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My name is RJ Berger.
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00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:11,359
Two weeks ago,
I accidentally shot
3
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:13,187
a three-inch nail
through the finger
4
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:15,363
of the most feared jock
in school...
5
00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:19,193
Ohh... God!
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00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,759
Who just happens
to be dating
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00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:21,760
the girl of my dreams.
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00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:28,071
Now his finger's
finally healed...
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00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:34,034
and in seven, six,
five seconds,
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00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,253
I'm going to hear
the one sound
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00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:39,387
I've been dreading
all day.
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You think you could
disrespect me, huh? Huh?
13
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:48,483
Not in the penis!
14
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,963
You think you can just
nail my finger to the wall?
15
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:51,964
Stop it, Max.
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00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,968
Enough, I think
he gets the point.
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00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:05,587
Oh, dude, he let you off
way easier than I thought.
18
00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,415
Oh, good.
19
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:08,242
'Cause from here, it felt
like I got the
20
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:09,417
kicked out of me.
21
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,897
Okay, okay.
Come on.
22
00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:12,985
Come on, buddy.
23
00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:16,337
♪ Hey! ♪
24
00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:27,391
Now... now, just
ignore them, man.
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These things have
a short lifespan.
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00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:32,179
40,000 views
in 12 hours.
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00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:33,702
Gotta hand it to you, fatty,
you know your audience.
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What's got 40,000?
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00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:37,445
Dude, you put the fight
online?
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I'd hardly call it
a fight, RJ.
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00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,754
Dude, there's no such thing
as bad publicity.
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00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:44,365
Yes, Miles, there is.
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It's called 40,000 kids
watching you
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get your ass kicked
on the internet.
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Dude, I'm trying to get back
on Jenny's good side.
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00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,633
Being the laughingstock
of the internet
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00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,635
- doesn't really help.
- Honestly, you should
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00:01:53,722 --> 00:01:55,637
just forget about
that whole Jennything.
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00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:57,682
Thank you
for your support, Lily.
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I'm just saying,
even if she did forgive you
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00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,165
for nailing her boyfriend,
42
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:06,387
there's no way
she could handle that thing.
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00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,040
Most high school girls
couldn't.
44
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,868
- It's too early for this.
- Mm.
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00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:12,001
But I could, RJ.
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Look, look at me.
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I can handle it.
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You know how I know?
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Because I spent
the last two years
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00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,924
working my way up
from gherkins
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00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:23,795
to summer squash.
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I'm gonna heave.
53
00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:28,539
Now I know I was really
working my way toward destiny.
54
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,678
What's a summer squash?
55
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It's a gourd.
56
00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:41,465
I'll get it!
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Mom... mom, no!
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00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,557
Please don't, um...
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00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,777
Not tonight.
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00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:49,734
Excuse me?
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00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:57,351
Hi.
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00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:05,533
Well, aren't you gonna
invite the young lady in?
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00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,317
Yeah.
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00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:09,406
Jenny, come on in.
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00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:10,451
Thanks.
66
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:11,887
Um, this is...
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00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,062
Rick Berger.
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00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,804
Such a pleasure to meet you.
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00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,327
Hi.
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00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:19,851
Wow.
71
00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:22,158
Uh, I'm Suzanne, and...
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00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:23,464
And we're gonna go, uh,
73
00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:25,248
we're gonna go
to my room now.
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00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,995
Uh... it's over here.
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00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:36,303
I mean,
are you kidding me?
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00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:37,739
Oy vey.
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00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,219
You could bounce a quarter
off that thing
78
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,481
and get 50 cents back.
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00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,657
Rrreow.
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00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,399
Okay, I mean...
that was close.
81
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,139
- Okay.
- Let's go to number three.
82
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:51,187
Okay, so somatic cells have
one set of chromosomes,
83
00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,015
and gametes have two.
84
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:55,235
Or wait, is it
the other way around?
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00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,544
RJ, do I have it?
86
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:03,852
RJ, do I have it?
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00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:06,768
Absolutely.
88
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:14,645
Things just aren't
the same between us.
89
00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:19,084
I can't concentrate.
I can't get my facts straight.
90
00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:22,392
Last night I told her that
gametes have twochromosomes.
91
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,307
Mm... look,
92
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:25,917
I have no idea
what that means.
93
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:28,006
But what I do know is
if you don't get
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00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,139
that goddess an "A"
on Lipsky's midterm,
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00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:32,054
she's gonna dump you
for the one person
96
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:35,405
with the higher IQ and lower
self-esteem than you.
97
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,755
Kevin Stern, bro.
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00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,149
If you're not careful,
that pizza grease is gonna
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00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:41,672
find its way
into Jenny's uterus.
100
00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:43,239
What are you
looking at, ass?!
101
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,893
I'm looking at the biggest
mistake I ever made,
102
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,938
you rolling sack of acne!
103
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,070
You go to hell!
104
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,291
All I'm saying is,
105
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,118
if you ever want to see
that girl's "O" face,
106
00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:54,946
why leave it to chance?
107
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,731
- So you're saying...
- He's saying
108
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:58,123
why don't you just cheat?
109
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,693
No, absolutely not.
110
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,652
- Cheating, out of the question.
- Fine, RJ.
111
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,175
Then I hope
you're cool with just
112
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:08,308
handing over the girl
of your dreams to that.
113
00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:17,273
In theory,
if we were to cheat,
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00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,928
I don't know the first thing
about any of that.
115
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:21,495
Dude, it's simple.
116
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,627
We sneak into
Lipsky's classroom,
117
00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:25,020
we copy the test,
118
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:27,065
and we ride off
into the sunset.
119
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,241
Um, sorry to rain
on your jerk-fest,
120
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,242
but nobody's ever
stolen the answers
121
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,722
to a Lipsky test.
122
00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:34,072
She keeps 'em at home
until the day of.
123
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,509
You'd have to break
into her house.
124
00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:43,473
- No! Miles!
- Bro, come on!
125
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,823
I thought you wanted to
get back on Jenny's good side!
126
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:47,216
Hey, hey, hey...
127
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,652
I've got the perfect
big brother ex-marine
128
00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:49,697
to help us do it.
129
00:05:49,784 --> 00:05:51,873
Don't even say his name.
130
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,789
Oorah.
131
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,443
I'm telling you,
his training makes him
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00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:57,835
the perfect person
to pull this off.
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00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,837
Oh, and whatever you do,
134
00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:01,143
don't stare at his arm.
135
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,232
Good.
Ready?
136
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:08,498
This is it.
137
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,195
Our troops soldiered on
138
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:11,980
knowing that the freedom
of the entire world
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rested on their shoulders.
140
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:17,115
Shh!
141
00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:18,856
You two cherries
ever knock?
142
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,515
Oh, my God!
143
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:28,605
You're entering my home
without permission.
144
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,172
That puts me well
within my legal right
145
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:32,653
to blow your head off
right now.
146
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,525
Chet, this is dad's house.
147
00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:37,962
We both live here,
remember?
148
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,224
Hi, Chet.
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00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:41,313
What the hell
do you want, skid mark?
150
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,140
My time's valuable.
151
00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,665
Uh, uh...
152
00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:46,101
We were hoping
you could help us.
153
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:48,451
We were hoping you could
help us with a mission.
154
00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:52,934
Mission?
155
00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:55,327
Oh...
156
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,591
What kind of a mission?
157
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,680
We need to break into
a teacher's house.
158
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:03,901
Covert ops.
What's in it?
159
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:09,385
Oh, um...
160
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:10,995
We, uh, we need to...
161
00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:13,868
We need to break into
the house, and we need to...
162
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,870
- We need to find a test...
- Yeah, I got that.
163
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:18,350
Information, infiltration, extraction.
164
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,092
This ain't my first rodeo.
165
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:22,790
I meant
what's in it for me?
166
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:27,185
Uh, uh...
a carton of menthols?
167
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:30,362
Mm. Okay.
168
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:34,497
When we do this,
169
00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:36,456
it's my way or the die-way.
170
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,022
You copy that?
171
00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:44,202
- Copy.
- Copy.
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00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:46,291
Good.
173
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,950
'Cause the way I see it,
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00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:56,388
there's only one way
to handle this situation.
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00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,042
We gotta kill her.
176
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,746
Chet, nobody's killing
anybody, okay?
177
00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:06,660
Come on.
178
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:13,057
Aah! Ha-ha!
179
00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:15,277
Whoa!
180
00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,018
I'm just messing
with you, Susie.
181
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:18,019
Why don't you take
the broken glass
182
00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:19,020
out of your vadge, bro?
183
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:21,936
Oh... joking!
184
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:23,111
Oh, man!
185
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:26,810
Wow, uh... actually,
Miles and I
186
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:29,334
sort of came up
with a plan of our own.
187
00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:31,032
A basic blueprint, really.
188
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:33,164
You did, did you?
189
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:36,559
Wow, Mary Kate and Ashley
came up with their own plan.
190
00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:38,561
This I gotta hear.
191
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,302
Oh...
192
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:42,522
Okay, well, uh,
193
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,088
we were thinking
194
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:48,005
that we would need
to distract Lipsky, so...
195
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,011
- Ooh!
- Yeah.
196
00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,491
Ooh, jeez!
197
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:56,927
- Burns, don't it?
- Yes.
198
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:57,972
Just like you burned me
199
00:08:58,059 --> 00:08:59,669
by nailing my star player.
200
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,323
- Coach, I said I was sorry.
- Yeah, I know.
201
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,977
Now I want your tears
to tell me.
202
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:08,112
- Oh!
- God damn it!
203
00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:14,510
- Coach?
- What?!
204
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:15,642
Less talk and more pain!
205
00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:17,948
Would you do something
206
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:19,950
you knew was wrong
to get a girl to like you?
207
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,869
Berger, there ain't
no right or wrong
208
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,437
when it comes to getting up
in that lady business.
209
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:30,439
Look at Max up there.
210
00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:33,137
You think he cares about
what's right or wrong?
211
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,183
All that boy cares about
is draining his baskets
212
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:37,272
and draining his nuts.
213
00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:39,230
Now stop jawing
and give me a sit-up
214
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:41,842
before I tie that albino
anaconda of yours in a knot.
215
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,148
Today!
216
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:53,941
Don't let me down, Miles.
217
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,856
No problem, buddy!
218
00:09:58,032 --> 00:09:59,860
Oh...
219
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:02,297
Yeah, so, uh,
220
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:04,125
since when do you get
fist bumps from Patterson?
221
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:06,170
Since I told him and a few
other people in class
222
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,782
that we'd give 'em the answers
to Lipsky's multiple-choice.
223
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:11,045
Define "a few other people."
224
00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:13,482
Uh... the whole class.
225
00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:15,484
Miles, dude!
226
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:16,790
You are gonna
get us busted, man!
227
00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:18,443
Hey, hey, hey, relax.
228
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:19,967
If everybody gets an "A,"
229
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,011
Lipsky won't be able
to tell who cheated.
230
00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:23,797
You fat, stupid piece of...
231
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,494
I think that actually
makes sense.
232
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:28,366
- That makes sense.
- See? You get Jenny an "A,"
233
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,933
and we impress
some of the dumb jocks
234
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,108
who mistake us
as punching bags...
235
00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:33,720
everybody wins.
236
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,896
Oh, hey, hey, bye.
237
00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:38,681
- Hey, RJ.
- Hey.
238
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,030
So we still on for 7:00?
239
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,510
7:00, actually, do you...
240
00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:43,643
Do you mind starting,
like, an hour later?
241
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:46,123
I have something
to do at 7:00.
242
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,343
Are you sure?
I mean, the test is tomorrow,
243
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,388
and I really need
to make this grade for honors.
244
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,042
Oh, positive.
245
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:56,046
In fact, I'm bringing
a study guide with me.
246
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,832
Okay, well, if you're sure,
then I'm sure.
247
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,094
See you at 8:00.
248
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:02,618
See you at 8:00.
Bip, bup, bape.
249
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,231
See? Everybody wins.
250
00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:10,191
Yeah, everybody wins
except Lily Miran
251
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,801
and her vacant fun holes!
252
00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:24,074
Okay, once I engage,
you cherries will have
253
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:25,336
seven minutes
to complete the objective.
254
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,948
We rally back here
at exactly 1930 hours.
255
00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:29,036
You copy that?
256
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:32,474
- Excuse me.
- What is it, jizz stain?
257
00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:36,478
Um, what exactly is
1930 hours?
258
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:39,176
See, I gotta meet Jenny
at 8:00.
259
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:42,353
It's the way us
freedom keepers say 7:30,
260
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,138
you pinko prick bag.
261
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:47,010
Okay, well,
that works out nicely.
262
00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:48,272
Chet, just keep her busy
long enough
263
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,231
for us to get
the test, okay?
264
00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:51,928
All right.
265
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:54,365
Just so we're crystal
on this.
266
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:56,150
Are you guys sure you don't
want me to waste her?
267
00:11:58,674 --> 00:11:59,806
No, thanks, Chet.
268
00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:02,286
Roger that.
269
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:07,422
All right, let's get you boys
greased up.
270
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,475
- Miles.
- Wait for it...
271
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,827
- Miles...
- Wait for it.
272
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,437
You sure about this?
273
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:25,353
And... there it is.
274
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,964
The "RJ pusses out express,"
right on schedule!
275
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:31,098
Miles, we're about
to break into a teacher's house.
276
00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:32,795
That doesn't strike you
as a little crazy?
277
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:35,276
You know what strikes me
as a little crazy, RJ?
278
00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:37,408
Showing up to school tomorrow
and getting my ass beat
279
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,541
because I didn't deliver
the answers
280
00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:41,848
I promised the whole class!
281
00:12:41,935 --> 00:12:45,808
Look, don't think of it as
breaking into Lipsky's house.
282
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:48,028
Think of it as...
283
00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:50,117
breaking into
Jenny Swanson's panties?
284
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,906
- Help me open the window.
- Yep.
285
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,996
Shh.
286
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,521
Electric company.
287
00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:10,833
Jesus, that was fast.
288
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:15,272
I just hung up with you guys
two seconds ago.
289
00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:18,536
We, uh...
we aim to please.
290
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:23,411
Well, come on in, then.
291
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,152
Unh!
292
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,718
Dude!
293
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,112
I'm sorry.
Shh! Shh!
294
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:35,684
There's nothing wrong
with your box,
295
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:38,121
but it looks like it hasn't
been serviced in years.
296
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:40,167
You have no idea.
297
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:43,997
You take the desk,
I'll take the files.
298
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,085
Shh.
299
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,434
It smells like
formaldehyde
300
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,828
- and Sara Lee cheesecake.
- Hey, hey!
301
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:53,615
This thing should be
like a Scantron.
302
00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:55,573
Like, multiple-choice with the
number-two pencil-type thing.
303
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:56,661
I know what they look like.
304
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:04,452
My husband, Lewis.
305
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:06,758
I see he had the honor
of dying for his country.
306
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,239
Were you in the army?
307
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:11,502
Yes, ma'am.
308
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,374
I did two tours in Iraq.
309
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:16,856
Oh, is that where
you got that, uh...
310
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:20,903
I don't like
to talk about it.
311
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,085
Did you hear something?
312
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,566
We're dead. We're dead,
we're dead, we're dead.
313
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,481
It's probably a possum
or something.
314
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,787
I don't have possums.
I heard something.
315
00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:40,662
Oh, me!
316
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,323
Wait, wait!
Look...
317
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,025
I want to tell you
about my arm.
318
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,510
Okay.
319
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,077
Come here.
320
00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:05,992
Dude.
Dude, dude, dude.
321
00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:07,384
Where you going?
Where you going?
322
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:09,343
She almost busted us.
I'm getting out of here.
323
00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:10,910
No, no, no, no, no, no.
324
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:13,260
You're not going anywhere
till we get Jenny those answers.
325
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:25,576
Me and other
special forces guys
326
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,883
were out patrolling
a marketplace on foot.
327
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:32,496
Dude, that is not
how the scar story begins!
328
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,237
What do you mean?
329
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,152
First of all,
he wasn't exactly
330
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:38,807
"special forces" material.
331
00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:50,210
This war sucks balls, man.
All we do is drive around
332
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:51,994
this sandbox
honking at Mohammed.
333
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,953
I didn't sign up
to be a cab driver.
334
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,826
I'm here to lay the lead
and make 'em dead.
335
00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,828
Hey, man, I got two girls
to get home to,
336
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:03,310
so I'll take all
the boring patrols they give us.
337
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:05,486
- Mwah!
- You know what I think?
338
00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:07,444
- Don't even, Chet.
- Yeah! Y'all!
339
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,316
I think it's time to get hyphy!
340
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,361
No, Chet, it's not time
to get hyphy!
341
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:14,060
You are not ghost-riding
this friggin' Humvee again!
342
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:16,627
Here we go, yo!
Here we go, yo!
343
00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:18,107
Get back in here,
you moron!
344
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:19,848
You're gonna get yourself shot.
345
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,458
Hey, look at me, dawg!
346
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,634
You're supposed to be looking
out for IEDs, asshole!
347
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:26,942
I.E. Deez nuts, bitches!
Ha-ha!
348
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:29,336
Unh, unh, look at this.
Hey, check this out.
349
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:33,470
Damn it, Jenner!
Now!
350
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:34,558
Oh, sh...
351
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,613
It was the one time that
being an unstable asshole
352
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,311
actually worked out
in Chet's favor.
353
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:50,835
- Why, God?
- That one little burn
354
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,315
got him his ticket home
355
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:53,969
and disability benefits
for life.
356
00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:57,494
They said the pain
would go away,
357
00:16:57,581 --> 00:17:00,323
but they must have meant
the physical kind,
358
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:01,977
because God knows...
359
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:05,024
Oh, that lying
son of a bitch!
360
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,896
You mustn't blame yourself.
361
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:11,726
If you hadn't killed
those other suicide bombers,
362
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:15,382
think how many other women
and children might have died.
363
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:18,385
I guess.
364
00:17:18,472 --> 00:17:22,693
You know, I never shared that
with anybody before.
365
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:28,656
Chet?
366
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:31,267
Could I share something
with you?
367
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,668
Oh!
368
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:42,583
Ooh...
369
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,675
Oh, um...
370
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:49,198
All right, dude,
371
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,809
I gotta meet Jenny
in 20 minutes... let's go.
372
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,159
That's the scariest thing
I've ever seen.
373
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:57,163
Oh, Chet...
374
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:05,736
Oh, man!
375
00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,407
So I got an email that
some people are
376
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:27,193
passing around the answers
for tomorrow's test.
377
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,891
I heard about that.
Yeah.
378
00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:33,242
Uh, as a matter of fact, I...
379
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:35,723
Knock-knock.
Sorry to interrupt.
380
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,377
I just want to make sure
the study buddies
381
00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:39,030
don't need any study snacks
before I turn in.
382
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,816
- Mom...
- No thank you, Mrs. Berger.
383
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:44,688
Please, call me Suzanne.
384
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:46,168
I'm still Rick, Jenny.
385
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,395
- Anyway, uh...
- You...
386
00:18:57,832 --> 00:19:00,226
I don't know about you,
but I'd rather
387
00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:02,010
actually learn this stuff.
388
00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:04,795
I mean, maybe I get a "B"
instead of an "A."
389
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,754
At least it's an
honest "B," right?
390
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:09,539
Yeah.
391
00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:12,847
Sorry I cut you off earlier.
What were you gonna say?
392
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:16,155
No, uh...
393
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:19,027
I... no, I was gonna
say that, uh,
394
00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:22,770
we should start studying.
395
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:24,902
- Okay.
- Okay.
396
00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:28,384
So somatic cells have
one set of chromosomes,
397
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:30,430
and gametes have two,
right?
398
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:33,955
Uh, actually,
you've got it backwards.
399
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:37,741
Gametes fuse with...
400
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:45,793
There's always
the next test.
401
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,274
Oh, my god.
Berger...
402
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:51,146
Berger, RJ,
you got an A-minus.
403
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:54,105
And I...
404
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,411
Oh, my gosh, I got an "A."
405
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,457
You got an "A"?
You got an "A"!
406
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:06,074
You guys got "A"s,
but the rest of us got "F"s!
407
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:08,032
We stole the wrong test.
408
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,164
Hey, Miles.
409
00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:14,125
Hey, dawg.
What's up?
410
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,605
Let me talk to you
outside for a second.
411
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:24,135
Get him, Patterson.
No fear, bro!
412
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,659
You stole the wrong test,
you stupid asshole!
413
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:30,054
It's nice to be on this
side for a change, huh?
414
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:33,710
My name is RJ Berger.
415
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:38,193
And this is going online.
416
00:20:39,368 --> 00:20:41,979
Next on The Hard Times
of RJ Berger.
417
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:43,329
All people can do
is talk about
418
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:44,808
this stupid formal.
419
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,201
You got your 99 slaps yet?
420
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,550
All you gotta do is
ask enough girls.
421
00:20:47,637 --> 00:20:48,508
Bound to find one
that'll say yes.
422
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:51,206
I was thinking about
going with the one girl
423
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,425
who's been lusting after
424
00:20:52,512 --> 00:20:54,601
- my dong the whole time.
- Don't do it!
425
00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:56,820
Will you go with me
to the winter formal?
426
00:20:56,907 --> 00:20:58,561
You've made me the happiest
girl in the world.
29466
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