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1
00:00:11,161 --> 00:00:13,801
Get rid of the gum,
Salamander.
2
00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:17,441
It's Sal-mander, no middle a.
3
00:00:17,961 --> 00:00:19,881
Get rid of the gum.
4
00:00:20,801 --> 00:00:23,961
Nicotine gum.
I've stopped smoking, so I--
5
00:00:24,281 --> 00:00:25,721
Get rid of it now!
6
00:00:28,601 --> 00:00:29,601
Yes.
7
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,321
And go on.
8
00:00:44,641 --> 00:00:49,041
Well, it was...
a regular Independence Day.
9
00:00:55,001 --> 00:00:56,201
Nice weather.
10
00:00:59,561 --> 00:01:01,561
No disturbances.
11
00:01:02,441 --> 00:01:04,361
Bought ice cream.
12
00:01:05,721 --> 00:01:08,361
Stopped some drunk grad girls.
13
00:01:08,961 --> 00:01:09,881
Are you drunk?
14
00:01:09,881 --> 00:01:11,441
Get to the point!
15
00:01:13,801 --> 00:01:14,921
Gunnar...
16
00:01:14,921 --> 00:01:15,721
Hm?
17
00:01:16,681 --> 00:01:17,801
My horse.
18
00:01:18,441 --> 00:01:19,561
He...
19
00:01:20,641 --> 00:01:22,561
behaved very weird.
20
00:01:23,281 --> 00:01:26,081
Gunnar. Gunnar.
Don't stare at me.
21
00:01:26,841 --> 00:01:28,361
He sprained his foot, and...
22
00:01:29,801 --> 00:01:30,801
And?
23
00:01:31,361 --> 00:01:32,641
Fell down.
24
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:39,801
What the fuck?
25
00:01:41,441 --> 00:01:42,401
Gunnar.
26
00:01:43,441 --> 00:01:45,281
Not doing so good?
27
00:01:45,681 --> 00:01:49,561
Gunnar. It's Salmander.
Your daddy.
28
00:01:49,561 --> 00:01:51,521
I checked the manual.
29
00:01:51,521 --> 00:01:54,121
"Routines for hurt animals.
Assess condition."
30
00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:58,441
"If the animal is suffering,
it must be put down instantly."
31
00:01:58,961 --> 00:02:00,401
Put down, OK.
32
00:02:00,401 --> 00:02:01,481
Gunnar.
33
00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:05,801
Move away.
34
00:02:06,281 --> 00:02:08,121
I have to kill him.
35
00:02:20,201 --> 00:02:21,481
You shot the horse?
36
00:02:21,881 --> 00:02:23,761
- Gunnar.
- The horse!
37
00:02:24,721 --> 00:02:27,401
I just tried to do the right thing.
38
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,481
Gunnar?
39
00:02:41,921 --> 00:02:43,081
Hey! You!
40
00:02:43,841 --> 00:02:46,401
Take this.
And then buzz off.
41
00:02:58,001 --> 00:03:02,001
You shot the horse, beat it with a tuba,
and backed a car over it.
42
00:03:17,161 --> 00:03:18,721
TORTURED HORSE
43
00:03:18,721 --> 00:03:22,321
I know we asked you
to become more visible in the streets,
44
00:03:22,321 --> 00:03:24,681
but this isn't what we wanted.
45
00:03:26,721 --> 00:03:28,961
You know what's easiest to do?
46
00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:31,121
To say you're fired.
47
00:03:32,761 --> 00:03:34,801
So that's what I'm doing.
48
00:03:34,961 --> 00:03:37,321
You're fired, Salamander.
49
00:03:38,681 --> 00:03:41,801
I wish I could discharge you right now,
50
00:03:41,801 --> 00:03:47,401
but the new rules from 2001 says
everyone has the right to 3 month's notice.
51
00:03:47,641 --> 00:03:48,401
OK?
52
00:03:48,401 --> 00:03:52,481
As you're a walking PR-disaster,
we can't keep you here,
53
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:56,281
and you were accepted
via the Immigration Quota, so...
54
00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:59,241
Yes. Eh, anyway...
55
00:04:03,321 --> 00:04:04,401
Hellfjård?
56
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:05,881
Hellfjord!
57
00:04:06,801 --> 00:04:08,481
What is Hellfjord?
58
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:11,321
It's situated hellishly far up north.
59
00:04:11,841 --> 00:04:15,121
And you are to report in Hellfjord
60
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,481
within 24 hours, Salamander.
61
00:04:17,481 --> 00:04:21,441
You'll be there for 3 months
as district sheriff.
62
00:04:21,441 --> 00:04:25,921
And then you're done,
and I'll never see you again.
63
00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:29,521
But...
64
00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:32,161
what if I do a good job there?
65
00:04:33,801 --> 00:04:35,521
That won't happen.
66
00:04:56,481 --> 00:04:57,681
Hello.
67
00:04:58,241 --> 00:05:00,561
- Hi.
- Howdy.
68
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,801
You're Salamander?
69
00:05:04,161 --> 00:05:05,081
Yes.
70
00:05:07,561 --> 00:05:09,161
Sal-mander, no middle a.
71
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,201
- Are you Norwegian?
- Yes.
72
00:05:18,801 --> 00:05:21,921
Here are my transfer papers from Oslo.
73
00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:30,921
No, leave 'em.
74
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:37,561
Kristoffer Wegelius Tangstad.
75
00:05:37,561 --> 00:05:38,761
Salmander.
76
00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:41,521
You can just call me Kobba.
77
00:05:41,961 --> 00:05:44,361
Everyone I don't like does that.
78
00:05:51,081 --> 00:05:52,001
Sure.
79
00:05:52,881 --> 00:05:56,881
So this is where...
I'll be working for 3 months?
80
00:06:00,001 --> 00:06:01,121
No.
81
00:06:41,761 --> 00:06:42,641
Okay.
82
00:06:43,081 --> 00:06:46,041
Looks like we have a landlubber aboard.
83
00:06:46,041 --> 00:06:47,001
Eh?
84
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:48,481
Where?
85
00:06:48,961 --> 00:06:49,961
Here?
86
00:06:54,201 --> 00:06:55,041
Oh!
87
00:06:55,921 --> 00:06:57,121
The sea!
88
00:06:58,201 --> 00:06:59,481
I like the sea.
89
00:07:00,081 --> 00:07:01,441
Southerner.
90
00:07:01,601 --> 00:07:03,081
What was that?
91
00:07:03,081 --> 00:07:05,321
You've got something here.
92
00:07:16,921 --> 00:07:18,201
What the fuck?
93
00:07:18,561 --> 00:07:20,041
What the fuck was that?
94
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:24,281
Don't worry about it.
It's only Tulla.
95
00:07:24,881 --> 00:07:26,041
Tulla?
96
00:07:26,841 --> 00:07:28,801
Our sea serpent.
97
00:07:29,321 --> 00:07:30,881
Sea serpent, sure.
98
00:07:33,001 --> 00:07:36,801
Must give her a snack
when one journeys in her waters,
99
00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:39,161
or else she goes quite mad.
100
00:07:41,681 --> 00:07:45,601
For some reason
she's crazy about goat's head.
101
00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:51,321
Dinner is served!
102
00:07:57,361 --> 00:08:00,681
Looks like you're getting dessert too.
103
00:08:10,841 --> 00:08:12,961
SHERIFF'S OFFICE
104
00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:22,681
Well, here's the police office.
105
00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:27,161
You can see it says sheriff's office.
106
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:29,721
On the sign.
107
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:49,721
Those who've crunched the numbers,
and know the figures,
108
00:08:49,721 --> 00:08:55,841
say that Hellfjord is the place in Norway
with most square meters per capita.
109
00:08:55,841 --> 00:08:57,761
- Yeah. Strange.
- Yes.
110
00:08:58,681 --> 00:09:01,441
Well, say hello to...
111
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,721
Riina. My old lady.
112
00:09:04,561 --> 00:09:08,121
So greet Salmander, no middle a,
in a nice way.
113
00:09:08,121 --> 00:09:12,081
He's a celeb, killed a horse in Oslo,
was in the papers.
114
00:09:12,561 --> 00:09:13,481
Hi.
115
00:09:14,561 --> 00:09:18,401
- Nice to meet you.
- Shut the fuck up, speak Norwegian!
116
00:09:19,121 --> 00:09:21,041
Likewise.
117
00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:26,401
Run into the kitchen
and make some coffee.
118
00:09:34,921 --> 00:09:37,201
Mail order bride from Finland.
119
00:09:38,521 --> 00:09:40,761
Not too bad, Kobba.
120
00:09:40,761 --> 00:09:44,881
No, not at that price,
that wasn't too bad.
121
00:09:44,881 --> 00:09:47,721
Potato shortage in northern Finland.
122
00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:51,561
You surely know my situation.
123
00:09:51,921 --> 00:09:56,641
I think that if I do
a fantastic job up here,
124
00:09:57,801 --> 00:09:59,081
it might...
125
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,881
Then it might...
126
00:10:03,801 --> 00:10:05,241
be that...
127
00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:08,361
I don't get fired by the boys in Oslo.
128
00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:11,161
- You don't say.
- That maybe I...
129
00:10:12,561 --> 00:10:15,681
can keep my job in the police.
130
00:10:16,961 --> 00:10:19,601
Can you brief me about Hellfjord?
131
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:22,881
Sure.
132
00:10:22,881 --> 00:10:26,041
As you know,
Hellfjord is a fairly small place.
133
00:10:26,681 --> 00:10:29,601
The average age is 67 years,
134
00:10:29,601 --> 00:10:33,841
and we're the only village in Norway
where everyone smokes.
135
00:10:34,241 --> 00:10:38,481
We also have the highest numbers of COPD,
136
00:10:38,481 --> 00:10:41,481
but I don't see any connection.
137
00:10:42,281 --> 00:10:47,401
We've our own doctor, dentist,
plumber, mailman,
138
00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:49,681
mechanic and chimney sweeper.
139
00:10:50,601 --> 00:10:52,401
His name's Roger.
140
00:10:52,921 --> 00:10:55,721
Got our own pub.
Kjell's Kitchen.
141
00:10:56,801 --> 00:11:01,321
There you can watch nude ladies,
get drunk, fuck and fight.
142
00:11:02,761 --> 00:11:06,561
Or just bring the family
to a nice Sunday dinner.
143
00:11:08,361 --> 00:11:14,321
Then we have the very life nerve
of the area, the fish processing Hellfish.
144
00:11:14,321 --> 00:11:17,921
About 60 percent of
the inhabitants work here,
145
00:11:18,121 --> 00:11:23,481
filleting, penetrating,
cleaning and shipping the fish.
146
00:11:24,201 --> 00:11:27,881
It's being run by a Swede
named Bosse Nova.
147
00:11:28,881 --> 00:11:31,881
Very nice bloke.
148
00:11:32,841 --> 00:11:34,041
Bosse Nova?
149
00:11:35,521 --> 00:11:37,201
Wanna see my dick?
150
00:11:37,481 --> 00:11:38,361
Hm?
151
00:11:44,481 --> 00:11:45,681
Pardon?
152
00:11:51,441 --> 00:11:53,481
Wanna see your office?
153
00:11:53,961 --> 00:11:59,121
Sorry, I'm used to only me
and Riina being here.
154
00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:01,401
Office, sure.
155
00:12:01,641 --> 00:12:03,761
Here's what's important.
156
00:12:05,481 --> 00:12:07,601
There's only one rule.
157
00:12:08,681 --> 00:12:13,081
If you grab something
from the fridge, big or small,
158
00:12:13,961 --> 00:12:16,921
close the fridge afterwards.
159
00:12:23,081 --> 00:12:24,481
D'you hear that?
160
00:12:25,801 --> 00:12:31,161
Close the fridge!
161
00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:33,161
Yes.
162
00:12:50,041 --> 00:12:53,641
Better call it a day.
We fixed a room for you.
163
00:12:53,641 --> 00:12:55,881
- Big day tomorrow.
- Good.
164
00:12:56,121 --> 00:13:01,521
Both the village mayor and journalist
want to speak with you.
165
00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:04,561
The celeb.
166
00:13:04,721 --> 00:13:07,641
Doesn't get dark during this season.
167
00:13:07,641 --> 00:13:12,761
I had the old lady put up some drapes
so you'll get your beauty sleep.
168
00:13:13,081 --> 00:13:18,161
And there's plenty asbestos in the walls,
so don't worry about
169
00:13:18,641 --> 00:13:20,481
keeping warm.
170
00:13:21,481 --> 00:13:23,121
Go to sleep.
171
00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:34,601
Wash that dirty mug of yours.
172
00:14:23,561 --> 00:14:24,801
Gunnar.
173
00:14:27,881 --> 00:14:29,761
You are fired.
174
00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:36,001
Did you know that Hellfjord
is the best place in the world?
175
00:14:38,321 --> 00:14:41,561
Wanna see my dick?
176
00:14:42,321 --> 00:14:45,081
My dick.
177
00:14:55,841 --> 00:14:56,561
Evening.
178
00:14:58,561 --> 00:15:00,401
So you're awake, too?
179
00:15:01,441 --> 00:15:02,441
Yes.
180
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:06,161
Yeah.
Try getting some sleep, then.
181
00:15:07,761 --> 00:15:08,601
Sure.
182
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:16,201
Will you just be...
183
00:15:18,321 --> 00:15:19,521
standing there?
184
00:15:20,241 --> 00:15:21,641
Yes, please.
185
00:15:23,921 --> 00:15:24,881
Yes.
186
00:16:08,121 --> 00:16:10,241
Mr. Hellfjord, I presume?
187
00:16:11,681 --> 00:16:14,921
Fuck you!
Why? That's why!
188
00:16:25,241 --> 00:16:29,001
You screaming and yelling,
it's not... You!
189
00:16:32,401 --> 00:16:38,521
We can't have that screaming and yelling
and scratching every time we're in bed.
190
00:16:38,521 --> 00:16:40,681
It ain't that fucking good.
191
00:16:42,681 --> 00:16:44,321
- Grrr!
- No...
192
00:16:44,881 --> 00:16:46,921
Go away! Get out!
193
00:16:46,921 --> 00:16:49,521
Mene pois! Mene pois!
194
00:16:51,481 --> 00:16:52,641
Morning.
195
00:16:55,321 --> 00:16:58,241
- Sit there!
- Are we off?
196
00:16:58,241 --> 00:17:01,761
- We're meeting the journalist and all.
- Yes.
197
00:17:02,961 --> 00:17:08,841
Don't be disappointed if the locals
won't welcome you with open arms.
198
00:17:09,401 --> 00:17:12,561
They're skeptical to new people,
to put it like that.
199
00:17:20,801 --> 00:17:22,401
I've fucked her.
200
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:23,761
Sick.
201
00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:26,921
- Tight.
- No, sick.
202
00:17:33,881 --> 00:17:35,081
OK, folks.
203
00:17:35,401 --> 00:17:42,081
Bureaucrats down south decided to
send a policeman to us up here
204
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,601
in our remote corner.
205
00:17:44,921 --> 00:17:50,521
Well, we know we don't need
a district sheriff up here, but
206
00:17:50,681 --> 00:17:54,601
as they have sent him,
we'll receive him well.
207
00:17:57,721 --> 00:17:59,041
Won't we?
208
00:18:02,201 --> 00:18:07,761
Well, let me introduce our new citizen,
eh, district sheriff.
209
00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:10,201
Salamander.
210
00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:12,041
- Sal-mander.
- Yes.
211
00:18:16,001 --> 00:18:20,641
I hear your mayor says
you don't need a sheriff up here.
212
00:18:21,241 --> 00:18:24,521
I disagree completely with that.
213
00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:30,401
I think every shitty hick town in Norway,
big or small, needs a sheriff.
214
00:18:30,881 --> 00:18:34,281
Because it's one thing I've learned.
215
00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:38,521
No matter how small a hick town is,
216
00:18:40,401 --> 00:18:42,961
something's seething beneath the surface.
217
00:18:44,441 --> 00:18:47,761
So the only thing left to say, is
218
00:18:48,041 --> 00:18:50,401
thanks for coming.
219
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:56,601
And don't hesitate to get in touch
if you need anything.
220
00:18:56,601 --> 00:18:59,721
That's why I'm here.
Thanks for the attention.
221
00:19:03,961 --> 00:19:06,201
Yes, that went well.
222
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:18,321
- Hi. Johanne.
- No, Salmander.
223
00:19:19,961 --> 00:19:22,521
- You're the journalist?
- Yes.
224
00:19:22,521 --> 00:19:25,001
Saw it in how you asked questions.
225
00:19:27,641 --> 00:19:31,001
- Haven't asked any questions.
- Policeman.
226
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,121
Total control.
227
00:19:38,041 --> 00:19:41,521
- Yes?
- Could we have a coffee and talk?
228
00:19:41,521 --> 00:19:43,441
To the point. I like it.
229
00:19:44,121 --> 00:19:46,281
You're good. Thorough.
230
00:19:59,721 --> 00:20:02,481
How do you find Hellfjord so far?
231
00:20:03,241 --> 00:20:06,401
Hellfjord?
I find it...
232
00:20:08,881 --> 00:20:12,361
People here are very...
easy-going.
233
00:20:13,721 --> 00:20:15,721
Write that. Easy-going.
234
00:20:16,761 --> 00:20:19,241
Good living conditions.
235
00:20:19,441 --> 00:20:21,161
It is...
236
00:20:21,641 --> 00:20:22,641
sunny.
237
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:26,001
Sun's shining all the...
all the time.
238
00:20:26,481 --> 00:20:27,761
Which is good.
239
00:20:28,601 --> 00:20:30,521
I'm happy to be here.
240
00:20:32,121 --> 00:20:36,241
I have to say it at once.
Something's going on here.
241
00:20:36,721 --> 00:20:37,881
In here?
242
00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:42,961
Yes. Don't know if it's right here,
but elsewhere with people.
243
00:20:44,561 --> 00:20:48,281
Well, that's the yokels' thing,
Northern Norway?
244
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:52,801
No, not that. Something strange,
haven't you noticed?
245
00:20:54,001 --> 00:20:55,241
Hi.
246
00:20:56,361 --> 00:20:57,401
And hi!
247
00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:01,281
OK, so here sits our new...
248
00:21:02,121 --> 00:21:03,721
policeman.
249
00:21:04,121 --> 00:21:07,641
Nice speech you gave earlier.
It feels...
250
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:10,001
It feels... safe.
251
00:21:11,641 --> 00:21:12,841
That's good.
252
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:19,881
And you sitting here with
our own little nosy parker.
253
00:21:19,881 --> 00:21:24,521
Fantastic story you wrote
about that cat in the tree.
254
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:25,961
Yes.
255
00:21:27,641 --> 00:21:30,321
- Cheers!
- I don't drink when on duty.
256
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:33,441
Bullshit. A welcome toast.
257
00:21:33,441 --> 00:21:35,081
- Yes.
- Cheers!
258
00:21:37,201 --> 00:21:39,161
- Yes!
- Yes!
259
00:21:41,721 --> 00:21:46,881
Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself.
Bosse Nova, head of the fishery.
260
00:21:46,881 --> 00:21:50,521
- Sure, the fish processing.
- Yes, exactly.
261
00:21:50,921 --> 00:21:54,561
If your job goes to hell,
you can fillet fish.
262
00:21:54,561 --> 00:21:55,601
Yeah.
263
00:21:56,281 --> 00:21:59,681
You see, in Hellfjord we...
264
00:22:01,201 --> 00:22:03,961
hold together,
help each other.
265
00:22:05,161 --> 00:22:09,281
So if you get a problem,
anything at all,
266
00:22:09,281 --> 00:22:11,281
just come see me.
267
00:22:12,401 --> 00:22:13,241
OK?
268
00:22:15,841 --> 00:22:19,801
I knew it.
You're smart, got it right away.
269
00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:25,201
Good.
We'll meet at Hellquiz on Friday.
270
00:22:25,201 --> 00:22:28,761
And now you won't win,
'cause I've practiced.
271
00:22:28,921 --> 00:22:32,481
How can you know all
about photosynthesis?
272
00:22:34,641 --> 00:22:36,041
- Bye, bye.
- Bye.
273
00:22:36,601 --> 00:22:39,161
- Killevippen.
- Killevippen.
274
00:22:41,881 --> 00:22:44,321
Nice guy.
Write that.
275
00:22:45,081 --> 00:22:46,161
Nice guy.
276
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:54,881
Is that a cow?
277
00:23:01,321 --> 00:23:02,441
It's nice.
278
00:23:04,201 --> 00:23:06,441
If that's it, I'd like to go.
279
00:23:07,241 --> 00:23:09,081
Got some work to do.
280
00:23:10,001 --> 00:23:11,041
OK.
281
00:24:23,721 --> 00:24:26,441
Seen a piece of my Eiffel Tower?
282
00:24:32,241 --> 00:24:34,201
No, I haven't seen that.
283
00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:40,001
Didn't come here to help with
your puzzle or goddamn fridge.
284
00:24:40,881 --> 00:24:43,801
I'm here to do police work.
285
00:24:43,801 --> 00:24:48,281
Shoot people,
solve murder mysteries, rape.
286
00:24:48,841 --> 00:24:50,801
We're police, Kobba.
287
00:24:52,161 --> 00:24:53,761
I am, at least.
288
00:24:58,561 --> 00:24:59,641
There it is.
289
00:25:04,721 --> 00:25:06,881
Isn't there anything I can do?
290
00:25:09,601 --> 00:25:11,361
Do you surf for porn?
291
00:25:15,201 --> 00:25:19,121
Dendrophilia.
292
00:25:24,281 --> 00:25:26,441
They have sex with trees.
293
00:25:31,481 --> 00:25:33,241
Will he get splinters?
294
00:25:54,521 --> 00:25:58,401
Can you do these
while you're sitting here anyway?
295
00:26:09,081 --> 00:26:12,881
Don't remember putting baloney
on my sandwich.
296
00:26:25,321 --> 00:26:30,721
Be nice if you could rub Riina's silverware
while you're sitting there.
297
00:26:37,921 --> 00:26:39,361
I have to poop.
298
00:27:11,081 --> 00:27:14,161
- How can I help?
- Things are not here!
299
00:27:14,761 --> 00:27:19,281
- No? Where are you?
- Things here are not what they seem.
300
00:27:19,641 --> 00:27:22,801
I have to talk to you.
Come to the fishery.
301
00:27:22,801 --> 00:27:25,561
- Come now to Hellfish.
- Hello?
302
00:27:28,881 --> 00:27:29,921
Hello?
303
00:29:00,401 --> 00:29:01,281
Hello?
20809
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