Original subtitles

THUNDER, SPOOKY MUSIC

SHE SCREAMS

Pie-eee-eee-eee!

# The Underwoods The fam of the hour

♪ Hallow Bay's finest Weaver, Willow, Jim and Flower

♪ Things were all good Every day was the same

♪ Then, ding-dong Their lives all changed... ♪

Overlord! ♪ Second most wanted in the Cosmos

♪ Sold out his boss Cos the space feds were too close

♪ No more running round Crushing lives at will

♪ It's witness protection Sorry, that's the deal

♪ A fall from grace For someone so celestial

♪ Now they got a cuz Who's extra-terrestrial

♪ He's super evil And they're super good

♪ It's Overlord And The Underwoods. ♪

'A floating fedora.

'Is it just a hat in the deep end or is it a clue?' Genius!

"In the Nik Of Crime?" Nikola Holmes is on to something!

You only watch it cos it's basic.

The crimes are super easy to solve!

The genius great-grandniece

of the world's greatest detective is not basic!

YOU are basic!

OK, listen, we can't do the dinner party

in the back yard cos there's a storm coming,

so help me set this room up.

Hey! What are you doing?!

Also, please don't do anything Overlordy

when River he gets here.

I love parties.

It's just another opportunity for me to brag about myself.

Ooh, and it's the perfect chance to don my long formal cape!

Yeah! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

So you're not helping.

No! Great.

OK, how are we looking? So good!

I REALLY want Jojo to be impressed!

Oh, he will be, and that partnership at work will be yours.

You'll see.

OK. And, hey, Nana Kirkland always brings the delicious dessert.

Actually, I told her not to bring one this time.

Do you think she'll still bring one?

Not if she knows what's good for her.

THUNDER RUMBLES

Oh, the storm's getting close. Be right back.

You know, it's too bad Bebe's out of town.

She usually loves our dinner parties.

I'm sure she's having fun in Detroit.

D'oh! Stay away.

Now, I'm going out to run an errand before the party.

Don't even think about touching the pie!

Cos I'm...

I wasn't doing anything!

Quick quality check?

Your mother made it, so I'm positive it's perfect.

Go help Willow set up.

Fine. Thank you.

Are these name cards too much?

I'm gonna look like I'm trying too hard, aren't I?

Oh, come on, Jim, calligraphy can't be the answer to everything.

Dad, chill, they're super cute.

I will be back in one second,

I'm just gonna change before River gets here. OK.

Hi! Ooh, honey, let me help.

Oh, no, I'm good. Besides, Jojo's already here.

Fantastic! Game time! All right.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Jo...

Nana Kirkland? Jim! Am I early?

Oh, no, no! Right on time. Good!

Ooh, and so is my boss, apparently.

Jojo Renault, meet our friend, Nana Kirkland.

How do you do?

What a lovely suit. Thank you. It's one of a kind.

Yes. And so, so very... stainable.

Ooh, punch. Oh! Allow me.

Oh, no, no! I am on it.

I can pour myself punch, Jim. Should have served milk.

TENSE SCORE

TENSE SCORE BUILDS

Mm. Fruity. Is that grenadine?

Yup! Now, if you'll excuse me.

I'm just going to check on the colour of the food.

DOORBELL

Got it, I got the door! I'll get it, don't worry.

Bebe? Weaver said you were in Detroit.

Detroit? That's your story?

You know how I feel about that place.

OK, well, you're welcome to join us for dinner. I'm just waiting on...

Hi, everyone!

River, perfect timing!

Entrance! Quite.

Wonderful to see every one. River, Bo-Bo.

Nana, you look lovely. Oh, thank you!

And you must be Jojo. Nice to meet you...

Verl. I'm Flower's cousin from California.

Since when do you go by "Verl," Todd?

I thought his name was Greg.

No, isn't it Mr Carbonbag?

Yes! AWKWARD CHUCKLE

Greg-Verl-Todd Carbonbag. It's a Swedish name.

It means "fierce herring". ALL LAUGH

Oh! And please, pardon my mask, I lost my nose as an infant.

My mother was playing a game of Who's Got Your Nose?

And indeed, she had it.

Ah! Hilarious!

I love a good yarn. LAUGHTER

JOJO'S LAUGHTER ECHOES

LAUGHTER

No, you did not! What else could I do?!

He asked to see the briefs! THEY LAUGH

So, what delicious dessert did your mother make for us today?

OVERLORD STAMMERS My cape!

I'm fine! Weaver broke my fall.

Though I should probably change my cape.

MECHANICAL SLURPING

Done! I win! HE LAUGHS

You don't need to feel obligated to finish that.

TENSE MUSIC

Ah, yes. JIM EXHALES

Dinner was delectable.

Jim, Flower, kudos.

River, after dessert, do you wanna go for a walk?

Um, I'm good here.

Who is ready for blueberry pie?

Ooh, blueberry! My favourite.

We know.

Where is it? The pie is gone.

RO-FL: Dun-dun-dunnnn!

Gone?! What do you mean, "gone"? Well, it was here!

But who would steal a...

Greg-Verl-Todd,

can I speak to you in the kitchen for a moment?

Of course.

Hold that for me. Je m'excuse.

Where is it? I have been at the table,

drinking my dinner like everyone else.

OK, this isn't funny, Overlord.

Every time something goes wrong in this house, I get blamed!

Because it is always you!

Maybe, but I admit it when it's me.

I relish it! HE CHUCKLES

Besides, everyone in there is a suspect.

It's like the 100th episode of Nik Of Crime,

Look Who's Dying at Dinner.

HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

Don't worry, I'm on it.

Who stole the pie?

Could it have been Nana,

whose dessert feud with Flower is legendary.

Or Willow, who would rather this night end now,

so she can hang out with her boyfriend?

Maybe Jojo ate the pie?

Blueberry pie is his favourite.

But it's also Weaver's.

Maybe it was Blurpee?

She's the worst. SHE SCOFFS

Bottom line, noone is leaving here

until we find out which one of you committed this... atrocity!

The game is afoot!

RO-FL: Dun-dun-dunn!

Oh, yes. Dun-dun-dun, indeed.

Jim, what's going on here?

Oh, Greg-Verl-Todd is just being a tad dramatic.

Ah! Californians.

I was really looking forward to pie.

I guess we can't always get what we want.

I put a lot of work into it.

Oh, I'm sure you had to.

We can have pie another time. I'll go get some ice cream.

INTRIGUING! So quick to forget the pie.

Could it be because...

THUNDER

THEY GASP Jim stole the pie?!

Me?! It's ludicrous!

Why would I want to derail such a lovely evening?

Precisely, Jimberly. Precisely.

OK, stop it.

Come along, Botson, we have some digging to do.

RO-FL: Right you are! I love ice cream.

Hmm.

I'll look in the garbage.

That's exactly what Nikola Holmes would do!

Right you are! Foolish humans always throwing clues away!

Absolutely unacceptable!

Ew, so sticky. And what are those little bits?

A-ha! Granulated white sugar.

Yuck! Jim'll take care of this later. You...!

Oh! Oh... SHE SIGHS

You have ruined the evening!

I'm surprised that Jojo is still here!

YOU ruined the evening, Flower, by accusing me of a murder most pie!

That doesn't make any sense!

Pies don't just get up and walk away.

Thank you, it's gotta be here somewhere.

No!

Anyway, I do have a pie at home I baked earlier.

Perhaps I could just go and get it.

You baked a pie earlier this morning?

Ah-hmm.

What flavour is it?

Blueberry.

Oh, of course. I just love baking, don't you?

Mm-hmm.

This is delicious.

You know what, Nana, we don't have our pie,

so why don't we go and get yours?

I can make the trip by myself, thank you.

Oop, I'm sorry. Not a problem.

I have the reflexes of a bobcat. Oh!

Well, I'll be right back. I'm going to my house to get a pie.

Hey, all right! Thanks, Nana Kirkland!

Say, Jojo, how about a quick tour?

You already gave me one.

We'll find something new to look at, come on!

Do you wanna hang in the back yard?

We could get a little fresh air, watch the storm?

Naw, I'm cool.

Rejecting the opportunity to leave?

Because you're too full? Too full of...

PIE?!

I didn't take the pie!

OK? And why would I be eating ice cream...

...if I'm full? I'll ask the questions!

Why would you be eating ice cream if you're full?

Beat it, Greg-Verl-Todd.

OK? We've been sitting here the whole time.

She's right. Dr Botson! Yes!

I believe it's time to turn up the heat.

You know, Jojo, I can change my own printer toner later.

It is no problem at all!

Eeet voila! Saved the day! JIM CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

So... thanks again for coming. You can't have much time,

what, with the search for a new partner and all.

I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

I truly believe... FOOTSTEPS

Ha! Come here, you!

All right, Jojo, no more games! What is the meaning of this?!

Get him, Verl! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Stop, stop!

This is not the way we treat guests.

You two are hiding something. Where's the pie?!

Why would I sabotage a delicious dessert?

Exactly, what are you doing up here, then?

You two eating the pie, like a couple of Pie Brothers?

RO-FL LAUGHS Pie Brothers!

They totally look like Pie Brothers. They do, don't they?

Yes, yes! Like two Pie Brothers!

OK, you have zero evidence and you are grasping at straws.

HE HYPERVENTILATES You leave Gerry out of this.

SCREAMING

Did you hear a scream?

It came from outside!

Uh! Pie!

Pie from the sky!

Nana, here! THEY GROAN

There you go. Oh.

Intriguing.

Oh, pie! Are you OK, Nana Kirkland?

I'm fine, but there's pie all over the place

and now we don't have any dessert.

But we do have... a murderer!

DRAMATIC CHORD, THUNDER

OK, well, maybe a murderer was the wrong thing.

Thief? Pie thief?

Just, "murderer" felt like it had so much more heft to it.

What are you talking about? I know who took the pie.

To the drawing room!

HE SIGHS The living room?

Oh! Just, everyone get inside.

If it rains on my cape, it'll take forever to dry.

NANA MOANS What did we miss?

Greg-Verl-Todd says he knows who the pie thief is.

I thought he took it. Didn't we already say he took it?

You wish this mystery could be wrapped up with a nice, easy bow.

But like Nikola Holmes says, "Crime is never gift-wrapped."

THUNDER RUMBLES

What's that thing in your hand?

Is that a remote? OVERLORD STUTTERS

THUNDER

That thunder was you the whole time?

It's an incredible way to emphasise a point.

I might try it in court.

Who took the pie?

Let me answer your question with a much better question...

Which pie are you referring to? Mine!

Nana's is all over her.

When I asked which pie, what I meant was...

which one of YOUR pies? DRAMATIC VIOLIN

How did you know?

THUNDER

The moment earned it. Allow me to explain.

I knew something was amiss when I found dirty sugar

amongst the refuse. Oh, come on!

She forgot to put sugar in the pie!

Flower needed a replacement pie, fast.

So she replaced her sour pie with a store-bought one.

Mom, why?

Well, I didn't want a bad pie ruining the night. I wanted...

She wanted to show up Nana Kirkland! Their feud is legendary.

Like the Kraxxians of Vector Nine and Jeffrey Goldblum!

FLOWER LAUGHS MOCKINGLY What feud?

Oh, cut the act, Flower.

THUNDER

I can't not use it!

I know you're jealous of my desserts,

because you keep trying to make me not to bring them over.

That is because you keep bringing the same desserts as I make!

People eat yours and then mine goes untouched!

Why do you do it?! Well, maybe if you actually

put all of your ingredients in...

RO-FL: Meowww!

Catty, indeed. Imagine if Nana knew that Flower's awful pie...

is what knocked her off her feet!

Thunder!

I tasted the pie that hit you...

...and it straight garbage.

You threw your pie at me?

Hey, lady! Put your earrings back in.

I left my pie in the kitchen.

Would anyone like some more punch?

CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

Ah... Ah... It's missing.

Mom! YOU did it! No, no...

Oh, Willow. So young and so wrong.

It was...

TENSE SCORE

Weaver and Bleepums!

You can't prove that!

It was us! We threw the pie out of my window!

I'm an awful person!

Weaver found the other pie and thought it was his lucky day.

Oh, my lucky day!

Weaver was all like, "Yum, yum! Blueberry pie!"

But Bag-Bag wouldn't have anything to do with it.

"No pie for you!

"You didn't invite me!

"Also, I'm a disgustingly adorable ham-child."

What?! I'm paraphrasing.

NANA SCREAMS

That's not...

Weaver, if you don't want a watered down version of the story,

I suggest you don't throw fuel on my fire story.

I'm not mad you didn't invite me.

I'm mad about the science project.

I asked Overlord if you could borrow his water fire,

but he said it would be too dangerous.

Yeah, then why did he give it to you?!

I had a feeling this was the reason you were avoiding me!

You're smart! You can make your own science project!

I NEED this!

You don't deserve pie!

SHE GASPS

SPLAT, NANA SCREAMS

Water... Fire... Get it?

Yeah, it happened, exactly like he said.

We're sorry, Nana Kirkland. Hold on.

If that was Flower's pie, what happened to the store one?

Asked the spider to the fly.

Reveal.

Dang it!

I noticed a speck of blue on it.

You knew that pie was sour, didn't you?!

You tried to get rid of it, but Nana intervened.

Flower wants this on the table, I will take it off your hands.

Nana was the last to see the store-bought pie,

but clearly, it did not end up on the table, did it?

So where, oh, where, did it go?

You know, don't you?

Indeed. But first...

Nana was lying about something else.

Or, more specifically, SOMEONE else.

Jojo Renault!

Ooh, well-spotted! This IS a fun party.

You acted like you just met each other today,

but I overheard you when I was upstairs, changing my cape.

THUNDER

OK, we're done.

All right! He was my...

This party is for me.

Really? Well, well maybe they don't know

what an awful cribbage partner you are.

It's just a card game!

Still sore I left? Ah!

I have a wonderful new partner, Greg-Verl-Todd-Greg...

Flower's cousin! The Californian? Mm-hm.

He couldn't run two pegs if his life depended on it.

You stole the pie to hurt Jojo and Flower!

Total win-win.

And you did it all with the help of old...

Soggy Bottom!

And, you lost me.

If Jojo and his pristine suit sat on the pie,

Nana's master class in revenge would be complete.

Nana never expected what happened next to happen next.

Willow surreptitiously switched nametags,

so that she could be beside her boring boyfriend.

River?

No!

DRAMATIC MUSIC

GASPS

The Soggy Bottom! SCANDALISED GASPS

Oh, I am so sorry, young man.

That was meant for Jojo and his suit made of dove fur!

This is French "polyester-rr".

Well, there you have it, "In The Nik Of Time."

Everybody go home, show is over. Hold on.

Where's the third pie? The one Nana brought.

I have a feeling...

No, no, no, no! There's no other pie! Nanna didn't have a pie.

She's an old lady who forgets things!

I'll show you who's old!

Ha-ha! Look what I found in the bushes.

THUNDER

Ha! That IS fun.

The filling is completely missing. I purport...

Overlord found the pie

and sucked the filling out like a baby hummingbird!

Do you know how much work it is to be a detective?

I was hungry!

And I think we can all agree that I earned it,

since I got every single one of you and your webbery of deceit.

Well, I will admit that you did supply an eventful evening.

And maybe it is time for us to actually have dessert.

Indeed! There was talk of ice cream? Oh, yes! This way, sir!

Nana. Jo...

JIM SQUEALS

Jojo, you like sprinkles?

Nana, I AM sorry for what I said. You know I love you.

And I just...

Well, I make the desserts so that I can impress you.

And I just make my desserts because yours aren't good!

Ha-ha! Hmm. OK... Mm.

I'm sorry I lied. You should have the water fire.

I insist. OK, thanks!

I'm sorry I didn't say anything when I sat in pie.

I was crazy embarrassed.

Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. My family is ridiculous.

How'd you know I kept the water fire for myself?

Elementary, my dear, Weaver.

I read your text messages.

OVERLORD CHUCKLES You know what I don't get?

Hmm? What's in this for you?

There is one perk...

It's official.

Margaret Ng is the new partner at work.

I didn't get it. Oh, no!

Was it because of that blueberry handprint?

No, it's more cos I wouldn't take my hand off of him

for the rest of the night. I need to complete a seminar

on personal space in the workplace. Yeah.

Silence! It's on!

I sent in a script based on the party and they made it!

I called it A Murder, Most Pie!

'The pie...' Oh, this is it!

'..it's missing.' DRAMATIC VIOLIN ON TV

Here it comes!

"Written by Jija Abrams?!"

No! This is a Greg-Verl-Todd Carbonbag joint!

Hollywood! You haven't heard the last of...

Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com