All language subtitles for SEXDOTCOM.2017.WEBRIP.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.BZ]

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Where they at?

Got some uptown bitches from L.A.

She want it fast,
she want it soft,

she want it plain

Want to keep it lit for real,
I got that, ooh

Tell her stay,
but then I never call her, boo

Where they at?

Where they at?

Where they at?

Where they at?

Got some uptown bitches from L.A.

She want it fast,
she want it soft, she want it plain

Where they at?

Where they at?

Where they at?

Where they at?

Got some uptown bitches from L.A.

She want it fast,
she want it soft, she want it plain

Where they at?

Bitches know, smoke it, boom

Got me blow, they be hoes

Let me know

She get hoes

I get hoes, and I'm suited on that coupe

Fuckin' women, comin' twos

I get two on that two

Let me through, let me through

And I get higher than a motherfucker

Fly than a motherfucker

Ride like a motherfucker

Slide like a motherfucker

Bitch, let me in, let me sin, let me spin

Let's get lit like a king, keep it lit,

no pretend

Got some uptown bitches from L.A.

She want it fast,
she want it soft, she want it plain

Want to keep it lit for real,
I got that, ooh

Tell her stay,
but then I never call her boo

Where they at?

Where they at?

Where they at?

Where they at?

Fucking suck.

I'm never drinking again.

-That's okay.

Just let it all out.
-Shut up.

Shut up.

You don't know what--

You don't know what this is like.

-Go away.

Speak English.

-Right.

One minute, please.

-How do I look?

-So-so.

Let's splash some water.

No more.

Call me.

Speak English.

-Right.

He's a dick, man.

I warned you about him.

-I just don't understand him.

He's so sweet

-Nobody with a little dick
can be sweet, okay?

Let's go. YOu might get hurt.
-We had such a good chemistry.

-Had.

Whatever.
-Oh.

-Hey, what's up?

-Hey.
-What's going on?

-How are you holding up?
-I'm not.

You're holding me up.

-Maybe you should call it a night.

-That's a good idea.

That's a good--
You hear that fucking shit?

That is a good idea.

You've always been the smartest person,
and I want to fuck you.

I'm going to go watch the bingo,
and then I'm going to call it a night.

Okay.

-Hey, is anybody even in there?

It's my apartment, so hold your dicks.

Put a ring on it.

Come on, Dingo.

Eat my baby.

Eat it.

Yes, man.

This fucking.

You know what, don't mind me.

I'm just going to--
Don't look.

Watch me.

Watch me.

Who the fuck?

I just pissed on him. I'm sorry, dude.

I'm sorry.

You know what, I'm just--

Fuck it.

Great.

-One, two, three.

Boobs.

-Oh, man. You guys crashing here tonight?

-Oh, you want us to spend the night?

-Absolutely if you guys
don't mind sharing the bed with me.

-No.

We're going to be sharing
a lot more than that.

-Share each other.

Okay. You guys, actually,
just go wait in the room for me.

Be sure to use the hand sanitizer
before you come in.

Then the condoms on the top shelf,

lubricants on the bottom.

All right.

You guys head on over there
and I shall cometh.

-See you there.

-All right.

-See you.

-Oh, Christ.
Don't grab my dick like that.

Let's just do it.

Man, what the fuck are you doing?

-Nothing.

Just looking at some pictures.

-Of Ariel.

-She's in some.

-What?

How long has it been, man?

A year?

You got to go get the fuck over it, man.

-It's been six months, okay?

There's no book that says
how long it takes to get over a breakup.

-There's no book on how to get pussy,
but I got two girls that are ready

to get filled right now.

Look, I'll let you have one if you want.

Look, the way you get
over old pussy is to get new pussy.

-I don't know, man. I'm not really focused
on anything other than school.

-What?

Oh, hell, no.

You can't be coming in here
fucking up the mood, man.

You're going to make those girls
get dry like vegan cheese.

-I don't want that.

-All in all, it's our last semester.

You got to conquer as much pussy
as you possibly can.

I'm just trying to look out for you.

-I know.

Thanks,

I think.

-All right.

I'm going to go in there and beat
that pussy up like Chris Brown.

-Great.

Enjoy yourself.

-Yes, absolutely.

Next time we're going to do
a raw dog in the butt.

Girl, you didn't like it.

Oh, man.

-Have fun?

-Dude, let me just tell you
that my balls are sore,

seriously.

-Wow.

Thank you for that.
That's milk that goes into my mouth.

-You would not believe
how freaky these girls were.

I mean, I'm surprised I even slept
in my own sheets.

Speaking of which, we got bleach, right?

-Yes.
I think so. Why?

-I just got to go get a little blood out.

-Jesus.
What did you guys do?

Is everybody okay?
-Yes.

I mean, one of the girls
was on her period.

You know how crazy freaky the girls
get when they're on their period.

-It's disgusting.

-It wasn't that bad.

I mean, she said she was
on her last day anyway.

I think she was lying.
-I can't believe you.

The other girl?

She was just okay with this blood fest?

-Yes.
Actually, she was the freakiest.

She even let me do
the Columbian hot dog on her.

-Excuse me?

-Columbian hot dog?

You never heard of it?

Basically, you fuck a girl on period.

Right before you're about to cum,
pull it out,

titty fuck her till you bust.

-Wow.

That is the most disgusting thing
I've ever heard.

-More disgusting
than two girls in one cup?

-Well, maybe not that bad.

-What time is it anyway?

-Close to noon.

-Want to grab some lunch?

-Yes, sure.
Okay.

I'm going to go see
if Bob wants to tag along.

-All right.
I'm going to go change.

-Get it out of my face.
Get it out of my face.

-That's what a woman's butt smells like.

-Get out of my face.

Bob.

-Bob.

-Bob.

Bob, are you okay?

Hey, Bob.

We're going to get some food.

You want to come along?

Bob.

-Hey, Bob.

-He was really wasted last night.

-Yes, he was.

Shit, he had a whole bottle
of Partida to himself.

-Should we just leave him there?

-I mean, he looks peaceful.

We'll bring him back some food.

-Okay. Bob,

we'll come back.

We'll see you later.

-All right.
-All right.

-Get the smell off my face.
-Get it out of my face.

Get it out of my face.

-By the time that he gets his bag of food,

all will be forgotten.

-Look at this shit.

These fucking guys keep parking
their fucking car in my space.

-Just get it towed

or park in their space

or stop crying like a little bitch.

-Thanks.

-I'm just fucking with you.

Seriously, you should get it towed.
-No, I'm not going to do that.

They'll figure out it was me,

and then there'll be tension between us,
and then I have to look

over my shoulder all the time.
-What, you want me

to say something to them?

Because I'll go in there and beat
their ass and put my balls on their chin.

-What?

-Teabagging?

Our ladies like to call it teabagging.

Basically,
it's the most embarrassing thing

that you could possibly do to a person.

I'm not going to go as far
as putting my balls in their mouth,

but I'm definitely putting my balls
on their chin and make sure my balls

are smooth too,
so I get that skin-to-skin connection.

Look, man, they're just going
to keep parking in your space

until you do something about it.

You want to do something
about it right now?

-No.

No, I'm tired from last night.

Let's do it another time.

-All right, man.

Whenever you're ready, I got your back.

-Bob?

-Bob?

Bob?

Bob?

You okay, Bob?

Holy shit.

-My car exploded.

I hit the road.

Super Savvy and Chaos are out there.

Chaos hit me with the Phantom Flare.

-I think Bob's dead.

-The fuck are you talking about?

-I'm talking about Bob

being dead.

-I need you to leave.

-This motherfucker's dead.

-It appears that your friend was
the victim of a tragic accident.

Doesn't look like anyone else was involved
in his slip and fall.

-Though,

there was foot residue and evidence
of vomit and urine found

on some parts of his clothing.

-Wait, some people pissed on him?

-I'm afraid so.

-That's fucked up.

-Shit happens, right?

-Look, it would help if you guys
could put together a list of the people

who were at the party.

-I thought you said

there was no evidence of foul play.

-You can never be too sure, right?

-I think we're good here,
Detective Francisco.

If you guys need to talk
to someone, give me a call.

I can set you up
with a head doctor my wife sees.

-Thank you.

-I need that list.

-That guy's name
is Detective Frank Francisco.

-Damn,

that's a pretty dope name.

-It sure is.

-Once again, I'm very sorry for your loss.

-Well, we just want
to thank you for being so good

to my brother while he was alive.

We know he was in good hands.

-You don't need to thank us at all.

-Which one of you pissed on him?

-Oh,

the police told you about that, huh?

-Yes.

Yes, they did.

Come on, out with it.

-Sir, I can tell you with 100% honesty
that neither of us urinated on Bob.

-Is that right?

-Yes, sir.

It was other people.

-You mean a whole bunch of strangers
pissed on my son?

-Dad, give it a rest.

What does it matter?

Someone pissed on Bob.

It doesn't matter who it was.

Urine is urine.

-Don't smile.
-Okay.

-You see what this
has done to my daughter?

-Sir, it's kind of attractive.

-It's not the first time I've
chugged a beer, Dad.

What the fuck are you looking at?

-Sorry.
-Exactly.

-Nothing. I was looking--
looking at the--

-Look down.
-I was looking at the table with the food.

-Wow.

The sister's crazy.

-There's definitely
some instability there, yes.

-Hey, Damien.

-Hey.

-Tay.

-What's up?

-How are you guys holding up?

-We're doing okay.

Still can't wrap my head around it.

-Yes, I know.

Bob was so sweet.

He used to text me
after you and I broke up.

-What?
He did?

-Yes.

He would sneak into your room
and take pictures of you

while you were sleeping,
adding captions like,

this is how puffy your face gets
when you cry over your ex all night.

It was--

Pussy.

Doesn't matter.

Ariel, we got to go get going.

Don't forget we have dinner
at the Melting Pot with Mark and Heather.

-Yes.

We'll leave in a minute.

-Okay.
I'll be in the car.

David, Trey.

-It's Damien, Tay.

-What was it?

-It's Damien, Tay.

-Those are great.

Keep it real in the field, boys.

There it is.

Okay.

-The Melting Pot?

Really?

-Tay.

-I mean, who goes to a place
where you got to go cook your own food?

Oh,

white people, huh?

-Tay.

-All right, man.
I'll be over here.

You okay?

-What?

-I was going to take you
to the Melting Pot.

Don't tell Tay that.

-Yes, I remember.

I wasn't into it.

I was a different girl
when we were together.

-It was only six months ago.

-I know. So long ago, right?

Look, Carter is good to me.

He respects me.

-I respected you.

-Yes, but he treats me like a woman,

you know.

-What?
-I really feel like I've grown up so much

because of it.

-The whole five months
you guys were together?

-Yes, I know.

It's so crazy, right?

Look, I got to go.

It was really good to see you.

-It's good seeing you too, Ariel.

-That was incredibly uncomfortable.

Carter defines douchebaggery
at its finest.

I can't believe those cops
told Bob's family about everything.

Just no bedside manner whatsoever.

-Ooh,

speaking of bedside manner,
looks like I'm going to have

some company tonight.

-Who's on the menu tonight?

-Bob's cousin Natalie.

-You got to go be kidding.

-Man, we had some great conversation
back at the house.

-Are you serious? Bob dies
and you're trying to fuck his cousin?

-Look, I'm not trying to do anything.

She's coming after me for the LD, okay?

This is pussy at its easiest, baby.

-You are unbelievable.

-We're all mourning here, okay?

It's not my fault that she wants
to mourn on this dick.

-Wow. I guess there's
nothing else I can really say.

-There is something
that we do need to talk about.

-What?

-Bob's passing
is not just affecting his family.

-Okay.

-I talked to my parents,
and even though we're going

through this tragic situation,

my dad was saying that we really need
to find a roommate ASAP

because if we don't,
he's going to stop paying my rent.

-Can't you just get a job?

-I'm going to work
the last semester of school?

Come on, man.

-We can afford one month
without a roommate,

and then after that we're fucked.

-Okay, cool.

Look, we'll chill tonight,
and then tomorrow,

we'll be on the hunt
for Bob's replacement.

-Sounds like a plan.

-Oooooooowee.

I'm going to have some fun tonight.

Oh my gosh.

You see that dimple that was on her face?

I'm going to bust a nut inside that dimple
and squeeze it out like some toothpaste.

-Wow.

You are like Shakespeare.

-What?
-Black.

-I like that.
Thou shall take this dick.

You miss Bob?
-Yes, yes.

-I can't hear you.
-I miss Bob.

-Damn right you miss Bob.
-Harder. Harder.

-I'm going to put your motherfucking head
through this door.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Oh, baby.

Oh, God.

-Oh, he's crazy.

I can never fake these tears

I can never fake this smile

I can never fake my fears

But I'm thinking that it's all worthwhile

I can never change my mind

Whether wrong or right

But I swear I would give half my heart

Just to be a color in your life

All that's left
to do is love you, love you,

love you
-Hi. You reached Ariel's phone.

I'm either bored at school
right now or just unavailable.

Leave your name and number
and I'll get back to you.

Bye.

Another tremendous dream

-That's what I'm trying to say, though.

After I saw Point Break,
that changed my life because I was like,

I'm Johnny Utah, man.

I thought for a while,
I was like, I might be Bodie,

but I'm not cool, you know.

-Let me get this.

-All right.

-Excuse me.

Gentlemen,

you know the parking?

It's assigned, right?
-What?

-The parking in the back, it's reserved.

Some tenants pay extra
to have those spots.

-Your point?

-You guys keep parking in my spot.

-So fucking what?

No, no, no, no, no.

Where do you think you're off to,
calm dog?

-I don't want any trouble, okay?
-No.

See, you should have thought
about that before you opened your mouth

and started talking all that shit.
-Yes.

Hey, my main man Dwayne
has got a good point.

Don't you think
my main man Dwayne here has got

a good point?

-Mm-hmm.
-It's fair, I guess.

-I don't know what your problem is, boy.

If you don't fix it,
my main man Dwayne here,

he going to fix it for you.

You feel me?
-Tell him.

-This ain't a game, cock drip.

You come around here talking shit
and opening your mouth one more again,

I'm going to put my dick in it.

I'm going to put my dick in it.

I'm going to fuck him up.

You fuck it?

I'm going to fuck him up.

I'm going to fuck it.

You feel me?

My man, that's not even
how I get down, son.

-See, he'll break the rules
to break your throat,

you understand?

-Hashtag sodomy, bitch.

Get the fuck out of my face.

-I guess I'll be gassed up out of here.

-Oh, hey, yo, yo, yo.
Your hair look good, though.

Whatever you putting in, it works.

-Hey, what's up, man?

We were just trying to keep it down.
We thought you were in your room.

-Thank God, I was about to bite
my fucking hand off.

Hey.

-We about to make
some grilled cheese sandwiches.

You want one?

-No, I'm good.

Thanks.
-Are you sure?

What about salad?

I could make you a good salad.

-I'm good.

Thanks, though.

-You want me.

-I'm sure.
-All right, man.

I'm lookin' out for you.

-It's good to see you again, Damien.

Take care, okay?

-Oh, man.

That's all I was up all night grinding.

-I know.

I heard.

-Not that type of grinding.

She left in the middle of the night.

I'm talking about finding us
a new roommate.

-Okay.

What do you have?

-I made a flyer using Photoshop.

-Wow.

You mean you can actually use
something other than Word.

-Oh, whatever.

Check it out.

-Wow.

-Yes.
-Yes.

-You like that?

-Yes.
-Yes.

-Yes, I don't.

Actually, we can't use this.

-Why not?

-Are you serious?

Poon friendly?

-Yes, I think it eliminates
any type of bromance action

trying to come from here.

-No, we're not going to use this flyer.

I'm going to make something myself.

-Tell you what. We'll put both flyers
and see who brings in the most people.

The loser pays
for the winner's rub and tug.

-Wow. You just get more
and more ridiculous

with everything you say.

-Is it a bet?

-Yes.

-You know you're paying, right?

-What's that for?

-So we can review the interviewees.

Then I can count on how many
flyers came in over yours, biatch.

-That's pathetic.

-Hey, I get tired of beating
my own dick in between pussy breaks.

-That sounds like that would just kill
someone.

Oh, look.

Our first interview.

Okay.

Where are you from?

Just maybe tell us
a little bit about yourself.

-Hi.
I am Jennifer Anderson.

-It's legit.

-Hi. I'm Jerry.

Gypsy.

-Hi.

I am Serenity Waterloo.

I'm Traver.

-I took a picture of it.

I'm Clark.

-Jennifer Anderson.

Jennifer Anderson.

-It's short for my full name.

-My friends call me, Jaguar.

-Travers.
-Katie Ruth Johnson.

-Tiffany, Season 2,

Bad Girls Club, that season
that did not air because my shit

was too real.

Hey.

-Barton Abbey.

-Barton.
-Barton Abbey.

-Barton.
-Barton Abbey.

-Barton Abbey?

-Barton Abbey.

-Is your first name Barton?
-My name is Barton Abbey.

-Am I saying it right?

Barton Abbey?
-Barton Abbey.

-Would you mind rooming with two guys?

-No, not at all.

Jesus was a man.

-We love dudes.

-Just as long as you guys are neat.

That's all I'd really ask
because it looks pretty good right now.

-We love hanging out with other dudes.

-Party.
-Drinking.

-Drinks.

Paying rent.
-Paying rent.

-What are your feelings
on action films from the 1980s?

-What do you mean, like RoboCop?

-That sounds like you made up
a movie on the spot.

That sounds like a made up thing.

Nobody would see a movie called RoboCop.

-Do you guys have a lot of movies here?

-Yes, we do.
-Where would you keep those?

-RoboCop 2, like another RoboCop,
or they made RoboCop as well?

-How do you plan on paying rent?

-Methods.

-I get residuals from the Bad Girls Club.

Season 2, episode 3.5.

-Do you mind if I eat grapes?

-Grapes?

You brought grapes with you?
-Yes.

-If you had a porn name, what would it be?

-Yay.

-I'm using my porn name right now.

-Oh.

-Bart. Bart. Barton.

Barton Abbeys.

Barton Abbeys is your porn name?

-You don't even know me
like that to be asking me

about nasty shit.

-Leviathan.

-Miley Cyrus,

L. Ron Hubbard,

and Ryan Gosling,

if you had to kill one,

fuck one, and marry one, go.

-Is this Miley Cyrus now?

-Yes.
-I'd fuck that.

-I guess I'd have to sleep with L.

Ron, just process of elimination.

-I'm going to give you a word,
you just tell me what word

comes to the top of your head.

Okay?

Kitchen.

-Bags.
-Nice.

-Locked door.

-I want to open it.
-Expendables 3.

-Aggravated rape.

-Arabian goggles.

-Normal rape.

-Rent is due.

-Sounds like your problem.

-Tupac or Biggie?

-Dun-a-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.

Dun-a-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.

Dun-a-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ohh.

-Tube socks.
-Nice storage device.

-Masturbation?

-Tube socks.
-Where do yourself in five years?

-Probably here with you guys,

living in this apartment.

-If you only had one word
to describe yourself,

what would it be?

-Is your child drunk right now?

-Yes, she's totally wasted.

Party, party, party.

Oh, God.

-Let's get shitty.

-Are we going down?

-I'm just going to go back to my chair.

-I need to know now, man.

I got 17 minutes left on my boost.

-Oh, man.

At least there's one thing clear.

-What's that?

-I brought out the freaks today
and I got way more flyers than you.

-Great.

I guess I owe you that rub and tug.

-Hold on.
Don't say it like that, man.

That sounds super gay.

-I don't know how else to say it.

-Hello?

-Oh, hi.

-Hello there.

-Is it okay if I come in?

-Yes, come on in.

-Hi, I'm Aubrey.
-Hi,

Damien. This is Tay.

-Hey, I'm Tay.
-Hi.

It's nice to meet you both.

Is it too late for the casting call?

-Oh, no, not at all.
I see you got my flyer.

-Yes.

I actually have two.

One was more colorful than the other,
so I brought them both with me.

-Nice. I got one more.

-That doesn't mean anything to me.

You're still going
to owe me the rub and tug.

-Hey, Aubrey,
would you like to have a seat?

-Sure.

Yes.
-Okay.

-Thank you.

You guys shooting porn in here?

-No.

This is for Tay's benefit.

-Wait, you like porn?

-Yes.
Who doesn't?

If you are shooting porn in here,
I'm only interested if you waive

my first and last month's rent.

I'm kidding.

-Oh, yes.

-It's not funny.

-Sure it is.

Aubrey,

tell us a little bit about yourself.

-Okay.

Well,

I go to the university five days a week.

I work part-time at the Better Deal.

Nothing to talk about there.

I really like movies.

I basically just really want
a place to stay.

I've been couch-surfing
this whole semester.

What do you say let's just move past
this whole dog and pony show

and you just give it to me straight?

You seem
like a couple of straight shooters,

especially you, Tay.

-You have no idea.

-Well,

we need to just talk
about it and discuss it.

-You're in. Welcome to Casa de Poon.

-Tay.

-Oh,

you guys are great.

Thanks for taking me out.

This is a nice welcoming party.

-No need to thank us.

-To new friends.

-To new friends.
-To new friends.

-Aubrey,

what's your major?

-It's art.

Mainly photography,

but I do a little painting sometimes, too.

-Nice.
You do portraits?

-Why?
Are you offering your body?

-Absolutely.

I thought you'd never ask.

-What about you guys?

-I'm getting my master's
in electrical engineering.

-Me, poon management, sports management.

-Wow.

-We like to mix it up a little bit.

-I see.

-Hey, where are you?

Oh, that's right down the street.

Do you want to come meet my new roommates?

Come on, you're going to like them.

Great.
Awesome.

All right, I'll see you in a minute.

Yay.

My friend Morgan's going
to come by and meet you guys.

-Cool.

-Awesome.

-All right.
Well, I've got to pee.

Be right back.

-Ow.

What the hell?

-Man, did you hear that?
Morgan's coming by?

-Yes, and?

-Sounds like some friend zone dude
that's trying to fuck up my shit.

I don't need no other competition.

-Whoa, competition?

Are you kidding me?

Are you trying to sleep
with our new roommate?

-Hell, yes, I'm trying to fuck her.

What do you think, we were just looking
for a new roommate?

It's like I'm trying
to lock down some in-house poontang

for the rest of the semester.

Now this dude's going to come in,
painting her fucking fingernails,

watching the fucking Vampire Diaries.

Look, man, I'm deep
in this shit right now.

-How does your mind operate like that?

-It's a curse, really.

-Clearly.

-Thank God.

I was about to--
Just follow my lead.

-Hey, Damien, this is my friend Morgan.

-Hey, guys.
-Hey.

-Hi. Nice to meet you.

-Same here.

-All right. Anyway, so would you
like to get a table or something?

Maybe order some?

-I could eat.

Who wants some more?

- Oh, not me. I have a.
- Awesome.

All right.

Hey, I'm down to get another pitcher
if everybody else is.

-No, I'm good.
-I'll have some more.

-Yes?
You want to meet me at the bar?

-Sure.

-Your friend is quite pushy, huh?

-Yes.
Well, he can be.

He's harmless, though, sort of.

-I guess you two find a nice balance
being complete opposites personality-wise.

-It helps.

I've known him for a few years.

It's taken some adjustment,
but we have a nice arrangement now.

-That arrangement is?

-I make the weapons.

He uses them.

I was just quoting--

Never mind.

-Are you originally from California?
-No.

I'm East Coast native, Florida.

I moved here a few years ago for school.

How about you?

-I'm from up north.

Bay area.

-Do you like it better down here?

-I like aspects of both I guess.

How about you?

-California destroys Florida.

-I read somewhere that three of the--

I think it's three

of the top 10 most miserable cities
are in Florida.

-Yes.

Sounds about right.

-Sad.

-I think we should change the subject.
-Sounds good.

-How are you doing in classes?

-I have a paper due in the morning.

School's just draining
the life out of me right now.

Never should have watched Dexter.

Maybe I wouldn't have gone
into forensic science.

-Could have been worse.

You could have taken
a liking to killing people.

-Oh, I've been feeling
that urge lately, too.

I'm kidding.

-Oh.

Yes, no, I know.
-I so had you there for a second.

-Maybe.

Are you having doubts
about your major now?

-No.

I'm just so wrapped up in school
lately, I really haven't had a chance

to relax or to go out.

-I hear you.

Now, I'm having a good time.

-Me, too.

-Should we bring
another pitcher over to them?

-Nah.

They look okay without it.

Another shot?
-Absolutely.

-Bartender.
-Hey.

Tell them stay in line
and you know I done been around

Shoot a couple, tell a waitress,
tell her bring another round

Oh, something's going down

Out the business shit,
spending money like a bitch

All my niggas spilling champagne

Do the damn thing,
let it hit you like rain

Because all my niggas spittin' champagne

Let it hit you like rain

All my niggas spilling champagne

-Are you with me?

-Hey.

-It's been a while since you've seen this?

-It's been about a week.

Way too long.

-Right. Well, are you going to be okay
if I occasionally walk around like this?

I'm not really a fan of wearing too
much when I'm home.

-Yes.
That's cool with me.

Damien might have
a problem with it busting

in his pants.
It's a medical issue.

Don't worry about it.

Why are you all hot and sweaty anyway?

Been working out in the nude?

-No.

I was getting fucked
like no one's business.

-Oh.

I see.

Tell them stay in

line and you
know I done been around

Shoot a couple, tell a waitress,
tell her bring another round

Oh, something's going down
-Thought you were just getting

some water and coming right back.

-I was, but I ran into Tay here
and we started chatting.

Tay, this is Zoe.

-Hi.

-Hey.

-That looks yummy.
Can I have one?

-You know what, I was actually
about to order us some Chinese,

unless you're starving.

-No, it's okay.

I can wait.

Are you guys done chatting here?

-Is it just you two in there?

-Who else would be in there?

-No one I can think of.

Oh man, well you guys go ahead
and go back to whatever--

Oh.

Hey.

Yes.

-Yes.

-Yes.

Okay.

-I got to--

-Yes.
We'll talk later.

-Okay.
-Cool.

Lord, I don't know
what I did to deserve this.

Damn.

What the fuck you smiling about?

-Asshole.

You scared the shit out of me.

Is Aubrey here?

-Yes. I think she's sleeping
from all that fucking.

-Oh, she's got a boyfriend.

-Better than that.

-She's got a girlfriend?

-Yes.

She came in here half naked.

Then her girlfriend
came in buck-ass naked.

I mean, titties.

It was amazing, man.
I just wanted to go and grab.

I was really so.

Aaah.

-You are very happy about this.

-Yes.

I've been sitting here all day
waiting for you to come home.

By the way, where have you been?

-You know the internship
I was telling you about?

-The one with the security agency?

-My professor pulled me aside
after class and--

-Asked you to blow him.

-No.

He told me I got the internship.

-Oh, that's cool man.

No wonder why you were smiling

when you came in.
-No.

I was smiling because I actually got
a text from Morgan.

-What?

Oh, that's cool.

You guys really hit it off
the other night,

huh?
-Yes.

I think we did.

Actually, I'm going to take
her to go see this band tomorrow.

-Oh, okay.

Sooner or later, I'm going
to hear you smacking ass cheeks

up and down here, huh?

-She's not that kind of girl.

-Every girl is that type of girl.

By the way, don't mention
anything about Ariel.

-What?

Why would you even put that in my head?

Whatever.

I'm going to hit the sack.

Not my balls.

I'm tired as hell.

-All right, man.

I'm just going to rub one out
looking at the kitchen.

That's what they got you
for the internship?

-Yes.

It's solar-powered.

It shoots in 1080.

It's got a 16 gigabyte memory card inside.

It's also motion-sensitive,
so it doesn't turn on

unless someone's within 10 feet of it.

It's pretty cool, huh?

-Thank you.

-Let me check it out.

-Be careful with it.

-Okay, Mom.

-All right.

I'm going to get ready.

Morgan's picking me up.

I'm going to get
some dinner before the show.

-Is she paying, too?

-Ha, ha.

No.

I'm going to be paying.

I think it's going to be a good night.

Yes.

This is cool.

-Hi.
-Hey,

what up, girly?

-Nothing much.

Do you have any more beers left?

-For you,

absolutely.

-How are you?

-Maintaining.

Here you go.
-Thank you.

Damien

is going out with Morgan later.

Do you have any plans?

-What, are you trying to get rid of me?

-Me?

No.

Okay, yes. Zoe is going to come by later.

-Hmm.

Well, I'm going to be out here chilling,
drink a couple more beers.

You guys can be as loud as you want.

Don't mind me.

-Great.

All right.
Well, I'm going to go take a shower.

Look, do me a favor though,
listen for the drunken shouts.

-Sure.

-Hey, I'm going
to wait downstairs for Morgan.

Remember,

be careful with my camera.

-I know, man.

-Don't invite one of your bitches
over to secretly record them

having sex with you, okay?

-Now why would I do something like that?

-Because you're sneaky like that.

Wish me luck.

-All right.
Good luck.

Remember, Cabernet Sauvignon
makes the girls want to bom,

bom, bom, bom.

-Okay. Thanks.

-Whatever.

Oh, shit.

-Tay?

Is that you?

-Yes.

-Are you okay?

-Yes. My sock got caught
in the door frame.

-Take it easy on those beers, okay?

-What's up?
We are TGFair.

Let's rock.

-It's been a rough week.

Been living out of my car with my baby.

We're looking for a place to live
and we just got turned down by that guy.

We wrote this song for you to say thanks.

-When do you think
you'll be done with your paper?

-Ah, you know actually,
it's probably going

to take me all night,

but we can hook up tomorrow though.

-That's cool.

Are you going to be sweet
and walk me to my car?

-I suppose.

Bitch.

-What are you up to?

-Oh, nothing. I was just throwing
one of Damien's toys back in his room.

-Oh, you guys share toys?

Interesting.

-Wait, hold on, hold on.

There's only one gay person
that lives inside this house.

-Okay, that's true.

You got any of those beers left?

-Morgue.

Really?

-Let's just say my baby brother isn't
the best at coming up with nicknames.

-Well, it's fitting, right?

-Yes.
What about you?

Any embarrassing nicknames
I should know about?

-Well,

I had devil spawn quite a bit growing up.

-Why?

-because of The Omen.

You've seen that movie, right?

-I can't say that I have.

Oh,

is that movie with Julia Stiles
that came out a few years ago?

-Seriously?

-That's the movie, right?

-I was speaking of the 1976 classic
starring Gregory Peck,

not the useless remake with Julia Stiles.

-Just because it's useless
doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

You okay?

-Yes. I'm just trying to get the
Julia Stiles crap fest out of my head.

-Still thinking about it?

-No.

Hold on.

That kiss before was really nice,
but I'll be the one who initiates

the kissing,

okay?

-A man of principles.

I like.

-So Tay.

-So Aubrey.

-What's the longest relationship
you've ever been in?

-Relationship?

What's that?

-You're so stupid.

-Maybe about a month or so.

-Really?

-Yes.
Why?

-Nothing.

I was just curious.

We haven't really had a heart-to-heart.

Ever think about settling down,
getting married?

-No.

-Any reason why?

-To be honest, my parents are divorced,
and they're the best people I know.

Shit, if they can't make it work,
then I don't know who can.

-Yes, but it's different with everybody.

-What, are you thinking
about settling down?

-No,

but I do believe in commitment
when we find that right person.

-You think Zoe is that right person?

-No.
We're just having fun.

Well, I may be having more fun than her.

-Hmm.

She's getting attached.

-A little, yes.

She's a good girl, though.

Great in bed.

-Oh, please, please, please.

Go on.

-Yes, well, she's definitely been hinting
at getting more serious.

I usually am quick
to kill that conversation.

Sometimes I lie, too.

-I understand that you have a paper due?

-You heard us.
-All night long.

-All right. Well,
as much as I believe in commitment,

it's not something that I need right now.

-Yes.

Me neither.

-You never know.

It could hit you when you least expect it.

-All right.

Let me ask you a question.

-Shoot.

-Have you ever fucked a guy?

-I love how you phrase your questions.

It's almost like you are incapable
of saying it the more proper way,

like ever dated a guy?

-Same thing.

To answer your question, yes,

I have dated guys.

I had a serious boyfriend
through most of high school actually.

Lance Evans was his name.

-Sounds like a dumb jock.

-What, like you've never played
sports in high school.

-I don't want to brag,
but football player,

state champion two years
in a row, Heisman Trophy.

You were saying something, right?

-You're such a douche.

Anyway,

rumors started to fly about me
and one of the cheerleaders

fooling around, so I came clean to him.

-What, you cheated on him
with a cheerleader?

That's some sexy shit.

-Yes, well, it wasn't
a sexy situation to deal with.

It got pretty ugly,

and I lost a lot of friends.

-Was that your first girl-on-girl?

-No.

It was just the first
one he found out about.

-Nasty girl.

-Hey, I was young and exploring
different avenues.

May have hurt him in the end,
but I don't have any regrets.

What good are regrets?

They just eat at you
for the rest of your life.

Anyway,

last question.

-Shoot.

-Can you count on both hands
how many girls you've slept with?

-After I'm done with my fingers,
can I use my toes

and maybe my dick?

-No.

-Then I can't.
-I can't either.

-Cheers to that.
-Cheers.

-I had a great time tonight.

-Me too.

Thanks for picking me up.

-Sorry about that.

I don't trust anyone behind
the wheel but myself.

I'm working on it, though.

My last boyfriend borrowed my car
once and got into an accident.

-Oh, that sucks.

-What really sucks is he was getting
a blowjob from a girl he worked with

while he was driving.

-Wow.

-Yes, wow.

Anyways,

he really fucked me up,
and it's just taken

a while to get over the whole situation.

What about you?

Ever been hurt bad?

-No,

not really.

-See you soon.

-I like that.

-I got dibs on next.

Oh, don't leave your lights
on or you'll kill your battery.

Bye, boo.

His penis rises.

-Thank you. Thanks.

-Are those friends of yours?

-Not even close.

Just some assholes from the apartment.

They're lucky you're here.

Otherwise,
I would have totally lost control.

I took this Muay Thai kickboxing class.

It was a summer credit.

I would have done it and I--
-okay.

-I have a wild side, but--

-Okay.

-Not too wild.

Okay, goodnight.
-Goodnight.

See you later.

-She certainly got a pretty mouth.

Not as pretty as yours, dawg.

-You know, as someone
who doesn't get down like that,

you do offer a lot of gay sexual advances.

-The fuck you say, bitch?

-Yes, bitch, my main man Dwayne
just asked you a fucking question.

-I was making
an objective statement that--

-You need to think real hard
and long, black dick long,

before you open your mouth
and you say something stupid.

-Yes.

Coming up in here
with your old shirt all tucked in,

laser on and shit.

Fuck you think this is,
Sunday school, motherfucker?

You going to church?

Where the fuck you get
this blazer at, anyway?

-That's that cheap-ass bugle boy shit.

-You rocking that bugle boy right now?

-Got it at the men's warehouse.

-No, you did not.

No, you--

Goddamn.

Come here.

Man, is that Perry Ellis you rocking?

Dwayne, smell his face.

Tell me if that ain't Perry Ellis.

-Your ass over here.

No, that's that Kenneth Cole shit.

-Damn. Hey, he's right.

That's my bad.

I'm sorry because you put that on.
I didn't recognize it.

I'm sorry.

I farted.

-Got a problem with that?
-What do you mean?

You're not fine with it?
-That's what I'm rocking.

I'm rocking my farts.

-Problem?

-Buttercup.

Yes.
-Taste it.

Eat it.
Eat it.

Swallow it.
-Hey, what the fuck was you saying

about some gay advances?

Man, get out of here
before I fuck you in the face.

-Get your ass up out of here.

-Hey, you talk shit again,
I'm going to fuck that ass,

pussy.

Back up, back up,
oh, you're back up on it, yes

No, you're out of, out of, no,
you're out of money, yes

Back up, back up,
oh, you're back up on it, yes

No, you're out of, out of,
no, you're out of money, yes

Why you with this guy?

Let me see you, why you with this guy?

Show me how you, why you with this guy?

Let me see how long you take, yes

With the ting and the muscle

With the ting and the muscle

With the ting and the muscle

With the ting and the muscle

With the ting and the muscle

Ooh, we're staying at a W Take
a few hours but I always get a W

Damn, tryna find a room key

Top a girl and you'll see

But I see you working

And it might be working

Tell him you ain't making it to work

We can make it work

You can get to work,

I'ma get to work

Hands under your shirt,

hands under your skirt

Boyfriend got a skirt,

girl ain't got a skirt

You can ride the wave,

girl you got to surf

Hop in on three,

tell him on me

She can break it down

Like an O.Z., smoking O.Z.

Now she on me, whining on me,

grinding on me, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wind your waist, girl.

Let me see you, wind your waist, girl.

Show me how you wind your waist, girl.

Wind your waist, girl.

-What's up dude?

-I heard some craziness in class today

-Yes?

-Yes, it turns out there's
this wave of computer hacking

going around on campus.

-What?

-Yes, it's crazy.

Students' private videos are ending up
on a site called theydontknow.com.

Well, the site
gets taken down every few hours,

but it comes right back up
with new content.

There's some really weird videos on there.

Stuff that puts the whole two girls
and a cup video to shame.

Like, I heard about this one video

where there's this guy.

He's watching his two pigs

have sex, and then he masturbates
onto a plate of lasagna.

Apparently the pigs fight
over the lasagna--

Tae?

-Please, God.

Please, God.

What the fuck?

Please, no.
Please, no.

Please, no.

Fuck me.

Shit.

-Everything okay?

-I'm in big fucking trouble.

-Of all the terrible things you've done,

this trumps everything

-I know.

What are we going to do?
-We?

-Yes, you got to go help me take down
the video before Abby finds out.

-All right, my friend in class said
they hacked into the wireless network.

The school's been hustling
for an IP address,

but it's been extremely difficult.

-What are you saying?
English?

-All right, let me explain
this to you carefully.

The only way that we're going to be able
to find out who's doing this fast,

is if we use some highly illegal software.

Otherwise, we have to wait around
for the school administration

to figure it out.

That could take a few hours

-We don't have a few hours.

-Okay.

Let me ask a friend,

see if he has what we need.

-Thanks.

-I can't believe Bob is on that site.

-I know, it's fucked up.

At least he died
with the titties on his head.

-Hey, I brought some--

What happened?

-You know what happened, bitch.

-What?

-I know you don't care about me
as much as I care about you,

but I never thought
you would do this to me.

The whole campus has seen it.

-Seen what?

What the fuck are you talking about?

-Why don't you go to theydontknow.com
and check it out for yourself.

I bet his football buddies
sent him the link.

It's like I haven't been outside all day.

I am so embarrassed and hurt,
I don't ever want to see you

or anyone else ever again.

-Zoe, whatever this is,

I didn't do it, okay?

Please.

-Fuck you, Aubrey.

Forget fucking food,
I don't give a fuck anymore.

-Such a beautiful day.

-I wish I brought my knitting kit.

-Now, I want you to listen up,
and listen up good.

This is programmed to work one time,
and one time only.

Then it will self-destruct.

So make sure whatever you need,

you get,

because you won't

have a second chance.

Now, Benjamin vouched for you,
so I'm going to trust

that you'll keep your mouth
shut about this exchange.

-Absolutely

-Good.

-Thank you
-You're welcome

-Okay, well, I guess I should--

-Damn, man.

You scared the shit out of me

-Sorry.

-Did you get it?

Yes.

-Okay, you cannot tell
anybody that we have this.

We can get into a lot of trouble.

-I won't tell anyone.

-Okay, and I say that once we get
the video off the site,

we place an anonymous call to the police,

okay?

-From a pay phone?

-Yes, is that cool?

-Hell, yes.

I ain't never used a pay phone before.

Then I can slam it down,
put my hood on, Ghost Protocol.

Nice.

-Okay, so this software
should let us track the MAC address,

which would then let us
find out the physical address

of where the signal is coming from.

-Cool

-Let's just take a minute.

Oh, shit, my computer has to restart.

-Why?

-It just did the software update.

-What does that mean?

-It just downloaded an update,
my computer has to restart

in order for it to take effect.

-How long is it going to take?

-It's got to reboot,
it's got to do the black screen.

It's getting there.

Okay, here we go.

-Holy shit.

That's our building.

-It's apartment 412.

What's the plan?

-All right, I'm going to kick in the door,
we're going to erase the video,

and then we're going to kill them.

-Isn't that a bit extreme?

-Maybe you're right.

Okay, so we're going
to kick open the door,

make them erase the video-
-Yes.

--and then we're going
to break all their fingers.

Yes.

-Maybe you should let me do the talking.

-Maybe you're right.

All right.

-Here we go

-Fuck you faggots want?

-Hey, is this the motherfucker
that be stealing your parking space?

-Yes.

-What?

Yes.

Peanut head motherfucker.

I can't believe these idiots
are good with computers

-Me neither.

These guys are impossible to read.

I can't tell if they're threats
are made to scare me,

or get me in a three-way with them.

-Can you take down the video?

-I'll need a minute or two, but, yes.

-Okay, cool.

I'm just going to chill right here.

-Oh, shit.

-Tae.

-Yes, that feel, you egghead motherfucker?

What's some bitch-ass doing
on my computer anyway?

-Systems update.

-Nah, I already did that, sick.

It's so pussy.

We ain't even finished.

I got this.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

-Goddamn, that hurt.

-Yes, it looked like that hurt.

-Did you delete it?

-Deleted.

-Now let's get the fuck out of here.

-What the fuck?

Are you filming need anything?
Oh you wanna fight?

I ain't afraid of you, bitch.

Nice hair, dude.
Huh.

Yeah, let's get fucked up.

Put your necks up.

She's starting and boning.

Like, I can't be stopped, slut.

But I twist her hood up.

And now we nerd up.

I'm whooping your ass
in front of your bitch.

Switch baiting my hand,
you back will get cut up.

'Cause I like my drinks,
like I like my women.

I fuck em China,
'cause I need my cinnamon.

Boom, that's when she's on me.

Boom, your bitch is on me.

Boom, yes, that's when she's on me.

-Holy shit.

Oh, shit.

-Yes, oh shit.

Hi. All right,
so you went through puberty, huh?

You grew some dicks.

-I grew one dick,
and I'm not afraid to use it.

Do it.

Yes.

I fuckin' knew you did that.
Get out of here, you little bitch.

Stop it.

-That's for Bob, motherfucker.

That's pretty good, right?

-Let's get the fuck out of here.
-Okay.

-Hey, man, y'all think
y'all going to get away with this?

-You've been exposed.

It's over for you.

Always wanted to say that.
-Yes.

Man, I got y'all
all over this apartment, man.

Hey, what's to stop me
from saying you was in on it?

Do the math on that, bitch.

-What're we going to do?

-Record this.

-What?
-Just record.

-All right.

Always talkin' some shit, and--

No. No, I don't like this.

-Hey, you got to go pay, dude.

-What the fuck?

-If you ever tell anyone
that we were here,

we will post this video
where everybody can see it.

You're so soft.

Come on.
Come on.

Okay, how was that?

-You know I was just fucking with you
about the teabagging thing, right?

-What?

-Yes, I was just messing with you, man.

-I just--

-Yes.

Yes.

-I think I'm going to be sick.

-We should be sick at our own apartment.

-Yes, that's a good idea.

-Hold on to that.
-Okay.

-Let's get the fuck outta here.

-Oh, fuck.

Oh, main man, Dwayne, you good?

Oh.

-Shit.

I'm good.

I'm good.

You get him?

-Oh, you didn't see what happened?

-No, nothing.

What happened?

-I heard a noise, and I came out,
and you was knocked out.

I beat their ass.

It was hard, because it was two of them,
but then I beat their ass.

-Cool.

Cool.

Fucking what you all watered up for, man?

What the fuck you been doing?

What kind of shit you into?

-Oh, that's sweat.

Yes, that's sweat,
because I was working hard.

From fighting so good.

Yo Fleeto,

they got little chains, I feel bad

They got nothing.

Mira, look.

Yo, drogo, drogo

Quito

Mira, look.

Mira, look.

Mira, look.
Got so many bitches, I feel bad.

Ay, bendito.

Got so many chains, I feel bad.

Ay, bendito.

Papi, you're broke.

I feel bad.

Ay, bendito.

I feel bad.

Ese me llamo Fleeto.

Mira, look.

-I know you're a crazy man.
-I felt very empowered.

That was incredible.
-I know.

Oh, yes. Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

-What the fuck?

-Ugh, you assholes.

How could you do this to me?

-Oh, shit.

Okay, for the record,
nothing to do with it.

-You kind of did it.

-I didn't.

-Likely fucking story.

I know it was your camera.

I didn't peg you for a closet perv.

Guess I was fucking wrong.

-Okay, look.

It was me. I'm the one who did it.

-Do you have any idea how humiliated I am?

How embarrassed Zoe is?

-Look, we went,

we even fought the guys,
and then we took the video down.

Nobody else is going to be able to see it.

-No, we took it down.

-God, it's too late, okay?

Enough people have seen it.

More than enough fucking people
have seen it.

My life is fucked right now.

-Aubrey, wait.
-Don't fucking come near me.

-Look, Aubrey, I'm the one who put
the camera inside your room.

Damien didn't even know
that I was doing it.

I put it on my computer,

but I deleted it before I even got
a chance to jerk off.

-You're not helping.

-See, we got hacked.

That was the whole thing.

It wasn't our fault.

-If it's deleted, then you're lucky.

Because I'd call the cops on your ass too.

-Really?

You got company coming?

-No, do you?

You're bitches?

-Not the time, man.

Not the fucking time.

-What the hell is this now?

Hello?

-You little shits have made a mess for me.

-Is this about the anonymous phone call?

-No.

This ain't about a motherfucking
anonymous phone call.

Get your white ass
over there with your friend.

Look, I had a good thing going here,
and you two fucked it up.

Right now, my weak-ass cousin is telling
the cops that the website belonged to me.

If he doesn't talk, you can bet
sweet-ass Eugene said something.

He opened his mouth real wide.

He's too pretty for prison.

-I don't think he's going
to be talking to--

-Shut the fuck up.

Now,

which one gets it first?

-Oh, shit.

-No.

-Where the fuck you come from, huh?

-Get off.

Can't hide behind your website now,

motherfucker.

-Yes.

-Get this crazy bitch off of me.

-I'll take it from here.

-That's some fucked up shit.

-Get your ass up.

I'm taking you in.

-Big fucking surprise.

Who fucking talked?

Eugene?
-No.

-What?

-Your cousin.
-Fuck.

-Told you Eugene wouldn't talk.

-Fuck you.

-Okay.
Let's go.

Sorry my partner ruined your life.

David?

Trey?

-It's Damien and Tae.

-This shit ain't right.

I'll be out in a month.

-Damien and Tae Why is that so hard?

-You beat that motherfucker's ass.

-Fuck off.

-Morgan?

-Don't.

Stirring my mixed emotions

Creating waves, creating motions

Time and time--

-What are you doing here?

-Glad to see you.

-Yes, well,

I don't want to talk to you right now.

-Do you think you'll ever want
to talk to me again?

-I don't know, Damien.

I'm so mad right now I
can't even think of my next move.

-You have to believe me,
I had nothing to do

with Aubrey getting recorded like that.

-Yes, but you helped Tae
take the video down, right?

-Right.

-That means you knew about it
for a while, and you didn't tell me.

Why should I believe
that you weren't involved

from the beginning?
-Because it's the truth.

-Damien,

I've only known you for a few months.

Now I admit I do like you.

How can I trust you now?

-Look,

before I met you,

I was dealing
with the aftereffects of a relationship

that ended half a year ago.

My ex dumped me,

and she broke my heart

and I honestly thought
about her every single day since.

Until I met you.

For the past few months I haven't thought
about her at all.

It's because of you.

Tae told me not to bring up
an ex with a new girl.

-He's right.

-I wanted to be honest.

Wait, you told me about your ex, though.

-Same rules don't apply to women.

-Okay, I suppose you're right.

Either way,

I care about you.

-I care about you too,

but Aubrey is my friend
and she hates you guys right now.

You put me in a really tough spot.

-I know.

I know.

I wish you two could have seen us.

We literally fought
to get that video offline.

-What are you talking about?

Is that where you got that?

-Yes.

Don't want to see
what happened to the other guy.

Okay.

I'm going to show you something
and you've got to promise

that you're never going to tell anybody.

-Okay.

-No, seriously.
Never,

ever tell anyone.

I'm only showing this
to let that I trust you.

-Okay.

Show me whatever it is.
-Okay.

This is something I had to do
while getting the video deleted.

-What the fuck?

-What the fuck?

-If you ever tell anyone
that we were here--

-Get your balls off my face.

-I will put this video
where everyone can see it,

got it?
-Yes.

-What are you thinking?

-I don't know what to think.

-It had to be done.

-You had to put your balls on his face?

-It was his head,

but yes, it had to be done.

In order to make sure
that none of this came back to us.

Unfortunately, we didn't get
the video down fast enough.

We tried.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry

that Aubrey got humiliated
for something Tae did.

I'm sorry I got mixed up in all this.

I'm sorry I can't stop thinking about you.

I have to come harass you
after class like a stalker.

-This is a bit stalkerish.

-I'll do whatever it takes.

I'll wear sunglasses at night.

I can get a white van
with binoculars and--

-Shut up.

What is it with you guys wanting to put
your balls near other guy's faces?

-I have no idea.

Tae put the idea in my head.

-Ah, figures.

-Want to grab something to eat?

-Sure.
-Okay.

-Maybe we can catch
that new Catherine Heigl flick.

-Are you serious?

-Not at all.

Just wanted to see your face.

-Cute.

Real cute.

-Come on.
Where'd you park your car?

-On the next level,
but your car's right here.

-I know.

You're driving.

-Really?

You sure?

-Not at all, but I guess
I'm willing to trust.

-Right this way.

-Now I have to figure out
a way to tell Aubrey

that I just can't get rid of you.

-We'll figure it out.

By the way,

when you two were packing up,
did you happen to see my camera?

Can't find that thing anywhere.

-No.

I haven't seen it.

-Oh, okay.

Wonder where that damn thing is.

-Aubrey.

Look, Aubrey.

-Tae, I'm just grabbing
what's left of my stuff,

and this will be the last time
that we ever see each other.

-Look, I know that--

-Please just stop.

I don't want to have
this conversation again.

Nothing that you say is going
to be good enough.

-Look, I know my words
aren't shit right now,

but I just want to tell you
that I like you.

That's the reason why I taped you
in the first place.

That's the reason why I deleted it
before watching it.

Look, half
the shit I do doesn't make sense,

and I don't know why I do it.

I'm really sorry for what happened to you.

-Tae, I really liked you, too.

I thought you were a cool guy,
someone I could talk to freely,

someone that I didn't have
to worry about offending.

Then what happens?

I'm the one that gets offended.

I'm the one that gets hurt.

I'm the one that gets fucked,

an not in a good way.

Does that seem fair to you?

You're such a fucking asshole.

-I know.

I know I'm an asshole.

Damn.

Damn.

-Don't be a pussy.

-Okay.

Again.

Again.

-I fucking hate you.

-This has never happened to me before.

-It's okay.

Sometimes it happens.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

-I know,
because it's never happened before,

so I wouldn't be ashamed either.

-Right.

Okay, well, I got to go.

I'd say that I'd see you around,
but I don't intend to ever see you again.

-Yes, I figured.

-Goodbye, Tae.

-Goodbye, Aubrey.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Right here for you.

Got that right here for you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

I got that right here, right here, yeah.

Got that right here for you.

Hey.

-Hey.

How's it going, buddy?

-It's good.

Yes, I'm just having an off month.

-No girls coming over to ease your pain?

-Nah.
-What's going on?

There's been a drought of naked women
walking around here.

-Just ain't been in the mood.

I can't even remember
the last time that I stroked it.

-Yes.

Everything okay down there?

-What?

-Just asking.

-Wait, no, that's a specific question,
though.

-I was just asking.

-Wait, who told you?

-No one.

I saw.

-No fucking way.

-Yes.

She got you, man.

She got you good.

Sorry, man.
I got to go.

I'm meeting Morgan.

We're going to go running.
-Wait, you're not going

to help me take this down?

-Oh, that flash drive
doesn't work anymore.

That was a one-time thing.

-Fuck.

-Yes.
Fuck.

-Hey, you know this
was just that one time, right?

It's never happened before.

-I'm sure it was.

-She beat the shit out of me,
what I'm saying?

It threw me off my game a little bit.

-I'm sure that's what happened.

Hey, you hang in there, okay?

-Hey, don't tell.

Hey, Damien, don't tell anybody, okay?

You said, come wander with me

You said, come wander, come wander

You said, come wander with me

-How'd it go?

-He's destroyed.

-He couldn't tell
that the site wasn't live?

-He doesn't understand that kind of stuff.

I feel sort of bad.

-Come on, you shouldn't.

He got you involved
in a problem that was his.

Let him sweat a little,
and we'll tell him whenever we get back,

okay?

Just remember, this
is Aubrey's way of dealing

with this situation.

-I know.

-Let's go.

Oh, I was hoping,
if we get done early enough,

we could see
that new Channing Tatum movie,

the one where he's a dancer.

-I think I pulled something
when I came downstairs,

so I'm going to go back up
and speak to you again.

-Come on, I'm kidding.

Let's go.

Come wander, come wander

He said, come wander with me.

He said--

-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Bob.

Oh, God.

-Is that what the Oregon Conspiracy
is about?

-Fucking eat it.

Tippy toes, I grip your hips

Then I get to throw in that D

That's me, don't sleep.

Go deep.

Ah.

Give it all I got.

If you backshot me, you call out my name.

Then I show all up I change positions.

Don't fall out my baby.

Pop it.
Throw it.

Drop it.

Stop it.
Hold up.

Let me catch my breath.

You said you got the bomb.

Let me catch my death.

Throw the napalm upon you.

You're my flesh upon flesh.

Then I kiss upon breast.

Till you respond?
Yes.

Mommy, be honest.

You ain't never met
another made you feel like this,

because

He said, come wander, come wander

He said, come wander with me.

He said, come wander, come wander

-I would say that I would see you around,
but I don't intend to ever see you again.

-This motherfucker's dead.

This motherfucker's dead.

This nigga's dead.

This motherfucker's dead.

-You mean a whole bunch of strangers
pissed on my son?

-Dad, give it a rest.

What does it matter?

Someone pissed on Bob.

It doesn't matter who did it.

Urine is urine.

-You see what happened to my daughter?

-I do.

I see it.

-Sir, we all handle grief in our own way.

-I'm sure you do.

Mommy, watch me put it down.

I'ma put it down.

Left, right, and up and down.

Front to back and all around.

Mommy, I'ma lay you down.

Fuck you, asshole.

You know that motherfucking internship
I told you about?

-Yes.

-Yes, well, guess what?

My motherfucking professor,
he pulled me aside from class.

-He told you to blow him.

-I would have totally blown him.

-You should have blown him.

-I would have totally fucking blown him,
but I didn't have to.

I didn't have to.

He told me I got the internship.

-Yes.

Boom.
-That's awesome.

-Yes.

I'ma lay you down.

-All right, everybody.

We're rolling.

-Set.

-Action.

-That's what they got you
for the internship?

No.

No, that's not what you got.
-All right, take it from the top.

I think that's enough. All right. Cut.

-Whoa.

Wipe that fucking grin off
your mouth, man.

Because I'm fucking paying, man.

Let me ask you a question.

Does Morgan have a dick in her pants?

-I don't know.
Have you checked yet?

-No, the answer is no.

She's got a vagina in her pants.

I'm paying.
Okay?

I'm fucking paying.

-You're the man.

-I'm the man.
-You're the man.

-Then what's going to happen after that?

Probably nothing.

Let's talk about.

-You want to talk about this dick?

-God, no.

-Oh.

I farted.

For real, I think that Bane
could have been Batman.

Batman could have been Bane.

That dude's weird.
He's walking off laughing and shit.

Come on in. Bring it into my face.

Fuck, I forgot my line.

This ain't a game, Cock Drip.

Now you come around here
opening your mouth

one more again,

I'm going to put my dick in it.

I'm going to fuck the back of your mouth.

Pull the trigger?

-Jesus Christ.

-I just watched Dark Knight Rises.

That movie's so good.

-Yes, you better sTae out here
because I don't want you coming here,

fucking up the vibe.

You're going to get those girls
dried like some overcooked chicken.

What?

You like from Rouse?

Those girls are going to get dry
like some overstuffed--

Okay.

-Overstuffed what?

A fucking Supreme taco?

What is this, a bean burrito?

All right, all right.

-Look.

I'm totes sorry that my partner
ruined your guy's life.

-I forgot.

-It's still going.

It's still rolling.

-Sorry.

All right.

Who the fuck talked?

It was your cousin.

-Ha.
Told you Eugene wouldn't talk.

-Man, shut the fuck up, bitch.

Mark-ass, punk-ass, trick-ass,
snitching-ass,

punk-ass bitch.

-I'm supes sorry that my partner

ruined your guy's life.

Keep it on.

You guys totally got it all together, man.

All right, all right.

I'm supes sorry that my partner
ruined your guy's life.

Supe's on and I'm sorry.

-You can pick it up from there.

-What do you want?

-I brought you some food.

What the fuck happened?

What?

-You know what happened.

Bitch.

-What the fuck?

-Look, fuck you Zoe.

Take your fucking food back.

I don't fucking want it.

-My name's not fucking Zoe.

-Oh my god.
Why can't you cut this?

If I start to improvise.

Because then I'm starting to think
I'm going too far off the line.

-No, that's cool.

Mira, look.
Mira, look.

Got so many bitches, I feel bad.

Ay, bendito.
Got so many-

-Yes.
What?

Don't do that.

What do you got on your shirt?

Fuck, you don't have a shirt.

You like sandwiches?

How about a knuckle sandwich?
-You got crazy legs?

Look at the crazy legs.
You can't fight crazy legs.

Ain't nobody fight crazy legs.

You're not going to treat me, bitch.
Look at the crazy legs.

-Maybe you got a parking
spot for my fist, bitch.

-Why are we talking so much?

I thought we was fighting.
-We are,

but we're just throwing down right now.

-All right, cool.

-What the fuck you doing
on my computer, you little bitch?

Motherfucker, I already did that shit.

Get your ass up out of here,
you little pussy.

Yes, that feel, you egghead motherfucker?

What the fuck your bitch ass
doing on my computer?

I already did that shit.

Get your pussy ass up out of here.

Motherfucker, what the shit?

Get the fuck off me.

All right, all right, all right.

-I can't hear you.

- Yes, I won't put that.
- You like my balls on your head?

-No, I don't want it.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck is it?
-My balls.

chains, I feel bad.

Ay, bendito.

Papi, you broke.

I feel bad.

Ay, bendito.

I feel bad.

Ese me llamo Fleeto.

I'm an ex Aquilo.

My wrist is frío.

And I eat Chorizo

-Stinky motherfucker.

-Hey Dwayne,

you got a towel in that room?

I can't move
because I feel like I'm 25% done.

I'm just going to finish.

Okay.

Hey, Dwayne, if you ain't busy later,
I need that towel.

I mean, you paid for the carpet, so--

Oh, I thought I was done.

-Cut.