Original subtitles

My name is Louis Trantell. I am 35 years old.

Alexa Chryssovergis, and I am 19 years old.

Oliver Marshack. 25 years old. I'm professionally single.

[man] What dating apps do you use?

Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel.

Tinder and Bumble.

[Oliver Marshak] I mostly use Tinder. I also use Bumble.

Throughout the day when I'm not working,

if I'm just chilling, I'm waiting for a call to come in...

I'm always swiping.

You pretty much choose someone based on how they look.

So for whatever reason, girls love guys that play hockey.

So that's what I found, and that's why I keep it in there.

An online dating profile tells you so much more about a person.

You can google them. You know, google their first and last name

and look up their social media profiles.

I match with them, and I try to meet with them that day.

Meet up for a cocktail.

It is the way I've gotten every single date that I've had so far in college,

is through these apps.

[man] On the flip side, are there any negatives to your app usage?

Just spending time with each other for two weeks.

We had slept together, I really liked him, and then he ghosted.

For the most part, my expectations are set on

it's gonna be hook up, you know, a couple of times and then move on.

Some women are on there because they wanna actually find somebody to seriously date.

Some women are on there because they just wanna find a guy to have casual sex with.

I literally can send someone a message and just be like,

"Look, I just wanna have sex."

It takes like the humanity away from people almost a little bit.

You're on a phone. You know, you're quantified. You're a thing.

[coin clatters]

[theme song playing]

♪ Keep your head ♪

♪ Everyone still ♪

♪ You can make me fall apart But I won't blink ♪

♪ Keep your head ♪

♪ Everyone still ♪

♪ You can make me fall apart But I won't blink ♪

♪ And you won't speak ♪

♪ And we won't blow away ♪

♪ If you can place your hands on me ♪

♪ Then we'll dance ♪

My name is James Rhine.

I'm a director of marketing for a nightlife company in Las Vegas.

I throw adult pool parties for a living.

Like, it just doesn't get any better than this.

-[man] Champagne everywhere! -[crowd cheering]

Regardless of the fact that I'm 40 years old,

I don't know, I have this different mindset for my life.

I want to thoroughly enjoy every moment.

And if you ain't having fun in life, then you are doing this thing way wrong.

My name is Jessica.

Dating, it's awful. [chuckles] It's downright dirty awful.

So I was excited when, out of nowhere, I met James.

[giggles]

Dating him is a different story.

He always opens up my door.

Always texts me, "Good morning," "Good night,"

"I miss you." "Thinking about you."

I assume that we are exclusive, and I can picture a future with us two.

And hopefully, he can picture the same.

[James Rhine] It's been a weak-ass weekend for dating apps.

No. Ooh. No.

With Jessica...

right now, it's fun.

She's a sweet girl. I have fun with her.

But I can see myself not dating her long-term.

Look at this one. Right across the street. We like Ashley.

You have so many different options right at your fingertips.

Technology has definitely made commitment in relationships

almost a thing of the past.

[mimics app swishing]

Oh, hello there, little 35-year-old in a bikini.

How it works on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble,

left means they suck, right means you like 'em.

Cute girl, for old.

We have Natalie. She's 23. Pretty blonde girl. Pretty blonde girl.

[chuckles]

The goal is to find girls to have a fun couple dates together, you know.

They're not ugly.

My friends are like, "You're surrounded by beautiful women all day at work.

Why are you on Tinder and Bumble? Why do you need these things?"

Well, if this is what you wanna do,

if you just wanna date and have fun and hook up,

there's nothing better than these dating apps.

Yeah, boom.

[sighs] I'm a fucking mess today.

Please tell me I didn't swipe on ugly people last night.

[sighs] Fuck.

You are unmatched. [mimics explosion]

Bye.

But this is a superficial app,

so my behavior is incredibly superficial,

because that's the fucking point.

Does not represent me as a person.

I sit back and I look at the last 20 years,

and I think I've had the best time ever.

So much fun and so much sex.

I have no regrets.

I know society thinks that you shouldn't be sleeping with different people,

but there's no rule against it. There's no law against it.

Most people will only say it's a bad thing because they can't do it.

There aren't women in their 30s in the nightlife.

You know, it's girls in their 20s.

Their lifestyles are very similar.

You know, fast paced, always on the move, and they're not looking to settle down.

They're still enjoying life.

And I'm still enjoying my life, also.

A 24-year-old now as opposed to a 24-year-old 15 years ago

are light-years apart.

I'm meeting girls in their early 20s who have already had, like,

multiple threesomes, like, some crazy shit.

And I'm assuming that that has to be, like, the whole porn culture

where everyone is looking at this stuff like it was nothing.

Fifteen years ago, they were a lot more shy.

They were a lot more reserved.

And now, if you have sex with a 22-year-old,

they're pushing you back, trying to eat out your asshole.

[chuckles] You know, it's like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?

"Do you know my last name?"

[inaudible]

It's not my fault that society has sped up dating

to where now you're fucking everyone within the first week of knowing them.

You know? This is what's just become acceptable.

You know, I'm just keeping up with the times.

My room's a fucking mess.

Yeah. [clears throat]

This is the buffer so my roommates don't get mad.

So whatever shirt comes off, or socks or whatever...

stops from... [clicks tongue]

Can't add more girls to the no-fly list.

Going on a date tonight. Her name's Alexis.

[inhales deeply]

I met her on Bumble.

And it's one of those ones where she's younger.

She's, like, 25 or 26. Somewhere in that range.

Yeah, this will be a second date.

Ooh. [sighs]

Tall. I'd say good-looking girl.

She's really funny, really witty.

You know, just has that personality that I'm drawn to.

I think because I've been in that dating world for so long

and I've been able to cross over into all the new technological advancements,

you know, going from old-school to now the hookup culture,

I take the best from all these worlds

and compile them into what I think girls want

and what other guys are lacking.

You know, the chivalry from being old school, the phone call,

the holding the doors, that stuff.

I think I've put together a nice little strategy

without even realizing it.

I remember I used to be so nervous when I'd go on dates.

Now, it just seems so routine.

When I first started dating, I would drop them off at their house

and I'd be, like, throwing up out of my car as I'm driving away.

It was just every fucking date.

I was just not used to dating girls. Like, it was always...

I would look so much younger. I was always rejected.

I was always that nice guy who was just friends with everyone.

You know, I never dated in high school,

never went to homecoming, never went to prom.

All the girls that I had crushes on, I was always friends with them.

So I was their emotional support.

I learned to provide that for these people.

I was that guy who was just... "Oh, James, he's so nice.

He's, like, my brother, like, my best friend."

[groans]

I'm James, and nothing gets past me.

One day I'm sitting at work and open up a Myspace message

asking me if I was interested in Big Brother.

So I figure, "Why not?" You know?

By unanimous vote,

James, you have been evicted from the Big Brother house.

[Rhine] After I got off Big Brother, it was insanity.

I went into the house with, like, 80 Myspace friends

and came out with 28,000.

You just can't even fathom that that many people are interested in you.

It was insane, the amount of girls that were throwing themself at you.

I'd be walking down the street in Chicago,

and somebody would start screaming, "Oh, my God!"

And then they wanna take pictures and have you autograph shit.

[woman giggles] Look, it's James, everybody!

On YouTube and Myspace. Look, same room!

I had no idea about just the lunacy that was involved with this show.

People had made, like, tribute websites and tribute videos.

It was crazy getting out of the house and finding out that you had fans.

From that moment, it was just... off to the races.

I remember the first girl that hit me up. She would send me messages.

And I thought it was a trap. I thought it was, like, a setup.

Then finally, I just gave in.

And, like with anything else, once you give in,

it's, like, it just opens up those floodgates.

Even when girls found out that I'd slept with all these other girls,

they still wanted to hook up.

And so, when you start seeing that...

it conditions yourself that there's nothing real to this dating thing.

You know, there's no rules.

-I was like, "Are you coming out?" -Hi.

-No, I'm not coming out. -How are you?

-Hi, good to see you. -Stood up again.

-Fuck. Third one today. -Wouldn't be the last time, though.

-How's it going? -Good. You hungry?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.

-[Alexis] Where is it? -[Rhine] Durango.

-[Alexis] And what? -[Rhine] Like, far away.

Once I go to a place, like,

when I go back to your house, I won't use the navigation.

I'll know how to get there.

Assuming I'm ever invited over to see you again.

[Alexis laughs]

-[Rhine] Um... -Let's not get crazy here.

-[Rhine] Pretty presumptuous. -[chuckles]

[Rhine] Whatever.

[Alexis] When I met James on Bumble,

he had a photo with an English bulldog, I think, and that for me...

Yeah, that's... I mean, guys with dogs. That's a go-to obviously.

Thank you.

And he looked attractive, and he looked friendly,

and he had no shirtless selfies,

so that was a shoo-in for his profile. [laughs]

Well, I'm in a pretty prime position right now.

I mean, I'm 25...

Your biological clock is ticking. Let's be honest here.

-You should be-- -You think so?

You should be pressuring me.

So that's a yes to marriage and kids? Not with me necessarily, but...

[chuckles]

-What's it like being in the future? -[both laughing]

I don't like the fact that when I don't have a response...

-[laughs] -it bothers me.

Just shut up. You're fine.

[laughing]

[Rhine] Alexis is not like a lot of other girls.

She ran me over.

So what's the third date gonna be like?

-Does that mean I get a third date? -[mumbles]

It's still early. I'll take your silence as a yes.

Mm-hmm.

It's so refreshing to meet someone like Alexis,

where you can have that healthy banter going back and forth.

It's like we just click.

I tell you, as long as I'm asking you out, the date's on me.

She has a very unique personality.

A lot of the girls I've dated, they just don't have that.

[Alexis] Thanks.

[Rhine] Yeah, she's really funny, really witty.

-[giggles] -Oh, and you say "the Heisman," too.

-I love that. -Thank you.

[Rhine] I like her.

[Jessica] I woke up at about two, three in the morning

and I see Snapchat videos popping up with him.

And I thought, "Oh, okay. Interesting."

There's, like, a little blonde girl, like, all up on him

and this little koala bear stuffed animal

that she was all, like, flirtatiously, like, just rubbed up against him, and...

I thought, "This is garbage. Like, I don't wanna watch this."

Koala. Koala. Koala. Koala.

Koala. Koala. Koala.

And I get it. He goes on his outings.

He has clients that he has to take care of 'cause that's his job.

But it wasn't until there was another video right after that...

Confetti goes flying from the ceiling,

and there's a little strand that falls down and she catches it,

and she flirtatiously waves it in his face

and kind of wraps it around him and leans in,

like, about this far apart. Their lips are close,

and they're ready to kiss, and then, poof, the Snapchat video cuts.

I wrote him a long text message just telling him,

you know, "I just don't understand, like, why you would do something like that."

It's hurtful.

And he responded back, like,

"I don't know why you're acting like this."

You know, inferring that you're being just unreasonable.

So I don't know where we're at, unfortunately.

I wish I did know, and, um...

you know, he has not reached out to me since then.

[Rhine] Last night was a lot of fun. A little Chicago lady.

Everything went better than expected.

We're about to come up to the one that gets me in trouble.

[music playing on cell phone]

Right there.

But we stopped at the right point.

That was last night. It was a lot of fun.

Till I woke up to, like, the hate text. [chuckles] You know?

"Uh, what's up with you and that blonde?"

-What are you making? -Tacos.

What's up?

So this weekend I had some Chicago girls in town for a bachelorette party,

and our snaps, which I'm sure you saw... Well, you probably don't--

-[woman] The blonde one? Yeah, I saw that. -Yes.

You know, if James is making out with somebody in a Snapchat,

things are gonna end up here.

[chuckles] There was no making out on video, but it was, like, close enough.

And that's when I got a text from Jessica. She's like, "Did you kiss that girl?"

[chuckling] Oh, man.

[Rhine] When I am seeing a bunch of other people,

all I have to do is post a couple Snapchats

and get really drunk over a weekend,

and then I'm no longer seeing anyone anymore.

It's called reloading. Tactical reload. [chuckles]

[woman] Well, did she actually think you guys were dating?

[Rhine] We were technically-- We'd gone out on dates.

Haven't talked to her in a while, and she is kind of sensitive, so...

[woman] You thought it would be easier just to Snapchat

than it would to be just to tell her?

I wasn't thinking while I was snapping.

In a way, it's easier for them to break it off with him

than it is for him to say,

"This isn't what I'm looking for anymore."

Because then, he isn't the mean person in the relationship.

If I'm gonna call five girls and tell them I don't wanna date them,

it's just gonna create five times the drama.

It's too much work. I don't have time to put that in.

I don't want to deal with their feelings.

[Madi] So you still haven't told me about this Wednesday girl.

Which one is that?

-[chuckles] Which one, right? -Wednesday was Alexis.

-[Madi] Who is she? -She is a girl I met on Bumble.

-[Madi] On Bumble? -On Bumble.

But it was funny, because we were going back and forth over, um...

Bumble talk, whatever.

She gets it. She's a bigger smartass than I am.

[both chuckle]

We're talking shit, and she's making fun of my age.

Literally shit on me in the middle of the restaurant,

and I just sat there, like...

-Whoa! James, a girl... -Like... I'm trying to get in

-a word edgewise without... -made you speechless.

-Yeah, it was-- -[woman] God forbid, James Rhine

has no words to say to a girl.

-You had no comebacks? [laughing] -Mnh-mnh. None.

[woman] I just sometimes feel like he may be a little bit lost

in the whole scope of relationships, you know.

I mean, is this the one? Have you found the one?

[clears throat] It's two dates, so...

[Kaylie] I'm sure there have been plenty of girls who could have been that for him,

or who may have potentially been that for him.

But because he's so...

His mind is so all over the place as far as...

"Who's gonna be the next one in and out the door?"

You think there's always gonna be somebody better.

We just need you to settle down, James, so that we can stop hearing

-about your shit. -Yeah.

[Jessica] James, well... I don't know. He's just been acting really standoffish.

After the whole Snapchat fiasco, things just got kind of weird.

And I haven't seen him in...

I don't even know, almost-- probably a month now.

This morning, I gave it one last try.

And he responded back maybe, like, 30 minutes later,

and he says, "When were you thinking?"

I was really happy, like, "Oh, man.

Maybe there's still a chance between us.

Maybe he wants things to work out."

But then... [chuckles] he read it...

exactly at 11:11 a.m. and never responded back.

So...

Look, he just retweeted three minutes ago...

and 27 seconds ago and a minute ago...

three minutes ago, five minutes ago.

When you don't respond back to my text message like that,

and I see that you read it, that's gonna make me hurt.

It's gonna make me... my mind start working.

Any girl's natural reaction, they're gonna go check your social media.

They're gonna go see on Facebook or Instagram, Twitter, whatever it may be.

And then, right now, he's just retweeting all this garbage.

You know, I don't think you should do that to the girl

that you were dating for the past, I don't know, two, three months.

[car door closes]

-Hi. -Hello.

-How are you? -Good.

[both] Good to see you.

A few weeks ago, I was more active on, like, the applications, the dating apps.

And now it's more of, like...

might possibly have a decent thing.

-So... -[chuckles]

-That was so casual. -[both chuckle]

I've never put my cards on the table like that.

[chuckles] Okay, fine.

I'm making you visibly uncomfortable, which is slightly enjoyable,

-but it's fine. -Obviously.

It's funny watching you squirm.

-I was a good little kid. -[coughs]

-Boy Scout, altar boy. -Wow. What happened?

That's one of the things I thought about actually doing now--

Wait, you want to be a Boy Scout troop leader?

Yeah, I wouldn't mind. I don't have any kids of my own.

-That would be cool. -That's not a bad idea at all.

-Ready? -Yep, let's do it.

[Rhine] Sometimes I feel like

maybe if I am single for the rest of my life,

that's just the way I'm meant to be.

And then there's other times where I just...

I guess I do get kind of more "emotional" in that sense,

where I was like, "I would like someone."

With Alexis, I see that potential.

[Alexis] Don't touch the photo, 'cause you're gonna like his photos,

and if I'm looking at his photos from, like, 16 weeks ago,

that would be really creepy.

Who does he look like to you?

-Don't touch it. Don't touch it. -Well, I can hardly see it.

Can I touch this to make it bigger?

-No, don't touch it. No. -Okay.

-That's him. -He looks like Ben Affleck there.

I don't think he does.

-[Alexis] He's super cute. -Do you want me to give my honest opinion?

-[sighs] No, I don't. It's fine. -Okay.

He's a little older. I understand. I get it.

I know. You're swimming in between my lane and yours.

[chuckling]

That's true. So he's 15 years older than me

and 15 years younger than you.

I told him that last night. I figured that out.

I was like, "Technically, you could date me or my mom."

-Thanks. -[both chuckle]

He's like, "Lucky for you, I'm not into older women."

Ew. [chuckles]

You know, if you think about it, when I'm...

You know, if I'm 30 and then we get married, then he'll be 45,

and then you just go on that whole, like, train of thought.

I'm getting way too ahead of myself.

But he's cute. I showed... I took this Snapchat of him last night.

You know that song "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down?

-That's the lamest song. -I like that song.

-Really? -[chuckles]

You and him have something in common.

It's lame?

[Alexis] He knows every single word to the song.

[woman] He looks like Ben Affleck there.

[Alexis] Not really.

[woman laughing]

[Alexis] Who knows all the words to that song?

[woman] That's a good song!

That's where the age difference comes in, I think.

-Probably. -[laughing]

He's cute, and he's really nice, and he's smart, and I don't know...

-So you like him? -Yeah. Yeah, I think I like him.

We clicked really easily,

and just getting to know him more and more, he's just...

he's super sweet, and I think that he has a really good heart,

and he comes from a really good place.

We'll see how it goes. I don't know.

-Maybe I'll get to meet him someday. -[chuckling]

Or not. [chuckles]

But I think that he is starting to like me a little bit.

[chuckles]

He's texting me right now. [sighs]

[chattering]

Tequila.

Ooh!

[cell phone chimes]

Oh, Jesus.

-[woman laughs] Too bad! -[chattering continuing]

[cell phone chimes]

[cell phone chimes]

[typing]

[cell phone chimes]

[cell phone chimes]

[sighs]

[cell phone ringing]

[Rhine] You know, I've already said via text,

you know, "Wish you the best."

[mimics app swishing]

I've had these conversations many times. I know where they're gonna go.

She's gonna try to apologize, you know, and want to talk and work things out,

and I just don't really have that in me.

It's just one of those things where... I don't know, maybe this is where...

I don't know.

[Kaylie] If he finds a girl that he really likes,

he can find some excuse not to commit to that one person.

Or it could be, like, anything.

He maybe doesn't mean to sabotage them, but he seems to do it a lot.

A lot.

I think the dating apps make that kind of cycle a lot easier,

because it is so easy to delete or let go of one girl

and then just know that there is about 50 to 100 lined up, ready to go.

[Kaylie] And there are girls who are just looking for one night stands, too,

and who are looking just to have, like, casual encounters with.

[Alexis] Where you wanna go, Mom?

-Should we go on the grass? -Yeah, we might as well.

Wanna go over there?

[Alexis] The next day...

I was upset about it.

Man, this really sucks. I like this guy.

He has a great job.

He's sarcastic. He gets my sense of humor. Great.

He's attractive. Great.

I was wanting to see where this would go,

and he's, like, "No, I'm good.

You said something wrong. I'm over this. We're done."

[woman] The shoelace. Have you done that one?

I don't think that's a legitimate pose.

-[chucking] Stretch. -This is so enjoyable.

It's just a different world out there than when I grew up.

The values are all different.

The feelings you have for somebody,

it's almost like they don't ever get to that level if,

"Oh, I kind of like her, but, eh, move on to the next one."

In the world of dating, people are so quick to...

And again, I'm the same way.

You're on to the next. Moving on. There's something I don't like about you.

You know, okay, whatever. So it can go vice versa.

But it's a jungle out there.

[chuckles] Like, dating is a jungle.

How do you ever establish those true feelings for somebody

-and have any depth to those feelings? -I don't know.

That's why I'm still single.

-[both chuckling] -I'll keep you posted.

-Thanks. -I'll send you an e-mail.

[sighs]

[Jessica] There is not a day that I don't think about him.

I just hate that he's running away.

He's being a coward.

Tell me, "Hey, you know what?

I just really don't see us going any further."

It would hurt, yeah. But at the same time, thank you.

Like, now I don't have to waste my time.

[Rhine] She wants to get together and, like, have a face-to-face

as to why we're not seeing each other anymore.

I thought our text messages pretty much explained it all.

This is the most stressful week of my fucking life.

[Jessica] I was really nervous.

The whole time, I was just, like, "I don't know." [chuckles]

-[Rhine] Why are you nervous? -Because I haven't seen you in a while.

Things are just shit now. [chuckles]

I mean, I don't know what you're thinking.

[James] I thought after that whole text conversation, that that was it.

[Jessica] You made it sound as if I was just crazy.

-I don't know why. -[Rhine] Well, like I said...

-[Jessica] Like, why, like-- -[Rhine] Well, one--

[Jessica crying] Have you ever realized you hurt people?

[Rhine sighs]

And the worst part was you just ignored my text.

And, like, just-- you make me feel like the most stupid fucking person ever.

Like, maybe you just don't think it's a big deal, but...

[continues crying]

-[Jessica] I'm sorry. [chuckles] -Stop apologizing.

I think, literally, we had--

And I'm not saying this to take away from anything we had.

Like I said, I enjoyed spending a lot of time with you.

There's nothing negative I have to say.

You were right to be upset.

[Jessica sighs]

It's not a good feeling to sit here

and to know that I hurt somebody like this,

because you've never done anything wrong to me,

and it wasn't done with the intention. [sighs]

You know, I'm sorry it ended like this.

I fucked up.

[Jessica] Anyways...

[Rhine] All right.

So...

Yeah, so these are the names of the girls that I've been with and obviously,

we've run out of room and had to wrap around to the side.

No last name. Girl from New Zealand. That was a Tinder hookup.

Bathroom at... Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Jesus.

The conversation with Jessica... that was a slap upside the head,

kick to the groin that I needed from someone.

That was just like, boom!

And the reality is that I was a fucking asshole.

[woman] Can I make an observation?

[Rhine] Of course you can make an observation.

I feel like you've kind of let your guard down.

You're kind of letting us in a little bit.

Yeah.

It's funny. The conversations I've had with you guys...

are not conversations I have with people. Like, I don't share my experiences.

This whole interviewing and show thing, by me telling these stories

and just hearing the same things repeating over and over and over...

And when it's put into perspective,

it's made me realize, for me being 40 years old,

it's just completely unacceptable behavior.

We have become so selfish...

and I think a large part of that is due to social media.

You know, 'cause we don't slow down anymore.

We don't just talk things out and think things out.

We don't realize the consequences of our actions towards other people.

I've been enabled by these apps 100%.

Swipe left, swipe right, you know. We refresh to see how many likes we have.

Nothing real and this has all been real.

[woman] It sounds like you've thought a lot about this.

I've done nothing but think about this.

[Alexis] It's so crazy that, you know, we live in this technologically,

like, advanced world and everyone's just, like, so disconnected from all of it.

[woman] It's also kind of...

I don't get why your age group is even online.

You're social. You meet people through people.

But we're socially... We're, like, a socially inept generation.

I'm in a room full of 300 people, but I'm on my phone.

So technically, like, I'm alone.

[Rhine] They wanted closure.

They just wanted this guy that they thought was super nice

that they were dating, that was treating them well,

to say why he stopped talking to them for whatever reason.

I should probably call every girl I've ever dated

and just apologize to all of them individually.

[shouting]

I've definitely moved on past that garbage. [laughs]

I would really want just finding someone who's honest

and who doesn't hide behind their cell phone 24/7.

[Rhine] If I am really serious about making this part of my life better,

maybe it's time to figure out what needs to change.

There are certain things that I know I can change.

Obviously, set different parameters on who I was looking for.

Just 'cause you're attracted to someone

and you have the opportunity to hook up with them,

doesn't mean that you should.

It is shit that I should have known a long time ago.

Maybe I wasn't ready for it.

Now feels like a good time to start.

[music playing]

♪ Lock me up, let me out ♪

♪ Fill my cup, drink it down ♪

♪ Sharpen the blade, ease the blow ♪

♪ You're free when Yeah, you're free when ♪

♪ Give me a ride, make me walk ♪

♪ Drop me down, lift me up ♪

♪ We're casting stones We're sheltering homes ♪

♪ And free when water falls down ♪

♪ Falls down ♪ [vocalizing]