Original subtitles

The plane! The plane!

Oh, Tattoo, I'm sorry.

That tooth is bothering you again, huh?

Toothache? Uh, what would give you that idea, boss?

What gave me that idea?

That was an ice bag you were holding to your face, wasn't it?

- Ice bag? - If it is that toothache again,

you promised to go to the dentist this time.

- I know, but it does not hurt at all. - Indeed.

Then why are you smiling with only half your face...

while the other half looks like you've just been run over by a truck?

Boss, the Jeep is coming.

We don't want our guests to be waiting, do we?

Smiles, everyone. Smiles.

He look like a man who just died and went to heaven.

Ah, yes. Mr. Larry Barbour.

And he is indeed a very lucky man.

- He just won a raffle. - A raffle?

Mm-hmm. A man after my own heart. He must have a lot of money.

I'm afraid not, Tattoo.

You see, the prize he won in the raffle was his trip to Fantasy Island.

- Who put up a prize like that? - Mr. Barbour...

and the other 11 men in his crew,

who have spent the last 18 months of their lives...

isolated in the farthest reaches of arctic Alaska...

working on the Alaska pipeline.

All 12 men chipped in for what became their common fantasy.

Eighteen months in Alaska? Mm-hmm.

I bet I know his fantasy. What?

He wants to pass the weekend with a beautiful lady.

Only half right, Tattoo.

Mr. Larry Barbour, as representative...

of the Alaska Pipeline Crew Number 614,

wants to spend his weekend with not just one,

but two of the most beautiful girls in the world.

- Two women at once? - Well, you should know.

The French have a name for it... Ménage à trois.

- I have a name for it too. - What?

Wow!

Mr. Herbert Costigan makes his living...

doing law research for trial lawyers.

His, uh, briefs, his prepared questions for examination of witnesses...

are considered by many to be positively brilliant.

If he's so good, how come he's not practicing law himself?

Because, Tattoo, like too many other people in this world,

Mr. Costigan lacks self-confidence.

He's never been able to find the courage to strike out on his own...

to find out what kind of lawyer he could be.

And we are going to help him to do that, boss?

Oh, we are indeed, Tattoo. We are going to provide what he has asked...

The glamour and excitement of a big courtroom trial...

A trial that will involve life and death.

The question will be whether it will be his.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Ah!

Eighteen months of nothing but snow and ice.

I feel like I'm coming out from under wraps, Mr. Roarke.

Now, where are my fantasy fillies?

As a matter of fact, there is one of the young ladies now.

Out of sight! Oh, yes! Yes!

And if number two looks anything like this one, you've sure done your job.

When do I get started?

Uh, well, there is, uh, one little tiny thing.

You see, it's in the character of both girls to be the one and only.

I'm afraid if either were to find out you were having a romance with the other,

the weekend would be... a disaster.

- A disaster. - Oh, but my fantasy...

was to have a romance with two of the most beautiful girls in the world.

Oh, indeed, but it was never stipulated...

that they be together, was it?

Look at it this way.

The danger of being caught can be a lot of fun.

- Fun? - Of course, if you want to call it off...

Call it off? Oh, no, no, no.

I could never do that. The guys are counting on me.

I...

Well, maybe this way it will be more exciting.

When do I get to meet number two? Oh, have faith.

Mr. Barbour, I promise you will meet her before the day is over.

But I think perhaps you should meet Dina first.

Um, and you can do that just as soon as you're into proper uniform.

- Uniform? - Indeed!

Now that's my kind of jog.

Good luck, Mr. Barbour!

Good luck.

This will be your home while you're with us, Mr. Costigan.

And my client will be coming here?

Oh, I can assure you he will. Shall we?

Wow!

This is terrific!

Appropriate for one of the country's greatest trial lawyers.

- What? - You see, this side of the island...

is a very plush resort community.

Only the best people. And they are all thrilled...

that the famous attorney, Herbert Costigan, is going to be a neighbor.

- Me, famous? - Oh, in a class with F. Lee Bailey,

Jake Ehrlich and all the top attorneys.

At least according to the stories we have spread about you.

This is all terrific! When do I see my client?

All in good time, Mr. Costigan.

Uh, but perhaps I should warn you.

Once you commit yourself to become involved in a case,

there is no turning back.

You will be Herbert Costigan,

famous criminal attorney from St. Louis, and you will be on your own.

No one will be able to help you. No one. Not even I.

- Do you understand? - Yes! Yes! I'm ready.

Well, then, soon your very important client will be here.

Oh, no!

Hey! Huh?

I was gonna let you catch up with me at the mango tree around the bend.

- You were? - Sure! I saw you following me.

I kept running 'cause I wanted to see if you were sincere.

I'm having a very sincere heart attack at the moment.

Men chase me a lot when I'm jogging.

I rate them by how long they keep it up.

A masher usually gives up around a hundred yards or so.

A junior-grade sex maniac, maybe half a mile.

But you... you stayed with me for three miles!

Now, that's sincere! Dina McKay.

Hi. Larry Barbour.

It's a shame we couldn't have met during my lifetime.

I like a man who isn't timid... Who comes on full steam ahead...

Flowers, candy, holding doors and like that.

I guess I'm just an old-fashioned girl.

And I'm just an old-fashioned dirty old man.

Hey, we're gonna have to know each other a lot better before we get to that.

I love sunrise, sports, wheat germ, riding and casual clothes.

- What do you love? - Oh, all of the above.

Great! Then how about a couple of sets of tennis?

My bungalow's just two miles over the ridge. I'll race ya.

Whoa, uh, Dina!

Not... Not so fast. We...

Two miles!

Just a minute.

May I, uh, see that, sir?

Well, I, uh... I found it, uh, in the water just over there.

I... I don't know how it got there.

What do you think? Could be.

New. The right caliber.

- Sir, would you mind coming along with us? - What? Why?

We're investigating a murder, and this might be the death weapon.

We need your statement.

Oh, uh, I... I can't leave here.

I'm a lawyer, and I'm supposed to be meeting a very important client.

You wouldn't be Mr. Costigan? Mr. Herbert Costigan?

Why... Why, yes. Yes, I am.

It's really an honor meeting you, sir.

But you, an officer of the court,

must realize and understand why we need your statement.

Well, I... I guess you're right. Yeah.

Oh, uh, by the way, that fisherman over there, he saw me find the...

gun.

I g... I guess he must've gone.

There was a... a fisherman here.

Oh! That last quarter mile was really dynamite, wasn't it, Larry?

Lar?

Oh!

Tell me something quick.

Is there a buzzard circling this bungalow?

I think I passed away during the last mile.

You're really a funny guy, Lar.

I'll just pop in and change into my tennis stuff.

My reservation is for 30 minutes from now.

Hey, you're not worn out, are ya?

I can't stand a man who isn't full of energy all the time.

Who, me? Worn out? Are you kidding?

Why, I'm... I'm too full of pep to be pooped.

As a matter of fact, I wouldn't mind a little kiss just to keep my motor running.

Down, boy. You gotta get into your tennis clothes too.

And remember what I told you. I'm an old-fashioned girl.

I like my man to take what he wants, not ask for it.

And she's only half of it.

Oh, this is gonna be one wonderful weekend.

If I live through it.

Mrs. Deering, you're saying you had no intention...

of killing Mr. Deering.

Then it's your contention, Mrs. Deering, that your husband...

was attacking you, and you fired in self-defense?

It's not my contention. It's the truth. I swear it is!

He was hitting me, trying to strangle me.

But if that's true, why did you dispose of the body?

- Dump it in the ocean? - I don't know!

I g... I... I guess I just wasn't thinking straight.

Your Honor, the prosecution requests a recess in this preliminary hearing.

- For what purpose, counselor? - We have new evidence...

The murder weapon registered to Mrs. Pamela Deering.

The amended charge will be murder in the first degree.

My God! I... I...

In the absence of the corpus delicti,

bail is continued at $100,000.

Excuse me. What?

I think, uh... That is, uh...

I'm sure, uh, that you, uh, wanted to see me?

Wh-What do you mean? Uh, I'm an attorney.

Herbert Costigan. You've heard of me?

Herbert Costigan. Everyone's heard of you.

Well, uh, I didn't know exactly...

how it was gonna happen and, you see, Mr. Roarke,

he didn't explain, and I was supposed to find the, uh...

Well, that doesn't matter. The thing is, I'm an attorney.

I think you could use my help.

Pamela, darling, is something wrong?

I... I don't know, Cecile.

- This... - Costigan. Herbert Costigan.

He wants to represent me.

Pamela, darling, I think this might be just what we need.

Oh!

Likes a man to take what he wants, huh?

Okay!

Oh! Ow! Ooh!

Ow! What are you doing, Dina?

You said you liked a man to be aggressive, didn't ya?

I'm not Dina. I'm Nina.

Dina is my twin sister, but personally, I don't see the resemblance.

You and Dina are twins?

That's right.

But there's one thing I find absolutely captivating about you.

Oh? What's that? That Dina likes you.

My favorite sport is stealing desirable men away from my sister.

Oh?

How would you feel about taking me out to dinner this evening?

This evening? Yes.

I'm a night person.

Nothing worth doing is worth doing until after the sun sets.

Well, what do you say? Oh, what can I say?

I'll be there. 8:00. The main dining room.

Oh, and don't tell Dina. I'll tell her later.

I love to watch her throw a tantrum.

By the way, what's your name?

- Uh, Larry. - I like Lawrence better.

Oh, and Lawrence, I hate casual attire.

Dress up for me this evening. You won't regret it.

Ohhh!

Oh! Not only two girls, but twins!

That Mr. Roarke is fantastic!

I'm going to have a ménage à trois with twins!

Hey, what are you doing in there?

Hey!

Hey, come back!

Charles Deering.

The man that was murdered!

What in the world?

I mean, how...

Oh, my God!

I'm being framed!

Open up. It's the police!

Freeze! Hold it right there.

Hands behind your head.

Listen, it's not what you think.

It never is.

♪♪

Eh, Tattoo?

In a fine restaurant,

management personnel do not snack from a guest's tray.

I was not snacking, boss.

I was merely inspecting the cracker to see if there was enough caviar on it.

We do not inspect caviar with our mouths.

You do it your way, I do it my way.

Mmm!

Oh, Mr. Roarke, Tattoo,

I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Twins! Gorgeous, terrific twins!

You made my fantasy even more fantastic than I thought it could be.

Oh, we are very pleased, Mr. Barbour.

Oh, I wouldn't miss tonight for anything in the world.

There she is now. Ohhh!

Oh, bless you. Bless me. Twins!

There goes a happy man.

Yes, but what is happiness, my friend?

Happiness is a cracker with caviar on it.

In this case, I think happiness might be the buzz-buzz-buzz of a dentist's drill.

If we hadn't felt the situation to be urgent, Your Honor,

we never would have requested a special night session.

That is, our case against the accused, Your Honor.

The wallet of the deceased, Charles Deering.

His passport, credit cards, his diamond ring,

plus $2,500 in new bills, all found in Mr. Costigan's residence.

And this, uh, gun he has alleged to have found?

Ballistic tests prove it fired the bullet embedded in the wall at the death scene.

We also have, Your Honor, the deceased widow and her friend...

ready to testify to the accused's acquaintance with Mrs. Deering's husband.

- What? - Stand up, Mr. Costigan.

You are charged with murder in the first degree.

How do you plead? This is ridiculous!

I've never even been in this town before yesterday.

I don't even know a Charles Deering.

I'm being framed. Yes, Mr. Costigan.

We already heard about the mysterious fisherman

you claim not only saw you find the gun,

but then later broke into your house, planted the evidence to frame you.

Unfortunately, no one else has seen this fiendish fisherman.

Look, I don't know what's going on.

I mean, I never even saw these people before.

And the idea that I would commit a murder...

You see, I'm an attorney.

My only reason for becoming involved...

Mr. Costigan, you should be advised,

after your earlier visit to our court,

I had my clerk check in every bar directory.

There is no Herbert Costigan listed in any of them.

You are, Mr. Costigan, if indeed that is your real name,

at the very least a fraud.

And may I suggest...

what you need right now...

is a good lawyer.

♪♪

Lawrence, can't we go someplace more intimate for dinner?

Intimate? What a sensational idea.

There's always my room.

Your room.

Ah, that's certainly intimate. Yeah.

Uh, could we take a cab?

M-My feet just fainted.

Thank you.

Excuse me while I go place our dinner order with room service.

You do like French cooking? Oh!

It's supposed to be the food of love.

♪♪

Ahh!

♪♪

- Surprised to see me? - Dina?

Yeah.

Wh-What are you doing here? I mean, this isn't your kind of place.

There's no basketball net. Not even a set of weights.

Why don't, uh... Why don't we get together bright and early tomorrow morning, huh?

W-We'll go spear fishing.

- Are you nervous or somethin'? - Who, me? Nervous? No.

I was just worried about... Darn. Here. Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh!

You see, I, uh... I came lookin' for you,

even though I figured you must have another date,

'cause... I like you very much.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

Well, it isn't a date actually.

It's more of an act of charity.

You see, she's quite an elderly lady, and I thought a night out...

Is this her shawl? Someone I know and can't stand has a shawl like this.

Uh, no. You don't know the person I'm with.

She's a total stranger. Even to me.

Too bad you're all tied up tonight.

Well, I'll keep till morning. What time tomorrow?

5:00 a.m. I just love the sunrise.

See you then. Yeah.

5:00 a.m. I'll... I'll be raring to go.

Looks like you've got a visitor.

Mr. Roarke, am I glad to see you!

Well, I suppose I needn't ask how things are going.

I gather not too well, huh?

Not like they were supposed to go. Not at all.

Oh? And how were they supposed to go?

Well, they found out I'm really not an attorney.

Oh, that is a shame.

I was supposed to handle a big case for an important client.

I end up here.

You've gotta call it off, Mr. Roarke. I've gotta go back.

Call it off?

Go back?

Oh, Mr. Costigan, I'm afraid that's impossible.

I explained: Once you were committed, there was no turning back.

Remember? That no one could help you.

No one, except yourself.

But... But they're charging me with murder!

You wanted a big case, Mr. Costigan.

Is there any bigger than murder?

Oh, b-but I... I can't defend myself.

Can't you, Mr. Costigan?

If you can't, who can?

You asked for an important client, didn't you?

Is there any more important client than yourself?

Oh, Nina.

The minutes seemed like hours.

Everything's ready. Shall we go? Shall we ever.

Here is your... your nice little shawl. Thank you.

And here is your sweet little purse.

And now let's hurry to... This purse, it's not mine.

It's not? Oh, no, it... Oh! I-It's... It's mine.

Wallets are so bulgy, you know. They make my coat...

This is my sister's purse! Huh?

While I was ordering our intimate midnight supper,

you were two-timing me with her.

Wait a minute. I can explain. No explanations necessary.

No... Nina! Nina, it's all a mistake.

Nina!

Dina. I'm still in good with her.

I still have time.

Yes, sir.

The evening is not over yet.

Dina?

Uh, Dina, it's me, Larry.

Well, Larry, so you came after all.

Thanks. What about your little old lady?

Oh, uh, she had to get back. The, uh, wrestling matches were coming on TV.

- Champagne? - Just this once.

I'm not the drinker in my family.

You must have me confused with my twin sister, Nina.

I hung around a little while after I left you at the restaurant,

and I saw you with swingin' old Nina.

So, you can just forget about plain, simple,

unsophisticated little me.

Good night.

Boss? Hmm?

What time is it, please?

Oh, I'm afraid you still have an hour to go.

I never thought I'd be so anxious to go to the dentist.

Oh, thank you for the aspirin, Pepper.

Tattoo, why is Pepper wearing a towel around his head?

He can't possibly have a toothache.

I know. He's my friend.

Oh. Sympathy pains, huh?

Come in.

Ah, Mr. Barbour, do come in. Sit down, won't you?

Thank you, Mr. Roarke. Um...

I, uh... I had a message that you wanted to see me?

Oh, yes. Well, it's just that it has come to my attention...

that your fantasy is not progressing satisfactorily.

Is that correct?

Uh, well, let me put it this way.

I've got Dina and Nina all lined up...

as a firing squad, and I'm the target.

Neither one of them will have any more to do with me.

Well, I did warn you what might happen...

if either lady were to find out about the other, didn't I?

I suppose you're ready to leave Fantasy Island now, hmm?

Leave? And go back and face those 11 guys?

Oh, no, this is the fantasy we've been dreaming about for the past 18 months.

If they find out I've flopped, they'll feed me to a polar bear.

Now what I've got to do is some really smooth talking, and I've got to organize.

Either that or become bear meat.

Yeah, you don't have to remind me.

If I set up a scuba diving date and an early dinner with Dina,

say, around, oh, 5:30...

Yes? Go on.

Then by the time we finished, it would be time for Nina.

Yes, I think I've got it.

Dr. Marlowe, will you tell the court in your own words...

what you learned from the bartender?

Aye. He said he heard that man...

You mean the defendant. That's correct. That's the man.

He heard him making a deal...

with somebody to kill Charles Deering.

He said he wanted $2,500.

That's a lie!

I... I mean, uh, I object, Your Honor.

That is pure hearsay and inadmissible.

I demand that that be stricken from the record.

If you wish, Your Honor, we could subpoena the bartender to corroborate...

No need. No need.

We already have the $2,500 in evidence.

I'm going to let this stand. Objection overruled.

Sit down, Mr. Costigan.

I'm through with the witness, Your Honor.

Any cross, Mr. Costigan?

Not at this particular time, Your Honor,

but the defense wishes him to remain subject to recall.

Very well. You may step down.

Aye.

Mrs. Deering, in the preliminary hearing,

you testified under oath...

that you were attacked by your late husband...

and fired the gun in self-defense.

Yet here in court today, you declared that...

you were unconscious, and you couldn't remember a thing.

Now which one of your statements is the truth, and what's a lie?

Objection, Your Honor. To answer the

question as put would be self-incriminating.

Objection sustained. The clerk will strike the question.

The witness need not answer.

Possibly, we can get at the truth another way.

Was it your idea to get rid of the body or somebody else's?

- What? - I mean, one minute, your husband's body...

was lying dead on the floor, and the next minute, it was gone.

I mean, did you remove the body? No.

Then who did?

Who are you protecting, Pamela?

So, it was your idea entirely to dispose of the body.

In fact, you did dispose of it all by yourself, didn't you?

- Objection. Leading the witness. - Sustained.

Tell me, what were your true feelings towards your friend's husband?

- What? - Weren't you in fact in love with him?

Your Honor, I fail to see the connection between...

Nor I, Mr. Prosecutor.

Mr. Costigan, unless you can connect this...

I believe I can satisfy the court,

Your Honor, if I be permitted to recall an earlier witness at this time.

Let me ask you a hypothetical question, Dr. Marlowe.

If a man is in love with his wife's best friend,

and he wants to get rid of his wife,

would it be a better idea...

for him to kill her or have her kill him?

Now you're making no sense at all, Mr. Costigan.

Oh, but I am, Your Honor, because that's exactly what this case is all about.

Your Honor, may we approach the bench?

You certainly may.

- Well, Mr. Costigan? - Your Honor,

there is only one way the circumstances of this case can be explained.

Charles Deering pretended to attack his wife.

Now, she grabbed for the gun, which was previously loaded with blanks.

It went off, and her husband fell dead.

And Mrs. Deering fainted. That's in the record.

But if the gun were loaded with blanks... I mean...

It was, but how could a little girl like Cecile remove a heavy body like that?

I mean, the answer is, there's no way. It's impossible!

But... the body could remove itself.

If Charles Deering were alive...

Well, then there'd be no murder.

There would be no crime. That's exactly my point.

You have no proof of that. Not one scrap of evidence. Ah, but I do.

I have plenty of proof.

- Doctor? - Aye?

Charles!

Oh!

Yeah.

Hello, world!

Nina? Wh-What is it? It's... It's still light outside.

I can't wait for you until 10:30.

I wanna see you now.

Now? Oh, no, Nina, i-it's too early. I...

No, don't be silly. Of course I wanna be with you.

It's j... What? 5:45?

I-In 15 minutes?

Oh, no, Nina, I can't... Nina?

N-Nina? N... Hey. Nina!

Dina, you sure got outta your scuba gear fast.

Let's hit the chow and get down to gettin' cozy.

Right. Oh, the chow! Right.

I-I knew there was something I forgot.

Look, why don't you start the hors d'oeuvres without me.

You're gonna love this one. It's unborn lettuce feet on buckwheat.

It's rich in B1.

I, uh... I have to go check on a very...

extra special health casserole in the kitchen.

- No peeking. - Okay, but if you're not back in 10 minutes,

I'm coming after you with guns blazin'.

Ten minutes. That's... That's fine.

Bonsoir, mon chéri.

That's French for, uh...

Your shirt is undone. Huh?

Oh! Yes, the, uh, laundry did that.

They put in too much starch.

I had to break the sleeves with a hammer.

Ah. There now. Perfect.

Even though I did have to rush madly...

to be with you this early, you little minx.

Oh, no! What's wrong?

Well, your... your corsage.

It won't be the perfect evening we both want so much without flowers.

I... I, uh... I left them on the table.

I... I won't be but an instant.

Well, hurry, darling. The champagne is getting warm.

I will.

♪♪

♪♪

Ah.

Dina, sweetheart, the casserole needs a little more time.

So, why don't you dig into this nice plate of yeast balls while I see to it?

Hey, you got lipstick on your cheek.

Huh? Well... Of course. You put it there.

I don't remember kissing your cheek.

Well, that's what true love is all about... amnesia.

Right back. Casserole.

♪♪

Lawrence! Just what is going on here?

I demand an explanation.

Uh...

The explanation is that...

That this was a dumb fantasy, and I'm a jerk.

I guess any man who thinks...

he can play games with other people's lives is a... a jerk.

I'm sorry, Nina.

Good-bye.

A brilliant defense, counselor.

Mr. Roarke!

Truly expert... Your courtroom technique.

The way you handle witnesses... Superb.

Obviously what you were born to do.

Well, I have to admit,

until you came to visit me in the jail,

I had no idea what was gonna happen.

And another thing you've done is put to rest the old cliché.

What cliché? Don't they say,

"The lawyer who handles his own case has a fool for a client"?

Well, it nearly came true.

For a while there, if it hadn't occurred to me...

that the only possible explanation was...

Your disguise.

Was that so if I fouled up the defense,

you could come forward as a witness and get me off?

No, I simply wanted to see you in action.

And be around in case I fouled up.

There was never any doubt you would. Never.

You're leaving us, counselor.

Yes, I'm afraid I won't be able to buy any more fantasies for a while.

You mean, you were disappointed?

Oh, no, no, no. It's just that it'll take every nickel I can scrape up...

to help me finish my legal education and pass the bar.

My congratulations.

Listen, uh, if you ever need a good lawyer...

We'll keep you in mind.

Well, Nina, did you enjoy your fantasy?

Yes, Mr. Roarke. I think I did.

And how does your sister, Dina, feel about it?

The same.

- You mean, you're both the same girls? - The same.

I always wanted to see what it would be like to be twins.

But I'm not sure I really liked putting Larry on.

You know, after you get past all his old-fashioned chauvinism,

he's really a nice person.

I probably blew any chance I might've had with him as just plain me.

Well, in that case, why don't you make a fresh start with his brother Barry?

- Larry has a twin? - I'm sure he'll be delighted to meet you.

Right.

Excuse me, Barry? Oh, hello.

Ta-da!

Larry! Oh!

- Boss, you cheated! - What?

Oh!

Oh.

Oh, I almost forgot, Tattoo. How was your trip to the dentist?

Fine. No more problems?

No more buzz-buzz.

And I better warn you,

from now on, you better stay on your toes.

- Oh? Why is that? - Well, the dentist said it was not a cavity.

I'm growing a wisdom tooth.

Oh!