All language subtitles for The.Hard.Times.of.RJ.Berger.S02E02.The.Hard.Times.of.RJ.Berger.Cousin.Vinny.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-BLOOM_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:08,809
Previously on "The Hard Times
of RJ Berger..."
2
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,778
- And then she just kissed me.
- This is huge.
3
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,181
- What about Lily?
- You heartless...
4
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:16,050
I have to take
my shot with Jenny.
5
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:18,852
- You're dead to me,
- RJ Berger!
6
00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:20,721
We're getting a divorce, RJ.
7
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:26,160
After years of dreaming
about Jenny Swanson,
8
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:29,863
I finally got a chance
to make my move.
9
00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:32,266
Unfortunately, the only move I'm making
10
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,002
is into my mom's
new apartment...
11
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,438
Without my dad.
12
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:40,541
- Wow.
- Looking good in here, huh?
13
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,876
What's that? Another episode
of "I Dream of Jenny"?
14
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:46,080
Yeah, something like that.
15
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:49,550
Honey, come sit down
and talk to me.
16
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,752
Come here. Sit down.
17
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,825
Listen, honey, one day
you're gonna realize
18
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,327
this is all for the best.
19
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,197
I don't even know
what this is, mom, all right?
20
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:05,733
One minute you and dad
are practically doing it
21
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,335
in front of me
on the dinner table.
22
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,437
Now we're here,
and you're making Dad
23
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,306
stay in some sleaze-bag motel
on the interstate.
24
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:13,941
RJ, you're a man now,
25
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,844
so I'm gonna level with you.
26
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,247
Oh, uh, oops-a-daisy,
wrong bedroom.
27
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,683
Anyhoo, funny story...
28
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:26,620
apparently Daddy
was laid off...
29
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:29,157
Two years ago.
30
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:30,391
Yeah.
31
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,693
And since he didn't tell me
or you or anyone,
32
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:36,730
we went through
our entire life savings.
33
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:39,267
So that happened,
and now we're broke.
34
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,869
Wow.
35
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:43,871
Yeah, wow...
36
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:45,439
We lost the house.
37
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:48,276
And, wow,
I dumped your daddy.
38
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:51,279
But we're moving on, right?
39
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,481
Think of it like a vacation
40
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,083
from everything
we used to love.
41
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:59,787
But, hey, Cousin Vinny's here
to help us move.
42
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,022
Oh, Aunt Suzanne,
where do you want these?
43
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,091
My friggin' biceps
are killing me.
44
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,793
My name is RJ Berger,
45
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:09,230
and this divorce
is freaking killing me.
46
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,746
Got, like,
a hot date or something?
47
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,216
Not yet.
48
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,885
But it's all about looking mint,
know what I mean?
49
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,288
- Not even remotely.
- What about you?
50
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,957
You been, uh, vibing
any hotties lately?
51
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,860
Yeah, actually, I've been
vibing a particular hottie.
52
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,596
- That's my cugin.
- How Long yous been dating?
53
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:45,032
Oh, no, no,
we're not dating.
54
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,601
I'm just kind of obsessed
with her.
55
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,836
- Whoa.
- What'd you grow up to be,
56
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,438
some kind of chester
or something?
57
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,639
N-no, no, no, no, no.
58
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,407
Like, no, no,
we know each other.
59
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:54,808
We're... we're friends.
60
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,077
Been in love with her since,
like, the third grade.
61
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,679
And she don't think
you're a freak?
62
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,581
No, it's just, like,
she's really popular,
63
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,416
and I'm really not.
64
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:05,085
RJ, look at me.
65
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,954
You want to hunt big game?
66
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,723
You only need one weapon...
confidence.
67
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:13,026
You don't got to be a gorilla,
but you got to be aggressive.
68
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,329
- You want to date this girl?
- More than anything.
69
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:18,098
- Then ask her out.
- She says no, fine, whatever.
70
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,901
But if she says yes,
you got to go for it.
71
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,271
I'm talking someplace classy,
72
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:27,040
someplace like...
Lasagna Farm.
73
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,542
That is a hell
of a restaurant.
74
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,544
Bro, they got, like,
endless breadsticks.
75
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,913
- It's incredible.
- Bathroom party with my boys.
76
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,047
- Hey.
- Ha ha!
77
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,749
See, tight quarters,
kind of fun.
78
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,117
- Kind of fun.
- Right?
79
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,352
Look at this.
80
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,020
It's like a cheese grater
made out of meat.
81
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,355
Aunt Suzanne,
you're friggin' pazzo.
82
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:42,423
I love it.
83
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,325
And you, my friend,
are a tan xylophone.
84
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,959
Look, RJ, get in on it.
85
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,162
Okay.
86
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:50,531
Aunt Suzanne,
pump it up.
87
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,532
Pump it out?
88
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,801
- Pump. Pump.
- Pump that fist.
89
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,035
Come on, RJ.
90
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,205
- Pump it, pump it, pump it, RJ.
- Pump that fist, RJ.
91
00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:01,475
Pump.
92
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:03,477
All right, guys,
you keep pumping.
93
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,045
I'm gonna go see Dad
before school.
94
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:10,651
Fine. You want some lies
with your morning coffee.
95
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,620
- Mom, come on.
- All right, honey.
96
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,754
Just remember to ask him
97
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:16,424
if he has $80,000
and a time machine.
98
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:28,101
This stop, downtown Pinkerton.
Exit at your own peril.
99
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,918
Oh, RJ. RJ. Son.
100
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,587
Dad, you're suffocating me.
101
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,457
That's what
everyone I love says.
102
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,960
- Wow. I mean, this is, uh...
- And this.
103
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,362
- Oh, this.
- This, yes.
104
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,063
It's my bathrobe.
I'm wearing it backwards.
105
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:59,099
It's like the comfort
of a Snuggie without the cost.
106
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,168
Huh?
Come on... come on in.
107
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,644
Lock the door, buddy.
108
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,115
Come on.
Cop a squat.
109
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:23,824
- How's... how's Mom?
- She's good.
110
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:26,293
- We got the apartment.
- Ah, the apartment.
111
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,396
So, uh, how's school, huh?
112
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:31,499
Still, uh, slaying
the ladies, big guy?
113
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,634
Yeah, actually, that's what
I came to talk to you about.
114
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,936
I was, uh, thinking about
asking Jenny out.
115
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,773
- Ah.
- Breakfast is served.
116
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,177
Here you go.
117
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,820
Jenny can sure wear
a sweater.
118
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,955
Girls like that...
nothing but trouble.
119
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,524
But she's my dream girl.
120
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:59,627
RJ, your mom
was my Jenny Swanson.
121
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,261
I put that princess
on a pedestal.
122
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:05,599
Landed me here
in whore hotel.
123
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:09,336
Dad, no offense, but I think
the lying landed you here.
124
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:13,941
I lied because dream girls
expect things...
125
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,576
money, right?
126
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,745
Houses, honesty.
127
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,748
Now, you can't mess up
with a dream girl.
128
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:23,917
Trust me.
They will eat you alive...
129
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:26,620
And leave you
a husk of a man.
130
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,556
So what do I do?
131
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:33,226
You know who's the happiest
couples I've ever seen?
132
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,628
Grandpa Aaron
and Grandma Alice?
133
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:37,097
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Homeless people.
134
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,466
You know why?
135
00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:41,469
'Cause they have
nothing else in the world.
136
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,303
And it works.
137
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,873
Aim low, son.
Aim really low.
138
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,583
- Oh, sorry.
- Sorry about that, Son.
139
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:59,753
Yeah, it's mostly dust mites
and hooker hair.
140
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,822
Fresh start.
141
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,327
You know, my cousin Vinny says
that I should be more direct,
142
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,829
that I should just
ask Jenny out.
143
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,332
Your cousin Vinny
sounds like a tool.
144
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:15,736
♪ Six days
and I ain't seen a bed ♪
145
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,171
- ♪ I'm in overdrive
- So cute.
146
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,840
Whoa. Who's that?
147
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,842
That's cousin Vinny.
148
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,844
That punani whisperer
is your cousin?
149
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,714
Oh!
150
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,415
Dude, do you literally
151
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,183
have a poon magnet
under the hood of this car?
152
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,185
Oh, keep
your panties on, Miles.
153
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,321
Vinny is spoken for.
154
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,691
Looks like
we've both moved on, RJ.
155
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:39,259
Uh, we got to roll out,
156
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,828
but maybe we can hook up
later, Lucy.
157
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,263
- It's Lily.
- And trust me.
158
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,533
If we do hook up later,
159
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,368
I will make you remember it.
160
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,370
- Whoa.
- Okay, sweetheart.
161
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,546
Shotgun.
162
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:05,252
So, RJ, you ever end up
163
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,254
making your move
with that girl today or what?
164
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,890
We talked about that
this morning.
165
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,993
- Ladies like a man of action.
- Which one is she?
166
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,695
She's over there.
167
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:20,634
Oh, RJ, are you serious?
168
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,202
If I was still in high school,
169
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,272
I'd be pounding
that chick out tonight.
170
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,575
Well, uh, I'm not as cool
as you are, so...
171
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:31,478
- I told you.
- It's about confidence, not this.
172
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,581
So what are you waiting for?
173
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,648
You mean now?
174
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:35,716
Hey...
175
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,885
Blondie, psst.
176
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,421
Uh, RJ?
177
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:42,690
- Hi.
- Hey.
178
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,592
Nice car.
179
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,727
Thank you.
180
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,598
Uh, look, Jenny,
I really like you.
181
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:53,466
And I'd love to take you out,
182
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,603
just you and me.
183
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:56,904
RJ...
184
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,439
No, no, no, no, it's...
it's no big deal.
185
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,909
It's, uh...
186
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,310
- Yeah, right.
- What a dork.
187
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,079
- Wait.
- I'd love to.
188
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,415
Really?
189
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,951
Lasagna Farm,
you and me, dinner?
190
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,987
Oh, my God. I love
their endless breadsticks.
191
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:17,424
Tomorrow night.
192
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:18,525
Okay.
193
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,639
Hey! My soda.
194
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,042
Hit it.
195
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,177
Come on.
Take it to the max.
196
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:40,013
Big Bang Theory thinks
he can take my Jenny
197
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:41,915
to the Lasagna Farm...
198
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,717
my favorite restaurant?
199
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,052
- Forget Jenny, man.
- You got Robin now.
200
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,353
You can have
any girl you want.
201
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,921
- Any girl.
- Hell, yeah.
202
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,222
But there's no way
I'm letting that freak
203
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:52,660
bone down
with my sloppy seconds...
204
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,461
Or my dirty thirds...
205
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:58,498
Or my filthy fourths!
206
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,000
So what are you gonna do?
207
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,435
I'm gonna show that freak how
a man takes care of business.
208
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:03,771
Yeah.
209
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,473
That's what I'm talking about.
210
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:09,042
Wait. Wait.
What are you talking about?
211
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:12,012
He wants to take my girl
to my favorite restaurant?
212
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,446
Fine.
213
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,548
I'll make it a night
he never forgets.
214
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,493
Hey, Robin,
can I talk to you for a second?
215
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:29,329
Mm-mmm.
216
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,331
Um, listen...
217
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,200
I know everyone thinks
that we hate each other
218
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,969
because of Max, but I really
want to work this out.
219
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,772
I mean, we've been friends
forever, Robin.
220
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,507
I couldn't agree more, Jenny.
221
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,442
Let's work it out.
222
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,678
Max is mine now,
223
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:47,848
which makes me the new queen
of Pinkerton High
224
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:50,684
and makes you old news.
225
00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:52,619
That work out for you?
226
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:55,689
See you at practice.
227
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,733
"Suzanne Does Scarsdale."
228
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,267
RJ, are you kidding me?
229
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,269
- Your parents are friggin' nuts.
- Yeah, well...
230
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,939
You're hysterical, Vinny.
231
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,607
Hey, your cousin
is the dopest.
232
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:17,344
Every girl he meets wants
to open her meat wallet for him.
233
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:20,613
He could be
our Obi-Wan Ke-nookie-nobi.
234
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,950
"Suzanne Does Albany"?
235
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,451
You got a whole box
of these things.
236
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,787
And yet, not one
of my childhood.
237
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,757
- Ugh!
- These two are stuck together.
238
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:32,625
All right, I'll catch
you pinheads later.
239
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:33,827
I got to go GTL.
240
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,796
- "GTL"?
- GTL...
241
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:38,398
Gym, tan, laundry?
242
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,200
Wait. What, do you think
this just happens?
243
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,602
You guys got to keep
everything fresh all the time.
244
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:46,573
You got to make it so even
you want to hook up with you.
245
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,576
- Capisce?
- Vinny, we're begging you.
246
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,411
Teach us, okay?
247
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,313
Look at us!
We need you!
248
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,949
Well, I can't argue
with that.
249
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,585
- Uh, Vin, no offense.
- Miles...
250
00:11:58,618 --> 00:11:59,920
What, are you kidding me?
251
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,322
All week long you've been
bitching and moaning
252
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,991
about this date.
253
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,993
This is our answer.
254
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:08,695
♪ Ooh-ooh
255
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,497
♪ Put your hands up,
put 'em up, put 'em up ♪
256
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,499
♪ Put your glasses up,
fill 'em up, fill 'em up ♪
257
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:13,801
- ♪ From the front...
- Oh!
258
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:16,069
The "G" stands for "gym,"
not "gordita."
259
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:23,676
All right, next piece
of the puzzle, cugin.
260
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:26,646
Watch it, tool.
261
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,148
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
262
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,983
We don't got
an issue here, bro.
263
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,019
You got an issue, bro,
264
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,387
'cause I'm about to knock
your lights out.
265
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:38,959
- You gonna buy this shirt, bro?
- It's a pretty fresh shirt.
266
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,593
You could do some real damage
in this thing.
267
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,967
Y-you really think so?
268
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,201
Hell, yizz-eah.
269
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:49,837
I got the same one.
270
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,638
This thing
is hippo repellant, bro.
271
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:54,607
You know, it really
brings out your eyes.
272
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,110
T-t-thanks, man.
273
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,248
Hug it out.
Hug it out.
274
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,384
Say hello to your mother
for me.
275
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,155
Oh, okay.
276
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,722
He was gonna kill you.
277
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,926
- How did you do that?
- RJ, he's a hater.
278
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,727
Haters are just insecure.
279
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,865
Real bros never let it
come to blows.
280
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:20,567
♪ 'Cause I'm... I'm
feeling like I... ♪
281
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,903
You wear panties?
282
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:33,881
Obi-wan Ke-nookie-nobi.
283
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,616
Imagine seeing you here.
284
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,185
Oh, look!
285
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:40,487
It's the "fugly" salesman.
286
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,623
- We don't want any.
- Oh, Miles.
287
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,358
That's no way
to treat a lady.
288
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,494
You got to be nice.
289
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,595
Okay?
290
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,198
- Yeah.
- Sorry, Vinny.
291
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,534
Look, Lily, there's not enough
room on his jock
292
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,802
for the both of us.
293
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,437
You know, I'd tell you
to get a lap-band,
294
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,806
but you don't have a lap.
295
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,308
Fancy running
into you here, Lil.
296
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,810
Well, I'm not here to see you,
if that's what you're thinking.
297
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:06,313
I'm here to see if Vinny
needs any help with your move,
298
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,781
like maybe
we could move my bowels
299
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:11,818
in the opposite direction.
300
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,687
- Oh!
- Oh, whoa, whoa.
301
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:15,923
Are you okay?
302
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,457
Never better.
303
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:21,194
I see muscles don't run
in the family, huh, RJ?
304
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,964
Lily, you don't look like
you're in the right condition
305
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:26,099
to help us move today.
306
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,800
You understand,
right, sweetheart?
307
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,303
Oh, I'm very understanding...
308
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:32,639
And flexible.
309
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,942
See you later, sexy.
310
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,543
♪ Come on, make it happen
311
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:40,413
♪ I'm gonna shine so bright
312
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:44,151
♪ Put your hands up
high in the sky ♪
313
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,954
♪ And wave 'em round,
round, and round ♪
314
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:51,024
- This my favorite shade.
- It's called "Hoboken Rust."
315
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,859
♪ I'm gonna shine so bright
316
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,831
♪ I'm feeling like a guido
317
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,969
♪ And I go hard
318
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:06,873
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
319
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:10,043
Three men dressed like that
always add up to one lucky lady.
320
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:13,446
Oh, your first real date.
321
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,815
I remember my first
with your father.
322
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:18,418
Oh, he was such a gentleman.
323
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,321
He made reservations
at a fancy place.
324
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,090
He held the door open for me.
325
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,491
He ordered for me.
326
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,096
He even filled my water glass.
327
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,331
He was so classy
in the early years.
328
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:35,035
All we did on that first night
was hold hands.
329
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,471
Young love
is always so sweet...
330
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:40,840
No lies...
331
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,209
No kids...
332
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:45,478
No STDs.
333
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,854
You look, uh...
334
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,356
incredibly pretty tonight.
335
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,457
Thank you.
336
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,026
You look, uh...
337
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,594
I'm sorry, RJ, but why
are you dressed like that?
338
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,163
Oh, oh!
339
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,565
Jenny, I'm so stupid.
340
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:08,468
I let Miles and my cousin
talk me into this,
341
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:11,571
and I guess
I'm just really nervous.
342
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:12,739
That's why I like you, RJ.
343
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,174
You're never afraid
to tell the truth,
344
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,243
even if it makes you look
a little ridiculous.
345
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,445
I look a lot ridiculous.
346
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,580
Yeah, but it's kind of cute.
347
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:24,051
You make me feel like it's okay
to be honest, too,
348
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,352
you know, just be myself.
349
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,786
Can I confess something?
350
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,088
Just please don't tell me
351
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,889
you're allergic to Ed Hardy
or Axe body spray.
352
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,191
No.
353
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,426
This is my first real date.
354
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,062
You're Jenny Swanson.
355
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,529
How is that possible?
356
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,865
I mean, I've been
to dances and stuff before,
357
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,267
but...
358
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,902
No one's ever asked me out
to dinner or anything.
359
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,538
This is really sweet.
360
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,907
Look what we have here.
361
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,443
Disaster date is on.
362
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,113
Max, what are
you doing here?
363
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,947
This is
my favorite restaurant, baby.
364
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,584
When I'm here,
they treat me like family.
365
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,652
Enjoy my leftovers, Berger.
366
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,955
We'll be over here
if you need anything, "cabosh"?
367
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,826
Jones, party of three.
368
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,096
Watch and learn, baccala.
369
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,098
Hey, ladies...
370
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:12,765
I know it's none
of my business or anything,
371
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,001
but what is this...
sisters' night out?
372
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,475
You have absolute power.
373
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,311
I mean, you could've had
all three of them.
374
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,812
The grandmother
was the most fun.
375
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,647
- Yeah?
- You can tell by the hips.
376
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,983
Hey, I should be your wingman...
377
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,985
observing the master at work.
378
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:36,289
Listen, lunch box, you're
doing way too much talking
379
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,657
- and not...
- Hey!
380
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:39,126
What is this... sisters' night?
381
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,694
- Oh, uh-uh.
- What did you just say?
382
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,467
Hot bitch comin' through.
383
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:53,540
Oh. Hey.
384
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,041
Nice poof, girl.
385
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:58,445
Mm, you should see the one
in my pants.
386
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,716
Hey, douche bag, catch.
387
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,787
- That's it.
- RJ, don't.
388
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,789
- They're not worth it.
- Yeah, they're not.
389
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,024
But you are.
390
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,026
RJ...
391
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,967
- Max, Patterson.
- Nice seeing you both here.
392
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,069
Berger, what is with this look?
393
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,207
We don't got a problem, bro.
394
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,708
We're cool.
395
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:29,776
No.
396
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,579
I'm cool, bro.
397
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:36,549
You're 105 pounds
of orange loser meat.
398
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,651
And we like
our meat pounded.
399
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,353
- Yeah.
- Max...
400
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,888
That's a really Nice shirt
you're wearing.
401
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,424
It really brings out the blue
in your eyes.
402
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,559
What are you doing?
403
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:49,229
Bros don't let it
come to blows.
404
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,667
Nobody bro-hugs Max Owens.
405
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,703
Except us...
for sports.
406
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,910
Not in my restaurant!
407
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,845
Oh, cugin,
you all right?
408
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,113
We heard a commotion.
409
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,451
RJ, did you lay this guy out?
410
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,287
Oh! The endless salad
broke his fall.
411
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:16,323
Man, I love-a this place.
412
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:19,292
Actually, your bro helped me out.
413
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,393
Oh, paesan.
414
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,128
Thanks, brother.
415
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:25,097
If anybody's gonna be whupping
ass in here, it's gonna be me.
416
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,900
Any of the rest of you feel
like tossing a little salad?
417
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:31,338
Hey, lovebirds...
418
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,840
It's a little too violent
in here for a first date.
419
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:37,410
What do you say I take you
somewhere more private?
420
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:38,411
- Yes.
- Yeah.
421
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:40,079
Come on, let's go.
422
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,753
Thank you.
423
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:52,292
I'm sorry you didn't get
your endless breadsticks.
424
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,261
That's okay.
425
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,563
I got something much better.
426
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,306
I hope you Scotchgarded
your seats.
427
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:09,476
Nah, he's keeping it on
the first-base lips tonight.
428
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:10,810
He's angling long-term.
429
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,782
Going my way?
430
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:19,686
Whoa, maintain legal inches, sweetheart.
431
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,354
But look me up
in a few years...
432
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:22,989
LWoww.
433
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,460
My name is RJ Berger,
434
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:30,129
and I just had
an imperfect date
435
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,198
with the perfect girl.
436
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:39,706
Next on "The Hard Times
of RJ Berger..."
437
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,208
Sophomore lock-in night... it's
like a school-sponsored orgy.
438
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,043
Maybe tonight is the night.
439
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,412
You shall surely bone.
440
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,746
"Scorgy"!
441
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,248
This is gonna be the greatest
night of our lives!
442
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,717
You are so hot.
31042
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