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1
00:00:03,132 --> 00:00:06,857
Oh, did you hear
About scooter’s
New promotion?
Don’t even talk
To me about it.
I’m livid.
2
00:00:06,858 --> 00:00:08,032
He was hired
A week after me,
3
00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:09,065
And made
Partner first.
4
00:00:09,066 --> 00:00:11,131
Is that the guy with
Poor people’s eyes?
5
00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:12,263
Yup. Detroit poor.
6
00:00:12,264 --> 00:00:14,198
Hmm.
Do I have poor
People’s eyes?
7
00:00:16,396 --> 00:00:18,725
No, you have
Baby jesus eyes.Aw!
Yeah.
What kind of
Eyes do I have?
Hunted eyes.
8
00:00:18,726 --> 00:00:20,263
Like someone who
Didn’t bury the body
9
00:00:20,264 --> 00:00:21,659
Deep enough to
Sleep soundly.
10
00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:23,824
Well, I take
Sleeping pills
And vodka sodas.
11
00:00:23,825 --> 00:00:26,065
Ah! And I have
Shark eyes
12
00:00:26,066 --> 00:00:26,956
Like a tiger shark.
13
00:00:26,957 --> 00:00:28,791
Mm, no you don’t.
We talked
About this.
14
00:00:28,792 --> 00:00:30,032
Yeah, you have
Pretty lady eyes.
15
00:00:30,033 --> 00:00:32,626
I know. I know.
One, two, three, four!
16
00:00:38,264 --> 00:00:39,692
♪ all hail
The working man ♪
17
00:00:39,693 --> 00:00:41,263
♪ he’s got the world
In his hand ♪
18
00:00:41,264 --> 00:00:42,626
♪ all hail
The working man ♪
19
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,956
♪ the work is never done
20
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:47,659
♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh
21
00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:50,329
♪ way-oh, way-oh-ho
22
00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:51,692
Huh!
23
00:00:51,693 --> 00:00:52,890
♪ I am the working man
24
00:00:52,891 --> 00:00:54,692
♪ through the night
Till the morning sun ♪
25
00:00:54,693 --> 00:00:56,230
♪ I am the working man
26
00:00:56,231 --> 00:00:57,857
♪ the work is never done
27
00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:01,065
♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
28
00:01:01,066 --> 00:01:02,626
Hey! Hey!
♪ way-oh-way
29
00:01:03,561 --> 00:01:05,032
♪ pray for
The working man ♪
30
00:01:05,033 --> 00:01:06,527
♪ always there
With a helping hand ♪
31
00:01:06,528 --> 00:01:08,230
♪ pray for
The working man ♪
32
00:01:08,231 --> 00:01:09,494
♪ the work is never done
33
00:01:09,495 --> 00:01:10,999
♪ all hail
The working man ♪
34
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,362
♪ another day
Has just begun ♪
35
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:13,999
♪ all hail
The working man ♪
36
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,132
♪ it’s never friggin’ done
37
00:01:20,528 --> 00:01:22,461
Okay, people, we have...
38
00:01:22,462 --> 00:01:24,197
Leonard st. Cross,
39
00:01:24,198 --> 00:01:24,999
The head cheese
40
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,758
Of chantilly films, coming in
41
00:01:26,759 --> 00:01:28,659
And I need someone to
Handle the file.
42
00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:29,527
Oh, pick me!
43
00:01:29,528 --> 00:01:30,527
Pick me, mr. Kaplan!
44
00:01:30,528 --> 00:01:31,362
St. Cross is my hero.
45
00:01:31,363 --> 00:01:33,725
No, I don’t need
Hero-worshippers.
46
00:01:33,726 --> 00:01:34,999
I’ll handle it, sir.
47
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,098
I am the schmooze king.
48
00:01:36,099 --> 00:01:37,395
You just want to hassle
St. Cross
49
00:01:37,396 --> 00:01:39,164
About your stupid screenplay.
50
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:40,626
Screenplay?
51
00:01:40,627 --> 00:01:42,428
What are you talking
About?
52
00:01:42,429 --> 00:01:43,296
"Big law",
53
00:01:43,297 --> 00:01:45,098
The one you wanted me to
Pass on
54
00:01:45,099 --> 00:01:46,725
To my cousin at mgm?
55
00:01:46,726 --> 00:01:47,758
Did you?
56
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,164
No.
57
00:01:49,165 --> 00:01:50,593
Sir, "Big law" is edgy
58
00:01:50,594 --> 00:01:51,725
Like spike lee.
59
00:01:51,726 --> 00:01:52,428
Fine!
60
00:01:52,429 --> 00:01:54,131
Take the chantilly file.
61
00:01:54,132 --> 00:01:55,197
But if I hear one word
62
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,329
About you pitching
St. Cross
63
00:01:56,330 --> 00:01:57,891
About your stupid
Screenplay
64
00:01:58,759 --> 00:02:01,494
I’ll pitch youdown an elevator shaft.
Yeah, he once kicked me
Down a flight of stairs
65
00:02:01,495 --> 00:02:02,791
For calling him "Kraplan".
66
00:02:05,099 --> 00:02:07,099
J-just kidding, just kidding.
67
00:02:07,825 --> 00:02:08,923
I fell.
68
00:02:08,924 --> 00:02:11,329
Ugh! Never mind scooter’s
Presentation skills.
69
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:13,461
I’ve heard seals enunciate
Better.
70
00:02:13,462 --> 00:02:15,527
Ugh! This is pure sexist
Bullshit.
71
00:02:15,528 --> 00:02:17,131
The old fuckheads who run
This place
72
00:02:17,132 --> 00:02:19,296
Will never let a woman
Get ahead.
73
00:02:19,297 --> 00:02:21,032
Well, maybe
If you people
74
00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:22,263
Stopped getting
Pregnant
75
00:02:22,264 --> 00:02:23,230
You’d be more
Trustworthy.
76
00:02:23,231 --> 00:02:24,824
Yeah, like I’m
Getting pregnant.
77
00:02:24,825 --> 00:02:26,098
You know how I feel
About babies.
78
00:02:26,099 --> 00:02:27,329
I shouldn’t have brought it up.
Ugh!
79
00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:28,857
Their little feet
And their tiny eyes,
80
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,065
And their private
Gap stores.
81
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,594
Uh! You’re not
Dragging me
Into this again.
82
00:02:32,726 --> 00:02:35,461
Hey! I just
Had an idea.I thought I
Heard squeaking.
I’m going to
Invent a fictitious
Male lawyer
83
00:02:35,462 --> 00:02:38,131
And prove that a
Man gets ahead in
This firm faster.
84
00:02:38,132 --> 00:02:41,131
Ghost lawyer.
Robin, you are
So predictable.
85
00:02:41,132 --> 00:02:43,065
Actually,
I’m somewhat of
A movie buff.
86
00:02:43,066 --> 00:02:45,626
I have a prop
From "Howard
The duck".
87
00:02:45,627 --> 00:02:46,593
Mmm!
88
00:02:46,594 --> 00:02:47,692
Hey, gorgeous,
89
00:02:47,693 --> 00:02:49,593
You should be
In movies.
90
00:02:49,594 --> 00:02:50,824
Here, give me a call.
91
00:02:50,825 --> 00:02:52,758
On my, uh...
Car phone.
92
00:02:52,759 --> 00:02:54,494
Car phone? Wow.
93
00:02:54,495 --> 00:02:55,857
That’s... Smooth.
94
00:02:55,858 --> 00:02:57,197
Yeah, well...
95
00:02:57,198 --> 00:02:58,890
It’s one thing
I know, it’s women.
96
00:02:58,891 --> 00:03:00,197
And white wine.
97
00:03:00,198 --> 00:03:01,098
The ponies.
And shrimp.
98
00:03:01,099 --> 00:03:03,198
Man, I’d love
To shoot in a
Place like this.
99
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,230
So real. It’s
So amateur,so authentic.
Well, it’s funny
You should say that,
100
00:03:07,231 --> 00:03:08,824
Because my semi-
Autobiographical
Script
101
00:03:08,825 --> 00:03:11,461
Is about
Working in this
Authentic office.
102
00:03:11,462 --> 00:03:12,231
Well, send
It to me,
103
00:03:13,924 --> 00:03:16,858
I’ll give it
The once-over.
Seriously?Yeah, get it
Me asap.
That’s hollywood
Talk for "As soon
As possible".
104
00:03:18,495 --> 00:03:21,791
That’s also
Normal person
Talk for...Yeah, I can’t
Hear you, it’s
All white noise.
105
00:03:21,792 --> 00:03:24,263
Look, you got some,
Uh, law papers
For me to sign?Yeah, in my office.
Good. You’re going
To have to read it
To me though,
106
00:03:24,264 --> 00:03:25,956
I dropped out of
School in grade two.
107
00:03:25,957 --> 00:03:27,197
Fucking hate kids.
108
00:03:27,198 --> 00:03:30,494
And so, if we set
The corporation
In indonesia
109
00:03:30,495 --> 00:03:31,230
We reduce liability
110
00:03:31,231 --> 00:03:33,065
In almost every
Pacific rim country.
111
00:03:33,066 --> 00:03:35,692
Plus we have access
To cheap snakes.
112
00:03:40,363 --> 00:03:42,230
Better than
Usual, howland.
113
00:03:42,231 --> 00:03:43,791
Someone help
You out?
114
00:03:43,792 --> 00:03:44,857
Yes indeedy, sir.
115
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:45,956
One of our
New hires.
116
00:03:45,957 --> 00:03:46,999
Is that a fact?
117
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,725
Which one of those
Scumbags was it?
118
00:03:48,726 --> 00:03:50,659
Mcbeal...
119
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:51,923
Allen mcbeal.
120
00:03:51,924 --> 00:03:52,956
He’s unbelievable.
121
00:03:52,957 --> 00:03:54,560
Allen mcbeal?
122
00:03:54,561 --> 00:03:55,999
I’ve never
Met the kid.
123
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,164
Sounds like a young
Man on the rise.
124
00:03:57,165 --> 00:03:58,824
He is, sir.
Headed straight
To the top.
125
00:03:58,825 --> 00:04:01,395
Well, have this
Hotshot mcbeal
Come find me.
126
00:04:01,396 --> 00:04:03,098
I want to put a
Face to the name.
127
00:04:03,099 --> 00:04:04,197
Oh, he’s in a
Meeting right now,
128
00:04:04,198 --> 00:04:06,263
But I’ll have him
Call you as soon
As he gets out.
129
00:04:06,264 --> 00:04:08,725
You know what?
Just have him
Text me.
130
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,032
Will do, sir.
131
00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:12,296
Do I look like a
16-year-old girl?
132
00:04:12,297 --> 00:04:13,626
Have him find me!
133
00:04:13,627 --> 00:04:14,528
Okay...
134
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,890
Oh!
So, allen mcbeal
Backfired in
Record time.
Hmm!
135
00:04:21,891 --> 00:04:24,098
Kaplan wants
To meet mcbeal
In the flesh
136
00:04:24,099 --> 00:04:24,923
Today.
137
00:04:24,924 --> 00:04:25,956
So hire an actor.
138
00:04:25,957 --> 00:04:27,561
Who can draft
Merger documents?
139
00:04:28,363 --> 00:04:31,758
Yeah!
Ugh!What am I
Supposed to do,
Dress up as a man,
Glue a moustache
On my face,
140
00:04:31,759 --> 00:04:33,428
And put on a
Gravelly voice?
141
00:04:33,429 --> 00:04:35,560
And five, four,
Three, two...
142
00:04:35,561 --> 00:04:37,725
Wait! That’s it.
There you go.
143
00:04:37,726 --> 00:04:38,890
Good girl!
I like it.
144
00:04:38,891 --> 00:04:41,692
It’s very shakespeare,
"As you like it".
145
00:04:41,693 --> 00:04:42,428
As I like what?
146
00:04:42,429 --> 00:04:45,197
No, it’s like
"Victor/victoria".
What?
147
00:04:45,198 --> 00:04:46,659
"Tootsie"?
"Mrs. Doubtfire"?
148
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,032
I’m not following.
"Big momma’s house"?
149
00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:50,230
Oh! Now, that was
A funny movie!
150
00:04:50,231 --> 00:04:52,263
Look, hey, while you’re
Drag king-ing it up,
151
00:04:52,264 --> 00:04:54,890
Get allen to ask
For scooter’s
Old office.
152
00:04:54,891 --> 00:04:56,032
What for?
153
00:04:56,033 --> 00:04:56,824
Well...
154
00:04:56,825 --> 00:04:59,593
I want start a
Gentlemen’s club
In here, you know?
155
00:04:59,594 --> 00:05:01,560
I’ll bring in some
Red leather chairs,
156
00:05:01,561 --> 00:05:02,296
Some vintage brandy.
157
00:05:02,297 --> 00:05:05,857
Oh! And some musty
Old professor-types
158
00:05:05,858 --> 00:05:07,164
To warm their toes
By the hearth.
159
00:05:07,165 --> 00:05:09,329
I thought you
Were already in a
Gentlemen’s club?
160
00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:10,494
I was. I got
Kicked out
161
00:05:10,495 --> 00:05:11,626
For telling
The club president
162
00:05:11,627 --> 00:05:12,461
That monocles
Are ass.
163
00:05:12,462 --> 00:05:14,857
Oh, did he look
Like colonel klink?
Huh?
164
00:05:14,858 --> 00:05:16,560
Mr. Peanut?
Who?
165
00:05:16,561 --> 00:05:17,626
The penguin?
Oh!
166
00:05:17,627 --> 00:05:19,296
Yeah, he did,
Actually.
167
00:05:19,297 --> 00:05:20,692
Okay, I’ll score
You the office.
168
00:05:20,693 --> 00:05:21,999
But given my current
War on sexism,
169
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,527
You’re going to
Have to call it the
"Gentleperson’s" club.
170
00:05:24,528 --> 00:05:25,230
What? No, no, no.
171
00:05:25,231 --> 00:05:26,593
We’ll call it the...
The clubhouse.
172
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,131
If we call it a
Gentleperson’s club,
173
00:05:28,132 --> 00:05:29,692
Next thing you know,
We’ll be sipping tea
174
00:05:29,693 --> 00:05:31,659
With wood nymphs
In narnia.
175
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:33,230
Oh! Speaking
Of wood nymphs.
176
00:05:33,231 --> 00:05:36,659
Everybody knows
The last wood nymph
Died 75 years ago.
177
00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:38,329
What are you,
Secret service?
178
00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:40,065
No! I’ve gone
Hollywood, babies.
Ah!
179
00:05:40,066 --> 00:05:42,791
That’s right,
I’m penning a major
Motion picture.
180
00:05:42,792 --> 00:05:44,527
St. Cross already
Optioned it.
181
00:05:44,528 --> 00:05:45,923
Huh. See you
On set, coppola.
182
00:05:45,924 --> 00:05:49,263
Hey, sam, did
You get to meet
Leonard st. Cross yet?
183
00:05:49,264 --> 00:05:51,890
Meet him? I’m writing
A movie for him.
184
00:05:51,891 --> 00:05:52,593
O-m-g!
185
00:05:52,594 --> 00:05:54,593
That’s unbelievable.
Kudos, dude!
186
00:05:54,594 --> 00:05:55,561
Thanks, man.
Thanks.
187
00:05:56,858 --> 00:05:59,890
It’s called
- "Big law".
- hmm, "Big law".
188
00:05:59,891 --> 00:06:02,461
Is it gay,
Straight, or gonzo?
What?Dude, don’t
You know?
Chantilly films
Is a porn company.
What?
189
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:06,164
Leonard’s a porn star
Slash producer
Slash mop-up man.
190
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:07,395
But... No!
191
00:06:07,396 --> 00:06:08,461
No! It can’t
Be a porn!
192
00:06:08,462 --> 00:06:11,263
Seeing "Big law"
Brought to life
On the big screen
193
00:06:11,264 --> 00:06:12,296
Has been my
Life’s dream!
194
00:06:12,297 --> 00:06:14,461
I thought your
Life’s dream was to
Swim in chocolate.
195
00:06:14,462 --> 00:06:16,428
No, no, no.
Now my big dream
Is "Big law".
196
00:06:16,429 --> 00:06:17,857
Well, your dreams are
Coming true, buddy.
197
00:06:17,858 --> 00:06:20,725
There’s just going
To be a lot more dicks
In it than you thought.
198
00:06:28,462 --> 00:06:29,560
Mr. Kaplan?
199
00:06:29,561 --> 00:06:31,428
Oh! You must
Be mcbeal!
200
00:06:31,429 --> 00:06:32,923
Just the man
I was looking for.
201
00:06:32,924 --> 00:06:34,956
Ooh, nice
Firm handshake.
202
00:06:34,957 --> 00:06:36,230
Uh, can I fix
You a drink?
203
00:06:36,231 --> 00:06:38,692
Fuck yeah.
Pour me a scotch.
204
00:06:38,693 --> 00:06:40,891
But hold the girly ice.
205
00:06:41,759 --> 00:06:43,000
Mmm!
206
00:06:45,462 --> 00:06:47,560
Hey, what do
You think of
A mounted gazelle
207
00:06:47,561 --> 00:06:48,329
For the clubhouse?
208
00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:50,957
Don’t be a pussy.
Go for a predator.
209
00:06:51,693 --> 00:06:53,197
Hello!
210
00:06:53,198 --> 00:06:53,923
Funny...
211
00:06:53,924 --> 00:06:56,395
It’s the first time
You’ve given me
A hard-on.
212
00:06:56,396 --> 00:06:57,593
Maybe it’s
The magazine.
213
00:06:57,594 --> 00:06:59,692
God! How do you guys
Stand these things?
214
00:06:59,693 --> 00:07:02,033
Well, for starters,
We don’t use glue.
215
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:06,923
Funny.I can’t believe
Kaplan bought it.
Yeah? Well, did you
Score me scooter’s
Office or what?
216
00:07:06,924 --> 00:07:08,230
Yeah, but on
Two conditions.
217
00:07:08,231 --> 00:07:10,197
You keep your
Mouth shut about
My deception.
218
00:07:10,198 --> 00:07:13,758
Prop up allen’s
Existence publicly.
219
00:07:13,759 --> 00:07:14,692
Done! Yeah!
220
00:07:14,693 --> 00:07:16,098
Ah! There you
Are, mcbeal.
221
00:07:16,099 --> 00:07:18,594
Yeah, where the...
Hell else would I be?
222
00:07:20,528 --> 00:07:23,824
Clark and I were
Just swapping storiesabout banging chicks
And not caring
If they’re
Emotionally damaged.
223
00:07:23,825 --> 00:07:25,923
Yeah!
Eh!
224
00:07:25,924 --> 00:07:27,362
Yes!
225
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,923
Yes! Sh-he’s a real
Lady killer, sir,
226
00:07:30,924 --> 00:07:32,098
And a hell
Of a golfer.
227
00:07:32,099 --> 00:07:34,857
Look out
For her...
Him.
228
00:07:34,858 --> 00:07:35,527
Good to know.
229
00:07:35,528 --> 00:07:37,923
Look, howland’s
Pooching the
Osterberg file
230
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:38,890
And you’re
Batting clean-up.
231
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:40,890
Let’s continue this
In the shitter.
232
00:07:40,891 --> 00:07:43,494
Eh... Oh...
233
00:07:43,495 --> 00:07:46,626
And... Erection gone.
234
00:07:48,693 --> 00:07:49,923
Mr. St. Cross,
235
00:07:49,924 --> 00:07:50,956
We need to talk.
236
00:07:50,957 --> 00:07:51,999
We do need
To talk, sammy.
237
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,923
That script
Is fabulous!
238
00:07:53,924 --> 00:07:55,659
It is? I mean,
I know it is.
239
00:07:55,660 --> 00:07:57,065
It just needs a
Little more action.
240
00:07:57,066 --> 00:07:58,891
You know what
I’m saying?
Like, uh...
241
00:08:00,726 --> 00:08:03,395
More pee-pee
To va-jay-jay.Uh, pee-pee
To bum-bum.
Bum-bum
To bum-bum.
We do that now.
242
00:08:03,396 --> 00:08:04,890
Yeah, you see,
I don’t think
That, uh...
243
00:08:04,891 --> 00:08:07,890
I think you’ve captured
The gritty reality
Of the law world,
244
00:08:07,891 --> 00:08:09,956
The raw vibe,
The energy.
245
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,263
But I’m worried
It’ll get lost in
The translation,
246
00:08:12,264 --> 00:08:13,923
So I think I need
You to direct it.
247
00:08:13,924 --> 00:08:16,461
You want me to
Direct a porno?
248
00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:18,362
Not porn
Your porno.
249
00:08:18,363 --> 00:08:20,527
I want you to
Shoot it right
Here in the firm.
250
00:08:20,528 --> 00:08:22,362
Oh!
251
00:08:22,363 --> 00:08:23,560
Yeah! Yeah,
That’ll be easy.
252
00:08:23,561 --> 00:08:25,725
I can’t see why the
Managing partners
Would object
253
00:08:25,726 --> 00:08:28,725
To hardcore pornography
Being shot in the office.
254
00:08:28,726 --> 00:08:30,824
In case they
Don’t go for it,
255
00:08:30,825 --> 00:08:31,593
Offer them
A walk-on.
256
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,725
If that doesn’t
Work... A blow job?
257
00:08:33,726 --> 00:08:35,857
There’s like,
Nine of them.
258
00:08:35,858 --> 00:08:38,660
Hmm. I know
Just the girl.
259
00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:41,659
The following chart
Summarizes the law
260
00:08:41,660 --> 00:08:43,659
As it pertains to
This transaction.
261
00:08:43,660 --> 00:08:45,593
Uh, allen, what
About jakarta?
262
00:08:45,594 --> 00:08:48,461
I’m only going
To say this
One time, seth.
263
00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:49,692
Jakarta is
So fucking over
264
00:08:49,693 --> 00:08:50,626
It makes me want
To kick a dog.
265
00:08:50,627 --> 00:08:53,494
I just wanted to
Get it straight.
266
00:08:53,495 --> 00:08:56,461
Everyone?
Forget jakarta.
267
00:08:56,462 --> 00:08:58,065
Now let me
Take us home.
268
00:08:58,066 --> 00:09:00,693
Everybody turn
To page 72.
269
00:09:02,363 --> 00:09:05,824
I bet he knows
How to change leads
In mid-gallop.
270
00:09:15,165 --> 00:09:15,923
Xanadu!
271
00:09:15,924 --> 00:09:18,098
Mmm-hmm. Welcome
To my clubhouse,
272
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,659
Or as I like
To call it,
273
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:20,659
The pleasure dome.
274
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,395
Did you say
Clubhouse or
Bathhouse?
275
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,362
Oh, it’s a bit
Of both, really.
276
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:24,560
This is where robin
Gets into drag.
277
00:09:24,561 --> 00:09:27,692
Oh, did I mention
She’s pretending
To be a man now?
278
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:28,824
Huh?
Yeah.
279
00:09:28,825 --> 00:09:30,428
Which one’s robin?
280
00:09:30,429 --> 00:09:31,857
The pretty one.
281
00:09:31,858 --> 00:09:33,329
Huh!
Hey...
282
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:35,065
Ho-ho-ho!
283
00:09:35,066 --> 00:09:36,032
Mmm-hmm!
Well...
284
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,032
What else
Have I missed
285
00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:38,428
Since I’ve been
Writing porn?
286
00:09:38,429 --> 00:09:40,329
Writing porno?
What else
Have I missed
287
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,461
While I’ve
Been building
The clubhouse?
288
00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:44,725
They’re turning
"Big law" into
Pornography.
289
00:09:44,726 --> 00:09:45,824
It’s great! Yeah!
290
00:09:45,825 --> 00:09:47,362
It’s a good start
To a film career.
291
00:09:47,363 --> 00:09:49,824
Just like stallone
Or ginger spice
292
00:09:49,825 --> 00:09:51,032
Or jessica tandy.
293
00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:52,495
This is crazy!
294
00:09:53,858 --> 00:09:57,692
I’m doing the work
Of two peoplefor one paycheque.
Well, as a woman,
You’d think you’d be
Used to that by now.
Yeah.
295
00:09:57,693 --> 00:09:59,461
I mean, all the
Costume changes,
296
00:09:59,462 --> 00:10:01,527
Getting high off
The moustache glue...
297
00:10:01,528 --> 00:10:02,659
I’m beginning
To lose track
298
00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:03,725
If I’m a man
Or a woman.
299
00:10:03,726 --> 00:10:06,264
Clark & sam:
Just like him. Jinx.
300
00:10:06,825 --> 00:10:07,659
Whoa!
301
00:10:07,660 --> 00:10:09,956
Mcbeal’s got
Some swank digs.
302
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:12,956
Mr. Kaplan, I wanted
To talk to you
About something.
303
00:10:12,957 --> 00:10:14,494
This madman,
St. Cross,
304
00:10:14,495 --> 00:10:17,296
He wants to make
A pornographic movie
305
00:10:17,297 --> 00:10:18,527
In the office.
306
00:10:18,528 --> 00:10:19,692
Do anything that
Bastard wants.
307
00:10:19,693 --> 00:10:21,560
I mean anything.
He’s rich as
A pharaoh.
308
00:10:21,561 --> 00:10:23,725
But people are
Going to be having
Sex in the firm.
309
00:10:23,726 --> 00:10:25,033
Wouldn’t be
The first time.
310
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,999
On camera.Wouldn’t be
The first time.
In the...
Wouldn’t be
The first time.
311
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,362
Well, he wants
Me to direct it
312
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:31,999
And I don’t know
Anything about
Making porn.
313
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,098
Uh! Stipple’s
Your man.
314
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:35,791
He knows stag movies
Like the palm
Of his hand.
315
00:10:35,792 --> 00:10:36,758
Just, uh...
316
00:10:36,759 --> 00:10:39,593
Call me when
The gazunga
Ladies arrive.
317
00:10:39,594 --> 00:10:40,824
Oh, sir!
318
00:10:40,825 --> 00:10:42,923
I don’t want to be
A smut peddler!
319
00:10:42,924 --> 00:10:43,560
Wah, wah.
320
00:10:43,561 --> 00:10:45,329
Find a pseudonym,
Pope benedict.
321
00:10:45,330 --> 00:10:46,164
Ooh! I know!
322
00:10:46,165 --> 00:10:48,660
How about pope
Bend-a-dick.
323
00:10:49,429 --> 00:10:49,999
Howland!
324
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,593
What are you doing
Lollygagging here?
325
00:10:51,594 --> 00:10:52,999
Come on,
Get to work!
Let’s go!
326
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,230
Yeah! Get
Out of here!
327
00:10:54,231 --> 00:10:55,296
No women allowed!
328
00:10:55,297 --> 00:10:56,692
Yeah, clark!
Sam!
329
00:10:56,693 --> 00:10:57,461
Jinx!
Jinx!
330
00:10:57,462 --> 00:10:58,791
Jinx on the jinx!
331
00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:03,923
I’m disappointed
In you, howland.
332
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,329
The osterberg
File’s gone to shit
333
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:06,923
And I can never
Find you when
I need you!
334
00:11:06,924 --> 00:11:08,461
I’m sorry, sir.
I’ll try to
Do better.
335
00:11:08,462 --> 00:11:11,527
Forget it!
I’m giving the
File to mcbeal.
336
00:11:11,528 --> 00:11:12,395
Huh!
337
00:11:17,561 --> 00:11:20,132
I brought you some
Hot soup, allen.
338
00:11:21,033 --> 00:11:22,197
Thanks, millie.
339
00:11:26,231 --> 00:11:26,956
If you don’t mind,
340
00:11:26,957 --> 00:11:28,923
This guy’s balls-
Deep in work.
341
00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:31,725
You’re different
From the men here.
342
00:11:31,726 --> 00:11:33,131
So masculine.
343
00:11:33,132 --> 00:11:35,923
Like a
Mountain man.
344
00:11:35,924 --> 00:11:36,428
Hey...
345
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:39,131
If you ever want
To put your hand
On my posterior,
346
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,330
I just want you
To know you have
My full consent.
347
00:11:43,429 --> 00:11:44,725
Uh...
348
00:11:44,726 --> 00:11:46,824
There you are, mcbeal.
349
00:11:46,825 --> 00:11:47,494
Excuse us, millie,
350
00:11:47,495 --> 00:11:49,923
I need to talk to
Allen, man to man.
351
00:11:49,924 --> 00:11:52,230
Allen, sir, if
You find yourself
352
00:11:52,231 --> 00:11:53,362
In the copy room at 3:15,
353
00:11:53,363 --> 00:11:56,561
The offer I just made
Would be readily available.
354
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,857
Yeah.
Watch it, allen,
355
00:11:59,858 --> 00:12:02,857
That one might have
A crush on you.
356
00:12:02,858 --> 00:12:04,395
Can’t blame her.
357
00:12:04,396 --> 00:12:05,494
Yeah, not my type.
358
00:12:05,495 --> 00:12:06,692
Cans are
Too small.
359
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,065
Plus she hangs
Around with horses.
360
00:12:08,066 --> 00:12:10,461
The comparison’s
Too intimidating.
361
00:12:12,561 --> 00:12:14,098
Good to know.
362
00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:14,791
There’s a rule
Around here.
363
00:12:14,792 --> 00:12:17,725
No schtupping
Another man’s
Assistant!
364
00:12:17,726 --> 00:12:18,956
We take
That seriously.
365
00:12:18,957 --> 00:12:20,659
As I said, sir,
Not my type.
366
00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:24,131
Look, I need to
Put you on the
Osterberg file.
367
00:12:24,132 --> 00:12:26,230
Howland’s
Screwing it up!
368
00:12:26,231 --> 00:12:27,230
Well, you...
369
00:12:27,231 --> 00:12:28,263
You know,
Sir, um...
370
00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:28,956
A lot of people
I’ve talked to
371
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:31,999
Consider howland
To be the cornerstone
Of the entire office.
372
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,461
Noble of you to
Cover for her,
373
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,626
But that’s a
Crock of shit
And you know it.
374
00:12:35,627 --> 00:12:37,296
I would trade
Ten howlands...
375
00:12:37,297 --> 00:12:39,528
For one mcbeal.
376
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:45,098
Yeah, you want mcbeal?
You got mcbeal.
377
00:12:50,957 --> 00:12:53,131
So what are we
Talking about, here?
378
00:12:53,132 --> 00:12:54,164
Gonzo, gang bang,
379
00:12:54,165 --> 00:12:55,791
Bukkake parties,
Throat pokers,
380
00:12:55,792 --> 00:12:57,363
Runaway tricks,
Say hi to daddy...
381
00:12:58,627 --> 00:13:01,824
Okay, no, no,
No, no, no!None of that
Stuff! Okay?
It’s just going
To be, like, mainstream
Glossy shit.
382
00:13:01,825 --> 00:13:02,923
Okay, so we’re
Going to need
383
00:13:02,924 --> 00:13:04,956
A hearty helping
Of boy on girl,
384
00:13:04,957 --> 00:13:05,923
Some girl on girl,
385
00:13:05,924 --> 00:13:07,527
And one dutch
Door scene.
386
00:13:07,528 --> 00:13:09,032
Oh! I’m just kidding,
Just kidding.
387
00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:11,957
Two dutch door
Scenes. Yeah.
388
00:13:14,066 --> 00:13:17,164
Sammy, those
Revisions ready yet?Yeah, I’m just...
I’m working on
Some sex scenarios
389
00:13:17,165 --> 00:13:18,197
With mr. Stipple.
390
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,791
Mr. St. Cross,
It is an honour.
391
00:13:20,792 --> 00:13:21,923
I love your work.
392
00:13:21,924 --> 00:13:24,065
Hey, you want an
Autographed dildo?
393
00:13:24,066 --> 00:13:25,395
Oh! Do I?
394
00:13:25,396 --> 00:13:26,461
I’ll have them
Send one over.
395
00:13:26,462 --> 00:13:29,263
Accurate right down
To my veins.
Thanks!
396
00:13:29,264 --> 00:13:32,197
You know, I actually
Always wanted
To be in a porn.
397
00:13:32,198 --> 00:13:33,999
Really? You
Got a big knob?
398
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,428
Well, my mom
Tells me it’s big,
399
00:13:35,429 --> 00:13:36,758
But what
Mom wouldn’t?
400
00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:38,890
All right, partner.
Whip it out.
401
00:13:38,891 --> 00:13:40,791
Let’s see if your mom’s
Just being polite.
402
00:13:40,792 --> 00:13:42,824
Oh... Do we
Really need
To do this?
403
00:13:42,825 --> 00:13:44,065
Yeah, really.
I mean...
404
00:13:44,066 --> 00:13:45,197
With this
Guy here?
405
00:13:45,198 --> 00:13:46,527
Hey, there’s going
To be 50 guys
406
00:13:46,528 --> 00:13:48,560
Staring at your wang
All day on set.
407
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,131
Let’s go.
Okay.
408
00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:53,065
Oh my... Jesus!
409
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:53,857
Not bad.
410
00:13:53,858 --> 00:13:55,329
Good heft,
411
00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:56,065
Nice curve,
412
00:13:56,066 --> 00:13:57,626
My compliments
To your mohel.
413
00:13:57,627 --> 00:13:58,560
Thank you.
414
00:13:58,561 --> 00:13:59,692
Negatives, uh...
415
00:13:59,693 --> 00:14:00,857
The bikini line
Of a deadhead.
416
00:14:00,858 --> 00:14:01,791
What do you
Think, sammy?
417
00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:02,923
Uh, it’s nice.
It’s a good penis.
418
00:14:02,924 --> 00:14:05,494
But wait, I’ve
Got wicked control.
Look at this.
419
00:14:07,066 --> 00:14:08,263
And being
A real lawyer
420
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,395
You’d add authenticity
To "Big law".
421
00:14:10,396 --> 00:14:11,329
Yeah.
422
00:14:11,330 --> 00:14:12,065
Sammy...
423
00:14:12,066 --> 00:14:14,428
We have our
New leading man.
424
00:14:14,429 --> 00:14:16,230
M... Murray?
425
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:17,791
Oh! Oh, sir!
426
00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:19,362
Oh, sir!
427
00:14:19,363 --> 00:14:20,164
Thank you!
428
00:14:20,165 --> 00:14:21,659
Thank you
So much!
429
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:22,758
Welcome aboard.
430
00:14:22,759 --> 00:14:24,462
Thank you!
Thank you!
431
00:14:27,297 --> 00:14:30,098
Heading to
The trash?Great idea!
Toss away
The old work,
Start fresh.
432
00:14:30,099 --> 00:14:31,956
Most of it wasn’t
Any good, anyway.
433
00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:32,956
No. I’m leaving,
Mr. Kaplan.
434
00:14:32,957 --> 00:14:36,230
No reason to
Stick around when I
Wasn’t appreciated.
435
00:14:36,231 --> 00:14:37,230
I quit.
436
00:14:37,231 --> 00:14:38,131
Good for you.
437
00:14:38,132 --> 00:14:40,999
Acknowledging
The problem is
The first step.
438
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,230
Give my regards
To mcbeal...
439
00:14:43,231 --> 00:14:44,957
And see you
In hell.
440
00:14:46,066 --> 00:14:48,792
Good luck at
The doughnut shop.
441
00:14:51,132 --> 00:14:51,857
Ah-h.
442
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,065
So, why are
You still here?
443
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:54,197
Robin quit,
Not allen.
444
00:14:54,198 --> 00:14:56,032
I hope allen’s
On the payroll.
445
00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:56,725
Oh, shit.
446
00:14:56,726 --> 00:14:58,890
And where is allen
Going to do his work?
447
00:14:58,891 --> 00:14:59,924
Yeah, I was
Getting to that.
448
00:15:01,594 --> 00:15:03,956
Uh, clubhouse
Has got to go.What?
Yeah.
Kaplan thinks this
Is allen’s office.
449
00:15:03,957 --> 00:15:05,692
Well, fuck, I
Just hired hadji.
450
00:15:05,693 --> 00:15:07,791
You know he has issues
With depression.
451
00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:08,890
Goddammit.
452
00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:10,197
Maybe I’ll use
Robin’s office
453
00:15:10,198 --> 00:15:11,329
Now that the
Bitch is gone.
454
00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:13,528
Ha-ha. Yeah,
Whatever.
455
00:15:14,693 --> 00:15:16,362
Eee...
456
00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:18,725
I’ve got to
Take a piss.
457
00:15:18,726 --> 00:15:21,330
Out of my dink.
458
00:15:26,429 --> 00:15:29,857
Sir, I have
Something very
Importanti need to talk
To you about.
Well, make it quick,
I’m about to lose
My clubhouse
459
00:15:29,858 --> 00:15:31,230
And I’m looking
For revenge.
460
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,131
I’m in love with
Allen mcbeal, sir.
461
00:15:34,132 --> 00:15:35,164
Hello!
462
00:15:35,165 --> 00:15:36,428
So, you’re saying
463
00:15:36,429 --> 00:15:37,428
That you, a woman,
464
00:15:37,429 --> 00:15:39,197
Are in love with
That man, allen?
465
00:15:39,198 --> 00:15:41,527
He’s a
Stallion, sir.
Yeah.
466
00:15:41,528 --> 00:15:42,725
I spent the
Whole day
467
00:15:42,726 --> 00:15:45,098
Writing "Millie mcbeal"
All over my desk.
468
00:15:45,099 --> 00:15:48,494
And he was just
In here talking
About you.
469
00:15:48,495 --> 00:15:49,428
Now, look,
470
00:15:49,429 --> 00:15:50,824
I think allen’s
The kind of guy
471
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:53,098
That you just got
To grab and kiss.
472
00:15:53,099 --> 00:15:54,098
You understand?
473
00:15:54,099 --> 00:15:58,659
Grab and kiss.
474
00:15:58,660 --> 00:15:59,626
Got it, sir.
475
00:15:59,627 --> 00:16:02,329
Now, get out of here,
You crazy lovebird.
476
00:16:10,066 --> 00:16:12,230
I think it’s
Time to...
477
00:16:12,231 --> 00:16:13,791
Bang the
Judge’s gavel.
478
00:16:13,792 --> 00:16:15,792
Ok... Okay.
479
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,263
Hah! Cut!
480
00:16:18,264 --> 00:16:19,527
Sorry.
481
00:16:19,528 --> 00:16:20,164
Sam?
Yeah?
482
00:16:20,165 --> 00:16:21,593
I’ve got a
Problem here.
Okay.
483
00:16:21,594 --> 00:16:22,923
I can’t
Seem to...
484
00:16:22,924 --> 00:16:24,527
Get it...
Get it going.
What?
485
00:16:24,528 --> 00:16:27,197
Every time you pass
The women’s washroom
You pitch a tent.
486
00:16:27,198 --> 00:16:28,791
No, it’s not
Like that, okay?
487
00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:30,032
You know how
Method I am, right?
488
00:16:30,033 --> 00:16:32,659
So I stayed up
All last night
Whacking off
489
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:34,131
And I don’t think
I can splooge anymore.
490
00:16:34,132 --> 00:16:36,329
Uh... Uh, sam,
What the hell’s
Going on here?
491
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,198
We’re not shooting
"Lawrence of arabia".
492
00:16:39,396 --> 00:16:41,999
Let’s get
Going, okay?And you...
I thought
You said you didn’t
Need a fluffer.
493
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,329
I thought you
Said muffler.
494
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:44,858
This is getting
Ridiculous.
495
00:16:45,627 --> 00:16:48,999
Hey, sam,you’re the
Director, okay?
This is your
Problem, all right?
Solve it.
496
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,626
Cradle his balls,
Cup his nuts,
497
00:16:50,627 --> 00:16:53,065
Stick a finger
In his starfish.
Get him going!
498
00:16:53,066 --> 00:16:53,923
Okay, you know what,
499
00:16:53,924 --> 00:16:56,329
You slimy little
Failure of a man?
500
00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:59,131
I can’t believe I
Let it get this far.
501
00:16:59,132 --> 00:17:01,098
I am a genius
502
00:17:01,099 --> 00:17:02,956
Just waiting
To come out!
503
00:17:02,957 --> 00:17:04,824
You can turn
My masterpiece
Into porn,
504
00:17:04,825 --> 00:17:07,362
You can even
Cast murray as
My alter ego,
505
00:17:07,363 --> 00:17:08,890
But you cannot,
And I repeat,
506
00:17:08,891 --> 00:17:11,395
You cannot
Make me fluff him!
507
00:17:11,396 --> 00:17:14,626
I am out of here.
Roll the credits.
508
00:17:14,627 --> 00:17:15,395
Wow.
509
00:17:15,396 --> 00:17:17,032
Let me say that
Again, okay?
510
00:17:17,033 --> 00:17:18,131
Wow.
511
00:17:18,132 --> 00:17:19,197
You’re right, sam!
512
00:17:19,198 --> 00:17:19,791
This is
Your movie!
513
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:23,032
You need to make
Your masterpiece
Your way.
514
00:17:23,033 --> 00:17:24,230
I do?
515
00:17:24,231 --> 00:17:24,791
You do.
516
00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:26,065
I don’t care
If there’s no
Sex in it.
517
00:17:26,066 --> 00:17:27,131
We’ll sell it
To finland.
518
00:17:27,132 --> 00:17:29,429
They don’t speak
English anyway.
519
00:17:30,858 --> 00:17:33,923
Do you really
Mean that?I do.
Well, you sit down
And you watch
The magic happen.
520
00:17:33,924 --> 00:17:36,296
All right, murray,
New motivation.
521
00:17:36,297 --> 00:17:38,065
The dirty
Union busters
522
00:17:38,066 --> 00:17:39,923
Are about to stick it
To the little guy.
523
00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:43,494
This is about integrity,
This is about love.
524
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:44,164
Big law!
525
00:17:44,165 --> 00:17:46,065
Oh, you’re getting
Me hard here, buddy.
526
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,890
Let’s shoot
This movie.
527
00:17:47,891 --> 00:17:50,066
Thanks, babe.
528
00:17:58,924 --> 00:18:02,065
Allen! I want
You, I need you!
529
00:18:02,066 --> 00:18:03,758
No, you don’t.
You really don’t.
530
00:18:03,759 --> 00:18:05,263
Oh, I do,
I do, I do.
531
00:18:07,726 --> 00:18:08,494
Mcbeal!
532
00:18:08,495 --> 00:18:11,296
I warned you about
Screwing around
With the assistants!
533
00:18:11,297 --> 00:18:12,296
It’s my fault,
Sir. I...
534
00:18:12,297 --> 00:18:14,593
Don’t try
To defend
The man, mildred.
535
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:15,725
I know the type.
536
00:18:15,726 --> 00:18:17,197
A giant tease.
537
00:18:17,198 --> 00:18:18,560
Allen,
You’re fired.
538
00:18:18,561 --> 00:18:20,858
Get out
Of here! Go!
539
00:18:21,759 --> 00:18:24,197
All right! Everybody,
Thanks for being here.
540
00:18:24,198 --> 00:18:25,593
Boring!
Show the movie!
541
00:18:25,594 --> 00:18:26,956
Okay. So, without
Further ado,
542
00:18:26,957 --> 00:18:30,791
I bring you "Big law:
The bay street files".
543
00:18:34,198 --> 00:18:36,362
They think
I’m finished.
544
00:18:36,363 --> 00:18:37,791
But I’m not!
545
00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:41,626
I’ll take down those
Dirty union busters!
546
00:18:41,627 --> 00:18:43,527
But you’re
Just one man.
547
00:18:43,528 --> 00:18:45,494
I don’t care if
I have to stand up
548
00:18:45,495 --> 00:18:47,164
To an army of
Corporate lawyers.
549
00:18:47,165 --> 00:18:48,560
I’ll take
Them down,
550
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,725
One by one.
551
00:18:51,726 --> 00:18:52,824
You’re a hero.
552
00:18:52,825 --> 00:18:54,923
Not yet,
Ms. Howland.
553
00:18:54,924 --> 00:18:56,362
Not yet.
554
00:18:56,363 --> 00:18:58,329
I’ll just take
Off my jacket
555
00:18:58,330 --> 00:19:00,132
And we’ll get to work.
556
00:19:02,429 --> 00:19:05,362
Time for mr. Smith
557
00:19:05,363 --> 00:19:07,428
To come
To washington.
558
00:19:07,429 --> 00:19:11,065
I can’t wait to
Mount rushmore.
559
00:19:13,825 --> 00:19:16,461
Looks like you’re ready
For some serious...
560
00:19:16,462 --> 00:19:18,264
Dick-tation.
561
00:19:20,198 --> 00:19:22,461
Yeah! Now
That’s a movie.
562
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,164
I didn’t shoot any
Of that stuff!
563
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,263
I thought I’d
Sex it up.
564
00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:27,593
So I shot some
Extra stuff.
565
00:19:27,594 --> 00:19:29,230
I think it’s
Pretty hot.
566
00:19:29,231 --> 00:19:31,230
"Big load:
567
00:19:31,231 --> 00:19:33,329
Adventures in
The orifice".
568
00:19:33,330 --> 00:19:35,362
Oh, oh, oh!
I totally blow
My knee here
569
00:19:35,363 --> 00:19:38,560
Giving her
A bolivian
Smother monkey.
Oh!
570
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:40,692
I second
That motion.
571
00:19:40,693 --> 00:19:42,693
Yeah?
572
00:19:44,627 --> 00:19:46,230
Hey, mr. Kaplan.
573
00:19:46,231 --> 00:19:49,725
Uh... I really
Think you should
Hear me out.
574
00:19:49,726 --> 00:19:50,527
Mcbeal!
575
00:19:50,528 --> 00:19:53,494
I don’t think you
Should fire me.
576
00:19:53,495 --> 00:19:55,858
Make the ladies
Think we give a fuck.
577
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:57,560
Are you
Kidding me?
578
00:19:57,561 --> 00:19:59,231
I sold it
Pretty good, huh?
579
00:20:00,792 --> 00:20:04,825
Just lay low
For a few days,it’ll all
Blow over,
Then the bears
Can get back to
Their honey pots.
580
00:20:05,594 --> 00:20:07,594
I have something
To show you.
581
00:20:08,462 --> 00:20:11,264
Take those fucking things
Off your eyes!
582
00:20:13,165 --> 00:20:14,197
Ah!
583
00:20:14,198 --> 00:20:14,999
Oh!
584
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,197
That must sting.
585
00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:17,461
I’m robin howland, sir.
586
00:20:17,462 --> 00:20:19,032
There is no
Allen mcbeal.
587
00:20:19,033 --> 00:20:22,461
So you and millie
Are lesbians?
588
00:20:22,462 --> 00:20:23,494
What? No!
589
00:20:23,495 --> 00:20:24,494
No! I concocted allen
590
00:20:24,495 --> 00:20:26,692
To prove that you old
Partners are sexist.
591
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,362
Millie falling
For, um... Me
592
00:20:29,363 --> 00:20:30,296
Was not part
Of the plan.
593
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,230
So you endured
Double work-load,
594
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,230
Tiny moustache,
Taping down
Your breasts,
595
00:20:35,231 --> 00:20:35,956
Just to make
A point?
596
00:20:35,957 --> 00:20:38,230
Well, it sounds stupid
When you put it like that.
597
00:20:38,231 --> 00:20:40,362
That’s not stupid,
That’s impressive!
598
00:20:40,363 --> 00:20:42,999
Mm.
Howland, you’re
Re-hired.
599
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,098
Really?
600
00:20:44,099 --> 00:20:45,956
Uh, just explain
To me again
601
00:20:45,957 --> 00:20:47,758
This lesbian thing
With you and millie.
602
00:20:47,759 --> 00:20:50,065
Uh... Slower
This time.
603
00:20:50,066 --> 00:20:51,824
Okey-dokey.
604
00:20:52,825 --> 00:20:54,792
So much for
Your dream of
A movie career.
605
00:20:56,693 --> 00:20:59,494
I have no
Dreams now.Quit whining!
This is the last day
In the clubhouse, all right?
606
00:20:59,495 --> 00:21:00,527
Let’s try
To enjoy it.
607
00:21:00,528 --> 00:21:03,065
For tomorrow,
Life is once again
608
00:21:03,066 --> 00:21:04,461
A piece of shit.
609
00:21:04,462 --> 00:21:05,791
I’m going to
Miss being a man.
610
00:21:05,792 --> 00:21:08,395
Constantly bragging
About my fictional penis,
611
00:21:08,396 --> 00:21:09,758
Taping down
My breasts.
612
00:21:09,759 --> 00:21:11,956
Huh! I was you, sam.
613
00:21:11,957 --> 00:21:13,032
Burn!
614
00:21:13,033 --> 00:21:15,494
Hey, being a man’s
Made you funnier too.
615
00:21:20,297 --> 00:21:21,461
Okay, so what don’t
You get about this?
616
00:21:21,462 --> 00:21:23,032
It’s two squirrels in bed
And they’re fighting.
617
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:26,560
And he’s says
"Oh, but you’ll
Put those nuts
In your mouth."
618
00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:27,824
I just don’t
Get it.
619
00:21:27,825 --> 00:21:29,692
See, that’s why
You don’t get any
Speaking parts.
620
00:21:29,693 --> 00:21:32,098
Bro, back me
Up here. Is
That funny?
621
00:21:32,099 --> 00:21:33,924
Comedy gold.
622
00:21:34,231 --> 00:21:35,428
You’ve got a
Pretty good look,
A whole...
623
00:21:35,429 --> 00:21:38,230
Jude law thing
Going on there.
624
00:21:38,231 --> 00:21:41,263
How’d you like
To do her while
I videotape it?
625
00:21:41,264 --> 00:21:43,164
Uh... I don’t
Have a penis.
626
00:21:43,165 --> 00:21:45,890
We’re going to
Make some serious
Money in thailand.
627
00:21:45,891 --> 00:21:47,791
One, two, three, four!
44840
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