00:02:53,648
AND ALSO TO BE THE
MASTER OF CEREMONIES
18
00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:56,806
FOR THE BIG FANTASY
ISLAND AMATEUR NIGHT SHOW.
19
00:02:58,076 --> 00:03:00,388
DOES HE HAVE A FANTASY? NO.
20
00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:02,357
BUT THE YOUNG MAN WITH HIM DOES.
21
00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:04,259
HE IS MR. JERRY BURTON,
22
00:03:04,283 --> 00:03:07,529
AND FOR THE PAST EIGHT YEARS,
HE'S BEEN MR. BAKER'S WRITER.
23
00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:09,631
WOW. WHAT A TERRIFIC JOB.
24
00:03:09,655 --> 00:03:10,998
PERHAPS.
25
00:03:11,022 --> 00:03:12,667
BUT IT'S A LONG WAY
26
00:03:12,691 --> 00:03:15,836
FROM THE EXCITEMENT AND
WARMTH OF THE SPOTLIGHT.
27
00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:18,606
MR. BURTON WANTS TO
STEP OUT OF OBLIVION
28
00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:20,542
AND INTO THE
CENTER OF THE STAGE,
29
00:03:20,566 --> 00:03:24,011
WHERE HE CAN FULFILL HIS FANTASY
TO BE WHAT HIS EMPLOYER IS...
30
00:03:24,035 --> 00:03:25,547
A STAR COMIC.
31
00:03:25,571 --> 00:03:28,771
BOSS, I DON'T THINK
EVEN YOU CAN HELP HIM.
32
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:34,711
MR. BURTON LOOKS LIKE
A... A KING-SIZED NOTHING.
33
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:40,195
MS. LINDA LARSON.
34
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:43,565
SHE LOOKS LIKE A LADY WHO
CAN HANDLE HER OWN FANTASIES.
35
00:03:43,589 --> 00:03:45,300
DOES SHE REALLY NEED US?
36
00:03:45,324 --> 00:03:47,435
SHE DIDN'T COME
FOR HERSELF, TATTOO.
37
00:03:47,459 --> 00:03:50,205
SHE'S HERE TO HELP
HER SISTER, SANDY.
38
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:53,374
SANDY WAS WELL ON HER WAY
TO BECOME A TOP FASHION MODEL
39
00:03:53,398 --> 00:03:56,844
UNTIL SHE WAS INJURED IN AN
AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENT FIVE YEARS AGO.
40
00:03:56,868 --> 00:03:58,346
THAT'S VERY SAD.
41
00:03:58,370 --> 00:04:00,014
YES, IT IS, TATTOO.
42
00:04:00,038 --> 00:04:02,584
HER DESIRE TO LIVE
SEEMED PARALYZED
43
00:04:02,608 --> 00:04:05,186
ALONG WITH HER
LEGS UNTIL A YEAR AGO,
44
00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:08,489
WHEN SHE BEGAN A PEN PAL
RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN IN PRISON.
45
00:04:08,513 --> 00:04:11,259
HIS LETTERS SEEMED TO
FILL HER WITH HAPPINESS
46
00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:13,728
AND A DESIRE TO
LIVE AND GET WELL.
47
00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:15,363
WHAT DID THE LETTERS SAY?
48
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:17,732
SHE NEVER SHARED
THE CONTENTS, TATTOO.
49
00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:20,034
SHE NEVER TOLD HER
PEN PAL SHE WAS CRIPPLED.
50
00:04:20,058 --> 00:04:23,804
THEN, THREE MONTHS AGO, HIS LETTERS
STOPPED COMING FOR SOME REASON,
51
00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:25,740
AND SHE'S BEEN
DEPRESSED EVER SINCE.
52
00:04:25,764 --> 00:04:29,210
AND THAT'S WHY HER SISTER
BROUGHT HER HERE... TO CHEER HER UP?
53
00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:32,079
MUCH MORE THAN THAT, TATTOO.
SANDY DOESN'T KNOW IT YET,
54
00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:36,217
BUT SHE'S HERE TO FINALLY MEET
HER PEN PAL, MR. MICHAEL BANNING.
55
00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:39,086
BUT, BOSS, YOU SAID
HE WAS IN PRISON.
56
00:04:39,110 --> 00:04:42,022
UNFORTUNATELY, YES.
MAXIMUM SECURITY.
57
00:04:42,046 --> 00:04:43,858
AND AT THIS MOMENT,
HE IS BEING FLOWN
58
00:04:43,882 --> 00:04:46,193
FROM A MILITARY PRISON IN JAPAN
59
00:04:46,217 --> 00:04:48,963
TO LEAVENWORTH PRISON IN KANSAS.
60
00:04:48,987 --> 00:04:52,088
BUT, BOSS, HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO BRING THEM TOGETHER?
61
00:04:57,195 --> 00:05:00,275
MY DEAR GUESTS, I AM
MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.
62
00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:03,466
WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.
63
00:05:26,324 --> 00:05:28,336
AND, UH, THIS IS
WHERE WE'LL HOLD
64
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,771
THE AMATEUR NIGHT
SHOW, MR. BAKER.
65
00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:34,942
I THINK YOU'LL FIND OUR
STAGE RATHER WELL EQUIPPED.
66
00:05:34,966 --> 00:05:36,877
YEAH. YEAH,
EVERYTHING LOOKS OKAY,
67
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,879
BUT I'M GONNA FIX IT UP A
LITTLE, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
68
00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:41,816
PUT SOME MORE SPEAKERS IN THE BACK OF
THE HOUSE. I WANNA MAKE SURE THEY HEAR ME.
69
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,117
AND GET SOME LIGHTS UP
FRONT. LOOK HOW DARK IT IS.
70
00:05:44,141 --> 00:05:46,153
WHAT'S WITH THIS
SCHMATTA HANGING HERE?
71
00:05:46,177 --> 00:05:48,188
IT'S GONNA BLOCK
ABOUT FOUR TABLES.
72
00:05:48,212 --> 00:05:50,858
LET'S HEAR IT FOR
ANOTHER GREAT IMPRESSION
73
00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:54,049
FROM THE WONDERFUL TATTOO.
74
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,131
GOOD EVENING, MUSIC LOVERS.
75
00:05:58,155 --> 00:06:00,501
TONIGHT, I WOULD
LIKE TO PLAY FOR YOU,
76
00:06:00,525 --> 00:06:02,770
FOR MY FIRST SELECTION,
77
00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:05,406
ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVORITES,
78
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:07,663
"THE BEER BARREL POLKA."
79
00:06:13,605 --> 00:06:15,571
♪♪
80
00:06:21,112 --> 00:06:23,145
♪♪
81
00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:41,509
HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
82
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,944
PUT A COUPLE OF LINES ABOUT
THE SHRIMP IN MY ACT, HUH?
83
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:46,448
SEE YOU LATER. BYE, ROARKE.
84
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:50,005
♪♪ UH, TATTOO?
85
00:06:53,545 --> 00:06:54,555
TATTOO!
86
00:06:54,579 --> 00:06:56,123
YES, BOSS?
87
00:06:56,147 --> 00:07:00,428
I THINK THAT IS SUFFICIENT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
88
00:07:00,452 --> 00:07:02,296
IT NEEDS A LOT OF WORK, HUH?
89
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,187
UH, WELL...
90
00:07:10,795 --> 00:07:12,907
UH, MR. BURTON, WHY
DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT?
91
00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:14,597
OH, THANK YOU.
92
00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:21,582
UH, DANNY BAKER RELIES
HEAVILY ON YOU, DOESN'T HE?
93
00:07:21,606 --> 00:07:24,685
BUT I MUST SAY, HE DIDN'T
SEEM UNAPPRECIATIVE.
94
00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:27,321
NO, NO, REALLY, DESPITE
HIS ABRUPT BEHAVIOR.
95
00:07:27,345 --> 00:07:29,557
ARE YOU SURE YOU
WANT TO QUIT YOUR JOB
96
00:07:29,581 --> 00:07:32,192
AND BECOME A STAND-UP
COMEDIAN YOURSELF?
97
00:07:32,216 --> 00:07:34,194
SURER THAN EVER, MR. ROARKE.
98
00:07:34,218 --> 00:07:37,631
YOU SEE, DANNY'S PLANNING TO FIRE ME
NEXT MONTH WHEN MY CONTRACT RUNS OUT.
99
00:07:37,655 --> 00:07:40,067
WHY SHOULD HE WANT
TO FIRE YOU, AFTER,
100
00:07:40,091 --> 00:07:43,938
WHAT IS IT NOW, EIGHT YEARS...
EIGHT SUCCESSFUL YEARS TOGETHER?
101
00:07:43,962 --> 00:07:46,173
MAYBE BECAUSE DANNY'S A COMIC,
102
00:07:46,197 --> 00:07:48,642
AND COMICS ALWAYS
RESENT THEIR WRITERS.
103
00:07:48,666 --> 00:07:51,612
YOU SEE, THEY THINK IT'S THEM
THAT'S FUNNY, NOT THE MATERIAL.
104
00:07:51,636 --> 00:07:53,881
WHATEVER THE REASON,
MY TIME'S RUNNING OUT,
105
00:07:53,905 --> 00:07:55,415
AND I NEED THAT FANTASY QUICK.
106
00:07:55,439 --> 00:07:58,452
I SEE. NOW, WOULD TOMORROW
NIGHT BE QUICK ENOUGH FOR YOU?
107
00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:00,287
TOMORROW NIGHT?
108
00:08:00,311 --> 00:08:02,422
YOU GOT ME A DATE THAT QUICK?
109
00:08:02,446 --> 00:08:04,859
OH, THAT'S GREAT, MR. ROARKE.
110
00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:09,930
YES, YOUR FIRST ENGAGEMENT
AS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN. YES.
111
00:08:09,954 --> 00:08:11,732
I'VE ARRANGED FOR YOU
TO BE THE OPENING ACT
112
00:08:11,756 --> 00:08:14,256
AT A SMALL NIGHTCLUB ON
THE NORTH SIDE OF THE ISLAND.
113
00:08:16,961 --> 00:08:19,507
UH, IT'S A BAR, ACTUALLY,
114
00:08:19,531 --> 00:08:22,676
CALLED, UH, THE BUCKET OF SUDS.
115
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:25,613
ITS CLIENTELE CONSISTS
MOSTLY OF WORKERS
116
00:08:25,637 --> 00:08:29,216
FROM THE PINEAPPLE
PLANTATION AND OFF-DUTY SAILORS.
117
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,152
HEAVY DRINKERS
BUT GOOD LAUGHERS.
118
00:08:32,176 --> 00:08:34,287
MR. ROARKE, I'LL TAKE IT.
119
00:08:34,311 --> 00:08:37,124
AND YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW GRATEFUL I AM.
120
00:08:37,148 --> 00:08:39,660
FINE. THEN I'LL TELL THEM
TO EXPECT YOU, HUH?
121
00:08:39,684 --> 00:08:42,563
GREAT. OH.
122
00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:47,334
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I GOT ABOUT NINE
POUNDS OF JOKES TO WRITE FOR DANNY.
123
00:08:47,358 --> 00:08:49,770
AT LEAST I CAN LEAVE
HIM LAUGHING, HMM?
124
00:08:49,794 --> 00:08:51,093
THANK YOU.
125
00:09:05,142 --> 00:09:08,522
MR. ROARKE, YOUR ISLAND IS THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE I'VE EVER SEEN.
126
00:09:08,546 --> 00:09:10,357
I AM DELIGHTED.
127
00:09:10,381 --> 00:09:13,694
OKAY. NOW DO I FIND OUT WHY
YOU BROUGHT ME HERE, LINDA?
128
00:09:13,718 --> 00:09:15,462
WELL, TO CHEER YOU UP.
129
00:09:15,486 --> 00:09:18,732
WE'RE QUITE GOOD AT IT, IF
YOU'LL GIVE US THE CHANCE.
130
00:09:18,756 --> 00:09:21,535
I'M SURE YOU DO, MR. ROARKE.
131
00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:24,204
I JUST WISH I COULD CHEER UP,
132
00:09:24,228 --> 00:09:27,930
BUT I KEEP THINKING OF ALL
THE THINGS I CAN'T DO ANYMORE.
133
00:09:35,673 --> 00:09:39,219
YOUR SISTER'S MORALE DOES
SEEM VERY LOW, MS. LARSON.
134
00:09:39,243 --> 00:09:40,854
I TOLD YOU, MR. ROARKE.
135
00:09:40,878 --> 00:09:44,058
SHE'S BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE MIKE
BANNING'S LETTERS STOPPED COMING.
136
00:09:44,082 --> 00:09:46,393
I DON'T MIND TELLING
YOU I'M VERY SKEPTICAL.
137
00:09:46,417 --> 00:09:49,797
I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU
POSSIBLY GET MIKE BANNING
138
00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:51,599
OUT OF PRISON
AND ON THIS ISLAND?
139
00:09:51,623 --> 00:09:55,024
YOU MUST HAVE FAITH, MS. LARSON,
140
00:09:56,327 --> 00:09:57,871
THIS IS FANTASY ISLAND.
141
00:09:57,895 --> 00:09:59,773
MAYDAY! MAYDAY! PILOT TO TOWER!
142
00:09:59,797 --> 00:10:02,776
THIS IS AIR FORCE ZEBRA
WHISKEY ZULU 2-5-1-5.
143
00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:09,717
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
144
00:10:09,741 --> 00:10:11,919
WE LOST ALL PRESSURE
IN THE STARBOARD ENGINE.
145
00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:13,988
FUEL PUMP'S GONE
ON THE PORT SIDE.
146
00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:15,555
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SET
HER DOWN ON THE OCEAN.
147
00:10:15,579 --> 00:10:17,491
IF WE'RE GONNA CRASH,
GET ME OUT OF THESE.
148
00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:18,926
MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
149
00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:20,995
THIS IS AIR FORCE ZEBRA
150
00:10:21,019 --> 00:10:24,598
WHISKEY ZULU 2-5-1-5,
CALLING ANYONE!
151
00:10:24,622 --> 00:10:27,034
CAN YOU READ US? PILOT TO TOWER.
152
00:10:27,058 --> 00:10:29,202
MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
153
00:10:29,226 --> 00:10:32,139
AIR FORCE ZEBRA
WHISKEY ZULU 2-5-1-5,
154
00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:33,507
THIS IS FANTASY ISLAND.
155
00:10:33,531 --> 00:10:36,610
YOU ARE APPROXIMATELY
40 MILES NORTHWEST OF US
156
00:10:36,634 --> 00:10:38,846
ON A BEARING OF 320 DEGREES.
157
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,648
WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY
LANDING STRIP
158
00:10:40,672 --> 00:10:42,082
ON THE SOUTH END OF THE ISLAND.
159
00:10:42,106 --> 00:10:44,785
PLEASE ALTER YOUR
HEADING TO 1-6-0.
160
00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:47,509
I REPEAT, 1-6-0.
161
00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:05,438
AIR FORCE ZEBRA
WHISKEY ZULU 2-5-1-5,
162
00:11:05,462 --> 00:11:07,607
I HAVE YOU IN SIGHT, AND
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.
163
00:11:07,631 --> 00:11:09,576
YOU HAVE A 10-KNOT
CROSSWIND OUT OF THE EAST.
164
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,844
OVER.
165
00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:12,546
ROGER, FANTASY ISLAND TOWER.
166
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:14,581
10-KNOT CROSSWIND
OUT OF THE EAST.
167
00:11:14,605 --> 00:11:16,349
WE'RE NOW TURNING
ON FINAL APPROACH,
168
00:11:16,373 --> 00:11:17,851
WHEELS DOWN AND LOCKED.
169
00:11:17,875 --> 00:11:19,053
ZEBRA WHISKEY ZULU,
170
00:11:19,077 --> 00:11:20,320
YOU'RE COMING IN TOO HOT.
171
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:22,656
THROTTLE BACK. THROTTLE BACK.
172
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,080
AND GOOD LUCK.
173
00:12:11,062 --> 00:12:13,807
AH, GENTLEMEN, I AM MR. ROARKE.
174
00:12:13,831 --> 00:12:16,165
WELCOME TO FANTASY
ISLAND. WELL, THANK YOU, SIR.
175
00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:18,545
MY NAME'S VICTOR GRENNAN.
176
00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:20,180
I'M A FEDERAL MARSHAL.
THIS IS MY PRISONER.
177
00:12:20,204 --> 00:12:21,548
YOU GOT SOME PLACE
I CAN LOCK HIM UP
178
00:12:21,572 --> 00:12:23,917
WHILE THEY'RE GETTING
THE PLANE FIXED?
179
00:12:23,941 --> 00:12:25,853
DOES YOUR PRISONER HAVE A NAME?
180
00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:28,944
YEAH. MIKE BANNING, MR. ROARKE.
181
00:12:30,948 --> 00:12:33,693
LIKE I WAS SAYING,
WHERE CAN I LOCK HIM UP?
182
00:12:33,717 --> 00:12:35,729
NOWHERE, MARSHAL, UH...
183
00:12:35,753 --> 00:12:37,898
GRENNAN. MARSHAL GRENNAN.
184
00:12:37,922 --> 00:12:40,100
I'M AFRAID THAT NOT ONLY
CAN YOU NOT LOCK HIM UP,
185
00:12:40,124 --> 00:12:43,270
I'LL HAVE TO ASK YOU TO
REMOVE THE RESTRAINING BELT.
186
00:12:43,294 --> 00:12:45,172
OH, BUT YOU HAVE
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
187
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:46,874
THERE IS NO ESCAPE
FROM THE ISLAND.
188
00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:48,642
LOOK, HE'S MY PRISONER,
AND I'LL CHAIN HIM
189
00:12:48,666 --> 00:12:50,043
TO THE PLANE IF I HAVE TO.
190
00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:53,814
PLEASE, MARSHAL...
UM, UH, GRENNAN,
191
00:12:53,838 --> 00:12:55,615
THIS IS MY ISLAND.
192
00:12:55,639 --> 00:12:57,885
I AM THE LAW HERE,
193
00:12:57,909 --> 00:13:00,142
THE ONLY LAW.
194
00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:07,060
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME, PUNK.
195
00:13:07,084 --> 00:13:08,728
I'VE NEVER LOST A PRISONER,
196
00:13:08,752 --> 00:13:10,592
AND YOU'RE NOT
GONNA BE NUMBER ONE.
197
00:13:12,089 --> 00:13:13,834
YOU TRY GETTING OFF THIS ISLAND,
198
00:13:13,858 --> 00:13:15,618
YOU'RE GONNA GET
YOURSELF KILLED.
199
00:13:25,536 --> 00:13:27,180
WHEN YOU'VE HAD A
CHANCE TO CHANGE,
200
00:13:27,204 --> 00:13:31,151
THERE IS SOMEONE ON THE
ISLAND YOU MIGHT LIKE TO SEE.
201
00:13:31,175 --> 00:13:32,908
I DON'T THINK I KNOW
ANYBODY ON THIS ISLAND.
202
00:13:34,312 --> 00:13:36,552
I'M REFERRING TO
MISS SANDY LARSON.
203
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:43,545
YOUR PEN PAL. YOU REMEMBER?
204
00:13:46,123 --> 00:13:47,790
YEAH.
205
00:13:50,528 --> 00:13:51,794
UH, SHE HERE?
206
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:57,933
SANDY.
207
00:14:01,606 --> 00:14:04,951
YES, SHE'S HERE, ON
A LITTLE VACATION.
208
00:14:04,975 --> 00:14:07,220
I'D, UH... I'D PREFER
NOT TO SEE HER.
209
00:14:07,244 --> 00:14:09,456
WELL, THAT'S SURPRISING,
SINCE THE TWO OF YOU
210
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,793
HAVE CORRESPONDED FOR
OVER A YEAR AND HAVEN'T MET.
211
00:14:12,817 --> 00:14:14,828
YEAH, WELL, IT WAS
ALL RIGHT FOR A WHILE,
212
00:14:14,852 --> 00:14:16,497
BUT I HAD MY REASONS.
213
00:14:16,521 --> 00:14:17,986
I DON'T HAVE THEM ANYMORE.
214
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:22,303
I THINK YOU, UH, KNOW HOW IT IS.
215
00:14:22,327 --> 00:14:23,793
NO, I DON'T.
216
00:14:25,029 --> 00:14:27,574
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TELL ME.
217
00:14:27,598 --> 00:14:29,910
WELL, IN PRISON, THEY TAKE
AWAY ALL YOUR PRIVACIES.
218
00:14:29,934 --> 00:14:31,545
THEY SEARCH YOU DOWN
TO YOUR UNDERWEAR,
219
00:14:31,569 --> 00:14:32,979
AND THEY GO
THROUGH ALL YOUR MAIL,
220
00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:34,782
INCOMING AND OUTGOING.
221
00:14:34,806 --> 00:14:36,417
AND IN THE OUTGOING,
222
00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,185
I'D SLIDE IN ALL THESE
LITTLE NICETIES...
223
00:14:38,209 --> 00:14:40,587
YOU KNOW, "LIVE GOOD,
DO GOOD, BE GOOD,"
224
00:14:40,611 --> 00:14:41,789
TO IMPRESS THE BOARD.
225
00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:43,223
I SEE. RIGHT.
226
00:14:43,247 --> 00:14:45,091
WELL, I WENT BEFORE THE
BOARD THREE MONTHS AGO,
227
00:14:45,115 --> 00:14:49,896
AND AS YOU CAN SEE, THEY'RE NOT
EXACTLY TAKING ME TO THE MARDI GRAS.
228
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,833
NO, THEY'RE NOT. I SEE.
229
00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:57,170
THEN HER LETTERS MEANT
NOTHING AT ALL TO YOU.
230
00:14:57,194 --> 00:14:58,505
WELL, SOME, YEAH.
231
00:14:58,529 --> 00:15:00,341
SHE'S GOOD PEOPLE.
232
00:15:00,365 --> 00:15:02,543
IT'S JUST THAT, UH...
233
00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:05,011
I THINK YOU SHOULD SEE
MISS LARSON ANYWAY.
234
00:15:05,035 --> 00:15:06,279
OH, REALLY?
235
00:15:06,303 --> 00:15:07,881
REALLY.
236
00:15:07,905 --> 00:15:09,850
IF NOT,
237
00:15:09,874 --> 00:15:13,976
A FUEL PUMP TO FIX
YOUR AIRPLANE'S ENGINE...
238
00:15:15,446 --> 00:15:18,514
MIGHT CONVENIENTLY BE
FOUND IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES.
239
00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:21,428
THAT'S HOW IT GOES, HUH?
240
00:15:21,452 --> 00:15:22,885
THAT'S HOW IT GOES.
241
00:15:25,022 --> 00:15:26,967
AGREED?
242
00:15:26,991 --> 00:15:28,223
LOOKS LIKE I HAVE NO CHOICE.
243
00:15:39,637 --> 00:15:40,936
COME IN.
244
00:15:48,178 --> 00:15:49,690
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE
YOUR SANDWICHES, SIR?
245
00:15:49,714 --> 00:15:50,846
UH...
246
00:15:55,052 --> 00:15:56,597
ONE THING ABOUT MR. ROARKE...
247
00:15:56,621 --> 00:15:58,965
HE HAS A GREAT
MAN AT HIS SIDE...
248
00:15:58,989 --> 00:15:59,966
TATTOO.
249
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:01,402
TATTOO HAS TO BE AT HIS SIDE
250
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:03,003
BECAUSE IF HE STOOD
IN FRONT OF HIM,
251
00:16:03,027 --> 00:16:04,438
HE'D TALK INTO HIS KNEE.
252
00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,973
"TALK INTO HIS KNEE."
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
253
00:16:06,997 --> 00:16:08,341
OH, THANK YOU.
254
00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:10,644
I NEVER TOUCHED YOU.
255
00:16:10,668 --> 00:16:12,780
JEROME BURTINNOWSKY. WHAT?
256
00:16:12,804 --> 00:16:14,381
UH, JEROME BURTINNOWSKY...
257
00:16:14,405 --> 00:16:15,949
MISS HENNING'S FRENCH CLASS?
258
00:16:15,973 --> 00:16:18,285
ERASMUS DINOWITZ HIGH?
259
00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:22,188
UH-UH, MARY MARGARET DOYLE!
IT'S ME... MARGARET DOYLE!
260
00:16:22,212 --> 00:16:23,757
OH, GEE, C'EST TU?
261
00:16:23,781 --> 00:16:25,258
VRAIMENT?
262
00:16:25,282 --> 00:16:28,429
IS IT REALLY YOU,
MADEMOISELLE DOYLE?
263
00:16:28,453 --> 00:16:29,530
IT'S ME.
264
00:16:29,554 --> 00:16:30,764
OH, GEE...
265
00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:32,566
OH, BUT... BUT I CAN'T
BELIEVE THAT IT'S YOU.
266
00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:35,536
YOU LOOK SO, UH, DISTINGUE.
267
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,905
OH, MERCI BEAUCOUP.
268
00:16:37,929 --> 00:16:41,642
I MEAN, BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU
WERE ALWAYS SO SHY AND EVERYTHING.
269
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:44,110
SO YEAH, YOU WERE
ALWAYS HUNCHED OVER
270
00:16:44,134 --> 00:16:46,346
WITH YOUR FACE IN THAT BOOK BAG.
271
00:16:46,370 --> 00:16:48,882
THAT WAS BECAUSE I WAS VERY
SENSITIVE ABOUT MY BRACES.
272
00:16:48,906 --> 00:16:49,917
OH.
273
00:16:49,941 --> 00:16:51,284
I HAD SO MUCH WIRE IN MY MOUTH,
274
00:16:51,308 --> 00:16:53,787
I COULDN'T EVEN TALK
DURING AN ELECTRICAL STORM.
275
00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:56,256
THAT'S RIGHT. THEY
USED TO CALL YOU, UH...
276
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,159
METAL MOUTH. METAL MOUTH, RIGHT.
277
00:16:59,183 --> 00:17:01,962
OH, AND REMEMBER
WHAT THEY CALLED ME?
278
00:17:01,986 --> 00:17:04,264
SKINNY. SKINNY.
279
00:17:04,288 --> 00:17:07,067
SKINNY, SKINNY, MARY DOYLE.
280
00:17:07,091 --> 00:17:09,603
HANDS ARE BUILT LIKE OLIVE OYL.
281
00:17:13,197 --> 00:17:15,241
I FILLED OUT.
282
00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:16,844
UM...
283
00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:19,513
OH.
284
00:17:19,537 --> 00:17:23,149
OH, MARY, IF I KNEW YOU WERE
GONNA TURN OUT SO GREAT,
285
00:17:23,173 --> 00:17:27,153
I PROBABLY WOULD'VE TAKEN MY HEAD
OUT OF MY BOOK BAG A LITTLE EARLIER.
286
00:17:27,177 --> 00:17:29,077
SIT DOWN, PLEASE. OH.
287
00:17:30,147 --> 00:17:31,592
GOSH. YEAH.
288
00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:34,194
OH, I ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU WERE SO FUNNY.
289
00:17:34,218 --> 00:17:35,896
OH...
290
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,999
YOU MUST FEEL REAL PROUD ABOUT
WRITING FOR A BIG STAR LIKE DANNY BAKER.
291
00:17:39,023 --> 00:17:41,167
YOU KNOW WHAT I
DO? ARE YOU KIDDING?
292
00:17:41,191 --> 00:17:44,371
I MEAN, YOU ALWAYS SAID YOU
WERE GONNA WRITE BROADWAY PLAYS,
293
00:17:44,395 --> 00:17:47,156
AND I GUESS YOU'VE
EVEN DONE THAT. NOT YET.
294
00:17:50,134 --> 00:17:52,412
MARY, I'M GONNA STOP
WRITING FOR DANNY.
295
00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:54,414
I'M GONNA BE A STAND-UP
COMIC ON MY OWN.
296
00:17:54,438 --> 00:17:55,749
NO MORE INVISIBLE MAN.
297
00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:57,684
OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC!
298
00:17:57,708 --> 00:18:00,787
I MEAN, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANNA
DO, I'M SURE YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT.
299
00:18:00,811 --> 00:18:03,023
YOU ALWAYS WERE
TALENTED AND A HARD WORKER.
300
00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:05,692
UH, COULD I COME WATCH YOUR ACT?
301
00:18:05,716 --> 00:18:07,528
I'D LAUGH LIKE ANYTHING.
302
00:18:07,552 --> 00:18:09,129
YEAH, SURE. OF COURSE.
303
00:18:09,153 --> 00:18:11,097
GOOD.
304
00:18:11,121 --> 00:18:13,199
OH, GOLLY.
305
00:18:13,223 --> 00:18:16,503
BUT RIGHT NOW, I GOTTA
DELIVER THESE JOKES TO DANNY.
306
00:18:16,527 --> 00:18:18,539
UH...
307
00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:22,042
BUT LISTEN, WE'LL TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER, OKAY?
308
00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:23,076
OKAY.
309
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:25,801
WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU
AGAIN, MARY MARGARET.
310
00:18:29,607 --> 00:18:30,951
AU REVOIR.
311
00:18:30,975 --> 00:18:32,753
AU REVOIR.
312
00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:52,573
NOW? NOW.
313
00:18:52,597 --> 00:18:54,262
NOT A BAD-LOOKING GIRL, HUH?
314
00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,185
HELLO, SANDY.
315
00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:06,820
MIKE!
316
00:19:06,844 --> 00:19:09,122
YEAH, IN THE FLESH.
317
00:19:09,146 --> 00:19:12,092
YOU'RE TALLER THAN
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE.
318
00:19:12,116 --> 00:19:13,660
OH, YEAH?
319
00:19:13,684 --> 00:19:16,897
WELL, I TOLD YOU HOW TALL I WAS IN
ONE OF THOSE LETTERS. YOU REMEMBER?
320
00:19:16,921 --> 00:19:19,332
THAT'S RIGHT. I REMEMBER NOW.
321
00:19:19,356 --> 00:19:21,635
YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE.
322
00:19:21,659 --> 00:19:24,259
OH, THANK YOU.
323
00:19:26,163 --> 00:19:29,676
ARE YOU FINISHED... EATING?
324
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:33,814
WE COULD, UH, TAKE A WALK IF YOU
WANT, TALK SOMEPLACE IN PRIVATE.
325
00:19:33,838 --> 00:19:38,140
NO. NO. THIS... THIS IS FINE.
326
00:19:45,816 --> 00:19:48,117
I THOUGHT THE TWO OF YOU
MIGHT WANT TO MOVE AROUND.
327
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,821
MR. ROARKE, HOW COULD YOU?
328
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:56,659
DOES IT MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE, MR. BANNING?
329
00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:02,009
NO.
330
00:20:02,033 --> 00:20:03,476
WELL, THEN, WHY DON'T
YOU HELP THE LADY?
331
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:04,833
I DON'T NEED ANY HELP.
332
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,658
I WANT TO GO BACK
TO MY BUNGALOW.
333
00:20:17,682 --> 00:20:20,994
OH, I SUGGEST THAT OUR
LAGOON IS MUCH PRETTIER.
334
00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:22,663
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
MISS LARSON THERE?
335
00:20:22,687 --> 00:20:24,330
IT'S OKAY. I DON'T WANT TO GO.
336
00:20:24,354 --> 00:20:26,800
I THINK YOU SHOULD, MISS LARSON.
337
00:20:26,824 --> 00:20:28,368
I DON'T NEED ANY HELP.
338
00:20:28,392 --> 00:20:31,138
I WASN'T GONNA HELP. I WAS JUST
GONNA PUT MY HANDS ON THE HANDLES
339
00:20:31,162 --> 00:20:32,795
SO IT'D LOOK LIKE I WAS HELPING.
340
00:20:45,342 --> 00:20:47,287
AND THERE YOU ARE, MY DEAR.
341
00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:49,289
THAT'LL BE $1.80.
342
00:20:49,313 --> 00:20:52,025
OH, YOU LOOK GORGEOUS, HONEY.
343
00:20:52,049 --> 00:20:55,662
THAT'S A TERRIFIC SUITLESS
BATHING STRAP YOU ALMOST HAVE ON.
344
00:20:55,686 --> 00:20:58,331
YOU BETTER HIDE IN THE WOODS BEFORE
THE BOARD OF HEALTH CLOSES YOUR BODY.
345
00:20:58,355 --> 00:21:00,967
ROWR. THERE YOU GO.
346
00:21:00,991 --> 00:21:02,869
HEY, ISN'T THIS FUN,
PLAYING IN THE WOODS?
347
00:21:04,095 --> 00:21:06,106
OH, MR. ROARKE, TATTOO.
348
00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:07,874
GLAD YOU'RE HERE TO SEE THIS.
349
00:21:07,898 --> 00:21:09,743
AFTER I DELIVER THESE, I'M FREE.
350
00:21:09,767 --> 00:21:12,913
IT'S ARRIVEDERCI DANNY,
HELLO MY NEW CAREER.
351
00:21:12,937 --> 00:21:15,982
UNFORTUNATELY, MR. BURTON,
THERE IS A SLIGHT PROBLEM.
352
00:21:16,006 --> 00:21:17,317
PROBLEM?
353
00:21:17,341 --> 00:21:18,752
YES.
354
00:21:18,776 --> 00:21:22,122
APPARENTLY THE REPUTATION
OF THE BUCKET OF SUDS
355
00:21:22,146 --> 00:21:25,759
WASN'T AS UNJUST AS
THE PROPRIETOR CLAIMED.
356
00:21:25,783 --> 00:21:28,561
IT SEEMS THEY HAD A BRAWL
THERE A FEW HOURS AGO.
357
00:21:28,585 --> 00:21:31,297
NOW, THE PROPRIETOR
APOLOGIZED PROFOUNDLY
358
00:21:31,321 --> 00:21:34,134
AND REQUESTED A 30-DAY
DELAY FOR YOUR OPENING.
359
00:21:34,158 --> 00:21:36,536
APPARENTLY THAT'S THE
SENTENCE HE'LL RECEIVE
360
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,740
FOR ASSAULT WITH INTENT TO
COMMIT GREAT BODILY HARM.
361
00:21:39,764 --> 00:21:42,475
NATURALLY, I TOLD HIM TO
FORGET THE WHOLE THING.
362
00:21:42,499 --> 00:21:45,011
BUT, MR. ROARKE, WHAT
AM I GONNA DO NOW?
363
00:21:45,035 --> 00:21:47,647
I MEAN, YOU PROMISED
ME MY FANTASY.
364
00:21:47,671 --> 00:21:51,017
AND YOU SHALL HAVE IT,
MR. BURTON. YOU SHALL HAVE IT.
365
00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:54,187
I HAVE BOOKED YOU A SPOT ON THE
AMATEUR SHOW TOMORROW NIGHT.
366
00:21:54,211 --> 00:21:56,890
YOU WILL BE SEEN NOT
ONLY BY THE AUDIENCE,
367
00:21:56,914 --> 00:22:00,426
BUT BY SEVERAL BOOKING AGENTS
WHO HAVE PROMISED TO ATTEND.
368
00:22:00,450 --> 00:22:02,462
THAT'S TERRIBLE. I
BEG YOUR PARDON?
369
00:22:02,486 --> 00:22:05,365
MR. ROARKE, DANNY IS
THE EMCEE OF THAT THING.
370
00:22:05,389 --> 00:22:07,868
WHEN HE SEES ME UP THERE,
HE'LL SLICE ME TO RIBBONS.
371
00:22:07,892 --> 00:22:09,535
BELIEVE ME, HE IS
A MASTER AT THAT.
372
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:12,973
I HAVE SEEN HIM
TEAR COMICS APART.
373
00:22:12,997 --> 00:22:16,609
I WOULDN'T STAND A
CHANCE AGAINST HIM.
374
00:22:16,633 --> 00:22:19,112
HE'S JUST TOO GOOD AT
PUTTING PEOPLE DOWN.
375
00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:20,803
DOES THAT MEAN YOU ARE REFUSING?
376
00:22:23,674 --> 00:22:26,674
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I BETTER
GET THESE JOKES TO HIM.
377
00:22:28,712 --> 00:22:30,390
BOSS, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?
378
00:22:30,414 --> 00:22:33,559
I THOUGHT HIS FANTASY WAS TO
BECOME A COMIC LIKE DANNY BAKER.
379
00:22:33,583 --> 00:22:37,264
IT TAKES MORE THAN DESIRE TO
FULFILL ANY FANTASY, MY FRIEND.
380
00:22:37,288 --> 00:22:39,132
THE ELEMENT OF COURAGE
381
00:22:39,156 --> 00:22:41,668
IS INDISPENSABLE TO THE
REALIZATION OF ANY DREAM.
382
00:22:41,692 --> 00:22:44,905
FOLKS, FOLKS, IF I CAN HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION, PLEASE, EVERYBODY.
383
00:22:44,929 --> 00:22:47,040
PLEASE. ATTENTION EVERYBODY.
384
00:22:47,064 --> 00:22:51,011
AS YOU KNOW, TOMORROW NIGHT
IS OUR BIG AMATEUR TALENT SHOW,
385
00:22:51,035 --> 00:22:53,146
AND I WANT YOU ALL TO BE THERE,
386
00:22:53,170 --> 00:22:56,249
BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE THERE,
AND I HATE TO WORK ALONE.
387
00:22:56,273 --> 00:22:59,252
AND JUST TO GIVE YOU A SAMPLE OF THE
FUN WE'RE GONNA HAVE TOMORROW NIGHT,
388
00:22:59,276 --> 00:23:02,856
I'D LIKE TO READ YOU
SOME OF MY LATEST AD LIBS.
389
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,925
OH, BUT FIRST, HEY,
390
00:23:04,949 --> 00:23:08,094
LET'S HAVE A BIG HAND
FOR OUR MR. ROARKE, HUH?
391
00:23:08,118 --> 00:23:09,696
AH.
392
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,866
AND HOW ABOUT A
PINKIE FOR TATTOO?
393
00:23:15,726 --> 00:23:18,972
OH, THAT TATTOO... HE REALLY IS
SOMETHING ELSE, LET ME TELL YOU.
394
00:23:18,996 --> 00:23:21,107
YOU KNOW, MR. ROARKE
WANTED TO GIVE HIM HIS FANTASY,
395
00:23:21,131 --> 00:23:25,545
BUT IT WAS A LITTLE HARD TO
SHRINK DOWN RAQUEL WELCH.
396
00:23:25,569 --> 00:23:29,972
THEN HE TRIED DEHYDRATING DOLLY
PARTON, BUT THAT WAS A BUST TOO.
397
00:23:31,775 --> 00:23:34,554
A BUST. YOU KNOW, A...
398
00:23:46,790 --> 00:23:51,004
SINCE YOU DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT... THIS THING,
399
00:23:51,028 --> 00:23:53,840
WHY'D YOU STOP WRITING?
400
00:23:53,864 --> 00:23:56,009
I RAN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY.
401
00:23:56,033 --> 00:23:58,745
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
402
00:23:58,769 --> 00:24:01,514
WE WERE AT IT FOR A YEAR.
403
00:24:01,538 --> 00:24:03,850
I GOT BORED, YOU KNOW?
404
00:24:03,874 --> 00:24:05,640
BORED OF...
405
00:24:07,011 --> 00:24:08,955
YOUR LETTERS DIDN'T
SOUND LIKE YOU WERE BORED.
406
00:24:08,979 --> 00:24:11,457
YOU KNOW, IF I WANTED TO, I
COULD PROBABLY SELL A WRISTWATCH
407
00:24:11,481 --> 00:24:13,593
TO ANYBODY WITH
NOTHING ON THE INSIDE.
408
00:24:13,617 --> 00:24:15,595
YOUR LETTERS HAD INSIDES.
409
00:24:15,619 --> 00:24:17,597
THEY WEREN'T THE
LETTERS OF A GAME PLAYER,
410
00:24:17,621 --> 00:24:19,665
THEY WERE FILLED WITH FEELING.
411
00:24:19,689 --> 00:24:22,568
BUT SHARING A FEW
FANTASIES WITH YOU
412
00:24:22,592 --> 00:24:24,905
ABOUT OUR MAKING LOVE
413
00:24:24,929 --> 00:24:26,561
IS...
414
00:24:28,999 --> 00:24:31,711
WELL, IT'S... IT'S NOT
VERY HARD TO DO
415
00:24:31,735 --> 00:24:34,480
FOR A GUY THAT'S LOCKED UP.
416
00:24:34,504 --> 00:24:35,982
I DON'T CARE WHAT
ANYBODY THINKS.
417
00:24:36,006 --> 00:24:38,351
ALL I CARE ABOUT IS
GETTING OUT OF PRISON.
418
00:24:38,375 --> 00:24:40,987
YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY SAD?
419
00:24:41,011 --> 00:24:43,790
HERE WE ARE IN PERSON
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
420
00:24:43,814 --> 00:24:48,428
ALL WE CAN DO IS
ARGUE OVER WHAT WAS.
421
00:24:48,452 --> 00:24:51,998
I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU WROTE WHAT YOU WROTE,
422
00:24:52,022 --> 00:24:55,090
BUT I DO KNOW WHAT
YOUR LETTERS MEANT TO ME.
423
00:25:15,812 --> 00:25:17,991
NO, YOU CAN'T COME
IN! I TOLD YOU NO!
424
00:25:18,015 --> 00:25:20,693
COME ON. GET OUT OF
MY WAY, SHORT STUFF.
425
00:25:20,717 --> 00:25:22,417
I GOTTA SEE THAT BOSS OF YOURS.
426
00:25:27,024 --> 00:25:29,802
AND WHAT IS THE
MEANING OF THIS, MARSHAL?
427
00:25:29,826 --> 00:25:32,038
EVERYTHING IS
UNDER CONTROL, HUH?
428
00:25:32,062 --> 00:25:33,706
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, RIGHT?
429
00:25:33,730 --> 00:25:36,609
WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU
SAID, WASN'T IT, MR. BIG SHOT?
430
00:25:36,633 --> 00:25:39,379
HMM? UH, APPROXIMATELY, YES.
431
00:25:39,403 --> 00:25:41,448
UH-HUH.
432
00:25:41,472 --> 00:25:44,817
WELL, THEN, SUPPOSE YOU
TELL ME WHERE MY PRISONER IS.
433
00:25:44,841 --> 00:25:47,420
I SAW HIM WITH
THAT CRIPPLED GIRL,
434
00:25:47,444 --> 00:25:49,677
AND NOW HE'S DISAPPEARED.
435
00:25:51,115 --> 00:25:56,262
BUT LIKE I TOLD YOU, HE
CAN'T GET OFF THE ISLAND.
436
00:25:56,286 --> 00:25:59,065
WELL, NOW, I'M TELLING YOU,
437
00:25:59,089 --> 00:26:01,923
HE'S ATTEMPTING ESCAPE, AND
THAT'S GONNA GET HIM KILLED.
438
00:26:12,969 --> 00:26:14,947
SPEAKING OF DRUNKS,
WHAT ABOUT THE DRUNK
439
00:26:14,971 --> 00:26:16,683
THAT PUT A DIME IN THE
PARKING METER AND SAID,
440
00:26:16,707 --> 00:26:18,551
"HEY, WHAT DO YOU
KNOW? I WEIGH AN HOUR."
441
00:26:18,575 --> 00:26:19,941
HEY!
442
00:26:21,077 --> 00:26:23,456
OH, COME ON! HOW ABOUT
A GAME OF ONE-ON-ONE?
443
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,226
OH, NO. NO, NO. FIRST
RULE OF BASKETBALL...
444
00:26:26,250 --> 00:26:28,628
NEVER PLAY WITH A GIRL...
TALLER THAN YOURSELF.
445
00:26:28,652 --> 00:26:30,763
IT'S MY BALL. I'M
GONNA TAKE IT AND GO.
446
00:26:30,787 --> 00:26:32,354
SORRY.
447
00:26:36,593 --> 00:26:39,572
I HEARD TODAY THAT YOU
TURNED DOWN A PERFORMANCE
448
00:26:39,596 --> 00:26:42,808
THAT MR. ROARKE SET UP FOR YOU.
449
00:26:42,832 --> 00:26:44,810
I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS
IMPORTANT ENOUGH
450
00:26:44,834 --> 00:26:46,879
TO MAKE THE LOCAL GOSSIP.
451
00:26:46,903 --> 00:26:49,148
WELL, ACTUALLY,
NOBODY'S TALKING ABOUT IT.
452
00:26:49,172 --> 00:26:51,917
I JUST HAPPENED TO ASK TATTOO
453
00:26:51,941 --> 00:26:54,387
WHAT WAS GOING ON
WITH YOUR NEW CAREER.
454
00:26:54,411 --> 00:26:57,590
WHY'D YOU WANNA KNOW?
455
00:26:57,614 --> 00:26:59,125
BECAUSE.
456
00:26:59,149 --> 00:27:00,848
BECAUSE WHY?
457
00:27:05,455 --> 00:27:08,635
BECAUSE I LIKE YOU,
JEROME BURTONOWSKI,
458
00:27:08,659 --> 00:27:11,771
AND I REMEMBER HOW,
WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID,
459
00:27:11,795 --> 00:27:14,274
YOU WERE ALWAYS
KIND OF SHY AND AFRAID.
460
00:27:14,298 --> 00:27:16,276
BUT IT NEVER STOPPED YOU.
461
00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:19,545
NOT EVEN WHEN THAT BIG BULLY
DARED YOU TO FIGHT HIM. REMEMBER?
462
00:27:19,569 --> 00:27:22,448
OH, UH... MANIAC MALONE.
463
00:27:22,472 --> 00:27:25,618
RIGHT. RIGHT. WAS HE MEAN.
464
00:27:25,642 --> 00:27:28,488
HE USED TO GO
AROUND BITING DOGS.
465
00:27:28,512 --> 00:27:32,124
YEAH, AND YOU SHOWED UP IN THIS HUGE
PAIR OF PANTS PULLED UP AROUND YOUR CHIN,
466
00:27:32,148 --> 00:27:36,384
AND YOU SAID, "NO
HITTING BELOW THE BELT."
467
00:27:42,859 --> 00:27:44,870
SO WHAT'S REALLY THE MATTER?
468
00:27:44,894 --> 00:27:47,106
WHY WON'T YOU DO IT?
469
00:27:47,130 --> 00:27:50,209
I'M SCARED STIFF... OF DANNY.
470
00:27:50,233 --> 00:27:53,946
I KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO TO
ME. WHY PUT MYSELF THROUGH IT?
471
00:27:53,970 --> 00:27:57,283
OH, I SEE. SO YOU
HAVE CHANGED THEN.
472
00:27:57,307 --> 00:28:00,420
WHEN YOU WERE A KID, YOU WOULD
AT LEAST SHOW UP TO FACE THE BULLY.
473
00:28:00,444 --> 00:28:03,155
YOU WON'T EVEN DO THAT NOW,
WILL YOU? WILL YOU STOP IT ALREADY?
474
00:28:03,179 --> 00:28:05,692
HE'D MAKE A FOOL OUT OF
ME IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
475
00:28:05,716 --> 00:28:08,728
NOT EVERYBODY!
476
00:28:08,752 --> 00:28:11,197
I WOULDN'T THINK OF YOU AS A
FOOL NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED
477
00:28:11,221 --> 00:28:12,787
OR HOW IT TURNED OUT.
478
00:28:14,725 --> 00:28:18,526
IN FACT, I'D BE
VERY PROUD OF YOU.
479
00:28:20,731 --> 00:28:23,064
SUPPOSE NOBODY
LAUGHED AT MY MATERIAL?
480
00:28:24,167 --> 00:28:25,812
I'LL LAUGH,
481
00:28:25,836 --> 00:28:28,414
'CAUSE I HAPPEN TO THINK
482
00:28:28,438 --> 00:28:31,906
YOU'RE THE FUNNIEST PERSON
IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
483
00:28:38,281 --> 00:28:40,682
AND AN EXCELLENT
BASKETBALL PLAYER.
484
00:28:50,159 --> 00:28:52,472
YOU KISS MUCH BETTER
WITHOUT BRACES.
485
00:29:21,892 --> 00:29:23,870
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
486
00:29:23,894 --> 00:29:26,193
I TOLD YOU YOU WAS
GONNA GET YOURSELF KILLED.
487
00:29:43,914 --> 00:29:46,125
MARSHAL GRENNAN!
488
00:29:46,149 --> 00:29:49,295
AS I WARNED YOU, YOU HAVE
NO JURISDICTION ON THIS ISLAND.
489
00:29:49,319 --> 00:29:51,664
YOU PULL THE TRIGGER,
AND IT'S MURDER.
490
00:29:51,688 --> 00:29:54,500
YOU WILL BE TREATED AND
TRIED LIKE A COMMON CRIMINAL.
491
00:29:54,524 --> 00:29:58,059
AND GUYS ALL OVER THE WORLD IN
PRISONS WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, APE.
492
00:30:01,998 --> 00:30:04,398
I SUGGEST YOU GO
BACK TO YOUR QUARTERS.
493
00:30:11,975 --> 00:30:14,175
YOU CAN RIDE WITH
ME, MR. BANNING.
494
00:30:16,613 --> 00:30:18,546
THANKS. I OWE YOU ONE.
495
00:30:19,983 --> 00:30:22,995
I BELIEVE YOU LEFT MISS LARSON
IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION.
496
00:30:23,019 --> 00:30:26,219
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD EXPLAIN
TO HER WHY YOU STOPPED WRITING.
497
00:30:31,461 --> 00:30:33,439
IT'S TERRIBLE. YOU BETTER
DO SOMETHING QUICK.
498
00:30:33,463 --> 00:30:34,941
ABOUT WHAT, TAMMY?
WHAT HAPPENED?
499
00:30:34,965 --> 00:30:37,176
WE WERE OUT ON A BOAT
RIDE WITH DANNY BAKER,
500
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,644
AND THE ENGINE CONKED OUT.
501
00:30:38,668 --> 00:30:40,546
WE SWAM ASHORE,
BUT DANNY CAN'T SWIM,
502
00:30:40,570 --> 00:30:42,381
AND HE'S STUCK OUT IN THE BAY.
503
00:30:42,405 --> 00:30:43,983
BUT HE'S GOT A
SHOW TO DO TONIGHT.
504
00:30:44,007 --> 00:30:46,018
NO WAY.
505
00:30:46,042 --> 00:30:48,488
UH, WELL, THERE IS
ONLY ONE ANSWER.
506
00:30:48,512 --> 00:30:50,623
INSTEAD OF JUST A
GUEST APPEARANCE,
507
00:30:50,647 --> 00:30:54,326
YOU WILL HAVE TO GO ON IN
MR. BAKER'S PLACE AS EMCEE TONIGHT.
508
00:30:54,350 --> 00:30:55,327
ME?
509
00:30:55,351 --> 00:30:56,328
YES.
510
00:30:56,352 --> 00:30:57,497
TONIGHT?
511
00:30:57,521 --> 00:30:58,664
YES.
512
00:30:58,688 --> 00:31:01,634
I CAN'T DO THAT. OH,
WELL, OF COURSE YOU CAN.
513
00:31:01,658 --> 00:31:04,036
YOU CAN USE THE MATERIAL
THAT YOU WROTE FOR DANNY.
514
00:31:04,060 --> 00:31:06,472
CERTAINLY. I WILL MAKE
AN ANNOUNCEMENT
515
00:31:06,496 --> 00:31:08,307
AND THEN CALL YOU
AT THE PROPER MOMENT.
516
00:31:08,331 --> 00:31:09,609
MR. ROARKE...
517
00:31:09,633 --> 00:31:14,135
OH, AND, MR. BURTON,
BREAK A LEG.
518
00:31:16,773 --> 00:31:18,250
"BREAK A LEG"?
519
00:31:18,274 --> 00:31:21,387
YEAH. THAT MEANS, UH,
GOOD LUCK IN SHOW BUSINESS,
520
00:31:21,411 --> 00:31:23,411
AND, BOY, AM I GONNA NEED IT.
521
00:31:35,525 --> 00:31:37,803
WHAT BRINGS YOU BACK?
522
00:31:37,827 --> 00:31:39,872
WELL, I GOT CAUGHT.
523
00:31:39,896 --> 00:31:42,708
I JUST THOUGHT YOU HAD A
RIGHT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
524
00:31:42,732 --> 00:31:45,700
IT DOESN'T MATTER. YES, IT DOES.
525
00:31:47,336 --> 00:31:49,882
I HAD A HASSLE WITH ONE OF
THE GUARDS BACK IN THE PRISON.
526
00:31:49,906 --> 00:31:51,417
HE HAD IT IN FOR ME, SEE?
527
00:31:51,441 --> 00:31:54,921
TRIED TO DO ME IN WITH HIS CLUB.
528
00:31:54,945 --> 00:31:56,656
HE'S THE ONE THAT GOT DONE-IN.
529
00:31:56,680 --> 00:32:00,960
ANYWAY, HE TOLD THE BRASS,
OF COURSE, THAT I STARTED IT,
530
00:32:00,984 --> 00:32:04,096
SO THEY DENIED ME PAROLE AND
GAVE ME ANOTHER THREE YEARS.
531
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:05,865
WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH ME?
532
00:32:05,889 --> 00:32:07,600
IT'S GOT EVERYTHING
TO DO WITH YOU.
533
00:32:07,624 --> 00:32:09,334
YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL,
AND I DIDN'T WANT YOU
534
00:32:09,358 --> 00:32:11,437
TO SIT AROUND FOR THREE YEARS
WAITING FOR THOSE DUMB LETTERS.
535
00:32:11,461 --> 00:32:13,706
DUMB LETTERS?
536
00:32:13,730 --> 00:32:15,541
I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT
THOSE LETTERS.
537
00:32:15,565 --> 00:32:20,145
I WAS LYING IN BED, ROTTING AWAY, WAITING
TO DIE, WHEN THAT FIRST LETTER ARRIVED.
538
00:32:20,169 --> 00:32:22,882
DO I LOOK LIKE I'M LYING IN
BED WAITING TO DIE RIGHT NOW?
539
00:32:22,906 --> 00:32:25,618
NO. NO BUT NOTHING.
540
00:32:25,642 --> 00:32:29,221
WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID WHEN YOU WERE WRITING
ALL THOSE POSITIVE THINGS FOR THE CENSORS?
541
00:32:29,245 --> 00:32:31,791
"NO ONE SHOULD GIVE
UP, PLAY IT STRAIGHT,
542
00:32:31,815 --> 00:32:35,160
FIND OUT WHERE YOU FIT
AND KEEP REACHING HIGHER."
543
00:32:35,184 --> 00:32:36,696
WELL, MAYBE YOU DIDN'T
BELIEVE THAT STUFF,
544
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:38,019
BUT YOU SURE CONVINCED ME.
545
00:32:50,634 --> 00:32:52,277
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO DO, DROWN YOURSELF?
546
00:32:52,301 --> 00:32:55,481
LET GO OF ME! IT'S THOSE
DUMB LETTERS YOU WROTE
547
00:32:55,505 --> 00:32:57,972
THAT GAVE ME THE
IDEA TO GET IN THE POOL.
548
00:33:23,099 --> 00:33:25,266
NO, NO. NO, I CAN DO IT.
549
00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:39,313
WELL, YOU'RE A GOOD SWIMMER.
550
00:33:40,550 --> 00:33:43,295
THOSE DUMB LETTERS
HAD REASON AND PURPOSE.
551
00:33:43,319 --> 00:33:47,432
YOU KNOW, I FANTASIZED LONG
BEFORE I CAME TO THIS ISLAND
552
00:33:47,456 --> 00:33:48,801
ABOUT YOU AND ME
553
00:33:48,825 --> 00:33:52,404
I EVEN THOUGHT THAT MAYBE MY
LEGS WOULDN'T MATTER TO YOU.
554
00:33:52,428 --> 00:33:55,474
WAS THAT DUMB? NO, IT WASN'T.
555
00:33:55,498 --> 00:33:58,711
DON'T MOVE. STAY THERE.
556
00:33:58,735 --> 00:34:01,313
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
557
00:34:01,337 --> 00:34:04,383
I'M GOOD IN THE WATER.
I FIT IN THE WATER.
558
00:34:04,407 --> 00:34:09,088
BUT YOU SAID, "KEEP REACHING
HIGHER. DON'T LET ANYONE LIMIT YOU."
559
00:34:09,112 --> 00:34:12,091
YOU SAID YOU'D HANG IN THERE
560
00:34:12,115 --> 00:34:14,493
AND KEEP TRYING.
561
00:34:14,517 --> 00:34:17,697
YOU SAID, "WITH
LOVE IN YOUR HEART
562
00:34:17,721 --> 00:34:21,567
AND FAITH IN YOUR MIND,
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING."
563
00:34:21,591 --> 00:34:24,759
YOU SEE? YOU WERE RIGHT?
564
00:34:26,495 --> 00:34:29,742
IT'S NOT BAD FOR A GIRL WHO
WAS LYING THERE WAITING TO DIE
565
00:34:29,766 --> 00:34:32,377
WHEN A DUMB LETTER
FROM A CONVICT SHOWED UP.
566
00:34:34,237 --> 00:34:36,949
YOU KNOW, IT TOOK
A BEAUTIFUL MAN
567
00:34:36,973 --> 00:34:39,741
TO WRITE THOSE
THOUSANDS OF WORDS.
568
00:34:43,379 --> 00:34:46,013
I'M NOT GOING FOR IT.
569
00:34:47,083 --> 00:34:48,928
YOU DID IT, NOT ME.
570
00:34:48,952 --> 00:34:52,531
I'M NO HERO, AND I'M NO GOD.
571
00:34:52,555 --> 00:34:54,533
I DON'T WANT ANY CREDIT,
572
00:34:54,557 --> 00:34:57,036
AND I SURE DON'T WANT
ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOU.
573
00:34:57,060 --> 00:34:59,026
SO JUST FORGET IT.
574
00:35:00,529 --> 00:35:02,830
MIKE?
575
00:35:14,043 --> 00:35:18,746
LET US GIVE A FANTASTIC
WELCOME TO MR. FREDDY WELLER.
576
00:35:25,254 --> 00:35:27,321
♪♪
577
00:35:33,930 --> 00:35:38,243
♪ I WANNA GO TO FANTASY ISLAND ♪
578
00:35:38,267 --> 00:35:40,245
♪ FANTASY ISLAND ♪
579
00:35:40,269 --> 00:35:43,938
♪ AND LET MY DESIRES RUN FREE ♪
580
00:35:46,977 --> 00:35:51,023
♪ I WANNA GO WHERE
THERE'S NOTHING BUT FUN ♪
581
00:35:51,047 --> 00:35:56,618
♪ AND I CAN BECOME SOMEONE
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ♪
582
00:35:59,122 --> 00:36:04,069
♪ I SEE ME NOW ON
FANTASY ISLAND ♪
583
00:36:04,093 --> 00:36:06,105
♪ FANTASY ISLAND ♪
584
00:36:06,129 --> 00:36:09,375
♪ WHERE EVERYONE'S
SMILING WITH ME ♪
585
00:36:12,502 --> 00:36:14,780
♪ WITH SOMEONE TO FAN ME ♪
586
00:36:14,804 --> 00:36:16,616
♪ AND SOMEONE TO HAND ME ♪
587
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:18,851
♪ A DRINK WHEN I WANT IT ♪
588
00:36:18,875 --> 00:36:23,322
♪ AS I LAY BENEATH
THE COCONUT TREE ♪
589
00:36:23,346 --> 00:36:25,057
MAYBE DANNY...
590
00:36:25,081 --> 00:36:28,427
MAYBE DANNY WILL SHOW UP...
591
00:36:28,451 --> 00:36:32,665
MAYBE DANNY WILL GET BACK IN
TIME, AND I WON'T HAVE TO GO ON.
592
00:36:32,689 --> 00:36:35,935
COME ON NOW. YOU'RE
GONNA BE GREAT.
593
00:36:35,959 --> 00:36:38,660
NOW SHH.
594
00:36:40,897 --> 00:36:45,633
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP
TO FANTASY ISLAND ♪
595
00:36:55,278 --> 00:36:56,756
THANK YOU SO MUCH, MR. WELLER.
596
00:36:56,780 --> 00:36:58,758
YOU SEE, I PROMISED
YOU A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
597
00:36:58,782 --> 00:37:01,994
AND NOW, TO KICK OFF
OUR AMATEUR CONTEST,
598
00:37:02,018 --> 00:37:04,664
YOUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES
FOR THE EVENING IS A YOUNG MAN
599
00:37:04,688 --> 00:37:08,167
WHO WILL BE MAKING HIS OWN
COMEDY DEBUT ON OUR STAGE.
600
00:37:08,191 --> 00:37:10,436
I THINK YOU'LL FIND
HIM MOST AMUSING.
601
00:37:10,460 --> 00:37:12,605
IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
602
00:37:12,629 --> 00:37:14,807
TO PRESENT TO YOU
MR. JERRY BURTON.
603
00:37:14,831 --> 00:37:16,191
♪♪
604
00:37:17,701 --> 00:37:19,478
THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
605
00:37:19,502 --> 00:37:21,380
THANK YOU, MR. ROARKE,
AND THANKS TO ALL OF YOU.
606
00:37:21,404 --> 00:37:24,416
I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY RIGHT AT THE
OUTSET WHAT A TREMENDOUS THRILL IT IS
607
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,053
TO BE WORKING IN A CLASSY
PLACE LIKE FANTASY ISLAND,
608
00:37:27,077 --> 00:37:29,689
BECAUSE MOST OF THE JOINTS
I WORK IN ARE VERY TOUGH.
609
00:37:29,713 --> 00:37:31,123
AND I'M TALKING TOUGH HERE.
610
00:37:31,147 --> 00:37:33,392
I MEAN, I WORKED IN A
PLACE THAT WAS SO TOUGH,
611
00:37:33,416 --> 00:37:36,095
THE DOORMAN USED TO SHOVE
YOU THROUGH THE MAIL SLOT.
612
00:37:36,119 --> 00:37:38,898
JUST LIKE... LIKE THAT.
613
00:37:38,922 --> 00:37:41,433
AND, UH, THIS PLACE WAS TOUGH. I
SAID TO THE BARTENDER IN THIS PLACE...
614
00:37:41,457 --> 00:37:43,769
I SAID, "HEY, I'M LOOKING
FOR A VERY COLD MARTINI."
615
00:37:43,793 --> 00:37:45,793
HE SHOWED ME A DEAD
ITALIAN IN A MEAT LOCKER.
616
00:37:47,831 --> 00:37:49,742
FREEZER! EXCUSE ME.
IT WAS IN A FREEZER.
617
00:37:49,766 --> 00:37:52,111
IT WASN'T IN THE MEAT
LOCKER THERE, AND, UH...
618
00:37:52,135 --> 00:37:54,814
THE FOOD IN THIS PLACE...
TOUGH FOOD. TOUGH.
619
00:37:54,838 --> 00:37:57,138
THEY HAD A THING THERE
THAT THEY CALL, UM...
620
00:37:59,275 --> 00:38:02,154
THEY CALL IT A
DO-IT-YOURSELF HAM SANDWICH.
621
00:38:02,178 --> 00:38:04,790
LOAF OF BREAD AND A LIVE PIG.
622
00:38:04,814 --> 00:38:06,659
OR A LOAF OF PIG
AND A LIVE BREAD.
623
00:38:06,683 --> 00:38:09,829
I DON'T REMEMBER
WHICH ONE, BUT, UH...
624
00:38:09,853 --> 00:38:11,597
I FOUND A FLY IN MY
SOUP AT THIS PLACE.
625
00:38:11,621 --> 00:38:14,388
HAD CEMENT AROUND ITS FEET.
626
00:38:16,993 --> 00:38:19,238
OR ASPHALT.
627
00:38:19,262 --> 00:38:20,773
BUT THIS IS TOUGH.
628
00:38:20,797 --> 00:38:23,308
I MEAN, IT'S NOT
AS TOUGH AS THIS.
629
00:38:23,332 --> 00:38:27,279
BUT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE FIRST
CONTESTANT ON THE AMATEUR NIGHT BILL.
630
00:38:27,303 --> 00:38:31,316
HE IS THE ONE MAN ON FANTASY
ISLAND WITH A ONE-MAN BAND.
631
00:38:31,340 --> 00:38:32,606
COME ON OUT HERE, DON.
632
00:38:40,550 --> 00:38:44,329
♪ ROCK IT, ROLL IT, WE'RE
GONNA ROCK IT EVERYWHERE ♪
633
00:38:44,353 --> 00:38:45,831
YOU WERE WONDERFUL.
634
00:38:45,855 --> 00:38:47,533
OH, SURE. THEY LOVED ME.
635
00:38:47,557 --> 00:38:49,334
THAT'S WHY THEY DIDN'T LAUGH.
636
00:38:49,358 --> 00:38:51,336
MARY, I... I CAN'T GET TO THEM.
637
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:52,838
I'M NOT FUNNY.
638
00:38:52,862 --> 00:38:55,174
NOT THE WAY DANNY IS.
639
00:38:55,198 --> 00:38:57,231
THERE IS ONLY ONE DANNY BAKER.
640
00:38:58,868 --> 00:39:01,881
BUT THERE IS ALSO
ONLY ONE JERRY BURTON.
641
00:39:01,905 --> 00:39:05,951
DON'T TRY TO DO YOUR MATERIAL
THE WAY DANNY WOULD DO IT.
642
00:39:05,975 --> 00:39:07,452
BE YOURSELF.
643
00:39:07,476 --> 00:39:11,023
♪ ROCK AND ROLL, ROCK AND ROLL ♪
644
00:39:11,047 --> 00:39:13,525
♪ ROCK IT, ROLL IT ♪
645
00:39:13,549 --> 00:39:16,595
♪ WE'RE GONNA ROLL
IT EVERYWHERE ♪
646
00:39:16,619 --> 00:39:18,998
♪ ROCK AND ROLL, ROCK AND ROLL ♪
647
00:39:19,022 --> 00:39:21,488
♪ ROCK IT, ROLL
IT, ROCK AND ROLL ♪
648
00:39:22,959 --> 00:39:24,859
♪♪
649
00:39:28,497 --> 00:39:30,743
BOSS, DANNY BAKER IS BACK.
650
00:39:30,767 --> 00:39:32,433
HE'S GONNA KILL JERRY.
651
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,952
THANK YOU, DON. WHAT'S THIS?
652
00:39:39,976 --> 00:39:42,487
LOOKS LIKE A KNOCKWURST WRAPPED
IN A FRENCH FLAG. WHO NEEDS IT?
653
00:39:44,948 --> 00:39:48,327
HEY, LISTEN, FOLKS. YOU KNOW,
DON IS NOT A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN.
654
00:39:48,351 --> 00:39:50,696
HE IS ACTUALLY A V.I.P...
VERY IMPORTANT PERSON.
655
00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:53,398
HE'S GOT 5,000 PEOPLE UNDER HIM.
656
00:39:53,422 --> 00:39:55,256
MOWS LAWNS IN A CEMETERY.
657
00:40:02,398 --> 00:40:05,945
UM, YOU ALL KNOW MR. TATTOO.
658
00:40:05,969 --> 00:40:09,014
HE'S A WONDERFUL
GUY. SO IS MR. ROARKE.
659
00:40:09,038 --> 00:40:10,872
THEY GAVE ME A BIG
OPPORTUNITY HERE TONIGHT...
660
00:40:12,776 --> 00:40:15,888
AND I'M BLOWING IT.
661
00:40:15,912 --> 00:40:18,279
I'M... I'M SORRY.
662
00:40:22,085 --> 00:40:26,232
HEY, BURTON, DO YOU KNOW YOU
HAPPEN TO BE MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN?
663
00:40:26,256 --> 00:40:28,600
DANNY, IS THAT YOU?
664
00:40:28,624 --> 00:40:30,369
NO, IT'S FIDEL CASTRO,
665
00:40:30,393 --> 00:40:32,638
BUT SINCE I SHAVED,
NOBODY KNOWS ME.
666
00:40:32,662 --> 00:40:34,774
OF COURSE IT'S ME,
SILLY, IN THE FLESH.
667
00:40:34,798 --> 00:40:37,743
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. DANNY BAKER.
668
00:40:46,676 --> 00:40:49,688
WELL, I DON'T CARE
ABOUT ANYTHING.
669
00:40:49,712 --> 00:40:51,190
I THINK YOU'RE HILARIOUS.
670
00:40:51,214 --> 00:40:54,794
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WAS
GONNA SEND YOU A FAN LETTER.
671
00:40:54,818 --> 00:40:57,029
WHY COULDN'T YOU
SEND ME A FAN LETTER?
672
00:40:57,053 --> 00:40:59,098
WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO SPELL...
673
00:41:00,690 --> 00:41:03,102
LISTEN, DANNY, I'M NOT GONNA
GET INTO A BATTLE OF WITS WITH YOU.
674
00:41:03,126 --> 00:41:05,671
YEAH, WHY NOT? BECAUSE I
NEVER FIGHT AN UNARMED MAN.
675
00:41:07,197 --> 00:41:12,011
BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS, YOU HAVE
TO ADMIRE A MAN LIKE DANNY BAKER.
676
00:41:12,035 --> 00:41:15,347
HE HAS PROBABLY THE FINEST
COMEDY MIND IN THE WORLD.
677
00:41:15,371 --> 00:41:17,983
THAT'S TRUE. UNFORTUNATELY,
IT HAPPENS TO BE IN MY HEAD.
678
00:41:18,007 --> 00:41:20,686
HEY, DANNY, COME
ON. ISN'T THAT TRUE?
679
00:41:20,710 --> 00:41:22,922
HAVEN'T I WRITTEN ALL YOUR
LINES FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS?
680
00:41:22,946 --> 00:41:24,924
WELL, I CAN'T ANSWER
THAT RIGHT NOW.
681
00:41:24,948 --> 00:41:27,726
WHY NOT? BECAUSE YOU
DIDN'T GIVE ME ANYTHING TO SAY.
682
00:41:27,750 --> 00:41:29,829
BUT I DON'T NEED A
WRITER TO SAY THIS, KID,
683
00:41:29,853 --> 00:41:32,064
AND THIS COMES
RIGHT FROM THE GUT.
684
00:41:32,088 --> 00:41:34,099
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
685
00:41:34,123 --> 00:41:37,036
BUT SERIOUSLY, JERRY, WHY
DON'T YOU TELL THE FOLKS
686
00:41:37,060 --> 00:41:39,038
WHAT YOU REALLY AND
TRULY THINK OF ME, HUH?
687
00:41:39,062 --> 00:41:40,539
I'D BE GLAD TO, DANNY.
688
00:41:40,563 --> 00:41:43,642
I ALWAYS LOOK UPON YOU
AS MY MELANCHOLY BABY.
689
00:41:43,666 --> 00:41:45,377
YOUR MELANCHOLY BABY.
690
00:41:45,401 --> 00:41:48,736
HEAD LIKE A MELON,
FACE LIKE A COLLIE.
691
00:41:50,673 --> 00:41:52,784
HEY, LOOK, I'M
MAKING THEM LAUGH.
692
00:41:52,808 --> 00:41:56,055
NO, WE'RE MAKING THEM LAUGH, TOGETHER,
AND WE'LL GO ON DOING IT THIS WAY.
693
00:41:56,079 --> 00:41:58,490
THIS IS GREAT. HEY, HOW
ABOUT THIS FANTASY ISLAND?
694
00:41:58,514 --> 00:42:00,425
IS THIS SOME TERRIFIC
ISLAND? SOME...
695
00:42:00,449 --> 00:42:03,295
AND WHAT ABOUT THIS
HOTEL? WHAT A HOTEL.
696
00:42:03,319 --> 00:42:05,630
LISTEN, I WOULDN'T WANT TO SAY
THE BELLBOYS ARE TIP-HUNGRY,
697
00:42:05,654 --> 00:42:08,667
BUT WHEN I ORDERED A DECK
OF CARDS, THEY MADE 52 TRIPS.
698
00:42:08,691 --> 00:42:10,702
52 TRIPS!
699
00:42:10,726 --> 00:42:13,272
AND THE ROOMS. YOU BELIEVE
HOW SMALL THESE ROOMS ARE?
700
00:42:13,296 --> 00:42:16,275
SMALL ROOMS. MY
ROOM IS SO SMALL.
701
00:42:16,299 --> 00:42:18,143
HOW SMALL IS YOUR ROOM?
702
00:42:18,167 --> 00:42:20,946
MY ROOM IS SO SMALL,
WHEN YOU GET INTO BED,
703
00:42:20,970 --> 00:42:23,048
THE DOORKNOB GETS
IN THERE WITH YOU.
704
00:42:23,072 --> 00:42:26,151
AND YOU GOTTA GO OUT IN THE
HALLWAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
705
00:42:26,175 --> 00:42:29,855
RIGHT. MY ROOM IS SO SMALL,
EVEN THE MICE ARE HUNCHBACKED.
706
00:42:29,879 --> 00:42:31,678
TERRIFIC!
707
00:43:06,282 --> 00:43:08,215
I WAS HOPING YOU'D COME.
708
00:43:10,386 --> 00:43:13,565
THERE'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
709
00:43:13,589 --> 00:43:15,522
YOUR LETTERS DID ME GOOD TOO.
710
00:43:19,162 --> 00:43:23,008
I'VE BEEN BAD SINCE
THE DAY I WAS BORN.
711
00:43:23,032 --> 00:43:25,710
AND AFTER YOU, I STARTED
TO STRAIGHTEN MY ACT OUT.
712
00:43:25,734 --> 00:43:27,879
I STOPPED TAKING
THINGS FROM GUYS.
713
00:43:27,903 --> 00:43:29,881
I STOPPED INTIMIDATING PEOPLE.
714
00:43:29,905 --> 00:43:31,850
I WAS WHAT YOU'D
CALL A MODEL PRISONER
715
00:43:31,874 --> 00:43:34,086
UNTIL THAT GUARD
GAVE ME THAT HASSLE.
716
00:43:34,110 --> 00:43:36,188
WHAT HAPPENED BACK
AT THE SWIMMING POOL?
717
00:43:36,212 --> 00:43:37,889
WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME?
718
00:43:37,913 --> 00:43:40,059
YOU JUST SCARED ME.
719
00:43:40,083 --> 00:43:41,293
HOW?
720
00:43:41,317 --> 00:43:44,330
WELL, YOU THOUGHT I
DID SOMETHING GREAT,
721
00:43:44,354 --> 00:43:45,998
AND I DIDN'T.
722
00:43:46,022 --> 00:43:48,968
I'M NOT ALWAYS
FAITH-FILLED AND STRONG,
723
00:43:48,992 --> 00:43:52,471
AND I CAN GET WEAK, SCARED.
724
00:43:52,495 --> 00:43:55,307
YOU STARTED TO DEPEND ON ME.
725
00:43:55,331 --> 00:43:57,642
I WAS AFRAID ONE
DAY YOU'D TURN TO ME,
726
00:43:57,666 --> 00:44:00,501
AND I COULDN'T DELIVER
WHEN YOU NEEDED ME MOST.
727
00:44:01,971 --> 00:44:05,150
I NEEDED YOU WHEN YOU
WROTE THAT FIRST LETTER,
728
00:44:05,174 --> 00:44:08,709
AND I NEEDED YOU DESPERATELY WHEN
YOU WALKED IN HERE AND SAT DOWN.
729
00:44:11,947 --> 00:44:14,059
YOU'VE ALWAYS DELIVERED
WHEN I NEEDED YOU.
730
00:44:14,083 --> 00:44:17,329
YEAH, BUT DON'T
YOU SEE? ALL THAT...
731
00:44:17,353 --> 00:44:21,233
THAT FAITH STUFF AND REACHING
HIGH AND ALL THAT... THAT'S...
732
00:44:21,257 --> 00:44:23,502
THAT CAME FROM INSIDE
OF ME AFTER I KNEW YOU.
733
00:44:23,526 --> 00:44:26,571
DON'T YOU REALIZE WHY
I STOPPED WRITING YOU?
734
00:44:26,595 --> 00:44:29,130
'CAUSE I WAS FALLING
IN LOVE WITH YOU.
735
00:44:32,235 --> 00:44:36,081
THOSE ARE THE NICEST
WORDS I'VE EVER HEARD.
736
00:44:36,105 --> 00:44:37,971
I LOVE YOU TOO.
737
00:44:39,442 --> 00:44:41,375
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH OF A CHANCE.
738
00:44:43,112 --> 00:44:45,157
DON'T WE?
739
00:44:45,181 --> 00:44:47,859
A YEAR AGO, YOU DIDN'T
CARE ABOUT ANYBODY,
740
00:44:47,883 --> 00:44:50,162
AND I WAS A CRIPPLE.
741
00:44:50,186 --> 00:44:52,231
NOW YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME,
742
00:44:52,255 --> 00:44:54,500
AND I'VE TAKEN A
COUPLE OF STEPS.
743
00:44:54,524 --> 00:44:57,691
I'D SAY TOGETHER
WE'VE DONE A GREAT JOB.
744
00:44:58,761 --> 00:45:00,739
DO YOU...
745
00:45:00,763 --> 00:45:03,130
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?
746
00:45:04,300 --> 00:45:07,212
HOW AFRAID I AM OF LOSING YOU?
747
00:45:07,236 --> 00:45:09,381
ARE YOU AFRAID
RIGHT THIS MINUTE?
748
00:45:09,405 --> 00:45:11,272
NO.
749
00:45:12,675 --> 00:45:15,287
NEITHER AM I.
750
00:45:15,311 --> 00:45:18,090
CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT WE'LL DO
WHEN THERE'S NO MAILMAN IN THE MIDDLE?
751
00:45:32,061 --> 00:45:33,772
I WANT TO THANK YOU, MR. ROARKE.
752
00:45:33,796 --> 00:45:35,607
THREE YEARS SHOULD
GO BY PRETTY FAST
753
00:45:35,631 --> 00:45:37,442
AS LONG AS SHE'S WAITING FOR ME.
754
00:45:37,466 --> 00:45:39,711
OH, YOU MAY NOT HAVE
TO WAIT THREE YEARS.
755
00:45:39,735 --> 00:45:42,781
INFORMATION HAS COME TO LIGHT
THAT THE GUARD WAS RESPONSIBLE
756
00:45:42,805 --> 00:45:45,384
FOR THE INCIDENT THAT
PREVENTED YOUR PAROLE,
757
00:45:45,408 --> 00:45:47,386
AND THEY'VE SENT ANOTHER
MARSHAL FROM JAPAN
758
00:45:47,410 --> 00:45:50,811
TO TAKE YOU BACK FOR
A NEW PAROLE HEARING.
759
00:45:53,682 --> 00:45:55,849
NO MORE MAILMAN.
760
00:46:09,898 --> 00:46:12,777
WELL, I LEARNED A GREAT
LESSON, MR. ROARKE.
761
00:46:12,801 --> 00:46:14,980
NEVER LET TATTOO
SET UP YOUR BOAT TRIPS.
762
00:46:15,004 --> 00:46:17,249
YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE
IT BACK TO SHORE.
763
00:46:17,273 --> 00:46:19,584
BUT I'M REALLY GLAD
IT HAPPENED, THOUGH.
764
00:46:19,608 --> 00:46:22,587
IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT
JERRY WAS MORE THAN JUST A KID,
765
00:46:22,611 --> 00:46:25,590
AND IF I'D LET HIM GO WHEN
HIS CONTRACT RAN OUT,
766
00:46:25,614 --> 00:46:28,961
I'D BE LOSING THE
BEST PART OF MY ACT.
767
00:46:28,985 --> 00:46:30,329
GOOD-BYE, MR. ROARKE.
768
00:46:30,353 --> 00:46:32,664
GOOD-BYE, MR. BAKER.
769
00:46:32,688 --> 00:46:34,866
GOOD-BYE, MR. ROARKE.
THANKS FOR ME TOO.
770
00:46:34,890 --> 00:46:36,368
OH, A PLEASURE, MR. BURTON.
771
00:46:36,392 --> 00:46:38,325
BYE-BYE. GOOD-BYE.
772
00:46:47,336 --> 00:46:50,915
AND THANKS FOR MAKING
MY FANTASY COME TRUE TOO.
773
00:46:50,939 --> 00:46:54,139
I GUESS I'VE BEEN IN LOVE
WITH JERRY SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.
774
00:47:04,820 --> 00:47:09,968
TOO-RA-LOO-RA-LOO-RAL ♪
775
00:47:09,992 --> 00:47:15,507
♪ TOO-RA-LOO-RA-LI ♪
776
00:47:15,531 --> 00:47:21,846
♪ TOO-RA-LOO-RA-LOO-RAL ♪
777
00:47:21,870 --> 00:47:29,121
♪ HUSH, NOW DON'T YOU CRY ♪
778
00:47:29,145 --> 00:47:31,289
HEY, BOSS, HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?
779
00:47:31,313 --> 00:47:34,726
AMAZING. TATTOO, I TAKE IT BACK.
780
00:47:34,750 --> 00:47:39,231
THAT IS THE BEST BING CROSBY
IMPERSONATION I HAVE EVER HEARD.
781
00:47:39,255 --> 00:47:41,536
PLEASE SING SOME
MORE. PLEASE, PLEASE.
782
00:47:43,725 --> 00:47:47,539
♪ OVER IN KILLARNEY ♪
783
00:47:47,563 --> 00:47:51,843
♪ MANY YEARS AGO ♪
784
00:47:51,867 --> 00:47:56,581
♪ MY MOTHER SANG A SONG TO ME ♪
785
00:47:56,605 --> 00:48:02,354
♪ IN TONES SO SOFT AND LOW ♪
786
00:48:02,378 --> 00:48:05,023
AND LOW ♪ ♪ AND LOW ♪
787
00:48:05,047 --> 00:48:08,293
♪ AND LOW ♪
♪ AND LOW ♪
788
00:48:08,317 --> 00:48:10,695
♪ AND LOW ♪
789
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:13,631
♪ AND LOW ♪
♪ AND LOW ♪
790
00:48:13,655 --> 00:48:16,368
♪ AND LOW ♪
♪ AND LOW ♪
791
00:48:16,392 --> 00:48:18,703
♪ AND LOW ♪
♪ AND LOW ♪
792
00:48:18,727 --> 00:48:21,706
♪ AND LOW ♪
793
00:48:21,730 --> 00:48:24,976
♪ AND LOW ♪
794
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,079
♪ AND LOW ♪
795
00:48:27,103 --> 00:48:28,846
♪ AND LOW ♪
796
00:48:39,381 --> 00:48:42,341
CLOSED-CAPTIONED BY J.R.
MEDIA SERVICES, INC. BURBANK, CA
60352
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