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1
00:00:03,264 --> 00:00:04,495
Hmm.
2
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:09,660
Hello.
3
00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:13,494
Two squirrels are in bed.What?
I’m working on this
Cartoon caption contest
4
00:00:13,495 --> 00:00:15,527
To win a subscription
To "The new yorker".
5
00:00:15,528 --> 00:00:16,956
So... What’s
Something funny
6
00:00:16,957 --> 00:00:20,132
A husband squirrel would
Say to a wife squirrel?
7
00:00:21,957 --> 00:00:23,329
"Oh, but you’ll put
8
00:00:23,330 --> 00:00:25,494
Those nuts
In your mouth."
9
00:00:25,495 --> 00:00:27,296
Hah. Nice.
10
00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:28,957
You think of that
All by yourself?
11
00:00:30,528 --> 00:00:33,999
That’s good. I’m going
To write that down.What do you have?
Uh, "I’m tired of you
Eating our young."
12
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,692
Get your man-hands off me!
13
00:00:36,693 --> 00:00:37,999
Hmm.
14
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:38,857
Where the hell...
15
00:00:38,858 --> 00:00:40,758
Yes, sir?
16
00:00:40,759 --> 00:00:42,857
Have you seen my... Ah!
17
00:00:42,858 --> 00:00:44,429
Son of a bitch!
18
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,329
Hey, do you know
Where... Ah.
19
00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:50,824
I’ll call
You back.
20
00:00:50,825 --> 00:00:52,857
Listen, lady...
21
00:00:52,858 --> 00:00:53,725
I have a name.
22
00:00:53,726 --> 00:00:55,329
You see this nudie pen?
23
00:00:55,330 --> 00:00:56,065
Yeah?
24
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:58,197
What’s written betwixt
Her sculpted thighs?
25
00:00:58,198 --> 00:00:59,263
"Clark claxton."
26
00:00:59,264 --> 00:01:00,956
Yeah. That’s not
Your name, is it?
27
00:01:00,957 --> 00:01:01,792
No. My name is...
28
00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:05,131
Because I know
You’re not me,you’re not my dad
And you’re definitely
Not my grandfather
29
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:06,626
Because he doesn’t
Sport a moustache.
30
00:01:06,627 --> 00:01:08,428
Well, you could just
Use a different pen.
31
00:01:08,429 --> 00:01:11,032
Or I could use
A different
Assistant.
32
00:01:11,033 --> 00:01:12,593
Hmm. Tough choice.
33
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:13,692
All right,
First one
34
00:01:13,693 --> 00:01:15,659
To show me their
Tits can stay.
35
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:18,231
Mmm, good effort,
But you’re fired.
36
00:01:18,858 --> 00:01:20,164
Shithead.
37
00:01:25,858 --> 00:01:27,329
♪ all hail
The working man ♪
38
00:01:27,330 --> 00:01:28,923
♪ he’s got the world
In his hand ♪
39
00:01:28,924 --> 00:01:30,395
♪ all hail
The working man ♪
40
00:01:30,396 --> 00:01:32,593
♪ the work is never done
41
00:01:32,594 --> 00:01:35,494
♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh
42
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,999
♪ way-oh, way-oh-ho
43
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,593
Huh!
44
00:01:39,594 --> 00:01:40,527
♪ I am the working man
45
00:01:40,528 --> 00:01:42,494
♪ through the night
Till the morning sun ♪
46
00:01:42,495 --> 00:01:43,791
♪ I am the working man
47
00:01:43,792 --> 00:01:45,395
♪ the work is never done
48
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:48,560
♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
49
00:01:48,561 --> 00:01:50,131
Hey! Hey!
♪ way-oh-way
50
00:01:51,264 --> 00:01:52,494
♪ pray for
The working man ♪
51
00:01:52,495 --> 00:01:54,230
♪ always there
With a helping hand ♪
52
00:01:54,231 --> 00:01:55,758
♪ pray for
The working man ♪
53
00:01:55,759 --> 00:01:57,263
♪ the work is never done
54
00:01:57,264 --> 00:01:58,560
♪ all hail
The working man ♪
55
00:01:58,561 --> 00:01:59,923
♪ another day
Has just begun ♪
56
00:01:59,924 --> 00:02:01,626
♪ all hail
The working man ♪
57
00:02:01,627 --> 00:02:03,924
♪ it’s never friggin’ done
58
00:02:11,594 --> 00:02:14,857
Could you press
46 please, robin?
59
00:02:14,858 --> 00:02:16,396
Oh, yes, sir.
60
00:02:17,297 --> 00:02:18,627
Excuse me.
61
00:02:19,957 --> 00:02:21,065
Thank you.
62
00:02:21,066 --> 00:02:22,297
Hmm.
63
00:02:24,198 --> 00:02:25,263
How was
Your weekend?
64
00:02:25,264 --> 00:02:27,131
I had dinner with
The prime minister.
65
00:02:27,132 --> 00:02:29,659
Oh.
We had canada goose.
66
00:02:29,660 --> 00:02:31,824
It was a little chewy.
67
00:02:31,825 --> 00:02:33,033
Oh.
68
00:02:33,594 --> 00:02:35,528
Oh! Look at that.
69
00:02:36,429 --> 00:02:38,296
You got a little
Bun in the oven.
70
00:02:38,297 --> 00:02:41,231
Mazel to!
71
00:02:44,561 --> 00:02:46,263
God, you go through
Assistants
72
00:02:46,264 --> 00:02:47,494
Like priests go
Through altar boys.
73
00:02:47,495 --> 00:02:50,098
She violated the
Sanctity of my office.
74
00:02:50,099 --> 00:02:50,956
Not the nudie pen?
75
00:02:50,957 --> 00:02:52,758
Yeah. She was
Doodling with it.
76
00:02:52,759 --> 00:02:54,593
And everything had
A smile, you know?
77
00:02:54,594 --> 00:02:57,032
Flowers with smiles,
Moons with smiles,
78
00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:58,065
Unicorns with smiles.
79
00:02:58,066 --> 00:03:00,494
Oh my god! Your
Pen’s gay now.
80
00:03:00,495 --> 00:03:01,395
I know.
81
00:03:01,396 --> 00:03:03,230
Do I look fat?
82
00:03:03,231 --> 00:03:04,626
Don’t even move.
83
00:03:04,627 --> 00:03:07,131
Well, according to
The water cooler,
84
00:03:07,132 --> 00:03:09,131
You’re eating
For two now.
85
00:03:09,132 --> 00:03:10,428
You’re pregnant?
86
00:03:10,429 --> 00:03:10,890
Great!
87
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,758
Now I have to kill
A stupid rumour
88
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:13,824
And lose five pounds.
89
00:03:13,825 --> 00:03:15,660
Mmm, I’m
Thinking ten.
90
00:03:16,792 --> 00:03:18,131
What did I do?
91
00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:19,494
Well, I’m off to h.R.
92
00:03:19,495 --> 00:03:20,890
A slave ship
Just arrived,
93
00:03:20,891 --> 00:03:22,693
I want to nab
Me a good one.
94
00:03:23,462 --> 00:03:24,164
Hey.
95
00:03:25,561 --> 00:03:27,230
I throw a stapler
At your head.
96
00:03:27,231 --> 00:03:28,692
What do you do?
97
00:03:28,693 --> 00:03:30,528
Am I bleeding?
98
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,264
What’s my
Favourite lunch?
99
00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:36,329
Come on. Take
Some initiative.
100
00:03:36,330 --> 00:03:38,527
Uh, spinach salad.
101
00:03:38,528 --> 00:03:39,692
Wrong.
102
00:03:39,693 --> 00:03:40,857
Hit the bricks.
103
00:03:40,858 --> 00:03:41,791
Okay.
104
00:03:41,792 --> 00:03:43,527
A train’s coming
Towards me.
105
00:03:43,528 --> 00:03:44,999
You might be
Able to save me
106
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:45,890
If you throw yourself
107
00:03:45,891 --> 00:03:48,230
And a thousand other
People in its path.
108
00:03:48,231 --> 00:03:49,098
What do you do?
109
00:03:49,099 --> 00:03:50,230
Whatever you tell me.
110
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,296
You’re hired.
111
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:52,164
That’s it?
112
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,494
Yep. Get to work.
113
00:03:53,495 --> 00:03:57,230
If anyone needs me, I’ll
Be in here jerking off.
114
00:03:57,231 --> 00:03:58,693
Ha-hah!
115
00:04:05,594 --> 00:04:08,296
For the mother-to-be.
116
00:04:08,297 --> 00:04:10,593
I look forward to
Your postpartum
Depression.
117
00:04:10,594 --> 00:04:13,528
All right, uh, there’s
Something I need
To tell you people.
118
00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:20,296
Quiet. Maybe
She remembers
Who the father is.Hey!
Ow.
Uh, robin, w-would you
Like the last croissant?
119
00:04:20,297 --> 00:04:23,999
You know, you...
You should keep your
Blood sugar stable.
120
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:24,758
Thank you.
121
00:04:24,759 --> 00:04:27,428
When do you want
Me to schedule
Your massages?
122
00:04:27,429 --> 00:04:29,296
Huh?
Part of our
Maternity policy.
123
00:04:29,297 --> 00:04:32,494
Once a week,
They come right
Into your office.
124
00:04:32,495 --> 00:04:33,428
Oh!
125
00:04:33,429 --> 00:04:35,857
There’s no end to
The crap you’re
Going to get.
126
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,296
That’s the only
Way that us lawyers
127
00:04:37,297 --> 00:04:40,032
Can keep on sleeping
With our assistants.
128
00:04:41,165 --> 00:04:44,065
Robin, isn’t there
Something you want
To tell everybody?
129
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,396
Hmm?
Hmm?
130
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:47,230
Oh, right. Right.
131
00:04:47,231 --> 00:04:51,065
Yeah, I just... I just
Wanted to say that, um...
132
00:04:51,066 --> 00:04:56,198
This mother-to-be
Feels a lot of
Love in this room.
133
00:04:57,693 --> 00:05:00,131
Hey, did that telemetrics
Conference call
134
00:05:00,132 --> 00:05:00,999
Come through yet?
135
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,065
Yes, sir.
Ten minutes ago.
136
00:05:02,066 --> 00:05:04,726
I told them you were
Jerking off, sir.
137
00:05:05,594 --> 00:05:07,395
You’re joking.
138
00:05:07,396 --> 00:05:09,032
I like that. That
Was pretty funny.
139
00:05:09,033 --> 00:05:10,560
No, sir. I
Wasn’t joking.
140
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,560
Humour really isn’t
Very professional.
141
00:05:12,561 --> 00:05:15,857
So, you actually told
Them I was masturbating?
142
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,164
What kind of
A freak are you?
143
00:05:17,165 --> 00:05:18,890
I’m of irish
Descent, sir.
144
00:05:18,891 --> 00:05:19,890
No, no, no. I don’t care
145
00:05:19,891 --> 00:05:21,329
If your mother
Is tanzanian.
146
00:05:21,330 --> 00:05:23,692
You just get your
Overly-literal
Ass on the phone
147
00:05:23,693 --> 00:05:24,725
And straighten
This mess out.
148
00:05:24,726 --> 00:05:28,165
On my mother’s side,
There was some dutch, sir.
149
00:05:34,693 --> 00:05:37,395
So you’re pissed
At robin ’cause she
Stole a croissant?No!
I’m pissed at her
’cause she stole it
With her womb.
150
00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:38,857
She’s all strong,
Independent woman
151
00:05:38,858 --> 00:05:40,999
Until she gets
Special attention
For being pregnant.
152
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,329
So it was
The croissant.
153
00:05:42,330 --> 00:05:43,824
It was
Chocolate-almond.
Ah, well.
154
00:05:43,825 --> 00:05:45,131
Hey, how’s your
New assistant
Working out?
155
00:05:45,132 --> 00:05:47,032
Ugh, my soon-to-be
Ex-assistant.
156
00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:48,923
She’s a mouth-
Breather,
157
00:05:48,924 --> 00:05:49,725
A paper clip
Fanatic.
158
00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:51,461
She put a paper
Clip on one
Piece of paper.
159
00:05:51,462 --> 00:05:54,164
And she brought me
A banana muffin
This morning.
160
00:05:54,165 --> 00:05:54,999
Banana!
Oh my god!
161
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,692
She’ll be gone some
Time after lunch.
162
00:05:56,693 --> 00:05:57,659
Well, why wait
Till then?
163
00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:59,692
I hate firing
People when I have
Low blood sugar.
164
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,098
So, have you
Picked any
Names yet?
165
00:06:02,099 --> 00:06:02,956
Well, not yet.
166
00:06:02,957 --> 00:06:04,758
Oh, let’s
Pick names.
167
00:06:04,759 --> 00:06:05,758
Oh, I love
Picking names.
168
00:06:05,759 --> 00:06:07,164
I like cecilia, that’s
My mother’s name.
169
00:06:07,165 --> 00:06:10,428
Pick names. Pick names.
Pick names. Pick names.
170
00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:12,296
You know, the
Classics are really
Making a comeback.
171
00:06:12,297 --> 00:06:15,758
God! How sick do you
Have to be to cash in
On a fake pregnancy?
172
00:06:15,759 --> 00:06:16,825
I know. It’s
Deplorable.
173
00:06:17,924 --> 00:06:20,131
What do you think
About jennifer?I don’t like that.
Lily?
I’m going
To pretend
I’m the father.
174
00:06:20,132 --> 00:06:23,131
That’s a great idea.
Thank you very much.
175
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,131
How’s the morning
Sickness?
176
00:06:24,132 --> 00:06:25,999
Oh god, I haven’t
Thrown up this much
177
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,428
Since my second
Abortion.
178
00:06:29,495 --> 00:06:31,164
Uh, everyone?
179
00:06:31,165 --> 00:06:33,329
I have an announcement
To make.
180
00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:35,395
No, actually,
Allow me.
181
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:37,791
Yeah?
Go ahead.
182
00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:38,626
All right.
183
00:06:38,627 --> 00:06:39,758
Uh, so we
Talked about it
184
00:06:39,759 --> 00:06:42,725
And we decided
It would be okay
To announce this.
185
00:06:42,726 --> 00:06:46,890
So it looks
Like...
186
00:06:46,891 --> 00:06:48,296
I’m going to
Be a daddy.
187
00:06:48,297 --> 00:06:49,561
Whoa!
188
00:06:50,297 --> 00:06:51,131
Yeah.
189
00:06:51,132 --> 00:06:52,131
What?
I know.
190
00:06:52,132 --> 00:06:53,593
Robin and I are just...
191
00:06:53,594 --> 00:06:55,329
Oh, so excited.
192
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,165
Aren’t we?
193
00:06:57,528 --> 00:06:58,999
It was a mistake.
194
00:06:59,000 --> 00:06:59,857
I was drunk.
195
00:06:59,858 --> 00:07:01,296
He was wearing
A santa hat.
196
00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:02,032
That’s impossible.
197
00:07:02,033 --> 00:07:04,263
The christmas party
Was eight months ago.
198
00:07:04,264 --> 00:07:05,527
Who said anything
About christmas?
199
00:07:05,528 --> 00:07:06,362
When I’m giving gifts,
200
00:07:06,363 --> 00:07:08,693
I always wear
The santa hat.
201
00:07:08,957 --> 00:07:12,627
Well, here’s to
The mama and the papa.
202
00:07:14,297 --> 00:07:15,692
Mazel to!
203
00:07:22,363 --> 00:07:23,659
Hey, papa-san.
204
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,131
Something for you
And the missus.
205
00:07:25,132 --> 00:07:27,164
Can’t talk. I got
To make someone cry.
206
00:07:27,165 --> 00:07:28,065
Oh, lucky bastard.
207
00:07:28,066 --> 00:07:29,461
It’s why we get up
In the morning.
208
00:07:29,462 --> 00:07:31,264
That and
The percocet.
209
00:07:31,462 --> 00:07:34,362
So, how are you
Settling in?
210
00:07:34,363 --> 00:07:35,692
Fine.
Hmm, I can
See that.
211
00:07:35,693 --> 00:07:38,263
You have your desk
All decorated with
Horse pictures.
212
00:07:38,264 --> 00:07:40,395
You got your holidays
All x-ed out
213
00:07:40,396 --> 00:07:41,692
On your
Horsey calendar.
214
00:07:41,693 --> 00:07:42,791
If I might
Interrupt, sir?
215
00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:46,032
Hey, why stop doing
Things wrong now?
216
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:46,923
I quit.
217
00:07:48,561 --> 00:07:50,824
She quit, right before
I was going to fire her.
218
00:07:50,825 --> 00:07:53,131
Now I’ve got
Termination
Blue balls.
219
00:07:53,132 --> 00:07:54,791
Is that why you’re
Walking funny?
220
00:07:54,792 --> 00:07:56,098
No. I sat on
My nudie pen.
221
00:07:56,099 --> 00:07:58,428
God! No one has ever
Quit on a claxton.
222
00:07:58,429 --> 00:08:01,263
I mean, one had to be
Re-institutionalized,
223
00:08:01,264 --> 00:08:02,461
One set himself on fire.
224
00:08:02,462 --> 00:08:03,692
Oh, and that
Freak, johnny,
225
00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:06,032
He left for gender
Reassignment surgery.
226
00:08:06,033 --> 00:08:07,131
I hear it’s
"Jenny" now.
227
00:08:07,132 --> 00:08:09,032
Really? Johnny
To jenny. Jesus.
228
00:08:09,033 --> 00:08:11,659
Anyway, I got
To find a way
To win her back
229
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:13,857
So that I can fire
Her as god intended.
230
00:08:13,858 --> 00:08:15,032
Yeah. It’s good
To keep busy.
231
00:08:15,033 --> 00:08:16,999
We’re supposed to be
The three musketeers
232
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,593
And you guys went and
Turned into a twix bar
233
00:08:18,594 --> 00:08:20,999
And now I’m like
One of those little
"After eight"
Chocolates.
234
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,065
You know, the ones
That come in the
Individual sleeves?
235
00:08:23,066 --> 00:08:24,164
They do cleanse
The palate.
236
00:08:24,165 --> 00:08:25,692
Why couldn’t you
Spread the wealth?
237
00:08:25,693 --> 00:08:27,824
We could have
A paternity drama.
238
00:08:27,825 --> 00:08:29,297
Be like, am
I the daddy?
239
00:08:30,264 --> 00:08:33,999
Is clark the daddy?Yeah, that’s
Just what I need.
To usurp courtney as
The new office slut.
240
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,230
I heard that!
241
00:08:35,231 --> 00:08:37,131
Let’s go, let’s go.
242
00:08:37,132 --> 00:08:38,923
You know, I could
Just tell on you guys
243
00:08:38,924 --> 00:08:40,329
And then your little
Game would be over.
244
00:08:40,330 --> 00:08:42,857
Oh, sammy gonna
Tell on us?
245
00:08:42,858 --> 00:08:43,725
Please.
246
00:08:43,726 --> 00:08:44,659
Call 9-wah-wah,
247
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,791
’cause somebody
Needs a wahm-bulance.
248
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:48,098
Wahm-bulance?
Did you just
Think of that?
249
00:08:48,099 --> 00:08:50,758
No. I stole it from
Dwayne in accounting.
250
00:08:50,759 --> 00:08:50,999
Oh.
251
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,329
You know, why don’t
You drop by the
Baby shower later?
252
00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:54,362
Yeah.
And bring us a gift.
253
00:08:54,363 --> 00:08:57,000
Baby needs a bottle
Of single malt.
254
00:09:02,099 --> 00:09:02,494
Hi, millie.
255
00:09:02,495 --> 00:09:05,032
I’ll be gone
In about five
Minutes, sir.
256
00:09:05,033 --> 00:09:08,725
Uh, hey, what kind
Of horse is this?
257
00:09:08,726 --> 00:09:10,098
Like you care, sir.
258
00:09:10,099 --> 00:09:12,560
All right. Look,
You passed, millie.
259
00:09:12,561 --> 00:09:13,296
I passed?
260
00:09:13,297 --> 00:09:15,131
Yeah. Like, I was
Hard on you.
261
00:09:15,132 --> 00:09:17,065
Harder than I’ve been
On anyone, ever,
262
00:09:17,066 --> 00:09:18,692
Which is really
Saying something.
263
00:09:18,693 --> 00:09:19,494
Why, sir?
264
00:09:19,495 --> 00:09:21,263
Well, I needed to know
That you were tough.
265
00:09:21,264 --> 00:09:23,494
And I damn well needed
To know you had my back.
266
00:09:23,495 --> 00:09:26,527
So I tested you
And you passed.
267
00:09:26,528 --> 00:09:27,296
By quitting?
268
00:09:27,297 --> 00:09:29,098
Exactly.
269
00:09:29,099 --> 00:09:30,692
Welcome to
Fagen and harrison.
270
00:09:30,693 --> 00:09:32,164
Well, thank you, sir.
271
00:09:32,165 --> 00:09:34,131
I’m overjoyed.
272
00:09:34,132 --> 00:09:34,857
You should be.
273
00:09:34,858 --> 00:09:37,263
It’s a hanoverian
Horse, sir.
274
00:09:37,264 --> 00:09:38,923
Oh. My favourite.
275
00:09:38,924 --> 00:09:41,494
See, we’re... We’re
Bonding already.
276
00:09:47,099 --> 00:09:48,164
How’s this
Shit-eater work?
277
00:09:48,165 --> 00:09:51,296
Well, let’s imagine
That your piece of cake
278
00:09:51,297 --> 00:09:52,131
Is a poopy diaper.
279
00:09:52,132 --> 00:09:55,462
Okay? So you just
Plop it on in here
280
00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,230
And, uh, voila!It’s gone.
Well, it’s a poop
’n scoop for babies.
281
00:10:00,231 --> 00:10:02,494
Hey, uh, how do I
Get my cake back?
282
00:10:02,495 --> 00:10:05,033
No. I’m serious.
283
00:10:05,462 --> 00:10:07,164
Oh. Look
Who’s late.
284
00:10:07,165 --> 00:10:09,725
Oh, and he didn’t even
Bring our baby a gift.
285
00:10:09,726 --> 00:10:11,362
I don’t care about
Your stupid baby.
286
00:10:11,363 --> 00:10:14,560
Oh! And to think
I was going to make
You the godfather.
287
00:10:14,561 --> 00:10:16,296
You know, there’s
A lot more
Important things
288
00:10:16,297 --> 00:10:17,362
In life than
Your baby.
289
00:10:17,363 --> 00:10:20,329
What could be more
Important than our
Little miracle?
290
00:10:20,330 --> 00:10:21,230
Yeah.
291
00:10:21,231 --> 00:10:22,560
Like my, uh...
292
00:10:22,561 --> 00:10:23,825
What?
293
00:10:26,363 --> 00:10:27,660
Cancer.
294
00:10:29,693 --> 00:10:30,758
Cancer?
295
00:10:30,759 --> 00:10:32,263
Cancer. Yes.
296
00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:34,791
I just found out
I have cancer.
297
00:10:34,792 --> 00:10:36,098
I’m dying. I
Could be dying.
298
00:10:36,099 --> 00:10:38,660
What kind
Of cancer?
299
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,857
Well, pretty
Bad, uh...
300
00:10:42,858 --> 00:10:44,891
Pretty bad
Breast cancer.
301
00:10:47,594 --> 00:10:49,428
I’m sorry, guys.
I just...
302
00:10:49,429 --> 00:10:50,362
I didn’t
Mean to...
303
00:10:50,363 --> 00:10:51,791
Interrupt this
Wonderful occasion.
304
00:10:51,792 --> 00:10:54,164
I’m going to...
Keep having fun...
Keep having fun.
305
00:10:56,330 --> 00:10:57,494
Oh, guys. No,
No, listen.
306
00:10:57,495 --> 00:10:59,164
I don’t know.
I just found out.
307
00:10:59,165 --> 00:11:02,131
I think it’s going
To be fine, you know.
308
00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:03,560
Nice move, terry fox.
309
00:11:03,561 --> 00:11:05,164
Yeah. Some of
Your best work.
310
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:05,626
Fucking lemmings.
311
00:11:05,627 --> 00:11:07,296
We had them showering
Us with gifts.
312
00:11:07,297 --> 00:11:10,461
Next thing you know,
They’re waddling off
Sam’s cancer cliff.
313
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,560
No one has any
Integrity anymore.
314
00:11:12,561 --> 00:11:13,527
Guys, I’m not joking.
315
00:11:13,528 --> 00:11:15,923
No, you’re lying
And it’s dirty.
316
00:11:15,924 --> 00:11:17,726
And we’re
Proud of you.
317
00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:19,857
I really thought you
Two were my friends.
318
00:11:19,858 --> 00:11:22,065
And you’re making
Light of this thing
319
00:11:22,066 --> 00:11:24,626
Like it’s
Some kind of...
320
00:11:27,231 --> 00:11:27,956
You know what?
321
00:11:27,957 --> 00:11:29,428
I’d like you to
Leave my office
322
00:11:29,429 --> 00:11:30,999
Before I say something
I’ll regret.
323
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,692
What? Like tell
Everyone you have
Breast cancer?
324
00:11:34,198 --> 00:11:37,362
Not everything is one
Of your sick jokes.
325
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,560
Oh...
326
00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:40,957
Cancer’s
Changed you.
327
00:11:48,594 --> 00:11:50,395
Hey! How was
Phone orientation?
328
00:11:50,396 --> 00:11:51,461
Almost unbearable, sir.
329
00:11:51,462 --> 00:11:52,659
Aw. Where are
You off to now?
330
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:55,395
Three hours of
Archives management
Training, sir.
331
00:11:55,396 --> 00:11:57,362
Well, having fun
"Sweatin’ to the oldies".
332
00:11:57,363 --> 00:11:58,527
Thank you, sir.
333
00:11:58,528 --> 00:11:59,461
Check that out.
334
00:11:59,462 --> 00:12:00,890
That’s my secretary.
335
00:12:00,891 --> 00:12:01,296
Oh.
336
00:12:01,297 --> 00:12:02,890
God, he’s really
Playing this hard.
337
00:12:02,891 --> 00:12:04,197
Yeah. Look, he has
Tears in his eyes.
338
00:12:04,198 --> 00:12:05,758
I can’t believe
I’m actually
Saying this,
339
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,825
But you don’t believe
That sam really
Has cancer, do you?
340
00:12:09,627 --> 00:12:13,396
Breast cancer?Hey, men can
Get it too.
Herpes, maybe.
Some sort of
Dwarfism, definitely.
341
00:12:14,231 --> 00:12:16,857
But not cancer.Clark:
I don’t know.
Chemo boy sure
Is sticking
To his guns.
342
00:12:16,858 --> 00:12:18,230
Don’t worry,
I’ll break him.
343
00:12:18,231 --> 00:12:19,428
You break him,
I’ll take a break
344
00:12:19,429 --> 00:12:21,329
And then I’ll break
My assistant.
345
00:12:26,858 --> 00:12:27,461
Mmm!
346
00:12:27,462 --> 00:12:29,230
How was stapler
Practice?
347
00:12:29,231 --> 00:12:30,461
That doesn’t
Exist, sir.
348
00:12:30,462 --> 00:12:34,726
But I did complete
The rest of the
Orientation sessions.
349
00:12:35,099 --> 00:12:38,824
I’ll just
Rejuvenate myself with
A nice cup of tea.
350
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,560
Oh, uh, before
You and seabiscuit
Trot off,
351
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,626
There’s just
Something I’d like
You to jot down
352
00:12:44,627 --> 00:12:47,428
On your note
Pad there.
353
00:12:47,429 --> 00:12:48,825
Uh, you ready?
354
00:12:49,627 --> 00:12:51,362
All right. What
The hell was it?
355
00:12:51,363 --> 00:12:52,230
Oh yeah.
356
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:53,792
You’re fired.
357
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:56,000
God, that felt good.
358
00:12:58,330 --> 00:12:59,660
Giddy up.
359
00:13:03,924 --> 00:13:05,231
Come in.
360
00:13:06,033 --> 00:13:06,956
Oh, hey.
361
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:08,494
Look, I’m sorry.
362
00:13:08,495 --> 00:13:10,296
I should have
Believed you.
363
00:13:10,297 --> 00:13:12,626
Yes, you
Should have.
364
00:13:12,627 --> 00:13:13,593
Oh, hey.
365
00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:15,098
I brought
You cookies
For happiness,
366
00:13:15,099 --> 00:13:17,725
A daffodil for hope and
An angel for courage.
367
00:13:17,726 --> 00:13:18,362
Oh.
368
00:13:18,363 --> 00:13:20,527
Angels are
Courageous.
369
00:13:20,528 --> 00:13:21,461
Just like you
Are. Come here.
370
00:13:21,462 --> 00:13:25,066
Oh ho, thank
You so much.
371
00:13:27,198 --> 00:13:28,627
I...
372
00:13:30,231 --> 00:13:31,296
I just...
Bye-bye.
373
00:13:31,297 --> 00:13:33,263
Can you close
The door on
The way out?
374
00:13:33,264 --> 00:13:34,891
Sure.
Thanks.
375
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,626
Isn’t this
So nice?
376
00:13:38,627 --> 00:13:39,560
Yeah.
377
00:13:39,561 --> 00:13:41,758
So, how
You feeling?
378
00:13:41,759 --> 00:13:44,263
Oh, I’m feeling
Strong today,
You know?
379
00:13:44,264 --> 00:13:46,131
I’m tying up
Some loose ends.
380
00:13:46,132 --> 00:13:47,956
I cancelled my
Gym membership.
381
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:50,362
I drank my "Star wars:
Episode 1" pepsi.
382
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:53,395
And I ebayed my styx
Fall tour tickets.
383
00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:55,593
You know, I only
Got three bids.
384
00:13:55,594 --> 00:13:57,593
Huh.
Have a seat.
385
00:13:57,594 --> 00:13:59,164
Um, this is, uh...
386
00:13:59,165 --> 00:14:01,725
Oh, god, I
Get so tired.
387
00:14:01,726 --> 00:14:03,428
Yeah, I know.
388
00:14:03,429 --> 00:14:06,230
It’s kind of
Awkward, um, for me,
389
00:14:06,231 --> 00:14:08,461
But I... I just wanted
To say that...
390
00:14:08,462 --> 00:14:11,956
Well, you know,
Since your news, I...
Mm-hmm.
391
00:14:11,957 --> 00:14:15,264
I don’t know, I’ve
Just been feeling...
392
00:14:16,363 --> 00:14:18,362
Wow. You can just
Say it, robin.
393
00:14:18,363 --> 00:14:19,759
Go ahead.
394
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,264
Well...
395
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:25,264
You can’t tell me you
Haven’t thought about it.
396
00:14:27,462 --> 00:14:29,264
You and me...
397
00:14:30,297 --> 00:14:31,725
Ending up together.
398
00:14:31,726 --> 00:14:33,000
Oh.
399
00:14:34,726 --> 00:14:35,890
Oh, wow!
400
00:14:35,891 --> 00:14:37,593
Yeah...
401
00:14:37,594 --> 00:14:38,890
Well, yeah.
402
00:14:38,891 --> 00:14:42,593
But, you know, now
That you’re... Sick
403
00:14:42,594 --> 00:14:45,824
It’ll never happen
And it kills me.
404
00:14:45,825 --> 00:14:47,132
Really?
405
00:14:47,957 --> 00:14:50,164
Well, um...
406
00:14:50,165 --> 00:14:52,395
Listen, uh,
What if...
407
00:14:52,396 --> 00:14:53,825
Yes, sam?
408
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:56,131
What if I, uh...
409
00:14:56,132 --> 00:15:01,890
What if I don’t
Have it, the cancer?
410
00:15:01,891 --> 00:15:03,330
You don’t, do you?
411
00:15:06,561 --> 00:15:07,461
No.
412
00:15:07,462 --> 00:15:08,627
You little shit!
413
00:15:09,462 --> 00:15:12,692
Ah!Oh, fuck you.
You would only have sex
With me if I had cancer?
414
00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:13,362
That’s just low.
415
00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:14,758
Wrong. I wouldn’t
Have sex with you
416
00:15:14,759 --> 00:15:16,098
Even if you did
Have cancer.
417
00:15:16,099 --> 00:15:18,890
You’re just jealous
’cause I could play
This thing for years.
418
00:15:18,891 --> 00:15:20,197
You and clark have what?
419
00:15:20,198 --> 00:15:22,131
One, two
Trimesters, tops?
420
00:15:22,132 --> 00:15:23,230
Everybody knows,
421
00:15:23,231 --> 00:15:26,329
Nothing trumps
The cancer.
Sam,
422
00:15:26,330 --> 00:15:27,264
People actually think
423
00:15:29,891 --> 00:15:32,428
You have a horrible,
Life-threatening disease.Pffft.
This is getting
Way out of control.
424
00:15:32,429 --> 00:15:33,825
Whatever.
425
00:15:35,099 --> 00:15:35,626
Hey, sam.
426
00:15:35,627 --> 00:15:38,395
I shaved my head
To show my support.
427
00:15:49,429 --> 00:15:50,461
How was your
Evening, sir?
428
00:15:50,462 --> 00:15:52,362
I fired you
Yesterday, right?
429
00:15:52,363 --> 00:15:53,725
Yes, sir. At 3:17 p.M.
430
00:15:53,726 --> 00:15:55,230
Yeah. You know,
When I fired you,
431
00:15:55,231 --> 00:15:57,362
That wasn’t part
Of a test. You are
Actually fired.
432
00:15:57,363 --> 00:16:01,098
You know, even me
Saying this now,
It’s not a test.
433
00:16:01,099 --> 00:16:02,791
You are very fired.
434
00:16:02,792 --> 00:16:03,791
Yes, sir.
435
00:16:03,792 --> 00:16:05,626
So what are you
Still doing here?
436
00:16:05,627 --> 00:16:08,890
I decided not to accept
Your firing, sir.
437
00:16:08,891 --> 00:16:10,296
Is there anything else?
438
00:16:10,297 --> 00:16:14,462
I’ll, uh, just be in
There if you need me.
439
00:16:16,924 --> 00:16:17,659
All right.
440
00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:19,395
Robin and I have
Come up with a plan.
441
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,032
And it gets us
All out of this.
442
00:16:21,033 --> 00:16:21,494
Oh, thank god.
443
00:16:21,495 --> 00:16:23,131
This has gotten
Completely out
Of control.
444
00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:25,131
I’ve been given
Three copies of
"Dying young"
445
00:16:25,132 --> 00:16:27,395
And maxine is
Shaking me down
For chemo-weed.
446
00:16:27,396 --> 00:16:28,890
Okay, you think
You’ve got problems?
447
00:16:28,891 --> 00:16:29,692
People keep asking me
448
00:16:29,693 --> 00:16:31,461
If I’m going to
Keep the placenta.
449
00:16:31,462 --> 00:16:32,428
Like, on your mantle?
450
00:16:32,429 --> 00:16:34,263
No. You’re
Supposed to eat it.
451
00:16:34,264 --> 00:16:35,791
I hear it tastes
Like liver.
452
00:16:35,792 --> 00:16:36,923
Oh! Oh! Fuck me! Oh!
453
00:16:36,924 --> 00:16:38,098
I like liver.
454
00:16:38,099 --> 00:16:39,428
All right, this is
What we’re going to do.
455
00:16:39,429 --> 00:16:41,494
You’re going to
Tell everyone you
Were misdiagnosed.
456
00:16:41,495 --> 00:16:43,857
I could tell them
My cancer went
Into remission.
457
00:16:43,858 --> 00:16:44,956
Oh, even better.
Yeah.
458
00:16:44,957 --> 00:16:46,164
And then you’re
Going to throw
It over to us
459
00:16:46,165 --> 00:16:48,999
And with everyone
All relieved and happy
You’re going to live,
460
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:53,263
We’re going to tell
Them that we were joking
About the pregnancy.
461
00:16:53,264 --> 00:16:54,362
Are you in?
462
00:16:54,363 --> 00:16:56,461
I don’t know. You
Really think this
Is going to work?
463
00:16:56,462 --> 00:16:57,263
Yeah.
464
00:16:57,264 --> 00:16:59,890
I saw your assistant
Mildred or whatever.
465
00:16:59,891 --> 00:17:00,593
I thought
You fired her.
466
00:17:00,594 --> 00:17:02,593
Yeah. Apparently
That doesn’t
Mean anything.
467
00:17:02,594 --> 00:17:03,560
She just sits
There smiling
468
00:17:03,561 --> 00:17:05,098
And drinking tea
Out of a horse head.
469
00:17:05,099 --> 00:17:08,197
What kind of sick
Freak volunteers
To work with you?
470
00:17:08,198 --> 00:17:09,923
I know. I tried
Hiding her chair,
471
00:17:09,924 --> 00:17:12,890
Rerouting
The main switchboard
Through her phone,
472
00:17:12,891 --> 00:17:13,791
Sexual harassment.
473
00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:15,296
Why don’t you just
Call security?
474
00:17:15,297 --> 00:17:17,065
And let the little
Filly win? Uh-uh.
475
00:17:17,066 --> 00:17:20,000
This’ll be settled
Mano millie.
476
00:17:22,462 --> 00:17:25,065
I want all
This photocopied,
Reverse collated
477
00:17:25,066 --> 00:17:27,461
And filed according to
The aramaic alphabet.
478
00:17:27,462 --> 00:17:29,362
Syriac or palmyrenean?
479
00:17:29,363 --> 00:17:29,692
Fuck off.
480
00:17:29,693 --> 00:17:32,692
By the way, I cleared
Up your issue
With telemetrics.
481
00:17:32,693 --> 00:17:34,230
I’ve set up
A lunch on friday.
482
00:17:34,231 --> 00:17:35,329
I said, fuck off.
483
00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:39,462
And here’s a non-fat latte
And a boysenberry muffin.
484
00:17:42,297 --> 00:17:44,098
That’s his
Favourite.
485
00:17:44,099 --> 00:17:45,032
You’re good.
486
00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:46,462
Fuck off!
487
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,659
That’s just his way of
Saying "Welcome aboard".
488
00:17:55,363 --> 00:17:56,527
They’re going
To kill me.
489
00:17:56,528 --> 00:17:57,362
No.
Yes, they are.
490
00:17:57,363 --> 00:17:58,659
They’re going
To kill me.
No, they’re not.
491
00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,956
We’re here for
You. Just go.
492
00:17:59,957 --> 00:18:02,692
It’s okay. It’s
Now or never.
493
00:18:02,693 --> 00:18:05,066
Okay. Thanks, guys.
494
00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:07,461
Hey, everybody.
495
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:09,527
Hey, how’re
You doing?
496
00:18:09,528 --> 00:18:12,098
Listen, I have
An announcement
To make...
497
00:18:12,099 --> 00:18:13,725
Another announcement.
498
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,197
Stay strong, sam.
499
00:18:15,198 --> 00:18:17,528
Thank you.
500
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,033
Well, it’s
Good news.
501
00:18:21,462 --> 00:18:22,890
Uh, I’ve gone into...
502
00:18:22,891 --> 00:18:25,065
My cancer has gone
Into remission.
503
00:18:25,066 --> 00:18:28,659
Aw! I just gave 75 bucks
To cancer research.
504
00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:29,428
What a waste.
505
00:18:29,429 --> 00:18:31,395
Yeah, that’s a
Really fast recovery.
506
00:18:31,396 --> 00:18:34,065
Your oncologist must
Be one hell of a pro.
507
00:18:34,066 --> 00:18:36,956
Yeah. What kind
Of breast cancer
Was this again?
508
00:18:36,957 --> 00:18:39,824
Uh, type two
Breast cancer.
509
00:18:39,825 --> 00:18:40,692
What?
510
00:18:40,693 --> 00:18:41,626
Yeah. Type two.
511
00:18:41,627 --> 00:18:43,857
It was very acute
In the, uh...
512
00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:44,956
Central nipple area.
513
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,296
That doesn’t
Make sense.
514
00:18:46,297 --> 00:18:48,627
Yeah, no, that
Just sounds weird.
515
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,791
All right, listen,
I’ve been through
A lot, guys.
516
00:18:52,792 --> 00:18:54,527
And you’ve been
Through a lot too.
517
00:18:54,528 --> 00:18:55,758
We’ve been through
A lot together.
518
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,560
And I think I can be
Honest with you.
519
00:18:57,561 --> 00:19:02,791
So I can honestly
Say that I don’t
Have cancer.
520
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:03,593
I was lying.
521
00:19:03,594 --> 00:19:06,263
You little weasel.
You owe me 75 bucks!
522
00:19:06,264 --> 00:19:06,956
Sorry.
523
00:19:06,957 --> 00:19:08,692
I shaved
My fucking head.
524
00:19:08,693 --> 00:19:09,593
I appreciate that!
525
00:19:09,594 --> 00:19:13,033
You look great. You look
Like natalie portman.
526
00:19:13,495 --> 00:19:16,131
And I’m not the only
One who’s been playing
Games around here.
527
00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:20,033
Robin and clark have
A little something to
Tell you too. Guys.
528
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:25,759
I can’t believe you
Don’t have cancer.
529
00:19:26,825 --> 00:19:28,264
I’m... Oh.
530
00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:29,923
Oh, my god.
531
00:19:29,924 --> 00:19:31,956
The baby!
You bastard!
532
00:19:31,957 --> 00:19:33,296
You’re going
To be okay.
533
00:19:39,198 --> 00:19:42,198
I want $75
With interest.
534
00:19:44,528 --> 00:19:45,725
Oh...
535
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,692
We heard about
Your loss.
536
00:19:47,693 --> 00:19:48,891
I hate kids,
Anyway.
537
00:19:51,264 --> 00:19:54,065
Thanks for
Your kind words.Yeah.
The, uh, the
Doctor said it was
Probably the shock
538
00:19:54,066 --> 00:19:56,363
Of sam’s
Horrible lies.
539
00:19:56,792 --> 00:19:57,923
Well, I hope
You’ll be able
540
00:19:57,924 --> 00:19:59,791
To look back on this
One day and laugh.
541
00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:01,528
At my
Miscarriage?
542
00:20:01,858 --> 00:20:03,758
A little something
From the partners
543
00:20:03,759 --> 00:20:05,758
To express
Their condolences.
544
00:20:05,759 --> 00:20:06,999
What is it?
545
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,428
Tickets to
A week-long,
546
00:20:08,429 --> 00:20:11,890
All-expenses paid
Seminar on grieving.
547
00:20:11,891 --> 00:20:14,461
In sudbury.
548
00:20:14,462 --> 00:20:16,032
Uh, those are
The bus tickets.
549
00:20:16,033 --> 00:20:18,462
Those are
The bus tickets.
550
00:20:18,957 --> 00:20:20,627
To sudbury!
551
00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:22,527
The rome of the north.
552
00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:26,098
You could... You could
Visit the big nickel.
553
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,164
Well, that’s done.
554
00:20:30,165 --> 00:20:32,033
Excuse me.
555
00:20:53,792 --> 00:20:56,065
This isn’t going
To end well.
556
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:00,890
I just don’t
Understand
557
00:21:00,891 --> 00:21:02,164
Why clark won’t
Hire me back.
558
00:21:02,165 --> 00:21:03,494
He had to
Replace you.
559
00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:05,626
You’ve been gone for
Two years, johnny.
560
00:21:05,627 --> 00:21:07,395
It’s jenny now, okay?
561
00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:08,692
You look great.
562
00:21:08,693 --> 00:21:10,461
The left one is
A little umgabachki.
563
00:21:10,462 --> 00:21:12,263
Oh...
564
00:21:12,264 --> 00:21:13,164
Hello.
565
00:21:13,165 --> 00:21:14,791
Two squirrels are in bed.
566
00:21:14,792 --> 00:21:16,098
Clarky!
567
00:21:16,099 --> 00:21:16,428
What?
568
00:21:16,429 --> 00:21:18,527
I’m working on this
Cartoon caption contest
569
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:20,428
To win a subscription to
"The new yorker". So...
570
00:21:20,429 --> 00:21:23,263
What’s something
Funny a husband
Squirrel would say
571
00:21:23,264 --> 00:21:25,099
To a wife squirrel?
572
00:21:25,891 --> 00:21:27,131
Oh! Uh...
573
00:21:27,132 --> 00:21:32,593
"Oh, but you’ll
Put those nuts
In your mouth."
574
00:21:32,594 --> 00:21:34,032
Tell him it was me.
575
00:21:34,033 --> 00:21:35,725
Hah. Nice.
576
00:21:35,726 --> 00:21:36,857
You think of that
All by yourself?
577
00:21:36,858 --> 00:21:38,758
It’s good. I’m going
To write that down.
578
00:21:38,759 --> 00:21:39,527
What do you have?
579
00:21:39,528 --> 00:21:41,065
Tell him I said it.
What do you have?
580
00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:42,197
Tell him.
He should know.
581
00:21:42,198 --> 00:21:43,065
Tell him it was me.
582
00:21:43,066 --> 00:21:44,725
Get your man-
Hands off me!
583
00:21:46,099 --> 00:21:46,857
Hmm.
584
00:21:46,858 --> 00:21:48,659
One, two, three, four!
585
00:22:00,924 --> 00:22:03,890
♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh
586
00:22:03,891 --> 00:22:07,692
♪ way-oh, way-oh-ho
587
00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:09,396
Huh!
588
00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:16,923
♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
589
00:22:16,924 --> 00:22:17,999
Hey! Hey!
♪ way-oh-way
590
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,461
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