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1
00:00:06,336 --> 00:00:08,034
- Previously on
- The Hard Times Of RJ Berger.
2
00:00:08,077 --> 00:00:10,819
Lock-in night is like
a school-sponsored orgy.
3
00:00:10,863 --> 00:00:12,430
This is just how I want
to lose my virginity.
4
00:00:12,473 --> 00:00:14,519
Wait, you're a virgin?
5
00:00:14,562 --> 00:00:16,434
You tried
to sabotage RJ's night.
6
00:00:16,477 --> 00:00:19,175
If I can't have RJ,
no one can.
7
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:20,786
- Did we...?
- No.
8
00:00:20,829 --> 00:00:22,570
Soon, RJ Berger.
9
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,184
Hey, Jenny, wait up.
10
00:00:28,227 --> 00:00:30,185
What's with
the Lohan glasses?
11
00:00:30,228 --> 00:00:31,969
Hey, RJ.
12
00:00:32,011 --> 00:00:34,666
Hey, you get into your
parents' schnapps last night?
13
00:00:34,709 --> 00:00:36,450
I should probably
just get to class.
14
00:00:36,492 --> 00:00:39,277
Well, well,
it's the dork-namic duo.
15
00:00:39,319 --> 00:00:42,453
And is that little miss
perfect in shades?
16
00:00:42,495 --> 00:00:44,149
That's new.
17
00:00:44,191 --> 00:00:47,020
Ooh, gross.
18
00:00:47,062 --> 00:00:48,672
Looks like
some of Berger's fugly
19
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,586
rubbed off
on your face, Swanson.
20
00:00:50,629 --> 00:00:53,675
- How unfortunate.
- A big old pimple.
21
00:00:53,718 --> 00:00:56,851
And isn't tomorrow
cheerleader photo day?
22
00:00:56,893 --> 00:01:00,157
Such a shame.
Toodles.
23
00:01:02,286 --> 00:01:05,420
Max.
I'm walking.
24
00:01:05,462 --> 00:01:08,769
Jealousy's not good
for your complexion, babe.
25
00:01:12,726 --> 00:01:14,336
Dude, did you hear?
26
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:16,337
Lily's settlement
from the bus accident came in.
27
00:01:16,379 --> 00:01:18,512
Yeah. She got,
like, a billion dollars,
28
00:01:18,554 --> 00:01:19,990
lypo-ed her whole body,
29
00:01:20,033 --> 00:01:21,470
plus got huge fakies!
30
00:01:21,512 --> 00:01:22,992
Dude, this is just another rumor.
31
00:01:23,034 --> 00:01:24,732
Remember last year when everyone
thought Gina Palenkendo
32
00:01:24,774 --> 00:01:26,559
was one of the
Two Girls One Cupchicks?
33
00:01:37,475 --> 00:01:38,650
Oh, does she have a driver?
34
00:01:40,345 --> 00:01:42,782
- What?
- Lily!
35
00:01:48,261 --> 00:01:50,611
♪ I'm ready
for the nice things ♪
36
00:01:50,653 --> 00:01:52,959
♪ Frozen diamond rings
37
00:01:53,002 --> 00:01:56,353
♪ Hot boys, shoes, cars,
and designer jeans ♪
38
00:01:56,394 --> 00:01:57,831
♪ Lights, camera, action
39
00:01:57,873 --> 00:01:59,701
♪ I'm ready
for the movie screen ♪
40
00:01:59,743 --> 00:02:01,571
Remind me to never shake hands
with Gina Palenkendo.
41
00:02:01,613 --> 00:02:02,614
Yeah.
42
00:02:02,657 --> 00:02:05,094
Hey, Lils.
What's up, bestie?
43
00:02:05,136 --> 00:02:07,443
I'm busy, peasant.
44
00:02:07,485 --> 00:02:09,095
Lily, join us.
45
00:02:09,137 --> 00:02:10,008
Hey, boos.
46
00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:11,312
You look hot.
47
00:02:11,356 --> 00:02:13,445
Oh, who wants some swag?
48
00:02:13,487 --> 00:02:14,923
I do.
49
00:02:14,965 --> 00:02:16,227
Oh, my God.
50
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,098
Is Lily trying
to buy Robin's friendship?
51
00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:20,882
What? She should be trying
to buy ourfriendship.
52
00:02:20,924 --> 00:02:22,055
We been piggy-backing
53
00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:24,709
that oversized hedgehog
since kindergarten.
54
00:02:24,751 --> 00:02:26,143
We got to get back
on her good side.
55
00:02:26,186 --> 00:02:27,187
Yeah, count me out.
56
00:02:27,229 --> 00:02:28,666
All right, look, RJ.
57
00:02:28,708 --> 00:02:30,580
Maybe you're cool
with being broke.
58
00:02:30,622 --> 00:02:32,145
I'm trying to get paid.
59
00:02:32,188 --> 00:02:36,018
All we got to do is...
suckle up to the devil's teat.
60
00:02:36,058 --> 00:02:37,930
And it's not
gonna be easy, bro.
61
00:02:37,972 --> 00:02:39,931
She may be wearing
$30 lipstick,
62
00:02:39,972 --> 00:02:41,060
but she's still
the same old pig.
63
00:02:42,669 --> 00:02:43,583
See you guys later.
64
00:02:45,321 --> 00:02:46,627
Look at that.
65
00:02:46,670 --> 00:02:48,280
Meanwhile Jenny sneaks into school
66
00:02:48,322 --> 00:02:49,062
like the trench coat mafia.
67
00:02:49,105 --> 00:02:50,541
Ew, gross.
68
00:02:50,584 --> 00:02:52,150
My name is RJ Berger,
69
00:02:52,193 --> 00:02:55,718
and my world has officially
flipped upside down.
70
00:03:06,718 --> 00:03:08,677
So I know
we didn't get to do...
71
00:03:08,718 --> 00:03:10,677
everything we talked about
doing the other night,
72
00:03:10,719 --> 00:03:12,025
so I was kind of hoping
maybe tonight...
73
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,199
RJ, I'm sorry.
74
00:03:13,241 --> 00:03:14,591
I can only deal with
one emotional crisis
75
00:03:14,633 --> 00:03:15,808
at a time, okay?
76
00:03:15,851 --> 00:03:17,679
My life is a complete
nightmare right now.
77
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,070
The cheerleading
photo is tomorrow.
78
00:03:20,113 --> 00:03:21,027
Everything is ruined.
79
00:03:21,069 --> 00:03:22,331
Everything?
80
00:03:22,374 --> 00:03:23,810
It's just one little zit.
81
00:03:23,853 --> 00:03:25,202
I mean,
I've had hundreds of 'em.
82
00:03:25,243 --> 00:03:26,854
Try thousands.
83
00:03:26,896 --> 00:03:30,726
I've had a zit five times that
size on my butt for two months.
84
00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:31,942
Named it Zitney Murphy.
85
00:03:31,984 --> 00:03:34,160
I've never really
had a zit before.
86
00:03:34,202 --> 00:03:35,333
Ever?
87
00:03:35,376 --> 00:03:36,464
It'll go away by tomorrow,
right?
88
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:37,508
I'm sure you'll be fine.
89
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,943
- Hell no!
- You're totally screwed.
90
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:40,465
Jennifer Gloria Swanson...
91
00:03:40,508 --> 00:03:42,205
My middle name
is not Gloria.
92
00:03:42,247 --> 00:03:44,554
It is time you learn
the life cycle of the zit.
93
00:03:44,596 --> 00:03:46,859
Sadly, nature's made me
an expert.
94
00:03:50,379 --> 00:03:53,034
♪ Oh, I'm just a pimple ♪
95
00:03:53,075 --> 00:03:54,860
♪ Cute as a dimple
96
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,295
♪ Snuggled up
under the skin ♪
97
00:03:57,336 --> 00:03:58,903
♪ Now I'm just a zit ♪
98
00:03:58,946 --> 00:04:00,774
♪ As big as a tit
99
00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:03,296
♪ And I make your face
ugly as sin ♪
100
00:04:03,337 --> 00:04:04,643
♪ I make such a fuss
101
00:04:04,686 --> 00:04:06,818
♪ As I fill up with pus
102
00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:09,515
♪ And grow white
as the pure mountain snow ♪
103
00:04:09,555 --> 00:04:11,383
♪ I get ugly and seepy
104
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:14,211
♪ Spill more oil than B.P.
105
00:04:14,251 --> 00:04:19,300
♪ Until you decide
I should go ♪
106
00:04:28,036 --> 00:04:31,213
Dude, could you have
freaked her out any more?
107
00:04:31,253 --> 00:04:32,603
She had to get the truth
sometime, bro.
108
00:04:32,645 --> 00:04:34,386
Ah, man.
109
00:04:34,428 --> 00:04:35,908
Will Zitney Murphy ever die?
110
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:41,215
What?
111
00:04:46,647 --> 00:04:48,867
Lily, can we talk
for a minute?
112
00:04:50,212 --> 00:04:52,519
Let me get rid of him
real quick.
113
00:04:55,256 --> 00:04:56,214
What do you want?
114
00:04:56,256 --> 00:04:58,128
I'm busy
being popular as hell.
115
00:04:58,169 --> 00:04:59,519
Look, I know you hate my guts,
116
00:04:59,561 --> 00:05:01,650
but this is not the way
to get back at me.
117
00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,302
You think this is about you?
118
00:05:03,343 --> 00:05:06,869
You big-donged sociopath.
119
00:05:06,909 --> 00:05:08,171
I finally pulled
my head out
120
00:05:08,214 --> 00:05:11,609
of my unfortunately
unpenetrated ass.
121
00:05:11,648 --> 00:05:13,868
Okay, these people
don't give a crap about you.
122
00:05:13,909 --> 00:05:16,738
They're obviously
just using you for your money.
123
00:05:16,780 --> 00:05:19,217
You know who obviously doesn't
give a crap about me, RJ?
124
00:05:19,257 --> 00:05:20,694
- You.
- That's not true.
125
00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:24,044
I'm over pretending
you're a nice guy
126
00:05:24,084 --> 00:05:26,565
just because you're a loser.
127
00:05:26,606 --> 00:05:28,869
What could you possibly have
in common with any of them?
128
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:31,434
My gag-o-meter just spiked
all the way to "hypocrite."
129
00:05:31,476 --> 00:05:32,738
What is that
supposed to mean?
130
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,608
I'm sure you have
so much in common
131
00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:37,261
with that vapid
cooze Jenny.
132
00:05:37,302 --> 00:05:39,609
What do you guys talk about?
133
00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:41,391
The best place
to get vagazzled together?
134
00:05:41,432 --> 00:05:42,477
Yeah, it's not
like that, okay?
135
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:43,738
We have lots of fun together.
136
00:05:43,781 --> 00:05:46,871
Face it, RJ.
137
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:49,958
You're using Jenny
for her boobs and ass
138
00:05:49,998 --> 00:05:53,219
the same way I'm using
Robin and Max for popularity.
139
00:05:53,259 --> 00:05:56,045
Now if you'll excuse me,
140
00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:58,261
my ass has to get back
to being kissed.
141
00:06:27,998 --> 00:06:30,392
- Ow.
- What the...?
142
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,826
Hey, Lils.
143
00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:37,873
You're looking extra...
vibrant today.
144
00:06:37,911 --> 00:06:41,219
Get your dirty,
stay-puft paws off me, Miles.
145
00:06:41,258 --> 00:06:43,870
Yeah, my pleasure.
146
00:06:46,432 --> 00:06:48,870
Oh...
147
00:06:48,911 --> 00:06:51,914
is that one of those
touchy-paddy things?
148
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:54,522
Oh, those are so expensive.
149
00:06:54,563 --> 00:06:58,306
What do you want,
lard-ass?
150
00:06:58,345 --> 00:07:01,174
Killing my self-esteem.
151
00:07:01,215 --> 00:07:03,260
Um...
152
00:07:03,302 --> 00:07:06,392
I... I was, you know...
153
00:07:06,431 --> 00:07:08,738
I want you to buy me
some cool shit, okay?
154
00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:10,782
Just some of
life's little luxuries.
155
00:07:10,823 --> 00:07:13,347
Like a golden segway
or my very own porn company.
156
00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:16,086
Is that too much to ask?
Come on!
157
00:07:16,127 --> 00:07:19,957
Okay, Miles,
you want to be friends
158
00:07:19,996 --> 00:07:24,000
now that I got a little scrilla
under my belt, huh?
159
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,171
Mm-hmm.
160
00:07:25,214 --> 00:07:27,651
Well, maybe I can help.
161
00:07:27,692 --> 00:07:30,259
You see, my back's
gonna need scratching too,
162
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:34,260
and it's itchy...
as hell.
163
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,519
Yeah, it's probably the fleas.
164
00:07:35,561 --> 00:07:37,998
- What?
- Anything to please.
165
00:07:41,517 --> 00:07:42,735
Ow, okay.
166
00:07:48,473 --> 00:07:52,172
- Oh, my God.
- It's getting worse.
167
00:07:52,212 --> 00:07:54,214
You must think I'm so gross.
168
00:07:54,255 --> 00:07:56,823
The answer to that
is absolutely not.
169
00:07:56,864 --> 00:07:58,648
Put that down.
170
00:08:06,428 --> 00:08:07,386
See?
171
00:08:07,428 --> 00:08:09,039
No, it wasn't you.
172
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,039
It...
The cream is very sour.
173
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,908
I'm un-kissable.
174
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:15,953
Oh, you two
have so much in common.
175
00:08:15,992 --> 00:08:18,255
Yeah, both losers.
176
00:08:24,209 --> 00:08:26,516
This is such a nightmare.
177
00:08:26,557 --> 00:08:28,733
Maybe you should put on
more face cream?
178
00:08:39,513 --> 00:08:42,646
- Lily, join us.
- Come on, Lily.
179
00:08:42,686 --> 00:08:45,079
You're really gonna go sit
with those mini medusas?
180
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,122
Come on, Lily.
181
00:08:47,163 --> 00:08:48,425
Listen, bitch.
182
00:08:48,468 --> 00:08:49,643
If you want something from me,
183
00:08:49,685 --> 00:08:50,773
you smile pretty,
and you like it.
184
00:08:50,815 --> 00:08:53,601
I am not paying you
to have an awesome time.
185
00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:57,689
Wow, that money's
gone straight to your head.
186
00:08:57,728 --> 00:08:58,903
At least it's not
going to my ass
187
00:08:58,945 --> 00:09:00,163
like your government cheese,
trailer trash.
188
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,163
Oh!
189
00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:02,990
Hi.
190
00:09:03,032 --> 00:09:04,990
Hi.
191
00:09:05,032 --> 00:09:07,469
This is a private table,
you know.
192
00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:09,860
- Oh, don't worry, ladies.
- He's the help.
193
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:12,773
Jenner, take a knee.
194
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,162
Come on, Lily.
195
00:09:14,204 --> 00:09:15,814
You can be on napkin duty.
196
00:09:21,030 --> 00:09:25,034
You missed a spot, fatty.
197
00:09:25,072 --> 00:09:26,030
That's enough!
198
00:09:26,072 --> 00:09:28,161
Be gone, biotch.
199
00:09:30,985 --> 00:09:33,901
- Oh, my God, Lily.
- You're brutal.
200
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,464
I love it.
201
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:37,509
Hey, let me see your ring.
202
00:09:37,549 --> 00:09:39,290
How cool would it be
if all the cheerleaders
203
00:09:39,331 --> 00:09:41,508
had rings like this?
204
00:09:41,549 --> 00:09:42,681
Well, they're at the mall.
205
00:09:42,723 --> 00:09:43,942
I can show you after
school if you want.
206
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,550
Oh, we can't make it today.
207
00:09:45,592 --> 00:09:48,725
But it would be
really super if tomorrow
208
00:09:48,766 --> 00:09:51,769
when we were all sitting
together we had the same rings?
209
00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:54,551
That way we'd know
you were one of us.
210
00:09:54,591 --> 00:09:56,636
Know what I mean?
211
00:10:05,590 --> 00:10:08,636
Hey, Jenny.
212
00:10:08,677 --> 00:10:09,982
- Don't say it.
- Say what?
213
00:10:10,024 --> 00:10:11,895
I know I look disgusting.
214
00:10:11,937 --> 00:10:13,852
I tried to stay home,
but my mom wouldn't let me.
215
00:10:13,893 --> 00:10:15,939
My mom doesn't let me
stay home for zits either.
216
00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:17,852
Parents just don't understand.
Am I right?
217
00:10:17,892 --> 00:10:19,241
Are you being sarcastic?
218
00:10:19,284 --> 00:10:20,720
- What? No.
- I'm saying, like...
219
00:10:20,762 --> 00:10:22,415
like we have something
in common, you know?
220
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:24,677
Our mom's insensitivities
to our faces
221
00:10:24,718 --> 00:10:26,677
and the teenage experience.
222
00:10:26,718 --> 00:10:29,373
Look, RJ, I know you're
trying to make me feel better,
223
00:10:29,412 --> 00:10:30,631
and normally it works,
224
00:10:30,674 --> 00:10:33,111
but I'm just not
in the mood right now,
225
00:10:33,151 --> 00:10:34,849
seeing as how
I look like a freak.
226
00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:37,023
Jesus, Jenny,
it's just a couple of zits.
227
00:10:37,064 --> 00:10:38,457
It doesn't matter.
228
00:10:38,499 --> 00:10:42,328
- It does matter.
- It matters a lot.
229
00:10:42,368 --> 00:10:43,369
You don't understand.
230
00:10:43,411 --> 00:10:44,500
- You're right.
- I... I don't.
231
00:10:44,542 --> 00:10:46,326
You can't survive one bad day
232
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:48,500
because the rest of your life
has been perfect up till now?
233
00:10:48,541 --> 00:10:50,369
There's more pressure
on me, RJ.
234
00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:53,196
- Why?
- Because you're popular?
235
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,761
You should really try being
an outcast your entire life.
236
00:10:55,801 --> 00:10:57,455
You... You really
don't have it that hard.
237
00:10:57,497 --> 00:10:59,150
Why are you talking to me
like this?
238
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,367
What else can I
talk to you about?
239
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,107
This is all you talk about.
240
00:11:02,148 --> 00:11:03,193
You know what, RJ?
241
00:11:03,235 --> 00:11:04,802
You were a much nicer guy
242
00:11:04,844 --> 00:11:06,236
when you were doing
everything that you could
243
00:11:06,278 --> 00:11:07,235
to get me to notice you.
244
00:11:07,278 --> 00:11:08,888
Jenny Swanson
likes attention.
245
00:11:08,930 --> 00:11:10,497
What a surprise.
246
00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:14,020
This is the worst
day of my life.
247
00:11:14,059 --> 00:11:16,758
I'm sorry.
248
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:21,583
I can't tell
who's a bigger loser...
249
00:11:21,624 --> 00:11:25,410
RJ the geek,
or Jenny the freak.
250
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:28,061
I mean, did you see
what is happening to her face?
251
00:11:28,102 --> 00:11:29,582
At least now it makes sense
252
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:31,451
why she would slum
with the loser brigade.
253
00:11:31,493 --> 00:11:33,233
It's just a couple pimples.
254
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,842
- You don't have to be nice,
- Lily.
255
00:11:34,883 --> 00:11:35,971
You're with us now.
256
00:11:36,014 --> 00:11:38,233
And everyone knows
how stuff like this
257
00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:40,406
can ruin a girl's reputation.
258
00:11:40,448 --> 00:11:42,450
Jenny's over.
259
00:11:42,492 --> 00:11:44,711
Is that the new
Mac lipstick?
260
00:11:44,752 --> 00:11:46,667
Yeah, I just got it.
261
00:11:46,708 --> 00:11:48,971
Looks perfect
with my coloring.
262
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:51,493
It's too bold for you.
263
00:11:51,534 --> 00:11:52,535
Keep it.
264
00:11:52,577 --> 00:11:53,882
Oh, and, Lily,
265
00:11:53,925 --> 00:11:56,144
it's funny how you boss around
that Miles kid,
266
00:11:56,185 --> 00:11:57,926
but you can't
have him around us.
267
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,099
He's kind of fun.
268
00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:01,709
- No, he's not.
- He's revolting.
269
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:03,316
And he's bad for your image.
270
00:12:03,358 --> 00:12:05,316
And since you're
with me now,
271
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,751
he's bad for my image.
Get it?
272
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:12,708
See you later, Lil.
273
00:12:25,182 --> 00:12:26,836
Hello?
274
00:12:33,138 --> 00:12:36,054
Oh!
275
00:12:41,746 --> 00:12:43,269
It just started
getting worse and worse,
276
00:12:43,310 --> 00:12:45,356
and now I...
Now I just look like...
277
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:47,661
The elephant man
with boobs?
278
00:12:47,702 --> 00:12:50,313
I think I'd better go.
279
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:53,139
- Fine.
- Go.
280
00:12:53,180 --> 00:12:55,878
Go tell
your new friend Robin.
281
00:12:55,919 --> 00:12:58,095
While you're at it,
tell RJ too.
282
00:12:58,135 --> 00:13:02,139
I'm sure you're
dying for him to leave me.
283
00:13:02,179 --> 00:13:04,355
Just chill, Barbie.
284
00:13:04,395 --> 00:13:06,615
Stay here.
I'll... be back.
285
00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:32,787
A minute.
286
00:13:37,697 --> 00:13:39,351
What do you want?
287
00:13:39,393 --> 00:13:40,656
Your little girlfriend
288
00:13:40,697 --> 00:13:42,525
is playing hunchback
of the handicapped stall.
289
00:13:42,567 --> 00:13:44,830
Her face looks like a coochie
turned inside out.
290
00:13:44,871 --> 00:13:46,003
What do you care?
291
00:13:46,044 --> 00:13:48,090
I thought you said
she was a vapid cooze.
292
00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:49,655
The only thing worse
than a vapid cooze
293
00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:50,916
is one that's crying.
294
00:13:50,957 --> 00:13:53,090
If those bitches
see her like that,
295
00:13:53,131 --> 00:13:54,959
they will massacre her.
296
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,307
Even I don't think
she deserves that.
297
00:13:57,348 --> 00:13:59,089
We got to sneak her
out of here
298
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:02,700
without anyone seeing.
299
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:05,177
I know what to do.
300
00:14:13,565 --> 00:14:15,349
Let's go, princess.
301
00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:17,741
We'll take you to one
with better glory holes.
302
00:14:20,478 --> 00:14:23,002
RJ, what are you
doing in here?
303
00:14:23,042 --> 00:14:24,914
This is the girl's bathroom.
304
00:14:24,955 --> 00:14:26,522
Whoo!
305
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:30,133
Some chick just took
a massive dump.
306
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:32,392
RJ, what are
you doing in here?
307
00:14:32,434 --> 00:14:34,741
Trying to make your day
a little less worse.
308
00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:42,304
You didn't tell Robin?
309
00:14:42,346 --> 00:14:44,304
Our secret.
310
00:14:44,346 --> 00:14:47,784
All right, let's get
that giant mask on you.
311
00:14:47,825 --> 00:14:49,870
And get you out of here.
312
00:14:49,912 --> 00:14:51,696
- There you go.
- All better.
313
00:14:53,346 --> 00:14:55,914
This six-period bell's
gonna ring in four minutes.
314
00:14:55,955 --> 00:14:57,391
We need to haul ass.
315
00:14:57,433 --> 00:15:00,654
Come on, Jenny.
316
00:15:11,564 --> 00:15:13,914
♪ We're cutting out
317
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,695
♪ It's Monday morning
318
00:15:15,738 --> 00:15:19,045
♪ Monday morning
319
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,261
♪ Haters watch out
320
00:15:21,302 --> 00:15:22,739
♪ We're on defense...
321
00:15:22,781 --> 00:15:24,174
- Wait.
- Hold it.
322
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,390
We have to go
through the cafeteria.
323
00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:27,043
No, the activities hall.
324
00:15:27,085 --> 00:15:29,087
No, man, you don't know
what you're talking about.
325
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:30,826
No, you don't know
what you're talking about.
326
00:15:30,868 --> 00:15:31,826
Let's go!
327
00:15:31,868 --> 00:15:33,914
♪ With nothing to lose
328
00:15:33,955 --> 00:15:35,391
♪ Get out, get out
329
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:37,087
♪ Got to get out of here
330
00:15:37,128 --> 00:15:39,566
Oh! Oh!
331
00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:42,175
Leave her!
332
00:15:42,215 --> 00:15:45,567
♪ But now we're leaving
333
00:15:45,607 --> 00:15:48,305
♪ And we're gonna
live the teenage... ♪
334
00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:51,742
Oh!
335
00:15:51,781 --> 00:15:53,653
Oh.
336
00:15:53,694 --> 00:15:55,522
Ooh.
337
00:15:55,565 --> 00:15:58,481
Okay, Miles,
I'll buy you a crossbow,
338
00:15:58,521 --> 00:16:01,306
a racecar bed,
and terminator sunglasses.
339
00:16:07,043 --> 00:16:08,828
All right.
340
00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:11,219
I'll see you
on the other side.
341
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:12,523
Whoo!
342
00:16:12,565 --> 00:16:15,002
Aah!
343
00:16:15,043 --> 00:16:16,697
Ha.
Look.
344
00:16:16,739 --> 00:16:19,350
It's the school's
douchiest couple.
345
00:16:19,391 --> 00:16:23,221
You're dead, Jenner.
346
00:16:23,261 --> 00:16:25,393
- Okay, now's your chance.
- Go.
347
00:16:25,435 --> 00:16:27,655
- Hey, thank you.
- You're a good friend.
348
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:28,741
I won't forget this.
349
00:16:28,783 --> 00:16:30,524
Go!
350
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:45,613
So, I mean, I guess you have
a couple hours to kill
351
00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:47,308
before you can go home,
huh?
352
00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:48,960
Yeah, it's probably
best my mom
353
00:16:49,003 --> 00:16:51,701
doesn't find out about the whole
sneaking out of school thing.
354
00:16:51,742 --> 00:16:52,699
Right.
355
00:16:52,742 --> 00:16:54,570
Ugh, she would kill me.
356
00:16:57,656 --> 00:16:59,701
Sorry, I don't really feel
357
00:16:59,743 --> 00:17:01,092
like making out
or anything right now
358
00:17:01,134 --> 00:17:02,440
That's okay.
359
00:17:02,483 --> 00:17:05,224
I'm happy that
we're just hanging out.
360
00:17:05,265 --> 00:17:06,484
We never do that.
361
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,398
That's true.
362
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,486
Do you want to play Xbox?
363
00:17:11,527 --> 00:17:13,050
Sure. Do you have
that one workout game?
364
00:17:13,092 --> 00:17:14,920
You know the one where you,
like, wave your arms,
365
00:17:14,962 --> 00:17:17,138
and you, like, pop the little
pink flower thingies?
366
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:18,573
I don't have that one.
367
00:17:18,615 --> 00:17:20,312
- Oh.
- No.
368
00:17:20,354 --> 00:17:21,921
Oh, how about a movie?
369
00:17:21,963 --> 00:17:26,533
I just bought the blu-ray
director's cut of Avatar.
370
00:17:26,573 --> 00:17:28,444
- Director's cut?
- Thank God.
371
00:17:28,486 --> 00:17:30,575
That movie was so long.
372
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,792
Actually, this one's longer.
373
00:17:32,835 --> 00:17:34,967
Oh.
374
00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:37,664
Oh, I have an amazing
karaoke machine.
375
00:17:37,704 --> 00:17:39,445
I have, like,
every song in the world.
376
00:17:39,488 --> 00:17:41,620
- Oh, perfect.
- Do you have Lady Gaga?
377
00:17:41,662 --> 00:17:43,402
Or Katy Perry?
No, wait, wait, wait.
378
00:17:43,445 --> 00:17:44,664
Do you have Taylor Swift?
379
00:17:44,706 --> 00:17:47,796
I do a killer
Taylor Swift.
380
00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:50,492
I don't have...
those.
381
00:17:57,447 --> 00:17:58,840
Do you have
any antihistamines?
382
00:17:58,882 --> 00:17:59,840
That I do.
383
00:17:59,882 --> 00:18:01,318
Oh.
384
00:18:03,057 --> 00:18:04,494
Thank you.
385
00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:14,626
Hey, Lily, do you still
have that Mac lipstick?
386
00:18:14,668 --> 00:18:17,627
No, you, um,
took it from me.
387
00:18:17,669 --> 00:18:20,193
Well, do you have more?
388
00:18:20,234 --> 00:18:22,976
I'm gonna look so amazing
in the head cheerleader slot.
389
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,410
I thought Jenny
was in that slot.
390
00:18:24,453 --> 00:18:26,324
As if I was gonna
let that happen.
391
00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:29,325
A little secret ingredient
in her face cream
392
00:18:29,367 --> 00:18:32,849
took care of that for me.
393
00:18:32,889 --> 00:18:35,196
The bitch should thank me.
I went easy on her.
394
00:18:35,238 --> 00:18:36,675
Just a pinch.
395
00:18:36,717 --> 00:18:39,198
If I'd used a lot,
can you say "fugly"?
396
00:18:42,457 --> 00:18:44,067
- You know what?
- I think I do have
397
00:18:44,110 --> 00:18:45,981
some of that Mac stuff
in my locker.
398
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:49,636
I have lipsticks and blushes
and body lotions.
399
00:18:49,677 --> 00:18:51,635
Oh!
400
00:19:03,811 --> 00:19:05,073
Hey.
401
00:19:05,116 --> 00:19:06,509
How is she?
402
00:19:06,551 --> 00:19:08,248
She's okay,
thanks to you.
403
00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:10,511
It was your plan, genius.
404
00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:17,034
No cool crowd today?
405
00:19:17,075 --> 00:19:18,337
Nah.
406
00:19:18,381 --> 00:19:19,817
I think I'm over that.
407
00:19:19,860 --> 00:19:21,731
I mean, they're just a bunch
of stuck-up douchebags.
408
00:19:21,773 --> 00:19:23,035
And they never have any fun.
409
00:19:23,077 --> 00:19:26,341
They just want to look cool.
So stupid.
410
00:19:26,383 --> 00:19:28,428
Yeah, but, I mean, you got
to be popular for a little bit.
411
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:29,516
That's awesome.
412
00:19:29,558 --> 00:19:30,994
Not really.
413
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,866
It's weird, you know,
the thing you obsess over,
414
00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:35,387
if you get it,
415
00:19:35,429 --> 00:19:37,040
it's never
what you dreamt it would be.
416
00:19:37,082 --> 00:19:38,649
You know?
417
00:19:38,692 --> 00:19:41,738
I know.
418
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:42,955
So are we cool now?
419
00:19:42,997 --> 00:19:44,608
No way.
420
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:47,087
But we're gettin' there,
421
00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:48,784
scum cookie.
422
00:19:48,826 --> 00:19:50,045
I missed you, Lil.
423
00:19:50,087 --> 00:19:53,177
So where's blondie?
424
00:19:53,219 --> 00:19:54,307
Jenny went home.
425
00:19:54,349 --> 00:19:56,700
She was definitely
looking a little better,
426
00:19:56,742 --> 00:19:58,831
but she was really bummed about
missing the cheerleader photo.
427
00:19:58,873 --> 00:20:02,616
Yeah, well, I wouldn't worry
too much about that.
428
00:20:19,446 --> 00:20:21,361
My name is RJ Berger,
429
00:20:21,405 --> 00:20:24,800
and ugly is as ugly does.
430
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,373
- Next on
- The Hard Times Of RJ Berger.
431
00:20:33,417 --> 00:20:34,723
I'm disappointed, RJ.
432
00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:37,160
RJ, you're gonna be
meeting in the library
433
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:38,944
for tutoring three days a week,
effective immediately.
434
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:39,945
I'll bet our friendship
435
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,251
that you've already fantasized
436
00:20:41,294 --> 00:20:42,469
about two-timing
with your tutor.
437
00:20:42,513 --> 00:20:43,775
Good thing you're cute,
438
00:20:43,819 --> 00:20:45,560
because that was hands down
the nerdiest thing
439
00:20:45,603 --> 00:20:46,822
I have ever heard.
440
00:20:46,865 --> 00:20:50,129
- Hey, RJ.
- Hey.
441
00:20:50,173 --> 00:20:52,175
- Holy [bleep]!
- I got crabs.
30391
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