All language subtitles for 1987 - A Tiger’s Tale

Yeah.

Well, just figure out, well, it was
Friday night.

Oh, and she was looking so good.

Crossed between a waitress and a
socialite. Did everything that I should.

Set my life just like a Romeo.

Everything was going fine.

When I go home, there's nothing to do.

I can hit my show. But

I

try again in a week or four.

Maybe my luck, it will change.

I would take her to a movie show.

Watch out, boy.

How can he like you?

Just another night, I'm all alone.

Thinking that it's just as well.

I said I got a call on the telephone.

Damn, if it ain't Michelle.

Said she wants me to be a new Romeo.

Watch a little late night TV.

When I go home and I wake up, she said,
watch out, boy.

I can feel it.

Don't. I like it. What? You're going to
wake up the whole neighborhood.

God, what is that?

It smells like they sprayed the trees.

That bitch did this on purpose.

If I haven't told you this before, Mom
is against me having sex.

She definitely needs psychiatric help.

Keep your paws off until I say okay. I
was just looking.

You're the prettiest girl I've ever been
out with.

Probably.

Hey.

What's that sound?

Is it her? Is she coming?

No, it's not your mother.

What are you doing?

You sound disappointed.

You want to get caught?

What is that noise?

Oh, I gotta move.

Look at my hood. Christ, it looks like
velvet.

Don't move, honey.

If you stay here, I'll let you see all
of me you want.

Above the waist.

No, sir. Put that thing away.

Well, it's dark, you know. I'd like to
see what I'm seeing.

Okay.

I'll let you use it on one condition.
What?

Get me a date for Roundup with Ransom
McKnight.

It'll be my pleasure to match you with
Randy.

No sex.

Don't worry, this is purely a clinical
exam.

You broke the backbone of my passion.

You're a weird... You're the most
perverted boy I've ever been out with.

Go away!

Leave me alone!

Haven't you done enough tonight?

Let him get inside.

I don't need any more lectures about
men. I'll learn everything I need to

living with Daddy.

He's going to ask me to come. You wait
and see.

Is that you in there, Bubba Drum?

Yes, ma 'am.

Have you been having your way with my
daughter?

No, ma 'am.

Not exactly.

But you wanted to go further, didn't
you?

Yes, ma 'am, I do.

Did?

Well,

I knew your mama.

She taught me through three grades in
the old school, and I just loved her.

She'd have been real ashamed of you
tonight.

Mm -hmm.

Why don't you sit down? You can look.

I don't want to go in and face her yet.

Oh, friends of yours?

No.

That was a rogue kill for Valentino.

See, I'm trying to get him off Alpo.

I'm preparing him for his freedom.

Once, about a year ago, I saw you inside
the cage.

The two of you were wrestling?

I slowed down at first because I thought
he was killing you.

Well, we still wrestle.

Only not as much.

I'd hoped you were.

Well... It's been nice talking with you.
But now I gotta go in there and holler

at my daughter.

If you'd like, you can stop by in the
morning and watch us wrestle.

Up close.

That's nice of you.

Yeah.

I like that.

Oh, I'm sorry about the caterpillars in
your car.

Yeah, they'll blow right off.

Oh, Miss Butts?

I'll see you in the morning.

This is what an old retired veterinarian
looks like in the morning.

I'd look and feel one heck of a lot
better if I didn't go around with a

cop till all hours of the night.

You shouldn't know that.

Morning, Sinclair.

Morning.

Howdy, Pat.

Well, it looks like you...

I guess your date with that other
connoisseur must have gone pretty well.

Yeah, the last part especially, and I
hope Shirley didn't get too pregnant.

They ain't got all their parts, is my
main objection.

Now, look at this fellow here.

He's missing his arms, which bothers me.

The hell, the worst of it is he ain't
even got shoulders.

Neither do you anymore.

It amazes me how your shirts stay on,
the way your shoulders have shrunk.

At least I can still dance, which more
than a fossil like you can say.

You just do that pretty good.

I've got a feeling, Sinclair, that
you're going to mention your sister's

again, and I don't want to hear it.

Claudine! Now, why would I mention her?
She's just the best cook in the county

and one of the few good dancing partners
left alive.

Hell, you must have been thinking about
her. You brung her name up. I heard her

name every five minutes last night.

I've still got enough sense to avoid
bohemian women, especially her,

in a beer joint at her age. You uptight
old turkey.

I'm not going to stick around and listen
to your insults.

Now, there's a snake I could like.

If he had ears, he'd almost have a face.

Tell Charlie that... He's

taking my sister to the dance if I have
to bait him there with whiskey.

You may have to.

Oh, no.

He's completely given up on the liquor
since Abby passed on.

Boy, you better get with him pretty
quick or...

Use it or lose

it. Ain't that what the song says?

I'll talk to Dad for you.

Yeah, you do that and talk up my sister
some, huh?

Well, I'm off to fight crime.

Valentino.

Shit a lot for a two -year -old, you
know that?

Huh?

We're gonna get sweated up before the
little lady arrives.

Come on, boy.

How you feeling?

Ready for a little one -on -one?

Huh?

Once you see him, he'll attack.

Don't worry, son.

What you're feeling is man's first fear.

The fear of being fooled.

You'll need stitches, that's all.

I'll put a temporary bandage on that.

How many armadillos? What did you give
him last night?

Two.

Here's my tiger. I'll start feeding him
four.

Ambulatory? Yes, Dr. Frank, but this
one's not an accident.

Oh?

He was clawed by a tiger.

Oh.

Oh.

Hmm.

Ooh, this long -lasting creature must
have been a large tiger, huh?

We'll need a tetanus booster and a tool.
little silk on a cutting needle.

Have you fixed up in a jiffy?

Geez.

Bubba?

Yes, ma 'am. Bubba drunk.

Yeah. You only saw me in the dark. You
look pretty tired. Oh, no, no. Today I'm

tired. Last night I was hog drunk.

Hey, wasn't I supposed to meet you this
morning at the serpentarium?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, no. That's okay.

It's just as well you didn't.

You were probably late or something.

Well, I was late, but... The truth is, I
completely forgot.

And if you weren't supposed to be in
school, I'd make it up to you with a cup

coffee. Oh, I'm not missing anything.

In fact, I'd like some coffee. Yeah? But
I can see that you're busy right now.

Oh, well, how rude of me. A bubber? This
is Mrs. Apple. Mrs. Apple, this here is

Bubber Drum. You remember his mama. She
was the headmistress of the old school.

Oh, of course she does.

Enchanted. You know what?

Let's find a nice, quiet place for Mrs.
Apple.

She needs...

I need some coffee.

It's bad coffee, isn't it?

I don't know.

I'm not really drinking any coffee.

It makes me go to the bathroom.

How's the wickedest nurse on the third
floor today?

Hello, Dr. Schwartz.

Ooh, is that all I get?

Hello, Dr. Schwartz.

Come on, time's running out for us.

I've only got four more months left in
this hellhole before I go back to

Minneapolis. Well, I'll miss you, I'm
sure.

Hey, and I've missed you, too,
completely.

How about going to the big dance with
me? I drove through town this morning,

those rednecks are really getting it
together for roundup. I think I even saw

legendary cowpoke or two.

What do you say I wear my chaps and
nothing else?

Boy, what a great sense of humor.
Doesn't he have a great sense of humor?

She's already going out with me.

I see.

Oh, and pass the word among the staff
that I only go out with men under the

of 20.

That way, we're both at our sexual
peaks.

Gynecologist.

You know, I really gotta go, and you
just finish your coffee, okay? You know,

I'm serious about the roundup.

I mean, you wouldn't have to dance with
me.

I just think you need to get out.

Why did you come to the hospital?

You came to ask me out, didn't you?

Yes, ma 'am.

That's why I came to the hospital, was
to ask you out.

Oh, I'm so flattered. I really am, but
the answer is no.

You stick with a girl of your own age.

You'll have fewer problems that way.

Now, I gotta get back to work, and you
gotta get back to school.

And I don't want you hanging around here
because you might catch something. I

don't want that on my conscience.

But I tell you what, you can come and
visit me whenever you like, because I

really enjoy talking with you.

You're gonna throw up sit somewhere
else. I ain't sick

I just got nine stitches. Take a look.

Oh, not while I'm eating.

You are so perverted.

What's so funny?

It's all over school, you know, about
Mama catching us last night.

What did you say to her anyway?

Why?

Because she just came home, turned off
the TV, and went to bed humming.

No shouting or epileptic fits.

Why are you grinning?

Oh, no reason.

I guess I'm just a happy young man.

Oh, no. There he is. Oh, Bubba.

Come here.

Randy just told me you got caught with
your pants down.

Seems to me you must be picking up
things from him.

Yeah, well, Randy is a well -known liar.
And y 'all just let me take him with

me. Boy, take your mind. Here, come
back.

I was telling Randy about my sister,
Marty. You remember Marty, don't you?

Well, she came back from San Jacinto
State last week. And what do you think

she's got?

She's got the crabs.

She told Daddy she got them from a dorm
kitten, and he believes her.

Now, do you boys think that is possible?

I expect your daddy would believe most
anything.

At least I hope he does. Come on, guys.

Can't you take no for an answer? I told
you last night on the phone, I'm not

taking her out.

She's got big friends and a bad temper.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to
go taint Penny in the parking lot. Don't

you get a grip on your hormones?

Penny's ready.

Yeah, well, so are the crabs.

I bet they're eating her whole family
alive right now.

Bubber? Yes, ma 'am. I thought I saw you
there.

You scared me.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I came to see Shirley.

Is she here?

Well, no, she's not.

But I'll tell her you were window
peeping for her.

Come on in.

I give great advice to the loved one.
Come on.

Come on.

I thought you were entertaining.

Oh, no, no, I'm just entertaining
myself. Here, why don't you sit down?

See, I call this my oriental night. I
sort of dress up and cook chow mein and

eat with chopsticks on the floor.

Keeps me out of the doldrums of middle
age.

Oh, no, you're not middle -aged.

You can't be much over 30.

Oh, yes, I can.

Then you really are at your peak.

For a marathon runner.

All you need is a little exercise.

Oh, like dance?

Shirley says you're awful good at it.

Yes, ma 'am.

Mama made me take four years of
cotillion. She said that a big boy

some grace.

Wait a minute.

You lied to me today, didn't you?

Kiki Walker mentioned a strange case in
emergency.

Let me look at that lady here.

Around the hospital, Dr.

Frank is known as Frank at the time.

Oh, look at that.

I know where he had a life like a whole
hog.

Oh, dear.

Well, maybe you'd like some sake.

Must have been painful for you. Oh, no,
no. I mean, yes, it was painful, but no

thanks on the sake. Well, here, come
over here. Let me take a look.

You know, Sheila got me drunk once.
Yeah?

She probably told you, though.

I went crazy and ate this Dixie cup.

But no one in my family can drink
sanely.

My grandpa rode his mule home from the
saloon one night into a tree.

Mule lived, but grandpa on the tree
died.

Well, I'm sorry about your grandpa.

Oh, no, no, that's okay.

But now tell me, who owns that red car
out back?

Oh, that shit is a birthday present from
her daddy. The engine exploded the

first day.

Hey, you're just like my grandpa's blue
-tip cab.

First one paw in the chair, and next
thing he was snoring in your lap. Oh,

persisting like a coon dog, but I want
you to know something. What?

I am an early bloomer.

Very mature.

I'm sure you're not like the other boys.

Hurry! I'm trying.

These dang buttons.

Gee, Shirley, do we have to do this
right outside your house?

I mean, we could have had Lone Star
Point all to ourselves.

Do you want to go all the way?

Yes, please.

Then get out of the way. Yes, ma 'am.

A man!

She's got a man in my house!

Well, I should keep her occupied.

Damn her!

Come on!

You!

You!

Okay, go call your daddy. Tell him I'm
misbehaving. Don't you mess...

Shirley, your mom was just looking at my
bandage.

Hit him. Hit him in the groin. My right
hand? No, thanks.

If you don't hit him, our date's off for
tomorrow night. And remember what I

promised.

Nobody's getting hit in my house. Now,
Shirley, go to your room, will you?

The botanicals are next and they're
heavy.

I'm going to be all right.

But he came over looking for you, honey.
Bull, all you ever care about is

yourself. You never think of me.

Oh, Shirley, I know you don't believe
this, but you're the most important

in my life.

When Daddy hears about this, he'll take
me away. And then you can live as

degenerate a life as you wish.

If you believe that you'll be happier
living with your daddy, you've got my

permission. But I just don't think that
you'll find life with him the ideal that

you like to threaten me with.

I hate you!

I hate you!

Are you all right?

It's broke.

I know, it's broke.

I'm sorry about Shirley.

He left her.

Oh.

Thank you.

Boy, Shirley's mad. Oh, please. She's
always mad at me.

I expect she'll convince her daddy to
keep her this summer.

She'd probably like that.

Oh, I doubt that.

It's got a lot of fantasies about living
with them. None of them true.

I guess it's that way with fantasies.

Oh, I don't know.

Sometimes fantasies almost survive.

I must be crazy.

Yeah. most beautiful woman in the world.

Well, then you must be crazy.

Rose, I want you to know that I'm 19.

They kept me back in third grade.

Now, can I kiss you again?

Oh, I don't think... You might as well.
You're being blamed for it anyway.

Can't let you take me to the dance, but
I'll probably see you there. I think

you're right about getting out.

Sorry, ladies!

I'm not driving here!

Then you two, Claire, how come it took
you so long to introduce me to your

sister? I'm nice, boys, but don't hit no
cats, all right?

What the heck?

We got to go.

I said, that's all right. You go right
ahead. I'm going to give you a song.

her, run over there.

You're

early.

Your clothes are dirty.

My mother's not here yet.

Really?

No. She went over to a doctor's
apartment first.

They're having a party.

Highball primer.

And she's wearing her diaphragm, too. I
showed Tyrone the empty case, didn't I?

That's good.

I'm glad to hear she's getting out.

Y 'all have a good time tonight.

Listen, I didn't pay for what I could
tell you, so you can plaster the walls

now. Pick yourself a partner, and don't
step on anything like that.

They're listening to what Charlie says.
This old mule is a dancing foot.

How do you get some music? Go on, get
out there and pick yourself something.

Barbara, I want to... Dance with me?

Relax, you're going to get cramps and
start sweating, everyone.

What do you want to talk about?

Well, I wanted to apologize for last
night.

I'm afraid I got carried away. Don't say
another word. This man enjoyed himself.

Ah, you look beautiful in that dress.

Thank you.

Hope I'm not getting it dirty.

That was fun because we didn't do any
damage.

But tonight, just stop making those
awful noises. I feel guilty enough as it

I want you to go now and just enjoy
yourself with a girl the right age.

says I look like Elvis when I see her.

Do I?

You look like you just swallowed a
potato bug.

Swallowed a potato bug.

Come on, let's go get drunk. I know
where there's a bottle.

Yeah.

She's got you hooked. I can see that.

But if you want some advice,

Stay sober and hope she gets drunk That
way she falls down you won't miss her

when you jump Hey blubber dumb, I want
to speak to your ass

I

Think

you owe me an apology

You're wise -ass, blubberdum. You know
that.

You're a goddamn motherfucking wise
-ass.

You can't hold your liquor.

Fine.

I see your point.

I'm a goddamn motherfucking wiseass.
You're a pervert, too.

What the hell kind of man asks out a
girl and then sneaks off with her mama?

Ain't that some kind of interest?

It ain't. It should be.

You know, but my leg still hurts where
she kicked me.

Oh, well.

Hell, I'm sorry about that.

She should have kicked me. I'll go in
there right now. No, you're not. Stay

from Shirley.

And her mama.

Now, wait a second. What's between me
and Mrs. Buttsy?

Oh, shit.

Piss off his head and sit down and slug.
Come on, pace this. Pace this.

Somebody told me this five -star over
me. Is that right?

Who said that?

Ransom.

Now, hold still. I'm trying to assess
the damage I caused.

Yeah, you can't believe him, right? He's
a well -known liar.

He wasn't lying when he said you needed
help.

Wouldn't you rather I got doctored by
some girl my own age?

You be quiet.

A whole army of 16 -year -olds couldn't
keep up with your injury.

You don't keep any snakes up here, do
you?

Unless I'm scared.

Oh, snakes and petrifying.

I checked, but I didn't wet my pants.

Here, let me take a look.

Yeah, I'm going to put something on
that.

Okay, but leave a little scar so I got
something to remember.

You know, I thought for sure that you'd
have a poster of a girl in a wet T

-shirt.

Sure.

Heck, I grew out of them dirty posters
when I quit playing with myself.

I bet that Dr. Shorts hadn't stopped
yet.

Would you lie back down?

Oh, Rose.

My father won't be home till the last
tune's played. Heck, we've still got

several hours.

You're making me very nervous.

All right.

Just do me one favor.

What?

Go soak that dress in some cold water.

I'd feel terrible if I thought I
bloodied it.

Barbara, this is crazy.

Don't worry.

I've read the Aggie sex manual cover to
cover.

And what's the sex manual on farming?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I memorized all three pages.

Put in, take out, repeat if necessary.

Barbara, I don't know what I'm doing
here.

Neither one of us does.

But take a chance.

Drop that dress.

I'm ready to start the introduction.

Now listen to me.

This is a one -time only proposition
here.

I want you to understand that.

You listening?

Repeat. I said so one time.

Repeat.

Because it's necessary.

You're so experienced.

Knock it off.

Where to tonight? And you promised to
tell me in a poem. First, I

got you a present.

Oh, sweet.

Thank you.

Oh, they're great. Oh, they're
fantastic.

Thank you.

Well, you may regret this.

Why? Because my sore feet.

are the only things in the way of me
leaving you in the dust.

Oh, yeah? Well, let's just see your
stuff, lady.

Not so fast.

Call him.

Okay.

I was hoping you'd forget that.

Mostly, we run around in the dark.

But tonight, we're gonna see art.

To write, to die.

Where you die, Fran, tight and wiggle
when the movie starts.

Catch me!

Come on. Hey.

Oh, this is great.

The bugs aren't even bad.

How far have we run?

Two miles.

Maybe three from the looks of him.

Shouldn't sprint so hard. You know, it's
easy to hurt yourself when you're

tired. Yes, Coach, but I'm not tired.

Here.

Come on.

Take a rest.

she'll probably turn out to be a
mysterious woman.

Like you.

Mysterious women are not made from
strange girls.

Definitely strange.

Well, now that's a fine attitude for a
mother to have.

Honey, Shirley's a young

lady who's having a little bit of
trouble giving up being a little girl.

She loves you.

But instead of telling you that, she
tests you.

For what?

To see if you're paying attention.

How am I doing?

I'd have to give you 99 .5.

Half point off for this little freckle
right here.

Why do you take such an interest in my
anatomy?

Because in my first year of vet school,
I'm going to have to be dissecting

frogs. I'd like to be ahead of my class.

Oh, really? Why?

You're different than me.

I mean, you're just a different bill of
a person.

Well, I better be. We're having stranger
sex than I thought.

We're having strange sex?

No. It's different.

Let him rest.

Sometimes I wish you'd let me talk about
our future.

You know, don't you think it'd be easier
if I just moved in when Shirley left?

Heck, Rose, I don't keep loving you a
secret.

You're going to start your summer job
next week, and after that you have

college.

I want you to be thinking about your
future, not ours.

Sometimes when your hair is messed up,
you look like a partially open can.

You do.

Oh, isn't something biting you?

No.

Ow!

Ants! Oh, shit! Oh, the fire ants! Ouch!

Polly, come on!

Polly! Listen, what was that?

Good to see you, son.

Stop writing early.

Going someplace?

I got to go to Rose's. Pop Randy just
called. I'm trying to prevent a murder.

Oh, yeah, right.

Good idea. If you got something to tell
me, let me know. Me? Yeah, I ain't got

nothing to say. Well, then I got to go.

Not to mention, maybe there is
something.

When did you and me quit arguing over
morals for a while?

Something's come up, and I'm going to
forget about mine.

You drive, Captain.

What are you doing here?

Where's Shirley?

Oh, she's up.

Yeah, I figured she would be. What
time's a callous brute father getting

Well, he's not coming till next week.

She and Randy saw everything last night.

She called up her father. He's coming to
get her today.

That's right, Mama.

But don't let me intrude. Go ahead.

French kiss my ex -boyfriend.

I'm going to get dressed. Maybe you'd
like to holler at me in my room.

You're smoldering.

I can see that. But you know something?
We were just exercising.

Jogging? Naked?

You really are the most perverted boy I
ever dated.

And for your information, Daddy is not a
brute.

He said he'd leave at the crack of dawn
when I told him about this den of

iniquity. Please, come on. This is all
my fault.

Your mama was helpless in my clutches,
you know.

You're going to feel a whole lot better
if you just clobber me one.

In the groin, if you want.

Oh, your groin. But do it quietly.

I'm listening for Daddy's car.

Now, you better straighten up your room.
I don't want you leaving in a mess.

You don't have the right to give me
orders anymore.

But I'm going, because I got something
to do.

You just sit here with your high school
boyfriend and enjoy yourself.

Though you haven't needed me to tell you
that.

Maybe young girls just need to clean
their systems of Lonnie's.

She's gonna be better off, you wait and
see.

Thanks.

What are you up to?

It's morning, after breakfast.

What do people normally do then?

Geez, Mama, you're really gonna miss me.

Won't be anyone here to check up on.

Or maybe there will be.

Oh, Mama, I want you to know I left a
surprise for you. When you get it...

of me and about all those lectures you
gave me about the right way to behave.

You too, Bubba, you might be involved.

Daddy's here.

Bubba, bring out my footlocker.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, sir. Good old
LaVon, she, uh...

She couldn't get me out of bed this
morning no matter what she tried.

Oh, she's just so small.

Hey, you get over here.

You two gonna get along fine.

We got your spare bedroom and the
condominium, and, uh, LaVon, she's

bought you a new air mattress.

You're married?

Oh, hell no, not until LaVon quits her
job at Figure World.

I won't have a wife working, you ought
to know that, but what the hell, it pays

the bills.

I'd like to talk about some bills, too,
if you can untangle yourself.

That's a hairy -legged ex. I told you
she's sarcastic. Hello, Rose.

You know, you're ten months late on your
child support.

That money goes into Shirley's college
account.

You the boy? I heard you've been romping
nude with my wife.

It's ex -wife, and that's not the
subject.

No, no, it's a subject, and I'd like to
discuss it.

She looks like schmados for blow -up sex
dolls.

So you're the ex.

Lonnie has just told me so much about
you.

Funny, he said nothing at all about you.

The other one he talked about a lot.

Yes, he has the same little opinion
about the both of you.

Any woman that Lonnie thinks highly of
has got all my sympathy.

Now about the bills, Shirley cannot go
to college if you don't work, you know.

He is working, but you don't know how
the cattle business ends.

Don't worry. In a week, you're going to
have her sleeping on the air mattress.

Bye, Mom.

Lonnie! Oh, sweetheart.

You sit by the window while Yvonne
doesn't like the wind messing her hair

Rose?

Cute family.

Before the summer's over, they'll be
biting each other.

No use resisting.

Think of me as a force of nature.

Like a tidal wave.

I didn't expect my life to go like this.

Oh, it's not so bad.

Him too?

After Pop quit kicking the furniture...

He said if I was going to disgrace the
family, he wouldn't feed my tiger.

And besides, it's time he got out from
behind those bars anyway.

Can I possibly get rid of you?

No, ma 'am.

I'm stuck on you like a tick.

Okay. Put your sleep in Shirley's room.
They rent 75 a month, and we'll work the

board out.

Shirley's room? Uh -huh.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm not sleeping in here.

Like to leave it. The other bedroom's
mine.

Look, I'm tired and this is my room. No,
it's not.

It's our room.

You just won't let me sleep here.

I don't understand.

I don't understand why the other night
you said I... The other night I learned

my lesson.

Now, if you want to stay here, you've
got to live your own life.

You've got to go out on your own dates,
just like me, and you're going to sleep

in the other room.

Like heck I will.

Now, that room's for kids.

Now, I may be 19, but I'm your man and
you love me. And I'm going to go sleep

the sofa where the ejected man is
supposed to sleep.

Breaking furniture, huh?

Want to pay by the week or in one lump
sum?

It's more helpful to sleep with your
head lower than your feet.

I know. In my bed, that's how I sleep.

Don't look at me that way. It'll make me
very nervous.

Why don't you just hold on to my feet
and tell me what you're plotting?

How long have we been dating?

Two, three months.

Well,

I was sick.

You know, for every step I've made with
you, I've had to get something broken.

Oh, come on. That's not true. No, no,
that is true.

You were supposed to stop by my house.
Valentino broke my skin.

And then there was a roundup dance.

Yes. I nearly got my ear torn off.

What's the point?

Oh, I'm using guilt to get into your
bed. I admit that.

But since I have to break something,
perhaps you have a least favorite leg.

Oh, you don't have to break anything
else.

Soap is enough.

You mean... We're illicit lovers again?

Yes, but only for the summer. Now, when
Shirley gets home, that's it.

Absolutely.

I haven't read all this yet, but I think
this may be the best part.

One night, Daddy came home in a fright.

He was just having drinks with a, quote,
friend, when LaVon entered the bar and

shot off a gun.

Oh, he wanted to kick her head in. Bet
he did.

Not being a violent sort, besides Le Bon
went home, I suggested her wig heads.

With wig heads all over the floor, we
heard her key in the lock.

Now, I don't know what got into Daddy,
but he started blaming me.

Naturally,

Le Bon believed him, and now they've
gone and grounded me for a month, as if

go anywhere but night school.

I haven't told you about that. I'm
taking night classes so that I can

by Christmas and get out of everybody's
hair.

All my disgust at Bubba, temporarily
yours, surely

I'll... Now you're upset.

I gave you that idea.

Oh, don't be sarcastic.

Don't worry, honey. Shelly's going to be
all right.

Hey.

You know, I love you.

I love you, too.

Are you okay?

Didn't finish your pizza tonight?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Yeah?

Yeah, I just had some gas.

Yeah? Oh.

Let me have this special, please, Danny.

Another one from Shirley?

You two must be in love.

Yeah.

Where you been? I've been trying to get
in touch with you. Try at work.

I was over at the clinic twice already.

Dr. Bispo had a couple of mares and foal
out at the Turner farm.

I don't know why I resist, but he let me
deliver one myself.

God, Randy, it was beautiful.

That woman doesn't feed you enough. I
know it. Don't you get fed at home?

When I left this morning, Rose was
taking leftover pea salad.

Listen, Ed, I've been looking for you.
Shirley keeps writing, asking if her

mother's pregnant yet.

Are you throwing away your shot at a
future? Did she mention how?

I thought you knew how girls got
pregnant.

What I mean is... She did mention
leaving a surprise in a diaphragm.

Some sort of crap like that.

Could you be just a little bit more
specific, please?

Well, look, if you got pregnant, just
forget it and eat up.

So, how's the wickedest nurse on the
second floor today?

I bet you missed me.

And I missed you, too.

Completely.

And I only have another week left in
this hellhole before I go back to

Minneapolis. The answer is no.

It took you two years to get around to
me. Yes, I was saving the best for last.

That's what you told Sylvia last week.
Can't you think of some new lines?

And don't you think we divorced girls
don't talk?

Don't I know you?

Well, we met once.

You were using the same line on
Rosebots. Oh, thanks. It worked well

divorced women.

Are you sure I don't know you?

Rosebots. Rosebots. Oh, yeah, upstairs
in Northville. Right. Right.

Oh, wait, wait, no, no. I need to speak
to you.

Uh, privately.

Man talk, huh? Yeah.

All right, come on.

Whoa.

If this table could talk.

So what can I do for you? Need a DNC?

I need a diaphragm.

What do you need it for?

A party hat.

Postcards? It's not for her, is it?

Sure it isn't. You know, I thought she
had a different look about her lately.

I notice these sort of things. In fact,
now that I think of it, she's rumored to

be living with a tiger.

That wouldn't be you, would it?

Ah, you sure don't let much slip by you,
Doc. Don't kiss my ass, kid.

What size?

I don't know.

I'd eyeball her at about an 80.

Take as many as you want. I'm out of
here in a week.

Over there in the cabinet.

Thank you.

Anything wrong?

What is this?

It's a diaphragm.

I know that. It's not mine.

Sit down.

Why?

Just sit down.

I had to get a new one.

I flushed the old one down the toilet.

What was wrong with it?

Rose... Honey... I was thinking about
having

babies.

But I thought, now you better discuss
this with her first.

Don't be absurd.

I think it's a possibility.

I mean, what would you do if you
accidentally got pregnant?

I'd have an abortion.

Hey, I've already had my family. I don't
want any more children.

Look at me, I'm feeling great.

Hey, I'm running. I quit smoking and
drinking.

I wake up every morning feeling fresh.

Besides, Shirley's coming back next week
and you're going home.

Listen, I probably haven't thanked you
enough for everything you've done for

But I mean it.

Thank you.

So then you definitely won't marry me?

I've already married one 19 -year -old.
Oh, he was a jerk.

Well, that's right. And you're not a
jerk. But you're still only 19.

He's getting lazy again.

Me this time.

Oh, you'll get over it.

I don't think so.

You're giving too much freedom too soon.

Morning just gnaws those bars.

I've been thinking.

Better sell them now.

No use waiting anymore.

Talk to that fellow I know. Runs the
fairy land.

Up the other side, New Brosville.

Offered up a good price.

Enough to send someone all the way
through college.

Not yet, Pop.

Don't tell it quite yet.

I guess I know how you feel.

I'm sorry, Mom.

That's motherfucker,

honey.

You and Shirley love games with my
buddy.

Don't you know what that'll do to your
lungs?

My lungs?

Don't you think we can discuss this
thing like adults?

Do you think you can? After all, you're
not.

You know, there's a bright side to this.

I'm sure. We could have this, baby.

Oh, correction.

I could have it. It's my body.

Are you sure this is the right place?

I don't hear any blood turtling screams.

Down the hall, fourth door on the right.

Father's occupation?

Daddy? He's a cedar whacker when he
works.

A cedar whacker?

Sure, you know, he chops down trees
for...

And is he willing or able to contribute
to the cost of the termination?

Daddy? Heck, he didn't make me pregnant.

An alien did it.

An alien?

Sure, you know, one of them visitors
from another world, like E .T.

This one is dressed up as my boyfriend,
but I knew it wasn't him.

Sonny never acted like that in his life.

Form down the hall for consultation.

Room B.

Young man, please don't lean against the
wall.

No disrespect, ma 'am.

I believe everyone has the right to be a
woman.

Marital status?

A single.

Occupation? Registered nurse.

Then as a nurse, you are familiar with
the means of birth control?

Sure am.

The man's name is not required, of
course.

Well, I'm him.

Bubber Drum with two M's.

A native of the planet Earth.

But in our relationship, Rose doesn't
shave her legs, and I'm the weak and

subservient one.

I see.

And you want him present at the
consultation?

If you have space on your form for this,
write it down.

I am stuck on this woman like her hair.

He's only partially responsible.

My daughter had a hand in it, too.

But she's home recuperating from a bout
with a hairbrush.

Your daughter? Yeah.

Down the hall, fourth door on the right.

Room two.

Honey,

this may be our last chance to talk
alone.

I want you to know I am sorry. I feel
responsible for all of this. But you

I just got to tell you right now that
this is not the responsible thing to do.

Maybe not. But don't you apologize.

It's my own fault for not behaving
right.

Now, maybe if you don't feel good about
this, maybe you should just wait in the

car. Okay?

No. No, I belong in there.

I'm the man.

You might not be.

What does that mean?

Just sad you might not be the father.

You've been fooling around?

I don't believe you. You're just trying
to take the pressure off me.

Where'd the counselor go?

There should be Kleenex in this office.

Well, we're here. Can I have... It's
okay,

Marsha. You're right.

I'm wrong.

What else do you want me to say?

Oh, nothing, nothing, nothing.

Is there anything I can do? It's just
that I'm not ready to have children.

I need to live first.

If Ronnie wants this thing so much, let
him have it. Donna, you know I can't.

Well, I can't either. I am not going to
give up my future in real estate because

of your inadequacies.

Okay, okay, you're right.

Listen, I don't want to see you get
upset either.

Let's just get this thing over with,
okay?

Hey, hey.

Mind you, same excuse for me. Don't give
up.

Wait just a minute. What you're all
forgetting here is that it's my body and

future, and I just want this thing taken
out.

This decision you're making, it can't be
that self -centered. I guess you're

here for a dental appointment.

Who the hell are you, anyway?

I'm Rose Butts.

I was a mother before, and now here I
am, pregnant.

Yes, well, we can see you're not wearing
a wedding ring, can't we, Ronnie?

Actually, Miss Butt is here with the
surgical inspection team.

She is a nurse, and I'm an exterminator.

That's right. The clinic is filthy, so
you better go to Marsha, because I know

how you feel about parasites.

Oh, no. Just give me the keys. I'm on
the drive.

We really got to get married now.

Even if you were fooling around, I'm the
most probable father to be.

Nope. You're going to college and live
your own life.

I'm just going to act like nothing's a
matter until I have this thing.

And as for us, we're not going to see
each other anymore.

Enough damage has been done.

I mean that.

Hear me?

most probable granddad to be?

Well, I'm not exactly sure who the
father is.

Can't we be sure of anything anymore?

I don't suppose you're married or
anything like that.

No.

So, I'm a legitimate most probable
grandfather to be.

Who's the mother? Do you even know her?

It's Rose, you dim -witted old vet.

When?

Sometime in the middle of February.

That's fine.

I'll start knitting tomorrow.

Knit pink.

Knit pink.

We'll name her Abby after her
illegitimate, most probable grandma.

Oh, that'd be sweet.

But if it's a girl, I hope it favors
Rose.

You two would make real homely women.

to show up here.

I know I did, but she won't answer any
of my letters.

Well, that's because she hasn't read
any.

Do you really expect her to?

I mean, I'm right here. She hardly even
speaks to me.

Well, let me see her.

Just for a minute, then I promise I'll
go away forever.

Well, I would, but for your information,
she's not here.

She's out on another date.

A date?

But she can.

She's pregnant. It ain't safe.

Sure it is.

Doesn't even wear a diaphragm anymore.
There's nothing you can do about it.

His bubber?

Well, you told me he was wild, but you
didn't tell me he swung from trees.

Hello, I'm Kiki Walker.

Yes, ma 'am.

Hey, I remember you.

Dr. Frank almost throwed your hand in my
leg.

I'm real sorry about this.

I hope I didn't make you hemorrhage or
anything like that.

Shouldn't you check?

Oh, I don't know.

But you just make Rose calm down. She's
been cranky and sarcastic for weeks ever

since she had to quit running.

Rose, next lap.

Yeah, but I'll drive.

By then you won't be able to fit under
that wheel.

See you later.

Watch your step.

Now give me the key and I'll open the
door.

What class?

Are you a co -ed? I wish.

Well, then what sort of class is it?

Natural childbirth. Now what are you
doing here?

We're having our baby naturally?

You're not having anything. What are you
doing here? Now, see, you're mad. You

better watch that because the baby can
feel it.

Shirley told me you was on a date. I
just lost my head.

Oh, God, it's him again.

Rose, honey, listen.

He called you honey, Mama?

This is distorting my whole adolescence.

Go to your room, Shirley.

Rose, tell me about our baby. Does she
have a face yet?

Ow! My childhood's been ruined! Go to
your room.

Rose, please share the baby with me.

This isn't fair.

You can't keep this all to yourself.

At least tell me about the classes.

I'll tell you. She and Kiki Walker are
planning on helping each other deliver.

Where's her husband?

He's stationed in Europe. If he can't
get leave, Mom's gonna take his place.

With any luck, this baby will turn out
better than you.

With Dumbo here for a father, I doubt
it.

I may not be the father.

Rose says she was fooling around.

Oh, sure. You don't know Mama like me.

Would you, huh?

You're making my baby squirm.

Hot milk, Mama?

I'd rather have tea.

No, think of the caffeine.

And here, I'll put a pillow under your
feet, honey.

Would you please help Shirley?

I want to be alone.

Okay?

My way, Rupert.

Honey, why'd you lie to me tonight?

You knew your mama wasn't out on a date.

Look, I'm willing to call a truce.

I mean, the situation calls for it,
don't you think?

How you doing, really?

How does any middle -aged, unwed mother
doesn't want a metacondition act? You

tell me, Mr. Smart.

Cranky and sarcastic.

Only time she's been bearable is when
Uncle Ben calls and she can talk about

California.

Well, is there anything I can do?

All right, quit looking snake fit.

I'll let you carry the crayon, but don't
eat any cake yourself. I mean, it's

five o 'clock now.

And don't get any ideas. It's only a
truth, not a surrender.

I just have to go to the bathroom and I
don't want the milk getting cold.

I don't want to play tug -of -war with a
baby.

Now be careful because it's hot.

Thanks.

Y 'all feeling better now?

Oh, I'm fine. I'm just exhausted.

Maybe the two of you shouldn't rest on
the sofa.

I didn't fix it too well.

It's all right. I re -glued it after you
went to work.

You want some cake? Yeah.

Yeah.

Baby's cooking.

Can I feel it? Sure.

Can I touch too, Mama?

Oh, sure.

Neither one of you could have managed
alone.

Feel this.

I'm starting college in January.

I'll be moving to the dorm so you and
Mama can carry on your illicit affair in

private. You're going to college?

What about the money? Daddy finally got
what he deserved.

His disability checks came to his old
address, and Mama cashed them all last

week.

You know what's strange?

I get to go to college because my mother
forced the checks that my father

deserved because his mistress shot him
in the leg.

She shot him in the leg?

Yep. I never thought I'd be glad to move
here.

That bitch, LaVon.

I ought to write her a thank you note.

You know, Shirley, you might not make
such a bad stepdaughter after all.

Never. She'll never marry you. She's got
too much pride.

What's wrong with me?

Besides the obvious, you're young enough
to be her son.

What else?

No education.

I mean, face it, Bubba, you got no job
future.

Why'd she want to marry you?

Love.

Weird.

So, how's Ransom doing anyway?

Now, Shirley, I don't want my possible
stepdaughter to be messing around with

him. Right. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Where have you been? I've been waiting
for this.

You know, your goddamn tiger took a
swipe at me, and I'm the fellow who runs

over his feet.

Claudine, we're running out of chairs.

Claudine, I thought... Hey, let's get
old Luke up here with the head of the

table. Come on, you ugly old thing.

No, wait.

No. Give me a hand with this thing.

I'll do it, Sinclair. This time I hope
he eats you.

Shirley, give me a hand here.

You're crazy. I'm not... touching that
snake.

Here, I'll help you. Here.

Merry Christmas.

Same to you. No lead, please, Philip.

What about the tiger?

Nothing to worry about with him.

Valentino was born in St. Louis.

Same as your baby boy.

That is Daddy's nose, I see.

While you're waiting, perhaps you and
the missus can cater to the serpentarium

of a hundred different kinds of reptiles
and animals.

Most of them vanishing species.

No, I don't think so. Just a guess.
We're in kind of a hurry.

Educate yourself about snakes, mister.

They're ugly, but they're important.

Bogan's picture could rid your house of
rats.

Of course.

That's right. You've got something
against reptiles.

You know, I think that's enough gas.

Thank you.

You said, uh... You said fill it.
Charlie, watch that doll!

Lindstrom! Here, boy. Come on.

You bet. We will talk to Tom.

As for you, you will hear from my
attorney.

Rest assured.

At least he died a painless death.

Got to turn your tiger loose.

Sort of be a lesson to you, boy.

You can't hold on to things too long.

It's been the problem of your life.

Holding on.

Yeah, Mr. Crockett told me he was
coming.

I got a check here somewhere.

$8 ,000.

A lot of money for a boy.

Yeah, it's my college education.

Yeah, if you want to spend it on that.

Now, you're going to have to unload them
yourself. I got to wait for a load of

chimpanzees. Just take them on down to
section 63B.

How large a place will we have?

Well, 100, 150 acres, I guess.

Mr. Crockett wants to breed him with
that crippled lion, Josephine.

Wants to get him a litter of them
laggers or tyons or whatever them half

is called.

Just what a rich man needs.

His own pet freak of nature.

Well, you go on and turn loose out
there.

How did Josephine get crippled?

Well, she escaped once.

Stepped in a jaw trap over in Hayes
County.

Shoot her own foot off to get free.

Well, she weren't too hard to run down
after that.

Huh?

Hello, boy.

Okay, old friend.

Go for the gusto.

How many armadillos did you give him
last night?

Two.

Here's my tiger. I'll start feeding him
four.

Ambulatory? Yes, Dr. Frank, but this was
not an accident.

Oh?

He was clawed by a tiger.

Oh.

Oh.

Hmm.

Ooh, this long isolation must have been
a large tiger, huh?

We'll need a tetanus booster and a 2 -0
silk on a cutting needle.

Have you fixed up in a jiffy?

Jeez.

Bubba?

Yes, ma 'am. Bubba drunk.

Yeah. You only saw me in the dark, and
you look pretty tired. Oh, no, no. Today

I'm tired. Last night I was hog drunk.

Hey, wasn't I supposed to meet you this
morning at the serpentarium?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, no. That's okay. It's just as
well you didn't.

You were probably late or something.

Well, I was late, but the truth is I
completely forgot.

And if you weren't supposed to be in
school, I'd make it up to you with a cup

coffee. Oh, I'm not missing anything.

In fact, I'd like some coffee. Yeah?

But I can see that you're busy right
now. Oh, well, how rude of me. Bubba,

is Mrs. Apple. Mrs. Apple, this here is
Bubba Drum. You remember his mama. She

was the headmistress of the old school.
Oh, of course she does.

Enchanted. You know what?

Let's find a nice, quiet place for Mrs.
Apple.

She needs the rest, and I need some
coffee.

It's bad coffee, isn't it?

I don't know.

I'm not really drinking any coffee.

It makes me go to the bathroom.

How's the wickedest nurse on the third
floor today?

Hello, Dr. Shorts.

Ooh, is that all I get?

Hello, Dr. Shorts?

Come on, time's running out for us.

I've only got four more months left in
the hellhole before I go back to

Minneapolis. Well, I'll miss you, I'm
sure.

Hey, and I've missed you, too,
completely.

How about going to the big dance with
me? I drove through town this morning,

those rednecks are really getting it
together for roundup. I think I even saw

legendary cowpoke or two.

What do you say I wear my chaps and
nothing else?

Boy, what a great sense of humor.
Doesn't he have a great sense of humor?

She's already going out with me.

I see.

Oh, and pass the word among the staff
that I only go out with men under the

of 20. That way we're both at our sexual
peak.

You know, I really got to go, and you
just finish your coffee, okay? You know,

I'm serious about the roundup.

I mean, you wouldn't have to dance with
me.

I just think you need to get out.

Why did you come to the hospital?

You came to ask me out, didn't you?

Yes,

ma 'am.

That's why I came to the hospital, was
to ask you out.

That's nice of you.

Yeah.

I like that.

Oh, I'm sorry about the caterpillars in
your car.

Yeah, they'll blow right off.

Oh, Miss Butts?

I'll see you in the morning.

an old retired veterinarian looked like
in the morning.

I'd look and feel one heck of a lot
better if I didn't go around with a

cop till all hours of the night.

You said no, bud.

Good morning, Sinclair.

Morning.

Howdy, Pat.

Ah.

Well, it looks to me you, I guess your
date with that other connoisseur has

pretty well.

Yeah, the last part especially, and I
hope Shirley didn't get too prejudiced.

They ain't got all their parts, is my
main objection.

Now, look at this fellow here.

He's missing his arms, which bothers me.

The hell, the worst of it is he ain't
even got shoulders.

Neither do you anymore.

It amazes me how your shirts stay on,
the way your shoulders have shrunk.

At least I can still dance, which more
than a fossil like you can say.

do that pretty good.

I got a feeling, Sinclair, that you're
going to mention your sister's name

again, and I don't want to hear it.

Claudine? Now, why would I mention her?
She's just the best cook in the county

and one of the few good dancing partners
left alive.

Hell, you must have been thinking about
her. You brung her name up. I heard her

name every five minutes last night.

I still get enough sense to avoid
bohemian women, especially her,

a beer joint at her age.

You! uptight old turkey.

I'm not going to stick around and listen
to your insults.

Now, there's a snake I could like.

If he had ears, he'd almost have a face.

You tell Charlie that he's

taken my sister to the dance if I have
to bait him there with whiskey.

You may have to.

I know.

He's completely given up on the liquor
since Abby passed on.

Boy, you better get with him pretty
quick or...

Use it or lose

it. Ain't that what the song says?

I'll talk to Dad for you. Yeah, you do
that.

And talk up my sister some, huh?

Well, I'm off to fight crime.

I think you see him.

We'll be right back.

We'll be

right

back.

Just another night, I'm all alone.

I'm thinking that it's just as well.

I said I got a call on the telephone.

Damn it, baby, it's settled.

Said she wants me to be a new Romeo.
Watch a little late night TV.

When I go home and I let you sit, watch
out for me.

I like it. What? You're going to wake up
the whole neighborhood.

God, what is that?

It smells like they sprayed the trees.

That bitch did this on purpose.

If I haven't told you this before, Mom
is against me having sex.

She definitely needs psychiatric help.

Keep your paws off until I say okay. I
was just looking.

You're the prettiest girl I've ever been
out with.

Probably.

What's that sound?

Is it her? Is she coming?

No, it's not your mother.

What are you doing?

You sound disappointed.

You want to get caught?

What is that noise?

Oh, I got to move.

Look at my hood. Christ, it looks like
velvet.

Don't move, honey.

You stay here.

I'll let you see all of me you want.

Above the waist.

No, sir! Put that thing away!

Well, it's dark, you know. I like to see
what I'm seeing.

Okay.

I'll let you use it on one condition.

What? Get me a date for Roundup with
Ransom McKnight.

It'll be my pleasure to match you with
Randy.

No sex.

Don't worry. This is purely a clinical
exam.

You broke the backbone of my passion.

You're a weird.

You're the most perverted boy I've ever
been out with.

Go away.

Leave me alone.

Haven't you done enough tonight?

Letting them get inside.

You bitch.

I don't need any more lectures about
men. I'll learn everything I need to

living with Daddy.

He's going to ask me to come. You wait
and see.

Is that you in there, Bubba Drum?

Yes, ma 'am.

Have you been having your way with my
daughter?

No, ma 'am.

Not exactly.

But you wanted to go further, didn't
you?

Yes, ma 'am, I do.

Did?

Well,

I knew your mama.

She taught me through three grades in
the old school, and I just loved her.

She'd have been real ashamed of you
tonight.

Why don't you sit down? You can look.

I don't want to go in and face her yet.

Friends of yours?

No.

That's a road kill for Valentino.

See, I'm trying to get him off Alpo.

I'm preparing him for his freedom.

Once, about a year ago, I saw you inside
the cage.

The two of you were wrestling?

I slowed down at first because I thought
he was killing you.

Well, we still wrestle.

Well, not as much.

I'd hoped you were.

Well... It's been nice talking with you.
But now I gotta go in there and holler

at my daughter.

If you'd like, you can stop by in the
morning to watch us wrestle.

Up close.