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1
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:18,975
RJ, don't forget
to take out the, uh...
2
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:24,763
- What you looking at?
- Nothing.
3
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:25,982
You're looking at pictures
of that Jenny Swanson girl
4
00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:27,984
again, aren't you?
5
00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,551
Maybe.
6
00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:32,032
Still dreaming
of her golden skadoosh?
7
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,250
Dreaming's all I'll ever do.
8
00:00:35,426 --> 00:00:36,775
Come here.
9
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:38,734
Cop a squat with Daddy.
10
00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:48,657
RJ, you're a Berger man.
11
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:50,093
And if there's one thing
Berger men know,
12
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,922
it's how to bag chicks.
13
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,793
You want to know
your problem?
14
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,275
You're aiming way up here
right out of the gate.
15
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:01,235
You know what your grandpa Sam
once said to me?
16
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,454
He said, "Son, you gotta
hump a few clunkers
17
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,587
before you can fondle
a Ferrari."
18
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,201
Uh, Dad, as far
as my balls are concerned,
19
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:12,855
the wheel hasn't
even been invented yet.
20
00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:15,640
I wouldn't know
the first thing what to do.
21
00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:17,381
Well, that's the great thing
about clunkers.
22
00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,122
You can knock 'em up
against a few walls,
23
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,297
leave cigarette burns
in the upholstery,
24
00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,908
and dump 'em in a ditch.
25
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:26,608
I'm glad we had this talk.
26
00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,305
Don't forget
to take out the trash.
27
00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:04,602
My name is RJ Berger,
28
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,300
and I think a clunker
just pulled
29
00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:07,997
into my neighbor's driveway.
30
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:23,143
- Oh, thatkind of Indian.
- Yeah.
31
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:28,670
- Yeah, she's gettable.
- Well, you know, Dad told me
32
00:02:28,757 --> 00:02:30,541
I needed to aim
a little lower.
33
00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:33,196
Said I needed
to hump a clunker
34
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:35,285
before I handle
a Ferrari.
35
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:38,027
Well, your father
has some nerve.
36
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:41,073
- What do you mean?
- Sweetie, Daddy was my clunker.
37
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,553
The first time
we rubbed nasties,
38
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:43,989
I was really thinking about
rubbing nasties
39
00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:45,556
with Jeremy Jessup.
40
00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,384
Please don't say
"rubbing nasties."
41
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:50,387
He was the star
of the football team.
42
00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:53,216
He was the star
of every team.
43
00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:55,436
He was built like a horse.
44
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:58,830
- All right.
- Like a Bavarian warmblood.
45
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:00,354
I need to get to class.
46
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,356
All that power
at his disposal,
47
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,792
- all that stamina!
- Mom!
48
00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:06,273
Sorry.
49
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,623
All I'm saying
is just be careful.
50
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,364
Sometimes you wind up
liking the clunker
51
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:14,194
and driving it
around for good.
52
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,760
For the rest of your life.
53
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,851
Oh, well, chop-chop.
54
00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:23,464
Have a good day.
55
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,731
- Oh!
- Oh, thatkind of Indian.
56
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,737
Yeah.
She's gettable.
57
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,782
You know who else
is gettable, RJ?
58
00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:40,611
Me, right now.
59
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,874
I even carved your initials
into my hair...
60
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:45,660
Kanye-style.
61
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,270
Where?
62
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:50,099
You're looking
a little far north.
63
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:52,275
- Ugh!
- Hey, maybe you could
64
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,146
put in a good word
with the new girl.
65
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,061
I mean, after all,
don't they worship cows
66
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:57,149
in India?
67
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,456
Hey, that reminds me.
68
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,893
Your mom is dead
and everybody hates you.
69
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,637
- Um, hi.
- Hi.
70
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,639
Uh, I'm RJ Berger.
71
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,554
Uh, I'm your
new next-door neighbor.
72
00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:13,035
Ah, yes, you're the boy
73
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,515
who's been staring at me
from the bushes
74
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,995
in his backyard.
75
00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:18,997
Oh, it's quite all right.
I'd stare at me, too.
76
00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:21,217
I stick out like a shite
in tartar sauce around here.
77
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,567
Although I'd prefer to be
eating that to whatever this is.
78
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:25,743
Yes, I bring my lunch
on Thursdays.
79
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,615
Duly noted.
80
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,965
I'm Claire, by the way.
I'm Claire Sengupta.
81
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,836
Nice to meet you, officially.
82
00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,925
Would you like to eat
with my friends and I?
83
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,753
I think I would, actually.
84
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,668
This school is just...
it's a bit intimidating.
85
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,148
- I know, I know.
- It's, uh...
86
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,803
kinda think of it
like a minefield, you know?
87
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,718
It's like in every corner
there's a different clique,
88
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,154
waiting to blow you
to pieces.
89
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:46,373
- Oh.
- There's, uh, the goths.
90
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:51,943
- The theater geeks.
- Defend yourself, scoundrel.
91
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:54,903
The nerds.
92
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,732
And, of course...
the jocks.
93
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:00,865
Who's the blonde?
94
00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,258
She's rather stunning,
isn't she?
95
00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:10,353
- Oh, uh, Jenny?
- Mm-hmm.
96
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,312
- She's okay.
- Uh, guys?
97
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,142
I would like to introduce you
to Claire.
98
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:19,188
Mm.
99
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:20,972
Hola.
100
00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:24,585
Mi nombre es Miles.
101
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:27,849
- Claire.
- Lovely to meet you.
102
00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:29,198
Hi. I'm Claire.
103
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,591
Uh-huh.
104
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:34,725
Bad move, noob.
105
00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:37,511
Looks like somebody sat you
in coach on accident,
106
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,730
but, um, we got room
at our table
107
00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,297
- if you want to upgrade...
- Upgrade!
108
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,691
- ...to first class.
- Oh, well, actually,
109
00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:45,606
I'm fine right here, thanks.
110
00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:46,998
"Actually,
I'm fine right here, thanks.
111
00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,086
I'm Crocodile Dundee!"
112
00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,353
Oh, see, you think
I'm from Australia,
113
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,615
but really,
I'm from London.
114
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:55,964
Well, originally,
from India, but...
115
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,835
Crikey!
116
00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:00,229
I got stabbed in the heart
by a stingray!
117
00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:04,059
Also Australia.
118
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:05,930
So you gonna ditch
the dorks or what?
119
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:08,629
Or what?
120
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,282
Well, I know
it's only my first day,
121
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,720
but, frankly, they seem
a lot cooler than you two.
122
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,596
- Whatever.
- Whatever.
123
00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:22,860
- Have fun,
- Dances with Losers.
124
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:24,253
Losers.
125
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,298
Close, but that's
the wrong Indian.
126
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,083
And thanks, I shall.
127
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:34,872
Dude, you got
across-the-street panini!
128
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,134
It's like somebody
just handed you
129
00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:38,006
your very own
vagina-dispensing ATM!
130
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,964
- Or my very own clunker.
- What?
131
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,662
My... My dad,
he told me that, you know,
132
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:45,579
before I drive a Ferrari,
he wants me to hump a clunker.
133
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,145
Your dad wants you
to bang a car?
134
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,843
No, no, no, no, no,
he wants me to like, uh...
135
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,149
- Ho! Oh!
- Okay.
136
00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:52,977
Are you ready
to jazz yourself?
137
00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:54,631
Look at that.
138
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,111
Where do you come up
with these things?
139
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,201
I just really wanted
to apologize
140
00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:01,464
for what happened
earlier at lunch.
141
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:02,900
You know how boys can be.
142
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,902
That's very sweet of you,
but I'm fine.
143
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:07,078
It didn't bother me
in the least.
144
00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:09,080
Well, let me say something
that they should have.
145
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,865
- Welcome.
- Thank you.
146
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,171
You know who you
should really bone down with?
147
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,782
RJ Berger.
148
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,045
Oh, what a smashing idea!
149
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,700
You take the shaft,
I'll take the balls.
150
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,266
Oh! I hope he doesn't mind
that we Indian girls
151
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:22,877
have sideways vagi...
152
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,748
Okay, chill, chill,
chill, chill.
153
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:27,055
They're gonna think
we're, like, perverts.
154
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,448
Want me to email you
the clip after school?
155
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,014
Yes, please.
156
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:40,024
All right, be cool.
157
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,243
Just a clunker.
158
00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:48,250
Chemistry, huh?
159
00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:51,122
Bet your favorite element
is Indium.
160
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:54,778
- Sorry?
- Sorry?
161
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:57,955
Oh, right.
162
00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,043
Can you keep a secret?
163
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,876
Is that an issue
of Excaliboar?
164
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:08,575
It's not just
any issue of Excaliboar.
165
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,664
It's the ultra-rare
"Return of Sir Loins-a-Lot,"
166
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,144
Written by Teeram Adonzi,
drawn by...
167
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:13,971
Kristoph Linn!
168
00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:18,628
I camped out
before the midnight release
169
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:20,935
- at Shaftesbury Comics.
- Camped out?
170
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,415
You're an Excaliboarfan?
171
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,939
I'm not just a fan.
172
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:27,028
RJ, I dressed up
as Princess Piggington
173
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,725
for the last six Halloweens.
174
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:31,206
- Shut up.
- You seem so surprised.
175
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,686
Um, only because
I'm the biggest
176
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,514
Excaliboargeek ever.
177
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,428
Oh, really?
178
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,692
Well, I had
the Excaliboaranthem
179
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:43,044
as my ringtone ever since
I got my first mobile phone.
180
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:44,611
♪ His father
was a knight ♪
181
00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:46,221
♪ His mother was a boar ♪
182
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:47,875
♪ Excaliboar ♪
183
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:53,445
Kinda my biggest hero.
184
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,493
Oh, wow.
185
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:00,017
RJ, that is fantastic.
186
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:01,802
Yeah?
187
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,673
- Thank you.
- You're really good.
188
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,546
I've never shown that
to anyone before,
189
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,504
especially a girl.
190
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:11,246
- Well, it's smashing.
- And, besides,
191
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,378
I'm not like most girls.
192
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:16,512
I'd rather have an Xbox
than a jewelry box.
193
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,829
Listen, Mary Poppins!
194
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:31,527
I don't care who you are,
or where you're from,
195
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,965
or how much you smell
like roses and chocolate,
196
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:38,926
but RJ Berger
is spoken for.
197
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,580
I'm sorry,
I didn't realize.
198
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,017
Well, now you do.
199
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:46,847
I planted my flag in that boy
in kindergarten,
200
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,850
and the only place
he is planting his flag
201
00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:52,461
is right here.
202
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,245
So, step!
203
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,949
Wait a minute.
204
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,647
Is that one
of those purity rings?
205
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,693
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it is.
206
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,738
Oh, it is.
207
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,704
What the hell, Lily?
208
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,227
- I'm in the middle of a test.
- Perfect.
209
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,969
Then maybe you can
210
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:26,234
guess who's little neighbor
is a huge prude?
211
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,722
Well, it's official.
212
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,811
I'm God's urinal cake.
213
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:41,684
A beautiful girl comes
halfway around the world,
214
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:45,079
moves in next door,
isn't repulsed by me,
215
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:48,430
and boom!
She joins the purity club.
216
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:51,520
I mean, sorry, RJ,
no snizzle for you!
217
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:55,176
Dude, are you kidding?
218
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,047
This is the best thing
that's ever happened to you.
219
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,223
How so?
220
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:04,272
Sweet, innocent RJ, must I be
your teacher in all things?
221
00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:06,491
Look, everyone knows
that purity girls
222
00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,580
are the hugest sluts
in school.
223
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,626
Well, not everyone, teacher,
since I have no freakin' idea
224
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,106
what you're talking about.
225
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,195
Lend me you ear, friend,
226
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:17,938
and let us get wood together.
227
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,941
You ever heard
of a rainbow party?
228
00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:22,899
No.
229
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:26,381
Well, the purity kids
invented them.
230
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:29,384
They're also called
"everything butt" parties,
231
00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:31,299
because it's
everything butt sex.
232
00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:35,259
You know, like "butt sex"?
233
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,392
- Like "butt" tith two Ts.
- I get it.
234
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,482
See, that's how
they stay technically pure,
235
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:44,138
by saving the baby hole
for the Lord.
236
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:46,575
So what goes down
at these parties?
237
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,403
Girls, RJ.
238
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,231
Girls do.
239
00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:51,623
Apparently, there's a punch bowl
240
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,190
filled with lipsticks,
241
00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:56,411
all the colors of the rainbow.
242
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,543
The goal is
for each girl
243
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:01,546
to leave her color
on as many guys as possible.
244
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,984
When they're done...
245
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:06,464
each girl's left her mark.
246
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:09,032
And by keeping
the front door nailed shut,
247
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:10,730
they've done it all
with God's approval.
248
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,644
You are
so full of it, Miles.
249
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,472
- I may be, RJ.
- I may be.
250
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,387
But it's on my list
of life goals
251
00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:18,738
to confirm these things
for myself.
252
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,088
It's right up there
with killing a zombie
253
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,046
and getting a tugger
in space.
254
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:35,363
Hey, Claire.
255
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,410
How you feeling... doing?
256
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:41,021
- Well.
- Thanks, RJ.
257
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,850
Cool, cool.
258
00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,590
That's uh...
that's a...
259
00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:47,070
That's a really nice ring.
260
00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:50,030
Has a... has a very,
like, a slimming effect.
261
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,509
Right, well...
262
00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:54,077
it seems I've joined
the Pinkerton Purity Club,
263
00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,775
and... I hope you don't think
that means
264
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,298
I'm uptight or something.
265
00:12:57,385 --> 00:12:59,300
- No, no, I don't...
- No, I don't think anything.
266
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:00,431
I just believe
that there are things
267
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:02,085
that you should cherish,
you know?
268
00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:03,870
There are other ways
to have fun.
269
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:07,438
- Many other ways.
- Many other ways.
270
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:09,614
Purity, it's...
it's really hard to explain,
271
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:13,401
but it's about opening yourself
up to new things and new ideas,
272
00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:16,447
at least that's
what it was in the UK.
273
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:20,451
Our meetings
would've blown you away, RJ.
274
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,671
- Totally.
- They were just...
275
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:26,240
they were just so amazing,
like so full of laughter
276
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:29,025
and closeness
and spunk...
277
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,332
So much spunk.
278
00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:33,203
I can only suppose
they'll be just cool as here.
279
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,683
Yeah.
280
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,032
I guess I'll see tomorrow
at the initiation.
281
00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:38,339
Wish you
could come with me.
282
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:40,907
I would love to come...
with you.
283
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:43,170
That way you could
really see us in action.
284
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:44,867
Yeah!
285
00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:48,088
Unfortunately, they're limited
to purity club members only.
286
00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:48,871
Mm.
287
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:58,576
So, RJ, why do you want
to join the purity club?
288
00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:07,759
I'm proud of you, dude.
289
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,761
Weaseling your way
into the purity club?
290
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,067
Pure genius.
291
00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:12,895
I'm surprised
you never tried it.
292
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,419
Oh, I did,
but those vadge-Nazis
293
00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:16,899
saw right through me.
294
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:19,119
I'd have to say my favorite
part of the bible
295
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,904
is the book of Job.
296
00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:23,906
It's "Jobe."
297
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,865
Thou shall
not use teeth.
298
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,085
So what'd you tell them
that got you in?
299
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,131
Honestly, I don't even remember.
300
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:32,480
I just talked about God,
marriage, and Kirk Cameron.
301
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,003
They ate it up.
302
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,831
Just like
they're gonna eat up
303
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,354
that beautiful
lipstick magnet.
304
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:39,095
Which reminds me,
did you trim down there?
305
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:40,618
- Obviously.
- Attaboy.
306
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:43,621
Can't risk a tangle.
Now, I wanted to wire you up
307
00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:45,754
with a web cam,
but I didn't have any time.
308
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:48,017
So I was wondering
if you wouldn't mind
309
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,367
taking a few snapshots
for your boy Miles.
310
00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:52,021
And I'm not asking you
to go in there
311
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,849
paparazzi-style or anything.
312
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,633
Just a few choice pictures
313
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,461
boobs, BJs, butts.
314
00:14:57,548 --> 00:15:01,378
- Dude, seriously, come on.
- How do I look?
315
00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:04,207
Like a guy who's
about to unhinge a few jaws.
316
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:06,035
Yeah, dude,
my dad was right.
317
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,646
Just, I gotta forget
about Jenny Swanson.
318
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:11,214
I gotta hump a clunker
and toss her in a ditch.
319
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:15,305
Not just one clunker, RJ.
320
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,655
You're about to hump
a whole showroom floor
321
00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:18,787
full of them.
322
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:25,446
I have to say, I was kinda
surprised when you joined, RJ.
323
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:28,057
I mean, this whole
purity thing's not for everyone.
324
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:32,235
Well, I mean, I've been pure
my whole life.
325
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,716
I guess I just never knew
it was something to celebrate.
326
00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:37,458
- Oh, trust me, it is.
- But I have to warn you,
327
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:39,286
these parties can just be
a little bit awkward at first,
328
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:42,767
with everyone sort of
feeling each other out.
329
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:45,205
But, hey, you were kind enough
to lead me around school
330
00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:47,511
my first day, so I'd really like
to return the favor.
331
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:52,125
You just stick
with me inside.
332
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,561
I'll take good care of you.
333
00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:01,482
Oh, great, you're here!
334
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:05,355
♪ I'm gonna lay down
my burden ♪
335
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:08,010
♪ Down by the riverside ♪
336
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,360
♪ Down by the riverside ♪
337
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:11,709
♪ Down by the riverside ♪
338
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:16,192
1 Thessalonians4, 7-8.
339
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:19,195
"For God did not
call us to be impure,
340
00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,241
"but to live a holy life.
341
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,808
"Therefore, he who rejects
this instruction
342
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:27,421
does not reject man,
but God."
343
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,728
Mmm!
Amen.
344
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:32,295
Amen.
345
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,515
- Damn it, Miles.
- Sorry?
346
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,822
I know it's boring, RJ,
but don't worry.
347
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:39,781
The fun part's coming.
348
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:43,393
Which brings us
to donation time.
349
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,091
Now, remember,
it's your contributions
350
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,744
that keep this club going
and pay
351
00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:50,618
for these super fun parties.
352
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,272
Thank you.
353
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,798
Super.
354
00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:58,930
Praise Jesus.
355
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,019
Thank you.
356
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,588
How generous.
Thank you.
357
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,432
It's time
to formally welcome...
358
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:25,957
♪ I'm gonna tell
everybody ♪
359
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,482
♪ His day will come ♪
360
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,398
♪ You're gonna feel
His love ♪
361
00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,095
♪ Gonna tell everyone ♪
362
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:34,227
♪ He'll set you free ♪
363
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,098
Our new members
to the club.
364
00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:39,275
♪ The kingdom of Jesus ♪
365
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:43,714
♪ Has come ♪
366
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:44,672
♪ Oh, Lord ♪
367
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:54,334
This isn't
how we did it in England.
368
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:55,683
My dear.
369
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:05,388
Noah's Ark,
that's a lot of wood!
370
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,132
It's one of God's miracles.
371
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:11,133
Mmm.
372
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,315
They're so amazing.
373
00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:23,754
Like, so full of laughter
and closeness and spunk.
374
00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:26,148
You just stick
with me inside.
375
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:28,411
I'll take good care of you.
376
00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:30,761
I know it's boring, RJ,
but don't worry.
377
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,589
The fun part's coming.
378
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:46,299
Do you mind
if I say grace first?
379
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:53,262
- Claire! Claire, wait!
- What do you want?
380
00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:55,177
- You... you... you said that...
- You said the fun was...
381
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,092
- You left!
- Of course I left, RJ!
382
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,746
You said the fun
was just starting!
383
00:18:58,833 --> 00:18:59,877
I meant confessions
and games
384
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,923
and listening to music!
385
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:04,491
I meant making new friends,
not reading bible verses
386
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,667
and getting my arse violated!
387
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,016
What the hell's the matter
with you people?
388
00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:09,844
Claire! Claire! Claire!
389
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,150
I'm not into that stuff.
390
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,239
Then why did you join?
391
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:22,900
Because you did it
to be near me.
392
00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:25,251
Because you thought
I was one of those
393
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,992
lipstick floozies.
394
00:19:31,648 --> 00:19:33,259
You're not mad?
395
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:36,262
I mean, I suppose
I should be a bit insulted,
396
00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:38,089
but it is rather sweet,
isn't it?
397
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,615
I mean, it's daft, yes,
but it's sweet also.
398
00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:44,270
A boy going though that much
trouble to be near a girl
399
00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:47,403
he's already neighbors with.
400
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:50,450
But not as sweet
as that same boy choosing
401
00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,191
to walk me home
instead of getting
402
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,715
his balls drained
by half a dozen slags.
403
00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:59,937
- Yeah.
- I mean, who needs that?
404
00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:01,939
♪ And we'll fall ♪
405
00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:04,681
♪ Into a hole called love ♪
406
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,338
♪ And we'll fall ♪
407
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,687
Well, then?
408
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,256
Well, then.
409
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:18,173
♪ And we'll fall into ♪
410
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:19,609
♪ Hello, my dear ♪
411
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,263
♪ Where do
we go from here? ♪
412
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:22,699
♪ Well, I ask you again ♪
413
00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:24,440
♪ Because
it's really unclear ♪
414
00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:26,399
♪ And it's hard to wrap
my finger round ♪
415
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:28,314
My name is RJ Berger,
416
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:30,185
and I think I might like
the clunker.
417
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,191
Next on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger.
418
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,323
It's getting kinda late, RJ.
419
00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:38,498
There's no way
he's hitting that.
420
00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:40,326
I got a tugger
from her last night.
421
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:41,544
I lied.
That makes me no better
422
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,372
than those future
date rapists.
423
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,113
I heard
a disturbing rumor.
424
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,028
I spread like four rumors
a day.
425
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,464
Have you been telling people
that I let you
426
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:49,900
motor-boat my boobs?
427
00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:51,075
You want to fight me?
428
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:52,338
Thanks for agreeing
to train me.
429
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,470
Gotta stay frosty, bitch.
430
00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:56,298
Hey, fatty, it's go-time.
30595
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