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Previously on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger.
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00:00:08,606 --> 00:00:09,390
I'm sorry this is my
my tutor, Amy.
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You and Jenny Swanson.
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00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:13,002
- Weird, I know.
- Why is it weird?
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00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:14,221
I mean, she's hot
and you're, like,
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00:00:14,309 --> 00:00:15,875
the coolest guy in school.
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00:00:15,963 --> 00:00:16,790
You think I'm the coolest
guy in school?
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00:00:16,877 --> 00:00:18,183
You've already busted
your cherry.
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Keep that down.
If Jenny hears, I'm dead.
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00:00:19,968 --> 00:00:21,187
You lied to me?
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00:00:31,069 --> 00:00:35,204
♪ I'll do,
I'll do my best ♪
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00:00:35,292 --> 00:00:39,165
♪ To beat the rest ♪
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00:00:43,258 --> 00:00:45,739
- Dad.
- Hey! RJ.
14
00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:47,220
Hey, what do you
think, huh?
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00:00:47,307 --> 00:00:49,265
What do I think
it is?
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00:00:49,354 --> 00:00:50,485
It's a dream board.
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00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,444
I saw it on The View.
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You think of something
that you want,
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00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,971
and you visualize it.
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00:00:57,059 --> 00:00:59,801
I mean, that's insane,
but an improvement.
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00:00:59,888 --> 00:01:01,716
Oh, hey, we are improving
big time, buddy.
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Big time! Just...
Look... look at this.
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00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:07,157
See I visualized that we're
taking a trip around the world.
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00:01:07,245 --> 00:01:09,943
And that's your mommy, and
she's in a diamond airplane.
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I don't have a picture
of the airplane
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00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,601
because I don't think
it exists... yet.
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00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,213
Actually, Dad, I came
to talk to you
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00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:18,911
about something important.
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I recognize that look.
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00:01:20,261 --> 00:01:22,524
That's the problems
in pantyland look, huh?
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00:01:22,611 --> 00:01:23,917
Jenny and I are fighting.
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00:01:24,005 --> 00:01:25,572
Oh, you wanna
dream board about it?
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No, thank you.
You see, I...
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00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:28,313
I lied to her.
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00:01:28,402 --> 00:01:31,056
You lied?
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00:01:31,143 --> 00:01:32,318
That's it?
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Yeah, I mean,
isn't lying bad?
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00:01:34,452 --> 00:01:36,280
RJ...
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Lying is in your blood.
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It is the one thing
that all Berger men do well.
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00:01:41,199 --> 00:01:42,635
Oh, hell, I lied to your
mother for years.
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00:01:42,722 --> 00:01:44,332
No offense, Dad,
but...
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00:01:46,771 --> 00:01:48,250
Yeah, and why am I here?
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00:01:48,338 --> 00:01:49,252
Because I tried to
tell the truth.
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Uh-huh, yeah.
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And once you do that,
all your dreams are gone.
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But not now.
Not now, no
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00:01:56,739 --> 00:01:59,655
♪ Don't give
a damn ♪
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00:01:59,742 --> 00:02:03,833
♪ About the man ♪
50
00:02:03,921 --> 00:02:06,184
♪ I said ♪
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00:02:06,271 --> 00:02:07,708
My name is RJ Berger.
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00:02:07,796 --> 00:02:10,712
And sometimes
dreams don't come true.
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00:02:18,895 --> 00:02:20,984
Okay, so your dad's
a little wacked out.
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00:02:21,072 --> 00:02:22,508
Who cares?
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00:02:22,595 --> 00:02:24,684
Last week my dad
got so drunk
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00:02:24,771 --> 00:02:25,946
he took a dump
in the lamp.
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00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:27,339
That's unfortunate.
But I feel like
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00:02:27,426 --> 00:02:28,383
I need to do something
for him, you know?
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00:02:28,472 --> 00:02:29,647
Amy says that I should...
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00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:32,606
Oh! There's that name again.
Amy.
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00:02:32,693 --> 00:02:34,303
You've been spending a lot
of time with her lately, huh?
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00:02:34,390 --> 00:02:36,218
What else am I supposed to do?
Jenny won't talk to me.
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00:02:36,305 --> 00:02:39,395
Whatever, bro.
You think you've got problems?
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00:02:39,484 --> 00:02:40,659
A teacher took my V-Card.
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00:02:40,746 --> 00:02:43,313
Gave me a splosh fetish
and crabs,
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00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,142
and now my pubs are so smooth,
I look like a six-year-old boy.
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00:02:46,229 --> 00:02:48,318
- A splosh fetish?
- Yeah, sex and food, RJ.
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00:02:48,406 --> 00:02:49,886
I had to Google it.
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00:02:49,973 --> 00:02:51,018
Freaky British people
are into it.
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00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:52,367
Freaky British
people and me.
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00:02:54,369 --> 00:02:56,240
Oh, hey.
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00:02:56,327 --> 00:02:58,329
If you're here to ask me
on a date, the answer is yes.
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00:02:58,416 --> 00:03:00,636
Great, I'll see you
tomorrow morning.
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00:03:00,724 --> 00:03:02,900
Third period, room 14.
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00:03:02,987 --> 00:03:04,119
- Really?
- Yeah.
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00:03:04,206 --> 00:03:05,686
It's where our
support group meets.
77
00:03:05,773 --> 00:03:08,166
- Support group?
- It's a safe place
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00:03:08,253 --> 00:03:10,255
for students to get together.
Talk about their problems.
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00:03:10,342 --> 00:03:13,258
A chance to connect
intimately.
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00:03:15,565 --> 00:03:17,567
Oh, I'm gonna connect
intimately all right.
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00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,744
With her butt.
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00:03:19,831 --> 00:03:22,704
Hey, does Rogaine work
on your pubes?
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00:03:22,791 --> 00:03:25,489
RJ?
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00:03:25,576 --> 00:03:27,143
RJ, I'm dropping comedic
gold here.
85
00:03:27,230 --> 00:03:28,274
What, are you off
daydreaming?
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00:03:28,361 --> 00:03:30,146
Sorry... Jenny.
87
00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:32,365
Yeah.
Well, good luck with that.
88
00:03:32,452 --> 00:03:34,367
I gotta get
to my own class.
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00:03:34,454 --> 00:03:36,065
You're in this class.
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00:03:37,414 --> 00:03:39,242
♪ And what would you do ♪
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00:03:39,329 --> 00:03:41,897
♪ If they told you that
my heart ♪
92
00:03:41,984 --> 00:03:45,596
♪ Stopped beating tonight?
Would you run away... ♪
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00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:47,555
Self-help books.
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00:03:47,642 --> 00:03:50,035
Really, RJ?
95
00:03:50,122 --> 00:03:52,255
Yeah, uh...
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00:03:52,342 --> 00:03:54,910
Dude, if you need to talk,
just come talk to me.
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00:03:54,997 --> 00:03:57,390
I know, it's just
I've had a lot on my plate.
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00:03:57,477 --> 00:03:59,610
Jenny is super
pissed at me
99
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,003
and my parents
are going crazy.
100
00:04:01,090 --> 00:04:02,657
Let me guess.
One of the 'rents
101
00:04:02,744 --> 00:04:04,049
is having a total meltdown,
and the other one
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00:04:04,136 --> 00:04:05,616
is acting like nothing
even happened, right?
103
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:07,487
- Yeah.
- See, like, with me,
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00:04:07,574 --> 00:04:09,750
my dad, for instance.
was in total denial,
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00:04:09,837 --> 00:04:11,752
and my mom basically
became a more
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00:04:11,839 --> 00:04:13,014
cracked-out version
of Courtney Love.
107
00:04:13,101 --> 00:04:15,277
It's the opposite
in my case, actually.
108
00:04:15,364 --> 00:04:16,844
I feel bad for my dad.
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00:04:16,931 --> 00:04:21,065
Yes, like, he lied
but he still loves my mom.
110
00:04:21,152 --> 00:04:24,416
RJ, you cannot keep
your parents together, okay?
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00:04:24,503 --> 00:04:26,462
But you can be there
for them
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00:04:26,548 --> 00:04:28,289
when they fall apart.
113
00:04:28,376 --> 00:04:30,726
That makes sense.
Thank you.
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00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:32,423
Don't thank me,
thank three years of therapy.
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00:04:32,510 --> 00:04:34,512
Amy, I have a huge favor
to ask you.
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00:04:36,297 --> 00:04:37,646
How good are you
with a pair of scissors?
117
00:04:46,566 --> 00:04:49,177
Hey, RJ, what are you
doing here?
118
00:04:49,264 --> 00:04:51,876
Who's this
sensual little vixen?
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00:04:51,963 --> 00:04:54,226
Uh, Dad, this is
my friend, Amy.
120
00:04:54,313 --> 00:04:55,706
Amy.
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00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:57,315
And we're here
to help you.
122
00:04:57,402 --> 00:04:58,882
What are you talking about,
bud, I'm doing great.
123
00:04:58,969 --> 00:05:01,275
Why does it smell like
burnt welfare in here?
124
00:05:01,362 --> 00:05:01,972
Oh, my Pop-Tart.
125
00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,455
This is my dinner.
126
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,544
Dad, you gotta take a look
at yourself, you're not okay.
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00:05:10,631 --> 00:05:12,545
Worse than my mom.
128
00:05:12,633 --> 00:05:13,677
We have to do something.
129
00:05:13,764 --> 00:05:15,461
Like what?
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00:05:21,727 --> 00:05:24,555
♪ Number one
is a hard time ♪
131
00:05:24,643 --> 00:05:25,556
♪ In the making ♪
132
00:05:29,821 --> 00:05:31,649
♪ I'd give the world ♪
133
00:05:31,736 --> 00:05:34,216
♪ If I could be number one ♪
134
00:05:37,436 --> 00:05:39,699
♪ I'll do,
I'll do ♪
135
00:05:39,785 --> 00:05:41,439
♪ My best,
my best ♪
136
00:05:41,526 --> 00:05:43,746
♪ To beat,
to beat ♪
137
00:05:43,832 --> 00:05:45,660
♪ The rest,
the rest ♪
138
00:05:45,747 --> 00:05:47,749
♪ And be, and be ♪
139
00:05:47,835 --> 00:05:49,967
♪ The best in the nation ♪
140
00:05:50,054 --> 00:05:53,057
♪ Nation,
nation, nation ♪
141
00:05:53,143 --> 00:05:57,495
♪ I'd give my all
just to be number ♪
142
00:05:57,581 --> 00:06:01,281
♪ I'd give my all
just to be number one ♪
143
00:06:01,367 --> 00:06:03,674
♪ Don't give,
don't give ♪
144
00:06:03,761 --> 00:06:05,719
♪ A damn,
a damn ♪
145
00:06:05,805 --> 00:06:07,415
♪ I am,
I am ♪
146
00:06:07,502 --> 00:06:11,768
♪ The man
in the making... ♪
147
00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:14,073
Looking good, Mr. B.
148
00:06:14,159 --> 00:06:16,118
- Yeah, Dad, you look great.
- Thanks, guys.
149
00:06:16,204 --> 00:06:18,032
I couldn't have done
it with out you.
150
00:06:18,119 --> 00:06:20,338
Now all I have to do
is dream board a job.
151
00:06:20,424 --> 00:06:23,471
Why don't we not dream
board it, and just do it?
152
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:26,125
Yeah, you're right.
153
00:06:26,212 --> 00:06:30,085
Look, I promise
I'm gonna get back on track.
154
00:06:30,171 --> 00:06:31,607
Hey.
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00:06:34,173 --> 00:06:36,610
Another thing I couldn't
have done without you.
156
00:06:36,698 --> 00:06:39,048
I'm sure your girlfriend
would've done the same thing
157
00:06:39,134 --> 00:06:40,875
- if you hadn't screwed up.
- Dude, no, I...
158
00:06:40,961 --> 00:06:42,310
I could never
bring Jenny here.
159
00:06:42,397 --> 00:06:43,964
Why?
160
00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,312
'Cause I couldn't bring
a girl like that
161
00:06:45,399 --> 00:06:47,096
to a place like this.
162
00:06:47,182 --> 00:06:49,010
So are you
saying that because
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00:06:49,097 --> 00:06:51,447
she's more popular than us?
164
00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:53,535
No, I'm sorry.
What I really meant to say...
165
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,449
No, it's fine.
You know, it's fine.
166
00:06:55,536 --> 00:06:58,452
Somewhere deep inside that dig
on me was a compliment,
167
00:06:58,538 --> 00:07:00,453
and I'm gonna take it.
168
00:07:09,545 --> 00:07:12,635
And so I knifed that bitch
in her fat face.
169
00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:15,115
Fat face! No!
170
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:19,552
Thank you very much.
171
00:07:19,638 --> 00:07:22,554
No, thank you, Eduardo.
172
00:07:24,685 --> 00:07:27,122
That took a lot of courage to
admit that you feel that way
173
00:07:27,208 --> 00:07:29,254
about your grandmother.
174
00:07:29,341 --> 00:07:30,777
Everybody?
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00:07:30,863 --> 00:07:34,214
We support
you, Eduardo.
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00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,346
- We support you.
- Okay.
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00:07:36,432 --> 00:07:38,913
Hamilton, how about you?
178
00:07:38,999 --> 00:07:39,739
Think you're ready
to share?
179
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:42,132
- Pass.
- All right.
180
00:07:42,218 --> 00:07:45,613
Anybody else?
181
00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:48,048
- Go ahead, Lily.
- Thanks.
182
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,615
Ever since I came
back to school, I've...
183
00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:52,485
had this
recurring nightmare.
184
00:07:52,571 --> 00:07:54,312
Tell us about it.
185
00:07:54,399 --> 00:07:58,142
Well, first I get run over
186
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:01,230
by this giant
penis-shaped bus,
187
00:08:01,316 --> 00:08:03,057
and I die.
188
00:08:03,143 --> 00:08:05,363
But then I miraculously
come back to life.
189
00:08:05,449 --> 00:08:06,711
Oh.
190
00:08:06,797 --> 00:08:08,277
But nobody cares.
191
00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:12,411
Then I wake up
and I realize that
192
00:08:12,496 --> 00:08:16,500
almost all of that
really happened.
193
00:08:16,585 --> 00:08:18,762
Oh.
194
00:08:18,848 --> 00:08:21,024
It's okay
to cry here.
195
00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:24,591
You know, remember
you're in the safety circle.
196
00:08:24,676 --> 00:08:27,288
Safety circle!
197
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:31,639
I think I'm just still
feeling a lot of anger toward...
198
00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:33,204
What? Your face?
199
00:08:37,422 --> 00:08:39,773
Nobody?
200
00:08:39,859 --> 00:08:41,817
Okay, then.
Let's get our heal on.
201
00:08:45,296 --> 00:08:47,733
What the hell are you
doing here, Miles?
202
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,560
This is peer support,
not assholes anonymous!
203
00:08:49,646 --> 00:08:51,343
Oh, my gosh.
204
00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:52,648
Is this not a safe place?
205
00:08:52,735 --> 00:08:54,171
'Cause I thought
this was a safe place.
206
00:08:54,257 --> 00:08:56,738
Lily, that is not how
we welcome new members.
207
00:08:56,824 --> 00:09:01,307
Everyone, we support you, Miles.
208
00:09:01,392 --> 00:09:03,002
Thanks, everyone.
209
00:09:05,307 --> 00:09:07,700
I mean, I can't believe
that suit fit him.
210
00:09:07,786 --> 00:09:09,309
He's been eating nothing but,
211
00:09:09,395 --> 00:09:11,179
you know, Pop Tars
and hot dogs.
212
00:09:11,266 --> 00:09:13,399
Well, maybe it was
all the crying and vomiting
213
00:09:13,484 --> 00:09:15,181
that kept the pounds off.
214
00:09:22,097 --> 00:09:24,360
- She does not look happy.
- No, she does not.
215
00:09:24,446 --> 00:09:26,535
- I should probably...
- Yeah, you should
216
00:09:26,621 --> 00:09:28,841
go handle your business.
217
00:09:34,929 --> 00:09:36,757
Hey, can we talk?
218
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,584
Actually, I'm kind of
busy right now.
219
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:39,845
Why don't you go talk
to your new tutor?
220
00:09:39,931 --> 00:09:41,367
It's not like that.
Please...
221
00:09:41,454 --> 00:09:43,848
Just hear me out
for a second.
222
00:09:43,933 --> 00:09:46,936
I'm really sorry.
I lied, and it was mean.
223
00:09:47,022 --> 00:09:50,069
But, you know, we were having
problems before the lie.
224
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:53,244
And I just feel like my life
is disastrous
225
00:09:53,329 --> 00:09:55,070
- and you don't care.
- Yeah, it really
226
00:09:55,156 --> 00:09:58,072
seems disastrous.
I gotta go.
227
00:10:01,463 --> 00:10:04,423
Craig, that was
an incredible share.
228
00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:05,944
Really incredible.
229
00:10:10,598 --> 00:10:12,208
Oh, I hope you and your mom
can work things out
230
00:10:12,294 --> 00:10:14,383
by the time
she gets out of prison.
231
00:10:14,468 --> 00:10:16,819
You should stab that bitch
in her fat face, Fat Face.
232
00:10:16,905 --> 00:10:19,124
No.
Everyone?
233
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:21,734
We support you, Craig.
234
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:26,128
Okay, for our last exercise
let's pair off.
235
00:10:26,213 --> 00:10:29,042
Remember to maintain
eye contact
236
00:10:29,127 --> 00:10:31,826
and keep an open line
of share.
237
00:10:31,911 --> 00:10:32,825
Go get 'em.
238
00:10:34,521 --> 00:10:37,176
Remember, maintain eye contact.
239
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,784
- Katie, you and me partners?
- Sure.
240
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,132
Hey, how about over there?
241
00:10:40,219 --> 00:10:42,178
- Yeah.
- Cool.
242
00:10:42,263 --> 00:10:45,396
Yo, I'm really sorry
243
00:10:45,481 --> 00:10:46,918
about what happened to you
and everything.
244
00:10:47,005 --> 00:10:48,745
- Yeah, whatever.
- No, for real.
245
00:10:48,832 --> 00:10:52,052
You know, you're smart,
funny, cute too.
246
00:10:52,137 --> 00:10:53,791
Gusher alert.
247
00:10:53,877 --> 00:10:55,400
You're like
the white Oprah.
248
00:10:55,486 --> 00:10:57,488
You know, like, people
come to you
249
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:00,098
with all their problems,
and you always know what to say.
250
00:11:00,184 --> 00:11:01,881
We all have
our own challenges.
251
00:11:01,967 --> 00:11:04,187
Really?
You have challenges?
252
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:08,189
It's... it's a long,
long story.
253
00:11:08,274 --> 00:11:12,495
Katie, this is a safe
place, remember?
254
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:15,321
Um...
255
00:11:15,407 --> 00:11:18,323
I feel like I can talk
to you, Lily.
256
00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:20,497
Wow, that's something
I've never said before.
257
00:11:20,583 --> 00:11:22,411
Is this about you
killing a guy?
258
00:11:22,497 --> 00:11:26,327
Nah, you see,
that's not me.
259
00:11:26,411 --> 00:11:28,587
That's my mask.
260
00:11:28,673 --> 00:11:30,675
I can't tell
my homies, but...
261
00:11:30,761 --> 00:11:33,590
the real me?
262
00:11:33,675 --> 00:11:36,200
I see numbers
263
00:11:36,285 --> 00:11:39,549
in thin air.
264
00:11:39,634 --> 00:11:43,072
It's like the whole world
goes away
265
00:11:43,157 --> 00:11:46,508
and everything
becomes so clear.
266
00:11:46,593 --> 00:11:49,161
My God,
Gangsta Will Hunting.
267
00:11:49,246 --> 00:11:51,422
Yeah.
Word.
268
00:11:51,508 --> 00:11:54,337
Well, I had a really
dark period, Miles.
269
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,121
- Okay.
- I...
270
00:11:57,207 --> 00:11:59,165
used sex
as a weapon.
271
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:03,211
I willingly gave my body out
to multiple partners.
272
00:12:05,470 --> 00:12:08,821
Sometimes two...
Six.
273
00:12:08,906 --> 00:12:10,952
- Uh.
- Eight at a time.
274
00:12:11,038 --> 00:12:12,561
Oh, wow.
275
00:12:12,647 --> 00:12:16,216
- I did terrible things.
- What... what kind of things?
276
00:12:16,301 --> 00:12:18,607
Filthy things.
277
00:12:18,692 --> 00:12:20,956
How long ago was this?
278
00:12:21,042 --> 00:12:24,610
Oh, up till about
last week.
279
00:12:24,695 --> 00:12:27,220
Oh, Katie.
280
00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:28,915
I support you.
281
00:12:33,611 --> 00:12:37,006
I'm telling you, RJ,
this whole peer support group
282
00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:38,658
is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
283
00:12:38,744 --> 00:12:40,267
That's awesome, man.
I never wanted to say
284
00:12:40,353 --> 00:12:41,746
anything, but I always
knew you needed therapy.
285
00:12:41,832 --> 00:12:44,269
Therapy?
Therapy's for pussies.
286
00:12:44,355 --> 00:12:46,053
I'm talking about Katie.
287
00:12:46,139 --> 00:12:48,924
Katie? Isn't she a little
out of your league?
288
00:12:49,009 --> 00:12:52,143
She's a nympho, dude.
She bones the whole league.
289
00:12:52,228 --> 00:12:54,621
I just gotta dangle a little
wang right in front of her face,
290
00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:56,621
and then she'll be right back
to her old gang bangin' ways.
291
00:12:56,707 --> 00:12:57,621
Well, you gang bang
your little little...
292
00:12:57,708 --> 00:12:58,753
Miles, bud.
293
00:12:58,839 --> 00:13:00,101
Hey, what are you
doing here?
294
00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:01,754
I just had an interview
with Principal Haggerty.
295
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,016
Boy, this school
is really desperate
296
00:13:04,102 --> 00:13:05,147
for a substitute
English teacher.
297
00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:06,321
- You what?
- Last night
298
00:13:06,407 --> 00:13:09,671
really opened
up my eyes, son.
299
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:10,844
I couldn't have done it
without you.
300
00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:13,324
You couldn't
have done what?
301
00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:14,933
I got the job.
302
00:13:15,019 --> 00:13:16,107
I'm your
new English teacher.
303
00:13:22,022 --> 00:13:23,763
Dad, tell me
you're kidding.
304
00:13:23,849 --> 00:13:26,112
You're not really the new
substitute English teacher.
305
00:13:26,197 --> 00:13:28,417
No, no, I did.
I got the job.
306
00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:30,200
In fact, I'm late
for my first class.
307
00:13:30,286 --> 00:13:32,723
I will see you tomorrow
at sixth period.
308
00:13:32,808 --> 00:13:34,245
Mwah.
309
00:13:34,331 --> 00:13:35,680
Awkward.
310
00:13:42,203 --> 00:13:44,684
Let's start today
311
00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:47,555
by sharing what we learned
about our partners yesterday.
312
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,034
Lily, why don't you go first?
313
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,994
Well, yesterday I learned
that Hamilton may act tough,
314
00:13:54,078 --> 00:13:58,430
but he's also sensitive
and scared,
315
00:13:58,515 --> 00:14:01,126
- and a freakin' genius.
- Yeah.
316
00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,996
You know, I see
numbers and [bleep].
317
00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:04,300
He doesn't think that
you can be tough
318
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:07,781
and smart at the same time.
But he can.
319
00:14:07,866 --> 00:14:10,521
And Hamilton, what did
you learn about Lily?
320
00:14:10,606 --> 00:14:12,216
That she tucks
a she-penis.
321
00:14:12,302 --> 00:14:13,651
Hey, what did you say,
homey?
322
00:14:13,738 --> 00:14:16,219
Uh-uh, nothing.
I was just...
323
00:14:16,304 --> 00:14:18,611
I was wondering
if, um,
324
00:14:18,697 --> 00:14:22,135
Lily had mentioned anything
about being the love child
325
00:14:22,219 --> 00:14:24,091
of Bigfoot
and Pee-wee Herman.
326
00:14:24,177 --> 00:14:26,875
Yo, you done?
You got more jokes?
327
00:14:26,961 --> 00:14:28,920
Why don't you rip on me, dog?
328
00:14:29,005 --> 00:14:30,223
- Hamilton, safe zone.
- Safe Zone.
329
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:32,182
- Safe
- Safe zone.
330
00:14:32,268 --> 00:14:33,486
Miles, I think
you better leave.
331
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:34,486
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
332
00:14:34,572 --> 00:14:36,879
But... Katie.
333
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:38,532
What about everything
we shared?
334
00:14:38,618 --> 00:14:41,708
Until you learn to respect
the safe zone of this group,
335
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,664
- you're not welcome here.
- So...
336
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,622
We're not gonna bone?
337
00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:48,450
Okay, I'm gonna cut
your face, chalupa.
338
00:14:48,535 --> 00:14:50,450
Eduardo.
339
00:14:50,536 --> 00:14:54,888
I know, safe zone.
He do not make me feel safe.
340
00:14:54,972 --> 00:14:57,583
Hello, class.
341
00:14:57,669 --> 00:14:59,019
Sorry, I'm late.
342
00:14:59,105 --> 00:15:02,630
My name is Mr. Berger.
343
00:15:04,411 --> 00:15:07,893
And I am your new substitute
English teacher.
344
00:15:07,978 --> 00:15:09,371
Uh, it says here...
Oh, you're reading
345
00:15:09,457 --> 00:15:11,328
one of my favorites,
Romeo and Juliet.
346
00:15:11,414 --> 00:15:13,155
Let's, uh...
347
00:15:16,025 --> 00:15:17,200
Uh...
348
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:26,683
You know, the best way
to understand Shakespeare
349
00:15:26,768 --> 00:15:28,945
is to see it acted out,
like he intended.
350
00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:30,771
And who better
to call upon
351
00:15:30,857 --> 00:15:32,729
than two of Pinkerton's
finest thespians.
352
00:15:32,815 --> 00:15:36,906
The stars of Vamp Side Story,
RJ Berger and Jenny Swanson.
353
00:15:36,991 --> 00:15:38,993
Come on up, you two.
354
00:15:43,341 --> 00:15:47,041
Okay, son.
Jenny.
355
00:15:47,126 --> 00:15:48,040
Guys, get a little closer.
Get a little closer.
356
00:15:48,126 --> 00:15:49,779
Come on, a little closer.
357
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,476
Come on,
you're Romeo and Juliet.
358
00:15:51,563 --> 00:15:54,522
Two households.
Both alike in dignity
359
00:15:54,607 --> 00:15:57,915
in fair Pinkertona
where we lay our scene
360
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,656
a civil war is waged
bloody and mean.
361
00:16:01,741 --> 00:16:05,875
Betwixt the house of Jockulet
and the house of Montageek,
362
00:16:05,961 --> 00:16:10,356
and from these two foes a pair
of star-crossed lovers meet.
363
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,530
Juliet, fairest cheerleader
in all of the world
364
00:16:13,616 --> 00:16:17,142
falls for Romeo,
Pinkertona's biggest nerd.
365
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:20,360
Oh, she doth make
my boner take flight.
366
00:16:20,445 --> 00:16:22,970
For I ne'er saw
such boobies until this night.
367
00:16:25,013 --> 00:16:29,322
Oh, my only love
sprung from my only hate.
368
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:32,800
Alas, sweet Romeo for your
massive sword I'll wait.
369
00:16:32,886 --> 00:16:35,411
O, I am fortune's fool.
370
00:16:35,496 --> 00:16:37,933
Why did I wait to slay her
with my tool?
371
00:16:38,019 --> 00:16:42,023
Though their love was
true, 'twas not meant to be.
372
00:16:42,108 --> 00:16:45,590
Fickle fortune
decreed death their destiny.
373
00:16:45,675 --> 00:16:46,893
Here's to my love.
374
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:55,856
O, happy dagger
this is thy sheath.
375
00:16:55,941 --> 00:17:00,380
And as we lay these
poor lovers to rest eternally,
376
00:17:00,465 --> 00:17:03,599
we've only fate to blame
377
00:17:03,684 --> 00:17:08,123
for their tragedy.
378
00:17:08,208 --> 00:17:10,689
Scene.
And that's...
379
00:17:10,774 --> 00:17:13,559
That was...
Great job, you two.
380
00:17:13,645 --> 00:17:15,517
Great job.
Uh...
381
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:17,605
So much good stuff there.
382
00:17:17,691 --> 00:17:21,173
Uh, you had gang violence,
illicit love, suicide,
383
00:17:21,258 --> 00:17:23,912
stuff that every kid
can relate to.
384
00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,174
But what really stands out
385
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:28,133
is Shakespeare's use
of "destiny."
386
00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:30,655
See, I think what
he's saying is that
387
00:17:30,741 --> 00:17:33,483
no matter how much you think
you love somebody,
388
00:17:33,569 --> 00:17:36,877
some people are just destined
to be together.
389
00:17:36,962 --> 00:17:40,487
And other people
are just destined
390
00:17:40,572 --> 00:17:42,357
to stay friends.
391
00:17:43,705 --> 00:17:44,749
Uh...
392
00:17:59,148 --> 00:18:00,323
That was pretty awesome.
393
00:18:00,409 --> 00:18:01,628
Well, I guess
that old adage is true.
394
00:18:01,715 --> 00:18:02,933
You don't really
need an education
395
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:04,021
to be a schoolteacher.
396
00:18:04,108 --> 00:18:05,065
Thank you.
397
00:18:08,327 --> 00:18:09,633
Have a good day.
398
00:18:13,764 --> 00:18:16,332
- Your dad did a good job.
- Yeah, he did, actually.
399
00:18:16,418 --> 00:18:19,900
That whole thing he said
about destiny
400
00:18:19,986 --> 00:18:24,295
and sometimes things
just aren't meant to be.
401
00:18:24,380 --> 00:18:25,424
No matter how bad
you want them to be.
402
00:18:28,121 --> 00:18:31,167
- We have to break up, don't we?
- Yeah, I think we do.
403
00:18:31,253 --> 00:18:32,515
I'm sorry
I've been so cold.
404
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:34,603
No, no, no, no.
I deserved it.
405
00:18:34,690 --> 00:18:37,041
I should have just
been honest with you.
406
00:18:37,127 --> 00:18:38,911
Yeah, you should have.
407
00:18:38,997 --> 00:18:41,086
But it wasn't just that.
408
00:18:41,172 --> 00:18:43,000
I mean,
we tried so hard, RJ.
409
00:18:43,086 --> 00:18:45,045
Jenny...
410
00:18:45,131 --> 00:18:48,743
I've wanted you so bad
411
00:18:48,829 --> 00:18:51,179
for so long.
412
00:18:51,265 --> 00:18:53,224
And when we
got to be friends,
413
00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:57,009
I felt so lucky.
414
00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:01,143
And when we got to be
more than friends...
415
00:19:01,228 --> 00:19:03,099
But I hurt you,
416
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,404
and we're fighting,
417
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:07,537
and I don't want to
do that anymore.
418
00:19:07,622 --> 00:19:09,755
I just want to go back
to when I was lucky.
419
00:19:09,842 --> 00:19:11,887
- Yeah.
- Friends?
420
00:19:16,541 --> 00:19:17,194
Friends.
421
00:19:26,417 --> 00:19:28,593
- Tangos at 5:00.
- Got 'em.
422
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,029
Grenade!
423
00:19:30,115 --> 00:19:32,465
- Nice, nice.
- Thanks.
424
00:19:33,552 --> 00:19:36,120
So, Jenny Swanson...
425
00:19:36,206 --> 00:19:37,947
No longer in the spank
bank hall of fame?
426
00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:41,471
I know it sounds weird, but
I'm actually kind of relieved.
427
00:19:41,557 --> 00:19:43,385
So your dream girl
turned out to be
428
00:19:43,471 --> 00:19:46,344
not such a dream girl
after all, huh?
429
00:19:48,127 --> 00:19:49,520
- It's Amy.
- Pausing for pooter.
430
00:19:52,173 --> 00:19:54,000
Your dad's
teaching English?
431
00:19:54,088 --> 00:19:57,265
Yup, and he's surprisingly
good at it.
432
00:19:57,351 --> 00:19:58,482
I think
I learned something.
433
00:19:58,568 --> 00:19:59,917
Well, you owe me,
434
00:20:00,004 --> 00:20:02,006
and I fully intend to
cash in on it.
435
00:20:02,093 --> 00:20:03,616
Call me when you're cooler.
436
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,358
Dude, you are so in!
437
00:20:06,444 --> 00:20:09,273
I fully intend
to cash in on it.
438
00:20:12,056 --> 00:20:14,014
Okay, boys,
so be good to...
439
00:20:14,101 --> 00:20:17,713
Oh, sorry to interrupt
whatever that was.
440
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,496
Um, I just wanted
to let you know
441
00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:22,151
that I'm having
a visitor tonight.
442
00:20:22,237 --> 00:20:22,846
- What?
- Actually,
443
00:20:22,933 --> 00:20:25,327
it's someone you know.
444
00:20:28,198 --> 00:20:29,373
Don't wait up
for us, Berger.
445
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:30,417
All right.
Love you.
446
00:20:33,679 --> 00:20:35,725
My name is RJ Berger,
447
00:20:35,812 --> 00:20:38,771
and sometimes nightmares
do come true.
448
00:20:41,468 --> 00:20:43,948
Next on
The Hard times of RJ Berger.
449
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,601
- How do I impress her?
- Weezer is coming
450
00:20:45,688 --> 00:20:47,864
- to Pinkerton tomorrow night?
- Yeah, and we're going.
451
00:20:47,950 --> 00:20:49,474
Are you asking me out
on a date?
452
00:20:49,561 --> 00:20:51,737
We can't get in.
It's 21 and over.
453
00:20:51,823 --> 00:20:53,433
Dude, they're called
fake IDs.
454
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,782
- Weezer.
- What's your name?
32441
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