Original subtitles

Lame. Lamer.

Most lamest.

Weaver, if you're going to post pointless videos on the Internet...

They're called Qwiq-Qwoqs.

If you're going to post pointless absurdly-named videos

on the Internet, you should make them more

like this Jija Abrams kid's.

Now there's a guy who knows how to sparkle.

Whatever. Could Jija Abrams spawn this brilliance?

CLASSICAL MUSIC

Helmet, strike that unfortunate video from my sight and memory.

It can do that? No, I just want you to feel bad.

FLY BUZZING, ZAPPING Uh! What was that?

Do you mean the bug zapper? ZAPPING

You mean to tell me we sit before a bringer of suffering?

An extinguisher of life?

A doler of death so quick and callous

it makes one question the very purpose of existence itself!?

Um. Yeah. My mom bought it on sale yesterday.

Why? I could watch this all day.

SLURPS

I can't believe you watched this all day.

Learn from this. This... is sparkle.

# The Underwoods The fam of the hour

♪ Hallow Bay's finest Weaver, Willow, Jim and Flower

♪ Things were all good Every day was the same

♪ Then, ding-dong Their lives all changed... ♪

Overlord! ♪ Second most wanted in the Cosmos

♪ Sold out his boss Cos the space feds were too close

♪ No more running round Crushing lives at will

♪ Witness protection Sorry, that's the deal

♪ A fall from grace For someone so celestial

♪ Now they got a cuz Who's extra-terrestrial

♪ He's super evil And they're super good

♪ It's Overlord And The Underwoods. ♪

FLY BUZZING

ZAPPING Nice! That was a big one.

There she is! Flower of the hour!

I always knew you'd make us proud!

Overlord, has Weaver been playing with your helmet again?

Who knew such an "altruistic animal lover"

could, in her heart of hearts, be a bug murderess.

Oh, you're talking about the bug zapper.

Bug zapper, mini murder machine...

As they famously say on your planet,

"Tomato can be pronounced two different ways!"

They don't sell murder machines at Joe's Garden Bonanza.

Oh. Well, the dead flies on your porch had friends and spouses,

and thousands of kids, whom are now waiting at home in vain

for their loved ones. They're flies! They're gross!

They're annoying AND they ruin barbecues.

You could be describing Jim. They're pests.

Hmm. "Hmm," what? No, no. I'm just wondering -

who you are to decide what's a pest and what's a pet?

All of your pets are cute and fuzzy. What about the pale lumpy ones?

That is not true. I adore all animals.

Even ones from the bottom of the sea with those weird monster faces.

Uh-huh. What about rats? Uh, they're super smart.

Raccoons? What are they but lovable garbage kittens, huh?

Could you love a giant slug with a slimy underbelly

that played awful music and spewed hot glitter?

Well, if such a creature existed, then yes, they would be my jam too.

Excellent. HE LAUGHS GLEEFULLY

Ooh! There's another one.

Danya and I worked on a trick-shot for our Qwiq-Qwoq,

and once we record it, we're finally gonna go back to playing one-on-one.

Wow, fun. I am totes jelly!

Dad, please, never say that again.

I was being ironic. Don't kids do that anymore?

We're more of a sarcasm generation.

Well, I am jelly that you get to hang with a buddy.

I've got to work. Jojo and I are going over

the Franco Forrest versus Felix Frocks firing fiasco.

Ha!

I just heard that alliteration for the first time.

No wonder that judge was so annoyed with me.

I could make a pretty cool Qwiq-Qwoq.

What do you think of me juggling fire for Internet fame?

No. What about scissors?

Well... No. Yeah, no. No.

Willow, since your father has to work,

why don't you take Weaver with you?

And, please, do not let him juggle anything.

No way! Weaver's a pest! Weaver's not a pest, he's a pet!

I mean, he's my son and I love him. But either you can take him with you

or you stay here and help me clean the 87 litter boxes

I brought home from the shelter. OK, fine, I'll take Weaver.

But only if you promise not to annoy Danya and me.

Pfff. Would an annoying guy do this?

One shot! Oh...

Oh!

Crumbs in my eye. So, so many crumbs!

Morning salutations, Underwoods. I've brought you a gift.

ALL EXCLAIM WITH DISGUST, IT GURGLES

Ahh-ha...

OK, well, this was delicious. I'm just gonna head out.

Yeah. Things to do...

Everybody's... Bye.

Yes. Is this...?

Don't you eat him. He's not to be eaten.

He's a pet. OK...

The space-slug you see before you is a slugum -

a rare and exotic pet from my planet.

They've recently been designated an endangered species

by the Intergalactic Ministry for the Preservation

of Environment... Stuff.

You said slugs were your jam, right?

Then you should have no problem getting through an entire day

without OBLITERATING this lovely, endangered creature.

Easy. It's kind of cute in an ugly sorta way.

IT RETCHES

What's happening?

SPLATTING Uh! 'Horrible!'

That's what it does when it's nervous. Oh...

OK, so we've had some trouble in the past,

but I feel like today's the day. Willow?

Wait three seconds before you throw the ball backward... Willow!

...and then I'll get it in the net by the... WILLOW!

What!? What is it? I'm bored.

Willow, are you dedicated to getting this Qwiq-Qwoq done,

or are you just a Qwiq-Casual who'd rather hang out

with her annoying baby of a brother? Look, I'm sorry,

my mom wants us to sibling bond before she dies.

Just one second. What?

Stop being a pest. Can I help with the video?

Can you throw a basketball? No.

Can you shoot a basketball? No.

Can you look at a basketball without shielding your face in terror?

That's a no. What if I handle the camera work?

Well, we were gonna tape my phone to that broom with a face drawn on it.

What? I'm way better than that broom.

I have thumbs. And a REAL face.

OK, fine. So... I'm the director?

Sure, whatever.

TRIUMPHANT MUSIC BUILDS

If there's one thing I know about animals,

it's that you must first gain their trust with food.

OK... SLUG GURGLES

How do you know which is the mouth side

and which is the not-mouth side? You assume there's a difference?

IT SHRIEKS, SHE YELPS

Ha-ha. That's what they do when they're excited too. Yeah.

Whoa... SNIFFS

Am I crazy, or does this smell like cheap body spray?

Diabolical, isn't it? It's so bad!

Oh, yes! Perfect. I knew we'd land it.

Ehh... Just, don't listen to him.

Well, if you don't want my opinion... Yeah, correct.

Just say it. The video's not bad,

BUT, as the director, I want to make sure it's the best it can be.

Right now, I just don't think it... sparkles.

I do. I think it's adequately sparkly.

Well, OK, guess if you don't wanna involve me in the project,

we could always go home and clean out litter boxes.

OK, Director. What are your notes?

Are you sure you don't want to destroy it?

All it takes is a sprinkle of breadcrumbs.

Breadcrumbs? Slugums are gluten intolerant.

Of course!

Soo...? I told you, I'm not killing it.

I love all animals. Including this one.

SQUEAKING

FLOWER EXCLAIMS, OVERLORD CHUCKLES

What's happening!? It's face-latching! Oh...

It thinks you're its mother!

OK... I can do this.

It's just a little slimy and a little suffocate-y.

Oh-ho-ho-ho. It gets worse. It gets SO much worse.

Oh...

Eurgh. I love all creatures. SHUDDERS

Ew!

I love all creatures.

EXHALES

Ah... Uh...

I love all creatures.

JIM SHRIEKS UPSTAIRS Glitter slime!

It can go upstairs? How'd it get upstairs?!

It doesn't even have legs! GRUNTS ANGRILY

'Whatever, lady.'

JIM SHUDDERS

Glitter goo. It had to be glitter goo.

You know how hard it is to get glitter out of carpet!?

I'm still finding glitter from our trip to Vegas four years ago.

And now Jojo's about to video call me

and now I have to speed clean this whole place. Oh, whoa.

Sweetie, I get you're trying to prove that all creatures

are deserving of love. But maybe, just maybe... some aren't?

Ohh, how can you say that?

If aggravating creatures were undeserving of love,

we wouldn't have Overlord. Is that supposed to convince me?

Ru-ude! Slugum's acting out because it doesn't know us,

it's in an unfamiliar environment. Wouldn't you be scared?

I don't... Maybe! I wouldn't be such a jerk about it.

Look, I gained some trust with some food,

and it cuddled my face for a bit...

But we are making progress.

Please?

You'll hardly notice us. Ah...

Ow! Ooh! OVERLORD LAUGHS

It's begun its growth cycle!

Look at that! Oh, it's sharp.

I will put the baby barricade on the stairs. Yeah.

OVERLORD LAUGHS EXCITEDLY

That is a big one!

All right, so you know what you have to do? Yep.

Roger. Operation Sparkle is a go.

Cut! Awesome! Great directing.

Upload it and let's get on with the game. One-V-one time!

Ehh... What now? Yeah, what is it?

We should take it again.

OK, look, if you don't want to play, I can always call Patricia King.

Her dad knows Drake's cousin's neighbour's orthodontist

so she's pretty cool. OK, just go chill at the park.

But, Willow... No buts, OK? We bonded.

Mom can't say we didn't. You put me in charge of the video.

I just want to make it mega-epic.

No, it is, OK? It's ultra epic. And now... we're done.

Come on, just one more take.

I'll go home and get some props, and...

Home? Yes! Please do that thing where you leave.

OK. In the meantime, get comfortable looking natural with the basketball.

I'll be right back.

IT MURMURS

Hmm...

This... OVERLORD CHUCKLES HAPPILY

Huh!

Hormones. That's what they do when they're moody.

And no, the beat never drops.

That's right. SLUGGY GURGLES

SHE CRIES

Are you ready? SLUGGY SQUEAKS

Fetch it in.

Good! Oh...

OK. Thank you.

SHE SCREAMS

OVERLORD LAUGHS

Ah, the tentacle phase. It's short but sweet.

OK, Sluggy.

Sluggy?

Well, Jojo, maybe we should stop looking at the feud

and look at the party's earlier partnership.

I'm listening.

They were friends, so who's to say a fair deal wouldn't...

bring them back together.

You'll have both men at the table for the first time today,

so maybe... HE SCREAMS

SLUGGY SQUELCHES Are you all right, Jim?

I can't tell if you just screamed

or simply lagged on an incredibly loud and unflattering sneeze.

I'm... sorry, Jojo. Flower is rescuing exotic pets.

SLUGGY GURGLES

VERY exotic pets.

Oh, no, no, no, bad Sluggy!

I thought we had bonded!

Oh, no... OK.

Where is the... ?

Sluggy!

HE SPURTS No!

What's wrong?

Oh, I don't know!

The musical space slug spilling glitter goo everywhere?

Glitter AND goo, Flower!

Separately, they are already evil, but together...

SLUGGY SQUEAKS JIM'S WORDS

What was that?! That's the imitation phase.

Oh, it's a form of flattery. Not in space.

Imitation? How many phases...

Do you know what?! It needs to go.

I need to get back to my call. All right?

I'm going to take you to a farm

where you can play with other... big... slugs!

SLUGGY, SQUEAKING: You can... play with... other big slugs!

You know, failing to protect it is just as bad as killing it. Oh.

Kind of like letting a fly go into a zapper,

while its little fly children scream,

"No! Don't go into the light, mommy! Mommy, no!

"Papa, why isn't mommy moving? Mommy..."

All right! Jim, please don't hurt it.

It's... It's a beautiful creature! I guess.

You know it's a pest!

Just, please, stop being stubborn...

Stubborn? Is it stubborn to stick to your word?

To preserve an endangered species, to hope that one day,

all animals will honour you as all cats honour Andrew Lloyd Webber.

What?!

MUFFLED SCREAM

Weaver!

OVERLORD LAUGHS

Are you seeing this? SLUGGY GLUGS

You were supposed to be at the school!

I just came home to get some quick props for the Qwiq-Qwoq.

Ah!

Disgusting. OVERLORD CHUCKLES

You. Block. Now.

OVERLORD GROANS Come on!

Come on.

Ow. Aw, for crying out loud.

Ugh.

Well.. Uh... SHE GRUNTS

OVERLORD CHUCKLES

Is that... ?

HE SLIPS

Ah! The cocoon phase!

It's built a pod where it will save its strength to metamorphose.

A cocoon?

Well, at least it won't move, or crawl, or...

What is that?

HE CHUCKLES You've clearly imprinted on it.

Look at the volume. OK. Um...

That grossness aside, it looks like I did it!

Looks like I raised the slugum with love...

Good job! ...and the day is almost over.

I'm proud of you.

And y'know, now that it's quiet,

there's something kinda sweet about it.

Yeah, that's the hair.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, you fools! You absolute fools!

SHE SIGHS What?

How many times has something good followed an intergalactic villain

saying the word "fools?"

A big fat zero! Yes, yes, yes!

Hey, guys, I was thinking about

how to monetise the video when it goes viral.

Are you comfortable saying something offensive

and then doing an apology video?

Guys?

HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

So you're gonna let us in on the joke now,

or are you just going to inexplicably cackle

for another ten minutes?

I've never seen a slugum survive so long.

They're usually slain in the house music phase.

Ooh, I wonder what sort of dreadful monster it'll become!

Come again?

Slugums aren't pets, that was a fib!

On my planet, they're seen as pests!

However horrible they are as larvae,

they must be ten times as horrible when they're fully grown!

Do you know how many slugums I've tried raising

and ended up bread-crumbing? At least four!

But now, I will have the awesome power

of a fully grown slugum to claim my rightful place

as Number One! EVIL LAUGH

So, this was all a plot for you to regain your power?

What would happen if I killed it!?

Then I would have won the bet and crushed your delicate spirit.

SHE GASPS It's a win-win!

Right, Jim? High five!

It's crumb time.

No, no! Sluggy!

SHE SPITS

Did I save it? I can't tell cos I got crumbs in my eye!

I'm so sorry. It doesn't matter.

It's too late for that now.

Bread-crumbs only work at the larval stage!

OMINOUS MUSIC

What about croutons. I have some of those?

You guys know nothing of science.

We know nothing of science.

OMINOUS MUSIC

Now, Flower, I know you love animals,

and under ordinary circumstances you'd never hurt one.

But we need to do this. Yeah.

Our family's at risk. The town's at risk. Yeah.

The planet's at risk!

Oh, I am ready to rumble. No space slug threatens my family...

SHE YELLS

I can't believe you... HE YELLS

I can't believe you ditched me!

I can't believe you found us.

It's a small town, Danya, there aren't a plethora

of basketball courts you'd be at, come on.

You gonna tell me to leave again?

Look, I'm sorry, but I've been looking forward

to playing one-on-one with Danya all week.

I can't make any more Qwiq-Qwoqs. I quit!

Oh, who cares about the Qwiq-Qwoqs! You do.

You literally made the entire afternoon about shooting one.

Well, it's just, we finished the first video so fast,

and if we stopped then, you wouldn't need me anymore.

That's what this is about? I'm sorry.

It just felt good to work on something with you again.

I mean, we used to hang out all the time when we were younger,

but nowadays, it's like you never want me around.

D-Do you not want me around?

I guess I haven't really invited you to much, but...

Weavs, I'm getting older. I gotta have my own friends.

Just like you have Overlord. Overlord's both our friends.

Hmmm...

For what it's worth, even though the video started as a trick,

I really started to believe we could create a qwazy Qwiq-Qwoq together.

I guess it was fun trying some of the more challenging shots...

And hanging with you, I guess.

Hey, Willow, are we playing?

Whatcha got in mind for the props?

SHE SCREAMS

BOTH GRUNT AND YELL

Greeting, Earthlings!

I am of an ancient species of wise beings

who cross galaxies in search of hosts kind enough

to let us come to fruition.

Your heart has been tested and found true. Thank you, Overlord.

What now?

Your generosity is beyond compare.

As I spread joy and peace throughout this planet,

know it is all because of you.

I just threw up in my helmet a little.

Oh, honey...

OVERLORD HEAVES Honey...

SHE LAUGHS

Yes! THEY GIGGLE

You were right, Weaver, we could make a better shot!

ETHEREAL SIGHS

Huh? What?

Sorry, did you guys do it already?

I got distracted.

Are you serious? You had one job.

That was a once-in-a-lifetime shot, you...

you person that I love!

Oh, we're sparkling!

Tagging your mom and... You are welcome, Willow.

Never thought I'd say this

but I'm glad you didn't kill the alien space slug.

Oh, I wasn't planning on killing it.

Just dislodging and containing it until we could launch it

to a very, very, very, very distant planet.

Jim, you need to get back on your call.

Oh, you're more important.

'Sides, I'm sure Frankie and Felix found a fulfilling finale

to their feud. SHE LAUGHS

SHE SIGHS BLISSFULLY

Ooh, pointy.

Oh, pointy!

Hmm, not pointy.

Yeah, pointy!

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