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Previously on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger...
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00:00:09,336 --> 00:00:10,249
I need you to promise
this is really gonna happen.
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00:00:10,338 --> 00:00:12,296
I promise, Lily.
4
00:00:12,384 --> 00:00:14,430
Jenny's been my dream girl
since, like...
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00:00:14,518 --> 00:00:16,781
- ...third grade.
- I have to go with her.
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00:00:16,869 --> 00:00:19,393
- This isn't right.
- Go be with her.
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00:00:26,274 --> 00:00:28,451
For the Lord is
my shepherd,
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00:00:28,540 --> 00:00:30,803
and I His faithful sheep,
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00:00:30,891 --> 00:00:33,415
following His mighty rod
and staff,
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00:00:33,503 --> 00:00:37,986
bending to His will,
eating His flesh...
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00:00:38,075 --> 00:00:41,992
And as Vigo the Carpathian said
in Ghostbusters II,
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00:00:42,081 --> 00:00:43,430
death is but a doorway.
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00:00:43,518 --> 00:00:45,738
Time is but a window.
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00:00:45,826 --> 00:00:47,654
I'll be back.
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00:00:47,742 --> 00:00:50,701
Friends, loved ones,
16
00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,835
let us all share
a moment of silence
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00:00:52,923 --> 00:00:55,578
for a young soul
taken too soon.
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00:01:03,242 --> 00:01:05,114
Everybody knows
someone who's died.
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00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,076
- That should have been me.
- Pull yourself together, man.
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00:01:10,164 --> 00:01:11,992
Damn.
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00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:16,345
Some go tragically,
some heroically.
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00:01:16,435 --> 00:01:19,046
And some when their scooters
crash through
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00:01:19,134 --> 00:01:20,744
a plate glass window
at a doughnut shop.
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00:01:22,312 --> 00:01:25,446
Why, Lord?!
25
00:01:25,534 --> 00:01:28,275
Why you had to take my baby?!
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00:01:30,322 --> 00:01:32,585
- Did you know
- Kevin was Black?
27
00:01:32,673 --> 00:01:35,415
- He was adopted, asshole.
- Sorry.
28
00:01:35,503 --> 00:01:38,027
Now let's send
our beloved Kevin
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00:01:38,115 --> 00:01:40,291
to his rest
by spreading his ashes
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00:01:40,378 --> 00:01:42,076
over this beautiful hillside,
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00:01:42,164 --> 00:01:46,908
where he once ran
and leapt as a child...
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00:01:46,996 --> 00:01:49,564
before his legs could
no longer support the weight
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00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:52,611
of his giant... heart.
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00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:58,966
Sometimes the difference
between life and death
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00:01:59,054 --> 00:02:03,145
comes down to one moment,
one choice.
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00:02:03,233 --> 00:02:06,976
Off you go, son,
to run and leap with Jesus.
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00:02:09,850 --> 00:02:11,895
- Oh!
- Aah!
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00:02:11,982 --> 00:02:13,506
My baby!
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00:02:13,594 --> 00:02:15,726
- Oh!
- No, no, no, no.
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00:02:15,813 --> 00:02:17,380
Ma'am, ma'am...
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00:02:19,862 --> 00:02:20,689
Oh!
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00:02:22,691 --> 00:02:24,040
Ma'am, ma'am, no!
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00:02:24,127 --> 00:02:25,955
Ma'am, that's not Kevin,
that's me!
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00:02:26,042 --> 00:02:27,478
Ouch!
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00:02:27,566 --> 00:02:28,480
That's attached to him,
okay?
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00:02:39,013 --> 00:02:41,320
Oh, sorry I'm late, bitches.
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00:02:41,407 --> 00:02:43,409
It's kind of hard to walk
when your pelvis is where
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00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:46,281
your nipples used to be.
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00:02:46,368 --> 00:02:48,153
Hi, baby!
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00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,285
My name is RJ Berger,
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00:02:50,372 --> 00:02:52,505
and it's time
I made a choice of my own.
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00:03:06,912 --> 00:03:10,089
Dude, you see that?
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00:03:10,176 --> 00:03:12,134
This is gonna be
the best semester ever.
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00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:14,266
You know, I'm feeling
a whole new level of respect
55
00:03:14,353 --> 00:03:16,137
since ball-beating Max.
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00:03:16,224 --> 00:03:17,225
You honestly don't think
there will be
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00:03:17,312 --> 00:03:18,531
any repercussions to that?
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00:03:18,618 --> 00:03:20,098
Whatevs.
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00:03:20,185 --> 00:03:22,448
This could finally be my ticket
out of virgin prison.
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00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:26,452
Which I always thought we were
gonna break out of together.
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00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,367
But with girls
with us, right?
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00:03:28,453 --> 00:03:30,803
Call me sentimental,
but I always imagined us
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00:03:30,890 --> 00:03:33,850
in a motel high-fiving over
some freshman skank.
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00:03:33,937 --> 00:03:36,766
But no, you had to go bone
Sleeping Doodie
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00:03:36,853 --> 00:03:39,029
- till she flatlined.
- Dude, shut up!
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00:03:39,115 --> 00:03:42,205
No one can know about that.
Especially Jenny.
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00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:43,554
What difference
does it make?
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00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,382
You had your shot
and you blew it.
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00:03:45,468 --> 00:03:47,862
Remember, you had your tongue
down the prom queen's throat?
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00:03:47,949 --> 00:03:50,995
And the next minute you're
dry-humping Lily's bed sores.
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00:03:51,082 --> 00:03:52,606
For the rest of my life,
I'll never understand that.
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00:03:52,692 --> 00:03:53,997
It was the right thing to do.
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00:03:54,084 --> 00:03:57,000
No, it was
the RJ thing to do.
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00:03:57,087 --> 00:03:58,741
Trust me.
You stick it out with Lily
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00:03:58,827 --> 00:04:01,264
'cause of guilt,
you're gonna pity-bang yourself
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00:04:01,351 --> 00:04:03,789
into a pity marriage, bro.
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00:04:03,875 --> 00:04:06,268
Hey there, sexy boyfriend.
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00:04:08,269 --> 00:04:10,054
Hey, Lily.
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00:04:10,141 --> 00:04:11,795
- Good news.
- The doctor says I'll be able
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00:04:11,881 --> 00:04:13,926
to eat solids again
in a day or two.
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00:04:14,013 --> 00:04:16,407
But until then I guess
I'll just have to get by
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00:04:16,493 --> 00:04:18,669
on a liquid diet.
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00:04:18,756 --> 00:04:21,193
After all,
it wasn't my mouth
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00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:24,021
that got broken
in nine places.
85
00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:26,457
Peace in the Middle East.
86
00:04:26,544 --> 00:04:29,547
Got to go get the pus
in my knees drained.
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00:04:29,634 --> 00:04:32,506
Bye.
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00:04:32,592 --> 00:04:35,116
Dude, tell me you're not
seriously gonna continue this.
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00:04:35,202 --> 00:04:37,291
I can't break
the girl's heart twice, dude.
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00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:38,422
What am I gonna do?
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00:04:40,336 --> 00:04:43,600
RJ, use that enormous package
of yours for once.
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00:04:43,686 --> 00:04:46,384
Nut up
and swing for the fences.
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00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:48,864
Can you imagine
your life with Lily?
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00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,565
Honey, I'm home.
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00:04:58,653 --> 00:05:00,393
Hey there, sweet ass.
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00:05:01,915 --> 00:05:03,873
Hand me my butt doughnut,
will ya?
97
00:05:03,959 --> 00:05:05,918
My hemorrhoids are flaming
like Taylor Lautner
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00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:07,397
on Fire Island.
99
00:05:07,483 --> 00:05:09,964
Damn it, I think one of 'em
is weeping again.
100
00:05:10,050 --> 00:05:11,965
Kids, get in here!
101
00:05:12,051 --> 00:05:14,010
Daddy's home
before his second job.
102
00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:15,924
Hi... ugh!
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00:05:16,010 --> 00:05:17,359
You're it, dumb-dumb.
104
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,621
When did we get a dog?
105
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:22,318
That's not a dog.
106
00:05:22,404 --> 00:05:24,711
I had a toilet baby
this morning.
107
00:05:24,797 --> 00:05:27,539
You're welcome.
108
00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:30,584
Now imagine life with Jenny.
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00:05:36,063 --> 00:05:38,544
- Honey, I'm home.
- Hi, sweetheart.
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00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,849
I've got your martini.
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00:05:43,198 --> 00:05:44,547
You are the best.
112
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:47,462
- No, you are.
- Mwah.
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00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:50,202
Would you like a BJ now
or after you see the kids?
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00:05:50,288 --> 00:05:53,204
- Can't I have both?
- All right, darling,
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00:05:53,289 --> 00:05:55,421
but you're gonna get it
for making me wait.
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00:05:55,507 --> 00:05:57,031
Children, your father's home.
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00:05:57,117 --> 00:05:58,814
- Yay!
- Darling,
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00:05:58,899 --> 00:06:01,423
my old sorority friends
decided to pay a surprise visit.
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00:06:01,509 --> 00:06:03,642
Is it all right
if they stay in our bed?
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00:06:03,728 --> 00:06:04,686
We love to snuggle.
121
00:06:04,772 --> 00:06:06,774
Well, okay.
122
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,252
I guess that's all right.
123
00:06:08,338 --> 00:06:10,689
- Yay!
- They can help with the BJ.
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00:06:10,774 --> 00:06:12,776
Oh, wait.
The new baby's coming.
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00:06:17,559 --> 00:06:19,517
Fantastic!
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00:06:19,602 --> 00:06:22,301
See, dude, you just got
to ask yourself what you want.
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00:06:22,386 --> 00:06:25,171
It doesn't matter
what I want, Miles.
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00:06:25,256 --> 00:06:28,869
Look, I got my one kiss
with Jenny, my dream girl,
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00:06:28,954 --> 00:06:32,740
and it was amazing,
but Lily...
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00:06:32,824 --> 00:06:36,523
she's my...
reality girl.
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00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:39,479
And that's just
the way it is.
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00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,785
Suit yourself.
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00:06:51,089 --> 00:06:53,701
- Are you avoiding me,
- RJ Berger?
134
00:06:53,786 --> 00:06:56,484
- No. No.
- Hey.
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00:06:56,569 --> 00:06:57,788
Happy first day back.
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00:06:57,874 --> 00:06:59,658
I haven't talked to you
since the dance.
137
00:06:59,744 --> 00:07:01,615
That was quite a night.
138
00:07:01,701 --> 00:07:03,050
Certainly was.
139
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,442
So, about what happened...
140
00:07:08,527 --> 00:07:11,226
I-I don't want you
to feel weird about it.
141
00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:13,269
We could just
go back to before.
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00:07:13,354 --> 00:07:16,836
- Just, you know, the usual.
- How's Lily?
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00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,313
- She's good.
- She's good.
144
00:07:18,399 --> 00:07:20,009
Uh, she can go to the bathroom
by herself now,
145
00:07:20,094 --> 00:07:21,530
so it's good.
146
00:07:21,616 --> 00:07:23,444
You're so good to be there
for a friend like that.
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00:07:23,529 --> 00:07:25,531
Yeah, well, you know...
but just friends.
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00:07:27,356 --> 00:07:29,141
Attention, Pinkerton High.
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00:07:29,226 --> 00:07:31,228
Grab your wallets, 'cause we're
having a fundraiser
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00:07:31,313 --> 00:07:33,663
to replace the bus that
got broke before winter break.
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00:07:33,748 --> 00:07:35,924
Friday night in the gym.
Bus drive.
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00:07:36,009 --> 00:07:38,272
- Wait.
- Lily has a billion dollars
153
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:39,881
in medical bills
and can barely walk,
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00:07:39,966 --> 00:07:43,360
and they're gonna raise money
for the bus?
155
00:07:43,444 --> 00:07:44,881
What?
156
00:07:44,967 --> 00:07:47,534
- Nothing, I just...
- I was getting a little worried.
157
00:07:47,618 --> 00:07:50,839
I didn't recognize you
until you got that whole
158
00:07:50,923 --> 00:07:53,012
"RJ's gonna do something
about this" look.
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00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,491
It's one of
my personal favorites.
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00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,576
Good vacation, Max?
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00:08:02,662 --> 00:08:05,273
- It was awesome, dork.
- I had a Max-tastic time.
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00:08:05,357 --> 00:08:07,185
Now I'm back,
and I'm cooler than ever.
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00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:10,099
Listen up, tube steak,
'cause there's a new rule.
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00:08:10,183 --> 00:08:12,446
All freaks stay away
from Jenny Swanson.
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00:08:12,531 --> 00:08:13,837
You the most.
166
00:08:13,922 --> 00:08:16,055
- But you're dating
- Robin Pretnar.
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00:08:16,140 --> 00:08:18,098
So how could you
want Jenny back?
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00:08:18,183 --> 00:08:20,316
- I don't want her back.
- But that doesn't mean
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00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,621
I'm gonna let her slum it
with sub-Max losers.
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00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:28,317
Once you go Max,
you never go backs.
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00:08:28,399 --> 00:08:29,879
That doesn't make any sense.
172
00:08:29,965 --> 00:08:32,445
- And you tell your
- Pillsbury life-mate butt buddy
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00:08:32,529 --> 00:08:34,706
that I haven't forgotten
about the dance.
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00:08:34,790 --> 00:08:36,487
He's gonna get
what's coming to him...
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00:08:36,572 --> 00:08:39,357
a grade-A ass kicking.
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00:08:39,441 --> 00:08:41,095
But with my fists.
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00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:50,401
- I just don't know what to do.
- Lily's great as a friend,
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00:08:50,483 --> 00:08:53,747
but she wants more,
and I want something else.
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00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:57,051
I guess I'm just having trouble
shaking the guilt.
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00:08:57,134 --> 00:08:58,701
Oh, shake a little harder, bud.
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00:08:58,786 --> 00:09:01,092
You got to make you happy.
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00:09:01,176 --> 00:09:02,743
While you still can.
183
00:09:02,828 --> 00:09:04,743
I think what Daddy's
trying to say, RJ,
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00:09:04,828 --> 00:09:07,004
is just you got
to follow your heart,
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00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,046
be true to yourself,
you know?
186
00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:11,265
And the truth may hurt
like a bitch slap,
187
00:09:11,348 --> 00:09:14,743
but it's better
than living a lie.
188
00:09:14,825 --> 00:09:16,784
Wow, that was actually
really good advice.
189
00:09:16,869 --> 00:09:19,436
Yeah, well, I've been watching
a crap-load of Dr. Phillately.
190
00:09:21,041 --> 00:09:22,216
Get the
out of the way!
191
00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:26,303
- You guys okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.
192
00:09:26,387 --> 00:09:29,303
Nothing a little, uh,
smooth jazz won't fix.
193
00:09:38,471 --> 00:09:40,255
"Lily Aid."
194
00:09:40,339 --> 00:09:42,080
I'm gonna crash
their stupid bus fundraiser
195
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,515
and raise my own fund
for Lily's medical bills.
196
00:09:44,599 --> 00:09:46,601
You're trying
to get in her clam.
197
00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:47,991
No, I've already
been there, so...
198
00:09:48,077 --> 00:09:50,123
Oh, no, God, no,
not Lily's clam.
199
00:09:50,207 --> 00:09:51,774
Ugh!
200
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,730
Jenny's clam!
Dude, I get it!
201
00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:56,208
Making Lily Aid's
the best of both worlds.
202
00:09:56,292 --> 00:09:58,598
You keep Lily happy
while Jenny creams in her Uggs
203
00:09:58,683 --> 00:09:59,901
for Mr. Sensitive.
204
00:09:59,987 --> 00:10:01,772
No, that... that's
not it at all, actually.
205
00:10:01,857 --> 00:10:04,033
- Well, it should be.
- It's genius.
206
00:10:04,117 --> 00:10:05,553
You got to cash in
those nice-guy points
207
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:07,727
- while you still can.
- While I still can?
208
00:10:07,811 --> 00:10:10,901
Dude, Jenny'll never buy
this nice act from you again
209
00:10:10,984 --> 00:10:13,508
if she finds out
about you and Lily's...
210
00:10:13,592 --> 00:10:15,333
comalingus.
211
00:10:15,418 --> 00:10:16,550
Ugh.
212
00:10:25,503 --> 00:10:27,636
Raising money for the bus
but not the girl that it hit.
213
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,984
- Face it, RJ,
- Lily kinda sucks.
214
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:33,548
This is so romantic.
215
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,068
Hey, it's Lily.
216
00:10:35,154 --> 00:10:37,069
Hi.
217
00:10:37,153 --> 00:10:39,460
- All right, fatty.
- It's high noon.
218
00:10:39,544 --> 00:10:41,764
- Wait.
- It's only 10:30.
219
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,851
Don't get all mathy on me.
220
00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,806
It's time for you to get
your ass turned inside out
221
00:10:45,891 --> 00:10:47,763
by my fist!
222
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,371
- What?
- Ooh!
223
00:10:49,456 --> 00:10:51,763
- Oh!
- Ah!
224
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:53,675
Hey, God damn it!
225
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,283
Coach, thank God.
226
00:10:55,368 --> 00:10:57,152
- The hell you doing, boy?
- What?
227
00:10:57,237 --> 00:10:58,717
- You my stallion.
- I can't have my stallion
228
00:10:58,802 --> 00:11:00,499
missing practice in detention
for beating the diarrhea
229
00:11:00,584 --> 00:11:02,108
out of some nobody.
230
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,065
He punched me in the balls
at the dance, Coach.
231
00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:06,412
- He deserves it.
- Son, we all done got our nuts
232
00:11:06,497 --> 00:11:08,151
busted at a dance.
233
00:11:08,236 --> 00:11:09,760
- You want some fatty payback?
- Yeah.
234
00:11:09,845 --> 00:11:11,585
- Good.
- Don't do it here.
235
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,802
Do it in the ring.
236
00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:15,195
- For charity.
- Huh?
237
00:11:15,279 --> 00:11:16,976
- It's sumo wrestling.
- You get in the ring
238
00:11:17,061 --> 00:11:19,368
in a giant fat suit,
and you fight.
239
00:11:19,453 --> 00:11:21,368
It's violence, but it's funny,
240
00:11:21,452 --> 00:11:23,323
so everybody think
it's okay.
241
00:11:23,408 --> 00:11:24,583
Sign up.
242
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:40,845
Ooh!
243
00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:43,149
Testy testy.
244
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:45,453
Looks like someone misses
her little Maxi Pad.
245
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,018
Just leave me alone, Max.
246
00:11:47,103 --> 00:11:50,236
- Ooh, jealous?
- No, I'm not jealous.
247
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,366
I just don't want anything
to do with you.
248
00:11:52,451 --> 00:11:53,408
Ooh!
249
00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:58,279
I think you're realizing
what a huge mistake you made,
250
00:11:58,364 --> 00:12:01,062
but I'm not,
'cause Robin's a huge upgrade.
251
00:12:01,146 --> 00:12:02,887
And guess what.
252
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,844
She didn't make me wait
for everything to be perfect
253
00:12:04,929 --> 00:12:07,235
like someone I know.
254
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,975
She spread faster
than melted butter.
255
00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:12,453
You think you're cool
just 'cause you can get laid?
256
00:12:12,537 --> 00:12:15,148
Guess what, I can get laid
by anybody I want.
257
00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:20,148
- Do whatever you want, babe.
- It ain't gonna bother me.
258
00:12:23,842 --> 00:12:25,408
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
259
00:12:58,105 --> 00:13:00,977
Then she just kissed me,
I mean, it was incredible.
260
00:13:01,062 --> 00:13:03,412
- It was in front of everyone.
- This is huge.
261
00:13:03,496 --> 00:13:04,933
When I get popular,
I'm gonna rule
262
00:13:05,019 --> 00:13:06,542
with an iron fist.
263
00:13:06,628 --> 00:13:10,110
- But what about Lily?
- What about Lil...?
264
00:13:10,193 --> 00:13:13,196
You're gonna head right up
to that walking erector set
265
00:13:13,281 --> 00:13:15,065
and you're gonna say,
"We're through.
266
00:13:15,150 --> 00:13:18,240
I'm on to pinker pastures."
267
00:13:18,324 --> 00:13:19,717
I'd be stupid not to, right?
268
00:13:19,803 --> 00:13:20,761
Uh, yeah.
269
00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:25,327
- One week only.
- No beatings from Max.
270
00:13:25,412 --> 00:13:27,240
Just $20.
271
00:13:27,326 --> 00:13:29,415
Get your popcorn, lemonade.
272
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:30,676
- Helping Lily.
- What the hell is this?
273
00:13:34,675 --> 00:13:36,372
We're raising money for Lily.
274
00:13:36,458 --> 00:13:38,025
Got a better chance
of raising money
275
00:13:38,111 --> 00:13:39,852
for Haitian orphans
at a klan rally.
276
00:13:39,937 --> 00:13:41,025
Besides, ain't that girl dead,
anyway?
277
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:43,896
I'm Lily.
278
00:13:43,981 --> 00:13:45,548
Oh! Yeah.
279
00:13:45,633 --> 00:13:47,417
Damn.
280
00:13:47,503 --> 00:13:49,375
Bus really did a number
on your face, huh?
281
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:51,767
My face is the same.
282
00:13:53,461 --> 00:13:55,028
All right, Pinkerton High,
it's fight time.
283
00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:56,942
Saved by the bell.
284
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:04,511
RJ Berger is my boyfriend,
and Miles gets his ass kicked.
285
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:07,727
- There is a god.
- Lily, I really need to talk...
286
00:14:07,812 --> 00:14:10,510
- Not now, lover.
- Just remember later
287
00:14:10,595 --> 00:14:12,467
I have my own "Lily-Ade,"
288
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:15,903
but it pours out realslow.
289
00:14:27,077 --> 00:14:30,864
Pinkerton High,
it's time for the main event.
290
00:14:30,948 --> 00:14:35,126
In the red corner,
my main man and yours,
291
00:14:35,210 --> 00:14:37,429
Max Owens!
292
00:14:37,514 --> 00:14:38,733
Tighten it up, baby.
293
00:14:41,038 --> 00:14:42,561
Don't embarrass me
out there.
294
00:14:42,647 --> 00:14:44,170
I don't embarrass people.
295
00:14:44,256 --> 00:14:47,520
I annihilate 'em.
296
00:14:47,604 --> 00:14:51,696
- And in the blue corner,
- Max's victim...
297
00:14:51,780 --> 00:14:54,652
Miles...
298
00:14:54,737 --> 00:14:56,217
- Jenner.
- ...Jenner!
299
00:14:56,303 --> 00:14:58,653
- Whoo!
- That's...
300
00:14:58,739 --> 00:14:59,914
- Thanks.
- Hey, Coach,
301
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,307
is he wearing a suit or not?
302
00:15:02,392 --> 00:15:04,220
I can't tell!
303
00:15:07,872 --> 00:15:10,788
It's funny 'cause I'm fat.
304
00:15:10,873 --> 00:15:13,049
Let the ass-whupping begin!
305
00:15:27,096 --> 00:15:27,706
Oh!
306
00:15:42,407 --> 00:15:43,669
Lily.
307
00:15:43,755 --> 00:15:45,017
I want to watch this.
308
00:15:45,103 --> 00:15:46,365
We need to talk.
309
00:15:46,451 --> 00:15:48,845
You want to punch me
in the balls?
310
00:15:58,065 --> 00:15:59,806
This is bull crap.
311
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:02,677
He's used to being fat!
312
00:16:02,763 --> 00:16:05,461
Next to Miles,
313
00:16:05,546 --> 00:16:08,288
you are my best...
and oldest friend.
314
00:16:10,331 --> 00:16:14,204
I'll always be so happy
we lost our virginity together.
315
00:16:14,289 --> 00:16:15,377
Bring it, Miles!
316
00:16:17,638 --> 00:16:18,988
Payback time!
317
00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:26,384
And I care about you
so much.
318
00:16:26,469 --> 00:16:30,430
And I know you're thinking that
I'm gonna be your boyfriend now,
319
00:16:30,515 --> 00:16:31,864
but...
320
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:38,780
Take that!
321
00:16:41,694 --> 00:16:43,348
Yeah, I got something for you.
322
00:16:53,439 --> 00:16:55,267
That night...
323
00:16:55,354 --> 00:16:58,531
I went to the dance...
324
00:16:58,616 --> 00:17:01,924
with Jenny.
325
00:17:04,706 --> 00:17:05,925
Oh, he's goin'
to the ropes!
326
00:17:06,012 --> 00:17:08,188
He's goin' on the ropes!
327
00:17:08,274 --> 00:17:11,843
- You heartless, shallow...
- I'm doing this, okay?
328
00:17:11,928 --> 00:17:13,886
I have to take my shot
with Jenny.
329
00:17:13,972 --> 00:17:15,931
- We kissed that night...
- You kissed her?
330
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,852
Aah!
331
00:17:39,553 --> 00:17:40,641
Boom!
332
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:44,383
Max Owens kill shot!
333
00:17:44,469 --> 00:17:48,473
Max! Max! Max! Max!
Max! Max! Max! Max! Max!
334
00:17:52,082 --> 00:17:54,693
- Oh.
- Oh, my gosh.
335
00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:56,259
RJ, are you okay?
336
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,184
- You're dead to me,
- RJ Berger!
337
00:18:15,141 --> 00:18:17,796
See if you like how it feels!
338
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:29,456
Well, looks like the start
of another semester.
339
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,897
I hope she's okay.
340
00:18:37,983 --> 00:18:39,593
She's okay?
341
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,725
She went King Kong in there
and practically brained you
342
00:18:41,812 --> 00:18:42,769
with one of her gimp sticks.
343
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:44,249
- And I deserved it.
- Look.
344
00:18:44,336 --> 00:18:46,947
You can't worry about Lily.
345
00:18:47,033 --> 00:18:48,818
She's more machine now
than man.
346
00:18:48,904 --> 00:18:50,557
The only thing
you need to worry about
347
00:18:50,644 --> 00:18:52,603
is getting up
in Jenny's guts.
348
00:18:52,689 --> 00:18:54,996
Oh! Ugh!
349
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:56,519
You okay?
350
00:18:56,605 --> 00:19:00,827
Hey, black eye
and black sack.
351
00:19:00,913 --> 00:19:02,392
There's more coming tomorrow.
352
00:19:06,091 --> 00:19:08,528
Face it.
353
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,138
Chance of scoring with Jenny
is about the only thing
354
00:19:10,224 --> 00:19:11,835
you got going for you right now.
355
00:19:15,185 --> 00:19:17,578
It's enough.
356
00:19:17,665 --> 00:19:19,102
Yeah.
357
00:19:41,815 --> 00:19:44,731
Mark my words, Wolverine.
358
00:19:44,818 --> 00:19:47,908
This semester
is all about Jenny Swanson.
359
00:19:51,041 --> 00:19:54,305
Maybe life won't be one big
crap sandwich after all.
360
00:19:55,609 --> 00:19:56,959
Come in.
361
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:00,963
Hi, bud.
362
00:20:01,050 --> 00:20:03,052
Uh, ahem, we need to talk.
363
00:20:03,138 --> 00:20:06,445
- I-I do too.
- I know I don't...
364
00:20:06,532 --> 00:20:09,013
give you guys credit
for being my most stable source
365
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,928
- of relationship advice...
- RJ...
366
00:20:11,014 --> 00:20:13,582
...but you guys
have been amazing.
367
00:20:13,669 --> 00:20:17,281
You were both really there
for me, and I just...
368
00:20:17,368 --> 00:20:18,717
want to say thank you.
369
00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:23,939
RJ, uh...
370
00:20:24,026 --> 00:20:26,333
Mommy and I are separating.
371
00:20:30,728 --> 00:20:33,122
- What?
- We're getting a divorce, RJ.
372
00:20:36,646 --> 00:20:39,998
My name is RJ Berger,
and, nope, I was right.
373
00:20:40,085 --> 00:20:41,347
Crap sandwich.
374
00:20:42,348 --> 00:20:44,828
Next on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger...
375
00:20:44,916 --> 00:20:46,439
Cousin Vinny's here
to help us move.
376
00:20:46,526 --> 00:20:48,223
- Ask her out.
- I'd love to take you out.
377
00:20:48,310 --> 00:20:49,921
All week you've been
bitching and moaning
378
00:20:50,008 --> 00:20:51,879
about this date.
This is our answer.
379
00:20:51,966 --> 00:20:53,837
- G.T.L.?
- Gym, tan, laundry.
380
00:20:53,925 --> 00:20:55,448
Disaster date is on.
27058
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