Original subtitles

The plane! The plane!

Smiles. Smiles, everyone.

Ah, it's going to be a beautiful day.

Who are the guests this time, boss?

Any beautiful women?

Tattoo, how many times do I have to tell you? All women are beautiful.

Sometimes you just have to look for it a little harder. That's all.

Miss Ann Dowd, age 25, unmarried.

She works in the office of a trailer company in Akron, Ohio,

as does Maxine Bender.

Also 25, also unmarried.

They've been best friends since high school.

If Robert Redford gets off next, I know what their fantasy is.

Tattoo, it so happens that Ann and Maxine's fantasy...

is much more glamorous than that.

In fact, it's a fantasy shared by countless people all over the world.

They want a chance to live in a modern fairy tale...

and, like Cinderella, for just a brief time,

to be one of the glamorous, beautiful people of the world.

- A jet-setter. - Those two, glamorous?

This time, boss, I think you've bitten off more than you can chew.

Well, it's reassuring to know I have your unfailing confidence.

You don't have to get mad, boss. No one can bat a thousand.

Is he here to join the glamorous life too?

Quite on the contrary, Tattoo. Mr. Udall is a famous magician.

Then he must have a lot of money.

Enough to pay the full price for a fantasy.

Must you always reduce everything to such crass terms?

Yes, Mr. Udall is very successful,

and at a very dangerous profession.

Some say he's the most daring and spectacular

escape artist the world has seen...

since his late father, who was the original Great Dante,

but just once would like to perform his own escape...

Something that his father or Houdini...

or any other escape artist in history never even conceived.

It's a request he may live to regret.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Do those men have something to do with the trap you have for me, Mr. Roarke?

Oh, very much so, Mr. Udall.

You see, they've come for you.

They look like some sort of prison guards. They are indeed.

They are from Ile du Diable.

Ile du Diable? You mean, Devil's Island?

One of the most notorious, godforsaken prisons in the history of the world.

Yes, but, uh, Devil's Island doesn't exist anymore.

Doesn't it? This is Fantasy Island, Mr. Udall,

and here anything exists, if I so wish.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Take it easy!

Mr. Roarke! I'm sorry, but they're only doing their job.

You see, they believe you to be a convicted murderer whom I am delivering to them.

Murderer? What are you talking about?

Uh, Mrs. Udall, your husband's fantasy was for me...

to provide him with the ultimate challenge for escape.

Uh, the, uh, lagoon lets out to the open sea.

The island on which the prison is located is 15 miles from our shore.

Oh, I should also tell you that the waters around it...

are infested... with sharks.

You can stop your fantasy now, Mr. Udall,

or nevermore.

There is nothing you can do for him now, Mrs. Udall.

I'll take you back to the main house.

Your fantasy will begin with a change of wardrobe.

Is all this for us to wear this weekend?

I hope you enjoy them. Enjoy them? I'm afraid to touch them.

Oh, Ann, have you ever seen anything more elegant?

Look at this one.

Grace Kelly wore one just like that in High Society.

Uh, will you come in when you can, please?

I am so happy you're pleased,

but if you want to be truly jet-setters,

I think you must first meet Mr. Robert Massoon.

- Robert Massoon is here? - Oh, very much so.

And he's ready to help you. Ah.

Mr. Massoon, I'd like you to meet Miss Dowd and Miss Bender.

For us?

But he's the most famous beauty expert in the whole world.

Mr. Massoon, I've read all your books.

Have you really?

Eh, well, Robert, can you have your staff...

make these two young ladies glamorous jet-setters?

Well, as far as glamour is concerned, I can do anything.

But, uh, in this case, Mr. Roarke,

I... I can't promise.

I have done all I can.

Take a good look, Udall. That is the last you will ever see of the free world.

Mmm!

Oh, cheer up, Tattoo. Cheer up.

As you say, no one can bat a thousand.

Well, it's fun trying. Ah!

Our two friends from the plane, Ann and Maxine.

Those are not the same girls.

Aren't they?

They are the same girls!

You folks just get pretty girls here by the bunches, don't ya?

That's the way I like them.

Miss Dowd, Miss Bender, you look just exquisite.

- Both of you. - You really think so?

Oh, don't just judge by me. Look around you.

Like Count Rudolph over there,

the jury of your peers.

Oh, I think the count is looking at me.

Uh, the, um, background stories...

we have discreetly spread about you...

are that, uh, you are both heiresses.

Um, your money came from, uh, oil, Miss Dowd.

Uh, Miss Bender, your fortune came from shipping.

How exciting. I always did love sailors.

♪♪ Attention, attention, please.

It's time for the scavenger hunt.

- Scavenger hunt? - Yes.

I love scavenger hunts!

Anyone wishing to participate in the contest, attention.

Enjoy yourself, Miss Dowd. Excuse me.

The grand prize for the scavenger hunt will be...

the Debussy necklace and earring set.

But first, everyone must find a partner.

Would you like to be my partner?

Me?

Oh, I'd love to, Count.

The sun cascades against your face like crying starlight.

You're Ian Cooper Smith, the writer.

And you're beautiful.

May I escort you to the scavenger hunt?

Hold on there. Not so fast.

The lady already has a partner.

That is, if you want one.

Um...

I want one.

Your records say that you have escaped many prisons.

No one has ever escaped my command.

Believe me, prisoner Udall,

I will watch you more closely than the spider watches the fly.

And if you are so foolish...

Had him put in there three days ago.

He tried to steal an extra portion of food.

Imagine what I will do to you...

if you ever dare try to escape.

That's it, that's it. Just a little closer.

Don't shake the branch. You'll drop it.

If there are any eggs, don't break them.

- I got it! I got it! Oh! - Gott in Himmel!

Are you all right? Oh, I'm fine.

And look, I still have the bird's nest!

That means, with the bicycle tire...

and the silver spoon we already have,

all we need now is a red ball and a duck to win!

Gott in Himmel! What a hearty girl you are!

Look, there's a red ball.

That looks like it's being put to pretty good use already.

You know, it's a funny thing about kids.

Whether they're here or in the city...

or on some Indian reservation in Oklahoma,

they all play the same... Simple, straightforward,

not afraid to laugh.

You sound like you spend a lot of your time watching kids play.

I do. I used to anyway.

Before I had to spend all my time taking care of my money,

I used to be into pediatrics, child behavior, all of that.

You're a doctor? Used to be.

No time anymore.

Do you mean nobody's told you about my private casino...

and racquetball club that I'm buggin' everybody to invest in?

No.

Well, no wonder you're so friendly. Really, I got a great spot.

Right on the strip in Vegas, but completely private.

Nobody but our crowd,

and shares of membership just $10,000 each.

Oh, it sounds like fun.

I'll, uh, talk to my lawyers about it.

Doc, what do you say? Shall we go down...

and try and talk them out of their red ball?

Well, I suppose we could, but seein' as...

we haven't been able to gather a single thing...

on this scavenger hunt, why louse up a perfect record?

Come on. It's martini time.

Let me get you something, eh?

You must be sick as hell right now.

The first day in here and the boat ride and the stench in this place.

My last cigarette. American.

I was saving it for my birthday, but I've forgotten when that is.

No, no, no. I couldn't take that from you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you. Go ahead. Your first day here. You deserve it.

God knows you deserve something.

Besides, I've... been coughing too much lately.

Got a light? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Thank you. How old is this building?

Not old enough, but the cement in the basement window is looser,

if that's what you're thinking. Yeah.

You, uh... You have a very light touch.

It's very good. Hmm?

My pad and pencil, please.

No hard feelings, I hope. I just like to keep in practice.

By the way, uh, how did you sneak it past the guard in the shower?

The same way I, uh, kept this watch.

I, uh, picked his pocket after I changed into the uniform.

Oh, of course. You, uh...

You put it in his pocket in the first place for safekeeping.

Wow. You're either a pickpocket or a magician.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're the pickpocket. I'm the magician.

You're, uh, second-to-last cigarette, I believe?

No hard feelings. I like to keep in practice too.

Doesn't matter.

Oh, it does matter if you know a man named Mr. Roarke.

If my guess is right, you're not a real prisoner here.

You're... You're a magician or an escape artist.

Someone who had the fantasy to make the ultimate escape.

How do you know that?

My dear American.

Just look at me and see your future.

They used to call me "The Great Dauphin."

The Great Dauphin? He died 10 years ago.

Yeah, 10 years ago is when I asked Mr. Roarke...

to provide me with my ultimate escape.

♪♪

Well, ladies, I hope you're enjoying yourselves.

Enjoying ourselves? It's like a dream come true.

Imagine, me having dinner with a count...

and Ann with the handsomest millionaire doctor I've ever seen.

I'm so pleased. Oh, I see you won the prize today.

Yes! It's real, isn't it?

Oh, indeed it is. It was part of the Debussy collection.

The rest, of course, is to be auctioned off here tomorrow night.

- Auction? - Oh, yes.

That's always the highlight of our masquerade ball.

We raise a lot of money for charity.

You see, it's tradition that every guest bids...

on at least one of the items up for sale.

But, Mr. Roarke, that isn't fair.

We can't afford to buy anything. I'm sorry, Miss Dowd.

Your fantasy was to spend two days as members of the jet set.

But if we don't bid on anything, they'll know we don't belong.

Oh, I hope not.

I sincerely hope not.

Will you excuse us, please?

Midnight. Probably'll be right in the middle of the masquerade ball.

I suppose it had to end sometime. But how are we gonna tell them?

♪♪

Midnight.

Just like a couple of Cinderellas, huh?

Oh, Mr. Roarke! Mr. Roarke.

Oh, I'm glad I caught up with you.

Do I look all right? You look just fine, Mr. Harmon.

Are you sure? I... I don't usually wear clothes like this.

Believe me, you are the picture of elegance.

But you better hurry. You don't want to be late.

- No, no, I don't wanna be late. - Wish me luck.

What is he so excited about?

Mr. Harmon is having lunch with Charlie's Angels.

Charlie's Angels? Mm-hmm.

- All three of them? - Well, of course, Tattoo. Something wrong?

No, but, uh, I thought that, uh, if you don't need me, I...

- Yes? - Well, I thought that...

maybe Mr. Harmon could use a little help with dessert.

Uh-huh. Do try not to get in the way, will you, Tattoo?

Thank you.

I was beginnin' to think you'd never show up.

Everybody seems to be having so much fun.

Well, yeah. I mean, it's a bundle of laughs around here.

It's nice to be around folks who know how to enjoy themselves.

Why? Is somethin' wrong?

Uh, no. I'm just looking for Maxine.

Oh. Well, I'm afraid I haven't seen her.

Well, I'm gonna be Peter Pan tonight. How about you?

What? For the masquerade.

They sent me a pair of green tights and a funny hat,

so I figure it's either that or Robin Hood.

I'm sure in your case it's Robin Hood.

Well, if that's true, I'd sure like you to be my Maid Marian.

Oh, uh...

I don't know. Uh, to tell you the truth,

I don't think I feel up to going tonight.

It's nothing I've done, I hope?

Oh, no. It isn't that. It...

I will go and get a drink, and I...

Excuse me. I have to go talk to Maxine.

Say, 8:00, please.

8:00.

Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.

Rudy took me out on his yacht.

It's just off the island. It's terrific.

Look, I don't mean to get personal,

but don't you think you're getting too friendly with him?

We're going home tomorrow. Now's not the time to get involved.

Why not? Who am I saving myself for?

Smitty in the machine shop?

Or one of those guys on the assembly line?

Maybe Rudy isn't the handsomest guy in the world,

but he's really nice.

He likes me, and I like him.

He thinks I'm a hearty girl.

I'm sorry. I mean, if you really like him.

It's just that I'm tryin' to figure out...

what we're going to do tonight when they start that auction.

I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna let Rudy buy me anything he wants to.

- You can't do that! - I'll tell you something, Ann.

I've been poor, and now I've had a taste of being rich,

and I like rich a whole lot better.

You're very good. Gonna attempt to escape?

- I'm gonna try. - I know a way.

I know, I know. You look at me and say,

"I know a way"... What am I doing here?

Well, you can say I lost my nerve.

The last time I escaped, seven years ago,

they brought me back and put me in the box for three days.

I'm going out alone, Ipsy. Please, please, don't leave me here.

I'm goin' out alone.

I have to, Ipsy.

Yeah.

I remember when I had to go alone.

I was young and proud.

I remember.

♪♪

Having a good time, Tattoo?

Oh, boss, how did you know it was me?

Having fun?

Whenever he's not busy tryin' to sell shares in his racquetball club.

You really like him, don't you?

More than anyone I've ever known. I'm leaving.

You know, Maxine, I'm really beginning to feel like Cinderella.

I mean, pretty soon the clock's gonna strike 12:00,

and the auction will start, and then everything will come apart.

- I said I'm leaving. - What?

Rudy and I. The tide goes out in an hour,

and we're taking out his yacht with it.

You and the count?

He wants to take me back home to meet his mother.

But that's crazy, Maxine.

He... He thinks you're an heiress.

What's gonna happen when he finds out you don't have any money?

I already told him. He doesn't care.

He just keeps saying I'm a hearty girl and he loves me.

And I think I love him too.

But you just met him.

I've known him longer than you've known the doc, and look how you feel about him.

Don't you understand, Ann?

All my life I've been a size 10 tryin' to fit into a size eight.

And finally, I find somebody who likes me just like I am,

and I love him for that.

- I don't know what to say. - Just wish me luck.

And I'll write as soon as I can. Oh!

Bye-bye.

Say, I'm sorry I took so long.

Did you find any members for your club?

No, not yet, but they'll come around.

Say, have you thought about it any more?

Um, I'm afraid I... I can't.

Uh, not right now.

Yeah, I know. All your money's tied up in cash.

No, it's not that.

- It's just... - Attention, attention.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's midnight.

The bewitching hour is here, and the auction is about to begin.

Excuse me. I think I'll buy myself a drink.

Remember, please that you are bidding...

Roger? Roger?

Please, I want to explain.

I have to explain. Ann, leave it alone.

I'm sorry. I'm just in a bad mood. It's not your fault.

But it is my fault, because I'm a liar. I'd invest in your club.

I'd invest in anything for you if I could, but I can't.

I'm a fake, a phony.

I'm not a jet-setter. I don't have a lot of money.

I don't have any money.

I work in a trailer factory in Akron, Ohio.

A trailer factory? How disgustingly gauche, darling.

Well, if nothing else, I hope I've given you all a good laugh.

Wait a minute, Ann. Ye gods, a trailer factory!

And to think I talked to her once. You stupid jerk.

Well! Waiter, more champagne.

Have some on me.

Look!

You run, you die! You can't escape!

You are a most foolish man.

Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Roarke.

Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.

I understand there was some excitement around here last night, huh?

A slight miscalculation, as you can see. I tell ya, I'm lucky.

If it had been one of my father's water escapes, I never would've made it.

Well, live and learn, as they say.

Perhaps your next attempt will be more successful.

Next attempt? Oh, no, no. No, no. I surrender.

It was a hell of a test, Mr. Roarke, really.

But, uh, no. You, uh, can tell these people I'm ready to go back now.

Tell 'em who I am. Go back?

Yeah, to Fantasy Island. You win, Mr. Roarke.

I give up.

Uh, Mr. Udall, the fantasy I agreed to provide for you...

was for the ultimate escape.

Agreed.

But that's over. I give up.

Oh, Mr. Udall,

I'm sure your cell mate, Ipsy Dauphin, told you.

There is no provision for giving up.

I'm afraid, just like Ipsy, if you don't escape,

you'll spend the rest of your life here.

Oh, no. You're not gonna get away with that.

My wife Kathy's back on that island.

Oh, Mr. Udall, your wife Kathy...

will be told exactly what Ipsy Dauphin's wife was told 10 years ago...

That you died attempting an escape.

It shouldn't be hard to convince her.

Oh, speaking of your friend,

he did ask me to give you this.

He said something about, um, uh, saving it for Christmas. Um...

He said you being in here, you need it more than he would.

- Something wrong? - Just last night...

- Yes? - Nothing.

Oh.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

the guard said you almost made it last night.

A few more feet, and they would've lost you in the jungle.

Yes.

Do enjoy your smoke, Mr. Udall.

It may be the last one you'll have in a long time.

I was hopin' I'd find you here.

I went by your place last night, then again this mornin'.

I wasn't answering. Yeah, I gathered that.

Well, I guess I made a pretty big jerk of myself last night.

Hell, I made a pretty big jerk of myself the whole weekend.

It wasn't you.

There you go again...

Disagreeing with me before you know all the facts.

I told you. I'm not who I said I was.

I don't have any money.

Honey, ya had company and didn't know it.

- What? - Me.

I live in a battered-up old trailer...

that might've been made by the company you work for.

But what about all that money you were raising for the Las Vegas Racquet Club?

I'm afraid that was a lie too.

Is there anything about you that's true?

Those kids I told you about on the Indian reservation... They're true.

The fact that I'm a doctor... That's true too.

You see, my fantasy was to raise 30,000 or $40,000,

and I figured the best way to do it...

was to pitch a lot of wealthy people...

to invest in somethin' stupid.

- Then it was all a con. - A dream.

A fantasy. A con. I guess maybe it was all those things.

What were you gonna do with all the money?

Build a clinic for my kids.

I mean, it wouldn't have been no 10-story job.

Maybe just a one-story adobe with the proper equipment.

You see, right now, the nearest, decent clinic is 40 miles away.

And, hell, those people, they spend 10 thousand spillin' drinks.

I love you, Dr. Sullivan,

even if you are a lousy con man.

You know, you'd be a fool to come back with me.

I mean, that's an awfully small trailer.

Oh, I don't take up a whole lot of space.

Shh.

Udall, what... What are you doing here?

I ran out of cigarettes. Come on. Let's get outta here.

No, no. I'm liable to slow you down.

I'll take that chance.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Come on. I already got a rope hole in the wall.

Yeah, good. Let's go.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay. Okay.

Get down.

Now what are we gonna do? They're about to change the guard.

Hey, trust me. I told you I knew a way out.

All right. Come on.

This way, this way.

In there.

That's the garbage. I know, I know.

It's taken out on a boat every morning at dawn.

Five miles out at sea and dumped.

Five miles? What about the sharks? Don't worry.

The boat has a dinghy. Once we're out at sea,

we'll grab it and head for Fantasy Island.

Let's go. Look out.

Okay, you first. Go on.

Ooh. Oh.

You may take all your garbage out now.

We got out just in time. I'm all out of cigarettes.

That's okay. I'm out of matches.

Mr. Roarke, I just wanna thank you for everything.

Even though it was not everything you may have expected?

No, I got more than I expected or hoped for.

- And Dr. Sullivan? - I can't complain.

I'm very happy you're both so pleased.

Oh, uh, before I forget, your friend Maxine left something for you.

The Debussy necklace.

It's worth a great deal of money.

Perhaps not enough to build a 10-story racquetball club,

but at least enough to build a first-rate medical clinic.

And a first-rate clinic it'll be, I promise you.

You better hurry now. Your plane is leaving.

Tell me the truth, boss. Yes?

Besides Count Rudolph, were any of the others real jet-setters?

It doesn't matter, Tattoo. Remember, this is Fantasy Island.

Well, I hope you enjoyed your visit with us.

I'm, uh... I'm not so sure.

I... I came to do a one-man escape...

that my father never did, to satisfy my ego,

and then just when I had it in my reach, I let it get away from me.

Then perhaps, Mr. Udall, that was the greatest escape of all...

Escape from the need to compete with your father.

And for that, Mr. Roarke, I'll be forever grateful.

- Looking for someone, Mr. Udall? - Uh, yes. Ipsy.

I thought maybe he'd be on the same plane, or at least come say good-bye.

Yes. Well, I'm sure he sends his best wishes to you.

But, um, you must remember it will take Ipsy longer...

to adjust to the outside world again.

Well, good-bye and thank you.

Good-bye, Mr. Udall. Have a pleasant trip.

Thank you. Mrs. Udall.

Why did you lie to Mr. Udall about Ipsy, boss?

I did not lie, Tattoo.

Merely preserved an illusion.

Would Mr. Udall be half so pleased...

if he knew that Ipsy Dauphin is, in reality, our master chef?

It'll be nice to have Ipsy back in the kitchen again.

It will, indeed, Tattoo. It will indeed.