Original subtitles

Hey, Dad, I'm hungry... Whoa!

Saturday brunch. Did I just turn 30?

Is it OK if Bebe stays? Of course.

Today, we have sourdough crepes, locally-sourced spinach,

organic Havarti and homemade Hollandaise sauce!

I've been working on this sourdough starter for...

Everybody, look! Eugh. Willow has disappeared!

Why are those cameras in my home?

There are literally thousands of reasons,

but the main one is that someone stole my pashmina.

The same one you stole from our drama teacher?

No, no, that one's upstairs. This is my brunch pashmina,

and I'm fairly certain that Willow took it,

so I built a new security system,

one that has a booby trap with a rock-transforming beam!

Oh, look, Willow's back.

I wore it better!

Ew. Ew. Ew. Aw!

Did somebody draw on the floor?

Is this permanent marker?

Whoa, oh!

OVERLORD CACKLES Whoa!

Stone-cold justice!

# The Underwoods The fam of the hour

♪ Hallow Bay's finest Weaver, Willow, Jim and Flower

♪ Things were all good Every day was the same

♪ Then, ding-dong Their lives all changed... ♪

Overlord! ♪ Second most wanted in the Cosmos

♪ Sold out his boss Cos the space feds were too close

♪ No more running round Crushing lives at will

♪ Witness protection Sorry, that's the deal

♪ A fall from grace For someone so celestial

♪ Now they got a cuz Who's extra-terrestrial

♪ He's super evil And they're super good

♪ It's Overlord And The Underwoods. ♪

You better have a way to fix this.

I do have an anti-rock transforming beam,

but it's all the way upstairs.

And more importantly, who is this ne'er-do-well smooching our Willow?

We need to find out everything about him,

starting with his name... River. 11th grade.

Track meet star. Yeah, we all know him.

We're cool with them dating.

Why? Because we're cool.

Cool beans, one would say. One... one wouldn't.

A family's basic duty is to protect themselves from threats.

And if that kid's uneven facial fuzz doesn't scream "hazard",

I don't know what does.

I disagree. Now, about my arm...

Look, if you're not gonna pursue this River miscreant, I will.

No-one shall breach our glome of loyalty.

Is that like a circle of trust? Circles are for losers!

Flick! HE LAUGHS

Oh, there's no chance he's going to get that rock-arm thingy, is he?

Yeah, doubtful.

Ugh, yeesh. I do not get dating.

Oh, you will soon enough. I remember my teenage romances...

All the heartbreak, all the growth.

And every relationship brought me closer to you.

Honey! Ow, ow, ow. Oh!

Romance is gross. Right, Bebe?

I gotta go. Thanks for the almost-breakfast, Mr Underwood.

What was that about?

Methinks she has a little crush... Mm-hm.

On who?

Weaver, on you.

She left as soon as you started pooh-poohing romance.

What?! Bebe and I have been best friends since kindergarten!

She's also a teenager, with awakening feelings.

That's crazy! She can't...

Crush, on me?! I, I... Gah!

Aw.

Oh, our boy is growing up. Yeah.

Oh. Ow, I cut my lip. Oh!

It's so cool how your training routine for sprinting

is totally different than what I do for soccer.

We should compare college athletic scholarship strategies.

What if we compared meals?

My braised sea urchin tasted angry.

Is that normal? River, seriously.

Look, the truth is, I'm not really aiming for a scholarship.

I'm thinking about quitting track.

What? Why would you...

Zounds! No, no, they see us! Oh, no.

Evasive manoeuvres! CRASHING

Ow! Nobody look at me.

OVERLORD CLEARS THROAT

Step away, Willow. I'm here to s...

Oh, you're crumpling the pashmina!

River, this is my cousin... Greg.

Why's he dressed... He's from California, so...

Release her hand. No, actually, he won't,

because we're on a date! That's what people come here to do.

Since you're not on a date, and could never get a date,

you should probably leave. Bye-bye.

Well, that is where you're wrong, because I am on a date as well!

With, uh... with... her!

Me? Really?

Be cool. Be cool. CHUCKLES

You're on a date with a robot? Of course not!

This is a high-tech camera that I use for virtual dates!

I'm live-streaming to a distant lady right now.

Really? Yeah, and who would that be?

Her name's, uh... Uh, Mildred.

I'm a human who is far away.

I have legs and a face. I am mostly made up of water.

Ooh, lightbulb! Since you two are on a date,

and I have casually established that Mildred and I are on a date,

I propose we do a double-date!

Oh, no.

Tell me, what twisted intentions lie beneath that stubble?

Mom, isn't that, like, the worst thing you could possibly do

with an arm made of rock? You know me, I like a challenge,

and when you're a parent, you'll realise

that life doesn't just stop cos you got a petrified arm.

Oh!

Oh, no. Bebe wants to meet at Pics and Panels.

Ooh! Stop.

Ah, young love. Remember what we were like?

Yeah. Your fashion sense always turned my head.

Yeah, dweeb core!

So, the way dad dressed made you like him more?

Mm-hm.

What else keeps you two together? Oh, lots of things.

Your mom and I carve out time when it's just the two of us.

And when one of us needs a shoulder to lean on, when things get tough...

Ooh! The other is always there.

Style, alone time, shoulder to lean on. Got it.

So, if... someone did the opposite?

Well, that would be a love disaster.

Love disaster. Perfect.

And that baby learned a valuable lesson

when I stole its candy.

That's sad.

And it had nougat. Oh, nougat!

How about we wrap up this double date?

I thought it was going so well. Are you mocking me?

I'm sorry?

Do I look like some dull asteroid, unable to refill my own glass?

Uh, no, I... Just give... Off you go.

Ah. So...

You don't look like a weakling. What is your physical routine?

Other than stomping on girls' naivete, that is.

Well, basically, I...

Where's the centre of gravity on this thing?

It's, like, all over the place. It's kinda complicated,

cos right now, I'm in, like... That's out of control!

I'm a sprinter. Sprinting?

Sad! The only sport in the universe that rewards you for running away.

OK, actually, sprinting... No, he's right, it is sad.

I used to do it cos it was fun,

but now it's just all about competitions.

Not really fun any more.

River, you can still have fun doing something and compete in it.

River, the whole point of doing anything

is to crush everyone,

and to win medals to prove said crushing!

You know what's sadder than sprinting?

You! OK, dude, I've had enough.

I ordered some shareable date drinks.

Excellent! We shall feast together!

No, he didn't mean share with...

SLURPING

Ah! Crushed you.

Willow, let's share this. Oh!

CLATTERING Ah-ah!

I-I need to go home and change. I'll come with you. No!

Another time... maybe.

OVERLORD CACKLES

Victory is mine!

CACKLES, GASPS

Helmet freeze!

It's so bad!

Oh, I could get used to this. Yeah. SHE LAUGHS

Come on, R0-FL, move your rusty bolts.

Willow, what's going on? Overlord ruined my date.

Somebody had to be a shining example of responsible parenting.

And now River and I are over.

Excellent.

You were right to break up with him.

River broke up with me.

I really liked him, and now...

SHE HUFFS Oh, Willow. Oh!

Let's, uh, let's just give her some space.

That River idiot!

Hurt one of my Underwoods. I'll fix this.

How about getting that anti-rock transformation beam to fix this?!

I have a lot of my plate right now.

No, no, j... Just-just-just chill.

I can...

PHONE DIALS OUT

PHONE RINGS Hey.

Hey.

Did it work?

Yes, my loser cousin totally bought our fake break-up story.

Now we can finally date without him up in our business.

Yeah, Greg was intense.

Greg? Right, cousin Greg, who loves pashminas.

Listen, I'll meet you at the park later.

It's a date.

Oh, hey, Mildred.

Well, hello. We meet again.

Bye-bye.

HE GRUNTS

Where am I?

In my evil clutches.

LAUGHS Also known as the Void.

Also, also, where I shoot my music videos.

What is this place?

The void... void.... void.

A pocket dimension... Your new forever home.

Say hello to your Void-mate, game show host Chuck Drysdale.

Who's ready to play?

River is!

Correct answer! R0-FL CHUCKLES

Oh, this is all a dream.

Those braised sea urchins WERE angry,

and this is their vengeance. It's not a dream.

What year is it out there? Tell my wife not to remarry.

River, you broke Willow's heart,

and now, this place will break you.

Actually, Willow and I didn't... Since you love running so much,

how about running from... lightning?!

RIVER GASPS We're doing this again? Really?

Yes, Chuckles. OK. Go get him.

LIGHTNING ZAPS

Wh...? Why? Why did Bebe fall in love with me?

Sure, I'm ruggedly handsome, incredibly funny,

boyishly charming,

and don't even get me started on that personality of mine.

PHONE PINGS, HE SIGHS

Of course, Bebe's texting me again.

Curse the masterpiece that is me!

Hmm.

Time for a love disaster.

Food looks delicious,

but that blending technique is horrific.

'You're kicking sand in my icing!'

Why is your face like that?

I was supposed to meet up with a friend

to talk about me and River breaking up, but she never showed.

OK. I feel a micron-bit bad over what transpired yesterday,

so for your benefit, I quashed an ancient beef with an adversary.

Adversary?

You can thank me later.

DOORBELL RINGS

Willow Underwood, your cousin told me you were single.

It has taken all of my courage to stand before you today

to confess my undying lo...

Overlord! Gross! He's way too young!

You two aren't the same age? I will never get humans.

You all look the same to me, like shaved cats.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

River! Why weren't you at the park?

Whoa, this is, like, the weirdest dream!

OK, so, first, your cousin and Mildred trapped me

with this lightning-shooting game show host -

with great hair, by the way - and now...

Whoa!

Now, I'm dreaming I'm on my phone. I'm never eating sea urchin again.

I don't care how braised it is!

Where are you?

I don't know! It's all white, there's no way out,

it's like I'm stuck in a... Void.

Yes! Even in my dreams, you're smart.

Hold on, I'll get you out of there.

I mean... I'm sure you'll wake up soon.

Ah!

Not cool, Chuck!

SHE SIGHS

Bebe! Weaver?

Did Overlord reverse your vision?

This is my new style. You... you like?

Ew, hard pass.

Oh, that's SO unfortunate.

Weav, there's something I need to tell you. It's serious...

Hey, hey, y'all!

Who's ready to party?

Par-tay!

What's Petey doing here?

I found him on my doorstep, cursing romance.

Thought the three of us could have some silly kid fun!

Silly, mindless, I'm all up on it!

Anything to help me forget that

the one time I put my heart out there, it gets shattered...

into a million, billion... SOBS

Sugar! LAUGHS

What'd I miss?

Lil' Bebe invited Fashion Disaster to have a one-on-one sesh,

but the Mini Magician is freewheeling it.

I told you I wanted to talk alone.

Well, I just wanted to have a fun hang.

You could hang out with Petey any time.

Why are you making things so weird?

Wow. I don't ask a lot from you, and the one time I need you to...

I can't be what you need me to be!

THEY GASP

Grow up, Weaver.

All right, Galactical, prepare to vaporise calories.

What? What are you...?

'Sup, cuz? Just finishing up.

You're getting sweat all over it. Go!

Go! OK, OK!

HE GROANS Wait.

What are you doing here? You loathe here.

That's before I saw how wise you are.

Huh. I'm, uh... suspicious, but proceed with your flattery.

When you made River dump me, I was angry. Sad, wrecked.

But then I realised dating is a world of hurt.

It's better to stay loyal to my family.

Exactly. Also, I trapped your ex...

So you are my new role model, Overlord.

I'm spending every moment glued to you,

learning your super-cool ways.

Uh, EVERY moment? Mm-hm.

I mean, surely, you'll take time for soccer

and social media brainwashing? Uh... I mean, influencing.

And interact with non-family? BEEPING

No way. I mean, if River came back

and proved that relationships aren't horrible,

maybe I'd do that stuff again, but he's never coming back, right?

Uh, about that... You know what?

Maybe I should move up here permanently. Oh...

Yeah, we could get some bunk beds, a ridic amount of throw pillows,

maybe some more fairy lights.

Yeah, uh... Yeah.

I have something to do, stop touching. OK.

Urgh! Bye.

SHE SIGHS

Sorry, contestant, that's game over.

Yup. Good news, River. You're no longer my prisoner.

Cool.

Now... you're my puppet. CACKLES

Do you just have the one laugh?

Huh?

Oh, best deep tissue massage ever.

Oh, hey, bud.

Uh-oh. This about the Bebe crush? You let her down easy?

I avoided talking about it completely,

which led to a big fight.

Oh, Weave.

If I tell Bebe I know about her crush,

things can't go back to normal.

And... And then I'll lose my friend.

Honey, you're not being honest.

And you're fighting. That's not what friends do.

You're right. I owe her the truth.

Whoa! That is good. I know, right?

Eurgh! Where is he? He should be out of the Void by now.

ALARM BLARES That's the "Humans In Peril" Alarm.

ALARM CONTINUES BLARING

Where's the peril?

FANFARE, APPLAUSE As previously stated,

I feel a micron-bit bad about how your date was ruined by R0-FL.

What, now? And only... R0-FL.

I-I did what?

So, to make up for her failings... R0-FL SIGHS

OK, I swear, if that's Petey...

River. Willow.

I woke up from my nap and found this invite from your cousin.

Not sure how it ended up on my pillow, though.

Silence.

As you youths would say,

"Prepare your hearts and tastebuds for the gnarliest ride, bruh!"

Ha-hah!

I had the weirdest dream today. Am I still in it?

No.

Good. Because I'm starving!

Who knew dream running works up an appetite?

Um, where's Mom and Dad?

I sent them on a fool's errand.

But where exactly did he say the rock transformation thingy was?

His specific words were,

"The attic or someplace, get out of here."

Oh, he's the worst! SHE GASPS

Oh, I'm not gonna lie, that felt good.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, hey, maybe this is it. OK.

DEVICE BEEPS

CHUCK GRUNTS

Yes! I'm free!

What year is it? Never mind.

Chuck's back, baby!

And at that end, I leave the two of you to romance.

Crushed it yet again!

Romance. SLURPS

What's wrong?

I... I think we should break up.

What?

Oh, uh, hey, thanks for coming.

I'm not here for you, I live here. Bye.

I behaved badly today.

Correct.

It's just, I was freaked out by how serious you were.

You know, which scares me, because...

I don't wanna lose you.

You're smart, a gadget whizz, you make me laugh.

You were the first person who believed in my stories.

There's... there's seriously no-one else I...

Bebe, I think...

My parents are splitting up.

What?!

You wanna break-up for real? I don't know, I just...

I do my best thinking when I run, and I ran a lot in my dream.

And you're too good for me.

Thank you.

What?! That's ridiculous.

I mean, I'm good, I'm great, but you're great, too.

Eh... You're amazing.

And relentless. I mean, you never stop.

You outsmarted Greg. I mean, he was all about breaking us apart,

and you got him to make us a fancy dinner.

I just can't compete.

But who's asking you to compete?

Excuse me, uh, "outsmarted Greg"?

I like you a lot, Will, I do.

Maybe this just isn't meant to be.

Stop! Leaving her would be

the most mondo, mega, stupidest thing you could ever do. Huh?!

You assume, because of Willow's relentless nature,

you're not compatible. But Willow needs you.

She needs someone with a simple mind,

who can get her to slow down, savour the moment.

Someone who reminds you that when you fail,

you're not a failure.

Yes, you come from different planets,

but learn from each other,

grow together, become stronger together.

And, collectively... ANNIHILATE!

You still wanna split that shake?

I'd like that.

Crushed it thrice! MANIACAL GIGGLE

I was just trying on a new laugh.

My parents have been arguing non-stop.

I guess that's why I come over so much.

Overlord's plans can be lethal,

but at least it takes my mind off home.

I had no idea.

On Friday, they told me they're doing a trial separation.

Then, Saturday, I saw your parents being so lovey-dovey.

It-it reminded me of how my parents used to be.

My parents thought you left because I said romance is gross.

Why would I care about that?

CLICKS TONGUE They think you have a crush on me.

Ew, gross!

Eurgh, I know.

HE EXHALES

So... you think your parents will get back together?

I don't know. I wish I had a brother or sister,

so I didn't have to go through this alone.

Hey, you're... you're not alone.

You and me, we're more than friends.

We're... Best friends?

A family. I got your back.

So... what do you need now?

We could just... sit here.

Can do.

THEY SIGH

Hold on there, mister. No, no!

NO!

Ha! Back to the Void, bucko.

OK, time to go.

Bye, everyone. Good riddance, blah-blah.

Thanks for... you know.

Cut it out, we're just friends.

Sure, yeah. Mm-hm.

I'm assuming that that big, dumb grin is for big, dumb River.

Whatever.

Thanks for saving my relationship. I still think you dating is a waste.

Out of all the Underwoods,

you have the greatest potential to be an alpha.

But love makes you weak.

Two hours ago, you said that love literally makes you grow stronger.

That never happened.

In fact, it sounded like you were speaking from experience.

Overlord, have you ever been in love?

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

I declare this night over.

Oh! HE GASPS

Where... FLOWER CHUCKLES

Quick, get my anti-rock transforming beam!

Ha-ha! Stone-cold justice!

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